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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,920 VO: Later on BBC One... COCKERELL CROWS 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:06,760 ..just three boilers remain in The Great British Boiled Egg. 3 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:08,560 On your marks, get set... 4 00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:09,600 boil! 5 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:12,840 This programme contains some strong language from the start. 6 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:14,920 The egg's too small for the cup! 7 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,040 - CHICK TWEETS - Oh, not again! 8 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:22,560 Do-do! 9 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:24,360 Someone... 10 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,320 is going through... 11 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,560 ..to the soldiers round. 12 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:34,360 VO: The final of The Great British Boiled Egg on BBC One. 13 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,240 This is shit. 14 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,240 When I was small I used to dance in my mother's bedroom 15 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,720 Then I grew up and did it again 16 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,400 And basically, I'm still doing the same show 17 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,360 I did in my mother's bedroom and I'll do it till the bitter end 18 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:56,680 Cos it's my Tracey Ullman Show! 19 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:57,920 Tracey Ullman show 20 00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,600 Let's do the show, let's go 21 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,040 Tracey Ullman Show! 22 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,280 Tracey Ullman, Tracey Ullman 23 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:09,920 Tracey, Tracey, Tracey, Tracey... 24 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,880 Tracey Ullman Show. 25 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,200 Let's go. 26 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,720 One woman's fate hangs on what we do. 27 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:22,080 I've classified this mission DBIU - don't balls it up. 28 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:23,520 Let's ride. 29 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,320 Turn your papers over, please. 30 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:34,360 The drug in the coffee is working, and it's a go for Team Toilet! 31 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:45,840 'All right, Simon. Let's see it.' 32 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,280 Section One's King Lear. 33 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,280 Right, you, I want answers. 34 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,760 Georgia, give me an update on your hole. 35 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,360 DRILL NOISES 36 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:58,280 - We have aperture. - Yahtzee! - Wait, there's an extra question. 37 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,040 It's on Cider with Rosie. 38 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,960 Danny, didn't I send you deep cover to sleep with the exam setter? 39 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,960 - She lied to me. - Who has a model answer to Laurie Lee? 40 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,640 Louisa does. 41 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:12,200 I'm doing actual work here on real threats. 42 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,680 Here's a real threat. 43 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,480 She's my daughter. 44 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,880 This could be the difference between Bristol and Bangor. 45 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,000 It's done. Can I go back to work now? 46 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,160 Light her up. 47 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:28,600 - Mum! - Ssh... 48 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,520 Shitola, she's onto us. 49 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,360 Simon! 50 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,600 Ah... 51 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,760 Mum, it's my exam, and I don't want to cheat. 52 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,080 Patch me in. 53 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:44,000 Jasmine, you're only projected a B+. I had to be there for you this time. 54 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,920 All the birthdays I missed to eliminate Russians, 55 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:50,680 the holiday ruined when I had to kill your dad for knowing too much. 56 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:53,480 What the hell's going on? 57 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,520 GUNSHOT 58 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,880 - Oh, well done. - Sorry. 59 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,960 Everyone out. Jasmine, you're going to uni in Burma. 60 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,560 Go, go, go, go... 61 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,480 Oh, Burgat. Another day, another EU crisis meeting. 62 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,000 Yeah, what is this one? 63 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,560 Well, it is the pre-talks for the talks next month, 64 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,280 and also post-talks for the pre-talks that we had last month. 65 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,680 I tell you who needs a talking-to... 66 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,960 - Francois Hollande. - Oh, I like him. He has a twinkle in his eye. 67 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:28,280 - He has an eye on my twinkle. - Oh, don't worry, Angela. 68 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,920 In 12 to 16 hours, it will all be over. 69 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:34,960 - And what will you do today, Burgat? - The open-top bus tour of London. 70 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,640 I have a rib-eye at Angus Steakhouse, 71 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:41,320 and then I go to Boots, Piccadilly, to stockpile miracle serum. 72 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,400 - It could be my last chance. - Now don't panic, liebling, 73 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,480 I will make export of miracle serum to Germany a condition 74 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,480 of any future trade deal. 75 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,480 Because if we run out, we will both be rumpfen, rumpfen, 76 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:53,880 like you won't believe. 77 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,200 Well, you have my word it'll be right up there with free movement. 78 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,320 Oh, danke, mein Chancellor... 79 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:03,400 Oh, I must go. The hop-on-hop-off bus will leave at any moment, 80 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,280 and I want to buy a fridge magnet! 81 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,560 Oh, I wish I could go with you. 82 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:11,440 Oh, Burgat. How could David Cameron do this to us? 83 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:14,760 I should've known that he was always looking so red and shiny, 84 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,640 like a waxed apfel. 85 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,680 You know what they say, never trust a man with no lips. 86 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,000 Ah... 87 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:25,760 SHE SIGHS 88 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,440 INDISTINCT SPEECH 89 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:31,040 Ladies and gentlemen, the Sharon Utley Centre for Fine Arts is going 90 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:34,440 to be a huge engine in regenerating what is, after all, 91 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:38,360 one of Yorkshire's top seven seaside resorts. 92 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,640 Wasn't the money originally going to be used to rebuild the pier? 93 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,720 Yes, but I am more than happy 94 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:48,200 that it's been diverted to this wonderful... 95 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,960 endeavour. 96 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,520 I can see our traditional seaside town being visited 97 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:56,440 by swathes of metrosexuals from all over the country. 98 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,800 - Gays, you mean? - But they're not all gay, Archie. 99 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,800 - Well, they're not staying in my B&B. - I see you haven't changed, Archie. 100 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,640 You're still the same Little Englander. 101 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,760 - Little Yorkshireman, thank you. - I'm just glad I got out. 102 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,280 Yeah, and I'm glad I stayed. 103 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:11,400 I'd just like to make it clear that we welcome the... 104 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,120 the pink pound. 105 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,320 Come for the conceptual arts, stay for Joe Pasquale. 106 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,720 At least back in my day we had Bernie Clifton. 107 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,800 Ah... We had the theatre on the pier then. 108 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,080 Still, we've got this wonderful gallery 109 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,480 and I'd like to introduce you to the lady who made it all possible. 110 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:30,920 Fanthorpe-on-Sea's very own, Sharon Utley! 111 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,000 APPLAUSE 112 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,800 See this, do you know what it says in there? 113 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,320 - It says "shit town". - Yeah, why is that? 114 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,680 Because this piece is about how this shit town fucks you. 115 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,360 MAYOR LAUGHS 116 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,360 That... That is one, erm, 117 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:47,200 one interpretation. 118 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,040 And what does it mean to you, Bob? 119 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,040 Well, it's just a man with a huge cock. 120 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,680 Er, stiffy...willy. 121 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,040 And was this piece based on anyone in particular? 122 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,600 No, it could be anyone. 123 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,680 I'm the town bike, remember? 124 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,040 Come on, we don't want to be stuck in here, do we? 125 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,320 We've got fantastic Fanthorpe weather outside, 126 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:12,520 and you can see plenty more of Sharon's thought-provoking artworks 127 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,160 on a sculpture trail dotted around the town. 128 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,360 These, erm, these free guides are... 129 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,440 ..not suitable for children. 130 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:26,960 So, how's my accountant? 131 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,440 I love that girl. 132 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,040 Do you know, she's a direct descendant of the Pendle witches? 133 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,520 That's Northern royalty in my book! 134 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,440 Well, Sam has talked me through this month's figures. 135 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,000 - Yeah? - She is very happy 136 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,560 with the revenue stream from your new home CCTV device. 137 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,600 Me Pam Cam? Thanks, Sam. 138 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:47,080 She is delighted with your new breakfast cereal business. 139 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,560 Pam's Brans? Laney, 140 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,560 I haven't been this regular since I was in the majorettes! 141 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:56,360 But she is concerned about your new potential acquisition in Sheffield. 142 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,440 Me steelworks? Pam's Pipes? 143 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,560 You'll be looking at losses of a million a week. 144 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,040 The nation celebrated when they put in a bid 145 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:07,040 to rescue the Tata Steelworks in South Wales. 146 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,080 That's South Wales. 147 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,400 Not having a steelworks in Sheffield? 148 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,520 That's like the ravens leaving the tower. 149 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,720 - The Blackpool Tower. - No, the shit one. 150 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:21,640 I want to have northern knives and forks in every cutlery drawer 151 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,800 in Britain, and that's worth a million quid a week to me. 152 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,880 It's great PR, everybody will know my name. 153 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,240 One day, a steelworks, the next a whole city. 154 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:32,560 Pam Town. 155 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:36,160 - Pam-chester? - Pam-hampton. I want them all over the North. 156 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,000 Cut me, and I bleed urban conurbations. 157 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,680 Pam-castle, Pam-pool? 158 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,320 All right, don't kick the arse out of it, Laney. 159 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,320 Right, get Sean Bean on the phone - he can cut the ribbon. 160 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:47,680 He's local, isn't he? 161 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:50,800 - I think he lives in London now... - He's dead to me. 162 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,160 I'm glad they lopped his head off in Game Of Thrones. 163 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,640 I'm Dame Maggie Smith, and I've become a vlogger. 164 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,120 It's like acting, 165 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:05,400 but you can do it from your armchair and you don't have to eat lunch 166 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,240 at a draughty location and use a chemical toilet. 167 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,720 My new video is set to break the internet, 168 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,920 as nobody with a smidgen of class is saying. 169 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:22,640 Today, I shall play a first person shooter. 170 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,760 I have no idea what that means, 171 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,680 but I have been the first person on a great many film shoots, 172 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,160 so I should take to it like a duck to San Pellegrino. 173 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,800 I seem to be in a stately home 174 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:38,040 in a state of somewhat picturesque dilapidation. 175 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,040 All rather familiar... 176 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,240 No wonder they called this game Return To Hell. 177 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,840 - 'Emporda...' - Oh, hello! 178 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,920 Do you speak English? 179 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,480 I should like you to draw me a bath. 180 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,720 GUNSHOT Good lord, he shot me! 181 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,920 Well, there's no tip for you on Sunday! 182 00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,160 MACHINE-GUN FIRE 183 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:03,880 I cannot abide bad manners, let that be a lesson to what remains of you. 184 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:08,720 I must tell my agent to add "slaughter" to my list of skills. 185 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:12,000 GROWLING SOUND Oh, it's some sort of vagrant. 186 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,080 I'm sorry, but I don't have any change. 187 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,000 GUNSHOTS 188 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,200 BEEPING 189 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:23,480 Oh! IanMcKellen43 has logged on and wants to play SimCity. 190 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,560 GUNSHOTS AND MAN GROANS 191 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,680 Oh, have I just shot Ian? 192 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:32,400 Can I shoot Derek Jacobi, Helen Mirren and Joan Collins, too? 193 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,400 Put Kenneth Branagh up. 194 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,680 GUNSHOTS AND MAN GROANS 195 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,480 It's a lot of fun this, isn't it? 196 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,760 Well, you know what my mother's like, you let her wind you up! 197 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:44,960 PHONE RINGS 198 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,760 I'm sorry, I had to leave that on for emergencies. 199 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:48,920 The machine will get it. 200 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:52,000 'This is the voicemail of Sally Hollister, 201 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,720 'individual and couple therapy. 202 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,480 'Your problems are my business.' TONE 203 00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,000 Sorry, it does that. Go on. 204 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,320 Well, she never thought I was good enough for you, you know? 205 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:03,840 'Sally, it's me, it's Chloe. 206 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,680 'You said I could call on this number if I needed to?' 207 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,400 We can ignore that. You just carry on. 208 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,080 'You'll never guess what's happened.' 209 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,920 You know what she said to me at our wedding? 210 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,600 - 'I've finally done it!' - Shh! 211 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,480 She's only gone and done it... 212 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,600 'And I said it, I said it to him, I know what's going on.' 213 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,960 This is Sally here, and I heard you, Chloe, 214 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,400 and I just want to say well done, 215 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,280 I think you've had a real breakthrough here. 216 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:32,240 So now, could you just take five deep breaths for me, OK? 217 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,240 So, she finds out two weeks ago 218 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,240 that he's only got his second family living three streets down, 219 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,840 two little kiddies, and she pops in on this woman, 220 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,160 the woman knows nothing. 221 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,040 Yeah, can you take five more breaths, love, all right? 222 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,440 Turns out all their kids are at the same school, Saint Mary's, 223 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,080 would you believe that? I mean, you'd never think to look at him. He's a tiny little man. 224 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:54,880 Yeah, five more breaths, love. 225 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,760 Meanwhile, Chloe's done some more digging and it turns out that the 226 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,880 marriage might not be legal in the first place, 227 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,720 so she might end up getting nothing. 228 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,960 Chloe, are you OK? 229 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,680 No, you're not interrupting anything, no. 230 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:10,000 I'll see you on Tuesday, yeah. 231 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,240 Cor... 232 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,040 Well! 233 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,640 Our kids go to St Mary's. 234 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,000 Do they? 235 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,040 Yeah. 236 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,640 Oh, do you know Chloe with two kids? 237 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,600 - Yes. - Yep, we do. 238 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,000 One of the kids is in Preeti's class. 239 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,360 Oh, right. 240 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,080 I'd like to say 241 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:39,400 that anything you hear or say in this room stays within this room, 242 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,560 that trust is absolutely integral to the process. 243 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,480 I think I might know who the other wife could be... 244 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,320 Ooh... 245 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:52,720 Go on. 246 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:00,480 Yeah, that's where I first did crack, over there. 247 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:04,360 I'd like to stress that was many, many years ago, 248 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:08,280 and Fanthorpe-on-Sea has a zero tolerance policy on drugs. 249 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:12,280 In fact, it's the perfect destination for a family holiday, 250 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,920 and we do have a miniature train. 251 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,320 - What are you doing?! - Creating art. 252 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,440 - Sharon? - Yeah? 253 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,280 It's Carol! Carol Blakely. 254 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:26,600 Year five. 255 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,080 Oh, yeah. 256 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,600 Hello, Carol. 257 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,360 Leave it! 258 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,880 What's all this, then? 259 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,840 Well, you know what it's like, 260 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,160 they open an art gallery in your honour. 261 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,480 You know, it's funny, you becoming an artist, 262 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,160 cos you were never very good at drawing at school. 263 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,880 Art's not about drawing, it's about ideas. 264 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,520 Like that. 265 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,360 It's a crazy golf course. 266 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,240 Come and look at the eighth hole. 267 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,120 Yeah, it's a big hairy fanny. 268 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,160 What's the idea here, then? 269 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,600 Well, it's about how men historically have run away 270 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,360 from women to play golf, but they can't any more, 271 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,320 because women have taken charge. 272 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:07,080 The hair makes it a very challenging hole. 273 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,800 You've made a right mess of this crazy golf course. 274 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,520 Yeah, it might look like a right mess to you, 275 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,960 but this is £30,000 worth of contemporary arts 276 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,320 to Charles Saatchi. 277 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,160 The one who tried to strangle Nigella? 278 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,440 The photo made it look worse than it was. 279 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,160 And isn't crazy golf mainly played by children? 280 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,400 Not any more. 281 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,720 While Sharon's exhibiting, we've got a 15 age restriction. 282 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:30,880 Sharon, what happened to that nice fella you were seeing? 283 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,760 You were going to set up a B&B together, weren't you? 284 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,160 Didn't work out. 285 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:36,840 Right, let's go over to the lighthouse. 286 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,840 You'll never guess what I've turned that into. 287 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,480 Is it a penis? 288 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,480 That's a lucky guess, Carol. 289 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:52,000 - Uberraschung. Surprise! - What are you doing here? 290 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,880 Well, I suddenly thought to myself, 291 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,400 why should I help to clear all this mess up? 292 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,920 The British can scoop their own poop. 293 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:02,600 So, I arranged a private meeting with the CEO of Boots, 294 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,320 and I let them get on with it. 295 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:08,520 - Wunderschon! - Yes, besides, I never see London, you know? 296 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,360 I just see the airports and the conference centre, 297 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:15,560 and Theresa May talking about Brexit means Brexit, means Shmexit, means argh... 298 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,800 Oh, it feels so good to feel the wind in my hairspray! 299 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:19,880 ANGELA LAUGHS 300 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,400 Oh, you would love London, Angela. Look, it is full of German things. 301 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,080 - I saw a Lidl. - Ja? - Ja. 302 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:28,600 Oh, look at this man drinking a Pilsner in the morning. 303 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:32,360 He must be a great supporter of our German brewing industry. 304 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,160 Look, dachshunds! 305 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,200 Ah! Ja, ja, ja! 306 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,120 Oh, it is a German Shepherd eating a frankfurter! 307 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,000 This is more German than Germany. 308 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,920 Ja. Oh, Burgat, what are they going to do without us? 309 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,560 Oh, I don't know, mein Chancellor. 310 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:50,560 These people, they look so sad. 311 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:54,040 Maybe I should invite them all to come and stay at my place? 312 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,120 Like those Syrian friends of ours? 313 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,760 Ja, ja, why not? Who knows? It's an open house. 314 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:04,040 - Nein. - You will have shitloads of the Brits paddling across the Channel. 315 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,680 These people are desperate. 316 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,200 Ja, that's true, that's true. 317 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,960 Theresa, come out and fight with me. 318 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:14,640 Come out, come on, give me some! Do you want some? 319 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,440 - Selfie! - It's naughty. 320 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,400 - Ooh! Ja! - Ja! 321 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,600 Here's your tea. 322 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,720 - Are you feeling a bit better? - Not really, no. 323 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,680 OK, well, can you describe the man who mugged you? 324 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:36,320 Um, he was about 5 foot 10, short, dark hair. 325 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:41,120 He put a knife to my throat and he demanded my phone and my watch. 326 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,720 And were you wearing what you're wearing now? 327 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:48,120 - Sorry? - Is this what you were wearing when it happened? 328 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,240 Erm, yes. But... 329 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:54,000 You look quite provocatively wealthy. 330 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,400 Look, I fail to see how what I wear has any... 331 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,640 Well, just a bit of an invitation, isn't it? 332 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,800 Like you're advertising it. 333 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,840 - Look... - You seem distressed. 334 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,240 I'm going bring one of our counsellors in. 335 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,840 This gentleman's a bit upset. He was mugged earlier. 336 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,360 Oh, dear. 337 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,880 Had you been drinking? 338 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,680 Yes, cos if you'd had a drink, it can send out confusing signals. 339 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,480 Lead somebody on, with a nice suit and the phone, 340 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,560 and then at the last minute say, "I don't want to be mugged." 341 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,680 He put a knife to my throat and he demanded my possessions. 342 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:30,520 - I mean... - And you just gave them to him? 343 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,360 Did you even scream? 344 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,960 See? How is someone to know that you don't enjoy handing over your 345 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,840 possessions unless you make your intentions clear? 346 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:42,040 No, I didn't scream, he had a knife! I was really scared. 347 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,920 And we're very sympathetic, but I'm afraid that you're going to 348 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,680 have to accept some of the responsibility for this. 349 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:49,760 KNOCK ON DOOR Come in. 350 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,640 Are you going to be much longer? I've got a gentleman out here, 351 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,720 says he has been receiving abusive e-mails for months. 352 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:58,720 Ask him what font he's been using. 353 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,760 If it's something coquettish like Helvetica, 354 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:04,360 - then he's probably brought it on himself. - Right, OK. 355 00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:23,080 What time did he get here? 356 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:26,400 - About an hour ago. - Aye, he'll be nicely softened up by now. 357 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,200 - Bye-bye, baby... - MUSIC DISTORTS AND STOPS 358 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,880 Andy Murray! 359 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:34,320 I'm delighted you have deigned to grace us with your presence! 360 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,840 I know you prefer it in leafy Surrey. 361 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,720 An hour of the Bay City Rollers, why? 362 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,960 I won't have you disparaging the sound of my childhood. 363 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:46,280 Stuart Woody Wood, now there's a proper Scot for you. 364 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,920 He didn't ponce off down south at the first whiff of success. 365 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:53,200 There's lots of nice places to live up here, you know? 366 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,720 What's wrong with the Ayrshire coast? 367 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,360 Aye, with summer highs of 12 degrees and pleasantly moist 368 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:03,440 300 days of annual rainfall. I'd call it the perfect climate. 369 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,600 I'm proud to be Scottish, Sturgeon. 370 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,360 Aye, you love Scotland, is that right? 371 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,600 Then why did you give your wee baby daughter the most 372 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,640 un-Scottish sounding name on the planet? 373 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:17,920 Sofia. And not just Sofia, but Sofia Olivia, if you please. 374 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,040 You might as well have set fire to the St Andrews cross 375 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,760 and danced on the ashes, dressed as a bulldog. 376 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,680 I tell you what you're going to do for me, 377 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,360 you're going to rechristen that bairn 378 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,680 with a beautiful Scottish name like Moira, 379 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:35,640 or Lorraine, or Kelly, 380 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,160 or Lorraine Kelly. 381 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,920 I just wanted her to grow up a citizen of the world. 382 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,520 Ah, she will. Don't worry about that. 383 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:48,200 When Operation Take The High Road comes to fruition. 384 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:49,600 Show him, wee Mhairi. 385 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,040 Scottish scientists have calculated 386 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:56,960 that five nuclear devices exploded off the Shetland Isles 387 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,720 would be enough to tilt the Earth's axis 388 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:03,280 and bring a Scottish climate to the whole world. 389 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:08,920 Imagine it! Scots free to travel the globe with nae fear of sunburn. 390 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,240 Just use factor 50. 391 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,520 - I won't help you. - Oh, really? 392 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,960 - What's that? - Let me introduce you to one of my favourite creatures, 393 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,920 the Highland otter. 394 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:24,720 Brave, canny, hardy, and do you know why they're so hardy? 395 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,880 Because they don't stray more than six metres from the burrow 396 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,760 they were born into. 397 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,120 Listen to me, I supported independence. 398 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:35,760 Shall we see what a hungry otter can do to your balls? 399 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,560 - Get a treat of Murray! - You're mad, Sturgeon. 400 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,800 Turn up the Bay City Rollers! 401 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,960 Mhairi, your parliamentary maiden speech. 402 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,560 - No! - Thank you... - NICOLA LAUGHS 403 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:52,040 ..Madam Deputy Speaker, for calling me to such important debate! 404 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,120 Are you all right, Sharon? 405 00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:00,360 - Yeah, fine. - This should be everything you've ever wanted, 406 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:03,160 vindication, return of the conquering hero, 407 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,920 respect of your peers. 408 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,240 I only ever wanted the respect of one man. 409 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:09,360 Where's me red wine? 410 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,400 - Sharon? - Archie? 411 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:16,240 I just saw your big hairy fanny out on the golf course, 412 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,560 and I've finally realised... 413 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,000 - Yeah? - You're a proper artist. 414 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,680 Yeah, I, I shouldn't have come... 415 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,080 No, Archie... 416 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,400 I haven't shown you my latest work, look. 417 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,320 It's called...Regret. 418 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,360 It were inspired by you. 419 00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,480 You did know what constituted the full tea 420 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:40,120 - and coffee-making facilities in a B&B. - Course I did. 421 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:42,560 I was just too proud to tell you. 422 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:47,040 Hang on a minute. Archie, you're not Man With Stick Of Rock For Cock, 423 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,720 - are you? - Of course he is. 424 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,840 And maybe if he'd have just given me the slightest acknowledgement 425 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,760 that he respected my work, or even understood it, 426 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:56,800 I might not have left like I did. 427 00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:00,280 Sharon, do you think we can make it work again? 428 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,640 I really don't mind the gays. 429 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,160 I don't know. 430 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,840 No. No... 431 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,000 I can't ask you to come back here and get up at six to grill kippers. 432 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,800 And I couldn't ask you to split your life between my townhouse 433 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,000 in Belgravia and my villa in the Cote d'Azur 434 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,680 with its three sun terraces and infinity pool. 435 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:21,680 Well, you know, there might be a way to make it work. 436 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,280 No, we're too set in our ways. 437 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,640 No, no, that's what I'm saying. 438 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,120 If only I hadn't walked out that night, 439 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:32,600 burned down the pier and run off for London and set up... 440 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:33,880 Hang on a sec. 441 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,240 You burnt down the pier? 442 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,000 We thought it was a dodgy plug on the whack-a-mole. 443 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,680 I had a lot of anger back then. 444 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,800 - My grandad built that pier. - Look, if it comes to it, 445 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,480 I could sell the B&B, or I could just give it to somebody. 446 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:52,800 For the last 20 years it's been considered "uneconomic" to rebuild, 447 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,240 and finally they get around to allocating some lottery money to it 448 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,120 and they divert it to this rubbish. 449 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:01,880 That's worth eight million quid! 450 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,400 Yeah, so is my pier. 451 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,840 I made these last night, they're gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, 452 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:16,400 sugar-free, they're just wonderful, clean eating, all natural muffins. 453 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,480 Oh, would you like one of my cupcakes? 454 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,080 They're gluten-free, sugar-free, egg-free... 455 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,000 I can't get past the taste. 456 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,800 Mum... SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 457 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,600 We've got a visitor, this is Debbie. 458 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,920 She's come all the way from Australia. 459 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,680 - Hello, Mrs Clark! - DEBBIE LAUGHS 460 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:40,880 I told you about Debbie, didn't I, Mum? 461 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,680 She's the cousin I've been writing to. 462 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,840 She was put up for adoption. 463 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,400 She was... 464 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,240 Dad's sister's daughter. 465 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,760 Illegitimate child. 466 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,080 Doesn't surprise me. 467 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,160 Always was a bit loose, that one. 468 00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,840 Oh, dear, you'll have to excuse her, she's 103. 469 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,160 But that's all water under the bridge, isn't it, Mummy? 470 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:05,360 The point is 471 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:08,240 that I've got a cousin and you've got a niece, and she's here, 472 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:09,600 and it's exciting, isn't it? 473 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,200 I've been working on our family tree. 474 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,120 I thought you might like to see it. 475 00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:19,280 - Oh, yes. - And maybe help me fill in a few gaps. 476 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,000 Oh, yes, Mum will be able to do that, 477 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,720 she's got ever such a good memory. 478 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,600 It's better than mine, isn't it, Mum? 479 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,800 Well, let's start with your dad's side of the family, shall we? 480 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,160 Now, Dad's sisters were... 481 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,240 Trollops. 482 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,640 Let's just come back to that, shall we? 483 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,600 What was Dad's brother's name? 484 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:43,040 - Nancy boy. - That wasn't his name! 485 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:47,800 Yes, that was what he was called - and for very good reason. 486 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:52,040 Let's leave that blank for the moment, shall we? 487 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,360 What about your husband's mother? 488 00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:57,960 I don't know who you're talking about. 489 00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,960 Oh, she means Nan, Nanny. 490 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,400 I don't remember anyone with that name. 491 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:06,720 Is this because she said that your jam roly-poly wasn't jammy enough? 492 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,400 Oh, mother, that was 78 years ago. 493 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:14,560 As far as I'm concerned, she does not exist. 494 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,760 Well, at least I've got a cousin - 495 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,280 and I didn't think I had any relations at all. 496 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,240 I've actually managed to track down 497 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,800 quite a few relations in Australia. 498 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:29,280 You've got lots of cousins! And they've got children, 499 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,320 and some of them have children. 500 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:32,920 Oh, my goodness! 501 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,840 You should come out to Australia and visit us all. 502 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,640 - Oh, that'd be amazing. - Meet your family. 503 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,680 Oh, I've always wanted to be part of a big family. 504 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,640 Oh, I should like that. 505 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,000 I should like that very much indeed. 506 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,320 THEY LAUGH 507 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,920 I wouldn't bother. 508 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:54,320 - Why not? - Well, if you must know, your dad wasn't really your dad. 509 00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:00,240 - What do you mean? - Your real dad was a sailor. 510 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,800 I don't know his name. 511 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,120 Mum, when were you going to tell me this? 512 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:07,360 I was waiting till you were older. 513 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:09,440 How old do I have to be? 514 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:12,280 Well, it's all in the past now. 515 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,040 Let's forget about it. 516 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,120 What about the family tree? 517 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,320 It's just you and me. 518 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:21,280 You don't need anyone else, do you? 519 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,520 Oh... Let's go over to the arcade, 520 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,280 break in and we'll have sex on a pinball machine. 521 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:32,920 - Yeah. - Then... No, 522 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:36,600 we'll leave our pants on and I'll sell it as a bit of art called Multi-ball. 523 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,240 You never turn off, do you? 524 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,800 - Just to let you know, Sharon... - DISTANT SIREN 525 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,400 - ..your gallery's on fire. - HE LAUGHS 526 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,120 Archie, film me kicking his head in. 527 00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:50,040 It's for an installation. 528 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,160 Last stop, Madame Tussaud's. 529 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,920 Oh, I must pop in to collect the suit we lent them for your waxwork. 530 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,880 They are closing down the European leaders section. 531 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,080 Oh, ja. 532 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:06,280 And I could stand very, very still next to myself. 533 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,440 And jump out and erschrecken the tourists! 534 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:10,800 THEY LAUGH 535 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:14,200 And the English say that they have no sense of humour. 536 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:15,560 THEY LAUGH 537 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,280 We could see Justin Bieber. 538 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,640 - Und Adele. - No, Nena. 539 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,720 Yeah, no, I don't think they will have a Nena waxwork. 540 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:31,600 Oh, but they should, because she wrote the greatest song ever. 541 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:32,880 - Ja. - Ja. 542 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,080 - It has never been bettered. - No, nein. 543 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:38,320 - Oh, Angela. - What? - Sing it. 544 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,960 - Nein. - Ja, ja, sing. 545 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,520 You and I in Lincolnshire 546 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,960 A bag of balloons with the money we've got 547 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:51,480 Set them free at the break of dawn 548 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,880 Till one by one, they were gone 549 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,120 Back at base, bugs in the software... 550 00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,280 Flash the message, something's out there 551 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,320 Floating in the summer sky 552 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:08,000 99 red balloons go by... 553 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,680 INSTRUMENTAL 554 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,720 99 Decision Street 555 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:22,600 99 ministers meet 556 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,040 To worry, worry, super-scurry 557 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,480 Call the troops out in a hurry! 558 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,320 This is what we've waited for! 559 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,040 This is it, boys! This is war! 560 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,120 The President is on the line 561 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:36,800 As ninety-neunzig luftballoons go by! 562 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:40,600 Hey, hey, hey! 563 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:41,680 Ja! Ja! 564 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,120 99 lights up the air 565 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:50,680 Like super heartache jet fighters! 566 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,280 Everyone's a superhero 567 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,360 Everyone's a Captain Kirk 568 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:57,840 With orders to identify 569 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,080 To clarify und classify 570 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,720 Scramble in the summer sky 571 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:07,440 99 red balloons go by... 572 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:10,760 As ninety-neunzig luftballoons go by... 573 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,160 If I could find a souvenir 574 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,880 Just to prove the world was here 575 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:25,640 And here is a red balloon 576 00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:29,120 I think of you and let it go... 577 00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:38,320 You know, I think that Britain is our red balloon, Burgat, 578 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,880 and we should just let it go. 579 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,840 Oh, Angela, you are so wise. 580 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:48,320 Do you remember Nena's armpits? 581 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:52,280 Oh, ja, ja, ja. You could've hidden a couple of Syrians in there. 582 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,960 THEY LAUGH 583 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:56,600 Naughty. 584 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,280 - Angela! - Such bad, bad, bad. 585 00:28:59,330 --> 00:29:03,880 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 45677

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