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1
00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:04,963
[Cheers]
2
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:06,255
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
3
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,842
- Okay, guys, I just want
to say congratulations
4
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,636
on our 50th show!
5
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,137
[Cheers]
6
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:15,849
That's 50 hours of
comedy, over 300 sketches,
7
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:21,939
one unsolved crew death, and
an Emmy magazine cover story.
8
00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:24,024
- Hey, and someone
got us booze gifts.
9
00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:25,316
- Oh, sweet.
10
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,927
- They're all empty.
What the hell?
11
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,421
- Congratulations on
50 shows, everyone.
12
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,572
Enjoy your
decorative air holders.
13
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:35,118
You deserve them. Lemon, a word.
14
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:38,789
- It's a pretty lame
present, Jack.
15
00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,124
- Cutbacks. Our parent
company Sheinhardt wigs
16
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:42,696
is announcing
losses this quarter
17
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,354
for the first time
since the civil war.
18
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,630
And even I am not immune.
19
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,215
I had to let Jonathan go today.
20
00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:49,841
- Oh, my god.
How did he take it?
21
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:53,053
- Better than I expected.
- ♪ can't live ♪
22
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,889
♪ if living is without you ♪
- okay, last verse, Jonathan.
23
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:56,848
- ♪ I can't live! ♪
24
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,220
- I'm warning you now that
the entertainment division
25
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,153
is gonna come under
some very close scrutiny.
26
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,897
The days of your wild
coke parties are over.
27
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,024
- Well, if by "coke,"
you mean "sodas"...
28
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,360
- I do. It's really bad.
29
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:10,195
It's so bad, the
sheinhardts are hiring
30
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:11,567
an outside consulting firm.
31
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:12,906
- What does that mean?
32
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,518
- It means they're bringing
in hatchet men to trim the fat.
33
00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:17,659
And on Monday, you will
have to present and justify
34
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:18,954
your budget to them.
35
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:20,246
Can you handle that?
36
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,665
- Handle a presentation?
37
00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:24,209
Jack, I put on a live
show every week
38
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:25,627
unless there's wrestling.
39
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,129
I'm on it.
- Good.
40
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,141
I've got some more
downsizing to do upstairs
41
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,696
so I've got no time
for hand-holding.
42
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:31,466
Let's get this right.
43
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,158
- I've got some
tricks up my sleeve.
44
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:36,179
- That's my girl.
- No, Trix, the cereal.
45
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:39,558
Some fell in my sleeve.
It's sticking to the fibers.
46
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:42,853
[Exciting jazz music]
47
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:50,986
♪ ♪
48
00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,789
- [Knock at door] You
wanted to see me, sir.
49
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,416
- Kenneth, as you
may have heard,
50
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:06,585
Jonathan no longer works here.
51
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,479
- Yeah. The assistants
talked about it last night
52
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:11,340
at Finnegan's, the bar
we all go to after work...
53
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:12,632
In my dreams.
54
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:15,302
- Yes, uh, well, obviously,
I'm going to need an assistant.
55
00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,314
And I'm going to have
to ask you to fill in.
56
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:18,876
- But what about my page duties?
57
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,408
- Oh, don't worry.
I've taken care of that.
58
00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:21,516
You'll do both jobs.
59
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,328
This is a very
difficult time, Kenneth.
60
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,637
I'm gonna be counting on you.
61
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,730
You'll do fine so long
as you follow my three ds:
62
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:31,151
Discretion, docility, and
don't use my bathroom.
63
00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:37,407
[Phone rings]
64
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,259
- Mr. Donaghy's
office. This is Kenneth.
65
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,620
How may I help you?
66
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,622
It's Greg windham from aviation.
67
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:48,085
- I'm not here.
- But you are here.
68
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:52,798
I can see you.
- I don't want to talk to him.
69
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:56,426
- Oh, corporate intrigue.
70
00:02:56,718 --> 00:03:00,931
He's not in right now.
I'll tell him you called.
71
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,663
I feel like I'm in
the pelican brief!
72
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,060
Do I already know too much?
73
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,568
- Liz. Brad Halster.
The Himler group.
74
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,404
A division of
Advantrix Consulting.
75
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,156
- Liz Lemon. This is my
associate, Peter Hornberger.
76
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,176
- Liz, is there a conference
room where we can sit down
77
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,200
and get started?
78
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:26,373
- Actually, I thought we'd
do this outside the box.
79
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:31,712
I'd like to tell you about
three television programs.
80
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,674
A comedy show, a
musical variety show,
81
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,844
and a live television event.
82
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:42,264
Comedy, music show, live show.
83
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:47,310
Comedy, music, live.
Are you getting it? Yeah.
84
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:51,314
They're all the same
show. They're all TGS.
85
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:52,774
Now I could stand here, Brad,
86
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,484
and I could bore
you with numbers.
87
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,779
I could tell you that we are
the number one late night show
88
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:02,325
among men 9-13 and
the morbidly obese.
89
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,537
I could tell you that
we're in final negotiations
90
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:08,248
to create exclusive
content for america's jails.
91
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,625
But I'm not the one
being judged here.
92
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:16,715
So I thought I'd let the
show speak for herself.
93
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:22,429
- [As star Jones] Dessert!
94
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:25,390
- Someone put too
many farts in this engine!
95
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,267
It's about to explode!
96
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,162
I'm flavor Obama
and I'd like to introduce
97
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:33,273
the under secretary of
housing and crystal meth, boy!
98
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,484
- It's the bear and
robot talk show!
99
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,403
- My name is Suri Cruise.
Put your hands in the air.
100
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:41,323
I came out of the womb
with a full head of hair.
101
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,950
- It's farting! It's farting!
102
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:47,078
That's our show for
tonight. See you next week!
103
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,539
- Good night!
104
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:54,336
- This is TGS!
105
00:04:54,628 --> 00:05:00,926
- So where's that
conference room?
106
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,929
- Oh. Golly.
- Whoa, k.
107
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:06,473
- I am sorry, Mr. Jordan.
I'm just overworked.
108
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,226
With my page duties and
being Mr. Donaghy's assistant,
109
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:11,144
there's not enough
hours in the day.
110
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:12,479
- I'm sorry about that.
111
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:16,107
But just let me know if
there's any way I can help.
112
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,639
- Actually, there is one thing.
113
00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:19,402
- No. I was just saying that.
114
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,321
Why can't you read
human facial queues?
115
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,532
All right, what is it?
116
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,242
- Well, with both these jobs,
117
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,414
I don't know when I'm
gonna be able to get home.
118
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,830
I'm worried about my
bird, Sonny Crockett.
119
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,201
Would you mind going to my
apartment and feeding him?
120
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,959
- Yeah, okay.
121
00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:35,520
Birds are like little dinosaurs.
122
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:38,839
So what I'll be doing is
actually pretty cool and brave.
123
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,967
- Thank you, sir.
Here are my keys.
124
00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:45,428
Oh, and one thing,
don't go into my bedroom.
125
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,890
- What?
- Do not go into my bedroom.
126
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:55,105
- 25%? How am I supposed
to cut a quarter of our budget?
127
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,774
- Well, there is some
fat. What about Sid?
128
00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,526
- Sid? I can't fire
our announcer.
129
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:00,902
He'll lose his insurance.
130
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,797
You know, he has a
lot of health problems.
131
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:04,048
- Yeah, because he
was hit by lightning
132
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,216
and can't really talk anymore.
133
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:10,328
- It's tergis with
tracky jong-jong
134
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,248
and Jimmy moop!
135
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,834
- No. Sid is off the table.
136
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:17,311
I'm not firing any of my people.
137
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,775
I'm not doing that
to their families.
138
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,562
Or in Sid's case, their
much younger wife
139
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,439
with whom they have
an open relationship.
140
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,318
- All right, we'll find the
money somewhere else.
141
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:25,552
The food budget...
- No!
142
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:26,386
- All right, what about straws?
143
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:29,723
We spend $1,200
a year on straws.
144
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,224
- Okay, fine. No more straws.
145
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,268
Everyone drinks from
the can from now on.
146
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:37,814
- Oh, no, we need straws.
- Oh, god! That's its bathroom!
147
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,026
- Listen, Liz, I'm gonna
need your revised budget
148
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,568
by the end of today.
149
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,362
- I don't know, Brad. TGS
is a complicated machine.
150
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,114
Every part's important.
- I get it.
151
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,699
You don't want
to be the bad guy.
152
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:50,118
But if you don't
make the cuts, I will.
153
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:54,122
And I don't give a crap
about anyone here.
154
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,560
- Matthew, I know
this isn't easy,
155
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:58,769
but the company's
facing cutbacks.
156
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,479
And you have to admit
your boom box division
157
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,047
is a little bit
behind the times.
158
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,019
- We're not behind
the times, we're groovy!
159
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,009
- I can offer you two
weeks severance.
160
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,221
- Mr. Donaghy, I know
you said only interrupt you
161
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,596
if it was very important,
162
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,248
but Tashonda from
time Warner cable
163
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,348
is on the phone
164
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:15,226
and she's offering three
free months of showtime.
165
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,518
But we have to act now.
166
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:17,966
- Kenneth, this does not qualify
167
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:19,356
as something important.
168
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:20,648
I do not want showtime.
169
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,442
- Oh, okay. I'm sorry.
170
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:23,920
I just didn't want
you to miss out
171
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,195
on this exciting opportunity...
172
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,530
- Thank you, Kenneth.
173
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:34,120
Take your time.
174
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,931
- Hey, little guy.
175
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,772
- [Squawks] Don't
go in the bedroom.
176
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:01,690
Don't go in the bedroom.
177
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:08,363
- I wasn't going to! I
wasn't going to! Bye!
178
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,073
- Hello, miss Lemon.
179
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:11,765
Are you here to see
Kenneth the page
180
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,428
or Kenneth the
Mr. Donaghy's assistant?
181
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:16,663
- Well, I need to see Jack.
182
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:17,622
- Hello, miss Lemon.
183
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,624
Mr. Donaghy is in
an important meeting.
184
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,227
And I've been told
not to interrupt him.
185
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:24,462
What is this pertaining to?
- The TGS budget.
186
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:28,633
- Oh, my. That
sounds very important.
187
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,361
- [Crying] I've
worked here 20 years.
188
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,469
- Mr. Donaghy.
- Kenneth!
189
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:37,434
- I was wrong. That was
not important enough.
190
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:41,354
It's me, Kenneth the
page, this job is hard.
191
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:42,689
Please have a seat.
192
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:46,776
Mr. Donaghy will
be right with you.
193
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:52,967
- Do you know what
these meetings are about?
194
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,271
I hear people are getting fired.
195
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,827
- Yeah. I don't know.
196
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,399
- Do you know Jack Donaghy well?
197
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,537
- Pretty well.
198
00:08:58,621 --> 00:08:59,621
- Do you happen to know
199
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:00,457
if he's a boob
man or a butt man?
200
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,709
- What? Why would you ask that?
201
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,270
- Because I don't
want to get fired.
202
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,479
So I'm gonna have to go in there
203
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,547
and boink my
way out of this one.
204
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:08,839
I'm Cheryl, by the way.
205
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,842
- You're gonna try to
have sex with Jack?
206
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,553
- I have to. I have
15 employees.
207
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:14,888
I'm responsible for them.
208
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,723
Do you have any
idea what that's like?
209
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,267
- Well, yeah, I have 200
people under me, but...
210
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,519
- Wow. Maybe we could team up,
211
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:25,023
go in there together,
lez out, give him a show.
212
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:28,735
- No. Cheryl, get
a grip. Oh, boy.
213
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:32,697
- Miss Lemon, Mr. Donaghy
will see you now.
214
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:35,742
- Make it quick, Lemon.
215
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,714
I'm in the middle of a
very unpleasant day.
216
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,454
- Okay, well, so am I.
217
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,346
- I know this cutback
stuff is difficult.
218
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,123
- I don't want to fire anyone.
219
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,876
And I don't want to take
anything away from my crew.
220
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:48,213
And I want to keep making
free, long-distance prank calls
221
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,216
to people like Seattle's
Richard Sacmuncher.
222
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:52,884
And I think that's reasonable.
223
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,536
So what do I do
to get out of this?
224
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,030
- The only thing to
do is make your cuts
225
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,430
and live to fight another day.
226
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:58,890
- What? That's it?
227
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,934
I thought you'd tell me
to cook the numbers
228
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:04,312
or shred something or
do some pelican brief stuff.
229
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,248
- Why is everyone
talking about that movie?
230
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,552
- It's been playing on showtime.
231
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:10,777
- Kenneth, get me showtime.
- What? Why now?
232
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,069
- I'm sorry.
233
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,572
I know this is hard, but
there's no way out of it.
234
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:15,864
- Well, little heads up,
235
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,659
your next meeting
might disagree.
236
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,261
She's planning to
change your mind
237
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,538
by hitting... that.
238
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:22,914
- Oh, no, not again.
239
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,766
This last guy tried
to take my belt off.
240
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,918
But the sad thing is,
it sometimes works.
241
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,419
Sexual bartering pays off.
242
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,839
Salome. Mata hari.
Deborah Norville.
243
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,508
Well, good luck downstairs.
I'm sure you'll figure it out.
244
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,427
Oh, and one more thing,
uh, don't cut the straw budget
245
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:41,474
'cause I've already
cut the exterminators.
246
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:45,228
- Jenna, something
weird is going on.
247
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,981
- You mean this budget stuff?
Don't worry about it, Tracy.
248
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,024
It's just gonna affect
the non-specials.
249
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,609
- No, it's not that.
250
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,779
Jenna, you're the
smartest person I know.
251
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,906
You think Kenneth
could be a murderer?
252
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,033
- What? Why
would you think that?
253
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,827
- Well, I might be crazy,
254
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:04,289
but neither he Nor his bird
would let me into his bedroom.
255
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,341
And why wouldn't you
want to let Tracy Jordan
256
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,143
into your bedroom
unless you got a bunch
257
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,168
of dead nurses in there?
258
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,879
- Well, I had to
study serial killers
259
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,851
to prepare for my
role as criminal profiler
260
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,046
Jill St. Ferrari in the
lifetime original miniseries
261
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,175
hushed rapings.
262
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,846
And all masked murderers
share three characteristics:
263
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:21,138
Cruelty to animals...
264
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,558
- He grew up killing pigs!
- Bedwetting.
265
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,768
- No wonder he's
fascinated when I do that!
266
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,271
- And an inability to
read human facial queues!
267
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:29,963
- I admonished
him for that earlier!
268
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,192
Three for three. He's a monster!
269
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:34,402
- Okay, we've
gotta go tell Jack.
270
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,447
You know, if Kenneth
is actually a killer,
271
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,158
we're gonna be heroes.
272
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:47,749
- Liz, our food is
gone. They took it.
273
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,043
It happened this morning.
Do you have a cookie?
274
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:53,546
Mommy's baby needs his yum-yums.
275
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:56,633
- Oh, my god. Sid,
did you get fired?
276
00:11:56,925 --> 00:12:00,595
- Good-bye, Lerz.
277
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,473
- Liz, it's a massacre!
- What is going on?
278
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,409
- Brad came in this morning
and started making cuts.
279
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,077
I can't go back to
teaching high school math.
280
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,704
Those girls pretend
they're not women yet,
281
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:09,771
but they are.
282
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:13,733
- Do something, Liz.
- You're our only hope.
283
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,867
- Halster, you look
hot in those trousers.
284
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,452
How about we
grab drinks tonight?
285
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,580
- Marissa, update my sched.
286
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,041
[Elevator dings]
287
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,840
- Good morning, sir.
288
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,012
- Kenneth, I know there's
a learning curve here,
289
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:40,802
but I need you to focus.
290
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:44,097
No mistakes now.
Think before you speak.
291
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:49,227
Understand?
292
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,355
- Yes.
293
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:06,869
- [Gasps] Oh.
- Hey, k.
294
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:08,161
Where's Jonathan?
295
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,529
- Jonathan's not here anymore.
296
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:13,042
How may I help you?
- Um, we need to see Jack.
297
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:14,694
- I don't know if
I can allow that.
298
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:17,088
I've made some mistakes lately.
299
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,341
Terrible mistakes.
- Uh-huh.
300
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,153
- So I need to know
what this is about.
301
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,902
I can't have you
getting me into trouble.
302
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:25,346
- It's not about you.
303
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,918
- Yeah, it's about someone else.
304
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:28,581
I'm afraid this guy
I know in Canada
305
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,351
might be a serial killer.
306
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,770
- And what is his name?
- Kenneth.
307
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:36,774
I mean... I'll tell you
his name. It's Kenneth.
308
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:40,069
- Excellent. I will be
sure to let him know
309
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:44,282
as soon as he's done firing
Steven Lee from microwaves.
310
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:47,452
- What?
- Oh, Mr. Lee, I forgot.
311
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:53,416
He's ready for you now.
312
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:55,001
- I've got chills. He's evil.
313
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,853
- If I had any doubts
about this before,
314
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,339
and I don't think I
did, they're gone now.
315
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,525
- We gotta go to his apartment
and save who we can.
316
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,509
We're definitely
gonna be heroes.
317
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:08,473
- Yeah, like Julia and
Denzel in the pelican brief!
318
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,299
- Lee, I need that dress Jenna
wore for the hooker sketch,
319
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,437
the heels Tracy wears when
he plays Michelle Obama,
320
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:20,651
and double...
Wait... triple Spanx.
321
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:25,907
I need a makeup artist!
No, the sluttier one.
322
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,623
- Thanks, Liz.
- You're our hero.
323
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:37,168
[Hesitant applause]
324
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:40,046
[Enthusiastic applause]
325
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:41,631
- They may take my dignity,
326
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:45,259
but they will never
take our straws!
327
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:49,347
- Yeah!
[Cheers and applause]
328
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:50,890
- Oh, my god.
329
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,502
Why does he have
a rolled up towel
330
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:53,393
against the bottom of the door?
331
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:54,894
It's so creepy!
332
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,814
- Jenna, I just want you
to know that if we find
333
00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,774
any human remains in there,
334
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:04,445
I'm gonna throw
up all over your face.
335
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,490
[Door creaks]
336
00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,368
[Can pops, hisses]
337
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:14,038
- Oh, no! Kenneth's a murderer
and the Riddler's coming!
338
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,250
- No. It's a bug bomb.
Get out. Get out.
339
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:18,542
It's poisonous.
- Ah!
340
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,003
- Ah!
341
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:23,005
- [Squawks, chokes]
342
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:27,009
- So thanks for dinner. You
sure know a lot about Sushi.
343
00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:28,461
- Well, you gotta be careful.
344
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,033
They try to up-sell
you the real crab.
345
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:31,639
- So...
- So...
346
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,307
- [Laughs]
- [Laughs]
347
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:38,479
Listen, I gotta get going. I
got a lotta work tomorrow.
348
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,491
- All right, listen,
we're both adults here.
349
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,165
We know the deal.
Let's cut to the chase.
350
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,318
- That's certainly direct.
- We go upstairs.
351
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,779
20 minutes. Open mouth.
I will work your ears.
352
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:48,072
- I don't know, Liz.
353
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:49,550
What you're asking
me to do is a big deal.
354
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,774
If I go through with this, I
need to know it's worth it.
355
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,494
- Fine. 30 minutes.
I'll make some sounds.
356
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,830
And you can say
one weird thing to me.
357
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,541
All right, hardball.
30 minutes. Sounds.
358
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,751
Top front of my body
is now in play. Deal?
359
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:04,380
- Deal.
360
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:07,425
- Lemon, I heard a
rumor that you went out
361
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,237
with one of the
consultants last night.
362
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,678
- Well, I had no choice.
363
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,698
I had to give him a
little taste of the Lemon.
364
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,807
And it was not sour,
my friend. Not sour.
365
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,579
- It's interesting
you put it that way
366
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,727
because your writers' room
is now the headquarters
367
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,898
for telemundo's coverage of
world cup soccer qualifying.
368
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,910
- Equador tiene que
ganar o atar contra Peru
369
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,228
para avanzar en los finales.
370
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,820
- What the what?!
- Ssh.
371
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,156
- Brad and I had a
deal. I gave him top front.
372
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:33,367
Top front? Good lord, Lemon,
that's your worst quadrant.
373
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:36,454
- [Scoffs]
374
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,581
- Kenneth, you know
how you told Tracy
375
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,208
not to go into your bedroom?
376
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,580
Well, naturally, we assumed
you were a serial killer.
377
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,587
And as you can
imagine, your bird is dead.
378
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:45,939
- Yeah, but on the Bright side,
379
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:46,547
you've been downgraded
380
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,425
from "suspect" to
"person of interest."
381
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,612
- Some day, we're gonna
look back on this and laugh.
382
00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:55,556
- [Laughs] Time
does heal all wounds!
383
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:59,310
- [Sighs]
- Now you wait just one minute.
384
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,562
I am sorry to be
using my barn voice
385
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,773
in front of a lady,
but I am riled up.
386
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,665
It is not enough that
you killed the bird
387
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,818
I've had for almost 60 years.
388
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:11,989
But the fact that you didn't
trust me is unforgivable.
389
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,281
But what should I expect?
390
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,702
Look at you two walking
around without a care in the world
391
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,454
as budgets are slashed
392
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:20,998
and people keep getting
called into Mr. Donaghy's office
393
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,833
to be fired.
394
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,670
I may just be a non-special,
395
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:29,298
but what you two
did is inexcusable.
396
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:33,719
Good day.
397
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,011
- I'm out of letters.
398
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,406
- I have to return
my kids' braces.
399
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:37,750
- What did you
do? We trusted you!
400
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:40,226
- You ruined it with
your talking, didn't you?
401
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:43,271
- Hey! Why are you still
messing with my show?
402
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,563
What about last night?
403
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:45,832
- Liz, last night
was what it was,
404
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,108
but business is business.
405
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,444
- Right. And last night, I
gave you the business.
406
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,029
We had an agreement.
407
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:53,781
Top front and
some light ear work!
408
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,534
You got your quid,
Halster. Where's my quo?
409
00:17:56,826 --> 00:18:01,289
- Oh, my god. Last night
was about the show?
410
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,766
- Oh, please, you know it was.
411
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,226
You were all, oh,
it's gotta be worth it
412
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,894
and what you're asking
me to do is such a big deal.
413
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,336
- It was a big deal.
414
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,814
Being with a woman
for the first time
415
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:09,547
[voice cracks]
Since my wife died.
416
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:12,925
- Ah, snap.
- It was just a transaction?
417
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,510
What kind of person are you?!
418
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:15,261
- Does it help if I tell you
419
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,638
I thought we were
doing sexual espionage?
420
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:21,684
- Oh, god. Sharon! Angel!
421
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,353
I swore to you the next
one would be worthy,
422
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:26,230
but she's not!
423
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,816
[Crying] She's a monster!
424
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,485
Marissa, add
Dr. Walters to my sched.
425
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,322
[Crying]
426
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,532
- Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
427
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:40,494
- Okay, so Mr. Halster has
filed a complaint against you
428
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:41,996
with human resources.
429
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,541
Specifically, his claim suggests
that you tried to barter sex
430
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,585
in exchange for
professional consideration.
431
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:49,420
In the human resource world,
432
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:52,673
we refer to that as
"being a filthy prostitute."
433
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,508
Now, since this is
your first incident
434
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,761
and, uh, Mr. Donaghy
has explained
435
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,387
the mitigating circumstances...
436
00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:00,640
- I'm convinced that
this sexual outburst
437
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,516
was brought on by menopause.
438
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,394
- We are recommending
only a two-week suspension
439
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:06,686
without pay.
440
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,898
- Okay. That's fair.
441
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,834
- And obviously
Mr. Halster cannot function
442
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,234
in this hostile
work environment.
443
00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,028
His company has reassigned him.
444
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,656
And your budget review
process will start over again
445
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,033
under my supervision.
446
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:20,910
- Really.
- Yes, really.
447
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:23,245
I hope you've learned
your lesson, miss Lemon.
448
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,177
When you harass
sexually in the workplace,
449
00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:29,543
things do not somehow
just work out in the end.
450
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,671
- Mr. Donaghy, I
thought you'd like to know
451
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,714
that there's a
spider on the printer.
452
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,634
Oh, no. Am I interrupting?
453
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:41,639
Is this another firing meeting?
- It is now.
454
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,642
Kenneth, have a seat.
455
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:55,236
- Ken, we feel bad that
we... but mostly Jenna...
456
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,612
Gassed your bird.
457
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:57,904
- I agree.
458
00:19:58,114 --> 00:19:59,824
Not to name
names, but it's so sad
459
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:00,825
that a certain black individual
460
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,494
found it necessary to
trick someone so pretty
461
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,246
into believing you
were a murderer.
462
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,289
- I'm sorry, is there
a point to all this?
463
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,125
I've had a bad couple of days.
464
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:12,753
- Well, we feel terrible
about what happened,
465
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:16,924
so we did a little something
to make it up to you.
466
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:25,807
[Birds chirping]
467
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:31,731
- [Laughs] Looks like I've
got some naming to do.
468
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:35,359
Pat. Balthazar. Donna.
469
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:37,111
Lorne. Michael.
35527
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