All language subtitles for Superwho.2022.WEBRip

We all have a dream in life.

I have two.

Breaking into the film industry
and making my dad proud.

I want him to see
my name in the lights one day.

My name is Cédric Dugimont
and this appointment

is the opportunity of a lifetime.

No!

I'm telling you
he's not a good fit for the role.

I've got to go,
I'm in the middle of casting.

This television
is not fixed yet, tandoori?

Yes or no?

Oh, you're here.

Let's start.
Here's the next movie I'll be producing.

Badman. It's about a superhero.

A French one. Because right now,

while Americans have Captain Marvel,

we're stuck with Captain Marleau.

Great. But aren't you worried that

Badman sounds a bit like Batman?

They are totally different.
Ours doesn't have a cape.

Yes, you're right.

And what are his powers?

It's a French movie,
we don't have the budget.

But he has tons of gadgets
and his car is called the Badmobile.

And here's the one who plays the bad guy
in the movie, the clown.

Alain Belmont?

That's huge. He inspired me
to become an actor when I was younger.

I thought he was retired.
How did you manage to get him?

He has a tax audit.

He's in such deep shit
that he even rented us his castle

for the set, the Castle of Vaucresson.

And you're here
to audition for the leading role.

You're here for two reasons.

One, the big shots have all said no.

And two,
you're a perfect fit for the role.

Great. And what's the role?

A huge loser.

But once he wears his costume,

he must embody power, masculinity,
and give off testosterone.

Oh oh, where's the little pee-wee?

If you float in your briefs like me,

discover smallex, the extra small condoms.

To make women dream.

Like, "Wow, a real man. Finally."

Let's move on to the audition.
-Didn't you produce that movie over there?

Because I loved the first one.

Thank you, it's nice of you to say that.

I must admit
we had a hard time finding a sequel.

SMALLEX, THE KING OF THE SMALL PEE-WEE

Where is it?

How did your audition go?

I'm not sure.

But she said
I was a good fit for the role.

What? A guy who just got dumped
because he only thinks of himself?

And who didn't change his Facebook status
because he can't move on?

She didn't dump me. I'm the one who left.

Well, of course, you lived at the place.

Don't you want to find a real job?
Look at yourself.

You even have to be a relay point.

The boxes are up to the roof.

How are you ladies doing?

How are you, Éléonore?
-Hi, Élé.

What's that? Is it a stain on my couch?

I don't know. It's not on my side.

You should see your faces.
I'm kidding, it was already there.

It's my brother's blood.

I had eaten some of her yogurts.

Poor girl. He crashes at your place
and eats your yogurt on top of that.

Yes, right.
You crash at your mom's place too.

So do you.

Obviously, I'm dating her.

That's the problem.
-Seb, let's not talk about that again.

Aren't you glad your mom is happy?

I ordered the pizzas on delivery.
It amounts to 13 euros each.

Could you loan me the money?
I'll pay you back at the end of the month.

How convenient, we're on the 30th.

Don't be like that.
Especially since I'm picking them up.

Seriously.

He's got some nerve.

Should we tip him?
-Hell, no.

I'm even going to give him a review.

Help! Stop her!

She stole my satchel!

You! Couldn't you have helped me?

Sorry, I don't have time.
My pizzas are going to get cold.

Are you kidding me? Asshole!

That hurts! Are you crazy? Stop.

I couldn't intervene, I'm an actor.
If my nose gets broken,

I can no longer work.

Do you work in porn?

No.

So, you won't need this.

Are you crazy? It hurts!

Stop, it hurts! It hurts!

No solidarity.
-You're hitting super hard.

Come back here.

Call the police.

Come here, kids.

POLICE STATION

Exhibitionism in a nursery school

and failure to assist
a person in danger because,

"My pizzas were going to get cold."

You need to stop
thinking only of yourself, Turkey.

Dad, you know I hate it
when you call me like that.

I haven't had a double chin for 25 years.
I'm not a kid anymore.

Then act like an adult.
It's one thing to want to be an actor.

We all had dreams when we were young.

But it's about time you get a real job.

Follow your sister's example.

All right, leave. I'm busy.

Ladies and gentlemen,
complaints for camera thefts

must be filed on the third floor.

One day, you'll be proud of me.

Smallex, the king of the small pee-wee.

No, not at all.

Show me.

You look handsome with
your new teeth. -I do?

Yes.

I was sick of people
calling me Freddie Mercury.

Thank you for the gift, my love.

My pleasure.

But don't tell Seb
I took the money from his savings.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to get your son to move out.

It's become unbearable
to have a third person living here.

I took his phone and replaced
Cédric's sister's name with mine.

When he texts me,
he thinks he's texting her.

Right.

They liked each other when we were little,
so I'm making it happen.

Look, he replied.

"Me too, but this situation
makes me uneasy

because of Cédric."

"When I see that dickhead
fucking my mom…"

"To get even, I peed
in his orange juice this morning."

What are these pills you're taking?
Are you sick?

No, I need money these days.

So, I get paid to test out drugs.

Become a crash test dummy
while you're at it.

Hey, Seb.

Did you use my laptop
to look at porn sites again?

Why would it be me
and not Emmanuel Macron over here?

Because I don't need it.
I have a thriving sex life.

Right, honey?

I hate you.

Hey. Don't speak like that
to your stepdad.

When you were little,
you always wanted Adam to sleep at home.

Now I do.

Hello.
-Hello?

This is Françoise Goldstein,
the producer of the movie Badman.

It's the movie producer. Yes?

I'm calling
because I have great news for you.

Really? I'm listening.

There were only two of you left.
The director wanted the other one.

I thought he was
as charismatic as a mussel.

To me, you are Badman.

Your life is about to change.

Cannes, Los Angeles.
-For real?

The Oscars, the César, all for you.
-Oh, my God.

I'm ecstatic. Thank you very much.

I'm going to make a star
out of you, Ludovic.

But I'm Cédric.

I see. Let me call you back.
I have another call.

Hello?
-Hello?

Ludovic?
-Yes.

I see.
This is Françoise Goldstein speaking.

Oh, yes. Turn it down. How are you?

I'm calling to give you good news.

You got the part as Badman.
-No way.

Yes. I'm going to make a star
out of you, Ludovic.

No way!

I got the role, man! I got the role!

I am Badman!

You'll have the dream life,
big cars, paparazzi,

the beautiful women.
-Ludo?

Hello?
-Call an ambulance.

If you had made it as an actor,
what would it have brought you?

Money, making your dream come true,
keeping your girlfriend,

your dad's esteem, and fame.
And then what?

It's already a lot.

And you wouldn't have made
the cover of Télérama with that.

Since you've been dating my mom,
you've gotten so old.

Yet, she's getting some
from a youngster every night.

Hello?
-All right, I'll stop playing.

You got the part.

For real?

Of course.

How naive you can be.

I know. My friends always tell me
that I could swallow anything.

Welcome to the business.

Bye, honey.
-Goodbye. I'm so dumb.

I got the part, guys.

I got the part! I got it!

I got the part!

Come on!

Who got the part?
-I did.

Hey!
-That's not it.

She'll be playing your wife.

Great. Very good.

Yes, bro?

Don't call me bro anymore. Call me Badman.

What happened to the mirror behind you?

What happened is that Badman
is pissing me off with his packages.

A jackass has been looking for his
for 15 minutes.

It was either the mirror or the monk.

All right, I found it.

Oh no, they got it wrong again.

They sent me the adult size.

How is the shooting going?

I'm living my dream.

We're shooting in old barns
where tons of movies are made.

Right next door, they're shooting
the latest Mission Not Possible

with Tom Cruise! Look.

Look at who's playing my wife
in the movie.

Is it a sci-fi movie?

Why?

No one would believe
that such a woman is with you.

Very funny.

Let me introduce you to Raymond as well.
He plays Walter, my butler.

Raymond, meet my sister, Éléonore.

She makes me think of Lise Tailor
when she was young and gorgeous.

That's very nice. Thank you, sir.

That one used to love dick.
-What?

Hey, look. Did you see that?

Did you see what they gave me?
The same as yours.

Except that I only have blanks.
Thankfully.

And take a look at the ride
I have in the movie.

Isn't it nuts?

Totally.

I suppose you haven't told Dad
about the shooting.

No, not yet. I'll surprise him
on the day of the preview.

He'll be super proud.
-That's the point.

Cédric, come over here, please.

I've got to go,
the director wants to see me.

Cédric, please meet Mr. Alain Belmont.

It's an honor to meet you.
You inspired me to become an actor…

You have oily skin.

I beg your pardon.

Your skin needs to be clean
or my lines won't stick to your forehead.

Will I have to play with this on
all the time?

No, not when you're facing the camera.

Jean-Luc, I have great news.

A brand will give us tons of dough
for product placement.

What product?

A vacuum cleaner.
-Hell no.

How can I fit a vacuum
in a superhero film?

That's your problem.

The more we see the vacuum,

the more the company Kärcher
will give us dough.

Kärcher?
-Yes.

I didn't know they made vacuums.
-That's exactly why

they're giving us tons of money.
I'm counting on you.

Everyone, get set.

We haven't even gotten one shot.
Roll camera and sound.

Rolling.
-And action!

This is half the sum.

You'll have the rest
once you deliver the city mayor to me.

That bastard has already sunk
half my gaming business.

I'd like to talk to him, one-on-one.

And be wary of him.
He's already had three of my men arrested.

GANG ARRESTED BY A MASKED AVENGER

Get rid of him.

Go.

Game over, dumbass.

Cut!

No!

The dummy was supposed to explode
when it got hit by the missile.

Mohamed, what the hell have you done?

If you can't blow up an explosive,
where does it lead us?

What?
-I'm sorry, I don't get it.

It must come from the remote.

It's the end of the day.
I'm not paying overtime.

Françoise, we're not done.

So what?

Damn it.

Take me to my trailer.

TRAILER

Could you open the trunk for me, Badman?
-Sure.

Thank you.

See you tomorrow.
-See you.

Goodbye.
-Bye.

Here.
-No, thank you. I'm not cold.

It's to protect the costumes.

Oh, okay.
I'll put it on over there. Thank you.

Excuse me, Mr. Belmont.
Could you please sign my picture?

When I was little, I ran into you
and we took a picture together.

It was at Oleron Island.

You were at a restaurant.

Thank you.

ÉLÉONORE: DAD ALMOST GOT KILLED!

HE'S AT THE HOSPITAL OF GARCHES.

Hi, this is Éléonore. Leave your message.

What's wrong? Why isn't it working?

Oh, okay.

This way.

EMERGENCY

You have reached
the emergency police unit.

I was in a car accident.

Where are you, sir?

I don't know.

We will try and geolocate your phone.

What is your name?

Sir, what is your name?

I don't know.

You cannot remember your name, sir?

No, I can't.

Please, wait. We are searching for you.

What's that?

And what's that?

Oh, fuck.

Do not hang up, sir. We are on our...

GENERAL BANK OF FRANCE

Fuck!

POLICE

Why is he running away?

Oh, fuck.
-Oh, fuck! Did you see this?

What the hell is this thing?

I don't know.
-Get it off of me!

Fuck!
-Jump into the water.

POLICE STATION

Where is it?

Where is it? Where? Where is it?

What's that now?

Dad, it's unsafe.
You should have stayed at the hospital.

I can't. The minister demands that I see
the Road Safety Department.

Who the hell tried to run you over?
-Probably one of Schizo's men.

Who?
-A burglar, a figure of organized crime.

His name is Ivan, aka Schizo,
because he can flip in a second.

He has been slipping through my fingers
for ten years.

But if he tried to take me out last night,
it's a good sign.

It means I'm getting closer.

Why don't you retire?

I'll retire when he's in jail.

And two cracked ribs
aren't going to stop me.

Hold on.

Hello?

Hello. I'm the producer
of the Badman movie.

We're looking for your brother.
Do you know where he is?

No. Why?

He disappeared.
If he doesn't come back by tomorrow,

I'll replace him with another actor.

On top of that, the car got stolen.
-The altercation

took place
after a failed ram-raid attempt.

The vehicle was apparently designed
specifically for this kind of operation.

The perpetrator attempted
to kill two policemen

by electrocuting them in the basin
of a protected reserve,

killing numerous fish
in danger of extinction in the process.

When we snatch that guy,
he'll be in deep water.

Live for LCI Channel.

It can't be him. It's impossible.

He would never have robbed a bank
and attacked two cops.

It makes no sense.
What does your dad think about this?

I didn't tell him.

He'd be capable of asking
for an abortion 38 years later.

Hey, there are bedrooms for this.

What are you talking about?

What do we do?

Guys, focus! Where the hell is he?

You need to calm down.

I'm sure we'll find him.

Relax, sweetheart.

No one has any idea of what to do.

Have you thought
about geolocating his phone?

You're less dumb than you look. Nice job!

I hurt you. I'm sorry.

Oh! Let's go! Come on, let's go!

Seb, what's wrong with you?

Let's go. Come on!

Where are we going?
-I don't know.

His phone is here.

Hey, you.

Isn't there something going on
between you and Élé?

Do you think so?

There's something I need to tell you.

We've been texting.
-What kind of texts?

"I like you, but I don't typically
make the first move."

"Take charge."

Wow! What are you waiting for?

Go for it, kid! Go for it!

Do you think so?
-Yes! Come on!

Hello.
-Hello.

Is my brother, Cédric Dugimont, here?

No, he's not.

So, what did he say?

How much do you weigh?

So, where is my brother?

What do you plan on doing
with that hot water bottle?

You don't want to talk, do you?

Very well then.
We're going to have some fun.

Stop it, it's going to explode.

Oh, fuck!

All right, I'll talk.
-Okay.

It all started last night.

That's when I came across that guy.

So?

He told me he had been in an accident.

Since then, he has lost his memory.

But there's something weird,
he has a big bag of cash.

He's so handsome! He looks like Keen'V.

We should take him to the police.

Wait a minute.

He has a bag full of cash, you said?

Yes, a bag full of cash.

I think I got a better idea.

FOR LIFE

So, how is he doing?

Who are you?
-Don't you recognize us?

No.
-We're your family.

Here's your brother, Jimmy,

and your sister, Cindy.

I don't remember anything at all.

Don't worry, we're here now.

We're going to take good care of you.

And who is she? Is she my wife?

Yes. She's freaking hot.

Did you inform her? Where is she?

I wish we knew.

She left overnight, without warning.

Have some rest, son.

We'll see you at dinner.

What's my name?

Johnny.

But everybody calls you Jojo.

Where was I born?
-In your mom's pussy.

Did someone break in here?

The bailiff took everything from us.

Since the factory of Baudin was shut down,
we're out of work.

We don't even have enough money
to buy ourselves clothes.

This is why I'm not wearing any underwear.

But we're a loving family.

That's the most important thing.

You really screwed him over?

Calm down. We didn't do anything wrong.

Who's that guy anyway?

He's an actor.
-How do you know that?

I didn't recognize him right away.
He's in the ad.

The same as Dad's.

What happened after that dinner?
-Nothing.

He went to his room
and we never saw him again.

I did see him again.

Can I sleep with you? I'm cold.

Of course you are.
Have you seen your pajamas?

Good night, Cindy.

Since he refused that I sleep with him,

I enjoyed watching
him from the keyhole.

GANG ARRESTED BY A MASKED AVENGER

THE BLOODTHIRSTY CLOWN
IS STILL UNTRACEABLE

What is that?

Hello, Badman.

Congratulations. -Badman?

You made
the first page of the newspaper again.

Thanks to you, this gang is neutralized.

Once again, no one can defeat Badman.

Here is a little reminder
about your costume's

new features.

I reinforced it,
so that it can be bulletproof.

I improved the precision
of your grappling hook and I added

sleeping gas on the wrist.

If you have any questions,
you know where to find me.

Goodbye, sir.

Sir, it is Walter again.

I have some very bad news.

It is about your wife and son.

They have been kidnapped.
Here is the video I received today.

My love.

I'm so scared.

Come get us, I beg you.

Surprise, Badman.

Good job, the other day.

You managed to steal the money

and kill my right hand, Lorestin.

So here's what you're going to do.

You're going to bring me my money.

And tomorrow at 8 p. m., if you're not
at the Castle of Vaucresson…

I'll make a barbecue

out of your family.

My love.

I'm so scared. Come get us.

And tomorrow at 8 p. m., if you're not
at the Castle of Vaucresson…

I'll make a barbecue

out of your family.

He just left
a roll of banknotes and a letter.

"I need to go to the Castle of Vaucresson
to free my wife and son."

Castle of Vaucresson?

It's well-known.
Alain Belmont lives there.

My brother thinks
he's the character in his movie.

A superhero?

He went to finish his mission.

It's impossible. He can't be this naive.

He believed you could get electrocuted
in an electric car when it's raining.

Let's find him before he messes up.

Wait. Now that I told you everything,
free me, will you?

What is he doing? What are you doing?

I don't think
we'll have grandchildren anytime soon.

Given how dumb he is,
that might not be the worst thing.

Hello. Where are you going?

Hello. I'm going to Vaucresson.

It's straight ahead. Bye.

Okay, shitty joke.

If you're tired, I can drive.

Because I'm a woman, I can't drive?

No, not at all.

I'm in favor of the equality of the sexes.

So am I.

They should all be 20 cm long.

It's a joke.

And what are you going to do
in Vaucresson?

I'm going to find my wife and son.
Are you married?

Me? No. No, thank you.

I was too disappointed
with my latest relationship.

But I'm not going to bother you with that.

You're not bothering me.
-We stayed together for three years.

We met at a costume party.

I was Michael Jackson
and he was a schoolboy.

It clicked right away.

Don't worry about me, I'm fine today.
I'm totally over him.

Good for you.

It's not true.

I can't move on.

Have you managed to include
the vacuums in the movie or what?

No, not yet. You know, right now,
I'm trying to find my leading actor.

Don't worry about that.

The propman may have a solution
for you today. Follow me.

I'm sorry about your family, sir.

When I saw the images,

I was shattered.

Just like you.

Whatever happens,
good will always prevail.

No one can defeat Badman.

Cut!

We said, "No hands!" Fuck!

We'll never make it.

We can see you're not…

Honestly, I think it works perfectly.

He said it wasn't working out.

He only saw the negative.

Even for our couple,
he didn't make any effort.

But at least, you remember him.

What do you mean?

I was in an accident.

I have no memory of my past or my wife.

It's…

It's terrible.

How ironic.

You'd like to remember
the one you love,

while I would give
anything to forget him.

I'm Laure by the way.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Johnny.

How long before we
arrive at Vaucresson?

Let me check.

I LIKE YOU, BUT I DON'T TYPICALLY
MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. TAKE CHARGE!

It's going to be okay. Relax.

What are you doing?

I'm taking charge.

Calm down, guys.

Look, we're an hour
away from Belmont's.

HI, SWEETHEART!
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT TONIGHT?

What now? She has the right
to send me texts, doesn't she?

I ALREADY KNOW WHAT I WANT…

All right.

That Sunday driver is pissing me off!

Look, Cédric is here! Cédric!

Cédric! Hey, Cédric!

Hey!

Hey!
-It's us!

Excuse me, it's work. Hello?

Yes, Laure.
There's a robbery in Fontainebleau.

They even sent the
SWAT. Are you too far?

No, I'm not far at all.

Hey!

Let go! Let go!

I'm sorry, we'll have to take
a quick detour by Fontainebleau.

There's an ongoing robbery
and I need to cover the event for work.

This is a secure perimeter.

Please leave the area.

After that, you'll take me to Vaucresson?
-Yes.

Come on, guys, hurry up.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Who are the burglars?
-No filming.

Are there hostages?
-We're in the middle of an operation. Go.

You're the burglars!

Help! They are not the police!
They are burglars.

Shit.

Let go of me.

Don't move or I'll knock you out.

No one can defeat Badman.

Listen carefully
because I'll only say it once.

Got it? No? You're leaving me no choice.

No.

Well done, Walter.

RESEARCH AND INTERVENTION BRIGADE

SWAT

My car.

It was you! Why are you dressed like this?

I didn't want to tell you.

I'm actually a secret avenger.

My name is Badman.

Badman?

Yes, sure.

And you're Superman's buddy.

It's possible, but I lost my memory.

We've got to get rid of this car.

To combat the scourge

of people
who look at their phones while driving,

we drew inspiration
from cigarette packets.

Therefore,

as soon as the driver looks

at their phone,

unbearable images
will appear on their screen.

Yes, it's dissuasive.

I haven't started yet.
She's my wife. It's my wallpaper.

To combat drowsiness while driving,

as soon as the driver falls asleep,

the head support immediately reacts.

I like this one.

Boss, we have some news
on the Fontainebleau burglary.

Who's that asshole in tights?

Apparently, he's the guy
who attacked our colleagues yesterday.

But we're on top of it. We're calling
every costume rental store and sex shop.

And sex…
-It's all right, I got it.

And the most radical solution

is a retractable bar

that comes out of the seat

as soon as the driver commits an offense.

The images are self-explanatory.

Françoise, I have great news for you.

I may have figured out how to include
Kärcher vacuums in the movie.

As we just told you,
there was a spectacular robbery

at the Fontainebleau Caisse des dépôts.

The perpetrator is apparently
dressed up and dangerous.

Our special envoy has more information.

Shit, my shoes!

There's something I don't understand.

You said you lost your memory,
but you remember being an avenger?

Why did you keep the money?

Because thanks to you,
I don't have a ransom.

What ransom?

The less you know, the safer you are.

If you want to talk about it
in an interview, feel free to call me.

What are you doing?

I'm figuring out in which direction to go.
We need a car.

I don't know how to thank you
for what you did earlier.

Except for Groot,
no one would have intervened.

Who?

Groot, my dog.

His name is Groot?
-He's a terrier.

As soon as someone gets close to me,
he wants to eat them up.

The only person
he used to cuddle with was my ex.

There's something
you could do to thank me.

Forget your ex.

He's not worth it. He doesn't deserve you.

I heard that only time allows you
to forget someone.

Or a new encounter.

Now, I understand
why superheroes wear their briefs

on top of their pants.

I'm sorry. It's awfully embarrassing.

Run!

As the president
of the Saint Francis Xavier Institute,

I declare the great fair open.

Thank you.
-Hide in here and go on the field.

I want to avoid a confrontation.
I can't risk these children's lives.

Too bad.

What?

That you're married.

Watch out.

Hurry up.

Come on, shoot.

Good job, guys!

Dad!
-Oh, my God!

Hello?

Over here! Shoot.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Have a nice day, honey.
-Thank you, Dad.

Laura!

Your bag.

Are you okay, ma'am? Are you hurt?
-I'm fine.

The ambulance should be here any minute.

I don't feel good about your plan.

Do you want to give up on my brother?

That's not what I said.

Do you want to give up on him too?

That hurts! Stop it!
I didn't say anything.

I need to use the bathroom!

Dopey had the brilliant idea
to crash the car, we have no choice.

So we steal the ambulance
and we hurry to Belmont's.

AMBULANCE

There you go.

Our carriage has arrived.

AMBULANCE

Where's dickface?
-He was right behind me.

"I'm sorry for slamming the brakes,
but I didn't want Adam to know about us.

You have soft fingers."

Come on!

He's here.

Out of all the spermatozoa,
how did he manage to arrive first?

AMBULANCE

The can was filthy.

Everything is going to be okay.

I'm telling you I don't have any symptoms.

It's going to be fine.
-Who told you I ate a bat?

Morons!

CASTLE OF VAUCRESSON

Game on, clown.

Surprise!
-Surprise!

Happy birthday, Alain!

Well done.

I didn't see it coming.

And it takes a lot to surprise Belmont.

Come on, Alain, you can talk
after you put on your costume.

Let's go.
-Awesome costume!

Did you sign the card?

The card?

The birthday card. We're offering him
his favorite animal, a golden eagle.

We hid it in the garden.

It cost us an arm and a leg.

Thank you all for being here.

Even if I didn't invite anyone.

And I think I know

who's behind all this.

The one who's lucky enough
to share my life.

You only have what you deserve, my love.

FOR LIFE

May the party begin.

How could she do this to me?

Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

Yes, it's me, honey.

Your rabbit costume is so pretty.

You're not my dad.

Those bastards.
What did they have you believe?

Forget everything they told you.
I'm your real dad.

You're a liar.

No, I swear it's true.

It's going to be hard for you to hear,

but the one who pretends to be your dad

is actually a horrible psychopath killer.

A real piece of trash.

Poor sweetheart.

Honey, why did you lock yourself up?

How could you do this to me?

This child is mine and you know it.

Jean-Luc?

We promised to never mention this again.
What's up with you?

What's going on, my love?

Jean-Luc is locked up in Théo's room.

Jean-Luc? No.
Look, Jean-Luc is right here.

Hi, Alain.

Patrice?

You may have taken my wife,
but you won't have my son.

Come with me, honey.

Step aside. Théo?

Théo, open this door.

Oh my God, he's being kidnapped!

Watch out, move over.

Oh, shit.

I told you to move over.

Théo, where are you?

Don't be scared, Dad is coming.

But you're frail. You're always in pain.
-No, I'll be fine.

Oh, my God.
-Untie me.

Bring me a knife!

Breathe.
-Untie me.

Here, I found this.
-Thank you, Nabilla.

My love, are you in a lot of pain?

What do you think, bitch?

Are you okay, honey? You're saved.
You have nothing to worry about now.

You're safe with me.
Nothing will happen to you now.

That hurts.

Boss, we geolocated him.

He has just kidnapped Alain Belmont's son.

What's his plan?

Where are the cars?

You sent every man on the case, boss.
-What's this one?

It's the Road Safety Department's car.
The concept car.

What are you waiting for? Get the keys.

Welcome to the prototype…

Fuck, what the hell is that?
-The Road Safety Department's prototype.

The proto… You get it.

…for a safer driving experience.

Flash news. The famous man in a costume

who kidnapped Alain Belmont's son

is apparently hiding
in the Saint-Cucufa woods

in Vaucresson, in the Hauts-de-Seine.
The police are still looking for him.

Mister the commissioner,
did you catch the suspect?

Why are they already here?

Have you found him?

Not yet.

He left his car and ran into the woods.

We're not leaving
without this son of a dog.

Be careful. Step back, little rabbit.

Come here.

Son? Honey?

Over there, in the barn.

We spotted the abductor.

I repeat, we spotted the abductor.

He's in the barn.

Who are you, bastard?

Turkey!

You, go this way. And you, follow me.

You didn't find him?

No, still nothing.

All right, we'll keep looking.

Let's search the building.
-Yes, boss.

Turkey.

Turkey?

AMBULANCE

Are you okay?

We are live with Alain Belmont,

whose son just got kidnapped.

He's the apple of my eye. I really hope
they're going to find him quickly.

What is his name?
-Théo.

And how old is he?

He's not very old.

This place should spark some memories.

Who are you?

I'm your sister.
And they are your best friends.

Liars! I know my family.

Move. I need to find my son.

Fuck.

You don't have a son
and you're not Badman, okay?

The script of the movie
you were shooting here.

Your name is Cédric Dugimont.
You're an actor and you lost your memory

because you got in an accident
with the car from the shooting.

And the corpse in the trunk?
Is it fake too?

What a genius!

Listen, if you don't believe us,
at least trust your phone.

Who says it's mine?
-Your fingerprints.

How is the shooting going?

What? A guy who just got dumped
because he only thinks of himself?

And who didn't change his Facebook status
because he can't move on?

I was sick of people
calling me Freddie Mercury.

If you had made it as an actor,
what would it have brought you?

Money, making your dream come true,
keeping your girlfriend.

Smallex, the king of the small pee-wee.

You haven't told Dad about the shooting?

It's one thing to want to be an actor.
We all had dreams when we were young.

Shit.

Dad.

Boss, we spotted him.
He's in the old Kleber factory in Paris.

Follow us.

We'll meet you there.

Drive!

Honey, this is not a good time.
I'll call you back later.

Dad, we really need to talk about Cédric.

I don't know who that person is.
I don't have a son anymore.

Listen, Cédric was in a serious accident.
It made him lose his memory.

He was shooting a movie

and since the accident,
he thinks he is his own character.

This is bullshit.

There's no point
in trying to cover for him.

Do you know how embarrassing it would be
for me if people knew he's my son?

My career will be ruined.

Wait, I'm telling you
that your son was in a serious accident

and you're talking about your career?

You're actually really selfish.

Me? I've always wanted the best for you.

No, you didn't.

You wanted us to be like you.
It's different.

Anyway, you may not have a son anymore,

but I still have a brother
and he needs me.

Oh, fuck!

Don't hold back your tears

Express your sadness

Sorry, boss.

No problem.

There's nothing you can do

Don't hold back…

It's crazy.

It's as if my hard drive was reinstalled
and it was all coming back to me.

What's that?

We hadn't announced it to you yet,

but you're going to have
to make some space in your room.

You're having a little brother.
-What?

Wait.

It means that I assaulted
several policemen,

missed my shooting,

kidnapped my idol's kid, all for nothing.

Yes.
-Yes.

I ruined my life.

You did.
-You did.

It's because of your accident,
not because of you.

We'll try and fix all this.

Since everything is falling into place,

I take this chance
to confess something to you.

Your sister and I

love each other.

Sorry for telling him like this,
but I couldn't hide it anymore.

I love you.

What are you doing?

You're completely nuts!

You are completely nuts.

Why do you send me all these texts
to beat my ass afterward?

What texts? I don't even have your number.

What? Then whom was I texting?

I have no idea.

I thought you liked each other,
so I tried to help out.

Wait.

Whose breasts was it
in that picture I received?

Your mom gave me a hand.

Bravo.

It's the first time
in my life I get robbed.

Where is my money?

He's the man who robbed the bank.
-And who tried to get Dad killed.

For the last time,

where is my money?

SET B, MISSION NOT POSSIBLE

FAKE

Even without a gun,

I can crush you to dust
in a snap of a finger.

Damn it.

AMBULANCE

Five years of work.

700 million euros of donations.

Thank you for your generosity,
-Good lord.

just like Christ, our savior,

Notre-Dame has resurrected.

Notre-Dame!
-Notre-Dame!

Move!

Boss, we searched the whole barn.

I think this son of a dog got away.

Come, hurry up! We found him.

Look, boss. You won't believe your eyes.

The asshole in tights was Schizo.

Someone tied him up.

Who could have done this?

It's signed, "From Turkey."

From Tur…

Who's Turkey?

I don't know.

Neither do I. He deserves an award.

Given how long
we've been looking for this bastard…

Yes. That Turkey is a hero.

Why are you getting emotional, boss?

Is it because you can finally retire?

Yes, that's right.

Man, we did great.

Here.

Why are you giving me this?
-It's from the tooth fairy.

Don't you remember our fist bump?

Apparently, I'm still missing
a few memories.

It's normal, it's going to take some time.

Tomorrow, you'll get a CAT scan
and you can go back to your shooting.

You'll tell them you were
at Dad's bedside. They'll understand.

Before that, I'd like to go see someone.

Yes?

Laure, it's Cédric. Or Johnny.

Superman's friend.

Laure?

Laure?

Hey. Groot?

Easy.

Easy.

Hey.

Happy birthday.

We still appeared as a couple
on your Facebook profile.

That's how the man who welcomed you
in his family contacted me,

to tell me that you were suffering

from profound amnesia.

But when I got there,
you had already left.

On my way to find you,
I called the hospital.

They advised me to bring you there

to take care of you

and that at that point,
it was better not to tell you anything

and even follow along
to avoid any emotional distress.

I was sad that you didn't recognize me,

that you forgot about me.

But I was happy to retrieve

the one I had fallen in love with,

a man who is brave,

combative, who believes in his dreams.

I lost my memory, not my feelings.

…in a sex tape scandal.

Flash news.

The incident in Tom Cruise's movie

who got shot in the buttock.

We don't know yet

if it is an accident or a deliberate act.

Strange fact, now.
Alain Belmont's son was seen

on top of a building.
A brave alien climbed the building

to try and rescue him.

But exhausted, he did not manage
to get to the top.

It's on a plane that he will get tomorrow
to be sent back to his home country.

Thank you, dear friends, for coming
in great numbers to this screening.

We didn't expect such a buzz
around this movie.

Do you think it's due
to the arrest of a criminal

wearing the same costume as your hero?
-Not at all. Who heard of that?

Oh, shit.

I'll give the floor

to the one without whom
this movie couldn't have happened…

Thank you, Françoise.
-Cédric Dugimont.

Congratulations!

Good evening, everyone. Thank you.

I'm not going to take time
to talk about myself,

but to celebrate the real everyday heroes
like my dad

who devoted his life to others
as chief of police

and of whom I'm extremely proud.

Please stand, Dad. I'd like everyone
to applaud to wish him a happy retirement.

Bravo!

All right. We're not here
for grandpa's retirement party.

It's time for the cinema.

Be careful not to put ice cream
all over yourself.

You can't tell me what to do,
you're not my dad.

I'm the one who is proud of you.

Dad!

Stand back up!

No!

Oh, my God! It's so powerful!

It's not the market leader for nothing.

We'll see each other again, Badman.

I'll defeat you one day! I will!

We all have a dream in life.

I have two.

Defeat evil forever

and protect our beautiful planet.

THE END

Subtitle translation by:
Sutatta Soodjaijaem