Original subtitles

He notices a tower subtending an angle of 60 degrees.

Yes, miss hennessy?

Where is he going?

That is not important to the problem.

If he doesn't know where he's going, it is a problem.

What if it starts raining and he's wearing suede?

That actually happened to me once.

Delightful.

No wonder we're outsourcing our tech jobs to Bombay's finest.

Not so fast.

I want you all to do the first 10 problems in chapter 12.

Oh, you know, tonight's not good.

They're announcing the court for the Valentine's day dance,

and I'm gonna be a little busy practicing my surprised face

for when they name me queen of hearts.

10 more problems.

Let's see your surprised face now.

Come on, that's -- that's not fair.

Not fair?

Not fair is having your family farm

confiscated by the U.S. government.

Oh, my god, was that during world war ii

with the Japanese internment camps?

No, last September.

My uncle lost his avocado farm for nonpayment of taxes.

But thank you for the racial stereotyping.

I'm Chinese.

Agh! Can you believe her?

I know. She's such a witch!

Mom's right here!

Thank you, Rory.

No, it's that Mrs. Krupp.

She totally has it out for us.

Well, I know she hates Bridget, but why doesn't she like you?

Apparently I'm her racist sister.

Oh. That would do it.

Do you know what Mrs. Krupp needs? A man.

Oh, please. What man in his right mind is gonna go out

with a lonely, frustrated, desperate, divorced woman?

Did someone just describe the perfect woman?

'Cause me ears were ringin', and I don't mean me ears.

You are not going out with Mrs. Krupp.

I haven't been on a date in two years.

I can go out with Mr. Krupp if I want.

No, it's just not a good idea to date someone you work with.

Oh, come on. I barely work. You've seen me.

You just think so 'cause I'm always sweating.

Mom, who are you to say that someone can't date a co-worker?

You dated principal gibb and Bridget's tennis coach.

And did those work out well?

Well, I'm different. I'm the C.J.

Would you stop saying that? That's never gonna catch on.

Really? 'Cause I got 400 personalized coffee mugs

that say you're wrong.

Look, the point is it's just not a good idea to date krupp.

I know you, and you're gonna just mess things up.

Why do you say that?

Uh, remember Cheryl?

Ooh. Ooh. Ah, Cheryl. Ooh.

Who could forget the most beautiful blond goddess

to ever grace the midwest?

Yes, all highlights and headlights.

That was one real classy lady.

Oh, yeah.

She was also principal gibb's girlfriend

who tried to seduce C.J. while her boyfriend watched.

Like I said, a real classy lady.

Forget Cheryl. That's the past.

I have a feeling that this lonely, desperate woman

is my future, my everything.

What was her name again?

Okay, okay, there she is.

All right, with any luck, I'll be the next Mr. Mrs. Krupp.

Oh, mom was right. This is a terrible idea.

Just relax and give me some love ammo.

What are her turn-ons? What are her turnoffs?

What makes that little kruppy cat purr?

All we know is she's good at math

and delivering punishment.

Ooh, I'm down with half that

now, Brad, a "d" doesn't mean and delivering pyou're stupid.

A "c" means you're stupid.

A "d" means you're stupid and lazy.

Feisty. Me likey.

What do you want?

Hey, Mrs. Krupp, um...I'm C.J. Barnes.

Who?

I'm one of the subs.

Right. The guy who's always sweating.

Yeah, yeah, you noticed.

Hey...

I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me sometime.

Would I like to? Not particularly.

Will I?

I don't like Thai, Mexican, or Tex-mex.

I'm lactose intolerant and easily carsick.

Pick me up at 7:00.

So, how'd it go?

I really can't hear what you're saying...

Over the sound of wedding bells!

Ohhh.

All right.

Did everyone hear the big news?

Oh, he is risen! Hallelujah!

She said it was big news.

This is way bigger. As to no one's surprise,

I've been elected to the court of the Valentine's day dance.

Oh, honey, that's great. Congratulations.

Oh, great -- another outstanding achievement

amplifying and perpetuating the role of women as object.

Lighten up. It's a freakin' dance.

Oh, I am so gonna be picked queen of hearts.

You might have some stiff competition.

Is that girl in the wheelchair running again?

Hey, if you had a good date, be a man about it.

Pour a whiskey and show me the pictures.

Dad!

Well, it's a lot less creepy

that what Doris day is doing over there.

So the date went well?

Oh, the well-est.

There was drinking and dancing and laughing.

And once I picked her up, it got even better.

Oh, god, if you're acting this stupid,

you must've done something stupid.

Oh, far from it, kerry-top.

I was a delight.

I tell you, miss krupp is pretty fun

once you drop a few tequilas down her gullet.

Sounds like a keeper. Oh, you knows it.

C.J., I'm very glad you had a good time, but be careful.

If something doesn't work out,

it could be very awkward at school.

I know I don't have a lot of experience

with non-transactional dating,

but I've got a good feeling about this.

You know, if this is a sign of things to come,

it may never have to end.

C.J., are you exprsing

genuine, sincere, mature feelings about a woman?

You had to go and make it dirty, didn't you?

Ooh, there's my little krupp-cake.

C.J., you are so adorable.

You should see me on my pony.

Oh, pumpkin.

Pumpkin?

Girls, I assume you did all your math homework.

Oh, my god, I totally forgot.

It's okay.

I know you'll get to it when you have time.

Thank you.

By the way, kerry, I am Japanese.

I was just being lighthearted yesterday.

You know me.

Wow, she's like a totally different woman.

She didn't need a man. She just needed C.J.

Are we still on for tonight?

I want to cook you a traditional meal.

Mmm! Wild dogs couldn't drag me away.

Unless, of course, that's what we're having?

Cheryl?

Hi, C.J., I missed you.

Oh, god, it's the wild dogs.

I love when you call them that.

Hey, look, everybody, it's Cheryl.

So, what brings you to my desk?

Well, I'm here to get my picture taken.

I was nominated for Valentine's day queen.

What? How? You're not even a student.

You came here to get your g.E.D.

You were only here two days.

I know, and I ditched one of them.

But apparently some teenage boy made me a write-in candidate

on account of me being so good-looking.

Oh.

So you're gonna take your court picture then be on your way?

Well, I came for the court,

but I was hoping to stay for the Jester.

Wait.

I don't think this is a good idea. What?

Yeah, I can't do this. Why?

You've been out of my life for months and months.

You think you can just waltz back in and play me like a fiddle?

I'm sorry. You're right.

I'll leave. Please don't.

I was never going to. I never wanted you to.

Oh!

Uh, excuse me, but --

hey, aunt Cate. Uh, you remember Cheryl.

Sorry you had to see that.

Yeah, I'm just glad I didn't come in a minute later.

It's okay. It would've been over by then.

What were you thinking kissing Cheryl?

I wasn't thinking.

Not a lot of blood flowing to the brain at that minute.

Hey, did you guys know that Cheryl is back in town?

What? She is?

She thinks she's gonna get queen of hearts.

The crown is mine.

Well, wait a second.

How did Cheryl, a grown woman,

get on the Valentine's day court?

Have your eyes been put out?

She was a write-in.

Apparently she struck a chord

with some prepubescent, sexually frustrated boys.

My vote is private.

Now, look, C.J., I know that Cheryl is attractive,

but last night you were telling me

that krupp was the perfect one.

She is, but Cheryl has... Other qualities.

Yeah, they're hard to miss.

If that's some veiled reference to Cheryl's breasts,

she likes them referred to as wild dogs.

Oh, Cheryl's back in town?

Yes, and I walked in on C.J. making out with her.

Two women in two days?

Read your bibles, people.

The apocalypse is nigh.

That's right, preacher man.

Build your ark and spray for locusts.

C.J. is back in the game.

Now, look, I am not gonna tell you

how to run your private life,

but you are playing with fire here.

There's no law that says I can't date two women at the same time.

Yeah, unless you count the law of averages.

But it's just not fair to lead two women on.

If you really have feelings for one of them,

you should make a choice.

I know, I know, but how do I choose?

I like them both for different reasons.

Krupp and I get along so well.

We, like, finish each other's sentences, you know?

She could be my soul mate.

She might be the one.

On the other hand, Cheryl has big boobs and loves sex.

I wonder how krupp's gonna take the bad news.

Hey, pumpkin!

Hey.

I haven't seen you all day.

Have you been hiding from me?

What? Why would I hide from you?

I told you, I only hide

from border patrol and military police...

And leprechauns.

Where did you get that mind?

I once laid at the bottom of a pool for eight minutes.

Hey, listen, I wanted to tell you something.

Oh, I've got something to tell you.

I've done all the shopping for our Valentine's dinner tonight.

Is there anything special you want for dessert?

Yeah, just, I don't think I can make it tonight.

But, pumpkin, it's our first Valentine's.

I scattered Rose petals.

I know, it's just --

I carved butter into hearts.

I'll see you at 8:00.

Hello?

Hey, it's me. Can you come over tonight?

Oh, tonight?

Yeah, you know, I can't.

I got a thing.

It's Valentine's.

I really want you to come over.

Really?

Really.

I've been a bad girl,

and if you come over, I'll -- I'll let you...

S-see you at 8:00.

Well, look at you, who's the lucky guy?

That must've killed in vaudeville.

Oh, it did, yeah.

You got another date tonight?

Actually, I have two.

I'm gonna have dinner with krupp

right after I have Cheryl for dessert.

You didn't break it off with krupp?

No, and I know what you're gonna say.

"Oh, you got to make a choice. Quit leading them both on.

Blah, blah, blah. Greatest generation."

No, no, no. No, I admire what you're doing.

I'd do the same thing.

Really? Yeah.

Krupp is smart and kind and she could be the one,

but you're a single guy. You're not tied down.

You know, I always went for the eye candy myself.

A buck's got to run, a hound's got to hunt.

That's right.

I'm a-runnin' and a-huntin' buck hound.

Of course, I was 18,

and you're a grown man,

and a man knows how to treat a woman

with the respect that they deserve.

I don't have time for these riddles.

What are you talking about?

I'm sure your conscience will steer you straight.

Yeah.

All right. I'll see you later.

A little more vino, my lady?

I'd rather have a little more C.J.

Oh, excellent choice.

I go good with meat or fish.

I'm so glad you stopped by my class today.

Me, too.

I thought I may have missed my moment.

I thought I'd come back, and you'd have a girlfriend.

Me? A girlfriend?

What makes you think I'd have a girlfriend?

You're so adorable.

You should see me on my... Pony.

I'd rather see you on my bed.

Ah, yes.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a second.

What's wrong?

Um, I just -- I feel funny.

I think that apple wine on an empty stomach.

Oh, poor baby.

Do you want me to order takeout?

Are you interested in a little Japanese?

No, what have you heard?

C.J. what?

I'm just not myself tonight. I'm sorry.

Is it me? Is it something I did?

Was it when I bit you?

No, no, that was weird, but I liked it.

Well, then, what is it?

I-I think I'm feeling guilty.

Oh, no, don't feel guilty.

I like it when you call me those names.

No, I -- I lied to you.

I'm actually seeing someone else.

So?

So... That's not fair to you,

and I don't want to hurt her.

You're a little thinkier than I remembered.

I-I can't do this.

This sounds crazy,

but I think I'm finally getting a conscience.

What? Oh, I got to go.

C.J., is there nothing I can do to make you stay?

I don't think so. Once you get a conscience,

I don't know how you erase it.

Oh, there's an idea.

Oh...i can't.

I can't. I gotta --

I was supposed to be at her house an hour ago.

Do you think she'd like to come over here?

Oh, I'm either very moral or very gay.

Hello, nurse hennessy.

Well, Mrs. Krupp, what a surprise.

I hope I'm not interrupting.

Oh, no, no, no. I was just doing some laundry.

You know how that is.

I'm Japanese.

Is C.J. here by any chance?

He's not.

I'm going to need to come in.

All right.

Yes, come in.

I'm just so upset

by what happened with me and C.J. tonight.

Sit down, please.

Look, Mrs. Krupp, I am so sorry.

I tried to tell C.J.

It wasn't fair to lead two women on.

I'm just sorry that he chose that bombshell over you.

What bombshell?

He just didn't show up for our Valentine's dinner.

Oh, w-well, y-yes.

That -- that is exactly the bombshell I was talking about.

It's the dinner bombshell.

Boom!

You said he chose someone else.

No, no, no, no. I-i-i say a lot of crazy things.

You should hear me when I talk about roswell.

We come in peace.

Wait a second.

Today in the hallway...

He must have been trying to break up with me.

Mrs. Krupp, I'm so sorry.

I should go.

I'm making a fool of myself

with this embarrassing display of emotion.

Hey, krupplach, I just went to your apartment looking for you.

I'm so glad to see you.

I hope you and the bombshell will be very happy.

What? Wait. What did you say to her?

I-i-i-i, um...

Take me to your leader.

Look, it's not what it seems, all right? I chose you.

I just left a gorgeous, naked woman in bed for you.

I don't mean I left her in bed for you,

although that was presented as an option.

I thought we had something.

I thought I'd finally met a nice guy.

I am nice. I made a mistake.

So did I.

No. Wait!

Mindy!

Mindy?

I can't believe this.

She was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Why did you tell her about Cheryl?

Well, I thought you broke up with mindy. Mindy?

And I also thought you were going to do the right thing.

Don't ever assume I'm going to do the right thing.

Oh, aunt Cate, what's wrong with me?

I act so stupid and immature around Cheryl.

It's not just around Cheryl.

C.J.?

Hello, Cheryl.

I'll make this short.

Cheryl, you have superpowers,

and you have to be careful how you use them.

I'd appreciate it if you stay out of my life

because every time I see you, I want you.

Oh, crap, let's get this over with it.

No, I can't. Yes, you can.

Just pretend I'm someone better looking than me.

No, no. I can't.

What you said really got to me,

and now I have a conscience.

You?

I keep thinking about your girlfriend

and all the times I've cheated.

Sorry, C.J.

Now that I have a conscience, I can't make it go away.

Okay.

That's fair.

That's smart, better.

No.

Thanks, C.J.

School's going to be real fun today.

Mrs. Krupp's going to give us three hours of math homework.

Do you know how long that's going to take me to copy?

Uh, five hours?

I'm sorry for everything.

Who knew I'd finally find a girl I like,

and it would end up like this?

You know, C.J.,

this whole thing wouldn't have happened

if you'd followed my advice not to date co-workers

or my advice not to date two women at the same time

or my advice...

Where are you going with this?

Well, I, for one, C.J., am proud of you.

Oh, pile it on.

No, no, I'm serious.

Sure, you screwed up a relationship

with two women in the same day --

hour.

I'm trying to be kind.

The point is, you did the right thing.

Even if just for the briefest moment.

I believe the man was speaking.

The fact is that you were willing to give up the eye candy

for someone of substance,

someone you could have had a future with,

and that shows real growth.

You're a man now.

Being a man isn't much fun.

It sure isn't.

That's why I've already had a beer.

I am so honored to be chosen your queen of hearts.

Thank you, thank you, students of...

Liberty high. Liberty high!

I cannot believe I lost queen of hearts to her.

I can't believe you copy my math and still get a "d"!

I'd also like to thank the boy who made this all possible,

the boy who started the write-in campaign, Mr. Rory hennessy.

Traitor!

I'd like to have my first dance with you, Rory. Come here.