Original subtitles

[Adult Sheldon:] I never cared for The Game of Life.

[kids shouting]

Marriage, children, careers, houses.

What kind of life is that?

In my game, the milestones are...

papers published, degrees earned,

Nobel Prizes won.

And in my version, I am dominating.

But you knew that.

Ooh, and instead of cars,

you'd ride around in a train. [train whistle blows-♪]

Honestly, why aren't they making this?

-Yes! -Hello, Sam.

You seem agitated.

I just got accepted into my summer program.

Oh, summer school. I didn't realize you were struggling.

But way to not give up.

No.

It's at Columbia.

This is gonna look really good on my grad school application.

Grad school?

Those applications are a year away.

You have to start early.

It's so competitive these days.

I think I'll be fine.

Where are you hoping to go?

-Caltech. -Sheldon...

that's one of the toughest programs

to get into in the world.

I know, they deserve the best.

Well, if I were you, I would start building up my r sum now.

Uh, my r sum's pretty good.

4.0, child prodigy.

Beloved wherever I go.

-Are you on any published papers? -No.

-Have you presented at any conferences? -No.

Have you been involved in any outside projects?

I did develop a grant research database.

-Oh, well that's something. -It failed spectacularly.

Well, hey... at least you're beloved.

[train whistle blows-♪]

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪♪

[Chip:] Now I hope y'all enjoyed those sunny skies.

Because we have some weather headed our way...

Want some?

No, I'm good.

You sure?

Yeah, I slept almost four hours last night.

I feel like a tiger.

Good for you.

Brushed my hair, I brushed my teeth,

I may even go outside today.

Wow, an 80% chance of rain. -Never mind.

Probably from all these clouds over here...

[Meemaw:] Who is this guy?

Where's perky Heather with today's weather?

I don't know, I think the sports guy's filling in.

This storm is just gonna make a full-court press.

And just run right on past Houston,

right on past Lufkin,

all the way over to Medford over here...

He ain't even pointin' at Medford.

That's a drive that Jack Nicklaus

would be proud of right there.

I used to do that job, you know.

It's not as easy as you'd think.

You got to look forward, but point backward

while reading the script.

All with sunshine in your voice.

I could actually hear the sunshine in your voice.

Thanks.

[CeeCee crying]

Now back to CeeCee in the nursery

with screaming. [groans]

[Chip:] And that's the weather.

You're late.

Sorry, I ran into Sam.

Bright girl. She's going places.

Specifically the physics department at Columbia.

-Oh, she got in, fantastic. -Mm-hmm.

I know she was hoping to spice up her applications.

Well, I like to think that I'm all the spice my applications will need.

You're not.

What are you saying?

Actually, uh...

Hold on, should I be trying to beef up my grad school applications?

The competition is fierce. It takes a lot to stand out.

You're my advisors, why didn't you advise me of this?

-Sheldon, if I could offer you some advice... -No thank you.

Sheldon, I have a recommendation for you.

I have one for you. Trim your nose hair.

Do you remember that?

I do. It looked like a spider was living up there.

Hey.

Hey; What are you doing here?

Oh, just looking through some of my old videotapes.

Oh, cool.

Wait, you didn't find any of my tapes, did you?

What are your tapes?

Nothing.

Well, mine are from when I was a weather girl.

Whatcha need 'em for?

Well, the local station's looking. I'm gonna apply.

But you're a mom now.

Yeah, so?

Well, I'm just sayin' don't you kind of have your hands full with CeeCee?

Well, there's a lot of family around to help.

-Well, I know, but... -And I was always gonna go back to work.

If it's about money; We're good.

You live in a garage.

It ain't a garage if there ain't a car in it.

Yeah, it is. And it's not about money, it's about my life.

I want a career.

Well, I-I happen to think motherhood is a career.

Hmm.

What about fatherhood? You have a job.

-That's different. -Why?

Because.

There's lots of reasons.

Oh, okay, so you just get to have a job and a life,

and I have to stay home with the baby?

Or... I have to have a job

and you getto stay home with the baby.

It's all about perspective.

[Sheldon:] Yes, is this

the Columbia summer science honors program?

Excellent. My name is Sheldon Cooper, perhaps you've heard of me.

Well, now you have.

Anyways, it's recently come to my attention

that you could be an important step in my career advancement.

So, good news, I'm available.

Yes, I understand I've missed the deadline,

but I'm sure you can make an exception.

But I'm Sheldon Cooper.

And apparently Doctors Linkletter and Sturgis were

aware that I already should have been focusing on my applications.

And they didn't say anything to you?

Well, they did, but I don't come off well in that story.

Shelly, how bad could it be?

You started college when you were 11.

Well, it was impressive when I was little and cute.

But now that I'm old and cute, it's just not the same thing.

Well, just 'cause you look older, doesn't mean you're any less special.

Of course; It's your fault.

What?

Well, you've been saying I'm special my whole life,

so now I'm conditioned to expect the world

to cater to me instead of taking initiative.

But you are special, sweetie.

You just can't turn it off, can you?

[crickets chirping]

She's changed and napping.

You washed your hands, right?

Shelly, you want some mashed potatoes?

See, there you go again,

bringing the mashed potatoes to me

when I should be going to the mashed potatoes.

Fine.

What's goin' on?

Years of coddling have made me complacent,

and now it may cost me my chance

to get into grad school at Caltech.

I've been sayin' that since you were born.

And yet you did nothing to stop her?

If it helps, I always thought you sucked.

[Mary:] Missy.

I talked to Meemaw. She said if you

come back to work at the video store, you can bring the baby.

What? I thought you wanted a job.

No, I said I wanted a career.

Oh, are you thinkin' about going back to work already?

Yeah.

I mean, it's a little earlier than I thought, but an opportunity

came up and I'm going for it.

See? Initiative. Her parents kicked her out, and look at that gumption.

So what job you goin' for?

Channel 7's looking for a new weather girl.

Oh, yeah, she said she quit because she was getting married.

Rumor is she got knocked up. [chuckles]

Which is exciting.

The interview's on Thursday.

What? You already applied?

I thought we were gonna talk about it.

We did talk about it. I said I was gonna

send in a tape and then I sent it in.

Who's gonna watch CeeCee?

Well, I was hoping her family would help out.

Of course. I mean, I do work.

-I work, too, George. -We work.

They got a point.

Uh, is the point that your mom is a working mother?

Well, I didn't work when my kids were babies.

That's true, she was a stay-at-home coddler.

Okay, now you're being obnoxious.

No one wants to hear you talk, ass face.

Thanks, I appreciate the help, but let's keep it clean.

Butt wad?

Better.

Well, that's a look.

That's also a look.

I can't find anything to wear for my interview.

Well, let's see.

Hmm.

That's pretty cute.

"Can't find" was code for "can't fit into."

Don't be so hard on yourself, honey. You just had a baby.

I'll make sure to tell them that.

Apparently everyone loves a working mother.

Is that code for something?

-Yeah, your family sucks. -Ooh,

Sounds like I missed a good dinner.

-Am I a bad mom because I want a career? -Hell no!

And you're teachin' your daughter that she can grow up

to do something more than raise kids. -Yeah!

And you're gonna go in there and you're gonna get this job.

Yeah!

But not in that.

Yeah.

-I'm waitin'. -For what?

The "I told you so"

'Cause I coddled Sheldon and apparently ruined his life.

Oh; I'm not gonna say that.

I mean, you did coddle him and I did tell ya... All right, I told you so.

Thanks for not sayin' it.

Well, what does he know? He's just a dumb teenager.

I guess it is normal for teenagers to blame their parents for stuff.

Sheldon's normal. That's a shocker.

Great, the one normal thing he does is blame me.

[chuckles] Someday his kids are gonna tell him he's ruinin' their lives.

You think?

If he has 'em, they're gonna say it.

So probably not.

[Adult Sheldon:] Joke's on him.

I did have kids.

And joke's on me.

They say it all the time.

[door opens]

Good morning.

Oh, you're out and about early.

Yeah, got a lot going on today.

Connie's taking me out shopping and then to the salon

to get ready for my interview. -Nice.

A little mommy-daughter day?

-Daddy-daughter day. Here ya go. -I have work.

Well, I like to think fatherhood is a full-time job.

How am I gonna feed her?

I don't have the... you know.

Formula's in the bag. Tag, you're it.

Bye, CeeCee.

[door closes]

Well, looks like it's just me and you.

Let me give you the tour.

That's Axl Rose.

He's awesome.

That's the weight bench. That's where Daddy gets ripped.

Yeah.

And that's the sink your mom totally peed in once.

It's true. I know, it's true.

Ooh, Volvo... safe and flashy. Like me.

Sheldon... I haven't had my coffee yet.

I thought you might say that.

Thank you. I'm not a coffee drinker.

I hope you like seven sugars. [coughs]

So what's so important it got you outside?

I had an idea that I think might be beneficial

to both the university and me.

An exclusive summer program led

by a prestigious scientist of my choosing.

I've got an idea.

Apply to a school that already has it, get in, and go there.

Well, to be honest, with my current r sum, I may not get in anywhere,

which is why we need a program like this.

Sheldon, we don't have the time or the resources

to create a brand-new summer program.

Oh, that's just sleepy talk. Take a few more sips, let that sugar kick in.

The answer is no.

I knew I should have put whiskey in that coffee.

[games dinging-♪]

Whose baby?

Mine.

And you brought her to a gambling room?

Why not? There's flashin' lights and fun noises.

It's basically Chuck E. Cheese.

-Can I touch her head for luck? -No.

Come on, I just washed my hands.

Make it quick.

Come on, baby. Uncle Wade needs a win.

All right, that's enough.

[beeping, dinging-♪]

[-♪-♪-♪-♪-♪]

That's what I'm talkin' about!

I told you babies is good luck.

Can I touch her head, too?

All right, no one else is touchin' my baby's head...

for free.

How much?

Five bucks.

-Worth it. -Sold.

[door slams] [Meemaw:] Hey, dummy.

We need to talk.

If it's about CeeCee being here, I can explain.

Where is she?

[Wade:] Right here.

[whispers] Really?

It's fine. He's got, like, 15 grandkids.

We'll get back to that.

I have spent my day listening to Mandy bitch about you.

-Well, I don't suppose you stuck up for me? -No!

If you really want to be with that girl,

you will not be the one to stand in her way.

I'm not trying to.

I just want to do what's best for CeeCee.

Obviously.

Don't you think she deserves a mom who's home with her?

I think she deserves a mom who's happy and supported by her dad.

Huh.

Why is that woman touchin' her head?

I'll handle it; Hey! You got to pay for that.

[sighs] Come on, Cooper.

See? He's been here since this morning. He won't leave.

-What do you want me to do? -Get him to leave.

Oh, good, you're both here. This will go faster with three of us.

Now, do it! Give him the boot.

[laughs] Trying to solve unified field theory?

Yes. Who needs a summer program

if you can solve what Albert Einstein couldn't.

Let's see Caltech say no to this.

Sheldon, you're not gonna solve this

in an afternoon. Or ever.

Well, I need to do something to stand out.

I think you're putting too much pressure on this summer program.

You can apply next year.

I can't wait a whole nother year.

I'll fall even further behind.

And then when I'm applying to Columbia,

Sam will be using her letter of recommendation

to get into Caltech, and then when I apply to Caltech,

they'll say, "Oh, you're from East Texas Tech, too.

"Well, you must know Sam, she's been here a year longer than you

and you'll never catch up."

I think you need to calm down.

I can't calm down. I have to keep pushing myself

or I'll fall farther and farther behind until I'm a...

aging professor in a small university

with nothing to show for my work.

Ouch, I think he's talking about you.

-I think he's talking about us. -No.

I'm wasting too much time sleeping at night.

In fact, where's the coffee machine?

Perhaps it is time I start chasing the caffeine dragon.

-Sheldon, listen to us. -Why should I?

You let this happen to me.

You failed as my mentors.

What are you doing?!

You're still the student, this is still my office,

and it's time for you to leave.

I'm afraid he's right.

[Mandy gasps] There she is.

Hi!

Um, why does she smell like smoke?

Oh, she hung out with me in the gambling room.

-What? -She was a hit.

Everybody said she was good luck.

-Okay, so I-I guess it went well? -It did.

So, if you get that job,

I'm all for it.

[CeeCee fussing] -Okay, good.

What's wrong?

Today was the longest I've been away from her, and it was awful.

So you don't want the job?

I-I don't know.

I think you should give it a shot.

-Really? -Well, you were all excited about it.

And if you get the job, you can still say no.

Yeah, that's a good point.

I'd love to see you on TV.

Aw.

Then I can say I slept with that girl on TV.

Okay, well...

♪ Raindrops are falling on my head ♪

♪ And just like the guy ♪

♪ Whose feet are too big for his bed ♪

♪ Nothing seems to fit ♪ [door opens, closes]

♪ Those raindrops... ♪

Why are you listening to this?

I was upset, and this was the most angst-filled song

I could find in Mom's record collection.

What's wrong?

These are grown-up problems. You wouldn't understand.

Okay, bye.

I was the youngest student at the university, and now_

I thought I wouldn't understand your problems.

Well, you're all I've got.

I always assumed that I'd be the youngest student in grad school,

and then the youngest person to win the Nobel Prize,

and now it's all slipping away.

No one cares how old you are.

Really?

You don't think I get treated special because of my age and intellect?

I guess you do get everything you want all the time.

-See? -And whenever you're obnoxious

it's always, "Poor Sheldon, he doesn't know any better."

Exactly, "Poor Sheldon."

At grad school, everybody's going to be smart.

If I'm not the youngest, how am I gonna stand out?

Sheldon; You're a kid talking about going to grad school.

-You have no problems. -I knew you wouldn't understand.

I do... instead of being a kid genius,

you're worried you're just gonna be a regular genius,

which is a stupid thing for a genius to worry about.

Well, stupid or not,

I may not get to go to Caltech until I'm 15.

Wait, this is about when you move out?

Yes.

I take it back, this is a big deal.

♪ Because I'm free ♪

♪ Nothing's worrying me. ♪

All right.

So, we're just gonna put you on tape and see how it goes.

Okay. Uh, I'm ready.

Okay.

In three... [mouthing]

All right, let's take a look at our forecast for tonight.

Winds from the west are headed our way,

taking temperatures down to a cool 43 degrees.

But you know what they say in Texas...

If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes.

Actually, I've never said that, but my Aunt Bonnie does.

She's not wrong though, because those chilly days are gonna pass us by,

and by the weekend we're looking at sunny and 72.

[Adult Sheldon:] Mandy was proving that new mothers

could do anything anyone else could do.

In fact, they could do more,

like make their own milk,

right there, on camera.

Everything okay?

Not if you live on the coast,

because there is a storm front building,

so we need to keep an eye on, uh,

these clouds

right here.

Uh, but there's a low-pressure system building,

um, over here,

and, uh,

well, then, that could bring rain to, uh,

to this whole area here.

So, for Channel 7 weather,

I'm Mandy McAllister.

Good night.

And I just wanted to say I'm sorry for my behavior.

I realized that I'm going to age out

of being a child prodigy regardless of your help.

I appreciate that.

It takes maturity to admit when you're wrong.

I know, even this apology is grown-up.

Well, this is all a disaster.

Son, it's not. Believe me, no one is more excited

for you to go to grad school than I am.

I don't know, you should talk to my sister.

Anyway, thank you for hearing me out.

Actually, Sheldon, I do have some news.

I reached out to a colleague who's doing a summer research program

at the University of Heidelberg, and I think I can get you in.

Heidelberg, Germany?

A summer program 5,000 miles away.

Only a fool would say no to that.

Well, that would certainly help my grad school applications.

[Sturgis:] Yes, and they're doing exciting work on superstrings.

Fantastisch. That's German for "fantastic."

Ich helfe dir beim packen.

That's German for "I'll help you pack."

---oOo---