Original subtitles

Good evening,

as a public service we thought it might be wise to take our remote cameras,

and show you how those alert never tiring public servants,

the farm and go about their work,

we have been on the road only 10 seconds and already I see the fire,

I understand this is the fastest fire truck in the world,

we seem to have taken a wrong turn somehow,

and a very wide turn at that,

ah as I was saying these men have been on the road less than a minute,

and yet here we are,

in Arabia,

perhaps you better get back to the show,

I doubt if you thought to bring your passports,

here then is our show for tonight,

for this one minute full 'salam'.

ACT OF FAITH

My dear mr James,

many thanks for your letter about my new novel,

I’m so glad you enjoyed it,

yours is the 2000th letter I’ve received,

mentioning the typographical error on page 90,

it's always gratifying to learn etc etc,

end with formula B anymore.

That's the last of the eager readers,

-there are four oddments. -Only four? we must be slipping,

no, I will not guarantee the loading question, in pertinent blockhead,

my dear mr George,

thank you for your letter,

but I’m afraid the world of,

patents and inventions is,

is an unfamiliar one to me,

I am not therefore,

prepared to back your project for the recovery of soap from domestic bath water,

no matter what benefits it may confer,

on the underdeveloped nations of the world,

sincerely yours Ralston Temple.

I thought you'd like that one.

You said there were four.

Dear sir,

-I am writing a novel and starving at the same time... -Enough,

-out. -I know it is a good job,

but unless I can get some money I don't think I will be able to finish it.

Now Alice...

First they will take the typewriter away and then they will take me away,

I am sending you the first three chapters if you like them, will you help me?

yours truly, Alan Chatterton.

No, I will not help him and now will you please allow me to go on with my word.

Well I’ve read what he said, it's called the Loch Stable.

-The horse I presume has gone. -No still there.

-But feeling very sick I’II be bound. -He can write,

-I think it's good. -Splendid,

then he should get himself a job and work at it in his spare time.

Is that what you did?

Now you know very well that with me writing always had to be a full-time occupation.

Oh you mean people were kind and helped you, you had friends.

You know what I dislike even more than your hectoring manner?

is the blatant way in which you attempt to manage to to manipulate me.

Well it's too bad,

he's modeled this style a lot on yours,

I think you'd like it.

-He's here. -Who?

Mr Chatterton.

-I told you Wednesday. -This is Wednesday,

he's waiting in there.

That's Burton’s Anatomy of Melancholy,

mr Chatterton?

good afternoon.

Yeah good afternoon,

It's very good of you to see me mr Temple.

Would you sit down?

well I was interested in your letter and the beginning of your book,

tell me about yourself.

Me or the usual jazz?

go East young man, go East,

flunk out of college,

go to work in a gas station,

-needs therapy starts to write? -Well why not?

-everyone else does. -Well I’m not everyone else,

if I was I wouldn't be here.

That's true,

but as I said I,

I like the beginning of your book,

-and I think... -Well I’m going to rewrite all that.

Well I I did think that perhaps some measure of revision was called for,

the central character was shifting his point of view too suddenly and too quickly,

I don't say that they shouldn't, but in my experience,

it's wiser to give the reader time as it were to uh...

You have a decorator this way?

Do you decorated all this?

Well yes as a matter of fact I did.

-why? -Yeah that's the best way I suppose,

an eh, an effect of studied negligence isn't that what they call it?

I really don't know,

but speaking of cat phrases mr Chatterton,

what effect are you trying for?

what is known as 'angry young man'.

Me? I’m not angry,

just envious,

well this would be a great place to work,

how many copies your last book sell?

-Hardcovers. -English-speaking world?

half a million,

-why? -Man if I could hit it lucky like that.

Oh well luck doesn't necessarily play a part,

I spent 20 years learning how to write.

How long it take you to finish that last one? a jackpot one I mean.

-A year, 18 months. -You see that's what I mean,

I need six more months,

-I got to finish it. -My dear mr Chatterton,

even if you do finish the book there's no guarantee that it'll be accepted.

Listen, you want guarantees?

I tell you what, you stake me for six months,

40 bucks a week,

and if the book doesn't sell and I can't pay you back that way,

then I’II go to work in a gas station again and pay you,

I’m not asking for a handout,

all I want is a loan interest at six percent,

-will you want me to put it in writing? -I do not want any interest,

and I do not want anything in writing.

Oh well what do you want?

Alice...

Stay clear, stay clear,

oh dear I should be in Jamaica,

as soon as I finish my new book I,

I shall go to Jamaica,

or possibly around the world by a slow luxury liner.

If you finish signing those checks I’II get you some hot lemon.

I detest hot lemon,

why is it one one is already feeling suicidal,

these extra little torture must be applied to...

-what's this? -Oh a hundred dollars for Alan Chatterton,

to buy a top coat,

he's been going about in this blizzard in a thin rain slicker.

But he had an extra hundred dollars last week.

Well that was to pay the dentist.

But what's his allowance for?

Have you tried to live in new York on 40 a week?

I lived at 20.

I hate to remind you how many years ago that was.

Why does he have to live in new York,

why did it take some small place in the country?

-Why don't you? -Because I dislike the noise,

birds twittering, bees, having I can't work.

That's just what he says in fact he's like you in quite a number of ways,

I’d say when you were his age.

My youth was nasty brutish and luckily short,

but even in my worst moments I managed to,

preserve something of the fitness of things,

yes and respect due to wiser people,

yes and a lively sense of gratitude as well.

That's not what you said in your autobiography.

That's still unpublished and you have no right to coat it at me,

what I dislike is is the underhanded manner,

in which he approaches you for these subsidies.

You told him all you were interested in was his work,

naturally he comes to me there's nothing underhand about it.

I said what about his work?

six months he said, it's been five months now and,

for all I know he may not have written another word.

It's taking him longer than he expected,

he says it's difficult to concentrate when he's worrying about money all the time,

in my opinion it needs a vacation.

A vacation? oh my god...

I’II get you hot lemon.

Mr Temple's apartment,

oh mr Chatterton,

how are you today?

yes he's here working rather hard on the last chapter,

I see, well perhaps there's something I can do?

well he is very busy unless you're bringing in your manuscript for him to read,

no, of course you don't,

what sort of emergency mr Chatterton?

I have to get married.

Married?

but you can't get married, you haven't assent,

besides you shouldn't get married,

I’ve been married several times and I know,

marriage in a writing career are basically incompatible.

I didn't say I wanted to get married, I said I have to.

Oh good grief, young men are so disgusting,

-do I know the wretched woman? -She's not wretched, she's a poet.

-good too. -Then she should remain single.

-single. -Well that's the trouble, she won't,

it's all this psychology jazz,

she says if the kid doesn't have two parents who conform,

to the moralize of the society into which it is born,

barbaric though those morals may be,

it'll grow up insecure and neurotic,

if I don't marry her she's going to marry some other guy.

I’ve never heard anything so immoral in all my life.

Oh he knows about the baby and me,

but you see, how it is I don't want her marrying him,

it's been bugging me for weeks now,

I don't think I can finish the novel if I don't get married,

hey I read that article you wrote,

for Manhattan Monthly, I thought it was pretty good.

-Thank you. -It was full of uh insight, vital.

Well,

what do you propose?

Oh well I worked out a kind of a letter,

it gives you half interest in the book,

sort of a contract, I figured that was the least I could do.

Thank you,

how much do you need?

I don't know, say uh five thousand.

Five?

but most first novels don't earn half that much,

I should have thought you'd have known.

Oh money doesn't mean that much to me.

So I’ve noticed.

So let's say one thousand and a good long prayer.

You don't like me, do you?

No, not much,

Alice give me that checkbook,

but I still think you may have talent,

with me, I suppose you might call this,

an act of faith.

Good evening mr Temple this is an unexpected pleasure.

Ah good evening Luigi,

-you have a table for me? -Always mr Temple,

-but we do not often see you at this time, just once. -Yes please,

you see, my my cook sister chose this an opportune moment to to break a leg.

Ah mr Temple there's a party paying the bill now if you will please,

wait just one little moment at the bar I will have a booth for you.

Hey you better put a couple more bottles on the ice,

now hey class dude Pendleton I want you to talk,

about this story about the man in the lion's skull...

the one I want you to tell us a marvelous story,

is the one about the parent with asthma...

Mr Temple, your table is readt now.

Thank you.

Luigi,

that young man over there with a bow tie,

-you have to know who he is? -Oh yes sir,

that's mr Alan Chatterton, you know, the writer,

he's a very good customer here.

Thank you very much, huh,

I’II be over in a minute.

Thank you sir.

Well of course for the poor guy gets back to his dressing room,

he can't wait to find out what bit him,

so he takes off the lion suit and then he,

takes off the lion's head and hey Alan you gotta listen to this...

Excuse me.

Hello, I I thought you went to Europe.

My boat leaves tomorrow,

I’d like to see you before I go,

-tomorrow morning at 10. -Okay.

Good night.

Well he's standing there holding this lion's head in his hands,

and the door opens and then comes this dame and,

she wants to know where he's been all her life.

I gave you that thousand dollars to enable you and your wife to get an apartment,

not to squander an expensive restaurant.

-Well it was only the once. -Oh no lies please,

Luigi tells me you're often there.

You've been checking up on me?

No but perhaps I should have done,

was your wife in that party?

or do you have a wife?

-I told you... -You told me a squally little story,

about an immoral poetic who had some half-baked ideas on child psychology,

I didn't trouble to find out if it were true,

-of course I could have... -All right I made it up.

You mean you deliberately lie.

Oh well what's the difference it was a good story wasn't it?

you weren't bored, were you?

what about all this righteous indignation I’ve had to put up with?

'deliberately lied', what do you do when you write a novel, you tell the truth?

what do you do when you go to a show?

and the guy says: I love you baby, you stand up and say,

that's a 'deliberate lie'. I happen to know he's a happily married man,

with three kids and a house in white plains.

If I’d been tricked into paying a thousand dollars for my seat,

I probably should have said a great deal more.

I suppose if I’d come to you and said I need the money,

for research on the book, that would have been different.

It might have and while around that subject I,

I want to see that book please,

now.

Well you can't, it's not finished.

Finished or unfinished?

I gave you six thousand four hundred dollars...

Six thousand six hundred.

I’II trust you to keep an accounting.

And I’m curious to know what if anything it bought.

I told you it's not finished.

I see,

let me ask you a question,

now I know that a thousand dollars doesn't go very far,

when you start picking up big tabs at Luigi's,

am I the only subscriber to the lux table.

-Oh no. -That's my business.

We could make it the business of the police.

Oh don't give me that jazz,

you had your kicks didn't you?

the great Ralston Temple patronizing the young artist,

the well-turned phrase from the well-heeled man of letters,

you had your fun,

'police' don't make me laugh,

you got half interest in a novel,

that's what you bought, wasn't it? or don't you read contract?

of course if the novel doesn't make any money,

or doesn't even get off the ground that's too bad,

but the loss is always tax deductible so, what are you griping about?

You shoddy little crook.

Okay.

Here's your contract, take it.

Oh you'll be sorry, your business manager will need that.

Get out. Alice if this creature comes near my apartment,

again you have my full authority to call the police.

Oh there's a streak of masochism there makes you wonder doesn't it?

All I’m wondering is who you stole those first three chapters from?

-or would you rather not say? -Alice please that's enough,

please go.

Ah thank you.

Ah it's good to be home.

Uh there's a lot of mail I didn't forward, don't you want to...?

Tomorrow dear, tomorrow...

ah how good that gasoline smells,

well I’ve got the new book all planned,

as soon as I can rid myself of this sense of robust well-being,

I shall make a start, thirsty possibly,

what's the matter?

I’m afraid I have some rather upsetting news.

News?

you're gonna get married?

No,

it's Alan Chatterton.

Oh dear someone's pressed charges I suppose.

No.

Oh not suicide?

I’d never forgive myself if anything I’d said,

had driven another human being however odious to...

what's the meaning of this?

I think you'd better see for yourself.

THE LOCKED STABLE

He sold the motion picture rights too.

I wrote him a note.

I hope you'll enjoy the book,

best wishes, Alan Chareton.

-Your name please? -Mrs Kathy Carr,

and I want to tell you I read it twice already,

in that chapter about the lion's head three times,

out loud.

-Thank you mrs Carr. -Thank you.

I’m glad you enjoyed it.

A name please.

Temple.

Oh hello I sent you a check, did you get it? -Yes thanks very much.

it was unnecessary to to add the interest.

Is bank rate.

Well I’m, I’m glad I, I was of help.

-I’m afraid I awe you an unapologety. -How?

oh,

but you never did believe in me, did you?

I usually write with best wishes but I think maybe in your case uh,

something a little different,

what about 'kindest regards'.

I hope you enjoyed our play,

I had little time for anything but holding on here,

darkness is an excellent condition for viewing a commercial,

if you don't see me at its conclusion,

just wait a moment and I’II be by.

My only hope is that the driver will run out of gas,

I know I have,

I should be back next week,

and the week after that and the week after that,

until I finally fall off,

good night.