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Welcome to "Last Week Tonight"!
I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much for joining us!
We're back!

And it has been a busy week!

Boeing's Starliner capsule returned
home from space,

without its astronauts on board.

Hunter Biden pleaded guilty
to tax charges.

And Venezuela's president, Nicolas
Maduro, tried to stem protests

over what's widely seen
as July's stolen election,

with this desperate announcement.

This year, in all of your honor
as a thank you to all of you,

I'm declaring that Christmas
is moving up to October 1st.

Christmas starts October 1st
for everyone.

Come on! You can't just throw up
Christmas decorations in October

to distract from your shitty politics.
You're not Hobby Lobby.

Also, Christmas doesn't start
when a president says it does.

As we all know, Christmas starts

when Mariah Carey pops out
of her 11-month coma.

Wait for her signal.

But we're gonna move on
to the U.S. election,

which is entering its final months.

Several states have been running
contests to pick

their "I voted" stickers,
and just this week,

Michigan unveiled nine winners,
featuring some excellent choices.

Congratulations to Olivia
from Holly High School.

She designed this colorful sticker
that says, "Yay! I voted."

And we also want to show you this one.
This one is crazy.

I love it, Jane
from Brownell Middle School.

It's an American flag, and appears
to be a wolf ripping off his shirt.

Just turnt up from voting.

Yes. Everything about that is perfect.

The line work, the kinetic energy
of the shirt being ripped off,

the wolf's head thrown back
in patriotic ecstasy

at the concept of democracy.

I know this is not the point,

but I would commit voter fraud
to get multiples of that sticker.

And it's not just Michigan.
Kentucky's winner

was this lovely drawing of a horse,
but my favorite there

was actually this runner-up entry.

Third grader Cash Litzler
won over the internet's humor

with his drawing that was
less conventional than others.

But I'll let him explain
the inspiration.

I didn't know what to draw.

So, I watched the Spider-Man movies
like three days before it,

and I was just drawing.

And then Mom told me about
the contest, and I wanted to enter it.

Mom tells me Cash's thinking was,
"If Lizard Man can vote, you can too."

"If Lizard Man can vote,
you can too."

That's actually
a very powerful message.

'Cause at the end of the day,

lizard men in disguise don't secretly
run the government,

they get one vote,
just like you and me.

As for the presidential candidates,
they're scheduled to debate

next Tuesday, and Trump continues
to battle the fact

that he and JD Vance
have been called weird,

a label that seems
to genuinely bother him.

JD is not weird. He's a solid rock.

I happen to be a very solid rock.

We're other things, perhaps.
But we're not weird.

But that is the weirdest possible way
to address that accusation.

"He's a solid rock.
I happen to be a very solid rock."

What are you talking about?

I'm not sure I'd describe any part
of JD Vance as "rock solid".

Unless, of course,
he was in a West Elm showroom.

Though Trump is half right there!
He and Vance are lots of things:

they're misogynists, narcissists,
men who cum dead silent,

plausible "Masked Singer" contestants.

But they are also deeply weird.

And each day seems to bring
new evidence of Vance failing

to connect with ordinary Americans,
from being booed by firefighters,

whom he referred to as "haters",

to the viral clip of him utterly failing
to make small talk

in a donut shop,
with the low being this.

- We're gonna do two dozen.
- Okay.

Just a random assortment
of stuff here.

How long have you worked here?

I've been here since
the beginning of July.

- Of this year.
- Okay. Good. How about you, sir?

Almost two years.

- Okay. Good.
- You want everything?

Just everything, yeah. A lot
of glazed here. Some sprinkle stuff.

Some of these cinnamon rolls.
Just whatever makes sense.

How are you that bad
at basic human interactions?

"Whatever makes sense?"
If you don't know what donuts to order,

just say, "Surprise me!"
It's fun.

It's annoying to every server
who's ever lived,

but it's at least a human response.
But "whatever makes sense"?

My freaky little bitch,
you're in a donut shop.

Nothing makes sense there. Some
have sprinkles, some are fritters,

some contain a jelly found
in no other place on Earth.

You're eating cake for breakfast,
it's total chaos,

but picking out a donut is something
most of us figured out by age three.

And Trump clearly should've known
about Vance's lack of charm,

because it's been on display
for all to see,

from his many podcast appearances
where he's said things like

women who don't have kids
are choosing a "path to misery",

to the awkward moments like when
he showed up to a picket line last year

and tried to turn a fist bump
into a handshake,

and then offered his own fist bump
and got left hanging.

That is just brutal to watch!

Just this week, a clip resurfaced
of him during his Senate campaign

two years ago, flop-sweating
through some shitty jokes

about Kamala Harris.

While we're on the topic of Joe Biden,

if he did not make it all the way
through his four years,

he is likely to be replaced
by Kamala Harris,

who I've heard called
Cacklela Harris,

'cause she has this weird cackle,
right?

I heard a joke about Kamala that
I thought was pretty funny recently,

that Bill Clinton was watching her
on TV and Bill thought,

"She's just so condescending.
She's mean-spirited."

"She's kind of nasty. Maybe I should
leave my wife and marry her instead."

Look, JD, comedian to comedian,
never make the setup,

"I heard a joke that I thought
was pretty funny recently,"

but if you do, make sure that
what you say next is funny,

and also an actual joke.

But Trump's supporters will insist
this contest is about policy,

not personality. But on policy,
they're even more toxic and weird.

Just this week, both men addressed
the high cost of childcare.

Vance suggested that "maybe grandma
or grandpa wants to help out more",

and Trump got a very specific question
about it at an economic forum.

And I'm gonna play
his full two-minute answer here.

Because it is genuinely remarkable
how long he takes to say so little.

Can you commit
to prioritizing legislation

to make childcare affordable,
and if so,

what specific piece of legislation
would you advance?

Well, I would do that,
and we're sitting down

And I was, somebody,
we had Senator Marco Rubio,

and my daughter Ivanka
was so impactful on that issue.

It's a very important issue.

But I think when you talk about the
kind of numbers that I'm talking about,

that, because, look,
childcare is, childcare is.

There's something,
you have to have it.

In this country,
you have to have it.

But when you talk about those numbers
compared

to the kind of numbers that I'm talking
about by taxing foreign nations

at levels that they're not used to,
but they'll get used to it very quickly,

and it's not gonna stop them
from doing business with us,

but they'll have a very
substantial tax

when they send product
into our country.

Those numbers are so much bigger

than any numbers that we're talking
about, including childcare,

that it's going to take care.
We're gonna have

I look forward to having no deficits
within a fairly short period of time,

coupled with the reductions
that I told you about on waste

and fraud and all of the other things
that are going on in our country,

because I have to stay
with childcare.

I want to stay with childcare,

but those numbers are small relative
to the kind of economic numbers

that I'm talking about,
including growth,

but growth also headed up by what
the plan is that I just

That I just told you about.

We're gonna be taking in
trillions of dollars,

and as much as childcare is
talked about as being expensive,

it's relatively speaking
not very expensive

compared to the kind of numbers
we'll be taking in.

We're gonna make this
into an incredible country

that can afford to take care
of its people,

and then we'll worry
about the rest of the world.

Let's help other people.

But we're going to take care
of our country first.

This is about America first. It's about
"make America great again".

We have to do it, because right now,
we're a failing nation.

So, we'll take care of it. Thank you.
Very good question.

What was that?

That applause isn't
satisfaction with the answer,

it's relief that it's finally over.

That is the public-speaking equivalent
of an audience faking an orgasm.

"You did it, you did it,
you can stop now, please."

But look at his answer,
this is the full text.

It's like ChatGPT having
a mental breakdown.

A bunch of incoherent rambling
about nonspecific implications

that tariffs will fix everything,
which of course, they won't!

Look, the bad news is,
for the next two months,

we're gonna be subjected to an
excruciating amount of nonsense.

The good news is, come November,

there is a chance for America
to reject that bullshit,

and possibly forever.

And if that happens,

it's hard to put into words
how liberating that might feel.

But luckily, I know of one particular
sticker

that really gets that feeling across
pretty fucking well.

And now, this.

And Now:

HSN's Tony Little has something
he wants you to know about him.

People also know I had
a lot of challenges in my life.

So, I had knee problems.
I had back problems.

I was hit by a school bus.

You even talked about it on air
that you've had knee issues.

I had every issue.
I was hit by a school bus.

I've always had back issues,
from being hit by a school bus.

I've also had back problems,
because I was hit by a school bus.

I wanted people to realize,
you know, I was hit by a school bus.

I was hit by a school bus.
A lot of people know my story.

I hit the only hill in Florida
and hit a tree.

I was hit by a school bus.

I hit the only hill in Florida
and hit a tree.

I hit the only hill in Florida
and hit a tree.

Hit the only hill in Florida
and hit a tree.

I hit the only hill in Florida
on Halloween.

I hit the only hill in Florida
and hit a tree.

And then I was hit by a lobster truck
in Miami.

I was hit by a lobster truck.

I had to go on and get hit
by a lobster truck.

- Listen, the lobster truck
- Got hit by a lobster truck.

But the main one was when
I was hit with the school bus.

I was also hit by a school bus.

Hit the only hill in Florida
and hit a tree.

Hit by a lobster truck in Miami.
I mean, that was just my life.

But anyway, forget that part of it.

Moving on. Our main story tonight
concerns lunch.

The meal that you save for friends
that aren't interesting enough

for dinner.

Specifically, we're gonna talk
about school lunch,

which is, among other things,
the inspiration for this bonkers PSA

from the 1980s.

I'm tired of candy! Tired of gum!

Tired of hunger,
and food that's no fun!

I'm tired of pretending
I don't like spaghetti,

but school lunch keeps me
roarin' ready and rock steady.

Pizza, spaghetti, burgers!

With Chow Daddy
in your school cafeteria,

it's the fun place to be for lunch.

Okay. Let's break that down.

Straight away, we open
on a close-up of Chow Daddy,

whose very name makes him sound

like the undefeated pussy-eating
champion of the world.

Then, he claims, "I'm tired of candy,
tired of gum"

a bold choice if you're writing
something kids need to relate to,

before continuing, "I'm tired
of pretending I don't like spaghetti".

And, what? Who's forcing you
to do that, CD?

He then throws in the moonwalk,

cementing the notion he's a public
access Michael Jackson from "Thriller".

And ends by simply listing foods, ending
with the concept of "desserts".

I don't know how that encouraged
kids to eat school lunch,

but it's fascinating to watch,
and one day,

I'm sure we'll find out how much
weapons-grade cocaine it took

to come up with that ad.

The lunches Chow Daddy
is referring to

come from the National
School Lunch Program,

the federally assisted program that
provides meals to schoolchildren.

It was launched in 1946,
and since then,

has grown to become massive,

with over 90% of public schools
participating in it.

Last year alone, the program provided
4.6 billion lunches.

Which is incredible!

But school lunches are also the subject
of constant criticism from kids,

which shouldn't be surprising.

Kids are picky. Whole new foods
are created to combat that.

Gogurt only exists because
some kid was like

"over my dead body
will I eat yogurt with a spoon,"

"I'd like it to come out
of a plastic esophagus,"

and the market complied.

But nevertheless, if you ask students
for their opinions

on their school lunches,
they will be brutally honest.

If you had to describe school lunch in
one word, how would you describe it?

- I would say weird.
- Rancid.

- Raw.
- Unappetizing.

I don't like the taste or the texture.
Food is always cold.

The portions are, like, small.

They gave us two chicken tenders.
What am I gonna do with that?

I mean, to be fair,
she is right about that.

The correct number of chicken tenders
is not two.

That isn't the correct number
for any food.

I want my chicken tenders
in odd prime numbers.

Three is a snack, five is a meal,
and seven is a cry for help.

But I'm not here tonight to shit
on school lunches.

Because the very fact they happen
at all is remarkable.

School nutrition directors often say
they run

the "biggest restaurant in town,"

which doesn't seem like
an overstatement

when you see this snapshot
from a school in LA.

Usually, you start lunch
around nine o'clock.

We have to cook everything in batches,
because we don't have enough ovens.

And then so, from 10:00 to,
I'd say, 11:30,

everybody's panicking the whole time.

So, we do the hamburgers first,
we get those going,

we get the fries going,
then we get pizza going,

get the chicken nuggets
for the vegan menu today.

So, it's constantly batch, batch, batch.

We serve about, I'd say,
1,500 a day or more.

That includes breakfast, lunch,
and supper.

Okay, putting aside the cognitive
dissonance of having chicken nuggets

be the vegan menu item of the day,
that is really impressive.

If you had to do 1,500 of whatever
your job is, even once,

you would snap.

If you were a vet and had to give
one dog its ear medicine, fine.

10 dogs?
That's a lot, but okay.

100? This is getting unreasonable.

But 1,500 dogs need ear medicine
and some of them are vegan?

Just walk the fuck out and
start a new life somewhere else.

Lunch programs are such
a massive undertaking,

they've even been referred
to as a "daily miracle".

And for many kids, school meals are
actually their most reliable source

of nutrition.

Which is why it is so important
the program work as well as it can,

for as many kids as it can.

Unfortunately, in too many
places, that is just not the case.

So, given that, tonight,

with many schools around the country
just starting back up again,

let's talk about school lunches.

And let's start with the quality
of the food.

Because those students
weren't entirely off-base.

Not every meal served inside
a school is perfect.

But that's often because school
cafeterias are having to operate

under severe budget constraints.

School lunches are subsidized
by the government,

which sets a ceiling on how
much it'll pay for any given meal.

But that ceiling is set way too low.

One survey of school districts found
that around two-thirds said

the funds they received were
not sufficient to cover the costs

of producing lunch.

Which makes sense when you find out
they only get around $4 per meal,

which has to cover everything
from food costs

to equipment upgrades
to staff salaries.

Just listen to this former head chef
at Noma,

one of the top restaurants
in the world,

who founded a company that places
professional chefs in school kitchens,

explain what happens to that $4,
and everything it has to go toward.

That's actually for maintenance, it's
for paying people to make the food.

When it's all said and done,

you have about a dollar
and a quarter for food.

Making food, a meal,
that kids really want to eat

for $1.25 is super challenging.

Yeah, of course, it is.

$1.25 doesn't cover the cost
of food pretty much anywhere.

Even at Costco, the hot dog
and soda combo is $1.50,

and that is only because the
co-founder once said, and this is true

"If you raise the price of the
fucking hot dog, I will kill you."

That is a real quote,
from a true leader.

So, the budget alone
is a real challenge.

As is the fact that it's important kids
actually take the meals.

Because the government only
reimburses schools

for meals that students take.

Meaning, if kids don't like what's
being served and ignore it,

the school doesn't get any money,
and goes into the hole.

So, you need an appealing meal that
comes in at rock-bottom prices.

That's a key reason why many schools
opt to just heat and serve

pre-made meals. And that approach
has opened them up to criticism.

Jamie Oliver, a man to whom
I am surprisingly not related,

had a show in 2010 where he tried
to make over the menus

in a West Virginia school, and he made
a big show of being appalled

at what the children were being fed.

The freezer was just basically
an Aladdin's cave of processed crap.

Okay, so this is pizza for tomorrow,
yeah?

So, you have pizza for breakfast
and then they have it for lunch?

Bloody hell. So, this meat
is already cooked, yeah?

Yeah, when it grows up
it will be scrambled eggs.

- So, that is scrambled eggs?
- It's egg. We steam it.

I didn't know what most of it was

and when I don't know what
something is, the alarm bells go off.

Do you honestly think that we could
do from raw state every day?

Yes.

Okay. I have a lot of questions there,
but I guess my first is,

I know I have a British accent,
and my name is almost his name,

and I have a show where I essentially
tell America

that it's doing everything wrong,
but am I like that?

Please tell me that I'm not like that.

Because while the dream of every
single school cooking from scratch

is a lovely idea, it might not be
feasible for a lot of school districts.

Not only are there the cost
and labor issues,

but they also need to navigate
strict nutritional guidelines.

The federal government sets
standards for things

like the amount and types of fruits and
vegetables required to be on a plate.

But it can be hard to meet them
on a tight budget,

something famously illustrated
during the Reagan era,

when his administration slashed
the federal school lunch budget,

then briefly tried bending
the nutritional guidelines

to a truly ridiculous extent.

Also getting attention today was
that elementary school lunch

sampled by members
of Congress yesterday.

The meal consisting
of a small meat patty,

six French fries, a glass of milk,
and ketchup,

classified as a vegetable,

was representative of new federal
guidelines issued to save money

on subsidized school lunches.

Now, much has been made about the
whole "ketchup as a vegetable" thing,

but I don't think people talked enough
about the mystery meat patty

being served with a glass of milk.

That looks like a hamburger
with a terminal illness.

It looks like the cracked soil
of a Dust Bowl-era farm.

I read once that ultramarathon
runners in Death Valley

would eat bananas,
then throw them up,

and the banana vomit would bake
in the sun

forming little patties on the ground,
and I bet it looks like that.

The point is,
ketchup isn't a vegetable,

Reagan made things worse,

and I've been trying to offload that
banana fact for the past five years.

And the thing is, even when,
with good intentions,

we manage to raise the nutritional
standards for lunches,

it can then be a real challenge
to make them appetizing.

During the Obama administration,
access to school lunches

was expanded greatly

thanks to the 2010 Healthy,
Hunger-Free Kids Act,

which also updated guidelines
to make meals more nutritious.

And while that act produced
great results overall,

some students hated
the new, healthier options,

sharing photos with the hashtag
"thanks Michelle Obama."

Which, to their credit, is funny.

When the nutrition went high,
the kids went low.

But it did take some trial, error,
and flexibility

to make those new standards work.

For instance, the act required that
breads had to be "whole grain-rich".

But as one food service director
in New Mexico said,

"Many families in the Southwest will
not accept whole-grain tortillas,"

and, I quote, "We simply cannot
afford to feed our trash cans".

Similarly, a school district
in Mississippi tried to make

a 100% whole-grain biscuit,

which "was not received as well
by students,"

so the school is now allowed
to operate on 80% of whole grains.

Which does feel
like a good compromise.

Because a whole grain biscuit
is not a biscuit.

At that point, let's just make
ice cream sandwiches

where the cookies are celery
and the ice cream is children's Motrin,

because it seems words
don't matter anymore.

The fact is, school nutrition directors
have to strike a delicate balance

between the perfect,
and the achievable.

That former Noma chef you saw earlier
gets incredibly frustrated

when talking about how chefs who
work outside of school kitchens

tend to look down on some
of the food that he makes now.

It's funny because
we've had a lot of peers,

a lot of my peers have come
and seen what we do

and they're disappointed
by what we do.

Your colleagues are disappointed?

Yeah, in the sense that, "I thought
this was going to be something else."

And I said, "I don't give a fuck what
you think because it's not about you."

You know, if you have $1.25
to feed people

and that's your constraint
and you're feeding kids

and you start to prioritize things like
sustainability and locality

and seasonality, then you don't fucking
understand how the world works.

You don't understand what food costs.

Yeah, he's right. I'm not sure
why the decor of that stage

is "TED Talk in the jungle",
but he is right.

It's all very well for Jamie Oliver
to want schools to cook from scratch

with fresh ingredients all the time,

but it's a lot harder to be idealistic
when you're slinging

1,000 portions of hot lunch to kids
in a cramped kitchen,

all in 15 or 20 minutes.

Reality is a hell of a sous chef.

But let's say that you could create
lunches that were nutritious,

delicious, and affordable.

That still doesn't address the bigger
problem with our school lunch program,

which is that, in many states, it is not
feeding everyone who needs it.

And that is a huge problem,
because as I mentioned,

for lots of kids, it might be their only
guaranteed meal of the day,

as this cafeteria worker
in Washington state explains.

Yeah, a lot of kids go home
during the Christmas break,

they don't have food.

They don't have food, so they're
so happy to come back to school.

Actually, the reason I became
a lunch lady

is because I wanted to give the kids
food that didn't get it at home,

like I didn't.

I was always happy to go to school,
just because I get to eat.

We didn't have a lot of food,

and when you go to school,
you know you're gonna eat.

That's worth going to school.

Her commitment to feeding kids
is beautiful. And she is right!

Anything is more appealing if you know
there's gonna be food there.

A work meeting, a wedding,
even giving blood!

You think I'm doing that
out of altruism?

Where else can a grown man drink
apple juice and eat little cookie packs

free of judgment?

Drain me, Nurse Gwen, drain me,
but keep the Lorna Doones coming.

So, school lunch
is a critical social good.

The problem is, in order to get a free
or reduced-price lunch,

families have to fill out
eligibility paperwork,

and that alone can be prohibitive.

There may be language barriers
for some parents,

and for others, social stigma.

As one expert points out,

"Oftentimes these forms are on
a brightly colored piece of paper.

"They say Free School Lunch Form."

And for parents, it can feel like
the form is effectively saying,

"I can't afford to feed my child."

And they're having to ask their kid
to hand that form to a teacher.

On top of that, the thresholds
to qualify are often so low,

they exclude families who need it.

This year, a family of four earning
around $40,000 a year or less

is eligible for free meals, and one
earning around $58,000 or less

is eligible for reduced-price meals.

But if you make a penny more than that,
your kids have to pay full price.

And that can quickly become
a steep financial burden.

My son used to always tell me
that he didn't eat

because he didn't want to make me
have to pay for it.

She says she's always made just above
the cutoff to qualify

for the federal free
and reduced-price lunch program.

But her budget is still tight.

School lunch for her kids
costs more than $250 a month.

With four kids in school,
that adds up really quick.

Of course, it does.

Kids clearly should not be refraining
from eating for financial reasons.

They should be refusing to eat for one
of the multitudes of kid reasons,

such as, the food looks weird,

it's too hot outside,
it's too cold outside,

or I saw a bird.

And kids whose families can't afford
to pay can accumulate

what's commonly called lunch debt,

and the cost to schools
can be significant.

One sampling of just over 800 districts
found that their total meal debt

exceeded $17 million last year.

Unfortunately, the solution some have
hit on is to pressure families

for that debt,
and sometimes children directly,

through a practice known
as "lunch shaming".

You may have heard stories about how
some schools have given kids

who owe money an alternative
lunch, like a cold cheese sandwich.

While others require
students do chores.

A report from last year found
some schools in Kansas

wouldn't allow kids with unpaid debt
to participate in activities

or would even withhold grades
from parents until debt was paid.

And still other kids have been forced
to wear wristbands,

or had their hands or arms stamped,
to show they're behind in payment.

And incredibly, some tactics
have been even worse than that.

Earlier this month, the Wyoming Valley
West School District

in northeastern Pennsylvania sent
letters to about 40 families,

telling them their children
could be sent to foster care

if they didn't pay up.

The foster care issue

I couldn't believe
that that's what it said.

Four other Wyoming Valley West
School board members agree,

as does school administrator Joe Muth.
He signed that letter.

It could have been toned down.

I don't know how to describe other than,
in writings,

we could have toned it down a notch.

Okay, "could have toned it down
a notch" is putting it mildly.

That is something that guy should've
realized before signing the letter.

Frankly, Clippy should've
popped up and said,

"It looks like you're threatening
to separate families and throw children"

"in foster care over
a few hundred bucks of lunch debt."

"Are you sure you want
to fucking do that?"

Lunch debt's become
such a ubiquitous problem

that kids finding ways to pay it off
is now a trope

of supposedly heartwarming
human-interest stories like these.

A second grader is paying off the school
lunch debt for everybody at his school

and kids in six other schools!

On Tuesday, fifth grader Daken
Kramer giving the school district

a check for $7,300,

money he raised to help pay for his
classmates' school lunch debt.

Caitlin decided all of the money she
raised would go towards paying off

the school lunch debt of 123 students
in her San Diego school district.

How about that?
Five years old, guys.

It's amazing when someone that young
just knows to pay it forward.

I mean, it is amazing,
but she shouldn't have to do it!

Let a five-year-old spend that money
on five-year-old shit,

like a slinky, or Play-Doh,
or Fingerlings.

Little creatures for your fingers.
Monkeys, unicorns,

this cunty little bird.
They're adorable.

And they make you feel alive.
And the reason I know that is,

I actually have one on right now!

But even this isn't managing
to cheer me up!

You've failed me, you little fucker!

It's frankly no wonder that, when you
combine the stigma of receiving

a free or reduced-price lunch,
and the risk of racking up debt,

even kids who are eligible can end up
choosing not to participate.

In fact, in 2019, nearly 30 million
students were eligible for the meals,

but only 22 million received them.

Meaning over seven million eligible
students missed out on meals,

with experts arguing that stigma played
a big role in that.

Which is terrible! And at this point,
I actually have some good news.

Because there is a way to solve a lot
of the problems that I've shown you.

It's a policy known
as Universal Free Meals.

Basically, every kid at every school
can have breakfast or lunch,

at school, if they want it.

And while I know that might sound
like a utopian dream,

the thing is, we actually
already did it, for two years,

during the pandemic.

Federal lawmakers introduced
a waiver program that paid

for free breakfasts and lunches
for every public school kid

in the country,
regardless of family income.

The waivers also increased the
reimbursement rate for each meal

by around 20%.

Meaning schools had more money to
spend on making and serving meals.

And early research suggests
that had real benefits.

A survey of school districts
representing over five million students

found that, in 2021, average daily
participation in lunch

increased by approximately
1.4 million,

with 95% of districts reporting
it reduced child hunger,

and 82% reporting the program
supported academic achievement.

In short, way more kids
were eating every day,

and it was helping them in school.

The waiver program worked.
But in June of 2022, it expired.

And unfortunately, some lawmakers
were completely fine with that.

By returning these programs
back to normal,

we can uphold our responsibility
to taxpayers

and the principle that aid should
be targeted and temporary.

Wow, that is heartless.

"Aid should be targeted and temporary"
sounds like something

a Reagan action figure would say
when you pull its string,

along with "take that, welfare queen!"

and "Jodie Foster sure would
be impressed if I died!"

And when the cutoff came, teachers
who saw the program roll back firsthand

can tell you, it was rough.

On the first day of school this year,

I announced to my students that school
lunches were no longer free.

And this moment stays with me.

The confusion,
the darting eyes, the questions.

There were students who realized
in that moment

that they were not going to eat
that day.

For fucks sake, no teacher should have
to do that, especially that one,

who clearly cares about her students.

I know the fun teacher when I see one,

and that is the fun teacher right there.

Bright color-blocked outfit,
fun glasses, purple hair.

There is a class
of misfit seventh graders

for whom she is their absolute queen.

If you get assigned to Ms. Jung's
class, you are making dioramas,

you're doing nonstop skits,

and you're building the sickest
plastic bottle hydroponic garden system

in the entire school.

Ms. Jung's got passes to the science
museum of Minnesota,

and if you go with her,
you're touching a dinosaur bone.

For many families, the program expiring
meant they had to navigate

the eligibility forms
for the first time.

One school nutrition director in Ohio
said she had to deny one single mother

who told her she'd missed
the cutoff for reduced meals

by just $100 of gross income.

And all this resulted
in a lot fewer kids getting lunches.

And students from low-income families
across the country

are now accruing school lunch debt
in record numbers.

Now, to their credit, some states
have refused to go backward,

and these eight have passed Universal
Free Meal programs,

often funding them out
of state budgets,

though passing those laws
wasn't always easy.

In Minnesota, for instance, you've
probably seen the joyous photo

of Tim Walz being hugged
by school kids when he signed

his state's program into law.

But some Republican lawmakers
there fiercely opposed it,

offering some less-than convincing
arguments.

Mr. President, I have yet
to meet a person in Minnesota

that is hungry, yet today.

I have yet to meet a person
in Minnesota that says

they don't have access
to enough food to eat.

Now, I should say that hunger
is a relative term, Mr. President.

I had a cereal bar for breakfast.
I guess I'm hungry now.

What an asshole! First, I don't care
what you had for breakfast.

And second, that's not how
societal problems work.

You can't go, "I haven't seen hungry
people, so they must not exist."

Before seeing this clip,

I'd never seen Chris Parnell's evil
midwestern twin,

but that didn't mean you weren't
out there, sucking.

And he wasn't the only opponent.

This state rep suggested
that the state expand the program,

but stopped short
of making it universal,

using herself as an example
of why that'd be going too far.

We are using taxpayer dollars
to feed my children.

I have two kids in public schools at the
North Branch High School right now.

That means that the taxpayers
are subsidizing me

to the tune of $1,376.

Tonight you are giving me
a $1,376 tax break.

Me. That's my benefit from this bill.

Okay! You're welcome?

Or maybe I'm sorry that happened
to you. I don't really know what to say.

You're saying a good thing,
but you seem very upset about it.

But a few things about that.

I know capping eligibility might sound
like it makes sense,

and the state actually looked into doing
that, but decided against it,

as it turns out, it would've "increased
the administrative complexity,"

and the increased cost would've eaten
into whatever savings.

Also, crucially, by making lunch
accessible to all kids,

they could remove the stigma for
those whose family can't afford it.

Which is more important
than you might realize.

A study in Massachusetts found that
42% of families with children eligible

for free or reduced-price meals,

reported their child would be
less likely to eat a school meal

if it wasn't free for all children.

Which does make sense.
Kids are perceptive.

They notice who isn't taking a lunch
or is forced to eat

a cold cheese sandwich,

and they definitely notice whose
hand got fucking stamped.

And look, I'm not saying that there
aren't complications here.

Of course, there are. And deep down,
you already knew that.

After all, you're watching "It's Always
Something with White Urkel."

Making that many meals,
consistently, is difficult.

Remember, we're talking about
the "biggest restaurants in town".

And there are a lot of moving parts
here,

from the sheer scale of the program,

to sourcing food
and making it taste good,

to adequately training
and paying cafeteria staff.

All of which means Universal Free
Meals aren't cheap.

In Minnesota, they budgeted it at $400
million over its first two years,

but it's projected to cost
about $80 million more than that.

Though, part of the reason
for that increased cost

is higher-than-expected
participation in the program,

which is obviously a good thing!

Because, for the final time,
the benefits here are clear,

as the head of Minnesota's
Department of Education spelled out.

Our educators that I've met and that
we've talked to this entire fall

consistently tell me that their
students are more attentive

and they're ready to learn.

And they directly attribute this
to the availability of nutritious meals

all across the state of Minnesota
and throughout the day.

Yeah, that is thousands of kids who
aren't going to class feeling hungry,

shamed, or excluded.

That should be the standard
in all 50 states.

And if it helps, maybe we should
be considering lunch

as an essential school supply,
like books or desks.

We accept that they're subsidized
by the government

as an investment in kids' futures.

And I'd argue lunch should be, too,

and that the way to achieve
that shouldn't be

by asking each state to fund it
out of their own budget,

but by passing legislation
at the federal level,

similar to what we did in the
early days of the pandemic.

Because while that was
a truly terrible time,

it's worth also remembering that we got
some major stuff done back then, too.

We socially distanced,
we watched "Tiger King".

we got our families familiar with
Zoom in a way

that we're all still paying
the price for,

and it turns out, we fed kids.

In speaking to experts for this story,
many said that before 2020,

they thought Universal Free
Meals would be incredibly beneficial,

and it would also never happen.

America just doesn't do
that sort of thing.

But then it did happen,
and seemingly overnight.

And in this one particular area,
Americans got to experience

what it was like to have the federal
government be responsive

to the needs of the vulnerable.

And once you see what it looks like
to help kids,

you kind of can't unring that bell.

In fact, you should keep ringing it
so fucking hard,

the rope comes off in your hands.

'Cause we have the power to ensure

that no kid in the country is hungry
when school gets dismissed.

And we should be exercising
that power,

and making sure that all kids are,

in the words of America's second
favorite moonwalking werewolf

of the '80s, roarin' ready
and rock steady,

with pizza, burgers,
and of course, desserts.

And now, this.

And Now: People on TV Debate
When to Decorate for Halloween.

I already saw Halloween decorations
out on people's porches.

I'll be honest with you, I may be
decorating by Sunday or Monday.

Just do it now!

Leave the studio and purchase
an oversize skeleton

from Home Depot this second!

So, I know Zach was saying something
about decorating for Halloween.

Is it too early? I would say no.

Never too early.

Correct! It's never too early
to prepare for the eve of wraiths

and ghouls and the minions from the
animated motion picture "Minions".

I've got at least two neighbors

who have already put up all
of their Halloween decorations.

That's impressive. I'm going to make
my husband wait 'til October.

That's, I think, a reasonable time.

Wrong! It is not reasonable!

Let your beleaguered husband
cover your windows

with fake cobwebs right now
or I will call the police!

Is it too early to decorate
for Halloween?

- Yes.
- No!

Noah and I were out and about early
in the morning,

and there was a couple outside already
putting up their giant skeleton.

That's two months early. Right?
That would be this past weekend.

So, that would be equivalent to,
October 25th, seeing Christmas decor.

Shut up! What the fuck is this,
math class?

Just do the fucking forecast, Brad!

I saw a thing that said if you decorate
for Halloween earlier,

you're a happier person,
so if it makes you happy, do it.

I bought a couple pillows.
I'm not gonna lie.

We had a list of scary movies that
we put together last night to watch.

Yes! Why not? Honestly,
these ladies seem super chill!

And I would totally watch
scary movies with them!

That's our show,
thanks so much for watching!

We're off next week for the Emmys,
we'll be back on the 22nd.

See you then, good night!