Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:45,534
[In Polish]
On the mountain top
2
00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:55,444
I see something black
3
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:05,689
Is it cow shit
4
00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:12,362
Or my beloved
5
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,091
[Man, In English]Good evening, ladies and gentlemen...
6
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:18,136
and welcome once againto The Crazy Daisy Show.
7
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:21,366
We have sophisticated entertainment,a window into reality...
8
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,840
a breath of cold airfrom another world.
9
00:02:23,943 --> 00:02:29,506
As the Chastity Belt Foundation
and the Aristotlese Aplanalp chain stores...
10
00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:34,280
proudly present the semifinalists
in the Miss World 1984 Contest!
11
00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:37,151
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
it gives me a great deal of pleasure...
12
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:40,021
to present Mrs. Martha Aplanalp,
well-known philanthropist...
13
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:42,594
and chairman of
the Chastity Belt Foundation.
14
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:46,153
A great sponsor and a great mother.
15
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,325
[Applause]
16
00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:51,835
[Drums Beating]
17
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,315
- [Applause Continues]
- [Drums Continue]
18
00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:13,117
[Applause Increases]
19
00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:36,815
[Applause Stops]
20
00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:41,376
Dear Mrs. Martha, first the question,
why the Chastity Belt Foundation?
21
00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:44,422
Surely in these modern times
that seems to be a bit old-fashioned.
22
00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:47,186
Oh, we're not old-fashioned -
not in the least.
23
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:51,593
At Chastity Belt,
there are no metals...
24
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:53,996
no elastic supports...
25
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,000
no tranquilizers.
26
00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:58,832
Through the guidance
of our sensational method...
27
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:01,907
your own body kills the animal.
28
00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:06,406
We advocate simple triumph of the will.
29
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:09,675
It is painless and ever so rewarding.
30
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:12,742
No wild dreams.
31
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:15,980
No - No peculiar behavior.
32
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,149
Solid health and purposeful direction.
33
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:22,820
It's so good to hear about healthand purposeful direction in these sick times.
34
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:27,332
- Right on! Sock it to me, baby.
- [Audience Chuckles]
35
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:32,894
A network of muscles forms the protective
armor around the pelvic region.
36
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:36,772
If not controlled and kept at bay...
37
00:04:36,876 --> 00:04:41,813
wild impulses will turn everyone
into beastly animals...
38
00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:44,815
chaotic natural beings.
39
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:50,289
Semifinalists from 77 countries have been
selected and sent here this evening.
40
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,551
They are, of course,
the most desirable, prominent...
41
00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:54,889
and well-preserved virgins available.
42
00:04:55,928 --> 00:05:00,695
This year's stake for the lucky
young winner is $50 billion.
43
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,167
Fifty billion dollars,
the estimated fortune of Mr. Aplanalp...
44
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:08,536
uh, Mrs. Martha Aplanalp's boy,
her pride and joy.
45
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,007
The richest bachelor in the world...
46
00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:14,546
who decided suddenly this summerto give up his bachelorhood...
47
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,741
to sponsor the Miss World Contestand marry the winner...
48
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:20,216
the most cherished girlon the planet Earth.
49
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,220
There's a saying in the Aplanalp family:
50
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:27,453
"When we buy something,
we buy the best, and we buy it brand-new."
51
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,791
And now, ladies and gentlemen,Dr. Mittlefinger.
52
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:33,422
[Audience Cheering, Applauding]
53
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:35,433
Turn over here, Doctor.
54
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:38,368
Yes, uh, Dr. Mittlefinger
certainly is an extraordinary man.
55
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:42,237
Um, has to his credit
the delivery of three army generals...
56
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,743
four members of Parliament,
Eskimo sextuplets, uh...
57
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:49,246
and, of course,many, many more people... and women.
58
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:53,080
I, uh - I'm really thrilled to be able
to perform at this important function...
59
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,587
and, uh, I'm anticipating
some delightful specimens.
60
00:05:56,689 --> 00:06:00,284
Each new flowerbrings a new joy, a new excitement.
61
00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:02,418
- [Clears Throat]
- Can we start the show?
62
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:05,725
[Announcer] Of course.Uh, so let's meet now the first contestant...
63
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:08,096
Miss Southern Rhodesia.
64
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,898
- [Applause, Cheering]
- [Drums Beating]
65
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:15,405
Another historical moment,
a window into reality...
66
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:17,772
an event never attempted
live on television before...
67
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:20,038
and coming to you on
The Crazy Daisy Show.
68
00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:22,114
If you'll just step up here.
69
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,184
[Drums Continue]
70
00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:45,203
[Mittlefinger] Would you begood enough to remove your pants?
71
00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:47,204
Oh, my pleasure.
72
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:49,206
- Dr. Mittlefinger
- So kind.
73
00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:54,837
Brilliant master of deep insights
and even deeper insights.
74
00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:59,350
Innovative explorer of
the abysses of the human body and soul.
75
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:02,182
Tell us, Miss, uh, Southern Rhodesia.
Tell us, how do you feel now?
76
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:06,190
Oh, I'm great. Oh!
[Giggling]
77
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:08,283
[Martha]What's happening?
78
00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:11,124
You're tickling me.
[Giggling]
79
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:14,757
I'm really sensitive.
You're tickling me with your little light.
80
00:07:14,867 --> 00:07:17,131
This little light.
81
00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:20,296
Now, ladies and gentlemen,we proudly present Miss Congo.
82
00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:22,636
- [Applause]
- [Drums Continue]
83
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:27,675
- [Cheering, Whistling]
- [Applause Continues]
84
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:40,049
Remove your panties please, honey.
85
00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:42,150
Hey, baby. You mean my bananas?
86
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:46,061
Oh, yes, of course. Delicious.
87
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:57,233
There are different types of hymen,
a delicate little piece of skin...
88
00:07:57,343 --> 00:08:02,280
that informs us about a girl's initiation
into the world of adult pleasures.
89
00:08:02,381 --> 00:08:04,281
[Martha Clears Throat]
90
00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:07,375
I mean the sinful,
disgusting pleasures of the flesh...
91
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,955
and unusual sensual...
92
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:11,956
excitation.
93
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:14,618
[Drums Continue]
94
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:16,786
[Applause]
95
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:22,429
[Announcer] Now, here comesMiss Yugoslavia, a picture of radiant health.
96
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:25,333
[Cheering, Whistling]
97
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:33,510
Yes, well, this young lady
is certainly self-assured.
98
00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:35,581
[Laughter, Clapping]
99
00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:38,716
[Applause]
100
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:40,809
[Drums Continue]
101
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,286
[Audience Chattering]
102
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,956
[Audience Laughing, Applauding]
103
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:09,108
[Loud Applause]
104
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:14,850
[Announcer]Now, moving right along, folks...
105
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:17,980
let's meet Mademoiselle Canada.
106
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:24,263
[No Audible Clapping]
107
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,879
Would you take your pants off, please?
108
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,005
I don't wear any.
109
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:46,209
[Mittlefinger]You never wear any pants?
110
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,787
Not for a special occasion like this.
111
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:55,386
[Drums Continue]
112
00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:59,326
Splendid. Splendid.
113
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,900
[Mademoiselle Canada]By far the most beautiful thing here.
114
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:09,340
In all my years of practice,
I've never seen anything so sweet.
115
00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:12,476
A rosebud.
116
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:14,705
[Drums Continue]
117
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,918
[Water Rushing]
118
00:10:33,532 --> 00:10:36,968
[Speakers: Chorus Singing In Italian]
119
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:52,343
[In Italian]
The whole world is our country
120
00:10:52,551 --> 00:10:55,748
Liberty is our law
121
00:10:55,955 --> 00:11:00,654
And just one thought...
122
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,127
The whole world is our country
123
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:07,393
Liberty is our law
124
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:12,995
Just one thought
burns in our hearts
125
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:18,469
Wanderers on land
126
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:23,505
And sea
127
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:28,346
For an idea
128
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,486
We leave our loved ones behind
129
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:34,923
The whole world is our country
130
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,894
Liberty is our law
131
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:42,991
And just one thought...
132
00:11:43,102 --> 00:11:46,401
The whole world is our country
133
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:49,633
Liberty is our law
134
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:55,578
Just one thought
burns in our hearts
135
00:11:55,681 --> 00:12:00,846
But all your exiled people
136
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:05,888
Shall return to you
137
00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:11,423
And brandish the torch
138
00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,598
To demand their rights
139
00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:16,964
The whole world is our country
140
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:20,334
Liberty is our law
141
00:12:20,439 --> 00:12:24,933
And just one thought...
142
00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:28,445
The whole world is our country
143
00:12:28,547 --> 00:12:31,778
Liberty is our law
144
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:36,981
Just one thought
burns in our hearts
145
00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:46,396
[Man, In English]When I buy something, I always buy the best.
146
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:50,299
You know, yesterday,I bought a diamond mine in South Africa.
147
00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:53,235
Today, another buy.[Laughs]
148
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:55,807
The best-bred bride available.
149
00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:02,571
Must be about 785 diamonds in there.
You know that?
150
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:05,445
- About that?
- Oh, yeah. Maybe more.
151
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,542
And they all came from
my diamond mine.
152
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:10,554
Yeah!
[Laughing]
153
00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:13,420
Yes, sir, baby.
Here we go.
154
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,551
[Vocalizing: William Tell Overture]
155
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:24,236
Yeah. Hand-carved.
156
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,607
- You know who this fella is?
- No.
157
00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:31,107
That's Karl. Karl Marx!
158
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:33,110
[Laughing]
Yeah.
159
00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:36,670
He's the guy that shot the Russian Czar. Yeah.
Shot him dead, right in the head. Yeah.
160
00:13:36,782 --> 00:13:39,580
That started World War I, honey. Yeah!
161
00:13:44,456 --> 00:13:47,186
[Mr. Dollars] I got it froma Russian business connection. Yeah.
162
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,193
He buys a lot of my diamonds.
163
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:51,786
- You see that little fountain down there?
- [Mademoiselle Canada] Yes.
164
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:53,797
[Mr. Dollars]That's my next buy. Yeah!
165
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:57,562
It's gonna be my biggest undertakingin landscape architecture.
166
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,831
I'm gonna buy itfrom the Canadian government.
167
00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:03,068
I'm gonna renovate it,redecorate it.
168
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:07,339
Get rid of the water, turn off the falls.[Laughs]
169
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:12,110
I'm gonna installan electronic, synthetic...
170
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,311
laser moving image in livin' color.
171
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,581
In livin' color, honey! Yeah.
172
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,624
And we're gonna have
a huge quadraphonic sound system.
173
00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:22,193
Yeah! Of the royal waters. Yeah!
174
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:26,854
We're gonna have the best
sight and sound system available. Yeah.
175
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:30,367
Unaffected by weather conditions.
[Laughing]
176
00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:42,744
My empire.
177
00:14:42,848 --> 00:14:45,180
Milk for the entire country.
178
00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:03,930
- [Country]
- [Man Whistles]
179
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,881
[Continues]
180
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:21,385
[People Whooping, Cheering]
181
00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:29,027
[Continues]
182
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,940
[Continues]
183
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:48,246
[Man]Let's see the bride.
184
00:15:48,347 --> 00:15:50,907
- [Man #2] Whoo!
- [Man #1] Hey!
185
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,389
[Shouts]
186
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:01,618
Mama!
[Laughing]
187
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:03,695
[Man]
Whoo!
188
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,724
- [Ends]
- [All Cheering]
189
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:11,632
Now, you may ask,
do I have time for marriage?
190
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:17,107
And I simply state that marriage is
a great gimmick for saving money and time...
191
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:19,837
- which is money!
- [All Cheering]
192
00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:22,880
I have come to understand
the real meaning of marriage.
193
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,576
I simply can't afford any more waste.
194
00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:29,085
I can't afford any more chaos in my sex life.
[Laughs]
195
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:33,682
All right. Everyone has to relieve himself,
but why waste it?
196
00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:38,729
Okay. You bang some broad,
you feel good for a half a second...
197
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:42,130
but then you realize you've gotta
run to the phone to call your doctor...
198
00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:44,361
'cause you gotta have a V.D. Test.
199
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,870
You soothe your balls...
200
00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:48,872
and you get a headache.
201
00:16:48,974 --> 00:16:51,534
- That's right, my son.
- Well, not for me no more.
202
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,611
I guarantee that.
203
00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:58,411
My mama kept telling me,
"Son, look after your health."
204
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:02,317
[Chuckles]
Well, Ma, I sure as hell aim to.
205
00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:06,187
Come over here, honey.
Best little heifer in town. In the world!
206
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:09,488
[Laughs]
No chemical substitutes.
207
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:12,496
All ingredients checked
and double-checked...
208
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,862
and certified pure.
209
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:17,128
- [Cheering]
- [Drums Beat]
210
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:21,002
[Chuckles]
Not an easy thing to find these days, is it?
211
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:23,006
Well, I done it.
212
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:26,134
So now I have acquired
a lady of the house...
213
00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:28,372
a personal jewel...
214
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,380
but above all...
215
00:17:30,482 --> 00:17:34,612
a purified sanitation systemfor unchecked waste.
216
00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:38,281
[Speakers: Brass Band]
217
00:17:42,961 --> 00:17:48,058
[Speakers: People Yodeling]
218
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:07,984
[Continues]
219
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:12,117
[No Audible Dialogue]
220
00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,445
[Continues]
221
00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:51,563
Hey! Hey!
222
00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:03,871
[Birds Chirping]
223
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:22,288
[Chirping Continues]
224
00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:36,438
[Whirring]
225
00:19:57,062 --> 00:19:59,997
[Chirping Continues]
226
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:15,913
[Chirping Continues]
227
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:20,050
[Country]
228
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,425
[Spits]
229
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:45,665
[Screams]
230
00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:49,207
- [Continues]
- [Screams]
231
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:52,300
[Mr. Dollars]Hey, Mama! Yahoo!
232
00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:56,879
Hey, Mama! Yahoo!
233
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:58,950
[Screams]
234
00:22:03,121 --> 00:22:05,089
[Water Rushing]
235
00:22:34,953 --> 00:22:38,445
[Woman, In English] Is there life on the Earth
236
00:22:38,557 --> 00:22:41,321