Original subtitles

Bridget you've been in there for an hour

You're not the only one who has to be at school!

I'm sorry, Kerry, I am student body president now,

and leadership starts from the hair down.

Ugh, I don't believe you! You're so selfish!

Well, at least I'm still a virgin.

What does that have to do with anything?

God, you are such a twit!

At least I'm still a virgin.

Stop saying that! Mom might hear you!

You're right. I'm sorry.

Seriously, what are you doing in there that takes so long?

Virgin stuff.

Will you guys stop saying the word "Virgin"?

You heard that?

From the basement.

There's certain words my ear is acutely attuned to hearing.

"Virgin" is one of them.

Hmm, actually, it's the only one.

How about "Beat it," "Leave," and "Get out"?

Nope, not getting anything.

Anyway, I'm just saying

unless you want the whole world to know

what Kerry did on her "Summer vaca"

I'd dial it down a notch.

-Virgin. -Playing with fire!

Don't you think it's about time you got ready for school?

Grandpa, you don't have to get rid of me.

There's no prize in this box.

I'm just saying it's getting late.

I don't want to go.

There's this bully at school, Pete Schiller --

"Killer Schiller."

He said if I showed up, he'd punch my lights out.

You've got nothing to worry about.

Why, you think he's all talk?

No, getting knocked out is like going to sleep.

Are you gonna eat the toast?

You try to steal our newspaper again,

you'll wind up in the "obit" section,

you got that?!

Ba-dow, how do you like me now?!

Hey, little Hefner, what's with the pjs?

He's afraid of some bully at school.

Oh; You see how I talked to that neighbor?

A punk like that gets in your face,

you bring the pain.

You rain it down on his world.

That "punk" is four years old!

Yeah, but he's as big as a 6-year-old.

Okay, let's go. Let's go.

Rory, go get dressed.

We have to leave in five minutes.

What's the hurry?

I got to get there early to talk to principal Gibb.

What'd Bridget do wrong this time?

Nobody did anything wrong.

The principal wants to talk to me about a job.

The school nurse is retiring and he wants me to take her place.

The school nurse? -Yep.

At our school? -That's right.

Seriously, mom, what did I do wrong?

All right, what are you two talking about?

Nothing.

Well, you're obviously talking about something.

They think you only the nurse's job so you can spy on them.

Kerry's afraid I'll tell you,

but Bridget doesn't think I can hear them.

Oww!

Can you hear me now?

So, you think I want to take this job

so I can pry into your lives?

Oh, come on, mom.

It's pretty obvious from the way you grill us after school.

Yeah, you mean like when I say, "How was school today?"

So, you admit it.

Look, here's the deal.

I am tired of working nights at the hospital.

And I promise,

if I take this job, I will respect your privacy.

Well, I guess it wouldn't be too embarrassing

to have you there.

As long as you'd never come out of your office.

-And wear a wig. -And change your last name.

You make it sound like I'm a three-headed freak.

As far as moms go, I think I'm pretty hip.

Uh, hello! "Hip" is a body part.

Come on, now, I listen to you girls talk.

I know some of that lingo.

I'm "With it." I am "Down with the program."

Oh, my God!

-What? -Just stop the vehicle!

Well, this isn't your school.

Well, it is now. We're transferring.

You saw that she hit me, right?

-Ed?

Ed, are you in there?

Cate, come in. Come in.

Thank you so much for coming in so early.

As you know, I-I-I'm very busy and...

Were you taking a nap?

What?! Wh--why would you ask me that?

Well, your eyes are puffy and the blinds are drawn...

And there's a pillow on your desk.

Well, don't jump to conclusions.

There's a simple explanation for...

All right, yes, I-I was napping.

I've given up coffee,

and I'm having a really tough time of it.

I went cold Turkey.

Yeah, I did that once. It made me so cranky.

Well, we're talking about me right now, okay?!

I'm sorry. Have a seat.

So, uh; Have you had a chance

to give some thought to my offer?

Well, actually, I'm very interested.

Uh, my children aren't exactly thrilled.

They have this crazy idea that I might embarrass them.

Oh, well, they'll get over that.

I've seen you them with you.

They trust you and they admire you.

So, I'm like the only candidate you have?

Basically, yes.

And here's the deal.

Your kids are gonna be embarrassed by you

no matter what you do,

so why don't you make the choice that's best for you.

In the long run, that'll be best for the entire family.

Well...

All right. I'll take the job.

You will? -Yeah Fantastic! -Ha, ha!

Oh!

Welcome aboard!

Oh...

Oh!

This isn't-

It's not gonna be uncomfortable between us?

No. No. Absolutely not.

I promise you're gonna be like one of the guys.

Ow.

I'm sorry.

I'm really not myself these days.

Margie, coffee, now!

You're gonna love it here. We're like family.

This is Bridget hennessy, student body president,

with today's announcements.

The Ultimate Frisbee Club will be practicing

from 3:00 to 4:30 on the north lawn.

Remember: If a dog can do it, it's not a real sport.

On another note,

the Metaphysics Club is meeting tomorrow,

or, are they?

What does that mean?

Hey, Kyle.

Hey...

See? We can be friends.

And you thought breaking up was gonna be awkward.

I'm sorry.

I just haven't had a chance to take this down.

Okay, now this is awkward.

In other news,

don't forget ...Friday is school picture day,

so anyone who's having any embarrassing complexion issues

might want to take extra care this week.

You know who you are.

Finally, there is no truth to the rumor me and Jenna sharpe

are wearing the same skirt today.

Mine is a size smaller and looks way cuter.

You forgot to mention Art Fair, again.

Oh, sorry.

There's an 'Art Fair'... Like anybody cares.

Hi, girls!

Schiller: Hennessy, I'm gonna pound you!

Uh, Rory, what's going on? -Nothing...

Mom

Well, now that you're all here,

might as well tell you.

I'm taking the job.

You're gonna be here every day?

That's right, sweetie.

-My life is over. -Kill me now.

Welcome aboard, mom.

Oh, Hi, Marisa.

Mrs. Hennessy; What are you doing here?

I'm the new school nurse.

Oh, congratulations!

Well, see ya!

Oh, no, honey, come here.

Look, I understand this might be awkward talking to me,

but just forget that I'm Bridget's mom.

In here, you can say anything.

-And you won't freak out? -Nope.

All right,

I got a tattoo, and now I think it's infected.

See?

Whoa!

Did you do that at home with your dad's screwdriver?

Just kidding.

Uh, actually, it's a lovely butterfly, dragon, snake.

It's a peace sign.

Right.

Uh, I'm just gonna clean that up,

but you should go to your family doctor

and get a tetanus shot.

O-okay...

That's it ...no lectures?

No, I was a teenager once.

I did a lot of crazy things myself.

I never knew Bridget had such a great mom.

Well, I like to think I'm "Hip,"

"With it," "Down with the pr--"

The point is Bridget and I have a very open relationship,

and there's nothing she can't tell me.

So jealous

So, did Bridget's tattoo get infected also?

Hey, what are you doing here?

Oh, your mom forgot her purse at home.

You don't happen to know her pin number

by any chance, do you?

Check it out. Here comes 'Schiller'.

Hey, freshman, my shoe's untied.

Tie it yourself, ass-face.

What did you just say?!

Remember, my mom, a school official,

is right behind this door.

Smart...

You smell like an ape,

but at least you're not as dumb as one.

Oh, ho ho, good one.

Speaking of dumb,

you're so stupid, when you heard it was chilly outside,

you ran out with a bowl and a spoon.

Heh heh, that is stupid.

What are you laughing about? You're holding a purse.

I know you're not talking about my cousin.

Hey, isn't that your mom walking down the hall?

No.

Mommy!

Rory, don't be afraid of that baboon!

Rain the pa...oh!

And, finally, auditions for the senior musical "Annie"

will be held tomorrow.

"Tomorrow," Hennessy out.

Bridget; We have to talk.

Uh, mom, I thought we agreed not to do that at school.

No one is even watching.

Uh, hello, mom, it's me. Someone is always watching.

Do you have a tattoo?

What?!

You heard me! Do you?

Do you?

Fine, yes, okay?

No, it's not okay.

I specifically told you no tattoos.

How did you find out? I thought you weren't gonna spy.

And I thought I could trust you. You are grounded.

Wh--that is so unfair! You never ground Kerry!

I do when she deserves it.

Please, you watch me like a hawk

while you let miss goody-goody do whatever she wants!

This is not about Kerry, Bridget, it's about you.

Besides, Kerry would never do anything

so stupid and reckless!

Oh, yeah?

Well, at least I'm still a virgin!

What?

Kerry's not a virgin?

Hey, are you down there?

No.

What are you doing under the bleachers?

Just go away.

Look, Kerry,

you have every right to be angry at me.

How could you tell her? How could you?

I'm so sorry. It just...

first, mom busted me on my tattoo,

and then she held you up

as a shining example of "Little miss perfect."

I...just kind of blurted it out.

I don't think I can ever forgive you.

It was a rotten thing to do.

It was a horrible thing to do.

It was a horrible, terrible thing to do.

It was a mean, selfish, stupid, thoughtless --

Let's not forget mom's the one who blabbed it over the P.A.

Look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you

Anything at all -You can leave me alone.

You can borrow any of my sweaters,

I'll get you invited to any party,

I'll set you up with any guy...

Not that you should have any problem with that now.

I was kidding.

Did you lose your sense of humor, too?

I'm gonna go now.

Hey...

How you doing?

Not so good.

Look, nobody listens to those announcements, anyway.

Oh, don't forget, Friday's picture day.

Oh, my God!

Is there anything I can do to help?

Kyle, you're being so sweet.

Well, we're friends now,

and I'm just trying to be your friend.

Thank you.

I'm --I'm so sorry

you had to find out this way.

I mean, you must be humiliated.

Uh, actually, it's not that bad.

Everybody thinks it was me.

It wasn't me, was it?

No...

I got to go.

Some guys are buying me lunch.

[C.J.:] So, anything interesting happen at school today?

C.J.?

Shhh!

Shhh!

Hey! -What are you doing here?

Thinking of going out for J.V. Football.

Uh, you don't even go here.

All right...

I'm hiding from Schiller, okay?

The guy's an animal. Have you seen him?

My Ggod, I had to beat him off with my purse.

Anyway, you want to talk about it?

Thanks, but what I need is just to be alone.

No, what you need is someone to talk to.

And that someone is me. Okay, I'm a good listener.

Oh, C.J., this whole day has just been

-Hey!! 'Purse boy'! -Got to go!

Hey, champ. How'd it go with the bully?

Well, I think I'm out of the woods.

He found someone else to pick on.

Whoa!

Now, let me guess ..."Killer Schiller"?

What's up, 'Petey'?

Let me give you some advice, 'killer'.

When you want to visit the Hennessy's,

you ring the doorbell,

or I'll ring your bell.

-Got it? -Got it.

Good; Get out!

Run! -Ha, ha, ha...

Yeah.

That's how the men in this family handle bullies.

You know dat!

Put the purse down!

-Oh, God! -Just a minute, young lady.

-I want to talk to you. -Whatever.

What is going on

with my 16 year old daughter?

Oh, didn't you hear the morning announcements?

You know, I wouldn't cop and attitude with me today.

What happened at school was an accident,

and I am sorry.

But now that it's out in the open,

we are gonna talk about this.

I didn't want to have this conversation

until you were older...

Than me.

And certainly not while I was still driving you to school, but...

here we are.

So, let's talk.

We're collecting our thoughts.

Okay...

I'll go first.

Were you safe? -Yes.

Okay, now you go.

Well, I was hoping that you'd never find out.

I was hoping that you'd never have sex.

Okay, great, can we leave it at that?

No.

Who is he?

His name is Bruno.

He's an art student.

Bruno...

The art student

And?

And I met him in Paris,

and I fell in love and he broke my heart.

Oh, honey.

I hate that you had to go

through something like that alone.

Well, I did tell Bridget.

And th...and that's good.

Sisters should be there for each other.

Was she helpful?

Not as much as C.J.

You told C.J.?

And he was helpful?

What, was I the last one to find out?

Mom, I didn't tell you anything

because I didn't want to disappoint you.

I'm supposed to be the smart one and...

I feel like an idiot.

Oh, honey, you're not an idiot.

Yeah, I am, because the guy I chose

turned out to be a jerk.

And if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't.

And that's something I haven't told anyone.

Oh...

Oh, don't want to interrupt this.

I'm gonna go to the mall.

No, I don't think so. You're grounded.

Yes, right, right, about the tattoo.

How long's that gonna be for?

I haven't decided.

Mmm, did I mention I'm still a virgin?

Hey, I told you

stop saying the word vir--hey!

Heh heh.

Yeah, just keep your kid away from my paper, ¿'Comprende'?

Oh, is that supposed to scare me?

Oh, it doesn't, all right?

I don't know karate, but I do know "Ka-razy"!

Oh, soccer moms.

Morning, C.J.

Hey, got your paper.

Paper? We cancelled that a month ago.

Well, we're getting it now.

Hey, listen, sorry I couldn't give you

the heads up about Kerry earlier.

I try to keep my ear to the tracks around here,

but you know Kerry

she don't like to say much around us adults.

Mmm, I know she told you.

And sometimes she says too much.

I can't believe everyone knows.

But grandpa doesn't know, does he?

-Of course not. -Oh, you better not tell him.

Oh, yeah, that's a conversation I want to have.

Ew... I would never tell him.

Hi, 'gang'!

All right, what's going on?

Nothing, dad, why?

You were just talking about something.

No, we weren't.

Okay; We're off to school.

Catie...

Dad, I don't want to be late. -Spill it!

All right.

Kerry tested at a college level

on her english achievement tests.

It's the highest score in the history of the school.

Really?

But don't say anything.

She's kind of embarrassed by the attention.

How 'bout that ...our little girl!

I know. Ha, ha, ha..

Got to run.

What?

Oh, nothing.

Uh, just... Really, uh, proud of you.

What are you talking about?

Well, you know ...'The Big News'.

Boy, that's gonna look great on your college application.

Grandpa!

It's all right. Your mom told me.

Mom!

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