Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,400
Jay.
2
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:08,300
- Jay?
- What? What's wrong?
3
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:09,700
You're snoring.
4
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,400
Me? Oh, I'm sorry. I...
5
00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:16,900
Look at her!
6
00:00:17,700 --> 00:00:20,000
Come on. We said no
Stella in the bed.
7
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:21,900
Oh, but she's just
a little puppy.
8
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,100
She probably got
scared and snuck in.
9
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:25,900
Oh, really? How come
when Manny has nightmares
10
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,600
you don't let him
snuck in the bed?
11
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:30,400
Gloria, it's 6:00 in the morning.
Can we talk about this later?
12
00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:33,000
Answer the question, Jay.
13
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:37,500
You know, I'm gonna
check the lease,
14
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,600
but I'm pretty sure we're
not allowed to have a meth lab.
15
00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:41,400
You are a delight.
16
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,700
So what are you doing?
17
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:45,800
I think you're gonna like this.
I'm going on a juice fast.
18
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,600
Mmm. Love it.
19
00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:49,700
Hate it. Let's face it,
20
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,500
a well-fed Cam is hardly
a model of emotional stability.
21
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,600
Now deprive him of food,
and stage by stage,
22
00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:58,700
it's a slow descent
into madness.
23
00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,300
Stage one-- the clean sweep.
24
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:02,500
Poison.
25
00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:04,300
Poison.
26
00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:05,600
Poison.
27
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,900
Do you think that this is
the best week to be doing this?
28
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,300
- Why not? - Well, we have that
charity thing at my boss' house.
29
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,500
Oh, so what, I'm supposed to
put off my quest for wellness
30
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,500
until we're no longer
socially in demand?
31
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,700
That will never happen.
I'm too charismatic.
32
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:18,500
No. No. Not the cookies.
33
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,500
Of course the cookies.
34
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:22,900
Why do you always
want me to fail?
35
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,100
Stage two-- attack Mitchell.
36
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,900
Because when his diet
crashes and burns
37
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,300
into a giant pile of Nutella,
38
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:31,600
I'm the one he's gonna blame.
39
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:33,600
Well, no, not this time.
40
00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:35,800
You know what? I'm gonna
do the fast with you.
41
00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:37,900
I think it's a great idea,
and we should do it together
42
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,100
so we're on the same team,
you know, us versus food.
43
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,500
I know what you're doing...
44
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,100
And I really appreciate it.
45
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,000
No, it'll-- it'll be good for me.
I've actually put on a few pounds.
46
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:51,300
Yeah, well, you know,
I didn't want to say anything.
47
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:58,800
As the stock market plummeted,
48
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:01,500
brave young men took to the skies,
49
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:05,700
ushering in the goldenage of the daredevil.
50
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,500
How awesome are people?
51
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:09,500
So awesome.
52
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,500
You wanna get that,
buddy? I'll pause it.
53
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,600
- Hey, Luke. How's it going? I--
- Hey, Uncle Mitchell.
54
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,900
I really can't talk. I'm
trying to watch a movie.
55
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,100
Oh, okay, well, I just wanted
to drop off this bag of junk food.
56
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:26,200
- Go on.
- Uh, Cam and I are on a juice fast,
57
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:27,600
so having this stuff in the house--
58
00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:30,800
- I connected the dots. See ya.
- Oh.
59
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,100
Seeing that weird,
wonderful little man
60
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,100
pursuing his dream of walking
on a tightrope made me think
61
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,700
maybe I could pursue my dream...
62
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,000
Here you go, buddy.
63
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,400
Of walking on a tightrope.
64
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,599
Sync by Www.1000fr.Net
capture: Frm@��� | sync: Frs@����
65
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:03,800
Corrections www.addic7ed.com
66
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,700
come on, Dad! You got this!
You can do this!
67
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,900
- Stay focused! Stay hungry!
- You okay, buddy?
68
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,300
What? Yeah, hell, yeah, no.
69
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,800
Just proud of my Dad!
70
00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:15,600
There was a lot of
chocolate in that bag.
71
00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:19,500
Phil, honey, you gotta
take Luke to school.
72
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,500
Got it.
73
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,700
Okay, I haven't fallen three
out of the last four times.
74
00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:25,900
This afternoon, we go airborne.
75
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,500
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Yeah!
76
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,100
- Yeah!
- Yeah! Mm!
77
00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:37,100
Sitting all by
yourself at the table.
78
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,200
Now where have I
seen that again?
79
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,100
Oh, right. Every day
in the school cafeteria.
80
00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,200
- I do that by choice.
- The school's choice.
81
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:45,100
Isn't that your nickname?
82
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,900
Haley, be nice to your sister.
Alex, good save.
83
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,700
- Mom, sign this.
- What is it?
84
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,700
They finally bumped me up
to the harder math class.
85
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:54,900
Third period, Mr. waters.
86
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,800
What? No, Mom, you cannot
sign this. This is my class.
87
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,200
You're a freshman. What are
you doing in second-year math?
88
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,800
You're a senior. What are you
still doing in second year math?
89
00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:04,400
Not "still!"... Again."
90
00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:06,300
Alex, be nice to your sister.
91
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,600
Haley, not a good save.
92
00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,500
I knew it would suck
having you at my school.
93
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,000
Well, hang in there.
A couple more years,
94
00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,000
you'll have it all to yourself
again. Come on, girls.
95
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,400
Jay, look at this.
96
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:23,000
It's ruined. Stella did this.
She chew on my shoe!
97
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,900
You have to discipline
that stupid dog.
98
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,300
I discipline her all the time.
99
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,600
Oh, really? How? By buying
her little cupcakes?
100
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:29,700
They're not real cupcakes.
101
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,900
They're doggy treats in
the form of cupcakes.
102
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,500
Yeah, you should have told
that to Manny before he ate one.
103
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,600
Oh, come on. His coat
never looked better.
104
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:40,300
You wouldn't find it so funny
if she was destroying your shoes.
105
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,900
Well, I don't leave my shoes
laying around, so...
106
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:46,000
So it's my fault that she
chooses to chew my shoe?
107
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:48,400
I didn't say that.
You barely said it.
108
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,400
- You have to stop coddling her.
- I don't coddle her.
109
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,200
What?
110
00:04:57,100 --> 00:05:00,800
She tries to drink
the water. It's funny.
111
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:04,600
You don't look at me in class.
You don't text me.
112
00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:07,000
Who would text during a class?
113
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,100
What are you?
114
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,800
Hon, I realize that this situation
is not ideal for either one of you,
115
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:15,700
but sometimes we just
rise above things.
116
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:16,700
Yes?
117
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,200
Excuse me. Did you notice the
curb here is painted yellow?
118
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:21,600
Uh, no, I did not.
119
00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:24,400
Wow. It means loading
and unloading.
120
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:26,600
Okay, well, I was just
dropping off my kids.
121
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:28,800
And yet I see no kids
emerging from the vehicle.
122
00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:30,400
Well, we were chatting.
123
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:31,500
Wow.
124
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,700
At the risk of surprising
you a third time, officer,
125
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,300
I've been dropping off
here for years, and I--
126
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:37,900
- Move it.
- Okay. You betcha.
127
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,600
What was her problem?
128
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:41,200
Oh, you know what you
should have said to her--
129
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,600
Nothing. I should have said
nothing would be the point.
130
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:46,000
I have to see her every day.
I mean, why make it worse?
131
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,700
That's exactly what
I'm talking about.
132
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,700
Awkward, unpleasant situation--
133
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,100
Rise above.
134
00:05:51,900 --> 00:05:53,400
Have a nice day.
135
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,800
- Yeah.
- Love you!
136
00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:57,600
Bye-bye!
137
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,400
"And yet I see no children
emerging from the vehicle."
138
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:07,000
How'd you like to see my
fist emerging into your face?
139
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,500
Oh! Now I think of it!
140
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,100
Day four of the juice fast,
141
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,600
and I'm hungry, but I'm--
I'm feeling pretty good.
142
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,900
Cam, on the other hand,
has gone all...
143
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:21,700
"Girl, interrupted."
144
00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:23,700
After one, throwing out
all of our food,
145
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,500
and two, blaming me,
146
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,000
he entered stage three--
soap actress.
147
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,900
I just wish my sister would
put herself out there more.
148
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,300
She has so much to offer.
149
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,000
Why are men so superficial?
150
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:40,300
That was followed by stage four--
151
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,800
a rush of epiphanies...
152
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:45,200
I... don't... need... food.
153
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,800
Look at this.
Architecture is everywhere.
154
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:50,600
Oh. Spaniards make
amazing athletes.
155
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,400
Into stage five-- despair...
156
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:59,300
Daddy, we hided,
but you didn't seek.
157
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:01,200
Cam?
158
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,800
Then came rage.
159
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:04,900
Oh. Ow.
160
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,700
Oh.
161
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,300
Hey. Whatcha got there?
162
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:12,400
The good news is,
163
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:15,500
Cam's never made it this far
into a diet before, so...
164
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:19,400
Downside-- I have no idea what
the next stage is gonna be.
165
00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:23,000
But I'm pretty sure it's not
charming party guest.
166
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,700
Cam, I-I was thinking, I'll take the
bullet tomorrow night at my boss' house.
167
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,600
You don't have to go to the party.
168
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,000
They're-- they're boring.
169
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,800
Silly cause, you know,
lots of people.
170
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:37,400
Parking...
171
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,800
- Cam, say something.
- Why do you hate me?
172
00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:41,698
I don't hate you.
173
00:07:41,699 --> 00:07:43,700
Then why are you trying to
push me out of your life?
174
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,000
Because you--
you seem a little...
175
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:48,800
Unhinged.
176
00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:49,900
Okay, well,
you know what I think?
177
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,800
You should worry a little
bit less about me
178
00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:54,000
and a little bit more about yourself
and what you're gonna wear tomorrow night,
179
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:55,800
because I saw what
you have laid out,
180
00:07:55,900 --> 00:07:58,600
and I don't think you're gonna
like the way you look in photos.
181
00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:02,300
Well, I hadn't landed on that.
182
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,000
Her hand's in the air,
like, every five seconds,
183
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:09,000
and she actually reminded
Mr. Waters to assign homework.
184
00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:11,500
The class loved that.
Do you know how embarrassed I was?
185
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:12,800
Not as embarrassed as I was
186
00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:15,900
when she said 8 was
a prime number. 8, Mom.
187
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,300
Okay, fine. You know what?
188
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,000
I'm gonna call the school today
and have your schedules changed,
189
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:23,700
but I want you to know a little
part of me died today, okay?
190
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,700
I thought the two of
you could understand
191
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,300
how being in the same class
would benefit you both.
192
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,200
Alex, you--
you could've tutored Haley.
193
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:33,300
Haley, you could've helped
Alex with her social skills.
194
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:37,000
Come on. The two of you
could've been two Super Dunphys.
195
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:40,200
And instead, what are you?
Two bickering half-Dunphys,
196
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:42,100
and I'm the fool
that expected more.
197
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:46,800
No, I don't even want to hear it.
Just go upstairs. Go.
198
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,400
Wow. What was that?
199
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,700
That was a master
class in parenting.
200
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:59,100
Right now our daughters are upstairs
making a decision they think is their own,
201
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,000
but really, it was an idea
that was skillfully implanted by me.
202
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,100
Inception, Claire.
203
00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:06,800
- Dangerous game, but I like it.
- Mm.
204
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,800
- What are those?
- Wire walkers.
205
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,800
You want to go to the dance,
you gotta wear the shoes.
206
00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:18,300
Luke, grab your camera.
207
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:21,500
Luke.
208
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,400
I wasn't sleeping.
209
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,800
Honey, I-I think
those are... jazz shoes.
210
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:30,300
No. Tightrope shoes.
211
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,000
Got 'em at an estate
sale. Only worn once.
212
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:34,700
That-- that is not
a ringing endorsement for...
213
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,300
Oh! Phil, honey.
214
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,400
Please be ca--careful. Right.
215
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,200
Watch the door.
216
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:46,800
Hey, what'd you
get for number 3?
217
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:49,500
You're not going to learn
if I just give you answers.
218
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,300
Well, what if I gave you
something in return?
219
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:53,600
Like what?
220
00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:55,500
You can talk to me in class.
221
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,100
I want lunch at the cool table.
222
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,800
Then I want all the answers.
223
00:10:02,900 --> 00:10:04,000
Then I want a week at the table.
224
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:05,700
- That'll cost you two pop quizzes.
- A month.
225
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,400
- The midterm.
- Deal.
226
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,000
Looking great, Dad.
227
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:14,200
With these steps,
I break the surly bonds...
228
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,700
Chicken in a basket!
229
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,500
Don't look at me.
230
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,600
- Mom. Mom. Mom.
- What? What? What? What? What?
231
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,400
Mom. Did you call
the school yet?
232
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,400
Uh, not yet, but
I was just about to.
233
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,300
Uh, Bartles & Jaymes!
234
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,900
Good. Because we are thinking
we might want to stay in that class.
235
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,900
Really? Oh, girls,
I don't know about that.
236
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,900
- Oh, please let us try it.
- Super Dunphy?
237
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,700
I can't hold her!
I can't hold her!
238
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,000
Well, maybe one more week.
239
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:44,500
Thanks, Mom.
240
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,400
I don't know. Uh, a cup
of soup, a Cobb salad.
241
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,500
Yeah, it had bacon.
242
00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:56,700
Cam, I don't have all day to
describe all my meals to you.
243
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,300
Stop eating all my things,
you stupid animal.
244
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:03,600
No, Cam, not you.
I'll call you back.
245
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,400
Bad doggy!
246
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:06,900
You want to chew on something?
247
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,100
Okay. Okay. Okay.
248
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:10,500
Look at this.
249
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,100
Look at this delicious
man shoe. Eat it.
250
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,000
Come on. Eat it. Eat it.
251
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:19,300
Mmm! Yummy.
252
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:21,700
Eat the shoe.
253
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,900
Eat his shoe. Come on.
Eat his shoe.
254
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,100
Num, num, num, num. Num, num.
255
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,700
Yeah, like this. Look. Ah.
256
00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:30,500
Delicious.
257
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,300
Mom?
258
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,000
Drop it.
259
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,900
- I--
- Please. I'm sorry you had to see this.
260
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,200
- Hello?
- Hi, Mrs. Dunphy.
261
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,900
This is Rose inthe principal's office.
262
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,800
- Can you hold for Principal Weller?
- Yes.
263
00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:01,100
- Hi, Claire.
- Hi, John. What'd she do this time?
264
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,400
Actually, I've gotboth of them in here.
265
00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:05,300
Both of them? Really?
266
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,700
Alex was lettingHaley copy her homework.
267
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,600
- Mr. Waters caught them.
- I-I don't believe it.
268
00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:14,300
I'm about to have a little talk with them,so they'll be out a few minutes late.
269
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,500
Um, I'm so sorry,
John, and honestly,
270
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,500
I-I really am a better
mother than this. I promise.
271
00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,100
So you've said.
272
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:22,400
Mm-hmm.
273
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,600
Seriously?
274
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,100
Seriously?? Oh. You...
275
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,700
Excuse me.
276
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,900
Hey, um, what the hell is this?
277
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,600
This zone is for
loading and unloading,
278
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:36,800
not for talking on the phone.
279
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,500
Yeah, I know, but I was
talking on the phone
280
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,000
to the school that my kids were
about to come out of, so...
281
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:44,000
Are you aware this
zone has a time limit?
282
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:45,300
N-no, I'm not.
283
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:46,900
Wow.
284
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,200
You know what? I do want
to do some unloading.
285
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:52,500
I know your type.
286
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:56,500
Life has been bad to you.
It has made you feel small.
287
00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:00,000
And then one day somebody
gives you a fake cop outfit,
288
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:02,500
a toy badge and
a little spongebob tie.
289
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,700
Suddenly it's payback time, right?
290
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,600
Well, I got news for you,
"Law & Order: Special Parking Unit,"
291
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,600
not my fault.
292
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,500
- I'm really sorry, Dad.
- Oh, it's all right.
293
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,700
Everybody throws up at school.
294
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:23,800
If I had a nickel for
every time I puked at school,
295
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:25,400
you know how much
money I'd have?
296
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,600
35 cents.
297
00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:29,700
Exactly. Now go get cleaned up,
and I'll call the doctor.
298
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,500
Wait, Dad, I don't need a doctor.
299
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:33,700
What's up?
300
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,700
The other day, Uncle Mitchell
brought over a bag of junk food
301
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,000
so he and Cam could
do a Jew fast.
302
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,600
- Juice fast?
- I'm pretty sure he said "Jew."
303
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:45,400
But anyway, I took the bag,
and I hid it, and I ate it all.
304
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:46,600
Oh, buddy.
305
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:50,300
I couldn't help myself.
I'm weak. Don't look at me.
306
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:51,800
It's all right.
307
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:55,600
It's okay. Hey, you
learned a lesson.
308
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,900
A painful lesson.
309
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:00,800
I guess we both have.
310
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,400
What do you mean?
311
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,800
I always saw myself as a guy who could
soar through the sky, dancing on a wire.
312
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,100
I can't even get across
1/6 inches off the ground.
313
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,200
Well, maybe that's the problem.
314
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,500
Maybe you keep falling because part
of you knows that you can fall.
315
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:20,500
Maybe if the wire was much,
much higher, you wouldn't fall.
316
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:23,400
Oh, Luke, Luke, Luke.
317
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,000
You are a genius.
318
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,300
Come on. We got work to do.
319
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,100
- Yes! Can I have a doughnut first?
- Yes, you can!
320
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:36,100
Ah, there they are,
my Super Dunphys.
321
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,300
We're sorry, but we just--
322
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,700
Unh-unh-unh.
You don't get to talk.
323
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:43,400
You had a chance to be
better people today.
324
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:45,000
You, to be more well-rounded,
325
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:47,000
and you, to be
a better student.
326
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:51,000
You could have elevated the Dunphy name,
but instead, you chose to tarnish it,
327
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:53,200
so, congratulations, ladies,
328
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:55,200
you brought this
family to a new low.
329
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,700
- Mom, are you--
- Yeah. Yeah, I am,
330
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,200
and I would actually like to get
these loosened up, if I might.
331
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,800
- Are we gonna have any more trouble?
- No, ma'am.
332
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,600
Oh, Claire, do you need
me to drive the girls?
333
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:08,900
All good, Janet. All good.
334
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,100
Goat cheese Risotto ball?
335
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,000
No, thank you.
336
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:16,100
Are you sure? They're so good.
337
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:17,400
Walk away.
338
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:20,200
It's tough enough to deal with
Cam when I'm at full strength,
339
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,700
but I have been fasting
just as long as he has,
340
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,400
and I do not have the energy to
deal with a big, needy brisketcase--
341
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,600
brass-- basketcase.
342
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:31,900
Cam! Don't be mad at me,
343
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,000
but I think that you really
need to eat something.
344
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,000
What?
345
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:36,900
You're supposed
to be my support.
346
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,400
Oh, away from me, temptress.
347
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,900
And I never thought I would call
you that in a negative way.
348
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,100
I've seen her do
a lot of crazy stuff,
349
00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:45,000
but this is a whole new level.
350
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:47,700
Is this a people cookie?
351
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:48,800
You're good.
352
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:50,500
A definitive "yes" or "no"
would be appreciated.
353
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,400
Those cupcakes did a number on me.
354
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:57,200
Are you happy?
355
00:15:57,500 --> 00:16:00,100
You have reduced me to
a person who eats a shoe.
356
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,500
- Gloria, sit.
- You think this is funny?
357
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,100
To talk to me like I am a dog?
358
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,600
I'm not talking to you
like you're a dog.
359
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:08,800
I'm just asking you to sit so we
can get to the bottom of this.
360
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,100
Okay, fine.
361
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:12,000
Good girl.
362
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:13,600
Come on. You set me up.
363
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:15,500
Gloria, why are you
acting so crazy?
364
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,700
It's just a little dog.
365
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,600
It's not the little dog
that is making me crazy.
366
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:20,200
It's you that is making me crazy.
367
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,500
- Me?
- Yeah, you used to put me first.
368
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,500
You used to want
me in that shower.
369
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:25,700
Should I be here for this?
370
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,200
No, Manny. It's okay. I go.
371
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:28,800
But I want you to know this.
372
00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:31,000
Where I come from,
men cherish woman.
373
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:33,000
It goes wife, mistress, dog.
374
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:35,200
Dog always at the bottom.
375
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,900
As you can imagine,
I get asked to help,
376
00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:41,400
uh, with a lot of
these environmental causes.
377
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,900
Usually, I buy a ticket,
378
00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:46,100
uh, bid on
Shaquille O'Neal's big shoe...
379
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,900
And, uh, come home.
380
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,500
But then, something happened.
381
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:55,500
I love paddle surfing,
382
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:59,300
and each time I'd go out,
I'd see this one sea lion.
383
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,900
He'd pop his head up.
He'd check me out.
384
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:04,000
I got so used to seeing him,
I even named him-- Snorkels.
385
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:06,100
Oh, God, I do not like
where this is going.
386
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:10,400
So one day, I, uh, I go
out and I see Snorkels.
387
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,200
But he's doing this weird
twisting thing in the water.
388
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:16,000
- Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
- Shh, shh.
389
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,600
So I paddle over, and I see
he's got a plastic grocery bag
390
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:24,000
wrapped around his neck
and one of his fins.
391
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:27,400
And I freaked, tried to get
it off with my paddle.
392
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,500
It didn't work,
so I-I jumped in,
393
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,300
but he disappeared under
the water. And, uh...
394
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,200
Don't say it.
Don't you dare say it.
395
00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:39,800
- And I never saw him again.
- Ohh.
396
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,600
This is the saddest
thing I've ever--
397
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:46,600
Mitchell, are you okay?
398
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,000
Of course I'm not okay.
399
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,200
None of this is okay.
400
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,600
Okay, well, you need
to pull yourself
401
00:17:52,601 --> 00:17:54,400
together 'cause we're
at your boss' house.
402
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:56,800
He drowned, Cam!
403
00:17:58,100 --> 00:17:59,100
Is he all right?
404
00:17:59,101 --> 00:18:00,800
Yeah, yeah, I just think
he needs a little air.
405
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,300
You know who else needed air?
406
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,000
Snorkels!
407
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:06,900
Excuse me.
408
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:11,400
Snorkels?! Where
are you, Snorkels?!
409
00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:14,500
- Mitchell, get back here!
- Oh, Snorkels!
410
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,300
Mitchell, what is
wrong with you?!
411
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,900
What do you think is wrong
with me? I'm starving!
412
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,700
Well, if you're starving,
then just eat something!
413
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:25,300
I can't eat something because
then you'll get mad at me,
414
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:26,900
and we're at my boss' house!
415
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,000
I'm not gonna get mad at you!
416
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:31,400
I appreciate what
you're doing for me!
417
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,000
I'm doing it for you.
418
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:34,400
Oh, you don't have to
do anything for me.
419
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:35,600
I love you just
the way you are.
420
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:38,000
I love you just
the way you are.
421
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,400
- I got you! I got you, babe!
- Okay. Okay. Thank you.
422
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:46,700
I got you!
423
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:49,900
- Cam, I can walk. I can walk.
- I got you!
424
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:53,600
I think Mitchell may just
be a work friend.
425
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:02,800
I let down my Mom and Dad today,
and... worse than that,
426
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,000
I let down my teacher.
427
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:08,900
It's all my fault.
Everything I touch turns to Detention.
428
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,100
I'm sorry, Mom.
429
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:11,700
Me, too.
430
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:15,700
Oh, I don't really have a whole lot
of moral high ground to stand on.
431
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,000
I wasn't exactly my
best self today either.
432
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:22,700
All in all, not a great
day for the Dunphys.
433
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,900
Come on, Dad!
Believe in yourself!
434
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,800
You're making the
impossible unimpossible.
435
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,500
Phil. Oh, my God.
436
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,000
Don't even bother.
He's in the zone.
437
00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,300
- He can't hear you.
- Go, Dad!
438
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,800
You got this!
439
00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:44,000
All week long, I'd been telling my girlshow to act instead of showing them,
440
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,700
but not Phil.
441
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:46,900
Phil could have said,
442
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,700
Or "Haley, challenge yourself.Don't give up so easily."
443
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:55,900
But instead of talking the talk,
444
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,900
Phil walked the walk.
445
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:01,600
And isn't that what we're supposedto do for the people we love?
446
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:09,000
It's definitely a challenge...
447
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,900
But Phil made it look easyseven feet off the ground.
448
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:21,000
You're awesome!
449
00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:22,700
Oh, my goodness!
450
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,000
Turns out, I've had my
Super Dunphy all along.
451
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,700
Yeah!
452
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,300
What was on my mind as I
was walking across that wire?
453
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,100
I kept thinking,
if I can do this,
454
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,300
then I've got two ways of
getting across my yard.
455
00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:45,600
Did you have fun?
456
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:49,000
Yes. She's the cutest dog
in the whole world.
457
00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:50,100
Yeah, I heard you the first time.
458
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:51,700
Let's go find your daddies.
459
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,000
We're in here!
460
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,000
Oh, my God. These
cupcakes are so good.
461
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:58,100
I'm so sorry.
We helped ourselves.
462
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,200
We were so hungry.
They are delicious.
463
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,600
I love that they're not
too sweet, you know?
464
00:21:02,900 --> 00:21:05,500
Mmm. Mmm. They
taste almost like pate.
465
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,300
- You know, I mean...
- But why are you eating?
466
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:09,400
We've been on a juice cleanse.
467
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:11,800
You need to mind your own business,
sweetie, for right now.
468
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:20,099
Corrections by www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,500
www.tvsubtitles.net
9999
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,500
www.tvsubtitles.net
35993
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof