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"Will & Grace" is recorded
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in front of a live studio audience.
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You got to help me.
4
00:00:05,658 --> 00:00:07,156
My dad's on the way up, and he wants me
5
00:00:07,180 --> 00:00:08,197
to drive to Schenectady with him.
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00:00:08,221 --> 00:00:09,278
Aww, that's nice.
7
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You know that's not nice.
8
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Don't be that guy.
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Oh, that's awful.
10
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Awful? He's my father.
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00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,967
Why don't you text me
what you want me to say,
12
00:00:17,991 --> 00:00:19,461
and I'll read it back?
13
00:00:23,998 --> 00:00:26,216
Wow, if I could do that to myself,
14
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I could delete my Grindr account.
15
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Okay, okay.
16
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Here is where you redeem yourself.
17
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Let's do that thing where
we pretend to have a thing.
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- Hi, Daddy.
- Hi, darling.
19
00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:40,952
You ready to go?
20
00:00:40,976 --> 00:00:42,234
Hey, Martin. How's my mom?
21
00:00:42,258 --> 00:00:43,675
I mean, your wife?
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00:00:43,699 --> 00:00:45,517
I mean, my mom. I mean, your wife.
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I'll get used to that.
24
00:00:48,064 --> 00:00:49,783
No, I won't.
25
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Dad, uh, about Schenectady,
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00:00:52,629 --> 00:00:54,727
I would love to go, but I forgot we...
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00:00:54,751 --> 00:00:56,529
we have a thing.
28
00:00:56,553 --> 00:00:58,531
Will? Thing?
29
00:00:58,555 --> 00:01:00,558
Actually, the thing got cancelled.
30
00:01:03,241 --> 00:01:04,938
No, it didn't. It's still a thing.
31
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Damn that thing!
32
00:01:06,404 --> 00:01:07,982
No, no. No longer a thing.
33
00:01:08,006 --> 00:01:10,384
But the thing is too big a thing
to no longer be a thing.
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I don't know what you two are doing,
35
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but I got to get some floss.
36
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I got something stuck in my tooth.
37
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I had an everything bagel.
38
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It could be anything.
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What the hell was that?
40
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A long drive with your father...
41
00:01:21,701 --> 00:01:23,038
Grace, that's a gift.
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I... I'd give anything to have
that kind of time
43
00:01:25,265 --> 00:01:26,402
to talk to my dad again.
44
00:01:26,426 --> 00:01:27,803
It is different with girls.
45
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Your relationship with your dad changes
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the second you get boobs.
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So there's still time for you.
48
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Come on. You know my dad.
49
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We don't talk.
50
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The minute anything gets real,
51
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he gets uncomfortable.
52
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I mean, my whole life,
I've never seen him cry.
53
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So push through the discomfort.
54
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Talk about stuff that matters.
55
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Ask him, "Are you afraid of death?
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"Do you have any regrets?
57
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Have you ever had a gay experience?"
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My dad.
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Would you ask your mom
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if she's ever had a lesbian experience?
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Sure, if I wanted her
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00:02:02,986 --> 00:02:05,148
to leave the room quickly in tears.
63
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Surprise!
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It was a sesame seed.
65
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Come on, we'll stop by the cemetery,
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visit your mother, and while we're there,
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we'll say hi to Harry.
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00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,458
I'll visit Mom's grave, not Harry's.
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00:02:18,482 --> 00:02:20,621
Ugh, this Harry thing again. Oof.
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00:02:20,645 --> 00:02:22,623
Look at you two, having fun already.
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00:02:22,647 --> 00:02:25,947
I have a three-hour car drive
to think of my revenge.
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Wait, wait, wait.
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I got it. Come with us.
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- Please, please, please.
- No, no. I can't.
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00:02:30,295 --> 00:02:32,073
I got... I got Jack's engagement brunch.
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That's today?
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So I actually had a thing?
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Ooh, I... I would have to
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remove two ribs to do that.
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Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:58,126 --> 00:03:00,144
If you'd told me 20 years ago
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I'd be celebrating my engagement,
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I would've had so many questions.
84
00:03:04,613 --> 00:03:07,151
Are gays allowed to get married?
85
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Can they be in the military?
86
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Mm-hmm.
87
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And why would we want
either of those things?
88
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Ladies, are we enjoying?
89
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Everything's marvelous,
Ms. Coco, but FYI,
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00:03:19,229 --> 00:03:21,647
you shouldn't put celery
in your Bloody Marys.
91
00:03:21,671 --> 00:03:24,674
Too many vegetables... hard on the liver.
92
00:03:26,156 --> 00:03:27,494
Karen's kind of a health nut.
93
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- Oh.
- Yeah.
94
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,818
Anything I can do for you?
95
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I mean, get for you...
96
00:03:33,324 --> 00:03:35,366
I mean, eat off you.
97
00:03:36,127 --> 00:03:38,025
Coco, I'll say what I said to you
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00:03:38,049 --> 00:03:39,507
ten minutes ago at the urinal:
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I'm fine, and my eyes are up here.
100
00:03:43,495 --> 00:03:44,832
So who gets it?
101
00:03:44,856 --> 00:03:46,234
- I'll take it.
- I'll take it.
102
00:03:46,258 --> 00:03:48,997
Oh, Wilma, no.
103
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I'm paying.
104
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My best friend is getting married.
105
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My best friend is getting married.
106
00:03:55,708 --> 00:03:57,606
Your best friend is in the
basement of the White House,
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trying to tunnel her way out
108
00:03:59,192 --> 00:04:00,932
with the heel of her Jimmy Choo.
109
00:04:04,998 --> 00:04:07,417
Children, make a decision.
110
00:04:07,441 --> 00:04:08,818
I've got six more tables,
111
00:04:08,842 --> 00:04:11,565
and I'm getting less tucked
by the minute.
112
00:04:12,446 --> 00:04:14,224
I think I can settle this.
113
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The best man should pay.
114
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And that's me.
115
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Ooh, conflict.
116
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We hate that here.
117
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So, um, Daddy...
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I thought maybe we could talk.
119
00:04:35,792 --> 00:04:38,210
What do you think we've been
doing for the last two hours?
120
00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:40,173
No, I mean... I mean talk about
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real stuff, you know?
122
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Like, do you have any regrets?
123
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Are you afraid of death?
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Yes. No.
125
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Okay, that covers it.
126
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Uh...
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What the hell.
128
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Have you ever had a gay experience?
129
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,304
Does breakfast with Will count?
130
00:05:08,747 --> 00:05:11,129
Jack asked me to be his best man.
131
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Wrong, Mary.
132
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Jack asked me to be his best man.
133
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Okay, okay, okay.
134
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,098
I asked you both.
135
00:05:18,122 --> 00:05:20,821
I just didn't want to hurt
anyone's feelings.
136
00:05:20,845 --> 00:05:23,224
I didn't want Will
to think I preferred you...
137
00:05:23,248 --> 00:05:25,066
I do.
138
00:05:27,092 --> 00:05:28,149
Over him.
139
00:05:28,173 --> 00:05:30,151
I don't.
140
00:05:30,175 --> 00:05:32,113
This is crazy! It should be me.
141
00:05:32,137 --> 00:05:33,995
I've known Jack since he was 20
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and for 20 years of his 30s.
143
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Did you go on the Dark Web
to buy him a real severed hand
144
00:05:40,867 --> 00:05:43,670
for his Morticia Addams costume?
145
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Wait.
146
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That was a real severed hand?
147
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Of course not.
148
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What do I do? What do I do?
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All right, let's not break a press-on.
150
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:04,629
When we have a dispute here,
we settle it like men:
151
00:06:04,653 --> 00:06:07,696
with a lip-sync monologue throw down!
152
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What you do is, you spin this wheel
153
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and then lip-sync whichever
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legendary monologue it lands on.
155
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Then the audience decides,
with applause, who wins.
156
00:06:21,791 --> 00:06:25,732
So we're going to determine
something as important
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as your best man by lip-syncing
campy monologues
158
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in a room full of drunken gay men?
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Yeah.
160
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- Yay!
- Makes sense.
161
00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:41,108
Girls, we've got ourselves
a bitch royale.
162
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What can I tell you?
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I love laminated menus.
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00:06:46,899 --> 00:06:48,997
You know, the story
of the restaurant in the back...
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interesting reading.
166
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I'll wait for the movie.
167
00:06:51,343 --> 00:06:54,243
Always with the smart answers,
like your mother.
168
00:06:54,267 --> 00:06:56,565
Hi! Hey, Patty.
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00:06:56,589 --> 00:06:58,087
It's my favorite waitress.
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00:06:58,111 --> 00:06:59,328
Hi, Mr. Adler.
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Is this the new Mrs. Adler?
172
00:07:02,716 --> 00:07:04,974
No, I'm his daughter, Grace.
173
00:07:04,998 --> 00:07:07,937
Clearly the age
of a daughter, not a wife.
174
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,964
Okay.
175
00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:13,063
How is it you get prettier
every year, eh?
176
00:07:13,087 --> 00:07:17,252
Well, I'm pretty religious
about using sunscreen.
177
00:07:18,213 --> 00:07:21,392
May I tell you about today's specials?
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We have broasted chicken,
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00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:25,957
whole breaded catfish plate,
180
00:07:25,981 --> 00:07:26,981
shrimp salad...
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00:07:26,982 --> 00:07:29,625
- I'll have that.
- You stopped me.
182
00:07:31,147 --> 00:07:33,325
I memorize the specials in order,
183
00:07:33,349 --> 00:07:36,633
so if you stop me,
I've got to go back to the top.
184
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Sorry.
185
00:07:39,316 --> 00:07:41,308
No, it's okay.
186
00:07:41,332 --> 00:07:43,416
It's okay. I'll just start again.
187
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,299
Um, we have broasted chicken,
188
00:07:46,323 --> 00:07:48,221
whole breaded catfish plate,
189
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shrimp salad,
190
00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:51,985
salmon croquettes with Creole sauce...
191
00:07:52,009 --> 00:07:54,012
Hmm.
192
00:08:01,340 --> 00:08:03,398
Did that count as interrupting?
193
00:08:03,422 --> 00:08:04,919
It did.
194
00:08:13,032 --> 00:08:14,290
Oh, oh!
195
00:08:16,516 --> 00:08:18,494
I've seen this one a million times.
196
00:08:18,518 --> 00:08:19,776
It... it used to be my...
197
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,218
my go-to move to do it on a first date.
198
00:08:23,844 --> 00:08:25,846
That's not sad.
199
00:08:26,967 --> 00:08:30,667
Ooh, the "leave Britney
alone" speech that fan gave
200
00:08:30,691 --> 00:08:33,230
after Britney Spears
screwed up at the VMAs.
201
00:08:34,416 --> 00:08:36,578
It was sad-larious.
202
00:08:38,380 --> 00:08:40,438
You are going down, Karen.
203
00:08:40,462 --> 00:08:42,280
Hit it!
204
00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:46,605
Leave Britney alone!
205
00:08:46,629 --> 00:08:48,727
Please!
206
00:08:53,877 --> 00:08:56,095
Perez Hilton talked about professionalism
207
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,338
and said if Britney was a professional,
208
00:08:58,362 --> 00:09:00,884
she would've pulled it
off, no matter what.
209
00:09:01,645 --> 00:09:04,745
Speaking of professionalism,
when is it professional
210
00:09:04,769 --> 00:09:06,306
to publicly bash someone
211
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:09,229
who's going through a hard time?
212
00:09:09,253 --> 00:09:12,233
Leave Britney alone!
213
00:09:12,257 --> 00:09:14,715
Please!
214
00:09:14,739 --> 00:09:16,557
Boo!
215
00:09:16,581 --> 00:09:18,560
Boo! Boo!
216
00:09:19,665 --> 00:09:21,403
Take off your pants!
217
00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:22,844
Who said that?
218
00:09:22,868 --> 00:09:25,640
Well, that wasn't half bad,
219
00:09:25,664 --> 00:09:27,433
Britney Queers.
220
00:09:27,954 --> 00:09:29,260
Now...
221
00:09:31,398 --> 00:09:32,775
Watch and learn.
222
00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:46,093
Ah, the Wicked Witch monologue.
223
00:09:47,335 --> 00:09:48,913
Straight out of the bible.
224
00:09:50,498 --> 00:09:51,996
Broasted chicken,
225
00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:54,238
whole breaded catfish plate,
226
00:09:54,262 --> 00:09:55,440
shrimp salad...
227
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:57,682
She'll have the salad.
I'll have the Reuben.
228
00:09:57,706 --> 00:09:59,724
Unless you're on the menu, sweetheart.
229
00:09:59,748 --> 00:10:01,210
I am not,
230
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:02,688
although, my name is Patty,
231
00:10:02,712 --> 00:10:04,249
and there are hamburger patties,
232
00:10:04,273 --> 00:10:06,275
so I almost made it.
233
00:10:11,721 --> 00:10:13,339
Why do you do that?
234
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,301
Flirting, calling women "sweetheart"?
235
00:10:15,325 --> 00:10:16,983
- Ah, they love it.
- They don't love it.
236
00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:19,706
I mean, everybody's
so sensitive nowadays.
237
00:10:19,730 --> 00:10:21,828
Sometimes I feel like
men can't be men anymore,
238
00:10:21,852 --> 00:10:24,471
not with this, uh, #NotMe stuff.
239
00:10:24,495 --> 00:10:27,138
- "Me Too."
- Well, we agree on something.
240
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:29,717
And why are you being such a nudge?
241
00:10:29,741 --> 00:10:31,319
Because it...
242
00:10:31,343 --> 00:10:32,840
You know what? It doesn't matter.
243
00:10:32,864 --> 00:10:35,003
Let's just eat and then visit Mom.
244
00:10:35,027 --> 00:10:36,284
- And then Harry.
- No.
245
00:10:36,308 --> 00:10:37,325
I told you. No Harry.
246
00:10:37,349 --> 00:10:38,349
He was my best friend.
247
00:10:38,350 --> 00:10:39,488
Well, he wasn't mine.
248
00:10:39,512 --> 00:10:40,729
You know, it always bothered me,
249
00:10:40,753 --> 00:10:42,331
this thing you have about Harry.
250
00:10:42,355 --> 00:10:45,454
I got you a good job
working for my best friend,
251
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,776
and you stole money.
252
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,513
You know how embarrassing
that was for me?
253
00:10:48,537 --> 00:10:49,859
- Dad...
- And you didn't apologize.
254
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,461
If you had apologized,
things would be different.
255
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,663
- But you didn't apologize.
- That's not what happened.
256
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:54,744
Well, you tell me what happened.
257
00:10:54,768 --> 00:10:56,026
I don't want to talk about it.
258
00:10:56,050 --> 00:10:58,052
Now you don't want to talk.
259
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,791
The whole summer that I worked for Harry,
260
00:11:00,815 --> 00:11:02,904
I kept telling you he was creepy.
261
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:04,200
What did you think that meant?
262
00:11:04,224 --> 00:11:06,277
Uh, I don't know. He was a flirty guy.
263
00:11:06,301 --> 00:11:07,758
Oh, and... and you thought that was okay?
264
00:11:07,782 --> 00:11:09,040
Him flirting with your daughter?
265
00:11:09,064 --> 00:11:10,641
- That was a different time.
- No, no.
266
00:11:10,665 --> 00:11:12,043
That's not an excuse.
267
00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,324
What... just because
it was a different time,
268
00:11:13,348 --> 00:11:14,628
it wasn't bad?
269
00:11:14,652 --> 00:11:15,909
No, all that meant
270
00:11:15,933 --> 00:11:16,888
was that people got away with it.
271
00:11:16,912 --> 00:11:18,050
- Hey, calm down.
- No, don't...
272
00:11:18,074 --> 00:11:19,892
Do not tell me to calm down.
273
00:11:19,916 --> 00:11:22,064
- I can't do this.
- Where you going?
274
00:11:22,094 --> 00:11:23,696
I mean, what did he do?
Pat you on the tushy?
275
00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,217
No, he did more than that.
276
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:26,659
That doesn't sound like Harry.
277
00:11:26,683 --> 00:11:28,301
He had his faults, but he was a good guy.
278
00:11:28,325 --> 00:11:30,303
- He was not a good guy.
- It was a long time ago.
279
00:11:30,327 --> 00:11:33,466
- Maybe you're misremembering.
- No, no! I remember!
280
00:11:33,490 --> 00:11:36,373
I remember every single thing
that happened that day.
281
00:11:39,683 --> 00:11:41,685
I-I... wait, I don't
want to talk about it.
282
00:11:42,846 --> 00:11:44,848
No, we're talking.
283
00:11:46,985 --> 00:11:48,483
It was hot,
284
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,084
so I had to have my hair up,
285
00:11:50,108 --> 00:11:53,197
and it showed off the earrings
that I borrowed from Mom
286
00:11:53,221 --> 00:11:55,330
that made me feel really grown up.
287
00:11:55,354 --> 00:11:57,012
And then, at the end of the day,
288
00:11:57,036 --> 00:11:58,894
Harry called me into his office.
289
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:01,170
- What are you talking about?
- I walked in.
290
00:12:01,194 --> 00:12:03,656
He shut the door, he closed the blinds,
291
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:05,540
and then he pushed me up
against the wall.
292
00:12:05,564 --> 00:12:06,700
Gracie, no.
293
00:12:06,724 --> 00:12:07,724
I tried to scream,
294
00:12:07,725 --> 00:12:08,943
but he told me "Quiet."
295
00:12:08,967 --> 00:12:10,184
Then he started kissing me
296
00:12:10,208 --> 00:12:11,505
and touching me,
297
00:12:11,529 --> 00:12:12,987
and then he pulled down my pants,
298
00:12:13,011 --> 00:12:14,108
put his fingers up...
299
00:12:14,132 --> 00:12:15,550
Stop!
300
00:12:15,574 --> 00:12:18,016
I was 15.
301
00:12:25,024 --> 00:12:26,442
I hate to interrupt the party,
302
00:12:26,466 --> 00:12:28,628
but we ran out of shrimp salad.
303
00:12:33,473 --> 00:12:34,473
I know.
304
00:12:34,474 --> 00:12:36,606
I'm disappointed too.
305
00:12:43,723 --> 00:12:45,061
Afterwards, I just wanted
306
00:12:45,085 --> 00:12:46,302
to get away from him.
307
00:12:46,326 --> 00:12:47,623
I just wanted to be home,
308
00:12:47,647 --> 00:12:49,185
so I took money out of the drawer,
309
00:12:49,209 --> 00:12:50,346
and I called a cab.
310
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:53,230
That's why I stole the money.
311
00:12:53,254 --> 00:12:55,256
Why didn't you tell me?
312
00:12:56,677 --> 00:12:57,677
How could I?
313
00:12:57,899 --> 00:12:59,556
What if you didn't believe me?
314
00:12:59,580 --> 00:13:01,583
What if nobody believed me?
315
00:13:03,385 --> 00:13:05,387
Why didn't you see?
316
00:13:05,738 --> 00:13:08,117
You're my father.
You're supposed to protect me.
317
00:13:08,141 --> 00:13:09,358
- I didn't know!
- You should have.
318
00:13:09,382 --> 00:13:10,982
You're right!
319
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,363
I'm so sorry, Grace.
320
00:13:13,387 --> 00:13:15,389
I'm so sorry.
321
00:13:18,272 --> 00:13:20,835
I didn't protect my little girl.
322
00:13:23,077 --> 00:13:24,077
It's okay, Daddy.
323
00:13:24,078 --> 00:13:25,816
No, it's not okay.
324
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,842
How can it be okay?
325
00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:33,929
How did you get through it?
326
00:13:36,212 --> 00:13:41,179
Well, you just kind of split
yourself into two people.
327
00:13:41,978 --> 00:13:43,556
The person it happened to
328
00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:46,703
and the one who gets through the day.
329
00:13:48,064 --> 00:13:49,362
And then you grow up,
330
00:13:49,386 --> 00:13:51,356
and your life gets bigger...
331
00:13:52,309 --> 00:13:54,551
and that stuff gets smaller.
332
00:13:55,913 --> 00:13:58,356
- Here are your waters.
- Thank you.
333
00:13:59,237 --> 00:14:00,894
I know the glasses look dirty,
334
00:14:00,918 --> 00:14:02,921
but it's just the water.
335
00:14:08,407 --> 00:14:09,904
Did you tell anyone else?
336
00:14:09,928 --> 00:14:11,586
I told one person.
337
00:14:11,610 --> 00:14:12,667
Good.
338
00:14:12,691 --> 00:14:15,254
I'm glad you have a best friend.
339
00:14:17,937 --> 00:14:20,075
Can you ever forgive me?
340
00:14:20,099 --> 00:14:21,997
I can.
341
00:14:22,021 --> 00:14:24,520
I'm not gonna visit
that bastard in the cemetery.
342
00:14:24,544 --> 00:14:26,082
I never want to hear his name again.
343
00:14:26,106 --> 00:14:28,108
He's dead to me.
344
00:14:29,670 --> 00:14:31,968
Well, he's dead to everybody, Daddy.
345
00:14:33,234 --> 00:14:34,491
Just try!
346
00:14:34,515 --> 00:14:36,573
I'll get you, my pretty,
347
00:14:36,597 --> 00:14:38,215
and your little dog too!
348
00:14:43,885 --> 00:14:45,159
Broom drop.
349
00:14:46,648 --> 00:14:48,426
Who likes the drag queen?
350
00:14:52,655 --> 00:14:54,793
And who likes my second husband,
351
00:14:54,817 --> 00:14:57,396
should my first husband
die a timely death?
352
00:15:00,423 --> 00:15:01,721
We have a new dilemma.
353
00:15:01,745 --> 00:15:04,003
We've never had a tied bitch royale.
354
00:15:05,308 --> 00:15:07,487
Are you saying I've got to decide?
355
00:15:07,511 --> 00:15:08,888
Or we could have a contest
356
00:15:08,912 --> 00:15:11,051
to see which one knows you better.
357
00:15:11,075 --> 00:15:14,775
Or you suggesting a public Jack-off?
358
00:15:17,802 --> 00:15:19,780
Okay, Will, this question is to you.
359
00:15:19,804 --> 00:15:21,622
In the fall of aught eight,
360
00:15:21,646 --> 00:15:23,504
I had a brief, but torrid, affair
361
00:15:23,528 --> 00:15:24,866
with a certain redhead.
362
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:27,829
Tell me his name, where we met,
363
00:15:27,853 --> 00:15:29,311
and what food he threw at me
364
00:15:29,335 --> 00:15:31,337
when I told him I met someone else.
365
00:15:31,937 --> 00:15:33,940
Dick, dock, duck.
366
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,279
That is correct.
367
00:15:38,625 --> 00:15:40,683
In your face, Walker!
368
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,044
Nicely done, Will.
369
00:15:42,068 --> 00:15:44,007
Gorgeous and smart.
370
00:15:44,031 --> 00:15:46,353
Oscar, I'm leaving you.
371
00:15:47,194 --> 00:15:48,852
Oh, forget it.
372
00:15:48,876 --> 00:15:50,534
- Okay, Karen.
- Okay.
373
00:15:50,558 --> 00:15:52,496
This one's for you.
374
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,299
It is a question about my "peh-nis."
375
00:15:55,323 --> 00:15:57,902
I know it better than my own.
376
00:15:57,926 --> 00:15:59,928
Ha-ha-ha!
377
00:16:01,129 --> 00:16:03,548
- When fully aroused...
- Oh, yeah.
378
00:16:03,572 --> 00:16:04,869
Like when Conor McGregor
379
00:16:04,893 --> 00:16:06,071
is on the cover of "Men's Health"
380
00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,152
or there is a light breeze...
381
00:16:07,176 --> 00:16:09,434
Yes. Mm.
382
00:16:09,458 --> 00:16:12,037
What is my measurement
383
00:16:12,061 --> 00:16:13,359
in Good & Plentys?
384
00:16:16,025 --> 00:16:17,243
Damn it.
385
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,269
I know it in Red Vines.
386
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:23,233
I'm gonna say 18.
387
00:16:23,794 --> 00:16:25,796
18?
388
00:16:26,116 --> 00:16:28,375
I'd be hung like a... oh,
my God, that is correct!
389
00:16:28,399 --> 00:16:31,258
Ah-ha-ha-ha!
390
00:16:39,937 --> 00:16:41,359
So I told him, Mom.
391
00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:46,085
But you were wrong; he did okay.
392
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:48,991
I think you would've been proud of him.
393
00:16:49,937 --> 00:16:52,139
He said he was sorry.
394
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,385
You know, I always thought
395
00:16:55,410 --> 00:16:57,692
that I needed an apology from Harry...
396
00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:02,529
But it turned out I really
needed one from Daddy.
397
00:17:04,131 --> 00:17:06,213
I feel better.
398
00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:11,686
Oh, by the way, seeing someone.
399
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:15,620
He's Jewish and straight,
400
00:17:15,645 --> 00:17:17,647
so stop spinning.
401
00:17:19,215 --> 00:17:21,273
He's a good guy...
402
00:17:21,537 --> 00:17:23,940
although he complains about everything.
403
00:17:25,367 --> 00:17:27,650
I guess you and I have a type.
404
00:17:34,204 --> 00:17:36,206
I miss you, Mom.
405
00:17:41,273 --> 00:17:43,087
Did you have a good visit
with your mother?
406
00:17:43,542 --> 00:17:45,160
I did.
407
00:17:45,185 --> 00:17:47,163
You didn't tell her I remarried, did you?
408
00:17:47,188 --> 00:17:48,526
No.
409
00:17:48,551 --> 00:17:50,489
But don't you think
she'd want you to be happy?
410
00:17:50,514 --> 00:17:52,516
Absolutely not.
411
00:17:53,211 --> 00:17:55,653
I wouldn't want her to be happy, either.
412
00:17:56,248 --> 00:17:57,248
That's love.
413
00:18:02,971 --> 00:18:05,149
Once again, the score is tied.
414
00:18:05,174 --> 00:18:08,033
Now it's time for the final question.
415
00:18:08,058 --> 00:18:11,238
Will, what is my greatest...
416
00:18:11,271 --> 00:18:14,410
Sneaking into Cher's trailer
and trying on her wig.
417
00:18:14,867 --> 00:18:17,646
Please wait until I finish
the entire question.
418
00:18:17,671 --> 00:18:19,833
But, yes, that is
my greatest achievement.
419
00:18:20,435 --> 00:18:21,572
But...
420
00:18:21,597 --> 00:18:23,735
what is my greatest fear?
421
00:18:24,178 --> 00:18:25,476
Oh, that's easy.
422
00:18:25,501 --> 00:18:27,059
Never having a legitimate acting career.
423
00:18:27,084 --> 00:18:29,282
Ladies and gentlemen, your best man!
424
00:18:29,307 --> 00:18:31,565
Ha, not even close, Wilma!
425
00:18:31,590 --> 00:18:34,529
His greatest fear is aging.
426
00:18:34,554 --> 00:18:36,052
Oh, please, he'd be fine about aging
427
00:18:36,077 --> 00:18:37,415
if he can get a single part.
428
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,304
Well, this sort of hurts.
429
00:18:39,329 --> 00:18:41,227
Are you telling me
he doesn't look more and more
430
00:18:41,252 --> 00:18:43,550
like Angela Lansbury every single day?
431
00:18:43,575 --> 00:18:44,753
Okay, maybe we don't just...
432
00:18:44,778 --> 00:18:45,955
Wait, wait, wait.
433
00:18:45,981 --> 00:18:47,879
I have known him way longer than you.
434
00:18:47,904 --> 00:18:49,242
I should be best man!
435
00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:50,444
This is stupid! I know I'm better.
436
00:18:50,469 --> 00:18:51,846
I should be best man.
437
00:18:51,871 --> 00:18:54,210
- Why... would you...
- Stop, stop it, stop!
438
00:18:54,235 --> 00:18:57,238
Stop! Stop, stop!
439
00:19:00,844 --> 00:19:03,823
Why are we fighting over who's best man?
440
00:19:03,848 --> 00:19:05,947
Isn't marriage just some weird thing
441
00:19:05,972 --> 00:19:09,255
straight guys came up with
as a way to own a woman?
442
00:19:09,976 --> 00:19:13,475
And sure, it'd be great to own a woman.
443
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:16,920
You know, to open jars...
444
00:19:16,945 --> 00:19:18,483
or to hold your purse
445
00:19:18,508 --> 00:19:21,151
while you and your boyfriend
go on the Ferris wheel.
446
00:19:22,788 --> 00:19:24,646
But we are gay men!
447
00:19:24,671 --> 00:19:26,369
We make our own rules!
448
00:19:26,394 --> 00:19:29,213
I say, let's reinvent marriage.
449
00:19:29,238 --> 00:19:31,096
Yeah, rip it apart.
450
00:19:31,121 --> 00:19:32,979
Take off the sleeves, fringe the bottom,
451
00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:34,782
and crop the top!
452
00:19:38,252 --> 00:19:40,310
So here's my new rule.
453
00:19:40,335 --> 00:19:44,436
I'm gonna have two best men.
454
00:19:44,506 --> 00:19:47,685
Because, yeah, we got gay marriage,
455
00:19:47,710 --> 00:19:50,089
but let's make marriage gay!
456
00:19:54,617 --> 00:19:56,915
Yeah, I can live with two best men.
457
00:19:56,940 --> 00:19:58,959
Yeah, me too.
458
00:20:00,226 --> 00:20:03,125
Grace, when did you get here?
459
00:20:07,637 --> 00:20:10,616
And sure, it'd be great to own a woman.
460
00:20:10,641 --> 00:20:12,579
You know, to open jars...
461
00:20:12,604 --> 00:20:14,462
or to hold your purse
462
00:20:14,487 --> 00:20:16,490
while you and your boyfriend
go on the Ferris wheel.
463
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:20,244
I can't believe you made it
on the wheel at Ms. Coco's.
464
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:23,617
I know!
465
00:20:23,642 --> 00:20:26,605
Everybody at the gay bar is doing me.
466
00:20:28,608 --> 00:20:30,810
You haven't said that for years.
467
00:20:31,724 --> 00:20:33,142
Honey, I've divided up
468
00:20:33,167 --> 00:20:34,705
our responsibilities for the wedding.
469
00:20:34,730 --> 00:20:38,053
Well, yours just says,
"Show up if avail."
470
00:20:39,351 --> 00:20:42,194
It's a big ask, but I love the guy.
471
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:46,309
- Hey.
- Hey, Grace.
472
00:20:46,334 --> 00:20:48,112
How did it go? Was it torture?
473
00:20:48,137 --> 00:20:50,756
Uh, it was a lot of things.
474
00:20:50,781 --> 00:20:54,425
But it was good. Really good.
475
00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:56,941
Thanks for making me go.
476
00:20:56,966 --> 00:20:58,383
So how was brunch?
477
00:20:58,408 --> 00:21:00,307
Will and Karen did a Jack-off
478
00:21:00,332 --> 00:21:02,430
to decide who would be my best man,
479
00:21:02,455 --> 00:21:04,153
and you're never gonna guess who won.
480
00:21:04,178 --> 00:21:06,180
Oh, oh... they both did!
481
00:21:07,151 --> 00:21:08,288
Will, tell her the story.
Actually, don't.
482
00:21:08,313 --> 00:21:09,691
You'll be boring. Karen, tell her.
32949
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