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1
00:00:02,071 --> 00:00:03,473
[timer beeping]
- [screams]
2
00:00:03,473 --> 00:00:05,444
How come we never
catch killers
3
00:00:05,545 --> 00:00:06,647
in someplace pretty,
4
00:00:06,647 --> 00:00:08,217
like a rustic apple orchard
5
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:09,819
or the butterfly exhibit
at the arboretum?
6
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,189
Summers, please.
7
00:00:11,189 --> 00:00:12,358
This isn't the time
for mindless chitchat.
8
00:00:12,358 --> 00:00:14,128
Save it
for the office party tonight.
9
00:00:14,228 --> 00:00:15,331
You are coming, right?
10
00:00:15,431 --> 00:00:16,233
I can't wait!
11
00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:17,936
Some say office parties
are where
12
00:00:17,936 --> 00:00:19,973
many an office romance is born.
13
00:00:19,973 --> 00:00:21,877
Could you talk
about this later?
14
00:00:21,977 --> 00:00:23,213
Wuh-uh...
15
00:00:23,213 --> 00:00:25,217
Summers, do you have
a work crush?
16
00:00:25,217 --> 00:00:27,221
Okay, okay, let me guess.
Uh, the chief.
17
00:00:27,321 --> 00:00:28,858
The maintenance lady
who changes our water cooler.
18
00:00:28,858 --> 00:00:29,793
Kang?
19
00:00:29,893 --> 00:00:32,265
That's okay, Summers.
Happens all the time.
20
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,769
Men, women, Siri...
- I didn't get that.
21
00:00:34,769 --> 00:00:37,576
Would you mind repeating,
perhaps over dinner?
22
00:00:37,576 --> 00:00:39,044
No, I meant Wynona!
23
00:00:39,044 --> 00:00:40,649
I talk about her all the time.
24
00:00:40,649 --> 00:00:42,519
I've never heard you say
one word about her to me.
25
00:00:42,519 --> 00:00:45,257
He actually mentioned her
when you guys first came in,
26
00:00:45,257 --> 00:00:47,395
when you promised
to get me out of here alive.
27
00:00:47,495 --> 00:00:50,134
Okay, okay, I get it.
You like living.
28
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,269
You two are coming, right?
29
00:00:51,269 --> 00:00:53,106
Why?
It's always the same.
30
00:00:53,106 --> 00:00:55,377
You get drunk, you try
to make out with the keg tap,
31
00:00:55,377 --> 00:00:57,147
and then you AirDrop
your dude nudes
32
00:00:57,247 --> 00:00:58,651
to the entire office.
33
00:00:58,651 --> 00:01:00,287
Last time, you ended up
arresting yourself
34
00:01:00,287 --> 00:01:02,257
for indecent exposure.
35
00:01:02,357 --> 00:01:03,861
Well, sounds like
I caught the guy
36
00:01:03,861 --> 00:01:04,930
and won the party,
37
00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:06,266
just like I do every year,
38
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:07,869
because that's
what the big dogs do.
39
00:01:07,869 --> 00:01:09,673
We...
40
00:01:09,673 --> 00:01:10,876
win.
41
00:01:10,876 --> 00:01:12,745
[timer continues beeping]
42
00:01:15,919 --> 00:01:16,954
[sighs]
43
00:01:16,954 --> 00:01:18,123
Win.
44
00:01:18,123 --> 00:01:19,559
What's everyone wearing
tonight?
45
00:01:19,659 --> 00:01:22,131
Um, could someone
please get me out of here?
46
00:01:22,231 --> 00:01:23,968
Please tell me
she's not invited.
47
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:26,372
[all laugh]
48
00:01:26,507 --> 00:01:28,009
[sighing] Oh...
49
00:01:28,009 --> 00:01:29,012
[timer beeps]
50
00:01:29,012 --> 00:01:32,017
[adventurous jazz music]
51
00:01:32,017 --> 00:01:39,231
♪
52
00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:51,624
[mysterious music]
53
00:01:51,624 --> 00:01:53,627
[gates creak ominously]
54
00:01:54,428 --> 00:01:56,465
This is so awesome,
Mr. Flesh.
55
00:01:56,465 --> 00:01:58,036
My dad's bringing me
to hang out
56
00:01:58,036 --> 00:01:59,305
with his work friends.
57
00:01:59,439 --> 00:02:01,577
Yep, this is how it starts!
58
00:02:01,577 --> 00:02:04,348
Respect, hugs with both arms,
your first beer,
59
00:02:04,448 --> 00:02:07,722
then the cover
of "Good Dad-Having" magazine!
60
00:02:07,722 --> 00:02:11,396
I guess he finally doesn't
see me as a baby anymore.
61
00:02:11,496 --> 00:02:13,467
Sorry, couldn't get
a babysitter for Stan,
62
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,072
my baby who needs a babysitter
'cause he's a baby.
63
00:02:16,072 --> 00:02:17,107
[sighs]
64
00:02:17,207 --> 00:02:18,343
Great.
We're all here.
65
00:02:18,343 --> 00:02:20,347
Now we can get started.
66
00:02:20,347 --> 00:02:23,453
Wow, looks like Wayne Manor
threw up.
67
00:02:23,554 --> 00:02:27,327
Hello, Kang.
You look... puffy, as always.
68
00:02:27,427 --> 00:02:29,098
I've never understood
why we work
69
00:02:29,198 --> 00:02:30,534
with a convicted criminal.
70
00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:32,204
Allegedly.
71
00:02:32,204 --> 00:02:34,542
Not allegedly.
You were convicted.
72
00:02:34,542 --> 00:02:36,245
So they say.
73
00:02:36,346 --> 00:02:38,082
That's the same thing
as "allegedly."
74
00:02:38,082 --> 00:02:39,986
Presumably.
75
00:02:39,986 --> 00:02:41,957
Oh, scoops!
76
00:02:43,226 --> 00:02:45,096
So whose mansion is this, anyway?
77
00:02:45,196 --> 00:02:46,232
It's mine.
78
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:47,935
And it's not
just a mansion.
79
00:02:48,036 --> 00:02:49,372
It's also a train.
80
00:02:49,372 --> 00:02:52,612
Welcome to...
my train-sion.
81
00:02:52,713 --> 00:02:53,714
[dramatic music]
82
00:02:53,814 --> 00:02:54,816
[all gasp]
83
00:02:54,816 --> 00:02:56,352
♪
84
00:02:56,352 --> 00:02:57,488
[train whistle blows]
85
00:02:57,589 --> 00:03:03,032
♪ ♪
86
00:03:03,132 --> 00:03:04,402
I'm Alistair Chudwell.
87
00:03:04,503 --> 00:03:06,406
You may know me
as the Sultan of Splurt,
88
00:03:06,507 --> 00:03:09,478
and I--
[clock chimes]
89
00:03:09,478 --> 00:03:11,015
Ah, the top of the hour.
90
00:03:11,015 --> 00:03:12,719
You see, I became
chemically dependent
91
00:03:12,719 --> 00:03:13,688
on my energy drinks
92
00:03:13,688 --> 00:03:15,390
after giving up water
in the '90s.
93
00:03:15,490 --> 00:03:18,062
My doctor says
I now need one an hour,
94
00:03:18,062 --> 00:03:19,198
or I'll die.
[chuckles]
95
00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:22,973
Which is how we can legally say
Splurt is doctor-recommended.
96
00:03:22,973 --> 00:03:24,409
[gulps]
97
00:03:24,409 --> 00:03:26,680
I can't stand that guy.
98
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,651
My cousin got addicted
to Splurt,
99
00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,153
and his heart exploded,
100
00:03:30,287 --> 00:03:32,324
along with the rest
of his body.
101
00:03:32,424 --> 00:03:34,562
He... tried to tackle
a FedEx truck.
102
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:36,667
I heard he has a secret tank
103
00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:39,539
where he keeps his own
"Shape of Water" sexy fish-guy,
104
00:03:39,539 --> 00:03:41,208
and he won't let me see it!
105
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:42,579
Now, contrary
to what the poor
106
00:03:42,679 --> 00:03:45,417
would like you to believe,
money can buy happiness.
107
00:03:45,417 --> 00:03:46,553
It's allowed me the chance
to live out
108
00:03:46,553 --> 00:03:48,524
all of my wildest fantasies.
109
00:03:48,524 --> 00:03:49,860
Just last week,
I paid a hefty sum
110
00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:52,064
to have a three-panel
"Garfield" cartoon
111
00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:53,299
reenacted for me.
112
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,404
My scientists engineered
a talking cat,
113
00:03:55,404 --> 00:03:57,241
and I was able
to get Paul Giamatti
114
00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:58,911
to play Jon Arbuckle.
115
00:03:58,911 --> 00:03:59,846
He was fair.
116
00:03:59,946 --> 00:04:01,482
I think he may have been
doing it for the money.
117
00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:03,554
[yelps]
118
00:04:03,554 --> 00:04:05,457
[laughs]
You never get used to it.
119
00:04:05,558 --> 00:04:07,829
But a few bumps
are a small price to pay
120
00:04:07,929 --> 00:04:10,601
to drive your choo-choo house
around town.
121
00:04:10,601 --> 00:04:13,039
Alistair crafted
a murder mystery party
122
00:04:13,039 --> 00:04:15,477
so challenging
that if we solve it,
123
00:04:15,578 --> 00:04:17,247
he'll give the department
a million dollars,
124
00:04:17,347 --> 00:04:19,953
and that's one of my favorite
numbers of dollars.
125
00:04:20,053 --> 00:04:23,092
I'm Howard...
LaHubastank.
126
00:04:23,092 --> 00:04:26,065
devoted husband
to Ruth LaHubastank.
127
00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:28,771
- Oh, that's me. I'm Ruth.
- Mm...
128
00:04:28,871 --> 00:04:31,075
I'm in a marriage
of practical convenience
129
00:04:31,176 --> 00:04:32,311
and nothing more.
130
00:04:32,411 --> 00:04:34,215
Whatever tiny spark
was once there
131
00:04:34,215 --> 00:04:36,119
died many years ago.
132
00:04:36,119 --> 00:04:37,421
Well, still your husband.
133
00:04:37,421 --> 00:04:40,562
[mysterious music]
134
00:04:40,662 --> 00:04:43,768
♪ ♪
135
00:04:43,768 --> 00:04:45,972
Aren't you gonna be
a character, too,
136
00:04:45,972 --> 00:04:47,040
Mr. Chudwell?
137
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,111
Oh, I am.
I'm Oliver Bricklet,
138
00:04:49,111 --> 00:04:52,218
a poor millionaire for whom
money is still an object.
139
00:04:52,351 --> 00:04:53,654
I only have a private jet
140
00:04:53,755 --> 00:04:56,492
because I can't afford
to fly to space.
141
00:04:56,492 --> 00:04:59,833
[laughs]
Can you imagine?
142
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,368
[laughs]
143
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,039
And you are...
144
00:05:03,039 --> 00:05:04,643
I'm the detective!
145
00:05:04,743 --> 00:05:06,378
Okay, nobody's gonna believe
you as a detective.
146
00:05:06,378 --> 00:05:08,617
We should switch.
You can be Curd,
147
00:05:08,617 --> 00:05:10,588
a newsie
with aggressive scoliosis.
148
00:05:10,588 --> 00:05:12,659
Ah-ah, you must play
the card you were dealt.
149
00:05:12,793 --> 00:05:14,028
[New York accent]
Fine. I sell my papes,
150
00:05:14,128 --> 00:05:15,665
but I ain't gonna like it, mister.
151
00:05:15,765 --> 00:05:16,800
[normally] Ugh, you know what?
152
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:17,969
I'm not gonna physically
hunch over.
153
00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:19,038
That might be in poor taste,
154
00:05:19,038 --> 00:05:21,375
but I will let my weird back
inform my performance.
155
00:05:21,475 --> 00:05:23,547
Did someone say
"performance"?
156
00:05:23,647 --> 00:05:26,687
That's my speciality.
157
00:05:26,687 --> 00:05:29,424
I'm Gerta Gibbly,
stunning film starlet
158
00:05:29,424 --> 00:05:31,262
known for her romantic talkies
159
00:05:31,262 --> 00:05:32,666
and her birdlike wrists.
160
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,270
I'm
Kitty von Killedherhusband.
161
00:05:35,270 --> 00:05:37,542
Tiny Timmy Oversocks.
162
00:05:37,542 --> 00:05:40,548
And I am
Baroness Anna Dijonaise,
163
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:43,420
the first opera singer and...
164
00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:45,558
♪ Astronaut ♪
165
00:05:45,658 --> 00:05:48,196
Well, now that we're all--
ring, ring.
166
00:05:48,296 --> 00:05:51,302
Ring, ring?
The telephone, at this hour?
167
00:05:51,302 --> 00:05:53,306
I guess I'll go answer it,
168
00:05:53,306 --> 00:05:54,876
in the parlor,
169
00:05:55,009 --> 00:05:56,178
alone.
170
00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:58,851
[clock chiming]
- Ugh. Let me guess.
171
00:05:58,851 --> 00:06:00,989
Lights go off, we hear a scream
from the other room,
172
00:06:00,989 --> 00:06:03,426
lights back on,
there's been a murder.
173
00:06:03,426 --> 00:06:05,097
[screams]
174
00:06:05,097 --> 00:06:06,766
[dramatic music]
175
00:06:09,438 --> 00:06:11,309
That was easy.
176
00:06:11,442 --> 00:06:12,779
[train whistle blows]
177
00:06:12,779 --> 00:06:14,549
[screams]
178
00:06:14,549 --> 00:06:16,318
Oh, wait, it's a game.
179
00:06:16,318 --> 00:06:17,889
Okay, fellow party guests...
180
00:06:17,989 --> 00:06:19,826
slash suspects.
[laughs]
181
00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:21,564
I hope you each have
a good alibi
182
00:06:21,564 --> 00:06:24,034
as we embark
on a long, twisty night--
183
00:06:24,168 --> 00:06:25,003
Already got it.
184
00:06:25,170 --> 00:06:27,542
Couldn't be Gerta,
with her birdlike wrists,
185
00:06:27,542 --> 00:06:29,378
or Kitty, who was being
hawkishly watched
186
00:06:29,378 --> 00:06:30,614
by the baby detective.
187
00:06:30,714 --> 00:06:32,718
Meanwhile, Ruth LaHubastank
was too concerned
188
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:33,954
with her boring love life
with Howard,
189
00:06:34,054 --> 00:06:36,994
a man who we all know has
the sexual power of an ottoman,
190
00:06:36,994 --> 00:06:39,332
and last I checked,
outside the empire,
191
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:40,735
ottomans can't kill.
192
00:06:40,735 --> 00:06:43,173
We're still talking
about the character, right?
193
00:06:43,173 --> 00:06:45,110
Which leaves
Tiny Timmy Oversocks,
194
00:06:45,110 --> 00:06:47,516
whose little sailor fancy bow
had me wondering
195
00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,218
how a child could be this fancy
196
00:06:49,218 --> 00:06:51,991
unless he was the bastard child
of a poor millionaire
197
00:06:51,991 --> 00:06:54,228
and here to take
his revenge on Daddy.
198
00:06:54,328 --> 00:06:56,833
Show me Tiny Timmy Oversocks!
199
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,238
You are...
[buzzer sounds]
200
00:06:59,371 --> 00:07:00,742
Incorrect.
- What?
201
00:07:00,842 --> 00:07:02,879
This is it,
Stanatha Christie.
202
00:07:02,879 --> 00:07:05,752
Time to give your father
something he can brag about
203
00:07:05,752 --> 00:07:08,356
other than your incredibly low
birth weight.
204
00:07:08,356 --> 00:07:10,493
Um, I might have a guess.
205
00:07:10,493 --> 00:07:11,596
Stan, please.
206
00:07:11,596 --> 00:07:13,601
Now, I think it might be
a misprint and--
207
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,971
I think
it's Baroness Anna Dijonaise.
208
00:07:16,071 --> 00:07:19,011
Her initials are B-A-D,
209
00:07:19,111 --> 00:07:21,482
so maybe she's the bad guy?
210
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:22,652
[accented] Extry, extry.
211
00:07:22,652 --> 00:07:25,256
Baby detective whiffs it
big-time!
212
00:07:25,256 --> 00:07:26,793
[normally] You know, I decided
to go with the hunch.
213
00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:28,362
I think it's just who Curd is.
214
00:07:28,462 --> 00:07:29,999
The detective is...
215
00:07:29,999 --> 00:07:31,368
[chime sounds]
Correct.
216
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,005
[fanfare plays]
217
00:07:33,005 --> 00:07:33,674
[gasps]
218
00:07:33,774 --> 00:07:34,810
Wait, he was right?
219
00:07:34,910 --> 00:07:36,679
Okay, is this a murder mystery
220
00:07:36,679 --> 00:07:38,382
or a murder prank show?
Because--
221
00:07:38,382 --> 00:07:40,186
well, actually,
that's a pretty good idea.
222
00:07:40,186 --> 00:07:42,792
Is it a fake detective,
or are the bodies made of cake?
223
00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:45,063
Okay, Alistair,
love the commitment,
224
00:07:45,063 --> 00:07:47,935
but you can get up now
and give us our cool million.
225
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,138
[dramatic music]
226
00:07:49,138 --> 00:07:50,708
[all gasp]
227
00:07:50,708 --> 00:07:51,510
Huh.
228
00:07:51,610 --> 00:07:53,446
Dad, what do we do?
229
00:07:53,446 --> 00:07:54,949
I'll tell you exactly
what we're going to do.
230
00:07:54,949 --> 00:07:56,654
We're gonna stop playing
fake games
231
00:07:56,754 --> 00:07:58,423
and start solving real murders,
232
00:07:58,524 --> 00:08:00,126
because what you did
was a fluke,
233
00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:02,264
and now it's time for a Flute.
234
00:08:02,364 --> 00:08:03,934
Wait, is this a prank show?
235
00:08:04,034 --> 00:08:05,738
Is this a camera knife?
236
00:08:07,174 --> 00:08:09,144
Nope.
That's a murder knife.
237
00:08:14,054 --> 00:08:17,160
[train whistle blows]
238
00:08:19,297 --> 00:08:21,603
Nice job, everybody.
He's dead.
239
00:08:21,603 --> 00:08:22,805
Now we're out a million bucks
240
00:08:22,805 --> 00:08:25,110
and we gotta catch the killer
for free.
241
00:08:25,210 --> 00:08:27,549
Let's split into pairs
and find who did this.
242
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:28,684
I'll go with Pentos.
243
00:08:28,684 --> 00:08:29,986
I'll go with Wynona--
244
00:08:30,086 --> 00:08:31,823
because my character
is your husband,
245
00:08:31,957 --> 00:08:33,828
not because I love you
in real life.
246
00:08:33,828 --> 00:08:35,864
[laughs nervously]
Whew, that was close.
247
00:08:35,864 --> 00:08:37,167
And I'll take Stan
to show him
248
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:38,837
how a real detective does it
249
00:08:38,837 --> 00:08:41,042
and also because he's my son.
250
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:43,847
[suspenseful music]
251
00:08:43,947 --> 00:08:46,285
Well, Chief, I guess
that leaves you and me
252
00:08:46,385 --> 00:08:47,888
to actually find the killer.
253
00:08:47,988 --> 00:08:49,693
No, we're gonna
find something
254
00:08:49,693 --> 00:08:51,329
worth the million bucks
he promised us
255
00:08:51,429 --> 00:08:52,464
in this train-sion.
256
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:53,600
Okay, but I'm not sure
257
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,436
I'm comfortable with stealing,
258
00:08:55,537 --> 00:08:56,807
or how everyone's acting
259
00:08:56,807 --> 00:08:59,579
like "train-sion" is a word
all of a sudden.
260
00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:02,050
Pentos,
you're a rotten psychopath.
261
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,587
Where would you be hiding?
262
00:09:03,587 --> 00:09:05,457
Are we really doing this?
263
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:06,694
Yes, I'm a criminal,
264
00:09:06,694 --> 00:09:08,930
but I've helped Flute
catch other criminals,
265
00:09:08,930 --> 00:09:10,601
and frankly,
after working with him,
266
00:09:10,701 --> 00:09:12,571
I deserve a statue.
267
00:09:13,841 --> 00:09:16,713
[laughs] Flute's not
the easiest guy to work with.
268
00:09:16,813 --> 00:09:19,417
Right?
I mean, he's always asking
269
00:09:19,417 --> 00:09:20,587
to borrow a pen.
270
00:09:20,687 --> 00:09:22,592
It's like, here's a thought.
271
00:09:22,592 --> 00:09:25,096
What if you just had a pen?
272
00:09:25,096 --> 00:09:25,932
And he's always like,
273
00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:28,169
"I solved it
with my crime mind."
274
00:09:28,269 --> 00:09:30,707
Oh, you mean you thought
about clues with your brain?
275
00:09:30,707 --> 00:09:32,110
That's called
being a detective.
276
00:09:32,210 --> 00:09:35,283
[laughs] I know!
He's so proud of it.
277
00:09:35,383 --> 00:09:39,525
[laughs] Uh, we should,
uh, probably get back to it.
278
00:09:39,625 --> 00:09:41,763
Or...
279
00:09:41,863 --> 00:09:44,936
[intriguing music]
280
00:09:45,036 --> 00:09:47,140
♪ ♪
281
00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:49,612
Hey, maybe
there's a secret door
282
00:09:49,612 --> 00:09:51,315
behind this painting of a door.
283
00:09:51,315 --> 00:09:54,054
[laughs] Son, if being
a detective was that easy,
284
00:09:54,054 --> 00:09:55,625
I'd be out of a jo--
[door creaks]
285
00:09:55,625 --> 00:09:56,860
[mysterious music]
286
00:09:56,860 --> 00:09:59,498
It's locked.
There's a keypad,
287
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:00,935
but we don't know the code.
288
00:10:00,935 --> 00:10:02,337
Well, what
your soft child brain
289
00:10:02,337 --> 00:10:03,272
hasn't yet comprehended
290
00:10:03,372 --> 00:10:05,878
is that the clock on the mantel
is set to 10:51.
291
00:10:05,878 --> 00:10:07,782
That's the same year
they invented the chandelier,
292
00:10:07,782 --> 00:10:09,451
and that chandelier
has nine light bulbs,
293
00:10:09,451 --> 00:10:10,487
all 60-watt.
294
00:10:10,487 --> 00:10:11,790
So if we do the math,
295
00:10:11,790 --> 00:10:13,493
9 times 60 plus 1051--
296
00:10:13,628 --> 00:10:15,163
One, two, three.
297
00:10:15,163 --> 00:10:18,002
[gasps]
Being a detective is so easy!
298
00:10:18,002 --> 00:10:19,171
Uh, actually, it's not easy.
299
00:10:19,304 --> 00:10:21,041
Otherwise, why would they
pay me a decent salary
300
00:10:21,041 --> 00:10:23,045
to do it?
Way more than you make.
301
00:10:23,045 --> 00:10:24,782
Wait, you don't get paid
to go to school, right?
302
00:10:24,883 --> 00:10:26,819
[dramatic music]
303
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,790
All he had in there
was this vase
304
00:10:28,790 --> 00:10:30,427
and a hard drive full of NFTs.
305
00:10:30,427 --> 00:10:32,832
I ain't got time
for fake nerd money.
306
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,504
Hey, have you noticed
these rooms are getting...
307
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,642
very weird?
308
00:10:37,642 --> 00:10:40,614
[mysterious music]
309
00:10:40,614 --> 00:10:43,654
Wait a minute.
310
00:10:43,654 --> 00:10:45,390
Can it be?
311
00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:50,935
♪ ♪
312
00:10:51,035 --> 00:10:53,272
[honks]
313
00:10:53,272 --> 00:10:55,945
♪
314
00:10:55,945 --> 00:10:58,450
Oh, he's beautiful!
315
00:10:58,584 --> 00:10:59,986
Because of all the money
316
00:11:00,086 --> 00:11:01,723
we're gonna make
when we sell him?
317
00:11:01,823 --> 00:11:04,027
Something like that.
318
00:11:04,027 --> 00:11:06,265
[gurgling]
319
00:11:07,301 --> 00:11:08,704
I cannot believe we have
320
00:11:08,704 --> 00:11:11,576
the same
favorite constellation!
321
00:11:11,576 --> 00:11:13,246
Zeus' inseam.
322
00:11:13,246 --> 00:11:15,684
I know, right?
Favorite type of music?
323
00:11:15,684 --> 00:11:17,320
both: Progressive ska.
324
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,458
Favorite character actress.
325
00:11:19,458 --> 00:11:20,995
both: Dianne Wiest.
326
00:11:20,995 --> 00:11:23,132
Oh, oh,
favorite YouTube category.
327
00:11:23,232 --> 00:11:25,671
both: Trucks going under
bridges that are too small.
328
00:11:25,671 --> 00:11:27,441
[tender music]
329
00:11:27,441 --> 00:11:30,447
Ah.
330
00:11:30,548 --> 00:11:32,216
You see anything?
331
00:11:33,019 --> 00:11:34,889
Nope, no killers in here.
332
00:11:34,889 --> 00:11:36,425
[model train whistles]
333
00:11:36,425 --> 00:11:39,130
You know, we actually make
pretty good partners.
334
00:11:39,230 --> 00:11:41,202
[laughs]
Flute better watch out.
335
00:11:41,302 --> 00:11:42,738
[train chuffs]
Whoa!
336
00:11:42,738 --> 00:11:44,809
[romantic music]
337
00:11:44,809 --> 00:11:47,313
I've never noticed
your eyes before.
338
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,655
Overheated.
Fan activated.
339
00:11:50,655 --> 00:11:51,990
Oh, it just does that.
340
00:11:52,124 --> 00:11:53,493
You know, like on your laptop
341
00:11:53,493 --> 00:11:54,863
when you run
too many apps at once
342
00:11:54,963 --> 00:11:57,033
while a lifelong dream
is coming true.
343
00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:59,839
It's so nice
to just get out of that morgue.
344
00:11:59,839 --> 00:12:01,042
I've been in there
so much lately,
345
00:12:01,142 --> 00:12:03,045
I was ready to kill somebody.
346
00:12:03,045 --> 00:12:05,049
"Kill somebody," you say?
347
00:12:05,049 --> 00:12:07,120
The idea of digging around
in dead bodies
348
00:12:07,221 --> 00:12:08,022
has to get to you.
349
00:12:08,022 --> 00:12:10,026
Eh, dead bodies
don't bother me.
350
00:12:10,026 --> 00:12:11,262
It's the alive people
who come in
351
00:12:11,262 --> 00:12:14,068
because they just
"have to identify them."
352
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:17,474
Ugh, sometimes I wish
they were all dead.
353
00:12:17,474 --> 00:12:19,044
[sinister music]
354
00:12:19,144 --> 00:12:21,649
Now activating
pants cleanup.
355
00:12:21,649 --> 00:12:23,787
[vacuum whirring]
356
00:12:23,787 --> 00:12:25,657
Look how proud
your pops is.
357
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:27,795
He can't take his eyes off you.
358
00:12:27,795 --> 00:12:29,766
You know who did it,
don't you?
359
00:12:29,766 --> 00:12:31,670
- I mean...
- Well, you know what?
360
00:12:31,670 --> 00:12:32,805
That's great.
361
00:12:32,905 --> 00:12:34,207
You're my son,
so I'm not jealous.
362
00:12:34,207 --> 00:12:35,911
I'm proud.
You've eclipsed me.
363
00:12:36,011 --> 00:12:37,782
It happens with all
the great father-son duos.
364
00:12:37,782 --> 00:12:38,884
Martin and Charlie Sheen,
365
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:40,554
Dale and Dale Jr.,
366
00:12:40,654 --> 00:12:41,656
Tom and Chet Hanks.
367
00:12:41,756 --> 00:12:43,793
So... so...
368
00:12:43,793 --> 00:12:46,666
so, so proud.
369
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,937
[quiet dramatic music]
370
00:12:49,037 --> 00:12:50,339
We didn't find anybody.
371
00:12:50,439 --> 00:12:53,379
Yeah, we didn't see
anything weird or disturbing.
372
00:12:53,914 --> 00:12:56,620
At all.
- I know who the killer is.
373
00:12:56,620 --> 00:12:57,755
It was actually quite simple.
374
00:12:57,755 --> 00:13:00,192
You just needed to attend
to the more subtle clues.
375
00:13:00,192 --> 00:13:02,832
Because I can now tell you
without a doubt
376
00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:05,604
that Alistair Chudwell's
murderer is...
377
00:13:05,704 --> 00:13:06,839
no, where is it?
378
00:13:06,839 --> 00:13:09,679
Where's the--oh.
Come on. Come on.
379
00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:12,049
Dad? Is that my notebook?
380
00:13:12,049 --> 00:13:14,221
You stole
your son's notebook?
381
00:13:14,221 --> 00:13:15,924
Well, yes, but only
because I thought
382
00:13:15,924 --> 00:13:17,260
he had the answer and I didn't.
383
00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:18,931
And all I see
is random observations
384
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:20,600
and manga drawings of me.
385
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,970
Wow, you know,
I look pretty cool
386
00:13:21,970 --> 00:13:23,640
with big eyes and cat ears.
387
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,176
How could you do that, Dad?
388
00:13:25,176 --> 00:13:26,579
[tense music]
389
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,249
Well, I don't think
this train-sion
390
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:29,986
is big enough
to unpack all that,
391
00:13:29,986 --> 00:13:32,224
so let's return our attention
to the murder.
392
00:13:32,324 --> 00:13:33,994
If none of us
found the killer,
393
00:13:33,994 --> 00:13:35,397
then that means...
394
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,968
The killer is one of us!
395
00:13:37,968 --> 00:13:40,574
[dramatic music]
396
00:13:40,574 --> 00:13:46,118
♪ ♪
397
00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:47,387
All right, let's--
let's back it up.
398
00:13:47,387 --> 00:13:48,857
- Yeah, yeah.
- That was close, yeah.
399
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:55,136
[mysterious music]
400
00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,508
The big dog is upstaged
and unwanted.
401
00:13:57,608 --> 00:13:58,977
What am I,
the DC Comics Universe?
402
00:13:58,977 --> 00:14:00,279
One of us is a killer,
403
00:14:00,279 --> 00:14:02,183
and we can't go home
until we figure out who.
404
00:14:02,283 --> 00:14:03,754
Oh, and I'm also
a sack of crap.
405
00:14:03,854 --> 00:14:05,524
A big one too: Sam's size.
406
00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:07,995
I won't do Costco 'cause I've
been burned too many times,
407
00:14:07,995 --> 00:14:09,364
which is probably
why they told me not
408
00:14:09,364 --> 00:14:10,266
to cook my own samples.
409
00:14:10,366 --> 00:14:12,203
I find it very hard
to believe
410
00:14:12,203 --> 00:14:14,942
that anyone in my department
could kill someone,
411
00:14:15,042 --> 00:14:17,047
so I'd say Wynona
probably did it.
412
00:14:17,047 --> 00:14:19,184
She spends all day hanging out
with dead bodies.
413
00:14:19,284 --> 00:14:21,923
I once walked in on her
braiding a corpse's hair.
414
00:14:21,923 --> 00:14:23,025
That only sounds weird
415
00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:24,929
when you take it
out of context.
416
00:14:24,929 --> 00:14:26,031
We were having a sleepover.
417
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:28,002
Pretend husband, defend me.
418
00:14:28,002 --> 00:14:30,674
Absolutely.
Uh, I would like to, uh,
419
00:14:30,775 --> 00:14:33,045
defend my pretend wife
by saying, uh,
420
00:14:33,145 --> 00:14:34,782
Pentos, you served time.
421
00:14:34,782 --> 00:14:36,753
And he's a changed man
from it.
422
00:14:36,753 --> 00:14:37,689
But if you wanna talk motive,
423
00:14:37,855 --> 00:14:41,028
Martinez's cousin was killed
by Alistair's Splurt.
424
00:14:41,028 --> 00:14:42,532
You think I need
another cousin?
425
00:14:42,532 --> 00:14:45,203
Besides, if anyone wanted
Alistair dead, it's Chief!
426
00:14:45,303 --> 00:14:47,073
She probably arranged
this whole night
427
00:14:47,073 --> 00:14:48,777
just to steal his fish-guy!
428
00:14:48,877 --> 00:14:49,879
[gurgling]
429
00:14:49,879 --> 00:14:51,114
[all gasp]
- What the...
430
00:14:51,214 --> 00:14:53,653
Look at him.
Those beautiful abs,
431
00:14:53,753 --> 00:14:55,825
supple pectorals, the fins.
432
00:14:55,925 --> 00:14:57,093
Screw the money.
433
00:14:57,093 --> 00:14:59,331
I finally know
what the shape of water is.
434
00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:02,972
It's love!
The shape of water is love.
435
00:15:02,972 --> 00:15:05,978
[gurgling]
436
00:15:05,978 --> 00:15:07,948
Anyweird,
437
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:10,487
I still want to accuse someone!
438
00:15:10,487 --> 00:15:12,323
Who hasn't been accused yet?
439
00:15:12,323 --> 00:15:14,194
- I guess there's Stan.
- Yes!
440
00:15:14,194 --> 00:15:16,098
Kids are capable of anything.
441
00:15:16,232 --> 00:15:18,369
A student once put a sign
on my back
442
00:15:18,369 --> 00:15:22,243
that said "I eat farts,"
which is impossible!
443
00:15:22,343 --> 00:15:25,250
Though I suppose you could
cool one into solid form,
444
00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:27,789
put it on a stick,
and create some sort
445
00:15:27,789 --> 00:15:31,161
of a makeshift fart-sicle.
446
00:15:31,261 --> 00:15:33,165
Really? Accusing a kid?
447
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,902
You're as cruel
as Dianne's character
448
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,104
in "Bullets Over Broadway."
449
00:15:36,104 --> 00:15:38,209
And you are acting
like Hannah,
450
00:15:38,209 --> 00:15:41,215
even though D-Dubs
was one of her sisters.
451
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,219
Don't worry.
They're just arguing
452
00:15:43,219 --> 00:15:45,256
using the movies
of Dianne Wiest.
453
00:15:45,356 --> 00:15:47,093
It's very specific,
and there are very few people
454
00:15:47,194 --> 00:15:48,128
who can follow it.
455
00:15:48,228 --> 00:15:49,398
It's okay you don't get it.
456
00:15:49,398 --> 00:15:51,402
This is appealing
to a different audience.
457
00:15:51,402 --> 00:15:53,272
Wynona did it!
All she talks about
458
00:15:53,406 --> 00:15:54,975
is murdering this
and strangling that
459
00:15:55,075 --> 00:15:56,512
and "burning a body produces
460
00:15:56,512 --> 00:15:59,117
between three and nine pounds
of cremated remains."
461
00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:01,088
I'm not programmed to make
that kind of small talk!
462
00:16:01,088 --> 00:16:02,290
Well,
you're certainly programmed
463
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:03,827
to stab people in the back.
464
00:16:03,827 --> 00:16:05,163
And we're back to Wynona,
465
00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:06,533
so the circle is complete.
466
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,237
Flute, you've somehow
remained unscathed.
467
00:16:09,237 --> 00:16:11,275
Who did it?
- Just say it.
468
00:16:11,275 --> 00:16:12,611
I don't know who did it, okay?
469
00:16:12,611 --> 00:16:14,715
I'm just as obsolete
as Curd's newspapers
470
00:16:14,715 --> 00:16:16,820
and just as crooked
as his back.
471
00:16:16,820 --> 00:16:19,726
If you want answers,
ask Detective Flute.
472
00:16:19,726 --> 00:16:21,630
Detective Stan Flute.
473
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:23,499
[crying]
474
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,236
Dad!
475
00:16:25,236 --> 00:16:28,008
I can't believe you thought
I could kill someone.
476
00:16:28,008 --> 00:16:30,380
I'll kill you!
- [screams]
477
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,620
[all yelling]
478
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:35,891
Dad! Dad!
479
00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:37,594
- Let him go.
- I can't.
480
00:16:37,594 --> 00:16:39,899
Did you see the way
he ran out of the room?
481
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,636
Already working on the meme.
482
00:16:41,636 --> 00:16:43,005
[laughs]
483
00:16:43,005 --> 00:16:45,143
No, he needs my help.
484
00:16:45,143 --> 00:16:47,213
Did you forget
what he did to you?
485
00:16:47,313 --> 00:16:49,886
No, I didn't forget,
486
00:16:49,886 --> 00:16:51,856
but I don't keep grudges.
487
00:16:51,856 --> 00:16:54,261
Those are for babies.
488
00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:56,398
[cries]
489
00:16:57,935 --> 00:17:00,173
[tinny record playing]
490
00:17:00,173 --> 00:17:02,377
[orchestral music playing]
491
00:17:02,377 --> 00:17:04,047
♪
492
00:17:04,047 --> 00:17:05,382
[screams]
493
00:17:07,487 --> 00:17:09,826
Dad, I found you!
494
00:17:09,826 --> 00:17:10,628
Wait.
495
00:17:10,628 --> 00:17:13,667
Why aren't you eating
the lasagna?
496
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:16,204
Once again, Detective Stan
notices everything.
497
00:17:16,338 --> 00:17:18,175
Since you beat your old man,
take this.
498
00:17:18,175 --> 00:17:19,845
Here, you deserve it.
499
00:17:19,845 --> 00:17:21,448
Safety's on. Or off.
500
00:17:21,448 --> 00:17:22,784
I never could figure that out.
501
00:17:22,784 --> 00:17:25,557
No, Dad,
I don't want your job.
502
00:17:25,557 --> 00:17:27,226
I just wanted you
to be proud of me
503
00:17:27,327 --> 00:17:28,796
because you're
the greatest detective
504
00:17:28,796 --> 00:17:29,932
who ever lived!
505
00:17:30,032 --> 00:17:31,603
And the greatest dad.
506
00:17:31,603 --> 00:17:34,207
Huh, you really are
pretty observant.
507
00:17:34,207 --> 00:17:35,711
I guess seeing how much
you've grown up
508
00:17:35,711 --> 00:17:38,449
made me realize that
if you're getting older,
509
00:17:38,449 --> 00:17:39,451
I must be too.
510
00:17:39,451 --> 00:17:42,090
Or maybe
we're both getting better.
511
00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:44,227
Excuse me.
512
00:17:44,227 --> 00:17:46,231
Paul Giamatti?
513
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,235
Please, get me outta here.
514
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:52,210
I took this gig
'cause I thought it was Cameo.
515
00:17:52,210 --> 00:17:55,349
Jon, the only thing
I hate more than Mondays
516
00:17:55,349 --> 00:17:58,890
are people who break contracts.
517
00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:01,729
The point is, you really
impressed me out there, son.
518
00:18:01,829 --> 00:18:03,265
Really?
[laughs]
519
00:18:03,366 --> 00:18:05,403
Well, I'm sorry
someone had to die,
520
00:18:05,403 --> 00:18:07,541
but at least we got closer.
521
00:18:07,541 --> 00:18:10,614
Yeah, I guess
it was just a--whoa!
522
00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:12,851
both: Happy accident.
523
00:18:12,851 --> 00:18:14,722
♪ ♪
524
00:18:14,722 --> 00:18:16,860
- [growls]
- [quavering]
525
00:18:16,860 --> 00:18:18,730
[crashes and screams]
526
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,266
[dramatic music]
527
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:23,005
- [grunting]
- [gurgling]
528
00:18:23,005 --> 00:18:25,009
Get back here!
529
00:18:25,009 --> 00:18:27,380
♪ ♪
530
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:29,785
Everyone,
stop the medieval melee!
531
00:18:29,885 --> 00:18:32,558
I figured--
we figured it out.
532
00:18:32,558 --> 00:18:34,160
You saw I made
that change, right?
533
00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:35,997
I made a conscious choice
to include him.
534
00:18:35,997 --> 00:18:37,133
I noticed it.
535
00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:38,537
Stan, wanna give
your old man a hand?
536
00:18:38,537 --> 00:18:40,440
We gotta "Weekend at Bernie's"
this guy.
537
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,611
Wow, what did they call it
before that movie?
538
00:18:42,611 --> 00:18:44,682
"Carrying around a dead guy"
doesn't sound as hilarious.
539
00:18:44,782 --> 00:18:47,554
Alistair excused himself
into this room.
540
00:18:47,554 --> 00:18:49,558
Then we heard
the clock chime 9:00.
541
00:18:49,659 --> 00:18:51,529
That meant he had
to shotgun a Splurt
542
00:18:51,529 --> 00:18:53,332
to stay alive--
doctor's orders--
543
00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:55,235
so he grabbed a knife.
544
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,304
Unfortunately,
at that moment,
545
00:18:56,404 --> 00:18:58,141
the train-sion lurched,
and he fell,
546
00:18:58,141 --> 00:18:59,278
stabbing himself in the chest
547
00:18:59,278 --> 00:19:01,315
and dying in a pool
of his own Splurt,
548
00:19:01,315 --> 00:19:03,052
which means
this wasn't a murder.
549
00:19:03,052 --> 00:19:05,590
both: It was an accident.
550
00:19:06,892 --> 00:19:09,932
Well, this still went better
than last year's party.
551
00:19:10,032 --> 00:19:11,468
Yeah, at least Flute
didn't send out
552
00:19:11,602 --> 00:19:13,973
any pics of his--
[phones chime]
553
00:19:14,073 --> 00:19:15,611
Never mind, there they are.
554
00:19:15,611 --> 00:19:17,180
[laughs] You're just
getting those now?
555
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:18,281
Maybe we were in a tunnel.
556
00:19:18,281 --> 00:19:20,186
So can we put him down now?
557
00:19:20,286 --> 00:19:21,956
I think he's starting to leak.
558
00:19:21,956 --> 00:19:23,359
Oh, God, yeah.
Put him down. Gross.
559
00:19:23,459 --> 00:19:25,564
[train horn blaring]
560
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:28,537
[serene music]
561
00:19:28,637 --> 00:19:30,340
♪ ♪
562
00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:33,345
So I guess we both got
a little crazy before.
563
00:19:33,345 --> 00:19:34,581
Nothing crazy about that.
564
00:19:34,581 --> 00:19:37,888
In fact, I've never been saner
in my life.
565
00:19:37,888 --> 00:19:40,359
He's moving in with me,
and we're going to get married!
566
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:43,232
Uh, yeah, about that.
567
00:19:43,232 --> 00:19:44,535
You speak English?
568
00:19:44,635 --> 00:19:46,138
I mean, uh...
569
00:19:46,238 --> 00:19:49,344
[gurgling]
570
00:19:49,444 --> 00:19:50,848
Bye!
571
00:19:50,948 --> 00:19:53,486
♪ ♪
572
00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:57,460
Damn, I really thought
that was gonna be something.
573
00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:59,497
Well, that's dating
in your 40s.
574
00:19:59,497 --> 00:20:02,003
Sorry I thought
you were a murderer.
575
00:20:02,103 --> 00:20:03,406
Thanks, fake husband.
576
00:20:03,507 --> 00:20:05,176
You're welcome, future wife.
577
00:20:05,176 --> 00:20:06,412
I mean, fake wife.
578
00:20:06,513 --> 00:20:09,585
[quietly] Phew, that was close.
579
00:20:11,622 --> 00:20:14,093
You realize,
once we step off this train,
580
00:20:14,227 --> 00:20:15,664
we'll go back to who we were.
581
00:20:15,764 --> 00:20:19,973
But we will always
have train-sion.
582
00:20:19,973 --> 00:20:21,609
[train horn blaring]
583
00:20:21,709 --> 00:20:24,582
[upbeat music]
584
00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:28,523
♪ ♪
585
00:20:28,623 --> 00:20:31,896
♪ We'll always have
the train-sion ♪
586
00:20:31,896 --> 00:20:35,169
♪ No matter what they say
587
00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:38,576
♪ The memories
and friendship ♪
588
00:20:38,710 --> 00:20:41,549
♪ ♪
589
00:20:41,549 --> 00:20:43,119
You know, I'm actually glad
590
00:20:43,219 --> 00:20:45,222
I completely neglected
to call the babysitter.
591
00:20:45,222 --> 00:20:48,897
Sorry. Mansitter.
592
00:20:48,897 --> 00:20:49,799
"Mansitter."
593
00:20:49,966 --> 00:20:52,538
I wonder what happens
when you Google that.
594
00:20:52,638 --> 00:20:55,209
♪ ♪
595
00:20:55,309 --> 00:20:58,850
♪ We'll always have
the train-sion ♪
596
00:21:02,457 --> 00:21:03,960
We didn't know
Alistair long--hell,
597
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,697
we barely knew him at all--
but he gave us something
598
00:21:05,697 --> 00:21:07,668
even more valuable
than a train-sion,
599
00:21:07,668 --> 00:21:10,072
and that is a bond
that will last a lifetime.
600
00:21:10,172 --> 00:21:11,407
To Alistair!
601
00:21:11,509 --> 00:21:13,478
all: To Alistair!
602
00:21:15,282 --> 00:21:17,921
[all screaming]
603
00:21:19,290 --> 00:21:22,163
I can do the fandango!
604
00:21:22,163 --> 00:21:24,167
[grunting]
605
00:21:24,167 --> 00:21:26,037
[yelping]
606
00:21:26,037 --> 00:21:27,206
Mm, delicious.
607
00:21:27,306 --> 00:21:28,476
Great memorial, everyone.
608
00:21:28,476 --> 00:21:30,680
Well, back to work.
609
00:21:36,258 --> 00:21:37,928
Bento.
42521
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