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The Comeback - Season 1- Episode 7
"Valerie Gets a Very Special Episode"
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I haven't been to the writers'
room in such a long time.
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I just hope I don't get lost.
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So much to do, you know, when
it's your own episode, you've got...
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Ooh ! Ow ! Okay.
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That's all right. I'm all right.
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Probably a bad place for that.
Maybe someone should move it.
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00:00:17,941 --> 00:00:19,507
Oh, nope. Nobody there.
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No one in there.
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There's Gigi. Hi, Gigi. How are you ?
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- Okay. She's busy.
- You don't.
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She's on the phone.
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- Asshole !
- You guys know where Tom's office is ?
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Someone got hurt.
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We'll find it. It's fine.
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- Here he is. Tom Peterman.
- Writers'office.
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This is it. He's expecting me.
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Come in !
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So fun.
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Are we having a casting meeting
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with the cameras in the room ?
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00:00:55,777 --> 00:00:59,070
Well, yes. You know, Aunt
Sassy gets her own episode.
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It doesn't happen every week.
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You won't hear me complain
if it does either, okay ?
25
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- Sharon, doll, you look great.
- Hi.
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- Thank you.
- That a new haircut ?
27
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- Uh... no.
- Something's different.
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The color. Changed
the color. It's softer.
29
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- Yeah, thought so.
- Okay, we're ready.
30
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All right, yeah.
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- Sharon, you wanna...
- Oh, sure.
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Just... give Valerie a copy of the list.
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It's a list of names to
play Big Dick Perkins.
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Do we need to wait
for Paulie G and Jimmy ?
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Well, Paulie G had to go somewhere
and Jimmy's not directing this episode.
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Newsflash for ya.
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I thought he was directing
all the episodes.
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Well...
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he was, but... now he's not.
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So we got Wagner Fisk.
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Wagner, that's a wonderful
idea. That's great.
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Wagner Fisk directed the
whole first season of "it. "
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So Wagner's wonderful.
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Uh, can they not do that ?
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I mean I don't want a bunch
of agents seeing this list
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and yelling at me'cause
their clients weren't called.
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Yeah. Right. Need to be discreet.
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All right, gotcha.
Yeah, okay. So, Jane...
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I just think we need to respect
all avenues of the industry,
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You know, all the other avenues.
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Don't shoot.
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- Okay, so...
- I need to look at it.
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I think the first name we should
consider is Roger Van Houtten.
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Who ?
55
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He played the coach
in "somebody pinch me. "
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He's... solid, and
I know he's available.
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00:02:29,518 --> 00:02:32,222
- What do you think, Val ?
- It's a great list.
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I've just never heard
of Roger Van "Hootin. "
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No, it's Houtten.
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Sorry, Mr. Houtten...
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"Hou-ever" you are.
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- Cute !
- Cute.
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I mean, I guess my point
is we need to get a name.
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Here.
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He's N. I. See after his name, "N. I."?
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- Yeah, what does that mean ?
- Not interested.
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What about him ?
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Out of town,
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and N. I.
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Okay. Well, I guess we need
to find someone who's V. I. :
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"Valerie interested. "
Let's get some of those.
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Yeah, just to point you in
the right direction there,
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You know... Harry Hamlin...
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00:03:17,177 --> 00:03:19,383
Tom Selleck. Jane,
how great would it be
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to have Tom Selleck on "The Comeback"?
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00:03:23,006 --> 00:03:25,343
Okay, so, Sharon,
let's get Tom Selleck.
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- Great.
- Yeah !
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Yeah, Val, I don't think
we can get Tom Selleck.
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Well, of course we can't. Not without
a personal call, but I can handle that.
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00:03:35,276 --> 00:03:38,080
- Oh, you know Tom Selleck ?
- Oh yeah, sure. Yeah.
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00:03:38,346 --> 00:03:40,802
Yeah, I did a "Magnum P. I."
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Back when I was
just starting out...
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Played his godchild.
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- Long time ago.
- I know. Oh wait, I'm wrong.
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My bad. That's wrong.
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I played a teen hooker... on "Magnum P. I."
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I played Remington Steele's godchild.
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It was the same year, so...
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00:03:56,498 --> 00:03:58,242
Wait, you were on "Remington Steele"
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and "Magnum P. I." the same year ?
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00:03:59,617 --> 00:04:02,452
- Yeah.
- That is... That's crazy shit.
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Well, thank you very much.
93
00:04:06,307 --> 00:04:08,822
Anyway, so I still
keep in touch with Tom,
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so maybe I could pull in
a favor, gi him a call.
95
00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:13,642
- Okay.
- Yeah, why not ?
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00:04:13,707 --> 00:04:15,763
- Great.
- Great, yeah.
97
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And just put another list together.
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- Right away.
- Mm-Hmm, great.
99
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- Did you read the script ?
- Yeah.
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- And ?
- Funny.
101
00:04:27,748 --> 00:04:29,381
- It's kinda dirty.
- Uh-Huh.
102
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- Are they actually gonna let you do that ?
- Oh, sure, yeah,
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because it's classy dirty, you know,
104
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like "Benny Hill. "
It's not dirty dirty.
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00:04:35,908 --> 00:04:39,940
- And it's all about you.
- Uh-Huh. 29 pages.
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Mmm, I'm in every scene but three.
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- You deserve it.
- Uh-Huh.
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Did you like that scene
when she's trying on
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all the clothes for her date,
her old '70s, late '70s ?
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00:04:49,147 --> 00:04:50,053
Yeah.
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What about the scene
where she's at the bar
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- waiting for Big Dick ?
- Yeah.
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- Did you like the scene...
- Yeah.
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I didn't say anything yet.
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Oh, come on, it's early.
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All right.
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00:05:11,248 --> 00:05:12,170
Mark ?
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Mark, you're trimming
your nose hairs on camera.
119
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The whole world's gonna see.
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00:05:20,008 --> 00:05:22,892
Oh, is Mastro's good
for wednesday night ?
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00:05:23,196 --> 00:05:25,463
- What's wednesday night ?
- The dinner with the
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partners from my new york office.
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00:05:27,237 --> 00:05:28,570
And we can't bring the cameras.
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These are business people. They
might be all stiff and freak out.
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Yeah well, that's all
"mute" anyway, Mark,
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because I can't go anywhere
wednesday night.
127
00:05:36,046 --> 00:05:39,173
No no no. You have to go.
You said you'd go last month.
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That's before I got an episode.
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00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:43,383
Come on. It's going to
be so boring without you.
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00:05:43,447 --> 00:05:45,093
Mark, I can't...
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Thursday morning, we have
camera blocking, okay ?
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That means I have to stay home
wednesday night and learn my lines
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while Mickey hennas
my hair. That... I...
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We do a light layer
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00:05:56,078 --> 00:05:57,740
to make it pop. You know.
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I'm sorry, but let's do it next week.
137
00:06:00,655 --> 00:06:02,220
They're only gonna
be in town this week.
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This week. Shoot.
139
00:06:03,625 --> 00:06:06,203
Well... you know,
140
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it's my own episode.
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You hate me ?
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- I'm a bad wife ?
- Mm-Hmm.
143
00:06:17,245 --> 00:06:18,693
Tracy and Hepburn.
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00:06:20,082 --> 00:06:22,557
We'll just use this for the
bar and then we'll go to...
145
00:06:22,660 --> 00:06:25,838
I think there's gonna be
too many people in that area.
146
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and I think we should
have at least Juna...
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- Let's do it.
- Well, I think I know that guy right there.
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Valerie, it's so good see you.
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00:06:32,635 --> 00:06:36,433
- Oh, Wagner. Oh !
- Mickey, how are you ?
150
00:06:36,527 --> 00:06:38,403
Same as ever, Wagner...
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00:06:38,456 --> 00:06:41,573
Too tired to keep going
and too crazy to stop.
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- Oh, great.
- You certainly have your work
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00:06:45,387 --> 00:06:46,413
cut out for you, Valerie.
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Don't I know it ? Don't I know it ?
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I just... I hope I'm up to Tom and
Paulie G's magical words.
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Is this a current script ?
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00:06:52,247 --> 00:06:54,301
'Cause I don't have
Paulie G's name on it.
158
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,571
Well, that's weird.
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00:06:57,367 --> 00:07:00,871
Who is "Boyd... Duzshesuck"?
160
00:07:01,486 --> 00:07:02,390
What is that ?
161
00:07:02,428 --> 00:07:04,342
"Boyd Duzshesuck"?
162
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,372
- Who's Boyd Duzshesuck ?
- Oh, no no no.
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00:07:06,416 --> 00:07:08,950
That's just Paulie G
playing a dumb joke.
164
00:07:08,976 --> 00:07:11,781
It was actually a
writers' room gag joke.
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00:07:11,817 --> 00:07:13,712
Actually, I can get
you the right script.
166
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It wasn't anything the network saw,
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00:07:15,885 --> 00:07:20,913
- so... it was only among us...
- All right, well, that's good.
168
00:07:20,978 --> 00:07:22,852
- ... nutty writers.
- All right, 'cause that would be
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00:07:22,878 --> 00:07:25,282
- embarrassing for you, if...
- Yeah.
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00:07:25,347 --> 00:07:27,652
- It's a fun group, though, here, Wagner.
- Really ?
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And these guys, they all went to
harvard, if you can believe that.
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Really ?
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Yeah. Don't worry, I'm
gonna get Paulie back.
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When he comes down here,
he'd better watch out.
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00:07:36,077 --> 00:07:38,533
Actually, he's not coming
to the run-through today. So...
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- Yeah, well...
- Okay.
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00:07:41,848 --> 00:07:43,622
...then I guess he's not coming.
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00:07:44,508 --> 00:07:46,660
Yeah, Jane, here it is.
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00:07:46,807 --> 00:07:49,023
Wagner always brings
pictures of his kids in.
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00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:51,270
- Mickey, you remember that ?
- Oh, do I ever.
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00:07:51,445 --> 00:07:53,502
Well, actually, these
are my son's kids.
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00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,803
I still like to keep the family around
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00:07:55,828 --> 00:07:58,443
- To remind me what I'm doing all this for.
- Real important.
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00:07:58,507 --> 00:08:00,332
- Keep your priorities straight.
- Yeah.
185
00:08:00,375 --> 00:08:03,703
Yeah, 'cause your whole life could
get eaten up by show business, right?
186
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:06,773
- You know I took some time off recently.
- No, I didn't know.
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00:08:06,858 --> 00:08:08,992
Yeah, as a matter of fact,
this is the first one of these jobs
188
00:08:09,028 --> 00:08:10,802
I've taken in almost two years.
189
00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:12,682
- It is ?
- Yeah yeah.
190
00:08:12,735 --> 00:08:14,500
Carol and I split up.
191
00:08:15,316 --> 00:08:17,751
She started drinking, and
she started hitting me.
192
00:08:18,417 --> 00:08:20,030
That's when I said, "enough. "
193
00:08:20,218 --> 00:08:21,132
Well...
194
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,140
sounds like you're ready
to have a little fun.
195
00:08:24,248 --> 00:08:25,230
- Right.
- Okay.
196
00:08:25,245 --> 00:08:27,991
Okay, let's just dive
in and do the bar scene.
197
00:08:28,098 --> 00:08:30,501
Well, I was kinda hoping we
could do the closet scene.
198
00:08:30,616 --> 00:08:33,412
- Let's do the closet scene.
- 'Cause I was thinking with those bead
199
00:08:33,435 --> 00:08:37,723
curtains there, it would be real fun if I
could get all tangled up and caught in them.
200
00:08:37,746 --> 00:08:39,452
- Love it, love it.
- Wagner,
201
00:08:39,455 --> 00:08:41,361
would you like to order
lunch before we start ?
202
00:08:41,416 --> 00:08:43,351
Oh, sure. You know what
I love is the salmon
203
00:08:43,366 --> 00:08:45,292
that they do at this little
place around the corner.
204
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,901
- It's so light.
- I was gonna order pizza. But...
205
00:08:47,976 --> 00:08:49,880
- Hey, pizza it is.
- Great.
206
00:08:50,565 --> 00:08:53,023
Jane ? Jane, are you
framed up on the curtains ?
207
00:08:53,106 --> 00:08:55,511
'Cause you are not gonna
want to miss this shot.
208
00:08:55,537 --> 00:08:57,283
- Yep.
- Okay, ready ?
209
00:09:01,305 --> 00:09:03,320
Vogue vogue vogue vogue vogue.
210
00:09:03,358 --> 00:09:05,300
Valerie, that is looking good.
211
00:09:05,365 --> 00:09:07,310
Aunt Sassy is definitely on the prowl.
212
00:09:07,355 --> 00:09:09,873
I know. Mickey, look at this.
Aunt Sassy's got back.
213
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,890
Huh, a little junk in the trunk ?
214
00:09:11,948 --> 00:09:14,872
- "A little junk in the trunk. " Uh-Uh.
- Peter, doll,
215
00:09:14,958 --> 00:09:18,373
I hope you don't mind, but I was
digging through my closet at home,
216
00:09:18,447 --> 00:09:20,103
and look what I found.
217
00:09:20,697 --> 00:09:21,813
I wore it on "Knight Rider. "
218
00:09:21,855 --> 00:09:24,362
- Oh my god, it's fabulous.
- Uh-Huh, isn't it ?
219
00:09:24,386 --> 00:09:26,971
- Mickey, what do you think ?
- I love a leather anything.
220
00:09:27,045 --> 00:09:28,570
Yeah. Well, yeah.
221
00:09:28,746 --> 00:09:30,202
So I thought this could be great
222
00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:32,180
in that scene in Aunt Sassy's closet.
223
00:09:32,237 --> 00:09:34,563
And we should just fill it up
with all kinds of fun stuff.
224
00:09:34,576 --> 00:09:36,000
Val, there you are.
225
00:09:36,407 --> 00:09:38,990
Oh my God ! Oh my god, Val.
226
00:09:39,665 --> 00:09:41,670
All I can say is "wow !"
227
00:09:42,307 --> 00:09:44,850
- Aw, baby girl.
- I mean I thought I had big news,
228
00:09:44,865 --> 00:09:47,852
but that leather jacket is the
only thing to talk about in here.
229
00:09:47,917 --> 00:09:49,761
She wore it on "Knight Rider. "
230
00:09:50,295 --> 00:09:52,301
And I just saw one like it on Melrose.
231
00:09:52,807 --> 00:09:54,560
- Oh, really ?
- Yeah.
232
00:09:54,656 --> 00:09:58,493
Well, that's enough about
me, y'all. What's your news ?
233
00:09:59,056 --> 00:09:59,860
Okay...
234
00:10:00,077 --> 00:10:02,563
this might be a little
lame to be so excited about,
235
00:10:02,575 --> 00:10:04,821
But look, my CD came out.
236
00:10:04,858 --> 00:10:07,703
Ooh, girl child, now you
have to sign that one for me.
237
00:10:07,776 --> 00:10:09,572
Then I'll slap it on, and we'll
get a little Juna in the air.
238
00:10:09,615 --> 00:10:11,103
Oh, yeah, you got a pen ?
239
00:10:11,687 --> 00:10:12,901
- I do.
- Okay.
240
00:10:12,958 --> 00:10:14,703
- Here you go.
- It's fabulous.
241
00:10:15,368 --> 00:10:16,710
Thank you so much.
242
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:19,150
Oh, and it drops at the end
of the month, so we're...
243
00:10:19,178 --> 00:10:19,952
I'm sorry ?
244
00:10:20,278 --> 00:10:22,320
It drops. It's available in the stores.
245
00:10:22,337 --> 00:10:25,442
- Oh, got it, yeah.
- So to promo it,
246
00:10:25,518 --> 00:10:27,780
We're doing a show at the
Viper room this wednesday night,
247
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,033
and I want you all
to come : my guests.
248
00:10:30,447 --> 00:10:32,841
- Get out your dancing shoes.
- Yes, honey !
249
00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:35,640
Well, Mickey, darling, no can do.
250
00:10:36,248 --> 00:10:39,102
No, we're... You're hmm-Hmming
my hair that night,
251
00:10:39,118 --> 00:10:40,403
and I'm going over my lines.
252
00:10:40,437 --> 00:10:43,221
Oh, no, Val, you have to come.
253
00:10:43,297 --> 00:10:44,533
We're opening for cake.
254
00:10:45,055 --> 00:10:46,802
- I don't...
- It's a band.
255
00:10:47,106 --> 00:10:47,851
Gotcha.
256
00:10:47,877 --> 00:10:50,422
Yeah, I mean, everyone's coming.
257
00:10:50,507 --> 00:10:52,651
Jane, tell her she has to come.
258
00:10:52,728 --> 00:10:54,400
It'll be great for the reality show.
259
00:10:54,426 --> 00:10:56,680
I mean, Val at the Viper room ?
260
00:10:56,716 --> 00:10:58,860
- What could be better than that ?
- It'd be great.
261
00:10:58,895 --> 00:11:01,943
Yeah. All right, Mickey,
maybe we can hmm-Hmm earlier ?
262
00:11:01,978 --> 00:11:03,680
- Sure sure.
- Yes !
263
00:11:03,698 --> 00:11:07,140
- All right, going to the Viper room !
- Viper room, honey.
264
00:11:07,187 --> 00:11:08,851
This comeback's going to the viper room.
265
00:11:08,878 --> 00:11:11,020
- Get ready to rock.
- I will.
266
00:11:11,336 --> 00:11:12,853
Franchesca, baby, grab a bun.
267
00:11:12,978 --> 00:11:16,000
Oh, that's okay, daddy. I don't
want the bun. I'm doing atkins.
268
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,741
- Oh my god.
- Mark ?
269
00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,263
I don't know.
270
00:11:19,275 --> 00:11:21,311
You don't need to be doing atkins. Here.
271
00:11:24,036 --> 00:11:25,141
Hello ? Thank you.
272
00:11:25,165 --> 00:11:27,960
- Hi, Valerie. It's Sharon.
- Hi, doll.
273
00:11:27,998 --> 00:11:29,272
Hi, what's up ?
274
00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:31,582
I have another list
of names as fallbacks
275
00:11:31,598 --> 00:11:32,942
for Tom Selleck.
276
00:11:34,175 --> 00:11:36,722
If we need a fallback.
I spoke with his assistant.
277
00:11:36,756 --> 00:11:39,111
I'm still waiting for Tom
to call me back, but...
278
00:11:39,548 --> 00:11:40,423
Great.
279
00:11:40,638 --> 00:11:43,673
Okay, there's Jerry
Stiller, Wallace Shawn,
280
00:11:43,727 --> 00:11:44,901
Robert loggia.
281
00:11:44,975 --> 00:11:46,903
Honey, come on, we're trying to eat.
282
00:11:46,975 --> 00:11:49,901
I'm having dinner, so
I'm just gonna hop off.
283
00:11:49,968 --> 00:11:51,672
Okay, dear. Bye.
284
00:11:51,748 --> 00:11:54,062
Well, they are way off track.
285
00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:56,500
I thought you said "no
work calls during dinner. "
286
00:11:56,726 --> 00:11:59,732
I had to take that one. Did you hear
that list she was putting together ?
287
00:11:59,737 --> 00:12:03,433
Well, it's your rule so we could spend
a little uninterrupted time together.
288
00:12:03,497 --> 00:12:07,572
That's right, yes. You know what I
was thinking that might be really fun ?
289
00:12:07,647 --> 00:12:10,713
Juna's band is playing at the
viper room on wednesday night.
290
00:12:10,745 --> 00:12:12,201
We should go. It could be so fun.
291
00:12:12,277 --> 00:12:15,403
Oh, I see. So when it's your stuff,
292
00:12:15,755 --> 00:12:17,130
You don't have to stay in.
293
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,952
Well... no.
294
00:12:20,517 --> 00:12:21,610
Mark, not at all.
295
00:12:21,635 --> 00:12:24,312
I wasn't planning on going at all.
296
00:12:24,397 --> 00:12:26,420
Okay, it's just...
Everybody is gonna go,
297
00:12:26,447 --> 00:12:28,503
and I need to show
some support, you know ?
298
00:12:28,527 --> 00:12:29,981
and I guess it's good
for "The Comeback"
299
00:12:30,008 --> 00:12:32,421
'Cause Jane is practically
forcing me to go,
300
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,301
So I just thought that you'd...
301
00:12:34,496 --> 00:12:36,183
Well, you are, Jane,
302
00:12:37,228 --> 00:12:38,963
practically forcing... So...
303
00:12:40,546 --> 00:12:43,151
anyway, I think it would
be fun, and you like music. So...
304
00:12:43,187 --> 00:12:46,791
All right, well, we'll go to dinner
and then we'll go there.
305
00:12:46,826 --> 00:12:50,802
Well, but see, I mean...
I still can't go to dinner.
306
00:12:51,256 --> 00:12:52,940
You know, absolutely not, Mark.
307
00:12:52,976 --> 00:12:56,701
I'm gonna be working right until
the last minute, okay, so...
308
00:12:57,128 --> 00:12:59,932
But how about this ? I meet you
and your friends there at 10 :00.
309
00:12:59,968 --> 00:13:03,460
Okay. Do they need some names ? I mean, is
there some sort of guest list or something ?
310
00:13:03,488 --> 00:13:06,353
- Probably, yeah. I should write them down.
- Okay.
311
00:13:07,505 --> 00:13:08,842
Jake Benvenuti.
312
00:13:08,896 --> 00:13:11,143
"Jake. " How do you spell the last name ?
313
00:13:11,188 --> 00:13:13,103
- B-E-N...
- "B-E-N."
314
00:13:13,255 --> 00:13:14,451
V- E-N.
315
00:13:14,876 --> 00:13:16,550
Sorry, I thought you said "B-E-N."
316
00:13:16,726 --> 00:13:19,700
- I did.
- Okay, "B-E-N... "
317
00:13:19,776 --> 00:13:21,180
V- E-N.
318
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,691
It may be quicker if you do it.
319
00:13:27,018 --> 00:13:28,661
And action.
320
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,493
Wow, look !
321
00:13:32,538 --> 00:13:34,142
Sorry, Aunt Sassy.
322
00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:36,172
That's okay, Cassie.
323
00:13:36,296 --> 00:13:39,290
Think you may have just saved
me a fortune on a chemical peel.
324
00:13:40,328 --> 00:13:42,690
Look at all this awesome stuff !
325
00:13:43,066 --> 00:13:44,842
It's like going back in time.
326
00:13:45,146 --> 00:13:48,620
Really ? Then why are
my boobs still sagging ?
327
00:13:49,366 --> 00:13:50,941
Look, tight jeans.
328
00:13:51,158 --> 00:13:52,940
They're perfect to get Big Dick.
329
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:56,872
Well... I haven't had anything
that tight below my belly
330
00:13:56,885 --> 00:13:59,953
since I was half-swallowed
by that snake on safari.
331
00:14:02,477 --> 00:14:04,171
Aren't safaris expensive ?
332
00:14:04,417 --> 00:14:07,103
Yep, and worth every penny.
333
00:14:09,767 --> 00:14:11,353
What's this ?
334
00:14:11,688 --> 00:14:14,602
Oh, I forgot I even had
that. It's my beaver.
335
00:14:17,268 --> 00:14:18,833
So big.
336
00:14:19,628 --> 00:14:21,343
You have a big beaver.
337
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:26,000
Oh, I wish I had a big beaver.
338
00:14:27,705 --> 00:14:31,272
Well, now hold on. Not
every man likes a big beaver.
339
00:14:32,686 --> 00:14:33,652
Come on, Aunt Sassy,
340
00:14:33,696 --> 00:14:36,110
What man doesn't like a big beaver ?
341
00:14:37,565 --> 00:14:38,863
My ex-husband.
342
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,771
He said my beaver scared him.
343
00:14:47,206 --> 00:14:50,993
I think that Big Dick will
love your warm furry beaver.
344
00:14:51,086 --> 00:14:53,260
Juna, don't start.
345
00:14:53,298 --> 00:14:55,552
It's that face.
346
00:14:55,898 --> 00:14:56,962
This one ?
347
00:14:57,018 --> 00:14:59,870
Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.
348
00:15:00,147 --> 00:15:01,781
All right, baby girl, baby girl,
349
00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:03,861
All right, tell me about
my big beaver again.
350
00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:07,742
Blooper bonanza here.
351
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:15,322
- Tom.
- Lady beaver.
352
00:15:15,945 --> 00:15:17,603
What's going on ?
353
00:15:18,505 --> 00:15:21,531
- So fun today.
- God, that was such a good job.
354
00:15:21,646 --> 00:15:25,103
I defy anybody that can make fun
of their beaver better than you.
355
00:15:25,726 --> 00:15:26,660
That is a compliment.
356
00:15:26,728 --> 00:15:29,252
- Thank you.
- No, I mean it.
357
00:15:29,438 --> 00:15:33,361
Great, so you're gonna tell Paulie G,
358
00:15:33,506 --> 00:15:35,671
who's M. I. A. : Missing In Action.
359
00:15:37,165 --> 00:15:39,691
Is he okay... physically ?
360
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:41,480
Yeah, he's fine. He's...
361
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,390
No, he's just...
362
00:15:45,047 --> 00:15:47,230
Just not here. Yeah, okay, yeah.
363
00:15:47,275 --> 00:15:50,232
Good. All right, but you'll
tell him that it went well ?
364
00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:53,612
Just so... he doesn't think he
needs to rewrite anything.
365
00:15:53,637 --> 00:15:55,382
No, he doesn't even care.
366
00:15:56,045 --> 00:15:57,940
He's cool with whatever I say.
367
00:15:58,236 --> 00:16:00,131
Great great. Good.
368
00:16:00,277 --> 00:16:02,003
- Okay.
- Yeah.
369
00:16:02,078 --> 00:16:03,990
- No, we're golden.
- Golden. We're golden.
370
00:16:04,028 --> 00:16:07,100
- All right. I'll see you at Juna's ?
- Rock the house.
371
00:16:10,596 --> 00:16:12,343
I have to be honest with you, Big Dick,
372
00:16:12,408 --> 00:16:14,401
I haven't been on a date in awhile.
373
00:16:14,476 --> 00:16:17,541
Well, how long has it been exactly ?
374
00:16:17,985 --> 00:16:21,003
Well, I'm not sure. I'd have
to check the cave drawing.
375
00:16:21,075 --> 00:16:23,993
Well, Miss Sassy, as far as I can tell,
376
00:16:24,007 --> 00:16:25,542
you haven't lost your touch.
377
00:16:25,556 --> 00:16:29,121
Mickey, I don't think you should
do the accent. It's throwing me off.
378
00:16:29,565 --> 00:16:32,331
Tom might do a different
accent, that's all.
379
00:16:33,318 --> 00:16:35,813
What do you think ? Should I
call his assistant again or...
380
00:16:35,837 --> 00:16:37,453
Nah, he'll call.
381
00:16:39,878 --> 00:16:41,312
What's this ?
382
00:16:42,896 --> 00:16:45,320
Oh, that's your Robert ?
383
00:16:45,498 --> 00:16:48,580
Oh my gosh. I didn't even recognize him.
384
00:16:48,596 --> 00:16:52,203
- How old is this picture ?
- In case you don't get Selleck.
385
00:16:53,275 --> 00:16:54,003
Well...
386
00:16:54,615 --> 00:16:58,303
All these years, I've never asked, red.
387
00:17:00,108 --> 00:17:02,362
Now I know. I think, you know,...
388
00:17:02,687 --> 00:17:04,501
they really wanna get a name.
389
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:09,733
- Well... keep him in mind.
- Okay.
390
00:17:10,178 --> 00:17:12,403
He's perfect for the role of Big Dick...
391
00:17:12,667 --> 00:17:14,173
...if you get my drift.
392
00:17:18,878 --> 00:17:21,372
You know that overhead camera ?
393
00:17:21,446 --> 00:17:22,823
It's probably on.
394
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:31,320
Excuse me, excuse me.
Pardon. Thank you so much.
395
00:17:31,395 --> 00:17:33,603
Thanks, Jane. Thanks.
396
00:17:35,127 --> 00:17:37,011
Just don't want anyone
to spill on this coat,
397
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,592
'cause it's in the show friday, right?
398
00:17:42,018 --> 00:17:44,602
Paulie G, yo !
399
00:17:46,626 --> 00:17:48,642
Hey, stranger. Hello !
400
00:17:48,705 --> 00:17:50,870
Been missing you in the clubhouse.
401
00:17:52,617 --> 00:17:55,243
So Mr. Tom Selleck is interested.
402
00:17:55,986 --> 00:17:58,040
Personal favor. I know him.
403
00:17:58,068 --> 00:18:00,803
- "Magnum P. I."
- That's right. That's right.
404
00:18:01,397 --> 00:18:04,521
Yeah, real fun script. Bravo.
405
00:18:04,678 --> 00:18:05,852
I didn't write it.
406
00:18:08,247 --> 00:18:09,110
Well...
407
00:18:10,095 --> 00:18:11,750
fun crowd, huh ?
408
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:16,061
My husband's here.
He's getting us drinks.
409
00:18:17,145 --> 00:18:20,503
- So wonder when Juna's band...
- Yo, man, what's up ?
410
00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:24,303
Valerie, Valerie !
411
00:18:25,136 --> 00:18:27,172
Is that Peter ? Peter.
412
00:18:27,725 --> 00:18:28,870
Valerie, hey, girl.
413
00:18:28,925 --> 00:18:29,912
Hey, Cathy !
414
00:18:31,507 --> 00:18:33,940
Someone's gonna spill. I just know it.
415
00:18:34,856 --> 00:18:37,340
- Here ya go, babe.
- Thank you. What is this ?
416
00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:38,980
Red Bull and vodka.
417
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:40,960
I asked for white wine.
418
00:18:41,145 --> 00:18:44,402
- Val, it's a rock club. Just go with the flow.
- Okay.
419
00:18:44,667 --> 00:18:46,371
This guy looks like he's all business,
420
00:18:46,408 --> 00:18:49,160
but you get him out of
the office and he's wild !
421
00:18:49,436 --> 00:18:50,861
- Is he ?
- Yeah.
422
00:18:50,945 --> 00:18:53,243
Val, you better drink
that. You'll need the kick.
423
00:18:53,426 --> 00:18:57,342
The bartender told me that they
don't even begin until 11:30.
424
00:18:58,298 --> 00:18:59,960
Hey, this is pretty good.
425
00:19:00,146 --> 00:19:02,610
♪ everyone is out to get ya ♪
426
00:19:02,618 --> 00:19:05,282
♪ don't give in, don't let go ♪
427
00:19:05,297 --> 00:19:07,881
♪ face up to the wave that breaks you ♪
428
00:19:07,926 --> 00:19:10,311
♪ be what you know, to-to be bold ♪
429
00:19:10,518 --> 00:19:13,401
♪ don't know what's building up inside ♪
430
00:19:13,425 --> 00:19:16,241
♪ but I can feel it in my veins ♪
431
00:19:16,258 --> 00:19:18,803
♪ I need to fly away ♪
432
00:19:21,248 --> 00:19:25,340
♪ free me ♪
433
00:19:25,646 --> 00:19:27,053
♪ to be ♪
434
00:19:29,248 --> 00:19:30,873
♪ anything I want, anything I feel... ♪
435
00:19:30,885 --> 00:19:33,350
Mark, Mark. The camera.
436
00:19:33,377 --> 00:19:36,443
- Oh, fuck the camera.
- Well, I'm working.
437
00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:40,631
Jane, would you like to dance ?
438
00:19:40,655 --> 00:19:42,243
Mark, no, she would not like to dance.
439
00:19:42,266 --> 00:19:43,892
She's working too.
440
00:19:44,805 --> 00:19:47,891
Just give us a few minutes,
and then we'll play, all right ?
441
00:19:50,347 --> 00:19:54,901
♪ anything I want, anything I feel... ♪
442
00:19:55,037 --> 00:19:58,393
Valerie Cherish, lookin' hot!
443
00:19:58,576 --> 00:20:00,103
♪ free ♪
444
00:20:14,808 --> 00:20:18,650
♪ free me ♪
445
00:20:18,946 --> 00:20:22,240
♪ to be ♪
446
00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:25,502
♪ anything I want, anything I feel. ♪
447
00:20:34,146 --> 00:20:36,031
Fucking Red Bull !
448
00:20:36,546 --> 00:20:37,853
I gotta be up in like two hours.
449
00:20:37,878 --> 00:20:40,910
- This is completely fucked !
- Yeah, I know.
450
00:20:41,008 --> 00:20:42,840
Listen, Mark, listen.
451
00:20:43,428 --> 00:20:44,683
I know, I just wanna tell you,
452
00:20:44,728 --> 00:20:48,252
okay, I know I haven't been
completely present this week or at all,
453
00:20:48,257 --> 00:20:50,130
but, you know, I'm an actress.
454
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:53,682
People think that it's all just
glamour and premieres and glamour.
455
00:20:53,765 --> 00:20:55,913
They don't know that there's
a lot more to it than that.
456
00:20:55,938 --> 00:20:59,020
Not to say that you're one of those
people, 'cause I know you're not.
457
00:20:59,078 --> 00:21:00,832
What I mean to say, if
you can follow at all
458
00:21:00,855 --> 00:21:04,052
what I'm trying to say, is
that it's just a lot of pressure
459
00:21:04,088 --> 00:21:06,220
and responsibility for the show.
460
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:10,320
And when it's your show, 29 pages
of it, every scene but three,
461
00:21:10,448 --> 00:21:13,313
Then I don't know where
that leaves us exactly.
462
00:21:13,417 --> 00:21:16,700
I'm sorry. I don't. I just know
that I haven't been present,
463
00:21:17,056 --> 00:21:19,341
And I drove you into the arms
of another woman tonight.
464
00:21:19,366 --> 00:21:20,600
Oh, come on. No.
465
00:21:20,606 --> 00:21:23,833
- I was just dancing with her.
- Dirty dancing.
466
00:21:23,947 --> 00:21:25,870
And I know you think she's attractive.
467
00:21:25,905 --> 00:21:29,232
- 'Cause she is. She's an attractive woman.
- With a flat ass.
468
00:21:29,276 --> 00:21:31,800
- And you felt her ass.
- Oh god, come on...
469
00:21:31,917 --> 00:21:33,983
All right, all right, all
right, I give up, okay ?
470
00:21:34,027 --> 00:21:36,583
If you're gonna leave me, there's
nothing I can do about that.
471
00:21:36,597 --> 00:21:39,573
- Just not this week. Not this week.
- Val, Val.
472
00:21:39,745 --> 00:21:40,821
Come on.
473
00:21:43,017 --> 00:21:45,020
All right, you're not leaving.
474
00:21:45,756 --> 00:21:47,350
All right. Good god.
475
00:21:47,476 --> 00:21:49,962
Probably just the Red
Bull talking, right ?
476
00:21:50,055 --> 00:21:52,460
What is in that stuff ?
I can't even blink.
477
00:21:52,498 --> 00:21:54,850
My head's buzzing. It's just buzzing.
478
00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:58,001
I know. It reminds me
of the time we did coke.
479
00:22:02,215 --> 00:22:05,232
Great. All right. Jane ? No.
480
00:22:05,328 --> 00:22:07,900
Absolutely not. No.
481
00:22:07,946 --> 00:22:09,702
- Does that even work ?
- Well...
482
00:22:10,016 --> 00:22:11,082
Fuck.
483
00:22:13,726 --> 00:22:16,341
- What are you doing ?
- What do you think I'm doing ?
484
00:22:16,407 --> 00:22:18,860
- You can't.
- I can't have that thing.
485
00:22:18,928 --> 00:22:21,550
- I said about us doing coke on tape.
- You just said it again.
486
00:22:21,566 --> 00:22:24,020
- You said it just now.
- Jesus, now I gotta break it.
487
00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,580
Oh, Mark, no, look,
that's an expensive camera.
488
00:22:26,597 --> 00:22:28,732
I'll write them a check.
489
00:22:36,575 --> 00:22:38,201
Ready for a long day ?
490
00:22:38,415 --> 00:22:39,783
In almost every scene.
491
00:22:40,315 --> 00:22:41,741
Where is everybody ?
492
00:22:42,825 --> 00:22:44,340
Eddie, where's everybody ?
493
00:22:51,916 --> 00:22:54,122
Oh, hey, Valerie.
494
00:22:54,306 --> 00:22:55,900
Hey, what's going on ?
495
00:22:56,948 --> 00:22:58,350
Did someone die ?
496
00:22:59,666 --> 00:23:00,992
No, no.
497
00:23:01,737 --> 00:23:02,391
No.
498
00:23:03,507 --> 00:23:04,923
I've got some...
499
00:23:05,285 --> 00:23:06,970
not-so-great news.
500
00:23:07,158 --> 00:23:09,970
The network is shutting us down.
501
00:23:10,048 --> 00:23:12,613
They feel the show is going
in the wrong direction,
502
00:23:12,645 --> 00:23:16,031
So they're just gonna give us
another couple of weeks to retool.
503
00:23:18,635 --> 00:23:19,703
- Okay
- Yeah
504
00:23:20,916 --> 00:23:22,813
Tom Selleck is gonna call any minute.
505
00:23:22,838 --> 00:23:24,583
Were they informed of that ?
506
00:23:28,428 --> 00:23:29,540
Okay, all right.
507
00:23:29,565 --> 00:23:33,421
So when we come back, we'll
do the "Sassy" episode then ?
508
00:23:33,527 --> 00:23:35,002
Actually, the network,
509
00:23:35,046 --> 00:23:38,272
they didn't really respond so
well to the "Sassy" episode.
510
00:23:38,286 --> 00:23:40,833
so we're actually just
not gonna do it at all.
511
00:23:41,048 --> 00:23:42,172
Shutdown !
512
00:23:48,256 --> 00:23:49,200
Told ya.
513
00:23:53,176 --> 00:23:54,342
That was helpful.
514
00:23:57,218 --> 00:23:59,692
So... okay. What...
515
00:23:59,877 --> 00:24:02,052
What was their problem
with the episode ?
516
00:24:02,478 --> 00:24:04,572
Yeah, it's not important.
517
00:24:04,746 --> 00:24:07,192
It was... so funny, you know ?
518
00:24:07,248 --> 00:24:10,203
I can't imagine what their
problem would be with it. So...
519
00:24:10,418 --> 00:24:12,031
I'm a big girl. You can tell me
520
00:24:12,296 --> 00:24:13,641
Exactly what they said.
521
00:24:18,355 --> 00:24:20,501
Well, they said it was like
522
00:24:20,556 --> 00:24:23,033
" 'Sex and the city' meets 'cocoon. ' "
523
00:24:26,206 --> 00:24:29,091
- You asked.
- Yes yes, I did.
524
00:24:30,687 --> 00:24:33,940
Sure did. Okay. All right, well,
525
00:24:34,016 --> 00:24:36,600
then I guess it's back
to the drawing board.
526
00:24:36,926 --> 00:24:37,530
Yeah.
527
00:24:37,616 --> 00:24:39,052
The "room and bored" drawing board.
528
00:24:39,097 --> 00:24:40,972
- That's right.
- Yeah.
529
00:24:43,007 --> 00:24:45,371
Okay, well, I'll see you soon.
530
00:24:45,465 --> 00:24:46,513
Okay, good.
531
00:24:49,078 --> 00:24:49,960
Okay.
532
00:24:52,926 --> 00:24:55,042
Poor guy, you know ?
533
00:24:55,756 --> 00:24:57,310
Tough road ahead of him.
534
00:24:57,788 --> 00:24:59,272
That's tv for ya.
535
00:24:59,366 --> 00:25:02,922
You know. If it ain't broke,
then break it, and then fix it.
536
00:25:03,266 --> 00:25:04,080
You know ?
537
00:25:05,386 --> 00:25:08,432
It's happened so many times.
Some of the classic shows too,
538
00:25:08,477 --> 00:25:11,640
where they shut them down
and then retooled, so...
539
00:25:11,876 --> 00:25:13,023
Which ones ?
540
00:25:18,375 --> 00:25:19,983
You know, I gotta...
Put a pin in that.
541
00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:23,850
I just wanna get my jacket 'cause Mickey
brought it to the set earlier today...
542
00:25:23,906 --> 00:25:27,363
The kind of thing if you
leave it here... it's gone.
543
00:25:45,668 --> 00:25:46,612
Hello ?
544
00:25:47,847 --> 00:25:49,151
Oh, hi, Tom.
545
00:25:50,897 --> 00:25:52,813
Oh, yeah. So you read it ? Yeah.
546
00:25:53,986 --> 00:25:56,733
Oh, glad you liked it.
547
00:25:58,466 --> 00:25:59,570
Yeah, no, well...
548
00:25:59,616 --> 00:26:02,552
TV's dirty now, Tom. So, yeah.
549
00:26:04,606 --> 00:26:08,072
Yeah... listen, before you say yes,
550
00:26:08,866 --> 00:26:11,471
you should know that
they shut the show down.
551
00:26:12,037 --> 00:26:13,813
Yeah, I know.
552
00:26:13,875 --> 00:26:16,762
Yeah, it's too bad. I know.
553
00:26:17,658 --> 00:26:20,011
Well, yeah, maybe some other time, yeah.
554
00:26:21,676 --> 00:26:22,640
Well...
555
00:26:26,286 --> 00:26:29,750
Yeah, no. Listen, if they
resurrect my big beaver,
556
00:26:29,777 --> 00:26:31,662
I'll give you a call, okay ?
557
00:26:32,645 --> 00:26:34,183
Yeah, no. Yeah, I'm okay.
558
00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:36,473
All right, so you take care.
559
00:26:36,607 --> 00:26:38,960
All right. And thanks so much
for calling me back, darlin'.
560
00:26:39,046 --> 00:26:40,802
Appreciate it. Okay.
561
00:26:40,916 --> 00:26:41,892
Bye bye.
562
00:26:46,306 --> 00:26:48,620
That was Mr. Tom Selleck.
563
00:26:51,145 --> 00:26:52,870
Should have put it on speaker.
564
00:26:54,426 --> 00:26:56,961
Transcript : Raceman
565
00:26:57,166 --> 00:27:00,873
Synchro : Seth Cohen
566
00:27:06,328 --> 00:27:07,182
Jane.
567
00:27:09,906 --> 00:27:10,881
Jane ?
568
00:27:14,898 --> 00:27:16,601
- We're not shut down...
- No.
569
00:27:16,696 --> 00:27:19,080
- ... are we ?
- No, I don't think so.
570
00:27:19,096 --> 00:27:20,941
Okay, 'cause I got a cute story
571
00:27:20,967 --> 00:27:23,293
we can do O. T. F. : On The Fly.
572
00:27:23,805 --> 00:27:26,331
It's a Tom Selleck story, so it fits.
573
00:27:26,455 --> 00:27:29,263
So when I was doing my "magnum P. I.,"
574
00:27:29,697 --> 00:27:33,541
he had this big, beautiful, colorful
macaw sitting on his shoulder,
575
00:27:33,707 --> 00:27:36,531
And it was meant to stay there,
576
00:27:36,566 --> 00:27:40,001
so of course, it wouldn't.
And it flew right at me,
577
00:27:40,047 --> 00:27:42,071
right into my head,
got caught in my hair,
578
00:27:42,097 --> 00:27:45,261
and I freaked out. I was 17 at the time.
579
00:27:45,287 --> 00:27:48,110
I think it was 17 takes.
Kept bringing in other birds.
580
00:27:48,146 --> 00:27:50,270
It's like an Alfred Hitchcock movie.
581
00:27:51,496 --> 00:27:52,902
That's the story.
582
00:27:53,348 --> 00:27:54,732
- It's good.
- Yeah.
583
00:27:56,186 --> 00:27:57,791
Are you coming, or
are you gonna meet me ?
584
00:27:57,816 --> 00:27:59,730
That's all right, we can meet up later.
585
00:28:00,075 --> 00:28:03,931
www. forom. com
586
00:28:03,981 --> 00:28:08,531
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