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23.976
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# When life was just
empty rooms #
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# for company
i talked to the moon #
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# i danced along
to my own song #
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00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:42,042
# that no one could hear #
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00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:48,506
# when nights were silent
and dark #
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00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:52,886
# i'd lie in shadows,
stare at the stars #
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00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,975
# the quiet voice
that lifted my heart #
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# was always so clear #
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00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,773
# it told me #
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00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:08,943
# the chance for love
comes without warning #
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00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:13,406
# so don't stop
looking for it #
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00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:17,535
# yeah, love comes
without warning #
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00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:21,790
# so be ready for love #
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# yours are the eyes #
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# i have spent my life
looking for #
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# if they're not telling lies #
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# you were looking for me #
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# i want to tell everyone #
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# who's waiting in the dark
for the sun #
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# before your chance
in life is gone #
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# you'll be in the light #
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# remember #
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00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:04,207
# the chance for love
comes without warning #
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00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:08,545
# so don't stop
looking for it #
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00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:12,799
# yeah, love comes
without warning #
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00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:17,053
# so be ready for love ##
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This film is dedicated
to lonely guys everywhere.
29
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:43,830
Lonely guys have been with us
since the beginning of time.
30
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:47,334
There's one there.
Poor guy.
31
00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:50,295
Another new year's eve
alone in the cave.
32
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,301
Even a thousand years from now,
33
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,595
the lonely guy
will still be there.
34
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,097
Look at this guy.
35
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:04,309
That couple will go down in history.
36
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:08,813
All he gets to do is eat
roast beef from a tube.
37
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:13,777
So all you lonely guys out
there, this film is for you.
38
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:17,655
It's for guys like that guy,
chin loo fung in canton, china.
39
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,450
He's got 14 married
brothers and sisters,
40
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:24,287
yet still eats alone in a chinese
restaurant four nights a week.
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00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:30,126
It's for mbowie zoomba,
another lonely guy.
42
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:33,630
While he's happy that cable tv
has been installed in his area,
43
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:37,801
he'd really just like to meet a
nice girl with attractive lip lace.
44
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,803
And it's for larry hubbard...
45
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:43,848
[larry hubbard] Hey, that's me, fifth
one down. I'll take over the narration.
46
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:48,019
Hi, i'm larry hubbard. This is the
story of how i became a lonely guy.
47
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:50,397
I came to manhattan
to be a writer.
48
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,025
While i was working on my novel, i
took a job at a greeting card firm.
49
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,277
It was working out pretty well.
50
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,488
What are you working on,
hubbard?
51
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:01,700
It's an idea i had for a new
kind of sympathy card, sir.
52
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,244
Mmm.
53
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:10,125
"I know how much your
loss must grieve you,
54
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,627
"but here's a thought
i'd like to leave you:
55
00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:15,422
"Although you're sad
remember that...
56
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:18,008
now god is petting
your pussycat. "
57
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,807
Beautiful! Hubbard!
58
00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:29,894
- Congratulations! You're moving up.
- Thank you, sir.
59
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,981
- Get your things
and take the front desk.
- Yes, sir!
60
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,608
- Finley, harrison, annenberg, leach.
- Yes, sir?
61
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:39,487
Stop whatever you're doing.
I want pet cards.
62
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:42,490
Birthday, anniversary.
And not just cats and dogs.
63
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,994
I want hamsters,
fish, parakeets.
64
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:48,913
I was always lucking
into things like that.
65
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,207
New york had been pretty good to me.
66
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:55,754
The best part was, i'd met this
gorgeous ballet dancer named daniele.
67
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:59,132
She was nuts about me and asked
me to move right in with her.
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00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:03,386
Every day at 5:30,
she'd have bathed, perfumed,
69
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,680
put on a sexy nightie...
70
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:09,142
and be waiting alone in
a big bed just for me.
71
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,771
Hi, daniele.
Tarzan is here.
72
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,815
Oh, one second while i
look through my mail here.
73
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:19,277
[Muttering]
Oh, geez.
74
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:22,155
Hey, a rejection from
a completely new publisher.
75
00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:24,949
They're finally getting
to know me in this town.
76
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,118
Hi, honey.
You miss me?
77
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:30,163
- So, what'd you do today?
Anything interesting?
- Ohhh.
78
00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:32,665
You gotta get out of
the house. You can't mope
79
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,126
around all day waiting
for me to come home.
80
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,342
Ohhh.
81
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:46,346
This your cigar
in here, honey?
82
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:49,641
All ready for me
i can see, huh?
83
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,893
Mmm. You smell good.
84
00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,978
I don't believe you!
85
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,898
You come home, you find me
in bed with another man,
86
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:59,859
you act as if
nothing's going on.
87
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,946
Larry, this is
my lover, raoul.
88
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,323
We're lovers.
Understand?
89
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,660
- Hi, raoul. Larry hubbard.
Nice to meet you.
- Yeah, hi.
90
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,954
Have you known
daniele long?
91
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:14,165
Yes, we're dancers
in the same company.
92
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,835
- Dancer? I thought they were all...
- yes.
93
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:21,006
Well, raoul's not!
Raoul's all man.
94
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,049
Yeah.
95
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:26,678
And he's moving in tonight.
After the nutcracker.
96
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:29,931
He's bringing his things
over in the morning.
97
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:34,394
Bringing his things over? There's
hardly enough room for our things!
98
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:37,105
Your things are going!
I've already packed them!
99
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:41,359
They're in the hall beside the garbage,
and you can take 'em out all together.
100
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:44,863
I know i'm behaving strange.
Probably real strange.
101
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:48,116
I've never been in a
situation like this before.
102
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:51,870
I don't know how to handle it.
I still don't know how to handle it.
103
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:55,290
So i was waiting, calmly,
104
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,292
patiently, reasonably,
105
00:06:57,375 --> 00:07:01,588
'til i do figure out
how to handle this kind of situation.
106
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:05,091
Hold it.
I think i've got it.
107
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:08,053
Yes, yes.
108
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:11,473
What the hell's going on here?
What's he doing in this bed?
109
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,725
You disgust me,
both of you!
110
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:17,771
I'm getting out of here, and i never
want to see you in my life again!
111
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,819
I think i handled that
rather well.
112
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:29,074
[Daniele, muffled]
Oh, larry, don't forget the garbage.
113
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:46,007
I had no place to stay,
nowhere to go.
114
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:49,761
There was no one to talk to.
I must've looked pretty pitiful.
115
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,931
But that's the good thing about
living in a big city like new york.
116
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,767
At least nobody i knew was
going to see me like this.
117
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:58,728
[Man]
Larry? Larry hubbard? Is that you?
118
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:03,066
Hey, larry, how are you?
Jack. Jack bedwood.
119
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,236
Oh, jack, hi.
You're looking good. How's it going?
120
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,697
How does it look?
Pretty good, huh?
121
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,990
How's it going with you?
122
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:15,995
Oh, just taking a walk. I like to get
out of the house every once in a while.
123
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:18,289
I heard about you
and daniele breaking up.
124
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:20,917
It just happened 15 minutes ago.
125
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:24,838
I just spoke to her.
We were very close. We had an affair.
126
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,799
- When was that?
- About four weeks ago.
127
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,343
Every morning after you'd go to work.
128
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,388
But you knew about that, didn't you?
129
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:37,392
Oh, oh, sure! We had an understanding.
We were very today people.
130
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,186
- Yeah. Hey, say hello to my wife verna.
- Hello.
131
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:42,731
- Hi.
- And this is my girlfriend freida.
132
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:45,316
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
133
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,319
We got a little apartment
here on the west side.
134
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,864
One big room and
a 40-foot mattress.
135
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:54,451
Listen, anytime you're
in the neighborhood, just drop in, okay?
136
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,871
And don't be so broken up about
daniele. She already dumped raoul.
137
00:08:57,912 --> 00:09:00,915
- She has?
- Yeah. She's living
with a rock group now.
138
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:04,336
Oh. Well, okay.
139
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,880
You take it easy, huh?
See you around.
140
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:09,883
- Yeah.
- Come on, baby.
141
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,413
- Hi.
- Hi.
142
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,214
- Warren evans.
- Larry hubbard.
143
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:52,092
- Hi, larry.
- Hi.
144
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:54,844
First-time lonely guy?
145
00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:58,973
What's a lonely guy?
146
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:04,562
My girl melanie
just left me.
147
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,981
What'd she leave you for?
148
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:11,945
She came home last night, found some guy
robbing her apartment. They just hit it off.
149
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:14,989
- Gee, that sounds tough.
- It was tough.
150
00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:19,077
It's probably for the best.
She's really started to let herself go.
151
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,288
Drank a lot,
never bathed, fat.
152
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:26,334
- Hey, don't worry.
You'll meet another girl.
- Not like melanie.
153
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:29,796
No, better than melanie. You're not
gonna stay lonely forever, are ya?
154
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,798
I'm not.
155
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:38,346
Well.
156
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:42,017
Where're you headed?
157
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:45,770
Um... i guess i have to
look for an apartment, huh?
158
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,273
Take it from an experienced
lonely guy.
159
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,984
Be very careful
looking for an apartment.
160
00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:55,155
'Cause from now on, that apartment's
gonna be your best friend.
161
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:59,492
A lot of lonely guys,
just to get off the street,
tend to grab the first thing...
162
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:02,537
that looks better than
a borneo death cell.
163
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:05,415
- Thanks.
- My pleasure.
164
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,669
Warren gave me
a lot of tips, like:
165
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:13,340
It's very important to find an
apartment with a feeling of space.
166
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:18,178
- Right here.
- [Thud]
167
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:21,181
The view is very important
psychologically.
168
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:25,018
In a moderate price range, you
can't expect anything too beautiful,
169
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:28,355
but a lonely guy should
watch out for the depressing.
170
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:42,160
A river view is great...
171
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:45,288
as long as you're
above the river.
172
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:50,418
And you mustn't be fooled
by classy-looking neighborhoods.
173
00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:54,506
Sometimes your
classiest-looking neighborhoods
have the highest crime rates.
174
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:16,403
Don't live here.
Bad neighborhood.
175
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:24,911
What a view, and you
can almost see the river!
176
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:29,124
See, this has the pacing room
i need. I'm working on a novel.
177
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:32,168
This apartment could really
be my friend. I'll take this.
178
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:35,088
All right, fine, but before
you can sign the lease,
179
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,924
- there are a few questions
i'd like to ask.
- What?
180
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:41,511
"Do you have any dogs, cats, children,
or friends of ethnic extraction?
181
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:44,347
"Do you ever get personal
phone calls after midnight?
182
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,850
"Do you go to dinner with
people in show business?
183
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:50,854
"Do you ever put substances up your
nose or any other open bodily passage?
184
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:55,400
Is there anyone in your acquaintance
who has a sexually communicable disease?"
185
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,111
No dogs, no cats, no children,
no foreign friends.
186
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:01,573
No late phone calls, no show business
dinners, no disgusting substances.
187
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:04,576
No acquaintances with sexually
communicable diseases.
188
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:08,455
Except that uncle harry once developed
a rash after an affair with a waitress,
189
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:11,499
but he covered it with a tattoo
of a dragon so nobody would notice.
190
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:14,294
Thank you very much.
That seems satisfactory.
191
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:17,589
You can move in the day after tomorrow.
You'll fit in very well.
192
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:20,091
Thank you.
You wanna go to dinner?
193
00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:22,093
I'm a man.
194
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:25,638
This is getting drastic.
I don't have anything in my place.
195
00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:28,975
I just left with a suitcase.
I lost my comb.
196
00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:32,145
This morning i had to brush
my hair with my toothbrush.
197
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:36,316
I cleaned it out really good
so i feel more comfortable.
It takes about 20 minutes.
198
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:39,361
- Does it look okay?
- I was just thinking how good it looks.
199
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:44,157
- I should get a comb.
I'll get it today.
- You oughta get a comb.
200
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:48,828
You think that's bad.
I had my yearly physical last week.
201
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:52,874
They called me yesterday, told me
i have to come back. They lost my blood.
202
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:57,087
- Oh, god!
- You know, i can
give 'em more blood, but...
203
00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:00,382
you see, you buy a lot of these,
you scatter them around,
204
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:03,176
and nobody'll notice you
don't have enough furniture.
205
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,470
Hey, this one looks nice.
206
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:09,474
- No, you don't want that, larry.
That's got buds.
- So what?
207
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:12,977
You don't want to watch
life blossoming, while yours...
208
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:16,981
isn't, yeah.
Hey, how about a fern?
209
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:20,568
Great. But, larry, don't call 'em ferns.
Call 'em guys.
210
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:23,488
- Guys?
- Yeah, make 'em feel like your buddy.
211
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,824
You can watch
football games together.
212
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:28,827
- Watch football games with a plant?
- Hey, you never know.
213
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:33,498
Well, i'll just take
this guy right here.
214
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:38,503
Uh-huh, uh-huh, good.
I could use one myself.
215
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,839
- Want a sip?
- No. I'm full.
216
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:43,842
- What'd you eat? Uh-huh.
- Uh, a tuna sandwich.
217
00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:46,678
How often do you have to
water something like this?
218
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:49,681
Oh, just once a week. But always
stay with it a couple of minutes.
219
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:52,517
It doesn't like to drink
alone, seriously. [snorting]
220
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,187
- Have you got your towels yet?
- I forgot all about that.
221
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:59,691
I can get 'em wholesale, if you don't
mind other people's initials.
222
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:02,819
- They get 'em from divorced couples.
- No, i just want to get dry...
223
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:07,282
that's kind of sad, isn't it?
I don't want to get depressed
every time i shower.
224
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:10,201
You'll probably
be depressed anyway.
225
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:16,041
Well, i gotta go.
I gotta go get some furniture.
226
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:20,045
Hey, doesn't your guy
want to say good-bye to my guy?
227
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,589
Say good-bye
to your friend.
228
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,759
- Still a little shy.
- Ahhh.
229
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:29,304
- Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
- Bye.
230
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:53,328
Well, i'd gotten some furniture,
but the big news was the phone.
231
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:58,291
I had to give them a $500
deposit and a sperm sample,
but they finally put it in.
232
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:01,211
So i pulled out
my little black book.
233
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,239
Nobody move a muscle.
234
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,408
First national bank.
235
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,493
Hi. Carol zall, please.
236
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,704
[Gangster on phone]
I'm sorry, she's all tied up right now.
237
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,498
Would you care to leave
your phone number?
238
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:42,377
Larry hubbard.
Kl5-1173.
239
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:46,214
Oh. She says she'd
love to talk to you,
240
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:49,009
and she'll get
right back to you.
241
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:55,015
Haven't lost the touch.
242
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,851
Cops! Out the back!
243
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,603
- All right, let's go.
- Take some hostages.
244
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:04,190
- Get the bag.
- Kid, you're coming with me.
245
00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:09,863
For some reason,
carol never called back.
246
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,759
You know, i know this guy
who's a magician.
247
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:34,304
He and his friend go into a restaurant
and start doing tricks.
248
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,265
People come around. He said they meet
a lot of girls that way.
249
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:39,392
So i got this magic book.
250
00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:42,437
Try this.
Take a card.
251
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,733
Okay, look at it.
252
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:50,362
Okay, now stick it
back in somewhere.
253
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:54,532
There.
I'll shuffle.
254
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,621
Okay, cut 'em.
255
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:02,916
Okay.
256
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:10,548
- Was it the queen of clubs?
- No.
257
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,592
- Was it a club?
- No.
258
00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:14,719
- Diamond?
- Yes.
259
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,930
- Queen of diamonds?
- No.
260
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:19,265
- Nine of diamonds?
- No.
261
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,726
- Six of diamonds?
- No.
262
00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:26,064
- Three of diamonds?
- Yes. Yes. Not bad. Not bad.
263
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:30,568
Actually, i was feeling
pretty positive.
264
00:18:30,652 --> 00:18:35,365
There are plenty of girls,
and i knew it wouldn't take long
before i met one of them.
265
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,909
How you doin'?
266
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:41,996
I'm okay.
How about yourself?
267
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:46,167
Not too shabby.
Cigarette?
268
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:49,546
Oh, no, thanks.
269
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:52,048
Do you do this often?
270
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:55,969
Well... i'm a single guy,
271
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:59,097
and no use in saving it up.
272
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:03,935
Okay, you may get up now. I'll have you
out of here in just a minute.
273
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:07,188
Do you have time for a drink? They
say you should have some orange juice.
274
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,691
Oh, thanks.
I have to meet my boyfriend.
275
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:12,861
Oh, right, right.
Me too.
276
00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:17,866
You know, i really believe
that one of these days i'm gonna
meet the girl of my dreams...
277
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:21,119
if i don't run out
of blood first.
278
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:23,705
I was getting
a little depressed.
279
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:28,293
So i was really glad when warren invited
me over to his place for a little party.
280
00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:37,469
- # I want a list
of part-time lovers... #
- warren, how's it going?
281
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:40,263
- What are these?
- Party cutouts.
282
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:43,391
I got them at the lonely guy store
at 81st and lexington.
283
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:46,061
When i first saw them
it seemed like a weird idea,
284
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:48,229
but it turns out
they're a lot of fun.
285
00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:50,899
They're good company too.
You'd be surprised.
286
00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:54,194
- Oh, yeah?
- It is surprising. They
move and everything.
287
00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:56,654
I'm just gonna go
check on dinner.
288
00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:59,699
- Fix yourself a drink.
Drink anything you want.
- Thanks.
289
00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:06,414
I'll get it.
Hey, how are you...
290
00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:08,583
you got a complaint
about the noise.
291
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:10,752
You're playing
your music too loud!
292
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:14,130
Oh, i'll turn it down.
[Muttering]
293
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,257
What the hell
is goin' on here?
294
00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:20,011
Uh, just a friendly
little get-together.
295
00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:25,558
- Can i fix you a drink?
- No, no. We're on duty.
296
00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:28,645
- Oh, sure.
- Just keep the noise down.
297
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,897
Thanks.
298
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:34,943
Mike, go ahead.
I'll be right down. I gotta use the can.
299
00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:39,614
Look, mister, really,
i don't have to use the can.
300
00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:44,494
But tell me, please, where do you
get these things? They're fantastic!
301
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,788
You mean, you're a...
302
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:49,416
yeah, a lonely cop.
303
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:52,460
A lonely cop?
Oh, gee!
304
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:56,423
You get 'em at the lonely guy store
at 81st and lex.
305
00:20:56,464 --> 00:21:00,051
Thanks. Thanks a lot. Do you know if
they got gene hackman?
306
00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:02,387
Uh... warren?
307
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:05,682
- Yeah?
- Does the lonely guy store
have gene hackman?
308
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:10,145
Yes, they do, but
you have to reserve him a week ahead.
309
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:13,940
Hey, terrific. Thanks again.
I really appreciate it.
310
00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:16,484
- Thanks a lot.
- That's okay.
311
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:22,282
Come and get it.
Leg of lamb.
312
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:26,953
If i could tear you away from dolly
parton. She's great, isn't she?
313
00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:31,958
Hey, warren, do you ever feel like
getting out and meeting real women?
314
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,961
Oh, sure. I'm meeting a terrific
girl at a bar tomorrow night.
315
00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:38,757
- Do you wanna come?
Maybe you'll meet somebody.
- Well, yeah, thanks.
316
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,927
- Who's that?
- Oh, just a friend of mine
i don't see anymore.
317
00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:46,139
Oh. Well, here's to...
318
00:21:49,225 --> 00:21:51,186
ahh.
319
00:22:02,864 --> 00:22:06,701
Oh, god, that's funny!
You tell a story so well.
320
00:22:06,785 --> 00:22:09,746
- Oh, thanks. Here's another one.
- [Laughing]
321
00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:14,459
I'm walking down madison avenue.
It's about 12:00, 12:30.
This really happened!
322
00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:17,253
- This guy comes up to me...
- hi, honey. I'm sorry i'm late.
323
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:20,674
- Oh, hi.
- Hey, warren. Thanks for sitting in.
324
00:22:20,757 --> 00:22:23,760
- I was just telling louise
this great story...
- how'd your meeting go?
325
00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:27,180
- Terrific. Looks like we got the deal.
- That's wonderful!
326
00:22:27,222 --> 00:22:29,933
- Great.
- Listen, warren, thanks for sitting in.
327
00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:33,436
- I hate to have louise
sit and wait alone.
- I was glad to do it.
328
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:37,440
Oh, listen, can you do it
again next week, same time?
I'll be about 45 minutes.
329
00:22:37,524 --> 00:22:40,443
Oh, sure, sure.
Enjoy your dinner.
330
00:22:43,738 --> 00:22:45,532
See anybody?
331
00:22:45,615 --> 00:22:49,327
I'm trying to get my courage up
to talk to that girl over there.
332
00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:51,871
Oooh, she's pretty.
333
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:58,086
Gee, i don't think so.
334
00:22:58,169 --> 00:23:00,922
Why not?
335
00:23:01,006 --> 00:23:03,174
I mean, she's
really attractive.
336
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:07,178
[Chuckles]
Well, hey!
337
00:23:07,262 --> 00:23:09,806
Well, try.
338
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:12,142
Well, i will.
339
00:23:14,227 --> 00:23:17,731
- # It's a game of love... #
- hi. I'm larry.
340
00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:19,774
Hi. Brenda.
341
00:23:19,816 --> 00:23:22,777
- This okay?
- Mm-hmm.
342
00:23:24,279 --> 00:23:27,407
Oh, i hate these places.
Don't you?
343
00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:30,910
It's like, most of these guys
are just here for one thing.
344
00:23:30,952 --> 00:23:35,582
I guess i want to meet
someone i can talk to, just get to know.
345
00:23:35,665 --> 00:23:40,628
And go to dinners with,
and museums, art galleries.
346
00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:45,633
I think what i'm looking for
is more of a real relationship.
347
00:23:45,675 --> 00:23:50,096
Oh, that's great, larry.
But i just came here to get laid.
348
00:23:55,894 --> 00:23:58,938
Ever think
of getting a dog?
349
00:23:59,022 --> 00:24:01,107
A dog!
350
00:24:01,191 --> 00:24:04,361
Dogs are great. They leap all over you.
They lick your face.
351
00:24:04,402 --> 00:24:07,405
They don't even have to like you.
It's their instinct.
352
00:24:07,447 --> 00:24:10,033
Hitler had a dog.
That dog went crazy over him.
353
00:24:10,075 --> 00:24:12,535
- Adolf hitler?
- Yeah.
354
00:24:12,577 --> 00:24:14,704
There's this pet shop,
has this policy.
355
00:24:14,788 --> 00:24:16,956
You take a dog home,
you don't like it...
356
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,125
you bring it back,
you get another dog.
357
00:24:19,209 --> 00:24:22,420
- That sounds like a good deal.
- It is a good deal.
358
00:24:22,462 --> 00:24:25,548
I learned a lot
about dogs that week.
359
00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:28,259
For instance, don't get a dog
that's bigger than you are...
360
00:24:28,343 --> 00:24:30,970
unless you're trying
to save money on bus fare.
361
00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:34,641
Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go, boy. Come on!
362
00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:37,727
And if you like to play fetch,
don't get a fast dog.
363
00:24:37,811 --> 00:24:40,980
Fast dogs like to show off,
and they don't care about your stick.
364
00:24:41,064 --> 00:24:44,150
If they don't come back by
nightfall, you're out $300.
365
00:24:46,069 --> 00:24:48,321
Bassets are really cuddly dogs.
366
00:24:48,405 --> 00:24:51,199
They love to get in bed
and nuzzle right up to you.
367
00:24:51,282 --> 00:24:54,494
The only problem is, they miss
their mother and they howl all night,
368
00:24:54,577 --> 00:24:57,163
and you have to pretend
that you're a basset too...
369
00:24:57,247 --> 00:24:59,499
and howl with him
'til he goes back to sleep.
370
00:25:14,014 --> 00:25:16,474
A cute dog attracts women.
371
00:25:16,516 --> 00:25:19,269
But not to you,
to himself.
372
00:25:19,310 --> 00:25:22,564
I come by here every day
about this time.
373
00:25:22,647 --> 00:25:25,525
- Bye, puppy dog!
- Me and the dog.
374
00:25:29,154 --> 00:25:31,072
Hello.
375
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,120
Dogs have a great deal.
376
00:25:37,162 --> 00:25:39,706
Hey, you!
What's your name?
377
00:25:39,789 --> 00:25:41,666
Larry hubbard. Why?
378
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,668
- I'm gonna write you a ticket.
- What for?
379
00:25:43,710 --> 00:25:45,712
Your dog just fouled
the pathway over there.
380
00:25:45,795 --> 00:25:48,923
- He what?
- He pooped.
381
00:25:51,051 --> 00:25:55,513
Well, excuse me, officer, but i don't
think that poop came from this dog.
382
00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:57,807
No, no, i'm sure of it.
Definitely not.
383
00:25:57,849 --> 00:26:00,852
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No, officer, i mean it.
384
00:26:00,894 --> 00:26:04,481
Look, in the last week,
i've had five different dogs.
385
00:26:04,522 --> 00:26:08,485
I think i'm beginning to know
what kind of poop goes with each dog.
386
00:26:08,526 --> 00:26:11,279
I think i may even say,
without undue modesty,
387
00:26:11,363 --> 00:26:14,199
that i am becoming somewhat
of an expert on poop.
388
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:18,036
And i can assure you that that
poop did not come from this dog!
389
00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:21,706
Thanks.
390
00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:25,960
I mean, this is a little dog.
That looks like a land mine.
391
00:26:26,044 --> 00:26:27,962
God!
392
00:26:28,046 --> 00:26:31,508
Warren, i gotta
meet a girl.
393
00:26:32,884 --> 00:26:35,303
That was your dog's poop.
I saw him do it.
394
00:26:35,387 --> 00:26:37,722
Oh, warren!
395
00:26:37,806 --> 00:26:41,059
I mean, look at that guy.
He's got a girl.
396
00:26:41,101 --> 00:26:44,604
He had to meet her someplace.
He wasn't born with his arm around her.
397
00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:47,982
What about jogging?
Maybe you can meet girls jogging.
398
00:26:48,066 --> 00:26:50,485
Jogging. I remember
when i first saw rocky.
399
00:26:50,568 --> 00:26:53,154
I came running out of the theater,
ran into the park,
400
00:26:53,238 --> 00:26:55,490
started jogging,
shadow boxing,
401
00:26:55,573 --> 00:26:58,159
a guy came up
and punched me right in the face.
402
00:26:58,243 --> 00:27:00,370
Oh, god!
403
00:27:19,848 --> 00:27:23,351
I'm not really jogging.
I only ran about 50 yards.
404
00:27:23,435 --> 00:27:26,396
This is not real sweat, either.
I sprayed it on.
405
00:27:26,479 --> 00:27:28,940
They sell this
at sporting goods stores.
406
00:27:29,024 --> 00:27:31,985
It's made from the actual sweat
of professional athletes.
407
00:27:32,068 --> 00:27:34,988
This was taken from
a boston celtics basketball player...
408
00:27:35,071 --> 00:27:37,615
immediately after
a double overtime game.
409
00:27:42,704 --> 00:27:45,081
I think i'm getting hungry.
410
00:27:49,377 --> 00:27:53,298
[Panting]
A vanilla yogurt milkshake, please.
411
00:27:53,381 --> 00:27:57,677
Did 22 miles today.
3:06, that's my best time ever.
412
00:27:57,761 --> 00:27:59,971
Don't sweat
on the counter, please.
413
00:28:00,055 --> 00:28:02,057
Oh, sorry.
414
00:28:05,685 --> 00:28:07,771
Ah, beautiful!
[Chuckles]
415
00:28:07,812 --> 00:28:10,648
Hi.
[Sighs]
416
00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:14,277
I was just noticing that book
you're reading, mayor of casterbridge.
417
00:28:14,319 --> 00:28:16,988
That's really a coincidence
because i did my final paper...
418
00:28:17,072 --> 00:28:19,783
on thomas hardy
my senior year in college.
419
00:28:19,824 --> 00:28:22,786
You know, hardy
was a very interesting man.
420
00:28:22,827 --> 00:28:25,246
When he was in london
in 1861...
421
00:28:25,330 --> 00:28:28,124
how long have you
been a lonely guy?
422
00:28:28,166 --> 00:28:30,543
Is it that noticeable?
423
00:28:32,712 --> 00:28:35,340
What is it
that gave me away?
424
00:28:35,423 --> 00:28:37,967
I know phony sweat
when i smell it.
425
00:28:38,009 --> 00:28:40,512
When you first came in,
i thought you were larry bird.
426
00:28:40,595 --> 00:28:42,681
Sorry, it was dumb.
427
00:28:42,764 --> 00:28:46,518
It's just that i saw you sitting there,
and i wanted to meet you.
428
00:28:46,559 --> 00:28:49,062
No, that's not
even true, either.
429
00:28:49,145 --> 00:28:51,523
I just wanted
to meet anybody.
430
00:28:51,564 --> 00:28:54,150
I know.
It can be rough.
431
00:28:54,234 --> 00:28:56,361
Did you try a fern?
432
00:28:56,444 --> 00:28:59,155
- Yeah.
- A dog?
433
00:28:59,197 --> 00:29:02,075
Yeah, but they don't seem
to really help that mu...
434
00:29:02,158 --> 00:29:05,203
how come you know so much
about lonely guys?
435
00:29:05,286 --> 00:29:08,331
- My husband marty was a lonely guy.
- Oh, husband.
436
00:29:08,415 --> 00:29:10,625
- My ex-husband.
- Oh.
437
00:29:10,709 --> 00:29:13,628
That's how we met.
I fell for the phony jogging bit.
438
00:29:13,712 --> 00:29:18,591
Never again. I learned to
tell the difference between
real and bottle sweat.
439
00:29:18,675 --> 00:29:20,677
Here, smell mine.
440
00:29:21,928 --> 00:29:24,014
[Sniffs]
Oh, yeah!
441
00:29:24,055 --> 00:29:26,182
Now, see, that's terrific.
That's sweat!
442
00:29:26,266 --> 00:29:28,560
[Laughs]
Thank you.
443
00:29:28,601 --> 00:29:31,396
[Sniffs]
Oh, yeah, there's no comparison!
444
00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:33,398
Thanks.
445
00:29:33,481 --> 00:29:36,735
So, um, how long were you
and marty married?
446
00:29:36,818 --> 00:29:41,740
Oh, not long. I found out he was
having an affair with a ballet dancer.
447
00:29:41,781 --> 00:29:44,200
A dancer.
Now this may sound silly,
448
00:29:44,242 --> 00:29:47,579
but by any chance that dancer
wasn't named daniele?
449
00:29:47,620 --> 00:29:50,540
No, no. Raoul.
450
00:29:50,582 --> 00:29:53,084
[Laughs]
Oh.
451
00:29:53,126 --> 00:29:56,421
[Sniffs]
Absolutely no comparison.
452
00:30:01,718 --> 00:30:03,553
Well, i guess
i'd better be going.
453
00:30:03,636 --> 00:30:07,807
Hang in there.
Lonely guys don't stay lonely forever.
454
00:30:07,891 --> 00:30:12,812
Hey, um, what's your name? Where do
you live? Could i call you sometime?
455
00:30:12,896 --> 00:30:16,858
I wrote it all down
on the napkin.
456
00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:19,986
I know what
you're going through.
457
00:30:20,070 --> 00:30:23,740
Wow, that's fantastic.
What a great girl!
458
00:30:23,823 --> 00:30:28,328
Well, that's $1.50.
You've got some yogurt on your face.
459
00:30:30,914 --> 00:30:33,500
What a great girl.
460
00:30:33,583 --> 00:30:36,920
I woke up early
the next morning.
461
00:30:37,003 --> 00:30:41,424
Too early to call her.
I just couldn't get her out of my mind.
462
00:30:41,466 --> 00:30:44,302
I couldn't wait
'til i got to know her.
463
00:30:58,441 --> 00:31:01,569
I love the way your nose
crinkles up when you smile.
464
00:31:01,611 --> 00:31:06,074
Ugly? They are not.
I love your freckles.
465
00:31:08,451 --> 00:31:11,413
What's the best movie you
ever saw in your whole life?
466
00:31:11,454 --> 00:31:14,749
You're kidding!
I don't believe it. Me too.
467
00:31:14,791 --> 00:31:17,085
Favorite food?
468
00:31:17,127 --> 00:31:19,379
With or without
walnuts?
469
00:31:19,462 --> 00:31:21,923
I knew it!
I knew it!
470
00:31:24,634 --> 00:31:28,096
What's the saddest thing
that ever happened to you?
471
00:31:31,057 --> 00:31:34,352
Oh, my god! Really?
472
00:31:34,436 --> 00:31:38,106
That's awful. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to make you cry.
473
00:31:38,148 --> 00:31:40,984
There, there.
Just cry right into my arms.
474
00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:43,945
It's gonna be all right.
Everything's all right.
475
00:31:43,987 --> 00:31:46,614
I'm here.
I'm never gonna leave you.
476
00:32:01,671 --> 00:32:05,216
I couldn't wait any longer.
I had to talk to her.
477
00:32:05,300 --> 00:32:08,386
She had to be up by now.
It was almost 6:00.
478
00:32:16,061 --> 00:32:18,104
Oh, god!
479
00:32:18,188 --> 00:32:21,066
Lois? Doris?
480
00:32:23,151 --> 00:32:25,070
"Doris. "
481
00:32:25,153 --> 00:32:28,615
"336-738... "
482
00:32:28,698 --> 00:32:31,993
"136... "
damn it!
483
00:32:48,343 --> 00:32:50,261
[Man on phone]
Hello?
484
00:32:50,345 --> 00:32:53,515
- Hello. Is there a lois living there?
- Uh, lois? No.
485
00:32:53,598 --> 00:32:55,975
- Uh, doris?
- No.
486
00:32:56,059 --> 00:32:59,896
- A bess or tess?
- No. Who is this?
487
00:32:59,938 --> 00:33:02,899
Please, sir, this is important.
Can you just tell me,
488
00:33:02,941 --> 00:33:06,528
is there a girl living there,
mid 20's, 5'3", blonde,
489
00:33:06,569 --> 00:33:10,031
beautiful face,
great figure,
490
00:33:10,115 --> 00:33:13,702
fresh skin, full lips...
491
00:33:13,785 --> 00:33:17,372
and young, vibrant, alive?
492
00:33:17,455 --> 00:33:19,416
Is there?
493
00:33:19,457 --> 00:33:23,420
[Man panting]
No, no. But please, please don't stop.
494
00:33:30,802 --> 00:33:35,390
- [Phone rings]
- Hello?
495
00:33:35,473 --> 00:33:38,560
- [Woman on phone] larry?
- Yeah. Who's this?
496
00:33:38,601 --> 00:33:41,688
- Daniele.
- Daniele?
497
00:33:41,771 --> 00:33:44,441
I want you back, larry.
498
00:33:44,524 --> 00:33:48,111
Yeah, me and every other guy
in new york. How's the rock group?
499
00:33:48,194 --> 00:33:50,905
Oh, larry.
500
00:33:50,947 --> 00:33:53,658
You're the only one that
ever meant anything to me.
501
00:33:53,742 --> 00:33:57,787
- [Chattering]
- The only one.
502
00:33:57,871 --> 00:34:00,206
- Oh, good-bye, Iggy.
- Bye, babe.
503
00:34:00,290 --> 00:34:02,834
Good-bye, fuzzy,
zippy, zingo, starr.
504
00:34:02,917 --> 00:34:06,504
Oh, Iggy, on your way out,
could you take out the garbage?
505
00:34:06,588 --> 00:34:08,840
Thanks, love.
506
00:34:08,923 --> 00:34:13,386
What about mushy-mushy?
Don't you miss it?
507
00:34:13,470 --> 00:34:16,181
- No.
- Yes, you do.
508
00:34:16,264 --> 00:34:18,641
All right, so i miss it.
Big deal.
509
00:34:18,683 --> 00:34:23,480
- [Lggy closing door] bye, daniele.
- I'm all alone in bed.
510
00:34:23,563 --> 00:34:27,317
It would only take you
five minutes to get here.
511
00:34:27,359 --> 00:34:30,445
There'll never be anyone
else for me but you.
512
00:34:30,487 --> 00:34:33,114
Just you and me...
513
00:34:33,198 --> 00:34:37,243
together forever and ever.
514
00:34:37,327 --> 00:34:40,580
- Do you mean that, daniele?
- [Phone beeps]
515
00:34:40,663 --> 00:34:42,832
Hold on a sec.
I got another call.
516
00:34:42,916 --> 00:34:46,961
I knew she'd come back to me!
I knew it!
517
00:34:49,047 --> 00:34:51,508
[Daniele]
Hello? Who's this?
518
00:34:51,549 --> 00:34:55,261
Larry. Larry hubbard.
519
00:34:55,345 --> 00:34:58,515
Oh, larry.
Nice to hear from you.
520
00:34:58,598 --> 00:35:03,186
Listen, i'm a little busy. Can you
call me back some other time, okay?
521
00:35:17,659 --> 00:35:21,454
[Man on radio]
... with a 20% chance of rain,
clearing in the afternoon.
522
00:35:21,538 --> 00:35:24,833
There were three suicides
in manhattan late last night,
523
00:35:24,874 --> 00:35:27,377
all characterized
as lonely guys.
524
00:35:27,460 --> 00:35:30,380
Two of the men were found dead
in their west side apartments.
525
00:35:30,463 --> 00:35:34,092
Both traveling salesmen, who came
home from the road after two weeks...
526
00:35:34,175 --> 00:35:37,554
and found that their large,
beautiful fern plants were dead.
527
00:35:37,637 --> 00:35:39,723
- Wow.
- A third lonely guy,
528
00:35:39,806 --> 00:35:43,727
who had a view just below the east
river, opened his window and drowned.
529
00:35:43,810 --> 00:35:47,272
There was no suicide note. Apparently,
he had no one to leave it to.
530
00:35:47,355 --> 00:35:50,150
- Talk about lonely.
- And here's a bulletin:
531
00:35:50,233 --> 00:35:54,738
The new york police department reports
there's just been another suicide.
532
00:35:54,821 --> 00:35:57,907
That of a lonely rock group.
More details as we get them.
533
00:35:57,991 --> 00:36:02,037
- Way to go, daniele.
- And now, back to easy listening.
It's kind of late...
534
00:36:05,915 --> 00:36:09,377
[synthesized voice]
Queen rook to king three.
535
00:36:18,803 --> 00:36:21,598
[Clears throat]
Hello. Hello?
536
00:36:21,681 --> 00:36:25,101
Hey, warren, it's larry. Wanna do
something tonight? Maybe go to dinner?
537
00:36:25,185 --> 00:36:29,439
No, thanks, larry. I-i think
maybe i'll just stay in tonight.
538
00:36:29,481 --> 00:36:32,567
Relax, put on a fire.
Maybe some other time.
539
00:36:32,609 --> 00:36:34,944
- Sure. I understand.
- Thanks for calling.
540
00:36:34,986 --> 00:36:36,946
Bye.
541
00:36:47,207 --> 00:36:50,210
Capture of queen by rook.
542
00:36:58,093 --> 00:37:01,888
Queen's rook to queen seven.
Checkmate.
543
00:37:04,683 --> 00:37:07,268
Thank you
for a pleasant game.
544
00:37:07,352 --> 00:37:09,479
Thank you.
545
00:37:09,562 --> 00:37:13,608
You played very well, except
for moves 14 through 17,
546
00:37:13,650 --> 00:37:17,112
which you played
like an asshole.
547
00:37:34,838 --> 00:37:36,881
- Yes?
- Hi. Do you have a table for dinner?
548
00:37:36,965 --> 00:37:39,050
Certainly, sir.
How many in your party?
549
00:37:39,134 --> 00:37:41,136
- I'm alone.
- Alone?
550
00:37:48,893 --> 00:37:52,022
- [Nervous chuckle]
- Follow me, sir.
551
00:37:56,651 --> 00:37:58,778
This way, sir.
552
00:38:13,710 --> 00:38:15,628
Thank you.
553
00:38:16,713 --> 00:38:19,049
Would you care
for a cocktail, sir?
554
00:38:19,174 --> 00:38:21,259
Yes, i'd like
a "todka and vonic. "
555
00:38:21,343 --> 00:38:23,928
- A todka and vonic?
- Yes.
556
00:38:24,012 --> 00:38:26,097
[Laughs]
Very good, sir.
557
00:38:27,474 --> 00:38:29,642
Oh, and, captain?
558
00:38:29,726 --> 00:38:34,522
- Could you turn out
the spotlight, please?
- Certainly.
559
00:38:34,564 --> 00:38:37,984
And could everybody
go back to talking?
560
00:38:38,068 --> 00:38:40,195
Certainly.
561
00:38:55,919 --> 00:38:58,213
This is
the really hard part:
562
00:38:58,296 --> 00:39:02,550
Sitting there trying to convince
people you're eating alone on purpose.
563
00:39:02,592 --> 00:39:05,136
But warren told me
how to handle it.
564
00:39:11,267 --> 00:39:13,978
Is it all right?
565
00:39:15,689 --> 00:39:18,358
Oh, you can read my
review next sunday.
566
00:39:25,323 --> 00:39:28,159
- Hi.
- Oh, it's you!
567
00:39:28,243 --> 00:39:30,912
I wiped my mouth with
the napkin you gave me.
568
00:39:30,995 --> 00:39:33,623
I spent two solid days
trying to decipher it.
569
00:39:33,707 --> 00:39:36,001
I promised god if he
let me find you again,
570
00:39:36,084 --> 00:39:38,628
i would never ever
wipe food off my face.
571
00:39:38,712 --> 00:39:40,797
Oh, well, i figured
that would happen.
572
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,049
Lonely guys always
lose phone numbers.
573
00:39:43,133 --> 00:39:45,051
- What is your name?
- Iris.
574
00:39:45,135 --> 00:39:47,971
Iris! Iris.
Of course, iris.
575
00:39:48,054 --> 00:39:50,306
Sit down. Let me
get you something.
576
00:39:50,390 --> 00:39:54,310
Oh, no, thanks. I'm here with
my ex-husband, and we're leaving.
577
00:39:54,394 --> 00:39:56,646
So that's marty?
578
00:39:56,730 --> 00:40:00,567
- No, that's my ex-husband jeremy.
- Different ex-husband?
579
00:40:00,650 --> 00:40:03,653
Mm-hmm.
Well, i have to go.
580
00:40:03,737 --> 00:40:06,239
- Wait. Your number.
- Oh, i wrote it down on the check.
581
00:40:06,322 --> 00:40:09,159
The, uh, waiter
will give it to you.
582
00:40:09,242 --> 00:40:11,661
- I'll call you tomorrow.
- Okay.
583
00:40:11,745 --> 00:40:13,663
- Bye.
- Bye.
584
00:40:13,747 --> 00:40:17,667
Iris, iris, iris.
Waiter!
585
00:40:17,751 --> 00:40:21,671
- Here we are, sir.
- Thank you.
586
00:40:21,755 --> 00:40:25,550
No, no. Please, sir. With an
eminent food critic such as yourself,
587
00:40:25,633 --> 00:40:27,927
the pleasure
is all ours.
588
00:40:28,011 --> 00:40:30,096
No.
589
00:40:38,271 --> 00:40:42,484
- [Touch tones, ringing]
- I phoned every iris
in the new york area.
590
00:40:42,567 --> 00:40:44,819
- [Woman] hello?
591
00:40:44,819 --> 00:40:47,030
- Is this the iris who gave
me her number last night?
592
00:40:47,113 --> 00:40:49,616
- No, it's not.
- Sorry.
593
00:40:49,699 --> 00:40:53,370
I combed the entire
neighborhood where i met her.
594
00:41:00,335 --> 00:41:03,505
Night and day,
day and night.
595
00:41:14,724 --> 00:41:18,353
I got so desperate, i went up to my roof
and called out her name.
596
00:41:18,395 --> 00:41:20,355
Iris!
597
00:41:21,690 --> 00:41:24,359
Iris, where are you?
598
00:41:24,401 --> 00:41:28,697
Marilyn!
Marilyn, my love!
599
00:41:28,738 --> 00:41:30,824
Barbara!
600
00:41:30,907 --> 00:41:34,619
Where are you, barbara?
601
00:41:34,703 --> 00:41:40,375
Lupe, i miss you!
Where are you?
602
00:41:40,417 --> 00:41:45,255
Erica!
Erica, it's me!
603
00:41:45,338 --> 00:41:47,632
Iris!
604
00:41:47,716 --> 00:41:49,884
Caroline!
605
00:41:49,926 --> 00:41:52,721
- Iris, where are you?
- Barbara!
606
00:41:52,762 --> 00:41:54,889
- Erica!
- Caroline!
607
00:41:54,931 --> 00:41:57,475
- Lupe!
- Iris!
608
00:41:59,436 --> 00:42:03,314
When i was in high school,
i went to a movie theater with a girl.
609
00:42:03,398 --> 00:42:06,484
I was sitting there,
and about 20 minutes into the picture,
610
00:42:06,568 --> 00:42:09,279
i slowly put my arm around her.
611
00:42:09,362 --> 00:42:13,658
Slowly, slowly, i put it on her
breast. She didn't say a word.
612
00:42:13,742 --> 00:42:16,202
- Ohh.
- And i thought, "this is great. "
613
00:42:16,286 --> 00:42:19,539
I sat through the whole picture
and didn't move. I just... right there.
614
00:42:19,622 --> 00:42:22,625
Then when the lights came up,
i realized it was on her purse.
615
00:42:22,709 --> 00:42:25,587
- Ohhh.
- It was still fun, though.
616
00:42:25,628 --> 00:42:28,548
- Because you didn't know, yeah.
- Yeah.
617
00:42:28,631 --> 00:42:31,468
I thought it might help
to see a psychiatrist.
618
00:42:31,509 --> 00:42:34,346
You know, just to have
someone to unload on,
619
00:42:34,429 --> 00:42:37,140
someone compassionate
and understanding.
620
00:42:39,726 --> 00:42:41,853
Does dr. Zook live here?
621
00:42:41,936 --> 00:42:44,564
- Second bell from the top.
- Thank you.
622
00:42:44,647 --> 00:42:46,900
[Bell buzzes, man answers]
Yes?
623
00:42:46,983 --> 00:42:51,154
Hi, dr. Zook. My name's hubbard.
I have a 3:00 appointment.
624
00:42:51,237 --> 00:42:54,157
Hubbard, yes.
Nice to meet you.
625
00:42:54,240 --> 00:42:58,036
- Thank you.
- Talk into the box, please.
626
00:42:58,119 --> 00:43:01,289
- What?
- Talk into the box.
627
00:43:01,331 --> 00:43:05,085
So, why did you decide
to come and see me?
628
00:43:10,465 --> 00:43:14,386
[Whispering]
Well... i recently ended
a relationship with this girl,
629
00:43:14,469 --> 00:43:19,057
and i was feeling
kind of... lonely and...
630
00:43:19,140 --> 00:43:23,144
excuse me.
Do you mind if i smoke?
631
00:43:23,186 --> 00:43:25,689
- Uh, no. Go ahead.
- Thank you.
632
00:43:25,772 --> 00:43:29,484
You were saying you ended
this relationship with this girl.
633
00:43:29,526 --> 00:43:34,406
Well, i came home... see, i was living
with a ballet dancer. Her name was daniele.
634
00:43:34,489 --> 00:43:37,492
So when my father gave me a "c"
in english, i didn't understand.
635
00:43:37,534 --> 00:43:40,662
He told me it was because he had
to treat me like all the other kids,
636
00:43:40,704 --> 00:43:43,206
but i really thought he was
being much tougher on me...
637
00:43:43,248 --> 00:43:46,710
sorry, larry. That's all the time
we have for today.
638
00:43:46,751 --> 00:43:50,338
If you like, i can see
you next thursday at 3:00.
639
00:43:50,422 --> 00:43:53,508
Yes, yes, i would.
I think the talking has helped.
640
00:43:53,550 --> 00:43:57,012
Good. Now, if you'll just
deposit $50 in my mail slot.
641
00:43:57,053 --> 00:43:59,222
Okay. Thanks.
642
00:43:59,305 --> 00:44:01,182
You bet.
643
00:44:01,224 --> 00:44:03,476
You know what gets me?
644
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,521
I go to get a haircut,
they charge me like four bucks,
645
00:44:06,604 --> 00:44:10,150
which is the same amount of money
they would charge anybody to come in.
646
00:44:10,233 --> 00:44:12,986
But say a guy like michael
landon goes into the shop.
647
00:44:13,069 --> 00:44:17,323
They would charge him $4, yet he's
got 100 times more hair than i do.
648
00:44:17,407 --> 00:44:20,660
By rights, they should be
charging michael landon like $400.
649
00:44:20,744 --> 00:44:23,830
Yeah, but they don't charge
you by how much hair you've got.
650
00:44:23,913 --> 00:44:27,459
They're paid to make it look
good with what you've got.
651
00:44:27,542 --> 00:44:30,170
Well, i don't even know
if they've done that.
652
00:44:30,253 --> 00:44:33,631
I mean, how does that look?
See, that's what i'm saying.
653
00:44:33,715 --> 00:44:36,176
Do you ever try swooping it over?
654
00:44:36,259 --> 00:44:40,347
You know, some guys grow their hair
real long and then swoop it over.
655
00:44:40,430 --> 00:44:43,266
My hair doesn't grow long
enough to swoop it over.
656
00:44:43,308 --> 00:44:46,269
Besides, i think when you see a
guy with his hair swooped over,
657
00:44:46,353 --> 00:44:49,064
you know he's doing it
to cover up something.
658
00:44:49,105 --> 00:44:52,859
Yeah, if a guy has a lot of hair,
he's not gonna swoop it over.
659
00:44:52,942 --> 00:44:55,695
You know, the guys that
always keep their hair...
660
00:44:55,779 --> 00:44:58,698
are the guys that have
no use for it at all.
661
00:44:58,782 --> 00:45:00,742
- Who's that?
- Like bums.
662
00:45:00,784 --> 00:45:04,746
You ever seen a bald bum? They
always have a beautiful head of hair.
663
00:45:04,829 --> 00:45:07,957
- Why is that?
- I think it's because
they never wash it.
664
00:45:08,041 --> 00:45:10,627
The only time you ever
see you hair fall out...
665
00:45:10,710 --> 00:45:13,463
is after you shower
and you wash your hair.
666
00:45:13,546 --> 00:45:16,966
You mean, if i'd never washed my
hair, i'd have a full head of hair?
667
00:45:17,050 --> 00:45:19,636
They could lose their hair.
Maybe it just stays in.
668
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:22,597
If they ever wash it,
they could be bald bums.
669
00:45:30,063 --> 00:45:33,441
[Man on answering machine]
Mr. Hubbard, the manuscript
which you sent us...
670
00:45:33,483 --> 00:45:37,153
is not the sort of thing this
company is interested in doing.
671
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,864
Speedy fingers typing service.
[Machine beeps]
672
00:45:39,948 --> 00:45:43,576
Hi, larry, it's warren. I can't go to
the movie with you tomorrow night...
673
00:45:43,660 --> 00:45:46,037
because i decided
to end it all.
674
00:45:46,121 --> 00:45:48,748
My life just seems so
empty and meaningless...
675
00:45:48,790 --> 00:45:51,543
that i can't see any
point in going on with it.
676
00:45:51,626 --> 00:45:54,963
Hope you enjoy the movie.
Good-bye.
677
00:46:04,305 --> 00:46:07,225
I figured he'd be
at the manhattan bridge.
678
00:46:07,308 --> 00:46:10,854
It was a sort of "in" spot
for suicidal lonely guys.
679
00:46:17,110 --> 00:46:20,405
Check it out, man.
680
00:46:31,541 --> 00:46:33,877
Block the door, man.
681
00:46:47,349 --> 00:46:50,101
Iris! I lost
your phone number!
682
00:46:59,152 --> 00:47:01,363
Hey, hey, hey!
683
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:09,537
manhattan bridge
684
00:47:12,749 --> 00:47:15,335
I'll see you there.
685
00:47:18,254 --> 00:47:21,299
Man, you sure are some
bad backward writer.
686
00:47:21,383 --> 00:47:23,718
Thanks.
687
00:47:30,642 --> 00:47:32,769
[Larry]
Warren?
688
00:47:32,852 --> 00:47:36,690
Warren!
Warren!
689
00:47:39,234 --> 00:47:41,277
Warren!
690
00:47:41,361 --> 00:47:44,489
- [Man screaming]
- Warren?
691
00:47:44,572 --> 00:47:46,533
- Warren?
- [Splash]
692
00:47:46,574 --> 00:47:49,828
Warren!
693
00:47:49,911 --> 00:47:52,831
- Warren!
- [Man screams] carol!
694
00:47:52,914 --> 00:47:55,041
- Warren?
- [Splash]
695
00:47:55,125 --> 00:47:57,502
Warren!
696
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:01,548
Warren. Warren?
697
00:48:01,631 --> 00:48:05,343
No. Henry.
698
00:48:05,427 --> 00:48:09,055
- [Screaming]
- Warren? Warren?
699
00:48:09,139 --> 00:48:12,684
- Warren!
- Don't come any closer, larry.
700
00:48:12,767 --> 00:48:16,438
Warren, come down from there.
You have too much to live for.
701
00:48:16,521 --> 00:48:19,024
Give me three things.
702
00:48:21,985 --> 00:48:24,362
Two things?
703
00:48:27,115 --> 00:48:29,576
One thing?
704
00:48:29,617 --> 00:48:32,662
Not dying. Not dying is
something to live for.
705
00:48:32,746 --> 00:48:34,873
What's the difference?
Nobody cares.
706
00:48:34,956 --> 00:48:38,877
Warren, i'm your friend. I care what
happens to you. You gotta believe that.
707
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:43,798
- You're great, larry.
People say they're your friend...
- [iris] larry?
708
00:48:43,882 --> 00:48:48,470
- They come running down here...
- stay there. I'll be right back.
709
00:48:50,180 --> 00:48:53,391
Oh, iris!
I'm so glad i found you.
710
00:48:53,475 --> 00:48:56,186
Oh, come on.
My best friend is gonna jump.
711
00:48:56,269 --> 00:48:58,355
What?
712
00:48:58,438 --> 00:49:01,107
- Warren, please, come down.
- Who's this?
713
00:49:01,191 --> 00:49:04,194
This is iris, the girl i told you about.
I found her again.
714
00:49:04,277 --> 00:49:07,989
Aw, gosh, she is lovely.
How are you?
715
00:49:08,073 --> 00:49:11,451
- Fine. You?
- Eh!
716
00:49:11,534 --> 00:49:13,953
Warren, please don't do this.
I need you.
717
00:49:13,995 --> 00:49:16,247
You don't need me.
You two have each other.
718
00:49:16,331 --> 00:49:19,250
No, this'll never last.
She's already had two husbands.
719
00:49:19,334 --> 00:49:21,252
- Six.
- Six?
720
00:49:21,336 --> 00:49:23,338
- Six?
- Six.
721
00:49:23,421 --> 00:49:27,133
You can't have a stable relationship
with a person like that.
722
00:49:27,217 --> 00:49:30,762
It's nice of you both to lie, but i can
see how you feel about each other.
723
00:49:30,845 --> 00:49:34,265
Okay, but that doesn't mean i
don't need you in my life too.
724
00:49:34,349 --> 00:49:37,268
You want to know the place
i'll have in your life?
725
00:49:37,352 --> 00:49:41,690
You'll have a beautiful wife,
great kids, lovely home,
726
00:49:41,773 --> 00:49:44,234
and i'll be your bachelor friend who you
727
00:49:44,234 --> 00:49:46,695
feel you have to invite
to your dinner party.
728
00:49:46,778 --> 00:49:50,699
But iris has run out of
single women to fix me up with,
729
00:49:50,782 --> 00:49:53,827
so she wracks her brain
and comes up with this widow...
730
00:49:53,910 --> 00:49:57,664
who's 15 years older than me,
overweight with rotten teeth.
731
00:49:57,747 --> 00:50:00,375
You know, it doesn't sound all that bad.
732
00:50:00,458 --> 00:50:03,336
- [Laughs]
- I like a full-figured woman.
733
00:50:03,378 --> 00:50:05,839
Teeth you can always fix.
734
00:50:05,922 --> 00:50:08,508
And what does age matter if
you have a good personality?
735
00:50:08,591 --> 00:50:11,511
- That's right.
- Would you make a nice leg of lamb?
736
00:50:11,594 --> 00:50:14,055
- Oh, yes.
- Oh, i love lamb.
737
00:50:14,139 --> 00:50:17,017
- Excuse me. Are you using this railing?
- No.
738
00:50:17,100 --> 00:50:19,227
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
739
00:50:19,310 --> 00:50:21,688
- With mint sauce?
- Of course.
740
00:50:21,771 --> 00:50:23,773
- [Man screams]
- Let's all go somewhere.
741
00:50:23,857 --> 00:50:25,942
- No, you two go ahead.
- I can't leave you after this.
742
00:50:26,026 --> 00:50:28,862
- [Splash]
- Hey, i've been up there
plenty of times.
743
00:50:28,903 --> 00:50:31,698
Why don't you come
to dinner with us?
744
00:50:31,781 --> 00:50:34,701
No, y-you go ahead.
I'll catch a slice of pizza.
745
00:50:34,784 --> 00:50:37,454
- I'll call you later.
- Thanks, larry.
746
00:50:42,417 --> 00:50:45,211
- Iris, how old are you?
- Thirty.
747
00:50:45,295 --> 00:50:48,840
- And you've had six husbands?
- That's a lot, isn't it?
748
00:50:48,923 --> 00:50:53,845
No, no, not really. When you think about
it, it's just one every five years.
749
00:50:53,928 --> 00:50:56,681
And jerry was
an alcoholic.
750
00:50:56,765 --> 00:51:00,018
And michael was
a compulsive gambler.
751
00:51:00,101 --> 00:51:03,021
And fred was a womanizer.
752
00:51:03,104 --> 00:51:05,482
It seems i've ended
up being hurt...
753
00:51:05,565 --> 00:51:08,276
in every relationship
i've ever had.
754
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:12,530
Iris, i guess no man knows
for sure what he's capable of.
755
00:51:12,614 --> 00:51:16,534
There might be circumstances
in which i might lie or steal...
756
00:51:16,618 --> 00:51:20,080
or, who knows,
even kill.
757
00:51:20,163 --> 00:51:23,541
But there's one thing i know
in my heart i could never do.
758
00:51:23,625 --> 00:51:27,253
As long as i live, i could
never, never hurt you.
759
00:51:27,337 --> 00:51:29,297
Oh, larry!
760
00:51:29,381 --> 00:51:33,093
- Iris. Oh, gosh, i'm sorry.
Are you all right?
- Ohhh!
761
00:51:33,134 --> 00:51:36,221
Oh, sit down.
It's just a scalded lap.
762
00:51:36,304 --> 00:51:39,599
I'm fine. Fine.
Just... fine.
763
00:51:41,142 --> 00:51:43,853
No. No, you're not.
764
00:51:43,937 --> 00:51:46,648
What are you doing?
765
00:51:46,731 --> 00:51:50,527
I want you to know that whatever
feelings of pain you might have,
766
00:51:50,610 --> 00:51:53,363
i want to share them
with you.
767
00:51:59,911 --> 00:52:04,624
Oh, that was a very sweet
gesture. Thank you.
768
00:52:04,666 --> 00:52:08,294
You're welcome.
[Sighs]
769
00:52:08,378 --> 00:52:12,215
Well, gosh,
it's almost 2:00.
770
00:52:12,298 --> 00:52:15,427
I guess you'd like me
to take you home, wouldn't you?
771
00:52:15,510 --> 00:52:18,722
Yes. To your home.
772
00:52:20,098 --> 00:52:22,017
Really?
773
00:52:22,100 --> 00:52:24,477
Mm-hmm.
774
00:52:26,021 --> 00:52:27,981
Oh, iris.
775
00:52:28,023 --> 00:52:30,984
But first, i just have
to go to the bathroom.
776
00:52:31,026 --> 00:52:34,112
- Okay, i'll take care of the check.
- I better not.
777
00:52:34,195 --> 00:52:37,490
- Why not?
- You might not be here when i get back.
778
00:52:37,532 --> 00:52:39,868
Of course i'd be here.
Why wouldn't i be here?
779
00:52:39,951 --> 00:52:42,370
That's how milton left me.
780
00:52:42,454 --> 00:52:46,041
I understand.
781
00:52:49,294 --> 00:52:52,756
- Are you still there?
- I'm here, i swear.
782
00:52:52,839 --> 00:52:58,303
- You're the first person
who's ever done this for me.
- It's nothing.
783
00:52:58,345 --> 00:53:00,597
I'm crazy about you,
larry.
784
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:03,725
I'm crazy about you
too, iris.
785
00:53:09,856 --> 00:53:13,818
We went back to my place and talked for
two and a half hours about everything.
786
00:53:13,902 --> 00:53:17,572
We found out we'd voted for exactly the
same people in the last nine elections.
787
00:53:17,655 --> 00:53:20,575
We sang camp songs
to each other.
788
00:53:20,658 --> 00:53:24,913
Then she got real romantic and said
she wanted to get in bed with me.
789
00:53:24,996 --> 00:53:28,416
I was headed for the
greatest night of my life.
790
00:53:28,500 --> 00:53:30,502
Except she wouldn't
take off her clothes.
791
00:53:30,585 --> 00:53:33,046
- Iris, please.
- It's not going to work, larry.
792
00:53:33,088 --> 00:53:35,173
- You're wrong for me.
- Why?
793
00:53:35,215 --> 00:53:38,635
Because you're
so right for me.
794
00:53:38,718 --> 00:53:42,305
You're the most wonderful man
i've ever known.
795
00:53:43,556 --> 00:53:48,061
If i let us get close,
if i made that commitment,
796
00:53:48,144 --> 00:53:53,358
and you hurt me like the others,
i couldn't handle it.
797
00:53:53,441 --> 00:53:57,070
- I would never hurt you.
- I'm too terrified to take that chance.
798
00:54:00,115 --> 00:54:03,410
I need someone...
799
00:54:03,451 --> 00:54:05,870
who i don't care a damn about.
800
00:54:05,912 --> 00:54:08,665
Someone mean and...
801
00:54:08,748 --> 00:54:11,793
unfeeling and rotten.
802
00:54:11,876 --> 00:54:15,505
I could be that.
Give me a day or two to work on it.
803
00:54:16,715 --> 00:54:18,633
No, darling.
804
00:54:18,717 --> 00:54:22,345
Iris, look.
I-i-i don't want to lose you!
805
00:54:22,429 --> 00:54:24,347
I think you and i
have something special.
806
00:54:24,431 --> 00:54:26,391
I mean, sure, we have
a few problems...
807
00:54:26,474 --> 00:54:30,770
like not having sex,
but we don't have to have sex.
808
00:54:30,854 --> 00:54:33,106
There's plenty of
other things we can do.
809
00:54:33,189 --> 00:54:36,192
We can go to motels and listen
to other people have sex.
810
00:54:36,276 --> 00:54:39,279
It just wasn't meant
to be, larry.
811
00:54:39,362 --> 00:54:42,574
But there's one thing
i want you to know.
812
00:54:42,615 --> 00:54:45,160
Even though
we didn't do it,
813
00:54:45,243 --> 00:54:48,496
you're the best
i ever had.
814
00:54:51,791 --> 00:54:53,877
The best what?
815
00:55:03,511 --> 00:55:06,806
[Iris' answering machine]
I love you. I'll always love you.
816
00:55:06,890 --> 00:55:10,143
But i've gone away.
Good-bye, my dearest.
817
00:55:10,185 --> 00:55:13,480
At the sound of the beep,
please try and forget me.
818
00:55:26,826 --> 00:55:30,497
Quarter to four.
Maybe i'll take a nap.
819
00:55:30,580 --> 00:55:34,501
I don't like to take naps. I don't
like to wake up more than once a day.
820
00:55:34,542 --> 00:55:38,672
When i first wake up, i
get that shock of who i am.
821
00:55:38,755 --> 00:55:41,675
And i really don't like to
do that more than once a day.
822
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:45,887
Yeah.
823
00:55:51,226 --> 00:55:53,311
Hubbard, i've been wanting
to talk to you...
824
00:55:53,353 --> 00:55:55,855
about some of the greetings
you've been working on.
825
00:55:57,315 --> 00:56:00,235
"Hi there, grandpa,
happy birthday to you.
826
00:56:00,318 --> 00:56:02,070
"And if you live
'til next year,
827
00:56:02,153 --> 00:56:04,280
happy birthday
then too. "
828
00:56:04,364 --> 00:56:06,741
I've been a little
preoccupied lately.
829
00:56:06,825 --> 00:56:09,035
A little?
830
00:56:12,706 --> 00:56:16,334
"Will you be my valentine?
Think about it a bit.
831
00:56:16,376 --> 00:56:18,336
"If you will, that's okay.
832
00:56:18,378 --> 00:56:21,339
If not, who gives a shit?"
833
00:56:24,050 --> 00:56:27,387
Mr. Hubbard
is fired.
834
00:56:29,514 --> 00:56:31,433
One good thing
about being fired,
835
00:56:31,516 --> 00:56:33,601
it gave me time
to work on my novel.
836
00:56:33,685 --> 00:56:36,354
But that wasn't going
so great either.
837
00:56:38,481 --> 00:56:43,236
"Soon the primal fire began to burn
in lady hookstraten's body.
838
00:56:43,319 --> 00:56:46,031
"Her hips twitched and trembled
as each...
839
00:56:46,072 --> 00:56:49,659
"fireball from oliver's
powerful cannon...
840
00:56:49,743 --> 00:56:52,203
"erupted like molten lava...
841
00:56:52,287 --> 00:56:54,664
"into the quivering mouth...
842
00:56:54,748 --> 00:56:59,127
of her ever-fluttering
love purse. "
843
00:57:07,719 --> 00:57:10,889
What do i know
about oliver cromwell?
844
00:57:12,098 --> 00:57:14,601
What do i know
about love?
845
00:57:16,227 --> 00:57:18,438
All i know about
is lonely.
846
00:57:18,521 --> 00:57:20,440
How to eat alone.
847
00:57:20,523 --> 00:57:22,442
How to live alone.
848
00:57:24,277 --> 00:57:26,905
That's all i know.
849
00:57:47,425 --> 00:57:50,887
A Guide for the Lonely Guy
850
00:58:00,063 --> 00:58:01,981
Damn, the wind.
851
00:58:14,661 --> 00:58:19,082
My book became an instant
best-seller. Lonely guys came
out of the woodwork to get it.
852
00:58:19,165 --> 00:58:21,376
There were more of us out there
than i thought.
853
00:58:21,459 --> 00:58:23,586
[Man]
Mr. Hubbard, where did you
get the idea...
854
00:58:23,670 --> 00:58:25,797
of writing a book
about lonely guys?
855
00:58:25,839 --> 00:58:28,466
I realized that everybody's a
lonely guy at one time or another.
856
00:58:28,550 --> 00:58:30,844
You can be married
and be a lonely guy.
857
00:58:30,885 --> 00:58:33,430
You can be quarterback of
the football team and be a lonely guy.
858
00:58:35,056 --> 00:58:38,685
Mr. Hubbard, i want to thank you.
You've given hope to all of us.
859
00:58:38,768 --> 00:58:40,687
Thanks.
860
00:58:41,980 --> 00:58:45,525
Hi. Could you just put "to jimmy"?
861
00:58:45,608 --> 00:58:48,695
Sure.
862
00:58:48,778 --> 00:58:54,451
Funny how a little thing like
writing a number one best-seller
can change a guy's life.
863
00:58:56,703 --> 00:58:58,663
[Beeping]
Hey, larry, you're hot.
864
00:58:58,705 --> 00:59:00,957
Griffin wants you on the west
coast as soon as he can get you.
865
00:59:01,041 --> 00:59:03,168
And on the east coast,
letterman wants you.
866
00:59:03,251 --> 00:59:05,962
Hey, we got a call
from playboy.
867
00:59:06,046 --> 00:59:08,923
They want you to pose
with the bunny of the month.
868
00:59:09,007 --> 00:59:10,925
- Ha, ha! She thinks you're terrific.
- Woof! Woof!
869
00:59:11,009 --> 00:59:13,928
You're her favorite writer.
And, hey, what a looker!
870
00:59:29,861 --> 00:59:32,447
"It looks like blonde bombshell
loni anderson...
871
00:59:32,530 --> 00:59:36,201
"has turned larry hubbard into
america's unloneliest lonely guy.
872
00:59:36,284 --> 00:59:39,371
"It seems they haven't left larry's
west side apartment in two weeks,
873
00:59:39,412 --> 00:59:44,167
and whatever they're doing
there, we bet they're not
collaborating on a new book. "
874
00:59:44,250 --> 00:59:46,127
Where do they get
this trash?
875
00:59:46,211 --> 00:59:48,129
Beats me.
876
00:59:51,299 --> 00:59:54,761
[Merv] i wonder if the european
feelings are as strong as the americans?
877
00:59:54,803 --> 00:59:57,597
[Woman with european accent]
Vell, shpeaking for myself,
878
00:59:57,681 --> 01:00:00,934
i know that the vealth or
fame or social position...
879
01:00:01,017 --> 01:00:05,230
have absolutely nothink to do vith
whether or not i'm attracted to a man.
880
01:00:06,147 --> 01:00:10,402
Ziss is true. You should see
some of the trash she goes out vith.
881
01:00:12,779 --> 01:00:16,241
It's true. I've found
that i've been able to date women...
882
01:00:16,324 --> 01:00:19,703
who wouldn't have given me a second
look before my book became a success.
883
01:00:19,786 --> 01:00:21,830
But don't you see, larry?
Success changes a man.
884
01:00:21,913 --> 01:00:24,958
It makes him confident,
poised, self-assured.
885
01:00:25,041 --> 01:00:27,711
And it's these new qualities
in the man himself...
886
01:00:27,794 --> 01:00:29,713
that account for his
newfound appeal.
887
01:00:29,796 --> 01:00:31,715
I guess
that's what it is, then.
888
01:00:36,136 --> 01:00:39,723
# Everybody loves my baby #
889
01:00:39,806 --> 01:00:45,603
# but my baby don't luff
nobody but me #
890
01:00:45,687 --> 01:00:48,940
# nobody but me #
891
01:00:49,024 --> 01:00:51,526
aw, gosh. I hate
to interrupt.
892
01:00:51,609 --> 01:00:54,529
It's all been
so incredibly fascinating...
893
01:00:54,612 --> 01:00:56,531
and entertaining
and instructive.
894
01:00:56,614 --> 01:00:59,617
Really, the time
has just flown by.
895
01:00:59,701 --> 01:01:02,746
The lovely schneider twins.
Anita and shotze.
896
01:01:02,829 --> 01:01:07,083
Ex-lonely guy
larry hubbard.
897
01:01:07,167 --> 01:01:09,294
And dr. Joyce brothers. I can't
thank you enough for being here.
898
01:01:09,377 --> 01:01:11,755
You've made it
a very special night for me.
899
01:01:11,838 --> 01:01:15,300
And i hope we can
all get together and do it again.
900
01:01:15,383 --> 01:01:17,469
Thank you.
Good night.
901
01:01:44,746 --> 01:01:47,040
# Everybody loves my baby #
902
01:01:47,123 --> 01:01:49,376
[merv]
Gosh, i hate to interrupt.
903
01:01:49,459 --> 01:01:51,419
This has been all
so incredibly fascinating...
904
01:01:51,461 --> 01:01:54,422
and entertaining
and instructive.
905
01:01:54,506 --> 01:01:56,508
Really, the time
has just flown by.
906
01:01:56,591 --> 01:01:59,969
I can't thank you all
enough for being here.
907
01:02:00,053 --> 01:02:03,515
You've made it a very special evening for
me, and i hope we can all get together...
908
01:02:03,598 --> 01:02:08,019
oh, that was a very
sweet gesture. Thank you.
909
01:02:15,527 --> 01:02:17,779
I wrote it all down
on the napkin.
910
01:02:17,862 --> 01:02:20,240
I know what
you're going through.
911
01:02:22,742 --> 01:02:25,620
- Hi.
- Oh, it's you! My god, it's you!
912
01:02:25,704 --> 01:02:29,249
I'm crazy about you,
larry.
913
01:02:51,730 --> 01:02:56,067
# You made me love you #
914
01:02:56,151 --> 01:02:58,194
# you woke me up
to do it #
915
01:02:58,278 --> 01:03:01,114
- excuse me.
... hasn't been around the
literary scene for years.
916
01:03:01,197 --> 01:03:03,950
I've been staring at you
all night.
917
01:03:11,041 --> 01:03:15,253
The difference between an agent
and a manager is with a manager
you have to meet his family.
918
01:03:16,546 --> 01:03:19,591
Great party, larry.
919
01:03:19,674 --> 01:03:21,551
- It's fun, isn't it?
- It really is.
920
01:03:21,634 --> 01:03:23,928
Yeah.
921
01:03:24,012 --> 01:03:26,181
- [Doorbell ringing]
- [Larry] excuse me.
922
01:03:34,022 --> 01:03:36,149
You look great.
Come on in.
923
01:03:36,191 --> 01:03:39,652
No, you're busy. I'll
come back another time.
924
01:03:39,694 --> 01:03:41,738
No.
925
01:03:41,821 --> 01:03:43,948
No, i missed you.
926
01:03:44,032 --> 01:03:46,284
Oh, i missed you.
927
01:03:46,368 --> 01:03:49,662
I saw you on the
merv griffin show.
928
01:03:49,746 --> 01:03:51,664
Oh, really?
929
01:03:52,874 --> 01:03:55,335
I tried to stay away,
but i couldn't.
930
01:03:55,377 --> 01:03:57,504
I wanted you so much.
931
01:04:02,592 --> 01:04:05,178
- Daniele.
- Larry.
932
01:04:05,220 --> 01:04:08,181
- Daniele.
- Larry?
933
01:04:08,264 --> 01:04:10,767
Oh, iris, daniele.
Daniele, iris.
934
01:04:11,685 --> 01:04:14,646
- Larry.
- Daniele?
935
01:04:14,729 --> 01:04:17,107
- Lar-ry?
- Iris!
936
01:04:17,190 --> 01:04:19,734
- Larry!
- Daniele!
937
01:04:19,818 --> 01:04:21,736
- Larry!
- Iris!
938
01:04:21,820 --> 01:04:23,738
- Daniele.
- Iris.
939
01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:37,460
The incinerator's
down the steps.
940
01:04:38,253 --> 01:04:41,464
- Iris?
- Larry!
941
01:04:50,515 --> 01:04:53,560
I'm so glad you sent
everyone home.
942
01:04:53,643 --> 01:04:56,229
- Me too.
- I didn't think you'd remember.
943
01:05:01,651 --> 01:05:04,070
It feels so good
next to your body.
944
01:05:04,154 --> 01:05:06,990
Your feet are so warm.
945
01:05:07,073 --> 01:05:10,869
- Can i take my socks off now?
- Please.
946
01:05:10,952 --> 01:05:14,664
Sure. I just didn't know if
you wanted to go all the way.
947
01:05:30,013 --> 01:05:32,390
Mmm. Oh, iris.
948
01:05:33,224 --> 01:05:36,311
I don't believe it.
949
01:05:37,937 --> 01:05:39,898
I didn't believe something
like this was possible.
950
01:05:39,981 --> 01:05:42,150
Oh, my god, iris.
951
01:05:42,233 --> 01:05:45,320
Have you started yet,
larry?
952
01:05:45,403 --> 01:05:49,032
Of course i've started. What did you
think "oh, my god, iris," was all about?
953
01:05:49,115 --> 01:05:51,034
I'm sorry.
954
01:05:51,117 --> 01:05:53,036
I'm inexperienced.
955
01:05:53,119 --> 01:05:55,038
I know that sounds crazy
with six husbands,
956
01:05:55,121 --> 01:05:58,917
but, you see, i've never
had a... you-know-what.
957
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:03,129
- You mean an orgasm?
- I didn't want to talk dirty.
958
01:06:03,213 --> 01:06:06,591
None of 'em ever seemed to
care if i had 'em or not.
959
01:06:06,675 --> 01:06:10,095
I care. Look, um,
i'll let you know.
960
01:06:10,178 --> 01:06:12,472
Whenever you have one,
961
01:06:12,555 --> 01:06:14,474
i'll let you know
about it.
962
01:06:14,557 --> 01:06:19,020
Oh, you are so sweet,
larry. I appreciate that.
963
01:06:19,104 --> 01:06:23,024
I think it's the man's responsibility
to... oop! There goes one.
964
01:06:24,442 --> 01:06:26,361
- You just had one.
- I did?
965
01:06:26,444 --> 01:06:29,906
- Didn't you feel it?
- In what part of the body?
966
01:06:29,989 --> 01:06:32,367
I can't blurt out
in what part of the body.
967
01:06:32,450 --> 01:06:34,577
There goes another one!
968
01:06:34,661 --> 01:06:37,622
- They're happening so quickly.
- You have to be ready for them.
969
01:06:37,706 --> 01:06:40,333
Sometimes they go by when you're just
talking or clearing your throat.
970
01:06:40,375 --> 01:06:42,335
You are so
experienced, larry.
971
01:06:42,377 --> 01:06:46,923
I never realized a lonely
guy could be so experienced.
972
01:06:47,007 --> 01:06:50,343
Well, this isn't the first time
that... there goes another one!
973
01:06:50,385 --> 01:06:55,015
I think i felt that one.
It felt like a tiny little hiccup.
974
01:06:55,098 --> 01:06:58,184
I think that was a hiccup.
975
01:06:58,268 --> 01:07:00,186
Maybe they're coming
from your side of the bed.
976
01:07:00,270 --> 01:07:02,939
Let's change sides.
I don't want to miss any more.
977
01:07:03,023 --> 01:07:04,941
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe.
978
01:07:05,025 --> 01:07:07,485
- Whoa!
- What?
979
01:07:07,569 --> 01:07:09,529
Oh, nothing.
980
01:07:09,571 --> 01:07:13,033
- I missed another one?
- Just the biggest one so far.
981
01:07:13,116 --> 01:07:15,410
- My god!
- Excuse me.
982
01:07:15,493 --> 01:07:17,412
- [Sneezing]
- Oh!
983
01:07:17,495 --> 01:07:19,956
Oh! Oh, larry.
984
01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:22,083
- I think i felt one.
- You did?
985
01:07:22,167 --> 01:07:24,169
Uh-huh. Right when
you sneezed.
986
01:07:24,252 --> 01:07:26,212
- Oh. Gesundheit.
- Thank...
987
01:07:26,254 --> 01:07:29,007
- [sneezing]
- Oh! Oh!
988
01:07:29,090 --> 01:07:31,301
- Oh, i felt it again. Twice.
- You did?
989
01:07:31,384 --> 01:07:33,845
Yes. It was wonderful.
990
01:07:33,928 --> 01:07:36,890
Oh, gesundheit.
991
01:07:36,931 --> 01:07:40,810
Do you think
you could... sneeze again?
992
01:07:40,894 --> 01:07:43,688
I don't know.
I'll try. Aaah-choo!
993
01:07:43,772 --> 01:07:46,816
Oh! Oh, yes.
994
01:07:46,900 --> 01:07:49,778
Yes. Gesundheit.
995
01:07:49,861 --> 01:07:52,197
- Aaah-choo!
- Aaah-choo!
996
01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:56,076
Oh, i never dreamed it could be
like this. Oh, gesundheit.
997
01:07:56,159 --> 01:07:58,244
- Aaah... aaah...
- aaah... aaah...
998
01:07:58,286 --> 01:08:00,372
- aaah... aaah...
- aaah... aaah...
999
01:08:00,413 --> 01:08:02,499
- aaaah! Aaaah! Choo!
- Aaaah! Aaaah!
1000
01:08:02,582 --> 01:08:05,960
Ooooh! Oh,
you're magnificent.
1001
01:08:06,044 --> 01:08:08,463
- Oh, gesundheit.
- Aaachoo, aaachoo, aaachoo!
1002
01:08:08,546 --> 01:08:10,924
No, larry, no more.
1003
01:08:11,007 --> 01:08:14,636
Stop, or i'll go mad
with pleasure.
1004
01:08:14,719 --> 01:08:17,389
Oh, thank you, thank you.
1005
01:08:17,430 --> 01:08:21,726
- Iris, i love you.
- I love you too, larry.
1006
01:08:33,279 --> 01:08:35,240
Why are you crying?
1007
01:08:35,281 --> 01:08:38,910
Because it's so hopeless.
1008
01:08:40,495 --> 01:08:43,123
But everything
was so good.
1009
01:08:43,206 --> 01:08:47,377
Exactly. I was afraid of getting
involved with you because...
1010
01:08:47,460 --> 01:08:50,213
i couldn't face the
possibility of losing you.
1011
01:08:50,296 --> 01:08:52,257
How do you think i feel
now that i found out...
1012
01:08:52,298 --> 01:08:56,302
you're not only
a great guy, but that...
1013
01:08:56,386 --> 01:08:58,596
you're the best
goddamn lover in the world?
1014
01:08:58,680 --> 01:09:00,640
I'm going.
1015
01:09:00,682 --> 01:09:03,268
Iris, look.
You're just upset.
1016
01:09:03,351 --> 01:09:05,437
Let me take you home.
You'll get a good night's sleep.
1017
01:09:05,520 --> 01:09:08,481
- We'll talk about it
in the morning, okay?
- No, i'll get a cab.
1018
01:09:08,565 --> 01:09:11,609
There's no point in
calling me in the morning.
1019
01:09:11,651 --> 01:09:13,611
I won't be there.
1020
01:09:19,743 --> 01:09:21,661
Aaah-choo!
1021
01:09:33,131 --> 01:09:36,760
Well, that did it. I knew i had
to get out of town for a while.
1022
01:09:36,843 --> 01:09:39,804
So i booked myself on
one of those cruises.
1023
01:09:39,846 --> 01:09:44,184
I figured it might give me a chance
to get away from everyone i knew.
1024
01:09:44,267 --> 01:09:46,144
Of course, in the first three
hours, i met my accountant,
1025
01:09:46,186 --> 01:09:49,939
my plumber, my postman;
even jack was there.
1026
01:09:50,023 --> 01:09:52,359
He'd just broken up
with verna and frieda.
1027
01:09:52,442 --> 01:09:55,862
I guess he was looking for more
girls to add to his collection.
1028
01:09:55,945 --> 01:10:00,617
He waved me over, but i just wasn't
interested in meeting other women.
1029
01:10:00,700 --> 01:10:04,454
I just couldn't get my mind off iris.
1030
01:10:06,873 --> 01:10:10,835
Excuse me, sir. Are
you mr. Larry hubbard?
1031
01:10:10,877 --> 01:10:12,879
Yes, i am.
1032
01:10:15,965 --> 01:10:20,011
This dog came aboard just before we
sailed. Your name was on his collar.
1033
01:10:20,053 --> 01:10:23,640
Hey, good boy.
What a good dog.
1034
01:10:24,891 --> 01:10:26,810
And this note
is for you, sir.
1035
01:10:27,894 --> 01:10:30,271
It's from a young lady.
1036
01:10:30,355 --> 01:10:32,273
Thank you.
1037
01:10:34,067 --> 01:10:37,278
[Iris] Dear larry, just
heard we're on the same ship.
1038
01:10:37,362 --> 01:10:39,739
I'll be at the masquerade ball
tomorrow night.
1039
01:10:39,823 --> 01:10:41,866
I hope we'll run into each other.
1040
01:10:41,908 --> 01:10:45,203
I think we should talk.
Iris.
1041
01:10:45,245 --> 01:10:47,580
Iris.
1042
01:10:47,664 --> 01:10:51,876
She's here.
Yahoo!
1043
01:10:56,256 --> 01:10:59,217
Oh, sorry, fella!
1044
01:12:02,155 --> 01:12:05,116
- Hello, iris.
- Hello, larry.
1045
01:12:05,158 --> 01:12:08,203
Terrific costume.
1046
01:12:09,496 --> 01:12:13,208
Larry, i want to apologize
for the way i behaved.
1047
01:12:13,291 --> 01:12:15,210
I was wrong.
1048
01:12:15,293 --> 01:12:19,089
You don't have to apologize
as long as we're together.
1049
01:12:19,172 --> 01:12:23,385
No, larry. I was wrong to
let it go as far as it did.
1050
01:12:23,468 --> 01:12:26,554
I knew from the beginning
it would never work.
1051
01:12:26,638 --> 01:12:28,848
I love you too much.
1052
01:12:31,351 --> 01:12:35,397
Iris, do you think you're the only
one who's afraid of falling in love?
1053
01:12:35,480 --> 01:12:39,025
Do you think you're the only
one who's afraid of being hurt?
Do you think i'm not?
1054
01:12:39,109 --> 01:12:43,029
I'm terrified.
But you've got to be willing...
1055
01:12:43,113 --> 01:12:45,532
to feel a little pain or
you'll never feel any joy.
1056
01:12:45,615 --> 01:12:47,534
- Hi, larry.
- Hi, jack.
1057
01:12:47,617 --> 01:12:50,870
You kept coming back to me
for the joy, not the pain.
1058
01:12:50,954 --> 01:12:53,540
- Hey, hey, aren't you
going to introduce me?
- Jack, iris.
1059
01:12:53,623 --> 01:12:55,792
- Hi.
- I'm not saying i'll be
the only guy for you.
1060
01:12:55,875 --> 01:12:57,794
You might meet somebody
you like better.
1061
01:12:57,877 --> 01:13:00,338
Looks like we
were meant for each other.
1062
01:13:05,427 --> 01:13:09,973
Hey, hey, don't the girls
look terrific tonight?
1063
01:13:10,056 --> 01:13:12,434
The seven deadly sins! Whoa!
What a clever idea!
1064
01:13:12,517 --> 01:13:15,854
- Girls. What girls?
- The girls! Your girls, jack.
1065
01:13:15,937 --> 01:13:20,358
- Inga, helga, olga!
- I guess my eyesight is failing.
1066
01:13:20,400 --> 01:13:25,864
'Cause as far as i can see there's
only one woman in this whole room.
1067
01:13:27,866 --> 01:13:30,910
Shall we?
1068
01:13:42,422 --> 01:13:47,719
# I'm in the mood
for love #
1069
01:13:47,761 --> 01:13:53,892
# simply because
you're near me #
1070
01:13:53,975 --> 01:13:59,689
# funny but when you're
near me #
1071
01:13:59,773 --> 01:14:04,944
# i'm in the mood
for love ##
1072
01:14:19,501 --> 01:14:22,671
How you doing, guys?
Thirsty?
1073
01:14:24,756 --> 01:14:26,716
There you go.
1074
01:14:26,758 --> 01:14:28,718
The guy's 46.
Drops dead.
1075
01:14:28,760 --> 01:14:32,722
- Heart attack?
- Natural causes.
1076
01:14:32,806 --> 01:14:34,766
I think i'm
getting that.
1077
01:14:34,808 --> 01:14:37,268
Here you go.
That's a good guy.
1078
01:14:37,310 --> 01:14:39,854
- What did you have for lunch?
- Tuna.
1079
01:14:39,938 --> 01:14:41,856
- Toast? White?
- Rye.
1080
01:14:41,940 --> 01:14:43,858
- Good?
- Yeah.
1081
01:14:43,942 --> 01:14:45,360
- Sounds good.
- Yeah, it was.
1082
01:14:45,443 --> 01:14:48,988
Here's a guy, 33.
Brick fell on his head.
1083
01:14:49,072 --> 01:14:52,534
Hey, i want you to see
this new cassette i got.
1084
01:14:53,868 --> 01:14:57,914
- I can't stay much longer.
- Just watch this.
1085
01:14:57,997 --> 01:15:00,208
Oh, nice.
Very nice.
1086
01:15:03,628 --> 01:15:06,756
- We don't have to watch the whole thing.
- Does something happen?
1087
01:15:06,840 --> 01:15:08,800
No.
1088
01:15:11,970 --> 01:15:14,931
Whoa!
Jack is marrying iris!
1089
01:15:14,973 --> 01:15:17,017
Yeah, i know.
3:00 today.
1090
01:15:17,100 --> 01:15:20,103
Hard to imagine any woman
falling in love with jack.
1091
01:15:20,145 --> 01:15:22,147
She doesn't love jack.
She loves me.
1092
01:15:22,188 --> 01:15:24,149
That's why
she's marrying him.
1093
01:15:25,108 --> 01:15:27,027
Uh-huh.
1094
01:15:27,110 --> 01:15:30,947
Well... whatever.
1095
01:15:33,867 --> 01:15:37,162
I'd better get going.
I'm defrosting my refrigerator.
1096
01:15:37,203 --> 01:15:40,248
That water's going
to get all over the floor.
1097
01:15:40,331 --> 01:15:42,959
I'll watch that fish
staring another time.
1098
01:15:43,043 --> 01:15:45,670
I'll give you a call later.
Maybe we'll do something.
1099
01:15:45,754 --> 01:15:48,214
I'm kind of tired.
I think i'll stay in tonight.
1100
01:15:48,298 --> 01:15:50,216
Yeah. Me too.
1101
01:15:50,300 --> 01:15:52,218
- Yeah.
- Well, take care.
1102
01:15:52,302 --> 01:15:54,220
- Okay. I'll see you.
- Yeah.
1103
01:15:54,304 --> 01:15:56,264
- So long.
- So long.
1104
01:16:16,284 --> 01:16:20,830
Back! Sides and front!
And other side! And three!
1105
01:16:22,874 --> 01:16:25,377
...nautical science.
1106
01:16:25,460 --> 01:16:28,213
What makes a balloon go up?
1107
01:16:33,760 --> 01:16:35,720
Right this way, officer.
1108
01:16:40,975 --> 01:16:43,520
- When did you find him?
- This morning.
1109
01:16:43,603 --> 01:16:45,522
- Wife? Kids?
- No.
1110
01:16:45,563 --> 01:16:48,316
- No.
- Close friends?
1111
01:16:48,400 --> 01:16:50,694
No friends, no wife,
no children.
1112
01:16:50,735 --> 01:16:52,696
Just ferns, a dog,
cardboard cutouts, tv.
1113
01:16:52,737 --> 01:16:54,698
Well-behaved, quiet,
perfect tenant.
1114
01:16:54,739 --> 01:16:56,783
Been there for five days.
Nobody even noticed.
1115
01:16:56,866 --> 01:16:58,868
I'll take care of it.
1116
01:16:58,952 --> 01:17:01,579
Wish i had more
tenants like him.
1117
01:17:09,212 --> 01:17:12,465
I don't believe what people
are throwing away today.
1118
01:17:37,198 --> 01:17:39,909
No!
1119
01:17:42,287 --> 01:17:44,205
No!
1120
01:17:45,123 --> 01:17:47,042
No!
1121
01:17:57,844 --> 01:18:00,138
First lutheran church
in queens. As soon as possible.
1122
01:18:00,221 --> 01:18:02,140
All right.
1123
01:18:07,979 --> 01:18:10,023
- What's the matter?
1124
01:18:10,065 --> 01:18:12,108
- First time ever. A
traffic jam in new york.
1125
01:19:20,593 --> 01:19:22,804
- How long is it between trains?
- About 15 minutes.
1126
01:19:22,887 --> 01:19:26,349
- That's too long.
- Write a letter.
1127
01:19:46,202 --> 01:19:48,121
Pull over, mac!
1128
01:19:50,206 --> 01:19:53,001
You can't pull out like
that, mister. Now pull over.
1129
01:19:53,084 --> 01:19:55,003
- Look, i've gotta...
- pull over!
1130
01:19:55,086 --> 01:19:57,797
Look, officer, if i don't get to
31st street in four and a half minutes,
1131
01:19:57,881 --> 01:20:00,633
the only girl i ever loved
is gonna marry somebody else.
1132
01:20:00,717 --> 01:20:04,387
Well, i was in love once.
You're gonna need an escort. Follow me!
1133
01:20:16,733 --> 01:20:18,943
Let's go, mac.
Come on!
1134
01:20:25,200 --> 01:20:27,118
Everything is
gonna be all right.
1135
01:20:44,636 --> 01:20:47,180
To love, honor
and cherish...
1136
01:20:47,263 --> 01:20:49,182
in sickness
and in health...
1137
01:20:49,265 --> 01:20:53,436
- as long as you both shall live?
- No, wait, don't do this!
1138
01:20:53,478 --> 01:20:55,730
I know you think this is
the easy way out,
1139
01:20:55,814 --> 01:20:58,316
the safe thing to do.
1140
01:20:58,400 --> 01:21:00,318
But didn't you just hear
those words?
1141
01:21:00,402 --> 01:21:02,862
To love, honor and cherish.
1142
01:21:02,946 --> 01:21:07,450
You don't love this man. You don't
honor him. You don't cherish him.
1143
01:21:07,534 --> 01:21:10,120
You know you were meant
for something better.
1144
01:21:10,286 --> 01:21:16,876
Listen to your heart. This man is not
for you. Don't go through with this.
1145
01:21:21,297 --> 01:21:24,467
- He's right.
- What? Alison, who is that guy?
1146
01:21:24,634 --> 01:21:26,720
- Is this the first lutheran?
- No, third methodist.
1147
01:21:26,886 --> 01:21:28,805
God!
1148
01:22:26,112 --> 01:22:28,573
Isn't it romantic?
1149
01:22:28,823 --> 01:22:32,077
Having our honeymoon on
the same ship where we met?
1150
01:22:32,202 --> 01:22:34,788
What?
1151
01:22:34,871 --> 01:22:37,332
I said:
# Isn't it romantic #
1152
01:22:38,124 --> 01:22:40,043
# merely to be young #
1153
01:22:40,126 --> 01:22:43,129
# on such a night as this #
1154
01:22:43,213 --> 01:22:44,756
# isn't it romantic #
1155
01:22:44,839 --> 01:22:47,425
# every note that's sung
is like a lover's kiss ##
1156
01:22:47,467 --> 01:22:50,136
i'm going to wash,
my dear.
1157
01:22:50,220 --> 01:22:55,225
I'm going to slip into
something more comfortable.
1158
01:22:55,308 --> 01:22:58,812
Why don't you slip into
something more comfortable too?
1159
01:22:58,895 --> 01:23:02,440
Like the sheets?
1160
01:23:11,366 --> 01:23:13,326
Could you sneeze again?
1161
01:23:21,167 --> 01:23:26,214
Uh, what's your name? Where do you
live? Could i call you sometime?
1162
01:23:31,636 --> 01:23:36,016
Whatever feelings of pain you might
have, i want to share them with you.
1163
01:23:42,522 --> 01:23:46,484
You think you're the only one who's
afraid of being hurt? You think i'm not?
1164
01:23:46,568 --> 01:23:47,485
I'm terrified.
1165
01:23:47,569 --> 01:23:51,948
You've got to be willing to feel a
little pain, or you'll never feel any joy.
1166
01:24:30,153 --> 01:24:33,031
Larry.
1167
01:24:33,073 --> 01:24:36,618
Hi, warren.
1168
01:24:37,410 --> 01:24:39,329
Aw, larry.
1169
01:24:40,497 --> 01:24:42,499
Heeeelllp!
1170
01:24:46,169 --> 01:24:47,712
It changes, larry.
1171
01:24:47,754 --> 01:24:49,673
It's not always gonna be like this.
It really does change.
1172
01:24:51,257 --> 01:24:53,885
It may not feel like it,
but things change.
1173
01:24:53,968 --> 01:24:56,846
Sure. What about you,
warren?
1174
01:24:56,930 --> 01:25:00,100
- Has it changed for you?
- Yes.
1175
01:25:00,183 --> 01:25:02,477
- It has?
- Yes.
1176
01:25:02,560 --> 01:25:05,563
How?
1177
01:25:05,647 --> 01:25:07,982
I've met someone.
1178
01:25:08,066 --> 01:25:10,026
- You have?
- We're very happy.
1179
01:25:10,068 --> 01:25:12,195
Aw, that's really great,
warren.
1180
01:25:16,032 --> 01:25:20,453
Oh, god, why can't i
be happy like warren?
1181
01:25:21,830 --> 01:25:24,082
Oh, iris.
We were so close!
1182
01:25:24,124 --> 01:25:29,421
I could have made you happy,
i know it.
1183
01:25:29,504 --> 01:25:33,091
If only fate could have
played a helping hand.
1184
01:25:33,758 --> 01:25:36,219
- Iris!
- Larry, what luck!
1185
01:25:36,302 --> 01:25:38,596
Why were you jumping?
1186
01:25:38,680 --> 01:25:41,391
I was unhappy from the
moment i said, "i do. "
1187
01:25:41,474 --> 01:25:46,104
Oh, larry, i love you. I finally
realized i can't live without you.
1188
01:25:47,397 --> 01:25:50,316
Oh, iris,
i love you so much.
1189
01:25:52,777 --> 01:25:55,947
Oh, my god.
That was a blast.
1190
01:25:56,573 --> 01:25:58,908
Oh. Hi, warren.
1191
01:26:03,163 --> 01:26:06,374
- It's really a great night, isn't it?
- I just want to go home.
1192
01:26:06,750 --> 01:26:11,087
- Warren said he met somebody.
- That's great, warren.
1193
01:26:11,921 --> 01:26:16,301
- Who is she?
- I told her to meet me here.
1194
01:26:16,343 --> 01:26:18,720
- Warren!
- Here she is now.
1195
01:26:18,762 --> 01:26:20,472
Over here, honey.
1196
01:26:23,516 --> 01:26:24,684
Hi, warren.
1197
01:26:24,768 --> 01:26:30,065
Sometimes, when two people meet,
it's really the human will quietly,
1198
01:26:30,148 --> 01:26:33,860
subconsciously engineering
its own destiny.
1199
01:26:33,943 --> 01:26:38,448
She's great,
isn't she?
1200
01:26:38,531 --> 01:26:40,533
Hey, look at the four of us.
1201
01:26:40,658 --> 01:26:44,454
I can't think of a more
perfect ending than this.
1202
01:26:47,290 --> 01:26:50,043
Hey, look at this guy!
Come here!
1203
01:27:08,895 --> 01:27:10,855
# There's one lonely girl #
1204
01:27:12,607 --> 01:27:15,402
# saturday night #
1205
01:27:16,152 --> 01:27:20,657
# nothin' to do #
1206
01:27:20,740 --> 01:27:24,160
# and there's one lonely guy #
1207
01:27:24,244 --> 01:27:28,623
# all by himself #
1208
01:27:28,707 --> 01:27:33,712
# at a table for two #
1209
01:27:33,795 --> 01:27:36,881
# and it's sad #
1210
01:27:36,965 --> 01:27:41,052
# 'cause one lonely guy #
1211
01:27:41,136 --> 01:27:43,471
# might change the world #
1212
01:27:43,555 --> 01:27:46,766
# for one lonely girl #
1213
01:27:46,850 --> 01:27:49,853
# and life would be so sweet #
1214
01:27:49,936 --> 01:27:56,484
# if only she could meet #
1215
01:27:56,735 --> 01:27:59,529
# one lonely guy #
1216
01:27:59,612 --> 01:28:05,785
# one lonely #
1217
01:28:09,164 --> 01:28:11,499
# one lonely guy #
1218
01:28:11,583 --> 01:28:17,964
# in a world like today #
1219
01:28:18,048 --> 01:28:21,051
# so many times #
1220
01:28:21,217 --> 01:28:25,805
# even lovers are strangers #
1221
01:28:25,889 --> 01:28:28,975
# they pass #
1222
01:28:29,059 --> 01:28:33,229
# but look away #
1223
01:28:33,313 --> 01:28:35,482
# keeping their hearts #
1224
01:28:35,523 --> 01:28:38,610
# far out of danger #
1225
01:28:38,693 --> 01:28:41,821
# and it's sad #
1226
01:28:41,863 --> 01:28:45,700
# because one lonely guy #
1227
01:28:45,784 --> 01:28:47,994
# might change the world #
1228
01:28:48,078 --> 01:28:51,122
# for one lonely girl #
1229
01:28:51,206 --> 01:28:54,250
# and life #
1230
01:28:54,334 --> 01:28:58,338
# would be complete #
1231
01:28:58,421 --> 01:29:00,548
# if only she could meet #
1232
01:29:00,632 --> 01:29:03,551
# one lonely guy #
1233
01:29:03,635 --> 01:29:09,808
# one lonely #
1234
01:29:09,891 --> 01:29:13,478
# one lonely guy #
1235
01:29:13,561 --> 01:29:18,483
# in a world with so many people #
1236
01:29:18,566 --> 01:29:25,323
# we long so desperately #
1237
01:29:25,407 --> 01:29:30,036
# don't it make you wonder why #
1238
01:29:30,078 --> 01:29:35,166
# there's a lonely guy #
1239
01:29:35,250 --> 01:29:40,797
# one lonely #
1240
01:29:42,132 --> 01:29:45,635
- # one lonely #
- # don't pass by #
1241
01:29:45,719 --> 01:30:02,610
# one lonely guy ##
93025
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