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1
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,280
Too upset... to cry.
2
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,079
That might be the most
I've ever told them off.
3
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:25,279
That might be the most
she's ever told us off.
4
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:52,359
{\an8}I've just never seen Alison
so angry.
5
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,319
{\an8}She used a word
I'd never heard before
6
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,119
as a verb and a noun.
7
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,319
Yes, was
rather colourful. I mean,
8
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,639
I did some pretty awful things
back in the day,
9
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:05,079
but I have never been rebuked
like th...
10
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,679
Oh, hang on, actually.
11
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,559
There was this one time...
12
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,799
Oh, and they just go on
and on and on and on.
13
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,639
And they know
that we're stressed,
14
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,119
with the Gatehouse
and this place.
15
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,559
I know. They're a lot.
16
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,279
I mean, I find them a lot,
and I can't see or hear them.
17
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,159
Turns out,
18
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:27,839
the arms contract had been sold
to the newspapers
19
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,039
by one of the prostitutes.
20
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,359
Too confused to cry.
21
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,879
So, how do we make things right?
22
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,399
Well, you'd have to refund
the Libyans,
23
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,799
find the prostitute...
24
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,159
With Alison!
Oh.
25
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:44,159
Well, is obvious.
26
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:46,759
We need say sorry.
27
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,559
ALL AGREE Huh?
28
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:50,959
No. No, no, no, no, no.
29
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,319
No, that... Ye...
30
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,279
Yeah, no, just... Just thanks
for letting us know.
31
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,039
Yeah. All the best, yeah.
Bye-bye. Bye. Bye.
32
00:01:58,040 --> 00:01:59,999
Bye.
33
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,959
Unbelievable!
34
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,679
I mean, how selfish can you be?
35
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,519
What happened?
The Carters just cancelled.
36
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:06,839
What? Why?
37
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,679
Because they're evil.
38
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,599
Er, and maybe
because their cat's ill.
39
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,119
But mainly cos they're evil.
40
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:13,839
I mean, what is the point
41
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:15,839
in us offering five-star service
42
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,199
if there's no-one here
to give it five stars?
43
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,759
Hey, you know what this means?
That we're going to go bankrupt?
44
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:21,799
It means that
45
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,999
a very nice little guesthouse
that I know of
46
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,279
happens to have
a last-minute vacancy.
47
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,599
Yeah, I just told you that.
48
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,999
No, I mean... for us.
Well, for you.
49
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,119
You never lose it
like you did this morning,
50
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,199
even with that lot.
51
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,879
You're frazzled.
You need to unwind.
52
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,079
Listen, if I said
you had a day off
53
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,479
and you could do anything
you wanted, what would it be?
54
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,719
I don't know.
55
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,359
Like... maybe a spa day?
56
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:49,559
Mm.
57
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,279
Or maybe like a nice meal.
58
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:53,160
Or a picnic!
59
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,079
Or the cinema.
60
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,399
Well, that's what we'll do.
61
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,839
Which?
62
00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:00,519
All of it.
63
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,879
We have to be very careful.
64
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,999
I'm just saying, if we want
Alison to hear us out,
65
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,679
we should send the person
she likes the most.
66
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,279
Very well. I shall try,
but I can't guarantee...
67
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,399
I was thinking more Kitty.
68
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,559
Is that wise under
the circumstances? After all,
69
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,239
it was Kitty who pushed her
over the edge.
70
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,959
That's a lie!
71
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,519
You said you wished
she was dead.
72
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:23,879
No, I didn't.
73
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,359
Quite the opposite. I said
that I wanted to comfort her
74
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,319
and hope that one day,
God willing,
75
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,559
I'll be able to hug her
and hold her and...
76
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:31,919
Yes, I see what you mean.
77
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,919
But it was you who made her
use the C-word.
78
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,359
It was you
who was being callous. Oh!
79
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,319
Come on,
it was one little finger.
80
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,839
It was inappropriate.
81
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,239
I just so missed the texture.
82
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,519
Mm. I was being the soldier.
83
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,279
You are not to use that term!
Oh, here he goes,
84
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,439
barking his orders.
No wonder she's sick of you.
85
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,919
Do not lay this at my door, sir!
86
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,679
I was merely telling Robin
not to play with the lamps...
87
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,479
Hey, no you pin this on me!
Was Fanny,
88
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,239
with the yibbayabba, yibbayabba.
89
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,239
Excuse me, Robin!
It was nothing to do...
90
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,159
Oh!
91
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,599
Five stars, right?
Yeah.
92
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,200
And it's all ours.
93
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,839
Ooooh, yeah. Oh,
94
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,639
you've go to have a go
on some of... What?
95
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,119
Sorry. I'm just thinking about how
long it takes to change the bedding.
96
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,599
No, no, no. No. We're not thinking
about bedding,
97
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,479
or cleaning,
98
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,319
or hoovering or dusting
or bin change...
99
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,599
Yeah, you're right.
It was a terrible idea.
100
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,239
It's never going to happen, is it?
101
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,439
So, day off's off?
No, day off's on.
102
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,599
Just... not here.
103
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,239
Er... I've got a better idea.
104
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,599
You want a piece of me?!
105
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,399
Right. Right. Right!
106
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,439
Bang!
107
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,319
Oh! What are you doing?
108
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,399
I was firing my pistol
into the air.
109
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,359
You don't have a pistol.
110
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,799
Well, we didn't win the war with
attitudes like that, did we?
111
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,279
This blame game
is getting us nowhere.
112
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:05,079
It's quite clear that we all
share some responsibility
113
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,839
for provoking Alison's outburst,
114
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,959
whether it's Julian fingering,
Fanny's lip
115
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,719
or Mary and her...
116
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:17,439
Why, Mary, I do believe that
you didn't do anything wrong.
117
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:21,119
Oh, no. Er... No.
I suppose... I suppose not.
118
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,839
Hey, this is perfect!
119
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,919
Alison can't be cross with Mary
120
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,639
if she's done nothing wrong.
121
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,879
Let's send Mary in
with our apologies,
122
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,319
wait for the dust to settle,
and then...
123
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:34,399
Yeah, no, actually.
124
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,319
No. I'm thinking... no.
To that. To doing that.
125
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,679
But you're our secret weapon, Mary.
126
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,799
Yeah. No. Right. It's just...
127
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,919
Erm, I tooks the fall
for something I didn't do
128
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,879
once before,
and it didn't turn out
129
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,359
all that well for me.
130
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,199
So I'm... I'm thinkin', erm,
maybe this time
131
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,959
I'm going to leave the guilt
for the guilty.
132
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,559
Cos someone in this room
has done nothing wrong!
133
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,719
Ah. Looks like
it has to be one of us.
134
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,600
Any volunteers?
135
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:12,359
Or we could do nominations?
136
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,759
Ah, well in that case...
137
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,079
Oooh.
Mm!
138
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,559
I like it. Homely.
Really homely.
139
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,079
Oh, I think these
might be the owners.
140
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,559
Oh-ho, she did all right!
141
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:30,839
What are you doing?
142
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,319
You can't go lying down,
you've got relaxing to do.
143
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,119
Do you hear yourself?
144
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,959
We have a list. Your list.
145
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,359
And we've just lost 45 minutes
going nowhere.
146
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,040
Well, if it's my list,
I'm adding lying down.
147
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,360
OK, OK. But it's already 10.30,
so we can't just go adding...
148
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,959
You know what?
It's fine. Er...
149
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,839
If we combine it with
"listening to some music,"
150
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:56,279
then I think I can make it work.
151
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:57,639
Deal.
152
00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,199
OK, so I just add that on,
153
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,439
cross it off,
154
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,439
and we're back on track. Almost.
155
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,359
Right. See you in 30.
156
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,679
Where are you going?
Shop. We need ingredients.
157
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:09,999
Ingredients for what?
158
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,079
Whatever you want.
It's your day.
159
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,679
Oh. OK, so could we get...?
160
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:15,880
No time. Text me.
161
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,399
No, no...
162
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:23,479
Er...
163
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,559
You've got the most
to apologise for.
164
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:29,439
Tadadadadadada!
Tadadadadadada!
165
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,639
Chacachac,
clink, clink, clink...
166
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,159
Now...
167
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:36,439
Yeah. I did not for a moment
want to bring out
168
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,119
the Bren Mark 1 light machinegun
169
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,519
in such an enclosed space,
but you forced my hand.
170
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,559
Is he having a breakdown?
Very hard to tell.
171
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,839
This bickering is futile.
172
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,879
If nobody wants
to take on this mission,
173
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,719
then, as ranking officer,
I shall step up to the plate
174
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,439
and issue an apology
on behalf of the entire unit.
175
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,599
My command experience
has taught me
176
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,799
a thing or two
about effective communication
177
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,799
you have to be direct,
concise and to the point.
178
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:05,359
Apologies.
179
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,120
Not accepted. Understood.
180
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,879
She can't be reasoned with.
Nothing to be done.
181
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,599
We shall just have to avoid her
until she dies.
182
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,079
Probably longer.
183
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,359
Yes, well, whilst I'm sure
you mined every ounce
184
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,119
of your natural warmth,
do you think
185
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,240
you could take us through
your key messaging?
186
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,799
What?
Yeah, thought so.
187
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,239
You see,
you can't just go around
188
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,919
shouting orders at people
any more.
189
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,999
He's got a point. Silence.
190
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,239
Communication's become
much more nuanced
191
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:38,039
in this modern age
of car phones and pagers.
192
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,999
But, luckily,
193
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,879
you're looking
at one of history's
194
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,359
greatest communicators,
195
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:45,599
the brains behind some of
196
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,999
the most memorable
political slogans
197
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,159
of the 20th century. Erm...
198
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:54,359
"Family, family, family."
Yours truly.
199
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,599
As was..."Better for Britain."
200
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,239
"I'm in. Are you?"
201
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:03,559
And of course...
"A dog's just for Christmas."
202
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,439
I think it was..."A dog's
not just for Christmas."
203
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,039
No. One year,
there was a surplus.
204
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,639
Must have been the heat.
Oh, surely not him.
205
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,720
Yep, that was another one.
Election '83.
206
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,559
OK, then.
207
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:43,359
I now declare this meeting
of Being In The Right Club
208
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,000
officially open.
209
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:47,399
What's that?
210
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,999
Oh, no, it's just, erm,
211
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,319
just us today, Flo.
212
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:53,399
Just us.
213
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,359
No. Yeah.
214
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,439
Yes?
215
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,359
We're closer...
216
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,479
together.
217
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,599
What?
218
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,799
We're closer... Yeah?
219
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,199
Together. Mm-hm.
220
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,799
Than what?
Oh, come on!
221
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,639
This is very clear messaging.
How are you not getting this?
222
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:43,479
We - you and us - are closer
you know, rubbing along,
223
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,479
despite your over-sensitivity,
224
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,479
together -
225
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,719
ie, not off moping
in our rooms about,
226
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,919
I don't know,
whatever petty grievance it is
227
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,999
that's got you in such a tizz.
228
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:58,159
So let's admit mistakes
were made on both sides
229
00:10:58,160 --> 00:10:59,479
and hope that tomorrow
230
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,359
you get out of the bed
the right side.
231
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,239
Because the fact is...
232
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,239
we are closer...
233
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,560
together.
234
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,120
Go away.
235
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,640
Now, that's clear messaging.
236
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,439
Did you forget your keys?
237
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,119
No, no, I'm still at the shop.
Ingredients crisis.
238
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,559
There's chicken, but no breadcrumbs,
so Milanese is off.
239
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,679
Er, I can do salmon
if you can live without lemon.
240
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,759
Do they have broccoli?
Normal, not purple,
241
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,599
but I could switch
for asparagus if...
242
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,279
Without lemon?
I wasn't thinking. OK.
243
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,719
Yeah. Let's bring back the chicken.
We'll go peri peri.
244
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,199
Do they have paprika?
Er, normal, not smoky.
245
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,919
OK, OK. Let's make it satay.
246
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,879
Which aisle is peanuts?
247
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,359
Just get peanut butter.
Smooth or crunchy? Just get both.
248
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,399
But that's back with jams. I haven't
got time. Just leave it. Get out.
249
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,679
I'm coming out.
Go! Go!
250
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:52,999
Any joy?
251
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,759
Well, you know, er,
252
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,159
how does one define success?
253
00:11:58,280 --> 00:11:59,440
Messed it up.
254
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,519
I suppose Elton John was right.
255
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,639
Sorry does seem to be
the hardest word.
256
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,720
No. Hardest word is
"apolocathry."
257
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,279
Ap...
258
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:15,159
Hang on.
Maybe Elton John had a point.
259
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:19,839
If it's too hard to say it,
could we sing it?
260
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,239
Hey. Still relaxing?
All relaxed?
261
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,559
Where have you been?
262
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:29,319
Yeah. Well, turns out
that if you run out
263
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,479
of a supermarket still holding
a pack of stock cubes,
264
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,359
security want to have
a little word with you.
265
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,159
Oh, God.
Yeah, no, it's fine.
266
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,079
I, er.. I made this great joke
about pinching their stock,
267
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,919
and we're basically mates now.
He loved it.
268
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,119
Yeah?
Yeah. Whoa, OK.
269
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,319
Er, there's no time to cook
and we have nothing to cook,
270
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,999
so I thought
we can order something in.
271
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,839
Like... pizza?
What's faster than pizza?
272
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,279
Pizza's fine.
Yeah?
273
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,559
Yeah.
OK, great.
274
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:53,759
Well, you order the pizza,
275
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:57,039
and I will dig out the picnic set.
Pizza picnic?
276
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,079
Yeah.
277
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,559
Well, you wanted a picnic,
so you're having a picnic.
278
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,639
Aw.
279
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,119
I think it may be... carpet picnic.
280
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,079
Good call.
All right.
281
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,359
You just keep relaxing.
282
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,880
OK. Er... OK.
283
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,559
But order a pizza!
Oh, all righty!
284
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,959
But lyrics are a form of poetry,
285
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,960
and mastery of
the English language is my...
286
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:25,839
thing.
Yeah, I know.
287
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,119
It's just that you can be
a little maudlin, mate,
288
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,279
and I think it should be
something upbeat,
289
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,159
like, have you heard
of Ging Gang Goolie?
290
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,239
The disease?
291
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,639
What?
292
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,159
No. As in like, you know,
"Ging Gang Goolie gotcha."
293
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,559
It most certainly did not!
294
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,359
Although I hear
Byron had a terrible case.
295
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,959
Wha...?
Look, clearly neither of you
296
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,639
are exactly Cole Porter.
Who?
297
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,440
My Heart Belongs To Daddy?
298
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,559
Philistines. My point is,
perhaps you should look
299
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,159
to a more skilled songsmith
for your inspiration.
300
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,399
I mean,
how does John Elton compose?
301
00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:00,159
Oh, for the last time,
it's not Elton, comma, John.
302
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,959
It's Elton John!
And he has a co-writer.
303
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,399
Bernie does the words,
and Elt does the music.
304
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,759
Ah!
Music's being taken care of,
305
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:09,320
thank you very much.
306
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:21,279
OK. Sure my note was
in there somewhere.
307
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,599
No, no. I want no part
in this embarrassing spectacle,
308
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,799
this circus of contrition!
309
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,719
Oooh! That's a good name
for the band.
310
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,319
Cool name. Yeah.
311
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:39,839
Apoloclubby.
312
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:40,879
Apothecary.
313
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:41,959
Apottecaty.
314
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,919
Apothecary.
Apoppercappy.
315
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:45,919
Just say chemist.
No, no, no.
316
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,279
Come on. Come on. Ugh.
317
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:49,759
Apothecary.
318
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,519
Apolicecathery.
319
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,799
No, no...
320
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,239
No point wailing 'bout it.
You made your beds.
321
00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:01,040
Perhaps you'll think 'bout your
actions from this day hence.
322
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,919
Justice is a fickle wench,
323
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:08,919
but 'pon this occasion
324
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,679
fairly served,
325
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,279
for 'tis heartening indeed
326
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,679
to feel not a licking flame,
327
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,720
but the warmth
of a righteous sun.
328
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,120
I think things are clearing up
a bit, Flo.
329
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,599
No. I don't want a refund,
I want our pizza.
330
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,479
What do you mean,
331
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,759
you can't find the house?
It's the only house.
332
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,519
If you're within three miles and
there's a building, that's us.
333
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,920
Hello? Hello?
334
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:42,919
OK, slight change of plan.
335
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:44,319
Today's picnic will be courtesy
336
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:45,759
of the little shop
at the garage.
337
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,039
But they only do crisps.
They do more than crisps.
338
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,359
All right, I'll be back in ten.
339
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:51,399
Er...
340
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,280
15.
341
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,079
Relax!
Yep.
342
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,159
A...
A...
343
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,799
poth...
poth...
344
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:04,039
ecary... ecary. Apothecary. Apothgagary.
345
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:07,319
Which is it? Which is it?
346
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,479
It's all one thing - R&B.
347
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,279
Like S&M.
348
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:12,839
What's S&M?
Ah, well...
349
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,359
More electronic, I think.
A lot of fun, a bit naughty.
350
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,439
Is it a firm no to country?
I think it should be
351
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,159
pop music.
Country is pop.
352
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,799
Hey. Hey!
353
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,479
Order! Orderrrr!
354
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,479
Thank goodness.
355
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,479
I don't think I had
a grenade-launcher in me.
356
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,119
All this petty squabbling.
357
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,039
God knows
how they pulled off Band Aid.
358
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,399
Ah, now, there's only one way
to pull off a Band-Aid -
359
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:37,239
smooth, quick motion
against the grain of the hairs.
360
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:41,039
No, no, Band Aid.
Christmas '84.
361
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,360
Or were you already, er...?
362
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,999
I was dead. Yes, I had passed.
363
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,800
Blimey.
You really did go too soon.
364
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,079
No, Band Aid
was a charity single,
365
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,999
featuring all the top pop acts
of the day.
366
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,639
Like S Club.
367
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,279
Er, more like Culture Club.
Yeah. Was number one for ages.
368
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,599
What, and they all
just mucked in?
369
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:02,719
Like, sung it together?
370
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,440
Yeah. They all kind of did
a little bit each, you know.
371
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,279
Have you tried
a cheese and onion one
372
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:17,559
with a roast beef one?
373
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,039
Tastes like a pasty.
374
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,040
I think I've tried
all the combinations now.
375
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,599
Any luck with the bath?
Nearly there.
376
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,839
Water pressure is a joke.
It doesn't matter.
377
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,359
It doesn't need to be deep.
378
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,079
I'll just sink anyway.
I'm mostly potato now.
379
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:36,240
Mm, delicious. In that case,
your bath is drawn, m'lady.
380
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,119
Oh, wow. You know those are for
sharing, right?
381
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,680
Too late.
382
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,679
It's not quite a day spa, but...
383
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,239
No, it's perfect.
384
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,719
You're the best.
385
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,319
I am the best.
386
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,519
Right, get in. We've got 34 minutes
if you want to make the cinema.
387
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:55,959
Go, go, go.
388
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,680
Oooh...
389
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,200
Oh. Wine. Er, one sec.
390
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:12,719
Yeah, and Robin,
Captain and then Kitty to end.
391
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,879
Should I not...?
Kitty to end.
392
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,079
OK?
393
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,479
OK, here we go.
394
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:22,200
A-one. A-two.
A-one, two, three...
395
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:32,560
OK. A-one, a-two.
A-one, two, thr...
396
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,399
In a-one...
397
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,119
Got it.
398
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:46,159
Now, I know today hasn't been
entirely plain sailing so far,
399
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,879
but I am about
to turn it around.
400
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:51,159
Because, tonight, we are dining
401
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,279
at the French place.
402
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,999
Mm-hm!
Mm!
403
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,239
Ooh la la!
Ooh la...
404
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,639
Let me just give them a call
405
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,119
and check that they've got
a table.
406
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,159
Actually,
I should've done that first.
407
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,519
Er...
408
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:02,799
Bonjour.
409
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,639
Er, I am just wondering
if you have a table tonight
410
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,160
for two, around eight-ish?
411
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,079
You can squeeze us in?
412
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,119
Yes!
Wonderful.
413
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:12,679
Merci. Yes, the name is, erm...
414
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:14,719
Argh! Phone. No.
415
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,679
Oh!
Wine! Waah!
416
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,200
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
417
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,519
Fine. You shower off,
I'll call 'em back.
418
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,519
Oh, it's in my hair!
Where's your phone?
419
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,079
Oh, it's on the be...
420
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,279
Oh! Oh!
What now?
421
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:29,639
No more hot!
422
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:32,639
Argh!
423
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,719
Oh, hello? Yes, we were
just on the phone...
424
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,519
No, no, no, that's just my wife screaming.
425
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,679
I was just talking to you
earlier about a table
426
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,479
when we got... You're kidding me!
It was like one minute ago.
427
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,079
Fine, but you're telling
my wife.
428
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,919
Hello? Hello?
429
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,359
Table's gone.
430
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,119
Yeah?
Yeah.
431
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,599
You have to listen
to what I am doing.
432
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,399
I mean, come on.
433
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,239
One is reminded
of Battersea Dogs Home.
434
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,400
Really? Was there a fire?
435
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,439
Perfick.
436
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,199
Hardly!
You were nowhere near my note.
437
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,199
Yeah. I think maybe
piano need tuning.
438
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,519
Yeah, so, you know,
we might need to tweak the end.
439
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,319
But, overall, I think
that went pretty well.
440
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:32,359
You know? I mean,
441
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,239
some parts were better
than others.
442
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,359
But with a bit of polish,
443
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,279
well, it would be a cold heart
not to be won over
444
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,479
by the sentiment.
445
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,320
Well, it did nothing for me.
446
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,359
Right, then,
once more from the top?
447
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,879
We're probably going to have
to burn the towels, but, erm...
448
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,199
No, no, no, no.
449
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,799
What?
No cleaning. Day off.
450
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,119
Well, we missed the cinema,
so I thought...
451
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,039
No. This is the cinema.
Your own private cinema.
452
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,519
The AlisOdeon.
453
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:05,959
The AlisCineworld?
454
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,719
Oh, yeah. The Alis...
455
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,679
No, there's no more.
All right. Come on,
456
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,239
the feature presentation
is about to begin.
457
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,399
Hooray. OK.
458
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,199
What is it?
459
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,199
I think I found
the perfect chill-out movie.
460
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,519
It's only 90 minutes long
461
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,519
and it could not sound
more relaxing.
462
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:23,959
A Quiet Place.
463
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,359
Ooh.
464
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,159
Well, that is
the most traumatic thing
465
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,279
I will see today.
466
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,159
Alison,
we've written you a song!
467
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,279
Here we go.
468
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,279
I may have spoken too soon.
469
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:42,400
What?
470
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:44,640
Oh, front row!
471
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:46,919
Right.
472
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,079
No, no...
473
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,639
What are they doing?
474
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,279
Er, I'm looking at it,
and I don't know.
475
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,919
This is not in the tone
of the piece.
476
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,519
Skip to the end.
477
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:14,999
Now, Kitty!
I can't.
478
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,759
Oh!
479
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:21,999
Apothecary.
480
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,039
Apologies.
481
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,599
Oh, you know, what he say.
482
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,200
At the end of the day,
you know, sorry.
483
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,799
That felt weird.
You have no idea.
484
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,599
Yeah, well, it was a little
rough around the edges.
485
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,279
And further apologies
for the middle eight...
486
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,399
Yeah. She liked it!
487
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,839
But, you know, you get the idea.
488
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,000
We really are very sorry, Alison.
489
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,319
Sorry for what?
490
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,839
Well, for, er,
what happened, erm...
491
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,719
earlier.
492
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,239
What did happen earlier?
493
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,519
Why... Why was I upset?
494
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,040
No, no, no!
495
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,760
It's no one thing,
or one person.
496
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:10,479
And it's not just today.
497
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,559
It's that, every day,
we are breaking our backs
498
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,319
to make this guest-house work,
499
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,399
and I'm already waiting
on eight people.
500
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,159
Nine. Every day,
501
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,319
it's "Turn that page,"
502
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:22,839
"Oh, it's time
for my programme,"
503
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,919
or, "Google this horse,"
504
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,479
and without even a word
of thanks.
505
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,400
No, I don't want an apology.
506
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:35,159
And I don't want
some big song and dance.
507
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,439
I just want, like,
a little bit of thought
508
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,440
and a little bit of help.
509
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,159
Yes, of course you can't help,
510
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,519
but do you really
have to not help
511
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,680
24 hours a day?
512
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,079
I think that might be
513
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,319
the second most
we've ever been told off.
514
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:05,360
Yeah.
515
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,200
I think you guys
should probably go.
516
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,319
OK. I'm going to go out
on a limb here and say
517
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:20,279
it's possible that you're still
a little bit stressed. Hmm?
518
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:21,639
Sorry.
519
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,399
I know you really tried.
520
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:24,999
Not hard enough, though.
521
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,239
What?
522
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,040
You did everything. I...
523
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,000
Give me the list.
524
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,360
That's what I want to do today.
525
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:47,360
We can squeeze that in.
Yeah? Yeah.
526
00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:56,200
Best bit of the day.
527
00:25:58,080 --> 00:25:59,839
Mmm.
528
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:11,559
Oh.
529
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,319
Someone's posted a new review.
530
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,880
Any good?
531
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,440
Yeah. Amazing.
532
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,639
But we don't have any guests.
533
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:25,079
Better?
534
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,719
Still a bit crampy
around the knuckle.
535
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,360
I've been on it ten minutes. Hey.
536
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,239
You?
537
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:34,559
Ah.
538
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:35,919
Just the typing.
539
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,599
We all composed a bit.
540
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,119
And helped to edit Thomas's.
541
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:43,039
But she is a radiant beauty.
Is off topic!
542
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,359
That is really,
really lovely, guys.
543
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:48,839
But you have to delete it.
It's like cheating or...
544
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:50,359
Nonsense.
545
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,919
We are guests in your house
every day.
546
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,599
And you are
the most incredible hosts.
547
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,240
Yes. Every word's the truth.
548
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:01,719
"We never wanted to leave."
549
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,880
Bit of luck, eh?
550
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,799
Thanks, guys.
551
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,560
Friends?
552
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:12,839
Friends.
553
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,239
Aw!
554
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:22,119
You see?
We're closer... together.
555
00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,439
Yeah. It sounds better
now that you...
556
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:25,799
What?!
557
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,159
But they be in the wrongs,
Al'son.
558
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,719
Where be the punishment?
Where be the trial?
559
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,679
Oh, no. Oh, no, Mary, we've...
560
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,079
We've made up.
561
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:35,839
FLAMES CRACKLE Made up?
562
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:37,319
But... But I was...
563
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,839
Have you forgottens?
564
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:43,000
Now, you listen to me,
Alison Coopers!
565
00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,840
I think that might be the most
I've ever been told off.
566
00:27:49,864 --> 00:27:51,864
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