Original subtitles

- Huh? - Hello.

♪ Supervillain, ahead of his time ♪

♪ Incredibly handsome genius, criminal mastermind ♪

♪ But now he's all cleaned up and fighting crime ♪

♪ A superhero that you stream online ♪

♪ It's Megamind ♪

♪ Oh, it feels good to be good this time ♪

♪ It's Megamind ♪

♪ Oh, it's Megamind ♪

♪ Rules! ♪

Ah! 27 seconds and counting!

- Our time's running out! - Okay

Dentist.

No! Stop guessing "dentist"!

Come on, Chum.

It's scary, it's got a big mouth, little arms

-Oh! I know! A shark, but with arms!

A shark but with arms?! That's your guess?!

A T-Rex, Chum! It was a T-Rex!

- Sorry, not sorry.

So this is like regular "Guess That Thing,"

but with electric shocks.

Yeah, painful ones! Well, except for Chum.

The wattage is pretty calming on his circuits.

It thure is, Kreiko.

This is how we do game night at the lair, dear Roxie!

Now, are you ready to guess that thing?

Let's do this!

- Megamind: Uh, okay!

This thing is... Um...

Oh, sorry. My brilliant brain keeps thinking of.

Old English synonyms you couldn't possibly know.

Try me. I'm no Yorkshire raggedy fishwife.

Oh. I've never heard that one.

- I-I made it up! Keep going! - Okay!

Remember one time when I was evil and captured you?

This is what I dangled you over

- by the thinnest of strings...

Uh, genetically modified piranhas!

- Mm, no, the other time. - Quicksand!

- No, no! A different time! - Bear traps!

- Yes! I dangled you over a pit of bear traps! - Whew.

- That was close.

Almost as close as you got to those bear traps.

Piranhas? Bear traps?

You guys have the weirdest friendship ever!

I think we have a perfectly normal

villain-turned-hero- slash-reporter-turned-mayor camaraderie.

There's nothing normal about that sentence at all.

I admit our relationship is a bit unconventional,

but it's kinda like those videos

where a koala is friends with an eel.

Okay, yeah, it is kinda weird.

Christina: Couldn't agree more.

But I would replace "kinda" with "very,"

and I'd replace Megamind with anyone.

Sorry. Polls say voters prefer a mayor with normal friends.

You're still here?

Don't you turn back into a bale of hay at sundown?

The mayor's work is never done.

We still have to finish

the municipal operations facility's budget.

Guess the mayor's work is never interesting either.

Hey, man, it's game night at the lair!

You leave your manners at the door.

- Whoa.

Sorry, guys. I gotta head home.

Already? It's way before your curfew!

I have to work on an extra credit project.

If I don't build a robot that can throw a tennis ball,

my science teacher will flunk me.

If it's a robot you need, you're more than welcome to use

all the high-tech doodads the lair has to offer.

Really? I can use all your cool stuff?

Oh, Mr. Schlurg-Peterman might give me extra-extra credit!

- Wait. Bennett Schlurg-Peterman? - You know her teacher?

We were inseparable at summer camp.

They didn't even need to tie us together

- for the three-legged race. - So, why aren't you hanging out

with this everyday card-carrying member of the teachers union

instead of these stinking weirdos?

- Hey! - Hey!

- Yipe! Aaah...

Man, I haven't seen Bennett in years,

but we used to have so much fun.

Like bear trap, piranha fun?

Different in that it was a more... normal fun.

Yeah, we must be talking about a different Schlurg-Peterman.

Schlurg-Peterman? Sounds like a law firm

- that represents haunted toys. - Chum: Mm...

Or that noise Chum's making.

- Schluuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrg.

Burp McSchlurp Esquire?!

Ritchi Von Coconut Cannon?!

- It's really you! - I can't believe it!

My science classroom's down there.

It's really not that exciting.

Not exciting? To see where my dear Keiko fills her mind

with test tube wishes and double helix dreams?

I mostly doodle.

Well, now you can skee-doodle on home.

I want to experience this solo.

Are you sure this isn't about Roxie and Mr. Schlurg-Peterman?

I said skee-doodle.

Please. What could some boring normie-normal ton

have to offer friendship-wise over moi?

♪ Camp Frog Ear! Camp Frog Ear! ♪

♪ If we could, we'd stay all year! ♪

Huh?

Megamind! What a surprise!

Uh, Bennett, Megamind. Megamind, Bennett.

Schlurg-Peterman.

Ah, just reminiscing about summer camp here

with ol' Coconut Cannon.

Yikes. Insulting her stringy coconut-like hair?

Not so nice, Bennett.

I have stringy hair?

Oh, we called her Coconut Cannon

because of her killer throwing skills on the dodge ball field.

Not as killer as your air muffins

on Wet Chili Wednesdays.

You know, in prison,

I invented a snack called "toothpaste bites."

Yes, I know.

Oh! Our secret handshake!

How have we not done that yet?

Excuse me, Roxie?

Remember when I trapped you on a hot air balloon

with tarantulas?

- That was fairly enjoyable... - One, two, three.

Both: And pinky! Wazoo! Cronch!

- Bennett: I can't believe we remembered it all! - Roxie: Oh, I know!

- Oh...

- Chum: Oh, Sir.

- Did you use a taquito as a chocolate milk straw again?

Oh, this is a different kind of agony, Chum.

Like longing mixed with sadness

mixed with feelings of inadequacy.

Keiko: Sounds like someone's jealous.

You know, 'cause you and Roxie are a thing?

We're not a "thing."

Why? Did she say something?

I just figured you guys were deeply in love,

but pretend to be too busy to realize it

because you're both terrified.

That's how hero relationships normally work.

It's complicated, Keiko. And I am not jealous!

I'm sure my tummy has nothing to do with the fact

that the goodest thing that ever happened to me

has replaced me with her old camp buddy,

and they share nothing but warm fuzzy memories!

Just wondering, have you told Roxie

you think she's the goodest?

Which is adorable, by the way.

I grew up in a prison, remember?

I'm new to the whole friend thing.

- Um, hello? Standing right here.

Oh, Chum, I adore you,

but you're more of a vestigial limb

or a helpful ghost haunting me for life.

- I'll take it!

- Oh, you don't understand

the pain I'm in.

When I was young, I never even got to play

- a decent game of... - Robot: Throw!

- Ow!

It's actually called "catch," but yes.

My robot actually works!

And just in time for dinner.

Try not to be jealous, okay?

So you don't have an old camp buddy. Who cares?

You're Megamind. You can do literally anything!

Huh...

Keep an eye on my pal here, will you?

- Hm...

Pal

That's it!

Maybe it's time I make a pal of my own!

Come, come, little robot.

♪ Her pants got eaten by a crocodile ♪

- Oh yeah.

Ooh! Remember when we snuck into the cabin

where they kept all the confiscated candy?

I've never thrown up so many colors in my life.

Oh. It's nothing. City social media account tagged me.

Happens all the... Wait.

"Our mayor with her oh-so-normal teacher friend.

Hashtag relatable."

- Christina...

Hey! That's us!

I am so sorry about this.

I don't normally have paparazzi, I swear.

It must be weird being friends with adult me.

I'm cool with it. It feels like

- the most normal thing in the world.

Megamind: Yes!

And I have a feeling

those normal feelings are about to change.

Oh! You guys come here, too?

Roxanne, Bennett,

I'd like you to meet my old camp buddy,

- Pal-3000!

Ollo! We were bunkmates at Camp Turkey Neck.

Oh, the friendship memories we shared.

What? You don't really expect us to believe

this scraggly hunk of metal is an old friend of yours?

- Your words make me sad.

- I am sad now. Hm...

I programmed him to be very in touch with his emotions.

Not advanced AI so much as

a simple copy-paste of my own heart.

I thought you said you met at camp.

It was a day camp, and that day happened to be today.

And while Pal-3000 may indeed be made of metal,

he and I have just as strong a bond as you two.

Actually, I might even argue that we have

an even stronger bond than you two!

It's not a competition.

Perhaps, but you know what is a competition?

- Limbo!

Come on, limbo!

Who will crash to the ground on their spine first?

- Oh!

- S-So, what's the deal with you and him?

It's complicated.

I'd say he's not normally like this,

but my nose would start growing.

Like Pinocchio! Because you'd be lying!

You got it! Shall we finish?

- Enough limbo.

Time for Camp Turkey Neck Cheer.

Brilliant idea, robo pal of mine!

- Who's in the neck? - I'm in the neck!

My neck of the woods?

Your neck of the woods!

Both: Turkey Neck! Turkey Neck! Gobble, gobble, gobble!

Ha-ha ha-ha! Memories good. Shared memories better.

- Come on, guys! Gobble! - You don't have to... Ah!

- Gobble, gobble! - Ow!

No! This is the opposite of normal!

Where is my robot?

- Uh, have you checked the lair?

We're in the lair! He's due today!

- Dah! I need to stress scroll.

Why is my science project wearing a hat

and throwing donuts at Megamind?!

Oh, food fight!

Just like old times!

- Oh no! - Hey, come on, cut it out!

- Look out! Gonna get ya! - Ha! Throwing food at you!

- So sorry about all this. - Eh, it's not your fault.

We'll try again soon. Yeah, I'm gonna make a run for it.

Watch out, Pal-3000!

You're about to get a face full of jelly!

- Oh...

Here comes that awful feeling again.

Ha-ha!

You just got Pal-3000'ed in the face.

- You stole my science project?!

No, I borrowed your science project.

The robot isn't even yours?!

No, it's not!

You can have him back.

Turns out, it wasn't enough to relieve me

of my churning tummy anyways.

Plus, I think Roxie may be a tad displeased with me.

If you could fill a city bus with a tad, then yes.

- It's been fun, Pal-3000,

but our lifelong hour of friendship has come to an end.

- Pal-3000: Mm. - Run along now.

I'm truly sorry, Roxie.

L-Let me get these sprinkles out of your stringy hair.

Come on, science project.

We have my academic future to save.

-Pal-3000: Processing... Processing...

Not science project.

Pal-3000 is Megamind's best friend.

But, Megamind is no longer best friend to Pal-3000.

Then, Pal-3000 must find new Megamind

to be best friend.

I think my homework's freaking out!

Uh...

Must find new Megamind.

- Must fight new Megamind.

- Must find new Megamind.

Megamind!

Not Megamind.

Uh, think you could drive faster?

Speed is relative, Keiko.

- This is not the time for relaxation.

We've got an emotionally unstable

and potentially dangerous robot on the loose!

Must replace Megamind.

Must find new Megamind.

Must find new Megamind.

- Megamind. Not Megamind.

- Hey! What are you doing? - Throw!

Whoa!

- Friend: Dude, you okay? - Pal-3000: Ha-ha ha-ha. Memories good.

- Shared memories better.

Feeling melancholy.

Hm. Want to journal.

Roxie: He just tossed that civilian like a rag doll!

Megamind: Uh, yeah,

so I may have reinforced his metal body

with space alloy

and made him 1,000 times stronger than a human.

- What?!

Oh, sure. It sounds crazy now,

but what if we were in a tug-of-war contest?

Not Megamind! Throw!

- Not Megamind! Throw!

- Not Megamind!

- Throw!

Unbelievable! All of this just because you were jealous.

What? This is all because of

that diabolical Schlurg-Peterman.

Bennett?! What did he do?

I don't know, but for some reason,

I don't like the guy!

Again, all of this could have been avoided

if you both just clearly defined your relationship.

Both: It's complicated, Keiko!

Pal-3000: Not Megamind. Not Megamind. Not Megamind.

- Not Megamind.

You gotta do something!

- Nice knowing you, Pal-3000.

No! I still need him for my science grade!

Ugh. It's gonna be absolutely impossible to tame him.

Just pretend to be his friend again,

so we can make him go to school.

- Not Megamind... - I'd rather not. He's so needy.

It can make him so unpleasant to be around.

Sounds like someone I know.

Yeah. Bennett, am I right?

Not Megamind! Not Megamind!

Not Megamind!

Not Megamind. Not Megamind. Not Megamind. Not...

Giving him what he wants is the only way to stop this,

and what he wants is you.

- Megamind...

Gah. Can't you just make do with a lower GPA?

Colleges care far more about extracurriculars, you know.

If I don't get extra credit, I fail.

If I fail, my mom won't let me hang out at the lair anymore.

She won't let me hang out with any of you!

I should step it up then.

But, if I pull something doing the Turkey Neck Cheer again,

- I expect foot massages from all of you. - No!

- Absolutely not. - I got first dibs!

- Not Megamind. Not Megamind.

Yoo-hoo! Pal-3000!

- My bestest friend.

- Megamind!

- Ha ha ha.

You look hungry.

Uh...

Trust fall!

Oh, no.

Pal-3000: Throw. Catch.

Throw. Catch.

- Throw. Catch.

Lead him over here!

Uh, why don't we go this way? More friendship fun to be had.

There? Processing.

- Processing. Analyzing new data.

Megamind led me to girl who called me science project.

Ultimate betrayal detected.

Engage tantrum protocol.

- Hey!

- Calm down! It's okay!

- Megamind will not leave Pal-3000.

This friendship is officially toxic!

Aah!

- Megamind! - Sir!

Up, where nobody can stop us.

Ha-ha!

Ah, this will all be fine.

- Woo!

Ah!

We don't need gun for friendly fun.

Oh, blast that magnetic alloy!

That I added. Why must I always overachieve?

- What do we do?! - I don't know! Chum,

- I forget. Can you fly?

Nah. The space alloy I'm made of is super heavy.

- Yow!

That's it! If the orb calms Chum,

and they're made out of the same stuff...

You are thinking of other friends.

- Mm-mm-mmm!

Ah! Of course not!

Uh, come here, you huggable pal! Let's play a game.

How about Guess That Thing?!

Not with Roxanne, but with you, my real friend.

Oh, a game? Yes, please!

Guess That Thing! On game night,

we all had to play with these small, round, dangerous things.

- Remember?! - Game night does not compute.

The electrified orb!

No! No! Not the orb of calmness!

We have to throw it to Pal-3000 to save Megamind.

- Soon, they'll be too high up. This is our one shot.

Can't you throw it up there? For Sir?

I can't!

You'll have to! For Sir!

- Come on, Coconut Cannon.

You got this.

- Hey, Pal-3000!

Catch!

- Catch! My favorite game.

- Megamind: Chum, grab it!

Oh, my beautiful orb!

Pal-3000: Ah... Taking nap now.

I may not have thought this through!

- Chum! I'll do it.

- Decelerate! To slow their fall!

Ah. I see you paid some attention in science class.

Breathe. Aim. Shoot.

O... kay.

Good... aim... Roxanne...

Nope! No time for your decelerated thoughts!

I got a class to pass!

Okay, Pal-3000.

Throw the ball.

Hum... I will never be Megamind's best friend.

What's the point?

What's the point of anything, anyway?

Mr. Schlurg-Peterman, you saw what Pal-3000 is capable of!

Ooh, sorry. Rules are rules.

Unless he throws that ball, you fail.

Look, Pal-3000. I made you to be my best friend.

But I saw today that you can't just make a friend.

You can't force someone to feel how you want them to.

Friendship is more like a game of catch.

It's give and take.

And today, I was a real ball hog.

I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry I was going to throw you off

the top of a skyscraper.

That's oka... Wait, what?

Oh, hey, someone give me that ball to throw.

- Throw! - Robot: Catch.

Keiko: Whoa!

Don't be surprised. I am up to my eyeballs

in extra-credit robots.

- A lot of kids are failing. - Analyzing. A new friend.

Conclusion, vastly superior to Megamind.

Vastly superior? I don't like that.

Recognize a good thing?

Robots: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Alright, Keiko. You now have a B-.

Yes! Can we have another game night to celebrate?

- Of course! - How about 8:30?

- Absolutely. - Roxie! You in?

Oh, we were gonna finish our meal.

I guess I'm cool with you two hanging out.

Oof!

Puddles of poodles, that hurt.

Pal-3000: My bad.

Uh...

- A giraffe on a sailboat!

- Lasagna! The War of 1812!

These are all horrible guesses!

- Roxie. Where's Bennett?

Turns out, we don't have a lot in common beyond camp memories.

And sure, you and I have some not-so-fun memories,

but who cares?

We have all the time in the world to make new ones.

Like today, when I saved you

from being thrown off a building.

Or when you shot that De-Gun at me with perfect aim.

I've never been so decelerated.

O-Or when that robot tossed that guy into the garbage!

That was actually very scary.

And how about that throw, Coconut Cannon?

Oh, stop.

- Uh, you do know that's still counting down, right?

That is quite calming.

- Ow!