All language subtitles for The Heats On 1943.eng

- Boy, is she sizzlin' tonight.
- That don't help nobody.

I bet you the notice goes up
come Saturday.

Boy, you can smell this flop
clear to Times Square.

Yeah, and in this theatre, too,

where Ferris and Lawrence
had all their smashes.

- How's business tonight, Mr Ferris?
- Terrible.

I've been with you for more
than ten years,

ever since you left Ziegfeld.

I was with you
that night in Minneapolis

when you saw Miss Lawrence
for the first time at the old Orpheum.

Remember?

You picked a fine time
to reminisce, Frank.

I just wanted to say, Mr Ferris,

take advice of an old friend
and close Saturday.

Not on your life.

Tony Ferris may go down,
but not without a fight.

Tell Mr Ferris I wanna see him
in my dressing room.

Oui, Madame.

- Monsieur Ferris.
- Yes?

Miss Lawrence wants to see you
in her dressing room.

All right.
Hold the fort.

- You sent for me, honey?
- I won't need you, Babette.

- You want to talk to me, Fay?
- I don't, but it's necessary.

Get that chair and sit down.

I wanna talk about Indiscretions,
and I don't mean my own.

Well, go right ahead. I can always listen
to you with the greatest of pleasure.

Mmm, but you didn't listen
when I warned you about this show.

Can't you see the way it's going,
it's no use?

Why, if I stay with the show,
I'll lose my reputation.

Well, I've been working
on some new promotion angles.

Fay, I can make
another Show Boat out of this.

Why, the idea's cooking now.

Yeah, I bet it'll be half-baked.

Well, I'm giving you
my two weeks' notice.

Fay, you can't do that to me.

Don't tell me you've lost faith in me,
after all the hits we've done together.

Yeah, five hits and one error.

- Oh, we can fix the show up.
- It's easier to get a new one.

Just a moment.
Before you think of leaving me,

you'd better read your contract.

I did and it made very light reading
in bed last night.

There's a certain little clause
about a minimum weekly gross

that lets me out very nicely.

- What would you do without me?
- Much better.

Wait a minute. There's something
behind all this. What is it?

Simply that I have a tradition
of success to live up to.

Now, Forrest Stanton...

Stanton? Don't tell me
that guy's been after you.

"After" is not the word.

The gentleman approached me
about starring in his Tropicana.

That's fine, that's fine.

You talk to another producer
while I'm still paying you.

Hey, Boss.

Come here,
I gotta talk to you.

- Hey, Boss, we're in trouble.
- You trying to be funny?

No, there's a guy upstairs wants to see you
from the Bainbridge Foundation.

Bainbridge Foundation?

Yeah, you know, one of them
clean-up deformers.

- Send that long-hair in.
- Yeah, but this guy ain't got no hair.

- Send him in anyway.
- Okay.

Okay, bud.

- Good evening, Mr Ferris.
- All right, all right. What's the beef?

Beef? Well, the last I bought
was sixty cents.

That was hamburger.

Say, I'm in no mood for joking.
What do you want?

Mr Ferris, I have just seen your show.
And, in my opinion...

That's a lie.

Indiscretions is clean, wholesome
entertainment for the entire family,

and if your organisation
thinks for one moment...

Please, Mr Ferris,
you don't understand.

- I liked your show.
- What?

Miss Lawrence is the prettiest girl
I've seen since Lillian Russell,

and those indiscreet ladies...

I know all those adjectives.
What do you people want from me?

Well, I'm not representing
the Foundation.

I'm only a supply clerk there, anyway.

I came to ask you to do
something for me, personally.

Oh, now comes the bite.
What do you want?

- Well, I have a niece...
- I have ulcers.

And, compared to my other troubles,
my ulcers are a pleasure.

Well, I'm sorry
about your ulcers,

but my niece, Janey,
is the sweetest, the prettiest,

the most wonderful girl
that you'd ever hope to see.

I hope I never have to see her.

But she sings like a meadowlark.
She belongs in the theatre.

We all have it in our blood.

Why, years ago, when I was younger,
I used to sing and give imitations.

Listen to this.

That's a turkey.

- Are you kidding me?
- Oh, no, sir.

Well, I'm not
in the poultry business.

Well, I only do it for friends.

Well, that's the surest way
to lose them.

What can I do about all this?

Well, if you'd only
give Janey a chance.

She's always wanted
to appear in a theatre,

and it'd make me very happy.

- Mouse.
- Yes, Boss.

- Show this imitations man out.
- Come on, Mr Foundation.

We've had enough of your propaganda.
Come on.

The way you gentlemen are acting,
you'd think I was having your show raided.

- We know all about it.
- Say, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Mouse, you oughta be
ashamed of yourself,

shoving this gentleman around
like this.

Take your hands off him.
Take your hands off him!

- Why, you mustn't rush out like this.
- Oh, mustn't I?

Why, no, certainly not.
Sit right down.

Why, I wanna tell you,
I think your hen imitation was a natural.

- You do?
- Yes.

Well, it does come
sort of natural, you know.

Fine. Now about your niece.
I may put her in the show.

That is, if you'll do
something for me, too.

You know, you scratch my back,
I scratch yours.

Well, mine doesn't itch,
but I'd be very glad to scratch yours.

No, no, no. No, no, no!
No, no. No.

Tell me, how do you stand
with your boss?

Oh, you mean Hannah Bainbridge,
the president?

- Yes, how do you rate with her?
- I'm her kid brother, Hubert.

Hubert, how would you like
to get out of the supply room?

Well, it is a little close in there.

I understand.
Just a second.

Just a second, Hubert.

Take a look.

What do you see?

Oh, that's... that's more
than I've seen in years.

- Put it in your pocket.
- Hm.

That's enough.

I have an idea that'll land you
on the very top of your foundation.

- You have?
- Yes.

- Oh, what's the idea?
- Well, I'll tell you.

- Hello, Janey.
- Good morning, Uncle Hubert.

What happened to you?
I was worried.

- Aunt Hannah's been calling for you.
- She has?

Oh, dear, dear.
Well, I'd better go right in.

Oh, Uncle, did you see that man?
You know, the one you told me about?

Did I see him?
I not only saw him, I talked to him.

- No!
- You're as good as set.

- All I have to do is see Hannah.
- Aunt Hannah?

You'll find out.
Now, just keep your fingers crossed.

On both hands.

Hubert!

Yes, one round trip to Seattle.

Essential?
What is more essential

than the moral welfare
of our young people in these times?

I tell you, my presence at our convention
is absolutely imperative.

- Are you going somewhere, Hannah?
- Shut up.

You say I can get an upper?

I suppose it's the best I can do.
Thank you.

Now, Mr Playboy,
where were you last night?

- I went to a show.
- A show?

Indiscretions of 1943.

- Hubert Bainbridge!
- But it was an accident, Hannah.

I was on my way to the Y for a workout,
and I happened to pass the theatre.

But when I saw the pictures on the outside,
I couldn't resist going in.

But only in the interests
of the Foundation.

Isn't your interest
in our work rather sudden?

Well, I admit my heart
hasn't always been in it.

But last night
was more than I could stand.

Look. Did you ever see
anything so brazen?

- Did you?
- Positively shocking.

Send them a stern warning.
Form 92.

Form 92? This is something
that calls for action.

You should see
what she does with her hips.

Why, it's practically
the hootchy-kootchy.

Hubert!

I'm sorry, Hannah,
but that's what she does.

I'll take care of her
as soon as I get back from the convention.

But that may be too late.

Think of the thousands of people
that may see this exhibition.

I tell you, Hannah,
this show should be closed tonight.

Bring down that curtain!

Bring down that curtain!
Hey, bring that curtain down.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this show is closed.

If you'll go to the box office,
there will be an officer

who will see that your admission
is cheerfully refunded. Thank you.

What a break.
Why, you couldn't buy publicity like that.

Look, doesn't that
make up for last night?

I wouldn't be surprised
if you framed this yourself.

Well, what would you say
if I told you that I did?

- Well, it's all right.
- Tell her, Mouse.

He figured it all out himself,
Miss Lawrence.

He's got terrific connections.

All right, folks, clear the lobby.

The show is closed indefinitely.

Tell them to close
that box office.

Hey, what's going on
around here?

Hello, Mr Ferris.
Your show is closed.

But this must be a mistake.

You're right, Mr Ferris, and whoever
stirred up that Bainbridge outfit

- is the guy who made it.
- It was just a gag.

Well, if it was before,
it ain't now.

The heat's on.

We're closing up
two more shows tonight.

Anything wrong, Captain?

Yes, Miss Lawrence.
We've gotta close it up.

That's one job I sure hate,
closing shows.

Well, Mastermind,
did you trip over your connection?

I'll fix this just as soon
as I can get to a phone.

The Mayor himself
couldn't fix this one, Mr Ferris.

When bigger and better fixes
are made, you'll get into them,

but from now on,
without me.

Pardon me for saying it,
Mr Ferris,

but that's the best thing that could
have happened to that show.

Oh, no. I'm... I'm a ruined man.

On the contrary, that show would have
ruined both you and Miss Lawrence.

It was a dud.

Now you can take a little rest,
and then put on something good.

Rest? How can I take a rest?

Why not, Mr Ferris? Go to Florida
and get some of that sunshine.

What's going to happen
to Fay Lawrence in the meantime?

- Fay Lawrence?
- Yes.

Do you think she'd wait around
until I got a coat of tan?

Mr Ferris,
you mean you didn't hear?

- Hear what?
- Come here, just a minute.

Take a look.

That can't be possible.

Well, we got notice
to vacate the theatre.

Fay can't do this to me.

She told me something about Stanton,
but I thought it was only to get my goat.

Why, this is awful.

We're sorry we're late, Mr Ferris.

So it's you.

Yeah, this is me,
and this is my niece, Janey.

- How do you do?
- You're just the guy I wanted to see.

- Yeah, was that raid very funny?
- "Funny"? I'm still in stitches.

Well, I'm glad you liked it.

And you were right, Mr Ferris,
I'm in complete charge of the Foundation

because my sister Hannah
has gone to Seattle

and will be there for two months.

I'm overwhelmed.

Yeah, I feel pretty good
about it myself.

But I suppose you're anxious
to hear Janey sing.

You get your music out, darling.

I always play for her.

Mr Ferris, aren't you going to wait
to hear Janey sing?

Gee, Janey, I'm sorry.

Something must've come up.
He was so anxious to hear you yesterday.

Yesterday he still had a show.

Oh, it's all right, Uncle Hubert.
You did your best.

Let's go home.

I'm awful sorry, honey.

Good evening, Mr Ferris.

- Bonsoir, Monsieur Ferris.
- Hello, Mac.

- Tony.
- Xavier, mi amigo mejor.

Tony, my friend. I can always
depend on you to fill one booth, huh?

Wonderful music.
Wonderful.

You know, I should have
my head examined

for never using you
in one of my shows.

But the next one I do,
you'll be in it.

Oh, I'm afraid I'll be tied up
for quite some time, Tony.

I've just signed with Stanton
for Tropicana.

Don't tell me you're gonna work
for Stanton too?

Why not? He gave me a good contract
and it's a great show.

Great show! Wait till you see
the one I'm working on.

A real dynamite musical
if you've ever seen one.

- What is it about?
- Well, it's a terrific idea.

It's one of those sensational things,
I, er... Tell him, Mouse.

Huh? Well, you told me
not to tell anybody.

That's all right.
You can tell him, he's my friend.

Well, uh... it's, er...
It's about India.

Maharajas, beautiful girls,
a... a magic carpet.

It sounds vague.

- Well, I'm working on the script now.
- Tony, you're shadow-boxing again.

You can't even tell a good lie
for a friend anymore.

- Tell me, is Tropicana really that good?
- Oh, great, great.

- How is Fay in it?
- It's gonna hurt, Tony.

Oh, I can stand it.
I don't really care anymore.

What Stanton's trying to do is to bring
a new Fay Lawrence out of the old shell,

to create a new personality.

- It can't be done.
- He's doing it.

You ought to see
some of those rehearsals.

Don't go to pieces, Tony.

Broadway is full of eager
and talented people.

You created one Fay Lawrence,
you'll create another.

Oh, sure.

Oh, I'd better go back
to my band, Tony.

I must hold onto the boys I still have.
You know, most of them

are already tooting reveille
in Green River, North Carolina.

Bye, Tony.

Stanton, that cheap,
double-crossing crook.

"Bringing out a new Fay Lawrence."
What does he know about her anyway?

- Mouse, have I ever lied to you?
- Well, not unless you had to, no.

Then listen to me.
Fay Lawrence is part of me, she's me.

Do you think I'm gonna let anybody
twist her around and ruin my life's work?

Sounds like he's doing it, Boss.

I don't believe it.
I've gotta see that with my own eyes.

And I'm going to tomorrow.

- Well, Boss, it wasn't no lie.
- They haven't opened yet.

- Yeah, they gotta rehearse first.
- Come on, let's go in and take a peak.

How do you like the number, Fay?

I don't want to okay anything
unless you're enthusiastic about it.

Oh, I always say yes
to a good number.

You know, Fay, I'm convinced

that this show is gonna give you
the greatest scope for your talents.

I told you I'd surround you
with the best.

You know, I'm so glad to be with someone
who can keep his word... I hope.

That's appreciation for you.

Pardon me, Miss Lawrence,
your number's on next.

Er... Did you decide to drive in
on the gaucho carriage for this number?

No, dear, I'm coming in
on my own momentum.

I can't let her
get away with this.

I've gotta talk to her.

- Be sure you don't wear that tonight.
- Oh, no, Madame.

- Get out.
- But Monsieur Ferris...

Get out and stay out.

The late Mr Ferris, I presume.

Fay, I heard every word you said
to that cheap four-flusher Stanton.

I was sitting in the balcony,
right over your head.

As an aerial umbrella,
you're a perfect drip.

You've gotta listen, Fay,
this doesn't make sense.

You can't work for Stanton
after all the shows we've done together.

- Think of my reputation.
- Don't be tiresome.

What do you wanna do, ruin me?
Put me in bankruptcy? Send me to jail?

You know I've been mad about ya
from the first time I laid eyes on ya.

You're my whole world. What do you
wanna do, drive me to a madhouse?

No, I'll call you a taxi.

Listen, honey, you can't cast me aside
like an old shoe.

Don't be silly. Who's throwing away
old shoes nowadays?

Fay, if you come back to me,
we'll get right back on top again.

I've got some great plans.

Why, only this morning, I got you
the greatest proposition you've ever seen.

Mm, what is it?

Why, we'll sweep
right over Broadway again.

We'll have lines ten blocks long
in front of our box office.

We'll have them hanging
from the rafters.

And another thing,
if you give Stanton your notice today,

I'll double your salary in my next show.
What do you think of that?

Oh, don't be mercenary.

Money isn't everything,
if you can get it.

Doesn't your conscience
ever bother you?

No, it amuses me.

Have ya ever thanked me once
for everything I've done for ya?

I only answer $64 questions.

All right, Fay, you asked for it.

When I start fighting, I get mad,
and when I get mad, I bite nails in two.

- All right, I'll get you a priority on them.
- Oh!

- Private Andy Walker reporting for duty.
- At ease, Soldier.

Boy, am I glad to see you.

Well, what can I investigate
for you today?

- Any burlesque show I ought to peep at?
- No, darling, no investigations.

Things are so quiet around here,
I might just as well be in the morgue.

Well, don't let it
get you down, honey.

As soon as I get this war
over with, I'll marry ya.

I'll get you out of here.

But, in the meantime, I'd like to be able
to prove to myself

just what my chances are
for a stage career.

Oh, Janey, dear, I still say
you'll never be happy in show business.

I don't wanna see you
get hurt by it.

Why do ya feel
you have to be a famous star?

Oh, Andy, it's not the fame
I'm after.

It's a chance to prove
what I can do.

But it's such a nerve-racking life.

But don't you think it's nerve-racking
sitting around here day after day?

I can almost feel the spiders
spinning their webs around me.

Good morning.
Hello, Janey.

- Why, where's my friend, Hubert?
- Oh, it's you, Mr Ferris.

So, you're the big producer
she was telling me about, huh?

Well, I know you think I walked out on you,
but that's what I came up to explain.

Always glad to meet
one of our boys.

I'm gonna make a big star
out of you.

Yeah, and he's the one can do it.

He's produced more hits
than any man on Broadway.

Yeah? Well, if he doesn't get out of here,
I'll produce one right on his chin.

Oh, Andy, please,
you'll ruin everything.

Are you on the level,
or are you just bluffing?

Bluffing? I'll show you
whether I'm bluffing or not.

Wait till you hear the great news
I've got for your Uncle Hubert.

Hey, what's going on here?

Hubert, Hubert, we're gonna produce
the biggest show that ever hit Broadway,

and Janey's gonna play the lead.

- Honest?
- I give you my solemn word of honour.

- I don't believe you've got one.
- What have I ever done to you?

Andy doesn't want me
to go on the stage, Mr Ferris.

What? And cheat the public
of her charm and personality?

You're not gonna stand
for that, are ya?

No, I should say not.

Let's get down to business.
Come right in the office here, that's it.

Yo tengo negocios, entiendo?

Yes.

Come on, Hubert, sit down,
make yourself comfortable.

Well, thank you.

You still want Janey
to get a break, don't you?

Of course I do.

Well, then we've gotta team her up
with some big New York name.

- Oh, like, er...
- Well, not exactly.

Some great personality
like, er... Fay Lawrence.

- Oh, she's wonderful.
- Yes, but here's the trouble.

She's already signed
with Forrest Stanton.

- Gee, that's too bad.
- Yes.

Someone must get her
away from him.

And you're the man to do it.

Well, I'm a little out of practice,
but I'll be glad to try.

All you have to do is take the phone,
call Stanton, tell him who you are.

Then sort of drop a hint that he'd better
not use Fay Lawrence in his show.

- Well, I don't understand.
- You don't have to understand.

She's still on the Foundation's
blacklist, isn't she?

We have no blacklist.

You have one now.

Yes?

The Bainbridge
Foundation on the phone, sir.

- Bainbridge Foundation?
- It's Mr Bainbridge himself.

Hello.

Yes.

Oh, how do you do,
Mr Bainbridge?

Of course she's going to be
in my show. Why?

Well, she's still on our blacklist,
Mr Stanton.

Of course, this is unofficial, but I
thought I'd warn you in a friendly way.

Oh, but Mr Bainbridge, don't you think that
your organisation is being very unfair?

I mean, after all, Miss Lawrence
is a big Broadway star.

I've built my entire show around her.

But that's a restraint of trade.

- "Restraint of trade"?
- It's just a friendly tip.

Of course, this is just a friendly tip.

And I happen to know
what they're figuring on doing.

Yes, that's right.

Oh, not at all, Mr Stanton.

Goodbye.

- What'd he say?
- He thanked me.

Wonderful.

Now we give him
our slow curve.

Listen, I've got a story to tell you

about a Yank
who came south of the border.

He makes me so happy
and so mad.

But, oh, he's such a Romeo.

- Bonsoir, Monsieur Ferris.
- Is Lou here?

Yeah, dancing with the dumbest girl
this side of the Rocky Mountains.

I saved the booth for you
next to Mr Stanton's.

- He looks real worried tonight.
- You're a real pal, Mac.

I'm gonna make you stage manager
in the new show.

Thank you, Mr Ferris.
I can do the black-face too, you know.

Mac, tell Louis Shore
I wanna see him.

I think Mr Shore is dancing.

Tell him it's important,
if he wants to make some quick dough.

Yes, Mr Ferris.

Sorry, honey, business.
Go powder your nose or something.

- Hello, Ferris, what's the story?
- Well, I'm in a tough spot.

You're telling me.

I've got $200,000 lined up
to do a musical,

So I want some real
sensational people.

Well, I've got them all,
you know.

- What type of a show is it?
- Well, I'm angling around.

I've read a couple of scripts, er...
Who've you got?

Well, I've got Lucille Wright,
Chiquita Benton, Stafford and Lynn,

Bill Weston
and His Seven Swing-Slingers.

No, that's no good.

No good?
What do you mean, "no good"?

Who do you want?
Shostakovich and his seven symphonies?

No, I've gotta have the best there is
on Broadway, and no fooling.

I got to rush now.
Big deal is cooking.

I'll give you a call Monday, Tony.
I'll see what I can line up for you.

- Give my best to Malnick.
- I will.

- Hello, Tony.
- Forrest.

- Mind if I sit down?
- Why, of course not.

Say, what are you doing here? I thought
you were all tied up with your rehearsals.

- Say, how does the show look?
- Tony, it's a goldmine.

So they tell me.

Oh, by the way,
I couldn't help but overhear

your conversation with Lou just now.
Congratulations.

Thanks. I did hit the jackpot.

Too bad you haven't got
a show ready.

- I'll get one.
- Sure.

Tony, I've just been thinking.

How would you like
to take over Tropicana?

Tropicana? Tropicana?

Since when have you started
throwing goldmines away?

Look, Tony, I've gotta get away
from this business for a while.

Take a long rest.
Doctor's orders.

You do look terrible.

- I do?
- Yes.

Look, I'm willing to take
a little loss on Tropicana

just so I can get away
for a good rest.

Haven't you got Fay Lawrence
under contract to play the lead?

Yes, and she's sensational.
The show was written for her, you know.

I wouldn't be buried
in the same cemetery with that dame.

- It's no deal.
- That can be fixed, Tony.

She'd be happy to step out
the minute you took over.

- You think she would?
- Absolutely.

Every time she hears your name,
she gets sick.

- She does?
- Tony, she hates you.

Really?

Don't you worry about her hanging on
to the show, not with your doing it.

Why, she'd pay for her release.

What'll you take for Tropicana?

Look, I've got $28,000
tied up in it.

I'll tell you what I'll do,
I'll take twenty.

Being that you're a sick man,
I'll tell ya what I'll do,

- I'll give you ten.
- I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll take it.

Give me the chequebook.

Now the pen.

You're getting the best deal
of your life.

I wanna tell ya something, this is the way
Tony Ferris does business.

Everything right on the dotted line.

- There you are.
- Thanks, Tony.

Now, take good care
of your nerves.

- I will. Good luck.
- Good luck to you.

You know, Tony, I was just thinking,
better hold back the announcements

until I've had a chance
to talk with Fay

and sort of smooth over
the rough edges, you know.

- Let me handle the publicity.
- It's all yours.

Thanks.
So long, Mouse.

Mouse, we won the battle.

Mark my words,
Fay Lawrence'll come back to me

crawling on her hands and knees.

Yes, Boss, but there's one thing
that's worrying me.

What's that?

How are you gonna cover this cheque
by tomorrow?

Don't be an idiot.
Tomorrow's Sunday.

Come on.

Well, there you are.

- Hello, Fay.
- Oh, hello, Forrest.

How are you, boys?

We've been going through
those new choruses

of "Can't Be Bothered" all evening.

Look, gentlemen, I wonder
if you'd please excuse us.

Miss Lawrence and I have some
very important business to discuss.

- Sure.
- Certainly.

Why, thanks for the number, boys.

And we'll wrap it up as a gift
before we give it to our public.

- Good night, Miss Lawrence.
- Good night.

Well, I'm glad to see you
in such a happy frame of mind.

- Won't you have a drink?
- Thanks. I may need it.

Fay, I have some news for you
that may be a shock.

- What is it?
- I can't go on with the show.

Oh, is that so?
You what?

As a matter of fact, my backer,
who was to back me, has backed out.

I haven't the money.

However, the show will go on
and I assume that you'll be the star.

But I had to sell the production.

Well, one man's money's
as good as another.

You may not like your producer.

Oh, I like any producer
who produces.

- Who is he?
- Tony Ferris.

Tony Ferris?
Why, this is a catastrophe.

I'm sorry, Fay,
I had no other choice.

After all, you two
have had hits before.

Why, you don't know that guy.
Why, this is terrible.

Why, if he'd have been with Washington,
he'd have double-crossed the Delaware.

Hello, er... May I speak
to the district attorney, please?

Hello, Hubert.

Oh, er... Cancel it.

Oh, I'm so glad
you gentlemen are here.

Glad to see you, Hubert.
How is every little wrinkle?

Thank you. I was just calling up
the district attorney.

District attorney?
What for?

Well, I wanted to confess
about myself and you and Mr Mouse.

Confess what?

About that telephone call
I made to Mr Stanton.

I've felt terrible about it ever since.
I haven't slept a wink.

I'm a sick man, Mr Ferris.

I never lied in my life.

Hubert, you can forget
about that call.

Forget about it?

Yeah, you never made it,
understand?

Oh, but I did, Mr Ferris.
You remember, you were...

- I tell you, you never made it.
- But I did!

You don't remember.
You've got two witnesses to back you up.

- Who's the other witness, Boss?
- You, you dope.

Do you mean you gentlemen
would really lie for me?

Hubert, we'd die for you.

Oh, you don't know what you've done
for me and for the Bainbridge Foundation.

Why, Mr Stanton could have sued us
for every penny we have.

- So what?
- Well, how much money can you have?

Well, er...

As of today, there's...

$409,000.26

Well, who's rationing
all that sugar?

- Pardon me?
- Say, who's in charge of the money?

Oh, I don't know. I... I guess I am,
as long as sister Hannah's away.

They couldn't have placed it
in better hands.

I don't know why you men
are so good to me.

- Would you really wanna know?
- Yes.

I'll tell you, Hubert, anyone who cares
as much about his niece as you do

must be the sweetest guy
in the world.

And I'm a pushover for sweet guys.

This is no place for Janey
with her wonderful talent.

Sure, we gotta get her outta here.

- You mean it?
- Sure.

Why, that's our sacred duty.

You really mean that you'll give Janey
a chance, Mr Ferris?

Hubert, you leave it to me.

I'll fix you, you and Janey, like you've
never been fixed up before in all your life.

Oh, Mr Ferris.

Now you're gonna hear
something terrific.

- Yes.
- Frank.

- Yes, sir.
- Is Hazel Scott ready?

It'll take a couple of minutes yet, Boss.
They're still putting the pianos in place.

I don't want any waits
between numbers.

Get the next one
to follow immediately.

The next will be the "Wabash" number.
We'll need Miss Adair.

Honey, will you get dressed, please?

Right away, Mr Ferris.

- Keep your fingers crossed.
- Be good.

- Good luck, darling.
- Thank you, Uncle.

- Will you look at this model, please?
- Let's see.

No, that won't do, Rennie.
That's not massive enough.

Don't forget, this is
a Tony Ferris production.

I'm only trying
to cut corners a little, Mr Ferris.

Who asked you to cut corners?

What's 15 to 20,000 dollars
to a big musical like this?

All right, Mr Ferris.
It is your money.

Don't bother about my money.

There's plenty more
where that came from.

- Er... Mr Ferris.
- Yes?

- I'm worried.
- About my money?

- No.
- Oh.

About the Foundation's money.

The way we're spending it,
I'm practically an embezzler.

- You're still vice president, aren't you?
- Only till Hannah gets back.

After all, we're supposed to close shows,
not finance them.

Oh, don't worry.
By the time Hannah returns,

you'll have all your money back
and maybe a $50,000 profit.

Maybe.

That was wonderful.
Didn't that make you tingle all over?

Here's the "Wabash" number,
Mr Ferris.

- Gee, it's been a wonderful leave.
- Wonderful for me, too.

Gosh, I'm gonna miss you,
and the folks, and...

- And who?
- Well, you'd only laugh, if I told you.

No, I wouldn't.

Well, next to you,
I'm gonna miss the river.

Oh, you had me worried
for a minute.

Well, I hope you're as pleased
with Janey as I am.

Oh, Mr Ferris, I'm so pleased,
I can hardly talk.

You've made me
the happiest man in the world.

You've fulfilled all my dreams.

Gracious, you have
your hands full.

- Let me help you.
- Oh, thank you, Monsieur.

- Where are you taking them, Miss?
- To Miss Lawrence's car.

She is waiting for them.

Fay Lawrence?

Golly, I'm dying to meet her.

Here is everything, Madame.
This gentleman was so kind to help me.

- What gentleman?
- Me.

Oh, thank you so much
for your kind assistance.

Not at all.

It's my best deed since I was
a Boy Scout, Miss Lawrence.

Oh, I see you know who I am.
Should I know you?

Well, I was in hopes by this time,
we'd be very good friends.

I'm Bainbridge, Hubert Bainbridge.

- Bainbridge?
- Yes, ma'am.

Oh, well, where did you get
the fantastic idea

that you and I
should be good friends?

Well, I was led to believe that you'd be
the star of this show that I'm backing.

Ooh, you were led to believe that?
And you are backing this show?

Well, my fine future friend,

I think you and I should get together
and compare notes.

Yes, how about tonight at my place?

Oh, I'd love to.

But I don't wanna interfere
with any of your plans.

Yes, but now you are my plans.

I'm Hubert Bainbridge.
Is Miss Lawrence still expecting me?

I think so, Monsieur.
Come in, please.

I'd be very glad to.

May I have your hat?

I brought a few roses.
It seemed to be a nice thought.

I'll put them in water.

Oh, well, I kind of wanted
to give them to her myself.

Sort of surprise her, you know?
I'm a little bit surprised with myself.

Very well, Monsieur.

Ooh... Golly.

Well, I see you're a man
of my word.

- How do you do?
- Hello, Miss Lawrence.

I, er...
Oh, excuse me.

How do you do?

...I've been dropping things
ever since I met you yesterday.

- I brought you a few roses.
- Oh, you shouldn't have done that.

Oh, it's just a thought.

I didn't know you had the soul
of a stage-door Johnny.

I... I just discovered it myself.

Well, sit down, make yourself at home.
I'll be right back.

Thank you.

My, you have
a beautiful home here.

And you look simply ravishing
in that dress.

You think so?

What would you like
to have to drink?

Oh, er... Do you have
any lemon squash?

Not if I can help it.

How about a little
Napoleon brandy?

Oh, no. I wouldn't like to take anything
that belongs to somebody else.

Well, he wouldn't mind. Napoleon made
this himself before he met his Waterloo.

Oh, you'd better not fill mine up.

No kiddin'.

- Aren't you going to have any?
- Well, I don't drink.

But I like to keep my friends
in good spirits.

Got quite a bite to it,
hasn't it?

Come over here, honey.

Would you like to cut a rug?

Oh, no, these rugs
are too expensive.

How'd you like to rumba?

Oh, I never did anything
but square dances.

Well, we can get around to that.

Don't jump, honey. Don't jump.

- How do you feel now?
- Oh, I feel wonderful.

I feel just like a boy again.

- Do I look like a boy again?
- Well, I didn't know you then.

Well, you may not believe it
but, confidentially, I'm past forty.

Oh, well, a man of forty is always
more fascinating than a man of twenty.

A man of forty has more charm
and more poise,

and sometimes more money.

- How am I doing?
- Oh, great.

- I can jitterbug, too.
- Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh, you're solid.
You should've worn your draped suit.

- I owe all my vigour to vitamins.
- Mm-hmm.

I take a lot of them.
A, B, C, D, F, J and H.

Do you think vitamins
are here to stay?

Well, I think they'll stay longer
than you will.

Don't look now, honey,
but your hair is skidding.

Oh, that thing.
That don't fool anybody.

My sister Hannah makes me wear it
when I go out

because our family made its money
in hair tonic.

Oh, say, that music is inspiring.

I wish Hannah would let me
go out nights.

Don't tell me she's got you
on the swing shift.

No, she just has a mania
for suppressing everything.

Well, then I suppose
you're number one on her list, huh?

List... List!

Gosh, that's what I forgot
to remember to tell you.

Mr Ferris had me tell some producer that
you were on the Foundation's blacklist.

And we haven't got any blacklist.
We never even had a white list.

- Oh, say that again, brother.
- Oh, I can't. I'm too ashamed.

It was a mean trick,
and I'm a cad.

Well, why did you do it?

Well, I did it all
for my niece, Janey.

Mr Ferris promised to put her
in the show if I'd put up the money,

- and he said you'd be in it, too.
- Well, where'd you get the money?

Well, there was a very nice surplus
in the sinking fund of the Foundation,

and I sank some of it
in the show.

Did your sister Hannah
okay the transaction?

Oh, no. No, she didn't know
a thing about it.

She's in Seattle, at a convention.

She left me in complete charge.

So you plundered the Foundation's funds

to give your niece a break
in show business.

Well, I don't wanna discourage you,
but you've got one foot in jail already.

Jail? Oh, dear, oh, my!

How could this happen to me?

I only wanted to do
the right thing by everybody.

And now look, I'm up a tree.

- And out on a limb.
- Well, what'll I do?

Well, I've got an idea.

If you wanna square yourself,
you can start right now.

You're not gonna call the police?

No, just a man
you did a great injustice.

Hello, Stanton talking.

Hello, Fay.
Well, how's the little girl?

Sure, I remember.

How did you know
the Bainbridge people called me?

Hubert Bainbridge?
In your apartment?

What is this, a gag?

His sister, in Seattle?

Oh, now I'm beginning
to see the light.

Go ahead.

Oh, he's sorry, eh?
Well, how touching.

All right, I promise you
I won't make him any trouble.

I'll go farther than that,
I'll even try to save his skin,

what there is left of it.

All right, Fay. You're a pal.

I just thought you'd like to know
how you've been taken.

Hello, long distance?

Look, Operator, I want you
to get me Hannah Bainbridge.

Seattle, Washington.

She's the chairlady
of the Bainbridge convention there.

Yeah.

What's on your mind, Harry?

The bank just called, Mr Ferris.
We're overdrawn again.

Well, what did you do with the 10,000
Hubert gave you Monday?

- Didn't you deposit it?
- Yes, but it's all gone.

Well, we gotta watch ourselves.

Another $20,000 ought to
see us through all right.

All right, I'll get it
from Hubert tomorrow.

I guess you'll want to hold up
all these cheques then.

Oh, no, no.
Give them to me.

You never put off until tomorrow
what you can do today.

That's my motto.

Go ahead, give 'em out.

- Give 'em out?
- Yes.

It's after three,
all the banks are closed.

- Hey, Boss.
- Yes?

Are you in the mood
for a surprise?

I guess I can stand another one.

Okay, then.
Wait'll you get a load of this.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you now
Ezra Simpkins in "A Little Bit of Corn".

Shoo. Shoo.
Get outta here. Go on.

You never lay any eggs here.
Go on home where you belong.

Get outta here.

Uncle, the postman just came and
brought you some more seed envelopes.

Oh, dear, I've got more seeds now
than I know what to do with.

How did you ever
get yourself into this?

I've always tried to be
a good American.

And when this country went to war,
the corner grocer told me

I ought to be a farmer
in my own backyard.

And as I struggled from the store
with all the seeds he'd sold me,

he said, "Don't worry, pard,
it really isn't hard.”

S So I went and planted cabbages.

Hubert, you're dynamite.

Well, thanks.
I'm glad you liked it.

I thought we needed something
to follow Hazel Scott.

Well, I don't think it quite fits
into the show.

As you know,
it's mostly a Latin background.

Oh, I thought of that too, Mr Ferris.

I've got a special verse
about a Mexican jumping bean.

Now, you run right along
and change your clothes.

- We'll talk about that later.
- All right.

I'm glad you liked it, though.

Hubert!

Is this Seattle?

So it's true. You have dragged
our name in the muck and mire.

Madam, you're interrupting my rehearsals.

Now, will you leave quietly,
or shall I have you thrown out bodily?

If you lay one finger on me...

Madam, will you kindly
take it on the I am?

Aunt Hannah,
what are you doing here?

Jane, your... Your legs!

What's wrong with my legs?

Have you no modesty?

Do you think I'd let
any man see my legs?

Do you think he'd want to?

- Sir, who are you?
- Just the producer of the show.

So you're the scoundrel
who hoodwinked my poor brother.

Hubert and Jane,
come down here at once.

This little escapade is over.

Just a minute.
We have signed contracts.

- You can't take that girl out of my show.
- Indeed I can.

You're not dealing with my weak-kneed
brother and my guileless niece now.

You're dealing
with Hannah Bainbridge.

- And that's a horse of another colour.
- Horse is right.

Janey, come put this on.
This is disgraceful.

If you take them away,
I won't be able to produce this show.

Exactly. I have already notified my bank
to stop payments on any and all cheques

my brother has drawn
for your benefit.

Your accounts are closed.

You will never see another cent
of the Foundation's money.

But if I'm held responsible
for these claims, I go to jail.

Good. That's just
where you belong.

Come along now, come along.
And you too.

- How were things in Seattle?
- Never mind Seattle. I'll take care of that.

But I can't go out like this.

You get back to the supply room
where you belong.

- But I want my clothes.
- Never mind about your clothes!

I can't understand a thing anymore.
My mind's a blank.

Mine too, Boss.

We've got to get Fay back.
That's the only thing I know.

- Mouse.
- What?

If she was to hear that I was dead,
do you think she'd feel sorry for me?

She might.

Folks are awfully good
to dead people, you know.

- You're right. I've got it!
- Wait a minute, Boss.

You ain't gonna bump yourself off
just to satisfy that dame, are ya?

No. Fay's too smart
for anything like that.

But I've got a terrific idea
that'll work like a charm.

Who are you?
What are you talking about?

I'm Doctor Snyder,
of the Snyder Private Sanatorium.

A Mr Tony Ferris has just
been brought in.

There's every symptom of an acute manic
depressive case, with complications.

He's been calling for you
all the time.

Your presence here
would be highly desirable.

All right, I'll be right over.

A very complex case,
Miss Lawrence.

You can diagnose it
in ten different ways.

In fact, you may take your pick
of paranoia, paranemia,

schizophrenia, mania grandiose
or dementia praecox.

Sounds like a French menu to me.

I suggest that you would see the patient.
I believe it may help him.

- I'll be glad to take a look.
- Mmm.

I must warn you,
this may prove to be a shock.

Well, that's all right, too.

This way, Miss Lawrence.

This is one of the most complicated cases
I have ever encountered.

Hello, Miss Lawrence.

What's that, lady?
You want a ticket for the show?

Oh-oh-oh, we're sold out
for ten years.

But just a minute.
I have one seat left.

A wonderful seat,
right behind the post.

Hey, Boss, Miss Lawrence is here.

Bravo! Bravo!
What a wonderful show.

What a great success.

That guy's nuts.

He won't recognise anybody anymore,
not even you.

- When did this happen?
- This morning, Miss Lawrence.

When that dame from Seattle
took all the dough out of the show.

At first he was sort of all right,
then all of a sudden, zing!

His mind snapped.
It was awful.

Even I cried a little.

"To be or not to be,
that is the question.”

Poor Tony. Who would've thought
he'd switch to Shakespeare

after reading Police Gazette
all these years?

Yeah, it is tough, isn't it?

Uh-huh. What's happening
to the play meanwhile?

Nothing.
It's going to pieces, I guess.

- Think I'll take it over.
- You'll what?

Take over the show.
You know, the play's the thing.

Not this one, it ain't.

No dough at all, and his cheques
are bouncing all over the town, too.

Well, maybe I can promote someone.

Oh, he's been to all the places already

and couldn't get a penny.

I think I know a spot
he hasn't touched.

You know, I always did like Tropicana
and I wanna be in it.

Fay, wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

With you back in the show,
I can promote it myself.

Take it easy, Mr Ferris, please.

Take your hands off me.
You don't really think I'm crazy, do you?

Of course not.
You're just a little nervous. Herbie!

Let go of me! I tell ya, let go of me!

The gentleman's upset.
You'd better take care of him.

This is an outrage.
I'll sue you!

- Why don't you let him relax?
- Take your paws off me, you big gorilla.

Acute paranoia,
and a very dangerous case.

- Then you'll keep him here a while?
- Oh, yes.

But someone must sign
the commitment papers.

I will. That's the least I can do
for poor Tony.

Fay, you're not gonna leave me here!
I'm perfectly normal, I swear.

"A tale told by an idiot, full of sound
and fury, signifying nothing."

Incidentally, that's Shakespeare, too.
Let's go, Doctor.

- Cut it out, will ya?
- Listen to me, will you, please?

Miss Lawrence, please.

You ain't gonna leave the boss
in this nut farm, are ya?

Why not? With him staying here
and not mixing things up,

I may be able to pull him out
of the hole he dug himself into.

Fay, it was just a gag to get you back.
There's nothing wrong with me.

Just listen to the way
he's fighting back there. It's awful.

- Miss Lawrence, please, do somethin'.
- I will.

In fact, I'm off to open
a second front of my own.

- Hubert.
- Fay! Er... Miss Lawrence.

Oh, am I glad to see you.

Hannah found out
about my advancing money for Tropicana

and she's awful mad at me.

I'm supposed to be in the supply room
right now, with my face to the wall.

Well, I'm here to get you out,
and I've got an idea that's a lily.

- Oh, I love lilies.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, this is my niece, Janey,
Miss Lawrence.

Oh, this is the little girl with the career
and doesn't know what to do with it, huh?

Well, I'm afraid, Miss Lawrence, I won't
get a chance to do anything with it now.

Well, anyone can have a career.

Why not be different?
Don't have one.

Oh, but she has true natural talent.

Well, haven't we all?
Where's your sister, Hannah?

She's in there.

Oh, I'm gonna get to the bottom
of this foundation.

Oh, but you mustn't go in now.
She's terribly angry.

And she won't see anybody.
Not anybody.

- She's having tea.
- Oh, she's having tea?

Well, I'm gonna give her
a little TNT.

Miss Bainbridge, am I right?

- Who are you?
- Oh, my card.

- "The Queen of Hearts"?
- Oh, pardon me. The other side.

"Fay Lawrence."
Hmm, that strikes a familiar chord.

Well, I'm a familiar figure
around town.

I know. You were the star
of Indiscretions.

You're the Fay Lawrence
that does this.

Mmm, great.
Only don't let the clutch out so fast.

- Is that what I did?
- Oh, but good.

I... I don't think I care to prolong
this interview, Miss Lawrence.

Just a minute.

I happen to know that the Bainbridge
Foundation has feet of clay,

and brother Hubert
has a little mud on his shoes.

- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.

Hubert did a little job of embezzling
to back Tropicana with your funds.

Oh, I guess he didn't realise
what he was doing,

but I'm afraid
if it got into the newspapers...

No, no, please. You wouldn't.
Not the newspapers.

That's why I'm here,
to keep it out of the papers.

It must be kept out.

It would be a fatal blow
to our name and tradition.

Why, my ancestors
came over on the Mayflower.

Oh, you're lucky.
Now we have immigration laws.

I only acted upon the reports given me.
I must speak to my brother.

Hubert! Come in here.

- Yes, Hannah, did you call me?
- Come here.

Hubert, how much
did this adventuress take you for?

He's so cute,
I only took him for granted.

Well, you don't understand, Hannah.

It was Mr Ferris
to whom I advanced the $40,000.

Forty thousand!

We will pay it all back to the Foundation
if I have to mortgage my entire holdings.

Now, don't be hasty.

Another 20,000 will open Tropicana
and keep your name out of the papers.

You're not suggesting
I become a Broadway producer

and finance a theatrical venture?

Well, you're holding the bag.
You may as well have something in it.

No, no, I can't do it.
I can't bring myself to do it.

Oh, come, come, Hannah,
you're in a rut.

Er... You'd better.
If you don't, I may go to jail.

Oh, you wouldn't want everyone
callin' you hard-hearted Hannah.

And it only takes one cheque, Hannah.

You'll have lots of them left
in that book.

I don't know.
It's against all my finer instincts.

Come on. Sit down
and put your autograph on a cheque

and let's get out of here.

Make it out to Tony Ferris.

Very well,
but on the strict understanding

that Jane does not set one foot
on that stage.

- Is that understood?
- All right, you've got my word for it.

Golly. Now I can come
and watch you rehearse.

Mmm, with you around,
how can I keep my mind on my work?

Hello!