Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Hi. Neil Holmes.

Well, hello. Welcome aboard.

I'm Julie McCoy. Let me see, Mr. Holmes.

Oh, you're on the fiesta deck, cabin 135.

Thank you.

Pretty girl, huh?

Yes, uh, but I'm not interested in pursuing girls.

-Oh? -Of course,

if she should throw herself at my feet, I'd probably submit.

I'm a very compassionate man. -I see.

Enjoy your cruise.

Thanks.

Hello. I'm, uh, tisha Hudson,

and this is Abby foster.

Hello. Welcome aboard.

You're on the promenade deck, cabin 346.

You haven't seen a good-looking guy pass by, have you?

Could you be more specific?

I've seen quite a few. -Good!

Um, just make up a list of their names and cabin numbers

for my friend here.

Tisha, please!

I'm perfectly capable of finding a guy all by myself.

Well, you're 23, and you haven't found the right one yet.

How soon can I get that list?

I really can't give you that kind of information,

but I'm sure a girl with your looks can find a dozen men.

-A dozen? -Uh-huh.

Is it too late to change my mind?

If you want to.

No, I guess it's got to happen sometime.

You'll have to excuse my friend.

She's a little nervous.

You see, this is her maiden voyage.

-Oh, hello. -Hi.

We're George and Phyllis cowens,

and this fine young man is our son, Jimmy.

Well, welcome aboard.

I'm sure you'll all enjoy the cruise.

Oh, we hope so.

This cruise is Jimmy's high school graduation present,

so we're hoping everything will be perfect for him.

Believe me, he won't be disappointed.

I'm sure I'll have a great time.

Let's see. You're in aloha 136,

and you're right next door in aloha 134,

Mr. and Mrs. Cowens.

-Ah. Thank you. -Enjoy your cruise.

Jimmy, if there's anything you don't like about your cabin,

now, you be sure to let us know, okay?

Sure, mom. But, uh, right now,

I'm going to take a walk around the deck, all right?

I'll see you later. -Okay, son.

See you later.

Uh, excuse me.

Could you take this to my cabin?

Aloha 136, please.

Let me get you a steward. I don't handle luggage.

Uh, here's 5 bucks.

Now do you handle luggage?

I'm sorry, but that isn't my job.

Hey, come on. Anyone can use 5 bucks.

I'm sure anybody can use 5 bucks.

So, why don't you keep it for yourself?

Rick, can you help this gentleman with his luggage?

Aloha 136.

Hi, Greg.

Isaac, why do people with money

think they can get you to do anything?

What do you mean?

Some obnoxious kid thought I'd carry his bag

just because he shoved 5 bucks in my face.

Some nerve.

I'd like to see him try that with me, a lot.

-Oh, sir. -Yes?

Come here, look at this.

I found a. Lopez listed on the manifest.

Do suppose that's April Lopez?

Well, I don't think so, gopher.

I'm sure she'd tell us if she were coming.

Yeah, I guess there are a lot of a. Lopezes, huh?

-Cuchi, cuchi! -April!

There may be a lot of a. Lopezes,

but there's only one April.

Capitán! Gopher!

What a surprise!

Not for me, I knew I was coming.

April, it's great to see you.

How are you and Mr. York doing?

Mr. York and me are over.

Uh-oh, what happened?

Another woman came between us, his mama.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hey, life isn't always feast or famine.

Sometimes it's indigestion.

Anyway, I am taking this cruise so I can see you,

my best friends,

for the last time. -For the last time?

How come? Where you going?

I'm going to live back home in Mexico.

I am never coming back to america.

But I thought you liked living here?

Oh, I do, capitán.

I love it more than anything in the whole world,

but to stay here, I have to take a citizen test.

And I could never pass that.

Why not?

Tests make me too nervous.

I break out in moose bump.

That'd make anyone nervous.

Anyway, April, you are on aloha deck 277.

Thank you, gopher.

Anyway, going back to Mexico, it won't be so bad.

I love Mexico.

Ay, chihuahua.

I hope they can understand my American accent.

We have to think of some way to keep April in america.

I've got it, sir. Don't pull up anchor.

I'll keep working on it.

[ Air horn blows ]

Abby, are you sure you want to go through with this?

Oh, I'm positive.

I'm tired of being a freak in the modern world.

Virginity is hardly freaky.

At 23, what would you call it?

Well, perhaps odd.

No, definitely odd.

Well, I'm the only definitely odd person in our office.

I bet I'm the only definitely odd person aboard this ship.

I'm probably the only definitely odd person

left in the world.

We've got to get someone that's incredible.

What I don't understand is,

what stopped you from going through with it before?

Well, every time it's about to happen,

I panic and get the giggles.

Oh, in that case, we'll have to find a man

with a strong ego or a great sense of humor.

Tisha, you're the sexiest girl I know.

So, how do I turn a guy on?

Try this.

It's guaranteed to turn guys on fast.

Well, I hope it works.

But where's the rest of it?

You're the rest of it.

I hope Jimmy's enjoying himself.

I'm sure he is, dear.

Last time I saw him,

he was jogging around the deck to stay in shape.

Imagine, a scholarship to usc.

What he lacks in size,

he certainly makes up in determination.

I'll say.

He's the best gymnast in the state.

Honestly, Phyllis, I couldn't be prouder of that boy

if he were our own flesh and blood.

George, he's been with us for 15 years.

He is our flesh and blood.

Dad, I decided not to try out

for the gymnastic team at usc.

I'm going straight to the Olympics.

[ Laughter ]

Hey, Isaac.

There's that spoiled brat I told you about.

Oh, well, looks like today's your lucky day.

Why?

These are for his parents.

Great.

Look on the bright side,

maybe they'll insult you with another big tip.

Here you go, folks.

Two piña coladas. -Thank you.

Oh, you shouldn't leave this out on the table like this,

Mr. Cowens. Could get lost.

Hands off! That's mine!

Don't worry about it.

Jimmy won't let anybody touch that.

That's his good luck charm.

He got it for scoring a perfect 10 on the high bar

in the state championships.

Yeah? That's really something.

Yeah, right. Bring me a cola, would you?

Yes, sir.

You were a little short with him, weren't you, son?

Yeah, well, he was very rude to me

when we boarded the ship.

Oh, I thought it was something.

Now, you know Jimmy wouldn't be rude to someone

unless he had a good reason.

April, I can't believe

you're afraid of the citizenship test.

You're such an intelligent person.

Oh, Julie, Julie, Julie.

You know me, but you don't know me.

Ever since I was a little girl,

whenever there was a test in the school, bingo!

I would get all sweaty in the palms

and lump in the throat.

That's normal.

Of course, if you had lumpy palms and a sweaty throat,

that'd be a problem.

I'm trying to help. -Okay.

Okay. You are my good friends,

but this is something that cannot be helped.

If I try to take, uh, that test,

I am going to have a nervous breakup.

That's breakdown.

See what I mean?

Just thinking about it makes me lose my direction.

Julie, gopher, have you seen April?

Oh, yes, sir. She just left.

Oh.

Well, I'd like to have you meet judge Kramer.

This is Julie McCoy, burl Smith.

-How do you do? -How do you do?

Judge Kramer is very familiar

with the immigration departments.

And their citizenship tests.

Yes, and she's been kind enough to make a list

of some of the most important questions they ask.

Oh, that's great.

Now we can help April with the test.

Boy, these questions look tough.

I'm glad I'm not in April's shoes.

Good, you don't have the legs for high heels.

♪♪

Hmm.

Good-looking group of guys to choose from.

I guess you've noticed that already.

That one's cute.

Okay.

Watch carefully.

Attention-getter number one.

Now you try.

Look, uh, maybe we'd better split up.

Well, a guy's a lot more likely to approach a girl

if she's alone.

Well, how will I know what to do?

You'll know.

Just look sexy.

Think sexy.

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations, soft music plays ]

1969.

One of our favorites.

We like it so well,

we ordered the entrée to go with the wine.

Excellent taste. It's a fine wine.

This corks looks a little dry, dad.

[ Sniffs ]

I think you should send it back and order another bottle.

George: Well, if you say so, son.

Um, may we have another bottle, please?

But, sir, wouldn't you at least like to taste it first?

He's right, George. At least try it.

It does taste all right.

It should taste better than all right, dad.

As long as you're paying, don't you deserve the best?

Maybe the boy is right, Phyllis.

Um, another bottle please.

Whatever you say, sir.

Don't worry, April. We're going to teach you

everything you need to know to pass that test.

Yeah, and I can help you with American history,

it's my best subject.

Sure, and I've seen "Mr. Smith goes to Washington"

at least nine times.

If that doesn't qualify me as an authority

on American government, nothing does.

So you see, April, you don't have anything

to be nervous about.

Come on, April. What do you say?

Gopher: Come on. Come on.

How can I say no when you look at me through your faces

like that?

Yes. I'll do it.

-Hooray! -All right!

A toast to April Lopez, future American citizen.

Mm, I like that.

It has a nice ringing in my ears.

That guy you were interested in last afternoon

is sitting right there.

I know, but I am so embarrassed

about falling into the pool, I can't even look at him.

Well, maybe it's time you tried a different approach.

Well, I think falling into the pool is a little different.

I meant direct approach.

Just walk right up to him, introduce yourself,

and, uh, tell him you find him interesting.

I can't do that.

Why not?

Oh, because it's just not me.

Well, then it's about time it was you.

You're right.

I'm going to go over there, introduce myself,

and tell him I find him absolutely fascinating.

If I can find him at all.

♪♪

Man, at dinner, I had to go back three times

before I found a bottle of wine he'd let his father accept.

Well, Greg, it's quite possible

we could've gotten a case that was bad.

Isaac, the only thing bad around here is that kid.

He's a royal pain in the neck.

Well, don't let him get to you.

After all, the customer is always right.

Excuse me, I can't drink this lemon coke.

Could you make me another one, please?

What's wrong with it, sir?

It's much too sour. Be right back.

What's he talking about? This is perfect.

Now Isaac, remember? The customer's always right.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Look, uh, I know how much girls

hate guys who are always trying to hit on them.

Oh, yeah.

I hate that.

If I promise not to make a pass,

could we have a drink together?

Oh, sure. Your cabin or mine?

Funny, I thought you said, "your cabin or mine?"

I did.

I did.

♪♪

Okay, next question. Vicki?

Let's see.

When did congress adopt the declaration of independence?

It was adopted?

Chihuahua.

It always thought it was born right in america.

You're right, April, it was, but do you know when?

Not for sure.

I know it happened before I got there.

Vicki?

The congress voted it in July 4, 1776.

The fourth of July!

They were working on a holiday?

I'm gonna go to another question.

Oh, here's one.

Yeah, this is one of my favorites

and I hope one of yours. Okay.

What is the president's cabinet made up of?

Wood?

No, we call it the president's cabinet

because it consists of his most trusted advisors.

Oh, I got it.

They call it the cabinet

because the president keeps all his important people in it,

right? -Right!

-Ah! -Let's keep going.

Okay, yes.

I'm ready for more questions. Shoot me another.

Shoot me another.

Maybe I should turn the lights off.

Abby, you just turned them back on.

Well, I just want to make sure we do it the right way.

-Is there a wrong way? -No.

Oh, of course not.

I mean, any way that I've ever done it

has always been the right way.

Abby, if you'd like me to leave...

No. Um, kiss me.

[ Laughing ]

What is it?

What's what?

What's so funny?

Oh, don't ask me.

You're the one that's laughing.

Look, Neil, if you're not in the mood,

then you're just, um, not in the mood.

Who's not in the mood?

Oh, look. I understand.

I am just not one of those girls

who would force myself on a guy.

Oh, who am I trying to kid?

♪♪

Ah, just the person I was looking for.

Sir, what can I do for you?

I'd like something cold to drink.

Sure. Let me finish cleaning these empties.

I'll be right with you.

Can't the empties wait? I'm thirsty now.

I'll be with you in a second, okay?

Has it always been this ship's policy

to hire to rude employees? -I'm not rude.

Rude, and you've got a chip on your shoulder,

and I know why.

It's because you have to do this menial kind of work

for a living and I don't.

Take it easy, kid. Your mouth is working overtime.

I have the right to say anything I want.

I'm a passenger.

Don't push your luck.

You just don't know your place.

That's your problem.

And this is your problem.

Look. I'm sorry. Are you okay?

You're finished on this ship.

Excuse me.

What's going on in here?

Nothing, captain.

I just tripped.

That's all.

One nation under god, indivisible,

with Liberty and justice for all.

Perfect. Perfect, April.

How's our star student doing?

Oh, gopher, she's great.

April knows more about america than we do.

I got everything perfect, right in the nose.

That's great, April,

'cause I got a little surprise for you.

This is judge Kramer.

A judge?

Yeah, now, just relax.

She's gonna ask you a few questions

so you'll have an idea of what the real test is like.

A real test?

Okay, judge. Go ahead.

Ask her anything.

All right.

A test usually begins with the examiner

asking you to state your name.

My name?

My name.

Yes. Your name, please.

Go ahead, April. Tell her your name.

I...uh, I can't.

I can't.

My brain -- my brain is frozen.

[ Crying ]

I can't!

Oh, April. April, come back.

April.

She doesn't even know her own name?

Well, we didn't go over that part.

Abby, I'm beginning to think you're hopelessly victorian.

Well, tisha, I know I would've gone through with it

if it hadn't been for the lighting.

Mm-hmm.

What's your excuse gonna be this time?

Watch this.

-Hi. -Hi.

You, uh, wouldn't want to pick up

where we left off last night, right?

Wrong!

Oh, then I guess we should just

head on down to the ol' cabin.

I'm right behind you.

Well, that is unless

you want to finish your breakfast first.

I just went on a diet. I choose immediately.

Well, it is a little early in the morning.

Not for me. I'm a morning man.

This is the time of the day that I feel the most physical.

Oh, me too.

Well -- well, then I've got it.

Let's go swimming.

Just what I had in mind.

Here we go. Who had grapefruit juice?

I did, Isaac. Thank you.

All right. And your juice.

-Morning. -Morning, son.

-Morning. -Ah.

Jimmy, what happened to you?

Oh, it's nothing.

I slipped in the shower and bruised my hip.

Orange juice, please. -Certainly.

Well, it looks like your friend

slipped in the shower and hurt himself.

The fates got even.

It wasn't the fates.

It was me, I shoved him.

You did that to a passenger?

I can't believe it either.

He just pushed me too far.

The kid's a creep.

You know, he could get you fired for that.

Had his chance,

but he didn't say anything to the captain.

Can't be too much of a creep, then.

I guess you're right.

Maybe he just wants to put the whole thing behind him.

That's a good idea.

Why don't you forget about it, too?

Forget what?

-Oh, April, morning. -Good morning.

-Buenos días. -Where you been?

We been looking all over for you.

I was getting my exercise.

I was jiggling around. -Try jogging.

No thanks, I just finished jiggling.

Hey, uh, I'm very sorry.

I got so upset last night,

but when the judge starts to ask me questions,

I get so nervous that my mind goes blank.

Well, don't worry, April.

We're going to find some way for you to pass that test.

Yeah, bet on it.

-Hey. -Hmm?

What are the odds?

I really enjoyed that swim, didn't you?

Yes, for the first hour.

I don't think I'll ever get the wrinkles

out of my fingertips.

Well, maybe we can smooth them out later.

You know, you're so off-again, on-again,

I can't figure it out.

There's something really different about you.

You don't know how right you are.

Whatever it is, I think I like it.

How about something to drink?

Sure.

-You got it. -Thanks.

-Hi. -Hi.

I've been reading an article in this magazine,

and it could be the answer to your problem last night.

What is it?

Well, remember when you said how you kept turning

the lights off and on? -Uh-huh.

Well, it says here that that could be

a little leftover fear of the night from childhood.

That could be what's causing those giggles.

Well, if this is true,

then I won't even snicker in the daylight.

Greg: Yeah, coming.

Well, this is a surprise.

Come on in.

You know, I was just thinking of going to look for you.

-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.

Uh, I want to apologize for what I did last night,

and I'd like to thank you for not saying anything.

Yeah? Well, save me the gratitude.

I'm not here to make friends.

Why are you here?

Well, now that no one's around,

I thought I'd repay you for this.

I want to have it out with you once and for all.

Forget it, kid, I'm a lot bigger than you.

Yeah, well, I'll cut you down to my size.

Look, this is stupid. I don't want to fight you.

Well, it's not gonna be a fight,

it's gonna be a massacre.

I'm going to beat your head in.

Come on.

My god.

Where did you get this picture?

I've had it all my life.

Is that you?

Yeah, what's it to you?

I'll show you what it is to me.

It's me, too.

You're Gregory Steven Leonard.

You were born August 18, 1958.

It's me, Jimmy.

Your brother.

You're not my brother.

Of course I'm your brother.

Look at the picture. How can you say that?

I can say that

because I don't want you to be my brother.

What? -You know,

i prayed all my life some day I'd find you again.

I should've also prayed you'd be worth finding.

Get out of my cabin.

♪♪

Abby, I'm beginning to feel like a yo-yo.

Well, it's time to play

some more adult games now, Neil.

Kiss me.

[ Laughing ]

No, not again.

Where you going?

To throw this magazine in the ocean.

Welcome to magnificent acapulco,

ladies and gentlemen.

Parachuting, snorkeling, sailing,

or just lazing on the beach.

Take your pick, they're all yours for the asking.

Enjoy your day.

Wish that judge would get here already.

Oh, me too. I feel like I'm the one

taking the exam, not April.

How you doing, April?

Fine.

Fine.

You're not nervous, are you?

Nope.

Nope.

The tranquilizer I gave her must be working.

[ Knock on door ]

-I'll get it. -I'll get it.

Oh, judge Kramer.

How nice of you to come. Thank you.

We really appreciate it,

particularly after what happened last night.

I can certainly understand why Ms. Lopez was so anxious.

I remember when I had to take my bar exam.

Oh, she's gonna do a lot better today.

She's really eager and excited.

Aren't you, April?

April?

She doesn't look very eager and excited to me.

April, wake up.

April?

It must be the tranquilizer.

Am I an American yet?

Man, it's hard to believe

Jimmy turning out to be your long-lost brother.

Yeah, I wish he'd stayed lost.

I'm surprised the adoption service

let the cowens split up brothers.

The cowens didn't split us up,

I did.

I ran away from the orphanage before Jimmy got adopted.

But why?

Isaac, when most people adopt kids,

they're only interested in the cute, little ones,

like Jimmy.

He was only 3 then.

But when any would-be parents discover

there's an older brother included in the package,

they always backed out.

I wanted Jimmy to have a shot at a good home,

i knew that just wasn't gonna happen with me around.

Can I ask you a personal question?

Sure.

Do you remember how you felt the day

you ran away from the orphanage?

Yeah, I remember.

I was scared, lonely, and I missed Jimmy.

Greg, you ran away because you loved your brother.

If you can remember that love now, don't run away again.

I don't know, Isaac. It just isn't the same.

-Thank you. -You bet.

-Oh, thank you. -Thanks.

Well, tish, tonight's the night. Wish me luck.

Oh, I do, but you have to make your own luck, Abby.

I know, and I intend to.

I'm going to go through with this tonight

if I have to giggle to the bitter end.

Mad at me?

Not really,

but if I had to depend on you for my love life,

I might as well join a monastery.

I know it looks as if I've been

leading you on. -I'll live.

What difference could one shipboard romance make?

More than you'll ever know.

I guess you're right, it could make a difference.

Dance?

All right.

Frankly, the single scene is beginning to bore me.

Really? Why?

I guess I'm changing.

Getting tired of the fast flow and right to bed.

I have a little trouble dealing with that myself.

My friends think I'm either getting old or going crazy.

My dad always said the most important thing

was to do what you felt was right,

even if the whole world thinks you're crazy.

And for what it's worth, I think you're pretty terrific.

I'd love to kiss you right now,

but I'm not in a laughing mood.

Neither am I.

Maybe we should give it a shot.

I think we could be on to something.

Sure, in a public place,

but what happens when I get you alone?

There's only one way to find out.

♪♪

April, I wish there was some way

we could talk you into coming back to america with us.

What can be said?

The handwriting was on the boat.

-On the wall. -It was there, too?

April, if your mind is made up, we can't stop you,

but, uh,

we'd love it if you would sing again before you leave.

Of course I do.

Thank you, and it means a lot to all of us.

Listen, if I cannot be mean to you, who can I be mean to?

Oh, that's great.

Thanks, April. We'll see you in the lounge.

-Thanks very much. -Bye-bye.

Adios.

You know what's funny?

April can stand up in front of hundreds of people

and sing and dance and play the guitar,

but she can't stand up in front of one judge and answer

a few simple questions about america.

-Captain, that's brilliant. -It is?

Yes, and you're a genius.

-I am? -Yes!

Jimmy, darling?

I've been looking all over for you.

We were worried, son.

That's not like you to be so, well, moody.

Mom, dad, what would you say

if I told you... I found my brother?

Jimmy, have you really?

I can't believe it, after all these years of trying.

Did you find him on the ship?

Gregory, the ship's bartender.

The one that served us at dinner last night?

Are you sure? -Positive.

He has the same picture I have in my wallet.

Oh, Jimmy, I'm so happy for both of you.

Don't be. He hates me.

He doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

Jimmy, how could anybody hate you?

He just needs time to adjust to the shock.

Yeah, lots of time.

Like, the rest of our lives.

Is there anything we can do, son?

No, dad.

You and mom have been great to me.

You've given me everything I ever wanted.

The only thing I had to go without was a brother,

and now it looks like that's not gonna change.

Unless you change it, Jimmy.

♪♪

Neil?

Yeah?

I can do it, I know I can.

Fantastic. What are we waiting for?

Well, now that -- now that I know I can,

I don't think I will.

Tell me you didn't say what I just heard you say.

I think it's about time you knew something about me.

Abby, believe me, nothing about you could change the way

that I feel about you right now.

I'm a virgin.

Except maybe that.

No wonder.

Why didn't you tell me before this?

Well, I was embarrassed.

I felt like a freak,

but all the time that we were kissing,

i -- I kept thinking about having the courage

to do what I know is right for me

even if the whole world thinks I'm crazy.

I want you to know I understand.

I'm not happy about it, but I understand.

Well, I'm glad that you do,

but tisha will tease me for not going through with this.

I tell you what, to save your reputation,

I'll tell tisha that we made mad and passionate love.

Oh, Neil, thanks but no thanks.

I think that I'll just tell tisha I feel it's all right

to be the way I am.

And I think the giggles were nature's way of stopping me

from doing something that I really didn't want to do.

I'm just not ready yet.

Okay.

But how about a ballpark figure?

Will you be ready in an hour?

Two weeks?

Seven years?

Why do you want to know?

Because I intend to wait.

[ Intro plays ]

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,

tonight we have a very special treat for you.

A great friend of mine and a superb entertainer,

Ms. April Lopez.

[ Spanish guitar plays ]

♪ I know something about love ♪

♪ you've got to want it bad ♪

♪ if that guy's got into your blood ♪

♪ go out and get him ♪

♪ if you want him to be the very part of you ♪

♪ that makes you want to breathe ♪

♪ here's the thing to do ♪

♪ tell him that you're never gonna leave him ♪

♪ tell him that you're always gonna love him ♪

♪ tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now ♪

♪ I know something about love ♪

♪ you got to show him and make him ♪

♪ see that moon up above, go out and get it ♪

♪ and if you want him to make your heart sing out ♪

♪ if you want him to always think of you ♪

♪ tell him that you're never gonna leave him ♪

♪ tell him that you're always gonna love him ♪

♪ tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now ♪

Wow!

♪ Tell him that you're never gonna leave him ♪

♪ tell him that you're always gonna love him ♪

♪ tell him, tell him, tell him ♪

♪ tell him right now ♪

One more time!

♪ Tell him that you're never gonna leave him ♪

♪ tell him that you're always gonna love him ♪

♪ tell him, tell him ♪

[ Speaking Spanish ]

Now!

Mi guitarra, por favor. Gracias.

Judge, you're on.

Ms. Lopez?

Yes?

Tell me, Ms. Lopez,

how many members are there in the house of representatives?

♪ For me, cuatrocientos treinta y cinco ♪

♪ for you, 435 ♪

That is correct.

Next, would you answer this?

Who wrote the declaration of independence?

♪ It was Thomas Jefferson ♪

Correct.

And now, tell us, what is the bill of rights?

The bill of right

is the first 10 amendments to the constitution.

They include freedom of speech, freedom of religion,

freedom of the press,

and the right to the --

come se dice short sleeves?

Short sleeves?

Bear arms!

[ Laughs ] Close enough.

Ms. Lopez should have no trouble passing her citizenship test.

Ah!

♪ I'm a yankee doodle dandy ♪

♪ yankee doodle, do or die ♪

♪ a real live nephew of my uncle Sam ♪

♪ born on the 4th of July ♪

♪ yankee doodle went to London ♪

♪ just to ride the ponies ♪

♪ I am a yankee doodle boy ♪

A boy? Oh, boy!

We're now leaving acapulco, ladies and gentlemen.

I hope you've enjoyed your evening

as much as I've enjoyed mine.

Hi.

I've been looking all over for you.

Uh, I brought you this.

What is it?

Open it up. You'll see.

This is your gymnastics metal.

It means a lot to me, but I wanted you to have it.

I don't understand.

Growing up alone,

i never had to share anything with anybody.

Now that I have a brother,

I thought it'd be a good time to start.

It's a little late for that, isn't it?

It's never too late to start.

I don't know, Jimmy.

I don't know if this can work between us.

Gregory, I -- I know that I'm not the image

of the brother you wanted,

but you got to decide what you want,

the image or the brother.

I've already made up my mind.

And I've made up mine... Brother.

I guess I disappointed you,

but I decided not to join the sexual revolution.

Abby, the sexual revolution

didn't mean everybody had to have sex.

It just meant we all had a choice.

And I like my choice very much.

For a guy who doesn't pursue women,

you seem to be doing very well.

Funny how when you stop chasing after women,

you seem to find exactly what you were looking for all along,

even if you still have to wait.

Oh, believe me, it'll be worth it.

Frankly, I kind of enjoy the chase myself.

Well, to each her own.

I couldn't have said it better.

Well, lots of luck to you, Greg.

I'm just sorry you're leaving us.

Oh, thank you, Isaac.

Jimmy and I have a lot of catching up to do.

We lost a lot of good years.

Yeah, but think of all the years we have to look forward to.

Well, the pacific Princess' loss

is our gain. -Thank you.

You sure you won't mind me staying with you for a while?

For as long as you'd like, Gregory.

In our house, there's always room for one more.

Great. I'll be packed in 15 minutes!

So long. -Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye, judge Kramer, and thank you.

I can pass the citizen test now

because you gave me so much self-compliment.

Well, you were a big hit last night in the lounge.

If you ever want to get an act together,

I'm available. Bye-bye.

-Goodbye. -Bye.

Goodbye, judge. Thank you.

April, we're all very proud of you.

Yeah, you proved you could pass the exam.

Well, I could not do it without my friends, okay?

Muchas gracias. Thank you.

Gopher!

Hey, aren't I your friend, too?

Of course you are. Ah!

April, when it's time for your swearing in,

we're all gonna go down to the courthouse

with you and be your witnesses.

And we'll bring along your guitar just in case.

Listen, with all of you there, how can I miss?

Just do what you did last night.

You mean this?

Cuchi, cuchi, cuchi! -Yeah.

Well, if that doesn't keep you in this country,

nothing will.

Ah!