Original subtitles

Was a soft legit, never thought to fail

Not never was a soft legit, spent an eye in jail

Singing notes for women, it was just a beginning

You haven't seen anything yet

Oh, not never was a soft legit

Today, the Danbury intricate craft circle

The likely request women's suffrage, that's us

Is to take inspiration from our dear sister in suffrage

And his smith pick

Who at the tender age of 61

Has just made the summit of Mount Coropuna in Peru

Where she planted a flag

And do you know what was on that flag?

Help! I'm exhausted

But we'll be doing that again

Vote for women

Yes, Emily, well done

Are we going to climb a mountain margarita?

In a way, yes, Emily

We are to trek across the foothills of ignorance

To ascend the slopes of injustice

Till we reach the summit of equality

And you know what we will find on that summit

A flag with face women on it, you just told death

No, no, no

A bowling cream

Since the dawn of bowls

No women have been permitted to play or spectate in this country

So we are to take us down

For sporting women and for suffrage

By distributing an uncompromising leaflet

At the international bowling tournament

That is to take place here in Bambi

I know, father is the captain, the chairman

And the treasurer of the team

Mummy's at home, Revena's kit

Margaret, how exciting

I know

Today, the Bambi chestnuts take on the New Zealand Rams

Oh

Where are they from?

New Zealand

Oh, where is that?

New Zealand

So I shall take a photograph of you all

Posing and sporting aperrel

To include in the leaflet

Demonstrating that women are just as capable of sporting prowess as men

But are they there?

Yes

How are they?

Yes

Are they really

Eva, is there a specific sport that you think that women just cannot physically do?

All of them

Why, for what reason?

No, because of their

Yeah

The flippity ding dongs there, you made me say it

In my day, we just used to strap down our ding dongs and say

Good game, a chagrager on the gas works green

But the thing is, when some people's ding dongs are more

Erm, oh, how can you put this delicately?

Are, er, more bigger than yours

So, are you going to take these photographs without a

face to

graphinator?

You mean a camera, Eva

Do I?

Yes

Let me introduce to you

My new

Kodak camera

Yes

I'm calling her Alaphhea

After the Greek goddess of truth

Hello, I'm Theo

No, Alaphhea

Because the camera never lies, do you see Gwen?

Now, I had to pawn my South American moth collection

In order to raise funds to buy her

Particularly sorry to say goodbye to my Venezuelan poodle moth

Who was the spit of my husband, Osbut

The native tribes of the Americas believed

That the camera could steal one's soul

This one just cost me my moth collection

Well, let's steal my soul, Margaret

Because I'm not sure I can do without it

I might never again know right from wrong

How does the camera work, then, Margaret?

Well, the souls are sucked in here

I couldn't resist

The light enters here

Is slowed and refracted by the glass lens

Creating a perfect reproduction of whatever it sees, isn't it?

We've taken any pictures yet

No, no, no, not exactly, but I've been too busy

digesting this

The operating manual

I've read it four times, a particularly fascinating sexual norm

Refracted light and prismatic focus

This is so exciting

I read all about in my lady's courtley's how actresses and maudales

They use special grease paint and powder to make themselves look beautiful

They call it their makeup

Well, no doubt, but we are here to celebrate strength, even not beauty

Anyway, who here would possess such a thing as grease paint?

Well, they're says that grease paint is for a common sluts and hoars

Whatever that means

A slut, grandma

Should I get my grease paints and have a little go on Gwen?

You'd like that, wouldn't you Gwen?

She'd like that, Margaret

Gwen, I'm gonna give you what God didn't

A husband?

No, a face

I've got a face

A better one

Thank you Eva

Before you go Gwen, do you think you might fetch my basket of sporting accoutrements?

I left them in the vestibule

Well do

And Emily, will you go in the kitchen and help Thomas with my developing fluids

And uh, metal, I shall talk you through my camera, it's really quite fascinating

I was one of Edward Maybridge's early models

So rare to find a man who was intellect and output were equally large

Gwen, have you seen my hat?

Um, I'm not sure

It's white and made of straw

Oh yes, with a lovely long feather on it

No feather, are you quite all right?

Oh, I can't get this up Frank

You're not wearing a hat

I know, I've lost it

My umpires hat

And I need it for the tournament

Oh silly me, are you entering a hat tournament?

The bowls tournament

Oh you're bowling

No, I'm umpiring

Oh, how exciting

Yes, I've been longing to ump for at least a decade

Only one man stood in my way

Now at last, that ump is no more

Oh Frank, did you bump the ump off?

Of course not

He slipped on an orange pip and the grays went fatally septic

He was 89

Oh, too young

Too

Oh, is this your hat Frank?

Yes, thank you Gwen

Oh good luck Frank

I'm glad you got the ump

Oh ah, sporting accoutrements

I wonder what this is

Is it a mouse guard?

Er, no, it is a gentleman's guard

But it's not for the mouse

What a funny smell

I wonder what latte is

The feck and musk of winter heliabores

Poking through the mossy forest floor

So exactly right, however did you know

Educator guess

I'm here, I'm here

I'm Ellen

Ah, there it is, Lawrence's box

I've been looking for that everywhere

Oh, it's a box, what do you put in it?

Whatever you've got

Thank you mother

Does one wear a box for bowls?

Lawrence is very fastidious about his equipment

Well I cannot stay, I'm under extreme pressure

Preparing Lawrence's sporting whites

For the bowls tournament today

What manner of futility is happening here?

Oh, we are hoping to ensure an integral role

For women in the future of British bowls

We are creating a leaflet

Which I am calling

New women?

Question mark

New bowls

Exclamation mark

Some of us already have an integral role, Margaret

For the past 10 years

Lawrence's whites have drawn collective gossps of amazement

Indeed, he's often told me that his success in bowls

Is largely due to the crispness in his slacks

Do I parade my efforts

Ostentatiously obeying for praise?

No, I do not

I'm content in the knowledge that I'm entirely responsible

For the stiffness in my husband's trousers

Goodbye to you

I have an urgent appointment with the crisping oven

I like him

Sort of equipment as Lawrence keeps in his box

Whatever it is, it's definitely rusty

So how does the enlarger work exactly Thomas?

Ah, yes Miss Emily

It enlargens that which requires enlarging

Oh, awfully clever

And what sporting potion you be striking for the pamphlet?

Oh no, I do not sport

I am merely assisting Mrs. Unwin in her photographic suffrage endeavors

Besides which, my ganglions prevent anything more strenuous

Than they move a chess piece or the flick of a tiddly wing

Well, I shall pose like this

Or like this

I'm sounding

Perhaps I might have a copy of the photograph

To set up on my tall boy

What are you going to do to me Eva?

Well, what the ladies do in the pictures

Is they use strong colors to really show off their features

What are they?

Look at me Gwyn

Oh, sorry, should I keep perfectly still?

No, look at me

See what I got here are features

Oh

Have I got any features Eva?

Oh yes Gwyn, you have got a lovely personality

Thank you Eva

Now, I'm going to start with the lips

By making them darker

I can make them seem more less thin

Well it's sting

Oh no, no, they're all natural ingredients

Yes, there's one in the tin

Oh

Our Snick for Malder Hyde

Allium-Minion

Lead

Gwyn, I'm going to make you look beautiful

When I was a girl, Kenneth Hillingdon invited me out for a promenade

So I begged Mother to allow me a little rouge

Well she would not relent

So I dived a spot of ammonia on each cheek

By the time I met Kenneth my face had puffed up like a red bellied toad

Well Gwyn how awful

Oh Kenneth didn't mind

I love amphibians

I love these little things

Very flat lens

Perjects a large reel image

But the film is only exposed to the middle part of it

They, around a lens, produces a smaller reel image

So the film surface sees a much wider area of the scene

At a reduced magnification

It's really quite simple

Oh Muthore, you look splendid

Tally Ho!

Yes goodness

Den

I've got features

Oh yes yes you certainly have

Who's next?

And these are the developing fluids

And emulsions

And tongs

If handled incorrectly

The fluids can corrode one's flesh

How dreadful

I should hate to have my flesh corroded

Quite

It's not a very dark dark room Thomas

No I have not yet extinguished the overhead light

I can do that

Oh how eerie

I can barely see a thing

Are you there Thomas?

Yes yes here I am

Are you very frightened?

Yes Thomas

Petrified

Can you feel?

I'm quivering

Oh Miss Emily

You've ready to become the photograph Emily?

Yes I mean goodness is very dark in here Thomas

Yes Miss I mean it is a dark room

Excellent yes you all look

Yes yes oh goodness Gwen

Yes yes quite a quite a fine tableau

So strike a pose

Yes you hold up the flash gun Thomas

Ready?

And nothing's happening

Yeah hold the pose ladies

Higher Thomas that's it

Probably a perspectival effect

So yeah if you'll shuffle that bit

A bit further

A bit further

Yes that's too far so if you just come forward again

It's bit the difference

It's still holding the pose

Keep it up Thomas

Ready?

And

No no

I see I see

And ready?

And no no it's not working

No Thomas really faulty

Can we move yet?

Yes yes yes yes

My wrists are failing me Mrs I'm in may I?

Yes yes yes yes

I'm so sorry everybody water disappoint

I just can't think what's wrong with it

Thomas would you would you have though?

Is that perhaps a speck of dust trapped in the mechanism

It would allow me me something

Yes yes good thought

Thank you Thomas

I wonder if my South American moths are still at the porn brokers

Oh no Margaret they're defling away from me now

I'm back I'm back

Oh hello I thought you were crisping Lawrence's trousers

Yes I too thought that I would be that I was

So why do you come back?

When I had retrieved Lawrence's box

I returned home to find his bowling trousers

Standing in the hallway

Was he in them?

No

They were quite alone

Having been crisped

To within an inch of their life

By a professional lawn dress on Nevis Street

When I attempted a casual inquiry

As to why he had decided to send them out

He replied that for a match of this importance

He could not risk his trousers in the hands of an amateur

Helen what does Lawrence keep in his box?

Very little

Well

Well

Well ladies

Well

Frank whatever is the matter

It's Mr. Unparto you

How could you have done it

And how did you get back so fast

I have tended that bowling ring

Loved it like a child

Dressed it trimmed it, maneuvered it

Should one do that to a child?

My beautiful lawn sabotaged

Sabotaged words burned into the turf

What words Frank?

Boles for women in letters three feet big

Boles for women

Yes at first we thought it had been done

By the ladies ornithological society

Because the bee in Boles was obscured by a mole hill

Oh yes

Oh ladies how could you?

Oh Frank you don't think what you did do you?

Well didn't you?

Now of course not Frank

It must have been the bambry free suffragette army

Oh no not them again

Of course oh

Mrs. Umman I'm so sorry

Yes how could you think Margaret capable of leading such an action?

Oh well

Thank you for defending me Helen

No I wasn't you're not capable

The BFSA is so wonderfully bad aren't they?

Indeed they are

So very naughty

Yes

Miss Bute there is nothing wonderful

About the bambry bowling green being closed

Until further notice

Oh no

Well we're all out live

Oh dear

Poor Lawrence won't get to play bowls

In his troublesome trousers after all

Such a pity

Was he very irritated?

Yes he was most irate Mrs. Bute

Which is why I suggested we hold the tournament

Here instead

In the church hall

So we will get to see the men playing after all

Certainly not

Your presence would break every rule in the bowls rule book

Well not every rule just the one about women not being allowed on the green

If you're seen on the green

I would never be allowed to ump in bambry again

So please ladies

They cake the premises

Fair enough

Absolutely not

We have booked this hall and we shall not be moved

Can I not even persuade you into the kitchen

No

No not sir

Kitchen

I have a fresh batch of scones in the oven

Oh with German crease

Shimmy jam

Yes and oh

I should like to make it clear that I'm only going into the kitchen to take tea

And I shall re-enter the hall if I see fit as and when it suits me

Oh Helen

It's so good to have you on our side

And not on your side I'm doing this to annoying Lawrence

Yes

Thomas

I must fetch some bays

You make sure the ladies stay contained

Me but what how

That's how

Oh Frank

No Frank I shall not sanction this the incarceration of my fellow suffragettes

For goodness sake you're not a suffragette you're a man

Technically yes

But first and foremost I am a suffragette I shall play no part in this

I'll just take the key with me then

Oh for all Thomas right

Not it

Oh gracious

Which jam Margaret

Plum jam

Ladies

Fair not

I shall endeavor to liberate you

Send back from the door

Girls

I

Here!

Whoa, sorry, little fella.

I'm going to meet a skier.

That's a different way of squaring up to the opponents.

It's a very serious, mouldy ritual that we take very seriously.

Ah! Afternoon, ladies.

Hey, I think we frightened the jibis is out of everyone.

I cannot apologize enough.

How's it going in there? We are the New Zealand Rams.

Real arming, we see.

What's New Zealand thing? We call it the haka.

I'm Hillary, and this bloke is Leslie.

Hello, Leslie.

Oh, please. Hills and lids.

Liz?

No. Liz.

Because Liz is a girl's name, right?

Yes, indeed.

Do you think you might help us somewhere rather locked in?

Oh, yeah. Can do. Stand back.

No, no, no. I think you'll find that to be in...

Possibly.

Thank you.

Hey, they don't call us the Rams for nothing.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Hey, how are you going to play an international bowling tournament

if you're all locked in the kitchen?

Oh, no, us!

Oh, no, we're not the Madam of your chestnuts.

Oh, what a funny thought. No.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That is amusing.

Well, is that funny?

Well, women are not permitted to play bowls.

Get off the grass.

English woman aren't allowed to play bowls at all.

Says who?

It's the real world's...

Not New Zealand.

Yeah, women can pretty much do whatever sport they like.

They're bowls.

Cricket.

Rugby.

And New Zealand, everyone mucks in.

That's why women have had the votes since 1883.

Really?

Really?

I had no idea.

Gosh, so every woman in New Zealand can vote.

Well, the poor old Māori girls, they're to wait until 1893.

But who could forget?

Mary Mānga, he is moving appeal to parliament.

I fakamawiti a'tu ana aa kina hanore nima in nōhane.

Kia ora katō katōa.

It's very moving.

Well, that's just the introduction.

Basically, it just means guys stop mucking around and give us the full lemon vote.

Oh, pardon, Māori.

How inspiring that you have granted women equal status in your visionary new world.

Indeed it is.

Now, go make us a cup of tea.

He's kidding.

I'm kidding.

I'd really like a cup of tea, though.

Could I make it, Māori? Yes.

Yes.

You've butte.

Oh, no. Meag when?

So will you join us? Take tea with us?

This way.

Who hills?

I never thought in my lifetime that I should meet men who would truly, I'm reservedly,

respect us as equals.

Me? I respect women. You have me.

We are, in fact, a suffrage group.

Right?

Yes. Hoping to create a leaflet celebrating women's sporting prowess, but alas,

our camera seems to have broken.

This is a nice piece.

Hey, I'm a keen snapper myself.

Yes, I think it might be the adjustable meniscus.

I could find no fault.

I thought perhaps I might take it apart and then put it back together again.

Yeah? Well, you could take it back.

Yes, I might take it apart and then put it back together again.

Yeah? Well, you could take the lens cap off.

Oh, yes.

Tea up.

I don't know about you, hills, but personally, I don't feel comfortable playing a bowl's tournament

in a society that's so undervalued, it's woman folk.

Normie, mate. Normie.

Hey, why don't you join our team as substitutes?

Then at least you can watch the tournament.

Well, I admire your native wit.

This is the time.

The process to join the van Brie Chestnuts consists of a three-part examination

to be placed on a waiting list, to be placed on a short list,

to be ratified by a subcommittee, all of which takes approximately three years.

Well, it's an equally draconian system to become a New Zealand ram, I'm afraid.

Hold up your right hands.

Wave at each other and repeat after me.

Hi. I'm a New Zealand ram.

Hi. I'm a New Zealand ram.

Yeah, that's it.

Kia kaha, girls.

Welcome to the Rams.

Prag.

There's women on the face.

Yes, I'm sorry. Good lord, is that my wife?

And Emily.

Helen knows the rules. It's not like her to bend.

Technically, Mr. Butte, it's above board.

They've been inducted into the New Zealand Rams.

Oh, well, God, entirely mad.

I don't know. Just the world of the Bambry Bowels tournament.

Most out of character, Helen seemed perfectly equitable when I saw her earlier.

So I shouldn't have had these bags professionally laundered.

It has rendered them a trifle chafy around the box.

Look at Lawrence.

I hope his trousers snap.

We're ready to begin.

Will the skippers please step up to the ring?

Our tails.

Oh, what are they doing?

I'm tossing to see who Jack's off first.

Rams to bowl first.

This is thrilling.

I know it's utterly, utterly incredible and exciting that we're the first English women ever

to witness the drama and elation of an international Bowels tournament.

Oh!

Oh, Josh.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Trahouses.

APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE

Oh, my God, it's perfect.

Oh, my God, it's all down.

Yes, what a fascinating game, Frank. Who won?

Half-time.

Of course they have.

I say, cream tea.

Yeah, maybe it's not such a bad thing, having you gals along after all.

Oh.

Oh, good on you, Gwen.

These sandwiches are grilled.

Frel?

Oh, the grill.

I'm sorry we're not putting on a better show for you.

It's taken us six weeks to get here.

We're just used to hundreds of Rams fans cheering us on back home.

Yeah, it's the passion of their followers that really keeps their spirits up.

Without that, we're up the boomer.

We know you're doing your best to support our efforts.

If it's yes, yes, we'll support our efforts.

Gentlemen, resume play.

Rams and remits? Let's get amongst them.

Yes, yes.

I really should help Gwen with the samples.

I too must do something.

Yes, I will.

Oh, fair enough.

See you out there.

Yes, yes, yes.

Dolls is not as invigorating as I had expected.

Please don't make us go back and watch.

I think I should die from dullness.

We do feel though.

We should do something to bolster hills and lizards.

They have bolstered us.

What?

Ladies, I think I have a plan.

Gentlemen, Bambi are nearest the Jack.

Rams, your final bowl of the tournament, please.

Paying them back in game?

Jane, give them back.

umbles of ugly p BlOE SCARönTomnny Goodun'

Gwen andlip Le

witic Winner

That's outstanding!

Team Lemon Riffing!

Ha ha!

That's the bite.

Please, please, please.

Don't miss.

This is for you.

This is for you.

Mmm.

The Rams have it!

CHEERING

CHEERING

I still can't hardly believe we're Rams.

Yes, just think.

In merely six weeks' time, our dear friends will be

arriving back in New Zealand.

Seventeen million miles away.

Lemon was Mr. Butte terribly vexed

that the Bambry Chestnut's lost.

He was a tad deflated.

But he has vowed never to visit a professional

laundress again.

Suffice to say his trousers are now firmly back in my grasp.

Well, five whole pages covering the bowl's tournament

and not one mention of the umpire me.

Oh, never mind, Frank.

They're not even mentioning your hat.

No, but look.

Great suffragettes terrorise tournament.

Oh, the Bambry Free Suffragette Army

have stolen your thunder again.

No, they're talking about you, ladies.

You're the crazed suffragettes.

Oh, no!

Ladies, you have proved the townsfolk

and the people of Britain that women can

and shall do what men can do and more.

The candy, there?

Yes.

Well, now you're all honorary members

of an international team.

I expect I'll see you next week at the bowl's match.

The pitch is fixed.

Oh, no, Frank.

I'm afraid I'm rather busy returning my camera.

I'm actually to be reacquainted with my South American moths.

I'm busy indefinitely.

Yes, I'm definitely busy too, definitely busy.

I'm busy.

Crisping.

I should rather die, Frank.

I'll come, Frank.

I'll strap the flow of diddings dongs down.

Oh, good-oh.

Ellen.

What does Lawrence keep in his box?

His p-

I know the self-regard

never thought to fail.

I know it's a soft-regard

Spent an odd-in-jet

Singing notes for women

It's just a beginning

You haven't seen anything yet

Oh, I know it's a soft-regard