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1
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,088
You've come back.
2
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:31,690
You've come back alive.
3
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,358
Oh, darling, darling.
4
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:34,488
It was just a routine flight.
5
00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:37,779
But it's over now. All over.
6
00:01:37,815 --> 00:01:39,826
Your 50 missions
are up, my darling.
7
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:40,861
You're safe.
8
00:01:40,885 --> 00:01:41,984
No, my dear.
9
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:44,987
I've got to fly tomorrow,
10
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,366
and the next day and the next.
11
00:01:46,390 --> 00:01:50,275
Until it's really
over everywhere.
12
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:55,280
You do see that. Don't you?
13
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:58,083
You big lug.
14
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,953
I guess that's why I love you.
15
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:10,340
Light, light, lights.
16
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,364
Yes, Herr Kommandant.
17
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:18,002
And now perhaps Hogan
and you others are wondering
18
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,316
how I'm able to show you
this latest product of Hollywood.
19
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:22,585
Well, partially
it's due, of course,
20
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:23,909
to my generosity.
21
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:25,688
Let's hear it for
his generosity!
22
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:29,381
Marvelous! We're very grateful!
23
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,717
Thank you.
24
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,586
But... an equal
share of the credit
25
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:38,523
must go to the all-conquering
German Luftwaffe.
26
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,426
You see, an Allied
plane carrying this film
27
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,562
strayed over our sacred borders
28
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:46,214
and was, of course,
shot down immediately.
29
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,460
Everybody's a critic.
30
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,570
I suppose, Hogan, that
was meant to be a witticism.
31
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:55,674
Well, as a serious student of
the cinema, let me assure you,
32
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,243
that the acting of Byron Buckles
33
00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:01,408
transcends all
cultural barriers.
34
00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:04,265
Exactly! Herr Kommandant.
35
00:03:04,301 --> 00:03:07,747
Never have I slept
less in any picture.
36
00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:09,555
Thank you, Schultz.
37
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,434
Yeah, nice talking
to you, Commandant.
38
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,369
We watched your movie.
That's enough for one night.
39
00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:16,995
Not quite!
40
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:19,031
Gentlemen.
41
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:23,869
It is always been my dream
to record with a camera,
42
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:29,775
for the whole world to see,
the true story of Stalag 13.
43
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,577
The humane treatment.
44
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:36,181
The total acceptance by the
prisoners of the New Order.
45
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,985
And now, to use
a film vernacular,
46
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,804
I am just about ready to...
47
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,672
roll them!
48
00:03:44,708 --> 00:03:45,673
Yeah, yeah. Fine.
49
00:03:45,709 --> 00:03:46,920
Thanks for the news
item, Commandant.
50
00:03:46,944 --> 00:03:48,087
Any other flashes for us?
51
00:03:48,111 --> 00:03:49,077
Yes, just one more.
52
00:03:49,112 --> 00:03:50,646
Schultz! Bring in
the new prisoner.
53
00:03:50,681 --> 00:03:52,358
Immediately, Herr Kommandant.
54
00:03:52,382 --> 00:03:54,649
This new prisoner,
Hogan, was shot down,
55
00:03:54,684 --> 00:03:57,485
along with the film
that you have just seen.
56
00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,321
I've had some
talks with him today
57
00:03:59,356 --> 00:04:02,891
about my own little
cinematic project.
58
00:04:02,926 --> 00:04:04,860
And I'm pleased
to announce to you,
59
00:04:04,895 --> 00:04:08,547
that he has indicated
his total cooperation.
60
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:16,454
Gentlemen, may I present
Major Byron Buckles.
61
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:19,107
Hello, chaps. Anyone
for autographs?
62
00:04:21,578 --> 00:04:25,547
Why couldn't they
shoot down Lana Turner?
63
00:04:38,795 --> 00:04:41,529
Well, we just
can't let him do it.
64
00:04:41,564 --> 00:04:43,176
I mean, how's it going to look?
65
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:47,769
America's sweetheart making a
propaganda movie for the Nazis?
66
00:04:47,804 --> 00:04:49,570
Colonel Hogan will
think of something.
67
00:04:49,606 --> 00:04:51,106
I have confidence.
68
00:04:51,141 --> 00:04:52,985
The trouble with Colonel Hogan,
69
00:04:53,009 --> 00:04:54,854
is he's too soft-hearted.
70
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,511
If America's
sweetheart is a traitor,
71
00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,081
we've got to do away
with America's sweetheart.
72
00:05:00,117 --> 00:05:01,449
Right, Carter?
73
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:10,859
I pretend I'm taking a picture
74
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,961
but instead, inside the camera,
75
00:05:12,996 --> 00:05:19,533
I've got a .37-millimeter
cannon, sawed off.
76
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,313
You don't think
that's a little messy?
77
00:05:21,337 --> 00:05:22,738
Oh.
78
00:05:22,773 --> 00:05:24,584
I'm glad you're all here.
We've got a problem.
79
00:05:24,608 --> 00:05:25,608
Right, sir!
80
00:05:25,642 --> 00:05:28,309
How about putting some
cobra venom in his cologne?
81
00:05:28,345 --> 00:05:29,923
What are you
talking about, Carter?
82
00:05:29,947 --> 00:05:32,180
The movie star, Byron Buckles.
83
00:05:32,216 --> 00:05:33,348
We'll take care of him, sir.
84
00:05:33,383 --> 00:05:34,393
Who cares about him?
85
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:35,795
We've got more important stuff.
86
00:05:35,819 --> 00:05:37,569
Kinch and I been
down in the radio room.
87
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:39,604
London's on to us
to blow up that bridge
88
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:40,805
20 miles south of here.
89
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,374
There's too much flak for
the bombers to get through.
90
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:44,787
Yeah, and so many
troops around here
91
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:45,922
we can't get through.
92
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,245
Anybody got any ideas?
93
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,225
Hey, how about an
exploding fountain pen, sir?
94
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:52,250
What is it with you, Carter?
95
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:54,452
Oh, boy.
96
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:59,891
Colonel Hogan! A matter
of great importance.
97
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,092
Later, Schultz.
98
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:05,997
Hmm. Now. Will the
prisoner please come in?
99
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,298
Danke.
100
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,111
Carry on, men. I don't
intend to stand on rank.
101
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:12,404
For your information, Buckles,
a colonel outranks a major.
102
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:13,905
Colonel Hogan.
103
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,841
Kommandant Klink has
placed Major Buckles
104
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,677
under my personal
and special protection.
105
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:23,147
I'm directly responsible that
nothing, absolutely nothing,
106
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,617
happens to Major Buckles.
107
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:28,970
Nothing is going to
happen to Major Buckles?
108
00:06:29,005 --> 00:06:30,738
Of course not, Schultz.
109
00:06:30,774 --> 00:06:33,407
Just like nothing happened
to Benedict Arnold.
110
00:06:33,443 --> 00:06:35,309
Because we didn't catch him.
111
00:06:35,345 --> 00:06:37,144
Carter, I'm warning you!
112
00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:40,214
Furthermore, I'm imploring you.
113
00:06:40,249 --> 00:06:43,101
I don't quite understand, chaps.
114
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:46,504
I mean, my record is perfect.
115
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,217
Appeared three
times in two years
116
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,808
at the Hollywood Canteen.
117
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,676
My men are upset
with you, Buckles,
118
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,029
for doing a propaganda
film for the Germans.
119
00:06:54,064 --> 00:06:55,563
They are?
120
00:06:55,598 --> 00:06:57,043
It sounded like
such a good part.
121
00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:59,034
Get him out of here, Schultz.
122
00:06:59,069 --> 00:07:02,770
My orders are to remain
with this man at all times.
123
00:07:02,805 --> 00:07:04,172
At all times!
124
00:07:04,207 --> 00:07:07,175
I'm very happy for both of you,
but be together somewhere else.
125
00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:08,677
We got work to do.
126
00:07:08,712 --> 00:07:11,245
Work to do? What kind of work?
127
00:07:11,281 --> 00:07:13,548
Please, don't tell me.
128
00:07:13,583 --> 00:07:15,917
Wait a minute, Hogan.
129
00:07:15,952 --> 00:07:17,697
I'm beginning to get your drift.
130
00:07:17,721 --> 00:07:20,188
You mean that
public relations-wise,
131
00:07:20,223 --> 00:07:22,201
it might be bad for my image
132
00:07:22,225 --> 00:07:23,352
to make this film, huh?
133
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:26,377
It's Colonel Hogan.
And I couldn't care less.
134
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:27,490
I like that. I like that.
135
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:29,158
I like a man who
looks after my interests.
136
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,684
Very good, Hogan. I won't do it.
137
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:34,585
Wait a minute.
138
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,955
Do it.
139
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,556
I'll be the director.
140
00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:39,991
What?!
141
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,626
Hold on, Colonel. Why?
142
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:44,328
Colonel, you're going to direct
a German propaganda movie?
143
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,497
That's right.
144
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:48,399
Excuse me, please,
Colonel Hogan.
145
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,668
Colonel Hogan, I
know from experience,
146
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:52,903
when you decide to do something
147
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:54,805
which looks good
for the Germans,
148
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:55,873
it's bad for the Germans.
149
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:56,875
Am I right?
150
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,543
Keep going, Schultz.
151
00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,411
Now, what's bad for the Germans,
152
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:01,479
you're about to explain
153
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:04,382
to my personal charge,
the movie star, Major.
154
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,817
It's possible.
155
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:07,752
But I have strict orders
156
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:10,221
not to let him out of my sight!
157
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:13,658
What do you think
you should do, Schultz?
158
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:15,059
I know nothing!
159
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:18,462
I see nothing!
160
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,249
Nothing!
161
00:08:21,284 --> 00:08:23,651
I think I shall place
my camera right here
162
00:08:23,686 --> 00:08:25,703
so as to feature
the chief speaker.
163
00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:26,755
You, Kommandant?
164
00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:28,256
Who else?
165
00:08:28,291 --> 00:08:31,242
To write, produce,
direct and act.
166
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:33,444
It is remarkable, isn't it?
167
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:37,916
And then, a camera move, picking
up Byron Buckles, side by side,
168
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,518
with me leading
the happy prisoners
169
00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,453
in the Horst Wessel Song.
170
00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:44,388
Oh, Hilda. Get
every word of this,
171
00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:46,490
while I'm in white heat.
172
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,361
There will be a small part,
Kommandant, for a woman?
173
00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:51,830
Of course, my dear.
174
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,275
But you see, in the
picture business,
175
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:56,467
we must have interviews,
tryouts, readings, tests,
176
00:08:56,502 --> 00:09:00,438
late conferences to establish
the necessary rapport,
177
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,173
you understand, my dear?
178
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,942
Oh, perfectly, Herr Director.
179
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:07,128
Excellent. Excellent.
180
00:09:09,398 --> 00:09:10,509
Go away!
181
00:09:10,533 --> 00:09:13,234
I could make you a star.
182
00:09:13,269 --> 00:09:15,769
Pardon me, Herr Kommandant.
183
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,472
Schultz! Get out!
184
00:09:17,507 --> 00:09:18,906
I'm not to be disturbed.
185
00:09:18,941 --> 00:09:20,052
I know, Herr Kommandant,
186
00:09:20,076 --> 00:09:22,154
and I sympathize with
you, Herr Kommandant,
187
00:09:22,178 --> 00:09:24,145
but Major Buckles...
188
00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:26,781
Schultz, you were not to
leave him out of your sight!
189
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:27,882
That was a direct order!
190
00:09:27,917 --> 00:09:29,383
Exactly, Herr Kommandant.
191
00:09:29,418 --> 00:09:31,230
Which is, when he
insisted on seeing you,
192
00:09:31,254 --> 00:09:32,314
I brought him with me.
193
00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:34,038
Schultz!
194
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,952
Ahh, Commandant, I'm
glad we're not interrupting.
195
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,909
Business, business,
business, 24 hours a day.
196
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:38,944
That's our commandant.
197
00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,645
Hogan! Out!
198
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,446
What can I do for
you, Major Buckles?
199
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,522
Oh, I believe you know
my secretary, Fraulein Hilda.
200
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:49,020
Enchanté.
201
00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:51,555
Hogan, I want
her in the picture.
202
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,502
Hogan, you want
her in the picture?
203
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:54,926
Why Hogan?
204
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,845
Well, my dear Klink,
I found our director.
205
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,125
But of course you know
all about his background,
206
00:09:59,149 --> 00:10:00,465
about which you've told me.
207
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,378
What? What did I tell you?
208
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,346
Your knowledge
of cinematic history.
209
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:07,105
Of course. Hogan.
210
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,484
You'll read for me,
of course, Hilda?
211
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,141
Oh, any time, Colonel Hogan.
212
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,320
Are your quarters
going to be free
213
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:12,655
tomorrow night, Commandant?
214
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,223
No! Major Buckles?
215
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,514
Naturally, we won't
work from a script.
216
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:18,482
Hogan likes to
create on the set.
217
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:20,046
Create on the set?
218
00:10:20,070 --> 00:10:23,822
Which leaves us with
only one major role to fill.
219
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:25,290
What is that?
220
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,458
Someone to play the
part of the Commandant.
221
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:29,221
Someone to play my part?
222
00:10:29,245 --> 00:10:31,524
Uh, maybe Berlin
can help us out.
223
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:32,714
Good thought.
224
00:10:32,749 --> 00:10:35,617
But gentlemen,
I thought in order
225
00:10:35,652 --> 00:10:37,852
to bring the necessary
authenticity to the role,
226
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,688
that I would consent
to play the part.
227
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,974
Definitely not the type.
228
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:44,108
Definitely.
229
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:45,477
But gentlemen...
230
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:48,746
No, it calls for authority,
old man, bearings, stature.
231
00:10:51,585 --> 00:10:55,086
Schultz! Dismissed!
232
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:57,221
Hmm... Shultz...
233
00:10:57,256 --> 00:10:59,524
Let me hear you read that line.
234
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:00,670
With pleasure.
235
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:03,561
Schultz! Dismissed!
236
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:05,874
Oh, that's better. That's
much, much better.
237
00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:08,533
Yeah. Commandant, will you
lend him your monocle, please?
238
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,267
No!
239
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,515
And I will not be
browbeaten by prisoners!
240
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:13,849
I will write this picture.
241
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:14,839
I will direct it.
242
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:15,918
I will produce it,
243
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:17,820
and I will play
the part of Klink!
244
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,922
Otherwise, there is no picture!
245
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:21,746
No picture.
246
00:11:23,199 --> 00:11:26,217
Um, Commandant...
247
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:28,853
I, uh, know how you
feel, Commandant,
248
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:31,222
but the movie world is a jungle.
249
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,169
We're dealing here with a star.
250
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,327
But it was all my idea,
my dream, Hogan.
251
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,472
I know it was.
252
00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:40,631
But he doesn't need
you. You need him.
253
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:42,466
I will not submit to blackmail.
254
00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:43,467
The picture is off!
255
00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:45,314
I admire a man of principle.
256
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,481
It's a good thing
257
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:48,584
you haven't told
Berlin about the film.
258
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:49,874
But I did.
259
00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:52,110
They're sending
cameras, film crews.
260
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,779
Stick to your guns,
and, I must say, sir,
261
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,125
it's been a pleasure
to know you.
262
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,950
Hogan, you have to help me.
263
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:00,596
It's going to be tough, sir.
264
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:03,487
Have you ever worked
with a star before?
265
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:04,688
No, never.
266
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,991
Monsters.
267
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:08,108
Come on.
268
00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:11,646
Uh, Major. Major, I'm sorry,
269
00:12:11,681 --> 00:12:12,647
but the Commandant is adamant.
270
00:12:12,682 --> 00:12:13,814
Hogan?
271
00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:15,761
His name must remain
on the screen as producer.
272
00:12:15,785 --> 00:12:17,230
In fine print, of course.
273
00:12:17,254 --> 00:12:18,403
What else?
274
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,783
In return, he's agreed
to let me write and direct.
275
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:22,317
Schultz will play
the Commandant.
276
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:24,074
Hogan.
277
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:28,579
Might I say, Major Buckles,
Colonel Hogan, Kommandant Klink,
278
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:31,916
I think it sounds very fair.
279
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,312
Schultz! Get out of here!
280
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:37,205
Would you try that?
281
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,541
Schultz! Get out of here!
282
00:12:40,576 --> 00:12:42,271
Oh, that's better. That's
much, much better.
283
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:43,728
Yeah.
284
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:46,697
Well, that's show business.
285
00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:58,475
All right, all right,
quiet, everybody.
286
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,222
Quiet on the set! Quiet!
287
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:02,713
All right, now,
here's the action.
288
00:13:02,748 --> 00:13:03,759
The prisoners... you...
289
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,661
Have arranged a
surprise birthday party
290
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:07,819
for their beloved
commandant, Colonel Klink.
291
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,215
How nice.
292
00:13:09,239 --> 00:13:11,239
You're Schultz. He's Klink.
293
00:13:11,274 --> 00:13:14,675
Oh, yes, - I'm
Schultz. He's Klink.
294
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:17,245
But naturally.
295
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,514
Now, Klink is lured here on
some pretense by Schultz,
296
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,467
who opens the door and says...
297
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,470
What do I say?
298
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:26,582
Achtung, Achtung.
299
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,640
Achtung... with a smile.
300
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,141
I'm sorry about that.
301
00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:32,788
I just do not seem
to feel the part.
302
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:33,928
But I will get it.
303
00:13:33,963 --> 00:13:35,107
I will get it.
304
00:13:35,131 --> 00:13:36,297
Ach... tung!
305
00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:40,902
Thank you, Schultz.
306
00:13:40,937 --> 00:13:41,977
All right, all right.
307
00:13:42,005 --> 00:13:43,204
Places, everybody.
308
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:46,335
Places, everybody!
309
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,492
Quiet!
310
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:48,576
Very bright,
311
00:13:48,611 --> 00:13:49,621
very happy.
312
00:13:49,645 --> 00:13:51,245
All right, roll 'em.
313
00:13:51,281 --> 00:13:52,361
Action.
314
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:56,667
Ach... Ach...
315
00:13:57,820 --> 00:14:00,249
Keep it rolling 'til he gets it.
316
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:03,374
Ach... Ach...
317
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,419
Tung!
318
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:05,409
Tung.
319
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:06,744
Achtung... of course.
320
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:11,182
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good fellow ♪
321
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:17,689
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow,
which nobody can deny. ♪
322
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,996
Happy prisoners, glad to be
323
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:28,733
the wonderful world
of the Third Reich.
324
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:31,502
Oh...
325
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,821
For me?!
326
00:14:33,856 --> 00:14:35,801
And there's more to
come, Commandant,
327
00:14:35,825 --> 00:14:40,528
as the prisoners express
through their own simple handicraft
328
00:14:40,563 --> 00:14:42,963
their gratitude
for your hospitality
329
00:14:42,999 --> 00:14:44,231
and political guidance.
330
00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:46,834
Oh, how wonderful!
331
00:14:46,869 --> 00:14:49,937
Crafted out of
their own mess tins,
332
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:53,675
a scale replica of the
battleship Bismarck.
333
00:14:53,710 --> 00:14:58,613
Oh! The unsinkable Bismarck!
334
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,649
Cut, cut!
335
00:15:01,684 --> 00:15:04,685
Hogan, Hogan, this man
is completely impossible.
336
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,954
I cannot work with him.
337
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,056
It is my scene.
338
00:15:09,091 --> 00:15:11,159
It is my birthday.
339
00:15:11,194 --> 00:15:13,927
Why does he have to
destroy my battleship?
340
00:15:13,963 --> 00:15:15,429
In all my pictures,
341
00:15:15,465 --> 00:15:17,965
the finished film...
By contract...
342
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,834
Must be at least
60% close-ups of me.
343
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:22,670
All right, all right.
Hold it. Hold it.
344
00:15:22,705 --> 00:15:23,804
Achtung!
345
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:25,139
Very good. Later, later.
346
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:26,240
Achtung, Achtung!
347
00:15:26,276 --> 00:15:27,353
General Burkhalter is here.
348
00:15:27,377 --> 00:15:31,979
Klink, what is going on here?
349
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:34,848
General Burkhalter, what a
pleasure to see the General.
350
00:15:34,884 --> 00:15:36,484
Always so nice to see you, sir.
351
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:38,852
What is all this, Klink?
352
00:15:38,888 --> 00:15:41,955
And why are you out of uniform?
353
00:15:41,991 --> 00:15:45,159
Or has Berlin finally
caught up with you?
354
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,257
Nothing like that,
General Burkhalter.
355
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,026
We're just doing
a little play-acting,
356
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,015
as you can see.
357
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:53,234
Needed a better type for
the commandant, General.
358
00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:56,771
Welcome to Stalag 13, General.
359
00:15:56,806 --> 00:15:58,022
Quiet, Schultz!
360
00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,857
Just a little documentary
361
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:02,593
that I am producing,
General Burkhalter
362
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,696
after I persuaded the
actor, Byron Buckles,
363
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:08,177
to, uh, give us,
full cooperation.
364
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,262
Uh, he is the one
sitting right over there.
365
00:16:10,286 --> 00:16:12,387
Very amenable.
366
00:16:12,422 --> 00:16:16,057
I am here only because of
a wire from Colonel Hogan.
367
00:16:16,092 --> 00:16:17,925
Hogan?
368
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,272
How can a prisoner
send a wire, Hogan?
369
00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:24,715
A very good question,
Sergeant Klink.
370
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:25,816
Actually, General,
371
00:16:25,851 --> 00:16:27,951
I have this parade
sequence in mind:
372
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,187
hundreds of marching
happy prisoners.
373
00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:31,700
We certainly need a
more imposing figure
374
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:32,857
to take their salute.
375
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,225
Excellent idea, Hogan.
376
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:36,861
And the General
wouldn't be tied up at all.
377
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:37,973
We could do it in a day.
378
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:38,913
This afternoon, sir.
379
00:16:38,948 --> 00:16:40,548
Well, actually,
380
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:43,234
I had more of a
commitment in mind.
381
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,703
Lovely costume
on Hilda, isn't it, sir?
382
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,072
Um, you see, we
need a more sure hand
383
00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:49,624
on the production reins.
384
00:16:49,659 --> 00:16:51,437
Perhaps if you
could give us a week.
385
00:16:51,461 --> 00:16:52,760
Production reins?
386
00:16:52,795 --> 00:16:55,073
Hogan, the General is
much too busy for that.
387
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,159
You are much too
busy, aren't you, sir?
388
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,549
This is much too important
389
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,317
a project, Klink,
390
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:03,054
to leave it to a Sergeant.
391
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:05,172
Right?
392
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:06,468
Very good, General Burkhalter.
393
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,060
Work that into
the script, Hogan.
394
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:13,063
In my career, Hogan, I
have worked with dogs.
395
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:15,077
I have even worked
with small children,
396
00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:18,019
but never with a
scene-stealer like Schultz.
397
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:20,633
Let's not lose sight
of our purpose.
398
00:17:20,657 --> 00:17:22,400
We're using that
film for a reason...
399
00:17:22,424 --> 00:17:23,602
A very important reason...
400
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,237
To Allied High
Command in London.
401
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:26,471
Now, whose side are you on?
402
00:17:26,495 --> 00:17:27,628
Mine.
403
00:17:27,664 --> 00:17:29,442
That's why I'm a star.
404
00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:31,844
Why don't you step
outside, Colonel?
405
00:17:31,868 --> 00:17:33,534
We can persuade him easy.
406
00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:35,420
No trouble at all, Colonel.
407
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,721
Forget it.
408
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,834
Buckles, it may have
escaped your attention,
409
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:40,057
but there's a war on.
410
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:41,492
A joint enterprise.
411
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,661
No free passes
to Hollywood stars.
412
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,596
Furthermore...
413
00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:49,734
Strike all that.
414
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:53,638
Buckles, look on it
as your greatest role.
415
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,309
My greatest role?
416
00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:00,344
Academy Award time.
417
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,184
I'll do it.
418
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:08,853
How would it be if, uh...
419
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,065
No. It won't do.
420
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,622
What we need is a big finish.
421
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:13,091
Really big.
422
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,625
But the parade.
423
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:15,460
Static.
424
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:16,489
Static?
425
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:18,078
Static.
426
00:18:18,114 --> 00:18:20,425
Something showing the love
and devotion of the prisoners.
427
00:18:20,449 --> 00:18:21,694
Not only toward the Commandant,
428
00:18:21,718 --> 00:18:22,795
but toward the Third Reich.
429
00:18:22,819 --> 00:18:24,296
Something big, dramatic.
430
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:25,887
Action, action.
431
00:18:25,922 --> 00:18:27,065
Film is action.
432
00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:29,323
Film is action... how true.
433
00:18:30,393 --> 00:18:31,759
I've got it.
434
00:18:31,794 --> 00:18:33,973
The prisoners
form a military unit,
435
00:18:33,997 --> 00:18:36,296
and go behind Allied
lines to blow up a bridge.
436
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:37,565
Take that down, Hilda.
437
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,567
To go behind their own lines
438
00:18:39,602 --> 00:18:41,869
to blow up their own bridge?
439
00:18:41,904 --> 00:18:45,005
What a grasp of a concept, sir.
440
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,085
But how can we be sure
441
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:48,993
they will come
back to Stalag 13?
442
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:50,772
Mind like a steel trap.
443
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,174
That's the beauty of film, sir.
444
00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:54,043
We use a-a bridge close to camp.
445
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,061
Say the one 20
miles south of here.
446
00:18:56,085 --> 00:18:59,754
You cannot blow up
that bridge, Hogan.
447
00:18:59,789 --> 00:19:01,756
That bridge is very important.
448
00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:04,926
It is the most closely-guarded
bridge in Germany.
449
00:19:04,961 --> 00:19:06,627
What a producer.
450
00:19:06,662 --> 00:19:08,762
We only use the
bridge for filming, sir.
451
00:19:08,798 --> 00:19:10,464
We even use fake explosives.
452
00:19:10,499 --> 00:19:12,444
The actual explosion
is done with a miniature.
453
00:19:12,468 --> 00:19:13,818
Six feet long.
454
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,737
But to film in the
restricted area?
455
00:19:16,772 --> 00:19:19,050
Yeah, lucky our
producer's a general.
456
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,307
Oh, yes.
457
00:19:20,343 --> 00:19:21,475
Well, but, uh...
458
00:19:21,510 --> 00:19:22,654
Yeah.
459
00:19:22,678 --> 00:19:25,112
Cinematic history in the making.
460
00:19:25,147 --> 00:19:27,781
What'll we call our outfit?
461
00:19:27,816 --> 00:19:30,117
The Klink Brigade.
462
00:19:30,152 --> 00:19:32,219
That doesn't quite
make it, does it?
463
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:33,387
Mm-hmm.
464
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,356
Um, let's see.
465
00:19:37,460 --> 00:19:39,271
The Burkhalter Brigade.
466
00:19:39,295 --> 00:19:41,629
That's it.
467
00:19:41,664 --> 00:19:43,964
The Burkhalter Brigade.
468
00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:47,100
I like it.
469
00:19:48,304 --> 00:19:49,670
All right, the film is rolling.
470
00:19:49,705 --> 00:19:50,705
Move in on the bridge.
471
00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:54,825
Wire the TNT.
472
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,827
This good enough?
473
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,995
A little further, Major.
474
00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,065
Good.
475
00:20:08,257 --> 00:20:10,235
I always work with
doubles, you know?
476
00:20:10,259 --> 00:20:11,592
Always.
477
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:13,138
Why couldn't Hogan
give me a double?
478
00:20:13,162 --> 00:20:15,162
Authenticity for
your performance.
479
00:20:15,197 --> 00:20:16,575
I think he's insane.
480
00:20:16,599 --> 00:20:17,965
Will you hold this, please?
481
00:20:18,001 --> 00:20:19,411
It won't go off, will it?
482
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:20,601
Probably not.
483
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:21,917
I think I'm insane.
484
00:20:22,872 --> 00:20:25,523
Do you actually
know Esther Williams?
485
00:20:28,010 --> 00:20:29,621
What's the matter
with him anyway?
486
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:30,889
I never worked with a director
487
00:20:30,913 --> 00:20:32,407
who made things so complicated.
488
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:35,565
You know, audiences won't
follow a complicated story.
489
00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:37,167
It's the old Hogan touch.
490
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:39,003
See, if he didn't keep
Klink and Burkhalter
491
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:40,437
kind of stirred up and confused,
492
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:42,857
they might figure out
what's really going on.
493
00:20:42,892 --> 00:20:44,058
Ready, Kinch?
494
00:20:44,093 --> 00:20:45,076
Ready.
495
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,277
LeBeau, Newkirk?
496
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:47,873
I'm all set. Just yours now.
497
00:20:47,897 --> 00:20:49,462
Fire!
498
00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:52,133
What was that?
499
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:54,135
It was a rifle shot.
500
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:55,302
Colonel Hogan thought
501
00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:57,038
it might make things
seem more realistic.
502
00:20:57,073 --> 00:20:58,750
Why didn't he tell me?
503
00:20:58,774 --> 00:20:59,957
He's got a lot on his mind.
504
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,836
A lot on his mind?
505
00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:03,005
Is he aware
506
00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:04,172
that in this business
507
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,707
the making of a
star takes a minimum
508
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:07,559
of eight years and
millions and millions...
509
00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:13,821
If I'm going to die...
510
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,557
at least let it
be in a close-up.
511
00:21:18,293 --> 00:21:20,645
Now they got you
surrounded, Buckles.
512
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:24,615
You're determined
to blow the bridge.
513
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:26,517
You're getting ready
514
00:21:26,552 --> 00:21:28,185
to push the detonator down.
515
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:31,539
Hold it, hold it! Cut, cut.
516
00:21:31,574 --> 00:21:32,973
It's wrong, wrong.
517
00:21:33,009 --> 00:21:34,441
Hogan,
518
00:21:34,476 --> 00:21:35,976
what is the matter?
519
00:21:36,012 --> 00:21:37,845
Uh, it just doesn't sing.
520
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,013
Sing?
521
00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,191
Sing.
522
00:21:40,215 --> 00:21:41,226
Oh. Oh.
523
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:42,616
There's an element missing.
524
00:21:42,651 --> 00:21:45,119
It just doesn't build.
525
00:21:45,154 --> 00:21:46,453
Of course.
526
00:21:46,488 --> 00:21:48,122
Of course what?
527
00:21:48,157 --> 00:21:51,125
The gallant allies, the
staunch companions.
528
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,177
They should be in the scene.
529
00:21:53,212 --> 00:21:54,345
Who are they?
530
00:21:54,380 --> 00:21:55,513
It's symbolism.
531
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:56,814
Hands across the sea.
532
00:21:56,849 --> 00:21:58,816
The defenders
of the Third Reich.
533
00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:01,151
Together again for
the roaring climax.
534
00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:02,403
Burkhalter!
535
00:22:02,438 --> 00:22:04,104
Klink and Schultz!
536
00:22:04,139 --> 00:22:06,072
It sings!
537
00:22:07,410 --> 00:22:08,575
Okay.
538
00:22:08,611 --> 00:22:09,922
Everybody set?
539
00:22:09,946 --> 00:22:11,489
All right now, with your buddy
540
00:22:11,513 --> 00:22:14,081
standing guard around you...
541
00:22:14,117 --> 00:22:15,249
Fire.
542
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:31,293
Great shot, just great.
543
00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:33,328
Just what we needed
to sell the picture.
544
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:35,052
Hogan!
545
00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:36,286
Never mind the picture.
546
00:22:36,322 --> 00:22:37,821
What about the bridge?
547
00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:39,301
That was unfortunate, sir.
548
00:22:39,325 --> 00:22:40,668
But you can't make an omelet
549
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:41,936
without breaking a few eggs.
550
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,160
You tricked us, Hogan.
551
00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:44,639
You were using real explosives.
552
00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:45,874
I believe it was furnished
553
00:22:45,898 --> 00:22:47,042
by you, Commandant.
554
00:22:47,066 --> 00:22:49,244
Schultz, that was
your responsibility.
555
00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:50,534
As a Commandant,
556
00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:53,804
I cannot follow up
every detail personally,
557
00:22:53,839 --> 00:22:55,968
Herr Kommandant.
558
00:22:55,992 --> 00:22:57,257
I will have all your heads!
559
00:22:57,293 --> 00:22:58,425
All of them!
560
00:22:58,461 --> 00:23:00,439
Uh, begging your
pardon, General,
561
00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:02,107
but I think we're
all in this together.
562
00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:04,076
Especially since we have
such marvelous footage
563
00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:05,510
of you setting
off the explosion.
564
00:23:05,534 --> 00:23:07,218
Destroy the picture!
565
00:23:07,253 --> 00:23:08,630
Anything you say, sir, anything.
566
00:23:08,654 --> 00:23:09,831
Uh, uh.
567
00:23:09,855 --> 00:23:11,066
That still leaves the bridge,
568
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,234
or what's left of it.
569
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:15,392
I will tell Berlin the
complete, entire truth.
570
00:23:15,428 --> 00:23:18,161
And then kill myself.
571
00:23:18,197 --> 00:23:20,431
Don't you have anything
in your mind, Hogan?
572
00:23:20,466 --> 00:23:23,534
A high-flying bomber,
secret weapon.
573
00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:24,746
Can't be seen nor heard.
574
00:23:24,770 --> 00:23:27,170
But how could
they fly that high?
575
00:23:27,205 --> 00:23:28,989
It's a secret.
576
00:23:29,024 --> 00:23:30,524
I like it.
577
00:23:30,559 --> 00:23:32,236
Schultz, keep out of this.
578
00:23:32,260 --> 00:23:33,839
What do you think,
General Burkhalter?
579
00:23:33,863 --> 00:23:35,796
I hate it.
580
00:23:35,832 --> 00:23:38,465
And then I will
take killing myself.
581
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:39,678
Excellent.
582
00:23:39,702 --> 00:23:40,846
Any loose ends?
583
00:23:40,870 --> 00:23:42,002
Hogan, Hogan,
584
00:23:42,038 --> 00:23:43,670
are you aware that
during the last shot
585
00:23:43,706 --> 00:23:45,973
this man had his
hand over my face?
586
00:23:46,008 --> 00:23:48,042
We'll simply have to
shoot it all over again.
587
00:23:48,077 --> 00:23:50,044
Major, forget it.
588
00:23:57,052 --> 00:23:59,386
Sorry you won't be with
us any longer, Major.
589
00:23:59,421 --> 00:24:01,399
Well, I'm terribly
sorry myself, old man.
590
00:24:01,423 --> 00:24:04,358
Exchanging me for three
German generals, you know.
591
00:24:04,393 --> 00:24:05,904
Good break for you.
592
00:24:05,928 --> 00:24:07,194
Oh, not really.
593
00:24:07,230 --> 00:24:10,297
I insisted on it in my
contract before I enlisted.
594
00:24:10,333 --> 00:24:11,798
Mr. Buckle,
595
00:24:11,834 --> 00:24:14,112
would you tell Betty
Grable Carter says hello?
596
00:24:14,136 --> 00:24:16,670
Right.
597
00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:17,838
Well, bye-bye, chaps.
598
00:24:17,874 --> 00:24:19,406
Buy bonds.
599
00:24:19,441 --> 00:24:20,919
Clever turn of phrase, Major.
600
00:24:20,943 --> 00:24:22,142
Just came to me.
601
00:24:22,178 --> 00:24:24,411
Like to work with you again
602
00:24:24,446 --> 00:24:25,946
sometime, Hogan.
603
00:24:25,982 --> 00:24:27,926
If you're ever in
Hollywood after this whole...
604
00:24:27,950 --> 00:24:29,083
We can have lunch.
605
00:24:29,118 --> 00:24:30,417
Bless you.
606
00:24:30,452 --> 00:24:31,663
Major Buckles,
607
00:24:31,687 --> 00:24:32,819
your car is waiting.
608
00:24:32,855 --> 00:24:34,132
Well, carry on, chaps.
609
00:24:34,156 --> 00:24:36,357
Oh, Major Buckles, may I
say that appearing with you
610
00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:38,392
on the silver screen
has been the high point...
611
00:24:38,427 --> 00:24:39,604
Bless you.
612
00:24:39,628 --> 00:24:40,794
Uh, one for our collection,
613
00:24:40,829 --> 00:24:41,890
Major, before you leave?
614
00:24:41,914 --> 00:24:43,625
Uh, but of course, old chap.
615
00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:45,816
Has been the high point
of my career at Stalag 13,
616
00:24:45,852 --> 00:24:47,117
which has not been without...
617
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:48,285
Okay? Hold it.
618
00:24:48,321 --> 00:24:50,921
Unbelievable episodes.
39381
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