Original subtitles

Hey Cate; I saw what you did to the bedroom. It looks incredible.

What were you doing in my room?

Taking a milk bath.

I know, I should have asked.

You changed everything. -Yeah

You guys were all gone this summer, doing your own thing.

It was time

to do something special...

For me.

You want to do something special for you, you take a milk bath.

P.s. We're out of milk.

I guess I'll have to take a pass.

I still haven't drained the tub.

You know, C.J.,

I didn't just make some changes around the house.

I also made some personal changes.

Want to see?

No.

Okay. No.

Okay.

So, what do you think?

Wow, that's great. -Really?

-Yeah! It looks incredible.

I didn't think you needed it, but, yeah; Nice!

What to you mean, you didn't think I needed it?

Lipo.

I didn't get 'lipo'

It's our little secret.

By the way, you got a little paint in your hair.

What are you guys looking at?

I just printed the pictures from my trip to D.C.

Oh, wow, look at this

The Washington monument, The Capitol.

Are you sticking your tongue in Abe Lincoln's ear?

Colin Powell dared me.

You really enjoyed being an intern, huh, Bridg'?

Oh! I am so going into politics.

If you think high school's a popularity contest,

wait till you see this place.

Hey; I like your hair, Cate.

Oh, thanks for noticing.

Yeah, mom, the gray makes you look distinguished.

It's blonde.

Uh, this is blonde, but okay.

Love you too, grandma. I'll let you get back to your nap.

Grandma? I want to talk to her.

Uh, grandpa wants to say hi.

Hi, sunshine.

He--

She hung up.

She said she was real busy.

You know, dad, you never really told us

what went wrong with you and mom in Florida.

I wish I knew. Everything was going great.

I thought your mom and I were gonna get back together.

Then, boom! She kicked me out.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You know what we say, grandpa.

It's for the best. It's for the best.

It is. Come here, you.

C.J.'s been my rock. You know...

He's really helped me through all this.

What about me? I'm the one who got you to stop smoking.

Like I said, C.J. Really helped me through all this.

Dinner's ready. Rory, get your sister.

Kerry!

Dude, right in my ear.

Did anybody call for me earlier?

Just some guy for you.

He sounded really hot.

Why didn't you tell me?

Oh, no, wait, that was grandma.

Kerry; What do you think you're doing?

In France, 10-year-olds drink and smoke.

Oh, smoke.

Guess what.

Summer's over, and you're not in France anymore.

Yeah, grab a root beer and shave the pits, Madeline.

-I'll get it. -I got it, I got it.

Ooh, expecting a call?

What's it to you? -Hello?

She's been this way ever since she went off the sauce.

Shut up!

Any chance this could be about the boy you met?

Shut up!

Did you just tell your student body president to shut up?

How does an idiot like you even get to be president?

Florida.

What's that?

That's the last time I smoked.

That was the hospital.

There's an emergency and I have to go in.

And another thing, I am not an idiot.

Would an idiot be invited to the pentagram?

It's the Pentagon, dope.

All right, knock it off.

C.J.; Come here.

Look, I'm gonna be working a lot more hours,

and I really need you to help.

I don't want to work at the hospital.

-Here. I just need you to step up. -Yep

If the kids have a problem, help.

If somebody wants to talk, listen.

And for God's sake, don't let anyone kill each other.

Are those my earrings? You wish.

Why do you take everything that's mine all the time?

How about you stay here, I go to the hospital?

Hey, grandpa!

What are you doing out here? -Nothing.

Huh? Oh.

That's really good.

Now see if you can pull a quarter out of my ear.

You promised you'd quit.

I tried, but I got all stressed out

when your grandma wouldn't take me back.

That's really sad.

Oh!

Give me my cigarettes. I promise I won't smoke.

What do you want to do with them?

Touch them.

I've just gotta have something to do with my hands.

Right.

You don't understand what it's like

to have this filthy habit you have no control over,

you think about all the time

and you constantly have this urge to sneak off

and take care of it.

Yeah, grandpa, I can't relate to that at all.

Truce?

Truce.

I need to talk to you about something.

It's about the guy I met in Europe.

I'm all ears...

Which does remind me those are my earrings.

You gave them to me.

If I saw such cute earrings,

why would I give them to you?

Just forget it. You are such a wacko.

-Eurotrash! -Gift-forgetter!

Earring stealer!

Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

Come on! I'm trying to watch a video

a lot like this, in my room.

And I can't concentrate.

You!

Go sit!

You! Take a walk!

You cannot make me take a walk.

You're right, I can't.

But "Extreme makeover" is on downstairs

and it's not a repeat.

That was easy. Now what's up with you?

Nothing.

Now something's going on and you're dying to spill it.

You're just gonna make fun of me or make some wise-ass joke.

No, I won't.

I am thinking of them all the time,

but I'm not gonna say it.

All right, listen, how about this?

I have got a really big secret.

You tell me yours, I'll tell you mine.

Okay, you first.

No, no chance. Mine is so major.

Yeah, but I don't care about yours.

Fair enough.

Okay...

Remember how grandpa wondered

what happened down in Florida?

Well, I kind of let it slip the lip to grandma

that when they were apart,

grandpa slept with bartender Tina.

You told her?!

She was saying the old man came down to see her

'cause he couldn't get a chick.

I defended him, man. C.J.'Style.

When grandpa finds out, he's gonna kill you.

Duh, you think so?

I know.

Now what's yours?

It's about that boy I met in Europe.

See, he's really sweet,

and I've left him some messages,

but he's not calling me back.

Go on.

That's it.

That's...

...the whole secret?

What, that biff hasn't called?

His name isn't biff. It's Bruno.

And it's kind of weird because I haven't heard from him

and we slept together.

Well, you're a terrific girl,

and if he doesn't call you, it's his loss.

You'll find someone great.

I'm sorry.

Did you say you slept with him?

Yeah, I did.

And was this the...

"First time"?

Okay.

Hmm.

I can handle that.

-Hey, C.J. -Hey.

You look awful.

Couldn't sleep. -Why?

Talk to Kerry? -No, was I supposed to?

-Why are you asking me? -You brought it up.

No, you brought it up. Wow, that's weird.

Those night shifts are messing with your brains.

Hey, grandpa.

Got you something.

Oh, Hey, the U.S.S. Missouri

"Big Mo."

It's to keep your hands busy.

I've done the entire Japanese fleet and the luftwaffe.

Hey, sweetie.

Anybody call for me?

No. Are you expecting someone?

No, mom, I'm just fascinated by phone-call volume.

Uh, Kerry?

Kerry; Honey.

Honey, look, I know something is bugging you.

You want to go in my room and talk?

I don't know.

Kerry, I know i'm just "The mom,"

and I probably won't "Get it,"

but I'm a really good listener.

Okay.

There's this boy and he's really sweet

and I've been calling...

Oh, my God! What's all this?

While everyone was away, I did a little redecorating.

What do you think?

You changed everything.

I know.

You're not supposed to change. You're a 'mom'.

What's that supposed to mean?

You're done changing.

What is all the yelling? Ohhhh...!

What have you done?

I just bought a few new things.

I thought it would be good.

What else did you change? -Nothing!

What are you looking at?

Did you have lipo? -Ah... No!

Do I look like I did?

Mom; You can't just do something this big without telling us.

Yeah! This is way too weird. -Oh, no, no, no...

Girls! Wait a minute.

Thank God you didn't change the hallway or I'd be flipping out.

Can we just talk?

46 combined hours of labor

totally worth it.

Can you believe her?

How could she do something like this?

She's selfish, that's how.

Yeah! I hate selfish behavior!

I mean in other people.

You really think I'm selfish?

Well, I did come to you for help yesterday

and somehow, you made it all about you.

You're right. I do do that, don't I?

Ok! If you want to talk about that boy,

I promise to try and be helpful.

His name is Bruno.

I once dated a Bruno, and I...

Oh! Sorry! Whoop!

Go ahead, my fault.

He's really sweet and he totally gets me.

He had this epic romance

and I've been calling, but he hasn't called me back.

Oh... Forget him.

Okay? There will be plenty of other guys.

It is no big deal.

I slept with him.

Shut up!

What?

Are you kidding?

Oh, my God! -Yeah, I know!

How could you do this to me?!

What?

I'm the big sister. I'm supposed to go first.

I can't believe you batted out of order!

You're making this about you?

What you did was for a night.

I'm gonna have to live with this forever!

"Big Mo" is really coming along.

Coming along?

Does this look like a 50-Caliber machine gun to you?

And what the hell is this supposed to be. A kidney stone?

What the hell is a kidney stone doing on a battleship?

It's always good to put a guy having a nicotine fit

next to lots of airplane glue.

-Oh, hey, hey. -Hey.

Listen, about that thing we talked about the other night...

My virginity?

Yes.

Just, uh...

Want to tell you I don't know if I handled that perfectly.

Oh, you mean by running out, screaming?

Just want to make sure

what happened on your special night...

Happened safe.

Safely.

As long as you used good grammar.

Yes. We were safe.

Oh, good.

So, where you going?

To see him.

I don't want to be the "Strict, boring guy,"

but I don't think you should be going

to France on a school night.

He just started school in Ann Arbor.

I'm gonna take the bus.

He invited you up? -I'm gonna surprise him.

Ha, ha... Good.

Guys love that.

Well, despite all the great advice I've gotten around here,

I thought I'd just go see for myself where we stand.

Kerry, your mom wouldn't want you to do this,

I'm gonna have to call her.

-You wouldn't. -I don't want to

She wants me to be responsible.

I'm not gonna let her down.

Okay;I'll just have to tell grandpa

you ruined his chances with grandma.

Let's take the station wagon. I'll drive.

You know, as good as I am...

at feminine milestones,

you really ought to talk to your mom about this.

I will when I'm ready.

Maybe when she's done changing.

So, you thought about what you're gonna say to brutus?

Bruno.

I'm gonna ask him if he got my messages.

Then he'll tell me he lost my number,

or he couldn't retrieve his voice mail,

and he'll feel totally awful for worrying me.

And I'll forgive him and we'll laugh,

because there was really nothing to worry about anyway,

and then maybe we'll have some wine.

Yeah, that'll be nice when you straighten that out.

You know, I remember once

a really, really cute girl gave me her number.

Leslie. Oh!

I put it on my desk.

Anyway, next day I opened the window,

naturally, number flies out, into a dumpster.

Panicked. Freaked out.

Ran down there, climbed into the dumpster,

and start digging through mounds of garbage

God knows what!

I found a lamp I still have.

And this shirt, and this shoe.

Anyway, I did find the number.

Well; Did you call it?

Hell, yes.

But, they claimed

that Leslie didn't live at the deli and never had.

Point is,

...if a guy really wants to reach you,

he'll find your number,

no matter how many old diapers he has to crawl through.

Maybe it's just me.

Well, here we are.

Yeah.

Hey, if you ring the bell and he doesn't answer right away,

he might be out back digging in the dumpster.

Take me home.

What?

He's a jerk. Take me home.

-It's not something I said? -Take me home!

You're the boss.

She's beautiful.

I couldn't have made it without you.

Now let me have a cigarette.

No, grandpa.

Come on, just as a reward.

I can't let you do that.

All right.

No!

Bad grandpa! What's gotten into you?!

It's just my wife won't take me back,

and I'm dying for a smoke or a drink or a woman --

you know what it's like.

Well, trust me, you will.

Sorry, I lost my keys.

Well, you're sure losing everything these days.

Go easy on her.

Prince charming turned out to be kind of a jerk.

You know, I guess

mom redoing the room's not that weird.

Yeah, I guess it's okay that she did it.

Yeah, but it's like living in a banana gumball.

And what's up with that blond streak?

I know. And she totally got lipo.

Hey, that was pretty selfish of me before,

talking about all that "Batting out of order" stuff.

Thanks.

And I'm sorry he turned out to be such a creep.

Yeah.

I really thought I loved him.

I thought he was special.

I just hate seeing you like this.

I mean, if it helps,

I've never even met a guy that I thought was so special

that I would do that,

even if he turned out to be a huge jerk.

That's sweet.

I'm just trying to make you feel better.

Did it help?

Not really.

Damn, I'm president.

I should be able to solve stuff like this.

-Hey, C.J. -Hey.

You're up late.

Just tidying up.

Hey, I want to run something by you.

You know, the girls are all freaked out.

You think I'm making too many changes?

I think they'll be all right.

I don't know.

I actually stopped by the salon

and had them take out that blond streak in my hair.

You had a blond streak in your hair?

Good night, C.J.

Seriously, you had a blond streak?

Hey. Hi!

Hi, mom. Sorry.

We must have fallen asleep.

It's okay. I'm glad you're here.

I was thinking maybe I should

change this room back to the way it was.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

We just freaked out a little bit, but we're fine now.

-You sure? -Yeah.

Okay.

Well, at least let's do this.

New rule

Any time there's a big change,

we just tell each other about it right away,

so there's no surprises.

That sounds great.

What do you think, Kerry?

Yeah, great.

What's going on in here?

Come on. We're just hanging out. Come join us.

Oh, I'm a little old for that now.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Rory, I have chocolate-covered peanuts.

Rory, you smell.

You smell so bad.

Come on, you guys, look. It's lights out.

Am I the only responsible adult around here?

Really?

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

You're the biggest dork.

C.J.?

I just talked to grandma.

Hey, grandpa, you know what we say --

"It's really for the --" You're not saying it, are you?

Dial 911. I'm gonna hurt him!

Get this guy a cigarette!!

---oOo---