Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's love ♪

♪♪

Julie, has everything been taken care of for the miss Americas --

champagne, flowers, fruit baskets in the cabins?

Yes, sir, you won't be able to tell

the difference between their cabins and our gift shop.

I want everything to be perfect.

They're here as guests of the cruise line.

-Yes. -This is so exciting.

We've never had a miss america on the ship.

Let alone four of them.

And that's exactly what I want you to do, Adam.

Let alone all four.

All right, everybody, flash those pearlies.

-Ace! -Ace!

-Captain. -Ace.

-Doc. -Hi.

And my two favorite ladies.

Well, it's good to have you back, ace.

I'll second that.

-Oh, and I'll third that. -Well, thanks.

It's great to be back. I missed you all very much.

Oh, and, captain, I want you to know

I finished my photography course.

And there's not a thing I can't do in a darkroom.

Oh, gee, I wonder if he needs an assistant?

Well, you're here just in time

to take pictures of the former miss Americas.

There they are.

♪♪

Uh, excuse me, ladies.

-Sure. -Sure.

Excuse me, gentlemen. Hello, I'm captain stubing.

And this is our ship's doctor, Adam bricker.

Hello, I'm Nancy Fleming, miss america 1961.

And I'm Jean bartel, miss america 1943.

I'm Marian mcknight, miss america 1957.

-Welcome. -Welcome aboard, ladies.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

Ace: Excuse me, ladies, uh, captain,

may I get a photograph, please?

Of course.

That's it. Beautiful. Right there.

There we are.

Master Ashley.

Finley!

What are you doing here, huh?

Your parents have sent me on this cruise.

Is that right? Well, why not?

I guess even the family valet needs a vacation, hmm?

I'm not here on vacation, sir.

I'm here to be your valet.

No, no, Finley -- Finley, you can't do this to me.

Uh, soon as the rest of the guys

find out that my parents sent me a valet,

I'll never hear the end of it.

I am sorry, sir.

But you should've thought of that before you were born rich.

Well, mom, fresh salt air, warm sunshine,

and swarms of good-looking men...

[ Chuckles ] Salt air makes me wheeze.

I get third-degree sunburns.

And swarms give me the creeps.

Let's go home.

Hi, I'm your purser, gopher Smith.

Hi.

I'm Jenny rhodes, and this is my mother.

How do you do?

The cruise was her idea.

She wants to fix me up with some men.

Mom!

I think she's just feeling a little tired.

Oh, forget tired. Try old.

Where's our cabin?

Uh, ma'am -- rhodes is fiesta 264.

Go right through these doors, around to the elevator,

and down one deck.

I could take you there myself.

Oh, don't bother.

Let's go, Jenny.

I've got to go count my wrinkles.

I think I feel a new one about to pop.

Don't worry about a thing -- I'll have her bogeying

on the dining room table in no time.

-I hope you're right. -Hey, listen.

I've seen this happen many times.

And while she's having a good time, might I suggest

the gopher Smith escort service?

I'd like to take advantage of it.

I really would.

But making sure my mother's happy

is the most important thing on my mind.

Well, don't you worry about old mom 'cause

she's gonna have a ball.

Come on, Jenny, I can't wait to start feeling bored.

[ Chuckles ]

Excuse me, can you help a desperate woman find a cabin?

Sure, what's the name?

Isaac Washington.

Excuse me, Isaac,

I didn't recognize you without your mustache.

I'm Cassie Jones.

Isaac's an old high-school friend of mine.

Our class reunion is next week.

And I'd give my right arm to get Isaac as my date.

Well, does he know you're sailing with us?

And give him a chance to jump ship?

No way.

I prefer good, old-fashioned ambush.

Well, here's your chance to cut him off at the pass.

All right. And then we'll use that one.

Oh, is my war paint on okay?

-You look great. -Wish me luck.

Good luck!

Everything else is fine.

All right, thank you.

[ Gasps ] Isaac Washington!

As I live and breathe -- -Cassie Jones!

You know, I haven't seen you since Jefferson high.

Funny you should mention our old Alma mater because

next week we're gonna have -- -Cassie.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Is that miss america?

[ Indistinct conversations ]

No, not my cup of tea.

She is beautiful. Excuse me.

I'll -- I'll be right back.

Excuse me! Ladies and gentlemen! Ladies and gentlemen!

No more pictures, please!

No more pictures or questions!

The ship is getting ready to sail.

And if you don't have a ticket, you have to leave.

I'm sorry. That's just the way it is.

No, I'm sorry, sir. So long.

Thank you very much for being so kind and patient with us.

Yes, that's the rules of the house.

So if you don't have a ticket, I'm sorry.

You have to go.

Bye. -Oh, thanks.

The press can be very persistent.

Oh, I know. I've got a paperboy that keeps bugging me.

-I'm Vanessa Williams. -I'm Isaac Washington.

It is so nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Vanessa, would it be all right if I escorted you to your cabin?

You never know if there's another journalist

lurking in the passageway.

Why take the chance?

Listen, you know, there are so many things at port --

-Isaac. -Oh, Cassie!

Uh, can I get back to you later on?

Yeah. -Sure.

Thanks. Um, there are things like...

[ Fog horn blows ]

♪♪

Now, where would you like these? The dresser or the closet?

I don't want them anywhere.

Look, I want to make it on my own.

I don't want a valet.

It's not a question of what you want.

It is the opinion of your parents

that if you insist on living on this wretched float,

the least you could have

is the accoutrements of civilization, master Ashley.

And don't call me master Ashley.

The name is ace.

Your name is master Ashley Covington Evans.

And I have no intention

of helping you to make an ace of yourself.

♪♪

-Hi, Isaac. -Hey, Julie.

Oh, Cassie.

Have you had a chance to mention the reunion to Isaac yet?

Not yet.

There's no time like the present.

Okay.

Hi, Vanessa.

Hi, Isaac.

Listen, I saved the best seat in the house for you.

-Oh, fantastic. -Yeah, it's right over here.

On second thought, there's no time like the future.

And if there's anything you need, anything at all,

I'm just a holler away.

Thanks a lot, Isaac.

♪♪

Well, smile, miss america.

Your Mr. America has just arrived.

[ Clears throat ]

You know, you, uh --

you got a nicer body than my Porsche.

I don't think my boyfriend would like that.

But what your boyfriend doesn't know won't hurt him.

But if he did know, it could hurt you.

[ Chuckles ]

It's true that I am a -- a lover, not a fighter.

But if you don't say anything, well, I won't say anything.

My boyfriend is right over there.

The bartender?

[ Laughs ]

You could do better than that, baby.

I'm sorry. I'm very devoted to him.

To the bartender?

[ Clears throat ]

Excuse me.

Miss america there tells me that, uh, she's crazy about you.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Crazy about me.

All right.

Mom, don't look now,

but I think that man over there is interested in you.

I know the type -- no words, all hands.

Hi, Jenny.

Hi.

-Hi, Mrs. Rhodes. -Hello.

Jenny,

I've compiled a list of the eligible bachelors on this ship.

And I'm sure your mom would love to meet them.

-That's wonderful, gopher. -Thank you.

Okay, who we got here?

Ah, how about right here?

Norton henley.

He's an accountant. -Oh, wonderful.

I like a man who can count to 10.

Okay, Norton's a no-no.

Oh, hey. Here's the guy for you.

Ted arbuckle, plumbing fixtures.

Terrific.

Mr. Adventure.

Um, uh, well, okay. How about this guy here?

Lou pappas, used car salesman.

Please, gopher, not so much excitement the first day.

Might as well just sit here in the sun and dry up like a prune.

♪♪

Ace: Beautiful. Okay.

Flash those pearlies.

Great. Thanks, ladies.

Together: Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Your milk, sir.

Finley, you're embarrassing me.

Please, I don't want any milk.

Master Ashley, even boys trying to make it

on their own need milk.

Oh, for crying out loud, Finley.

Hi, ace?

Uh, Vicki, Julie.

Hi! Who's your friend?

-Friend? -Mm-hmm.

Oh, this isn't a friend.

He's a, uh, passenger.

Wants his picture taken.

Oh, well, don't work too hard.

You'll ruin it for the rest of us.

Bye-bye.

You know, a picture's not a bad idea.

Master Ashley.

Of course.

-Thank you. -Finley.

How about a picture?

-That's very kind of you, sir. -Hmm?

Okay, let's see.

Uh, if you could just start by stepping back a little bit more.

That's it. Okay.

A little bit more.

Okay, one more baby, little step.

Oh!

♪♪

Good evening.

Early seating dinner is now being served

in the coral dining room.

Tyrone: I actually thought I'd surprise you.

Time for you to dine with the man on your mind.

Oh, thank you.

But, uh, suddenly I'm not feeling too well.

I think I should stay in my cabin.

Well, it's your loss.

But if, uh, you should happen to change your mind,

I'll be in the dining room at an intimate table

for two waiting for my dessert.

♪♪

Hello? Uh, could you connect me with Isaac Washington, please?

Yes, I'll hold.

Miss america?

You must be dreaming.

Doc, I am not dreaming.

She is telling everyone that I am her main man.

Yeah, and Bo Derek can't keep her hands off me.

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

Yeah, he's right here.

Who's calling?

Miss america?

Uh, ju-- just a moment.

Uh, miss america for you.

Thank you.

[ Clears throat ]

Hello.

Oh, hi, Vanessa.

Dinner in your cabin?

Yeah, I -- I think I can make those arrangements.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

It wouldn't be any bother at all.

Now, you just leave everything to me.

[ Chuckles ]

Yeah.

Fine.

Okay.

Goodbye.

See, doc?

She'll do anything to get me alone.

I'd give you a hand, but i'm expecting a call from Bo.

-Oh, hi, Isaac. -Cassie!

-Uh, got a minute? -No.

Miss america needs me.

That's not all she needs.

♪♪

Late-seating dinner is now being served.

Come dine and also feast your eyes

on the former miss Americas.

Bon appétit!

[ Soft music playing ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Mom, I'm sorry the men gopher found

weren't more to your liking.

There'll be others.

Oh, that's what I keep telling myself.

But where are they?

Where are the heroes I used to see in the movies,

strong gentlemen with romance and tenderness?

-Mother. -Where are the counts, Dukes,

even an Indian prince or two?

Ah, just one night with any of them would be all I asked.

Oh.

You haven't eaten. Where are you going?

Back to the cabin to read a trashy novel.

Good evening.

I don't know what to do with her.

Gopher, you haven't seen any counts,

Dukes, or Indian princes onboard, have you?

[ Indian accent ] Well, if it's an Indian prince you are wanting, no problem.

I'll just tell the valet parking boy bring around my elephant.

[ Laughs ]

Gopher, I love it. That's marvelous.

-[ Normal voice ] Thank you. -I love it.

Could I meet you back in your cabin in about an hour?

It really would mean a lot to me.

Well, if it means that much to you,

maybe we'd better make it half an hour.

[ Chuckles ]

Why didn't I think of this Indian prince angle before?

-Hi, everybody. -Good evening.

-Hi, goph. -Hi, goph.

-Hey, ace. -Hmm?

Who's that guy standing behind you?

Hmm?

Yes, who is that man?

Uh, what man?

I am Mr. Finley, master Ashley's valet.

He's your valet?

His second cruise he gets a valet.

I've been here 7 years.

I haven't even got a nurse.

My parents sent him here to take care of me.

They don't think I can dress myself yet.

It's very unusual for a crew member to have a valet.

I know, captain, I assure you

it's very temporary -- it won't change a thing.

Well, uh, what looks good tonight, huh?

Oh, lobster.

I think I'll have the lobster.

On second thought, maybe I'll just have a steak.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Isaac: Dinner time!

Hi, Isaac.

Wow, look at all this!

A meal fit for a queen.

First, we have chateaubriand,

a bottle of our best champagne, on the house, of course,

and an American beauty Rose for a true American beauty.

Thanks.

You sure know how to spoil a girl.

Well, a girl like you deserves to be spoiled.

But I guess, being miss america,

you have dozens of guys falling all over you every day.

Not really, but I don't want them to.

Basically, I'm just a one-man woman,

as long as it's the right man.

Oh.

I'd like to stay and keep you company,

but I've got to get back to work.

Thanks for the Rose, Isaac.

[ Chuckles ] Sure.

Oh.

They keep moving these closets.

♪♪

[ Indian accent ] So, tell me,

what do you think of Calcutta as a whole?

[ Knock on door ]

Enter, oh, object of my desire and palpitation.

I'm really a nervous wreck about this.

Fear not, my sweet.

I know how to steal the flattering of your heart --

a kiss upon the lips as gentle as a butterfly wing.

Oh, oh, uh, no, no, gopher.

[ Normal voice ] What do you mean?

I thought you liked the Indian approach.

I do, but not for me.

Yeah, well, then for who?

For my mother!

What?

She just needs one romantic interlude --

an eloquent, poetic gentleman,

charming, tender, romantic.

You want me to romance your mother?

All you have to do is play the mysterious stranger,

appearing, as if from nowhere, on a lonesome cruise.

You sweep her off her feet.

Yeah, and then she sweeps me off the deck.

Forget it. This is not gonna work.

Unh-unh. -It has to.

-Unh-unh. -She feels lonesome.

She feels as if no one even cares about her.

And she has a fantasy about a gentleman just like this.

Please, do it for me. -I can't.

-Well, please, gopher. -I'm sorry.

I'd like to. I'd like to help you.

But I just -- I can't. I...

I can do this. No problem.

Mm.

Oh, you're gonna make such a handsome Indian gentleman.

I'm very good with makeup. -Yeah?

First, you need a little panstick base.

Uh-huh, and some dark brown eyeshadow.

[ Indian accent ] Dark brown eyeshadow?

Let's see.

I have it.

What?

A mustache!

Ah!

[ Chuckles ]

[ Normal voice ] I like it, too.

Mm.

[ Indian accent ] Mm, most pleasing.

Try to keep it out of my nose.

♪♪

[ Soft music playing ]

-It was good. -Oh, hi, ace.

-Hi. -Hi, ace, where's jeeves?

Well, he finally took the rest of the night off.

Now, if he'd only take the rest of my life off.

Why don't you promise him that you won't tell your parents

if he just leaves you alone

and enjoys the rest of the cruise?

It'll be like a vacation to him.

No, you see, that's the problem.

Waiting on me hand and foot is his idea of a vacation.

Well, sure, he's got it made working for you

on a cruise ship -- there's so little to do here.

You're right.

You know, that just might work.

Thanks, Julie!

[ Chuckles ]

What might work?

I don't know, but it's already worked for me.

♪♪

Isaac, will you take little, old me to the reunion?

Isaac, you come to that reunion or I'll squash you!

Too subtle. I --

-Cassie. -Hi.

-Hi, Isaac. -Hi.

Uh, Julie said you were looking for me.

Uh, yes, yes.

I -- I wanted to know, uh, uh, how --

how's your sister doing?

I don't have a sister.

Oh.

Well, then I guess she won't be going

to our reunion Saturday night.

Nope, but I'm really looking forward to it.

You gonna be there?

Well, I hadn't really thought about it.

But now that you've brought it up,

it sounds like fun.

Yeah, and you know what's really gonna be fun?

What?

Seeing the old gang's reaction when I walk in

with miss america on my arm.

Yeah.

What a blast.

Finley here, sir.

Ace: Come on in.

You wish to see me, si--

Finley.

You're just in time.

I need another can of beer.

Uh, there should be a can up there

on the bureau underneath those clothes.

Well, are you certain that there is a bureau

underneath these clothes?

Thank you, Finley.

Listen, I'm sorry to get you out of bed at this hour,

but there are a few things I'd like to go over with you.

All right? Uh, if you would, just sit down.

First of all, now, I'm a very restless sleeper.

All right?

I'd like for you to come in every hour.

Check to make sure I haven't knocked the covers off my bed, all right?

Also, I like to take a little stroll -- say, about 3:00 A.M.

So I'd like for you to come in and dress me.

-Uh, master Ashley? -Yes.

Since you've left home, have you always lived like this?

Oh, no, no.

I'm still not used to you being here.

I tidied up a little bit. -Yes.

This is really most unacceptable.

It is, huh?

I was afraid you'd say that.

Then I guess you'll be

going home when we pull in to port tomorrow.

On the contrary,

i see know that you need me more than ever, master Ashley.

Now, let's start by straightening this picture.

And this.

Now, remember, gopher -- be strong but tender,

suave but romantic.

-Like this? -Later, gopher.

You'll ruin your makeup.

Mother's out on the deck.

Now, go out there and make her happy.

[ Sighs ]

Good evening.

[ Indian accent ] Good evening to you, sir.

Excuse me, would you permit a stranger

to savor this beautiful evening in your presence

for a moment or two?

Oh, yes, of course.

Thank you very much.

Forgive me for staring at you,

but you remind me of my native India.

A flower floating on the Ganges after the monsoon,

so fierce and, yet, so tenderly.

Wha-- who are you?

Beautiful lady, what is in a name?

Well, I -- I -- I don't talk to strangers.

Ah, most commendable.

Permit me, then, to introduce myself to you.

I am punjab, Dr. Punjab Singh.

Oh, a doctor?

Yes.

A poet in spirit, but by profession,

a foot doctor.

Well, one has to eat, you know?

This is something Gandhi never learned.

♪♪

Cigarette? -Oh, no.

I don't smoke.

Me neither.

I wish only to inhale the fragrance of your beautifulness.

Oh, kiss me.

Oh, this is not possibly possible.

In India, we do not kiss until we have been married 5 years.

It helps with the population problem.

I don't care.

[ Sighs ]

That was incredible.

It was a piece of goodness for me, too.

But now, beautiful blossom of the Ganges,

one kiss, one moment of bliss

and so farewell.

♪♪

I'll find you, my mysterious lover,

if it takes me the rest of this cruise.

♪♪

Attention, passengers.

Our delicious breakfast buffet

is now being served on the starlight deck.

Don't miss out on the croissants.

But, please, save one for me!

We've got to stop meeting like this.

My sentiments exactly.

Oh, come on, baby.

You know, you and me, we were meant to be.

The only thing we were meant to be is at separate tables.

I know your type.

Hi, Isaac!

Hi, Vanessa.

Good morning, handsome.

Good morning.

I really enjoyed last night with, uh, you in my cabin.

I enjoyed it, too.

See you later?

You can count on it.

Have I mentioned his karate trophies?

Master Ashley, you may protest all you want.

I am very used to your tantrums from your diaper days.

[ Speaks French ]

But, now, if you will excuse me, I am going to your cabin

to prepare your wardrobe for the afternoon.

Finley, what's wrong with this?

Hmm?

Sir, I do not intend to be a gentleman's gentleman

to a gentleman who does not dress like one.

I guess your plan didn't work out last night.

-Unh-unh. -Gee, ace, I really feel sorry

for you having to be pampered and waited on all day.

Doc, this is no joke.

All right, look, I know he's only trying to do his job,

but it's getting in the way of me trying to do my job.

Well, as long as you're gonna be stuck with him for a while,

maybe you should at least try getting along.

Yeah, Julie's right.

You might as well just be nice to him.

Yeah.

Be nice to him.

You're a genius!

Yeah, yeah! I'll be nice to him.

I'll be real nice to him.

♪♪

There you are.

[ Normal voice ] Oh, Mrs. Rhodes, hi.

I can't talk to you now.

I got to take these reports to the captain.

Stay.

I met the man of my dreams last night,

and you've got to find him for me.

His name is Dr. Punjab Singh.

I don't know him. Sorry.

What did you do, memorize the passenger list?

Look him up. -Okay.

All right, sure. -Oh, what a man.

He's about your height, more or less.

He wears a turban, and he has a mustache and a goatee.

And, oh, he talks like an Indian prince.

Must be a dozen guys on the ship that fit that description.

Find mine.

Oh, when I get my hands on that man,

I'm never gonna let him go.

♪♪

Welcome to glamorous acapulco,

one of the jewels of the Mexican riviera.

Enjoy the beauty and excitement of this lovely port city.

It's an experience you'll never forget.

Buenas tardes!

♪♪

A little closer together. There we go.

Chin up, chin up. That's it right there.

Smile. Beautiful.

You're gonna love it. Finley.

-Yes, sir. -Will you take this bag, please?

-Certainly, sir. -Thank you.

You're very kind. Okay.

Now, there we go. Perfect.

Ah, beautiful.

Now, in the next one, I think that we should, uh...

Oh, miss Fleming.

Hi.

The flower shop asked me to deliver these to you.

Thank you, Vicki. I wonder who sent them?

"To Nancy, my favorite miss america, ever.

From your most ardent admirer, Ernest Finley."

Oh, I have to thank him. They're just gorgeous.

Do you know Mr. Finley, Vicki?

Uh, yes, that's Mr. Finley right over there.

The tall gentleman in the dark suit?

-Uh-huh. -Thank you.

Mr. Finley.

Thank you so much for the flowers.

You're very sweet.

But...no, no, no.

Clearly she must have mistaken me for somebody else.

Finley, you devil, you.

Huh?

Hi, Cassie.

Anything new with Isaac?

Yeah, miss america.

Julie, he is so wrapped up in her

he doesn't even know I'm alive.

Oh, Cassie, is it really so important to you

that Isaac goes with you to the reunion?

Julie, all through high school,

people made fun of me because I had a hopeless crush on him.

I've got something to prove to them.

Besides, I already told a couple of my close friends

that Isaac was gonna be my date.

Well, if they're your close friends, they'll understand.

I don't know what to do.

My mother's mad about you. -I know.

She told me she met the man of her dreams last night.

And now she wants me to find him.

And I want you to find him too, gopher.

You want me to find him? You know...

Oh, wait a minute. No, no, no, no.

One night is all we agreed upon,

and one night only. -Please, gopher.

Be Dr. Singh tonight. -I can't.

I'd never get away with it a second time.

Besides, I got all this work to do for the captain.

-Gopher. -Don't look at me like that.

Gopher!

My mother said Dr. Singh is her ideal man --

so mature, handsome, tender, poetic.

She said that?

Yes, and sexy.

She said I was sexy?

No, I'm saying that.

Yeah?

Well, I don't know, Jenny. I mean, I --

please, gopher.

Just one more night.

The cruise will be over tomorrow,

and then my mother can go home happy.

Oh, what the hay?

[ Clears throat ]

Sir, I'll have these on your floor in an hour.

Your desk!

♪♪

This is beautiful.

Okay, Finley.

I'm gonna go develop this film. Why don't you take a break?

And I'll catch up to you in a little bit.

-As you wish. -All right.

Oh, yeah, thanks. Bye-bye.

This is a great surprise.

There he is.

Oh, Mr. Finley.

Mr. Finley, thank you so much for the candy.

What a sweet man.

Come on, girls. We're gonna see you later.

Tease him.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Indian accent ] It seems an eternity

since last I bathed in the warm glow of your beauty.

Oh, well, I wasn't, uh, expecting you, punjab.

Ah.

In India, we have a saying --

"always expect the unexpected," because if you

lived in my country, you would expect that.

The unexpected just causes a great deal of stress.

So you've, uh, come back to me.

Regrettably, no, beautiful lady.

Where my heart would go, my feet may not follow.

I am married.

You have a wife?

Two and one on the way.

Do you all live together?

Oh, my goodness, no.

Uh, my wives live all over India.

Yes, I have one wife who lives in Delhi.

I have another who lives in Bombay.

And the future Mrs. Singh lives in, uh, Karachi.

Uh, that's in Pakistan.

I commute.

Look, I don't care about your wives.

We'll make any arrangement you want.

I can't let you go.

Please, you are making a most difficult

difficulty more difficult.

I must say goodbye to you.

That's why I am saying this to you.

Goodbye. I am saying goodbye.

You know, I must have one last thing before you go, punjab.

I know. You want a kiss for your memory.

But I must say, no, no, no.

This is the last you will ever see of punjab Singh.

-Uh, punjab? -Hmm.

-Your singing days are over. -What? What?

You fraud! How could you?

[ Normal voice ] Hey -- wh -- ah,

listen, hey, Mrs. Rhodes.

Now, let me explain, okay?

We're now leaving lovely acapulco.

We hope you've enjoyed your stay as much as we have.

Our next stop is Los Angeles.

Buenas noches!

[ Knock on door ]

-Who is it? -Isaac.

Come on in.

Hi, Vanessa.

Hi, Isaac.

-How you doing? -Good.

Have a seat.

Listen, Vanessa.

When we get back,

my high school class is having a reunion.

It's Saturday night.

And I was thinking it would be nice

if you'd come along with me as my date.

Oh, I'm really flattered, Isaac,

but I'm afraid I can't.

Being miss america keeps you pretty busy.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's okay.

Maybe we could get together Friday instead --

just the two of us.

Well, maybe.

But, um, on the other hand, maybe not.

I don't understand.

Well, it's not just my schedule.

I have a boyfriend back home.

But what about that big kiss you gave me

and the wonderful time that we had last night?

And you told that guy that you were crazy about me.

Oh, I'm -- I'm so sorry.

The truth is I was pretending that you were my boyfriend

so I could get rid of that creep.

I -- I really feel awful.

Oh, ah....

Hey, well, uh, that -- that's okay.

Don't worry about it. It -- it's no big deal.

Actually, uh, uh, I think it's kind of funny.

-You do? -Yeah.

And I'm sure I'll be able to laugh about it...

In a couple of weeks.

♪♪

I don't agree with what your daughter

or my purser did, Mrs. Rhodes.

But I'm certain they did it with your best interest at heart.

I really just wanted to help.

And I, um, sort of forced gopher into it.

[ Indian accent ] That is not entirely true in its entirety.

I just wish to be thanked.

[ Clears throat ]

[ Normal voice ] I just wanted to help, too.

Well, I guess you did.

It's just too bad there aren't of my kind

of heroes around anymore.

But there are, Mrs. Rhodes.

You just have to look under the surface.

They're there.

You really think so?

I'm sure of it.

You're a very attractive woman.

Oh.

And you'll find that strong and sensitive man you want.

I'm looking at one.

Me?

Oh, Mrs. Rhodes --

don't get nervous, captain.

I've had it with shipboard romances.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

-You sent for me? -Finley.

I took some photographs today I wanted to show you.

I think they're some of my best work.

Oh, that's wonderful, master Ashley.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

What do you think?

What do you intend to do with these?

Well, I thought my parents might like to see just

what kind of care you've been taking of me.

-You set me up! -Yeah.

I'll admit I was the one who sent the gifts

to the miss Americas and signed your name.

Yeah.

You realize that if you send these photos to your parents,

I shall be humiliated?

Displaced!

Finley, I didn't do it to hurt you.

I'd...

I'd never show these pictures to my parents.

Then why?

Because I need to be on my own.

You're the best valet in the world.

But I have my work to do, also.

See, I want to be just like you --

the very best at what I do.

Oh, well, thank you, sir.

Good night, Finley.

Good night...

Ace.

[ Both chuckle ]

Don't jump.

Whatever it is, it's not worth it.

-Hi, Cassie. -Hi.

Why is it whenever I'm attracted to someone

and I want to make a good impression,

that is always the time I end up making a jerk of myself?

Join the club.

I sure made a jerk of myself over you.

-Over me? -Yeah.

Miss Jefferson high should have been miss Jefferson low.

Don't laugh. I am so embarrassed about it.

Well, you shouldn't be.

Cassie, I admire you.

You're funny and open and willing to be yourself.

Right now, I'm more willing to be miss america.

Gee, that's too bad because miss Jefferson high

happens to be one of my favorite people.

Why, because I'm good for a laugh?

Yes.

And that's a wonderful thing about you.

And you're very beautiful, too.

Cassie, Saturday night is our class reunion.

If you don't already have a date,

I would be honored if you would go with me.

Saturday night?

Um...

Isaac, I'm there!

♪♪

♪♪

-Bye-bye. -Bye-bye, take care.

Ace: Hope you enjoyed yourself.

Well, we did manage to squeeze in

a little fun on the cruise, gopher.

We certainly did.

It was the squeezing part I like the best.

And, Mrs. Rhodes...

...[ Indian accent ] A thousand pardons if I caused you some confusement.

That's all right.

The whole thing was partly my fault anyway.

But, uh, thanks to you,

I -- I went out and found a man of my own.

No kidding?

-Do you like him? -Finley?

Yes, well, it was quite a surprise to me too, sir.

Strong, tender, great breeding.

Well, he doesn't talk like an Indian doctor but, uh,

I'll settle for a British valet.

Oh, well...

Let's go, fin.

I'll be right with you, sweetheart.

Uh, fin, huh?

-Well, good-bye, sir. -Good-bye.

And I will tell your parents that you're doing splendidly.

Oh, thank you. Oh, by the way, Finley.

Even though things didn't really work out, I --

I want you to know I still appreciate

you coming here and taking care of me.

That is so nice of you, sir.

Thank you. -Take care, old man.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Isaac: Okay, well, I'll be there, too.

[ Both chuckle ]

And thanks, Isaac, for being so understanding.

You know, next to my boyfriend,

you're the sweetest guy I know.

Well, I don't mind being first runner-up for miss america.

-Bye-bye. -Bye-bye.

Cassie!

Well, Isaac, I guess I'll see you Saturday night.

8:00 sharp.

Don't forget.

Captain, we want to thank you and your crew

for a very enjoyable cruise.

No, it was our pleasure.

Everything was lovely.

That's my job, to be as lovely as possible.

And everyone else was so nice.

That's me -- nice.

I'm coming back.

Uh, excuse me, folks. Would you look up here, please?

I'd like to get a picture of all you assembled beauties, huh?

Hold it!

There are two beauties missing.

Which two?

These two!

Okay.

All: Flash those pearlies!

♪♪

♪♪