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1
00:00:01,290 --> 00:00:03,250
Whoa... is that like
a uh, Van Gogh?
2
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:04,800
Nah, nah Hank.
It�s this girl on Etsy,
3
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:06,760
she does these like,
hysterical pet portraits.
4
00:00:06,970 --> 00:00:09,810
I had her do one of Tammy�s old
dog Rollins for her birthday.
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,720
Oh man that is
hysterical, Mark.
6
00:00:12,050 --> 00:00:12,880
Tammy�s gonna love it.
7
00:00:13,060 --> 00:00:14,480
Yeah, I know.
I thought so, too.
8
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,520
But then I found out some
surgeon she works with
9
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:20,140
got her a freakin� $200 gift
card to some fancy spa.
10
00:00:20,230 --> 00:00:22,900
Yo, that�s no good, Mark.
He�s clearly trying to bang her.
11
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:24,780
I know, right!
Who the hell does this
12
00:00:24,780 --> 00:00:25,780
creep think he is, getting my
13
00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:29,650
wife some overpriced woo woo
yoga crystal massage BS?
14
00:00:30,070 --> 00:00:31,700
Ooh, that does sound kinda nice.
15
00:00:31,870 --> 00:00:33,160
Yo this guy�s good, okay?
16
00:00:33,330 --> 00:00:36,080
She�s gonna be all oiled up,
getting rubbed down,
17
00:00:36,250 --> 00:00:38,040
all while thinking about
that doctor.
18
00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:39,540
If you don�t wanna
get cucked here,
19
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:41,410
you gotta get her
something real special.
20
00:00:41,420 --> 00:00:42,260
Mimi go uppie.
21
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:44,080
Mimi go uppie!
Let�s go, come on, uppie?
22
00:00:44,380 --> 00:00:45,760
Never gonna happen,
Jinglebells!
23
00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:46,580
Could you not?
24
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,380
I�m trying to build
her self - esteem.
25
00:00:48,470 --> 00:00:49,850
I think she�s a little
insecure around the
26
00:00:49,970 --> 00:00:51,010
poodles at Doggy Daycare.
27
00:00:51,090 --> 00:00:52,130
David, let me ask you something.
28
00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:54,550
How would you feel if
some dude at Andrea�s
29
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,680
work got her a $200 spa card?
30
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:57,850
Great.
She deserves it.
31
00:00:57,980 --> 00:00:59,020
She works really hard.
32
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:00,980
Mark, you�re asking a guy
who�s getting alpha�d by
33
00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:02,430
a fricken� foo foo dog.
34
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:03,640
I�m not being alpha�d.
35
00:01:03,860 --> 00:01:05,740
I�m being a "supportive
girl dog dad".
36
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:07,110
I want her to feel dominant.
37
00:01:07,230 --> 00:01:09,020
You know Mark, uh,
maybe you should surprise
38
00:01:09,030 --> 00:01:10,240
Tammy with a new puppy.
39
00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,660
Nah, nah, nah,
don�t get her a dog.
40
00:01:11,740 --> 00:01:13,910
If you really want to knock
her socks off, you should
41
00:01:13,910 --> 00:01:15,080
get her an exotic pet.
42
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,990
The only thing women love
more than an exotic pet
43
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:21,290
is a man who knows how
to handle an exotic pet.
44
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:22,540
Oh, hell yeah!
45
00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:25,380
Hank... we�re goin�
to the sketchy zoo!
46
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:26,750
[?]
47
00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:29,720
Well, I used to
work at a hot dog factory
48
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,810
Until them
robots came along
49
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,340
And now
there is no job for me
50
00:01:33,390 --> 00:01:35,810
But I get
3,000 bucks a month
51
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:39,970
Thanks to UBI
52
00:01:40,140 --> 00:01:43,980
Now we�re
Universal Basic Guys
53
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:45,810
It may not
sound like much
54
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:48,990
But we�re
still gonna try
55
00:01:49,070 --> 00:01:54,030
We�re just
Universal Basic Guys
56
00:01:58,950 --> 00:02:00,330
Now this is how you zoo.
57
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:03,800
There�s no rules. You got
the real plastic straws, you
58
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,380
got these untrained ex-cons
working with the animals.
59
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,090
I mean anything could happen
at this kind of place, okay?
60
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:10,750
You can literally see one
of these zookeepers
61
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:11,640
get their head ripped off.
62
00:02:12,470 --> 00:02:14,470
Uhh, you sure these animals
should be pets, Mark?
63
00:02:14,590 --> 00:02:16,930
Now, Hank, you gotta have the
vision with these things, okay?
64
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,850
Dogs weren�t pets until
someone had the balls
65
00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:21,230
to domesticate wolves.
66
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,430
Ooh, what about a baby tiger?
67
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:24,980
Now that�s a cool pet.
68
00:02:25,310 --> 00:02:28,520
Aw, Hank, baby tigers grow
up to become big tigers, pal.
69
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:29,440
Oh, hm.
70
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:30,900
You know, they should
make tigers
71
00:02:31,070 --> 00:02:32,150
that stay small
like ponies.
72
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,610
Yeah, they�re called House Cats.
73
00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:35,370
Yeah, you should
get one of those.
74
00:02:35,490 --> 00:02:37,910
Hank, I didn�t drive eight
hours to an exotic zoo
75
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,040
to buy her a
fricken house cat.
76
00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:40,540
I need something that�s
gonna blow that
77
00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:42,370
spa gift card
outta of the water.
78
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:44,290
Ooo yeah.
Monkey time!
79
00:02:44,460 --> 00:02:45,210
Now we�re talking.
80
00:02:45,370 --> 00:02:47,370
Oh man.
I love a good monkey.
81
00:02:47,630 --> 00:02:48,710
They just always seem so happy.
82
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:50,960
Tammy would go nuts
for a pet like that.
83
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,750
It�s like a dog 3.0.
84
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,420
Woah, It�s the guy from
the sign!
85
00:02:55,130 --> 00:02:57,970
Doc Tropics. Welcome to my zoo.
86
00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:00,640
Yo, this place is
incredible. Incredible.
87
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:01,470
Well, thank you.
88
00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:03,180
Did you happen to catch
our junior tiger handler
89
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,600
getting her hand bitten off?
90
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:05,230
[siren]
91
00:03:05,390 --> 00:03:07,020
Ooh boy, that was a show!
92
00:03:07,190 --> 00:03:08,530
Aw damn, we missed it,
93
00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:11,070
but you know, we�re loving
these monkeys you got here.
94
00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:14,160
Oh, yes. They�re such
majestic creatures.
95
00:03:14,530 --> 00:03:16,070
Let me ask you something.
How much uh,
96
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:17,120
one of these things go for?
97
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,410
Chimps usually run
around 60 grand.
98
00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:20,990
Whoa, that�s no joke.
99
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,790
You think you could do
something closer like,
100
00:03:22,950 --> 00:03:24,200
I don�t know,
three grand or something?
101
00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:26,080
Huh, well I�ll tell you what.
102
00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:28,460
I do have one chimp who
might fit your budget,
103
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,750
but he�s not exactly
in mint condition.
104
00:03:32,090 --> 00:03:34,130
Okay, okay. That�s not
bad, that�s not bad.
105
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,050
Yeah he�s uh... something.
106
00:03:36,470 --> 00:03:38,810
I think he was used in a few
minor medical experiments,
107
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,640
but don�t worry, he was
mostly in the control group.
108
00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:42,930
Hank, we gotta do this, right?
109
00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:44,440
This thing�s a freakin� steal!
110
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,060
Yeah, but aren�t monkeys
like a lot of responsibility?
111
00:03:47,230 --> 00:03:49,190
No, Hank.
They�re highly intelligent,
112
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:52,070
self sufficient creatures.
Set it and forget it.
113
00:03:52,230 --> 00:03:53,730
You sure Tammy�s
gonna be into this?
114
00:03:53,780 --> 00:03:56,030
Are you kidding me?
She�s gonna be through the roof.
115
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,530
What the hell is this?
116
00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:00,530
It�s your new pet monkey!
117
00:04:00,570 --> 00:04:01,570
Happy birthday!
118
00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:02,410
[party horn]
119
00:04:02,990 --> 00:04:05,530
You went and bought a
chimpanzee without asking me?
120
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:07,920
It�s called a birthday
surprise, Tam!
121
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,040
I thought you wanted a pet.
122
00:04:09,210 --> 00:04:11,090
Yeah, I wanted a dog.
123
00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:13,470
Oh come on, Tam, a dog is
a low ceiling pet.
124
00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:16,210
At best it can help a
blind person across the
125
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,890
street or smell a bomb
on a plane or something.
126
00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:21,720
But a monkey That�s
a HIGH ceiling pet.
127
00:04:21,930 --> 00:04:24,980
Now just imagine you�re watching
Summer House Reunion, you got
128
00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:28,940
the monkey, it�s wearing a funny
little outfit, it�s serving you
129
00:04:28,980 --> 00:04:30,360
White Claws, I mean, come on!
130
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:31,900
That�s a dream pet
right there. [pop]
131
00:04:31,940 --> 00:04:33,070
Oh my god!
132
00:04:33,230 --> 00:04:34,940
Relax. It�s fine,
it�s fine, okay?
133
00:04:35,070 --> 00:04:36,070
The guy showed me what to do.
134
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,320
You connect this thing to
the nerve thingy here back
135
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,070
here, and you just push until
you hear a suction sound.
136
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:41,700
[pop]
137
00:04:41,780 --> 00:04:42,740
Boom. All good.
138
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:43,370
[pop]
139
00:04:43,410 --> 00:04:44,240
Ah, crap.
140
00:04:44,490 --> 00:04:46,660
So not only did you
buy a chimpanzee,
141
00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:48,620
you bought a
sick chimpanzee?
142
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,630
Pfft! Okay,
that�s all superficial.
143
00:04:50,830 --> 00:04:51,460
This is a fixer upper!
[pop]
144
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:52,000
This is a fixer upper!
145
00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:53,790
Mark, do you even understand
146
00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:55,370
that chimps are like, WAY
147
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,050
too dangerous to keep as pets?
148
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,800
Like, this is no joke here!
149
00:04:58,800 --> 00:04:59,760
What the hell are
you talking about?
150
00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:01,470
They�re like the friendliest
animals on the planet.
151
00:05:01,470 --> 00:05:04,060
Yeah, until they rip
your friggin face off.
152
00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:05,390
Pfft! This little sweetheart?
153
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:06,100
[screech]
154
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:06,890
Get outta here.
155
00:05:06,930 --> 00:05:08,180
I�m going to work, Mark.
156
00:05:08,270 --> 00:05:10,690
When I get back, this chimp
better be out of here.
157
00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:12,520
Aw, don�t take it
personally, monkey.
158
00:05:12,690 --> 00:05:13,400
[pop...pop]
159
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:13,980
Damnit, Hank.
160
00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:16,950
Mimi!
Mimi, come on. Uppie!
161
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,070
Mimi go uppie!
162
00:05:19,070 --> 00:05:21,410
Uh. It�s okay. Maybe we
could just take a quick pic?
163
00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:22,240
[click]
164
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,410
[typing]
165
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:25,540
[thud]
166
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:27,500
David... help!
167
00:05:27,950 --> 00:05:30,160
What the hell?
Mimi, stay.
168
00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:35,670
Whoa!
Ah, um... I�m gonna call 911.
169
00:05:35,790 --> 00:05:37,960
No, no. Don�t... call... police.
170
00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:39,170
Snake is... illegal.
171
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,430
What?
Oh of course it is. Uh...
172
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:45,300
Wha...wha...what are
you doing with that?
173
00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:47,010
I don�t know.
I was gonna stab it.
174
00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:48,520
Cut its head off or something.
175
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:49,150
No! No...
176
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:50,350
You-- You can�t kill it... okay?
177
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,100
This... this thing�s worth
seventy five grand.
178
00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:55,230
What!? What are you,
Britney Spears?
179
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,900
Who the hell owns
a $75 000 snake?
180
00:05:58,070 --> 00:06:00,070
Some people enjoy
a high end exotic.
181
00:06:00,070 --> 00:06:02,200
Oh, yeah. Seems like you�re
really enjoying it.
182
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,620
Hey, could you just...
friggin�...help me get it off?
183
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:06,780
You know, maybe if you
showed it more affection,
184
00:06:06,910 --> 00:06:08,200
it wouldn�t try to kill you.
185
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,000
Here, let me try something.
186
00:06:10,660 --> 00:06:12,450
Aw, there there. I know,
187
00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:16,170
Some people don�t understand
animals, or anything.
188
00:06:16,590 --> 00:06:20,340
But look, I�m here and you�re
loved. You�re appreciated.
189
00:06:20,670 --> 00:06:21,380
Oh my god.
190
00:06:21,550 --> 00:06:22,180
[argh]!
191
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:26,220
Okay monkey, we only gotta
do this for a little bit
192
00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:28,810
until we can teach you how
to use a big boy bathroom.
193
00:06:28,850 --> 00:06:30,020
[screeching]
194
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,310
Come on just let me--
Come on dude,
195
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:32,430
this is for your own good, okay?
196
00:06:32,730 --> 00:06:34,820
All the pet monkeys on
YouTube wear diapers.
197
00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:36,690
Uh, I don�t know
if he�s into this.
198
00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:38,980
Come on, come on.
Relax, Hank, okay?
199
00:06:39,230 --> 00:06:41,440
You just gotta establish
that I�m the alpha.
200
00:06:41,740 --> 00:06:42,530
[rip]
201
00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:43,400
Oh my god.
202
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:47,900
Hey Mark, it ripped
your face off.
203
00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:49,040
Yeah, I�m aware, Hank.
204
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:50,620
[screeching]!
205
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,120
- Ah, I forgot my keycard.
206
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,790
Oh, crap. Tammy�s back.
207
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:54,960
- Everything okay in there?
208
00:06:55,460 --> 00:06:56,000
All good, hon!
209
00:06:56,670 --> 00:06:59,420
[screeching]!
210
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,670
[bang]
211
00:07:03,550 --> 00:07:04,800
[thud]
212
00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:06,640
Okay, don�t say anything
about the face, okay?
213
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,060
The last thing I need
is her raking me over
214
00:07:08,180 --> 00:07:09,220
the coals right now.
215
00:07:09,390 --> 00:07:10,060
Uh...
216
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,190
Oh my god, it�s dead!
217
00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:15,770
I knew that poor thing was sick!
218
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,730
Tammy, it�s just
taking a nap, okay?
219
00:07:17,730 --> 00:07:19,070
Well, why is it still here?
220
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:20,570
- Relax, we�re taking
it back, okay?
221
00:07:20,730 --> 00:07:23,780
But not because it�s
dangerous or rips off faces.
222
00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:24,780
- Pfft, Ridiculous.
223
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:25,910
We�re doing it because...
224
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:26,900
I�m gonna to be the bigger man,
225
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,540
I�m going to respect
your decision.
226
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:31,740
Uh... are you okay, Mark?
Why won�t you look at me?
227
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:35,500
I�m fine I�m just... I�m trying
to... I�m trying to measure...
228
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,290
something... on the wall here...
okay?
229
00:07:37,670 --> 00:07:41,050
20 feet... 30 feet...
I got the 40 feet...
230
00:07:41,290 --> 00:07:43,670
Okay, this�ll be the perfect
dimensions for the...
231
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,930
uh for the, uh, wainscoting.
232
00:07:46,220 --> 00:07:48,430
Ah, whatever, Mark.
Just get rid of it.
233
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,340
Ok here�s the deal. That
son of a bitch sold us a lemon!
234
00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:54,020
This monkey has fricken
rabies or something.
235
00:07:54,350 --> 00:07:55,690
Okay, you�re gonna take it
back to Doc Tropix
236
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:56,850
and get a refund, you got it?
237
00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:59,150
You want me to do that
like by myself or?
238
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:00,900
Yes Hank, okay? I gotta go
to the hospital and
239
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:02,940
get my face fixed before
Tammy finds out.
240
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,650
Doesn�t Tammy work
at the hospital?
241
00:08:04,780 --> 00:08:06,070
Won�t she uh, see you?
242
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:08,190
She�s not gonna recognize me.
I got no face.
243
00:08:08,490 --> 00:08:10,160
I�ll just use a fake name.
Boom.
244
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:14,330
Okay, Mr. Rambo. So the
good news is your initial
245
00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:16,660
facial reconstruction
was a success.
246
00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:17,950
So my face is good to go?
247
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:18,790
No, no.
248
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,210
Your face-- how do I put this
249
00:08:20,210 --> 00:08:22,250
in layman�s terms,
is a mess.
250
00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:25,040
We sewed you up and threw on a
pair of temporary lips so you
251
00:08:25,210 --> 00:08:27,670
can eat, but you�re going to
need extensive plastic surgery.
252
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,050
Hold on, hold on, what do
you mean temporary lips?
253
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:32,260
Do I got like some dead
guy�s lips or something?
254
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:33,140
No, no.
255
00:08:33,470 --> 00:08:34,300
Oh okay, cool. Phew!
256
00:08:34,510 --> 00:08:36,100
We used tissue
from a pig scrotum.
257
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:36,680
[gag]
258
00:08:36,890 --> 00:08:37,600
Alright, the nurse will be
259
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,270
in here shortly to
260
00:08:38,270 --> 00:08:39,230
remove your bandages.
261
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:39,940
Appreciate it.
262
00:08:40,310 --> 00:08:42,480
Mr. uh, Rocky Rambo.
263
00:08:42,650 --> 00:08:43,190
Oh, geez.
264
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,860
How are you feeling today?
265
00:08:45,230 --> 00:08:47,940
Hola! No hablo ingl�s.
266
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,740
Oh, do you want me to
bring in a translator?
267
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,990
Uh, es ok, es ok I...
uh, I... understand.
268
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:54,830
Ok.
269
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,580
So I�m gonna remove your
bandages and make sure
270
00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:00,080
everything is healing before the
plastic surgeon examines you.
271
00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:01,800
No, no!
No, no, I no ready!
272
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:02,630
I no ready!
273
00:09:02,830 --> 00:09:04,790
Oh, it�s okay.
Just hold still.
274
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:05,920
This�ll be quick.
275
00:09:06,090 --> 00:09:07,430
[rustling]
276
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,430
All done, Mr. Rambo.
277
00:09:13,510 --> 00:09:15,350
The plastic surgeon
will be in shortly.
278
00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:17,140
You�re gonna love him.
He�s the best.
279
00:09:17,810 --> 00:09:20,350
Aw thanks, Tammy.
You�re the best.
280
00:09:20,730 --> 00:09:22,070
Happy birthday, by the way.
281
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:23,100
- Oh thank you.
282
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,560
- So, did you get
to the spa yet?
283
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,730
- Not yet, but I�m VERY excited.
284
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:30,110
You should be.
The place is incredible.
285
00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:32,200
You�re gonna get a facial
you�ll never forget.
286
00:09:32,490 --> 00:09:34,450
Alright, let�s see
what�s going on here.
287
00:09:34,990 --> 00:09:37,490
Hmm... looks like a
clean degloving.
288
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,120
Good news Mr. Rambo,
289
00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:42,380
you�re a perfect candidate
for a new experimental
290
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:43,920
procedure I pioneered.
291
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,590
All we need is a couple
pictures of you before the
292
00:09:46,630 --> 00:09:49,590
accident, and then we 3D
print stem cells to create an
293
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,100
exact replica of your face.
294
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,260
- Okay, that sounds dumb.
295
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:55,180
Oh no. This new treatment
will be a game changer for
296
00:09:55,390 --> 00:09:58,190
victims of car accidents,
severe burns or even
297
00:09:58,220 --> 00:09:59,510
chimp attacks like yourself.
298
00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:01,770
- Wait. Did you say
chimp attack?
299
00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:02,940
- Yeah.
300
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:05,810
Probably not the best idea to
keep a chimp as a pet,
301
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:06,650
right Mr. Rambo?
302
00:10:06,770 --> 00:10:09,270
Hmm. Hold on...
303
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,190
[phone]
304
00:10:11,530 --> 00:10:13,070
Oh my god.
305
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,910
Are you frickin� kidding me?
Mark?
306
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,280
You know Mr. Rambo?
307
00:10:17,490 --> 00:10:19,330
He�s my husband.
I don�t believe it.
308
00:10:19,490 --> 00:10:21,620
I told you that thing was
going to rip your face off.
309
00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:23,500
Really? I�m sitting here with
no freaking face
310
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:25,160
and now you�re gonna
bust my balls about it?
311
00:10:25,330 --> 00:10:27,670
Did you really think I wasn�t
going to find out that your
312
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:28,880
whole freaking face is missing?
313
00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:32,180
Listen, I can probably do
this procedure right now.
314
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:34,350
Did you hear that, Mark?
You better thank your
315
00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:36,310
lucky stars for Dr. Johnson.
316
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:38,430
He�s gonna do the
procedure today.
317
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:39,430
Nah, I�m good.
318
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,060
What do you mean you�re good?
319
00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:43,680
Yeah, I don�t need some weird
experimental surgery from
320
00:10:43,690 --> 00:10:45,190
this friggin� bozo over here.
321
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:47,570
The hell you don�t.
Have you seen your face?
322
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:50,440
Hm. Not bad, actually.
I actually think it gives
323
00:10:50,570 --> 00:10:52,570
me a little uh, character.
You know what I mean?
324
00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:55,280
Anyway, I got things to do.
I�ll see you at home, Tam.
325
00:10:55,450 --> 00:10:56,410
Argh... Damnit!
326
00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,120
[?]
327
00:11:00,330 --> 00:11:06,550
[humming]
328
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,250
[robotic voice]
Hello, Hank.
329
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:12,550
What the -?!
330
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:14,550
Monkey!
331
00:11:14,670 --> 00:11:16,380
Ah! Please don�t
rip off my face!
332
00:11:16,590 --> 00:11:17,170
[typing]
333
00:11:17,180 --> 00:11:18,600
Relax. Watch road.
334
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:20,720
Wait a minute.
Is that... you?
335
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:22,730
Are you speaking, Monkey?
336
00:11:23,430 --> 00:11:23,890
Yes.
337
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:24,930
What the heck?
338
00:11:25,690 --> 00:11:27,530
Pull over.
Gas station.
339
00:11:27,810 --> 00:11:28,770
Uh...okay.
340
00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:29,730
Why?
341
00:11:30,110 --> 00:11:31,450
You need gas.
342
00:11:31,570 --> 00:11:32,700
Oh, yeah.
343
00:11:32,690 --> 00:11:35,030
And I need bananas.
344
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:38,950
I don�t see what the
big deal is, Tam, okay?
345
00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:41,240
A lot of cool dudes
have disfigured faces.
346
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,110
Yeah, like who?
347
00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:45,590
Uh, the Phantom of the
Opera. Freddy Krueger.
348
00:11:46,210 --> 00:11:48,460
I don�t know if I would
consider Freddy Krueger
349
00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:49,870
a cool dude, Mark.
350
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,050
Ok what about the uh,
The Kiss From a Rose guy?
351
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,130
Uh, what�s his-- Seal!
352
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,970
He�s got a messed up
face and he was married
353
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,050
to Heidi fricken Klum!
354
00:11:56,220 --> 00:11:57,510
He�s got a few scars.
355
00:11:57,510 --> 00:12:00,600
Your face looks like the
Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
356
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:01,230
You know what?
357
00:12:01,970 --> 00:12:04,100
I may be the one with the
messed up face, but you�re
358
00:12:04,270 --> 00:12:06,230
the one who�s unrecognizable.
359
00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:10,100
All the sudden you don�t like
animals, you�re going to fancy
360
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,520
spas, and now you�re telling
me to get plastic surgery!
361
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:17,160
You know, no one else here
seems to care about my looks.
362
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,530
Yous all ready to order.
363
00:12:18,990 --> 00:12:19,780
Oh god...
364
00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:21,740
I mean... sorry... hi.
365
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,160
Can I start you off with a face?
366
00:12:23,450 --> 00:12:25,660
I mean, uh, can
I get you a face?
367
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,380
I mean can I face you a drink?
I mean--
368
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:32,040
Can I just get a tomato soup
and a tuna melt? Thanks.
369
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,420
You want a face with that?
370
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,010
Sorry, I meant fries.
371
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:39,130
Do you want fries
with that... face?
372
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:40,430
Yeah.
373
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,340
Okay. And do you
want that open-faced?
374
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,930
Alright, c�mon,
enough, alright?
375
00:12:44,060 --> 00:12:45,480
No I actually
meant to ask that.
376
00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:46,930
Oh. Ok sure.
377
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,690
Yeah and uh, let me
get the number five.
378
00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:53,690
Mark, you got coffee
coming out of your cheek.
379
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:55,860
I�ll get you some napkins.
380
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,190
Tam, it�s all about
attitude, okay?
381
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,070
You see a hole in my
face, I see two mouths!
382
00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:02,820
Oh yeah, and it�s just
what I need on you:
383
00:13:02,820 --> 00:13:03,700
two mouths.
384
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,540
Hey, one for talking,
one for eating, baby!
385
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:14,340
[robotic voice]
Relax, I no rip off face.
386
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,040
You ripped off my
brother�s face.
387
00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:17,630
He was mean jerk.
388
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,760
You are nice, beta.
No threat.
389
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:20,840
Oh thanks, yeah.
390
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:24,590
So like uh, when did you
get all smart and stuff?
391
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:25,930
Do not know.
392
00:13:26,310 --> 00:13:28,150
Been in many
medical experiments.
393
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:30,680
I wish I was smart.
394
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:35,520
Knowledge is suffering.
Much I know, I would rather not.
395
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:39,070
So you excited to get back to
your old buddies at Doc Tropixs?
396
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:41,860
No. They will euthanize me.
397
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:42,660
What�s wrong with that?
398
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:43,990
Don�t you want to
be young again?
399
00:13:44,530 --> 00:13:46,910
No, that�s not what
euthanize mean.
400
00:13:47,330 --> 00:13:48,750
They will put me to sleep.
401
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,660
Oh well, rest might be good
after these last few days.
402
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:55,800
No, Hank.
Doc Tropixs will kill me.
403
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,750
Wait, what!?
Why would he do that?
404
00:13:58,090 --> 00:14:00,590
People no pay see
old, broken animal.
405
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,010
I be already dead if
you guys did not bang me.
406
00:14:04,590 --> 00:14:05,420
Uh... what?
407
00:14:05,550 --> 00:14:07,390
Sorry. Autocorrect.
408
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:10,060
I�d be already dead if
you guys did not buy me.
409
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,560
Well if he�s gonna kill you,
I�m not taking you there.
410
00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:15,890
Is okay, Hank.
I am mess.
411
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,950
No family. No troop.
Too much time in tiny cage.
412
00:14:20,230 --> 00:14:23,820
Injected with many medicine.
I have many disease.
413
00:14:23,990 --> 00:14:26,660
Body hurt.
Eyeballs no stay in head.
414
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,330
Better for me to end.
415
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:29,950
Oh I don�t know, Monkey.
Come on,
416
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:32,080
there�s gotta be something
that brings you joy.
417
00:14:33,210 --> 00:14:36,420
There is one thing I�ve
always want to do.
418
00:14:39,710 --> 00:14:45,590
[happy music]
419
00:15:18,790 --> 00:15:19,790
I get this.
420
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,460
Whoa. Where�d you get that?
421
00:15:22,090 --> 00:15:25,390
I take from Doc pocket.
Here you take.
422
00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:26,670
I don�t know, Monkey.
423
00:15:27,090 --> 00:15:29,930
Consider as refund
for broken pet.
424
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,020
I mean Mark did ask me
to get his money back.
425
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:36,060
No give to brother.
Money only for Hank.
426
00:15:36,230 --> 00:15:37,520
Yeah but it�s Mark�s
money you know,
427
00:15:37,690 --> 00:15:38,860
he paid for you
and everything.
428
00:15:39,110 --> 00:15:43,780
For duck�s sake Hank, no
spend life being used by others.
429
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,330
You gave me best day of life.
430
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:48,290
You deserve such day yourself.
431
00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:50,870
Whoa, was this really the
best day of your life?
432
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,120
Yes. Well, up there
433
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,580
with time they
inject me with MDMA.
434
00:15:58,370 --> 00:16:00,750
I don�t think playing dead
is working, Jinglebells.
435
00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:03,630
Well, that�s because most
dead people don�t talk!
436
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,050
You got better ideas?
437
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,590
Huh? Maybe call it a
snowflake over and over?
438
00:16:07,590 --> 00:16:08,550
Would you chill?
439
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,680
Every time you freak
out, it squeezes harder.
440
00:16:11,350 --> 00:16:14,400
Why couldn�t you just get a
slow loris or a sugar glider?
441
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:18,060
There�s plenty of illegal exotic
pets that aren�t gonna EAT YOU!
442
00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:20,810
Nah this is just kind of
territorial thing, okay?
443
00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:22,320
They rarely eat humans.
444
00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:24,740
Seems like it�s trying to,
445
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,950
it just can�t get past
your cankles.
446
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,700
Hey! Chronic edema is a
serious medical condition.
447
00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:33,660
Okay so what do
these things eat?
448
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,000
Mostly small to
mid-size animals.
449
00:16:37,460 --> 00:16:38,000
[door opens]
450
00:16:38,710 --> 00:16:40,000
[barking]
451
00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:41,920
Mimi no!
452
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,540
- Yes Mimi!
453
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,300
[barking]
454
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,000
[hissing]
455
00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:56,680
[dramatic music]
456
00:17:07,990 --> 00:17:08,950
Yes Mimi!
457
00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:10,990
You go girl!
You got it!
458
00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:12,280
Sorry, Mernft.
459
00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:14,320
I know that snake
meant a lot to you.
460
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:16,830
Eh, not really. I was just
looking to flip the thing.
461
00:17:17,330 --> 00:17:19,870
Anyway, it is what it is.
Life goes on.
462
00:17:20,870 --> 00:17:23,960
Uh... except for the 15 foot
deadly snake on the loose?
463
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,670
Nah. That thing will
be dead in a day.
464
00:17:33,430 --> 00:17:36,980
Yes Mimi! Hi!
Oh, you�re such a good girl!
465
00:17:36,970 --> 00:17:38,050
[thud]
466
00:17:38,430 --> 00:17:39,140
David...
467
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,390
I was thinking, uh, you
know, maybe you could
468
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:43,390
come live with me.
469
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:45,820
I don�t know, Hank.
470
00:17:46,070 --> 00:17:48,200
I don�t want to be
too much trumpet...
471
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:49,650
Trouble.
472
00:17:49,690 --> 00:17:51,150
No way, it�ll be fun.
473
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,240
Maybe.
474
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:00,000
[yawn]
475
00:18:00,790 --> 00:18:03,000
Hey, Monkey, uh, wanna
get some breakfast?
476
00:18:03,790 --> 00:18:04,460
Hey, Monkey?
477
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:06,130
Monkey!
478
00:18:07,130 --> 00:18:08,130
Monkey wake up!
479
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:10,090
Monkey!
Monkey, wake up!
480
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:11,460
Monkey, monkey. No!
481
00:18:11,970 --> 00:18:13,260
No Monkey. No.
482
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:14,680
[sad music]
483
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,850
[digging]
484
00:18:16,850 --> 00:18:21,690
[sad music]
485
00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:41,580
[snoring]
486
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:45,330
[scream]
487
00:18:45,330 --> 00:18:46,500
Ah what the hell, Tam?
488
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,630
Why can�t you just love
me for who I am, okay?
489
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:49,920
This is my face now.
490
00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:51,590
It�s not about your face, Mark.
491
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,090
It�s that you can easily fix it
and for some reason you won�t.
492
00:18:54,260 --> 00:18:56,100
Uh yeah. Because I�d
rather have a messed up
493
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,430
face than one fixed by
Dr. Fifty Shades of.
494
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,390
Grey�s Anatomy who is clearly
trying to bang you!
495
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,600
Wait a minute I�m sorry, what?
496
00:19:03,770 --> 00:19:07,820
Who the hell gets someone�s
wife a $200 spa card, okay?
497
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,190
That�s what this is about?
498
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:10,190
Yeah. It is.
499
00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:11,490
What are you doing?
500
00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:12,490
I�m sleeping on the couch
501
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,030
so you won�t have to
look at me.
502
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:22,450
[sentimental music]
503
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:26,330
[click]
504
00:19:27,290 --> 00:19:28,580
[typing]
505
00:19:29,130 --> 00:19:33,180
[sentimental music]
506
00:19:33,550 --> 00:19:35,300
[buzz]
507
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,300
Damnit.
508
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,010
Mark, what is this?
509
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,970
Eh nothing, it�s just
some stupid birthday gift
510
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:43,980
I thought would be funny.
511
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,270
This is HYSTERICAL, Mark!
512
00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:48,980
Yeah it is pretty
hysterical, right?
513
00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:51,020
Hon, this is so
fricken thoughtful.
514
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,110
Why didn�t you
just give me this?
515
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:55,150
I was going to, and
then uh... you come in
516
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,740
all excited about
Dr. Sleezebag�s little card.
517
00:19:58,070 --> 00:20:01,200
Yeah I got 200 dollars, and
I�m like forget it,
518
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:01,870
I�ll get you something else.
519
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:02,740
Are you kidding me?
520
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,540
This is way better than
some stupid spa card.
521
00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:08,840
Besides, 200 bucks is like a 15
minute massage at that place.
522
00:20:09,380 --> 00:20:10,920
But you know what the
best gift would be?
523
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:12,250
I don�t know, baby tiger?
524
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:14,210
Dick�s Sporting Goods
gift card.
525
00:20:14,340 --> 00:20:17,090
No... I want my husband�s
handsome face back.
526
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:19,560
I mean I�m not gonna lie...
It was pretty good face eh?
527
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:21,090
So will you get
the damn surgery?
528
00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:22,940
This whole thing is absurd.
529
00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:25,100
Yeah, I guess it is kind of
hard to eat wings
530
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,350
with a pig�s sack for lips.
531
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:29,100
Oh, thank God.
Come here, you.
532
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:30,270
Wait a minute...
533
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,980
when you say "pig�s sack"
do you mean...
534
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,320
oh, my god.
535
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,780
Well you can always
kiss the second mouth.
536
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,030
Come on, last chance...
537
00:20:38,950 --> 00:20:40,450
Yeah. No chance.
538
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,330
[phone vibrates]
539
00:20:51,670 --> 00:20:53,340
And here�s your banana smoothie.
540
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:54,040
Awesome.
541
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,130
Anything else I can get you,
Mr. Hoagies?
542
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:59,300
Yeah, you know what...
Uh... let me get one of them
543
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,260
uh, woo woo yoga
crystal massages.
544
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:02,180
You got it.
545
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:12,570
Oh yeah.
546
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:15,570
Whoops.
547
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:18,570
Hmm.
548
00:21:26,830 --> 00:21:28,170
[licks]
549
00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:32,770
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