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1
00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:14,109
Oh, darlin'
2
00:00:14,110 --> 00:00:18,686
I love you in the mornin'
3
00:00:18,687 --> 00:00:21,085
I love you
in the afternoon
4
00:00:21,086 --> 00:00:23,165
Chuck, you know I love you.
5
00:00:23,166 --> 00:00:25,653
Of course, Betty
I love you too.
6
00:00:26,078 --> 00:00:28,509
And I know I've made you wait
a long time.
7
00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:32,056
Yeah A long time.
8
00:00:32,286 --> 00:00:35,101
Well, tonight, that all ends.
9
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,956
What do you mean?
10
00:00:37,726 --> 00:00:39,102
Chuck...
11
00:00:39,103 --> 00:00:41,721
tonight is the night
I'm going to give myself to you.
12
00:00:42,270 --> 00:00:44,724
I'm ready to take things
to the next level.
13
00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:47,955
Are you sure?
We're gonna do it?
14
00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:51,353
All right.
15
00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:53,721
Whoa, darlin'
16
00:00:57,310 --> 00:01:00,604
Whatever I have to do
17
00:01:01,183 --> 00:01:03,866
Oh, pretty baby
18
00:01:04,990 --> 00:01:09,561
How I'm in love with you
19
00:01:26,046 --> 00:01:27,869
That was awesome.
20
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:29,756
Yeah.
21
00:01:30,014 --> 00:01:32,541
But...
22
00:01:32,542 --> 00:01:35,197
now that my virginity is behind us,
23
00:01:35,198 --> 00:01:38,133
I think I'm ready to take things
to the next level.
24
00:01:39,070 --> 00:01:40,797
What do you mean?
I thought we just did.
25
00:01:40,798 --> 00:01:43,645
Come on, Chuck,
don't be coy.
26
00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:45,597
You know what I mean.
27
00:01:45,598 --> 00:01:47,354
Anal
28
00:01:47,806 --> 00:01:49,301
Seriously?
29
00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:53,501
Yeah I love you, Chuck,
and I know you love me
30
00:01:53,502 --> 00:01:56,054
And that's why I want you
to stick it in my ass
31
00:01:56,926 --> 00:01:58,621
Giddy up, horsey
32
00:01:58,622 --> 00:02:01,273
Come on, let go
33
00:02:04,638 --> 00:02:05,821
Yeah
34
00:02:05,822 --> 00:02:08,317
Who's riding your pony?
35
00:02:08,318 --> 00:02:10,749
Horny pony
36
00:02:10,750 --> 00:02:12,669
Oh, yeah
37
00:02:12,670 --> 00:02:18,518
They've seldom seen
of your contemptuous greed
38
00:02:20,062 --> 00:02:21,789
Wow
39
00:02:21,790 --> 00:02:24,157
I know.
40
00:02:24,158 --> 00:02:26,813
That fucking ruled!
41
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:27,837
But
42
00:02:27,838 --> 00:02:29,659
But what?
43
00:02:29,822 --> 00:02:31,677
Well
44
00:02:31,678 --> 00:02:34,909
it's just now that
the ass sex is in the bag
45
00:02:34,910 --> 00:02:38,106
I think we're ready to
take things to the next level
46
00:02:38,974 --> 00:02:40,730
What other level is there?
47
00:02:42,238 --> 00:02:43,797
Get an extension cord
48
00:02:46,622 --> 00:02:48,637
Next level!
49
00:02:48,638 --> 00:02:50,133
Who are they!?
50
00:02:50,814 --> 00:02:52,472
Next level!
51
00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:55,703
Ohh!
52
00:02:57,534 --> 00:02:59,956
Next level!
53
00:03:00,542 --> 00:03:02,483
Next level!
54
00:03:04,894 --> 00:03:07,162
No more levels!
55
00:03:10,046 --> 00:03:12,314
I'll be right back
56
00:03:20,222 --> 00:03:22,774
Maybe I rushed things
57
00:03:41,503 --> 00:03:45,277
Sex me up
and I'll sex you down
58
00:03:45,278 --> 00:03:48,541
Whatever you want
is my command
59
00:03:48,542 --> 00:03:52,285
I'm into S and M,
I lead the butcher farm
60
00:03:52,286 --> 00:03:56,061
And now don't you understand,
I'm into any ma'am
61
00:03:56,062 --> 00:03:59,645
Sex me up
and I'll sex you down
62
00:03:59,646 --> 00:04:03,069
I get on the floor,
I'll turn around
63
00:04:03,070 --> 00:04:06,493
Get on my hands and knees,
on your command I'll freeze
64
00:04:06,494 --> 00:04:10,205
I hope this never cease,
come get me, won't you please
65
00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:13,725
But she won't hold me
and she won't squeeze me
66
00:04:13,726 --> 00:04:17,213
From what she told me,
she'd never please me
67
00:04:17,214 --> 00:04:20,925
But she won't hold me
and she won't squeeze me
68
00:04:20,926 --> 00:04:24,951
From what she told me,
she'd only tease me
69
00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:39,702
She said
70
00:04:45,086 --> 00:04:46,205
I said
71
00:04:46,206 --> 00:04:49,565
Sex me up
and I'll sex you down
72
00:04:49,566 --> 00:04:53,309
Sex me up and
I'll sex you down
73
00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:56,539
Sex me up
and I'll sex you down
74
00:05:02,206 --> 00:05:04,509
Remember, students,
it's Sexual Awareness Month.
75
00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:07,261
Gentlemen, pick up your free condoms
in the gym,
76
00:05:07,262 --> 00:05:10,333
- and ladies, lubricant is available...
- I got laid last night
77
00:05:10,334 --> 00:05:12,349
- Same chick as the night before?
- Are you crazy?
78
00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:14,813
I can't have the same chick
comin' around two nights in a row
79
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:17,565
That's bordering on a relationship
I like to play the field
80
00:05:17,566 --> 00:05:20,413
See, this is exactly what I don't
understand How does he do it?
81
00:05:20,414 --> 00:05:22,398
He just goes out
and gets it done, man,
82
00:05:22,398 --> 00:05:23,485
that's how he does it
83
00:05:23,486 --> 00:05:25,821
You can't sit around and wait
for Santa to bring you some ass
84
00:05:25,822 --> 00:05:27,133
under the tree
85
00:05:27,134 --> 00:05:28,957
Dude, how psyched are you
for first period?
86
00:05:28,958 --> 00:05:32,925
- Mr. Matthews' sex-ed class
- Man, that dude's a total freak
87
00:05:32,926 --> 00:05:35,965
I can't wait to go in there and talk about
all the ass we've slammed
88
00:05:35,966 --> 00:05:37,597
It's gonna be awesome, bro
89
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,572
No doubt, bro
90
00:05:42,494 --> 00:05:44,382
I can't take this class
91
00:05:44,383 --> 00:05:45,811
Why not?
92
00:05:46,334 --> 00:05:49,085
Why not? Did you not
just hear that conversation?
93
00:05:49,086 --> 00:05:52,861
" -How much ass we've slammed?"
- Yeah, bro
94
00:05:52,862 --> 00:05:56,125
Exactly The class is just gonna be
with a bunch of pervs
95
00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:58,813
who are open about their sex lives,
and frankly, I don't have one
96
00:05:58,814 --> 00:06:02,237
That's sad You're not bad-lookin'
And your legs work
97
00:06:02,238 --> 00:06:04,189
I'm not gonna have sex
with just anybody,
98
00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:06,301
I know that's what
you are thinking right now
99
00:06:06,302 --> 00:06:07,997
Sorry, not gonna happen
100
00:06:07,998 --> 00:06:10,525
Doesn't have to be just anybody
Look. Look, look
101
00:06:10,526 --> 00:06:13,689
How about you start off with
a nice little virgin like Betty?
102
00:06:14,590 --> 00:06:16,029
Hey, Betty
103
00:06:16,030 --> 00:06:18,237
Okay, everyone,
bring it on in,
104
00:06:18,238 --> 00:06:21,117
we got a lot to do,
and little time to cover it
105
00:06:21,118 --> 00:06:24,413
I can feel the sexuality brewin'
in here already
106
00:06:24,414 --> 00:06:27,101
- Oh, no Stacy's in this class?
- What do you mean, "Oh, no?"
107
00:06:27,102 --> 00:06:28,989
You've been trying to tap that
since fifth grade
108
00:06:28,990 --> 00:06:31,613
This is an opportunity
You're in a class with her
109
00:06:31,614 --> 00:06:33,021
Go talk to her!
110
00:06:33,022 --> 00:06:35,069
- What would I say?
- Listen, all a girl wants
111
00:06:35,070 --> 00:06:37,629
is for you to be yourself
So do that... be yourself
112
00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:41,306
Or just shake your dick at her
You know, whatever feels right
113
00:06:43,134 --> 00:06:44,989
- Hello
- Hello
114
00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:46,550
Hey, Stacy
115
00:06:47,422 --> 00:06:49,942
Looks like we're gonna be
having sex together
116
00:06:50,398 --> 00:06:51,613
What!?
117
00:06:51,614 --> 00:06:55,453
Ed S... class
Sex-ed class together
118
00:06:55,454 --> 00:06:58,173
I'm sorry, I just... y'know
Whoo!
119
00:06:58,174 --> 00:06:59,677
Bye
120
00:06:59,678 --> 00:07:01,789
Yeah... talk to ya later
121
00:07:01,790 --> 00:07:03,806
My name is Mr. Matthews
122
00:07:03,807 --> 00:07:06,781
First off,
there's no teachers in here...
123
00:07:06,782 --> 00:07:09,949
just a bunch of people
exploring their sexuality
124
00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:12,605
Right? So once you
enter through that door,
125
00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:14,685
you're comin' through
a No Bullshit zone
126
00:07:14,686 --> 00:07:17,149
That's right... I said "bullshit"
127
00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:19,997
Huh? We're keepin' it real
in here, people
128
00:07:19,998 --> 00:07:22,909
Fart, fuck, shit, cock, ass, cunty cunt!
129
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,349
All rightie
130
00:07:24,350 --> 00:07:28,541
Now, listen up Teen sexuality
is a living, breathing thing,
131
00:07:28,542 --> 00:07:31,357
and we're gonna explore that concept
from every different angle
132
00:07:31,358 --> 00:07:33,245
we can get our greasy little hands on
133
00:07:33,246 --> 00:07:35,677
And you're gonna share
I'm gonna share right now
134
00:07:35,678 --> 00:07:37,725
Hell, I've had sex with koi fish
135
00:07:37,726 --> 00:07:39,389
There, I've said it
136
00:07:39,390 --> 00:07:42,109
Sometimes you find me naked
down at the bottom of a fun-ball pool
137
00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:43,965
at your local fast food restaurant
138
00:07:43,966 --> 00:07:45,405
True story
139
00:07:45,406 --> 00:07:49,213
Okay, let's do a little
role-playing exercise in here
140
00:07:49,214 --> 00:07:51,165
I want each and every one of you
141
00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:53,597
to decide that you're gonna
have sex with someone
142
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,965
for the very first time
143
00:07:55,966 --> 00:07:58,237
Okay, partner up, people!
144
00:07:58,238 --> 00:08:00,541
Stacy needs a partner
Seize the day, bro
145
00:08:00,542 --> 00:08:05,113
Hell, screw the day
Seize the booty
146
00:08:37,022 --> 00:08:40,982
That's a good union there
I like that I saw that when I came in
147
00:08:42,878 --> 00:08:44,829
- Mr. Matthews?
- Yes
148
00:08:44,830 --> 00:08:47,164
I don't think there's any girls left
149
00:08:48,030 --> 00:08:51,261
Mike, human sexuality isn't always
between man and woman
150
00:08:51,262 --> 00:08:52,701
Stand up, Doug
151
00:08:52,702 --> 00:08:55,485
Class, I'd like to introduce you
to our first gay couple...
152
00:08:55,486 --> 00:08:57,757
Mike and Doug
153
00:08:57,758 --> 00:09:00,605
Now, just because they'll be
experimenting with
154
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:03,741
man-on-man lovemaking
and assorted humbuggery,
155
00:09:03,742 --> 00:09:05,853
don't treat 'em any differently
156
00:09:05,854 --> 00:09:07,933
Mike, I think
you're gonna be on bottom
157
00:09:07,934 --> 00:09:10,683
Okay
158
00:09:12,894 --> 00:09:15,261
I'll be the stay-at-home-dad
159
00:09:15,262 --> 00:09:16,789
What?
160
00:09:23,102 --> 00:09:24,733
Mark
161
00:09:24,734 --> 00:09:28,189
So, Matt, what advice do you
have for young people about sex?
162
00:09:28,190 --> 00:09:30,717
Advice Uh
163
00:09:30,718 --> 00:09:33,566
guys, be responsible
164
00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:36,669
You know, always wear a rubber
165
00:09:36,670 --> 00:09:40,509
Of course, it feels way better
to do it without one
166
00:09:40,510 --> 00:09:42,781
Unless, of course,
it's a Vietnamese hooker,
167
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,893
and then I think you just
take your chances
168
00:09:44,894 --> 00:09:47,358
As long as there's a naked chick
somewhere in the room,
169
00:09:47,358 --> 00:09:49,021
you are not gay
170
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,901
If you have an STD,
do not tell your partner
171
00:09:51,902 --> 00:09:54,141
It is a lose-lose situation
172
00:09:54,142 --> 00:09:56,413
Fellas, be nice to your partner
173
00:09:56,414 --> 00:09:58,653
In the morning,
if she needs a ride home,
174
00:09:58,654 --> 00:10:02,493
point her to the nearest bus stop
before you go back to sleep
175
00:10:02,494 --> 00:10:04,053
Be a good guy
176
00:10:06,366 --> 00:10:08,349
Today one out of three
young adults
177
00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:10,589
has a sexually transmitted disease.
178
00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:14,365
And letting a former hook-up know
that you've got genital cooties
179
00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:16,187
can be pretty hard.
180
00:10:19,295 --> 00:10:21,822
Now there's an easier way!
181
00:10:21,823 --> 00:10:26,645
At STD-E-CARDS, you can
share the bad news with one click.
182
00:10:27,550 --> 00:10:29,533
Pick from such messages as,
183
00:10:29,534 --> 00:10:32,701
"You gave me your heart,
I gave you gonorrhea",
184
00:10:32,702 --> 00:10:36,760
or' Thanks for the blowjob...
sorry about the herpes" .
185
00:10:38,206 --> 00:10:39,645
It's from Kevin!
186
00:10:39,646 --> 00:10:42,109
That hot guy
that you hooked up with this weekend?
187
00:10:42,110 --> 00:10:43,613
- Yeah
- What's it say?
188
00:10:43,614 --> 00:10:45,822
"Roses are red,
violets are blue,
189
00:10:45,823 --> 00:10:48,953
I gave you syphilis
when we screwed at the zoo"
190
00:10:51,935 --> 00:10:53,405
That was easy
191
00:10:53,406 --> 00:10:58,555
STD-E-CARDS,
where bad news travels fast!
192
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:06,269
Attention, students,
prom is fast approaching.
193
00:11:06,270 --> 00:11:10,132
Get your free STD screening
in the nurse's office.
194
00:11:14,623 --> 00:11:17,341
- Hi, Carla
- Oh, hey
195
00:11:17,342 --> 00:11:18,653
Hey, listen, um,
196
00:11:18,654 --> 00:11:20,669
I know it's kind of last minute,
but, um,
197
00:11:20,670 --> 00:11:23,549
I wanted to know if you'd maybe
want to go to the prom with me tonight
198
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:27,229
Oh, I'm sorry, Justin,
someone already asked me
199
00:11:27,230 --> 00:11:28,285
Three weeks ago
200
00:11:28,286 --> 00:11:31,549
Oh... oh, okay
That's that's all right
201
00:11:31,550 --> 00:11:33,371
Well, have fun, though
202
00:11:58,430 --> 00:12:01,309
Oh, check out your cock!
203
00:12:01,310 --> 00:12:04,724
Oh! Oh, honey!
204
00:12:13,374 --> 00:12:17,531
I've been using these
since the Eisenhower Administration
205
00:12:19,134 --> 00:12:20,381
Can I help you?
206
00:12:20,382 --> 00:12:21,501
Huh?
207
00:12:21,502 --> 00:12:23,323
Uh... uh, no
208
00:12:34,846 --> 00:12:37,465
Oh, honey...
209
00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:42,964
She's a real beaut, isn't she?
210
00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:20,307
This just isn't right
211
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:40,184
I wish we'd met years ago
212
00:13:41,758 --> 00:13:44,478
My whole high school experience
would have been different
213
00:13:44,478 --> 00:13:51,869
Every day, the one thing
I can count on
214
00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:54,109
So much love
215
00:13:54,110 --> 00:13:59,197
It's like a river
with no end
216
00:13:59,198 --> 00:14:01,309
So much love
217
00:14:01,310 --> 00:14:06,206
The minute it seems to stop,
it starts again
218
00:14:06,207 --> 00:14:08,413
So much love
219
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:13,437
You've given me so much love
220
00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:18,390
Don't you know
you've made my dream come true
221
00:14:20,446 --> 00:14:23,805
I've always wanted
to see the Grand Canyon, too!
222
00:14:23,806 --> 00:14:27,357
They brought me you,
you brought me love
223
00:14:27,358 --> 00:14:30,941
Dreams come true
every day with you
224
00:14:30,942 --> 00:14:33,527
So much love
225
00:14:35,422 --> 00:14:38,717
Justin, I haven't seen you
around much lately
226
00:14:38,718 --> 00:14:40,509
I've been busy
227
00:14:40,510 --> 00:14:42,237
Well, prom wasn't the same
without you
228
00:14:42,238 --> 00:14:44,477
- Really?
- Yeah
229
00:14:44,478 --> 00:14:46,749
I was wondering if we could
go out sometime
230
00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:48,413
- Me and you?
- Dinner?
231
00:14:48,414 --> 00:14:50,835
Maybe Saturday night?
232
00:14:51,774 --> 00:14:55,549
And just when I thought
the night could not get any worse,
233
00:14:55,550 --> 00:14:58,525
he pukes all over my dress
234
00:14:58,526 --> 00:14:59,709
It was horrible
235
00:14:59,710 --> 00:15:02,238
I'm sure you still
looked beautiful, though
236
00:15:02,238 --> 00:15:04,317
Thanks, but I didn't
237
00:15:04,318 --> 00:15:06,237
I had vomit all over me
238
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:09,783
You're so amazing
You really are
239
00:15:19,262 --> 00:15:21,981
What? No, that's ridiculous
240
00:15:21,982 --> 00:15:24,093
I'm going to play poker
with some of the guys
241
00:15:24,094 --> 00:15:26,908
Don't worry
I'll be back by 10:00 All right?
242
00:15:36,542 --> 00:15:38,429
Hello?
243
00:15:39,614 --> 00:15:40,957
Anyone there?
244
00:15:40,958 --> 00:15:44,154
Look, don't be a pussy,
just tell me who it is
245
00:15:44,766 --> 00:15:46,555
Stop calling me!
246
00:15:47,582 --> 00:15:49,884
Another prank call
247
00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:55,805
I know what you're up to,
and it's gotta stop
248
00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:57,822
Leave Carla alone!
249
00:15:57,823 --> 00:16:00,061
It's over between me and you
250
00:16:00,062 --> 00:16:01,883
Get used to it!
251
00:16:07,070 --> 00:16:08,221
Where were you this morning?
252
00:16:08,222 --> 00:16:09,981
I thought you were gonna
watch me practice
253
00:16:09,982 --> 00:16:12,701
Oh Sorry, I forgot
254
00:16:12,702 --> 00:16:14,717
Well, you comin' to my game
on Friday night?
255
00:16:14,718 --> 00:16:17,181
Actually, I'm going to Len's party
with Stacy
256
00:16:17,182 --> 00:16:20,093
You know what? There's someone else
who actually cares about me
257
00:16:20,094 --> 00:16:22,167
Good-bye, Carla
258
00:16:24,254 --> 00:16:26,872
Justin, where are you going?
259
00:16:35,486 --> 00:16:38,005
What?
260
00:16:43,006 --> 00:16:45,078
No!
261
00:16:48,478 --> 00:16:51,292
Why?! Why did you do this!?
262
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:55,421
Someone call 911!
263
00:17:09,182 --> 00:17:13,818
So what's the kinkiest thing
you've ever done in bed?
264
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,965
The two of us licked whipped cream
off of each other once
265
00:17:19,966 --> 00:17:23,229
- That was fun Yeah
- That was pretty kinky
266
00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:24,989
What about you?
267
00:17:24,990 --> 00:17:27,102
I don't know
268
00:17:27,103 --> 00:17:29,597
- Uh
- Come on, don't act all shy
269
00:17:29,598 --> 00:17:32,093
- What if my parents are watching?
- Come on
270
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:36,829
Does it have to be the kinkiest thing
that we've done together?
271
00:17:36,830 --> 00:17:38,557
No, it could have been
on your own
272
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,221
Well
273
00:17:40,222 --> 00:17:42,206
this one time I had sex
with this black guy
274
00:17:42,207 --> 00:17:44,061
while his best friend
did me in the ass,
275
00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:46,589
and then I sucked both their dicks
at the same time
276
00:17:46,590 --> 00:17:49,597
That was kinda kinky
277
00:17:49,598 --> 00:17:52,019
- What? Baby?
That's great
278
00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:02,301
MR MATTHEWS
Bring it on in!
279
00:18:02,302 --> 00:18:04,605
We got a lot to do
and a little time to do it!
280
00:18:04,606 --> 00:18:06,397
Wanna make sure we can
cram it all in
281
00:18:06,398 --> 00:18:09,661
That's what she said Ha ha ha!
You guys know what I'm talkin' about
282
00:18:09,662 --> 00:18:11,677
You've gotta sit next to Stacy
and be her partner
283
00:18:11,678 --> 00:18:13,757
Yeah, man, don't be scared
Go ahead
284
00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:16,093
All right,
we're all gettin' in a circle
285
00:18:16,094 --> 00:18:17,726
This is great
286
00:18:17,727 --> 00:18:20,157
Okay
287
00:18:20,158 --> 00:18:22,909
let's talk about penises
288
00:18:22,910 --> 00:18:24,509
That's right, everyone
289
00:18:24,510 --> 00:18:26,813
I said the big P-word
290
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:30,589
Now, the most common question:
What's normal?
291
00:18:30,590 --> 00:18:33,149
Simple answer: There's no such thing
292
00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:36,574
Penises come in a variety
of different shapes and sizes
293
00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:39,005
Huh? All rightie!
294
00:18:39,006 --> 00:18:43,869
As you can tell from the molds
cast from actual penises we have here
295
00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:46,526
Got 'em all different
from all over the globe
296
00:18:46,527 --> 00:18:50,589
Now, the next
we like to call the Fireplug
297
00:18:50,590 --> 00:18:53,854
It's short and stocky,
but boy, when you get it excited,
298
00:18:53,855 --> 00:18:55,197
kablooey!
299
00:18:55,198 --> 00:18:58,685
Like a sawed-off shotgun, I tell ya
All right, what do we have next?
300
00:18:58,686 --> 00:19:01,629
This one's called the Tadpole
Why is it called the Tadpole?
301
00:19:01,630 --> 00:19:05,245
Because it's got a larger head
tapering down into a smaller shaft
302
00:19:05,246 --> 00:19:09,245
We like to call this guy
the Mushroom Cloud, if you will
303
00:19:09,246 --> 00:19:11,709
Yeah I thought
you'd like that one
304
00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:13,181
Now, this is an interesting one
305
00:19:13,182 --> 00:19:15,582
Looks small, but if you
know how-to use it,
306
00:19:15,583 --> 00:19:17,437
I tell ya, it's quite a powerful weapon
307
00:19:17,438 --> 00:19:20,541
It's called the Torpedo
You know what I mean?
308
00:19:20,542 --> 00:19:21,629
Or the Meat Cone
309
00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:24,477
'Cause it's got a tiny head
tapering into a large shaft
310
00:19:24,478 --> 00:19:25,981
Nice
311
00:19:25,982 --> 00:19:27,741
Hand that guy around,
that's a good one
312
00:19:27,742 --> 00:19:29,597
We like to call that one
the Roto-Rooter
313
00:19:29,598 --> 00:19:33,437
Next we have what's called
the Super huge
314
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:35,037
- That's right
- Oh, damn!
315
00:19:35,038 --> 00:19:37,629
We also like to call this
the Great American Challenge
316
00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:41,721
Ladies, you're gonna love
the cervix stimulation on that guy
317
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:47,517
Okay, this next one's interesting,
all right? I found this one online
318
00:19:47,998 --> 00:19:50,013
It's the Doubleheader,
ladies and gentlemen
319
00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:53,085
It is out there, believe me
Hand that around
320
00:19:53,086 --> 00:19:54,749
Okay, everyone, pass 'em around
321
00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:56,829
Look 'em up and down
322
00:19:56,830 --> 00:19:58,365
NOW freeze!
323
00:19:58,366 --> 00:20:02,461
Okay Gentlemen,
the penises in your hands,
324
00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:04,829
that is your penis
325
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:07,581
Ladies, put your penises down
326
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:10,101
and partner up with
the person closest to you
327
00:20:10,974 --> 00:20:13,629
Looks like we got a small one, huh?
328
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,058
Yeah
329
00:20:15,486 --> 00:20:18,686
Okay, now I'm gonna hand out
some condoms for each group
330
00:20:18,687 --> 00:20:20,477
Here ya go,
everyone get a condom
331
00:20:20,478 --> 00:20:22,109
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
332
00:20:22,110 --> 00:20:26,005
I'm gonna have you put the condom
on the man's penis, together
333
00:20:27,742 --> 00:20:30,589
Okay, the reason I'm having you
put these condoms on together
334
00:20:30,590 --> 00:20:34,964
is because contraception
is both partners' responsibility
335
00:20:35,454 --> 00:20:37,657
Have to say that Sorry
336
00:20:41,630 --> 00:20:43,549
Mike, it looks like you got
a little room there
337
00:20:43,550 --> 00:20:46,746
That's because, Mike,
you have a very small penis
338
00:20:48,478 --> 00:20:51,645
Okay, everyone,
let's talk about fetishes
339
00:20:51,646 --> 00:20:55,357
Now, a fetish is basically
an obsession with leather...
340
00:20:55,358 --> 00:20:58,013
black leather... and bits,
mouth bits
341
00:20:58,014 --> 00:21:00,882
Who likes a ball in their mouth?
Anyone?
342
00:21:03,902 --> 00:21:05,726
Oh, baby, you look so good
343
00:21:05,727 --> 00:21:07,741
- You wanna do it now, baby?
- Hell, yeah, I do
344
00:21:07,742 --> 00:21:09,564
Okay
345
00:21:12,990 --> 00:21:15,357
No, wait
You know what would be even hotter?
346
00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,015
What?
347
00:21:19,742 --> 00:21:21,170
This
348
00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:23,325
You want me to wear a hat?
349
00:21:23,326 --> 00:21:25,853
Oh, yeah, baby,
that shit is so hot
350
00:21:25,854 --> 00:21:27,795
- Okay
- Yeah. Yeah.
351
00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:34,775
Wait Uh, you know what else
would be so smokin' hot?
352
00:21:34,974 --> 00:21:36,436
What?
353
00:21:38,078 --> 00:21:39,773
This big mole
354
00:21:39,774 --> 00:21:41,725
What?! Ew!
355
00:21:41,726 --> 00:21:43,325
It's hot Trust me
356
00:21:43,326 --> 00:21:44,541
For me?
357
00:21:44,542 --> 00:21:46,428
Fine
358
00:21:47,902 --> 00:21:50,356
- Now can we do it?
- Yeah
359
00:22:05,918 --> 00:22:07,549
Ronny... what the hell!?
360
00:22:07,550 --> 00:22:09,086
- What?
- I didn't want to say this,
361
00:22:09,087 --> 00:22:11,421
but you clearly want to
have sex with Abraham Lincoln!
362
00:22:11,422 --> 00:22:13,308
That's crazy!
363
00:22:14,143 --> 00:22:16,445
Is it?
Look around you, Ronny
364
00:22:16,446 --> 00:22:19,325
- You're obsessed with him
- He was a great man
365
00:22:19,326 --> 00:22:22,042
What's wrong with paying tribute?
366
00:22:23,294 --> 00:22:24,957
Paying tribute is one thing...
367
00:22:24,958 --> 00:22:28,701
trying to turn your girlfriend into him
so you can get a hard-on is another
368
00:22:28,702 --> 00:22:32,313
I'm outta here
Call me when you get some therapy
369
00:22:32,958 --> 00:22:34,899
Sue...
370
00:22:38,718 --> 00:22:40,477
That was my last beard
371
00:22:40,478 --> 00:22:42,557
TV Announcer:
Can the transporter be fixed?
372
00:22:42,558 --> 00:22:44,958
Or is all hopeless for our heroines?
373
00:22:44,958 --> 00:22:46,973
Will Alice and Betty make it home?
374
00:22:46,974 --> 00:22:51,485
Find out next on Babes Lost in Time!
375
00:22:51,486 --> 00:22:53,623
Time
376
00:23:36,095 --> 00:23:38,963
Forward into the past!
377
00:23:39,486 --> 00:23:41,820
Here I come, Abe!
378
00:25:44,478 --> 00:25:46,493
Ladies, you do not...
379
00:25:46,494 --> 00:25:50,389
I repeat, you do not have to
have sex with a guy for him to like you
380
00:25:51,230 --> 00:25:52,658
But it helps
381
00:25:53,182 --> 00:25:55,165
Want to remain a virgin
until you're married?
382
00:25:55,166 --> 00:25:57,789
Two words: Butt sex
383
00:25:57,790 --> 00:26:01,213
Look, if you like to be choked,
it's okay Everyone likes it... a little
384
00:26:01,214 --> 00:26:03,133
Just don't go too far
385
00:26:03,134 --> 00:26:06,035
Blue is a warning sign
386
00:26:10,782 --> 00:26:14,076
So, what's the kinkiest thing
either one you has ever done in bed?
387
00:26:17,150 --> 00:26:18,653
- Well, um, check it:
- Whoo!
388
00:26:18,654 --> 00:26:21,822
I'm at the club one night,
and I meet this little white chick, right?
389
00:26:21,823 --> 00:26:23,645
So next you know
I get in her ear, man,
390
00:26:23,646 --> 00:26:25,437
and she lets me take her back
to my spot,
391
00:26:25,438 --> 00:26:28,286
and she did me and him
at the same time
392
00:26:28,287 --> 00:26:30,365
- And then she blew us
You're kidding
393
00:26:30,366 --> 00:26:32,701
Whoo, man!
That girl was off the chain, man!
394
00:26:32,702 --> 00:26:35,549
Hey, you know, uh, shit,
what can I say?
395
00:26:35,550 --> 00:26:38,142
That little woman had a big ol'
twelve-pound pussy, man!
396
00:26:38,143 --> 00:26:40,381
- Where'd she get that?
- There was a lot of acrobatics
397
00:26:40,382 --> 00:26:42,301
in that motherfucker,
you know what I'm sayin?'
398
00:26:42,302 --> 00:26:44,541
She was small, but she did
a lot of big things, baby
399
00:26:44,542 --> 00:26:48,338
- Hey, Kim, holler at your boy!
- Whoo!
400
00:26:49,055 --> 00:26:53,661
The women spend most
of their time stretching their breasts,
401
00:26:53,662 --> 00:26:55,837
- adding a new ring each year.
- Yeah Ooh
402
00:26:55,838 --> 00:26:58,013
They probably like it
when they stretch 'em
403
00:26:58,014 --> 00:26:59,421
Yeah
404
00:26:59,422 --> 00:27:01,046
I know they do
405
00:27:01,758 --> 00:27:03,293
Holy crap!
406
00:27:03,294 --> 00:27:06,621
It's Saturday night and you guys
are getting stiffies watching PBS?
407
00:27:06,622 --> 00:27:09,469
- You're pathetic
- Get out of my room, RJ!
408
00:27:09,470 --> 00:27:11,357
You never knock!
409
00:27:11,358 --> 00:27:13,213
Stupid
410
00:27:13,214 --> 00:27:14,397
He's right, you know
411
00:27:14,398 --> 00:27:17,213
- I mean, this is pathetic
- What else are we gonna do?
412
00:27:17,214 --> 00:27:20,157
It's not like we can actually get laid
Let's just watch this
413
00:27:20,158 --> 00:27:22,077
Unless we come up with a way
414
00:27:22,078 --> 00:27:24,762
to build an artificial woman
from your computer
415
00:27:25,982 --> 00:27:28,666
And then program her
to have sex with us
416
00:27:29,246 --> 00:27:30,557
You're a genius!
417
00:27:30,558 --> 00:27:32,445
This is stupid, Barry
418
00:27:32,446 --> 00:27:34,237
Shut up
419
00:27:34,238 --> 00:27:35,645
Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
420
00:27:35,646 --> 00:27:37,693
Relax! We're gonna give her
Halle Berry's face,
421
00:27:37,694 --> 00:27:39,485
- and Beyonce's ass
- All right
422
00:27:39,486 --> 00:27:41,309
- Tyra's boobs
- Bam!
423
00:27:41,310 --> 00:27:42,653
Tyra's probably got bigger
nipples than that
424
00:27:42,654 --> 00:27:44,957
Now all that's left to do is
make sure she's horny
425
00:27:44,958 --> 00:27:47,069
Like really, really horny, though
426
00:27:47,070 --> 00:27:48,637
See this pair of panties, right?
427
00:27:48,638 --> 00:27:50,109
Where'd you get those from?
They're lacy
428
00:27:50,110 --> 00:27:51,773
All right Are you ready
to lose your virginity?
429
00:27:51,774 --> 00:27:54,009
- I'm ready
- Say good-bye
430
00:28:00,286 --> 00:28:02,525
Ow! I told you
that was stupid, Barry
431
00:28:02,526 --> 00:28:04,761
Be quiet, Leon I'm thinking
432
00:28:09,566 --> 00:28:11,060
Oh, shit!
433
00:28:11,742 --> 00:28:14,973
So, who gonna fuck me first!?
434
00:28:14,974 --> 00:28:17,118
Him! Him!
435
00:28:17,118 --> 00:28:18,621
What the hell just happened!?
436
00:28:18,622 --> 00:28:22,045
The panties, they was my aunt's
I knew it It was my aunt's panties
437
00:28:22,046 --> 00:28:25,277
What you waitin' for? My pussy
ain't gonna eat itself out
438
00:28:25,278 --> 00:28:26,781
What? What you say?
439
00:28:26,782 --> 00:28:28,445
Who would say that?
440
00:28:28,446 --> 00:28:29,757
Where you goin?'
Where you goin?'
441
00:28:29,758 --> 00:28:31,613
Leon!
442
00:28:31,614 --> 00:28:32,829
Leon!
443
00:28:32,830 --> 00:28:33,917
Well
444
00:28:33,918 --> 00:28:36,157
I guess that means you first
445
00:28:36,158 --> 00:28:37,534
No It don't... it don't have to mean that
446
00:28:37,535 --> 00:28:40,445
Come give mama
a taste of that sweet chocolate
447
00:28:40,446 --> 00:28:42,237
What you talkin' about?
Chocolate ain't sweet!
448
00:28:42,238 --> 00:28:46,066
I'm your human sex toy,
and I don't come with no Off button!
449
00:28:47,710 --> 00:28:51,004
You don't even have to wear
no jimmy hat!
450
00:28:55,614 --> 00:28:59,323
Save your energy!
I plan on Cumming a lot tonight!
451
00:29:11,743 --> 00:29:15,451
Come out, come out,
wherever you are!
452
00:29:23,358 --> 00:29:25,117
You're too big for me!
453
00:29:25,118 --> 00:29:28,766
Your ball sack is about to get drained!
454
00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:32,562
Let me go! Please, Jesus!
455
00:29:35,230 --> 00:29:36,986
You were good.
456
00:29:37,598 --> 00:29:40,533
I don't want no more
I don't... I don't want no more
457
00:29:41,182 --> 00:29:43,003
No! I don't want it!
458
00:29:43,326 --> 00:29:45,627
You broke my bed
459
00:29:54,014 --> 00:29:56,733
She's so big. Why is she so big?
460
00:29:56,734 --> 00:30:00,413
I musta... I probably hit F1
instead of Enter I don't know
461
00:30:00,414 --> 00:30:02,877
Here I come!
462
00:30:02,878 --> 00:30:07,325
And this time your ass cherry
is mine!
463
00:30:07,326 --> 00:30:09,661
No, it's not! No, it's not!
464
00:30:09,662 --> 00:30:13,458
It's my ass cherry! It's not yours!
465
00:30:15,998 --> 00:30:18,387
Barry? Leon?
466
00:30:23,934 --> 00:30:26,039
"Press Enter now?"
467
00:30:32,414 --> 00:30:33,694
Yeah
468
00:30:33,695 --> 00:30:35,805
You're lookin' good, baby
469
00:30:35,806 --> 00:30:37,333
Whoa!
470
00:30:37,950 --> 00:30:40,829
You're cute How old are you?
471
00:30:40,830 --> 00:30:42,909
Old enough
472
00:30:42,910 --> 00:30:45,659
Ooh-whoo!
Yeah, yeah
473
00:30:46,494 --> 00:30:48,250
Here we go
474
00:30:50,686 --> 00:30:54,301
I know you're probably too young
to be thinking about marriage,
475
00:30:54,302 --> 00:30:55,645
but take it from me,
476
00:30:55,646 --> 00:31:00,029
if you find somebody that you want
to spend the rest of your life with,
477
00:31:00,030 --> 00:31:01,938
there's nothing better
478
00:31:02,143 --> 00:31:03,837
Thanks, sweetie
479
00:31:03,838 --> 00:31:06,589
But before you get married,
480
00:31:06,590 --> 00:31:09,501
make sure you explore
all your options, guys,
481
00:31:09,502 --> 00:31:12,403
and bone as many chicks
as you can
482
00:31:13,022 --> 00:31:18,237
Well, ladies, be sure you take
the long way through Dick-town, too
483
00:31:18,238 --> 00:31:20,382
I banged at least fifty guys
484
00:31:20,383 --> 00:31:23,896
before I met this asshole
sitting next to me here
485
00:31:24,414 --> 00:31:25,693
And a group of girls, too
486
00:31:25,694 --> 00:31:30,589
It was no accident that I invited
the electrician and the plumber
487
00:31:30,590 --> 00:31:31,773
on the same day
488
00:31:31,774 --> 00:31:34,782
- Ohh
- Whoo-whoo! Real hot!
489
00:31:34,783 --> 00:31:37,085
Guys, listen up
490
00:31:37,086 --> 00:31:39,165
If you're planning on having
a threesome,
491
00:31:39,166 --> 00:31:41,854
you better to do it
before you get married
492
00:31:41,855 --> 00:31:46,237
But trust me,
there's no better sensation
493
00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:50,301
than two women making out
while riding your Johnson
494
00:31:50,302 --> 00:31:51,581
I almost forgot
495
00:31:51,582 --> 00:31:53,437
Book yourself a ticket to...
496
00:31:53,438 --> 00:31:56,606
Try sleeping with
your fianc''s best man
497
00:31:56,607 --> 00:31:57,918
and his brother
498
00:31:57,918 --> 00:32:00,157
at the wedding reception
499
00:32:00,158 --> 00:32:02,296
Very hot
500
00:32:38,750 --> 00:32:41,269
Great
501
00:33:01,630 --> 00:33:03,670
Ohh
502
00:33:03,774 --> 00:33:04,861
Ohh
503
00:33:04,862 --> 00:33:07,578
Ooh, that's nice
504
00:33:09,534 --> 00:33:12,664
Oh, why didn't I think of this before?
505
00:33:17,503 --> 00:33:19,673
Oh, shit
506
00:33:22,622 --> 00:33:24,508
Ohh! Ohh!
507
00:33:26,110 --> 00:33:28,381
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
508
00:33:28,382 --> 00:33:30,237
Honey, dinner's ready
509
00:33:30,238 --> 00:33:32,862
Oh, my God
Oh, my God
510
00:33:32,863 --> 00:33:34,487
Oh, this is bad
511
00:33:37,438 --> 00:33:39,326
Can you pass the mashed potatoes,
please?
512
00:33:39,327 --> 00:33:42,010
- Certainly
- Thank you
513
00:33:43,614 --> 00:33:46,712
Mm Everything
is delicious, dear
514
00:33:52,574 --> 00:33:55,357
Did you pick up
your condoms for the prom?
515
00:33:55,358 --> 00:33:57,949
Yeah, they gave them out
for free at school today
516
00:33:57,950 --> 00:34:00,950
They did?
Yeah Thanks, though
517
00:34:09,502 --> 00:34:11,836
Honey, is your vagina ringing?
518
00:34:11,967 --> 00:34:15,894
Dad! That's ridiculous
519
00:34:19,422 --> 00:34:21,756
Sounded like it
520
00:34:23,743 --> 00:34:27,605
Okay, I think we've learned a lot here
Class dismissed
521
00:34:28,510 --> 00:34:30,109
I'll see ya all tomorrow
522
00:34:30,110 --> 00:34:31,997
Now, remember your permission slips
for the field trip
523
00:34:31,998 --> 00:34:35,069
Now, these permission slips
are no joke, people, okay?
524
00:34:35,070 --> 00:34:36,669
Now if you can't find your parents,
525
00:34:36,670 --> 00:34:38,906
they're in their bedroom, doing it
526
00:34:42,398 --> 00:34:45,179
- He'd probably use the toys
- Totally
527
00:34:45,662 --> 00:34:47,581
Hey, Stacey Jess
528
00:34:47,582 --> 00:34:49,404
- Hey
- Hi
529
00:35:03,646 --> 00:35:06,045
Uh, so listen, Stacey, um...
530
00:35:06,046 --> 00:35:08,413
Mike,
can I talk to you for a second?
531
00:35:11,646 --> 00:35:13,533
- Later?
- Yes
532
00:35:13,534 --> 00:35:15,388
- Awesome
- Okay
533
00:35:22,270 --> 00:35:23,741
So, Mike,
534
00:35:23,742 --> 00:35:26,393
how are things going
with you and Stacy?
535
00:35:26,718 --> 00:35:28,509
Oh, uh, great
536
00:35:28,510 --> 00:35:30,686
You know, we're really good friends
We...
537
00:35:30,687 --> 00:35:33,918
Hey, hey!
Don't bullshit a bull-shitter, bro
538
00:35:33,918 --> 00:35:38,140
I know you're into Stacy
You wanna rap about it?
539
00:35:40,094 --> 00:35:42,109
Yeah, I mean, I don't know
I like Stacy
540
00:35:42,110 --> 00:35:44,029
- Hmm Hmm
- A lot
541
00:35:44,030 --> 00:35:47,293
What do I do?
How do I tell her how I feel?
542
00:35:47,294 --> 00:35:48,829
That's a good question
543
00:35:48,830 --> 00:35:50,077
You don't
544
00:35:50,078 --> 00:35:51,933
I don't?
545
00:35:51,934 --> 00:35:54,589
No, you don't
546
00:35:54,590 --> 00:35:59,134
You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy
is, ooh, way out of your league
547
00:35:59,135 --> 00:36:01,272
Way
548
00:36:01,854 --> 00:36:03,197
What? What do you mean?
549
00:36:03,198 --> 00:36:05,117
I thought you were
all about breaking the rules
550
00:36:05,118 --> 00:36:07,837
and there are no rules
and we're all equal
551
00:36:07,838 --> 00:36:10,941
I am Just not when it comes
to you and Stacy
552
00:36:10,942 --> 00:36:15,229
You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy,
to get her,
553
00:36:15,230 --> 00:36:18,686
boy, you'd need like a truckload
of cough syrup
554
00:36:18,687 --> 00:36:20,989
and a vat of malt liquor
555
00:36:20,990 --> 00:36:23,197
Really mellow her out,
you know what I mean?
556
00:36:23,198 --> 00:36:27,005
But not knock her out
That's a whole different class altogether
557
00:36:27,006 --> 00:36:28,509
- What?
- Mike
558
00:36:28,510 --> 00:36:30,685
you need to go after
something more attainable
559
00:36:30,686 --> 00:36:34,557
You need to find somebody
who's a lot less
560
00:36:34,558 --> 00:36:36,125
pretty-err
561
00:36:36,126 --> 00:36:38,909
You might have to go up
a few weight classes...
562
00:36:38,910 --> 00:36:41,341
a little more than
you're comfortable with, probably...
563
00:36:41,342 --> 00:36:43,869
buck-fifty, two bills... I'm not sure
564
00:36:43,870 --> 00:36:46,909
Somebody who hasn't seen
the light of day in quite a long time
565
00:36:46,910 --> 00:36:49,981
Acne scars, fangs for teeth,
bad hygiene,
566
00:36:49,982 --> 00:36:52,638
- retarded, if you will
- What!?
567
00:36:52,638 --> 00:36:56,605
Hey, sometimes keepin' it real hurts,
little bro
568
00:36:56,606 --> 00:37:00,093
But in the end,
we're all stronger people
569
00:37:00,094 --> 00:37:02,813
Now go out there
and get an ugly chick
570
00:37:02,814 --> 00:37:05,405
Or a whore
Good luck
571
00:37:05,406 --> 00:37:06,966
Good talk
572
00:37:09,278 --> 00:37:12,376
Now, a quick word from our sponsor.
573
00:37:13,982 --> 00:37:17,437
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574
00:37:17,438 --> 00:37:20,509
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575
00:37:20,510 --> 00:37:24,061
Boners sprouting up
at the most inopportune times?
576
00:37:24,062 --> 00:37:27,869
Well, that's why we've invented
Flaccitra.
577
00:37:27,870 --> 00:37:30,717
Flaccitra cuts off blood to your penis,
578
00:37:30,718 --> 00:37:33,566
causing it to shrink
like a frightened turtle.
579
00:37:33,567 --> 00:37:36,702
So, for you teenagers
suffering from SBS...
580
00:37:36,703 --> 00:37:38,749
Sudden Boner Syndrome...
581
00:37:38,750 --> 00:37:40,286
try Flaccitra today.
582
00:37:40,287 --> 00:37:43,549
Flaccitra may cause infertility,
mood swings, loss of appetite,
583
00:37:43,550 --> 00:37:45,373
headaches, butt acne, penis leprosy,
584
00:37:45,374 --> 00:37:47,133
scarlet fever, bloody ejaculations,
585
00:37:47,134 --> 00:37:48,701
and for a complete list
of side effects
586
00:37:48,702 --> 00:37:50,269
go to Flaccitra. Com.
587
00:37:50,270 --> 00:37:51,773
Come on, guys
588
00:37:51,774 --> 00:37:54,195
Flaccitra.
589
00:38:01,694 --> 00:38:04,595
Mmm, this is nice, baby
590
00:38:12,830 --> 00:38:16,029
Lindsey, relax Everybody farts
591
00:38:16,030 --> 00:38:17,565
This is huge.
592
00:38:17,566 --> 00:38:19,677
We've crossed the Fart Barrier
593
00:38:19,678 --> 00:38:21,437
Really?
594
00:38:21,438 --> 00:38:23,517
Ahh
595
00:38:23,518 --> 00:38:26,365
See? It's nothin!'
596
00:38:33,758 --> 00:38:36,376
I do feel comfortable with you
597
00:39:31,582 --> 00:39:33,341
Damn!
598
00:39:33,342 --> 00:39:35,644
Now, that's just nasty.
599
00:39:46,014 --> 00:39:48,477
Oh, my God! Oh, yes!
600
00:39:48,478 --> 00:39:51,773
Hey, man, she was riding you
like a pogo stick! Up and down!
601
00:39:51,774 --> 00:39:53,821
Hold on, hold on
It gets better
602
00:39:53,822 --> 00:39:56,221
- Wait for it
- I'm gonna cum!
603
00:39:56,222 --> 00:39:59,357
Now
604
00:39:59,358 --> 00:40:00,957
Oh, my God!
605
00:40:00,958 --> 00:40:02,525
Whoo
606
00:40:02,526 --> 00:40:04,861
Let me introduce you
to The Screamer
607
00:40:04,862 --> 00:40:07,005
Griffin, this chick is amazing
608
00:40:07,006 --> 00:40:08,221
Which is why I invited her
over here today
609
00:40:08,222 --> 00:40:09,597
Yes, sir
610
00:40:09,598 --> 00:40:11,645
And we're gonna be right here
to make sure you go through with it
611
00:40:11,646 --> 00:40:14,173
Got your little sister's baby monitor
hooked up in your room
612
00:40:14,174 --> 00:40:16,701
And we're gonna have the other end
right here so we can listen in
613
00:40:16,702 --> 00:40:18,525
No Not happening, guys
614
00:40:18,526 --> 00:40:19,549
- Not happening?
- No
615
00:40:19,550 --> 00:40:21,341
- Yes Yes
- No No
616
00:40:21,342 --> 00:40:22,909
Well, that's what you think
617
00:40:22,910 --> 00:40:25,117
- Oh Too late
- Oh, I love it!
618
00:40:25,118 --> 00:40:26,546
Go ahead
619
00:40:29,726 --> 00:40:32,572
- Hi, I'm... I'm Mike
- Where's your room?
620
00:40:34,494 --> 00:40:35,997
Oh, my God
621
00:40:35,998 --> 00:40:38,877
Oh, shit
622
00:40:38,878 --> 00:40:40,733
Oh, my God
623
00:40:40,734 --> 00:40:42,424
I can't believe this
624
00:40:43,774 --> 00:40:45,405
Come here
625
00:40:45,406 --> 00:40:46,998
Oh, shit
626
00:40:48,190 --> 00:40:51,517
Whoa, you're taking your shirt off
immediately like that,
627
00:40:51,518 --> 00:40:53,469
it's kinda tough for me to say no.
628
00:40:53,470 --> 00:40:55,965
You hear that, man?
The shirt just came off!
629
00:40:55,966 --> 00:40:58,398
- It's on!
- Oh, it is on, all right
630
00:40:58,398 --> 00:41:00,252
Put it in me
631
00:41:01,822 --> 00:41:05,051
Why... why don't I just grab
some ear plugs real quick?
632
00:41:05,918 --> 00:41:08,541
Oh, my God,
what should I do?
633
00:41:08,542 --> 00:41:10,996
Oh, hell no, man, is it broke?
634
00:41:14,238 --> 00:41:16,725
What are you waiting for?
635
00:41:17,054 --> 00:41:18,653
I'm sorry I...
636
00:41:18,654 --> 00:41:20,221
I can't do this
637
00:41:20,222 --> 00:41:21,565
What?
638
00:41:21,566 --> 00:41:24,797
There's this girl in my high school,
and I... I really like her
639
00:41:24,798 --> 00:41:27,037
Great I didn't have a back-up plan
640
00:41:27,038 --> 00:41:30,909
Now I've gotta go fuck a trucker
or a cab driver or
641
00:41:30,910 --> 00:41:32,666
a homeless guy
642
00:41:33,054 --> 00:41:36,446
Do you possibly think that maybe
you could go through the back door?
643
00:41:36,447 --> 00:41:39,453
Just so you know
you're givin' up a sure thing
644
00:41:39,454 --> 00:41:42,389
Your friend said that
you were desperate for it
645
00:41:43,902 --> 00:41:46,072
Last chance
646
00:41:51,103 --> 00:41:54,269
Man, all the settin' up we did,
he better not be pussin' out
647
00:41:54,270 --> 00:41:55,741
He's definitely pussing out
648
00:41:55,742 --> 00:41:58,109
Let's go see what's going on
with the dumb-ass
649
00:41:58,110 --> 00:41:59,742
You like that, don't you?
650
00:41:59,743 --> 00:42:02,366
Ha ha! We back in action!
Oh, Mike!
651
00:42:02,367 --> 00:42:05,268
Yeah, Mike!
Whoo-hoo!
652
00:42:06,078 --> 00:42:08,093
Man, you hear that?
653
00:42:08,094 --> 00:42:10,745
Yeah!
654
00:42:11,550 --> 00:42:12,957
Ride it! Ride it!
655
00:42:12,958 --> 00:42:16,158
My boy's goin' strong to the hole,
I'm tellin' ya!
656
00:42:16,158 --> 00:42:18,557
- She's going nuts!
- She wasn't that crazy with me
657
00:42:18,558 --> 00:42:21,918
Ahem
658
00:42:21,918 --> 00:42:24,470
Hi Have you guys
seen my purse?
659
00:42:32,606 --> 00:42:35,645
Oh, Mike! You're so big!
660
00:42:35,646 --> 00:42:39,704
Ahh! Ahh! Oh, Mike,
I've never been fucked so good!
661
00:42:42,526 --> 00:42:45,149
Cover your ears! I'm about to cum!
662
00:42:45,150 --> 00:42:46,909
I'm Cumming! I'm Cumming!
663
00:42:46,910 --> 00:42:49,181
Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
664
00:42:49,182 --> 00:42:51,901
Oh! Oh! You're such a beast!
665
00:42:51,902 --> 00:42:52,989
I'm your big daddy
666
00:42:52,990 --> 00:42:54,877
Mike, I'm... cover your ears!
667
00:42:55,806 --> 00:42:58,621
Shh! Shh! Oh! Oh!
668
00:42:58,622 --> 00:42:59,966
All right, home stretch
669
00:42:59,967 --> 00:43:03,037
Oh, like that! Oh, like that!
Oh, like that!
670
00:43:03,038 --> 00:43:06,420
Oh, my God, oh, my God
671
00:43:06,687 --> 00:43:10,174
I'm in love, Mike
I love you
672
00:43:10,175 --> 00:43:11,965
I love you, Mike
673
00:43:11,966 --> 00:43:16,189
Let them know you worked it,
dust it off and jerk it
674
00:43:16,190 --> 00:43:20,215
So was it as good for you guys
as it was for me?
675
00:43:22,238 --> 00:43:24,477
You know, I would tell you
to go fuck yourself,
676
00:43:24,478 --> 00:43:26,746
but it sounds like you just did
677
00:43:30,142 --> 00:43:32,606
Now, Suzy,
I don't know how to tell you this,
678
00:43:32,607 --> 00:43:34,461
so I'm just gonna come right out and say it.
679
00:43:34,462 --> 00:43:35,709
Say it.
680
00:43:35,710 --> 00:43:38,685
I've been
sleeping with your mom.
681
00:43:38,686 --> 00:43:41,021
- Hank, come on
- What?
682
00:43:41,022 --> 00:43:43,518
You know I made
an abstinence pledge
683
00:43:43,518 --> 00:43:45,277
I promised myself I'd wait
until I was sure
684
00:43:45,278 --> 00:43:47,252
it was with the right guy
685
00:43:47,646 --> 00:43:49,629
I thought I was the right guy
686
00:43:49,630 --> 00:43:51,198
You might be
687
00:43:51,198 --> 00:43:53,533
I'm just not sure yet
688
00:43:53,534 --> 00:43:55,901
But I like you a lot
689
00:44:06,526 --> 00:44:08,829
Hi, sexually frustrated teenager!
690
00:44:08,830 --> 00:44:10,461
I'm Blue Bally!
691
00:44:10,462 --> 00:44:12,861
And if you and your girlfriend
don't have sex soon,
692
00:44:12,862 --> 00:44:15,485
you're gonna wind up with
a serious case of blue-balls!
693
00:44:15,486 --> 00:44:19,227
That's right!
Your nuts are gonna turn blue
694
00:44:19,678 --> 00:44:23,125
Aw, don't be afraid
I'm here to help
695
00:44:23,422 --> 00:44:26,589
You've been stiff as a board
for the last two hours
696
00:44:26,590 --> 00:44:28,797
That means you're reaching
a critical moment
697
00:44:28,798 --> 00:44:31,581
where that good tingly feeling
down there
698
00:44:31,582 --> 00:44:36,285
can quickly turn into
an achy not-so-good feeling!
699
00:44:36,286 --> 00:44:38,107
Wh... what do you mean?
700
00:44:38,302 --> 00:44:41,629
See, Hank, right now
your testicles are filled with semen,
701
00:44:41,630 --> 00:44:43,485
and only a little bit's dripping out
702
00:44:43,486 --> 00:44:45,021
That's called pre-cum
703
00:44:45,022 --> 00:44:47,901
What you want to do is ejaculate
704
00:44:47,902 --> 00:44:51,197
Otherwise, that back up of jizz
will cause pressure in your nut sack
705
00:44:51,198 --> 00:44:53,309
to the point of making you nauseous
706
00:44:53,310 --> 00:44:58,909
In fact, your genitals can increase
in size 25 to 50% That's huge!
707
00:44:58,910 --> 00:45:01,821
- So, what do I do?
- From where I'm sittin,'
708
00:45:01,822 --> 00:45:03,965
even if your girlfriend
won't have intercourse with you,
709
00:45:03,966 --> 00:45:07,315
the least you should be able to do
is to score a hand job
710
00:45:09,118 --> 00:45:10,939
Judy?
711
00:45:11,135 --> 00:45:14,877
L... I want you to know that
I really do care about you
712
00:45:14,878 --> 00:45:18,838
And I've known that since the first time
I saw you in Bible Study class
713
00:45:19,646 --> 00:45:21,336
Uh-huh
714
00:45:22,142 --> 00:45:23,898
uh-huh
715
00:45:24,190 --> 00:45:26,425
uh-huh
716
00:45:27,934 --> 00:45:31,325
- Uh-oh That's not good
- What do you mean?
717
00:45:31,326 --> 00:45:34,109
With that kind of arousal,
it's only a matter of seconds
718
00:45:34,110 --> 00:45:37,565
before full-on irreversible
blue balls!
719
00:45:37,566 --> 00:45:40,445
You better go to the bathroom
and jerk off, right now
720
00:45:40,446 --> 00:45:41,629
- Here?
- Yes! Go!
721
00:45:41,630 --> 00:45:42,973
There's no time to waste!
722
00:45:42,974 --> 00:45:45,625
Go! Get going!
It's a medical emergency!
723
00:45:50,942 --> 00:45:53,565
Oh, yeah, you won't
see this on children's television!
724
00:45:53,566 --> 00:45:55,420
Blue Bally!
725
00:45:55,870 --> 00:45:58,837
Hope you like sloppy seconds!
Hah!
726
00:46:00,095 --> 00:46:03,803
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
727
00:46:04,510 --> 00:46:06,749
Man, I'm never gonna get laid
I'm such a loser
728
00:46:06,750 --> 00:46:09,533
No, you're not
I met a girl in a chat room
729
00:46:09,534 --> 00:46:11,006
- Did you?
- Yeah
730
00:46:11,007 --> 00:46:13,021
I met in her in Teen lonely boys
731
00:46:13,022 --> 00:46:15,549
'Cause I figure I'm a teen
and I'm lonely
732
00:46:15,550 --> 00:46:18,109
Anyways, it's crazy,
733
00:46:18,110 --> 00:46:20,157
there's not a lot of girls
in that chat room
734
00:46:20,158 --> 00:46:22,813
It's mostly older guys
interested in photography
735
00:46:22,814 --> 00:46:24,541
That's kind of creepy
736
00:46:24,542 --> 00:46:26,685
It is at first, but, you know,
737
00:46:26,686 --> 00:46:29,213
once I made it clear
that I was a teen boy
738
00:46:29,214 --> 00:46:30,749
in the market for a teen girl,
739
00:46:30,750 --> 00:46:32,893
ladies were just
coming out of the woodwork
740
00:46:32,894 --> 00:46:35,358
And now I have a girlfriend
Her name is Randy
741
00:46:35,358 --> 00:46:37,021
Isn't that a guy's name?
742
00:46:37,022 --> 00:46:38,846
It's both I...
743
00:46:38,847 --> 00:46:41,085
I mean, she says
she gets that all the time
744
00:46:41,086 --> 00:46:45,853
- She send you a picture?
- No Uh... but I sent her tons of mine
745
00:46:45,854 --> 00:46:48,821
Most of them are naked
It's awesome
746
00:46:49,374 --> 00:46:51,133
Well, maybe I'll give it a try
747
00:46:51,134 --> 00:46:54,842
And maybe if you're lucky someday,
you'll have a Randy, just like me
748
00:47:05,182 --> 00:47:06,909
"Sweeety Pi"
749
00:47:06,910 --> 00:47:08,796
Accept
750
00:47:10,398 --> 00:47:12,568
Hi.
751
00:47:13,726 --> 00:47:15,350
Hi.
752
00:47:16,318 --> 00:47:17,746
Sex chat?
753
00:47:19,198 --> 00:47:21,149
Sure.
754
00:47:21,150 --> 00:47:24,989
Okay. I'm dressed in a tight mini-dress
walking down a dark alley.
755
00:47:24,990 --> 00:47:27,421
I'm completely alone and vulnerable.
756
00:47:27,422 --> 00:47:29,405
Then you appear out of the shadows.
757
00:47:29,406 --> 00:47:32,733
You wear all black,
with a ski mask over your head.
758
00:47:32,734 --> 00:47:35,701
You approach me menacingly
and say?...
759
00:47:37,726 --> 00:47:40,344
Hey, what's up.
760
00:47:42,526 --> 00:47:43,645
Was that wrong?
761
00:47:43,646 --> 00:47:45,053
Menacing.
762
00:47:45,054 --> 00:47:46,941
Okay
763
00:47:46,942 --> 00:47:49,021
What are you doing in my alley?
764
00:47:49,022 --> 00:47:51,133
Oh, no. You stay away from me.
765
00:47:51,134 --> 00:47:54,621
I'm lost, alone, and half-naked.
766
00:47:54,622 --> 00:47:58,036
But I have Mace.
Don't try and take advantage of me.
767
00:47:58,590 --> 00:48:02,141
Okay, sorry, no problem.
Do you need cab money?
768
00:48:02,142 --> 00:48:05,175
Be aggressive. I want it.
769
00:48:06,430 --> 00:48:09,117
Oh Weird
770
00:48:09,118 --> 00:48:12,957
I'm afraid I don't care about Mace.
Prepare to be attacked.
771
00:48:12,958 --> 00:48:15,063
Sexually.
772
00:48:15,710 --> 00:48:19,389
That was amazing.
We should meet.
773
00:48:19,390 --> 00:48:21,501
Come to 429 Covington Avenue,
apartment 8,
774
00:48:21,502 --> 00:48:23,357
tomorrow night at 10:00.
775
00:48:23,358 --> 00:48:25,597
Wear a mask.
Take me against my will.
776
00:48:25,598 --> 00:48:28,412
Don't break character.
777
00:48:33,662 --> 00:48:35,773
- Oh, hello, dear
- Oh, hey, Jane
778
00:48:35,774 --> 00:48:37,565
Doing anything special tonight?
779
00:48:37,566 --> 00:48:40,989
Nope, just baking cookies
for my niece
780
00:48:40,990 --> 00:48:43,542
Oh
781
00:49:12,798 --> 00:49:15,001
Just a second!
782
00:49:18,686 --> 00:49:20,595
Did somebody order the rape?
783
00:49:20,735 --> 00:49:22,237
Aaaah!
784
00:49:22,238 --> 00:49:24,027
Whoo! Oooh!
785
00:49:24,286 --> 00:49:25,789
So far so good
786
00:49:25,790 --> 00:49:27,837
Uh, you can run but you can't hide
787
00:49:27,838 --> 00:49:30,493
from forced sexual intercourse,
788
00:49:30,494 --> 00:49:32,795
you know what I mean ma'am?
789
00:49:33,790 --> 00:49:35,261
Get out!
790
00:49:35,262 --> 00:49:38,269
God, be careful!
You're gonna hurt me!
791
00:49:38,270 --> 00:49:42,109
I mean, you won't be so feisty
when I'm violating you
792
00:49:42,110 --> 00:49:43,604
Sexually
793
00:49:49,790 --> 00:49:52,473
I'm bleeding!
794
00:49:53,342 --> 00:49:54,967
That won't stop me!
795
00:50:02,078 --> 00:50:03,485
No, you don't
796
00:50:03,486 --> 00:50:04,957
Oh
797
00:50:04,958 --> 00:50:06,141
I'm sorry, I'll pay for this
798
00:50:06,142 --> 00:50:07,805
You stay back I'm warning you!
799
00:50:07,806 --> 00:50:10,333
Uh, I'm scared, yeah, yeah
I'm scared and...
800
00:50:10,334 --> 00:50:12,407
Oh, my God!
801
00:50:19,358 --> 00:50:21,398
What is it?! What is it!?
802
00:50:23,646 --> 00:50:26,045
Oh, God!
Oh, it's burning!
803
00:50:26,046 --> 00:50:28,086
Aaaah!
804
00:50:32,158 --> 00:50:34,328
Did somebody order the rape?
805
00:50:44,863 --> 00:50:46,013
Fred
806
00:50:46,014 --> 00:50:47,229
Oh Hey, Betty
807
00:50:47,230 --> 00:50:48,381
- Hey
- How's it goin?'
808
00:50:48,382 --> 00:50:49,501
What's wrong?
809
00:50:49,502 --> 00:50:51,678
Oh, it's just been kind of
a crazy week
810
00:50:51,678 --> 00:50:53,598
It's a long story, though
811
00:50:53,598 --> 00:50:55,581
You know, Fred,
I've been thinking
812
00:50:55,582 --> 00:50:57,501
we've been friends
for a really long time
813
00:50:57,502 --> 00:50:59,258
Yeah Yeah, we have
814
00:50:59,550 --> 00:51:01,597
Maybe it's time we take things
to the next level
815
00:51:01,598 --> 00:51:03,866
Next level?
816
00:51:04,510 --> 00:51:06,135
Wow
817
00:51:11,198 --> 00:51:13,204
Next level!
818
00:51:13,822 --> 00:51:15,773
Hey, baby, this is for you.
819
00:51:15,774 --> 00:51:18,397
I love you.
You're the only one for me.
820
00:51:18,398 --> 00:51:20,405
I hope you enjoy.
821
00:51:38,174 --> 00:51:40,573
Kat, can I borrow
a squirt of your herpes cream?
822
00:51:40,574 --> 00:51:43,607
Uh, yeah, sure.
I'll bring it over in a minute.
823
00:51:51,646 --> 00:51:53,500
Ohh! Ow!
824
00:52:07,262 --> 00:52:09,400
I'm not in Leave a message
825
00:52:10,047 --> 00:52:11,966
Hey, girl, it's Billy Sharpe
from the basketball team
826
00:52:11,967 --> 00:52:16,123
Thanks for rockin' my world
Talk about takin' it to the hole... damn!
827
00:52:17,182 --> 00:52:19,068
Sorry about that.
828
00:52:23,070 --> 00:52:25,373
Oh, shoot! Aaaah!
829
00:52:25,374 --> 00:52:27,228
Nice titties!
830
00:52:34,942 --> 00:52:36,989
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
831
00:52:36,990 --> 00:52:38,746
Put the south in your mouth,
pretty baby
832
00:52:44,190 --> 00:52:49,372
Put the south in your mouth,
pretty baby
833
00:52:52,030 --> 00:52:56,700
Let me slop my biscuit
in your gravy
834
00:53:01,982 --> 00:53:03,229
I'm gonna do it
835
00:53:03,230 --> 00:53:04,989
I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it,
I'm gonna do it
836
00:53:04,990 --> 00:53:07,804
I'm there I'm there
I'm there I'm there
837
00:53:15,230 --> 00:53:19,709
Put the south in your mouth,
pretty baby
838
00:53:19,710 --> 00:53:21,717
I wanna kiss your mouth
839
00:53:22,942 --> 00:53:25,949
Mm, tastes like blueberry
840
00:53:25,950 --> 00:53:29,469
So good...
841
00:53:29,470 --> 00:53:32,509
Oh, God
842
00:53:32,510 --> 00:53:34,363
Mmm
843
00:53:39,070 --> 00:53:41,241
Hi
844
00:53:42,750 --> 00:53:44,375
Hi
845
00:53:47,710 --> 00:53:50,132
You look like
you just saw a ghost
846
00:53:51,166 --> 00:53:52,922
Um
847
00:53:54,078 --> 00:53:57,078
I had a... a really bad dream
848
00:53:58,142 --> 00:53:59,742
Oh, sweetie
849
00:53:59,743 --> 00:54:01,789
It's okay
850
00:54:01,790 --> 00:54:03,546
Come here
851
00:54:09,470 --> 00:54:12,568
I had an amazing time last night
852
00:54:13,758 --> 00:54:16,637
Oh l'm sorry
853
00:54:16,638 --> 00:54:18,109
Do you have a toilet?
854
00:54:18,110 --> 00:54:20,413
Oh Yeah, it's right over there
855
00:54:20,414 --> 00:54:22,104
Ohh
856
00:54:27,102 --> 00:54:30,484
Mmm long night
857
00:54:32,862 --> 00:54:35,763
- Hello
- Aaah!
858
00:54:36,030 --> 00:54:38,233
Who the hell are you?
859
00:54:38,558 --> 00:54:41,022
Why don't you ask your dick?
860
00:54:41,023 --> 00:54:42,525
What is going on here?
861
00:54:42,526 --> 00:54:45,117
- Relax, Len
- How do you know my name?
862
00:54:45,118 --> 00:54:47,838
Uh, I usually like to know
the name of the guy
863
00:54:47,838 --> 00:54:49,725
who's fucking my mouth
864
00:54:49,726 --> 00:54:51,165
Nobody fucked anybody's mouth
last night!
865
00:54:51,166 --> 00:54:53,789
Fine Nobody fucked
my mouth last night
866
00:54:53,790 --> 00:54:55,166
And I guess
867
00:54:55,167 --> 00:54:59,741
nobody was three knuckles deep
in my sphincter, either
868
00:54:59,742 --> 00:55:01,917
Jesus Christ, what were you doing,
869
00:55:01,918 --> 00:55:04,062
reaching for, like, a winning
lottery ticket or something?
870
00:55:04,063 --> 00:55:07,030
I could feel you in
my small intestines
871
00:55:08,958 --> 00:55:10,845
Oh, look what the cat
dragged in
872
00:55:10,846 --> 00:55:13,725
- Do you have any matches?
- Such diarrhea Ugh
873
00:55:13,726 --> 00:55:15,678
I'll air that out All right?
874
00:55:15,678 --> 00:55:18,909
What I need right now
is for you to leave my house
875
00:55:18,910 --> 00:55:20,253
My parents are coming home
this afternoon
876
00:55:20,254 --> 00:55:21,405
and I need to start cleaning up
877
00:55:21,406 --> 00:55:23,325
Sorry Dick hair
878
00:55:23,326 --> 00:55:25,085
Those weren't your parents
we met last night?
879
00:55:25,086 --> 00:55:27,198
My parents are in Cancun
880
00:55:27,198 --> 00:55:30,621
Yeah Yeah Right.
881
00:55:30,622 --> 00:55:33,245
If you say your parents aren't here,
882
00:55:33,246 --> 00:55:35,453
then we'll just believe that
your parents weren't here
883
00:55:35,454 --> 00:55:37,309
Maybe it was your aunt and uncle
884
00:55:37,310 --> 00:55:39,805
I don't care I came here to fuck
885
00:55:39,806 --> 00:55:41,309
and get fucked.
886
00:55:41,310 --> 00:55:44,445
And you know, I got fucked
last night Fucked good
887
00:55:44,446 --> 00:55:46,046
Okay Very funny
888
00:55:46,047 --> 00:55:47,773
The, uh, the joke's over
889
00:55:47,774 --> 00:55:49,821
This has been a delightful little prank
that you guys have played on me,
890
00:55:49,822 --> 00:55:52,381
but now it's time for you
to respect my wishes
891
00:55:52,382 --> 00:55:55,869
and please get the hell
out of my house!
892
00:55:55,870 --> 00:55:57,533
Yeah
893
00:55:57,534 --> 00:56:00,637
You're right
The whole thing was a prank
894
00:56:00,638 --> 00:56:02,877
After we invited you
for a threesome,
895
00:56:02,878 --> 00:56:07,453
I got blueberry yogurt and I smeared it
all over my face and your balls
896
00:56:07,454 --> 00:56:09,597
to make it look like
you fucked my mouth
897
00:56:09,598 --> 00:56:12,701
And then I dig my fingers
in my asshole
898
00:56:12,702 --> 00:56:15,901
and put some of my butt stink
on your hands
899
00:56:15,902 --> 00:56:20,157
And then I put some moisturizer
up on the ceiling
900
00:56:20,158 --> 00:56:22,205
to make it look like
you shoot a load up there
901
00:56:22,206 --> 00:56:25,053
Pooh! Yeah! All a joke
902
00:56:25,534 --> 00:56:28,796
Please just get the hell out
903
00:56:29,374 --> 00:56:32,155
- Fine
- Whatever
904
00:56:32,958 --> 00:56:35,925
Please, just... just leave
905
00:56:36,254 --> 00:56:38,676
Ooh So kind
906
00:56:48,254 --> 00:56:51,069
If you say
your parents aren't here,
907
00:56:51,070 --> 00:56:53,085
then we'll just believe
that your parents aren't here.
908
00:56:53,086 --> 00:56:56,283
Maybe it was your aunt and uncle.
Mm-hmm.
909
00:57:01,982 --> 00:57:05,309
Oh thank God
910
00:57:17,310 --> 00:57:19,645
Oh, please, God,
don't let them be home
911
00:57:19,646 --> 00:57:25,243
I swear I'll never drink again
just... just don't let them be here
912
00:57:30,718 --> 00:57:32,606
Hello
913
00:57:32,607 --> 00:57:36,348
So, you guys are home early
914
00:57:37,726 --> 00:57:40,474
Did you just get in?
915
00:57:43,518 --> 00:57:45,340
How was your second honeymoon?
916
00:57:47,070 --> 00:57:49,110
Oh! No!
917
00:57:52,318 --> 00:57:54,619
Get the hell out of our sight
918
00:57:58,590 --> 00:58:00,018
Okay
919
00:58:00,670 --> 00:58:02,397
How could you!?
920
00:58:02,398 --> 00:58:05,181
How could you!?
How could you!?
921
00:58:05,182 --> 00:58:07,123
Ohh!
922
00:58:12,382 --> 00:58:14,716
Len, can we talk?
923
00:58:15,070 --> 00:58:17,688
Um, just a minute
924
00:58:22,494 --> 00:58:24,798
What, you been doing a little
spackling work on the ceiling?
925
00:58:24,798 --> 00:58:27,517
Oh, God, Dad, no This... it's not...
926
00:58:27,518 --> 00:58:29,053
Your mother and I are
disgusted with you, Len
927
00:58:29,054 --> 00:58:30,173
Well, uh...
928
00:58:30,174 --> 00:58:32,126
Look at her
929
00:58:32,127 --> 00:58:33,981
- You don't understand
- Son,
930
00:58:33,982 --> 00:58:37,047
I have one question for you,
and I'm only gonna ask it once
931
00:58:37,598 --> 00:58:39,741
Have you been sneaking
behind our backs
932
00:58:39,742 --> 00:58:41,847
and being on a hidden camera show?
933
00:58:42,590 --> 00:58:44,630
- What?
- Look over there
934
00:58:46,366 --> 00:58:49,813
No No, no, no, no, no!
You didn't!
935
00:58:51,550 --> 00:58:53,917
They were in there
the whole time?
936
00:58:54,046 --> 00:58:55,541
Gotcha!
937
00:58:55,775 --> 00:58:56,861
No!
938
00:58:56,862 --> 00:58:58,109
Hey, buddy!
939
00:58:58,110 --> 00:59:00,956
Fuck anybody in their mouth
lately?
940
00:59:01,918 --> 00:59:03,229
Look at his face!
941
00:59:03,230 --> 00:59:04,925
How could you do this to me?
942
00:59:04,926 --> 00:59:06,649
Wait Who am I?
943
00:59:10,654 --> 00:59:14,330
We roofied you, honey
944
00:59:16,287 --> 00:59:17,885
Wait, wait, wait...
so I didn't fuck you
945
00:59:17,886 --> 00:59:18,973
and you didn't fuck me?
946
00:59:18,974 --> 00:59:21,908
Well, I fucked you a little,
but it wasn't all faggy
947
00:59:30,110 --> 00:59:33,021
Mr. Tight Sphincter
ha ha ha ha!
948
00:59:33,022 --> 00:59:35,197
Mark
949
00:59:35,198 --> 00:59:37,662
Fellas, personal advice
from me to you:
950
00:59:37,663 --> 00:59:39,582
Get in there
and shave that shit up
951
00:59:39,583 --> 00:59:42,621
Visually, it will give yourself
an extra two or three inches
952
00:59:42,622 --> 00:59:45,149
If you're having anal intercourse,
953
00:59:45,150 --> 00:59:46,813
whatever you do,
954
00:59:46,814 --> 00:59:50,238
pull out and deposit your sperm
on her back
955
00:59:50,238 --> 00:59:52,989
She'll appreciate it in the long run
956
00:59:52,990 --> 00:59:55,902
Alcohol and sex don't mix
957
00:59:55,903 --> 00:59:58,493
Cocaine and sex
958
00:59:58,494 --> 01:00:01,501
If you don't have a rubber,
don't panic, whatever you do
959
01:00:01,502 --> 01:00:03,069
Watch this Ready?
960
01:00:03,070 --> 01:00:05,972
"Hold on a sec, babe
Lemme grab my jimmy hat"
961
01:00:08,094 --> 01:00:10,333
And then pantomime
962
01:00:10,334 --> 01:00:14,425
"Oh! It's so small! The rubber"
963
01:00:15,678 --> 01:00:18,589
And then
you lock and load
964
01:00:18,590 --> 01:00:21,208
She'll never know
965
01:00:21,823 --> 01:00:23,677
- Damn!
- Oh, my God!
966
01:00:23,678 --> 01:00:25,751
Ohh, what died?
967
01:00:26,367 --> 01:00:29,301
Girl, you gotta stop
being so comfortable!
968
01:00:32,638 --> 01:00:35,965
- Hey, pretty sweet field trip, huh?
- Yeah, it was cool
969
01:00:36,575 --> 01:00:38,843
So, Stacy,
I wanted to ask you something
970
01:00:39,294 --> 01:00:40,984
Hey, man, I'm gonna
catch you inside, all right?
971
01:00:41,886 --> 01:00:43,646
- Uh
- So what'd you want to tell me?
972
01:00:43,647 --> 01:00:45,085
You know what, it can wait
973
01:00:45,086 --> 01:00:47,645
Hey, man, fake any orgasms lately?
974
01:00:47,646 --> 01:00:49,947
- Fuck off
- What?
975
01:00:51,422 --> 01:00:52,573
Ew
976
01:00:52,574 --> 01:00:54,515
Are you okay?
977
01:00:54,815 --> 01:00:56,029
Yeah
978
01:00:56,030 --> 01:00:57,883
Why is that guy so tall?
979
01:00:58,526 --> 01:01:00,413
Great Yeah, I should be okay
980
01:01:00,414 --> 01:01:02,781
I'll just go try to clean up
before we eat
981
01:01:02,782 --> 01:01:05,433
- Uh, see you inside?
- Okay
982
01:01:12,222 --> 01:01:13,814
Sorry!
983
01:01:28,030 --> 01:01:29,501
Guys
984
01:01:29,502 --> 01:01:32,665
Can someone
help me get off the bus?
985
01:01:33,086 --> 01:01:34,995
Hello?
986
01:01:35,966 --> 01:01:38,781
- Hello?
Ah, there you are
987
01:01:38,782 --> 01:01:41,596
Everybody's waiting for you
Come on
988
01:01:45,246 --> 01:01:49,587
Oh, yeah
989
01:01:53,150 --> 01:01:57,077
- Oh, yeah
- Oh
990
01:01:59,806 --> 01:02:01,597
Licking, licking
991
01:02:01,598 --> 01:02:04,221
- Oh! Oh!
Suck, suck, suck!
992
01:02:04,222 --> 01:02:06,425
Oh, yeah!
993
01:02:08,958 --> 01:02:11,641
Keep 'em shakin'
994
01:02:13,887 --> 01:02:15,677
Show 'em to me
995
01:02:15,678 --> 01:02:17,106
Tits
996
01:02:18,046 --> 01:02:20,509
Ohh, yeah!
997
01:02:20,510 --> 01:02:21,981
That's it, Nance
998
01:02:21,982 --> 01:02:24,669
Cut!
Great job, girls
999
01:02:24,670 --> 01:02:27,165
Nancy, nice licking
1000
01:02:27,166 --> 01:02:29,304
Very good sucking, too
1001
01:02:29,630 --> 01:02:32,637
- Okay, he's here
- It's about time
1002
01:02:32,638 --> 01:02:33,821
Listen, I know it's your first day,
1003
01:02:33,822 --> 01:02:35,517
but we got some stuff to shoot,
all right?
1004
01:02:35,518 --> 01:02:37,085
- Uh... wha...
- Now, listen
1005
01:02:37,086 --> 01:02:39,421
The way I view this film,
1006
01:02:39,422 --> 01:02:42,397
it's a spiritual successor
to Rebel Without A Cause...
1007
01:02:42,398 --> 01:02:45,496
only with a lot more fucking Ha ha!
1008
01:02:46,014 --> 01:02:49,181
Uh, right Um, you guys,
I think there's been a small...
1009
01:02:49,182 --> 01:02:51,604
I'm really looking forward
to working with you
1010
01:02:52,222 --> 01:02:56,061
Jackie and I are especially curious
how you got the name Gigundo-cock
1011
01:02:56,062 --> 01:02:59,069
Oh, I can't wait to wrap
my hands around
1012
01:02:59,070 --> 01:03:01,309
the biggest penis in the biz
1013
01:03:01,310 --> 01:03:03,997
"Penis"? I haven't heard
that word for a long time
1014
01:03:03,998 --> 01:03:06,621
- I usually just call it "dinner"
- Mmm
1015
01:03:06,622 --> 01:03:08,695
Okay, everybody on set!
1016
01:03:10,654 --> 01:03:12,157
I told you they wouldn't
have any beer
1017
01:03:12,158 --> 01:03:13,789
Oh, man, how was
I supposed to know?
1018
01:03:13,790 --> 01:03:16,638
- Oh, man! Sweet car!
Here's the scene:
1019
01:03:16,638 --> 01:03:19,005
You've just helped these girls
fix their car
1020
01:03:19,006 --> 01:03:21,789
And so to repay you,
you get to bang 'em
1021
01:03:21,790 --> 01:03:24,797
Now, Nancy right here,
she's gonna start by blowing you
1022
01:03:24,798 --> 01:03:27,261
Then you're gonna do
some back-door stuff with Jackie
1023
01:03:27,262 --> 01:03:29,309
Bro, check this out
1024
01:03:29,310 --> 01:03:31,581
After that,
just feel free to improvise
1025
01:03:31,582 --> 01:03:33,785
All right
1026
01:03:35,966 --> 01:03:37,725
Hey, you gonna need a fluffer?
1027
01:03:37,726 --> 01:03:39,253
Uh... uh...
1028
01:03:40,318 --> 01:03:41,757
All rightie
1029
01:03:41,758 --> 01:03:44,478
let's see that gigundo-cock
1030
01:03:44,478 --> 01:03:47,958
And action!
1031
01:03:48,094 --> 01:03:51,389
Thank you so much
for fixing our car
1032
01:03:51,390 --> 01:03:54,172
How can we ever repay you?
1033
01:04:06,942 --> 01:04:08,349
What?
1034
01:04:10,430 --> 01:04:13,661
- Cut!
- Hey, sorry I'm late
1035
01:04:13,662 --> 01:04:15,800
I'm Gigundo-cock
1036
01:04:18,270 --> 01:04:19,862
Damn
1037
01:04:25,630 --> 01:04:29,469
Yeah, I'm not Gigundo-cock
1038
01:04:29,470 --> 01:04:33,438
I'm just a small-town hick
1039
01:04:33,438 --> 01:04:37,117
An 18-year-old virgin
1040
01:04:37,118 --> 01:04:41,111
With a super-tiny dick
1041
01:04:41,758 --> 01:04:45,693
Kid, I've seen this once before
1042
01:04:45,694 --> 01:04:49,758
A boy who wished
he was Ang Lee
1043
01:04:49,758 --> 01:04:53,565
Found he couldn't
frame a shot
1044
01:04:53,566 --> 01:04:57,820
That's right,
that little boy was me
1045
01:04:58,238 --> 01:05:01,949
It wasn't my first choice
1046
01:05:01,950 --> 01:05:05,244
My parents think
I'm in college
1047
01:05:06,110 --> 01:05:09,341
I thought I'd be doing theater
1048
01:05:09,342 --> 01:05:12,509
On Broadway
1049
01:05:12,510 --> 01:05:14,237
We're just accidentally
1050
01:05:14,238 --> 01:05:17,533
Incidentally, unintentionally
making porn
1051
01:05:17,534 --> 01:05:21,469
Accidentally, incidentally,
unintentionally
1052
01:05:21,470 --> 01:05:22,589
Making porn
1053
01:05:22,590 --> 01:05:27,063
Not me, I do it 'cause
I fuckin' like it
1054
01:05:28,254 --> 01:05:32,221
Girl-on-girl pays fifty bucks
1055
01:05:32,222 --> 01:05:36,029
I get double
for back-door fucks
1056
01:05:36,030 --> 01:05:40,189
How I got here
I'll never know
1057
01:05:40,190 --> 01:05:43,933
Beats Mexico
and that donkey show
1058
01:05:43,934 --> 01:05:46,046
All these tits
got me in the mood
1059
01:05:46,047 --> 01:05:48,318
We're the ones
who should be getting screwed
1060
01:05:48,318 --> 01:05:51,581
Let us be your man-whores
1061
01:05:51,582 --> 01:05:56,284
Will someone show these assholes
the door?
1062
01:05:58,238 --> 01:06:01,021
I found my home here
1063
01:06:01,022 --> 01:06:03,901
On this porn set
1064
01:06:03,902 --> 01:06:06,389
Better hurry up
or I won't stay wet
1065
01:06:25,694 --> 01:06:27,450
Fuck yeah!
1066
01:06:33,182 --> 01:06:36,379
Wow Thanks for being
so cool about everything
1067
01:06:36,894 --> 01:06:38,301
I feel like I should tell you, though,
1068
01:06:38,302 --> 01:06:40,605
I don't really think
this is the life for me
1069
01:06:40,606 --> 01:06:43,069
You've got balls, kid
1070
01:06:43,070 --> 01:06:45,214
very large balls
1071
01:06:45,215 --> 01:06:47,997
You show that kind of confidence
in real life,
1072
01:06:47,998 --> 01:06:51,292
you're gonna be fine, just fine
1073
01:06:52,126 --> 01:06:53,661
All right, let's reset
1074
01:06:53,662 --> 01:06:55,767
Back to one
1075
01:07:05,214 --> 01:07:07,294
Dude, what happened in there
after we left?
1076
01:07:07,295 --> 01:07:09,301
Yo, bro, do you know those chicks?
1077
01:07:17,470 --> 01:07:19,741
Yeah, Mike!
That's what I'm talkin' about!
1078
01:07:19,742 --> 01:07:21,880
Dude, yes!
1079
01:07:26,526 --> 01:07:28,315
Whoa
1080
01:07:29,150 --> 01:07:31,933
Look, Stacy
1081
01:07:31,934 --> 01:07:33,853
I'm not sexually experienced,
1082
01:07:33,854 --> 01:07:37,432
and I'm not some famous porn star
named Gigundo-cock
1083
01:07:38,398 --> 01:07:42,845
Look, I'm just some regular kid
who just wants to ask out a very
1084
01:07:42,846 --> 01:07:45,431
very beautiful girl
1085
01:07:46,718 --> 01:07:48,829
Don't call past 10:00
1086
01:07:48,830 --> 01:07:50,553
My dad'll kill me
1087
01:07:54,398 --> 01:07:58,390
Screw her for me, dude!
Yes!
1088
01:08:06,334 --> 01:08:08,637
Fellas, you gotta be respectful
of your ladies
1089
01:08:08,638 --> 01:08:11,165
Whatever you do, don't go around
your boys telling them
1090
01:08:11,166 --> 01:08:13,182
all the gruesome details
1091
01:08:13,183 --> 01:08:15,549
But me, on the other hand,
I'm married with two kids,
1092
01:08:15,550 --> 01:08:17,118
I like all dirty stuff
1093
01:08:17,118 --> 01:08:20,381
This website will go directly to me,
and only me
1094
01:08:20,382 --> 01:08:23,901
Send me all pictures,
streaming videos, letters...
1095
01:08:23,902 --> 01:08:25,693
as bizarre as you want
1096
01:08:25,694 --> 01:08:27,965
I'll read them all,
and masturbate all night
1097
01:08:27,966 --> 01:08:30,682
Thank you I'm Matthew Lillard
1098
01:08:37,183 --> 01:08:39,198
She's got that kind of booty
1099
01:08:39,198 --> 01:08:40,957
Little mama,
come here and do me
1100
01:08:40,958 --> 01:08:42,717
She's got that kind of booty
1101
01:08:42,718 --> 01:08:44,445
The type that'll drive you looney
1102
01:08:44,446 --> 01:08:48,029
She's got that kind of booty,
pack it up and bring it to me
1103
01:08:48,030 --> 01:08:51,261
Smack it up, let's make a movie,
she's got that kind of booty
1104
01:08:51,262 --> 01:08:54,909
Shake that booty, cutie,
up and down and all around
1105
01:08:54,910 --> 01:08:58,398
That big ol' juicy brown ass,
Shorty, go to town
1106
01:08:58,398 --> 01:09:01,949
Kick it smooth like Luther Vandy,
so good, like chewing candy
1107
01:09:01,950 --> 01:09:05,469
In the middle of M-I-ami,
come and sit down on my jammy
1108
01:09:05,470 --> 01:09:07,038
We can do it in a big ol' bed
1109
01:09:07,038 --> 01:09:08,893
Long as you give me
good ol' head
1110
01:09:08,894 --> 01:09:12,446
Yeah, girl, that's what I said,
no, girl, you don't get no bread
1111
01:09:12,447 --> 01:09:14,109
She's got that kind of booty
1112
01:09:14,110 --> 01:09:15,934
Little mama,
come here and do me
1113
01:09:15,935 --> 01:09:19,357
She's got that kind of booty,
the type that'll drive you looney
1114
01:09:19,358 --> 01:09:21,117
She's got that kind of booty
1115
01:09:21,118 --> 01:09:22,845
Pack it up and bring it to me
1116
01:09:22,846 --> 01:09:24,637
Smack it up,
let's make a movie
1117
01:09:24,638 --> 01:09:26,238
She's got that kind of booty
1118
01:09:26,238 --> 01:09:27,933
Shorty got that fat ass
1119
01:09:27,934 --> 01:09:29,661
Gets 'em harder than a math class
1120
01:09:29,662 --> 01:09:33,181
Smilin', don't you act up,
just stop and back up
1121
01:09:33,182 --> 01:09:36,733
Go ahead and drop that ass low,
be easy movin' that slow
1122
01:09:36,734 --> 01:09:40,349
Nobody has to know,
we in the corner, though
1123
01:09:40,350 --> 01:09:43,869
You sippin' champagne,
I'm drinking cognac
1124
01:09:43,870 --> 01:09:47,101
You do that damn thing,
I get to bone that
1125
01:09:47,102 --> 01:09:48,989
She's got that kind of booty
1126
01:09:48,990 --> 01:09:50,781
Little mama,
come here and do me
1127
01:09:50,782 --> 01:09:52,573
She's got that kind of booty
1128
01:09:52,574 --> 01:09:54,334
The type that'll drive you looney
1129
01:09:54,335 --> 01:09:55,998
She's got that kind of booty
1130
01:09:55,998 --> 01:09:57,789
Pack it up and bring it to me
1131
01:09:57,790 --> 01:09:59,486
Smack it up, let's make a movie
1132
01:09:59,487 --> 01:10:01,149
She's got that kind of booty
1133
01:10:01,150 --> 01:10:04,638
Shake that booty,
sh-sh-shake, shake, shake
1134
01:10:04,638 --> 01:10:07,901
Shake that booty,
sh-sh-shake, shake, shake
1135
01:10:07,902 --> 01:10:11,805
Up and down the stripper pole,
got that body all swole
1136
01:10:11,806 --> 01:10:15,165
You know my package, right?
You can stay the whole night
1137
01:10:15,166 --> 01:10:18,334
Lady, what you gotta do
is keep me in the back of you
1138
01:10:18,335 --> 01:10:21,918
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