Original subtitles

PRESENTER: CHUA LAM

STARRING: SHING FUI-ON, PAULINE WONG, GLORIA YIP, KUNIMURA JUN, TSE WAI-KIT

CAMEOS: AMY YIP, AMY WU, CAROL LEE, PETER LAI

ACTION DIRECTOR: WONG KWAN SECOND ACTION DIRECTOR: PHILIP KWOK

CAR STUNTS: BRUCE LAW STUNTS UNLIMITED MOTORBIKE STUNTS: BRUCE LAW

CINEMATOGRAPHER: NAKAGAWA KENICHI EDITORS: NG WANG-HUNG, PETER CHEUNG

ORIGINAL MUSIC: CHUI YAT-KAN

PLANNING: LEUNG CHI-WA, AMY CHIM SCREENWRITER: NG GAM-HUNG

PRODUCER: CHOW CHUN-TUNG

DIRECTOR: IVAN LAI

DOORWAY TO VIRTUE

IN COMPLETE HARMONY

PRECIOUS HALL OF THREE TEACHINGS

Bodhisattva, bless us...

I'm dying for a son.

Please give us a baby with a willie.

Twins would be fine too.

As long as everyone makes it out alive. Thank you, Bodhisattva.

Bodhisattva, ignore my crazy husband.

I heard twins really stretch your belly.

But...

If our children come out obedient and clever..

And if it makes my husband happy... I guess stretch marks are fine.

Excuse me, Bodhisattva... I misspoke.

One is enough.

I heard that birthing twins is extra painful.

So much so that women twist the bed frame right off.

Only one is good. Thank you, Bodhisattva!

Honey, come throw the moon blocks.

Really?

I'm a survivor, nothing will happen to me.

Spit that out and say something nice.

Bodhisattva, please don't mind him. This kid doesn't know what he's done.

- Hurry up, do it! - Do I have to?

Please don't let my cheating husband catch something.

Let me win at the races, and then at the lottery.

Let me find a couple million.

Oh, Bodhisattva!

I've broken your moon blocks!

Bodhisattva, save me!

What is it?

Oh, nothing...

- What did the blocks say? - Great fortune awaits! Come on. Let's go.

Oh, Bodhisattva, I do know... that I"m quite greedy as a person,

but, Bodhisattva, I'm very faithful!

I stole my sister-in-law's heels yesterday,

and when they didn't fit, I threw them out.

I promise to steal less!

Granny!

These were yours.

- They didn't break? - They didn't.

- Nothing to worry about! - Thank you, sir!

Where's my car?

That little dipshit probably took it for a joyride.

Hey, you fucking idiot, are you bored at home or something?

Cripples shouldn't party.

Does the law say cripples can't party?

Fuck you.

Power Steering!

Inspector Joe, you're all done at the temple?

This old thing goes pretty fast!

How dare you take my car for a joyride!

- I'll lock you up! - He's not good enough to steal a car.

But small things... are a different story.

My crystal keychain disappeared, just like that.

Now, I don't know if it disappeared 'just like that',

but I do know during dinner last night, that someone's fart went 'poot'.

That I heard clearly!

Hey, that"s enough. You little crippled bug...

Shut it, kid. That's my wife.

If you respected me, you wouldn't take in this criminal!

Look at his ugly mug, bad breath, and he's eating all our food!

And our neighbours think we're in a Triad! I don't know what you see in him!

Honey, he was only a child when he was sent to juvie.

A child? Take off his pants and see if he's a child!

Honey, don't get mad, you'll upset the baby.

You little shit...

Try not to make my wife mad, okay?

Brother Joe, she's just got a short fuse.

Pregnant women are hormonal. Just be nice to her.

- I'll do it for you. - Little shit.

Brother Joe, I almost forgot to tell you.

- What? - I heard there'll be a bank robbery.

- Are you serious? - Wouldn’t Kill you to check it out.

Hey, can we go yet?

Honey, something came up, can you go to the checkup on your own?

So now even the baby doesn't matter.

All right, just hold on tight to him, then!

Honey, I really have work to do. The moment I finish, I'll head home, okay?

Who cares if you ever come back!

Taxi!

- Honey! - Hey, it's time, are you coming?

Let's go!

You better not be pulling my leg.

This is legit intel!

The guy who told me is my ex-girlfriend's current boyfriend.

What makes it true?

Of course it's true.

How can you be so sure?

If it wasn't true, how come he's trying to get me killed later?

Stop the car!

Are you blind?

Sorry, sorry.

You little shit... You know I'm allergic to cigarettes! Wanna kill me?

It just slipped my mind... I'll walk from here.

Are you telling the police station?

I better take a look first. It'd be so embarrassing if it's nothing.

Hey, see you tonight!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, hello?

Hey!

Calls these days are so strange!

That little shit...

That Power Steering... I told him to throw that phone into the sea.

Let's go.

Hey!

Miss Gucci, so nice of you to visit, take a seat.

Here to take me to a movie?

There's a new pink film that's really good, let's see it together!

Go see it with your mother.

Golly, something's the matter!

Think harder... see if you can remember who it was.

You bad boys... who was peeping on ETC?

What?! Her?!

Her? Are you kidding?

You can't be serious...

We'd peep on a gigolo before peeping on her!

You're a different story...

What's a woman you can't feel up?

Don't be so haughty. I'm serious.

Who was up smoking a joint with her last night?

Smoking, sure... But we didn't touch you, ETC!

- After I got high last night-- - And that's our fault?

Are you sure you weren't touching yourself?

So no one will admit it?

Bring me two Super Big Macs.

Fondle them.

I told you to fondle them!

You!

You...

Hey, it was you!

How could it be me? I only have one burger to work with!

ETC said that the jerk last night touched one breast lightly

with two hands last night!

She's lying!

Lying? Take a bite for us, then.

- Bite? - Bite!

ETC said that the jerk bit her lightly! It's definitely you!

It was you!

You've won the lottery, Rocky!

Yeah. ETC is, at most, a C cup, and you still peeped on her.

- You're so selfless! - Oh, Mother!

I've let you down.

You terrible mouth, I'll slap you! You terrible hand, I'll chop you off!

Hey, what about your thingy? Should we cut it off?

No, don't! Or there will be no more pleasure for me.

Mummy!

- Hey! We're not done here! - Wait for me! Hubby!

And I wanted to catch a movie with her...

- Stop! - Hubby, wait for me!

What are you doing?

Robbery!

Sixty seconds.

Get down! Keep quiet!

On the ground!

Thirty seconds.

What are you doing?

Shut up! Smile! I said, smile!

Leave no witnesses!

- Don't move! - Get up!

- Don't do anything stupid! - Help!

- Gucci! - Help!

Shut up!

Get in!

- Let me go, I'm pretty annoying! - Shut up!

Damn cop!

Freeze!

Throw down your weapons!

I'll shoot whoever moves.

You fuckers!

Squat!

You must've eaten too much rice!

Squat better! Freeze!

So many career options, and you chose bank robber?

And you dare come up against me? You've surely not brushed with death!

Word of advice... Clean your arse before you go to jail!

Give it to me!

Let"s come back later. Let's go.

Why... why can't I move?

Boss, do you think it's a prank call again?

Kids these days would report gunshots if someone stepped on a milk carton.

It's just our routine duty.

It's raining so hard, you better cover my duty.

Hey, I'm over here!

Get me to the hospital! I can still be saved!

Looks like nothing much is happening...

It's almost the end of our shift... Let's bail.

- Or time for mahjong! - Get in!

Don't go! I don't want to die yet! I want to see the birth of my baby!

You two motherfuckers...

When I get back, I"m going to report you two!

Go on!

Money!

Help!

Help!

How dare you not be home to receive my call!

Fortune awaits!

Hey, Brother Joe! How come you're in such a state?

- Not afraid of what Sister Chu will say? - It's all your fault.

I's my fault?

Arsehole, blowing me off earlier...

I'm not just forgiving you like that.

Hi, Sister Chul!

Your belly got bigger — maybe it's twins!

Just you? Where's that jerk?

No idea. On his way, I guess.

It must be dinner time... you never miss a free meal.

You're pretty on time.

Hey, Sister Chu, I'm skin and bones.

How much am I really eating of yours?

Don't you watch TV? The TV says,

I'm eating your meals

because 'it's more blessed to give than to receive'. Right?

Little shit...

It doesn't hurt...

Not big enough...

When did this happen...?

It doesn't hurt either.

Honey!

When did you get home?

Just now.

- What the hell are you doing in there? - Nothing.

It fits!

Honey! Sorry about this morning.

'Sorry'? Do you really think I"m so petty? Try some noodles, they smell great.

Perfect!

I can't smell anything.

Are you serious? They smell so good. You could smell them with a blocked nose.

It smells great!

Your noodles smell great! I wasn't hungry before, but I am now!

- Go serve yourself if you want some. - Well, I can't waste food!

Save yourself the trip. I only made two bowls.

You don't usually make so little.

I didn't expect him, so I didn't make more.

Honey, don't be mean to him.

His father died because of me.

I'm mean to him?

Tell me, have I treated you poorly?

Do you treat me poorly...? You feed me poorly!

Who cares! I don't want your noodles!

Hey, you little shit...

Hello?

Yes. I haven't seen him.

If he comes back, I'll let him know.

My pleasure.

For me?

You scared me to death! Why did you go chasing criminals?

I'm police! What else should I do if I see a robbery in progress?

Let them rob the bank.

The money is the bank's, not yours. What's it to you?

It's everything to me!

We bank there!

I'm really second-guessing my pregnancy. Or if I'm just so full of your bullshit.

Whichever is fine. Both are my doing.

It's wet?

It's coming right back out?

What's happening?

Am I dead?

I must stop thinking crazy thoughts.

Cookie dough, what a coincidence.

Maybe if I covered it up, it wouldn't look so gross.

So much for 'no leakage'. 'Super absorbent'... What nonsense.

Hey, Brother Joe!

- What are you up to? - Nothing.

Nothing? You've got a bowl of noodles!

Hey, don't eat that...

It's so thoughtful of you to save this for me.

Listen to me, you can't eat that.

You wife's asleep! You don't have to be so scared.

- Listen to me... - It's delicious!

I give up! Enjoy!

Hey, it's great!

Am I a man... or a ghost?

Whatever I am, I have to keep going until I see the baby ...

and arrest those arseholes.

Honey...

Honey.

Hey.

What's keeping you up?

I miss you.

Keep it in your pants. I'm nine months pregnant.

If you hit the baby, his nose will be flat.

- Honey... - Be quiet...

Hubby?

He's off awfully early today...

It's chilly...

Have you lost it? Why are you in the closet?

Oh, nothing... The closet is nice and rectangular... I sleep better in here.

How awful, that sounds like a coffin! '| sleep better in here...'

Cut it out!

No, honey, hear me out!

I don't want our son to be a flat-nosed baby! So I locked myself up.

You men can't live without that thing...

It's too bright! Close the curtains now!

What is it?

Bring me my sunglasses.

Here.

Thank you, honey.

Please think of something else next time,

sOo you won't stay awake all night and hurt your eyes.

Sure.

You're so weird...

Sure...

What in the world...?

Why does the light hurt my eyes?

Why is it so stinky?

I's you madcap taking a shit!

You little shit, even your shit is stinkier than anyone else's!

Hurry up and flush my toilet!

I flushed already.

You're such a turd.

Hey, what happened to you?

It's all your fault!

I've been having diarrhoea ever since I ate your bowl of Shanghai noodles!

Shanghai noodles?

Here it comes again...!

- Inspector Chan. - Good morning.

- Where'd you party last night? - Morning, Inspector Chan.

Watch yourself, you look terrible.

I's nothing, I just didn't sleep well.

Your wife's pregnant, what was keeping you up?

Are you sick? Let's see.

I'm fine!

Busybody...

Inspector Liu's looking for you.

Got it!

Come in!

You're looking for me?

You?

Dogshit...

It's all dog shit...

I dare not.

I hear you've been off the radar lately.

I just wanted to see how you slept last night.

Sir, I didn't sleep last night.

Coincidentally, neither did 1.

You're impressive, though!

Playing Rambo last night... Going solo after five criminals.

Playing from sundown to sunrise.

Why didn't you think to call me with such a big case?!

The supervisors took the piss out of me.

We're in deep dog shit now, no?

It's all dog shit...

Sir, I wanted to call it in, but--

Insubordination! Take those sunglasses off.

Are you sick?

No.

Then can you talk to me with your eyes open?

I... can...

Now that's dog shit.

We have orders from above to solve this case within a month.

Who can take this case?

What's wrong now...? I put in a maintenance request already...

What are you doing?

Sir, let me help you.

Let me handle it.

Here's the file.

We have detailed information on these five criminals.

Including their gender, haircuts, age,

body type, height, dress style,

it's all here.

I'm sure you can solve it all on your own.

This is a gift for you.

Nine-five-something-something, come back!

What is it, sir?

If you don't solve this case, don't come back!

I'm exhausted...

Hey!

What's happening to me...?

Little Ming, don't run! You can't run here!

- Gramps, you don't have a fever. - Really? He feels very feverish...

- Nurse, look at my grandchild! - Try again, then. Coming!

- Nurse, where's the toilet? - That way!

- Can I check my temperature already? - Coming!

Someone fainted!

Doctor! Doctor, someone fainted!

What happened?

- He fainted! - Let's see?

He's ingested mercury, let's start first aid now.

Doctor, he's not breathing! What should we do?

Nurse, don't cry.

His blood pressure?

- Nothing's showing up! - We'll use the defibrillator.

- Turn it on! - Right!

Doctor Wong, it's ready.

Once more!

- How's his heart doing? - No response!

- Give me 30cc of Adrenalin. - Right.

One last try. Can't do more if this doesn't work.

He still doesn't have a heartbeat!

We tried our best. Come with me.

- What's the time of death? - 14:45.

Hey... I feel a bit better...

Good...

Got it? Inform the police.

- You...! - You what?

Of course you won't get a heartbeat when it's not plugged in. Here!

Ma'am, no need to call the police, I am the police!

Doctor, he swallowed mercury!

Yeah...

What exactly happened...

So... am I really a ghost?

No way...

I used to have to shave everyday, why not anymore?

Why doesn't this hurt?

Yeah... it doesn't hurt!

Get up!

Get on up!

Lil guy, help me out...

Why...

How could this happen? I'm only in my thirties!

I didn't sleep around, and my son isn't even born yet!

And my wife isn't ugly...

Why is this happening? Why can't I get it up?

Honey, I think I'm dead.

I've been a cop for a decade, I only have small savings.

You have to use it well.

Why am I so exhausted again?

Shoot, what should I do?

I can't die just like this!

I have to stay alive!

Brother Joe, what are you up to?

- What's happening? - Unplug me!

- Let go of me! Don't hold me so tight! - It's not like I want to!

We can't do this! You're going too hard!

- So hard it feels nice! - I can't stand it!

Honey...!

What's for dinner?

You buggers! I've caught you red-handed!

- Caught doing what? - Caught?

Cheating!

How could you do this to me?

No wonder he lives here, eats our food, and you're always on his side!

Turns out...

- What will people think? - Hey!

- Tell me, what will people think? - Hey! What's wrong?

Honey, listen to me! There's nothing between us, believe me!

Sister Chu, we were being electrocuted!

- Electrocuted? Why you... - It's true!

You're shameless!

And you! Even if you have to cheat, cheat with a woman!

And even if it had to be a man, why this one? Get out!

Get out!

- Get out! - Hey!

You shameless couple! Shameless gay couple!

- Shameless, go! Shameless! - All right! We're going!

- Hey, no, honey... - Go, and don't come back!

- Listen to me! - Leave immediately!

- Shameless couple! - Honey, listen! There's really nothing!

- I never want to see you two again! Go! - Hey!

And don't you come back!

A husband like you... a pervert!

Honey! I'm not dressed! Let me in first!

Here's your clothes!

You cursed gays, don't ever come back!

Hey! Honey!

It turns out those two are gay.

How disgusting...

Hey, let it go.

Let it go yourself! She's always making a big fuss out of thin air.

It'll be fine when we get home tonight.

Stay away from them now, they might have AIDS.

What did you say?

- We'll go. - We'll take the stairs.

Damn gays.

Hey, something smells delicious... are you hiding cookies?

Why's it baked...?

Hey, you can't eat that.

You're so selfish!

Hey, it's delicious, what's it made of?

Human flesh!

Amazing! You only live once, I better try it all!

Hey, where should we go now?

Karaoke forever!

Well done!

- Thank you. - Well done!

Thank you. What do you want to listen to next?

- Demon Girl! - No!

- Decent Girl! - No!

- Silly Girl! - Get That Girl!

'Get that Girl'? What's that? I haven't heard of it.

Move!

- What's happening? - Let go of me!

Move, and you're dead!

Let me go!

- Let her go. - Let me go!

You bitch!

You've got balls. You took my money and stood me up.

Who cares? I'll refund you.

- There. - I'm not taking refunds!

Let's go!

Power Steering, help!

Hey, Whiskers, why are you messing with my honey?

'Honey' your arse!

Brother, pick on someone your own size.

I'll beat the shit out of you, too. Go!

So you agree to take responsibility for this situation?

Sure, we won’t eat our words!

Eat this, and we'll call it even.

All right.

Not just the pepper, swallow the jar!

Brother Joe, you...

He knows magic!

I swallowed your jar. What else do you want?

You're not human... Let's get out of here.

Yay!

Are you all right?

That was amazing...!

Hey, stop crying. This is the last roll.

I really don't know why my deadbeat husband is into men now.

Well, how long has it been since you two have done the dirty?

Not long after my period stopped...

So it's been half a year since you two did it?

Yes...

That long? No wonder your husband changed his mind...

- If there's no sex, there's no sense. - What are you trying to say?

Men don't care where they're getting it from, women... men...!

I'm so pregnant, what am I supposed to do?

Why can't you?

They say that it'll give the kid a flat nose.

That’s ridiculous. The kid knows how to avoid it.

How can they? There's so little space there.

They suck on it!

Yeah. Now you know why babies are born without teeth.

You're crazy, how could you say something so disgusting?

While we're on that topic,

it's probably hard on your husband to go without it for so long. I couldn't.

What else could I do?

- Get a professional to help him out. - You're crazy!

Do you really want your husband to get AIDS?

Of course not!

Exactly.

Don't worry, I have a friend named Death Ray.

Death Ray?

Whenever perverts see her, they die at her feet.

Let me give her a call.

That's not very nice.

My husband with another woman... I couldn't take it.

Miss, it's the '90s!

You're like a fossil.

Last time in Thailand, I picked the woman out for him.

Are you really so open-minded?

Of course!

That being said,

I chose one uglier, and not as hot as me for him.

Really?

Really!

It's better than him meeting a good one out there,

and think he's fallen in love again.

- Right? - Yeah.

I've a movie date with my stupid husband. Let's talk later.

Hey--

You said you'd call?

Please, call Death Ray for me...?

Brother Joe, Gucci lives just this way. Park the car and come up, okay?

Hey!

Are you kidding me?

You've fallen for him after that little damsel-in-distress episode?

You're crazy! Of course not!

But he looks really familiar. I wonder where I've seen him before.

Stop fussing, let's go.

All right, shut up.

Hey, why was that guy after you today?

Why do you care? You're not my boyfriend. Why are you asking so many questions?

Don't call me the next time you're being kidnapped!

As if!

What does your friend do?

Why are you so annoying?

You're not my girlfriend, what’s it to you?

You're so arrogant... it'll bite you in the arse someday.

That's mean!

Damn Rocky...

- You said you'd be at the karaoke. - You arsehole. You little faker.

Why aren't you saying anything?

You...!

Kid, where's the money?

What money? I don't know what you're talking about.

You don't know?

Do you know now?

Yeah...

I think I've forgotten where I left it...

Forgotten?!

Look harder!

- I'll go get it... - Go!

After her!

Help!

You can't get away!

Die!

Help!

What are you screaming about?

You were shot... but you're fine?

This is Kevlar.

Let's go, or we"ll get burnt. Quickly.

I thought you said you could take care of me.

- Useless. - Think I wanted this?

Why was he after you?

I was working when they came in and beat me up.

Then they wanted to know where Gucci lived.

Gucci, why were they after you?

They're the bank robbers from yesterday.

I saw their faces, so now they're after me!

That was you yesterday?

So it was you! No wonder you look so familiar.

Then it's super dangerous here!

- What am I supposed to do? - Move in with me!

I can be your escort.

Shoot, what time is it?

Trying to scare me?

I'm late meeting ETC, she'll think I'm cheating!

I have to go.

- Hey! Do you need a ride to the doctor's? - It's minor! Nothing to worry about!

He and ETC are already attached at the hip.

Brother!

Kenny got shot!

What happened?

Hey, take him there! Kenny, hang in there. Be careful!

Hang in there, Kenny!

Tell me who it was, I'll avenge you!

He’s... not... human...

Kenny!

Don't die!

Calm down.

What happened?

We went after that girl. But then we ran into that cop.

I shot him multiple times, he didn't even react!

Whether he is a man or a ghost,

we will end him once and for all.

Brother Joe, come for a midnight snack.

You go ahead, I have to handle the old ball-and-chain first.

Big, tough, and completely pussy whipped.

Why do you care? Let's go!

All right!

Honey!

Honey?

Could she still be mad?

Honey?

You're already asleep? Let me check in on my son...

Two bumps...?

Twins?

You're so naughty...

- Who are you? - I'm yours, honey...

Whose honey?

Hey, I don't know you!

Why pretend...

Why, you're such a naughty boy...

No... you're mistaken...

Mistaken? About what?

My wife is very pregnant.

And your breasts are very big... so I made a mistake.

Mistaken beginnings... are the most romantic!

- Hey! - I like it!

Freeze! I'm the police!

And I'm a bad girl! Bad girls like cops.

- I like it! - Hey, get away from me!

Hey, are you okay?

Are you all right?

I'm sorry.

I'm fine...

That was pretty hot...

- I really like it! - What?! Hey, no!

My devilish figure... your demonic face...

A perfect fit!

How dare he...

Relax...

My kisses usually melt men...

You have no reaction whatsoever... How cool! I like it!

Please don't.

- Really... - Why are you so shy?

Hey! Help!

This jerk! He's never this enthusiastic in bed!

Relax!

You are a 1990s superwoman!

You are a strong, independent woman!

I's hopeless.

You better go see a doctor.

Miss, I beg you, please leave. Or my wife will end me when she gets home!

A grown man... so afraid of his wife.

Miss, please stop smoking. I'm allergic. If anything happens, it's not my doing!

So that's your thing! I really want to know what'll happen!

Dominate me, baby!

What are you doing?

No!

They've popped!

I can't take it anymore!

I told you to relax!

You need to do something no woman has ever done. You're a superwoman!

Move.

Superwoman is coming!

How did that happen?

- I didn't mean to! Sorry! - It's all gone!

What happened?

Honey, there's nothing between us!

Your husband is a beast!

How dare you call him a beast, just because he doesn't like you!

This is all your fault! Why did you put me up to this?

It's okay!

Let"s get you a new pair! Let's go.

- Get a bigger pair, all right? - Hubby... I now know how much you love me...

- You two are horrible! - Have a good evening...

Hey, you're husband is crazy, and you think he's a good man?

Death Ray, wait up!

Not a good man? My husband is exemplary among men! Right, honey?

Inspector Joe, I'm back.

Who's that?

That's a friend of mine.

Honey, she wants to stay with us for a few days, okay?

So you don't like big breasts, you like small ones?

No, honey, please don't cry... Let me explain.

She's an orphan... a real sob story...

Sister Chu, don't misunderstand, she's my girl! She's moving in with me!

Who said I was moving in with you?

Sister Chu.

What are you doing? You're like a cat in heat.

I'm doing it for the cripple, so he knows you want your wife.

Honey, how many times have I told you? It was a misunderstanding.

A misunderstanding?

They said the gays like to find girls to hide their gayness!

And now that cripple brings some girl home...

he thinks I don't see through his trick?

Please stop that ruckus.

I like it! And I like it louder!

What a mess.

How annoying.

Joe is really something... She's so pregnant, he should let her be.

My lucky day!

Hey! What are you doing?

It's late! I'm going to sleep!

- I'm sleeping in the bed; you, the floor! - Unfair...

Hey, where are you going now?

The bathroom, do you need to come along too?

For crying out loud...

Shut up, you bitch and dickhead!

Stop screaming like a cat in heat!

I really saw it last night!

Why won't you believe me?

Big Sis... how could anyone believe such lies?

Man survives bullet shot, removes casing.

- You think this is a movie? - I know what I saw last night.

He was right here.

Sleeping in a strange bed can give you odd dreams.

Here, try my handiwork. It's delicious!

Hey, listen to me. Inspector Joe--

What? What did I do?

Nothing, the silly girl said that last night she saw you--

Yeah, I saw how good you were in a fight last night. You were quite impressive!

I take care of robbers like that for breakfast.

It's nothing.

Yeah! Inspector Joe is amazing!

Here, eat up!

No, I don't want to be a third wheel.

How odd, he hasn't been eating...

You think he's odd too?

I'm one bullet short...

Mr Cockroach...

Watch where you're going, yeah?

Or else, they'll crush you!

Now, once you're dead, that's it.

There's so much fun to have and delicious food to eat in this world.

Remember, all right? Watch out for your life, all right?

Now, be good and go on home.

Don't come out again!

Honey!

Hubby!

- Hubby, close your eyes first. - What?

- What is it? - Close your eyes!

What are you up to...?

- You're in heat again? - How dare you say that to me!

Today's my birthday, right?

Yes! You never remember, I have to remind you every year!

What does it matter?

- Let's celebrate! - Okay.

We can go for a ride, and have some seafood... your favourite things!

Wherever you want!

I suspect...

What?

- He's possessed! - Possessed by what?

A vengeful spirit?

Vampire?

Demon?

You're crazy.

Inspector Joe has always been a bit odd.

It would be abnormal for him to be normal.

You won't believe me no matter what | say!

I believe you...

are spewing nonsense.

Hubby, don't turn the light on yet.

- Why? - Give me a kiss first.

No... it'd be so embarrassing if they see us.

Why be shy? I called ahead and told them to get out of the house.

You told them to get out of the house? Why, honey?

So they won't interrupt us...

Isn't it nice to be alone?

JOE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Hubby, do you remember the first time we celebrated your birthday?

I don't... it's been so long.

You're horrible!

We were dating back then, and you wanted to go see a movie.

And that film had a funny title too.

I remember, it was called...

Sweet Every Time...

- Climax Every Time! Am I right? - I'll take it...

And then you took me to Kowloon Tong.

And then... we went to a motel...

- Where we got a room! - That was the beginning of the end.

- Why? - I lost my virginity that night...

- You're the worst! - I'm kidding!

So that's how you popped your cherry!

I's so moving!

I'm sweet like a cherry, will anyone pop me?

- Hey! What are you saying? - Honey! Don't.

Sister Chu, it's Inspector Joe's birthday!

We're here to celebrate, why so serious?

Happy birthday, Inspector Joe! Come and cut your cake now!

Another year older, Inspector Joe! Don't be shy! C'mon!

Come and cut your cake!

Today, not only is Birthday Boy happy, Birthday Girl is happy too!

- Auntie, this gift is for you. - Great!

Be quiet. Now let's have Inspector Joe cut the cake, all right?

All right!

Are you kidding me? The Bagua is so inappropriate!

No, Sister Chu--

It's very fortuitous to have this on a cake!

Yeah!

Ba means rich, and gua means he misses you. Right, sister-in-law?

- Right, Inspector Joe? - Yeah.

Yeah, your arse.

Birthday Boy, make a wish.

- Yeah, make a wish! - Make a wish!

Honey, I wish to...

never leave your side.

So lame!

Silly... Why would you leave me?

Hubby, don't be like this. Let's sing a birthday song!

Wishing you a happy and long life

A very happy birthday to you

Here's to this day every year That every year has this good morning

Congratulations!

Yay!

- Honey, blow out the candles now. - All right!

Yay!

- Joe, why won't you blow it out? - You're not so out of breath, are you?

Blow it out...

Blowing out candles is so mainstream, yeah?

Watch this...

Yay!

Go and have fun.

- Cut the cake! - Let's go and eat.

Hey! Well?

- Plan A. - The blood of a black dog.

- Make yourselves at home! - Thanks.

Demon-revealing mirror!

What are you doing? Quit messing around.

Inspector Joe, got some good stuff for you.

- What? - Bloody Mary, the trendiest drink.

- Yeah? - This is a Bloody Mary.

- I've heard of it but never tried one! - Try it!

- It's so salty! - This was really a bloody disaster...

Plan A has failed... Moving onto Plan A, the sequel.

- Virgin shuttle! - What's this now?

Inspector Joe, take a seat.

Have a rest.

Honey, sit down.

- Honey? You okay? - Who put something there?

- Honey, does it hurt? - Yes!

Inspector Joe, there's one in your arse too.

Doesn't it hurt?

So my wallet was there.

Honey, let's call it a night.

The sequel failed too...

I told you your ploys are terrible.

Let me!

Sorry, Inspector Joe, I've messed up your shirt.

- Let me help get it off. - It's fine, get off me.

In position!

In the name of God!

In the name of God!

- Power Steering, - Take off his shirt!

He's so hairy!

Hey!

Hey, enough! You kids are way out of line!

I'll kick you out!

Get out of here!

Your disco light is making my head hurt-- Take it with you!

- We're leaving, calm down. - Get out!

Hurry up! Get out!

Fine, we"ll leave!

Come in, quickly!

Why are your eyes like that?

I knew I couldn't hide it much longer...

To be honest, I suspect I'm dead.

So you are a ghost!

I don't know what I am.

- Look. - What's that white stuff?

Don't worry... I just had some cake. Whatever I eat comes back out from there.

- When did you realise all this? - That night with the noodles...

What?! Those noodles...!

The noodles were gross... but you liked the cookie!

Cookie?

What are you doing now?

Recharging.

Otherwise, I don't have any energy.

I think I'm running out of time.

I can feel my body getting weaker and weaker.

I get tired quickly after charging.

I'm really worried that one day, I'll keel over on the street.

And that would be the end.

I don't mind dying.

But I still have two wishes.

I want to see my baby, and to catch those criminals!

But, the world is so big... Where can I find them?

I don't want to die with unfinished business.

Inspector Joe, I can help you lure them out!

Hey, don't just say that! It's risky!

I have the money they stole from the bank!

It's with you? Where is it?

- It's-- - Power Steering!

You two monkeys thought you could hide from me...

Don't you think you're out of line? Getting it on in the nursery?

Oh, what?

Just seeing you makes my eyes explode!

If I'd given birth to you both, I'd stuff you back in.

Can we fit?

- C'mon! Lets try! - You're dead! Don't run!

Inspector Joe, you can come out now.

Gotta clean the house!

I'm giving you five minutes to clean up the house!

Or you're sleeping on the streets tonight!

Has your pregnancy fried your brain? How can I clean up in five minutes?

I don't care! It's now quarter past--

Get it clean by 20 past, or else, you're getting out!

Fine, 20 past! Why are you so angry?

- Gucci-- - It'll be fine.

I'm dying to see how you get out of this one...

Not just here... there's also the dining room.

The dining room is already done.

- You're quite a shameless liar. - Take a look.

How did this happen? It's so clean...

Because we cleaned it... It happened.

How did those two get to it so quickly...?

The house is so big, I'd love to see you finish in five minutes.

Get ready to sleep on the streets tonight!

- We missed a spot. - Yeah! It's a booger!

Who was sitting here...?

- It was you, Sister Chu! - Yeah!

Why you...!

There are 15 seconds left, let's see what you do with the living room.

Are my eyes deceiving me... or is my watch broken?

There's one glass left!

I"m watching you, let's see how you clean that up!

Five seconds!

Four seconds!

Three seconds!

Two seconds!

- One second! - Like this!

Even if you're watching, I'll do it the same way. Don't you know?

Hubby!

Shit.

They're ganging up on me!

- Come help me! - I'll help you yell at them!

What did you say?

What are you doing?

What are you two doing now?

We're doing nothing.

Why are you wearing your sunglasses at night? Take them off!

Come dance with us!

Do you want to die? It's too loud!

Be quiet, shut up!

Please take care of those two! I"m out of here!

Honey!

Arsehole!

Be a puppy for me!

Boss man.

We've brought the package, but do you have the money?

Hey...

Boss man, you have the guns now,

but what about the balance?

Someone sold us out last time... was it you?

Are you sure?

Thank you very much!

Come again soon!

Boss, I know where the girl is.

- You two, bring her to me. - Got it.

Hey, Brother Joe, we're rich!

Let's take two and have some fun!

Cut it out, this isn't ours. Go get the word out.

Let's go! Hurry up!

What a jerk! Why didn't they bring me to get the money? Danger schmanger...

- It hurts... - What are you doing?

What's wrong?

I think I"m in lab our...

Don't worry. Hang in there, let's get you to the hospital.

Be careful!

- What's wrong? - The loan sharks found me! Let's go!

This way!

Be careful.

Hide!

Hide first!

Hide where?

Don't move!

You damn loan sharks!

Get out of here!

My husband’s a cop, he’ll arrest all of you!

Where's the kid!

I don't know!

Come out!

The girl went out the window!

Where's the money?

I don't know...

You don't know?

Do you know now?

In the room...

Show us!

Hello? Power Steering? They've broken into the house!

Hello?

Hello? They've broken into the house!

- Hello? - Who is it?

I think it was Gucci, but I couldn't hear her.

- Maybe my wife's going into lab our? - Probably! Go!

Bitch!

Do you take me for a fool? This is all?

Let me ask her... Bitch!

Where's the money?

It hurts so bad... please take me to the hospital.

You want to see your baby?

I can give you a nice slice down the middle.

I'll be a very easy delivery!

Don't!

She really doesn't know anything!

It's none of her business.

HELP

Open it now!

Hubby, I'm in lab our. Help me, quickly!

Listen up! Bring the money to the Kowloon Bay warehouse!

Otherwise, it'll be two corpses, and three lives!

Let's go now!

WAREHOUSE B

Perfectly on time... Did you bring the money?

The money's here! Let my wife go first!

You wife is here, relax.

- Honey! - Gucci!

Honey!

Let's cut the bullshit.

Save your nonsense for tomb sweeping.

Hang the money here.

No! Let my wife go first.

I have the upper hand.

Who are you to make demands?

If you don't pay up, your wife is dead.

Power Steering, get in the drum.

- What? - I said, get into the drum!

What a ride!

Don't worry! We're here to save you!

The door is stuck!

What is it, Sister Chu?

What are you waiting for? Why don't you go in?

It's rigged!

Go!

- Sister Chu, go first! - She's so pregnant, how can she run?

Go first, leave me.

Help her give birth to this baby. I'm terrified of blood!

- Here goes nothing! - What are you doing?

You can't be so picky!

He's just trying to help.

Or we'll all die together!

Come on!

How’s my wife?

Sister Chu is in lab our!

She couldn't do this earlier or later? Why now?

The bomb is about to blow!

If you pay now, you can still save your wife.

I's not going to happen.

Then I guess your whole family will die together!

After which I can go back for the money!

Push! You're almost there!

Push!

I can't...

- I can't push any more... - Push!

Oh! Like a kid peeing!

Breath like me!

She doesn't have enough air! She won't make it. Give mouth-to-mouth!

Boss, let me bring the van around and finish them off.

I can't... I'm out of breath.

Let me!

No, your breath stinks!

We're almost there...

Can almost see him.

- Just a bit more... - He's crowning! Can see the little head!

Hurry up!

- C'mon, Sister Chu! You're almost there! - C'mon!

You did it!

It's a boy!

He's so big, like Brother Joe!

He was born! Hurry! You go first!

- Come! - Take the baby.

Hurry up!

It's going to blow, go!

- Honey, how do you feel? - I'm fine.

Let me hold him.

It's a boy!

He has a willie!

He really is a boy!

Before we get too comfortable...

Power Steering, hold down the fort. I'll bring the car around.

Hubby!

Hang in there, Sister Chu!

Hurry!

Get in!

Time for your funeral!

Help!

Stop!

So you want to kill my whole family? I'll fuck you up!

Hubby!

Something's wrong...

Hubby?

Don't do anything crazy. He's your own son!

- Hubby! - Don't go over!

- Brother Joe! - Hubby!

Inspector Joe!

- Hubby! - Don't go over there!

Don't!

Help!

- Think of something! - Working on it!

I told you you're no match for me!

I have the money now.

I don't care if you're man or ghost, you've killed so many of my brothers...

I will mince you!

Hold him.

When you get down here, you'll become a meat paste!

Damn you!

Sister Chu, are you all right?

The rope is about to break!

- Inspector Joe! - Hubby!

Hubby!

Hubby!

- Are you okay? - I'm fine, honey.

Out of the way!

Die!

Lift it higher!

Don't come near!

Stay away from me!

Inspector Joe, let me save you!

Shoot!

Hubby, help!

Give me back my son!

- Give me back my son... - Kid!

- Hurry up and give me back the money! - Give me back my son...

Power Steering, give him the money!

No! You can't trust this kind of person! Don't give him the money!

Please don't hurt my son, give him the money!

Any more dilly-dallying, and I'll drop the baby!

Take it!

DANGER: HIGH VOLTAGE

Sister Chu, how do you feel?

Brother Joe!

Hubby!

Hubby...

Charge him up now!

Leave him alone, all right? Gucci told me everything.

Joe already accomplished all his wishes...

He met our baby...

He's done his job...

The afterlife is better off with another hero.

Let him rest in peace.