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[Music]
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good evening ladies and gentlemen
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welcome to the eddie griffin experience
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ethelist casino live from sales club
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show
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your love and show your love for a
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brother who brings laughter to your soul
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into the masses of planet
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years earth put your hands together
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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get back up
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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what's going on y'all
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welcome welcome welcome to las vegas if
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you just got here
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it's the only city you can see dead
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people walking down the street
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you don't believe me take your ass out
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on las vegas boulevard there's a
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dead michael jackson out there still
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moonwalking that was still got three
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shows in this time
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i seen y'all seen that transform out
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there that asked me for
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five dollars
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i said turn into a car i'll
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give you 100.
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that was trying too hey
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you really need a job dressing up like a
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truck in this heat
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you know when he leave the house or
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something like daddy why are you
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dressing up
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like a truck do you like food
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your daddy dumb that's all i know how to
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do get my ties
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they're so hot in this
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town i seen the devil walking down the
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street looking for ice water
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said he going back to hell to cool off
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it shouldn't be a fat
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nowhere in this town
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take your fat ass outside and feel
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pulling grease around your head
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hey what's your diet the sun
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and crazy white people y'all
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crazy
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y'all the only ones being at these pools
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are hunted and hell
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they out there skin bubbling
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sound like bacon
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being them cabanas and we don't
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pay for them either
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see you know we gonna sit right in this
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they come and kick us out
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then that wages will come over would you
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like a bottle of champagne not for no 3
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000 goddamn dollars
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but we're glad to ask you to leave i
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didn't want to sit in this
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no goddamn
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i think we'll walk to another casino get
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right back in another cabana
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y'all be careful when y'all out here
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they ain't building these casinos
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because are winning
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got quiet in this vegas you've got
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some of your
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huggers i don't know why y'all don't
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figure it out when you land at mccann
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airport they got that escalator going
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down
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be hyped on the rifle
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we in vegas would like to kick it
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like a
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y'all better watch them going up
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they be quiet purse empty wallet
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dry
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and my people we the loudest when we
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check in casinos arriving
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i'm invading i'm about to
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get these
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that's when them dudes and them black
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suits be like we got one
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you'll see that later on
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that evening on that lonely couch
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every casino got one they just got you
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know it's over in the distance right by
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the craft table they don't know
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like shoe crabs
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i call it the losing couch it
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ain't got no back on it
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they don't need one sit
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there like this
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be mumbling today's help i had it it was
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in my hand i had it then
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1500 it was mine i should have walked
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when i had the chance
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sisters don't let a brother leave clean
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either you lose me like yeah
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i told you black ass couldn't
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shoot no craps
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that was our house money i
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lost the house
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you don't have to sell so we can
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get out this
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can you see them old later
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anybody wants some of this
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now this is my 11th year doing shows out
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here
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in las vegas with my residency yeah yes
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[Applause]
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it's my 32nd year anniversary doing this
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called stand up man
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young's damn gay
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being out here in this
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there's a lot of holes here
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vegas got a lot of holes man now when i
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used to come here on the weekend before
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i lived here man you know you come and
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do a show you get your dick sucking make
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some money you leave
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now that i live here i know all the hoes
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couple y'all in here
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tonight
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you know who you are the hoes all
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the
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they got big giant bags the young hoes
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they work endos
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see they got giant purchasy real women
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you know y'all got respectable small
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persons you know little makeup
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you know probably a couple of tampons
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you know it was that time of the month
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you know hoes got giant bags now you can
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spot them
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they got three pad shoes in there four
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five wigs
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they'll go upstairs turn a trick
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come down the redhead
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and if y'all really want to see some
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funny go to downtown las vegas
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that's where the old hoes hang out they
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still walk the stroll like it's 1972.
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they out in the sun
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and they laugh when you walk by me you
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driving by eddie you see us over here
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come on over here now go with a
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nailed it make me suck your little
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comedy dick
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i said you got three teeth and
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they don't look like they like each
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other
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wait till the fall out
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come back and see your
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y'all don't knock until you try it
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they'll gum you down they can smooth
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selling
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hoes got regular knives too i live
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out here you see hoes at grocery stores
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out here
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look you on all nine come out
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with a titty hanging out i said if
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i can put you titty up my son right here
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you're making him hungry
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yeah i was married to a
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that was
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whoo i'm on my fourth marriage you know
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sammy
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my first three wives was cool they good
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but the third one
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nickel that was crazy
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i call it you ever had polio
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polio was not a that got polio
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the pussy's so good you should put your
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dick in it that give you polio oh
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god now
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it's so good oh it felt good
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that had me falling around i
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couldn't go nowhere
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where you going i'm right behind you you
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even had
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girl she's in your house
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she go in the bathroom
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you be outside the door you in
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there dog
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you've been in that too goddamn long
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what is that done woman
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i'm right in here taking a the
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come out where you going i'm going
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to the store i'm going with you
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y'all remember i disappeared off the
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scene for like two three years
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that was that good
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i couldn't leave cause you know
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women
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i think like your occupation you know if
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you a doctor she gonna like a
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doctor you know
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just uh flex your gluteus maximus yo man
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you crazy
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crazy women
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oh goddamn i sat
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at that house my mama came
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over she said baby ain't nobody seeing
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you in about three years
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i ain't seeing yourself mom she ain't
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doing no movies no more you ain't doing
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tv you ain't even touring that
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what you're doing you're just underneath
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this spanking nasty
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she said she didn't put the roots on you
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now i didn't know what the
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the roots mean i don't remember what you
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talking about the roots
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i said did she make you some kind of
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gravy or spaghetti i said every three
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days
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i didn't know this making me
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period panty spaghetti
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i'm sitting up in that brainwash
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my mama said here to kill a you
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make this a special clam chowder
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all right yeah give her a
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clam chowder
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and get a pair of her panties and bare
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him in the backyard well as y'all can
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see i'm back to work
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so if the ever happened to you you
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know to kill him
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when i was a kid you know they take you
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on these field trips
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i was like six seven years old they take
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you to the zoo so we went to the monkey
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exhibit and they wasn't doing monkey
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they wasn't moving
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so i started throwing rocks at
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them i wanted to see them do mother
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that monkey loaded up
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five and it hit a right here and
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it was hot
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that's how i became funny two years of
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kids don't give a
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kids with me all the time hey
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monkey ass
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you better learn how to clown back hey
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monkeys
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yeah they full of but i think that
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was god talking to me really
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that's god's way of saying you the
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i've been telling jokes so
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wrong i used to do
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this for free on the corner
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yeah i never had to buy weed
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he like get his little dogs like
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he's gonna go all night
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and i did too hey they mamas be
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on the porch i told y'all eddie chrysler
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look at him he can do anybody the boys
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are mimicked i said what are you talking
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about woman see that doing me
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hey you gonna make it keep going baby
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you keep going
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i appreciate the out to my old
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sisters man
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only family members will come
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outside that boy ain't gonna be
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he's going to jail like his hunger
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bucket
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i'm in my head a principal told me i
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wasn't gonna be you ain't
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gonna never be
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you're getting suspended you're always
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clowning in clyde's you ain't
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gonna be out of there
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show you how god works i around i
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become famous right
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i go back home to kansas city missouri
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i did a concert million theater
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five thousand sleep sold the out
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there was a line around the line around
287
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:15,440
the belt and if you can wrap your head
288
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,360
around that
289
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,120
i spotted this principal
290
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,720
in line to get a ticket
291
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:24,000
i told my limo driver slow down
292
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,440
oh i got bougie in the
293
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,600
slowdown
294
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,120
i'll roll the winner down
295
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,640
you ain't gonna never be
296
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:36,240
on with y'all's only
297
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:37,680
you don't tell no kid ain't gonna be
298
00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:41,120
even if they ain't gonna be
299
00:11:41,279 --> 00:11:43,200
now we own this election cycle again
300
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,480
all right
301
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:48,160
and trump
302
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,200
this trump untouchable
303
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,160
304
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,000
they did this mueller report what
305
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,680
did that take two three years
306
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:56,320
307
00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,399
fbi can't get him see i ain't can't get
308
00:11:58,399 --> 00:11:59,680
it this
309
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:03,200
god we need you you gonna have to
310
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,480
come down and get this orange
311
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:05,680
312
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:10,399
the sunny d is untouchable
313
00:12:10,399 --> 00:12:12,079
and i don't like the democrats don't get
314
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:13,600
it twisted democrats to me and some
315
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,440
316
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,360
all they do is apologize
317
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:21,279
every day i want to apologize for 1972
318
00:12:21,279 --> 00:12:23,519
biden apologizer for touching a bitch's
319
00:12:23,519 --> 00:12:24,639
shoulder
320
00:12:24,639 --> 00:12:27,040
now i want to know who this is
321
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,480
that a touch your shoulder
322
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:29,839
and you think you're getting raped
323
00:12:29,839 --> 00:12:32,480
you ain't had dick ever
324
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:33,839
you should have thanked that man for the
325
00:12:33,839 --> 00:12:35,760
shoulder massage
326
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,519
trump don't apologize for you got
327
00:12:37,519 --> 00:12:39,360
to respect this gangster
328
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,440
you know that nuts be
329
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,200
dragging the grimes
330
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,560
leaving orange juice trails
331
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,560
trump did you grab a i'ma grab
332
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,800
another one tonight
333
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:52,800
i invited tiger woods over to the white
334
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,240
house and we can get some grabbing
335
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,200
together
336
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,320
i mean i'm gonna give him an award
337
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,000
trump don't give a that racist
338
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,920
i don't like this
339
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,120
man cause
340
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,240
he want all in jail or dead he
341
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:06,800
don't want
342
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,200
no mexicans in this country whatsoever
343
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,560
paco i'm here to tell you don't go
344
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:11,920
nowhere
345
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:15,200
stay we need you yeah
346
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,720
yeah they trying to turn back the clock
347
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,079
y'all
348
00:13:18,079 --> 00:13:20,639
beware cause the trump show is just what
349
00:13:20,639 --> 00:13:22,720
it's always been a reality show
350
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,560
that's just to keep your ass busy
351
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,720
he do so much every day it tires
352
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:27,839
you out
353
00:13:27,839 --> 00:13:29,360
you wake up in the morning and he just
354
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:30,959
did some already
355
00:13:30,959 --> 00:13:32,639
you go to work by the time you get home
356
00:13:32,639 --> 00:13:35,920
what the did all after day
357
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,160
if obama did five of the things
358
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,920
this pulled off every day
359
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:40,240
they
360
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,320
hung that on national tv and
361
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,880
charged you to see it
362
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:46,240
you know how hard it was to be that
363
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,000
that clean this didn't
364
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:52,240
have one blemish
365
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,519
you know how hard it is for a
366
00:13:53,519 --> 00:13:56,560
not to do something
367
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,399
i'm gonna up in about 15
368
00:13:58,399 --> 00:14:03,279
minutes just keep watching
369
00:14:03,279 --> 00:14:05,440
i'm from kansas city missouri
370
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,570
[Applause]
371
00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:07,920
[Music]
372
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,600
yeah obama from chicago but if you
373
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,600
listen to white people he's from nigeria
374
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,959
or somewhere over there
375
00:14:12,959 --> 00:14:17,440
uganda and baja
376
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,040
trump ass this
377
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,639
378
00:14:20,639 --> 00:14:22,639
but it's all right y'all trying to
379
00:14:22,639 --> 00:14:23,920
turn back the clock white people i'm
380
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:24,959
here to you
381
00:14:24,959 --> 00:14:28,720
i ain't going i want you mother
382
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,079
white people in here to look around at
383
00:14:30,079 --> 00:14:32,240
the sitting close to you
384
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:35,760
we ain't our father's father's father
385
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:38,880
you ain't gonna never hear yells
386
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,290
i'm going to hell in jail you pick which
387
00:14:41,290 --> 00:14:42,839
[Applause]
388
00:14:42,839 --> 00:14:44,959
one
389
00:14:44,959 --> 00:14:46,959
for real though i couldn't have been no
390
00:14:46,959 --> 00:14:48,480
slave man
391
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,079
master would have killed me in five
392
00:14:50,079 --> 00:14:51,920
minutes
393
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,040
with this mouthpiece kill that damn
394
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,399
395
00:14:56,399 --> 00:14:59,680
put that smart down
396
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,800
put him down he keeps talking he's
397
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,160
riling up the rest of them
398
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,880
put him down
399
00:15:09,519 --> 00:15:10,880
cause they always say we come from
400
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,240
slaves we don't come for no
401
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,680
slaves we come from kings
402
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:14,959
and queens
403
00:15:14,959 --> 00:15:17,839
you understand me they act like our
404
00:15:17,839 --> 00:15:20,720
history started in roots
405
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,240
i seen roose i didn't like that
406
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,000
film man
407
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,839
in the movie they always had us picking
408
00:15:25,839 --> 00:15:27,839
cotton in the hot sun singing like it's
409
00:15:27,839 --> 00:15:29,360
a happy thing
410
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,720
lord jesus
411
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:36,800
jesus run
412
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,720
they gonna kill your ass anyway make a
413
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,240
run for it
414
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,839
took off everything fire
415
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,519
and you know back then when you
416
00:15:45,519 --> 00:15:47,199
ran if they caught you they would cut
417
00:15:47,199 --> 00:15:48,480
something off
418
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,399
i did it so many times i'd have been a
419
00:15:50,399 --> 00:15:52,320
head and a torso
420
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:55,839
still trying to get away
421
00:15:57,839 --> 00:15:58,880
they think they're gonna wire them
422
00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,720
they're gonna get a little worm and
423
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,759
they're watermelon again
424
00:16:03,759 --> 00:16:05,680
they gotta gang back they caught my ass
425
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,320
no arms no legs
426
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,000
hey what you gonna do eddie took your
427
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,519
arms and your legs i still got my dick
428
00:16:13,519 --> 00:16:16,160
life is always good with the
429
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,440
i can still get some it's all
430
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:18,399
right with me
431
00:16:18,399 --> 00:16:20,160
how you how you i tell the
432
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:23,839
pull me up in here
433
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:29,680
why they call you they call me pogo
434
00:16:34,839 --> 00:16:37,839
stick
435
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,639
don't worry about it white folks your
436
00:16:40,639 --> 00:16:42,639
time's coming
437
00:16:42,639 --> 00:16:45,199
oh yeah if karma has any kind of
438
00:16:45,199 --> 00:16:47,440
validity in reality and it does
439
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,920
the law of common says what what goes
440
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,360
around
441
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,920
i can't hear you what goes
442
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,920
around
443
00:16:55,920 --> 00:17:00,079
sally scott jill
444
00:17:00,079 --> 00:17:03,120
she's going down i'm telling you you're
445
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,880
gonna have a real good time when i on
446
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,039
you
447
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,079
i'm gonna treat you right bob jill i'm
448
00:17:10,079 --> 00:17:12,720
gonna let you pick cockney tonight
449
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,839
that way your skin don't burn up i'm
450
00:17:15,839 --> 00:17:17,599
only gonna beat you on thursdays at 7
451
00:17:17,599 --> 00:17:18,640
30.
452
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:22,400
i got to do and it's going to be a
453
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,280
whole lot of light-skinned wash day day
454
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,959
prince looking kids on my
455
00:17:26,959 --> 00:17:29,199
planet
456
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:33,840
uh sally you gonna
457
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:38,109
[Applause]
458
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,000
she gonna come out the barn every day
459
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,600
morning and wouldn't stop
460
00:17:43,679 --> 00:17:45,760
sally what are you gonna do he you
461
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,039
every night
462
00:17:47,039 --> 00:17:49,440
what are you gonna do about it i'm gonna
463
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,480
move in i love them
464
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,039
white people i don't think you couldn't
465
00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:57,039
have been a slave
466
00:17:57,039 --> 00:18:00,720
y'all too soft look he got that face
467
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:04,000
like whatever we could have did it
468
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,679
you can barely take five minutes let me
469
00:18:05,679 --> 00:18:07,039
talk right now without turning
470
00:18:07,039 --> 00:18:07,919
around
471
00:18:07,919 --> 00:18:11,280
and let alone be your wife
472
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:12,960
all the black slave owners will be
473
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,559
on their push
474
00:18:14,559 --> 00:18:17,760
yeah let them go no let all of them go
475
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:19,760
they ain't worth it down
476
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,919
i got a hundred white swags i ain't
477
00:18:21,919 --> 00:18:23,280
got a bushel of cotton out these
478
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,640
479
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,000
all they do is lay on the ground and
480
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,320
burn up on you and all the time
481
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:29,600
then when you put them in the sun you
482
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,520
got to grease them down first
483
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,840
and then suntan lotion ain't cheap
484
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,520
these ain't cost effective
485
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,120
they're bad for business
486
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:39,200
i'll tell you what i'll sell you all 100
487
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,720
of my wife's legs
488
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:44,160
for one mexican chuck y'all one mexican
489
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,400
to pick like a thousand nicks
490
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,440
but they hard to catch yeah they go
491
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:50,799
underground on y'all been trying to
492
00:18:50,799 --> 00:18:54,080
catch pacos for three years
493
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,840
i know he's down there with that gold
494
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,240
necklace on
495
00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:59,919
i can hear him in the distance late at
496
00:18:59,919 --> 00:19:03,200
night he hungs
497
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,520
y'all need this white people you don't
498
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,400
want to get rid of me
499
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,880
need ned white people need us i mean who
500
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:14,799
you gonna have to blame your ineptitude
501
00:19:14,799 --> 00:19:16,720
on if i ain't here
502
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,240
hey white people need us so they can
503
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,360
point their finger why you ain't
504
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:22,320
that cause of
505
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:23,760
is only reason i ain't got
506
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,080
something and the mexicans have taken
507
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,600
all their jobs
508
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,120
i didn't know you want to leave blow how
509
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,520
the they taking your jobs
510
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,120
hey the mexicans ain't taking your jobs
511
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:35,360
the technology is
512
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,679
robots took everybody goddamn job you
513
00:19:37,679 --> 00:19:39,360
used to have a factory job you work with
514
00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:41,360
your hands now a robot can do that
515
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:45,200
they don't need us it ain't just you man
516
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,400
we're all unemployed
517
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,960
[Applause]
518
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,960
everybody's sick of a goddamn robot
519
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,559
you ain't got to do healthcare for
520
00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:56,320
no robot
521
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,520
and i'm sick of these
522
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:58,880
saying black people are using up all the
523
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,480
healthcare no we ain't we only 12
524
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,320
percent of the population
525
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,520
and don't go to the hospital we
526
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,280
just sick
527
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,919
we can't afford it and we don't
528
00:20:09,919 --> 00:20:11,200
trust doctors you go in the hospital
529
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,880
don't trust that
530
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,520
what's in the needle yeah they trying to
531
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,400
kill us i ain't taking
532
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,679
people are crazy man i don't preach i
533
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,919
teach
534
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,679
hell yeah you want a preacher you know
535
00:20:27,679 --> 00:20:30,799
how to find them every sunday
536
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,679
you remember the they
537
00:20:33,679 --> 00:20:36,080
came and shout out to black church
538
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:37,360
they can only pull that with black
539
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:39,600
people you know we catch on quick
540
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:40,880
you know i've been to a black church
541
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,200
lately they got guns in
542
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,320
church now
543
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,080
and black churches when everybody get in
544
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,000
there they lock the doors
545
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,600
you understand man got a
546
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,480
knock to get in church
547
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,840
uh i was trying to uh come and praise uh
548
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,799
christ that's when the behind the
549
00:20:58,799 --> 00:20:59,200
door
550
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,640
no no we don't we don't praise christ
551
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,120
here we praise the lord
552
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,720
see this code where i see white people
553
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:06,240
say christ the
554
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,440
we going to see the lord
555
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,280
hell yeah white people been
556
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:12,960
killing up everybody what's going on
557
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,080
with y'all
558
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,679
just last week they tried to say it was
559
00:21:17,679 --> 00:21:18,559
that brother that killed the
560
00:21:18,559 --> 00:21:19,840
at the job
561
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,159
they ain't tricking me that
562
00:21:22,159 --> 00:21:23,679
was dead already and they said he was a
563
00:21:23,679 --> 00:21:24,480
shooter
564
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,240
cause they tired of the
565
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,840
story that the white man is killing
566
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:28,559
everybody
567
00:21:28,559 --> 00:21:30,240
so they made the the shooter was
568
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,679
he already dead
569
00:21:31,679 --> 00:21:33,919
you understand me and you know that
570
00:21:33,919 --> 00:21:35,840
it was somebody white again
571
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:37,440
cause if i can think it they did
572
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,200
it
573
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,919
what's wrong oh no i'm making you my
574
00:21:41,919 --> 00:21:44,320
white representative tonight
575
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,440
you shouldn't have sat that close
576
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:50,720
no i'm gonna with you i'll give a
577
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,559
here's a
578
00:21:52,559 --> 00:21:54,880
what is wrong yo can y'all get fired
579
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,559
white people get fired and go kill
580
00:21:56,559 --> 00:21:57,600
everybody to y'all
581
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,760
we're getting fired all the time
582
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,520
we don't go kill nobody
583
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,080
they come to us you're fired get my
584
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,240
checks
585
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:07,840
i ain't like this ass job no
586
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,880
goddamn way get my jack
587
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,000
are we going to send you check in the
588
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,600
mail no i'm leaving today
589
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,360
my money leaving what i need
590
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:19,679
give my check
591
00:22:19,679 --> 00:22:21,520
be on the block later on hey what
592
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:22,880
happened that told me i'm
593
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:24,559
fired i cashed this got
594
00:22:24,559 --> 00:22:27,840
some weed light it up
595
00:22:27,919 --> 00:22:29,679
white people get fired they nice to
596
00:22:29,679 --> 00:22:31,600
white people you know when they follow
597
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,080
us
598
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,480
fight good white people get fired
599
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,679
a whole different way of fine
600
00:22:39,679 --> 00:22:42,880
ned oh god i don't even know how to tell
601
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,720
you this
602
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:49,440
oh i hate doing this man
603
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,360
i mean it's it's not me it's coming from
604
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:53,440
upstairs
605
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,159
i got to let you go now you got to
606
00:22:56,159 --> 00:22:57,760
let me go
607
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:00,400
well that's some kind of joke
608
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:01,760
come on i've been working here 27
609
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:02,880
years
610
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,080
you're going to tell me i'm
611
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,200
fired because that's how i was
612
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,360
girls man i got a mortgage
613
00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:09,200
i got a wife i got four kids and a dog
614
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:10,559
named peter you tell me i'm
615
00:23:10,559 --> 00:23:11,280
fired
616
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:15,120
i'm fired i'm fine
617
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:18,000
that's right when they said no
618
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:18,720
they should not
619
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:22,720
run
620
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:24,480
you see that come to work
621
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:28,480
the next day shoot on briefcase
622
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:34,080
that's good hey ned
623
00:23:35,830 --> 00:23:38,930
[Music]
624
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,000
never get shot on the job
625
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,440
when that go round
626
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,480
cause we aware of our surroundings that
627
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,000
ned come back
628
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,559
the next day
629
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:54,880
be on them a job ain't
630
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,440
that man
631
00:23:57,679 --> 00:23:59,120
didn't they fire that
632
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:02,840
yesterday it's time to take a long
633
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,000
lunch
634
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,919
he'd be outside i told you
635
00:24:07,919 --> 00:24:11,360
he's killing everybody white people
636
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:12,960
y'all just the opposite y'all too
637
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,600
nosy i think that's why y'all
638
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,720
got the pointy nose your noses
639
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:20,640
then come back the next day young
640
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,240
be that
641
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:27,919
god that's dead he looks distraught
642
00:24:27,919 --> 00:24:31,039
man hard way to go come on let's go
643
00:24:31,039 --> 00:24:33,840
try to cheer him up
644
00:24:36,799 --> 00:24:40,799
when leave come with us
645
00:24:40,799 --> 00:24:43,919
we know something we got street spider
646
00:24:43,919 --> 00:24:44,799
senses
647
00:24:44,799 --> 00:24:46,320
you know that's from being on the block
648
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,400
like they about to kill that
649
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,320
earl
650
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,320
we be at the club dancing
651
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:53,520
like a
652
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,039
all these about to shoot this
653
00:24:55,039 --> 00:24:58,840
up we don't stop
654
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,840
dancing
655
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,000
i talk about you white people because of
656
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:05,600
care
657
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,159
they're trying to help you y'all do
658
00:25:08,159 --> 00:25:10,880
that no other culture does
659
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,679
god damn it this is the uh way people
660
00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:16,480
getting chewed up by shark season
661
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,640
i'm 52 years old all the years i've been
662
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,080
on this earth y'all keep getting chewed
663
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,279
up by sharks
664
00:25:21,279 --> 00:25:23,760
when the y'all gonna learn why do
665
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,919
y'all go out that far
666
00:25:25,919 --> 00:25:29,120
that's wedding yet
667
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:30,640
you ain't heard of a chewed up
668
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,919
nowhere on earth we go waist high
669
00:25:33,919 --> 00:25:35,520
y'all seeing us at the beach splashing
670
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:36,799
around making it look like we're doing
671
00:25:36,799 --> 00:25:38,320
some
672
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:43,840
fill some seaweed
673
00:25:46,870 --> 00:25:53,850
[Laughter]
674
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,640
i joke around man love who you love you
675
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,480
understand me i see interracial couples
676
00:25:58,480 --> 00:25:59,760
in here
677
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:01,120
and my you know you're with your
678
00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:02,640
white woman tonight you're taking a
679
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:04,960
chance
680
00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:07,919
that's all i'm saying know who you love
681
00:26:07,919 --> 00:26:10,240
but you taking the chance
682
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,400
she got that phone call she can make man
683
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,559
all she got to do is 9-1-1 he's raping
684
00:26:14,559 --> 00:26:14,880
me
685
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,039
you going to jail who do you think
686
00:26:17,039 --> 00:26:18,799
they going to believe
687
00:26:18,799 --> 00:26:21,200
i ain't around sally you're safe
688
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,120
with him
689
00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:24,640
but love who you love man you know how
690
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:25,760
hard it is for y'all to be in the
691
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,440
interracial relationship
692
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:28,799
y'all was probably tortured on the way
693
00:26:28,799 --> 00:26:30,559
in this room
694
00:26:30,559 --> 00:26:32,080
cause be talking this
695
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,080
sister's cold look at that
696
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,559
with that white
697
00:26:36,559 --> 00:26:39,679
couldn't handle us huh never hey go get
698
00:26:39,679 --> 00:26:42,080
you a snow bunny neal
699
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:44,720
probably little dick we
700
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,279
didn't want your black ass no wait
701
00:26:47,279 --> 00:26:49,120
leroy be walking with sally sally come
702
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:52,480
on they're gonna kill us
703
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,120
brothers we the same way we see a sister
704
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,159
with a white dude
705
00:26:56,159 --> 00:26:59,440
we go the off get your money
706
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:01,600
get your money yeah you couldn't
707
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,279
handle that anaconda huh get your money
708
00:27:03,279 --> 00:27:05,520
709
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:14,080
that's some rough you in a a
710
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:14,559
711
00:27:14,559 --> 00:27:16,480
relationship that's you know white and
712
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,679
black leroy and charlie
713
00:27:19,679 --> 00:27:21,600
sally you got it rough you better really
714
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,279
love leroy
715
00:27:23,279 --> 00:27:24,960
cause that's the only you gonna
716
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,760
have cause white families kick
717
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,080
y'all out the family the white family's
718
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:32,320
cold get your ass out of this god damn
719
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:32,840
face
720
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:35,760
sally bringing that to my
721
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:37,840
goddamn huh
722
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,480
he ain't coming in here what am i
723
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:41,840
supposed to cook some fried
724
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:43,600
chicken i ain't cooking no fried
725
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,360
chicken
726
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:47,120
you're out of family you're out of
727
00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,279
will get your good heart
728
00:27:49,279 --> 00:27:51,840
ass
729
00:27:52,799 --> 00:27:54,960
sally leave the house god damn leroy
730
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,520
you're all i have
731
00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,679
leroy tried to take him to take her to
732
00:27:59,679 --> 00:28:01,039
his mama house
733
00:28:01,039 --> 00:28:02,240
you already know so listen you ain't
734
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,159
bringing that white in there
735
00:28:04,159 --> 00:28:05,440
you ain't bringing that white in
736
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:07,919
my house leroy i told you better than
737
00:28:07,919 --> 00:28:08,240
this
738
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,399
never what am i supposed to cook kitchen
739
00:28:10,399 --> 00:28:13,919
i don't cook no goddamn fish
740
00:28:13,919 --> 00:28:15,760
yo black ass out of here with that snow
741
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:17,760
buddy never you can't come in this
742
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:19,440
goddamn house till you get a with
743
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,919
cornrows
744
00:28:21,919 --> 00:28:25,279
leroy lead house they're all i got sally
745
00:28:25,279 --> 00:28:28,840
and they wandered the earth together
746
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,000
747
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,600
why you see them walk like that they all
748
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:33,919
alone
749
00:28:37,039 --> 00:28:38,480
hell yeah the two most racist
750
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,039
on earth is a white man
751
00:28:41,039 --> 00:28:44,640
and a black you woman stay at me
752
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,320
yeah white man don't give a sister
753
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:47,679
don't give a
754
00:28:47,679 --> 00:28:49,279
the only cure for that kind of
755
00:28:49,279 --> 00:28:52,159
relationship is when they have a baby
756
00:28:52,159 --> 00:28:55,440
y'all had a baby yet you got two
757
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,320
see you're back in the family because
758
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,039
only the babies can cure that racism
759
00:29:01,039 --> 00:29:02,799
you bring that baby over to that
760
00:29:02,799 --> 00:29:04,410
sister's house
761
00:29:04,410 --> 00:29:07,519
[Applause]
762
00:29:08,559 --> 00:29:12,960
it's my grandbaby lord
763
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,919
he got that good hair
764
00:29:16,159 --> 00:29:19,600
he got the skin the wind
765
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,360
sally come on in here girl i said
766
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,200
767
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:25,200
yeah i went on that food network i
768
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,120
learned how to make that quiche
769
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,440
come on in here you take them over that
770
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,159
redneck now
771
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,480
this is a goddamn grass huh
772
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:42,480
and then little got a permanent
773
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:44,399
tan
774
00:29:44,399 --> 00:29:46,159
i mean look at the size of the balls on
775
00:29:46,159 --> 00:29:47,440
this
776
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,720
wow look at how big his hands are we're
777
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:55,310
going to the nfl
778
00:29:55,310 --> 00:29:57,690
[Applause]
779
00:29:57,690 --> 00:30:00,849
[Music]
780
00:30:03,279 --> 00:30:06,320
know who you love man my wife's
781
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:07,840
korean
782
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,880
i'm sleeping with the enemy i'm dating
783
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:14,399
kim yum yum's sister
784
00:30:14,559 --> 00:30:15,760
look at sisters look at them like
785
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,760
what you doing with that korean chair
786
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,120
i was married to three of y'all y'all
787
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,399
had a chance yet
788
00:30:22,399 --> 00:30:26,080
now i got 10 beautiful children
789
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,340
man thank you
790
00:30:28,340 --> 00:30:30,240
[Applause]
791
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,279
looking at me like damn
792
00:30:33,279 --> 00:30:35,039
don't judge my ability to
793
00:30:35,039 --> 00:30:38,159
take care of my kids by your wallet
794
00:30:38,159 --> 00:30:40,880
all ten of mine finding a
795
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,480
and most of them grown anyway you think
796
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,080
i just got my four youngers with me
797
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:45,440
the rest of the first crop i call them
798
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,919
first crop gone
799
00:30:47,919 --> 00:30:51,919
you know my oldest is 33. my youngest is
800
00:30:51,919 --> 00:30:53,360
5.
801
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,840
hell yeah i got my first grandson and he
802
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:56,330
fired
803
00:30:56,330 --> 00:30:58,080
[Music]
804
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,440
they go to school together
805
00:31:02,559 --> 00:31:05,679
only in the black family and you know
806
00:31:05,679 --> 00:31:07,200
the greatest joy of my life
807
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,039
outside of seeing smiles on your face
808
00:31:09,039 --> 00:31:11,279
doing this job that i love to do
809
00:31:11,279 --> 00:31:13,360
is watching my youngest son and my
810
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,039
grandson hang out
811
00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:16,799
you know i tour on the weekends man so
812
00:31:16,799 --> 00:31:18,559
sunday's all day y'all called junior up
813
00:31:18,559 --> 00:31:20,720
junior bring my grandson over man
814
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:22,320
so they sitting there i'm trying to
815
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,000
teach them how to shoot pool
816
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:25,279
you know can't see the missouri you know
817
00:31:25,279 --> 00:31:26,559
there's a lot of pool houses we shoot
818
00:31:26,559 --> 00:31:27,760
pool back home so i'm like
819
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:28,960
you got to get the angle of the dangle
820
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,200
they ain't paying no attention to
821
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,279
me just listen to them two little
822
00:31:33,279 --> 00:31:34,399
talking killing me
823
00:31:34,399 --> 00:31:35,840
hey nephew come here let me highlight
824
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,000
you
825
00:31:39,519 --> 00:31:42,320
your teacher came and talked to me again
826
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:43,760
today
827
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:46,960
yeah cause i'm your uncle she told me
828
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:49,600
that you on yourself again
829
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,840
no no no i was out of pull ups at
830
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:53,120
age two
831
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:54,399
you know you're making the griffin
832
00:31:54,399 --> 00:31:56,320
family look bad on yourself
833
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,320
man and that little asian chick in the
834
00:31:58,320 --> 00:31:59,600
corner with the wooden blocks with the
835
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:00,880
little letters on it
836
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:03,519
that's me back up my
837
00:32:03,519 --> 00:32:04,240
grandson
838
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,720
yeah huh if she was yours she wouldn't
839
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,960
be hollering
840
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,159
i said look at this little player hey my
841
00:32:12,159 --> 00:32:14,559
grandson is half mexican
842
00:32:14,559 --> 00:32:16,559
half black yeah my son married a mexican
843
00:32:16,559 --> 00:32:18,240
lady i call him my little mexi
844
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,240
845
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:21,919
when he come by i'm making tacos with
846
00:32:21,919 --> 00:32:24,559
collard greens
847
00:32:25,679 --> 00:32:28,000
burritos with mac and cheese in it you
848
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:29,440
know just so he get both sides of his
849
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,440
culture
850
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:32,880
and he'd be trying to teach me spanish
851
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:34,720
you know he called me pop-pop pop-pop
852
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:36,480
cause he used to say granddad i'm like
853
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,640
hey i ain't that old
854
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,120
i look too good to be grinning wait till
855
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:42,880
i get old ragley
856
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,120
i say this paw paw like papa he said
857
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:46,960
papa que pasa
858
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:50,559
i said no that's at your mama house
859
00:32:50,559 --> 00:32:53,200
it's what up over here try that
860
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:57,600
what up
861
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:01,120
my oldest daughter just turned 17.
862
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:02,799
hey yeah it's that season i just
863
00:33:02,799 --> 00:33:05,200
bought two more guns
864
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:06,559
cause this is when the little ignite
865
00:33:06,559 --> 00:33:08,240
start coming by trying to
866
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:09,760
take them on dates
867
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:11,679
and then act like we don't
868
00:33:11,679 --> 00:33:13,440
remember being them
869
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,159
young man come to the door
870
00:33:16,159 --> 00:33:17,519
hey uh mr griffin
871
00:33:17,519 --> 00:33:19,360
how you doing man man i really like you
872
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:20,720
an undercover brother man that was my
873
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:21,519
joint man
874
00:33:21,519 --> 00:33:22,799
and i was wondering if i could check
875
00:33:22,799 --> 00:33:26,080
your daughter out to me now
876
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:27,760
the one i really don't trust he's too
877
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,120
nice when they're too nice this is the
878
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:30,159
freak
879
00:33:30,159 --> 00:33:31,840
you know the comes hello mr
880
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:33,679
griffin
881
00:33:33,679 --> 00:33:35,279
i was wondering if i could acquire your
882
00:33:35,279 --> 00:33:36,720
daughter's hand and going
883
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:37,919
i said get the away from
884
00:33:37,919 --> 00:33:40,159
mother he said no really i
885
00:33:40,159 --> 00:33:41,600
love to take her to the movies i said
886
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,360
what movie you talking about seeing
887
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,039
this told me the title dude
888
00:33:45,039 --> 00:33:46,480
i was like well i'm in the writer's
889
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,000
guild screen actors guild
890
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:49,519
the records guild they send the movies
891
00:33:49,519 --> 00:33:51,120
for me to screen them so i could vote on
892
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,720
who should get the award
893
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:54,240
i just happened to have that movie come
894
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,960
on in i brought that inside him on
895
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:58,240
the couch
896
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,080
i said y'all want some popcorn i wasn't
897
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:01,440
in the kitchen you know don't microwave
898
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:01,840
899
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,640
one minute 25 seconds threw it on the
900
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:06,640
table and gave both of them a coke
901
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,679
i sat right between them
902
00:34:09,679 --> 00:34:11,760
yeah we're gonna watch this movie my
903
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:13,839
daughter like you can't shut the up
904
00:34:13,839 --> 00:34:16,719
you kidding me i said shut the up i
905
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,320
said so uh yeah what's your name little
906
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:19,359
fellow
907
00:34:19,359 --> 00:34:23,040
yeah hey hey check it out
908
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:25,760
what's your intentions young man well
909
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,280
you act like i didn't used to be your
910
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:28,320
age
911
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:29,679
hey you thought you was gonna get my
912
00:34:29,679 --> 00:34:32,000
daughter in that dark movie theater
913
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:35,839
and go oh
914
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:38,239
and didn't run to school the next day
915
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:41,199
hey man smell my finger
916
00:34:42,399 --> 00:34:44,000
that left my house i ain't seen
917
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,399
any sense
918
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,560
my daughter's still mad at me get on my
919
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:50,159
nerves you always doing so shut the
920
00:34:50,159 --> 00:34:51,280
up
921
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:52,639
out of here you ain't
922
00:34:52,639 --> 00:34:54,320
around my house
923
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,239
you finishing a four-year university i
924
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:58,640
already paid the
925
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,520
give a you can stay mad goddammit
926
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:02,640
sure
927
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:04,160
i ain't your friend i'm
928
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:05,839
your father
929
00:35:05,839 --> 00:35:09,839
all right hey you wanna run away run on
930
00:35:09,839 --> 00:35:17,839
i got nine more i ain't gonna
931
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:20,880
i love my daughters to death man you
932
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:22,320
know what i mean but they the hardest to
933
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:23,280
deal with you know
934
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,599
first i had all boys that's just easy
935
00:35:25,599 --> 00:35:26,960
you know i've been a boy take the
936
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:28,240
trash out
937
00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:31,839
dude take yourself okay trash
938
00:35:31,839 --> 00:35:33,760
i can't touch my daughters man any other
939
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:35,359
man in here like that when you can't
940
00:35:35,359 --> 00:35:36,640
that's my little queen my little
941
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:38,880
princess man all they got to do is back
942
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:40,320
to my eyes at me
943
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,599
here take everything then i have to go
944
00:35:43,599 --> 00:35:45,839
to my wife hey baby uh
945
00:35:45,839 --> 00:35:48,880
i need you to go get my money back
946
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:50,480
you got to work as a team let's go get
947
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,000
it go get it i hear my wife in the room
948
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:53,520
give me that goddamn money what i tell
949
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,680
you about working that
950
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,839
that's my money god damn
951
00:35:57,839 --> 00:36:01,280
it i'm sucking the comedy dick
952
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,119
my wife come back in the bedroom
953
00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:05,920
like 15 minutes go by she ain't told me
954
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:07,760
about my money
955
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:09,599
i said uh baby you want to bring up the
956
00:36:09,599 --> 00:36:11,440
the money
957
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,160
uh what you listening i said yeah my
958
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:15,119
money
959
00:36:15,119 --> 00:36:18,160
no i said i sucked the comedy dick
960
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:26,320
it's my money i couldn't say
961
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:27,680
geez you took the money put it in your
962
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,920
mouth
963
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,400
well yeah like i said i'm 52.
964
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,040
i need some head
965
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:38,320
you know i mean we don't like we
966
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:40,320
used to i'm be honest when i see
967
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:41,839
the older man here now hey come on be
968
00:36:41,839 --> 00:36:42,400
quiet now
969
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,800
speak with yourself see you on a 50
970
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:47,440
your dick dies
971
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:51,119
sometimes you can feel it you all right
972
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,960
and he'll look up at you
973
00:36:56,240 --> 00:36:57,760
you try to jack him off like when you
974
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,000
use the teenager come on man come back
975
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:03,200
leave me alone
976
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:08,240
just freak i'm tired i'm tired
977
00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:10,480
years i'm a soldier that's why i
978
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:12,800
got a helmet
979
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,880
i stay in the trenches back and
980
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:17,839
forth in and out
981
00:37:17,839 --> 00:37:20,839
we ain't got no more bullets left i'm
982
00:37:20,839 --> 00:37:22,079
shooting now eddie
983
00:37:22,079 --> 00:37:24,480
look at that
984
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,240
leave me alone leave me alone put me
985
00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:37,359
back in the drawers
986
00:37:37,359 --> 00:37:38,960
then you take one of them cialis
987
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:40,440
reporting for duty sir
988
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:42,320
[Applause]
989
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,160
now i just tell my wife you know i'll be
990
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:46,880
honest with you i'm like you know
991
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,920
i need a jump start
992
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:57,040
you getting rid of that you over
993
00:37:57,040 --> 00:38:00,960
50 baby i need a jump start you get a
994
00:38:02,839 --> 00:38:04,130
995
00:38:04,130 --> 00:38:07,229
[Applause]
996
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:13,520
don't laugh ladies i see y'all
997
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,839
y'all dying right
998
00:38:16,839 --> 00:38:18,000
now
999
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,920
the old dies dies
1000
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:24,000
it's beat up his whole
1001
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:25,599
life
1002
00:38:25,599 --> 00:38:27,760
gravity don't give a it pulls
1003
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,079
on them lips
1004
00:38:30,079 --> 00:38:31,599
this getting longer as
1005
00:38:31,599 --> 00:38:34,160
it looks like that extra bologna
1006
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:36,800
meat on the side of the bread
1007
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,320
don't nobody want no they gotta
1008
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,640
roll up to get
1009
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:41,680
look at what you're doing i'm rolling
1010
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:47,280
this up so i can hit it
1011
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:48,640
how many of y'all have a woman
1012
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,280
on the pitch i don't y'all lying
1013
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:53,040
ass
1014
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,880
now y'all gonna be in the sls
1015
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:58,720
you're a lying ain't no man
1016
00:38:58,720 --> 00:39:01,040
gonna wait no goddamn week on no
1017
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,119
that's why every household got that old
1018
00:39:03,119 --> 00:39:05,520
raggedy towel
1019
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,200
lay that towel down so we don't
1020
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:08,800
these sheets up
1021
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:10,560
hey that's the only time a little dick
1022
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:12,240
probably feel like he did
1023
00:39:12,240 --> 00:39:13,440
something
1024
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:15,680
like blood everywhere it's a crime
1025
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:18,000
scene
1026
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,520
get the forensics
1027
00:39:21,839 --> 00:39:23,520
yeah yeah that guy ain't saying i got
1028
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,920
the biggest dick on earth
1029
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:29,839
but i get return visits
1030
00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:32,320
look for you you ain't seen her in
1031
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:33,760
a long time
1032
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,160
you did something the last time if you
1033
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,640
don't get a return visit you can't
1034
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:41,119
and women talk if you got a little dick
1035
00:39:41,119 --> 00:39:43,280
your whole block no
1036
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,520
all women can't help themselves you
1037
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,280
wouldn't be walking down the street
1038
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,599
uh-huh that talked all that
1039
00:39:49,599 --> 00:39:51,920
eddie
1040
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:56,079
showed up with his little brother's dick
1041
00:39:56,079 --> 00:39:57,520
the whipped his dick out i threw
1042
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:58,520
baby powder on it
1043
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:00,720
[Applause]
1044
00:40:00,720 --> 00:40:02,400
if i had a little dick i would kill
1045
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:04,000
myself
1046
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:05,839
no god give me all this talent
1047
00:40:05,839 --> 00:40:07,760
and and opportunity and no
1048
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:08,880
dick
1049
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,440
just kill yourself yo show up
1050
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:13,440
well that's all you got
1051
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:16,480
i kill myself yeah yeah
1052
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:17,040
1053
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:21,200
that's why i got 10 kids i be deep
1054
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:26,160
up in them i make the furniture move
1055
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:31,119
all up in the chest hey if you can't
1056
00:40:31,119 --> 00:40:33,760
have kids it's cause your dick is small
1057
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:35,839
you dropping the sperm off so far away
1058
00:40:35,839 --> 00:40:37,599
from the egg
1059
00:40:37,599 --> 00:40:41,200
they die before they ever get this
1060
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,960
how deep is this we've been
1061
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:45,760
swimming for
1062
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:49,200
for months some of them never get
1063
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:50,880
in there little fake
1064
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:52,400
bust on the outside they be swimming
1065
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:54,960
around the lips
1066
00:40:55,359 --> 00:40:57,200
i dropped mine off right at the egg they
1067
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:58,560
come out thanks for the ride get you
1068
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:00,800
ready
1069
00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:04,960
hell again if y'all don't
1070
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:06,560
remember a thing i said
1071
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,560
tonight please remember this
1072
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,800
you're born a winner everybody in this
1073
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,560
room is a winner
1074
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:14,480
you understand me when our fathers
1075
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:16,160
busted a nut
1076
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:17,839
every time we busted nut there's
1077
00:41:17,839 --> 00:41:19,440
billions of sperm
1078
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,400
only one can make it to the egg we all
1079
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,079
made it there first
1080
00:41:24,079 --> 00:41:25,520
you born the winner stop letting
1081
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:29,040
the world teach your ass how to lose
1082
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,440
when we got to that egg you must
1083
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:33,680
have nothing wow i got this
1084
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:35,119
you getting the egg i'm in this
1085
00:41:35,119 --> 00:41:38,160
i won i'm coming i'm
1086
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:39,119
coming
1087
00:41:39,119 --> 00:41:40,960
the sperm that don't make it man that's
1088
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,560
up
1089
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,240
i've been next to you for five
1090
00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:46,560
years and this left nut never
1091
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,319
come on let another in we could be
1092
00:41:48,319 --> 00:41:50,240
twins
1093
00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:53,760
too late i'm already mutated
1094
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,359
pop now what we gonna do this old
1095
00:41:57,359 --> 00:41:58,640
arrogant ain't letting
1096
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:00,480
nobody else in selfish ass
1097
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,640
you ain't gonna be you're
1098
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:04,079
gonna work at mcdonald's with a paper
1099
00:42:04,079 --> 00:42:05,359
hat
1100
00:42:05,359 --> 00:42:08,800
i had doctor in me papa what we
1101
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:10,000
gonna do
1102
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:14,720
junior this ain't gonna go good for us
1103
00:42:14,720 --> 00:42:16,480
we're gonna have to swim back the way we
1104
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:18,000
can
1105
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:19,440
we're gonna end up in that bitch's
1106
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:21,520
spanish
1107
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:30,880
and they're gonna call us a discharge
1108
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:32,160
then we're going to dry out it's going
1109
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:34,400
to be a crunchy crouch
1110
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:37,119
[Applause]
1111
00:42:37,119 --> 00:42:38,319
that going to be looking for
1112
00:42:38,319 --> 00:42:40,000
something in the dirty clothes and come
1113
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,000
across the crunchy crouch
1114
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:43,280
he's going to be intrigued he's gonna
1115
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:44,640
squeeze us we're gonna flake off like
1116
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,240
snowflakes
1117
00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:48,160
now that's if we ain't a good honest
1118
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:50,800
woman what if he busted nothing we end
1119
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,839
up in a nasty stinky
1120
00:42:53,839 --> 00:42:56,720
we swim back the way we came and another
1121
00:42:56,720 --> 00:42:59,359
nigga's eating a
1122
00:42:59,359 --> 00:43:02,400
we end up in this throat
1123
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:04,640
i don't want to be in those other
1124
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:07,359
i'll take the crunchy panties every day
1125
00:43:07,359 --> 00:43:09,119
hey julian you want to do me a favor
1126
00:43:09,119 --> 00:43:13,440
swim up ahead and seal the closest club
1127
00:43:14,720 --> 00:43:17,040
1128
00:43:20,319 --> 00:43:21,440
what y'all thought y'all was just gonna
1129
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,160
see comedy tonight i got magic in my
1130
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:25,200
show
1131
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:26,880
i got a magical hand to show up
1132
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,359
with this look at my wife in here i want
1133
00:43:29,359 --> 00:43:31,440
a hand
1134
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,040
i used to have whole you it
1135
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:35,200
up
1136
00:43:36,319 --> 00:43:38,880
oh hey you going over there
1137
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:40,160
1138
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:42,240
and you replace me y'all need to try
1139
00:43:42,240 --> 00:43:43,920
this drink too
1140
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,160
i was called to eddie griffin is
1141
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,960
champagne mixed with a shot of patron
1142
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:50,079
oh i know y'all didn't think i'd be
1143
00:43:50,079 --> 00:43:52,640
getting this up just on champagne
1144
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:54,160
it's that patron that don't leave you
1145
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:55,839
alone get off in your dome and make you
1146
00:43:55,839 --> 00:43:58,400
miss your home
1147
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:00,880
that's why i be sipping these
1148
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:02,480
cause patrons don't give a
1149
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:05,119
strong hair your ass stuck nah there's
1150
00:44:05,119 --> 00:44:06,720
gonna be some hard in here talking
1151
00:44:06,720 --> 00:44:08,079
give me 17
1152
00:44:08,079 --> 00:44:10,079
whatever that little had y'all
1153
00:44:10,079 --> 00:44:11,200
going to see that later at the
1154
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:13,760
club
1155
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:16,960
patron have your body talk to herself
1156
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:18,240
ledge how we doing
1157
00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:20,880
i wouldn't take another step about you
1158
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:22,319
you're gonna bust your head
1159
00:44:22,319 --> 00:44:24,480
that's why i locked up i locked up
1160
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:29,040
hey lungs we need air eyes i can't see
1161
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:33,520
is huh huh hot okay it's all over
1162
00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:35,200
nick how you doing i already pissed all
1163
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:37,839
over the shoes
1164
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:42,160
well you ever been so up
1165
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:45,359
you throw up in your own hat i had one
1166
00:44:45,359 --> 00:44:46,560
nipple nice
1167
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:47,839
that was a y'all remember the
1168
00:44:47,839 --> 00:44:49,760
called sherm
1169
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:51,839
we call them wet daddies back home so
1170
00:44:51,839 --> 00:44:53,440
this is partner mine
1171
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:55,359
junebug he was a
1172
00:44:55,359 --> 00:44:57,200
neighborhood dope fan and one night he
1173
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:58,240
came back
1174
00:44:58,240 --> 00:45:00,240
with a little joint you know i smoked
1175
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:01,440
weed but i didn't know what the
1176
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,119
that was stunk
1177
00:45:03,119 --> 00:45:04,400
and i hit that thinking
1178
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:06,400
this regular weed i hit it hit it
1179
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:09,520
hit it hit it that shine make you heat
1180
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:10,480
up
1181
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:12,480
i started taking everything off
1182
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:14,560
i'm running down the street
1183
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,680
naked with just my hat on they
1184
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:18,000
said
1185
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,119
i jumped over over to the i-70 freeway
1186
00:45:21,119 --> 00:45:24,240
and was pissing on cars coming by so
1187
00:45:24,240 --> 00:45:26,160
they called my first wife calling
1188
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:27,520
carla come and get eddie this
1189
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:29,680
up so carter pulled up we had
1190
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:31,200
this buick laser
1191
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:32,720
she pulled up what is wrong with
1192
00:45:32,720 --> 00:45:34,480
you what did they give you i don't know
1193
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:35,760
baby but
1194
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:39,040
i'm at work she said huh i said i got to
1195
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:39,920
wash the cars
1196
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:42,960
i got a restaurant
1197
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,160
she said get your ass in the goddamn car
1198
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:47,839
i sat in the back seat cause i
1199
00:45:47,839 --> 00:45:50,079
always wanted to be famous
1200
00:45:50,079 --> 00:45:51,839
so i made him feel like a limo driver i
1201
00:45:51,839 --> 00:45:53,520
got in the backseat
1202
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:56,000
i'm back there up i
1203
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,319
don't know what it is when we hire
1204
00:45:58,319 --> 00:45:59,760
but ladies this is the only time we can
1205
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:02,160
tell y'all how we really love you
1206
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:04,240
you know we sober you like baby do you
1207
00:46:04,240 --> 00:46:05,760
love him what the hell are you talking
1208
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:07,119
about
1209
00:46:07,119 --> 00:46:08,560
baby do you love me there's a food
1210
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:10,640
refrigerator
1211
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:12,800
is the lights home what the you ask
1212
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:14,400
me stupid
1213
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:19,040
when we up man
1214
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:23,520
man when y'all hear that you already
1215
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:24,720
know y'all getting ready to get your
1216
00:46:24,720 --> 00:46:26,560
sense babe
1217
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:30,079
man i love you man
1218
00:46:30,079 --> 00:46:34,800
i love you man i don't i i love you
1219
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:36,880
i love you you take care of me when i
1220
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:38,960
don't take care of me
1221
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:41,760
i love you but i know you got a big
1222
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:43,599
booty
1223
00:46:43,599 --> 00:46:46,000
i married your booty baby i made your
1224
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,480
booty
1225
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:52,000
and i did
1226
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:54,880
i ain't never getting that up
1227
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:56,720
again i threw up in my
1228
00:46:56,720 --> 00:46:58,000
hat
1229
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,359
start bubbling and put that
1230
00:47:01,359 --> 00:47:04,079
back on
1231
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,480
i woke up the next morning had all
1232
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:08,560
kind of corn and in the fro
1233
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:10,880
it took two days to get that out
1234
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,160
and you know what me up
1235
00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:14,160
every time you throw up why is there
1236
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:15,599
corn
1237
00:47:15,599 --> 00:47:18,319
i ain't had corn since last july
1238
00:47:18,319 --> 00:47:21,040
where the the coin keep coming from
1239
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,760
you take a there's corn it's like
1240
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:25,040
corn just hanging out in your
1241
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:28,640
tests i'll leave when i want to leave
1242
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:31,359
ladies don't get it twisted though we
1243
00:47:31,359 --> 00:47:32,960
love you like a
1244
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:34,800
whoever wrote this statement was real
1245
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:36,960
honest man can't live with you
1246
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:39,359
can't live without you living with you
1247
00:47:39,359 --> 00:47:41,359
is a
1248
00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:43,200
y'all will find a way to
1249
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:44,960
up a relationship when it's right
1250
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:46,559
at its best
1251
00:47:46,559 --> 00:47:48,000
y'all man i don't know why y'all do it
1252
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:51,119
it's autopilot things are too good
1253
00:47:51,119 --> 00:47:54,000
i must it up you know what i'm
1254
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:55,440
saying this is when you finally like
1255
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:57,280
damn i love my wife man look at
1256
00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:58,800
my beautiful children
1257
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:00,319
look at that house we
1258
00:48:00,319 --> 00:48:02,960
doing this
1259
00:48:04,559 --> 00:48:07,760
we need to talk about what
1260
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:09,920
see that's what i'm talking about you
1261
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:11,359
don't even know what i want to talk
1262
00:48:11,359 --> 00:48:12,240
about
1263
00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:14,000
why do y'all play that riddle me
1264
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:17,119
what the you want to say
1265
00:48:17,119 --> 00:48:20,559
ain't no goddamn psychic you didn't
1266
00:48:20,559 --> 00:48:22,800
notice i did my head your hair
1267
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:23,920
this is what we talking about i didn't
1268
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:26,079
notice you did your hair
1269
00:48:26,079 --> 00:48:29,119
you did it you like it
1270
00:48:29,839 --> 00:48:31,280
you gonna up this relationship with
1271
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:32,880
that all right let's play
1272
00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:33,760
this game
1273
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:35,760
you didn't notice i got a new gray hair
1274
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,920
on my left nut
1275
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:39,860
now we both didn't notice some
1276
00:48:39,860 --> 00:48:41,520
[Laughter]
1277
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:44,480
that's when they ran out the room
1278
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:48,079
buy the game on
1279
00:48:48,079 --> 00:48:53,359
ladies we love you but we need your help
1280
00:48:53,359 --> 00:48:55,920
you understand me i think that we need a
1281
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:58,800
female president myself
1282
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:02,640
real child yeah i mean
1283
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:04,640
cause america's up right now you
1284
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:05,839
know mother was talking about man it's
1285
00:49:05,839 --> 00:49:08,559
the greatest country on earth no we not
1286
00:49:08,559 --> 00:49:11,599
we steal kids from their parents
1287
00:49:11,599 --> 00:49:13,280
down at our and butter in
1288
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:14,960
the south we kidnapped
1289
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:16,400
kids
1290
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:17,839
that ain't nothing to be proud of this
1291
00:49:17,839 --> 00:49:19,920
this nation ain't great it's like being
1292
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:21,200
an alcoholic you can't
1293
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:23,280
cure yourself till you admit you
1294
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:25,119
up as long as we keep running around
1295
00:49:25,119 --> 00:49:26,559
lying to ourselves marriage buried the
1296
00:49:26,559 --> 00:49:28,160
country on earth no we
1297
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:29,359
up
1298
00:49:29,359 --> 00:49:31,200
and we got to fix this it needs a
1299
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,040
mother and spirit
1300
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:34,880
cause me and we got testosterone all we
1301
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:36,559
gonna do is look at how big my dick is
1302
00:49:36,559 --> 00:49:38,800
blow the up ha ha
1303
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:40,720
we need a female up in there to caress
1304
00:49:40,720 --> 00:49:42,079
this nation raise this
1305
00:49:42,079 --> 00:49:43,760
up and turn it back into a
1306
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:44,950
family
1307
00:49:44,950 --> 00:49:47,520
[Applause]
1308
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:50,480
but once a goddamn month we gonna have
1309
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:53,839
to take the missile codes from her
1310
00:49:53,839 --> 00:49:56,640
yeah that pms that get the
1311
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:59,839
ghost blow up everybody
1312
00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:03,760
cause women y'all bad
1313
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,200
y'all can work
1314
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:07,280
while you're on your period you know
1315
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:08,720
damn you're on your period for a week
1316
00:50:08,720 --> 00:50:10,800
you don't die you got the string hanging
1317
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:13,839
and still go to work going to work
1318
00:50:13,839 --> 00:50:16,160
that's because men are in charge you
1319
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:17,839
understand i believe every woman should
1320
00:50:17,839 --> 00:50:19,119
get that week off when they're on their
1321
00:50:19,119 --> 00:50:21,119
period
1322
00:50:21,119 --> 00:50:23,760
weak pain you understand me cause
1323
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:25,040
you don't want that at the job
1324
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:26,240
anyway
1325
00:50:26,240 --> 00:50:27,359
that fish coming to work what y'all
1326
00:50:27,359 --> 00:50:29,119
looking at what the are your eyes
1327
00:50:29,119 --> 00:50:32,000
baby just going home just go home
1328
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:33,920
that's why it's called pms pain
1329
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:36,720
misery and
1330
00:50:39,359 --> 00:50:41,839
if men had periods watch how quick that
1331
00:50:41,839 --> 00:50:43,440
law would pass
1332
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:46,240
if we had periods because we got
1333
00:50:46,240 --> 00:50:48,000
testosterone it'd be a whole different
1334
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:49,680
trip
1335
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:51,040
be walking around looking i'm on
1336
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:53,040
my parents
1337
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:54,319
what's wrong with you i got blood
1338
00:50:54,319 --> 00:50:56,640
coming out my dick
1339
00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:58,160
i gotta wear this cotton sleeve with the
1340
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:00,800
twisty top
1341
00:51:01,599 --> 00:51:03,680
move my beard and it'd be a
1342
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:05,359
period walk women would know that
1343
00:51:05,359 --> 00:51:09,839
on the spirit look at the wall
1344
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:11,599
everybody be sounding like bernie mac
1345
00:51:11,599 --> 00:51:12,400
what the you looking at
1346
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:14,400
1347
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:17,520
look at that
1348
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:23,839
come on
1349
00:51:29,839 --> 00:51:30,880
y'all know when you're on your period
1350
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:33,040
y'all still go to a club then they'll
1351
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:34,079
meet in the bathroom
1352
00:51:34,079 --> 00:51:37,680
girl you got a i i ran out
1353
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:39,040
you know said like that
1354
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:42,240
here you go girl one size fit off
1355
00:51:42,240 --> 00:51:44,000
we had pigs be in the
1356
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,240
bathroom hey hey my
1357
00:51:46,240 --> 00:51:49,359
you got an extra sleeve on you here you
1358
00:51:49,359 --> 00:51:50,240
go
1359
00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:51,359
what do you do with this little bitty
1360
00:51:51,359 --> 00:51:54,480
i need the junk bowls
1361
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:55,920
i'm wearing white i got to go this
1362
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:56,810
about the show
1363
00:51:56,810 --> 00:52:00,559
[Laughter]
1364
00:52:00,559 --> 00:52:03,040
i went back home to kansas city a few
1365
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:04,160
weeks ago
1366
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:06,800
so my uncle james has got fourth stage
1367
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:08,160
cancer
1368
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:11,359
so he called me up and uh he said
1369
00:52:11,359 --> 00:52:13,520
eddie uh
1370
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:15,119
they told me you know i don't know how
1371
00:52:15,119 --> 00:52:16,640
much uh time i got left
1372
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:19,280
and uh you're my favorite nephew i want
1373
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:21,119
you to come back you know
1374
00:52:21,119 --> 00:52:23,119
so i want to be able to tell all the
1375
00:52:23,119 --> 00:52:24,720
well not everybody in the family just
1376
00:52:24,720 --> 00:52:25,440
the ones i
1377
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:28,240
love i just want to be able to tell all
1378
00:52:28,240 --> 00:52:29,040
of y'all to
1379
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:32,480
kiss my black ass one last time
1380
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:35,599
i said i'd be honored to come back and
1381
00:52:35,599 --> 00:52:36,400
let you
1382
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:38,400
tell me to kiss your black ass one last
1383
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:41,040
time so i grabbed it up to cousins
1384
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:42,000
and family from
1385
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:44,240
l.a and out here in vegas we flew
1386
00:52:44,240 --> 00:52:45,520
back home
1387
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:47,680
we had james house james had a
1388
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:49,200
table set up
1389
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:51,280
with every liquor you could think of
1390
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:53,200
weed all kind of i said
1391
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:54,880
he said you ain't got to bring
1392
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:56,640
i'm dying i sold the house we
1393
00:52:56,640 --> 00:52:59,680
gonna drink up the crib tonight
1394
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:01,280
we sitting there getting drunk and
1395
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:03,359
and
1396
00:53:03,359 --> 00:53:05,920
look those have been fans of mine for a
1397
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:07,520
while remember dysfunctional family
1398
00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:08,640
y'all met my
1399
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:11,200
uncles curtis james bucky and my mama
1400
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:12,240
right
1401
00:53:12,240 --> 00:53:14,240
so they all sitting around now our
1402
00:53:14,240 --> 00:53:15,440
generation
1403
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:18,720
listen to these talk
1404
00:53:18,720 --> 00:53:20,160
they were sitting there with one of
1405
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:21,440
them's wives and they could talk about
1406
00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:23,920
yeah we all up
1407
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:25,680
i think james was the first one to
1408
00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:27,040
with you james
1409
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,040
no bucky's buffy got it first and
1410
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:30,400
then uh curtis hit it
1411
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:33,280
and she right there saying yep yep uh it
1412
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:33,760
was you
1413
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:36,800
james i you first uh bucky loved
1414
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:38,800
ass at dancing i had
1415
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,400
to give him some
1416
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:42,880
and i gave uh uh uh curtis some big old
1417
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:44,480
horse dick i didn't go back there
1418
00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:46,160
no more
1419
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:47,920
but i stayed with you james cause you
1420
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:49,680
had the right stroke me and my
1421
00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:51,119
brother my cousin was sitting there
1422
00:53:51,119 --> 00:53:53,280
1423
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:55,119
we ain't gonna have no stories to match
1424
00:53:55,119 --> 00:53:56,880
this with our little youngest
1425
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:58,400
when we the old sitting
1426
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:00,160
around playing big wheels
1427
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:02,160
hey baby bro yeah yeah they should
1428
00:54:02,160 --> 00:54:03,680
remember that time i didn't your
1429
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:05,200
wife
1430
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:06,559
you remember that time you didn't
1431
00:54:06,559 --> 00:54:10,559
none of mine born ass
1432
00:54:10,559 --> 00:54:12,960
but he had a good time he sitting
1433
00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:15,200
there he got up and drunk
1434
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:17,359
and then the went to the hospital
1435
00:54:17,359 --> 00:54:19,280
and they told him he's got at least 17
1436
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:24,800
more years
1437
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:28,240
this dropped the house up
1438
00:54:28,240 --> 00:54:30,000
this ain't gonna be homeless for 17
1439
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:32,240
years
1440
00:54:32,240 --> 00:54:33,599
i ain't gonna let the go home and
1441
00:54:33,599 --> 00:54:39,839
i bought the house back
1442
00:54:46,220 --> 00:54:51,119
[Applause]
1443
00:54:51,119 --> 00:54:52,640
you such a great dad with your kids
1444
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:54,000
you didn't have a father i said
1445
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:55,520
i made a promise i'm gonna be the
1446
00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:57,119
father that i always wanted i know
1447
00:54:57,119 --> 00:54:57,839
that's right
1448
00:54:57,839 --> 00:55:00,720
it's easy to do as a kid you know
1449
00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:02,400
what you want a father to do well
1450
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,160
that's what i'm doing for mine
1451
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:05,920
young man we gonna go play catch
1452
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:07,599
all right let's knuckle up
1453
00:55:07,599 --> 00:55:08,079
1454
00:55:08,079 --> 00:55:10,240
tighten that jab up twist it twist
1455
00:55:10,240 --> 00:55:11,200
it yummy
1456
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:13,520
drop that hook on him you know
1457
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:15,119
just basic
1458
00:55:15,119 --> 00:55:21,839
take the trash out little
1459
00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:29,839
you give your son a football he'll play
1460
00:55:29,839 --> 00:55:31,200
with that same football until he make it
1461
00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:32,400
to the pros making money playing
1462
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:33,280
football
1463
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:35,040
you buy your daughter a barbie dog that
1464
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:36,400
needs a kendo
1465
00:55:36,400 --> 00:55:37,680
now they need friends now you need an
1466
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:39,599
apartment now they need a car now they
1467
00:55:39,599 --> 00:55:41,200
need some clothes and this
1468
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:43,040
going for 18 years they'll break
1469
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:44,720
your ass
1470
00:55:44,720 --> 00:55:46,319
why you thinking a buffalo father so
1471
00:55:46,319 --> 00:55:47,680
happy to give his daughter away the
1472
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:49,119
wedding
1473
00:55:49,119 --> 00:55:52,400
uh is your problem now i hope you
1474
00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:54,079
got a good job that little broke
1475
00:55:54,079 --> 00:55:56,240
me
1476
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,520
and god made sure they can't come back
1477
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:00,000
because
1478
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:02,960
you get married your last name changed
1479
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:03,839
she tried to come back
1480
00:56:03,839 --> 00:56:05,520
daddy she was wondering if you could
1481
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:06,880
help us on the light bill
1482
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:09,280
he just lost his job i told you the
1483
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:10,480
wasn't when you brought me by
1484
00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:11,520
the house
1485
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:14,640
but no you were so loved let's see if
1486
00:56:14,640 --> 00:56:17,040
love will turn them lights back on
1487
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:19,040
i only take ed griffin's using williams
1488
00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:21,080
now
1489
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:23,280
[Applause]
1490
00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:24,480
all right let me get out of here y'all
1491
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:28,240
got to go cause i got another show in
1492
00:56:28,839 --> 00:56:31,680
september
1493
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,200
it take a minute to get ready for this
1494
00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:35,520
1495
00:56:36,799 --> 00:56:39,280
look at here y'all y'all been wonderful
1496
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:40,640
i'm eg
1497
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:44,160
gc god's child one time for your mind
1498
00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:45,760
and never let a hater rent a
1499
00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:47,280
moment of time
1500
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:59,839
in your mind take the lord with you
1501
00:57:00,940 --> 00:57:16,820
[Applause]
1502
00:57:16,820 --> 00:57:20,219
[Music]
1503
00:57:21,230 --> 00:57:24,599
[Applause]
1504
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:27,610
[Applause]
1505
00:57:27,610 --> 00:57:38,679
[Music]
1506
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:39,990
sitting today
1507
00:57:39,990 --> 00:57:50,389
[Music]
93798
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