All language subtitles for Galaxy.Quest.1999.BluRay.720p.AC3.x264-CHD

- Exiting the time knot now, sir.
- We're alive!

We made it, Commander.
We made it.

By Grabthar's hammer,
we live to tell the tale.

[Computerized Voice]
Systems registering functional.

All systems are
working, Commander.

I don't like it.
It was too easy.

- [Boy] Wait! Oh, no. They're everywhere!
- [Alarm Blaring]

- There are time knots opening everywhere!
- A trap!

We're surrounded, Commander.

- Aah!
- Ooh!

It's a core meltdown, sir.
It can't be stopped.

Surrender may be
our only option.

No! Never give up!

Never surrender!

Your orders, sir?

Sir?
Group orders?

Activate the Omega 13.

- [Audience Applauding]
- [Man] Well?

Huh?
Well, there you are.

- Yeah! Huh?
- [Audience Cheering, Applauding]

Yeah! Yeah, that's
what I'm talking about.

You are the first people
to see the lost Galaxy Quest...

episode 92
two-parter...

since it was originally aired
in 1982!

- Huh? Yeah! All right.
- [Audience Applauding]

And now, the moment you've
all been waiting for...

the intrepid crew
of the N.S.E.A. Protector!

- Yeah! Yeah!
- [Crowd Cheering]

[Man]
Red scarf, black shoes. Wait.

White scarf, black buttons,
white shoes.

Man, where in the hell is he?
An hour and a half late?

- An hour and a half.
- I mean, this is unreal.

They're gonna start
eating each other out there.

Oh, did you hear? He booked
another appearance without us.

You're kidding.

Oh. Uh...
Um...

- How did I come to this?
- Not again.

- I played Richard the Third.
- Five curtain calls.

There were five curtain calls. I was an actor once,
damn it! Now look at me. Look at me!

I cannot go out there,
and I won't say...

that stupid line one more time!

- I can't, I won't.
- Well, Alex, at least you had a part.

Okay? You had
a character people loved.

I mean, my TV Guide interview
was six paragraphs...

about my boobs and how they
fit into my suit.

No one even bothered to ask me
what I do on the show.

You had the... Wait.
Wait, I'll think of it.

- I repeated the computer, Fred.
- Whew!

Your commander is on deck!
Ha, ha!

Wow, that smog
is thick today, huh?

- Am I too late for Alexander's panic attack?
- [Objects Clattering]

Apparently not. You know,
you should get that looked at.

[Chuckles]
Yeah.

[Emcee in Distance]
Let's take a look at a few more clips.

Okay.
What did I do? Hmm?

- [Audience Chanting] We want the crew!
- What?

- [Chanting] We want the crew! - For those four
seasons, we developed the same affection...

for the crew as the crew
had for each other.

These weren't just adventurers
exploring space.

- Friends.
- These were friends.

- Unbelievable.
- You are so full of it, man!

It's not a big deal! These guys
put a little set in their basement.

I'm there about an hour.
It's nothing, Gwen.

They wanted the Commander.

- There he goes.
- Alexander, wait a minute. Grab him! Grab him!

- We want the crew! We want the crew!
- [Emcee] Okay!

Yeah!
Here we go!

Come on, old friend.
Old friend.

You stole all my best lines.
You cut me out of episode two entirely.

- Excuse me.
- [Emcee] Tawny Madison... my personal favorite...

- Gwen DeMarco!
- [Crowd Cheering]

Yeah!

Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!
Let's hear a warm welcome...

for crack gunner Laredo...
Tommy Webber!

- You will go out there!
- I won't,

and nothing you say
will make me.

- The show must go on.
- [Emcee] Freddie Kwan!

- Damn you.
- [Emcee Continues, Indistinct]

Damn you. I won't say
that stupid line one more time.

Tev'Meck...
Alexander Dane!

Yeah!
All right!

[Crowd Cheering]

By Grabthar's hammer,
you shall be avenged!

Yeah!
All right!

That guy can act.
And finally,

my... my fellow
Questerians,

the brave Commander
of the N.S.E.A. Protector,

Peter, Peter, Peter,
Peter, Peter,

Quincy, Quincy, Quincy, Quincy,
Taggart, Taggart, Taggart Taggart...

- Jason Nesmith! Yes!
- [Crowd Cheering]

[Woman]
We love you, Commander!

- Never give up, never...
- [Audience In Unison] Never surrender!

Damn the resonance cannons,
full speed ahead! Huh?

[Emcee] The Commander and his crew
will be signing autographs...

on Imperial decks "C" and "B"
near the Coke machines.

[Man]
Whoo! Quest forever, man!

Excuse me, pardon me.
Crew member coming through.

- Fans, right? Hey, Gwen.
- Oh, hey, man.

I want to thank you for that
nice intro you gave us today.

- Um...
- Guy.

You probably don't remember me,
do you? It's the sunglasses, right?

I was on the show in '82,
episode 81.

Got killed by a lava monster
before the first commercial. Aaah!

Listen, uh... Maybe I could sit in
and, uh, sign a couple autographs?

By Grabthar's hammer, by the sons
of Warvan, I shall avenge you!

- By Grabthar's...
- Next.

Had I moved an inch to the left,
the beast would have killed me.

- On the other hand, my crew was in danger.
- How did you know what to do?

Come on! Without my crew,
I'm not a commander, huh?

I think we all remember what happened
to that beast on Enok Seven, right?

[Crowd Laughing]

You've gotta admit,
they really do love him.

Yeah, almost as much
as he loves himself.

Excuse me, Commander.
Hey!

I was wondering if you could help settle a dispute
my crew and I seem to be having.

Um, if you remember, uh,
in "Quasar Dilemma..."

Excuse me for a minute, fellas.

I hadn't even gotten
to the relevant conundrum.

In episode 15,
"Mist of Delos Five,"

I got the feeling that you and
the Commander kind of had a thing.

- Did you?
- No.

The Commander and I
never had a thing.

Well that's her story.

Excuse me.

Gwen. Gwen.

Gwen.

- Commander.
- Excuse me.

I must speak to you.
It is a matter of supreme importance.

We are Thermians
from the Klatu Nebula...

and we... need your help.

Oh, oh, oh.

Is this about that gig tomorrow?

Just hammer out the details with my agent,
and make sure there's a limo at my house.

Last time I did one of these gigs,
they shoved me in the back of a Toyota.

Remember, mum's the word.

- Certainly, but um...
- Mum.

- Mum. Mum.
- Mum. - Mum.

Look here.
And... beautiful.

Crewman Madison.
The mist of this strange planet...

is filling my head
with such thoughts.

It was cute when I
didn't know you.

[Chuckles]
You...

- [Chattering, Indistinct]
- [Laughing]

[Giggling]

[Man Coughing]

[Men Chuckling]

What a freak show, man.
Oh, this is hilarious.

Bunch of losers! Beggin'
for autographs at 15 bucks a pop.

- [Toilet Flushes]
- These guys haven't had a real acting job for 20 years.

- This is all they've got.
- Did you check out Nesmith?

He actually gets off on those retards
thinking he's a space commander!

- Yeah! Oh, and his friends?
- I know!

They can't stand him! Did you
hear them ragging on him in there?

Dude, he has no idea he's
a laughing stock, even to his buddies.

- He's pathetic!
- Ooh, come on, come on.

The Galaxy Quest Dancers
are almost on.

Whoo! Full speed ahead,
Lieutenant.

Hey, Commander,
uh, so, as I was saying,

in "The Quasar Dilemma," remember,
you used the auxiliary of deck B...

could you get this...
deck B for gamma override.

The thing is is that
online blueprints clearly indicate...

that deck B is independent
of the guidance matrix.

So, we were wondering
just where the error lies in that.

It's just a television show.
That's all, okay?

[Chuckles]
Right, but...

'Cause we were wondering if the quantum
flux... Now, just listen on this...

There is no quantum flux!

There's no auxiliary.
There's no goddamn ship!

You got it?

- [Crowd Murmuring]
- [Man] Where's he going?

I mean it.
I mean it, Alex.

I've never seen him lose it like that.
Not to a fan.

I mean, it was just weird.

Gwen, I have said it for years.

He's mentally unstable.

[Sighs]
I... I'm worried.

It just was not like him.

[TV: Man Grunting]

[TV: Gunfire]

[Channels Changing]

As long as there is injustice,

whenever a Targathian baby
cries out,

- wherever a distress signal sounds among the stars,
- [Reciting Along]

- we'll be there... this fine ship, this fine crew.
- This fine ship, this fine crew.

- Never give up and never surrender.
- Never give up.

Never surrender.

[Knocking]

- [Knocking Continues]
- [Moaning Softly]

[Groans]

- Can I help you?
- Sir, I understand this is a terrible breach in protocol...

- You guys shouldn't come to my house, man.
- I beg you to hear our plea.

We are Thermians
from the Klatu Nebula.

Our people are being systematically
hunted and slaughtered...

by Roth'h'ar Sarris
of Fatu-Krey.

We are to meet in negotiation. However, our
efforts in this regard have been disastrous.

Please, Commander.
You are our last hope.

[Chuckles]

- We have secured our limousine.
- What?

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Um, it's the thing
for the thing that's, um...

[Chuckles]
Maybe I should get some pants on.

Come on in.

- [Groans]
- Commander,

I must say that standing here
in your presence...

is the greatest honor we could have
ever hoped to achieve in our lifetimes.

That's... I really
appreciate that.

Would you guys look for another shoe
that looks like this, please?

[Groans]

Sir, I am Lahnk,
senior requisition officer.

Before we travel to the ship, please let
me know if you have any requirements.

- Weapons, documents, personnel?
- Um, a Coca-Cola? Do you have one of those?

- Sir, I am Teb.
- [Chuckles]

I would like to explain
the history between our people...

- and the Sarris Dominion in greater detail.
- Hey, how ya doin'?

In the five million years
following the Great Nebula Burst,

- our people were one p...
- What's your name?

- Doesn't she talk?
- Her translator is broken.

[Shrieks]

- [Opens Soda Can]
- Okeydokey.

You know, guys, I had a late night
with a Kreemorian Fangor beast,

so I'm gonna just
shut my eyes for a bit.

Go on. You know. I'm listening
to everything you say, okay?

In the five million years
following the Great Nebula Burst,

our people were one people.

But then came the Zactor Migration,
and then the Melosian Shift,

dark period of discontent
once spread through the land.

Fighting among Treeb sects
and Largoths... ah, the foolishness.

And it was in this time
of dissension that Sarris...

[Barking]

- [Laliari] Commander. Commander.
- Hmm.

I'm sorry to wake you, sir,
but your presence is requested on the command deck.

[Grunts]

- Sir, Sarris has moved the deadline.
- [Groans]

We are approaching his ship
at the Ni-delta now.

He wants an answer
to his proposal.

Yeah, I got most of it in the car.
Sarris is the bad guy, right?

Oh, yes, sir.
He's a very bad man indeed.

He has tortured our scientists, put us
to work in the gallium arsenide mines,

- Mm-hmm. - captured our females
for his own demented purposes...

Yeah, yeah, I got the picture.
Do you have pages or do you just want me to wing this?

- I am not sure I understand you.
- [Mathesar] Commander.

- Welcome to the Protector Two.
- Good to see ya.

- Would you like to don your uniform?
- I'd like to skip that.

I got this gig in Van Nuys in about a
quarter of an hour. Is that all right?

- As you wish.
- Sir, it's Sarris.

He's here.

General, I just received word
the Thermians have appointed a new commander...

to handle the negotiations.

What?

[Moaning]

This is great. You know, usually
it's just cardboard walls in a garage.

- Sir, we apologize for operating in low-power mode,
- Oh. Oooh.

But we are experiencing a reflective flex field
this close to the galactic axis.

You know what I could use?
A cup holder and a couple of Advil.

We're approaching in five ticks, sir.
Command to slow?

Set it on screen saver two.

[Chuckles]
Because we, you know... We gotta...

[Groans] Oh, I'm sorry
to break the mood here.

Um, slow it down
to mark two, Lieutenant.

[Sarris Over Speaker]
I see fear.

- That is expected.
- Mm-hmm.

- Ahh, they bring a new commander.
- It's good.

- Here are my demands.
- It's scary. I mean, you know, he looks...

- And if I do not hear what I like,
- real.

Then there will be blood...

and pain as you cannot imagine!

- First, I require...
- Backwash.

The Omega 13.

Second, I will require
a technician...

Okeydokey. Let's fire blue particle
cannons full. Red particle cannons full.

Gannet magnets,
fire them left and right.

And let 'em run all chutes.
And while you're at it,

why don't you toss that
at 'em, killer?

That should take care of
old lobster head, shouldn't it?

[Chuckles]

Commander, where are you going?

- Home.
- You... You mean Earth?

Yeah, Earth. I need
to get back to Earth, kids.

But the negotiation.
You-You fired on him.

- Yeah, yeah. Long live... What was your planet called?
- Thermia.

- Long live Thermia. This way?
- But what if Sarris survives?

- I doubt it. I gave him both barrels.
- He has a very powerful ship.

If you got any more problems
with the guy, just give me a call.

- [Bangs Step]
- Ow!

- An interstellar vox.
- A what? Hey.

- [Beeping]
- How can we thank you, Commander?

You... You have saved
our people.

Yeah. Okay. You know, you kids
have been great. You really have.

This thing is real lookin'.
Yoo-hoo. Hello? [Chuckles]

Hey! Where's my limo?

Huh?

[Banging]

[Sloshing]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Banging]

♪ [Female Voices Harmonizing] ♪

[Screaming]

[Panting]

[Gwen] Take it from us.
We've been all over the universe.

But we've never seen space-age values
like we've seen here at...

Tech Value
Electronic Superstore!

[Monotone]
By Grabthar's hammer,

what a savings.

All right!

Yeah. Let's hear it
for the N.S.E.A. Protector.

[Chattering]

- Brandon, are you okay?
- Commander.

My apologies.

Evidently, we had a little
miscommunication regarding...

the voyage.

That you didn't show up.

[Panting]

- He did it again.
- [Man Over P.A.] Thank you for coming out.

Do you know what time it is? Why do
you even bother to show up at all?

N-N-N-Not now.
Guys, I was there.

I was up there.
Remember yesterday at the convention?

Those people dressed like aliens?
They were aliens.

They were Termites or Dalmatians.
I can't really remember 'cause I was hungover.

But what they built
was extraordinary.

It was a huge spaceship.
I got to fight this guy named Sarris and I kicked his ass.

I know what you're thinkin'.
But I can prove it. They gave me this.

No, no, no, no, no. But can you
talk to people in space on those?

Protector,
this is the commander. Over.

- Oh, for God's sake.
- That's it. It's time to go!

This isn't mine.

- That kid. Where's that kid?
- Begging your pardon, Commander?

We come with news.
Sarris lives.

- He was able upon your departure to make an escape.
- Listen. Tell them.

- However, he has contacted us...
- Sarris.

...and wishes to negotiate a surrender.

We humbly implore you to come
and negotiate the terms.

Huh? They want me back?
You want me back?

Is this amazing? They want me back, and
I want you guys to go with me. Please?

Think about it.
Let's go. Yes!

You're... You're goin'?

Alexander, this is not...
I'm not kiddin' here.

This isn't some kind of prank.
I'm not kiddin'.

No, guys, guys, listen.
Come on. Gwen, Gwen, Gwen.

Stop. Come here. You know me, and
I'm a lot of things, but am I crazy?

You know, it's one thing
to treat us this way.

It's another thing to do it
to your fans.

She's not a fan.
This is... This is a Termite!

You should've just
let me hit him.

Boy, I didn't know
you could get that loaded.

I think we should've
just taken the gig.

I mean, who knows
the next time he'll ask us?

Fred, he was drunk. Do you really think
he was talking about a job?

- But you live with your mother.
- Did Jason come through here?

Yeah, he's in there.
Hey, guys.

Ah. We are coming too.

- All of you wish to go to the ship?
- Yes, we wish to go to the ship.

You see, we work together,
or not at all.

Wonderful. The commander had me continue
transmission in case you changed your mind.

- Protector, requesting four interstellar...
- Me too.

Five pods
for immediate departure.

[Hum Resonating]

Guys.

- Guys.
- I look forward to meeting you all...

in person when you
arrive at the ship.

- End transmission.
- [Whooshing]

- [Liquid Sloshing]
- Oh, my God.

- [Whooshing]
- Anybody got any change?

[Exhales]

[Shrieking In The Distance]

[Shrieking Continues]

[Instruments Whirring]

[Whirring]

[Shrieking Continues]

Our most sincere apologies.

- We forgot about our appearance generators.
- You guys came.

Who wants the grand tour?

[Screaming]

- [Screaming Stops]
- Anybody else?

That was a hell of a thing.

- What's wrong with them?
- I don't know. Come on.

That's right, guys.
Keep shaking it off. It gets better.

- Try some gum. It helps.
- Where are we?

The twenty-third quadrant of the gamma sector.
There's a map in the forward room.

I'll show you.
Come on.

- Welcome, my friends.
- This is Mathesar. He's their leader.

I am Mathesar.
On behalf of all my people,

I wish to thank you from
the deepest place in our hearts.

Mathesar, this is, uh, my crew.

Dr. Lazarus.

[Mathesar's Crew Whispering]
Dr. Lazarus. Dr. Lazarus.

Lieutenant Madison.

[Whispering]
Lieutenant Madison.

Young Laredo, how you've grown.

Young Laredo.

Tech Sergeant Chen.

[Mathesar's Crew]
Tech Sergeant Chen. Tech Sergeant Chen.

C-Crew man number...
Guy.

Guy.

You... know us?

[Chuckling]

I don't believe there is a man, woman
or child on my planet who does not.

Since we first received transmission
of your historical documents,

we have studied every facet
of your missions and strategies.

- You've been watchin' the show?
- Lieutenant, historical documents.

- H-Historical documents from out here?
- [Mathesar] Yes.

The past hundred years our society
had fallen into disarray.

Our goals, our values had become
scattered. But since the transmission,

- we have modeled every aspect of our society...
- [Grunts]

from your example,
and it has saved us.

Your courage and teamwork
and friendship through adversity...

In fact, all you see around you
has been taken from the lessons...

garnered from
the historical documents.

- Is this a... a spaceship?
- [Jason] No.

This is a star port
for the ship.

Would you guys
like to see the ship?

[Door Whooshing]

[Banging, Air Rushing Outside]

[Alexander]
Oh, my God!

It's real.

[Mathesar]
The generator room.

The beryllium sphere, of course.

And as we continue...

The medical quarters
are to the left.

We went through some trouble
duplicating your cellular regeneration...

- Jason, what have you got us into?
- What are we doing here?

- Wow, the floors are so clean.
- We're just here to negotiate this guy Sarris' surrender.

- It's no big deal. - And the organ
fabrication chamber is coming along nicely.

It's no big deal?

- Are you crazy? We have to get out of here.
- Oh, come on, guys.

Jason, we are actors,
not astronauts.

You guys wanna go home?
Say the word, we'll go home.

Pay our bills, feed our fish,

fall asleep in front of the TV
and miss out on all of this.

Come on. Do you guys
wanna do that? Anybody?

Gwen, come on.
Look at where we are. We're in space.

Alexander, this is the role
of a lifetime. You guys wanna leave?

We have enjoyed preparing
many of your esoteric dishes.

Your Monte Cristo sandwich is a current
favorite among the adventurous.

The main barracks.

§§ [Drums Play Cadence]

At ease.

It's like throwing gasoline
on a flame.

What?

I'm just jazzed about
being on the show, man.

[Mathesar]
If you would all take your positions.

- [Gwen] Our what?
- Guys.

- Oh. Oh. - Oh.
- Oh, wh... Hmm.

Look, this thingy.

I remember...
I remember I had it all worked out.

This is forward.
This is back.

[Hum Resonating, Whooshes]

Commander, some of the crew
has requested to be present at this historic event.

Sure. Bring 'em in.

[Shrilling]

[Chuckles] No pressure, huh?
Glad I ain't the commander.

Laredo, take us out.

- Excuse me?
- [Chuckles]

They designed those controls
after watching you.

- Take her out.
- [Clears Throat] Right, right.

Okay.

Right.

Right.
Take her out.

[Banging]

- [Air Rushing]
- [Spaceship Revving]

[Beeping]

[Spaceship Rising]

Okay.

Y-you gotta move
to the right.

- Hit parallel.
- Would you sit your ass down? Sit! You wanna drive?

[Metal Scraping]

- [Nervous Chuckle]
- [High-Pitched Scraping]

[Scraping Stops]

[Jason]
Oh. Mmm.

How are you enjoying
your steak, Commander?

I'm really enjoying it.
This is like corn-fed lowa beef.

Yes. We programmed
the food synthesizer...

for each of you based on
the regional menu of your birthplace.

[Jason] I don't care where
you did it. It tastes great!

Are you enjoying your
Kep-mok bloodticks, Dr. Lazarus?

Just like Mother used to make.

So, um... [Groans]
Tell me, Mathesar.

This Sarris person
that we're flying to meet,

- what does he want, exactly?
- [Gagging]

He heard about the device...
the Omega 13.

Um, what is it?
What does it do?

We don't know.

We were hoping
you could enlighten us.

[Nervous Chuckle]

Oh.
The Omega 13 device.

We found that on an alien planet.
We don't know what it does either.

- [Gasps]
- Why don't you just turn it on and see what it does?

- [Shrills]
- [Laughs]

It has at its heart a reactor
capable of unthinkable energy.

If we were mistaken in our construction,
the device would...

act as a molecular explosive,
causing a chain reaction...

that would obliterate
all matter in the universe.

Has Sarris ever seen any
of the, uh, historical records?

No, thank God, he has not.

Oh. So how does he know about
the Omega 13 device?

Our former commander
was not... strong.

Former commander?

I am sorry.
You deserve to be shown.

The tape was smuggled off
of Sarris' ship.

Originally, one of our own
tried to lead.

Is that all?
After three days of this,

you still require...
incentive?

- [Shrieking]
- [Electrical Buzzing]

[Female]
I have told you all I know.

If you have any mercy within you,
please, let me die.

[Sarris] When I grow weary
of the noises you make, you shall die.

[Electrical Buzzing]

Wait a minute, guys. Come on.
Hold on a minute. You just can't leave.

- Give me some time to think.
- He wants to think.

No, Jason, that's a wrap.
There's nothing to think about.

I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm
just crewman number six. I'm expendable.

I'm the guy in the episode who dies
to prove the situation is serious. I gotta get out.

- Commander?
- We gotta prepare the pods for my crew's departure.

Begging your commander's pardon, sir.
We can't launch pods at the moment.

- Sarris will surely detonate any objects leaving the ship.
- Sarris?

Yes, sir. He's here now. Your presence
is required on the command deck.

[Stammers]

There's nobody here.

While my people are
talented scientists,

our attempt to operate
our own technologies...

under tactical simulation
have been disastrous.

- I have raised Sarris on zeta frequency.
- [Jason] Mathesar...

We meet again, Commander.

Hello, Sarris. How you doin'?

Better than my lieutenant.

He failed to activate the ship's
neutron armor as quickly as I'd hoped...

on our last encounter.

Yeah, well, you know, I'd like to say I'm real sorry
about what happened before.

The whole thing was just...
just a misunderstanding.

Deliver the device to me,

or I will destroy your ship.

You know, um, we'd like do that,

but frankly, Sarris, sir, we don't know
what it is or even where it is.

You have ten seconds!

I don't... Ten seconds?
I don't... There...

You know... Okay. Gosh darn it,
I give up. It's yours. You can have it.

You have to give me a minute
to put it in a box for you, okay?

- Gwen. [Clicks Tongue]
- [Groans]

Don't panic. I've dealt with this guy before.
He's as stupid as he is ugly. Come here.

- Jason.
- Not now, Gwen. Sit, sit, sit, sit.

We're gonna send everything
we can at him, all right?

- [Gwen] Jason.
- Not now, Gwen!

Push these red buttons and send
everything we have towards him, okay?

- Okay.
- All right, Gwen. [Clears Throat]

- Put me back on with him.
- Well, I'm trying to tell you, you are back with him.

Perhaps I'm not as stupid
as I am ugly, Commander.

I gave you the...
"kill" gesture.

No, you gave me
the "we're dead" signal.

I was agreeing with you.
Like I know where the hold button is.

[Guy]
Hey, guys.

- [Beeping On Monitor]
- There's a red, uh, thingy...

movin' toward the green thingy.

- What?
- Red thingy movin' toward the green thingy.

I think... I think
we're the green thingy.

A little present
for you, Commander.

We gotta get out of here. Move
this ship. Turn it. Move! Let's go!

[Gwen Screaming]

[Explosion]

- [Explosion]
- [Screams]

- Tommy, let's go! Get us out of here!
- Jason, what do I do?

Go, go, go!

[Screaming]

Whoo!

They're turning.
They're coming!

Thrust ahead, full!

Fire at will.

- [Explosion]
- Go faster, Tommy!

- I'm going as fast as I can!
- She's still behind us!

Well, uh, uh, press turbo. I'm always
saying, "Press the turbo," right?

- Oh, it's here. Right here.
- Press it and hold it down.

[Explosion]

- [Whooshing]
- Whoo!

[Computerized Voice]
The enemy is matching velocity.

- Enemy is matching velocity.
- We heard it the first time!

Gosh, I'm doing it.
I'm repeating the darn computer.

Hi, guys. Listen.
They're tellin' me...

the, uh... the generators
won't take it.

The ship is breakin' apart
and all that.

Just F.Y.I.

- We've gotta stop!
- We stop and we die. Tommy, just hold that down.

- You don't hold the turbo down. It's for quick boosts!
- Oh, like you know.

[Turbo Shutting Down,
Sputtering]

- [Alarm Blaring]
- [Gwen] I remember that sound.

That's a bad sound.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. We might be able
to lose them in this cloud here.

Oh, I don't...
I don't think that's a cloud.

Mathesar, what is this?

This is the Tothian minefield
left standing from the Great War of 12185.

Oh, God! [Screams]
Whoo!

[Grunting, Screams]

- [Explosion]
- [Whimpering]

Could you possibly try
not to hit every single one?

Sorry, man. They're driftin'
towards us! I think they're magnetic!

Continue forward, sir?

Patience, Lieutenant.

Patience.

- We've gotta stop!
- We're almost through this.

[High-Pitched Screaming]

- You okay? You all right?
- Yeah.

- [Groaning]
- Everybody all right? Where's Tommy?

- [Screaming] Oh, man!
- Tommy! You all right?

No, my arm is broke...
No, don't touch it. Don't touch it.

- I'll take him to medical quarters.
- Thanks, Mathesar.

[Screaming]

Alex, where are you going?

To see if there's a pub.

[Computer] Forward thruster shaft:
87 percent damage.

Aft vector guards:
96 percent damage.

Structural breaches
in quadrants 32, 34, 40...

- What about the engines?
- Forward thruster shaft:

- 87 percent damage.
- Computer, what about the engines?

- Why don't we have power?
- The beryllium sphere has fractured under stress.

- It's fractured.
- Can it be repaired?

- Computer, can it be repaired?
- Damage to beryllium sphere: irreparable.

- New source of beryllium must be secured.
- We need another one.

You broke the ship.
You broke the bloody ship.

Eh, ah...
[Clears Throat]

Computer, is there a replacement
beryllium sphere on board?

Computer, is there a replacement
beryllium sphere on board?

Negative. No reserve
beryllium sphere exists on board.

No, we have no extra
beryllium sphere on board.

You know, that is
really getting annoying.

Look, I have one job
on this lousy ship.

It's stupid,
but I'm gonna do it, okay?

Sure, no problem.

A thousand apologies.
We have failed you.

[Chuckles]
How have you failed us?

We have seen you victorious in
much more desperate situations.

The fault must lie with us,
with the ship.

No, Mathesar, it is not your fault,
and it's not the ship's fault.

It's-It's-It's-It's
my fault.

- We-We screwed...
- We are not the people you think we are.

I don't understand.

Didn't you make any TV shows
on your planet? Any theater, films?

The historical documents
of your culture.

Yes, in fact, we have begun to document
our history from your example.

No, not historical documents. They're
not all historical documents. I mean,

surely you don't think
that Gilligan's Island is a...

- [All Moaning]
- Those poor people.

[Tommy]
Oh, brother.

We're screwed.

Is there no one on your planet
who behaves in a way...

that's contrary to reality?

[Gasping]
You are speaking of...

- Deception, lies.
- Deception, lies.

We have only recently become aware of this concept
in our dealings with Sarris.

Often, Sarris will say one thing
and do another.

Promise us mercy,
but deliver destruction.

It is a concept we are beginning
to learn at some great costs.

But if you are saying that
any of you could have traits in common with Sarris...

- [Laughing]
- [All Laughing]

[Laughing]

Hey, Commander, listen. We found
some beryllium on a nearby planet.

We might be able to get there...

if we reconfigure
the solar matrix...

in parallel
for endothermic propulsion.

What do you think?

- We'll do that!
- All right!

That's-That's-That's
right again.

That's... C-C-Come on.
Group hug.

- Come on.
- [All Murmuring]

Dr. Lazarus, I hope
I am not breaching protocol,

but I am so very humbled
to stand in your presence.

I have studied your missions
extensively.

Though I am Thermian, I have lived
my life by your philosophy,

by the code of the Mak'tar.

- Oh, good, that's very nice.
- By Grabthar's hammer, Dr. Lazarus.

- Don't do that. I'm not kidding.
- I'm sorry, sir, I was just...

Just don't.

Yes, sir.

Never give up, never surrender.

Dr. Lazarus?

Here is your surface mapper. I have
programmed it to the coordinates...

of a beryllium sphere
of sufficient density.

- Good luck on your mission, sir.
- Thanks.

You're doing good, Tommy.

I changed my mind.
I wanna go back.

After the fuss you made
about getting left behind?

Yeah, but that's when I thought
I was the crewman...

that stays on the ship, and something
is up there, and it kills me.

But now I'm thinking I'm the guy
who gets killed by some monster...

five minutes after we land
on the planet.

You're not gonna die
on the planet, Guy.

I'm not?
Then what's my last name?

It's, uh, uh...
I don't know.

Nobody knows!
Do you know why?

Because my character isn't
important enough for a last name,

because I'm gonna die
five minutes in.

Guy, you have a last name.

- Do I? Do I?
- Yes!

For all you know,
I'm just crewman number six.

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

Are we there yet?

- Mommy!
- [Jason] Tommy!

- Look out! Oh, no!
- [Alexander] Pull out!

[Fred Moaning]
Oh, yeah!

[Moaning Continues]

- [Beeping]
- [Guy] Don't open that! It's an alien planet!

Is there air?
You don't know!

[Sniffing, Breathing]
Seems okay.

Here we go.

[Jason]
Which way, Alexander?

[Beeping]

This way!

Wait. No.

- That way.
- You were holding it upside down.

- Shut up.
- You know, with all that makeup and stuff,

I actually thought
you were smart for a second.

You think you could
do better, Laredo?

- All right with that Laredo stuff.
- [Guy] Oh, we're so screwed.

Come on, come on, come on, if we wanna finish
this mission, we have to use self-control.

[Gwen] "Self-control"?
That's funny, coming from a guy...

who slept with every Turekian slave
girl and moon princess on the show.

[Jason] Ever occur to you,
had you been more supportive, you might've been...

[Alexander] Wow. Must be
some sort of mining facility.

- Where are the miners?
- Something bad happened here.

- Will you relax?
- [Beeping]

There they are.
Beryllium spheres. Let's go.

- [Gasping]
- [Chattering]

Look at that.

Would you look at that?
They look like little children.

Could they be the miners?

Sure, they're like
three years old.

Miners, not minors.

- You lost me.
- I don't like this.

- I don't like this at all.
- They are so cute.

Sure, they're cute now.
In a second, they're gonna get mean.

They're gonna get ugly somehow, then
there's gonna be a million more of them.

[Gasping] Look.
There's a little hurt one.

[Whimpering]

Oh.

[Whimpering Continues]

Hi.
Hi there.

- Ah!
- Shh!

- Did you guys ever watch the show?
- [Chattering]

See?

They're gonna help
the little hurt one.

[Whispering]

[Snarling]

I'm so sick of being right.

Let's get out of here before
one of those things kills Guy.

Wait a minute.

We're not going anywhere
without a beryllium sphere.

We need a plan.

Fred, I need a diversion
to clear the compound of those things.

Then, Alex and Gwen and I
will go get a sphere.

Tommy, get up on that ridge, and if you see
them come back, give me a signal, all right?

Why does this sound so familiar?

"Assault on Voltareck 3,"
episode 81.

- We're doing episode 81?
- Whatever. The one with the hologram, the wall of fire.

Well, how the hell is Fred
supposed to project a hologram?

- What did we do in episode 81?
- It's just a rough plan.

- What difference does it make if it's episode 81 or not?
- 'Cause I died in episode 81!

- Shh! Episode 51, right?
- This is ludicrous.

Why are you listening to this fellow?
May I remind you:

He's wearing a costume,
not a uniform.

He's no more equipped to lead us
than this fellow. No offense.

Look, they're gone.

- Where'd they go, back inside?
- I don't know.

- Nobody was watching.
- All right, all right!

Listen up. Here's the plan.
Gwen, Fred, Alex and I, we'll go down and get a sphere.

Fleegman, you set up a perimeter,
and Tommy, you're lookout.

- You see anything at all, you give us a signal.
- What kind of a signal?

- Any kind of signal.
- Okay, I'll do my hands like this, and caw, caw!

What are you, an infant?
Look, we have these.

- That... Sorry.
- All right, let's go.

[Grunting]

- Does rolling help?
- Uh-huh, it helps.

- Where's your gun?
- It helps. - Shoot!

- Oh.
- What?

[Jason Chuckling]
Never give up, never surrender.

[Together]
Oh, shut up.

Caw, caw, I said!
[Yelling]

[Screaming]
Run! Run! Run!

- They're everywhere, they're everywhere.
- Everywhere!

- Come on, let's go.
- Let's go!

- [Yelling]
- [Jason] Hurry!

They're everywhere.
Come on!

[Jason]
Don't look back. Don't look back.

- We're not gonna make it.
- [Snarling]

- [Screams]
- Oh, God!

[Guy] I knew it, I knew it.
I knew this was gonna kill me.

Hurry! Go, go, go!

[Jason]
Come on. Push. Let's go. Go!

I got it, but it's gonna
take a few seconds.

I got it, I got it!

- Go ahead.
- There's no time. Get in, get in.

Of course, I forgot, you've got
to be the hero. Haven't you?

Heaven forbid anybody else gets
the spotlight! Oh, no, Jason Nesmith...

- Oh! Jason! Jason, come on!
- [Screeching]

- Hurry!
- Tommy, go! Go! I mean it!

Help! No, no, no! Jason, please!
Tommy, stop the pod, stop it!

- I can't stop it. It's on autopilot.
- Go! Leave him!

[Gwen]
No!

[Screeching]

Oh, right!

Of course, it's always
about you, isn't it?

[Panting]

[Chattering]

[Screeching]

[Groaning]

[Screaming] Oh, hey!
[Grunting]

- [Growling]
- [Groaning]

[Chanting]
Gorignack, Gorignack.

- [Groaning Continues]
- Gorignak, Gorignak, Gorignak, Gorignak.

Jason? Jason,
can you hear me?

- Yeah, Gwen, you got me.
- Thank God. Are you okay?

Yeah. As a matter of fact,
I've got Gorignak staring me in the face right now.

But you know what?
I think I can take him.

[All Groaning]

Jason, we're gonna use the digital
conveyor to get you out of there.

- The digital conveyor?
- Yeah.

You gonna have me diced into cubes
and sent up there in a million pieces?

- Right.
- Well, you know what?

I think I'll take my chances
with Gorignak.

We're getting you out right now.
It's perfectly safe, isn't it, Teb?

It has never been
successfully tested.

- What did he say?
- Hold, please.

Theoretically, the mechanism
is fully operational.

However, it was built to accommodate
your anatomy, not ours.

But now that Tech Sergeant Chen
is here, he can operate it.

It was designed watching his motions
from the historical documents.

I-I-I mean, I can't.
[Stammering]

- I-l can supervise.
- Jason, we're gonna test it.

- On what?
- How about that pig lizard?

- Hey, I'm doing all right with the pig lizard.
- Please, Fred. And hurry.

[High-Pitched Squeal]

I'm sorry. It's very exciting
to watch the master at the controls.

The operation of the conveyor is
much more... hmm-mmm... art than science.

Stand back, Jason.

Gorignak, Gorignak, Gorignak.

[Growling]

[All Screaming, Groaning]

- What? What was that?
- Uh... - Nothing.

- I heard some squealing or something.
- Oh, no, everything's fine.

But the animal is inside out.

I heard that.
It turned inside out?

[Screaming]

And it exploded.

Did I just hear that the animal
turned inside out and exploded?

Hello?

Hold, please.

Hey, wait a minute.
Guys, guys.

If the pig lizard is gone,
why are they still yelling "Gorignak."

Teb, hit
the translation circuit.

[Chanting Continues]
Gorignak, Gorignak. Rock.

Rock, rock, rock.

- [Chattering]
- Jason,

I don't think the pig lizard
was Gorignak.

What the hell you talkin' about?

Oh, darn.

[Sighs]

Digitize me!

- Come on, Fred.
- Come on, guys, digitize me!

- Not me.
- Come on, they based it on your hand movements.

- Am I the only one who saw that thing inside out?
- No, no, no, no.

I-I-I'm not the guy.

I'm not Tech Sergeant Chen.
Kwan's not even my real name.

Fred's no good, Jason.
You're just gonna have to kill it.

Kill it? Well,
I'm open to any suggestions.

Go for the eyes,
like in episode 22!

It doesn't have any eyes, Tommy.

Go for the mouth or throat,
its vulnerable spots!

It's a rock.
It doesn't have any vulnerable spots!

I know! You construct a weapon.
Look around you.

- Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?
- A lathe!

Get off the line, Guy! Alexander,
you're my advisor. Advise me.

Well, you're just gonna have to
figure out what it wants.

What is its motivation?

It's a rock monster.
It doesn't have motivation.

See, that's your problem, Jason.
You were never serious about the craft.

[Screaming]
Oh! Fred, can you hear me?

Fred, are you there?
[Screaming]

- Kinda.
- You can do it, Fred. It's up to you.

Oh, no, no, no. Jason,
I'll just... I'll just mess it up.

You did it for four years
on the show. Do it now.

That was the show.
I'm not that guy.

You never forgot a line.
You never missed a mark.

[Grunting]

That's not me anymore, man.

It is you, Fred.
You just stopped trying.

You could do this, Fred. I know
in my heart, you're gonna save my life.

- I am?
- No doubt about it, Fred.

Fred!

Fred, can you hear me?

Fred!

Fred?
I don't wanna die down here.

Digitize me, Fred!

- Oh, wow.
- Oh!

- Tech Sergeant Chen.
- Yeah!

Oh!

I see you managed
to get your shirt off.

- I did it.
- Welcome back, Fred.

All right, did we get
the beryllium sphere installed?

- Yes, we are back to full power.
- Great. Engines and pods?

- Fully operational.
- Perfect! We'll crank this sucker up.

You can drop us off, and you guys can be
back to your home planet before supper.

Oh, no, sir,
we have no reason to go back.

Sure you do.
Family, friends. Come on.

We are all that is left.

- I didn't know that.
- Sir, I have raised the command deck.

Mathesar, meet us up
on the command deck.

Mathesar.

Mathesar, Quellek!

Why can't we reach them?

- [Growling]
- [Guy Groaning]

[Groaning]

[Mumbling]
Thank God, you're alive.

Now you will face justice,
Sarris.

At every turn, you demonstrate
the necessity for your extermination.

Leave him alone.

You wish to save the life
of this man?

Yeah. Yes.

Then tell me...
what does it do,

- this Omega 13?
- I don't know what it does.

I said, I don't know.

- Is it a bomb?
- I don't know.

- A booby trap?
- I don't know!

- Tell me!
- I don't know!

- [Moaning]
- Do you think I'm a fool?

That the commander does not know
every bolt, every weld in his ship?

Prepare a tear harness...

for the female.

- [Grunting] No! Gwen, no!
- [Screams]

- [Groaning]
- You brute! Let go of me!

[Groaning]
I'm not the commander.

What did you say?

I said, I'm not the commander.

Leave them alone.
There's no reason to hurt them.

- They don't know anything.
- Explain.

Gwen, show him
the historical documents.

[Sighing]
Computer,

show the historical documents
of the Galaxy Quest missions.

♪ [Galaxy Quest Theme Music] ♪

[Chuckling]

[Laughing]

Wonderful.

You have all done far greater damage
than I ever could have.

Bravo!

[Chuckles]
Bravo.

This is a moment
I will treasure.

Explain to him...

who you all really are.

Tell him!

Explain!

Mathesar, the...

There's no such person
as Captain Taggart.

My name is Jason Nesmith.
I am an actor.

We're all actors.

He doesn't understand.

Explain as you would a child.

We, uh...
We pretended.

We lied.

- [Moaning]
- Yes! You understand that, don't you, Mathesar?

Mathesar, I...
I'm not a commander.

There's no National Space
Exploration Administration.

We don't have a ship.

But there it is.

That ship is that big.

But inside, I see many rooms.

You've seen plywood sets
that look like the inside.

Our beryllium sphere is-is wire
with plaster around it.

And our...
[Chuckles]

our digital conveyor is...

Christmas tree lights.

It's a decoration.
It's all fake.

Just like me.

But why?

It's difficult to explain.

On our planet, we...

we pretend
to-to entertain and...

Mathesar, I am so sorry.

God, I am so sorry.

- [Gagging]
- So now you know.

Lieutenant Lathe, hardwire
the reactor core to overload.

I would like to blow
this troublesome vehicle to dust.

- Sarris, what about my people?
- Yes!

Far too simple
a death for them, isn't it?

Lathe, open an oxygen seal
on level "C."

Let the air in a bit
for our friends.

Son of a...
[Groaning]

Release them...

into space.

[Automated Voice] Core overload.
Emergency shutdown: overridden.

Core implosion estimated
in nine minutes.

- Core overload. Emergency shutdown: overridden.
- Hey!

[Alexander]
Where's the happy ending, Jason?

Never give up, never surrender.

Maybe it's about time you just backed
off, you fin-headed monstrosity.

- [Gwen] Jason?
- You what?

You're starting to act
like you did in episode 17,

you scene-stealing hack.

Oh, right.

Well, how does it feel, Jason?

- Was it worth it? You murdered us all!
- Shut up.

Hundreds to die
just because of you.

- I told you to shut up.
- Both of you, get in there.

Hundreds to die just because
you wanna play a big commander.

- You raving lunatic.
- Then I'll see you in hell, won't I?

- [Alexander] Look out, Jason!
- Get his gun! Get the gun!

[Guy]
Take that!

[Screaming]

Sorry, I was... Door was
a little sticky. Did you see that?

I'll get one of my boys up here
with a can of WD-40.

- You used to pull your punches.
- Scene-stealing hack, thank you.

- Raving egomaniac.
- Can't think where I got that from.

Guys.

Look.

They're suffocating.

Core overload.
Emergency shutdown: overridden.

Core implosion estimated
in eight minutes.

General, your transport
is ready for departure!

Core overload.
Emergency shutdown: overridden.

Core implosion estimated
in seven minutes.

- Computer, shut down the core.
- Unable.

Memory checks invalid.
Core system's hardware damaged.

All right, listen up, this is what
we gotta do. Gwen, you and I,

we're gonna get to the core
and shut it down manually.

Fred, take Guy and Laliari.
You find that valve.

Shut it off before
those Thermians run out of air.

Alexander, get to the barracks. Wedge
a door open, in case they can't do that.

- Okay.
- Wait, Jason. What about me? What do I do?

You're gonna practice driving.
Let's go!

Practice driving.

- So we get to shut down a neutron reactor.
- That's right.

I hate to break it
to you, Jason,

but I don't know how to
shut down a neutron reactor,

and unless you took a learning annex
course I don't know about,

I'm pretty sure you don't know how
to shut down a neutron reactor either.

No, I don't,
but I know someone who does.

- [Knocking]
- Brandon, honey, garbage.

Aw, Mother, I'm quite busy.

Come on, Brandon,
don't make me ask you again.

[Sighing] Just ten more minutes.
Okay, Ma, I promise.

[Sighing]
Great.

[Beep]

- [Beep]
- Hello? Anybody there?

Hello?

Hello?

Got him. Listen to me.
This is Jason Nesmith.

I play Commander Peter Quincy Taggart,
N.S.E.A. Protector.

We accidentally traded boxes the other
day when we bumped into each other.

Oh? Oh.
Commander, I see.

- Okay.
- What's your name, son?

[Sighs]
Brandon.

Brandon, I remember you
from the convention, right?

You asked all those little
technical questions about the ship,

and I was a little short
with you.

Yes, yes, I know, Commander,
and I actually wanna...

I just wanted to tell you that
I-I thought a lot about what you said.

- It's okay. Listen.
- But I want you to know...

that I'm not a complete
brain case, okay?

I understand completely
that it's just a TV show.

- H-Hold... Wait a minute.
- [Brandon Continues]

Stop for a second.
Stop. Wait. It's all real.

Oh, my God, I knew it.
I knew it! I knew it!

The crew and I are in a lot of trouble,
and we need your help.

Core overload.
Emergency shutdown: overridden.

Core implosion estimated
in six minutes.

- [Gasping]
- [Screaming]

Sir, it's you.
Thank Ipthar.

Quellek?
What are you doing up there?

I avoided capture by using
your Mak'tar stealth face.

- Where is everyone?
- Come with me.

I'll explain on the way.

All right, we're at level "C,"
hallway five. Now what?

Um, go to weapons storage,
your second left, through the passage.

And that leads to a system of utility corridors
through the bowels of the ship.

- Open.
- You know, I'm gonna get Kyle.

He knows the utility tunnel system
better than anybody alive.

...38, 39, 40.

All we have to do is
turn off the valve to the barracks.

- Hi, Brandon.
- No time for pleasantries, Kyle.

We have a level five emergency.
You still got the utility systems walk-through, right?

Yeah, I've got sectors one through twenty-eight.
Hollister has the upper levels.

Great.
We'll get everybody on-line.

- Pedal to the metal, Commander.
- Pedal to the metal, Commander.

General!
I have just received word...

that the commander of the Protector
and his command crew...

have escaped custody.

What?

- Find them!
- But sir! My men... The core implosion...

Find them!

All right, Brandon, I see five ducts
in this room. Which way do we go?

Enter the passage
second to your left...

and just continue straight
for 50 meters.

Ducts?
Why is it always ducts?

- Ah, there will be a slight drop.
- [Screaming]

Thanks for the heads-up,
Brandon! You okay?

They're dying.

- Wait a minute. We gotta go across this thing?
- Yes.

- Don't look down.
- What I'd give to see what you're seeing.

- What are you talking about?
- You're deep in the underbelly of the Omega 13!

Oh, it must be spectacular.

It-It doesn't look
like much to me.

There's just these few walls and this dumb
spinning fan that we have in every single...

Brandon, what does
the Omega 13 device do?

Uh, many have believed
that it is a matter collapser.

A bomb capable of destroying pretty much
everything in about 13 seconds.

- But myself and others are convinced that what it is...
- I'm gonna go. Go.

Is a matter rearranger,

affecting a 13-second time jump
to the past.

Why 13 seconds? That's really not enough time
to do anything of any importance.

- It'd be time to redeem a single mistake.
- What?

- [Lasers Blasting]
- Go, go, go, go!

We-We gotta turn off that valve.
Their oxygen's almost gone.

Listen.
I'll go in.

I'll create a distraction.
I've got this. I'm okay.

I'm gonna be able to hold him back
long enough for the aliens to escape.

- That's suicide.
- I'm just a glorified extra, Fred.

I'm a dead man anyway. If I'm gonna die,
I'd rather go out a hero than a coward.

Guy, Guy, maybe you're
the plucky comic relief.

You ever think about that?

- Plucky?
- Oh, besides,

I just had this
really interesting idea.

Are you stoned?

Gotta get her up
and give them some time.

- [Grunting]
- Sir, perhaps together...

the Mak'tar chant of strength:
Larak tarath.

- Larak tarath, larak tarath.
- Larak tarath.

[Together] Larak tarath, larak tarath,
larak tarath, larack tarath.

All right, Brandon, we're across.
Now what?

You wanna take a left and then just
straight on through the chompers.

"The chompers"?

- Well, screw that.
- How are we supposed to get through this?

Hollister, do you have
the sequence yet?

Okay, the sequence is...

two-two-four-two...

What is this thing?
I mean, it serves no useful purpose...

for there to be a bunch of chompy, crushy things
in the middle of a hallway!

We shouldn't have to do this.
It makes no sense! Why is it here?

- 'Cause it's on the television show.
- Well, forget it!

I am not doing it!
This episode was badly written!

Okay, Commander, now, as soon
as the first crusher hits you...

- [Screaming]
- It just did!

- Okay, go now.
- Go! - [Screaming]

Go! Stop!

Go!
Wait a minute.

Come on, come on, come on.

Go! Go!

Go! Go!

- Go!
- Stop, stop. Go!

- Stop!
- [Screaming]

Jump, Commander, jump!

Whoever wrote this episode
should die!

This should be interesting.

[Beeping]

[Chattering]

[Chattering Stops]

[Screaming]

It's the simple things in life
you treasure.

That's great.

Now, we better get...

Get a room, guys.

Whoa!

Hey, Fred.

Hey, Fred, uh...

Oh, that's not right.
Oh!

Sir, the pressure...
it's normalizing.

All right!

We are saved.

He has saved us.

Commander Taggart has saved us!

[All Cheering]

It's just not fair.

All right, Quellek,
let's get back to the commander.

[Laser Blast]

I'm-I'm shot.

[Groaning]

- Quellek?
- [Panting]

That's not too bad.

We'll get you to the medical quarters,
and you'll be fine.

It has been my greatest honor
to serve with you.

I have been blessed, sir.
I-l...

Don't speak, Quellek.

You'll forgive
my impertinence, sir,

but even though
we had never before met,

I always considered you
as a father to me.

Quellek.

By Grabthar's hammer,

by the sons of Warvan,

you shall be avenged.

[Screaming]

...13, 14, 15, 16,
17, 18, 19!

- All right, Brandon, how do we shut this thing down?
- Okay, just push the blue button.

- The blue button... is that it?
- Yeah, why? What's wrong?

Nothing. I just thought it'd be
more complicated than that.

Core implosion estimated
in 20 seconds.

Brandon, it's not working.
Brandon!

Mother, I cannot stress enough
the severity...

- of the commander's predicament.
- Don't forget the recyclables!

Core implosion estimated
in ten seconds.

- Nine, eight,
- Gwen, I...

- seven, six,
- I've always...

- five, four,
- Jason, oh, Jason.

Three, two, one.

- It always stops at one on the show.
- [Laughing]

Um, what were you saying?

- Sir!
- What?

The core detonation sequence
on the Protector has been aborted.

Impossible!
Impossible!

Lock a complement of implosion missiles
under the Protector.

Tear her apart.

[Lasers Blasting]

He's finished. Alexander,
listen to me. It's okay, it's okay.

The Thermians can handle it from here.
We gotta go. Come on.

[Screaming]

We need that armor back up!

- Get me a forward view right now!
- Plasma armor: engaged.

[Rumbling]

All right, Tommy, see if you can
lose 'em in that mine field.

- M-Mine field?
- Pedal to the medal, right now!

- Pedal to the medal!
- All right, let's go!

Good going, Tommy.
Great going.

Thrust ahead... full!

Into the field!
Go!

- Tommy, can you get us closer to these mines?
- Closer?

I could try.

General, I've lost them.

The magnetism of the mine field
is disrupting our instruments.

Wait!
I see something.

Yes. Yes!
There they are.

- Get back on their tail.
- I can't, sir.

- What? Why not?
- Because they're coming right at us.

Fire at will.

Whoo! We're getting hammered,
Jason! Return fire?

No! Divert all energy
to the armor!

How adorable...

the actors are going
to play war with me.

- Sarris' ship, accelerating toward us at mark 2.
- Accelerate to mark 4.

Let me remind you, sonny:

I am a general.

If you are counting on me
to blink,

then you are making
a deadly mistake.

Well, let me tell you
something, Sarris.

It doesn't take a great actor to
recognize a bad one. You're sweating.

Armor almost gone, Jason!

You fool! You failed to realize
that with your armor gone,

my ship will tear through yours
like tissue paper.

And what you fail to realize is
my ship is dragging mines.

Oh, no!
Turn, turn!

- We did it!
- [Cheering]

Yes! Yes!

- Yes! [Laughing]
- [Cheering Continues]

Yes! Yes!

- [Mumbling]
- Mathesar!

- Oh, my God, you're alive.
- [Groaning]

- Come here.
- The ship was a model as big as this.

A very clever deception indeed.

[Laughing, Cheering]

[Cheering]

Set a course
for home, Commander?

- Can you do that?
- Oh, yeah, just point and click.

- But we're gonna have to go through the black hole.
- Any objections?

[All Scoffing]

All right, set her up.

What's the matter, Mathesar?

We were hoping
you could come with us.

M-My people
have no commander.

[Sighing]
Mathesar, I think your people...

have a great commander.

[Whimpering]

All right, Tommy,
take us into the black hole.

- We're out!
- We're going home.

- Systems register functional.
- All systems are working, Commander.

Jason, before the black hole, there was
an energy surge from Sarris' ship.

Let's not worry about that right now, Alexander.
Fred, what are you doing up here?

Shouldn't you be downstairs until we Dec...
Hey, you can put an eye out with that thing.

Fred?

[Groaning]

[Yelling In Slow Motion]
No!

Mathesar! Activate
the Omega 13!

- We're out!
- We're going home!

Systems register functional.

All systems are working,
Commander.

Jason, before the black hole, there was
an energy surge from Sarris' ship.

[Gwen] Jason, what are you doing?
What are you doing?

Let go of me. Let...
It's not Fred.

That's Sarris. Listen to me.
I'm telling you, that's not Fred, that's Sarris.

He's gonna try to kill
all of us.

[Growling]

Never give up, never surrender.

Jason. Jason!
I can't slow it down!

Our ship is too big
to enter the atmosphere.

We need to separate,
or we'll die.

We gotta do it.
It's our only hope, Mathesar.

Thank you.

Crew to the secondary deck.

Mathesar!

Good-bye, my friends.

Fred, get up to command deck.
We're separating.

On, Teb, on!

This is the third day
of the Galaxy Con,

and Jason Nesmith and his entire crew
are no-shows here at the big event,

much to the disappointment
of all these fans, knows as Questoids.

- Bye. Be back soon.
- Wait a minute. Where you going with those fireworks?

Well, the Protector got super accelerated
coming out of the black hole,

and it nailed the atmosphere
at mark 15,

which, you guys know,
is pretty unstable obviously,

so we're gonna help Laredo guide it
on the vox ultra-frequency carrier...

and use Roman candles
for visual confirmation.

A-All right,
dinner's at 7:00.

- Well, he's outside.
- Hmm.

[Chattering]

[Screaming]

[Murmuring]

[Coughing]

[Coughing Continues]

[Crowd Cheering]

Lieutenant Laredo...
Tommy Webber!

Hi, Tommy!

The beautiful Tawny Madison...
Gwen DeMarco!

Yes! Yes!

Wow, what effects!

Another shipmate!
Yes, the more, the merrier!

The ship's Tech Sergeant Chen,
Fred Kwan, and a friend.

Dr. Lazarus...
Alexander Dane!

Give a big hand.
He's British!

Yes, sir!

Commander Peter Quincy Taggart...
Jason Nesmith!

Great driving, Tommy.

Yeah! Yes!

Quick, quick, quick.
[Yelling]

- [Cheering]
- [Emcee Shouting]

Mr. Jason Nesmith!

Come on, give it up for the crew,
the N.S.E.A. Protector!

Ah, true love!
Yes!

Wow!

[Screaming]

They're here for you folks.
Give it up!

What a show!

What a show! Yes!

Yes! Yes!

Come on, give it up!
Give it all up...

for the crew of your favorite show,
Galaxy Quest!

Wow!

Come on, come on!

Don't forget to buy Galaxy Quest
T-shirts on your way out.

Thank you.

Whoo!

And now,
back again after 18 years,

the New Adventures of Galaxy Quest.

[Mathesar]
Never give up, never surrender.