All language subtitles for Beautiful Wedding (2024).en

[upbeat Mexican music playing]

[narrator] This is the story
of a couple madly in love.

So mad, they drove
each other crazy.

- [woman] Oh, fuck you, Travis Maddox.
- [Travis] Fuck you!

[sighs] You know, for someone who
claims they're not a toxic male,

you don't do a very good job.

Oh, waah!

Another ten point loss for Travis
in Abby's stupid married contest.

Aw, don't worry. You lost that
contest a very long time ago.

Oh, really? Did you give
yourself a ten point reduction

when you ran with your
titties out on a public beach?

Or how about this morning?

Was your boyfriend surprised to
see the carpets match the drapes?

[in Spanish] Silence!

[in Spanish] I'm sorry,
Sister Bertrille.

[growls]

You gonna let Mother Teresa
push you around like that?

Por favor. Let's start from the
beginning. Tell me how you fell in love.

[Abby sighs]

Well, it all started
at the Circle.

It's this underground fight
club I'm a pretty big deal at.

[laughs] Oh, the ego on you.

[Travis] From the moment I saw her,
I couldn't take my eyes off of her,

which was a mistake, because
I was fighting somebody.

Then I caught her
Insta-stalking me,

which was creepy, if
she wasn't so adorable.

[Abby] I was not Insta-stalking.
Okay, maybe I was.

But he was all I
could think about.

[Travis] Then we went on this really
romantic date and I knew she was the one.

[Abby] Yeah, but I thought
he was a total player.

He had a drawer full of
sex toys and condoms.

[Travis] So I made
a bet with her,

and if I won, she'd have to be my
roommate for a month, platonically.

Wall of China.

[Abby] I lost the bet. And yeah,
he was charming, but crazy.

And I didn't wanna date crazy.

I wanted a nice, normal
guy like Parker Hayes.

- [yells]
- Oh, God!

- Who he terrorized.
- Why are you bringing that up?

- Because that's what happened.
- Okay, Miss Honesty.

Why don't we talk about your
morning flogging of the bishop?

- Bishop Gomez?
- No, it's a euphemism.

- She was giving me a hand job.
- This is not a confession.

- He's a priest!
- And you're an asshole!

[Abby] Anyhow, against my better
judgment, I fell madly in love with him.

He even took me home
to meet his brothers.

And just as everything
was going great,

I get abducted by this
Vegas gangster Benny

because I happen to
be very good at poker.

- [Travis] And then I saved her.
- [Abby] And then I saved him.

[Travis] And then we
found her stolen money,

ran away from the bad guys,
and lived happily ever after.

[Abby] Except we're not happily, I
mean happy, which is why we're here.

Okay, um, why don't we start
at "happily ever after"?

Was that your wedding night?

[both] Uh...

- That's a little unclear.
- Yeah. We were fucked up.

Okay, how about we start six
days ago? When we woke up.

- [exhales]
- That might be helpful.

[slow music playing]

[sighs]

♪ What can I do... ♪

I never wanna leave
this bed, pigeon.

♪ Oh, I love you... ♪

♪ And what can I say... ♪

Oh, baby.

Mmm.

- Yeah, babe.
- Shep?

I know what you want, baby.

You want the... the magic
Maddox fingers, don't you?

[chuckles] Ooh, tickle, tickle.

[chuckles]

You're not Mare.

Mare has brown eyes.

- What are you guys doing?
- [both] Nothing.

- Where's Mare?
- Mare?

- Yeah.
- Where is Mare?

- I don't know.
- [groans]

- Mare... Pumpkin, where are you?
- What the fuck happened last night?

- What the hell happened last night?
- I... I don't know. I don't know.

- Whoa.
- Where did all this money come from?

- Benny.
- No. This is Benny's money right here.

- I'm confused.
- Oh, I think I went gambling last night.

Oh, my God, what is going on?

Oh, guys, hey, we're on TV.

- [Abby laughs] Oh, my God.
- [Shep laughs]

- [Mare] I guess you won?
- Good work.

- [Shep] So we all split it?
- Lucky 13.

- [Shep] There you go, camera.
- I have no memory of that!

I don't remember that.
I wonder what we sang?

- Pumpkin, you took care of me.
- Yeah, 'cause I love you.

- Oh, babe.
- Yeah.

- I fingered Travis.
- What?

- What?
- What?

What?

What?

[Abby] That's not real.

- I wouldn't do that.
- It looks pretty real.

Oh, shit. Guys, look...
look at the screen.

[Abby] That's not real.

- That's just us goofing around, right?
- That's... That's funny.

Oh, shit.

- [Abby] Oh, my God.
- Okay. Okay, Abby.

- We got married last night?
- It's okay.

- Look at me.
- Oh, my God.

This probably isn't an ideal
way to do this, but I love you,

I really do love you, and I
wish that my family was here

to see you and me like this.

I love you...

[rock "Wedding March" playing]

- Oh, Abby.
- That's not what we needed.

Well, hey, listen,
on the bright side,

I thought that... I thought
that speech was very romantic.

[phone rings]

[clears throat] Hello.

Hi, this is at the front desk with a
reminder that checkout was an hour ago,

so there's gonna be a
surcharge of about $180,000.

- You fucking ass-clowns.
- What?

- [Abby] Wait, is that Benny?
- Benny?

- Who's Benny?
- Benny?

- No, no, no, I got this. Don't worry.
- No, I got this. Benny?

What is it with your generation
and the utter lack of manners?

There's no "good
morning, how's your day"?

Look, I know all about the con
that you and my dad and Jesse

tried to screw me
over with, okay?

Yeah, that's ancient history.

This is about Travis assuming your
debt by fighting against Chernobyl.

- Money that I did not get back.
- I have it. I'm hanging up on you.

Well, I can see who wears the
balls in this relationship.

I wanna see the two of you
in my office in an hour.

And don't you even
think of skipping town.

- Buh-bye.
- At least let me...

Come on, pool, let's go. Fucking
look at me like that. Let's go. Damn!

- He's bluffing.
- Yeah.

[knocking on door]

Gun!

Get him! Get him, get
him! Baby, get him!

- Good job, baby.
- [Shep] Get in there, man!

- I'm proud of you.
- Did you just fucking kick my cousin?

- He's down. It's okay.
- Something to cool down with.

- Oh, God. Oh, my God. Guys.
- No, no. Guys.

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.

You like that?

- You thirsty?
- You thirsty? Okay. Drink up!

- [both] There you go.
- Guys?

- [Travis] Almost done.
- [Shep] Hold on.

- Guys!
- [gurgling]

Oops.

Hello?

Anyone home?

- Jerry?
- Attention!

[military drumming]

Jerry won't be joining us.

Stupid son of a bitch
did that keto thing

and is now pissing kidney
stones the size of leema beans.

- Lima.
- Huh?

- And you are?
- Chief Warrant Officer Delroy Murphy.

But my friends and
enemies call me Buzz.

Hi, Buzz.

Lady Hawk and I will be
flying you down to Méjico.

- That thing can't fly to Mexico.
- Don't tell me my business, sweet peach.

Lady Hawk has been
retrofitted and modified!

- The Millennium fucking Falcon.
- Oh! Star Wars!

I'll take you down to Méjico.
No passports, no questions.

The whole enchilada
for ten grand.

- Wow, that's pretty...
- We'll take it.

What, like we have a choice?

Here. Here's 5K now.

And then I'll give you the rest
when we make it there in one piece.

- I like your style.
- What about getting back?

That's not my problem, Slotty.

Okay, um, you guys have fun with,
uh, Lando Calrissian and his macho...

[helicopter engine whirring]

[upbeat Mexican music playing]

Roger!

Whoa! This is so cool!
Wireless headsets.

- Hey, Buzz, you got Spotify on this?
- You want an ass-whippin'?

I'm gonna be, uh,
really honest right now.

This whole, uh, Vegas gangster

combined with fleeing to
Mexico got me really on edge.

So... And I'm assuming that no
one has any Xanax or alcohol.

- So I'm gonna need you...
- Oh, babe.

- To follow me...
- My sternum.

Into whatever the fuck that thing
is and send me into a dopamine coma.

Okay.

[Shep] Hello, mile
high club. So... Oh...

- We're gonna have so much fun.
- This is fun.

- Yeah.
- This is fun.

A hundred and thirty-eight thousand,
seven hundred and ninety-eight dollars.

Damn!

- [Travis] What you doing?
- I am texting Sancho.

Who's Sancho?

He is the concierge at a luxury villa
in Gatito, Mexico, that I just booked.

Sounds out of our price range.

- You just said that we have $138,000.
- Yeah, but I...

- And it's my honeymoon.
- Well, sure.

It's my honeymoon.

- Hey, Buzz?
- Yeah?

- We're going to Gatito, Mexico.
- Copy that.

- Thanks.
- Happy wife, happy life.

Oh, yeah, that
is... that is true.

Happy wife, happy life.

- Oh, come on.
- What?

You can't tell me that you're
not freaking out about this.

Travis, we're married. That means
that you're stuck with me forever.

Well, I have had
some reservations.

Like the fact that
you're beautiful, smart,

can make us a fortune
in less than an hour.

But I will never, ever
find anyone like you.

Love you so much.

[Buzz] Rise and
shine, sleepyheads.

We have arrived at your
destination. Méjico.

Open the door and get some air.
Take in the view. Don't jump.

The plane, the plane!

[in Spanish] It's much smaller,
my love. It's a helicopter.

If you get into trouble,
you know where to find me.

I also do hostage and
rescue situations.

Thanks.

Well, you're a man of your word,
Buzz, so, here you go. Thank you.

Hey, honey, I think
it's this way.

[playing cheerful music]

♪ My name is Sancho ♪

♪ And I want to welcome you ♪

♪ To Casa Suave ♪

♪ Arriba! Arriba!
Arriba! Arriba! ♪

- Hola! Señor y Señora Maddox!
- Gracias!

[in Spanish] And your best friends,
Mr. Shepley and Miss United States.

Oh, no, America.

[in Spanish] My name is America.

America! Home of the brave!

- [in Spanish] Hello, Mrs. Maddox.
- Hola!

[in Spanish] Hello,
United States.

Okay, okay, okay. So much
to do and so little time.

Don't touch me.

Okay, welcome! Bienvenidos!

This is the room of living.

Here, we have everything.

If you have no clothes,
I will give you clothes.

Do you have ESPN?

Because the Sacramento Kings
are in the NBA finals tonight,

and I've waited my
whole life for this.

ESPN, yes!

Yes! SUV, DUJ.

We have everything.

Right, but do you have ESPN?

♪ I make dreams come true! ♪

Look, my friend,
blondie, you don't worry.

We have it, we have
it, we have it!

Come on! Come,
come, come with me.

Come, come, come, come, come.

♪ Come, come, come, come, come ♪

Señor Shepley y
Señorita Estados Unidos.

- [America] ♪ That's not my name ♪
- Come, come, come.

Un momento.

- [sighs]
- Oh, he said to wait.

Yeah, that's not
happening, Señora Maddox.

Who says I'm taking
Señora Maddox?

I like my name. Abby
Abernathy is a great name.

It has a really good flow to it.

Oh, but Travis Abernathy?
You could be trendsetting.

- You wanna castrate me too?
- [laughs] No.

- Hey, wait!
- What?

You almost just
crossed the threshold.

Oh!

- It's bad luck, you know.
- Oh, my God.

You know we Maddoxes have our
own form of this tradition?

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

[shrieks] Well, this isn't
too barbaric. Oh, my God.

- Horny.
- Oh, my God! This is so cute.

- Yeah!
- Look, look, look! It has our initials!

Wait. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. I wanna
get a photo. I wanna get a photo. Okay.

- No, I want you to hold me for the photo.
- Okay.

- Lift me up.
- Lifting.

- Smile.
- Okay. Okay, okay.

Okay. Now get one
of me on the bed.

No, actually, will you hold it
lower? And then will you flip it?

- You like it?
- I like it, yeah.

Will you do one more
flipped the other way?

- Got it. I got it, I got it.
- Got it?

- Okay, do you want one on the bed?
- No.

[gasps] No, but it was so
cute with our initials on it.

T and A. It stands for titty and
ass, 'cause you got the best.

Oh!

You are such a neanderthal.

Ooo-gah. Ooo-gah.

- Ooh.
- Ooh-gah?

Ooo-gah hate this pillow.

Does Ooo-gah wanna
consummate this marriage?

- Ooo-gah wanna fuck.
- Yeah?

Ooo-gah. Ooo-gah.

[romantic music playing]

[playing "La Cucaracha"]

Adios!

- No, thank you.
- No, thank you!

- No, gracias!
- No, thank you.

Thank you. No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.

I don't know about you, but hearing a
traditional Mexican song about a cockroach

really gets me in the mood.

Here. How about this?

- [soft music plays]
- Thank you. Much better.

- Where were we?
- Come here.

Condoms...

Shit.

Is this the only
protection we have?

- I didn't bring any. Did you?
- No.

Wait a minute. We don't need
protection. We're married.

- [hisses]
- Easy, Dracula.

I'm too young to be married,
let alone have a kid.

- [sighs] We can pull out.
- No.

I have complete control over
my seminal fluid emission.

That's a cliché that's caused, like,
thousands of unwanted pregnancies.

We could do other things.
Other things like...

[playful, flirty music]

this.

That's interesting.

I was thinking other
things like... this.

Ooh. That's interesting.

Yeah, this is good.

This is better, actually.

- This is fun.
- This is fun.

- I'm glad we're doing this.
- Yeah, right? I'm glad we're doing this.

- We should really do it more often.
- I agree. No, this is great.

- Those are my balls.
- Mm-hmm.

- It's cool.
- A little faster?

Yeah, let's go really fast right
now. Let's kick this up a notch.

Are you satisfied?
I'm satisfied.

- No.
- Come here.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Get 'em off. Get 'em off.

- We're gonna be safe, right?
- Yeah.

- You're not gonna get a drop!
- I promise.

- Got it?
- Mm-hmm.

- Just an inch.
- An inch.

- Just an inch.
- An inch.

- [cartoon] Hey!
- [Abby moans]

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- It's a nice inch.
- [chuckles]

- Maybe like a little...
- Another inch?

A little bit more. Like another
inch? Yeah, okay, another inch.

- [cartoon] Whoo.
- Another inch.

Another inch.

Yeah, but... maybe like a...

- You're gonna have to be more clear.
- Maybe just...

I don't under...

- Whoa.
- [cartoon roars]

Oh. Whoa.

- Ah.
- Whoa.

- Now, that's in.
- Yeah. Ah.

That feels way better without the
rubber. Yeah, like, whoa. Okay.

Oh. Oh! Whoa.

- Babe, you're blocking my escape hatch.
- Oh, I'm so close.

Well, I know, but so am I.
That's why this is a problem.

- Oh, goddammit!
- Oh!

- [groans]
- [yells]

- Go get me a condom, like, now!
- Where?

It's not like there's a
CVS across the street.

I don't know. Shep.
Shepley must have condoms.

Okay, fine, I'm going!

Sorpresa!

Hola!

- No, no, don't touch the pillow.
- [playing "La Cucaracha"]

[Travis] Uh...

Hey, Travis. You got any con...
You got any condoms on you?

'Cause I... 'Cause I ran out.

[thunder crashing]

[sighs]

[crickets chirping
in background]

Buenas noches, Señor Maddox.

Buenas noches.

- You look like a man in love.
- Thank you.

- A man's man in love.
- Thanks.

- A man's man... man...
- Where's my wife?

She's ready.

[romantic guitar music plays]

- Ta-da!
- Wow.

- You look amazing.
- Thank you.

So do you.

[Sancho, in Spanish]
Your dinner is ready.

Por favor.

- Wow. Look at this.
- This is beautiful.

Thank you.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

Sit. There you go.

- There you go.
- [clears throat]

Very good. Very good.

Now, Pino has prepared a
traditional seven-course meal

for newlyweds especially.

- Thank you.
- Okay. Enjoy. Huh.

- [sighs]
- Pino?

Well, here's to us.

And happily ever after.

- I love you, pigeon.
- I love you too.

So, I, uh, I made this.

- I didn't know we were doing gifts.
- Yeah.

It's just a little something I made
on the flight while you were sleeping.

- Travis, I love you so much.
- I love you too.

- What is it?
- It's a pro/con list.

- To see if we should stay married or...
- Or...?

Or we get a quick annulment.

Whoopsies. What happened?

Why is it so decorated?

I thought that maybe if you saw
how much effort I put into it

you would... you'd
maybe like it.

I don't like it. This is like
getting cancer news framed.

This is a pro/con list.

Just to help us gain some
clarity, only while we're here.

And, look, I even gave us a 30-point head
start because you have the biggest dick.

- Who's got a big dick?
- This guy.

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

That is why you are so
self-confident. [laughs]

I knew a powerful
and successful man

who, alas, had a small dick...

I'll agree to this if you get
him to stop talking about it.

Deal. Sancho, what is this?

Soup. That is soup. That
is the first course. Yes.

[in Spanish] Enjoy your meal.

[in English] I shall be back.

[laughs]

- Yum.
- [sighs]

- [phone buzzes]
- Mmm. This is amazing.

You know, this reminds me of this
one time when I was really young.

I think I was... I don't know, I must
have been around 12 or something.

And my grandmother, she's passed,
but she was so funny and wonderful.

Well, screw her.

- Screw my dead grandmother?
- Oh.

- When do I get to meet her?
- What? Travis, are you listening to me?

I'm sorry. I'm not
feeling very well.

I do not want to
ruin this moment.

I'm gonna run off and throw up.

- And I will be right back, okay?
- Oh, no. Okay.

I love you.

So happy we're married!

- What's the score?
- Fourth quarter just started.

- We're down by 12.
- Fuck!

Yeah.

Dude, you're about to
lose a thousand bucks.

Shit!

- Are you feeling better?
- Uh, yeah. Feeling better.

- Mmm, soup.
- [chuckles]

[slurps]

Oh, somebody liked the soup.

Ah. It was delicious,
Sancho. I'm stuffed.

No, that is only the
first course, señor.

- There are six more.
- Six?

Can we bring them all
out at the same time?

- Uh, sure.
- That's not how it works, Travis.

- Well, I'm just trying to be efficient.
- No, it's okay.

Okay, it's not a problem.
I can handle this.

- Pino!
- It's fine. It's fine.

- No, please.
- I... No triangle.

It always works.

[in Spanish] Pino,
where are you, shithead?

- Are you okay?
- Yeah. I'm fine.

- So, how's your dad?
- What?

I'm sorry. I was just
trying to make conversation.

I'm not feeling too good.

- Score?
- We're down by two.

Yes!

- Dude, you can't miss this!
- Fuck dinner, fuck dinner.

- One minute.
- Yeah.

- Okay, there we go. There we go.
- Whoo.

[Sancho humming]

Oh, you can just leave that next
to his soup. He's not feeling well.

Yeah! Ah!

- Oh!
- Oh! Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God! Let's go, baby!
- It's happening! It's happening!

Come here! Come here,
baby! Come here!

- Whaa!
- Come here.

[cheering]

- Dude, I can't believe it!
- Fucking blow my back!

- Blow it out!
- Whoa!

- Blow my back!
- Okay, okay.

- Oh! Maddox special.
- Maddox special.

Wait, wait, wait. I
need to look sick.

Oh, yeah. You look
a little too good.

- Soak me!
- Okay.

Soak me!

Fucking get me!

[cheering]

[screaming]

Are you okay? How's your tummy?
You look a little bit clammy.

I'm... fine.

I was, um...

The game and... How mad are you?

Well, you bailed on wedding
night dinner. Minus five points.

You lied. Minus five points.

And then you insulted my dead
grandmother. Minus five points.

Shit, that's a lot of points.

[narrator] Knowing he
had fucked up really bad,

Travis planned the happiest
two days of Abby's life.

[Travis and band
singing in Spanish]

[laughs]

[chuckles]

[Spanish pop music playing]

[Spanish pop music continues]

[thunder rumbles]

[Sancho speaks in Spanish]

[Shep laughs]

- [Travis groans]
- [Sancho] Left hand green.

Fire in the hole.

- [farts]
- [coughs]

- [thunder crashes]
- [America] If you were smart, you'd quit.

- Yeah, but then you'd never respect me.
- Who says I ever respected you?

- [Shep laughs]
- [America wails]

Oh, no. Oh! No,
don't. Don't you...

- Okay, you know what?
- [America] No, no, no, no, no, no!

- Why, dude?
- Stop.

♪ What's a matter you, hey ♪

♪ Gotta no respect, hey ♪

♪ What a you think you do, hey ♪

♪ Why you looking so sad, hey ♪

♪ It's not so bad, hey ♪

♪ It's a nice a place ♪

♪ Ah shaddap-a you face ♪

[caws and shrieks]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. You're a stork.
Yeah, you're an angry stork.

I... I don't know. I
don't... What are you doing?

- Damn. What?
- You're...

- Baby pterodactyl.
- Thank you. Thank you.

How did you get that?

You're good at cards,
I'm good at charades.

I'd love to just hunt one.

Have a little baby pterodactyl
above the fireplace.

How about we just stick
to deer? You're up.

[Travis] Movie.

- American in Paris.
- Yes! Winner.

- This is rigged.
- How's it rigged?

She pointed to me, and
it's her favorite movie.

I didn't know that was
your favorite movie.

I've always planned
on living in Paris.

How am I gonna pursue criminal
justice living in Paris?

I don't know.

I mean, I also didn't know that we were
gonna get married after three months.

Okay, new game. Um, how
about Never Have I Ever?

My favorite game. I
always lose, you know.

Okay, I will start. Never have I
ever joined the mile high club.

- [Sancho] The mile high?
- [in Spanish] Sex on a plane.

Um, long time ago
back when, uh, Pan Am,

I satisfied many.

- Oh, did you?
- You?

Yeah, yeah, no, I... I've broken down
a few lavatory doors on United myself.

No. I knew we had
something in common.

- [Travis] Yes, my friend.
- [Sancho] Yeah. Yes. [laughs]

I'm gonna go for a walk.

[Sancho] Uh-oh. I
said something bad.

- What's her problem?
- What's your problem?

[waves crashing in the distance]

You wanna talk about it?

Talk about what?

How we're married and we
barely know each other?

- That's not true.
- I mean, kind of.

I wanna move to Paris, and apparently
you love having sex on airplanes.

Have you ever stopped to think
maybe why I'm against an annulment?

What couple do you know
that has survived one?

Hmm?

I see your point.

Look, if you're worried about Paris,
screw it, let's move to Paris.

I can promise you, we'll
never have a dull moment.

I have no doubt.

Speaking of which, have
you ever had pool sex?

Excuse me?

Is it anything like shower sex?

It is. Only it's a lot
prettier in movies.

Well, I think I'm gonna pass on
anything of yours entering me

until it's wearing a raincoat.

[narrator] Abby and Travis
thought the worst was over,

but the worst was yet to come.

[playing gentle music]

[sings in Spanish]

[Abby, outside] Oh!

Wow. Oh! Ooh.

- [Abby giggles]
- [man chuckles]

- Yeah?
- Throw, catch.

Throw, catch. Throw, catch.

[Abby] You have such good coordination.
I don't think I could do it.

- [spaghetti western music playing]
- [laughter]

[Abby] Ooh. So close. Again?

Throw, catch. Throw, catch.

- Morning.
- Buenos días, señor Maddox.

Those are good grapes, huh?

I guess you don't like 'em.

Órale.

- I should get back to work.
- Yeah.

- [western music continues]
- [seagulls cawing in the distance]

- It's cute, right?
- Oh, it's adorable.

- Would you hunt this?
- What?

- Have this up on your mantle?
- What?

- That's a lot of salt, babe.
- Yeah, I like salt.

Do you not know that about me?

Buenos días.

- Buenos días.
- Hey.

Good morning.

[western music stops]

- Is that all I get?
- I said hi to you this morning.

Oh. Is that what that was, when
you showed your cock to the worker?

[gags]

Well, you were so busy juggling
balls, I thought I'd show you mine.

- Can't have everything, I guess.
- Yeah, guess you can't.

Hey. So what's going on?
What happened this morning?

Come on, talk to me.

Well, there was this guy,
and he was outside juggling.

- And I've always wanted to know how to...
- [Shep] Mare!

- What is wrong with everyone today?
- [Shep] Mare, where are you?

So, your new friend gonna
join us down at the beach?

His name is Miguel, and, no, because
you scared him off with your big dick.

Mare!

Hey, guys. Hey, hey.
Have you seen Mare?

- Look, I know I can be possessive.
- You? No.

- I just don't like when guys touch you.
- Well, Travis, you have to get over that.

What if I have a male
gynecologist one day?

Why would you have
a male gynecologist

when there's perfectly
good female gynecologists?

What about female empowerment?

Isn't that what the diversity
movement's all about?

Oh, my God, I hate
you right now.

Look who's not
being progressive.

[Abby] Mare?

Mare?

- You miss me?
- Ugh.

Hey. Hey, have you guys
seen a small American girl?

[in Spanish] We
don't speak English.

[in Spanish] We're
looking for our friends.

Whoo.

You must have a lot of friends.

[both] Whee!

Uh... Uh...

Our friends are from
the United States.

Are they as cute as you are?

- [purrs]
- [both laugh]

I'm Blanca.

I'm Travis.

Are you here on vacation?

Yes - vacation.

Yes!

Are you having fun?

[in English] It's a
good color, right?

- She didn't like the color before.
- Oh. I didn't.

[in Spanish] I
don't speak English!

Oh, yeah. Sí, Inglés.

And this?

[in English] Watch. It
gets bigger. [chuckles]

It took a while.

[speaks in Spanish]

What does it mean?

[in English] Oh, yeah. It's...

Ah.

[in Spanish] One moment...

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

- Where'd you go?
- You seemed distracted.

Well, I was just trying to find
out where our friends were.

I didn't ask them to
take their tops off.

Oh, okay.

Look, look, look, look.
It's a topless beach.

See? I don't make the rules
here. Boobies, boobs, tits.

Yeah. Yeah! Travis, you
know what? You're right.

Thanks. No, honestly, I wasn't
trying to cause trouble or anything.

- What are you doing?
- You said it was a topless beach.

- That doesn't apply to foreigners!
- Oh, that is absurd.

- [in Spanish] Photos! Portraits!
- You're absurd!

[in Spanish] Please...

- What is this, OnlyFans? Fuck off!
- You're a psycho!

- Leave me alone.
- Cover your titties!

- Ay, caramba!
- [men whistling, catcalling in Spanish]

[in English] Come back,
baby. I make movies.

- [catcalls continue]
- [growling]

[upbeat surf rock music plays]

Mare! Mare! Mare, look! Look,
I'm shedding my inhibitions!

Hey, hey, hey. She's the
one that took her top off.

[in Spanish] Central!

[siren wails]

[groans]

Travis!

[siren wails]

Hey, blondie.

[in Spanish] It's the
police! You're under arrest.

Really?

[upbeat music playing]

[Benny] Come on, Darius. Just
give me five more minutes.

- [Darius] Mmm.
- Look, I got a crisis on my hands.

- So just please, okay? Please.
- Mmm.

What is so important that
you need me on a Sunday?

What do you mean?

Her stripper name is Pocahontas.

She needs to wear the headdress.

I have had enough of this culturally
inappropriate woke shit. The last...

[both yell]

What did I tell you
about sneaking up on me?

Sorry, sir. Sorry. Sorry, sir.

I'll call you back.

[laughs]

Oh, my... I guess this is their
way of staying under the radar.

Ass-hats.

Gatito? I know this place.

Darius and I fell
in love down here.

Call Vince, take a couple
of guys down there,

and go get me my money
and a couple of fingers.

- Fingers?
- Yeah, fingers.

No, no, forget it. I'm gonna
take care of this myself.

- What time's the next flight?
- [engine revs]

Darius!

[engine revs]

[tires screech]

Darius! Dari...

[yells]

So... I posted your bail.

But since you don't
have passports,

you're gonna have to wait.

[speaking in Spanish]

[shouting in Spanish]

Thank you, guys, for bailing
us out and being so nice.

I'm just sorry my
husband is so rude.

Well, I wouldn't have to be so rude if
my wife would just respect some of my...

Rules? Are you gonna
house-break me too?

I was gonna say "requests,"
like when we're on our honeymoon

surrounded by a few hundred horny
spring-break TikTok obsessed douchebags,

- maybe don't show your tit...
- Oh, do not say the T word.

If you say the T word, I am
jumping out of this car, Travis,

and out of your life, I mean it.

That's a bullshit way to
end an argument, Abby.

- I don't care.
- Then don't show your titties!

- Titties, titties, titties, titties!
- Oh, fuck you, Travis Maddox.

- Fuck you!
- Titties, titties!

- Abby, get back here.
- No, no, wait, wait. Señor Travis. No.

- Take your hands off me.
- Miguel can take care of her.

She's my wife. She just has
a bad habit of running away.

Yes, because she is
running from you.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was just...
I'm just looking for my ride.

- [glass shatters]
- [gasps]

I was just looking
for a friend of mine.

[in Spanish] Angel! Why do you
bring your family such shame?

Go home! All of you, now!

- [in English] Are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, that was...

I could really use a drink.

Thank you.

Hey. If you could at least text
me to let me know you're alive,

that would be much
fucking appreciated!

- Jesus. Is that the way you talk to her?
- [groans] What the fuck do you want?

What the fuck do I...

Let me be clear. I think
you're being an asshole.

And I think that getting married at
19 is the dumbest shit in the world.

But all I care about right now is my
best friend, and she's in love with you.

Yeah, I love her too.

- What's the problem?
- The problem is you're suffocating her!

You're suffocating her, and she
has a bad habit of disappearing,

and I don't want that to
happen to either of us.

Buenas noches, Miguel.

Well, aren't you super popular?

- Hola, Miguel.
- Hola.

That wasn't always the case.

I find that so hard to believe.

You're way too nice.

What's your back story?

Tell me.

Okay. Um... Well, I'm
part Maldive, part Samoan.

- Okay.
- My family moved here when I was a kid.

- Okay.
- They were actually pretty wealthy.

You know, the house that you
stay at used to be our home.

What happened?

The government took it
when my father was killed.

- Miguel, I...
- No, don't shed any tears for him.

He wasn't a good guy.

When he was killed, my
mom and I had to restart.

I was just a very
angry kid, like Angel.

And then one day,
I got the calling.

The calling?

Oh. Oh, you mean
like "the" calling.

- So you're a...
- Priest. In training.

I did not see that coming. Wow.

Tell me, Abby, have you ever...

I mean, I believe, but I don't
practice or anything like that.

Well, there's a first
time for everything.

- No. No, I still got my beer.
- Jesus, we've got another!

[Abby] I'm not that bad!

[crickets chirping softly]

Have we ever talked like this?

Yeah. There was that one
time in the laundry room.

Yeah, you know.

You know asked me if I had any soap,
and I said that I needed to get some.

- That was nice.
- [chuckles]

Yeah, it's funny. You...

You don't get to pick the people
who your boyfriend hangs out with.

- I never would have picked you.
- I wouldn't have picked you either.

How long have you known her?

A long time.

That's pretty cute.

You know that kid who does
all these great things

and her parents never
show up for anything?

That was Abby.

It's frustrating to watch.

But, Travis, she is not
your problem to solve.

Okay? You just have
to give her time.

I mean, she's had no
stability in her life,

and you are like this... egomaniac
emblem of hyper-masculinity,

semi-toxic, who I actually
hope is, you know, extinct.

- Whoa, whoa. Where'd that come from?
- Oh, I'm just teasing you.

- Jesus!
- What the hell?

[groans]

[clears throat]

Uh...

Hey, guys.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah. No, I'm...

Yeah, I was... Uh, yeah, I was just
stargazing at... at, uh, Copernicus and...

Telescope's over there, bro.

Oh, they have one
of those over there?

- Were you spying on us?
- No, no, I would never do that, okay?

I'm... I was, uh... I
was getting coconuts.

Your favorite.

Babe. Hey, where you going?

Babe!

Whoa! Whoa, you feel that?

Whoa, you feel that?
It's an earthquake, babe!

- She... She's gone, buddy.
- [yelling]

- Whoa, Mommy!
- You aced it.

Thanks for everything today, and
for making sure I got home safe.

Look, I know you have
a lot on your mind,

and Travis has a... interesting
way of expressing himself.

But something tells me that this
marriage is worth fighting for.

And I know I'm not ordained yet,

but if you and Travis ever wanna talk
anything through, I'm here to listen.

And I won't splash you with
holy water or anything.

- Thanks.
- Bye.

Bye.

[sighs]

[melancholic guitar music]

- Hi.
- Hi.

It's the first time we've
been in sync for a while.

Yeah.

I'm sorry I've been such a dick.

I mean, you haven't. It's...

I really have.

We know I have.

You have. [laughs]

Well, thank you. I
appreciate that. It...

Look, I mean, I have a really bad
habit of running away from my problems.

- You do.
- I do.

And I really don't
wanna run away from you.

Maybe we just need a
little bit of a break.

Our whole relationship has just
been this crazy pressure cooker,

and neither of us have been able to go off
and have any fun or blow off any steam.

- I have fun with you.
- [laughs]

I know, but I... I
meant independently.

Yeah.

I have always wanted
a bachelor party.

Okay.

Let's do it. I mean, there's
no time like the present.

I like your thinking, Abby.

Hey, bro, get all the boys
together and come down to Mexico.

Oh, by the way, we got married.

Abby, dipshit.

[narrator] Always ready for a good time,
the Maddox brothers flew down to Gatito.

Yeah, Dad, yeah. Talk soon.

- What'd he say?
- That I'm in charge.

And to make sure you
don't do anything stupid.

It says that El Jefe
had kilos of cocaine

that was eaten by a clowder
of hairless Mexican cats.

I swear, if you ruin
Travis's bachelor party

with a cocaine cat
scavenger hunt,

I will sell you to a local cartel
and they will use you as a drug mule.

Ow!

No, look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I
don't know how many times I can say it.

There's a first-class ticket waiting
for you at Delta. I booked us a suite.

I just gotta get this money and a couple
of fingers, and then it's just us.

There will be no talk of work, I
swear, just massages and margaritas.

Oh, Darius, just come
down, please. Call me back.

Don't you ever, ever
do that again, you...

Hey. Oh, hey, babe. Hey, how are
you? Where were you last night?

- Why'd you spy on me?
- Spy? What are you talking about?

- What are you talking about?
- So everything's fine.

Yes, everything's fine, so
there's nothing to talk about.

Oh! Ah!

Oh, that hurt. Oh... Babe!

- Why did you do that?
- Hey! You holding out on us, cuz?

- Hey, guys. Welcome to Mexico.
- Keeping the riches to yourself, huh?

- Yeah, you're a fucking dead man, right?
- What?

- This place have a bidet?
- Fucking nerd.

What? It was a long flight. They're
completely normal in Europe. No!

Don't chuck me in the ocean!

- [Travis] Hey, buddy.
- [Abby] Hi.

- Hey, hey, guys.
- Change of plans.

So, the girls' spa treatment
is now in the afternoon,

so they're going to
the beach with us.

- Will you teach me how to play football?
- Hey, Shep, think fast.

- Heads up, buddy.
- Touchdown!

♪ Call me good Call me bad ♪

♪ Call me anything
you want to, baby ♪

♪ But I know that you're sad ♪

♪ And I know I'll make you happy with
the one thing that you never had ♪

♪ Baby, I'm your man ♪

♪ Don't you know that ♪

♪ Baby, I'm your man ♪

♪ You bet! If you're gonna
do it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ If you're gonna do
it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ If you're gonna do
it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ If you're gonna do
it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ So good You're divine ♪

♪ Wanna take you, wanna make you
But they tell me it's a crime ♪

♪ Oh, everybody knows
where the good people go ♪

♪ But where we're going, baby
Ain't no such word as no ♪

♪ Baby, I'm your man ♪

♪ Don't you know who I am ♪

♪ Baby, I'm your man ♪

♪ You know You bet ♪

♪ If you're gonna do
it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ If you're gonna do
it, do it right, right ♪

♪ Do it with me ♪

♪ I'll be your man I'll be
the one who understands ♪

♪ I'll be your first, I'll be your
last I'll be the only one you ask ♪

♪ I'll be your friend, I'll be your toy
I'll be the one who brings you joy ♪

♪ I'll be your hope,
I'll be your pearl ♪

♪ I'll take you halfway
round the world ♪

♪ I'll make you rich
I'll make you poor ♪

♪ Just don't use the door If
you're gonna do it, do it right ♪

Hey. Okay, babe, what's going on?
Seriously, you're acting so weird.

I mean, you literally
built a wall between us.

Okay, you...

You know when you're
driving down the highway

and a really great song comes on,
and you get really into the song

and then you miss
your exit and then...

Okay, wait, wait. Am I
the song or the highway?

No, just... I feel like I'm learning
all of these things about you.

Good, good, good.

You should be, you know,
learning things about me,

and me learning things
about you, yeah.

Yeah, no, definitely. Then
I find out that you hunt.

- I hunt. Yeah, I'm not hiding it.
- No, you're not listening to me.

- You're not listening to me.
- Okay, maybe I shouldn't have even tried.

Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have.

[narrator] And so the boys and
girls went their separate ways.

The girls went off
to a relaxing spa,

and the boys, well...

- [crowd cheers]
- [coughs]

[yells]

Let's go! Let's go!

More, more! Don't
be a bitch! Come on.

- Ah, what the fuck!
- [shrieks]

- Come on, let's go. Let's go, bitch!
- Shut up, bitch. Shut up!

- Jeez, my skin feels like silk.
- We should try that seaweed wrap next.

Ooh, I would love to do a seaweed
wrap. I've always wanted to.

[America] Yeah.

Okay, well, at least
come with us to dinner.

No, nobody's going
to bother you.

[scoffs] You know what?
Okay, do whatever you want.

But tomorrow we
are going sailing.

[groans]

- [sighs] I'm sorry about that.
- No, you're fine.

- Sounds like you need some relaxation.
- What brings you girls down here?

- Honeymoon.
- Oh!

I once had a one-night
stand with my doula.

- Oh, n... No, no, no. It's not, no.
- No, not us, not us.

Not that they're, no. Great
for you, though. No, but...

- We don't have a problem with that.
- No, it's great.

- We love that. We support that.
- It's her honeymoon. It's not...

Yeah. It's our bachelor
and bachelorette parties.

- We're doing it kind of backwards.
- Well, where's the rest of your party?

- Yeah, you're looking at it.
- Yeah.

Well, is that what you wanted?

Well... no.

Oh, okay. It's what
he wanted. Okay.

Yeah, I guess I'm just
trying to make him happy.

Oh, God. Oh, no, I heard
it. That was awful.

- I know.
- Hey, hey, hey, you.

- Put that down.
- Hey, I can't, I can't.

- Put it down.
- Hey, you need to behave.

Oh. Are you gonna teach me?

[grunts]

Ow!

- Oh, my God, you're my hero.
- Pour yourselves a drink, girls.

Okay.

Can I be frank?

- Please.
- Please.

This marriage is starting
off on the wrong foot.

This is not about his needs.
It's about your needs.

Now, I lead women's retreats
throughout the year,

and it's mostly Fortune 500,

but I also cater to the homemaker
and poor people like yourself.

Oh.

Because as much as you would
like to deny it, girls,

you cannot disrespect or
demean the power of the pussy.

Drink your drink.

- Drink it. It's expensive.
- Oh.

Ladies, these two
will be joining us.

I have some calls to make,

but Fernando knows where
to take you, so run along.

I'll see you later.

- [rooster squawks]
- [triumphant music]

We don't see this in the States.

- Yeah. That's because it's illegal.
- [squawks]

- [thud, splatter]
- [crowd gasps]

[Funeral March playing]

[sobbing]

[in Spanish] My son!

My son!

My son!

- You okay, Shep?
- [sniffs]

Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I, uh... Just
fuck. The allergy season, right?

[sniffs]

[narrator] After massages
and muchas margaritas,

the girls chose to take their
bachelorette party to the streets

in search of more fun.

♪ Welcome to the festival
The festival de lucha ♪

Can you tell me
where the lucha is?

Your tent over
yonder, my fair wench.

- Hey, excuse me, Shakespeare.
- Ow.

I don't really like that
you called me a wench.

[in Spanish] And the
winner is GEK the GEK!

Okay, the next event,

the next fight,

with public participation.

Here's the fabulous, the only...

[drumroll]

- [triumphant music]
- Thumbelina!

- Thumbelina!
- ♪ My name is Thumbelina ♪

- ♪ I'm three feet tall... ♪
- Oh, my God, she's so cute.

Hey, what is he saying?

He wants to know if
anyone'll fight Thumbelina.

What? No, she's like a
delicate little flower.

These people can't fight her.
I'll do it! I will do it.

- It's gonna be fine. I'll be fine.
- No, no, no.

- [in English] We have a challenger.
- I'll do it.

This is a terrible idea. Ah!

Hi. Hi.

- Hi.
- Aw, I'm Abby.

- Aw!
- I told you it was gonna be fine.

She's cute.

Okay, so, uh... so
do I get a costume?

[in Spanish] She
wants a costume!

[in English] Sure,
sure. Come on.

Oh, you're good. You're
good, Shep. You're good.

It's just a stupid, stupid
little chicken, okay?

[inhales deeply] Okay, okay.

All right. Get it together.
Get it together. Get...

[in Spanish] My
favorite rooster!

[sobs]

No, no, no.

No!

Look at his little feet.

Where's the humanity?

You people are
sick! You did this!

You did this to your child!
How do you feel about that?

He's an animal of love.

[roosters clucking]

This is sick fuck.

Not on my watch.

You.

[in Spanish] And now from the
United States, Abby Abernathy!

[crowd boos]

- [in English] You okay?
- [Abby] Yeah, I'm fine.

Listen very carefully
to the rules, all right?

- Okay.
- There are no rules.

Go!

Meow.

A cat. [hisses]

- Ow!
- Oh, my... Jesus.

- You bitch!
- Ow!

- What's happening?
- Come here!

[yelling]

- Oh, God.
- Okay. Truce?

[Thumbelina laughs]

[yelling and shrieking]

- Will you tell me that's not Abby?
- It's definitely Abby.

[Thumbelina yells in Spanish]

- [bell dings]
- [cheering]

All right, all right,
all right, all right.

- [groans]
- [whistle blows]

[Abby] Oh, God. Oh, hi, honey.

- [sighs] Okay.
- What happened to mani-pedis?

I could really use
your advice right now.

Okay, okay, um... Well, she's
favoring her right knee.

- Go for her knee.
- No, that's so mean.

It's really mean, but
it might save your life.

[yells] Sorpresa!

Don't listen to her. She's trying
to get in your head. Look at me.

Okay, okay.

[in Spanish] What's happening,
English-speaking woman?

- What are you doing?
- [in English] Nothing.

[in Spanish] Your
boyfriend is very handsome.

- She's trying to fuck you.
- I... I don't know. I'm gonna go.

- Listen here...
- [Thumbelina] Hasta la vista, fatty!

Fatty?

- I think you dropped something.
- Huh?

- [in Spanish] My leg!
- Yeah!

That's what you get for
trying to fuck my husband!

- [yells]
- [Travis] Yeah. Oh, some Mario shit.

Slam her! Yes! I don't know
what's legal. Do whatever.

- [Abby screams]
- Just do it!

[groans] Mama!

[in Spanish] My tiny leg!

- I am immensely turned on by you.
- Uncle! Uncle!

- [blows whistle]
- [cheering]

- Yeah!
- Yes!

I can't believe you did it.
You were awesome! You won!

All right, baby. Have fun
at your bachelor party!

All right! I love you! Have fun!

[men] ♪ There's a cabin
in the town In the town ♪

♪ Where my sweet love sits
me down Sits me down ♪

♪ And drinks her wine
as merry as can be ♪

♪ Never, never thinks of me ♪

Whoa. Looks like the
power's out again.

[all] Sorpresa!

What's with all the
eye candy? I'm married.

- You are.
- But we're not.

Don't get any cute ideas.
Abby's our sister now.

Yeah. I'll have to agree
with him on that one.

[upbeat music playing]

[rooster clucking]

I mean, I love him. That's
gotta be worth something, right?

Yeah, absolutely.

- I don't know what love is anymore.
- Uh-oh.

Have you eaten anything today?

I'm full...

of rage!

Here's the thing, girls. I
got married too fucking young.

It didn't work out, you know?
What are you gonna fucking do?

What do you mean, what am I
gonna fucking do? I'm already...

Oh, look, I'm peeing.

[sobbing]

- I'm never getting married.
- Listen.

The stats are not
in your favor, okay?

And by the way, hey, listen.

Hey, it's not like you came into
any assets or anything, right? So...

And there are no kids
involved. So, you got that.

I'm gonna have a baby
on my own. Millicent.

[sighs] Just buy one.
They're more grateful.

[squawking]

Okay. Shit.

Okay, I got you... I
got you food. Oh, oh.

- This looks so good, guys.
- [clucking]

All right.

Mmm! You're free now, yeah.

[clucking]

- [crows]
- Ooh, you hungry? Yeah. Ooh!

Bon appétit.

Mmm! Yeah, come on.

What? The food's over here.
Here you go. Yeah, you can eat.

- [squawking]
- No, no, no. Hey, hey, hey.

Cease!

Para! Para! Para!

- [squawking]
- [yelps]

Para! Stop! Stop!
Para! Para! Para!

Guys, just be friends,
just be friends!

No! No! No!

[screams]

[snarling]

[music playing]

I'm an exchange student!

Help me!

[screams]

- Oh!
- I got you!

- I got you.
- You got me.

- I love you so much.
- Okay, come on, let's go.

- You're such a good friend.
- I know. I love you very much.

- Who needs Shep? Here we go.
- No one needs him. I love you.

- Here we go. Where's the waterbed?
- Okay, okay. No, it's not a waterbed.

You know, lady, I love you too.
I think we're good together.

No. I... I just need to know
if Darius made his flight.

What are you looking at? I don't
give a fuck about Abby anymore.

I just want Darius.

What do you mean, he cashed
his ticket in? No, no, no!

Those are my miles!
That's my money!

I work my whole fucking life to
build a nest egg of money and love.

And what's the point if you keep
losing the nest egg and the love?

- Help me!
- [gentle clucking]

- [glass shattering]
- Oh!

[phone rings]

Oh, no, no, no. No!

Hi, Shepley, baby. It's Mom.

- I'm at hospice with Granny.
- Mommy, yes, it's me!

We're about to pull the plug
and she wanted to say goodbye.

- No, Grandma!
- Where are you?

No, Grandma!

[wails]

[Granny] Shepley, it's Granny.
I just wanted to tell you I...

- [flatlining beep]
- No!

- No! Goodbye, Granny!
- [rooster clucking]

[bleeps]

[upbeat music playing]

No, I don't like those.
I like Pino. Pino!

Guys! Oh, they'll
never believe me.

[in Spanish] Guess who?

[in English] Remember us?

Raar.

You learn English fast.

I learn a lot of things fast.

Isn't this your bachelor party?

Whoo. It sure is
my bachelor party.

So, don't you wanna
have some fun?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

[in Spanish] Let's have fun!

Okay. You know, um, I thought I
was having enough fun already.

You know what we mean.

- Whoo!
- [chuckles]

[in Spanish] We'll make it hard.

[in English] Away from Blondie.

You mean Abby, my wife.

Come on. [whispers]
We won't tell.

[both purring]

I gotta go.

[both] Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

Naughty, naughty.

Thank you for letting
us stay on the cot.

Yeah, well, okay,
ladies, it's been real.

Good luck with your
life, your marriage.

And if you were a gambler,

I would tell you that the odds
are not in your favor and to fold.

Wait, I have to pee.
Is this a bathroom?

Yeah. But no, no, no, no.
Don't... Don't go there.

That's Parker's room.
Just go in the pond.

Parker?

My son, the doctor that
we were talking about.

- What's your last name?
- Hayes.

Hayes.

Parker Hayes.

Doctor.

Hey, Parker!

Dr. Hayes.

- [Travis] Parker Hayes?
- [screams]

Parker!

Mare! Mare, we gotta go!

[upbeat music playing]

Ugh.

Travis.

[ringing]

Naughty, naughty.

[Abby] Travis? Travis,
come and get me.

[both purring]

Travis!

- Asshole!
- [purring] You like that?

- Fine. Two can play at that.
- Oh, Travis, you're so good.

[bleeps]

[snoring]

- [door slides open]
- [Abby] Okay, Parker. Okay, I'm just...

Shit. Okay, go. Wait. Okay.

Ow!

Ow.

Okay. Hi, Parker. Hi. Hi,
you old nice, boring man.

Okay, we're gonna take a photo.

- [bleeping]
- Shit. What?

- [snoring continues]
- [bleeps]

[whispers] Good. Okay.

[camera shutter clicks]

No! What are you doing? Don't...

[clattering]

Shh, shh, shh. Shh. Shh.

[Abby grunts]

Goddammit!

[whispers] How are you
sleeping? Roll over!

God, you're fucking
pointless. Roll over.

[grunts] One.

[grunts] Two.

[grunts] Oh, oh, come on!

Come on. Ow! No!

- [bottle clinking]
- [rooster clucking]

- [thudding]
- [gasps]

[door creaks]

- [squawking]
- [screams]

[scream echoes]

- [trumpet playing]
- [rooster crows]

What the hell happened in here?

[labored breathing]

[gasps]

Is that me?

So mean.

[woman] I am sorry, señor. There
is no one here by that name.

Or the other girls. Have you
tried calling the police?

Yeah, I don't think we're
there yet. Thank you, though.

Okay.

[Abby moans]

[bleeping]

[squeals]

[Parker snores]

[Abby moans]

- [meows]
- Mmm?

[hisses]

- [grunts]
- [hisses]

[Parker growls]

- [meows]
- [growls]

- [meows]
- [yelps, whines]

[panting]

- [meows]
- [growls]

[meowing and growling continues]

[both scream]

- Who the fuck are you?
- It's me! It's me!

- It's Abby! It's me!
- Abby? What are you doing here?

- I was just trying to take a selfie.
- A selfie? Fucking psycho.

- [knocking]
- [Travis] Abby?

- Oh, God. He's gonna kill you.
- Abby, open up!

There's nobody here by
that name, so piss off!

- Shh!
- Oh, my God! You fucked Parker!

[yelling]

What are you doing here?

- Nothing happened! Nothing happened!
- [yelling]

[yelling continues]

It's a madhouse!

[yelling continues, then fades]

Well? How's that for
your first time, Miguel?

Ain't she something else? Found her
in bed with her ex on our honeymoon.

It was really stupid.

I was drunk and trying to get
a selfie to make him jealous.

The only reason I
did it is because

I went to FaceTime Travis last
night and this is what I saw.

I...

Abby, I had nothing
to do with this.

You have to believe me.

I do.

I do. When I sobered up this
morning and I had a second to think,

I figured that, I don't know,

that some girls must have
taken your phone or something.

And that's the truth.

Right. I believe you.

You guys, there's...
there's hope in this.

Except that doesn't really go both
ways in our relationship now, does it?

[sighs]

Well... it's not really like
you gave me a fighting chance

with your marriage
annulment contest.

- You set me up to fail.
- [sniffs]

Miguel, I know that you said that
there's something in Travis and I

that's worth fighting for,

but, you know, I don't really
think I have any fight left.

- Then neither do I.
- I...

Travis...

- Abby, Psalm 51 says create a...
- Save it. I'm done.

[sighs]

[America] My mom knows someone

who can get us on a four o'clock
flight back to Sacramento.

Thanks, but I think I'm just
gonna hang around here, wander.

Don't wander too far.

- Promise?
- Yes. Yes, I promise, Mare.

But enough about me.

- How are you doing?
- This is so weird, Abby.

The second I met Shepley,
I just fell so hard.

And we get here, and I
feel like I'm just seeing

who he really is
for the first time.

- Yeah, sounds familiar.
- I mean, he hunts, he spies on me.

I just can't. He's
not right for me.

I hear you.

I thought maybe
Travis was different,

but he's just like all
the men from my past.

I mean, I don't know
what to say, Mare.

I guess we were both
just dealt a really...

Hello? Abby?

[Benny] I wanna see the two of
you in my office in an hour,

and don't you even
think of skipping town.

This is about Travis assuming your
debt by fighting against Chernobyl.

[thunder rumbles]

[tense music playing]

[Abby yells]

[tense music stops]

[both groan]

Abby, it's not what you think!

[shrieks]

- [Abby] I fucking hate you!
- I don't hit women.

[Abby] Motherfucker!

- You said you wouldn't do anything!
- [Benny] God, you're firm.

[Abby] I fucking hate
you, you maggot dick!

- [Benny] What are you, hormonal?
- Fuck you!

[knocking on door]

Who is it?

[knocking on door]

What... What do you want?

I'm sorry about your painting.

Sorry about fucking
up your life, ish.

You didn't fuck up my life. You
fucked up my relationship with my dad.

There were some other things.

- Toledo.
- Hmm.

Toledo? Dude, I was 14.

You were a cash cow.

You really did deserve
that rock to the head.

I'm sorry about...

- Darius?
- Yeah.

I don't even know if he
ever really loved me.

This painting was my last-ditch
effort, 'cause we were down...

Doesn't matter.

Well, for what it's worth, it's not
like my relationship is any better.

I'm about to be
a divorcée at 19.

- What?
- Yeah.

For somebody who is so good at
cards, you are a real fuckin' idiot.

- Excuse me?
- Oh, yeah, right, Miss Wisdom at 19.

You don't see what's staring
you right in the face.

Love, Abby. Love.

Your guy, this guy, the fighter,
Travis, and the passion you two have.

You think you can buy that
on Amazon? You cannot.

I don't care if you're 19 or you're
90. When that happens, sha-bam!

- Sha-bam?
- Sha-bam!

- Sha-bam.
- Fuckin' sha-bam.

- What do you guys want?
- We want you to fight for her.

- You don't think I'm trying?
- Then, dude, try fuckin' harder.

It's like Dad always said, "Sometimes
you have to fight for both of you

when one of you gives up."

That's right. You fight and you
fight, and you keep fighting.

'Cause you're a Maddox, and
that's what we do for love.

Travis, do you love her?

Of course I love her.

Then go and get her, dude.

I don't even know where she is.

- I think she found you, bro.
- What?

♪ With all the ground
we've covered ♪

♪ With all the
fights we've won ♪

♪ I won't let you
drown in the ocean ♪

♪ I won't watch you
burn in the sun ♪

♪ We'll sing it in a song ♪

♪ We'll sing it in a song ♪

♪ In all the seas
we've sailed on ♪

♪ Our faces turned to stone ♪

♪ I will follow you
where the light goes ♪

♪ And tell the rights
we've wronged ♪

♪ And sing it in a
song Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Sing it in a song ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ The greatest
story never told ♪

♪ Our finest dreams ♪

♪ Our hearts and souls ♪

♪ Forever young, forever bold ♪

♪ The greatest
story never told ♪

[speaks in Spanish]

Where did you get these
suits, Douchebags-R-Us?

- They're traditional.
- Really?

Did you get these suits with a sign
that reads "Please don't fuck me"?

He's a fucking priest.
Have some respect!

- [yelling]
- No biting!

- [all] Queso!
- [camera shutter clicks]

This is the ring that our
father got our mother,

and, uh, she passed before Travis
really got to ever know her.

But it's special.

And you're special.

We'd like you to have it, 'cause
we all love you very much.

This is beautiful.

I just wish that I could
have met her, you guys.

But I'm sure she
was so incredible.

I don't even know what to say.

- Well, you... you could say yes.
- [laughs]

Yes, yes, yeah.

I'll cherish this forever.
Thank you guys so much.

I'm really proud to call
you guys my brothers.

Hey!

What are guys doing to her?

♪ Right from the start ♪

♪ We knew we'd be together... ♪

Tried the Trabby?

Hey!

Yeah. Yeah, I've had, like, three.
They're great. They're great.

- You should get one, man.
- All right, I'll have one.

- Did you talk to Mare?
- Mare? Uh...

You all right?

Yeah, I mean, it doesn't
matter. It's your night, man.

- It's your night.
- Cheers. Shep, I love you.

I love... Well, stop. I love...
Dude, I love you. I love you so much.

- No, but, seriously, I love you.
- I love you more, bro. For real.

I would leave her
tonight for you.

If it weren't for the whole cousin
inbreeding thing, we could have something.

Come here. Come
here. [chuckles]

I'm so happy for you. Now,
you should find your wife.

- That's weird to say.
- I know.

- You good?
- I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.

- Okay.
- I'm good.

Hey, what's... what's the
Shepmare? Can I have one of those?

- You tell me.
- Oh, my... Oh, my... Baby!

- Babe! Oh, my God! Come here, come here.
- I came back!

- Pumpkin! Pumpkin! I missed you!
- I missed you too!

I was at the spa and heard that
someone tried to free the roosters

but didn't realize that
they're trained killers.

- I didn't know they were killers!
- Did you do that?

Yeah, I was just trying to be a nice guy,
and they're not... they're not nice. No.

You're a good man, Shepley
Maddox, and I've been such a jerk.

I spun out about a dumb
thing and I shut down...

- Stop, stop, stop.
- I'm so sorry.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry for spying on you.
- I love you so much.

- I love you so much, baby.
- And I wanna be your baby pterodactyl.

You wanna be my...

[both squawk]

- I wanna be on your mantle!
- Come here, babe!

- Buenas noches.
- Hmm.

- Sancho, right?
- Sí.

[Benny] I feel like
I'm past my prime.

[Sancho, in Spanish]
You're telling me!

- All I want to do is nap.
- Mmm.

I'd take a good nap over that
painting, meditation bullshit.

[Sancho chuckles]

Money doesn't fix it.

Ass doesn't fix it.

Ass?

No bueno.

Pino's ass?

Tight.

Treacherous.

I just wanna find somebody to
sail off into the sunset with.

I mean, fuck a couple of people up
along the way, right, just for fun.

[chuckles] I like
a man like you.

[in Spanish] Masculine.

I've never tried Mexican.

I think that you would
find it most appealing.

♪ Falling in love again ♪

- Okay, so I've been thinking.
- Uh-oh.

I've been thinking about
giving the Maddox name a try.

But it has to include
some personalized towels.

- Towels?
- Mm-hmm.

Expensive towels.

- And how many points is that?
- Oh, forget about the points.

I stopped counting when we
were down by like a thousand.

A thousand's an exaggeration.

It was stupid anyway. I can't
rationalize this marriage.

And I can't rationalize
why I love you. But I do.

[narrator] And so Abby
and Travis agreed,

"Till death do us part."

As long as they don't
kill each other.

Adios, amigos!

[upbeat music playing]

[babbling]

[babbling continues]

Jesus, Roger!

[laughter]

Jesus Christ!

[upbeat music continues]

♪ My name is Thumbelina
I'm three feet tall ♪

♪ My mommy always told
me "Fuck, you're small" ♪

♪ My neighbors, they tease
me It sends me in a roll ♪

♪ I fuck them up for
money after all ♪

Subtitling: Dubbing Brothers