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["GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE
FUN" BY CYNDI LAUPER PLAYING]
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ADULT SHELDON: It's typical for
young people to admire rock stars.
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00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:08,960
For my sister, it was Cyndi Lauper.
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["LIVIN' ON A PRAYER"
BY BON JOVI PLAYING]
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For my brother, it was Bon Jovi.
6
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Well, Jon, we look good.
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♪ Oh, we're livin' on... ♪
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[CLASSICAL VIOLIN PLAYING]
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For me, the rock star
I admired most was...
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00:00:23,180 --> 00:00:25,260
Albert Einstein.
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00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:27,639
♪ ♪
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00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,940
Did you know Einstein
loved playing the violin?
13
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,000
So?
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00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,940
He believed music helped him
formulate his theories.
15
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So?
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00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:39,000
Einstein was arguably the
greatest scientific mind
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00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,309
of the 20th century.
18
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If music helped him,
maybe it could help me.
19
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,200
So?
20
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,240
I got to go talk to my mom.
21
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,690
- Everything okay?
- Yeah,
22
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:50,940
she's just got some problems
she's dealing with.
23
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,000
Kind of personal. Will
you make the kids lunch?
24
00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:54,959
- Ah, do I have to?
- George?
25
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,319
Happy to.
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Be right back.
27
00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,220
[SIGHS]
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00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:01,660
What do y'all want for lunch?
29
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Peanut butter and jelly, please.
30
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:04,510
Great. Missy?
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00:01:04,530 --> 00:01:08,179
Tuna salad on rye toast,
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with sliced pickles and...
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Two PBJs, got it.
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What is going on?
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- Well...
- Well, what?
36
00:01:16,220 --> 00:01:18,820
- I'm trying to say it.
- You woke me up.
37
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,500
Spill it or I'm going back to bed.
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I'm pregnant.
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I'm awake now.
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♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
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♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
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♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
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♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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Are you sure?
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Yes. I'm late.
48
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- How late?
- Two days.
49
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Oh, two days. That's nothing.
50
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Last time I was two days
late, I had the twins.
51
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Last time I was two days
late, I had menopause.
52
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[CHUCKLES]
53
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Just trying to lighten the mood.
54
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:02,149
So do you have...
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00:02:02,150 --> 00:02:05,279
reason to think that you might be?
56
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,460
Well, we try to be
safe, but... you know,
57
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:09,900
heat of the moment.
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00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,569
Still? After three kids
and that beer belly
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00:02:12,570 --> 00:02:14,329
- hanging over his pants?
- Mom?
60
00:02:14,330 --> 00:02:17,879
I think you might be getting
way ahead of yourself.
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00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,200
I'm telling you, I just know.
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00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:23,970
You were also convinced that
Georgie was gonna be a girl.
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00:02:23,980 --> 00:02:26,890
That's true.
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00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:29,200
Although he does have very pretty hair.
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00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:32,950
Hello.
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00:02:32,980 --> 00:02:34,149
Hi, Sheldon.
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I'd like to learn to play the violin.
68
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:39,649
Really? Well, that's terrific.
69
00:02:39,650 --> 00:02:42,349
Do you have any experience
with stringed instruments?
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00:02:42,350 --> 00:02:43,989
Stringed instruments, no.
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00:02:43,990 --> 00:02:45,760
String theory, yes.
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That was a joke. I'm a joker.
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00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:52,249
I think I have an old
violin you can take home
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00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:53,359
and get the feel of.
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That's great.
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00:02:54,860 --> 00:02:55,920
Thank you.
77
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But I have to warn you,
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00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,519
it can be a frustrating
instrument to learn.
79
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,520
- Can you play it?
- Yes.
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00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:02,780
I'll be fine.
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00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:13,179
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
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I don't see them.
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Excuse me.
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Where do you keep your pregnancy tests?
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Mom.
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Behind the counter at the pharmacy.
87
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,810
Thank you.
88
00:03:22,860 --> 00:03:24,810
Would you please be a
little more discreet?
89
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,559
She doesn't know it's for you.
90
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,559
Well, it sure isn't for you.
91
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,279
Come on.
92
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,200
Ow. [GASPS] No.
93
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Well, go ahead.
94
00:03:33,460 --> 00:03:34,839
- I can't.
- Why not?
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His daughter goes to Missy's school.
96
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,300
You are being ridiculous.
97
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,480
I don't need the world
knowing my business.
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00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,560
Okay, fine.
99
00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:45,540
- Hello!
- Oh!
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00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,299
Excuse me.
101
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,490
- Hi, can I help you?
- Yes.
102
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Uh, I need a... pregnancy test.
103
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:52,639
NELSON: Sure.
104
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:53,719
We have a few options.
105
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,309
Hey, Connie.
106
00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:57,380
Oh, hey, Brenda.
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00:03:57,420 --> 00:03:59,229
Oh, you-you pick.
108
00:03:59,230 --> 00:04:00,720
Is that a pregnancy test?
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00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,279
Uh, yeah.
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00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,650
[QUIETLY]: It's for me.
111
00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:07,520
- Really?
- Yes.
112
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,450
I come from a long line
of really fertile women.
113
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,489
My mother had me when she was 57.
114
00:04:12,490 --> 00:04:13,580
Can you believe it?
115
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:15,659
I don't think I can.
116
00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:17,180
MEEMAW: Dr. Sturgis
and I have been dating
117
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,400
for some time and we
really try to be careful,
118
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,749
but you know how it is.
119
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Heat of the moment.
120
00:04:24,380 --> 00:04:26,800
BILLY: Hi, Mrs. Cooper!
121
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[WHISPERS]: Hi, Billy.
122
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Are you playing hide-and-seek?
123
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,179
Um, yeah.
124
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Don't tell anybody. Shh.
125
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Bye, Mrs. Cooper!
126
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Oh!
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Thank you so much. Bye.
128
00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:45,440
Wish me luck.
129
00:04:45,490 --> 00:04:48,700
It's a bit worn. But it's
fine for a beginner.
130
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:52,699
[VIOLIN SCREECHING]
131
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:54,619
That was unpleasant.
132
00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:56,780
It just takes some practice.
133
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,169
Very well. When is my first lesson?
134
00:04:59,170 --> 00:05:01,940
I'm... pretty busy right now.
135
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,500
But I can give you this in the meantime.
136
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,880
Anyone Can Play Violin.
137
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,900
They don't set the bar very high.
138
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,519
MEEMAW: You know what you need to do?
139
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:15,700
MARY: Yes.
140
00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:19,559
How's it going?
141
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,199
MARY: It'd be a lot easier
to pee if you'd stop talking.
142
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,600
Sorry.
143
00:05:25,460 --> 00:05:27,300
[EXHALES]
144
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,520
Now it's too quiet. Say something.
145
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,390
I know you didn't expect this,
146
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,829
and you still might not be, but...
147
00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:40,159
but if it turns out you are...
148
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,460
I'm here for you.
149
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,840
- Thanks, Mom.
- [TOILET FLUSHES]
150
00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:47,469
You're not the one I'm worried about.
151
00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:50,890
If I'm pregnant, George
is gonna flip out.
152
00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:52,679
I'm sure he would at first.
153
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,809
Then he would calm down.
154
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:57,760
Take a few beers.
155
00:05:58,770 --> 00:06:00,399
Maybe some malt liquor.
156
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,989
I suppose.
157
00:06:02,990 --> 00:06:06,409
[SIGHS] The truth is, he and I were both
158
00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:08,239
freaked out about having twins.
159
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,249
But now I can't imagine
life without them.
160
00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:13,159
Well, see, there you are.
161
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:17,290
So, no matter what that test says,
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00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,949
you're gonna be okay.
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00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:20,000
You're right.
164
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,500
What's it say?
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00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:25,590
[SIGHS]
166
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,220
I'm gonna go buy that malt liquor.
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00:06:33,530 --> 00:06:34,620
To get started,
168
00:06:34,630 --> 00:06:37,600
place your violin in rest position.
169
00:06:37,700 --> 00:06:38,690
Your feet should be together.
170
00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:40,370
Your right arm should be
171
00:06:40,390 --> 00:06:41,740
over your instrument,
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00:06:41,750 --> 00:06:44,690
not touching the strings or the bridge.
173
00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:46,890
- Put your left hand...
- What are you doing?
174
00:06:46,950 --> 00:06:48,610
What does it look like?
175
00:06:48,630 --> 00:06:50,330
Like you're looking for another excuse
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00:06:50,350 --> 00:06:51,860
for kids to pick on you.
177
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:54,100
Now, you are ready to
position your feet.
178
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:56,980
Zip your feet open and step forward
179
00:06:56,990 --> 00:06:59,700
with your left foot.
180
00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:00,650
- Your feet should...
- What are you doing?
181
00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:03,650
I was gonna watch DuckTales,
but this looks funnier.
182
00:07:03,730 --> 00:07:05,880
... procedure for positioning
the violin on your shoulder.
183
00:07:05,890 --> 00:07:09,350
Hold your violin above the left foot
184
00:07:09,370 --> 00:07:11,350
with the neck of the
instrument pointing up.
185
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,220
Left foot, neck up.
186
00:07:13,230 --> 00:07:15,140
Now rotate the neck of the instrument
187
00:07:15,150 --> 00:07:17,970
counterclockwise, so
that the neck points
188
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:19,570
at your left foot.
189
00:07:19,590 --> 00:07:21,870
- Oh, boy.
- I was right.
190
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,310
Bend your left elbow so that the violin
191
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,100
rests on your shoulder
192
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:27,930
and place your head on the chin rest.
193
00:07:27,950 --> 00:07:30,990
Now try dropping your left hand.
194
00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,610
See if you can hold your instrument
195
00:07:32,630 --> 00:07:34,310
without your hands.
196
00:07:34,330 --> 00:07:36,430
- Time yourself at this...
- What's going on?
197
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:39,250
[MUMBLES]: I'm learning
to play the violin.
198
00:07:39,270 --> 00:07:41,150
It's my new favorite show.
199
00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:43,800
Once you feel you have
control of your instrument,
200
00:07:43,810 --> 00:07:47,300
try moving your hands around.
201
00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:54,650
[LAUGHING]
202
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,620
Repeat this procedure
until you can position
203
00:07:56,630 --> 00:07:59,230
your instrument comfortably and quickly.
204
00:08:04,730 --> 00:08:06,390
He'll just be another minute.
205
00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:08,700
Thank you.
206
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:13,750
- What's that about?
- Oh...
207
00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:16,610
just trying not to breathe the smoke in.
208
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:18,500
[CHUCKLES] Come on.
209
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,670
It already went through
the filter and my lungs.
210
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,170
This stuff is squeaky clean. [COUGHS]
211
00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:24,950
Well, still.
212
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,560
He's all yours, your highness.
213
00:08:28,570 --> 00:08:29,990
[MUFFLED]: All right.
214
00:08:30,730 --> 00:08:31,810
[COUGHS]
215
00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:33,580
Hey, Mare, what's up?
216
00:08:33,590 --> 00:08:35,240
Other than the big guy. [LAUGHS]
217
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:36,430
God joke.
218
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:41,200
Actually, um, I could use some guidance.
219
00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:42,490
I got some news today,
220
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:45,270
and I'm not quite sure
how I feel about it.
221
00:08:45,340 --> 00:08:47,570
Of course. Sit.
222
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:54,840
Well... I am...
223
00:08:54,850 --> 00:08:56,790
um...
224
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,290
with child.
225
00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,100
That's wonderful!
226
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,630
Congratulations!
227
00:09:01,650 --> 00:09:03,290
How far along are you?
228
00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:05,210
Uh, could you keep it
down just a little?
229
00:09:05,220 --> 00:09:06,880
I haven't exactly told George yet.
230
00:09:06,890 --> 00:09:09,500
Got it. And why not?
231
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,470
It is his, right?
232
00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,140
Of course.
233
00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:13,830
Apologies.
234
00:09:13,850 --> 00:09:15,770
Hey, I'm a pastor in a small town.
235
00:09:15,780 --> 00:09:19,310
You wouldn't believe the
juicy things I hear.
236
00:09:20,770 --> 00:09:23,730
This just wasn't part of our plan.
237
00:09:23,740 --> 00:09:26,450
Well, luckily... it's
part of God's plan.
238
00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:28,620
And let me tell you about another Mary
239
00:09:28,630 --> 00:09:31,370
who didn't know how to tell her
husband she was expecting.
240
00:09:31,380 --> 00:09:34,330
And her story is way weirder
than yours. [CHUCKLES]
241
00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:39,550
In order to practice this, move your bow
242
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:42,880
in a counterclockwise direction.
243
00:09:42,890 --> 00:09:46,590
Keep your hand moving right
with the tip of the bow.
244
00:09:46,610 --> 00:09:47,690
For our next song,
245
00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:49,210
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,"
246
00:09:49,230 --> 00:09:52,210
remember, posture is our
most important thing.
247
00:09:52,230 --> 00:09:53,730
Set, play.
248
00:09:53,740 --> 00:10:00,350
[VIOLIN SCREECHING]
249
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:06,310
[VIOLIN PLAYING OVER TV]
250
00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:08,450
Did you hear that? I did it!
251
00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:10,120
I don't think you did.
252
00:10:10,890 --> 00:10:13,910
And now we see how it helps my science.
253
00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:17,510
Hmm.
254
00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:20,190
Hmm...
255
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:22,490
[GROANS]
256
00:10:22,550 --> 00:10:24,590
Come on, think.
257
00:10:26,230 --> 00:10:28,290
Probably needs more "Twinkle, Twinkle."
258
00:10:28,310 --> 00:10:29,990
INSTRUCTOR: ... for learning new songs.
259
00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,200
You can play them along with me.
260
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:36,100
[VIOLIN SCREECHING]
261
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:40,230
[SCREECHING CONTINUES]
262
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:42,810
What the hell is that?
263
00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:45,730
Sheldon's learning to play the violin.
264
00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:48,700
Oh. Well, that's unfortunate.
265
00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:49,230
Mm-hmm.
266
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,310
I'm gonna go change.
267
00:10:53,990 --> 00:10:55,350
Hey, Dad.
268
00:10:55,370 --> 00:10:57,910
Can you believe I only
started playing today?
269
00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,670
I really can.
270
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:06,610
[SCREECHING CONTINUES]
271
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:14,100
Hey, so there's something
272
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:15,810
I've been meaning to talk to you about.
273
00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:17,100
Sure, what's up?
274
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,730
Now, before I say it, um,
275
00:11:20,740 --> 00:11:23,770
I want to tell you a
story of another Mary.
276
00:11:23,780 --> 00:11:25,490
Um... [CLEARS THROAT]
277
00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:27,100
Okay, anytime...
278
00:11:27,110 --> 00:11:29,660
GEORGE SR.: Are you kidding me?
279
00:11:29,670 --> 00:11:31,280
Keep your voice down.
280
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:32,670
[WHISPERS]: Are you kidding me?
281
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:35,570
Look, I was a little thrown,
too, but Pastor Jeff said...
282
00:11:35,590 --> 00:11:37,110
Pastor Jeff?
283
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:38,810
Pastor Jeff knows before me?
284
00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:41,670
Well, yeah, I needed someone to talk to,
285
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,790
- and, you know, my mom...
- Your mom?
286
00:11:43,810 --> 00:11:44,910
Shh!
287
00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:46,610
Does the whole damn town know?
288
00:11:46,630 --> 00:11:50,700
No. Just my mom and Pastor Jeff.
289
00:11:50,140 --> 00:11:53,350
And maybe Brenda Sparks.
290
00:11:53,390 --> 00:11:55,270
Probably Peg...
291
00:11:56,140 --> 00:11:59,200
and whoever she told, but that is it.
292
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,500
Oh, is that it?
293
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,220
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] SHELDON: Great news!
294
00:12:02,230 --> 00:12:03,520
Not a good time, Sheldon.
295
00:12:03,530 --> 00:12:05,490
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] SHELDON:
But it's really important.
296
00:12:05,510 --> 00:12:07,100
Ugh.
297
00:12:08,710 --> 00:12:11,980
I figured out why the
violin worked for Einstein
298
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:13,450
and not for me.
299
00:12:13,460 --> 00:12:15,730
I need to become a Jewish person.
300
00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:24,810
- MARY: Sheldon, dinner!
- SHELDON: Coming.
301
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,130
Sorry I'm late. Shalom.
302
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:33,790
[SIGHS]
303
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,130
What's on your head?
304
00:12:35,140 --> 00:12:37,310
- A yarmulke.
- A yama-what?
305
00:12:37,370 --> 00:12:38,990
It's a special Jewish hat.
306
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:41,840
It reminds the wearer that
God is always over you.
307
00:12:41,850 --> 00:12:43,170
[LAUGHING]
308
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,590
Mom.
309
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,210
Oh, come on, it's funny.
310
00:12:46,230 --> 00:12:48,370
It's not funny and it's not a yarmulke.
311
00:12:48,390 --> 00:12:50,730
It is a coaster I
crocheted at Bible camp.
312
00:12:52,190 --> 00:12:53,730
Are you gonna say something to him?
313
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:56,750
Normally I would, but I got
bigger problems right now.
314
00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:01,440
- Let's just say grace.
- SHELDON: Hold on.
315
00:13:01,450 --> 00:13:03,520
Are these hot dogs kosher?
316
00:13:03,530 --> 00:13:06,550
[LAUGHING, SNORTS]
317
00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:09,100
[VIOLIN SCREECHING]
318
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:10,520
ADULT SHELDON: Over the next few days,
319
00:13:10,530 --> 00:13:12,610
I continued to play the violin
320
00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:16,450
in an effort to replicate the
mental prowess of Einstein.
321
00:13:16,510 --> 00:13:19,430
I was asked to confine my
practice to the garage
322
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:22,470
by my father, mother,
sister and brother.
323
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,930
Meemaw was fine with me
practicing in the house,
324
00:13:24,950 --> 00:13:27,450
but why would she care?
She doesn't live with us.
325
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:30,880
Hey, George.
326
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:32,690
Hey, Herschel.
327
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:34,290
Let me guess, you're here to complain
328
00:13:34,310 --> 00:13:35,830
about Sheldon's violin playing.
329
00:13:35,850 --> 00:13:37,960
Under normal circumstances,
I'd say yeah,
330
00:13:37,990 --> 00:13:39,280
but since he started,
331
00:13:39,290 --> 00:13:42,450
my chickens been dropping
eggs like crazy.
332
00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:45,340
- That's weird.
- Hey, uh,
333
00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:47,710
I hear congratulations are in order.
334
00:13:47,750 --> 00:13:49,210
What's that you hear?
335
00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:51,460
Maybe I didn't hear it. Never mind.
336
00:13:51,470 --> 00:13:52,660
It's all right.
337
00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:55,800
Seems like everybody knows.
338
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:57,490
You don't seem terribly enthusiastic.
339
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:58,960
[SIGHS]
340
00:13:58,970 --> 00:14:00,830
It's the money, Herschel.
341
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,500
It's all about the money.
342
00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:05,750
[SIGHS] Well, there's only
one solution to that.
343
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,230
Which is?
344
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:08,840
You got to make more money.
345
00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:10,950
- Thank you.
- Welcome.
346
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,430
Hey, I got to ask,
347
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:16,600
did that fiddle playing increase
the fertility in all the females
348
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,100
around here or just my
chickens? [CHUCKLES]
349
00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:21,570
I was just throwing it
out there, never mind.
350
00:14:21,580 --> 00:14:23,990
Wait here, I'm-a go get you some eggs.
351
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,670
- That's okay.
- You're getting eggs.
352
00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:29,900
Guess I'm getting eggs.
353
00:14:29,150 --> 00:14:31,130
PETERSEN: All right, George,
354
00:14:31,150 --> 00:14:34,450
- what's so damn important?
- Well...
355
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:37,300
I don't want to get into
the why's and wherefore's,
356
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,620
but I'm gonna need a raise.
357
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,340
Is this 'cause Mary's pregnant?
358
00:14:41,350 --> 00:14:43,510
You got to be kidding me.
359
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,760
Does everybody in this damn
town know my business?
360
00:14:45,770 --> 00:14:47,710
I just... it was taking a guess.
361
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,990
- Tom.
- My wife told me.
362
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,550
Doesn't matter. What do you say?
363
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,900
Are you threatening to
quit if you don't get it?
364
00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:57,930
No, Tom, I'm threatening to rob a bank.
365
00:14:57,950 --> 00:15:00,470
Okay. All right, well,
let's not do that.
366
00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:04,190
$100 a week do the trick?
367
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,170
Yes. Thanks. Bye.
368
00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:13,320
[LINE RINGING]
369
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,660
RECEPTIONIST [OVER PHONE]: Temple Judea,
370
00:15:14,670 --> 00:15:15,820
how can I help you?
371
00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:17,790
Hello, I'd like to become Jewish.
372
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,630
Who would be in charge of that?
373
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:20,970
How old are you?
374
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:23,460
- I'm ten.
- Please hold.
375
00:15:23,470 --> 00:15:29,170
["HAVA NAGILA" HOLD MUSIC PLAYS]
376
00:15:29,180 --> 00:15:31,470
RABBI: Hello, this is
Rabbi Schneiderman.
377
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:32,980
To whom am I speaking?
378
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,930
Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper.
379
00:15:34,940 --> 00:15:38,510
Hello, Sheldon. Um, how can I help you?
380
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,999
I'm currently a Baptist
381
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,330
and I'd like to convert to Judaism.
382
00:15:42,410 --> 00:15:44,990
A Baptist named Sheldon.
383
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,190
Okay.
384
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,200
And why do you want to convert?
385
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,110
Very simple.
386
00:15:50,130 --> 00:15:52,330
It's my intention to
become a great scientist
387
00:15:52,350 --> 00:15:53,579
and I couldn't help but notice
388
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:55,690
most of the great scientists are Jewish,
389
00:15:55,710 --> 00:15:58,890
so logic dictates it's
time to switch teams.
390
00:15:58,930 --> 00:16:00,530
Well, I'm sure there are
391
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:03,750
many Baptist scientists
you could emulate.
392
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:05,900
That's kind of you to say,
393
00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:07,540
but other than Cornelius
Drebbel in the 1500s,
394
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,900
it's pretty slim pickings.
395
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,790
[CHUCKLES]
396
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,600
Well, Sheldon, you sound
like a very smart young man.
397
00:16:13,610 --> 00:16:15,380
Oh, you have no idea.
398
00:16:15,390 --> 00:16:18,220
Can I ask how your
parents feel about this?
399
00:16:18,230 --> 00:16:20,810
Well, when I presented
them with my plan,
400
00:16:20,830 --> 00:16:23,110
the words "over my dead body" were used.
401
00:16:23,130 --> 00:16:24,650
[RABBI CHUCKLES]
402
00:16:24,690 --> 00:16:25,980
I'm not surprised.
403
00:16:25,990 --> 00:16:28,110
But they were similarly resistant
404
00:16:28,130 --> 00:16:29,530
when I wanted to get an ant farm
405
00:16:29,540 --> 00:16:31,310
and eventually they came around.
406
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:35,370
All right, here's what I'm
gonna tell you to do.
407
00:16:35,380 --> 00:16:36,880
Read your Bible.
408
00:16:36,910 --> 00:16:38,710
Already did, cover to cover.
409
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,660
- Really?
- Quiz me.
410
00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:43,990
No, that's okay, I believe you.
411
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:47,210
All right, my advice to you
412
00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:50,420
is to stay with the
faith of your parents.
413
00:16:50,430 --> 00:16:52,750
- What else you got?
- Okay.
414
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,220
Then I'm gonna tell you
415
00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:57,900
to be your own man.
416
00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:00,260
But I want to be a great
scientist like Albert Einstein.
417
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,430
Sheldon,
418
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,730
when your days are over,
419
00:17:03,740 --> 00:17:06,520
God will never ask you,
420
00:17:06,530 --> 00:17:10,100
"Why weren't you Einstein?"
421
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:12,990
But he might ask you,
422
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,430
"Why weren't you Sheldon?"
423
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:21,210
[DOOR OPENS]
424
00:17:23,770 --> 00:17:25,870
What's going on? You all right?
425
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,690
I'm not feeling great.
426
00:17:28,770 --> 00:17:30,190
Is it a pregnant thing?
427
00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:32,390
'Cause I got some good news on that.
428
00:17:32,450 --> 00:17:35,200
I got a decent raise.
429
00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:36,670
It doesn't matter.
430
00:17:36,690 --> 00:17:38,180
What do you mean it doesn't matter?
431
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:39,870
We can pull this off now.
432
00:17:41,290 --> 00:17:44,470
I lost the baby.
433
00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:50,300
Oh.
434
00:17:57,670 --> 00:17:59,650
[SIGHS]
435
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,850
You're probably relieved, huh?
436
00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:06,610
Actually...
437
00:18:06,810 --> 00:18:09,250
... no.
438
00:18:14,270 --> 00:18:16,590
I love the first three.
439
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,770
Fourth one's a charm, right?
440
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:25,270
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] SHELDON: Dad?
441
00:18:25,290 --> 00:18:27,490
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] SHELDON: Mom?
442
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:29,570
[SIGHS]
443
00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:31,740
- Yeah, Shelly? [CLEARS THROAT]
- [DOOR OPENS]
444
00:18:31,750 --> 00:18:33,549
I just thought you should know
445
00:18:33,550 --> 00:18:35,700
I'm not going to be Jewish.
446
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,750
I'm going to remain the atheist
Baptist you've come to love.
447
00:18:40,540 --> 00:18:42,860
Good to hear.
448
00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:44,670
Are you crying?
449
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,870
[SIGHS]
450
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,850
Yeah, but don't worry,
everything's okay.
451
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:54,550
Good.
452
00:18:56,890 --> 00:18:58,960
[EXHALES]
453
00:18:58,970 --> 00:19:00,900
ADULT SHELDON: Once again,
454
00:19:00,110 --> 00:19:02,200
I brought my mother so much joy
455
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:03,890
she was moved to tears.
456
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,290
I don't know how I do it.
457
00:19:11,220 --> 00:19:12,480
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
458
00:19:12,490 --> 00:19:14,670
RECEPTIONIST: Tom, George
Cooper's here for you.
459
00:19:14,690 --> 00:19:16,510
Send him in.
460
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,840
Hey, Tom, you got a minute?
461
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,820
Pretty busy.
462
00:19:20,830 --> 00:19:22,500
Make it quick.
463
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,920
It turns out I don't need that raise.
464
00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:27,570
What happened, you win the lottery?
465
00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:29,700
No, no.
466
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,200
Aw, George, I am so sorry.
467
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,700
Well, what can you do?
468
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,200
Listen, I cleared your raise already,
469
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,270
why don't you just keep the money.
470
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,360
- Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
- No.
471
00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:50,160
No, I mean it. It's yours.
472
00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:53,540
Okay.
473
00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:56,800
Thanks. Bye.
474
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:01,220
Thank you, but I will no
longer be needing these.
475
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,200
You're giving up so soon? What happened?
476
00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:05,830
- Did it hurt your fingers?
- No.
477
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,750
I'm following the advice of a
very wise Rabbi Schneiderman
478
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,640
from Temple Judea in Houston.
479
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,520
Is this another one of your jokes?
480
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,600
No. If it were a joke,
your mouth would be open
481
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,190
and the sound "ha-ha"
would be coming out.
482
00:20:20,660 --> 00:20:25,660
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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