All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes S04E22 The Purchasing Plan.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.CBS

Darn it, I dropped
a stitch again.

Forget it... we've got
all the socks we need.

Yeah, but I'm sending these
to my kid brother back home.

You'd do a thing like
that to your own brother?

When you're finished
with those, Carter,

why don't you knit
something interesting?

Yeah, like a girl.

Hey!

Why don't you warn
somebody before you come out?

He's all good news.

Message from London, Colonel.

It's urgent.

You know, after the war, Andrew,

you're going to make
somebody a great little wife.

That's ridiculous... ridiculous!

What's ridiculous?

London's dropped in a load of
ammunition for the underground.

What's that got to do with us?

They want us to bring it
into camp, store it here,

and then move it out to
the underground units.

Well, that's ridiculous!

Turn a POW camp
into an ammo dump?

Well, good night...
I'm going to bed.

I'm going to resign
from the bloody RAF,

that's what I'm going to do.

Sir, I'd like to request
a transfer to the navy.

Somebody wake me
in time for the next war.

Wait a minute. Hold it.

When do we start, Colonel?

We bring in the
stuff tomorrow night.

How did you know the colonel

was going to accept
the assignment?

It was easy.

I read it in his face.

Every time it's a tough one,
his left eyebrow goes up.

Let his eyebrow do the job.

Yeah, good luck to it, I say.

Well, I'll tell you one thing...

We should have
enlisted on the other side

and we'd be a lot safer.

Guten Abend, Schnitzer.

Hey, Schultzy.

How goes the war?

I don't know.

I haven't heard from
the Führer this week.

You're lucky.

Anybody who hears
from the Führer

is never heard from again.

I don't mix in politics.

I'm a soldier.

Good!

I'll keep your secret.

Hey, Schultz, there's
somebody I want you to meet.

I haven't got time
to meet anybody.

Come over here.

My niece Heidi.

Sergeant Hans Schultz.

Guten Abend, Sergeant.

Enchanté, mademoiselle.

French.

Schön.

Very schön.

I've heard so much about you.

Onkel Albert tells me you
run the whole place here.

I have a little help,
but not very much.

It is not easy to get
good soldiers in wartime.

It's getting colder, Heidi.

Come on, let's go home.

Wait a minute, hold it, hold it.

What's the rush?

I mean, we... just
got acquainted.

I'd be pleased you could
give us a nice cup of coffee.

But it's in the orderly room,

and I'm supposed to
be here with the truck.

Orders, you know.

But I thought you
run things here.

Yeah, I do, but... but...

I gave the orders to myself.

Nobody can use this
truck to escape in, Schultzy.

Oh, your uncle is so clever.

And so is his niece.

Klink, facts and figures don't
lie, even though you may.

Me? Lie?

Why is Stalag 13
the most expensive

prisoner of war camp in Germany?

That's a very good
question, Herr General.

It costs 30% more to
operate this hotel of yours

than any other POW camp.

But we do have fun.

Silence!

Sir, it may cost a lot more,

but may I remind you...

I have never had an
escape in Stalag 13.

Perhaps you should.

It might be cheaper.

I'd be willing to try.

Quiet!

General... I keep my expenses
down to the barest minimum.

I order only those things
that are absolutely necessary.

Is that so?

Signed requisitions for caviar,

asparagus, champagne, brandy.

How dare you sign
requisitions for such things?

This is your signature.

Why do you let me
sign such things?

I have to do everything
around here by myself.

How does this happen, Klink?

It's his fault.

Hogan?

Yes... he keeps
demanding his rights

under the Geneva Convention.

Oh, sure... luxuries
like bread and water.

He's passing the buck, General.

If it weren't for our packages
from home, we'd starve.

That's a terrible exaggeration.

Yeah?

We're the only POW camp
that doesn't have mice.

That's another
distortion of the truth.

Well, we do have one mouse,

but he only sleeps here.

He eats his meals at Stalag 4.

I don't believe it.

Neither do I...
but it's not bad.

Klink! I'm warning you.

Keep your costs down,
put your house in order,

or the next time
you want caviar,

you won't have to import it...

You can catch your
own on the Volga.

But you'll have to eat it there.

You can't take it home, sir.

Hogan!

General, I promise you,

I will bring all my skill
and my intelligence

to bear on this problem.

Who knows?

You may be able
to solve it anyway.

Cor blimey! There can't be
any ammunition left in England.

The next one to light
a cigarette down here

gets a court-martial.

Before or after the explosion?

Colonel?

London wants this
ammo divided into four lots

and delivered to
separate locations.

They must be kidding.

Shh... they're sending them now.

Oh, well, that's lovely.

Prisoners of war delivering
ammunition all over Germany.

Maybe they would like to
have the stuff gift-wrapped.

It can't be done, mon colonel.

We moved the ammo
in, we can move it out.

To four different places?

Come on, Colonel.

Tell us how to do it.

I wish you guys wouldn't
ask embarrassing questions.

Excuse me.

Colonel, I think I've
solved your problem.

The Cub Scouts to the rescue.

Speak.

Well, your basic
problems in this case

are purchasing and distribution.

Now, the Germans are overlooking

a very simple principle.

Carter, what are
you nattering about?

The colonel told me

that Klink was chewed
out for mismanagement.

I've just been fooling around

with a couple of ideas.

We're trying to move ammunition,

and you're trying to make
the war easier for the Krauts.

Well, not exactly.

What does he know

about management anyway?

I happen to have attended
a very fine business school.

I didn't waste my time
hanging around pool halls

like certain people
I could mention.

What do you got there?

Just a few notes, sir.

Now... now, the Krauts, they
deal with five or six POW camps.

Now, if they could centralize

their purchasing
and their distribution...

Like use one camp as a depot...

Then they wouldn't
have a problem.

But we would: you.

Which side are you on?

Andrew, are you
one of the good guys

or one of the bad guys?

Okay, just laugh at a guy

who's trying to use his brains.

Hold it, hold it!

Carter just may be
one of the good guys.

Could you write that up to
make it sound important?

Piece of pie.

It's "cake," Andrew...
"piece of cake."

What's the pitch, Colonel?

Well, with Carter's plan,
we just might be able

to get the Krauts to move
the ammunition for us.

The colonel's
gone over the edge.

What is this... A
cuckoo festival?

Next time you radio London,

tell them we need
a psychiatrist.

No, I don't have an
appointment, ma'am,

but it's very important.

I'll see.

Come in!

Excuse me, Herr Kommandant,

a prisoner is asking to see you.

Don't you see that I'm
up to my neck here?

I am drowning in paperwork.

I cannot be bothered

with the problems of
every individual prisoner.

It's driving me out of my skull!

Don't you understand that?

Carter, what are you doing
here without permission?

I wanted to show the
commandant my plan.

Oh, that thing again.

I ordered you not to show it.

Well, I think it's good!

It deserves a chance.

I don't care what you think.

We're not in this war to
help the Germans, you know.

Now, give me that plan.

Yes, sir.

It's a good thing
I got it in time.

You're not to show
this to the Krauts.

Now get back to your hut.

But, Colonel, I
was just trying...

That's an order, Sergeant!

Just one moment, please.

And what is this document

you're trying to keep
from the Krauts?

He's been eavesdropping.

That's not very nice.

Any gentleman
would have coughed.

In his case, grunted.

In that case,

it would not be called
eavesdropping, would it?

Now... "reorganization...

"purchasing...
distributing procedures...

"central buying authority...

"supplies shipped
to Stalag 13...

reloaded for Luft
Stalags in this area..."

And that last part is mighty
important, Commandant.

This is your idea, Carter?

Yes, sir.

See, I heard you were
having management trouble,

and, uh, I took
it as a challenge.

You know, if you don't use
the old brain, it gets rusty.

See, I went to business school.

And after the war,
you're going to take

postgraduate work
in the stockade.

Hogan!

Uh, now, Carter, you would like

to put your ideas
into practice, eh?

Yes, sir.

I'm making a formal protest.

You're aiding the enemy.

That's you, Commandant.

That protest can
wait till after the war.

This has definite possibilities.

You're in a lot
of trouble, Carter.

But, sir...

Save it for your court-martial.

That's very unfair.

Go ahead... fight among
yourselves, I love it.

Fräulein Hilda, call General
Burkhalter at once in Berlin.

I want an immediate appointment.

This is most important.

You wouldn't
actually put that plan

in operation, would you?

Why not?

This is one of the best
ideas I've ever had.

Amazing.

You obviously worked
hard on this plan, Klink.

Thank you, General Burkhalter.

I have given it many
hours of intelligent thought.

That's what's so amazing.

What is your opinion, Major?

Not a bad idea, but I doubt
that Klink can make it work.

That's terribly unfair.

In fact, ever since we at
the Gestapo discovered

your mismanagement of Stalag 13,

I have had the
feeling that possibly

you should be transferred
to some other activity.

Ha! Me? Where would I go?

I have a few ideas.

Let us be practical, Major.

This could save a lot of money.

Yes, it could even be used

by some of the other services.

I understand they're
already beginning

to call it the "Klink plan."

Oh? Who calls it
the "Klink plan"?

Oh, some of the gang
back at the stalag.

As a matter of
fact, from now on,

I think it should be called
the "Klink-Burkhalter plan."

Klink!

I'm already leaning
in his direction.

Don't push me.

General, I'm against this idea.

It's a Luftwaffe matter, Major.

I will make the decision.

We will try it.

Thank you, sir.

Your decision is final?

Ja!

Klink.

Order supplies for the
Luft Stalags in your area

and have them sent to Stalag 13.

Redistribute the material
to the other camps.

Understood?

Understood, sir.

Oh, it's amazing how you
grasp the essentials of this plan.

Absolutely brilliant.

Brilliant, sir.

Herr General, you
have made the decision.

The Gestapo cannot
interfere at this point.

Right.

As for you, Klink,
I will be watching.

One wrong move
and you will be smiling

out of the other
side of your monocle.

Herr General.

I despise that man.

So do I.

But I rarely mention it.

He has a microphone
planted in this office.

But, sir, you just agreed
that you despise him, too.

Where's the microphone?

At the moment
you are sitting on it.

Ah, Hogan, another protest, huh?

You're darn right.

It's all over camp you
intend to use Carter

as foreman on this new plan.

I do?

Sure, because you know

he understands
how it should work

and he's the logical man.

Well, that hadn't
occurred to me, but...

It's against the
Geneva Convention

to have a prisoner of war...

Thank you, Colonel Hogan.

You have practically ensured
the success of the "Klink plan."

Who calls it the "Klink plan"?

Some of the gang back in Berlin.

In spite of my protests,

you're going to use
Carter to supervise

and let him pick his own
men for the loading, too?

Absolutely!

And that's another good
idea you've just given me.

Why can't I keep
my big mouth shut?

Ha!

Klink's orders are to ship the
supplies out day after tomorrow.

Now, they go to
Stalags 4, 9, 11 and 14.

Are you sure about that?

Never argue with the foreman.

Kinch, these are the
locations of the four stalags.

I want you to get in touch
with the underground.

Somewhere along these roads,

they've got to stop those
trucks and take the ammunition.

Nice little job.

Newkirk, Carter, I want you to
divide up the ammo into four lots.

Mark the boxes W, X,
Y and, uh... Z for nitro.

Yes, sir. All right, sir.

Kinch, radio that information
to the underground, huh?

Will do.

Hold it, hold it.

Let's get to the main problem.

There's more?

There's always more.

We got to move that ammunition

to the storage building
with the other supplies.

And if the Krauts catch us,

we'll move right
on into the cooler.

Yeah, their next move
after that is the firing squad.

How close is the nearest tunnel?

Right here.

Holy cow! That comes up
under the guards' barracks.

In Schultz's room.

Yeah, it could be
Piccadilly Circus

for all the good
it's going to do us.

Wrong... it's a break.

That's right next to
the storage building.

Now, we move our boxes
along through the tunnel,

surface in Schultz's room,

across the alley
into the building.

You've come out with
some harebrained schemes...

I think it'll work.

It's optimists like you, Carter,

that cause all the
trouble in the world.

What about Schultz, Colonel?

He'll be sleeping in there.

If he wakes up, even he
will know something's wrong.

LeBeau, I want
you to feed Schultz

some of your strudel
tomorrow night.

That won't knock him out.

No... but this will.

Beautiful, beautiful!

It is so good, one
shouldn't even call it strudel.

How about caviar?

Caviar? No.

I think I better
call it strudel.

Would you like to have a
nice cup of coffee to go with it?

Oh, ja... the good, strong
amerikanischer Kaffee, ja.

Jawohl.

But it won't keep
me awake, will it?

I think I can guarantee that.

Good.

Freeze.

Guten Abend, Hogan.

Ho... Hogan, what is it?

What?

You're having a
dream... dream... dream.

But I see men with
boxes over my bed.

It's part of the dream...
dream... dream.

Yeah, but it looks so real.

That's the best kind.

Dream...

dream... dream.

W, X and Y are all loaded, sir.

Okay, Carter.

That it?

Yeah.

Okay, Z's taken care of.

You're the best
foreman we ever had.

I'd like to try for a
medical discharge

on grounds of extreme fatigue.

Major Hochstetter...
Who sent for him?

Major Hochstetter, what
a pleasure to see you.

I was just passing by.

If he asks questions,
what do we do?

It's a toss-up.

Either faint dead
away or start crying.

Carter.

Everything's all loaded and
ready to roll out, Commandant.

Thank you, Carter.

Schultz!

Wait a minute.

Wh... what do you
mean, Herr Major?

Wine?

It's going to Stalag 11,

requisitioned to
the officers' mess

for a birthday party.

Wine!

Birthday parties in wartime!

Whose birthday?

The Führer's birthday.

Why didn't you say so?

Sergeant Schultz!

Let the trucks move out!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Fortunately, Major Hochstetter,

you are just in time to see the
"Klink plan" begin operations.

Amazing, isn't it?

It will be if it works.

You were not able to operate

the business of this
camp under the old plan;

why should anyone
expect you to...

I think, sir, you're
jumping to conclusions.

Yeah, well, if this
plan does not work,

the Gestapo will jump on you.

Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler.

You have some very
nice friends, Commandant.

That Hochstetter...

He's going to make me
an old man before my time.

What did you say, Grandpa?

We hit the jackpot, Colonel.

The underground
got all the ammo.

We've got a play-by-play.

The first gang did it
wearing German uniforms.

They even signed a receipt
for the boxes marked "W."

Clever, clever.

Now, the second group, they
shot out one of the truck's tires.

The Krauts stopped
to change it...

There goes the "X" shipment.

The third bunch got theirs

while the driver and his
pal were eating lunch.

And the last group,
the "Z" boxes...

They simply blocked the road.

We owe it all to
the Carter plan.

Aw, heck, it was nothing.

Yeah, that's true enough,
but it turned the trick.

Let's get in touch with London,

tell them "Mission
accomplished."

Right.

Colonel Hogan...

Somebody call for room service?

Colonel Klink wants to
see you and Sergeant Carter

in his quarters at once.

What for?

Me, Schultz?

He says he has a little
surprise for both of you.

You don't get a minute to
yourself in this war, do you?

Let's go.

How is the strudel
situation tonight?

Forget it.

That's only for
special occasions.

That strudel is wunderbar.

After you eat it, you
sleep like a little baby.

You sent for us, Commandant?

Ah! Yes, come in, come in.

Oh, all the stalags
report supplies received.

The plan is a success.

Oh, congratulations, sir.

Yeah, that's very
gratifying, sir.

And now I think we should
have a little celebration, huh?

And you keep telling
everybody he's a monster.

Oh, ho-ho.

On that last truck,

there were a few cases
of wine for the officers.

Wine?

And I had Sergeant
Schultz borrow one for me.

It's got a "Z" on it.

What?

Yeah, a "Z."

It was a vintage year.

Oh, yes!

Well, I'll just open it.

No, no, no! We'll
open it for you.

Carter, pick that up.

Oh, please don't bother.

No, you'll mess
up your room, sir.

But...

Carter, pick it up.

Pick it up, Carter.

He's tired.

A foreman's job is not easy.

We'll... here! be right back.

Settle down, will you?

What will I do?

Listen carefully.

Take it back to the hut.

Put a charge on it and a timer.

Set it for 60 seconds.

Then leave it out
in the compound

where it won't hurt anybody.

I'll stall Klink.

You get back here
after you set it off.

Understood?

Understood.

Boy, everything
was going so well.

Move.

Boy, if Klink had
opened this box...

Don't talk... work.

We want it set for
60 seconds, Andrew?

That's what the colonel said.

Get on with it.

You want to do this?

I don't enjoy...

Shh.

You know, we Germans have a
great talent for plans and inventions.

That's true.

You invented Hitler.

Yes, we...

Oh, that's very good, Hogan!

It's amazing what you
can do with a Tinkertoy.

I wonder what's taking
him so long with that wine.

He's probably
dusting the bottles.

Of course.

You know, Sergeant Carter
is a very thoughtful man.

I hope so.

Colonel...

Where's the wine?

Well, there was something
wrong with that box.

I left it outside.

Something wrong?

It was making ticking
noises, funny noises.

Ticking?

Nonsense.

I'll have a look at it.

What happened?

My guess would be
Major Hochstetter.

The Gestapo?

Right.

Couldn't stand your
plan being a success.

He tried getting
you another way.

That's terrible.

It's that man or me,

and I've got to find a
way to get at him first.

Carter?

Sir.

You think you can come
up with a plan for that?

Piece of pie.

Uh... he means "cake."

Yes, Herr General.

Carry on with the plan.

Yes, sir.

Oh, sir, when you have time,

I would like to discuss
a matter with you

concerning Major Hochstetter.

Forget it?

Don't be an idiot?

Yes, sir, I'll try.

Thank you, sir.

Heil Hitler.

He's very pleased.

I'm to continue with the plan.

Congratulations, sir.

Believe me, Hogan,
this will make me general.

Before this war is over,

you will see the
insignia right here.

I better start thinking
about a gift for you.

I'll talk to the boys.

What will it be? What, huh?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe we'll chip
in with the Gestapo

and buy you a case of wine.

Oh, a case of...

Dismissed!