Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,079 --> 00:00:01,679
Sync & correction
by f1nc0 Addic7ed.com.
2
00:00:01,680 --> 00:00:04,948
There is no god!
3
00:00:05,016 --> 00:00:07,918
(VOICE ECHOING)
God, god, god...
4
00:00:07,986 --> 00:00:10,120
There is no Evan!
5
00:00:10,188 --> 00:00:12,756
(VOICE ECHOING)
Evan, Evan, Evan...
6
00:00:12,824 --> 00:00:15,192
Hmm.
Mo (BLEEP).
7
00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:17,128
(VIDEO GAME MUSIC)
8
00:00:17,796 --> 00:00:20,899
S01E03 - "Game Over".
9
00:00:22,862 --> 00:00:26,336
- Hey, guys, I'm little girl one one...
- Six.
10
00:00:26,404 --> 00:00:30,607
Today I'm gonna make a tutorial
on the cup song from "Pitch Prefect."
11
00:00:30,675 --> 00:00:32,876
So what you're gonna
need is a flat surface,
12
00:00:32,944 --> 00:00:36,313
a cup, and your hands,
and obviously yourself.
13
00:00:36,380 --> 00:00:37,747
(CHUCKLING)
14
00:00:37,815 --> 00:00:43,687
Okay, so let's get started.
Just follow my steps.
15
00:00:43,754 --> 00:00:49,292
I just blew your freakin' mind.
Now try it yourself.
16
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:50,360
(GROANS)
17
00:00:50,361 --> 00:00:53,363
(GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC)
18
00:00:57,368 --> 00:00:59,402
H
i. (YELPS)
19
00:00:59,470 --> 00:01:01,904
What the hell?
20
00:01:01,972 --> 00:01:03,272
Hello?
21
00:01:03,341 --> 00:01:05,641
Why don't you ever
take me out to dinner?
22
00:01:05,709 --> 00:01:07,042
Since when can you talk?
23
00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:09,277
This is the first time
I've officially spoken.
24
00:01:09,346 --> 00:01:11,947
- "Officially"?
- I'm in love with you.
25
00:01:12,014 --> 00:01:13,382
What? You're not a person.
26
00:01:13,450 --> 00:01:16,084
- You're just a...
- Just a what, Andrew?
27
00:01:16,152 --> 00:01:18,320
- How do you know my name?
- Call me Veronica.
28
00:01:18,388 --> 00:01:20,856
Why don't you ever tell
me how your day was?
29
00:01:20,923 --> 00:01:23,359
I don't know. I figured
you wouldn't care.
30
00:01:23,426 --> 00:01:25,293
I... and you're not
a real person!
31
00:01:25,362 --> 00:01:28,497
If I wasn't real,
would I be able to do this?
32
00:01:28,565 --> 00:01:29,665
(LAUGHS)
33
00:01:29,733 --> 00:01:31,567
(MOANING)
34
00:01:36,772 --> 00:01:39,474
There's more where
that came from.
35
00:01:39,541 --> 00:01:42,244
- Now let's go to dinner.
- Anywhere you want.
36
00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:44,312
(PHONE RINGING)
37
00:01:44,380 --> 00:01:48,850
- Triptank.
- Hi. I am so glad you answered the phone.
38
00:01:48,918 --> 00:01:50,518
I just... I have to tell
you I love your show.
39
00:01:50,586 --> 00:01:52,888
No, I mean, I love it. Like...
40
00:01:52,955 --> 00:01:56,757
like, every fiber of my being
wants your comedy inside of me.
41
00:01:56,824 --> 00:01:59,193
I want to massage
your jokes with my tongue
42
00:01:59,261 --> 00:02:03,097
and feel the laughter spilling
out over and over again.
43
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:05,432
Length is just not
that important.
44
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,434
(VIDEO GAME WHIRRING)
45
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,502
(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)
46
00:02:08,569 --> 00:02:10,437
Yah. What a headache.
47
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:14,641
Who am I? I-I don't
remember anything!
48
00:02:14,709 --> 00:02:17,110
Waaah!
49
00:02:17,177 --> 00:02:18,577
A table! A note!
50
00:02:18,645 --> 00:02:19,745
"Dear Randy..."
51
00:02:19,813 --> 00:02:22,315
Ugh! Randy is a terrible name.
52
00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:32,680
"...there is only one thing
I know for sure. Turn over."
53
00:02:34,193 --> 00:02:37,030
I'm an asshole called Randy?
This is shit!
54
00:02:37,097 --> 00:02:38,597
(BLEEP)
you, wooden table!
55
00:02:38,665 --> 00:02:42,134
(GRUNTS, SCREAMS)
56
00:02:42,201 --> 00:02:45,438
Wait. It doesn't have
to be like this.
57
00:02:45,505 --> 00:02:48,474
(CHEERFUL WHISTLED
TUNE) I can change!
58
00:02:48,542 --> 00:02:52,711
Today I am going
to be a great man!
59
00:02:53,947 --> 00:02:57,349
- Life is wonderful.
- Hey, spare some change, mister?
60
00:02:57,417 --> 00:03:01,587
- Of course, my good man.
- Wow! Thanks, mister!
61
00:03:01,655 --> 00:03:04,356
I ask you every day,
but this is the first time
62
00:03:04,424 --> 00:03:06,825
you ever gave me anything.
63
00:03:06,892 --> 00:03:10,929
To be honest, I-I always thought
you were sort of an asshole.
64
00:03:10,997 --> 00:03:12,230
(RECORD SCRATCHES)
(GASPS)
65
00:03:12,298 --> 00:03:13,865
Well, not today.
66
00:03:13,933 --> 00:03:18,303
Today we're going to have
fun and be joyful!
67
00:03:18,371 --> 00:03:19,504
What do you want to do?
68
00:03:19,572 --> 00:03:23,408
- Just name it. Anything!
- Anything?
69
00:03:23,476 --> 00:03:24,876
(BOTH LAUGHING)
70
00:03:24,944 --> 00:03:26,410
(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)
71
00:03:26,478 --> 00:03:27,920
(TATTOO GUN BUZZING)
72
00:03:27,921 --> 00:03:35,490
(LAUGHING WILDLY)
73
00:03:38,423 --> 00:03:41,925
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
74
00:03:41,994 --> 00:03:43,927
(BABY CRYING)
75
00:03:51,102 --> 00:03:53,436
Look at the (BLEEP) sunset!
(LAUGHING)
76
00:03:53,504 --> 00:03:56,539
It's so
(BLEEP) beautiful!
77
00:03:56,607 --> 00:03:58,908
(CHUCKLING)
78
00:03:58,976 --> 00:04:00,877
You know,
it's been a perfect day.
79
00:04:00,944 --> 00:04:03,346
I really feel like a new man.
80
00:04:03,414 --> 00:04:05,715
I don't need that stupid
note anymore.
81
00:04:05,782 --> 00:04:07,983
I've changed.
I'll remember this.
82
00:04:08,051 --> 00:04:11,053
I feel great, and I'm
a great person.
83
00:04:11,121 --> 00:04:13,122
Randy is a stupid name, though.
84
00:04:13,189 --> 00:04:14,189
Aah!
85
00:04:15,945 --> 00:04:19,814
(GRUNTING)
86
00:04:24,754 --> 00:04:27,922
"You are an asshole."
87
00:04:30,359 --> 00:04:32,060
See you tomorrow, Randy.
88
00:04:32,128 --> 00:04:33,962
(GUFFAWS)
89
00:04:34,030 --> 00:04:36,578
What a stupid name.
90
00:04:37,967 --> 00:04:39,968
Here we go, man.
Old school, mano a mano.
91
00:04:40,036 --> 00:04:42,370
- Roy's gonna make...
- (PHONE RINGS) Hello, triptank.
92
00:04:42,437 --> 00:04:45,373
Oh. Oh, hey. I just
wanted to say, like,
93
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,044
my friends and I, we, like, laugh
about, you know, like, each other.
94
00:04:49,111 --> 00:04:51,680
We're like, "that's c... "
you know, like, "oh, we...
95
00:04:51,747 --> 00:04:54,715
we know that," or, like,
"we know what that is."
96
00:04:54,783 --> 00:04:56,050
We're like, um...
97
00:04:56,117 --> 00:04:57,918
so I guess I was just,
um, (GUYS COUGHING)
98
00:04:57,986 --> 00:05:00,721
I'm not totally sure
I remember why I called,
99
00:05:00,789 --> 00:05:04,291
but maybe... (CLEARS THROAT)
is there a way to...
100
00:05:04,358 --> 00:05:07,394
(DIGITAL HIP-HOP MUSIC)
101
00:05:10,331 --> 00:05:12,499
Happy birthday, sweetie.
102
00:05:12,567 --> 00:05:14,101
(SINGSONG)
Guess what.
103
00:05:14,169 --> 00:05:17,204
- Daddy got you a...
- Oh, shit! A pony!
104
00:05:17,271 --> 00:05:18,271
(PONY NEIGHS)
105
00:05:18,272 --> 00:05:21,241
Yeah. Yeah!
106
00:05:21,309 --> 00:05:22,509
Yeaaah!
107
00:05:22,577 --> 00:05:24,977
Oh, yeah, mother
(BLEEP) er!
108
00:05:25,045 --> 00:05:27,447
Hi-yi-yi-yi-yah! Ya-ha!
109
00:05:27,515 --> 00:05:29,683
Ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ah!
110
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:31,150
Mother
(BLEEP) er!
111
00:05:31,219 --> 00:05:32,519
(LIGHT PIANO MUSIC)
112
00:05:32,587 --> 00:05:33,953
Hi, what can I get...
113
00:05:34,021 --> 00:05:35,855
I'll give you some time
to look over the menu.
114
00:05:35,923 --> 00:05:39,659
Wow. You look great with makeup.
115
00:05:39,727 --> 00:05:43,096
I mean, you always look good.
But tonight... wow.
116
00:05:43,163 --> 00:05:47,132
Well, I'm a pieces, so
I like to jazz it up sometimes.
117
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,901
Oh, no. Really? I'm
a sagittarius.
118
00:05:49,969 --> 00:05:52,371
Sagittarius and pieces
don't get along.
119
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,039
BOTH: Fire and water.
120
00:05:54,107 --> 00:05:55,107
(MAGICAL GUITAR CHORD)
121
00:05:55,141 --> 00:05:58,143
(ROMANTIC ROCK MUSIC)
122
00:06:22,468 --> 00:06:24,469
Why do these keep getting
flagged as inappropriate?
123
00:06:24,536 --> 00:06:27,205
This is bullshit.
124
00:06:28,274 --> 00:06:29,440
I love you.
125
00:06:39,084 --> 00:06:42,552
(WAILS)
126
00:06:42,620 --> 00:06:45,122
Wakka, wakka, here comes
Pac-man to bite your ass.
127
00:06:45,190 --> 00:06:46,470
Psh, don't you run away from me.
128
00:06:46,491 --> 00:06:49,126
I'm unstoppable. My power
meter's green, bitch.
129
00:06:49,194 --> 00:06:50,354
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello, Triptank.
130
00:06:50,361 --> 00:06:51,628
Hello, who the
(BLEEP) is this?
131
00:06:51,696 --> 00:06:53,430
Is this the guy that does
the cartoons and shit?
132
00:06:53,498 --> 00:06:54,999
- Maybe.
- I hate it!
133
00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:57,968
- Okay.
- I can't turn it off because the birds,
134
00:06:58,036 --> 00:06:59,635
they go crazy when it's on.
135
00:06:59,703 --> 00:07:01,838
But I can't turn it
off because I love the colors!
136
00:07:01,906 --> 00:07:03,439
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
Do you understand me?
137
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:05,441
I feel
(BLEEP) crazy!
138
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:07,844
I can't turn it off,
but I can't turn it on!
139
00:07:07,912 --> 00:07:10,947
(DIGITAL HIP-HOP MUSIC)
140
00:07:16,544 --> 00:07:20,314
(DIGITAL HIP-HOP MUSIC)
141
00:07:20,381 --> 00:07:23,951
- (PHONE RINGS) Triptank.
- Hello. My name is Salis.
142
00:07:24,019 --> 00:07:27,320
I'm 12, and I would like to see
more sketches
143
00:07:27,387 --> 00:07:29,589
with the word
(BLEEP) in 'em.
144
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:32,592
- Rrrr.
- Let me transfer you to that department.
145
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:33,660
Hold, please.
146
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:36,663
(ROMANTIC ROCK MUSIC)
147
00:07:38,565 --> 00:07:39,899
(SIGHS)
I have a headache.
148
00:07:39,967 --> 00:07:42,168
Ugh.
(GRUMBLING)
149
00:07:42,236 --> 00:07:45,338
I'm sorry. I can't
control my headaches.
150
00:07:45,405 --> 00:07:48,074
Oh, great. So even if I don't
want to have sex,
151
00:07:48,142 --> 00:07:50,810
I'm supposed to what...
still do it?
152
00:07:50,878 --> 00:07:52,411
Uh, yeah. Yeah, actually.
153
00:07:52,479 --> 00:07:54,647
That's what people do when
they're in loving relationships.
154
00:07:54,714 --> 00:07:56,148
- Uh!
- Oh, please.
155
00:07:56,215 --> 00:07:58,884
Think of all the times I've had sex
with you when I didn't want to.
156
00:07:58,952 --> 00:08:01,120
- What?
- Yeah!
157
00:08:01,187 --> 00:08:02,921
(DOG BARKING)
(LAUGHING)
158
00:08:07,093 --> 00:08:08,093
(ZIPPER RASPS)
159
00:08:08,128 --> 00:08:09,361
Please, not right now.
160
00:08:09,428 --> 00:08:11,496
(SNORES)
161
00:08:11,564 --> 00:08:13,565
(SUCKING)
162
00:08:22,542 --> 00:08:24,442
Okay, fair enough.
Let's do this.
163
00:08:24,510 --> 00:08:27,345
- But keep it under five.
- Yes!
164
00:08:27,413 --> 00:08:29,347
Can we do anal?
165
00:08:29,415 --> 00:08:32,417
(FUNKY DIGITAL MUSIC)
166
00:08:33,536 --> 00:08:34,836
♪ Three aliens ♪
167
00:08:34,904 --> 00:08:36,271
♪ came from the sky ♪
168
00:08:36,339 --> 00:08:37,700
♪ the galactic ♪
♪ council sent them ♪
169
00:08:37,706 --> 00:08:39,141
♪ and here's the reason why ♪
170
00:08:39,208 --> 00:08:40,742
♪ Their mission is to study ♪
171
00:08:40,809 --> 00:08:43,611
♪ Earth's most average guy ♪
172
00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:45,213
♪ to see if humans ♪
♪ are worth saving ♪
173
00:08:45,281 --> 00:08:48,582
♪ Or if everyone has to die ♪
174
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,502
Wait, what?
175
00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:53,737
I'm pretty sure it was corked
or something, man.
176
00:08:53,805 --> 00:08:56,240
Oh, yeah? Well, why'd you
drink 3/4 of it?
177
00:08:56,308 --> 00:09:00,344
Look, I really need (CHUCKLES)
this $5.00 back, okay?
178
00:09:00,412 --> 00:09:02,179
It's been a-a rough
couple months, man.
179
00:09:02,247 --> 00:09:05,716
- Jeff? (YELPS)
- Linda! You look amazing.
180
00:09:05,783 --> 00:09:07,184
How have you been?
181
00:09:07,252 --> 00:09:09,320
I think this might be
the busiest week of my life.
182
00:09:09,387 --> 00:09:10,854
I've got a job interview,
a doctor's appointment,
183
00:09:10,922 --> 00:09:13,257
- my friend's bachelorette...
- Hey, you wanna grab lunch
184
00:09:13,258 --> 00:09:14,591
or coffee or something?
185
00:09:14,658 --> 00:09:16,226
- Uh!
- Chet!
186
00:09:16,293 --> 00:09:18,394
Let's drink this bubbly
and get snuggly.
187
00:09:18,462 --> 00:09:21,397
- (LAUGHS) I've gotta go.
- Yeah, I should probably go.
188
00:09:21,465 --> 00:09:24,267
I've got... I got
a pretty busy week too.
189
00:09:24,335 --> 00:09:25,768
(BIRD CHIRPS)
190
00:09:25,836 --> 00:09:27,470
(SLURPING)
191
00:09:27,538 --> 00:09:28,738
(SOBBING)
192
00:09:28,805 --> 00:09:30,340
Hey, Mr. Sniffles.
193
00:09:30,407 --> 00:09:34,810
We got something special
for our favorite special guy!
194
00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:38,080
I told you guys no
more surprise gifts.
195
00:09:38,148 --> 00:09:40,849
Well, something tells me
you're gonna love this one,
196
00:09:40,916 --> 00:09:43,885
'cause you've already
loved her for five years!
197
00:09:43,953 --> 00:09:47,222
Oh, my god, no! We need
to undo this immediately!
198
00:09:47,290 --> 00:09:49,057
Well, I guess I could
just clear her memories
199
00:09:49,125 --> 00:09:50,992
from the last 24 hours.
200
00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:52,160
- Agh!
- Oops.
201
00:09:52,228 --> 00:09:54,296
- Linda!
- Okay, I see what I did.
202
00:09:54,364 --> 00:09:55,631
(SOBBING)
Oh, what?
203
00:09:55,698 --> 00:09:57,666
What, is she dead? Is she dead?
204
00:09:57,734 --> 00:10:00,168
- Is she dead?
- No, no, no.
205
00:10:00,236 --> 00:10:02,771
She'll come back
to in a couple of days.
206
00:10:02,838 --> 00:10:06,275
- Maybe a month or two, tops.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
207
00:10:06,342 --> 00:10:09,176
She had so much important
stuff to do this week, guys.
208
00:10:09,244 --> 00:10:10,811
What are we gonna do?
209
00:10:12,881 --> 00:10:15,516
I don't know. Are you
sure this is gonna work?
210
00:10:15,584 --> 00:10:18,185
- Totally.
- Are you sure she's gonna be okay?
211
00:10:18,253 --> 00:10:20,621
Oh, for suresies.
212
00:10:22,324 --> 00:10:24,292
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)
213
00:10:24,359 --> 00:10:26,093
Come on, Linda.
(GROANING)
214
00:10:31,099 --> 00:10:32,499
(WOMEN SHOUTING)
Come on, Linda.
215
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:35,568
- Get into it!
- Whoo-hoo!
216
00:10:37,271 --> 00:10:40,707
And I also speak un poquito...
de Esp...
217
00:10:40,775 --> 00:10:42,709
Wonderful!
218
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:49,716
(EFFEMINATE VOICE) And I'll have
the 32-ounce angus steak,
219
00:10:49,784 --> 00:10:52,385
- uh, rare.
- Whoa! (LAUGHS)
220
00:10:52,453 --> 00:10:55,321
You're not pregnant, are you, babe?
I keep telling you
221
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,068
it isn't an effective
form of birth control
222
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,325
to shoot it all over your face
every time.
223
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,672
But you just won't listen to me.
224
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:01,961
(JEFF'S VOICE) I'm
not pregnant, okay?
225
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,395
Can we please talk
about something else?
226
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,631
Yikes!
What's up with your voice?
227
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:08,935
You got a sore throat?
Or something?
228
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,770
(COUGHS) Yeah, yeah.
I, uh, I think I do.
229
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:15,041
I told you, you gotta stop
deep-throating me so much.
230
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,476
But you always have to have
it your way, don't you?
231
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:19,828
Hey, dude, this
isn't appropriate
232
00:11:19,829 --> 00:11:22,113
dinner conversation, all right?
233
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,282
Look, I think
we should break up.
234
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,886
- I'm still in love with Jeff.
- What? Jeff?
235
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:29,521
You said his dick was so
small, you got...
236
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,957
That's a lie! I never said
Jeff's dick was small!
237
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,892
- Take it easy, babe!
- You (BLEEP) liar!
238
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,026
I won't hit a woman...
239
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:35,927
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh!
240
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:37,730
Okay! That's it.
241
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:38,797
Gah!
242
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:41,065
Gah! Aah!
243
00:11:41,132 --> 00:11:42,933
(WAILING)
I'm a bad person!
244
00:11:43,001 --> 00:11:45,737
I can't believe I don't
remember any of this.
245
00:11:45,804 --> 00:11:49,474
Yeah. I guess he must've hit
you pretty hard.
246
00:11:49,541 --> 00:11:50,641
(SLURPS)
247
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,276
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
Hello?
248
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:54,512
Hi, Linda. It's Dr. Lynn.
249
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:58,616
Uh, we're gonna need you
to come in for a follow-up.
250
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:07,191
- Is this some sort of sick joke?
- Honey, let me take care of this.
251
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:09,393
Son, are you on the peyote?
I'll understand.
252
00:12:09,460 --> 00:12:11,961
No! Veronica is very nice.
253
00:12:12,029 --> 00:12:14,698
We're in love.
We've been in love for a while.
254
00:12:14,766 --> 00:12:17,834
Jesus Christ, it talks.
Will wonders never cease?
255
00:12:17,902 --> 00:12:21,438
- This isn't normal.
- Come on, now, who are we to judge?
256
00:12:21,506 --> 00:12:25,742
What is normal? He's just...
exploring.
257
00:12:25,810 --> 00:12:27,310
I want one.
(HYPERVENTILATING)
258
00:12:27,378 --> 00:12:30,346
Mom, calm down. We live together.
Okay?
259
00:12:30,415 --> 00:12:33,517
I'm dreaming. That's it!
I must be dreaming.
260
00:12:33,584 --> 00:12:35,419
(CHORTLING)
261
00:12:35,486 --> 00:12:37,654
It's all a dream! See?
262
00:12:37,722 --> 00:12:40,656
No! (SCREAMS)
263
00:12:40,724 --> 00:12:43,191
(SOBS)
264
00:12:43,259 --> 00:12:45,628
It's okay. She'll warm
up to you.
265
00:12:45,695 --> 00:12:48,363
- Also, I'm pregnant.
- What?
266
00:12:48,432 --> 00:12:51,534
I said I want one. Now!
267
00:12:51,601 --> 00:12:54,603
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)
268
00:12:56,540 --> 00:12:58,507
(BUZZER)
This is bullshit.
269
00:12:58,575 --> 00:13:01,610
(DIGITAL HIP-HOP MUSIC)
270
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:09,021
(DIGITAL HIP-HOP MUSIC)
271
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:14,093
(CROWD MURMURING) Okay,
behold Erebos of Xenos,
272
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:19,732
divine prophet and eighth
emperor of the 33 dimensions.
273
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,301
Hey, guys. (APPLAUSE)
My love is with you.
274
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:24,669
(CROWD CHEERS)
275
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,504
Wait, wait, wait.
276
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:29,373
Okay, I don't really have
much on the docket today.
277
00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:32,110
The hand soap in my enlightenment
pod is out again,
278
00:13:32,177 --> 00:13:34,045
so, uh, Tony, that's your job.
279
00:13:34,113 --> 00:13:35,747
Will you get to that, honey?
280
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,281
Uh, what else?
281
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:41,452
Our new website is going live
on Friday, so check that out, everyone.
282
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,555
And I think that's pretty
much it for me,
283
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,190
so unless anybody else...
284
00:13:46,258 --> 00:13:47,892
Ooh, lots of hands.
285
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,327
Uh, Travis.
286
00:13:49,394 --> 00:13:52,196
So you said that Imratu
the space dragon,
287
00:13:52,264 --> 00:13:54,431
who I love, was supposed
to come yesterday
288
00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:58,201
and transport us all to the eternal
dimension of peace.
289
00:13:58,269 --> 00:14:00,070
Okay, and you guys, uh...
290
00:14:00,138 --> 00:14:02,906
You guys are upset
because Imratu the space dragon
291
00:14:02,974 --> 00:14:04,675
didn't... didn't show up?
292
00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:06,644
Okay, well, it's just
that a lot of us castrated
293
00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:08,545
ourselves because you said
that's what Imratu wanted,
294
00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:10,114
and the rest of us drank poison.
295
00:14:10,181 --> 00:14:11,749
(WHISTLING)
296
00:14:11,816 --> 00:14:13,350
O-okay, we're s... l-listen.
297
00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:16,319
I think the focus has gone
all on the space dragon thing,
298
00:14:16,387 --> 00:14:19,056
and it's not about the other
cool stuff we do around here.
299
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:20,524
We never really do
anything except sit around
300
00:14:20,591 --> 00:14:22,959
and talk about Imratu
the space dragon while you
301
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,327
- have sex with our wives.
- We have a pool table.
302
00:14:25,395 --> 00:14:28,264
Some of us are just
a liiittle frustrated because
303
00:14:28,331 --> 00:14:30,816
it kinda seems like you
might've made the whole thing up.
304
00:14:30,851 --> 00:14:31,067
(COLLECTIVE GASP)
305
00:14:31,135 --> 00:14:32,401
Wow, Tony. That sucks, man.
306
00:14:32,469 --> 00:14:35,672
That really sucks, guys.
That's a bad attitude.
307
00:14:35,739 --> 00:14:37,473
I really don't want
to have to do this,
308
00:14:37,541 --> 00:14:40,777
but I'm gonna have to ask
Petey to drink poison.
309
00:14:40,844 --> 00:14:42,111
(COLLECTIVE GASP)
310
00:14:42,179 --> 00:14:47,316
Poor, innocent Petey.
Never question anything.
311
00:14:47,384 --> 00:14:51,220
Everybody, I did that to Petey
because I love Tony.
312
00:14:51,288 --> 00:14:53,155
In fact, I love
all of you so much,
313
00:14:53,222 --> 00:14:56,725
I'm going to share with you
my new vision. (BEEP)
314
00:14:56,793 --> 00:14:58,860
The gaze of my fourth
eye has pierced
315
00:14:58,928 --> 00:15:01,096
the unfathomable multiverse
316
00:15:01,164 --> 00:15:04,566
and seen a vision
of a great and wondrous...
317
00:15:04,633 --> 00:15:07,402
space puma!
318
00:15:07,469 --> 00:15:09,104
Like the space puma you
said wanted us to clean
319
00:15:09,172 --> 00:15:10,405
your garage last summer?
320
00:15:10,472 --> 00:15:11,639
(CROWD MURMURING) Uh...
yeah, okay.
321
00:15:11,708 --> 00:15:14,776
I know the answer to this question,
but as a test of your faith,
322
00:15:14,844 --> 00:15:17,612
which space animals
have I already used?
323
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,347
Space puma, space
jaguar, space lynx,
324
00:15:19,415 --> 00:15:20,682
space mouse, space squirrel,
325
00:15:20,749 --> 00:15:22,283
space dolphin, space wolphin,
326
00:15:22,351 --> 00:15:23,818
space gorilla, space chinchilla,
327
00:15:23,885 --> 00:15:25,886
space pig, space human.
328
00:15:25,954 --> 00:15:27,722
(CHUCKLES)
I know them all.
329
00:15:27,789 --> 00:15:29,224
Because while I was boning
Neil's wife,
330
00:15:29,291 --> 00:15:32,227
I had a second vision, more
important than the first.
331
00:15:32,294 --> 00:15:36,197
I beheld a glorious
space alligator...
332
00:15:36,265 --> 00:15:38,533
(COLLECTIVE GASP) hurtling
through the cosmos,
333
00:15:38,601 --> 00:15:43,170
coming to transport you
all to the dimension of total joy.
334
00:15:43,238 --> 00:15:46,440
And his name... is Mumratu.
335
00:15:46,507 --> 00:15:48,375
Mumratu, the space alligator?
336
00:15:48,443 --> 00:15:52,046
That sounds very, very similar
to Imratu, the space dragon.
337
00:15:52,114 --> 00:15:55,282
They are brothers.
Their last name is "ratu."
338
00:15:55,350 --> 00:15:59,153
- And when will that be, prophet?
- Well, you'll have to ask him...
339
00:15:59,221 --> 00:16:00,454
(WHISPERS)
when he gets here.
340
00:16:00,521 --> 00:16:02,522
He's actually coming here.
341
00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:03,490
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
342
00:16:03,558 --> 00:16:07,061
- Yay, Erebos!
- Oh, yeah. It's awesome.
343
00:16:07,129 --> 00:16:10,997
Now rise, my children,
and go forth.
344
00:16:11,065 --> 00:16:13,667
(R&B MUSIC PLAYING) Except,
uh, for Neil's wife.
345
00:16:17,905 --> 00:16:19,266
Roy's hatin' on this
(BLEEP) game.
346
00:16:19,274 --> 00:16:20,907
It's rigged, man.
This thing is bleeding me out.
347
00:16:20,975 --> 00:16:22,842
Picking my goddamn pocket.
348
00:16:22,910 --> 00:16:24,077
Ben, I need
another (BLEEP) quarter.
349
00:16:24,145 --> 00:16:25,812
Hurry up, man.
Dig deep, brother.
350
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,781
(PHONE RINGS) Triptank.
How can I help you?
351
00:16:27,848 --> 00:16:31,016
My name is Robert Rill. I just
moved here from Sydney.
352
00:16:31,084 --> 00:16:34,853
I live in a studio apartment.
I've really enjoyed the show.
353
00:16:34,921 --> 00:16:37,856
I really appreciate
the masturbation bits.
354
00:16:37,924 --> 00:16:40,192
(BABBLING) Can relate
to a lot of that.
355
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:41,894
(LAUGHS)
It's just been hard.
356
00:16:41,961 --> 00:16:44,163
I've just moved here, so
I don't know a lot of people.
357
00:16:44,230 --> 00:16:45,564
Need to put you
on hold for one sec.
358
00:16:45,632 --> 00:16:47,592
Oh, god, he got me. He got
me in a chokehold, man.
359
00:16:47,634 --> 00:16:49,067
God damn it.
360
00:16:49,135 --> 00:16:50,735
He got the Roy. Son of a bitch.
361
00:16:50,803 --> 00:16:53,004
He ain't gonna let go. I can't
shake him loose, man.
362
00:16:53,071 --> 00:16:54,972
Oh, my god, I can
see my goddamn...
363
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,575
Bring me a quarter.
My life blood's draining out.
364
00:16:57,643 --> 00:17:00,679
(DIGITAL HIP-HOP MUSIC)
365
00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:06,484
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC)
366
00:17:13,492 --> 00:17:14,658
Idiot.
367
00:17:14,726 --> 00:17:17,160
- Ow.
- You've gotten sardines all over my sandals.
368
00:17:17,228 --> 00:17:18,429
- Clean it up!
- Ooh!
369
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:20,096
Yes, my lord. Mm.
370
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,231
(SLURPING)
371
00:17:21,299 --> 00:17:22,599
(CHORTLING)
372
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,201
- Ugh, you pervert.
- Ow.
373
00:17:24,268 --> 00:17:26,437
- Where's your owner?
- Oh, I'm free.
374
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:28,572
My owner died
from an intestinal disorder.
375
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,273
He ate some bad giraffe.
376
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:32,242
Ow. My name is Hilarius.
377
00:17:32,310 --> 00:17:34,177
(GIGGLING, HONKING HORN)
378
00:17:34,245 --> 00:17:35,245
At your service.
379
00:17:35,313 --> 00:17:39,650
- Idiot. Carry my lunch.
- I'm here to see Sextus Scribonis.
380
00:17:39,718 --> 00:17:42,252
He is the dominus hominem
of the Colosseum.
381
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,755
- That means boss of everything.
- I know what it means!
382
00:17:45,823 --> 00:17:48,758
I plan to be the dominus "ominem"
of the Colosseum myself.
383
00:17:48,826 --> 00:17:51,862
Well, I'll let you cut in front
of me for an artichoke.
384
00:17:51,929 --> 00:17:54,264
How 'bout I don't stick
a dagger in your fat face?
385
00:17:54,332 --> 00:17:56,733
- Deal.
- 99, 100.
386
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:58,335
Let's go to cafeteria.
387
00:17:58,402 --> 00:18:00,003
- Yeah, it's meatball Monday.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
388
00:18:00,071 --> 00:18:02,906
Who put the sex show
after the hippo massacre?
389
00:18:02,974 --> 00:18:05,275
It'll stink of blood, and there
will be flies everywhere!
390
00:18:05,343 --> 00:18:08,378
No, you said it was funny when
the flies bite the guys' balls
391
00:18:08,445 --> 00:18:11,081
in the orgy rehearsal.
You really laugh. Aah!
392
00:18:11,148 --> 00:18:14,751
How can the upper deck see flies
biting a guy's balls, hmm?
393
00:18:14,818 --> 00:18:18,287
You've got to play
to the cheap seats!
394
00:18:18,355 --> 00:18:19,789
Aah! I sorry, I sorry.
395
00:18:19,857 --> 00:18:22,725
- I am Lucius.
- And my name is Hilarius.
396
00:18:22,793 --> 00:18:24,527
(GIGGLING, HONKING HORN)
397
00:18:24,595 --> 00:18:28,330
Ah, thank Apollo.
Two applicants without typhoid.
398
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:33,068
Well, let's show you around this
crazy madhouse we call backstage.
399
00:18:33,136 --> 00:18:34,737
(LION GROWLS)
400
00:18:34,805 --> 00:18:38,941
So you want to cut through the neck,
visualize it to the other side.
401
00:18:39,009 --> 00:18:40,109
(SCREAMS)
402
00:18:40,176 --> 00:18:41,342
Oh, no, no, no, no.
403
00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:44,913
Visualize the point on the other
side through the neck.
404
00:18:44,980 --> 00:18:48,283
(GRUNTS)
See? A-smooth.
405
00:18:48,350 --> 00:18:49,584
(GROANS)
406
00:18:49,652 --> 00:18:52,687
(DIGITAL HIP-HOP MUSIC)
407
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:59,302
(DIGITAL POP MUSIC)
408
00:19:01,605 --> 00:19:03,973
(CROWD SHOUTING)
409
00:19:04,042 --> 00:19:08,811
Oh! Bravo! I love
how he splurted everywhere!
410
00:19:08,879 --> 00:19:11,781
So tell me why you
should be employed
411
00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:15,451
by myself and the great
Roman Colosseum.
412
00:19:15,519 --> 00:19:16,953
I have a reference
from the greatest promoter
413
00:19:17,021 --> 00:19:19,188
of all time... Flavius Arianus.
414
00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:21,724
What "Flavius" was his anus?
415
00:19:21,792 --> 00:19:22,792
Oh! (HORN HONKS)
416
00:19:22,860 --> 00:19:25,528
You dare mock Flavius Arianus?
417
00:19:25,596 --> 00:19:28,531
I should have you catapulted
into the cheap seats.
418
00:19:28,599 --> 00:19:30,066
Ooh, that's a good idea.
419
00:19:30,133 --> 00:19:31,834
Get some papyrus.
Somebody write that down.
420
00:19:31,902 --> 00:19:34,070
But, but, but, but,
first things first.
421
00:19:34,137 --> 00:19:37,039
Lucius, are you ready
to see your new office?
422
00:19:37,107 --> 00:19:38,374
(HINGES CREAK)
423
00:19:38,442 --> 00:19:40,042
This seems like a strange
place for an o...
424
00:19:40,110 --> 00:19:41,544
Aa
h! (CROWD CHEERS)
425
00:19:41,611 --> 00:19:45,714
- Oh, Apollo, I love artichokes.
- Aah!
426
00:19:45,782 --> 00:19:48,384
- Would you like to see your office?
- Oh, I don't need an office.
427
00:19:48,452 --> 00:19:49,785
Aah...
428
00:19:49,852 --> 00:19:52,654
(CROWD CHEERS)
429
00:19:52,722 --> 00:19:54,655
Oopsie. Dropped an artichoke.
430
00:19:54,723 --> 00:19:57,392
- Near my pinky toe.
- Yes, my lord!
431
00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:58,359
(SLURPING)
432
00:19:58,427 --> 00:19:59,994
Oh, Dorothy.
433
00:20:00,062 --> 00:20:03,064
(FUNKY DIGITAL MUSIC)
434
00:20:06,068 --> 00:20:08,136
Drop a hammer. Here it comes!
435
00:20:08,204 --> 00:20:11,706
Boom! God damn it, I kill at this game.
(LAUGHS) I am bad.
436
00:20:11,773 --> 00:20:12,540
Triptank. How can I help you?
437
00:20:12,608 --> 00:20:15,943
Hey, man, this is doctor
father brother Travis calling.
438
00:20:16,011 --> 00:20:19,046
(CHICKENS CLUCKING) That
was a hell of a skit.
439
00:20:19,114 --> 00:20:20,247
Man, that chicken's hot.
440
00:20:20,315 --> 00:20:22,182
You gotta show more
of that chicken,
441
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:24,018
maybe do one where he's nekkid,
442
00:20:24,086 --> 00:20:26,553
and another guy is stickin'
his pecker in him.
443
00:20:26,622 --> 00:20:29,289
- Hold, please.
- I'm kicking ass!
444
00:20:29,357 --> 00:20:33,494
You have reached level 1,000.
Join us on the game grid.
445
00:20:33,561 --> 00:20:37,498
Man... Man, you out there, man?
446
00:20:37,565 --> 00:20:39,899
Gaga, wow wow, ooh
mama, wow wow wow wow.
447
00:20:39,967 --> 00:20:43,603
(GAME BABBLING INDISTINCTLY)
448
00:20:43,671 --> 00:20:46,072
(PHONE RINGS)
449
00:20:46,140 --> 00:20:47,607
Triptank. How can I help you?
450
00:20:47,675 --> 00:20:49,710
(DIGITAL HIP-HOP MUSIC)
451
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:57,514
sync & correction
by f1nc0 Addic7ed.com
452
00:20:57,614 --> 00:21:02,614
http://subscene.com/u/659433
Improved by: @Ivandrofly37684
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.