Original subtitles

[bell tolling]

[boys screaming]

[both grunt]

[man howling]

Right. If this guy's haunting the museum, why's he chasing us out into the streets?

We were trying to help.

I deduce from the screaming he doesn't want our help.

You sussed that out?

[man screaming]

The gas mask he's wearing must be cursed.

We must destroy it, then he'll move on to his afterlife.

Peachy, Edwin. How do we get it while he's on a rampage?

We'll have to cut it off.

Iron knife.

Give him a burn if he tries anything.

I say we clip the mask, destroy it,

he moves on to his afterlife, case closed.

Use the bait and matchbook gambit.

I'll need Minor Arcana, Volume 4. It's the sort of small purple one.

It contains the fire spell.

Right. Small hiccup there. I left it back at the office.

Charles, you have a backpack that can hold an infinite number of things.

I didn't know we'd need it.

[man howling]

[grunting]

[growls]

Go!

Bloody hell.

[Edwin] This way! This way!

We need to get back to the office!

[exhales]

[woman humming]

[Charles screaming]

[groans]

This is not the office, mate.

It's difficult to concentrate on mirror-hopping while being chased.

[both breathing heavily]

Well, hopefully, this World War I ghost is having trouble navigating too.

[man growling]

[roars]

♪ Shoot the messenger, string them up ♪

If I'm honest, I feel the client could've been a bit more specific.

[nurse] Because the new exhibit is about the Great War,

there are spirits still attached to that pain and anguish.

Ghosts who cannot let go.

I stay to help them move on.

It's my unfinished work.

[chuckles] Sounds like us, right, Edwin? Ghosts solving cases no one else can.

I came to you because one of the ghosts has gone a bit mad.

I'd like to hire you to unravel this conundrum.

I've heard you're the best.

Right. What about this mirror?

- You got your wits about you this time? - Yes.

And I'm finding the office now.

[man growls]

[grunts]

Go.

[Charles grunts]

Now, before he arrives...

- [man grunting] - [Charles choking]

- [man yells] - [gasps]

[breathing heavily]

[Edwin] Ah.

There you are.

[both grunting]

Sorry, chap.

[straining] That mask has a hold on you...

So I'll need to take it.

[screaming]

[Charles] Edwin!

Hurry the fuck up!

[in Latin] Call the flame, banish the spirit...

Edwin!

[in Latin]...set fire to the object in our presence!

[man screaming]

[screaming stops]

[whimpering]

[Charles panting] Oh, uh...

Hey, hey. It's all right, mate.

You won the war.

Kids read about it in school books, yeah?

You've done brilliantly.

We have to hide before Death comes to collect him.

[man whimpering]

[whispering] Or she will take us too.

Charles, that was a job well done.

Yeah, pretty chuffed about it myself. Except for the part where he choked me.

[snickers]

[Edwin] Death.

She's here.

[man sobbing]

[Death] Hello, Wilfred.

[Wilfred sniffles]

Uh...

Sorry, do I know you?

We've met before, yes.

Sure. It'll come to me. Uh...

You've been fighting old battles for too long, Wilfred.

You died over a hundred years ago.

I came for you then.

But...

you were so confused.

So filled with anger and with hate.

You seem a lot better now.

[chuckles]

Are you ready?

Where... Where am I going now?

When I was in India, they'd talk about reincarnation.

There's a poem I... I read by Kipling, um...

Uh... They... They...

They will come back, come back again,

as long as the red Earth rolls.

He never wasted a leaf or a tree.

Do you think He would squander souls?

Yeah... Yes.

That was it, exactly.

Is that what will happen to me?

Now is when you find out.

[Charles] You ever think,

what if Death did catch us?

She'd force us to go to the afterlife and split up.

I will make sure that never happens.

[whooshes]

[Charles] Come on, why are you so stiff?

- Loosen up. Come on. - [Edwin groans]

Come on, Edwin. I picked this just for you, mate.

- [sighs] - Boxing's a gentleman's sport, innit?

When will I have to hit someone? I've been dead since 1916.

Okay. Right. What if it's another ghost

who's running around murdering people with, like, a power drill?

[mimics drilling] Right into their skulls, brains and blood everywhere,

and your magic doesn't work, and you have to stop him to save a client?

In that extremely specific instance,

you will hit the mad driller with your cricket bat.

- No, don't. - Look.

I've been your best mate for 30 years,

so I know you don't like to try new things,

but it would make me feel a lot better

if one of these decades, you did learn to defend yourself.

Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Hey, hey.

- Fine. - [chuckles]

- [Edwin clears throat] - Come on.

[chuckling] Hey. There's a good lad.

There he is. Just, um... a lot harder next time.

[bell buzzing]

Right, then. I'm Edwin Payne. This is Charles Rowland.

As you no doubt know, we are the Dead Boy Detective Agency.

He's the brains, I'm the brawn. Getting things done.

You are the brawn?

- Yeah. Why'd you say it like that? - No reason.

I would like you to help my friend, Crystal.

She's a psychic, you see.

A medium. So she can see me even though I'm a ghost.

But lately, something has been odd.

How do you mean "odd"?

She's usually very...

[both laughing]

[shutter clicks]

Only lately, she has been a bit more...

Oh, she's also American.

Sounds like a demon.

That's brills. We've dealt with demonic possession before.

- Been detectives for a long time. - [Emma] Wonderful.

So you will help my friend?

We will consider taking your case.

Right, he's gonna play hardball with you now.

- It's his thing. - [Edwin clears throat]

Yes, well, we need to discuss payment.

We sometimes do pro bono work, but in this instance...

Oh, but I'm just a young child trying desperately to help my new friend.

How ever will I afford it?

Emma.

Your hairstyle and Victorian coin purse point to your death in the late 1800s.

Meaning you're older than us, supernaturally speaking.

You've had plenty of time to learn how to exist as a ghost.

You also have a knowledge of the arcane,

as demonstrated by the glowing magical squid as a pet. So...

I suspect you have the means to pay.

Fine, you twats.

How much?

[Crystal grunting] Off of it!

- [man grunts] - Get off!

[howling]

["Hang On to Yourself" playing]

♪ She wants my honey, not my money She's a funky-thigh collector ♪

♪ Laying on electric dreams ♪

[thunderclap]

♪ Well, come on, come on ♪

Job well done, Charles.

We have a proper plan in place.

I'll get the disguises.

[rock song playing]

♪ I got a bad, bad feeling ♪

♪ I got a bad, bad feeling ♪

♪ You're under my skin ♪

♪ You're tearing me up Again, again, again ♪

♪ You're under my skin ♪

[Charles] Now, Edwin!

Draw the rune! We need to trap the demon!

[roars]

[Charles grunting]

I'll fucking gut you!

- Finish it now, Edwin! - [growls]

[groans]

[sighs]

[grunting]

[straining, snarling]

[panting]

I'll fucking gut you!

See? My disguises always work.

- [Crystal straining] - [groans]

[yells]

[Charles and Edwin] Whoa!

It's trying to escape!

[both grunting]

[roars]

Get a head on, Charles!

- The fish are washing away the runes! - [grunts]

[Edwin] It should pull the demon out.

[automated voice] This station is King's Cross.

- Change here for the Metropolitan line. - [both panting]

Whoa!

- [whimpers] - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's okay. It's all right now, innit?

You're Crystal, yeah?

Yeah. Crystal Palace, um, uh...

Something... There's, uh... There's more to my name.

I'm... I'm... I'm from, uh...

Oh, my God. Why can't I remember?

Probably a temporary side effect of the demonic possession.

It will pass.

You can stay at ours for a few days, until things come back to you.

Usually not part of our services.

We're the Dead Boy Detectives. We rescued you.

You're welcome.

The Dead Boy Detectives?

It's aces, right? We're ghosts, and we solve mysteries.

Oh, yeah. Ghosts. Got it.

It's just a stupid fucking name.

[Edwin] She shouldn't be here.

The case is closed. Why is she in our office?

Death herself was here recently. We have larger concerns.

- She could come back. - Is the case really closed?

She doesn't remember anything.

Where else is she gonna go?

She can find that insolent little Emma,

take Polaroids in a graveyard or some nonsense.

We don't interact with living people.

Admit it. Feels good to be seen by someone our own age who's alive, doesn't it?

Charles, you cannot keep her.

We don't want a repeat of the infamous puppy debacle of '94, do we?

[chuckles] Okay. I get it now. You're jealous there's someone else here.

- Jealous? - [Crystal] Hi...

again.

[sighs]

You know I can totally hear you.

[Edwin sighs]

Good morning.

Is that a jar of bees?

You never know what you'll need on a case.

Did you, uh... Did you get some rest?

Yeah, and thanks for getting David out of me.

And for letting me crash.

The horrifying, powerful demon possessing you was named David?

Yeah.

So, you'll be leaving, then?

Oi. Give her a minute to breathe before you push her out the door.

The living are messy.

Now, if she had died last night, I'd have no issue with her being here.

Well, that was dark. Come on, Crystal.

Let's give Edwin a minute to adjust his really poor attitude.

[Crystal] Oh, okay. Sure.

[door opens]

[sighs]

[Charles] You have to cut Edwin some slack.

He spent a bunch of decades in Hell, so he forgets how to talk to people.

A bunch of decades in Hell?

Not 'cause he was bad or anything. It was a... A clerical error.

He's made being dead a lot easier.

He's my best mate.

Okay, I know most ghosts are trapped on Earth or are cursed, right?

- Well, which one are you? - Oi! We chose to stay.

Got unfinished business, ain't we? Cases to solve, ghosts to help out.

We're pretty bang-on detectives when we're not hiding from Death.

Oh, so you're on the lam. Right.

Kind of like a pair of dumb dead boy fugitives.

[laughs] Good one.

Wait, don't laugh. I'm making fun of you.

Like... Like, I'm being mean.

Okay.

What? Am I supposed to get mad?

Yeah, I just...

I don't remember exactly, but I have the feeling that

people didn't like me much, or they weren't so nice.

Is your, uh, memory any better today?

No. It's like... [sighs]

It's like any memories about who I am or my family

have these... these holes burned through them. I just...

[grunting] I just wanna hit something, hard.

[chuckling]

Charles, you smile a lot.

I'm loving talking to somebody my age who's still alive.

We've met psychics before, but none as fit as you.

[scoffs] Did that work on girls back in the '80s?

You have to stop it.

- Didn't it work a little bit? - No.

- No? - No.

Hey, Edwin. I would've brought coffee,

but Charles said that ghosts can't taste or feel or smell.

Yeah, it'd be a lot like swallowing sand. Ugh.

I miss spaghetti so much.

The postman came while you were out.

There's a ghost postman?

Not exactly sure how it works, really. He just shows up with potential cases.

Nice chap. A bit creepy. Only 'cause he sneaks up on us, right, Edwin?

Perhaps you can ask him yourself.

Oh, wait. You were out.

Hmm. Right. I guess I'll go ahead and make your mood worse

by telling you that Crystal and I decided that she could stay at ours.

[Crystal] Let's be super-clear. Not my idea.

Imagine if we had a psychic around for Case of the Shrieking Doll.

Plus, she can help out with the living. Right?

"Help out"? How long is she staying?

Till her memories come back, yeah?

[softly] Awkward. I'm just gonna sort the mail.

So, are these all potential cases or...

[gasps]

[snake hissing]

[breathing heavily]

This girl's alive.

What?

[Crystal] This girl's alive. Becky Aspen.

She's afraid.

It's a dark place.

No, it's hidden.

It's unnatural, evil.

She's surrounded by black magic and death.

We have to help her.

- [softly] No. - Come on, having a psychic is paying off.

Dark, unnatural. It's right up our street.

This is in the States. We're not crossing an ocean based on a flyer.

There's no client. Who's the client?

- The missing girl could be our client. - A living client?

That is not how we work.

Now, I understand it's nice that a living teenage girl looked at you...

- Keep your voice down. - ...but it's happening too quickly,

and she is absolutely not joining the agency.

I'm not trying to make waves, but this girl is alive. We can help her.

What does it hurt to save one girl from a supernatural threat?

[chuckles] Oh, come on, Edwin.

Wouldn't it be good to get out of town for a bit?

What with Death being in our office so recently.

Besides, you're really gonna let a little American girl die?

[Edwin sighs]

[horn blares]

Guys, that ferry ride was brills.

Never ridden one before.

Easier to walk through a mirror. We'd have been here in a snap.

Ugh, you can't mirror-hop 'cause you're stuck with a human,

so we took a boat. I get it.

And now look. All three of us are here having a bang-on good time.

That's all well and good, but just remember, Charles,

it's the Dead Boy Detective Agency.

Not the Two Dead Boys and One Sad Psychic Girl Detective Agency.

A rubbish name.

They're both bad names.

I'll jot that down in my journal of opinions I do not give a damn about.

I'll ignore that comment and go check out this room I found on the Internet.

["I'm Telling Your Mum" playing]

♪ The kids that care to riot ♪

♪ The kids that wanna try it ♪

♪ The kids are gonna buy it ♪

[Crystal clears throat] Excuse me?

You have a room to rent?

[cleaver swishes]

Why is she bringing the cleaver over?

Edwin, she has a big cleaver.

I'm busy right now.

[snorts] You wanna rent it?

- Mmm-hmm. - How old are you?

- Twenty-two. - [Charles snickers]

Unlikely.

Sorry to ask. Everyone's a little on edge after the Becky Aspen thing,

and you're a stranger.

Yeah, I... [laughs] I saw the flyers. Sad.

Okay, listen.

You're, like, the only open room in town I can maybe afford.

So, please say yes?

- You have the rent on you? - Uh-huh.

Come on.

Well, go on, then.

Follow her.

Rent's weekly.

Just the two rooms, Niko's your only neighbor.

Keeps to herself.

You seem nice.

Don't vandalize anything.

That girl's room is wallpapered with anime and loads of pictures of guys.

- You shouldn't go in there. - We're ensuring she's not a killer.

You think it's wise to have a landlord with a meat cleaver

and a potential murderer where we're living?

We're not living anywhere. Because you're not living.

Now, we've got a missing Scout to find.

[Crystal] It'd be better if I touch them, but here's the plan.

You get her parents talking about Becky.

If they're focused on her, I can read their minds for specifics.

I know you don't fancy this part, deep-diving into someone's brain.

We can figure out another way.

Charles, this is the quickest way to get information.

[doorbell rings]

Sorry to bother you, Mrs. Aspen. Do you have a moment?

Of course, officers.

Anything we can do to help find Becky.

Would you walk us through your morning on the day Becky was taken?

[Mr. Aspen] Um...

It was seven o'clock in the morning.

Making breakfast...

I had come downstairs...

[distorted voices]

[exhales]

[sniffles]

Turn up anything valuable?

You're walking so fast. Are you okay?

The police found her shoes by a creek.

If we get them, I can see where she last wore them.

This is what I mean.

The psychic thing makes casework go a lot faster, yeah?

- Jesus. Where did he go? - He's trying to prove a point.

Traveling through mirrors can be tricky. He's a show-off.

We all have talents.

Uh, your hand?

Oh, iron bars. Careless, really.

I didn't know iron burned you.

We don't hang around a lot of iron.

Burns us and forces us to be, like, solid for a few ticks. Vulnerable.

Don't wanna advertise it, do we?

You're ghosts. Couldn't you just, like, possess a cop?

That only took a few seconds. Besides, we never possess people.

It sets off all sorts of alarm bells in the afterlife.

Forget all of that bother for now.

Are you ready to talk to her shoes?

I'm not talking to them.

I'm reading them.

The front porch of that house is the last place Becky wore these shoes.

Aces.

Let's take a quick sneak peek.

Pots on the stove.

Crow in a cage.

No sign of anyone.

[cat meows]

Piss off, cat.

Wait a tick.

- Cat, you live near here. - [meows]

Do you know anything?

[laughs] It's not like the cat is gonna talk...

[cat] Fuck you.

I'm not telling you nothing about that house or the witch inside.

- [meowing] - Cats can talk?

Wild, right? They just don't talk to humans.

Bad news, it being a witch's house. They're tricky.

And dangerous.

But you guys can handle a witch, right?

Right?

We need more details about the witch before going into her house.

We just left said house without even looking for Becky.

It isn't as if we can just sneak in. She'll be able to see us.

Anyone that has been near death or the supernatural can see ghosts.

If she can see us, she can hurt us.

At least give it a solid throw.

Well, it's definitely confirmed as a supernatural case.

We got a witch who steals kids, talking cats,

and now the creepy fog outside.

♪ It's not unusual to see me cry... ♪

[clears throat] Those girls are staring at me.

- Perhaps it's your outfit. - [grunts]

Nah. Looks like you're talking to yourself.

Like you've gone round the bend.

Oh, Jesus. I'll wait in the bathroom until they leave.

[clears throat]

[whispers] Sorry.

[sighs]

[exhales]

♪ No matter what you say ♪

[exhales]

- [electricity crackling] - [indistinct distorted voices]

- [voices stop] - [breathing heavily]

You're fine. You're fine. You're fine.

[glass crunching]

[door closes]

[man laughs]

David the Demon.

[David] No need to be so formal. We've seen each other naked.

What are you doing here? Where are we?

[David] Oh, come on. You should know.

Or are you having trouble remembering?

- Boo. - [gasps]

How did...

Holy shit. Did you take some of my memories?

- [laughs] - I don't have some screwed-up amnesia.

You took them.

Yes, I was kind of a bad boy.

Still have them too.

I want all of my memories back.

- Who am I? - You're special, Crystal.

Your powers make you... so special.

I've never wanted to be back inside of someone so bad.

Charles and Edwin exorcised you,

and you can't get back inside me unless I let you.

It's never happening.

Studying up on your demonology.

Poor Crystal.

- The things I'm going to do to you. - [gasps]

[Charles] Oi, Crystal.

- [gasping] - Are you all right?

You just said some pretty crazy things in front of all of us.

Wait. Where is...

♪ If you should ever want To be loved by anyone ♪

Are you okay, hon?

You were speaking to a demon in the middle of this friendly malt shop.

♪ No matter what you say ♪

[door opens]

[door closes]

You're fine. You're fine.

God!

I just need a second, okay? Can I just have a second?

Is David here in Port Townsend?

Yeah. I don't know. I don't even know where I just was.

- There were giant floating eyeballs... - Charles, this was a bad idea.

Her demon being here could jeopardize the case.

- You didn't even want it. - We have a witch to deal with.

Remember how powerful her demon was in the tube?

Could you stop saying "her demon"? He's not my demon!

And that was scary! Do you get that?

But great job. Case closed, right?

Crossed my name off, so the demon must be gone, right?

Real bang-up detective work there, Edwin, because he's not gone.

He's not gone!

So maybe he's our fucking demon now!

Has she gone quite mad?

Yelling at us.

She wasn't yelling at me. She's saying she's scared.

Scared?

All right, Charles.

Ever since she showed up, you've been different.

That's... Look, we have to remember what she's been through.

What she's been through? I spent over 70 years in Hell!

[Charles sighs]

I'm not saying it's a contest, mate.

[bell tolls]

[ringing]

[people speaking indistinctly]

[footsteps receding]

[muffled screams]

We offer up this little Mary Ann to the demon Sa'al as a sacrifice.

- [boy] What's this book? - I stole it from my brother.

Give this little prat a proper scare.

Mary Ann. Mary Ann.

[boys chanting] Mary Ann.

- Mary Ann! May Ann! - [Edwin screaming]

Mary Ann!

- Mary Ann! - [low growl]

[growling]

[gasps]

What was that?

[breathing heavily]

Anyone else see that?

[screams]

- Sorry. - Don't do that!

[boys screaming]

[breathing heavily]

- [growling] - [Edwin] No. No, please!

Leave me alone. Please!

Sorry. Technically, you're a sacrifice.

So, technically, I've gotta take you to Hell.

It's not that bad, though.

[Edwin screaming]

[cat meows]

- Cat, are you the one from earlier? - [meowing]

- What? We all look alike to you? - Yes. But I've been looking for you.

I bought this to say...

thank you.

For... For me? [meows]

[cat struggling]

Binding spell. One of my tricks.

Now, I have a missing girl to find.

So tell me about this witch.

Eh, fine.

But using magic on a cat means trouble.

Is, uh...

Okay, is... Is something wrong?

I'm fine.

No. Yeah, you seem fine. I'm just gonna head back inside then.

God, I just wanna take their heads and just crush them together! I am so mad!

[breathing heavily]

Well, that sounds healthy.

Like seconds after my toxic ex harassed me,

which was not okay.

Like, I'm not okay.

Those boys lecture me in an alley?

After I helped them with their thing? And I did help.

These boys, are they...

- Are they your friends, or... - I don't know. Maybe.

Do I even need them as friends when they only care about what's important to them?

That... Okay.

[sighs]

Crystal, that's everybody.

All the time.

Everybody is only thinking about themselves all the time.

Maybe you catch someone on a good day, and they care about you for a minute,

and then they go right back to caring about all their own bullshit.

And not for nothing, but it sounds like maybe that's what you're doing too.

That's...

bleak.

So you're saying I'm selfish?

Great. Now I'm mad at myself.

Okay. Great talk.

- [door closes] - [sighs]

- You come to interrogate me too? - [Charles] I might do.

Edwin sort of covered that.

Look, I didn't know David was gonna stalk me to the other side of the planet.

And he's not interested in giving back the memories he stole.

Jesus, I am such an idiot!

Wait a tick. He took your memories?

Yeah.

Well, that's new information.

I just...

I get angry.

You know, it's like knowing you have a home but being unable to get there.

I can't explain it.

Right.

Come with me.

We need a mirror.

Let's go.

I'll meet you upstairs.

Hello.

Hi.

I'm... I'm right across the hall,

- if you... - I like your jacket.

- [music stops] - [lock clicks]

What are you doing?

You didn't... You didn't see that?

Look, I'm gonna show you something.

But promise me you'll never tell Edwin.

Charles, is this about to get weird?

Come to watch them probably once a week for the last 30 years or so.

Are these your parents?

Oh, my God. I never thought about the fact that they could still be alive.

Yeah. Look at them.

They've had a good life. It's mostly telly, tea, and biscuits now.

My dad was...

Right, he... He wasn't the nicest guy.

Rough.

And my mum was just quiet.

They're mostly happy now.

Must be hard not to... [clears throat] talk to them or hug them or...

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

But, like them, I'm mostly happy.

I try to be extra happy for all of us, don't I?

And I do a pretty good job.

I do know what it's like when you can't go home.

If you're sticking around, you gotta let us in.

[footsteps approaching]

[Edwin] Charles?

I found some information on the witch. Let's go downstairs, quickly.

Oh.

This information is only for detectives in good standing.

Okay. I'll tell you the truth.

But it's basically a story about how I was stupid. So just...

[indie music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[girls giggling]

[Crystal] At first, I didn't know David was a demon.

And I kind of fell for him.

By the time I realized what he was...

I guess it didn't matter.

You knew he was a demon and you let him in?

I'm a psychic. I've seen a ton of weird things.

I thought it was love.

I was an idiot. Look, I never said he possessed me against my will.

You knew we assumed it because 99% of the time, that's how it works.

How about we take a calming breath, yeah?

I knew he was a demon and I let him in. He must have lied.

It was like being trapped in a tiny box.

I still don't know most of what he did.

He wouldn't leave.

Oh.

That's brills. Now you know how we feel.

Saved you one time on the tube, now you won't leave either.

[sighs]

It's a lark to you, playing detective.

Do you know what happened when I died, Crystal? Nothing.

My disappearance was labeled "an act from God."

The boarding school covered up what happened to him.

Our deaths didn't matter. No one ever solved them.

Now, you are sharp and fun, but this is not a game.

We are solving cases that would never be solved.

Police don't know what to do with a fucking witch!

[sighs] We didn't matter.

He and I.

So these cases matter.

- They have to matter! - [Charles] You're right.

But we haven't solved Crystal's case either.

Doesn't have her memories back, does she?

[softly] Okay.

When I was in Becky's mom's mind today,

with all of that grief and that pain, I thought,

"What if my parents are out there feeling that about me?"

I just wanna help.

It does matter.

This case matters.

So...

We set David aside for now?

And focus on rescuing Becky? Yeah.

[pop song playing]

I discovered this witch, Esther Finch, is deeply obsessed with youth.

She kidnaps local girls every few years,

locks them in her cupboard, and steals their vitality.

- Proper villain. - Yes, she is a proper villain.

You got all this from a cat?

Little bastards are pretty clever. Their scratches sting like fire.

If she's still alive, we slip in, find the girl, spirit her out, done.

There you go, easy as that.

I will need the architectural plans for the house.

- Mmm-hmm. - Can you find that on your Internet?

Not exclusively my Internet.

I'll explain again later.

- But, yeah, I can. - Good.

Charles will have his bag-of-tricks backpack.

Okay, okay, right. It's actually a complex pocket universe

only I can navigate, after years of practice.

But, yeah, I mean, "bag-of-tricks" is fine.

[Jenny] Jesus!

I thought you were a meat robber, or, like, a...

Like, a meat pervert or...

What are you doing? You know what? I don't wanna know.

I don't care how old you are. Go to bed.

[door opens]

[Charles] Wow, she really looks like a witch.

Like, kind of a sexy witch who smokes a lot.

But in a cool way.

A witch who needs to get to the post office

to clear up some trouble over an unclaimed package.

- You're welcome. - [engine starts]

That was very clever, Crystal.

All right, Charles. Let's go.

Uh, I know we're cool now,

but feels like you not letting me come is punishment for the secret demon thing?

Which was totally my bad, very screwed up. I should've told you everything.

- Witches are dangerous. - [Crystal sighs]

I once saw a witch turn a girl into a small piece of plastic.

She couldn't move, never aged, but she could still feel everything.

And that is her forever now.

Holy shit.

You still have a life to lose. Let's keep it safe while we can.

[Edwin] And also...

we're punishing you.

[soft music playing]

[squawking]

You zip it, crow.

[squawking]

[Charles sighs]

- Big lock. - I'm sure you can open it.

[squawks]

Yes, I can, crow. You'll see.

Empty?

[teapot whistling]

[whistling stops]

Wait a tick.

This is different from the plans.

This cupboard is too far forward.

Right.

I'll peek in.

See what's what.

Witch will probably be back soon.

[gulps]

- [screams] - Edwin!

[grunts]

[Charles] Edwin? Are you okay?

[Edwin exhales]

[Charles] Magical void, innit?

- Sucked you in. - [Edwin] Good call.

It's magic.

[straining] I can feel it weighing me down.

Nothing's supposed to leave here.

[gasps, grunts]

[exhales]

[breathing heavily]

[gasps]

[heart beating]

Charles, Becky's down here!

I'd wager it's about a full-story drop!

Do you have a rope and pulley?

We need a way to carry her up!

Put her in the bag-of-tricks backpack.

[wristwatch clicking]

It's taking a while, don't you think?

Hi.

I'm Esther.

Rude of you to break into my house,

but the post office...

That was cute.

Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, come on now. What are your dead boys looking for?

You could've just asked me nicely.

Maybe I would have...

I don't know, given it to you.

There's, um, a girl missing and...

Oh, I see. Never mind.

I could never give her away. I'm... I'm a collector.

- Little girl collector? - Yeah.

I mean, I love a lot of things.

Japanese whisky, tobacco, a good record.

Birding. I'm a big fan of birds.

But I really, really...

love girls.

[crow squawking]

[Charles laughing]

[grunting]

Keep mocking me, crow.

I'll make you my friend eventually.

Everyone likes me.

I'm a good sort of chap.

[slithering]

[exhales]

- You get Becky? - I put her in your backpack.

Also, there was a...

A very large snake.

Well, this is exhausting.

- The waiting. - [Crystal grunts]

Oh, not for you.

You're almost paralyzed.

It's the pipe. Shoot.

Oh. [laughing]

But pretty soon, you will be fast asleep.

And maybe even having nice dreams.

[gasps, grunts]

[wheezing]

[Esther sighs]

Youth.

Teen girls have such lovely elasticity to their skin.

I mean, you can stretch it yards and yards.

[Charles] Leave her alone!

Oh.

Your little ghost friends have come to rescue you.

They're dead, but get to stay young forever.

I'm so... [sniffles]...jealous. I...

I could just scream.

["Surfing in the Sky" playing]

- [yells] - [grunts]

[yells]

[Esther grunts]

[groans]

Iron cane.

Sturdy.

It's good for the lower back.

Don't you just love it?

[straining] This is gonna suck for the both of us.

[Esther gasps, chokes]

[gasping]

[grunts]

[Charles grunts]

[breathing heavily]

[grunts]

Charles, no!

[Esther grunts]

[Crystal groaning]

[Edwin] Have you lost your mind?

We never possess people, it has bad consequences.

[Charles] I know that.

Kind of extenuating circumstance, you know?

Look, I'll take her back inside,

you and Crystal take the backpack with Becky in it and get out.

You need to get out of her body now!

- I can't believe you... - [Charles] Edwin.

You're the smart one, I'm the one who does shit like this.

- Hurry up, she's putting up a fight. - [Esther grunts]

Ah!

[Charles grunting]

[Esther growls]

Oh, you dig around in my memories, huh?

[laughing]

You three have opened a real bag of worms.

You have no idea.

[crow squawking]

Monty! Jesus!

I'm trying to threaten some kids.

You're home.

And you don't have to remember anything about that scary house

or that scary darkness.

You don't have to think about any of those bad things again, okay?

Good girl.

[Becky] Mom?

Mom!

Look at that.

Job well done.

Oh, but what about David the Demon?

[Crystal] He's still a stalker.

Still an asshole. But I am gonna get my memories back.

You got us now, yeah?

We've beaten him before, we can again.

- Let's not be cocky. - Cocky?

I smack-talked a crow while pulling you out of an abyss

and saving a girl, then concussed the witch.

Possessed her, possibly alerting the afterlife to our location.

Running from Death is hard enough, let alone the creatures that work for her.

Yet none of them are here. Looks like we're in the clear.

You're such a worrier.

[Crystal] Let's just get out of this town before anything else insane happens.

[dings]

[woman] Hmm, let me see.

What's this, then?

Hmm.

Possession.

Not very nice.

- [shouts] Is it? - [gasps]

[distorted screaming, laughing]

Oh...

Found you two naughty boys.

Didn't I?