Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love boat theme"]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward, let it float,

it floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

All arrangements have been made for your photography

sessions, Mr. O'Neal.

Thank you, captain.

It's very important that everything go well.

I just opened up my own advertising agency.

Glow tan suntan lotion is my first account.

Oh, I always use glow tan.

Don't tell my client that, Vicki.

I want her to think that I'm selling all of it.

Excuse me, captain, my models are here.

Oh, yeah.

This way, girls.

I'd like you to meet the captain, girls.

Well, welcome aboard, girls.

I see you've already met Mr. Smith and Mr. Washington.

We sure have.

They've been very helpful.

Yes, I'm sure they have been.

Enjoy the cruise.

Excuse me, please.

Vicki, can I see what cabin the ladies are in, please?

Thank you.

Fiesta deck, cabins 312, 14, and 16.

Excellent choice.

Oh, I know exactly where that is.

As chances have it, so do I.

Speaking of cabins, Mr. O'Neal,

you're on the promenade deck, cabin 344.

I asked for a cabin close to Mrs. Parker,

the president of glow tan.

Was that arranged?

Mrs. Parker and miss Parker.

Miss Parker?

Oh, that must be her daughter.

Andy?

Oh, there they are now.

Excuse me.

Mrs. Parker, so good to see you.

Hello, Andy.

And this must be your sister?

See why I hired him?

Now that is salesmanship.

This is my daughter Sandy.

Sandy, Andy O'Neal.

Hi.

Hi.

This is really a big thrill for me.

Advertising was my major in college.

Isn't that nice?

Sandy's very bright.

She can probably help you with our campaign.

Why don't I just go and check us in?

Sure.

Oh, I can't wait to talk to you about the glow tan campaign.

I think I have a lot of great ideas.

I'm sure you do.

In my years of advertising, I found boss's daughters always

have a lot of great ideas.

Enjoy your cruise, Mr. and Mrs. Thomas.

Thank you.

We will.

Gary, I don't think this is such a good idea.

Nobody's going to believe you and I are married.

Why not?

Because they'll think i'm not good enough for you?

No wonder the people at the escort service said you

were their best.

You certainly know how to flatter an older woman.

I know how to flatter a younger

woman too, Arlene, which is the way I think of you.

I have a feeling you know how to flatter all women.

I'm going to go to the cabin.

It takes us older younger women a while to get it all together.

Ok, I'll be down in a few minutes, ok?

Fran, honey, you wait here.

I'll go get our cabin [inaudible]..

All right, Roy.

May I help you with that bag?

Oh, no, I'm fine.

Thank you.

Yes, I see you're fine.

That's why I offered to help.

You on a cruise with your father?

Oh, yes.

Maybe I'll see you later?

Maybe.

Oh, I'd say maybe more than maybe.

Here you go.

Who was that?

Just a young man trying to help me with my bag.

Let me give you some advice, stay away from the man

who helps you with your bag.

Stick with the man who helps you with your rent.

Excuse me, miss?

I'm looking for Dr. Adam bricker.

He's usually around at boarding time,

but I don't see him.

May I help you?

I don't think so.

I'll just wait for Dr. Bricker.

Are you a friend of doc's?

Doc?

Oh, you mean Dr. Bricker.

I guess in a way you could say I'm a friend of his.

Why don't I just wait over here for Dr. Bricker?

Yeah, well, while you wait, I'll just check you in.

Can I have your name, please?

Why don't I wait for Dr. bricker, then I'll check in.

You are taking this cruise with us, aren't you?

Well, sure.

Well, I'm going to go talk to that ship's officer right

over there.

Sure.

Excuse me.

Doc?

Julie.

Somebody is looking for you.

Good.

It's nice to be wanted.

It's the young man just behind me,

and he seems pretty vague about what he's doing here.

Well, that's natural enough.

I sometimes wonder what I'm doing here myself.

Hi.

I'm Dr. Bricker.

Can I help you?

I hope so.

I'm your son.

Beautiful.

Love the bottle.

Love the lotion.

Make me feel it.

You got it.

That's great.

Let me see the bottle.

There you go.

Ok.

Keep it at point.

[Humming]

Great.

All right, we want to create a feeling of excitement,

the sun, the sky, the sea.

All of you soaking up the atmosphere while your skin

soaks up the product.

Ok, Brenda, let's see you sell it.

Uh, Brenda, I'm getting a bit of a shadow.

Drop the bottle a touch.

How's that look, Mrs. Parker?

Wonderful, Andy.

Seeing it actually happen is a lot different

than being in a classroom.

Well, you bet.

Ok, girls, apply the lotion sensuously, like a caress.

A little more sensuous.

Sensuously.

Like a caress.

That's great.

You know if there's such a thing as reincarnation,

I want to come back as suntan lotion.

Like that pose, Mrs. Parker?

I love it.

Don't you, Sandy?

Yes, I think it's pretty effective, except--

except what, dear?

Yeah.

Except what?

Except it might be even more effective if Brenda

was posed on the upper deck.

That way her blond hair would make a dramatic contrast

with the blue of the sky.

Well, I mean it's just an idea.

That's marvelous.

I told you she had some fantastic ideas.

I know you did.

Ok, Pete, we're going to have to move everything

to the upper deck so that Brenda's

blond hair will make a dramatic contrast

against the blue of the sky.

Do you think this boy could be your son?

Or is he just some kid trying to get a free cruise?

I don't know, merrill.

But if he really is my son, I wouldn't

be that unhappy about it.

[Knocking]

Excuse me.

Hi.

Oh, David.

Julie told me to meet you here.

Come on in, David.

This is captain stubing.

How do you do, David?

Fine, thank you.

Look, I don't understand.

I came on this ship to find my father,

and I haven't been able to spend a minute alone with you.

Now I find myself talking to the captain of the ship.

One reason you're talking to the captain

is because you came on my ship without a ticket.

But more importantly, you are here because you

claim to be Dr. Bricker's son.

I am his son.

I'm not doubting you, David, but this is not a surprise

that's been sprung on me.

It's not the kind of thing I hear every day.

David, perhaps you can give us some more information.

Ok.

Do you remember being stationed at Norfolk, right?

Of course.

And I'm sure you remember Mary Tanner?

Yes.

I remember Mary Tanner.

Are you telling me that she's your mother?

Mary Tanner was someone I was very much in love

with when I was in the Navy.

She was very much in love with you too.

All right.

If you give me your mother's telephone number,

I'll call her.

Whatever Mary Tanner would tell me, I'd believe.

Would you give me her phone number?

I'm afraid it wouldn't do any good.

She died six weeks ago.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too.

I'm also sorry that you don't believe I'm your son.

Arlene, why don't you go put your bathing suit on?

You look as if you haven't been exposed

to the sun in a long time.

I haven't been exposed to anything in a long time.

Go get us a couple of drinks, will ya?

Ok.

Arlene, would you care for a lemonade?

That would be nice.

Coming right up.

Hi.

When we were boarding, I didn't catch your name.

I'm Gary.

Fran.

I told you I was on the cruise with my father,

but you didn't tell me you were with your mother.

She's not my mother.

She's a client.

Client?

I'm a bodyguard.

Oh, she's a very, very wealthy woman.

Tell me what exactly does a bodyguard do?

Well, for example, if you weren't wearing that bikini

right now, I might have to frisk you to make sure you

weren't carrying anything.

As it is, I won't have to frisky because I can see that you're

carrying everything.

Here you go.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, I better go.

My father is looking over here.

He's very protective.

Can I meet you for a drink later?

My client gets dressed for dinner around 7:00.

I'll meet you in the Neptune bar.

Well, I'll see, but right now I

have to get back to my father.

Bye bye.

Here's to the new ad slogan of the new glow tan campaign.

All right, Andy, stop keeping us in suspense.

What is the new ad slogan?

Ok, you ready for this?

Glow tan lotion, it's sunsational.

And to go along with the sunsational,

we put a picture of the sun on the cap of the container.

I love it.

Don't you love it, Sandy?

I think it's wonderful, except--

oh, never mind.

Except what, Sandy?

I didn't spend all that money sending you to the best schools

to have you just come up with except.

Well, I was thinking the top of the cap

might be a little mirror so you can see your face while you're

applying the lotion.

Sandy, that is a terrific idea.

Yes.

Sandy, you've done it again.

You know, this may sound foolish,

but I feel like everyone in the room is watching us.

Why?

Because you're so young and attractive.

It's the same old story.

Older woman, young man is frowned upon, whereas, an older

man with a young woman is fine.

Like that gentleman over there with his sweet young thing.

Oh, that's not his girlfriend.

That's his daughter.

How do you know?

Do you know them?

No.

I mean, she looks like his daughter.

It's just like if I saw you on a cruise

with a very handsome older gentleman,

I would naturally assume that you were his daughter.

Oh, Gary.

Beautiful fish.

Adam seems rather tense having dinner with that boy.

Well, it can't be easy for him not knowing whether or not

that boy is his son.

Hey, so what do you think?

Do you think this kid's claim is on the level?

I don't know.

Adam tried to call some of his old friends

but apparently the numbers were outdated.

If he does turn out to be doc's son, he's a lucky boy.

Wash your car?

I shouldn't even be polishing these hubcaps.

David, if Mary-- if your mother had

my son, how come in all these years she never contacted me?

I don't know.

I just found out I was your son a few weeks ago.

She always told me my father was dead.

I guess when she was dying, she decided to tell me the truth.

But you still don't believe me, right?

David, you've got to be able to see this from my side.

All of a sudden a complete stranger walks up and says,

hi, I'm your son.

I understand.

Would this help?

My mom said when I saw you to tell you

she never took another sentimental journey.

I don't know what that means, but that's what she said.

"Sentimental journey," that was our favorite song.

David, would you be willing to take a blood test?

Would that prove that I'm your son?

No, but it might eliminate the possibility

that I couldn't be your father.

Well, let's do it.

Half a dad's better than none.

You think I should keep my ideas to myself, don't you?

I didn't say that.

You did.

I try to control it.

Honestly.

It's just that when an idea pops into my head,

it pops right out of my mouth.

It's been that way ever since I was a little girl.

You know something, holding you

close like this has set a few ideas popping in my own head.

How about a walk on the deck?

Oh, I'd really like that, Andy, except--

except what?

Except nothing.

Let's go.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Why don't we go to the cabin?

We could relax.

Sure.

Yeah.

Let's go.

You dropped your napkin.

Thanks.

Here you are.

They still don't look like father and daughter to me.

So what is it?

Well, it seems we both have the same blood type.

Well, I'm not surprised, even if you are.

Listen, David, I didn't do this test to prove you're

not my son.

As a matter of fact, in a way, I kind of hope you are.

You really mean that?

Yes, I do.

However, as I told you, having the same blood

type only shows I could be your father.

It doesn't necessarily prove I am your father.

You sure keep looking for a way out, don't you?

Look, David, you can't just throw all this at me.

It's different for you.

You came on the ship certain as to who you were,

but I have to be sure to, don't I?

Ok.

Ok.

Look, next time, why don't you try

giving me a lie detector test?

Look, David, I was only--

[door slams]

Hi.

Your note said you had to see me about something important.

What is it?

I have to get back to my father.

It's about us.

Us?

Uh-huh.

What's important about us?

You and I should be together, that's what makes us important.

What's the matter with you?

You were supposed to meet me 15 minutes ago.

Well, i--

uh, sir, Fran came to meet me.

And, sir, I want you to know that my intentions

are honorable.

In fact, I think I may love your daughter.

Do you mind telling him we're not related?

We stay in the same cabin because we're

both afraid of the dark, Sonny.

Come on, Fran, let's go scare ourselves.

Sh.

[Humming]

Andy, sh.

What?

We have to be quiet.

My mother's asleep right behind that door.

Oh, then I'm going to have to kiss you very quietly.

I've got a good idea for the campaign.

Use the crew.

The ship's crew.

We'll use them in our ads.

Oh, I've done it again.

I'm sorry.

But it's really great idea.

The real ship's will add color, romance.

What do you do about romance?

You just messed up a kiss.

What's going on, Sandy?

Oh, sorry to interrupt.

Oh, that's ok, mother.

Andy and I was just getting all excited over a marvelous

idea he had.

He thought he might use the ship's crew in our ads.

Mrs. Parker, i--

it's a great idea.

Congratulations, Andy.

Well, great ideas are my business.

I told you he was brilliant.

See?

She loves it.

Well, I don't love it.

I hate it.

Sandy, you've done it again.

David, I've been looking for you for hours.

I've been looking for you for years.

I haven't meant to hurt you, David.

I know.

I'm getting off the ship tomorrow.

I'm going home.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

I want to.

By the way, my mom asked me to give you these dog tags.

I know they don't prove anything,

like the blood test didn't prove anything,

like nothing proves anything.

Well, maybe there is one thing that does prove something.

What?

The fact that you're leaving the ship.

It makes me believe you didn't claim to be my son because you

wanted something from me.

But I did want something from you.

I wanted a father.

I believe that now.

You do?

Yes, David, I believe you really are my son.

Beautiful.

Girls, you look terrific.

Brenda, that's terrific.

Beautiful, girls.

Oh, that's terrific.

Andy, using the crew makes it all look so authentic.

Nobody but you could have thought of that.

Right.

No one but me.

Roy, I'm sorry about last night.

I just wasn't in the mood.

Well, that's what I bought you that dress for,

to be in the mood.

I'm really sorry.

Maybe I'll feel better tonight.

I hope so.

Listen, I'm late for my manicure.

I'll see you in about an hour.

Ok.

Bye bye.

Gary?

Oh, hello.

Gary, please, I have to talk to you.

I don't think there's much to talk about, Fran.

Yes, we do.

I know you don't respect me because of Roy,

but you have to understand.

I lost my job.

They took away my car.

I couldn't pay my rent.

Roy offered to help me.

Well, I'm glad I found out what the situation was.

Because before that, I was falling in love with you.

Here you are, merrill, have a cigar.

It's a 128 pound boy.

Thank you.

I'm glad I don't smoke, because this cigar

looks as old as the boy is.

It's a big day for you, doc.

It's a big day for all of us.

You know, you're really starting

to look like father and son.

No, I think we look more like brothers.

Is that a good kid or not?

Oh, doc, hey.

Congratulations, dad.

Oh.

David, listen, has doc told you about the birds

and the bees yet?

Oh, I haven't had a chance, but now might be a good time.

You see-- which were the birds and which were the bees?

I never did get that straight.

Come on, dad, I'll explain it to you.

Oh.

It's like this.

[Humming]

All right, honey.

I'm all yours.

I thought you were going to change into something

more comfortable?

Well, if you don't mind I'm more comfortable in this.

Don't be silly, come on.

Here.

Let me help you.

No, no, Roy, don't.

Look, I thought we got this all straightened out at lunch.

Look, Roy, I know you've been very generous with me,

but, well, I just can't go through with it.

But I promise, I'm going to pay you back all the money

that you gave me.

But right now, I just want to go up on deck and clear my head.

All right, you go up on deck.

I'll take another cold shower.

I hate to admit it, but your idea of using the crew

was great.

Well, I was just building on all your great ideas.

Thank you.

I started to wonder if there was anything about my campaign

that you liked.

Oh, I liked everything about it, except--

except what?

Oh, never mind.

Forget I said anything.

Good.

Except for the slogan it's sunsational.

It would be a lot better if it were about the fragrance

of the product.

How about glow tan lotion, it's scentsational?

That's scentsational all right.

It stinks.

You know, you're just too much of an egotistical monster

to admit that anyone besides you can have a worthwhile idea.

Vicki: Buenos dias, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to acapulco,

the dynamic sun capital that never sleeps.

Skies are clear and the temperature

is a breezy 85 degrees.

A little wine for a special occasion?

Before you think about anything else, I'd like to suggest,

if it's all right with you, that you think about college.

Dad, I never did like school that much.

Well, we don't have to decide today.

Maybe I can get you a job on the ship

here with me so we could be together all the time.

Dad, I don't want to be a killjoy,

but I get kind of seasick.

Seasick?

You know what that is?

Uh-huh.

The only reason I came on a ship this time

was to find my father.

That's enough for me.

Well, until we figure out the next step,

how'd just like to live in my apartment in Los Angeles?

That would be great.

Of course, it's great.

What did you expect from a great dad?

Nothing less, great dad.

All right.

Gary, can I talk to you?

Where's Roy?

There is no more Roy.

I left him, and I'm going to find a way to pay back

all the money that I owe him.

But that's not important now.

The important thing is that I have my self-respect back,

and I owe that all to you.

What do you mean?

Well, before you said you were falling in love with me.

You made me feel I was worth more

than I gave myself credit for.

Gary, where have you been?

You're late for the bridge tournament.

I'm sorry.

Fran Smith, I'd like you to meet Arlene kimper.

How do you do, Mrs. Kimper?

How do you do?

You're a lucky woman to have such a wonderful man

for a bodyguard.

Bodyguard?

Well, that's one way of putting it.

Come on.

I'll be there in a few minutes.

I don't understand.

Look, Fran, I might as well tell you the truth, all right?

I'm not her bodyguard, and she sort of pays me to be with her.

You mean, you're a hustler, and you were criticizing me?

Julie (over pa): We hope you enjoyed your stay in acapulco.

Our next destination is the port of Los Angeles.

Merry Christmas, happy birthday,

and all those other festive days we've missed together.

Is all this stuff for me?

Uh-huh.

Thanks, Teddy.

I was wondering why you went into town without me.

Well, go ahead, open one.

I don't know which one to open first.

Oh, wait, before you open one, I've got something for you.

This was only a cheap pocket watch when it was bought

a long time ago, but your great grandmother gave it

to your great grandfather, and it's been passed

down in the family ever since.

There's nothing inscribed on it, but, oh, there's family

love all over it.

Why don't you keep it?

No, David, I want you to have it.

You're the family heir.

You've given me something to work for,

even something to life for.

What's wrong?

Uh, well--

well what?

What's the matter?

Well, the matter is that you're family heir isn't.

I'm not your son.

I don't understand.

What's not to understand?

I'm not your son.

Period.

But what about all those things you told me?

About Mary Tanner, your mother, our favorite song, "sentimental

journey," all of that?

I used to work in a gas station in Norfolk.

It was owned by Jimmy Burton.

Jimmy Burton.

I haven't heard that name in years.

We were Navy buddies.

Jimmy used to sit around drinking beer reminiscing

about the good old days.

He's the one that told me about you, Mary Tanner,

"sentimental journey," everything.

I guess you forgot you left your dog tags at Jimmy's house.

But why would you come all this way

to lie and say you're my son?

I figured you'd be embarrassed to think

you had an illegitimate son, maybe give

me some money to disappear.

I don't know.

But instead, you treated me like a father would.

Here you go.

Andy, cheer up.

How can I cheer up?

Months of work went into these ads,

and then Mrs. Parker's daughter comes along and ruins

everything in two seconds.

Oh, don't worry, they're going to turn out great.

She's probably telling her mother what an ogre I am.

Why would she do that?

Well, as she says, once something pops into her head,

it pops right out of her mouth.

That's because she hasn't got a brain to get in the way.

She seems pretty smart to me.

You may be right.

She may have been plotting from the beginning

to get me off the campaign so she can take over.

No, that's not what I was saying.

You don't think she's capable of it?

I can just see her now with her mother turning on the tears.

Well, I'm not going to wait around

while she has the satisfaction of getting me fired.

Andy, where you going?

Where am I going?

I'll tell you where I'm going.

I'm going to march straight down to Mrs. Parker's cabin

and tell her what she can do with that account.

Can I talk to you alone?

Well, now, we don't have to keep any secrets

from my old buddy Roy here.

That's right, Sonny.

You see, I have been telling this lovely lady

how you and your little friend had been fooling

around behind our backs.

Well, I don't think he told you everything.

I don't think he told you that I quit,

and I'm not just quitting you, Arlene, i'm

quitting the whole business.

Well, I guess that leaves just you and me, Mrs. Kimper.

Arlene.

Arlene.

Mrs. Parker, it's Andy O'Neal.

The door's open.

Ok, so I'm a monster.

Ok, so I'm a monster who won't listen

to your daughter's ideas.

Well, you don't have to fire me because i'm

taking myself off the account.

And I'll tell you something else,

your daughter is an irritating, exasperating, maddening

big mouth.

And I'll tell you something else,

I'm in love with that irritating,

exasperating, maddening big mouth.

He loves me.

So it would seem.

He really loves me.

I've got to go talk to him.

May I suggest, darling, this time when you talk to him,

keep your mouth shut.

You know, merrill, he really had me convinced he was my son.

I'm sorry, Adam.

You know, I resisted at first, but the idea of having a family

made me want to believe.

I'm sorry you've been hurt, Adam.

I'm sorry for David too.

Oh, come on, merrill, the kid's a scam artist.

Well, if he were really a bad boy,

he never would have confessed.

Maybe you're right.

You know, it's too bad you're not his father.

Poor boy, to do what he did, he must really need one.

I hope you're happy?

Now you can have the glow tan campaign all to yourself.

For someone who's supposed to be brilliant,

you're not very bright, are you?

How could you think i'd bad mouth you to my mother?

Didn't you?

I have some faults, but disloyalty isn't one of them.

You mean I just quit my best account?

My only account, for nothing?

I went in there and made a total fool of myself.

Oh, I don't think there's anything foolish

about you saying you love me.

I was listening at the door.

I love you too.

You do?

Of course, well, that's why it meant so much for me

to impress you with my ideas.

Do you think we could try last night's kiss again?

That's a sensational idea.

Also a sunsational idea.

Fran.

Go away.

I know that you don't think much of me

because what I do for a living, and maybe I

don't think much of me either.

But I want you to have this.

What is it?

Oh, no.

I can't take your money.

No, I'm not giving it to you.

It's a loan, so you can repay Roy.

Why are you doing this?

Because I have faith in you, and because I don't

want you to end up like me.

But you can't afford this.

Sure, I can.

I'm very good at what I do.

I have dates lined up for the rest of my life.

Take it, Fran, I may not be so great but the money is good.

Ok, but it's a loan.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Have you?

Hey, Gary, I need my key.

Since you quit, I am going to allow old Roy

here to escort me to my cabin.

Ok, here you go.

Listen, instead of me escorting you to your cabin,

why don't you escort me to mine?

Why don't you tell me you quit?

Because I was afraid if I did, you wouldn't take the money.

Oh, Gary, I love you.

David.

Dr. Bricker.

Beautiful evening.

What are you doing up here all by yourself?

I came up here to keep out of everybody's way till we land.

What are you going to do when we do land?

Probably try to keep out of everybody's way till I die.

You know, when I thought you were my son,

I felt something I never felt before.

I like that feeling.

So maybe, I need a son.

You need a better son than me.

David, I telephoned my brother, and if you want to,

you can go and live with him.

I think it could work for us.

You mean, after I told you all those lies,

you still want to treat me like a son?

Well, I got you all those gifts and I can't return them.

So if you think you can handle it,

I'd like you to be my foster son.

I'd like that a lot.

Julie, we'd like to thank you for everything.

We had a wonderful time.

Excuse me.

We were up all night.

Oh, that's right, gopher couldn't

find you that extra cabin.

No, we were up all night because gopher

could find us that extra cabin.

Oh, Roy, before you go, I want you to have this.

It's the money you gave me.

No, honey, you keep that.

That money is a small price to pay for the lesson I learned.

You can't buy love.

You can't even rent it.

Sandy.

Mrs. Parker.

Hello.

Andy, thank you.

These are for you.

And I think the things you did with the campaign on the ship

were just great.

I think all the things you did on the ship were just great.

Listen, Mrs. Parker, some of those great ideas were Sandy's.

I know.

Sandy told me.

So tell me, what do you think about finding

her a job at the agency?

I think it's a great idea, except--

except what?

Except I think I should also find her a husband.

Me.

Consider yourself found.

Goodbye, David, hope to see you real soon.

Right.

Goodbye, Vicki.

You know, doc, your foster son is very cute.

Now, just a moment, young lady, what are your intentions?

And I'll have to know more about your family.

For example, what does your father do?

My father is a sailor, sire.

Sailor?

Well, we'll put you on the list anyway.

Actually, we'll put you at the top of the list.

David, we're always at the top of the list

since I'm the captain.

Oh, I always wondered what you did.

[Theme music]