Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

BREATHE DEEPLY.

RELAX YOUR SHOULDERS.

COME. STANDING UP.

- LEGS TOGETHER. - ( phone ringing )

RAISE YOUR ELBOWS, BEND THE KNEES,

LEGS THREE FEET APART.

- Woman: Joe, it's Lucy. - LONG WAIST. LENGTHEN.

Pick up the phone.

Joe, I'd love to talk to you before I go.

GO WHERE?

It's a damn nuisance you're not here, big brother.

- INHALE. - Please, baby, call me.

- COME ALL THE WAY OUT. - It's the black sheep here.

LEGS TOGETHER. ARMS BY YOUR SIDE.

- I love you madly. - ( answering machine beeps )

LIFT THE ELBOWS, BEND THE KNEES,

LEGS WIDE APART. ARMS OVER HEAD.

RIGHT FOOT IN, LEFT FOOT OUT.

( women speaking in Spanish )

KEEP BREATHING.

KEEP BREATHING.

INHALE ALL THE WAY UP.

OTHER SIDE.

( women speaking loudly )

ARCH YOUR MIDDLE BACK. LIFT FROM THE WAIST.

INHALE LIGHTLY TOGETHER.

AMERICA, COULD YOU JUST--?

SORRY.

THANK YOU, AMERICA.

Instructor: LONG ARMS.

- DOWNWARD DOG. - ( phone ringing )

- GOOD BOY, OTIS. - BREATHE DEEPLY.

Woman: Hi, Dr. Harmon calling for Sally Therrian.

Please call the office at your earliest convenience.

The doctor is available until 6:00 p.m. this evening,

and then tomorrow from 9:00 a.m. until--

HELLO.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I'M HERE.

AND...?

SO, I'M OKAY? THAT'S GOOD.

NO, I FEEL FINE.

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THAT'S IT. KEEP BREATHING.

BUTTOCKS AWAY FROM THE WALL.

NO LUCK.

OH, WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO TRY AGAIN.

SOUND LIKE A PLAN?

COME DOWN.

COME ONTO YOUR BACKS.

FINAL TWIST.

OPEN YOUR ARMS...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BABY.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

CHANGE SIDES.

( speaking in Spanish )

( singing ) ♪♪ ADIOS, MADRE DEL CIELO... ♪♪

♪♪ MADRE DEL SALVADOR... ♪♪

♪♪ ADIOS, ADIOS, ADIOS... ♪♪

WHAT?

YOU DIDN'T KISS ANYONE ELSE'S KNEES, DID YOU?

DID YOU?

I MISSED THAT.

I MISSED ALL OF YOU.

WE'RE OKAY, AREN'T WE?

- WE'RE GREAT. - I MEAN, YOU'RE REALLY BACK?

FOR GOOD.

- ( phone ringing ) - OH, SHIT.

- DON'T GET IT. - I HAVE TO. IT MAY BE CLAIR.

THEY'RE THREATENING NOT TO COME.

- WHAT? - THEY CAN'T FIND A SITTER.

( Joe huffs, ringing continues )

I JUST--

HELLO?

EXCUSE ME?

HOLD ON. NO, NO, NO, JUST--

HOLD ON A SECOND.

IT'S, UH... SKYE DAVIDSON,

SHE NEEDS DIRECTIONS TO THE HOUSE.

YOU INVITED SKYE-FUCKING-DAVIDSON

TO OUR ANNIVERSARY PARTY?

I'M SORRY, I MEANT TO TELL YOU.

IT'S THE ONLY CHANCE I HAD TO MEET HER.

YOU INVITED SKYE DAVIDSON TO OUR ANNIVERSARY PARTY,

I DIDN'T EVEN INVITE MY MOTHER.

SALLY, I'M SORRY,

SHE GOES ON LOCATION TOMORROW.

- I CAN'T KEEP HER ON HOLD. - OH, NO, OF COURSE NOT.

IT'S SKYE-FUCKING-DAVIDSON, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

YOU WANT ME TO UNINVITE HER?

NO. NO, NO, NO.

I MEAN, HOW OLD IS SHE? TWENTY-FUCKING-TWO?

SHE'S A STINKING, FUCKING ACTRESS, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Joe: SKYE, HELLO.

( Joe laughs )

YEAH, IT'S OUR SIXTH, ACTUALLY.

OH, YOU READ THE NOVEL AGAIN?

NO, THE END OF CHAPTER SIX IS JUST NOT FILMIC.

NO. WE DID TRY IT IN AN EARLIER DRAFT,

BUT IT'S JUST NOT FILMIC.

YUP, OF COURSE WE CAN LOOK AT IT AGAIN, YEAH.

OKAY, IF YOU'RE COMING FROM LAUREL

YOU GO WEST ON SUNSET,

AND THEN PAST WILL ROGERS STATE PARK.

GO UP ABOUT THREE-QUARTERS OF A MILE,

AND IT'S A BIG WHITE THING ON THE LEFT.

UM, WELL... NO.

I'M SURE THEY ARE WELL BEHAVED, I'M SURE.

BUT IT'S JUST THAT ALL OUR FRIENDS HAVE GOT DOGS

AND IF THEY ALL BROUGHT THEM

THEN WE'D BE OUTNUMBERED, SO WE'VE PUT A BAN ON IT.

SORRY.

I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOU, TOO, SKYE.

AND I'M THRILLED YOU'RE WILLING TO MAKE THIS LEAP WITH ME.

I'M ETERNALLY GRATEFUL, ACTUALLY.

I'M GOING TO THROW UP.

I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYONE ELSE PLAYING JENNA.

REALLY?

Woman: I WANTED TO BE HERE EARLY FOR SALLY.

Man: YOU WERE SCREAMING AT ME.

SO WHAT IF I WAS SCREAMING? YOU'RE ALWAYS SCREAMING AT ME.

- HEY! - HI, THERE.

- YOU'RE EARLY. - WE'RE SO EARLY, SORRY.

YOU HAVE TO SIGN YOUR TAXES ANYWAY.

OF COURSE, WE DO!

Joe: YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO EARLY OR TOO THIN.

HOW ARE YOU?

- I'LL TAKE THAT, SHALL I? - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BUDDY.

SIX MONTHS AGO, WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT?

WELL, NOT ME, TO BE HONEST.

DON'T YOU FUCK UP AGAIN. IT'S GOT A RIPPLE EFFECT.

SALLY SUFFERS, WE ALL SUFFER.

- WE HAVE A GIFT. - OH, YEAH.

- WOULD YOU LIKE CHAMPAGNE? - LOVELY.

- WE CLOSED. - FANTASTIC. COME OUTSIDE.

THE HOUSE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.

THOSE WATER LILLIES, THEY'RE... BEAUTIFUL.

JOE OFFICIALLY OWNS NUMBER FOUR CHEYNE WALK,

CHELSEA, LONDON, ENGLAND. NO SMALL DOING.

- YOU'RE A GENIUS. I LOVE YOU. - WELL, YES, I SUPPOSE I AM.

THAT'S QUITE A GIFT.

I'M NOT SURE IT'S IN YOUR BEST INTEREST.

I ADORE HIM.

THE REALTOR WILL BE HERE IN THE MORNING.

THIS HOUSE HAS TO GO ON THE MARKET TO INSURE THE LONDON FLAT.

- I KNOW. DON'T SPOIL IT. - WHAT YOU EARN HAS TO DOUBLE

- TO COVER EXPENSES IN LONDON. - WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.

WE ONLY MADE HALF YOUR QUOTE THIS YEAR.

YOU'RE A TOWER OF SUPPORT, JERRY.

I'M SORRY. I WORRY BECAUSE YOU DON'T.

BESIDES, I'M FEELING GUILTY.

I WOULD HAVE LIKED IT IF YOU'D WAITED

UNTIL YOU TWO WERE A LITTLE MORE ON SOLID GROUND.

WE COULDN'T BE ON MORE SOLID GROUND.

WHATEVER YOU SAY.

LISTEN, I LOVE YOU.

( Joe yells ) OTIS, NO BARKING!

JOE'S HUGE IN EUROPE. HE'S LIKE A ROCK STAR IN LONDON.

- HIS NOVELS SELL MILLIONS. - NOT MILLIONS.

- HE'S DIRECTING NOW. - THEY'RE PAYING HIM SCALE.

HE GETS HUGE ADVANCES ON HIS NOVELS.

HE'S GOING BACK TO THAT. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE HATES IT HERE.

THERE'S STILL TIME TO UNDO ALL OF THIS.

WE'RE GOING TO BE FINE.

I LOVE GIFTS.

- WHAT DID YOU GET US? - YOU CAN EXCHANGE IT.

OH.

WELL, GOOD.

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE DEAL!

HOW EXCITING!

IS SALLY DOING "SALLY"?

I MEAN, IT'S SALLY, ISN'T IT?

THE CHARACTER THAT'S BASED ON SALLY?

THE CHARACTER THAT'S BASED ON SALLY IN THE BOOK?

THE NOVEL.

NO, SKYE DAVIDSON'S PLAYING THE LEAD.

OH, MY GOD! I'M A HUGE SKYE DAVIDSON FAN.

- SHE'S VERY BEAUTIFUL. - YEAH, SHE IS.

BUT I'M RIGHT, YES? IT'S BASED ON SALLY?

- IT'S A NOVEL. - OH.

WELL, UH--

- LET'S DROP IT. - YEAH.

- DID YOU INVITE THEM? - THE ROSES?

- AND OF COURSE THEY SAID YES. - THAT WAS THE PLAN...

AND YOU'RE THRILLED THAT THEY'RE COMING.

- WHATEVER YOU SAY. - DID YOU TELL JOE TO BEHAVE?

YES!

- DID HE PROMISE? - SCOUT'S HONOR.

OH, HERE. BEFORE I FORGET,

PUT THIS ON YOUR BOOKSHELF.

YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND.

YOU JUST DO WHAT I'M TELLING YOU, ALL RIGHT?

HOW MUCH BOWING AND SCRAPING DO YOU EXPECT US TO DO?

IT BEATS A LAWSUIT.

IS YOUR SCRIPT MUCH LIKE THE NOVEL?

JERRY SAYS IT'S VERY GOOD.

BUT YOU KNOW, YOU READ THE NOVEL

AND THEN YOU SEE THE MOVIE, MOST OF THE TIME YOU'RE LIKE,

"WHAT'S THIS?" YOU KNOW?

I SOMETIMES FEEL WE'RE BETTER OFF NOT READING THE NOVEL AT ALL

BECAUSE WE COME AWAY WITH THESE EXPECTATIONS

AND THEN, OF COURSE, WE KNOW HOW IT'S GOING--

- DON'T YOU FIND? - DON'T I FIND WHAT?

- ( doorbell rings ) - YOU KNOW JERRY.

- HI, HOW ARE YOU? - NICE TO SEE YOU.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

- HEY. - YOU, I KNOW.

YES, I KNOW. I'VE HEARD.

JACK? JACK?

JACK, YOU PROMISED.

- DON'T GET SHY. - OH, JACK--

♪♪ I RECKON I LOVE ♪♪

♪♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ♪♪

♪♪ TO SALLY AND JOE ♪♪

♪♪ WE'RE GLAD YOU CAME HOME ♪♪

♪♪ DON'T SPLIT UP AGAIN ♪♪

♪♪ 'CAUSE WE LIKE THE FOOD. ♪♪

Joe: OH, JACK, DID YOU WRITE THAT YOURSELF?

- ABSOLUTELY! - ANY HELP AT ALL?

- ABSOLUTELY NOT. - IT HAS YOUR RING.

YOU'VE MET MY WIFE, JUDY.

WE'VE MET BEFORE.

HEY, CONGRATULATIONS, BY THE WAY, MAN.

- REALLY WARRANTED. - Woman: HE THOUGHT SO.

- WHAT? WHAT? - THE ACADEMY AWARD YOU WON.

ALTHOUGH WE NEVER WATCH, 'CAUSE SALLY ALWAYS GETS ROBBED.

ENOUGH ABOUT ME.

EVIE HAS A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

Joe: ANOTHER PRESENT.

- YES, YOU DO. - I DON'T THINK SO.

OH, SINCE WHEN ARE YOU SO SHY?

NEVER, HONEY.

OH, HONEY, WE HAVE ALL SORTS OF SURPRISES.

- WHERE IS AMERICA? - SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN.

- WANT ME TO TAKE YOU? - I'LL FIND HER MYSELF.

HEY, WHO'D LIKE TO GO FIND OTIS?

ME!

- I GUESS. - "I GUESS." HMM.

HE'S THE BEST DOG IN THE WORLD.

THEY'RE COMING TONIGHT. NOT MY IDEA.

YEAH, IT'S JERRY'S WORST IDEA.

- ONE OF MY BETTER IDEAS. - WHAT? WHAT?

THE NEIGHBORS FROM HELL. THE KIND THAT LAY IN WAIT.

I'D RATHER MOVE, ACTUALLY.

WOULDN'T I?

YES, YOU WOULD.

OKAY, YOU TWO, THE LAST ONE TO FIND OTIS

IS A SMELLY OLD BUM. COME ON.

( music plays within )

♪♪ COME ON, JOIN THE PARTY ♪♪

- ♪♪ HAVE A HEARTY GLASS OF RUM ♪♪ - ( doorbell rings )

♪♪ DON'T EVER THINK ABOUT TOMORROW ♪♪

♪♪ FOR TOMORROW MAY NEVER COME... ♪♪

OH.

- HEY. - HELLO, YOU TWO.

EVIE, JACK...

THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE NEXT DOOR.

- SAY HELLO. - HI.

HI.

JACK, COULD YOU CLOSE THE DOOR, PLEASE?

BECAUSE IF WE LEAVE IT OPEN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

OTIS WILL RUN OUTSIDE AND GO INTO THEIR BACK YARD

AND HE'LL BARK AND BARK,

AND THEN EAT THEIR PIT BULL FOR HIS DINNER.

- IS IT A PIT BULL? - I THOUGHT THIS WAS A PARTY.

ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT THE DOG THING?

- RYAN, PLEASE. DON'T START. - WHAT?

NO, NO, NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. HE'S RIGHT.

- HELLO. - HI.

DOG TALK IS BANNED.

CANINE CONVERSATIONS ARE COMPLETELY DISCOURAGED.

CAN I GET YOU A DRINK, OR SOMETHING?

NOT FOR ME, THANKS.

SOMETHING SOFT?

YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T LIKE SOMETHING SOFT, RYAN?

YEAH, I'M SURE.

OKAY, LET'S GET THEM A DRINK, SHALL WE?

I DIDN'T START ANYTHING. DON'T ACT LIKE I DID.

- OKAY, I'M SORRY. - MONICA AND RYAN?

- SALLY? - HI.

- AND YOU MET JOE? - YEAH.

WELL, SO GLAD YOU DECIDED TO COME.

WE COULD HARDLY SAY NO.

- OH? - MMM.

- OH, THANK YOU. - I'LL TAKE THAT FROM YOU.

THIS WAS SO UNNECESSARY. COME ON IN.

I HOPE YOU NOTICE OTIS ISN'T BARKING AS MUCH.

WE KEEP HIM IN AT NIGHT.

WELL, AT 4:30 TODAY HE BARKED FOR A SOLID 15 MINUTES.

- I HAVE IT ON TAPE. - OH, KEEPING A RECORD, ARE YOU?

YEAH. IT'S VERY DISTRACTING WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO WORK.

- RYAN... - I'M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND.

WE LIVE IN A CANYON AND THE NEIGHBORHOOD IS FULL OF DOGS.

- IT'S NOT ALWAYS OTIS. - I KNOW. TODAY IT WAS OTIS.

SO YOU SHOULD KEEP HIM OUT OF OUR YARD

BECAUSE SHEILA WILL DEFEND HERSELF.

- RYAN! - COME. SIT.

- ARE YOU WORKING ON A NEW BOOK? - YEAH, ACTUALLY.

HE ALWAYS HAS TWO OR THREE GOING.

REALLY? JOE CAN'T MANAGE MORE THAN ONE AT A TIME,

- WITH HUGE GAPS IN BETWEEN. - ( doorbell rings )

- YOU GUYS LOSE SOMETHING? - THERE'S OUR SNOOKUMS NOW.

WELL, I HAVEN'T WON A BOOKER, EITHER, OR A WHITBREAD.

- GATE WAS OPEN. - NOT YET. THE GATE WAS OPEN?

IT'S SORTED OUT. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I THINK RYAN NEEDS A NEW PUBLISHER.

HE'S OUTGROWN HIS PUBLISHER.

THEY'RE NOT DOING THEIR JOB.

- HORS D'OEUVRE, OR SOMETHING? - YES! GREAT.

THE HOUSE IS BEAUTIFUL.

THANK YOU. I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE AN INTERIOR DECORATOR.

- I SO WISH I'D KNOWN. - WHOEVER DID THIS IS AMAZING.

I DID IT. OTE, BOY.

WHERE CAN I PUT THESE?

OH, NOT THERE.

OH, GOD, WHAT A FUCKING DAY.

I ONLY JUST GOT A FUCKING SITTER.

I DON'T KNOW HER FROM FUCKING ADAM.

SHE COULD BE A SERIAL KILLER. WE'LL HAVE TO CALL EVERY 10 MINUTES.

YOU HAVE TO LET ME GIVE OUT THE NUMBER.

SHE ALREADY HAS.

THAT'S OKAY, RIGHT?

OF COURSE, IT'S OKAY.

- CLAIR'S A HOVERING MOTHER. - NO, I'M NOT.

MONICA AND RYAN, THIS IS CLAIR AND MAC.

- NICE. - OH, AND FOR US, TRULY.

- REALLY? - OH, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

I HAVE A 4:30 A.M. CALL.

SO, WE'LL HAVE TO LEAVE A LITTLE EARLY.

- WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING HIM? - WHAT?

- WHAT? - WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING HIM?

BECAUSE HE'S ALLERGIC...

- TO OTIS, TO DANDER. - OH.

- DIDN'T I SAY? - WELL, PROBABLY.

THEY CAN TELL FROM THE EYELASHES.

HE HAS EYELASHES YAY LONG.

MUST BE A FOOT LONG, HIS EYELASHES.

I GUESS THE OLDER YOU ARE WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY,

THE MORE LIKELY THAT STUFF IS TO CROP UP.

OR SO THEY TELL ME.

NOT SOON ENOUGH, OF COURSE.

HOW ARE YOU, SAL?

HOW ARE YOU?

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

GOD, HAVING A BABY CHANGES EVERYTHING--

YOUR WHOLE PERSPECTIVE, DOESN'T IT?

DOESN'T IT, MAC?

YOU CAN'T BE THE CENTER OF YOUR OWN WORLD ANYMORE.

IT'S AN OBJECT LESSON IN GRACE.

AH! THERE HE IS. LOOK WHO'S HERE.

EXCUSE ME. CAL CALLS.

HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING, JER? HEY, JUDY.

WELL, WELL, WELL, LOOK WHO'S ON TIME FOR A CHANGE.

MY LEADING MAN.

YOU HAVE YOUR STUDIO START PAYING ME MY PRICE,

AND I'LL START BEING ON TIME.

- IS THAT WHAT IT TAKES? - YEAH.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT, YOU DIDN'T.

YOU FUCKING DIDN'T. THIS IS THEIR ANNIVERSARY.

IS NOTHING SACRED? YOU BRING DAILIES TO A PARTY?

HOW WAS I IN THE FUCKING THINGS?

I'M WORKING. YOU WERE SO FUNNY IN THE KITCHEN SCENE.

TAKE THREE? WHERE THE SILVERWARE ACCIDENT HAPPENED?

- YOU GOT TO USE TAKE THREE. - NOTHING YOU DO IS AN ACCIDENT.

- ( Sally whispering ) - OKAY.

- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. - GREAT.

THANKS, SALLY.

ANYWAY--

I DIDN'T PLAN IT. I SET UP THE POSSIBILITY FOR IT HAPPENING.

YOU'RE THE GUY WHO PLANS SHOTS UP MY FUCKING NOSE.

THESE ARE NOT THE WINDOWS OF THE SOUL-- THESE ARE.

( chattering )

HI.

HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M THE HIRED HELP. - FUCK YOU.

I NEVER PUT MYSELF IN HARM'S WAY.

- NOT ANYMORE. - NOT ANYMORE.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

Man: WE ALL VOWED IF WE GET

DICKED AROUND FOR AN HOUR, WE'D STEAL SOMETHING.

IF THEY GIVE US THE JOB, WE GIVE THEM BACK.

HEY, I'M REALLY GLAD YOU GUYS CAME.

SURE YOU DON'T WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?

OH MY GOD, AMERICA JUST TOLD ME THE NEIGHBORS ARE COMING!

- AND HERE THEY ARE. - OH!

SHE WAS JUST SAYING HOW HAPPY YOU WERE

TO FINALLY, FINALLY HAVE THEM OVER.

BECAUSE YOU TWO ARE SO... SO INTROSPECTIVE...

AND SHY...

YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT AGES AGO, BASICALLY.

WELCOME. I'M SOPHIA GOLD.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET MY HUSBAND, CAL?

- CAL GOLD? - THE VERY ONE.

- YES, I'D BE THRILLED. - WELL, THEN HE'LL BE THRILLED.

( softly ) ...HE WON'T.

- WILL YOU COME HELP ME? - YEAH.

HEY, IS THAT FOR US?

YOUR MOTHER ALWAYS SAID YOU WERE A CLEVER CHILD.

- CAN I OPEN IT? - AI-YI-YI!

- PLEASE? - WELL GO ON THEN.

YOU'RE FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE.

OH, GINA--

IT'S BEAUTIFUL. REALLY, REALLY.

I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT.

I LOVE YOU, GINA TAYLOR.

LOOK AT THIS LITTLE FACE. IT'S SO SWEET.

- IT REMINDS ME OF MOROCCO. - WITH THAT DONKEY.

OH, THAT WAS SO FUNNY.

DON'T MOVE.

( conversing )

- IF YOU NEED ANY WORK DONE-- - YEAH, I'LL GIVE YOU MY CARD.

Cal: OH, YEAH.

YOU GOT STARBUCK FINDER?

STARBUCK FINDER? ABSOLUTELY.

( cell phone ringing )

HELLO. YES, FRANK.

YES, HE CAN CALL ME ON MONDAY.

NO, I'M OKAY, OKAY?

THANK YOU.

I DON'T WANT IT.

YOU LOOK SO WELL, CLAIR. A WRAITH.

YOU THINK SO?

I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT A LOT SINCE THE BABY,

AND I'VE BEEN WORKING, WHICH TAKES ITS TOLL.

OH.

I'M GLAD THAT'S ALL OVER FOR ME.

YOU DON'T MISS IT?

- NEVER. - REALLY?

- NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND. - REALLY?

CAL CAN HAVE ALL THAT.

WHERE'S YOUNG JONAH?

WITH A SITTER.

HE'S WITH A SITTER. WITH A SENSATIONAL SITTER.

WE REALLY LOVE HER. SHE'S LIKE A SECOND MOM.

JONAH'S REALLY COMFORTABLE WITH HER.

SHE'S AMAZING WITH KIDS.

- GREAT. - OH, OW!

OH, GOD! WHAT IS IT?

WHAT'S WRONG?

MY BEEPER.

IT'S SO THE SITTER CAN ALWAYS REACH ME,

BECAUSE I'M NOT USED TO LEAVING HIM ALONE YET.

YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST BROUGHT HIM.

NO, HE'S ALLERGIC TO DANDER, TO OTIS.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES?

PICTURES. I DON'T HAVE ANY PICTURES NOW.

THEY'RE IN MY TOTE, AND MY TOTE IS IN MY TRAILER.

I DON'T HAVE ANY PICTURES-- BUT HE'S MAC.

HE IS MAC ALL OVER AGAIN.

IMAGINE MAC TWO AND A HALF FEET TALL,

THAT'S JONAH.

THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T EVEN NEED ME FOR THIS BIRTH.

YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

- NO, I'M NOT. - YES, YOU ARE.

YOU THINK SO?

YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN'T THINK?

I CAN'T THINK HOW YOU GAVE IT ALL UP.

ARE YOU OKAY, CLAIR?

I'M FINE. DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

YOU WORRY ABOUT--

- I'M OKAY. - OKAY.

OH, GOD! THE DOG.

YEAH, I KNOW IT SOUNDS HYSTERICAL,

BUT OTIS RUBBED UP AGAINST ME AND I'D LIKE TO CHANGE

INTO SOMETHING OF YOURS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

HE'S SO ALLERGIC, IT'S TERRIFYING.

BORROW WHATEVER YOU LIKE.

I'LL CHANGE BACK, RIGHT BEFORE WE LEAVE.

WHATEVER YOU LIKE.

I'M AFRAID IT'S ALL GOING TO BE TOO BIG FOR YOU.

Sally: ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, CLAIR?

I'M FINE. I'M JUST A LITTLE STRESSED,

AND I'VE BEEN TAKING PILLS TO GET MY WEIGHT DOWN SINCE THE BABY.

I'D SAY IT WAS DOWN.

THE DOCTOR SAID THEY MIGHT MAKE ME A LITTLE JUMPY.

I'VE GOT A GHASTLY HEADACHE, ACTUALLY.

DO YOU WANT A TYLENOL?

I'D LOVE A XANAX. YOU KNOW WHAT, SALLY?

PLEASE DON'T TELL SOPHIA I'M NOT BREAST-FEEDING.

WHY WOULD SHE CARE?

YOU KNOW SOPHIA,

SHE'S SO DAMN JUDGMENTAL AND PERFECT

AND FUCKING SERENE, SO DON'T TELL HER.

BECAUSE I CAN FEEL MAC COMPARING AND--

JUST DON'T FUCKING TELL HER.

YOU'VE GOT TO LAY OFF THE PILLS.

- DON'T TELL HER. - IT'S NOT GONNA COME UP.

( doorbell rings )

HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

- YOU KNOW HOW I AM. - DID SHE CALL?

SHE'LL NEVER CALL AGAIN. SHE CALLED ME LAST WEEK

TO TELL ME THAT SHE'LL NEVER CALL AGAIN.

- WHERE'S SALLY? - HERE I AM!

PANES, MY LOVE.

GOOD, YOU BROUGHT YOUR VIOLIN. I WANT YOU TO PLAY.

ACTUALLY, IT'S A MACHINE GUN. I THOUGHT I'D KILL MYSELF.

- ARE YOU LOVESICK? - SUICIDAL.

- IT'S MUCH LESS CO-DEPENDENT. - WILL CHAMPAGNE HELP?

- NOT ENOUGH. - PANES IS HERE, EVERYBODY.

- OH, GREAT. - All: PANES!

...PANES.

HELLO.

- SKYE! - HI.

YOU'RE JOE. I RECOGNIZE YOU FROM THE BOOK JACKET.

HOW DO YOU DO?

I LOVE THAT.

I'M SO HAPPY TO BE INVITED

AND I APOLOGIZE FOR INVADING,

BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT YOU ASKED ME TO.

I'M JUST REALLY TOUCHED,

BECAUSE I KNOW HOW PRIVATE YOU AND SALLY ARE.

OH, WELL, YES. IT'S JUST US...

AND A FEW HUNDRED OF OUR CLOSEST FRIENDS.

WHEN I READ YOUR WORK,

I FELT AS IF YOU KNEW ME.

I MEAN, WOMEN MUST TELL YOU THAT.

THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR REALLY...

REALLY SPEAKS TO ME.

I AM JENNA.

GOD, WOMEN MUST TELL YOU THAT ALL THE TIME.

AND THE SCRIPT-- IT'S WONDERFUL.

IT'S WONDERFUL... AND LEAN AND VISUAL.

I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKE IT

AND I'M SO RELIEVED YOU SAID YES.

AND I'M SO... WHAT?

YES, ACTUALLY, I AM.

I'M THRILLED TO FINALLY MEET YOU.

WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO BE A REMARKABLE DIRECTOR.

A BRILLIANT DIRECTOR.

I THINK YOU'RE MY FIRST GODDESS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT BITCH IS IN MY HOUSE!

YOU DON'T KNOW SHE'S A BITCH.

ARE YOU BLIND? SHE WAS ALL OVER HIM.

- IT COULD BE WORSE. - HOW?

SHE COULD BE PLAYING THE PART IN JOE'S MOVIE THAT SHOULD BE YOURS--

- AND FUCK YOU. - YOU SEE? THAT'S WORSE.

I WANTED TONIGHT TO BE JUST THE PEOPLE WE LOVE.

LIKE YOUR BUSINESS MANAGERS?

THEY'RE NOT JUST OUR BUSINESS MANAGERS, PANES.

OKAY, FORGIVE ME. YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE HERE--

EXACTLY! IT'S ALL RUINED.

IT'S NOT ALL RUINED. IT'S ONE OF YOUR PARTIES.

I DON'T WANT IT TO BE JUST ONE OF OUR PARTIES.

"AND HOW ARE YOU DOING, PANES?" LOUSY, THANK YOU.

- I'M FALLING APART. - LIKE THE LAST TIME. AH--

IT'S NOT LIKE THE LAST TIME. SHE WAS THE REST OF MY LIFE.

- LIKE THE LAST TIME. - I WASN'T FINISHED.

- OKAY. - "WE CAN'T STAND...

SEEING YOU LIKE THIS, PANES. I HATE YOU BEING ALONE,

SO WHY DON'T YOU COME STAY WITH US FOR A WHILE"?

I'D LOVE TO. THANKS.

IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY, PANES.

- I DIDN'T HEAR ME SAY TONIGHT. - WE'RE FEELING OUR WAY BACK!

"...OTHERWISE WE'D INSIST ON YOU BEING HERE."

- YOU KNOW THAT'S TRUE. - OH, I'M INTERRUPTING.

- COME ON IN. - I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

I'M IN THE SAME ROOM WITH SALLY NASH.

OH, MY GOD. YOU ARE MY ICON.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOUR MOVIES SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

FOUR YEARS AGO, I FOLLOWED YOU ALL AROUND THE BEVERLY CENTER

FOR HALF A DAY, WORKING UP THE COURAGE TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I DON'T THINK I EVER SPENT HALF A DAY IN THE BEVERLY CENTER.

OH, GOD. WHATEVER. DO YOU REMEMBER?

I'VE SEEN ALL YOUR MOVIES,

AND WHEN I WAS IN REHAB-- THE SECOND TIME--

THEY WOULDN'T EVEN LET US WATCH YOUR DRUG ADDICT MOVIE

BECAUSE THEY SAID YOU WERE TOO REAL.

- HUH. - I WORSHIP YOU.

AND I COULD NOT BE MORE FLATTERED BECAUSE I KNOW

THAT THE PART I AM PLAYING IN JOE'S MOVIE IS BASED ON YOU

AS A YOUNG WOMAN. I'M JUST OVERWHELMED.

AND I REALLY WANT TO DO IT JUSTICE.

I'M HOPING MAYBE WE CAN SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER.

I'M GUSHING. IT'S MY WORST QUALITY.

NOT AT ALL.

GOD, I'M REALLY SO RUDE. I'M SORRY.

- I'M SKYE DAVIDSON. - LEVI PANES.

GOD, DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU YOU LOOK LIKE PETER SELLERS?

- NO, NEVER. - EVERY DAY.

WOULD YOU EXCUSE US, SKYE? IT'S TIME FOR SALLY'S MEDS.

SURE.

IT WAS REALLY NICE MEETING YOU... AGAIN.

SHE REMEMBERS ME.

Clair: YOUR WARDROBE IS INCREDIBLE.

IT TOOK FOREVER TO DECIDE.

AND THANK YOU, I FOUND DR. X.

YOU SAVED MY LIFE.

OH, SHIT.

I'D CUT OFF HER RED WINE IF I WERE YOU.

OH SHIT, IT'S MY GALLIANO.

NO COMO CARNE. GRACIAS.

( speaking Spanish )

NO, GRACIAS.

DIRECTING SUITS YOU.

I'M NOT SO SURE. ASK ME AGAIN IN THREE MONTHS.

IT MUST BE NICE HAVING SO MANY PEOPLE

KISS YOUR ASS ALL OF A SUDDEN.

OW!

GINA, YOU OBVIOUSLY NEED TO GET FUCKED.

I JUST DID. YOU JEALOUS?

AND WHEN DOES HE GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL?

VERY JEALOUS.

I SAW LUCY WHEN I WAS PASSING THROUGH LONDON.

SHE SEEMS LIKE SHE'S DOING OKAY.

IT'S HARD TO TELL WITH HER, THOUGH.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL HER. SHE CALLED TODAY.

SHE'S GOING OFF ON SOME TRIP SOMEWHERE.

OH, GINA, MY GRANDDAD'S FLAT IN LONDON HAS BEEN SOLD.

OH, NO.

- THE ONE ON CHEYNE WALK? - YEAH.

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

LUCY IS GONNA HAVE A MELTDOWN.

I SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT IT.

BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD IT. AND THIS FILM IS TAKING UP

A YEAR OF MY LIFE AND I'M GETTING PAID NOTHING.

- YOU'RE COMPLAINING? - YES. YES, I AM.

ESPECIALLY BECAUSE, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SKYE IS GETTING PAID?

NO.

FOUR MILLION!

SHE GIVES A MEAN BLOW JOB.

- NO HANDS, INCREDIBLE PROPS. - YOU REALLY NEED TO GET FUCKED.

HOW ARE YOU REALLY DOING, PANES?

WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF?

NO, REALLY. FOR REAL, REALLY.

I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOUR GALLIANO.

- YOU'RE A SHIT. - HEY!

YOU HURT, YOU KNOW. YOU'RE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK.

HOW'S YOUR MOVIE?

- I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. - WHY NOT?

I NEVER LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MY WORK.

WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING NEW.

NO, IT'S NOT SOMETHING NEW.

- SOMETHING'S WRONG. - NO, NOTHING'S WRONG.

MAC'S A GREAT DIRECTOR, AND, YOU KNOW,

WHAT CAN ANYONE SAY ABOUT CAL THAT HASN'T BEEN SAID?

IT'S GREAT WORKING WITH FRIENDS--

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

SO HOW ARE YOU DOING?

YOU KNOW--

NO REGRETS,

NO SECOND THOUGHTS.

AM I A MONSTER?

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

IS THAT AN ANSWER?

YES, YOU'RE A MONSTER.

THANK YOU, PANES.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK ME.

- OTIE. - GOOD BOY.

I WISH YOU WERE A MAN.

- AND IT'S A MAC. - MM-HMM.

YOU CAN'T GET A LICK OF SOFTWARE FOR IT.

THAT'S SUCH IBM PROPAGANDA BULLSHIT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE A MOUTHPIECE.

GO. GO.

- GO AWAY. - ( Otis whimpers )

LET ME.

- THANK YOU. - I'M JEFFERY.

MONICA.

AND YOU KNOW OUR FRIENDS HOW?

WE LIVE NEXT DOOR.

- OH, YOU'RE THEM! - EXCUSE ME?

WE'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU.

- YOU HAVE? - WHERE'S THE CHAMPAGNE?

IT'S RIGHT IN HERE.

IT'S A LITTLE CLOSE IN THERE.

YEAH.

YOUR EAMES TABLE IS INCREDIBLE.

AND THE AXIOM DAY BED.

I JUST PUT THAT IN A CLIENT'S HOME,

BUT IN CHERRY-- RED.

YOU'RE AN INTERIOR DECORATOR, RIGHT?

SALLY DID ALL THIS BY HERSELF?

YEAH, IN FITS AND STARTS,

AND LATER, OF COURSE, SHE HAD TO ACCOMMODATE ME,

SO THINGS SHIFTED A LITTLE--

BECAME A LITTLE MORE... ECLECTIC.

AND IT'S STILL CHANGING.

IT SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT THE TWO OF YOU, MAYBE.

THAT WE'RE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF FLUX.

I SEE YOU'VE MOVED UP FROM THE SOFT STUFF.

OH. YEAH.

YOU KNOW, RYAN'S BEEN SOBER FOR EIGHT YEARS.

SO, IT'S DIFFICULT IF I-- IT'S BETTER IF I DON'T.

I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS, SO-- A LITTLE OUT OF MY ELEMENT.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT. - YES, IN FACT, I AM,

A LITTLE ON THE OUTSIDE, YEAH.

AND THERE'S BEEN ALL OF THIS FRICTION.

THESE MISUNDERSTANDINGS HAVE A WAY OF ESCALATING.

VERY WELL PUT.

I THINK A LOT OF THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED

IF SALLY HAD MADE MORE OF AN EFFORT.

WHAT?

BUT YOU'RE VERY PRIVATE PEOPLE.

UM, THERE'S SORT OF, A KIND OF ELITISM--

ELITISM?

WRONG WORD, MAYBE?

DELETE THAT.

AND, YOU KNOW...

- THE DOG BARKS INCESSANTLY. - HE REALLY DOES NOT.

AND RYAN WORKS AT HOME.

AND YOUR PHONE CALLS ARE NASTY AND ABUSIVE.

I'VE COME THIS CLOSE TO SUING YOU FOR HARASSMENT.

THE ONLY REASON YOU ARE HERE

IS BECAUSE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SUCKING UP TO YOU!

OH SHIT, I'M SORRY.

THAT'S WHAT RYAN THOUGHT.

I WAS A LITTLE MORE GENEROUS, ACTUALLY.

SHIT, I'M SO SORRY. I'M SO SORRY.

JUST DELETE ALL OF THAT, ALL RIGHT?

I'M A TOTAL FUCKING MANIAC.

SORRY. SORRY.

I WAS TALKING ON MY BEHALF.

THIS NEEDN'T RUB OFF ON MY WIFE.

SORRY. SHIT. IT'S JUST--

I'M WORSE THAN OTIS-- AT LEAST HE DOESN'T BITE.

I REALLY LOVE MY DOG.

AND HE DOESN'T BARK ALL THE TIME.

WE LIVE IN A CANYON. WE HEAR DOGS BARKING AT NIGHT

AND IT'S NOT OTIS.

PLEASE DON'T TELL SALLY.

ALL RIGHT.

- EASY, TIGER. - ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

PLEASE DON'T TELL RYAN I'VE BEEN DRINKING.

SCOUT'S HONOR.

OH, UM...

WOULD YOU SIGN IT FOR ME?

I KNOW I BROUGHT A PEN.

OH, HERE.

I KNOW THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE.

WE'RE WAY PAST INAPPROPRIATE.

I'LL TREASURE THIS.

- I WILL. - I HAVE TO LEAVE YOU, NOW.

OOPS. SORRY.

SALLY!

- PANES. - "FROM JEWISH FOLK POETRY."

- GOOD. - SONG CYCLE.

- Mac: WHAT? - Sally: TRUST HIM.

IT'S SHOSTAKOVICH, MAC. EVER HEAR OF HIM?

- SANDY. - "THE WIND-UP BIRD CHRONICLE."

Sally: GOOD.

- RYAN? - I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD THIS.

OH, YEAH. IT'S AMAZING.

YOU THINK YOU COULD MAYBE SIGN IT FOR US?

YEAH! ABSOLUTELY. HERE. HERE.

YOU ALWAYS WONDER WHERE YOUR BOOKS END UP.

- HEY, WHY DON'T WE USE THIS? - GOOD IDEA.

NOT A CHANCE IN HELL ANYONE WILL GET IT.

ONE AT A TIME! HOLD IT DOWN.

- CAL, YOU'RE LAST. - WHY?

JUST BECAUSE. THAT'S SHOW BUSINESS.

- THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS. - VERY GOOD.

- WHAT'S THAT? - THE FUNNIES.

IT'S MY MOTHER'S FAVORITE CHARADES CLUE. NO ONE EVER GETS IT.

- WITH A "Z." - OKAY, I VOTE FOR THAT.

( glass clatters )

( guests groan )

- AMERICA! - LET'S PLAY. LET'S PLAY.

- WHO'S TIMING? - I AM.

- Joe: WHO'S GOING TO GO FIRST? - Sally: PLEASE BE OUR GUEST.

NO, YOU.

ALL RIGHT. PANESIE IN.

( clapping, chattering )

AND GO!

- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? - STOMACH. LAUGHING.

- WHAT IS IT, PANES? - TWO WORDS?

FUNNIES. IT IS FUNNIES.

- THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS! - YES!

Jerry: OH, WAIT. NO, THIS CAN'T GO THIS WAY.

THE HUSBAND'S ON THE OTHER FUCKING TEAM!

YOUR WIFE IS ON OUR TEAM. SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

- CAN WE SWITCH? - TAKE IT EASY, JER.

GO, JERRY, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

WE NEED TO ESTABLISH RULES.

- NO PROBLEM. - WE'RE WITH YOU.

- AND GO. - FUCK YOU.

- AND FUCK YOU. - AND GO.

- HEY, WOULD YOU? - IT'S 15 SECONDS.

I DON'T THINK SO!

( guests moan, laugh )

ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS MUCH FUN?

HEY, WE ONLY GOT 15 SECONDS, BUT IF YOU NEED MORE,

- JUST GO AHEAD AND PAD IT. - OKAY, I'M ON IT.

- MIME IS MONEY. - I'M READY.

AND... GO!

SONG!

- MOTORCYCLE SONG. - SPINNING SONG.

- SONG CYCLE. - SONG CYCLE.

- Gina: WHAT'S A SONG CYCLE? - FOUR WORDS.

SECOND WORD.

BEARD.

OH, BEARD. "LA BARBA."

- WIZENED. - COME ON, PEOPLE! ALL RIGHT.

- FIRST SYLLABLE. - Jerry: SHUT UP!

- ( everyone laughing ) - SHUT UP! BE QUIET.

- FIRST SYLLABLE. - ONE SYLLABLE!

SOUNDS LIKE... FUCK!

SCHMUCK!

WHAT? FOLK?

"FOLK" DOESN'T SOUND LIKE "FUCK."

- 30 SECONDS. - LISTEN, MAN...

FUCKING STOP...

YOU CAN DO IT. COME ON.

PLEASE TELL HIM TO STOP FUCKING YELLING AT ME.

SECOND WORD!

PENIS!

MASOCHIST.

WHAT IS THAT?

BEARD? WRITING? PENIS? CUTTING?

"FROM JEWISH FOLK POETRY!"

YES!

- YOU GOT IT, BABY. - THAT'S THE MOST RACIST--

A YARMULKE, A BIG NOSE, A CIRCUMCISION.

- "FROM JEWISH FOLK POETRY." - WHO'S NEXT?

- Cal: WHY DIDN'T I GUESS THAT? - Skye: IT'S A SONG CYCLE.

AND...

THAT IS TIME.

ARE YOU ON THE FOURTH WORD, OR THE FOURTH SYLLABLE?

- FOURTH WORD. - JUDY, IT'S TIME. FUCKING TIME!

JAWOHL! WHAT ARE YOU, A FUCKING NAZI, JERRY?

IT'S FUCKING TIME, BABY!

YOUR HAMSTRING. YOUR LEG.

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

YOUR KNEE? YOUR ANKLE? WHAT?

JUST GO TO THE SECOND SYLLABLE!

GO TO THE SECOND SYLLABLE!

WOULD YOU JUST MOVE ON TO THE FUCKING SECOND SYLLABLE,

- YOU STUPID CUNT?! - ( gasping )

THAT IS SO OUT OF HAND.

TIME!

Mac: THAT'S ANOTHER BUCK 20!

SHIT. IT'S ONE OF CAL'S. OBSCURE SHAKESPEARE, FOLKS.

- COME ON. - YOU'RE A MONSTER.

- 10 WORDS? - 20?

29 WORDS...?

IT'S SO SIMPLE.

GIVE THEM THE KEY WORD.

FIRST WORD. GREAT.

- ( everyone shouting ) - TIME!

NO WAY! GOD! WHAT WAS THAT?

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IT IS.

- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? - RYAN'S NOVEL.

- RYAN'S NOVEL? - RYAN'S NOVEL, JERRY.

WHO THE FUCK IS RYAN?

DINNER. GET UP, GUYS.

I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU A CUNT.

I'M INVITED TO A HOUSE OF CHEATERS.

CHEATERS. CHEATERS. CHEATERS.

WAIT HERE FOR THE LEFTOVERS.

- I JUST NEED TO GET DRUNKER. - THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

- THANKS FOR NOTHING. - FORK.

- HEY, ASTRID. - HEY. WHO WON?

- A TRIUMPH. - AS USUAL.

WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?

- JUST 10, 15 MINUTES AGO. - WHY DIDN'T YOU COME IN?

- I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT. - WHAT A CUTE LITTLE DOG.

CAREFUL, SHE HAS JEALOUSY ISSUES.

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I HEARD, CAL.

THAT'S REVOLTING, ASTRID.

WHAT I HEARD...

IS THERE SPACE HERE?

GREAT.

CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING ELSE?

- FOOD? NO? YOU'RE OKAY? - NO. I'M OKAY. THANKS.

THAT WAS MY CLUE, YOU KNOW?

THE SHOSTAKOVICH THING?

- REALLY? - HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

( with mock Indian accent ) NOT MANY PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT SHOSTAKOVICH.

YES, HE WAS A FANTASTIC COMPOSER.

AND HE HAD TERRIBLE DYSENTERY, BUT STILL,

HE'S NOT THAT FAMOUS ALL THE TIME.

WHICH SYMPHONY DO YOU LIKE THE MOST?

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE ONE THAT GOES

BOOMDIDDY-BOOMDIDDY, BOOMDIDDY BOOM?

BOOMDIDDY BOOMDIDDY BOOM.

( piano playing, bell rattling )

( clapping )

PART OF OUR GIFT, HONEY.

Cal: A TOAST TO SALLY AND JOE.

"AH, LOVE, LET US BE TRUE TO ONE ANOTHER,

FOR THE WORLD,

WHICH SEEMS TO LIE BEFORE US LIKE A LAND OF DREAMS,

SO VARIOUS, SO BEAUTIFUL, SO NEW,

HATH REALLY NEITHER JOY,

NOR LIGHT, NOR LOVE,

NOR CERTITUDE, NOR PEACE,

NOR HELP FOR PAIN.

AND WE ARE HERE AS ON A DARKLING PLAIN

SWEPT WITH CONFUSED ALARUMS OF STRUGGLE AND FLIGHT

WHERE IGNORANT ARMIES CLASH BY NIGHT."

SALLY AND JOE.

MY DAUGHTER EVIE AND I HAVE PUT TOGETHER

A LITTLE BALLETIC LOVE POEM IN THEIR HONOR.

"THE BALLAD OF SALLY AND JOE."

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

- OKAY? - YEAH, I'M READY.

WAIT HERE.

BRAVA! BRAVA!

( guitar playing )

♪♪ HAVE YOU EVER SEEN LOVE LIKE THIS? ♪♪

♪♪ EVER WITNESSED MARITAL BLISS? ♪♪

♪♪ THERE IT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU ♪♪

♪♪ DON'T YOU KNOW YOU COULD HAVE IT TOO? ♪♪

♪♪ SALLY, SALLY AND JOE ♪♪

♪♪ GOING SIX YEARS STRONG ♪♪

♪♪ WHAT'S THE SECRET TO YOUR SUCCESS? ♪♪

♪♪ DOES IT HAPPEN WHEN YOU UNDRESS? ♪♪

♪♪ GET IT ON IN A MAJOR WAY ♪♪

♪♪ MAKING BABIES THE NATURAL WAY ♪♪

- ♪♪ MAKE ONE, MAKE ONE... ♪♪ - ♪♪ SALLY AND JOE ♪♪

♪♪ DO IT, DO IT, DO IT ♪♪

♪♪ SALLY AND JOE ♪♪

♪♪ FEELS SO GOOD, CAN'T BE WRONG ♪♪

- ♪♪ WEAR A THONG ♪♪ - ( laughter )

♪♪ LIGHT UP A BONG ♪♪

♪♪ BANG A GONG ♪♪

♪♪ DO WHATEVER IT TAKES ♪♪

- ♪♪ GET IT ON ♪♪ - ♪♪ LOVE IS REAL. ♪♪

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

WE LOVE YOU.

...TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE.

AND HAVING LIVED WITH AN ACTRESS NOW FOR SIX YEARS,

I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND DIRECTING THEM A PIECE OF CAKE.

SO, GOD BLESS BOTH OF YOU,

AND HOPEFULLY, CLAIR AND I WILL BE

A SHINING EXAMPLE TO YOU

FOR MANY YEARS TO COME.

GOD BLESS.

♪♪ WE ALL KNOW HOW VERY DRAINING ♪♪

♪♪ IT IS WHEN SALLY IS COMPLAINING ♪♪

♪♪ WHEN HER MOOD IS GRAY OR BLACK ♪♪

♪♪ I'M SO HAPPY THAT JOE IS BACK. ♪♪

YAY.

♪♪ I'M SO HAPPY THAT WHAT YOU STARTED ♪♪

♪♪ WON'T END WITH TWO MORE BROKENHEARTED ♪♪

♪♪ I'M GLAD WHAT'S BUSTED COULD BE FIXED ♪♪

♪♪ IN TIME TO CELEBRATE YOUR SIXTH ♪♪

♪♪ AND IF YOU'RE GOOD, YOU'LL MAKE TO THE 25 ♪♪

♪♪ AND IF YOU'RE LUCKY, YOU'LL MAKE IT TO THE GOLD ♪♪

♪♪ AND IF YOUR LOVE IS TRUE ♪♪

♪♪ YOU'LL STILL BE TOGETHER WHEN YOU'RE TERRIBLY OLD ♪♪

♪♪ STILL BE TOGETHER WHEN YOU'RE SPINDLY AND CREAKY ♪♪

♪♪ AND CRINKLED AND SENILE ♪♪

♪♪ WITH BLADDERS SO LEAKY AND OLD. ♪♪

I GOT YOU.

TO ONLY HAPPY TIMES,

AND TO LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY.

- CHEERS. - LOTS OF GOOD MONEY.

WE LOVE YOU GUYS.

SALLY, THIS IS JUST FOR YOU.

JOE, YOU CAN JUST GO LIKE THIS.

- UM, SO CAN YOU. - OKAY.

MEN JUST...

ARE JUST A LOT OF WORK.

AND IT'S REALLY HARD. AND...

YOU FIGURE OUT THE GAME,

AND YOU PLAY THE GAME,

AND YOU BE STRONG.

AND DON'T PUT UP WITH ANY SHIT.

HERE'S TO MAKING IT WORK!

- SIX YEARS. - HERE'S TO THE SHIT.

SIX MINUTES.

SIX HOURS.

SIX EONS.

Gina: THIS WOULD BE MY PHONE BILL.

OKAY, FOR THE BETTER PART OF THE LAST YEAR

I HAVE RECEIVED COUNTLESS,

ALL-HOUR, HEARTBROKEN,

"I WILL NEVER GET OVER IT," TRANSATLANTIC PHONE CALLS

FROM MY VERY DEVASTATED,

VERY CHERISHED BEST FRIEND, JOE.

BUT IN TYPICAL JOE FASHION,

HE WOULD CALL ME AT THE PRECISE MOMENT

WHEN I WASN'T HOME AND LEAVE THESE

EXCRUCIATING MESSAGES ON MY MACHINE.

AND WHEN I GOT HOME, I WOULD CALL HIM BACK RIGHT AWAY

AND WE HAD SOME OF THE MOST...

PAINFUL CONVERSATIONS I'VE EVER HAD WITH ANYONE.

YOU KNOW, HE FELT LIKE HE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO LOVE AGAIN.

HE COULDN'T BEAR TO BE WITHOUT SALLY,

NOT TO MENTION OTIS, AND AMERICA.

HE WASN'T EATING, AND HE COULD HARDLY SLEEP,

AND HE COULD BARELY WRITE, AND NEEDLESS TO SAY,

NO CONVERSATION WAS UNDER TWO HOURS.

AND I DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART AFTER THE FIRST HOUR,

TO SAY, "HEY, DO YOU THINK MAYBE YOU COULD CALL ME BACK?

I'M CALLING LONDON, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD."

BECAUSE I KNEW THAT, SHOULD MY LIFE UNRAVEL,

THAT YOU WOULD BE THERE FOR ME.

BUT IN CASE MY LIFE DOESN'T UNRAVEL,

I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE MY PHONE BILL OVER HERE

IN CASE YOU WANT TO PAY ME BACK.

I MEAN, WHEN I KNEW JOE AS A YOUNG MAN

HE WAS VERY LOVELY, DELIGHTFUL.

BUT WITH YOU...

UNDER YOUR GAZE, HE'S MAGNIFICENT.

AND IT'S THAT QUALITY THAT LETS ME KNOW

THAT YOU WILL BE A MAGNIFICENT MOTHER.

AND I TRULY WISH THAT FOR YOU.

JUST WANTED TO, UH...

TO GIVE OUR VERSION OF A TOAST.

WE'RE NOT EXACTLY TALENTED, AND, UH--

- YOU'RE THE WRITER. - YEAH, RIGHT.

WE JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW PLEASED WE ARE

AND HOW VERY HAPPY WE GOT A CHANCE TO COME HERE--

- Monica: TO BE A PART OF THIS. - Ryan: RIGHT.

AND I HOPE YOU LIKE THE GIFT.

IT'S NOT EXACTLY...

ROMANTIC...

BUT WE THOUGHT THE DOG COLLAR...

MIGHT BE REALLY HELPFUL...

IN SILENCING OTIS...

AT THOSE DIFFICULT TIMES. YOU KNOW, WHATEVER...

IT'LL MAKE-- MAYBE WE CAN...

EASE WHAT'S HAPPENED BETWEEN US.

THANKS.

CONGRATULATIONS.

FOR UNDERSTANDABLE REASONS,

I DID NOT RECEIVE...

ANY OF THOSE PHONE CALLS.

AND AS I AM...

APPRECIATIVE ON ONE LEVEL...

I ACTUALLY HAVE MIXED EMOTIONS ABOUT IT,

BEING WHAT JOE AND I HAVE BEEN THROUGH,

BOTH AT OXFORD AND HERE IN THE STATES.

I'M HAPPY FOR JOE, THAT HE HEEDED MY ADVICE

THAT HE SHOULD GO FIND A NICE, STABLE

AMERICAN ACTRESS TO SETTLE DOWN WITH.

WOW.

TO THE SUCCESS OF HIS BOOK-- HIS BEAUTIFUL BOOK.

AND I LEARNED TONIGHT--

THE GREEN LIGHT ON YOUR FILM PRODUCTION.

THAT'S WONDERFUL. CONGRATULATIONS.

AND TO SALLY--

WHO COULD ASK FOR A MORE INSPIRED MUSE?

AND I'M SURE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO...

TRANSCEND JOE'S FIRST ATTEMPT

AT AN ADAPTED SCREENPLAY,

AND BE THE MOST PERFECT,

MOST RADIANT JENNA. CONGRATULATIONS.

HEAR, HEAR.

( softly ) HE DOESN'T KNOW.

I REALLY WASN'T PREPARED TO SAY ANYTHING,

BUT I'M VERY HONORED

TO BE A PART OF TONIGHT,

AND IN THE SAME ROOM WITH MY FAVORITE LIVING ACTRESS,

AND MY FAVORITE NOVELIST.

AND THIS ROOM IS SO FILLED WITH LOVE.

AND I BROUGHT A GIFT OF LOVE.

I BROUGHT A GIFT THAT IS LOVE.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

THANK YOU.

I THINK THERE'S 16 THERE.

WHAT IS IT?

OH, WOW, DOLPHINS. THAT'S GREAT.

- DOLPHINS? - IT'S ECSTASY.

THANKS, SKYE.

IT'S AN AMAZING PRESENT. WHAT A SWEETHEART YOU ARE.

WHAT A SWEETHEART YOU ARE.

Astrid: IT'S LATE.

YOU SLEEPY, BABY?

I THINK WE'RE GONNA HIT IT.

HEY, EVERYBODY,

I THINK WE SHOULD ALL TAKE IT TONIGHT, ALL RIGHT?

AND EVERYONE WHO'S STAYING STAYS.

- I'M GOING TO GO. - YOU'RE NOT COMING.

- JEFFERY, STAY. - IT'S NOT MY SCENE.

BUT NO DRIVING. THAT'S THE RULE. OKAY, EVERYBODY?

SALLY MAE, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.

IT'S GONNA BE FANTASTIC.

I'M A LITTLE WORRY ABOUT MY BRAIN AND MY SPINE.

- YOU'RE GONNA BE SO OKAY. - SOPHIA'S GONNA DO IT.

PANES IS DOING IT. TRUST ME. IT'LL BE GREAT.

- ARE YOU GOING? - YEAH. WANNA COME?

- SHE'S STAYING WITH ME. - SHE WANTS TO COME WITH ME.

GOOD NIGHT, SISSY. SEE YA.

LOOK AT THESE. LOOK EVERYBODY.

I HAVE A SPINE QUESTION...

Cal: ♪♪ AMERICA, AMERICA ♪♪

♪♪ THE FOOD WAS SO YUMMY ♪♪

♪♪ I NEED A THING ♪♪

♪♪ EXCUSE ME ♪♪

♪♪ BA-DUM, ECSTASY. ♪♪

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I WANT TO TRY IT.

HERE WE GO.

HEY. LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT. WATER.

GIVE ME A KISS.

I TOLD YOU YOU'D LIKE IT, DIDN'T I?

HEY, JERRY, DRINK LOTS OF WATER.

- THANK YOU. - JUDY, WATER.

Joe: EVERYBODY, I'VE GOT WATER, AND I'VE GOT CHEWING GUM.

- COME TO ME IF YOU NEED EITHER. - I LOVE IT HERE.

DON'T YOU LOVE IT HERE, RYAN? I LOVE IT HERE.

AND I LOVE TONIGHT.

AND I LOVE THESE PEOPLE.

THIS FEELS UTTERLY FANTASTIC.

UTTERLY FANTASTIC.

YOU KNOW WHAT SALLY WAS SAYING

ABOUT YOUR SPINE AND YOUR BRAIN?

SHE DIDN'T PULL THAT OUT OF THIN AIR.

IT CAUSES BRAIN DAMAGE.

BETTER DRINK A LOT OF WATER.

- DO YOU WANT TO GO HOME? - YEAH.

I THINK YOU SHOULD THEN.

YOU SHOULD LOOK IN ON SHEILA.

I'M NOT GONNA LEAVE YOU HERE ALONE.

THEY'RE REALLY NICE PEOPLE, RYAN.

THEY'RE LIKE US.

THEY'RE NOTHING LIKE US.

I THINK YOU NEED TO SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.

BUT I THINK YOU'RE REALLY NICE PEOPLE.

WHAT THE FUCK?

ARE YOU MAKING AN ASS OUT OF YOURSELF?

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE, RYAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

- YOU NEED-- - I DON'T NEED A DRUG.

YOU NEED A GOOD REVIEW...

AND YOU'LL BE FINE.

THE WHOLE COLOR OF THE WORLD WILL CHANGE.

MARK MY WORDS.

READY TO GO?

I'M GOING TO GET MY BATHING SUIT.

RYAN...?

YOU'RE A GREAT MAN.

THE WATER'S GOOD.

YEAH, I HAVE FIVE DIVING BATONS.

WHEN I COUNT TO THREE, EVERYBODY'S GONNA DIVE IN.

- YOU WANT TO DIVE FOR A BATON? - THE ORANGE ONE IS 50 POINTS.

I'M PLAYING TOO.

ONE, TWO, THREE.

Mac: SO, DO YOU HAVE A D.P.?

IS THAT THE CAMERAMAN?

YEAH.

YEAH, THEY GAVE ME A LIST.

YOU GOT SKYE DAVIDSON.

THAT'S PRETTY BIG LEAGUES FOR A FIRST-TIMER.

DO YOU EVEN LIKE MOVIES?

NOT PARTICULARLY. WEIRD, ISN'T IT?

GOD, I AM SO UP RIGHT NOW.

- ARE YOU FEELING IT YET, MAC? - YEAH, KIND OF.

I HAVE TO JUMP UP AND DOWN A BIT NOW.

SO HOW'S YOUR FILM GOING?

OH, IT'S GOING. IT'S GOING.

HOW'S THE DIVA?

WELL, YOU KNOW, GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS.

NO, I MEANT SALLY.

YEAH, I MEANT SALLY.

- ISN'T IT A FABULOUS PICTURE? - YES.

SHE'S SUCH A GREAT PHOTOGRAPHER.

- SHE REALLY GETS HIM. - BOTH OF YOU.

BUT SHE REALLY GETS TO THE HEART OF JOE, DOESN'T SHE?

SHE'S A GENIUS.

- SO, WHERE SHOULD I PUT IT? - I LIKED IT WHERE IT WAS.

NO. IT'S MORE PERSONAL IN HERE.

MUCH MORE. IT'S A NOTCH ABOVE THE STORAGE ROOM.

WE SPEND SO MUCH TIME IN HERE.

HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE HER?

A LOT. OKAY.

I DON'T TRUST HER. I NEVER HAVE.

YOU'RE CRAZY. SHE TOOK OUR WEDDING PHOTOS.

WHO DO YOU TRUST?

I TRUST YOU.

- OH, SOPH-- - YOU'LL HATE IT IN LONDON.

IT'S WET AND MISERABLE. IT'S A MEDICAL HELLHOLE.

IT'S SOCIALIZED, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

THERE ARE BEDS IN THE CORRIDORS AND TERRIBLE PLUMBING.

AND THE FOOD SUCKS. I KNOW. I KNOW.

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE YOUR BABY IN LONDON.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE YOUR BABY AT CEDAR'S IN BEVERLY HILLS,

AMERICA, DELIVERED BY DR. MILTON COHEN, PERIOD.

YOU'LL GET THAT EPIDURAL RIGHT AWAY.

DON'T LET ANYBODY TALK YOU INTO THAT LAMAZE BULLSHIT.

THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR PAIN LIKE THAT.

I'M NOT EVEN PREGNANT YET!

- WELL, GOOD. THANK GOD. - LET'S GO INTO THE KITCHEN

AND SPY ON EVERYBODY.

LET'S!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "THANK GOD"?

- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. - NO.

THIS WHOLE BABY THING. ARE YOU SURE ABOUT IT?

IT'S NOT THE TICKING CLOCK CRAP?

NO! NO, NO, NO, NO.

I KNOW I'VE MAINTAINED I NEVER WANTED CHILDREN,

AND I NEVER DID. BUT THIS YEAR, I REALLY--

I TRULY, TRULY, REALLY FEEL READY.

- IT'S NOT THE CLOCK. - I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

YOU ARE GOING TO BE A FANTASTIC MOM.

JOE ON THE OTHER HAND IS A DIFFERENT STORY.

JOE LOVES KIDS. JOE NEEDS KIDS.

JOE THINKS HE WANTS KIDS.

JOE WOULD LIKE SOME PLAYMATES.

THANK YOU. YOU KNOW I LOVE HIM.

HE'S A SWEETHEART. REALLY.

BUT HE'S NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD FATHER.

HE'S NOT GOOD PARENTING MATERIAL.

LET'S GO ON THE FLOOR.

I BET IT FEELS SO, SO NICE AGAINST YOUR SKIN.

STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

OH!

THAT FEELS SO NICE.

HE'S JUST NARCISSISTIC,

AND IRRESPONSIBLE, AND UNRELIABLE.

OH, AND CAL'S THIS MASSIVE ADULT?

NO, BUT CAL KNOWS WHO HE IS.

A BIG, STINKING, FUCKING BABY.

- YES! - BUT DID YOU NOTICE...

HOW HAPPY YOUR HUSBAND WAS

WHEN THE DRUGS WERE BROUGHT OUT?

YOU WEREN'T EXACTLY HORRIFIED, MISSY.

TRUE, BUT I'M NOT A DRUG ADDICT.

NEITHER IS JOE!

WELL, HIS SISTER IS, BIG TIME.

THE NEW YORK TIMES SAID THAT ADDICTION IS GENETIC.

I'LL E-MAIL YOU THE ARTICLE, IF YOU'D LIKE.

I'VE ENJOYED HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.

YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS TO SAVE A MARRIAGE.

SALLY, JOE HAS BEEN HOME FOR FIVE MONTHS ONLY.

WE ARE FINE. WE'RE GREAT.

WE'RE MOVING TO LONDON AND WE ARE HAVING A BABY!

YOU WEREN'T FINE LAST SUMMER WHEN YOU WENT

SYLVIA PLATH ON ME IN CONNECTICUT!

NOT NICE. NOT KIND.

NOT SO HALF SO "NOT KIND" AS YOUR HUSBAND WAS

IN HIS PORTRAYAL OF YOU IN HIS NOVEL.

- WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? - HIS IMAGE OF YOU...

IS A POSSESSIVE, FRAGILE NEUROTIC.

I AM A POSSESSIVE, FRAGILE NEUROTIC.

NO, YOU ARE NOT! YOU ARE SALLY NASH.

LISTEN TO ME. YOU ARE SALLY NASH.

AND YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND FOR 20 YEARS.

AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE.

AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MOVE TO LONDON

TO HAVE THE OFFSPRING

OF SOME SEXUALLY AMBIVALENT MAN-CHILD,

"OH, NOW I'M A NOVELIST, NOW I'M A FUCKING DIRECTOR,"

ENGLISH PRICK BASTARD JOE THERRIAN,

WHO'S PROBABLY GOING TO LEAVE YOU

FOR SKYE DAVIDSON ANYWAY.

OH, GOD! ( sobbing )

IT'S JUST THAT HE IS ALWAYS ONE STEP REMOVED.

HE'S ALWAYS LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER.

HE'S ALWAYS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING ELSE,

SOMETHING MORE INTOXICATING,

- AND I DON'T MEAN DRUGS. - I KNOW.

I LOVE HIM, SAL.

I DO, BUT HE'S JUST-- HE'S A CHILD.

HE'S NOT READY.

OH, GOD.

YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS.

YOU CAN'T STICK YOUR HEAD IN AN OVEN.

YOU CAN'T TAKE A HANDFUL OF PERCODAN IF YOU WANT.

YOU CAN'T SLIT YOUR WRISTS, YOU KNOW?

YOU CAN'T DO YOURSELF IN.

KIDS JUST ROB YOU OF THAT OPTION.

THEY DO. TRUST ME.

OH, MY GOD...

THIS ECSTASY MUST BE REALLY GOOD.

- DON'T YOU THINK? - I DON'T KNOW.

♪♪ HE'S THE ONE YOU WANT TO SEE ♪♪

♪♪ I KNOW HE'D LIKE THE... COMPANY. ♪♪

ISN'T SKYE AMAZING?

SHE HAS NICE TITS.

SHE'S A CONSTANT SURPRISE.

- YOU'VE ONLY JUST MET. - YEAH, I KNOW.

SHE'S ONLY 27, BUT, THE WISDOM.

SHE'S AN OLD SOUL.

SHE GOT THAT SHOSTAKOVICH THING, DID YOU NOTICE?

OH, ABSOLUTELY.

- AND SHE HAS NICE TITS. - SHE DOES HAVE NICE TITS.

CAN'T WAIT TO WORK WITH HER.

CAMERA LOVES HER. SHE IS A GREAT ACTRESS.

WITH GREAT TITS.

I'M GOING TO GO ASK HER IF SHE'LL LET ME TOUCH THEM.

- I WOULD, YES. - HAVE YOU SEEN MAC?

I THINK I SAW HIM OVER THERE.

- HOW ARE YOU, CLAIR? - I AM SO GOOD.

POOR MAC.

HE'S HAVING A BIT OF A STRUGGLE.

I'M SURE SALLY HAS TOLD YOU.

NO. WHAT?

THE MOVIE.

WELL, I THINK SHE'S REALLY ENJOYING IT.

IS MAC OKAY?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. I DON'T CARE TO GUESS.

SHE, UH...

MAC IS REALLY UNHAPPY. SHE'S JUST NOT THERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK SHE IS PLAYING HALF THE TIME,

NEITHER DOES SHE.

LAST WEEK, WE SHOT A SCENE, AND SHE SOBBED

THROUGH EVERY TAKE. SHE'S A GREAT SOBBER.

IT COMES EASY TO HER AND THAT'S FINE,

IT'S ALL TERRIBLY MOVING, AND WHATNOT,

BUT IT'S A FUCKING COMEDY.

SOMETHING'S GONE.

I THINK SHE'S AFRAID, AND THAT IS DEATH.

WHAT?

HEY-- I'M SORRY, FORGET IT.

I NEVER SAID ANY OF THIS. IT'S NOT IMPORTANT. IT'S A MOVIE.

LOOK, YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO HAVE KIDS.

THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. YOU KNOW?

YOU'RE HAVING KIDS. THAT'S SO GREAT.

SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE, PROBABLY.

GROWNUPS DON'T DO THIS FOR A LIVING.

YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO HAVE KIDS. YOU'LL BE DIRECTING.

ONE ASSHOLE IN THE FAMILY IS ENOUGH.

I THINK SOPHIA KNEW THAT INTUITIVELY.

BUT GET THE EPIDURAL. NONE OF THIS NATURAL CHILDBIRTH STUFF.

IT'S NOT NATURAL.

EVERYTHING WILL BE AS IT SHOULD BE.

"JACK SHALL HAVE JILL, NAUGHT SHALL GO ILL."

SPEAKING OF ACTING, THE ROLE OF "LEO" IN YOUR FILM?

LEO...?

ANY CASTING IDEAS YET?

I HAPPEN TO HAVE A SMALL WINDOW.

- LEO? - LEO.

CAL, LEO'S 28.

SCRATCH OUT A TWO, PUT IN A THREE, AND I'M YOURS.

SCRATCH OUT A TWO, PUT IN A FOUR.

YOU FUCKING CUNT.

I'M 39.

FIVE YEARS AGO. I WAS AT THE PARTY. REMEMBER?

OKAY, SO I'M TOO OLD.

BUT YOU COULD REWRITE THE NOVEL,

MAKE HIM AN OLDER CHARACTER.

THEN I'D BE RIGHT.

WHO WANTS ONE OF THESE YOUNG IDIOTS WITH NO GRAVITAS?

- YOU NEED GRAVITAS. - YOU'VE GOT GRAVITAS?

I'VE GOT GRAVITAS UP THE WAZOO, BABY.

( music plays )

♪♪ NOW, START LOOKING AT THE OBJECT ♪♪

♪♪ I WANT YOU TO KEEP LOOKING AT THE OBJECT ♪♪

♪♪ START LOOKING AT THE OBJECT ♪♪

( distant voices )

♪♪ I WANT YOU TO KEEP LOOKING AT THE OBJECT ♪♪

- Cal: Young. - Sally: Yes!

And rich and spoiled and willful and...

What? Without, without, without--

- Cal: Boundaries. - Sally: Boundaries. Exactly.

- Sally: Discipline. - Cal: Exactly.

And then there's the champagne. Way, way too much champagne.

Sally: Oh, there's no such thing.

Here we are, together.

Here we are, together in my room.

- Isn't it funny? - NO, IT'S NOT FUNNY.

- IT'S NOT FUNNY. - When I set my mind to it,

I always get exactly-- exactly what I want.

FUCK.

WOW.

WOW.

Clair: MAC?

MAC? MAC?

MAC?

THERE YOU ARE.

NO MORE WORK. NO MORE.

HONEY, HONEY, DON'T YOU FEEL BREEZY?

I'M IN MOURNING.

NO, NO, NO, YOU'LL CUT AROUND IT. YOU ALWAYS DO.

- YOU'LL FIX IT. - NOT THIS TIME.

IF YOU CAN CUT AROUND ME, YOU CAN CUT AROUND ANYONE.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON.

HOW NICE FOR EVERYONE.

YOU'LL FIX IT.

YOU'LL COME UP WITH ONE OF YOUR BRILLIANT IDEAS.

OR I WON'T.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP HER.

I'M OUT OF MY DEPTH.

YOU'RE GOING TO COME SWIMMING WITH ME IN THE POOL.

AND IN A FEW MINUTES, YOU WON'T EVEN REMEMBER

WHAT IT'S ABOUT.

WHAT WHAT'S ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW. I FORGOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

ARE YOU OKAY?

I DON'T THINK SO. I FEEL A BIT FUNNY.

LET'S GO FOR A WALK. COME ON.

THERE.

- I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. - OH? IT'S SO EASY.

YOU JUST PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER.

THAT'S A GOOD GIRL.

SOMETIMES, I JUST FEEL SO MISERABLY INVISIBLE.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

WELL, ONE TIME I ALMOST DID A MOVIE

WHERE I COULD BE SOMEBODY INVISIBLE.

- REALLY? WOW. - YEAH.

I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE SEEN THAT MOVIE.

DRINK LOTS OF WATER.

AND TAKE DEEP BREATHS.

NICE AND SLOW.

THERE YOU ARE.

- WOULD YOU LIKE A LOLLY? - WHAT AM I, FIVE?

YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD FOR A LOLLY.

- I'M HAVING ONE. - OKAY.

- LEMON OR RASPBERRY? - LEMON.

- LEMON IT IS. - THANK YOU.

RYAN'S REALLY ANGRY WITH ME.

I THINK RYAN'S REALLY ANGRY WITH ME.

IT'S REALLY NOT THE SAME THING.

HE WAS REALLY NICER WHEN HE DRANK.

OH, I'M SORRY.

EIGHT YEARS THOUGH.

IT'S QUITE AN ACCOMPLISHMENT.

- THAT'S A LOT OF THOSE-- - MEDALLIONS.

A LOT OF CAKES.

- AND HE DOESN'T SMOKE. - MM-MM.

HE'S GOT TO FIND NONSMOKERS' MEETINGS.

IT USED TO BE ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE.

BUT IT'S GOTTEN A LOT EASIER.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?

NINE... YEARS?

NINE, YES.

YEAH, NINE YEARS. JUST ABOUT.

YOU MUST HAVE BEEN A BABY.

YEAH, I WAS 19.

I'M REALLY COLD.

COME HERE.

THIS FEELS NICE.

I LIKE YOU.

I'M SO GLAD.

YOU KNOW...

I RECOGNIZED THAT PASSAGE IN YOUR BOOK.

THE BIT ABOUT US RUNNING INTO EACH OTHER IN A MOVIE THEATER.

SORRY?

I KNOW THAT YOU CHANGED IT TO A BOOKSTORE

AND THE COLOR OF MY HAIR, BUT...

BUT THE MOMENT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME.

THE SAME, YOU KNOW... DYNAMIC.

AND ALMOST VERBATIM. WASN'T IT?

FOR A WRITER, NOTHING'S SACRED.

NOTHING AT ALL.

I JUST THINK IT'S GREAT THAT I MADE AN IMPRESSION AT ALL.

YOU KNOW?

Sally: OTIS!

OTIS!

OH, FUCK! I CAN'T FIND OTIS.

I CAME OUT OF THE HOUSE, THE GATE IS FUCKING WIDE OPEN!

- NOBODY USES THAT GATE. - I KNOW!

I'M SORRY.

THERE'S A FUCKING SIGN ON THE GATE.

- I'M SO SORRY. - DON'T YOU READ,

- YOU FUCKING COW? - STOP BEING A BITCH.

IT WAS A MISTAKE. THIS IS NOT A PLOT TO DO IN OTIS.

- DON'T BE SO SURE. - LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

DON'T WORRY, WE'LL FIND HIM. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

SHE LEFT THE FUCKING GATE OPEN.

- HE CAN'T HAVE GONE FAR. - HE'S LIKE A GREYHOUND.

- HE COULD BE MILES AWAY. - HE'LL FIND HIS WAY BACK.

- THERE ARE COYOTES OUT HERE! - CALM DOWN.

WE WON'T FIND HIM ANY QUICKER WITH YOU BEING HYSTERICAL.

- FUCK YOU. - OR SHITTY.

OTIS!

( Ryan whistling )

HOW LONG HAVE YOU WORKED FOR THE THERRIANS?

FOR A LONG TIME NOW. LONG TIME.

SO, YOU WERE HERE WHEN THEY WORKED ON THE BOUNDARY FENCE?

OH YES, I WAS HERE. THE WHOLE TIME.

- DO YOU KNOW THE CONTRACTOR? - Sí, I KNOW HIM VERY WELL.

WAS IT A CONTRACTOR?

IT'S THE WAY THEY DO THINGS, YOU KNOW.

- TO CODE. - ( America speaks Spanish )

I'M SORRY. EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME. DID YOU SEE PERMITS?

- DID HE HAVE A LICENSE? - YOU SHOULD TALK TO MR. JOE.

- Monica: RYAN? - WHAT?

LOOK, YOU'VE GOT TO COME.

YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME FIND THE DOG.

I LET THEIR DOG OUT. WE'VE GOT TO FIND THE DOG.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS. - I LEFT THE GATE OPEN

AND OTIS GOT OUT.

- HE COULD GET HIT BY A CAR. - YEAH, GOD WILLING.

- WE HAVE TO FIND THE DOG. - WHY?

BECAUSE WE'RE NICE PEOPLE.

BECAUSE WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.

BECAUSE GOD HELP YOU IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THAT DOG.

- EXCUSE ME? - ALL THE UGLY PHONE CALLS.

WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES WITH A TAPE RECORDER.

OKAY, THEY HAVE GONE TOWARDS THE CANYON,

WE SHOULD GO TOWARD P.C.H.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ANDREI ZHDANOV?

OTIS! COME ON...

EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT THE 1948

MUSICAL CONFERENCE WHERE ZHDANOV PERSECUTED

ALL OF THE GREAT SOVIET COMPOSERS:

SHOSTAKOVICH, PROKOFIEV, AND MIASK--

- MIASKOVSKY. - MIASKOVSKY. YES.

I'LL TELL YOU WHO DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THAT-- CUTE GIRLS.

THEY DON'T KNOW. TRUST ME. OTIS!

DO THE PETER SELLERS THING AGAIN.

( mock Indian accent ) OTIS, WHERE ARE YOU IN THIS GODFORSAKEN CANYON?

- MY PEOPLE ARE HUNGRY. - ( Skye laughs )

- OTIS! - OTIS.

NO, IT'S BECAUSE I DID THIS MOVIE

I JUST FINISHED, CALLED "BABI YAR."

AND I PLAY GITTEL, THIS JEWISH MILKMAID

WHO GETS SHOT IN THE HEAD.

AND THEY SET THE WHOLE THING

TO SHOSTAKOVICH'S 13th SYMPHONY.

RIGHT, WITH THE POEM BY YEVTUSHENKO.

EXACTLY!

SO I DID A LOT OF RESEARCH,

AND I JUST REALLY DUG IT.

SO YOU REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LIKE SHOSTAKOVICH?

- YEAH. - WOULD YOU MARRY HIM?

IF HE WERE ALIVE, MAYBE.

HOW ABOUT SOMEONE WHO REALLY, REALLY, REALLY,

REALLY LIKES SHOSTAKOVICH?

ARE YOU ASKING ME TO MARRY YOU?

NO, I'M JUST SEEING HOW DEEPLY IMPULSIVE

AND PERVERTED YOU CAN BE.

- VERY. - I'M WORSE.

SO YOU'RE REALLY 22?

WHO TOLD YOU THAT? NO, I'M 25. I'M 25.

OTIS!

- Joe: OTIS! GOOD BOY! - Sally: COME HERE! OH, MY GOD.

THIS IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN KEPT IN THE GUEST ROOM.

IT WAS DONE WHEN SOPHIA PUT THE KIDS TO BED.

IT CLEARLY WAS NOT DONE, BECAUSE HE WAS LET OUT

OF THE GUEST ROOM BEFORE MONICA OPENED THE GATE.

OH, FUCK YOU!

AND FUCK MONICA, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT,

BUT I GUESS THAT'S WHAT I INTERRUPTED.

YOU ARE A MEDICAL MIRACLE. YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON

EVER TO TAKE ECSTASY AND BECOME ANGRIER.

LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT. YOU SEEM TO BE RATHER AN EXPERT.

I DON'T REMEMBER IN THE LAST FIVE MONTHS OF COUNSELING,

YOU EVER MENTIONING ECSTASY OR GOING TO RAGE PARTIES.

RAVE PARTIES.

THAT'S TYPICAL YOU WOULD THINK IT WAS CALLED "RAGE."

YEAH, WHAT ELSE DON'T I KNOW ABOUT, JOE?

LET'S GET REALLY CLEAR HERE, OKAY?

SO I TOOK A FEW PILLS. I WENT OUT DANCING.

I TRIED TO GET OVER HOW UPSET I WAS

ABOUT SPLITTING UP WITH YOU. I DIDN'T LIE TO YOU.

I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE PEOPLE I SLEPT WITH.

I JUST DIDN'T MENTION THE FEW OCCASIONS WHEN I TOOK DRUGS,

BECAUSE I KNOW HOW FUCKING JUDGMENTAL YOU ARE,

AND HOW I'D NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT!

I KNOW HOW LITTLE TRUST AND FAITH YOU HAVE IN ME.

LOOK, SALLY, WE'RE BACK.

I LOVE YOU.

JUST TRUST THAT, PLEASE?

DON'T DO THIS.

OTIS, COME HERE! COME ON, GOOD BOY.

I'M NOT SURE WE UNDERSTAND THAT WORD IN THE SAME WAY.

- OTIS! - WHAT, LOVE?

YOU WALKED OUT OF A FIVE YEAR MARRIAGE.

THAT HAS NOT THE FIRST THING TO DO WITH LOVE.

IT'S ABOUT WHETHER WE CAN LIVE TOGETHER LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME!

IT'S NOT LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.

DO I WANT ANYONE ELSE? NO.

DO I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF MY NATURAL LIFE?

I AM REALLY TRYING.

- HOW HARD IS IT? - JUST STOP THERE, PLEASE.

- WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS. - NO, YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH IT.

THAT'S HOW YOU LOVE, WHEN IT'S EASY FOR YOU

- AND IT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU. - YOU ARE TALKING BULLSHIT.

YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT BULLSHIT?

LUCY CALLED YOU THREE TIMES THIS WEEK!

YOUR SISTER IS A FUCKING MESS. SHE IS A FUCKING MESS!

SHE NEEDS YOU, AND I TALK TO HER MORE THAN YOU DO!

- THAT IS NOT TRUE. - IT IS TRUE.

YOU KNOW HOW YOU LOVE PEOPLE? YOU DEDICATE A BOOK TO SOMEONE.

EVERY BOOK I'VE EVER HAD PUBLISHED, IN EVERY LANGUAGE,

- I HAVE DEDICATED TO LUCY. - RIGHT.

AND WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO HER?

AND HOW DARE YOU CAST SKYE DAVIDSON IN THAT PART?!

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HUMILIATING THIS IS FOR ME?

I'M AN ACTRESS!

IT'S BASED ON OUR MARRIAGE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT!

- IT'S A NOVEL! - ABOUT ME!

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!

THE PART OF JENNA IS BASED ON EVERY WOMAN

I HAVE EVER LOVED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!

INCLUDING MY MOTHER!

AND ALSO, SALLY, THE PART IS QUITE CLEARLY

FOR A WOMAN IN HER EARLY 20's

- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? - HELLO!?

LAST BIRTHDAY WAS...?

I DON'T LOOK MY AGE, JOE.

I HAVE NEVER CONSIDERED YOU FOR THIS PART

BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO OLD TO PLAY IT.

AND IF YOU THINK ANY DIFFERENTLY,

YOU ARE OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY.

I'M SORRY.

- IT'S A SHIT NOVEL ANYWAY. - OH, WELL, THEN.

I LET YOU OFF THE HOOK. YOU ARE ONE LUCKY ACTRESS.

ALL YOUR NOVELS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN POP,

BUT THIS ONE'S THE SHALLOWEST OF THE BUNCH.

THAT'S WHAT ALL OUR FRIENDS THINK ANYWAY.

IF BY SOME FUCKING MIRACLE

WE COULD HAVE STRIPPED 10 YEARS OFF YOUR FACE,

THERE IS STILL NO WAY I COULD HAVE GOT THIS FILM MADE

BECAUSE MY NAME MEANS NOTHING AS A DIRECTOR,

AND YOUR NAME MEANS FUCK-ALL ANYMORE!

AND THE PEOPLE WHO DO HIRE YOU ARE SCARED TO,

BECAUSE THEY THINK YOU'RE PHONING IT IN!

THAT YOU'VE LOST EVERY--

OH, FUCK'S SAKE, SALLY!

WHO? WHO THINKS THAT?

THE DIRECTOR AND CO-STAR OF YOUR CURRENT MOVIE.

DON'T DISH IT IF YOU CAN'T TAKE IT!

MAC SAYS THAT?

MAC?

CAL?

- CAL TOO? - CHRIST'S SAKES.

IS THERE ANYBODY ELSE THAT I'M MISSING HERE?

THIS IS INSANITY. COME ON, DARLING.

- DON'T. - DON'T PUSH ME AWAY.

I HAD AN ABORTION TWO WEEKS AGO.

I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT AND IT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

DON'T DO THIS, SALLY.

I TOLD YOU WHEN WE MET I NEVER WANTED CHILDREN.

I DON'T WANT KIDS IN MY LIFE!

I TOLD YOU! WE TALKED ABOUT IT!

YOU WEREN'T LISTENING!

- YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND, SALLY. - NO, I WANTED YOU BACK.

OW!

JESUS CHRIST.

YOU THINK THIS WAS TO HURT YOU?!

- IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU! - WHAT?!

YOU ABORTED OUR CHILD! THAT'S ABOUT ME!

EXACTLY, I'M A MONSTER. I'M A FUCKING MONSTER.

NO, SALLY. YOU'RE JUST NOT READY.

YOU'RE NOT READY YET. THAT'S ALL.

DON'T MAKE ALLOWANCES. I WILL NEVER...

I WILL NEVER BE READY.

THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE THAT JUST SHOULDN'T HAVE KIDS.

I WOULD BE A TERRIBLE FUCKING MOTHER, JOE.

I DID WANT IT FOR US, BUT I COULDN'T DO IT.

I JUST-- I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT, JOE.

I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT.

I WASN'T PART OF THAT DECISION AT ALL, WAS I?

I WASN'T PART OF THE PICTURE, RIGHT?

DID I EVER OCCUR TO YOU?

THIS IS A FUCKING DISGRACE.

- YOU ARE A FUCKING DISGRACE! - I KNOW.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO US, SALLY?

DO YOU?

- DO YOU?! - YES!

I WILL--

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE--

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS.

I KNOW.

NO.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.

JOE. JOE...

JOE...!

SALLY! GET OUT OF THE WATER.

I'VE GOT YOU, BUDDY. I GOT YOU, MAN.

GO GET SALLY! DAMN IT!

HE'S IN TROUBLE HERE, GUYS.

FUCK.

THERE YOU GO. YOU GOT IT, MAN.

HE'S OKAY, CLAIR. JUST GIVE HIM SOME ROOM.

GIVE HIM A LITTLE ROOM TO BREATHE.

OH, I MUST REALLY BE STONED.

- YOU'RE OKAY, MAN. - HONEY?

- I'M FINE, BABE. I'M FINE. - JUST GIVE HIM A MINUTE.

OH, SHIT.

I'M FINE. I'M FINE. THANKS, BUDDY.

ANYTIME, SPORT.

YEAH.

YEAH. THANKS, PAL.

YOU'RE OKAY. JUST BREATHE.

I'M FINE, BABE. I'M JUST... WHAT?

JUST NEED A MINUTE. I'M GOING TO TAKE A LITTLE WALK.

JUST FORGET ABOUT IT.

JUST KEEP BREATHING.

WHAT? IT'S NOT LIKE I SAW MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES.

- PROBABLY WASN'T THAT CLOSE. - PROBABLY WASN'T.

- YOU GOT YOUR LIFEGUARD PAPERS? - THERE'S A TEST FOR THAT.

- FORGET IT. - GOOD STUFF.

- HONEY? - CLAIR, I'M FINE.

JUST NEED A MINUTE.

- HONEY? - HE'S OKAY.

JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.

( coughing )

( sobbing )

COME ON. COME ON, MAN.

BUCK UP.

COME ON, BUCK UP!

BE A MAN.

THIS JOB.

I CAN'T DO ANYTHING FUCKING RIGHT.

( phone ringing )

( ringing )

( answering machine clicks on ) Hello, Joe, it's your dad.

Can you pick up the phone, please?

I really need to talk to you.

HELLO, HARRY?

NO, IT'S GINA.

GINA.

NO, THEY'RE NOT HERE. THEY WENT OUT TO LOOK FOR OTIS.

NO, IT'S THE DOG.

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

IT WAS NOT OVERBEARING, BUT IT WAS--

I CAN'T FIND MY HUSBAND OR MY BEEPER.

HAVE YOU SEEN EITHER OF THEM?

NO.

NOT RECENTLY.

I DON'T THINK SHE'S BREAST-FEEDING.

WHAT IS IT?

LET'S JUST GO BACK TO THE BEDROOM.

LET'S GO BACK TO THE BEDROOM, OKAY?

Sally: IS IT OTIS?

WHAT HAPPENED?

THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME.

- HARRY CALLED. - AND?

LUCY OVERDOSED.

BUT SHE'S ALL RIGHT?

THE STUPID TART.

JOE, SHE LEFT A NOTE.

- OH, FUCK YOU. - YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR DAD.

LOOK, I BOOKED YOU A FLIGHT. AND I'VE PACKED YOU A BAG.

YOU JUST NEED TO GET INTO A CAR AND GO.

- WOULD YOU LEAVE US ALONE? - I LOVE HER TOO.

YEAH, GREAT. THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.

WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST LEAVE SALLY AND ME ALONE RIGHT NOW?

EVERYBODY HATES THE MESSENGER.

( whispers ) I'M SORRY.

HI.

HOW'S HE DOING?

NOT GOOD.

HE'S GONNA MISS HIS FLIGHT.

YEAH.

IS HE NOT GOING?

I BOOKED HIM A FLIGHT.

HE'S NOT GOING TONIGHT.

I TOLD HIS FATHER THAT HE WOULD BE ON THAT FLIGHT.

WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO TELL HIM OTHERWISE.

IT WAS GOOD OF YOU TO GO THROUGH ALL THE TROUBLE,

BUT HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TONIGHT.

JESUS, SALLY, I'M NOT THE ENEMY.

AND YOU'RE NOT THE WIFE.

IT'S NOT A CONTEST.

YEAH, YOU'RE DAMN STRAIGHT.

( dishes clatter )

SHOULD I GO BACK THERE?

MMM. I DON'T THINK SO.

SHOULD WE STAY?

WE CAN STAY.

MAYBE NOT.

- GREAT. - SO MUCH FOR ECSTASY.

SHOULD WE GO GET THE KIDS?

OH, MY GOD! GOD-- THE SITTER.

YEAH, CLAIR...

YOU JUST ALWAYS MANAGE TO PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE.

OH, MY GOD.

Lucy's message: Pick up the phone. It's a damn nuisance--

you're not here, big brother.

Joe, I'd love to talk to you before I go.

Please, baby, call me.

I love you madly.

( machine beeps )

Joe, It's Lucy. Do you remember me?

It's the black sheep here. Baa-aa!

Pick up the phone. Come on, pick up the phone.

It's a damn nuisance you're not here, big brother.

Joe, I'd love to talk to you before I go.

I need you. Call me.

I love you madly.

( machine beeps )

HELLO, DAD.

HANG IN.

I'M HOME ALL WEEKEND.

CALL ME... IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

PERFECT.

I CALL THAT A PERFECT SKY.

- A PERFECT NIGHT. - DAMN NEAR.

DAMN NEAR PERFECT DRUG.

WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN.

JUST ONCE IN A BLUE MOON, YOU KNOW?

MAYBE WE SHOULD ASK THEM FOR THE NUMBER OF THEIR LANDSCAPER.

- YOU LIKE FUCKING OUTDOORS? - NOT AS A RULE.

THEY DIDN'T SIGN THEIR GODDAMN TAX RETURNS.

COFFEE?

SURE.

I'LL GET IT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

IT'S OKAY. I DON'T MIND.

RELAX, YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH.

( vacuum running )

♪♪ THERE ARE GIRLS JUST RIPE FOR SOME KISSING ♪♪

♪♪ AND I MEAN TO KISS ME A FEW ♪♪

♪♪ OH, THOSE GIRLS DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE MISSING ♪♪

♪♪ I'VE GOT A LOT OF LIVING TO DO ♪♪

♪♪ AND THERE'S WINE ALL READY FOR TASTING ♪♪

♪♪ AND THERE'S CADILLACS ALL SHINY AND NEW ♪♪

♪♪ GOT TO MOVE 'CAUSE TIME IS A-WASTIN' ♪♪

♪♪ THERE'S SUCH A LOT OF LIVING TO DO ♪♪

♪♪ THERE'S MUSIC TO PLAY, PLACES TO GO ♪♪

♪♪ AND PEOPLE TO SEE ♪♪

♪♪ EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND ME ♪♪

♪♪ LIFE'S A BALL IF ONLY YOU'D KNOW IT ♪♪

♪♪ AND IT'S ALL WAITING FOR YOU ♪♪

♪♪ YOU'RE ALIVE ♪♪

♪♪ SO COME ON AND SHOW IT ♪♪

♪♪ THERE'S SUCH A LOT OF LIVING TO DO ♪♪

♪♪ I'VE GOT A LOT OF LIVING TO DO ♪♪

♪♪ MAN, THERE'S SUCH A LOT OF LIVING TO DO ♪♪

♪♪ WHY, THERE'S MUSIC TO PLAY, PLACES TO GO ♪♪

♪♪ AND PEOPLE TO SEE ♪♪

♪♪ EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND ME ♪♪

♪♪ LIFE'S A BALL IF ONLY YOU'D KNOW IT ♪♪

♪♪ AND IT'S ALL JUST WAITING FOR YOU ♪♪

♪♪ YOU'RE ALIVE ♪♪

♪♪ SO COME ON AND SHOW IT ♪♪

♪♪ THERE'S SUCH A LOT OF LIVING ♪♪

♪♪ SUCH A LOT OF LIVING ♪♪

♪♪ SUCH A LOT OF LIVING TO DO. ♪♪

♪♪ I RECKON I LOVE ♪♪

♪♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ♪♪

♪♪ TO SALLY AND JOE ♪♪

♪♪ WE'RE GLAD YOU CAME HOME ♪♪

♪♪ DON'T SPLIT UP AGAIN ♪♪

♪♪ 'CAUSE WE LIKE THE FOOD. ♪♪

( partygoers applauding )

Joe: OH, JACK, DID YOU WRITE THAT YOURSELF?

- Cal: ABSOLUTELY! - Joe: ANY HELP AT ALL?

( electronica music plays )