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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:51,282 ♪ ♪ 2 00:01:05,182 --> 00:01:06,314 Well? 3 00:01:06,349 --> 00:01:07,649 Forget it. 4 00:01:07,685 --> 00:01:09,818 You'd need a division of armor to attack that camp. 5 00:01:09,853 --> 00:01:10,952 We couldn't get near it. 6 00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:12,331 The elite guards, machine guns, 7 00:01:12,355 --> 00:01:13,655 land mines, the whole works. 8 00:01:13,691 --> 00:01:15,657 Oh, blimey. 9 00:01:15,693 --> 00:01:17,070 I hate to say die, sir, 10 00:01:17,094 --> 00:01:19,238 but I'd rather say it than do it. 11 00:01:19,262 --> 00:01:20,440 My men are ready to attack 12 00:01:20,464 --> 00:01:22,375 as soon as you give the orders, Colonel. 13 00:01:22,399 --> 00:01:23,615 Forget it. 14 00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:24,766 Forget it? 15 00:01:24,801 --> 00:01:26,234 My brother's in there. 16 00:01:26,269 --> 00:01:27,635 You couldn't even get close. 17 00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:29,238 That place is a regular fortress. 18 00:01:29,273 --> 00:01:30,288 Are you afraid? 19 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,472 Afraid? 20 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,474 Yeah. 21 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,054 Look, it's not a matter of courage. 22 00:01:35,078 --> 00:01:37,140 Trying to rush that camp now would be suicide. 23 00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,292 My brother is to be executed day after tomorrow. 24 00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:40,649 I say the time to act is now. 25 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,066 Look, leave it to me. 26 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,296 I'll get Hans out. 27 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,536 But how? 28 00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:45,932 I said, leave it to me. 29 00:01:45,956 --> 00:01:47,099 I don't think... 30 00:01:47,123 --> 00:01:48,189 Colonel isn't a man 31 00:01:48,224 --> 00:01:50,091 to say something he doesn't mean. 32 00:01:50,126 --> 00:01:51,259 Don't worry, mate. 33 00:01:51,294 --> 00:01:53,361 The governor always has a marvelous plan. 34 00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,945 I will wait till I hear from you. 35 00:01:58,969 --> 00:02:00,552 Right. 36 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,732 All right, let's get this car back to the motor pool 37 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,300 before Klink finds out it's missing. 38 00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:05,274 Then what, sir? 39 00:02:05,309 --> 00:02:06,319 Then we start trying 40 00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:07,854 to think of this marvelous plan 41 00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:10,278 which I happen not to have at the moment. 42 00:02:24,444 --> 00:02:26,322 What time are they supposed to execute Hans? 43 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:27,946 0800 tomorrow. 44 00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,948 Doesn't give us much room. 45 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,649 Colonel Hogan, 46 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,296 Commandant Klink wants to see you 47 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,403 in the office at once. 48 00:02:34,438 --> 00:02:36,405 All right, Schultz. 49 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:37,939 You guys try to stall, huh? 50 00:02:37,974 --> 00:02:39,474 We may need this car later. 51 00:02:39,510 --> 00:02:41,609 Right, sir. 52 00:02:44,781 --> 00:02:46,792 Colonel said stall. 53 00:02:46,816 --> 00:02:48,083 Stall? 54 00:02:48,118 --> 00:02:50,352 We should do a job right no matter how small it is. 55 00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:51,886 Hey, morally, you make a commitment 56 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,289 to clean a man's car and... 57 00:02:54,324 --> 00:02:57,125 Colonel said stall. 58 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:58,610 Hogan, where's my car? 59 00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:00,790 You promised it would be parked and waiting for me. 60 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,781 It is not parked and waiting for me. 61 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,060 Why isn't it, and where is it? 62 00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,084 Well, I... 63 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,329 "8:00," you said. 64 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,497 "Promise?" I said? 65 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,031 "On my word of honor," you said. 66 00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:10,333 "8:00 sharp," I said. 67 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,402 "Not one second later," you said. 68 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,959 Did I say a.m. or p.m.? 69 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:17,329 It is now 9:30. 70 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,331 Colonel Klink, I want you to know 71 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,565 I understand your annoyance. 72 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:21,745 Oh, I understand it, too. 73 00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:23,045 But what I don't understand is 74 00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:24,213 where's my car? 75 00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:25,671 Well, let's be fair now. 76 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,239 Do you by any chance recall what you wanted done to the car? 77 00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:29,352 To have it washed. 78 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,575 And waxed. 79 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,911 Don't shrug off the toughest part. 80 00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:35,146 Do you know how long it takes for a good wax job? 81 00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,147 25 minutes. 82 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:37,316 25 minutes! 83 00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:39,083 I've never heard anything more ridiculous! 84 00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,930 Hogan, I have to pick up General Burkhalter 85 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,165 at the station in 45 minutes. 86 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,232 General Burkhalter? Yes. 87 00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:44,323 Your car will be ready. 88 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,424 Without fail? 89 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:48,019 Put yourself in my hands. 90 00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:51,279 How long would it take you to wash that car? 91 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:52,926 Oh... Oh, ease up, Schultz. 92 00:03:52,950 --> 00:03:54,160 We're going as fast as we can. 93 00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:56,217 Cor, blimey... 94 00:03:56,252 --> 00:03:57,664 All right, come on, quit the stall 95 00:03:57,688 --> 00:03:59,832 and get this car washed and waxed. On the double. 96 00:03:59,856 --> 00:04:01,022 Move it! 97 00:04:01,058 --> 00:04:02,824 Oh, we get better treatment from the enemy. 98 00:04:02,859 --> 00:04:03,825 Thank you, Newkirk. 99 00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:04,826 Schultz, you better 100 00:04:04,861 --> 00:04:05,872 get over to Klink's office. 101 00:04:05,896 --> 00:04:07,707 Tell him his car will be ready in ten minutes. 102 00:04:07,731 --> 00:04:08,775 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 103 00:04:08,799 --> 00:04:09,764 I mean, Klink... 104 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:10,977 Oh, you know what I mean! 105 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,161 Sir, what do you mean...? What's happening? 106 00:04:14,037 --> 00:04:16,115 Klink's got to pick up Burkhalter at the station. 107 00:04:16,139 --> 00:04:17,316 This is one time we're going 108 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,068 to give him all the help we possibly can. 109 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,920 Who cares about General Burkhalter? 110 00:04:20,944 --> 00:04:22,661 The German High Command. 111 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,807 If he should be captured by the underground, 112 00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:27,398 we'd be in a very good position for a trade. 113 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,517 General Burkhalter 114 00:04:28,552 --> 00:04:29,717 for Hans Wagner? 115 00:04:29,753 --> 00:04:31,052 Right. 116 00:04:31,087 --> 00:04:32,787 Kinch, radio Karl Wagner. 117 00:04:32,822 --> 00:04:34,066 Tell him to set up an ambush 118 00:04:34,090 --> 00:04:35,257 on the Hammelburg Road. 119 00:04:35,292 --> 00:04:36,936 Klink and Burkhalter should be starting 120 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:37,925 back here about 12:15. 121 00:04:37,961 --> 00:04:39,227 12:15. Right. 122 00:04:39,263 --> 00:04:40,406 And, uh, Kinch? Yeah? 123 00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:41,508 Tell him to hold Burkhalter 124 00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:42,732 till we work out the details. 125 00:04:42,766 --> 00:04:43,731 Okay. 126 00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:44,799 All right, come on. 127 00:04:44,834 --> 00:04:46,601 Let's get this car washed and waxed. 128 00:04:46,637 --> 00:04:50,005 I'll help. 129 00:04:55,011 --> 00:04:56,444 Schultz, I can't understand 130 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,013 why the General wasn't on that train. 131 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:01,583 It isn't like him to be late for anything. 132 00:05:01,618 --> 00:05:03,051 No, it isn't. 133 00:05:03,086 --> 00:05:06,521 That's one thing I must say in General Burkhalter's favor, 134 00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,923 not that I haven't got a lot of things 135 00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:10,625 to say in his favor, but... 136 00:05:10,661 --> 00:05:12,205 Schultz, stop your weaseling. 137 00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:14,274 Like all of us, the general has his good points, 138 00:05:14,298 --> 00:05:15,864 as well as his faults. 139 00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,949 Yeah. 140 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,729 What do you think my faults are? 141 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:20,869 Oh. 142 00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:21,937 Oh. 143 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,101 I wasn't talking about you, Herr Kommandant. 144 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,275 You know, Schultz, the trouble with you is, 145 00:05:27,311 --> 00:05:29,511 you're afraid to say anything you think. 146 00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:31,313 Filled with fear. 147 00:05:31,348 --> 00:05:33,481 Frightened to express any kind of opinion. 148 00:05:33,516 --> 00:05:34,966 Oh, no, Herr Kommandant. 149 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,434 I talk about you all the time 150 00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:37,935 when you are not around. 151 00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,388 Oh, shut up and drive. 152 00:05:49,366 --> 00:05:53,351 You men, get the car off the road. 153 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,648 What's the matter with you? 154 00:05:55,672 --> 00:05:57,155 Can't you hear good? 155 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,473 My hearing's fine. 156 00:05:59,509 --> 00:06:00,891 How's your eyesight? 157 00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:05,447 Right now, 20/20. 158 00:06:05,482 --> 00:06:07,449 You, out of the car. 159 00:06:09,052 --> 00:06:12,520 Schultz, just drive around the car. 160 00:06:12,555 --> 00:06:14,322 Get out of the car, I said! 161 00:06:14,357 --> 00:06:16,541 If you want me to get out of this car, 162 00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,710 you're going to have to drag me out. 163 00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:25,550 You are assaulting a German officer. 164 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,618 That is a very serious offense. 165 00:06:31,074 --> 00:06:33,324 Give this message to the Gestapo. 166 00:06:33,359 --> 00:06:34,570 Jawohl. 167 00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:36,855 Schultz, why are you sitting there? 168 00:06:36,879 --> 00:06:37,863 You wait five minutes 169 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:38,975 and then get that message 170 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,075 to Gestapo headquarters. 171 00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:41,360 Schultz, do something! 172 00:06:41,384 --> 00:06:42,367 Yes, Herr Kommandant, 173 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,668 I'm going to do something. 174 00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,871 I'm going to wait here five minutes 175 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,323 before I deliver this message. 176 00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,568 Four minutes, 59 seconds. 177 00:07:00,603 --> 00:07:03,337 Four minutes, 58 seconds. 178 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,772 Everybody after them. 179 00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:10,762 After them. 180 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,931 They kidnapped the commandant. 181 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,176 They kidnapped him... 182 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,500 Did Schultz say what I'm hoping he didn't say? 183 00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:18,548 That crazy kid brother must have grabbed 184 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:19,949 both Burkhalter and Klink. 185 00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:22,139 Then I threw myself in front of the Kommandant, 186 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:25,142 since it was my duty to defend him, 187 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:28,046 even at the risk of my own life. 188 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,514 Then why are you still alive? 189 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:33,084 Because the man said they're going to shoot me 190 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,819 if I didn't get out of the way. 191 00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:36,688 Did he say why he did it, Schultz? 192 00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,489 No, but he gave me this. 193 00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,692 Must be some kind of a ransom note. 194 00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:43,061 I bet the underground wants to make a prisoner trade. 195 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:44,796 General Burkhalter and Colonel Klink 196 00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:45,964 for Hans Wagner. 197 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,476 Burkhalter? They got him, too? 198 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:48,967 Yeah, with Colonel Klink. 199 00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,501 Didn't they? 200 00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:52,770 You went to the station to pick him up. 201 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,872 Yeah, but he wasn't on the train. 202 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,408 So we were going back to see if he's here. 203 00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:58,977 This note says 204 00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,290 they will trade General Burkhalter for Wagner. 205 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:05,416 They've mistaken Klink for General Burkhalter. 206 00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:07,451 Colonel Hogan? 207 00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:11,723 What made you think they had General Burkhalter? 208 00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,024 Don't ask me. 209 00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:15,159 I can't think when my stomach's turning. 210 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,163 If you do not let me go, 211 00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:22,032 I shall break out of here myself! 212 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:27,204 They haven't made a wine cellar yet 213 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,340 that can hold me! 214 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,477 Guard? 215 00:08:49,513 --> 00:08:51,479 Guard?! 216 00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,316 Karl, he's knocked down the door. 217 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,973 Oh, no. He's sound asleep. 218 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,574 Probably a sudden draft blew it down. 219 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,743 But he could escape. 220 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,745 I think Burkhalter has more sense. 221 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,024 Excuse me? 222 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,481 I'm not General Burkhalter. 223 00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:12,700 You have to be. 224 00:09:12,735 --> 00:09:15,303 Oh, no, I'm not. 225 00:09:15,338 --> 00:09:16,471 Here's my identification. 226 00:09:16,506 --> 00:09:17,572 You're lying. 227 00:09:17,607 --> 00:09:18,617 I don't think so, Karl. 228 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:19,607 He doesn't look like 229 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:21,086 he has the brains to be a general. 230 00:09:21,110 --> 00:09:22,560 True. 231 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,190 That's absolutely true, Fraulein. 232 00:09:24,214 --> 00:09:26,614 "Colonel Wilhelm Klink." 233 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:27,882 Colonel, huh? 234 00:09:27,917 --> 00:09:29,150 Oh, oh. 235 00:09:29,185 --> 00:09:31,685 Oh, that is a promotion I did not deserve, sir. 236 00:09:31,721 --> 00:09:33,454 I did not deserve it, no. 237 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:35,807 I believe you. 238 00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,041 And obviously, 239 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,043 you have some very influential friends, yeah? 240 00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,194 Influential friends? 241 00:09:40,229 --> 00:09:41,362 Oh, oh. 242 00:09:41,397 --> 00:09:43,631 Oh, my friends don't mean anything. 243 00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:46,233 I mean, they are farmers... 244 00:09:46,269 --> 00:09:47,886 shopkeepers, 245 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,071 factory workers. 246 00:09:50,107 --> 00:09:52,073 Oh, all my friends are nobodies. 247 00:09:52,108 --> 00:09:54,275 Even my enemies are nobodies. 248 00:09:54,311 --> 00:09:55,927 I am a nobody. 249 00:09:57,780 --> 00:09:59,213 I have failed, Ilse. 250 00:09:59,249 --> 00:10:00,415 We go after a general, 251 00:10:00,450 --> 00:10:01,994 and we get this nobody colonel. 252 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,063 He's of no use to us at all. 253 00:10:04,087 --> 00:10:06,487 Well, in that case, I better go 254 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:07,922 before I wear out 255 00:10:07,957 --> 00:10:08,923 my welcome. 256 00:10:08,958 --> 00:10:10,091 You stay right here. 257 00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:11,826 You're not much, but in some small way, 258 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,260 I'll avenge my brother tomorrow. 259 00:10:13,296 --> 00:10:14,773 Why don't we shoot him today? 260 00:10:14,797 --> 00:10:16,230 Huh? 261 00:10:16,266 --> 00:10:17,582 You're going to shoot me? 262 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,311 Well, since you are not important enough 263 00:10:19,335 --> 00:10:22,653 to be exchanged for my brother, why not? 264 00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:23,821 Oh, you're wrong. 265 00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:25,022 You're quite wrong. 266 00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:27,024 Uh, I was being modest. 267 00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:30,461 Actually, I am considered one of the general's 268 00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:32,479 most important men. 269 00:10:32,515 --> 00:10:35,166 Well, who besides you considers you this, huh? 270 00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,168 General Burkhalter does. 271 00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:39,570 We've become fast friends. 272 00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:41,939 I'm really more than just his friend. 273 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:46,594 Uh, we have what you might call a father/son relationship? 274 00:10:46,630 --> 00:10:49,264 Now, when he hears about this, 275 00:10:49,299 --> 00:10:51,466 your brother will be out like a shot. 276 00:10:52,502 --> 00:10:54,935 I mean, very quickly. 277 00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:56,515 Message from General Burkhalter. 278 00:10:56,539 --> 00:10:58,139 Ah, from Papa! 279 00:10:58,174 --> 00:10:59,873 Didn't I tell you? 280 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,087 Y-You should have asked 281 00:11:01,111 --> 00:11:04,945 for a thousand in gold more. 282 00:11:04,981 --> 00:11:07,365 I'm a real catch. 283 00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:13,705 "Hans Wagner will be executed tomorrow as scheduled." 284 00:11:17,026 --> 00:11:18,670 Schultz, I want you to describe the man 285 00:11:18,694 --> 00:11:19,905 who gave you this note. 286 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,330 Well, he had, uh, black boots, and... 287 00:11:22,365 --> 00:11:23,809 Never mind how he was dressed. 288 00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:25,433 What did he look like? 289 00:11:25,468 --> 00:11:28,202 A German Luger. 290 00:11:28,238 --> 00:11:29,381 Major Hochstetter, 291 00:11:29,405 --> 00:11:31,016 I'm glad I caught you before you left. 292 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,684 I won't be leaving for three days. 293 00:11:32,708 --> 00:11:35,009 Yeah, but you'll probably be too busy then. 294 00:11:35,044 --> 00:11:36,861 He is busy now. 295 00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:38,357 General Burkhalter, what train 296 00:11:38,381 --> 00:11:39,547 did you come in on? 297 00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:41,177 I didn't come in on any train. 298 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,183 Well, Colonel Klink thought 299 00:11:42,218 --> 00:11:43,545 you were taking the Berlin Express. 300 00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:45,286 Just because he's afraid to fly, 301 00:11:45,321 --> 00:11:47,321 he thinks everybody else is, too? 302 00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:50,874 That Dummkopf let me wait at the airport for two hours. 303 00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:52,393 Certainly is annoying, General, 304 00:11:52,428 --> 00:11:54,206 but I've got something much more important 305 00:11:54,230 --> 00:11:55,563 to discuss right now. 306 00:11:55,598 --> 00:11:57,681 I'm not interrupting anything, am I? 307 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,966 Of course you are. 308 00:11:59,001 --> 00:12:00,201 I've never seen you 309 00:12:00,236 --> 00:12:02,603 when you are not interrupting something. 310 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,722 Well, what I have to say will only take a second. 311 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:05,901 All right, Hogan. 312 00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,325 What is it? 313 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,226 Well, I understand 314 00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,996 the underground will release Colonel Klink 315 00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:14,310 if the Gestapo frees Hans Wagner. 316 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,128 Isn't that what they're demanding? 317 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,680 Yeah, that's what they're demanding. 318 00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:20,421 Klink goes free if Wagner goes free. 319 00:12:20,456 --> 00:12:22,284 I certainly call that a fair deal. 320 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,691 Yeah, so would I, 321 00:12:23,726 --> 00:12:25,704 if I were on the other side. 322 00:12:25,728 --> 00:12:27,240 Hans Wagner is the brains 323 00:12:27,264 --> 00:12:29,041 of the entire underground operation. 324 00:12:29,065 --> 00:12:31,526 He's highly intelligent, courageous, and a leader. 325 00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:33,184 What about Colonel Klink? 326 00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:34,652 What about him? 327 00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:35,831 Well, he's also a man 328 00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:38,156 of outstanding qualities, right, Schultz? 329 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,657 Absolutely. 330 00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:40,836 Such as? 331 00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:43,027 Oh, there are so many. 332 00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:45,163 Name one. 333 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,266 Well, there are not that many. 334 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,802 The execution takes place tomorrow 335 00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:53,087 as scheduled. 336 00:12:53,123 --> 00:12:56,424 And then Wagner's brother shoots Colonel Klink. 337 00:12:56,459 --> 00:12:57,670 Now, come on, General, 338 00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,594 think of how long you've known Colonel Klink. 339 00:12:59,629 --> 00:13:00,695 Think of the things 340 00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:02,213 you two have been through together. 341 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:05,683 If I do, I'm liable to shoot him myself. 342 00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:07,084 Schultz? 343 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,085 Jawohl. 344 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,787 Colonel Hogan is leaving. 345 00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:10,955 Yeah? 346 00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,123 Good-bye. 347 00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:13,535 Dummkopf! Take him out of here. 348 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:14,692 Raus! Out, out, out! 349 00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:16,872 I'm going. I'm going. 350 00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:19,030 And stay out! 351 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,806 If there was only some way 352 00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:30,541 to make Klink important enough to trade. 353 00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:32,810 Hmm... 354 00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,023 Colonel... Quiet. 355 00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,279 I think Colonel Hogan's 356 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,114 about to come up with another one 357 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,349 of those great ideas. 358 00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,850 He had that same look on his face 359 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:42,120 the other night when he got us into this mess. 360 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,825 W-we got in this mess, 361 00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:48,960 so it wasn't just... 362 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,039 It's all right, Carter. 363 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:51,228 You're right. 364 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,697 I thought of the kidnap job. 365 00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:55,916 But this idea might do it. 366 00:13:55,952 --> 00:13:56,868 Do what? 367 00:13:56,903 --> 00:13:59,537 What does the name "Nimrod" mean? 368 00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,739 He's the finest intelligence man we have. 369 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,107 Yeah, the Germans offered 370 00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:05,510 a four million marks reward for his capture. 371 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,189 What's he got to do with it, Colonel? 372 00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:09,146 He's the mystery man of the war, 373 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,616 operates right in the German's backyard, 374 00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:14,352 personally responsible for the Nazi's defeat 375 00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:15,986 in two major campaigns, 376 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:20,891 all the while posing as the commandant of a prison camp. 377 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,092 No kidding. 378 00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:23,111 Which one? 379 00:14:23,146 --> 00:14:25,379 The infamous Stalag 13. 380 00:14:25,415 --> 00:14:26,430 Wow! 381 00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:27,877 Come on, Colonel. Not Klink. 382 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:28,966 Yes. 383 00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,802 That fumbling, bumbling Colonel Wilhelm Klink. 384 00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:34,221 Hardly anyone would believe that story. 385 00:14:34,257 --> 00:14:35,990 You think the Krauts will? 386 00:14:36,025 --> 00:14:39,527 It all depends on how well we tell it. 387 00:14:39,562 --> 00:14:42,547 Naturally, you will do everything in your power 388 00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:46,817 to apprehend the parties responsible for this outrage. 389 00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:49,086 May we leave no stone unturned. 390 00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:51,500 Oh, don't go to all that trouble. 391 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:57,361 Klink's private line is ringing; that's odd. 392 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,480 Hello. 393 00:14:59,516 --> 00:15:02,183 Is it safe to talk, Klink? 394 00:15:02,218 --> 00:15:04,752 Ja, it's safe. 395 00:15:04,787 --> 00:15:07,638 Well, we've got another one for you, Nimrod, 396 00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,774 and it's a big one, old boy. 397 00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:13,827 Anyone there wise to you yet? 398 00:15:13,863 --> 00:15:16,214 Uh, no. 399 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,598 Good show. 400 00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:22,069 After this, Nimrod, G-2's pulling you out. 401 00:15:22,104 --> 00:15:24,872 Now I have a coded message. 402 00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:26,674 Listen closely. 403 00:15:26,710 --> 00:15:28,409 Ja... 404 00:15:28,444 --> 00:15:30,060 Ja... 405 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,678 Ja. 406 00:15:31,714 --> 00:15:34,081 Memorize it, old boy. 407 00:15:34,117 --> 00:15:37,418 And then eat it. 408 00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:41,288 We've got him. We've got him. 409 00:15:41,324 --> 00:15:43,474 We've got who? 410 00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:44,475 Nimrod. 411 00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,822 Nimrod, that British agent? 412 00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,178 Ja, that's right. 413 00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:52,717 The most wanted man in Germany and we've got him. 414 00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:55,086 No, we don't got him. They got him. 415 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,287 But we can still get him. 416 00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:59,602 What are you babbling about? 417 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,726 That phone call... It was a message... 418 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,694 Oh, excuse me a moment, General. 419 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,230 "Mairzy Doats Little Boy Blue." 420 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:15,640 I realize this is hard to believe, General, 421 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:16,774 but Klink... 422 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,442 Hochstetter! 423 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,545 Take that paper out of your mouth. 424 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,914 Oh, sorry, General. 425 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,349 I got so excited. 426 00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:27,551 This news has me so excited. 427 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:29,253 Here, read this. 428 00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:33,290 You read it to me, please, Major. 429 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,359 Well, it's in code. 430 00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:39,030 It's some kind of instructions for Nimrod. 431 00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:40,131 I'll call headquarters 432 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,199 and have them send over a cryptologist. 433 00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:44,869 No, wait a minute. I am a cryptologist. 434 00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,671 I was the top man in my unit. 435 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,673 This will be no trick at all. 436 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:53,244 I got it. I told you. 437 00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,313 Didn't I tell you I could break this code? 438 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,700 For two hours you have been telling me that. 439 00:16:59,735 --> 00:17:01,285 What they're using here 440 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:04,421 is a variation on the old Vessenhofer cipher... 441 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,123 Basic vowel substitutes. 442 00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:09,193 "A" becomes "E" if followed by "P." 443 00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:12,012 When preceded by "U," then "E" becomes "B," 444 00:17:12,048 --> 00:17:13,809 and "U" becomes "P" 445 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:14,848 and sometimes "Y." 446 00:17:14,884 --> 00:17:16,317 Except after "C." 447 00:17:16,352 --> 00:17:17,563 However, what they've done here... 448 00:17:17,587 --> 00:17:20,571 Just read the message. 449 00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:25,409 The message is "I am foul. 450 00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:29,613 Clerch let in Cradnick." 451 00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:36,019 This is the message? 452 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,939 Obviously, it's not the code. 453 00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:44,211 Ja, obviously, that's not the code. 454 00:17:44,246 --> 00:17:46,541 Oh, it's the old double look message. 455 00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,799 I will crack this in no time at all. 456 00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,096 Why don't you just call headquarters 457 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:53,204 and let them send over an expert? 458 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,522 This whole thing doesn't make sense. 459 00:17:55,558 --> 00:17:56,857 The idea of Klink 460 00:17:56,892 --> 00:17:59,693 being a British agent is ridiculous. 461 00:17:59,728 --> 00:18:01,895 Ja, I could not believe it myself, 462 00:18:01,930 --> 00:18:04,165 but you were here, you heard the phone ring, 463 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,932 you saw me write down the message, 464 00:18:05,968 --> 00:18:07,301 so you know I'm not crazy. 465 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,314 Yes, I heard the phone ring. 466 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,239 I heard you say, "Mairzy Doats," 467 00:18:12,275 --> 00:18:18,128 and I watched you eat a wad of paper. 468 00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:19,742 They've been long enough with the code. 469 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:20,731 Now's the time to move in. 470 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:21,732 Newkirk. Sir. 471 00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,288 You know what to do. Right. 472 00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:27,938 Excuse me, gentlemen. 473 00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:30,507 I was told to come and clean out the commandant's office. 474 00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:31,653 Go ahead. 475 00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,822 You might as well start with that desk. 476 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,045 Right, sir. 477 00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:37,392 He's been keeping you busy I see, sir. 478 00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:40,550 Get me Gestapo headquarters, please. 479 00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:43,320 Oh, my goodness me. 480 00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:45,656 The old Wellington cipher. 481 00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,858 Wellington cipher? 482 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,704 It's the first one they taught us 483 00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:51,006 at cryptology, this was. 484 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,142 I don't suppose they've used this code 485 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,476 for, oh, over 100 years. 486 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:58,836 We have just been talking about that ourselves. 487 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,070 Yes. 488 00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:02,673 You know this Wellington cipher? 489 00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:05,442 Well, I'm not an expert like the major, sir. 490 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,444 Don't be too sure of that. 491 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:11,015 Let's see if your translation is the same as his. 492 00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:12,227 All right, sir. 493 00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:13,762 Be a bit of a challenge. 494 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,786 I haven't done this for years. 495 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,988 Very simple, though. 496 00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:22,559 Now I make it out to be... 497 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:27,932 "Secret plans... hidden..." 498 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,934 What is this? 499 00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:32,314 Looks like a name. 500 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,371 Hilda. 501 00:19:34,406 --> 00:19:39,109 "Secret plans hidden Hilda's desk." 502 00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:40,789 Does that sound right to you, sir? 503 00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:41,879 That sounds perfect. 504 00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:47,368 I thought it would. 505 00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:49,003 Well, that does it. 506 00:19:49,038 --> 00:19:51,672 I've taken all the necessary precautions. 507 00:19:51,707 --> 00:19:54,642 In a few minutes, Nimrod will be my prisoner. 508 00:19:54,677 --> 00:19:57,444 It just doesn't seem possible, 509 00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:01,148 how I could have been so fooled by Klink. 510 00:20:01,183 --> 00:20:03,917 Ah, Nimrod is a very brilliant man. 511 00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:06,787 Yes, but Klink is such a stupid one. 512 00:20:06,822 --> 00:20:09,256 That is where he was truly brilliant. 513 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,408 You only thought he was stupid. 514 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,427 Everybody thought he was stupid. 515 00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:17,415 How do you suppose he got these? 516 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:20,785 I haven't even been shown these plans. 517 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,836 Odd-looking aircraft, isn't it? 518 00:20:22,872 --> 00:20:26,273 Yeah, it seems awfully big. 519 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,858 Any time now. 520 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,160 Now, let us remember to act calmly, General. 521 00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:31,929 I do not want him to suspect anything 522 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:32,964 when he walks in. 523 00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:34,238 These guards are trigger-happy, 524 00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:36,099 and I want Nimrod alive. 525 00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:38,068 Why don't we take our positions over here? 526 00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:40,905 It will look as if we are just about to say good-bye. 527 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,106 That should be a very natural scene, huh? 528 00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:44,542 He's here. 529 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,543 He's here. He's here. 530 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:46,544 Hold your fire. 531 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,089 General, why don't you stand over here, 532 00:20:48,113 --> 00:20:49,491 and I will stand right over here 533 00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:50,526 behind the office door 534 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:51,993 and being shaking hands with you. 535 00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:56,220 Why don't we just be saying good-bye under the desk? 536 00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:02,075 Oh, General Burkhalter. 537 00:21:02,110 --> 00:21:04,745 Oh, Major Hochstetter. 538 00:21:04,780 --> 00:21:06,447 Oh, my dear friends. 539 00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:09,049 What I have been through. 540 00:21:09,084 --> 00:21:11,451 Don't move or you're a dead man. 541 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,391 I don't understand. 542 00:21:17,427 --> 00:21:20,460 Don't you, Nimrod? 543 00:21:20,496 --> 00:21:22,696 Nimrod? 544 00:21:22,732 --> 00:21:26,567 What is your real name? 545 00:21:26,602 --> 00:21:28,936 My name is Wilhelm Klink. 546 00:21:28,971 --> 00:21:30,437 Now, anyone knows that. 547 00:21:30,472 --> 00:21:34,758 You all know that... Wilhelm Klink. 548 00:21:36,479 --> 00:21:38,412 This is a joke? 549 00:21:38,447 --> 00:21:41,081 A little prank? 550 00:21:41,116 --> 00:21:42,616 Oh, marvelous. 551 00:21:42,651 --> 00:21:45,819 After what I've been through, I could use a good laugh. 552 00:21:52,428 --> 00:21:56,146 No one else could use a good laugh? 553 00:21:56,181 --> 00:21:58,732 Bah, after a little questioning at headquarters, 554 00:21:58,768 --> 00:22:00,301 we will see who laughs last. 555 00:22:04,006 --> 00:22:06,440 Fraulein Hilda, will you please send for my car? 556 00:22:06,476 --> 00:22:08,742 If ever I saw a guilty man, that is the one. 557 00:22:08,777 --> 00:22:12,246 He still looks like stupid old Klink to me. 558 00:22:12,281 --> 00:22:14,715 I think, General, you will be convinced 559 00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:17,485 once I have gotten a signed confession. 560 00:22:18,921 --> 00:22:19,998 All right. 561 00:22:20,022 --> 00:22:22,189 Just want to see the commandant a moment. 562 00:22:22,224 --> 00:22:25,726 The commandant will not be seeing anyone for a while. 563 00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:26,822 It'll only take a second. 564 00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:28,590 I wanted to ask if he had gotten the plans yet 565 00:22:28,614 --> 00:22:29,813 for the Hindenburg. 566 00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:31,926 The men are eager to get to work on the models 567 00:22:31,950 --> 00:22:33,428 that they got from the Red Cross. 568 00:22:33,452 --> 00:22:34,530 Hindenburg? 569 00:22:34,554 --> 00:22:35,554 Models? 570 00:22:35,588 --> 00:22:36,970 Ooh, there they are. 571 00:22:37,006 --> 00:22:38,706 That's swell. 572 00:22:38,741 --> 00:22:40,708 Oh, you got the plans, too? Good. 573 00:22:40,743 --> 00:22:43,210 Give my best to Klink. 574 00:22:43,245 --> 00:22:46,063 The plans... you gave him the plans. 575 00:22:46,098 --> 00:22:48,666 Those plans are for a dirigible. 576 00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:51,602 A big bag filled with hot air, 577 00:22:51,637 --> 00:22:52,848 just like you. 578 00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:56,173 But the phone call, the code... 579 00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:58,676 Hello? 580 00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:00,043 Major Hochstetter. 581 00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:02,947 Hello, Hochstetter here. 582 00:23:02,982 --> 00:23:04,815 Just called to let you know 583 00:23:04,850 --> 00:23:07,017 that Hans Wagner arrived safely. 584 00:23:07,053 --> 00:23:09,787 I do hope Colonel Klink did, too. 585 00:23:09,822 --> 00:23:14,124 Oh, and awfully nice doing business with you, Major. 586 00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:24,301 How do you volunteer for the Eastern Front? 587 00:23:24,336 --> 00:23:25,936 No problem. 588 00:23:25,972 --> 00:23:28,572 I'll have you there by tomorrow. 589 00:23:34,563 --> 00:23:36,741 All right, Carter, you're my dishwasher tonight. 590 00:23:36,765 --> 00:23:37,843 Let somebody else do it. 591 00:23:37,867 --> 00:23:39,945 I want to get this finished before lights-out. 592 00:23:39,969 --> 00:23:41,579 Work before play, dishwasher. Come on. 593 00:23:41,603 --> 00:23:42,569 Who's playing? 594 00:23:42,604 --> 00:23:44,382 Colonel said we were building model planes. 595 00:23:44,406 --> 00:23:45,884 I think we better have some around 596 00:23:45,908 --> 00:23:47,785 in case they decide to check out the story. 597 00:23:47,809 --> 00:23:49,287 That's using your head, Carter. 598 00:23:49,311 --> 00:23:50,744 When will you have that done? 599 00:23:50,779 --> 00:23:53,446 Guess about the same time those dishes are finished. 600 00:23:53,482 --> 00:23:55,648 Oh, really? All right, all right. 601 00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:59,002 I'll do the dishes. I can use the humility. 602 00:23:59,037 --> 00:24:02,939 Andrew, this doesn't look like the Hindenburg. 603 00:24:02,975 --> 00:24:04,736 Well, give me a chance to finish. 604 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,471 After I put on the rocket mounts 605 00:24:06,495 --> 00:24:08,340 and the turbo jets and the canons, 606 00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:10,258 then it's going to look like the Hindenburg. 607 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,977 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 608 00:24:12,001 --> 00:24:13,600 Rocket mounts? Turbo jets? 609 00:24:13,635 --> 00:24:15,955 That's what it says in the plans. 610 00:24:19,659 --> 00:24:24,278 Messerschmitt XL-12 jet propulsion. 611 00:24:24,313 --> 00:24:26,358 These aren't the plans for the Hindenburg. 612 00:24:26,382 --> 00:24:27,364 Where'd you get them? 613 00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:29,110 Well, they were in the box 614 00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:30,601 with the model parts. 615 00:24:30,636 --> 00:24:33,686 They were folded up in the top like this one. 616 00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:35,088 It's a note. 617 00:24:37,526 --> 00:24:39,426 "My dear Colonel, 618 00:24:39,461 --> 00:24:42,930 "clever the way you got Wagner out of that prison camp. 619 00:24:42,965 --> 00:24:45,099 "Kindly be just as clever 620 00:24:45,134 --> 00:24:47,500 "and get these plans out of this one. 621 00:24:47,536 --> 00:24:50,303 "Till we meet again... 622 00:24:50,339 --> 00:24:52,272 Nimrod." 39630

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