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2
00:02:43,510 --> 00:02:45,637
That's a big fella! Whoa!
3
00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:15,669
- Looks great.
- Thank you.
4
00:03:16,003 --> 00:03:17,922
Happy vacation, honey.
5
00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:21,967
Manchurian tung oil!
Where did you get this?
6
00:03:22,301 --> 00:03:23,969
Helen got it for me in Oslo.
7
00:03:24,053 --> 00:03:27,806
There's enough here
to do the whole table and the bureau.
8
00:03:30,267 --> 00:03:32,186
I wonder what this could be.
9
00:03:32,269 --> 00:03:34,647
Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you.
10
00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:36,941
Enough to do the entire guest room.
11
00:03:37,024 --> 00:03:39,401
I'm so glad we're spending
our vacation at home.
12
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:42,363
- I'm gonna get started now.
- Where are you going?
13
00:03:46,408 --> 00:03:48,536
- I'll get it.
- Be my guest.
14
00:03:53,249 --> 00:03:55,501
- Maybe you should get it.
- I'll go.
15
00:04:01,882 --> 00:04:03,133
Oh, no!
16
00:04:09,058 --> 00:04:10,226
Jane.
17
00:04:12,270 --> 00:04:14,188
It's your turn, honey.
18
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,162
- Good luck, honey.
- Thanks.
19
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:34,458
Hi, Barbara. I'm glad I caught you.
Heard you were on vacation.
20
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,043
That's right. Complete vacation.
21
00:04:36,127 --> 00:04:37,920
Today I'm $260,000!
22
00:04:40,006 --> 00:04:42,967
- It's 6:45 in the morning.
- This offer is real.
23
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:46,470
From a man in New York City
who only saw a photograph.
24
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:49,307
Jane, don't send people photos
of our house.
25
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:53,644
He wants to bring the wife and family
here for some peace and quiet.
26
00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:55,521
That's what we're looking for.
27
00:04:55,605 --> 00:05:00,028
This house is too big for you.
It ought to be for a couple with kids.
28
00:05:01,821 --> 00:05:05,158
I didn't mean anything.
But this house is too big.
29
00:05:05,575 --> 00:05:09,078
- I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay?
- Think about it.
30
00:05:22,592 --> 00:05:24,886
I was telling Barbara about this offer
on the house...
31
00:05:24,969 --> 00:05:26,012
No, Jane.
32
00:05:33,978 --> 00:05:35,897
Come with me to the store.
33
00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:39,234
- What for?
- I need a new brush for the tung oil.
34
00:05:39,692 --> 00:05:43,613
- And I want to get a part for the model.
- Just run in, okay?
35
00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:05,053
Two weeks at home. The perfect vacation.
36
00:06:05,595 --> 00:06:09,307
Jane says we should sell the house
to someone with a family.
37
00:06:09,391 --> 00:06:12,352
I don't think it's any of Jane's business.
38
00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:15,981
Besides, we could try again
on this vacation.
39
00:06:16,398 --> 00:06:18,483
Really? What are you saying?
40
00:06:35,709 --> 00:06:38,378
- How are you doing, Ernie?
- Hi, how are you?
41
00:06:47,598 --> 00:06:48,807
Good morning, Adam.
42
00:06:48,891 --> 00:06:51,476
- Need a haircut before your vacation?
- No, thanks, Bill.
43
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,228
- How's the model coming?
- Great.
44
00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:57,483
You know, Bozman built that foundation
in 1835. His grandson...
45
00:07:07,910 --> 00:07:10,913
He's got hair down
to his goddamn shoulders.
46
00:07:11,413 --> 00:07:14,208
He says to me, "Just trim it a little."
47
00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:17,920
- I took the scissors to him so fast...
- See you later.
48
00:07:32,309 --> 00:07:35,979
- This will be great.
- Wouldn't you rather go to Jamaica?
49
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,777
- No way. There's no place like home.
- Look out for that...
50
00:08:24,822 --> 00:08:27,158
Perfect start to our vacation.
51
00:08:27,324 --> 00:08:29,910
You'll feel better when you're dry.
52
00:08:31,873 --> 00:08:34,625
That fire wasn't burning when we left.
53
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:39,005
- How's your arm?
- I don't know. It feels frozen.
54
00:08:56,397 --> 00:08:59,192
I'll make some coffee
and you get wood for the fire.
55
00:08:59,275 --> 00:09:02,069
Maybe we should take things extra slow.
56
00:09:02,153 --> 00:09:04,947
Do you remember how
we got back up here?
57
00:09:06,866 --> 00:09:10,286
I'm going back to that bridge
and retrace our steps.
58
00:09:25,094 --> 00:09:26,846
- You saved my...
- Two hours!
59
00:09:26,930 --> 00:09:30,350
- You won't believe... What?
- That's how long you were gone.
60
00:09:31,601 --> 00:09:34,437
- What is going on?
- I have to show you something.
61
00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:37,148
Look.
62
00:09:45,114 --> 00:09:46,616
There's that.
63
00:09:47,116 --> 00:09:48,827
And there's that.
64
00:09:56,417 --> 00:09:59,712
- "Handbook for the Recently Diseased."
- Deceased.
65
00:10:02,298 --> 00:10:03,633
Deceased.
66
00:10:03,883 --> 00:10:07,512
I don't know where it came from.
Look at the publisher.
67
00:10:11,516 --> 00:10:14,477
"Handbook for
the Recently Deceased Press."
68
00:10:14,978 --> 00:10:18,400
You know what?
I don't think we survived the crash.
69
00:10:22,821 --> 00:10:24,239
I hate this.
70
00:10:24,322 --> 00:10:26,491
Can you give me the basics?
71
00:10:27,450 --> 00:10:30,453
This book isn't arranged that way.
What do you want to know?
72
00:10:30,537 --> 00:10:33,957
Why did you disappear
when you stepped off the porch?
73
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,585
Are we halfway to heaven
or halfway to hell?
74
00:10:36,668 --> 00:10:38,670
How long will this last?
75
00:10:38,753 --> 00:10:41,047
I don't see anything about heaven or hell.
76
00:10:41,131 --> 00:10:44,092
This book reads like stereo instructions.
Listen.
77
00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:46,136
"Geographical and Temporal Perimeters.
78
00:10:46,219 --> 00:10:49,848
"Functional perimeters vary from
manifestation to manifestation."
79
00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:53,643
This is going to take some time.
80
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,755
Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh?
81
00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:23,467
I better find a job.
Let's see. Business section.
82
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:32,184
What do we got here? The Maitlands.
83
00:11:34,186 --> 00:11:37,064
Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too.
84
00:11:44,279 --> 00:11:46,907
I wish I had a better view
of the cemetery from here.
85
00:11:46,990 --> 00:11:49,993
I can't tell which is
the best placement for us.
86
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:56,875
Cabin fever?
87
00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,253
I can't clean anything properly.
88
00:11:59,336 --> 00:12:02,130
The vacuum's in the garage
and we can't leave the house.
89
00:12:02,214 --> 00:12:05,761
Why don't they tell us something?
Where are the other dead people?
90
00:12:05,845 --> 00:12:07,972
Why is it just you and me?
91
00:12:08,722 --> 00:12:10,599
Maybe this is heaven.
92
00:12:11,308 --> 00:12:14,061
In heaven there wouldn't be dust
on everything.
93
00:12:22,695 --> 00:12:23,988
It's Jane.
94
00:12:27,825 --> 00:12:29,577
- What's she doing here?
- I don't know.
95
00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:31,537
Jane, up here. Jane!
96
00:12:37,877 --> 00:12:39,962
She can't see you, right?
97
00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:46,552
In the book, rule number two:
"The living usually won't see the dead."
98
00:12:48,179 --> 00:12:50,931
- Won't or can't?
- It just says "won't."
99
00:12:51,015 --> 00:12:54,977
God, this book is so stupid!
I can't understand anything in it.
100
00:12:56,270 --> 00:12:57,815
Barb, honey...
101
00:12:58,524 --> 00:13:00,067
...we're dead.
102
00:13:00,359 --> 00:13:03,696
I don't think we have much
to worry about anymore.
103
00:13:36,479 --> 00:13:39,482
This is great!
Just what the doctor ordered.
104
00:13:45,696 --> 00:13:47,198
Sorry, ma'am.
105
00:13:49,283 --> 00:13:51,412
Delia Deetz, welcome home.
106
00:13:52,872 --> 00:13:54,165
Charles!
107
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:59,254
It's okay, there's no damage. See?
Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship.
108
00:13:59,796 --> 00:14:03,925
Look at that kitchen. You'll finally
be able to cook a decent meal.
109
00:14:06,803 --> 00:14:08,513
Come and have a look.
110
00:14:17,564 --> 00:14:20,567
A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem.
111
00:14:21,734 --> 00:14:23,736
Excuse me. Here we go.
112
00:14:34,998 --> 00:14:37,333
We'll have to rip out all the plumbing.
113
00:14:37,417 --> 00:14:40,545
Other than that, it's perfect. Just perfect.
114
00:14:41,671 --> 00:14:44,634
- What do you think, honey?
- Delia hates it.
115
00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:49,764
I could live here.
116
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,683
Careful! That's my sculpture.
117
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:54,978
I don't mean "my" as in "I bought it."
I mean I made it.
118
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,857
Put it on the table.
119
00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:10,285
Ten minutes. I'm already perfectly at ease.
120
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:12,621
It's perfect.
121
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:13,872
Help!
122
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,166
It's Otho.
123
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,669
Otho, why don't you come
in the front door?
124
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,463
It's bad luck.
125
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,466
You left the city for me. I am so happy.
126
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,593
Of course you are.
127
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,431
Let's get one thing straight.
128
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:35,477
We're here to enjoy the country setting,
not to trash the place!
129
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,190
Charles, you're lucky
the yuppies are buying condos...
130
00:15:38,273 --> 00:15:42,402
...so you can afford what I'm going
to have to do to this place.
131
00:15:42,694 --> 00:15:46,949
I'm here to relax and clip coupons,
and, damn it, I mean to do it.
132
00:15:47,199 --> 00:15:49,826
Then go do it quietly, dear,
and let Otho and me think.
133
00:15:49,910 --> 00:15:52,037
Is the rest of the house as bad as this?
134
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:53,997
Is this a punishment?
135
00:15:55,207 --> 00:15:56,917
What are we going to do?
136
00:15:57,793 --> 00:16:00,128
We're not completely helpless.
137
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:04,633
I've been reading that book and there's
a word for people in our situation.
138
00:16:05,175 --> 00:16:06,426
Ghosts!
139
00:16:07,803 --> 00:16:10,222
Let's get this show on the road.
140
00:16:13,475 --> 00:16:15,853
We're dealing with
negative entertainment potential.
141
00:16:15,936 --> 00:16:18,772
There's absolutely no organic flow through.
142
00:16:18,856 --> 00:16:21,775
I noticed that, too.
It's like a giant ant farm.
143
00:16:24,903 --> 00:16:27,406
- What?
- I thought I saw something.
144
00:16:38,878 --> 00:16:40,713
You've read my mind.
145
00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:44,300
- I did?
- So few clients are able to read my mind.
146
00:16:44,383 --> 00:16:46,969
They're not open to the experience.
147
00:16:55,102 --> 00:16:56,353
My God!
148
00:16:57,062 --> 00:17:01,192
We just have to pray the other closets
are bigger than this one.
149
00:17:01,525 --> 00:17:02,693
Look!
150
00:17:03,694 --> 00:17:05,446
Ozzie and Harriet.
151
00:17:08,032 --> 00:17:09,783
- What happened to these people?
- They died.
152
00:17:09,867 --> 00:17:11,952
Look, an indoor outhouse.
153
00:17:17,208 --> 00:17:20,377
- Viridian.
- Viridian. Why do I know that name?
154
00:17:20,878 --> 00:17:22,296
Blue-green!
155
00:17:23,047 --> 00:17:25,051
Hydrated chromic oxide.
156
00:17:25,426 --> 00:17:28,930
Remember, I'm schooled in chemistry.
I was a hair analyst.
157
00:17:29,013 --> 00:17:30,598
- What?
- Briefly.
158
00:17:36,562 --> 00:17:38,689
Deliver me from L.L. Bean.
159
00:17:41,108 --> 00:17:44,737
I know what you two are up to and
you're not going to get away with it!
160
00:17:44,820 --> 00:17:46,447
This is not working out.
161
00:17:46,531 --> 00:17:50,576
I will not stop living and breathing art
just because you need to relax.
162
00:17:51,202 --> 00:17:53,829
I'm here with you. I'll live with you
in this hellhole.
163
00:17:53,913 --> 00:17:58,668
But I must express myself. If I can't
gut this house and make it my own...
164
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:02,338
...I will go insane
and I will take you with me!
165
00:18:04,549 --> 00:18:08,177
Yeah. Well, maybe the house
could use a little remodeling.
166
00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:11,681
But why don't you just leave
this room alone, okay?
167
00:18:13,015 --> 00:18:13,933
Okay.
168
00:18:19,816 --> 00:18:21,234
I'll get her.
169
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:22,944
So?
170
00:18:23,027 --> 00:18:27,699
Once you cover the wallpaper, knock down
a few walls, this place might be livable.
171
00:18:27,782 --> 00:18:30,577
- What's on the third floor?
- Attic space.
172
00:18:30,660 --> 00:18:33,079
I forgot to lock the attic door.
173
00:18:40,837 --> 00:18:42,881
- Did you feel something?
- When?
174
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:55,059
- You don't have a key?
- Maybe Charles does.
175
00:18:55,226 --> 00:18:59,522
I have a feeling there's something
very interesting behind this door.
176
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:03,443
Yeah, the ghosts of the people who died
in this house, and they want us out!
177
00:19:03,526 --> 00:19:05,445
Let's do them a favor.
178
00:19:22,339 --> 00:19:24,341
My God, that was close!
179
00:19:26,218 --> 00:19:28,053
I cannot watch this.
180
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,765
What's the good of being a ghost
if you can't frighten people away?
181
00:19:31,848 --> 00:19:34,476
- Honey?
- No, I'm not putting up with this!
182
00:19:44,569 --> 00:19:47,405
- You don't know what's out there.
- I don't care.
183
00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:57,749
Barbara!
184
00:19:58,333 --> 00:19:59,376
Adam!
185
00:20:00,919 --> 00:20:03,547
Adam, help. I'm getting all yellow!
186
00:20:44,423 --> 00:20:47,384
We're trapped in this house
with those people.
187
00:20:52,431 --> 00:20:56,268
I can't believe we're eating Cantonese.
Is there no Szechwan up here?
188
00:20:56,351 --> 00:20:59,815
I plan to have a stroke from the amount
of MSG in this food.
189
00:21:00,065 --> 00:21:04,945
This is our first meal in this house,
so let's try to make it a pleasant one.
190
00:21:06,238 --> 00:21:08,240
Don't bait your mother.
191
00:21:08,490 --> 00:21:12,119
When we get settled, we'll build you
a darkroom in the basement.
192
00:21:12,494 --> 00:21:14,747
My whole life is a darkroom.
193
00:21:15,497 --> 00:21:17,249
One big dark room.
194
00:21:19,168 --> 00:21:23,923
You were miserable in New York City,
and you'll be miserable in the sticks.
195
00:21:24,048 --> 00:21:25,925
At least someone's life
hasn't been upheaved.
196
00:21:26,008 --> 00:21:30,638
I'm happy here. Those people in New York
don't know what they're missing.
197
00:21:35,059 --> 00:21:37,811
We could become The Summer Art Center
of New York.
198
00:21:37,895 --> 00:21:40,773
I could start sculpting again.
I'm only truly happy when I'm sculpting.
199
00:21:40,856 --> 00:21:44,527
That's a very good idea.
That'll be very time-consuming.
200
00:21:45,069 --> 00:21:47,404
First the house.
Otho and I have great plans.
201
00:21:47,488 --> 00:21:49,490
We should keep it the way it is.
202
00:21:49,573 --> 00:21:50,950
Good idea.
203
00:21:56,123 --> 00:21:59,502
The furniture truck is coming.
We must decide what goes and what stays.
204
00:21:59,585 --> 00:22:02,588
Everything goes,
along with whatever's in the attic.
205
00:22:20,231 --> 00:22:21,524
Careful.
206
00:22:21,774 --> 00:22:25,528
Tell me what you do and I'll tell you
why my husband will fire you.
207
00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:29,532
- Isn't there an index?
- No, nothing.
208
00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:33,244
What's this?
209
00:22:39,292 --> 00:22:42,086
Do you know where that's going?
Did anyone tell you where...
210
00:22:42,169 --> 00:22:45,049
Why are there only three sculptures?
There were four sculptures.
211
00:22:45,133 --> 00:22:47,302
Where's the fourth sculpture?
212
00:22:47,385 --> 00:22:49,179
What are you doing?
213
00:22:54,559 --> 00:22:57,896
"Betelgeuse, the bio-exorcist.
Troubled by the living?
214
00:22:57,979 --> 00:23:00,523
"Is death a problem and not the solution?
Unhappy with eternity?
215
00:23:00,607 --> 00:23:03,776
"Having difficulty adjusting?
Call Betelgeuse."
216
00:23:07,155 --> 00:23:09,365
There's no number or instructions?
217
00:23:09,449 --> 00:23:12,535
Nothing. The "bio-exorcist." I don't get it.
218
00:23:16,998 --> 00:23:18,541
Straight back.
219
00:23:20,752 --> 00:23:23,755
Why don't you take a break
for half an hour?
220
00:23:44,611 --> 00:23:46,112
Put that down!
221
00:23:46,196 --> 00:23:48,073
What the hell are you doing?
222
00:23:48,156 --> 00:23:50,033
- Listen to me!
- Jesus!
223
00:23:51,701 --> 00:23:55,121
Why are you doing this to me?
This is my art and it is dangerous.
224
00:23:55,205 --> 00:23:57,541
Do you think I want to die like this?
225
00:24:12,055 --> 00:24:13,765
Hi. How are you?
226
00:24:22,732 --> 00:24:24,776
That little girl saw us.
227
00:24:25,277 --> 00:24:27,696
- Nobody can see us.
- But she did.
228
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,995
- What happened to the previous owners?
- They drowned.
229
00:24:33,078 --> 00:24:35,998
Yes, they were family. I was devastated.
230
00:24:36,123 --> 00:24:38,500
- Here, take that.
- Is this the key to the attic?
231
00:24:38,584 --> 00:24:42,671
That's a skeleton key that will open
any door. Give that to your father.
232
00:24:43,255 --> 00:24:46,884
You might mention I single-handedly
decorated that house.
233
00:24:46,967 --> 00:24:50,762
If he needs any advice in that arena
have him come see me.
234
00:25:11,325 --> 00:25:13,410
Don't worry. I locked the door.
235
00:25:31,138 --> 00:25:35,434
Having trouble with the living?
Tired of having your home violated?
236
00:25:35,518 --> 00:25:37,436
Want to get rid of them
pesky living critters?
237
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,482
Well, come on down and see me,
the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist.
238
00:25:41,565 --> 00:25:44,985
Yes, sirree! I want to tell you,
I'll do anything!
239
00:25:47,655 --> 00:25:51,742
I'll scare 'em real bad.
I'll do anything to get your business.
240
00:25:51,951 --> 00:25:54,703
Hell! I'll possess myself if I gotta!
241
00:25:55,162 --> 00:25:58,082
Yo! I got demons runnin' all through me.
242
00:25:58,707 --> 00:26:00,668
Come on down and see it.
243
00:26:00,751 --> 00:26:03,963
If you act now, you get a free
demon possession with every exorcism.
244
00:26:04,046 --> 00:26:06,006
You can't beat that, can you?
245
00:26:06,090 --> 00:26:10,970
Bring the little partners. We've got plenty
of snakes for them to play with.
246
00:26:11,554 --> 00:26:15,641
Say it once, say it twice,
third time's a charm. And remember...
247
00:26:15,724 --> 00:26:19,146
"I'll eat anything you want me to eat.
Swallow anything you want me to swallow.
248
00:26:19,230 --> 00:26:21,858
"So, come on down, I'll chew on the dog."
249
00:26:50,386 --> 00:26:54,724
We need some help. I read something
in this book about emergencies.
250
00:26:55,558 --> 00:26:58,811
Here it is.
"In case of emergency, draw a door."
251
00:27:03,691 --> 00:27:07,612
"Draw a door"? I don't know why
we keep looking in that stupid book.
252
00:27:10,364 --> 00:27:12,994
Maybe we should try that Beetle guy.
253
00:27:28,468 --> 00:27:31,554
You didn't actually think
that would work, did you?
254
00:27:34,224 --> 00:27:35,975
"Knock three times."
255
00:28:38,290 --> 00:28:39,583
Birdies!
256
00:28:48,383 --> 00:28:49,634
Get it!
257
00:28:50,468 --> 00:28:51,511
Dad?
258
00:28:51,928 --> 00:28:55,181
- Can't you see I'm relaxing?
- I want to tell you what I saw.
259
00:28:55,265 --> 00:28:59,021
What is the point of my coming here
if you people won't let me relax?
260
00:28:59,104 --> 00:29:01,023
Pumpkin, sweetheart...
261
00:29:02,149 --> 00:29:04,109
...go help your mother.
262
00:29:04,193 --> 00:29:07,237
Maybe you can relax in a haunted house,
but I can't.
263
00:29:12,618 --> 00:29:14,411
Hmm, nice building.
264
00:29:14,536 --> 00:29:16,580
Bad roof. Good parking.
265
00:29:48,487 --> 00:29:50,489
- Adam?
- This way, honey.
266
00:30:02,836 --> 00:30:04,838
You don't have an appointment.
267
00:30:04,922 --> 00:30:07,132
- We didn't know how to make one.
- Appointment for what?
268
00:30:07,216 --> 00:30:09,218
- What do you want?
- Help?
269
00:30:09,301 --> 00:30:13,264
Already? Just bit the big one
two months ago and you want help.
270
00:30:13,347 --> 00:30:15,599
What does that have to do with anything?
271
00:30:15,683 --> 00:30:18,811
You'll use up all your help vouchers: D-90s.
272
00:30:19,562 --> 00:30:22,648
You spend 125 years on earth
in that house...
273
00:30:23,148 --> 00:30:27,444
...during which you get only three class-one
D-90 intercessions with Juno.
274
00:30:27,528 --> 00:30:30,447
You probably haven't read through
the manual completely yet.
275
00:30:30,531 --> 00:30:33,492
You'll have to wait if you don't have
an appointment.
276
00:30:33,576 --> 00:30:37,162
- An appointment with whom?
- For Juno, your caseworker.
277
00:30:41,250 --> 00:30:43,544
Number 54,000,601. Ferndock!
278
00:31:50,448 --> 00:31:52,951
- Want a cigarette?
- No, thank you.
279
00:31:54,244 --> 00:31:56,538
I'm trying to cut down myself.
280
00:32:13,721 --> 00:32:16,599
Adam, is this what happens when you die?
281
00:32:17,559 --> 00:32:19,811
This is what happens when you die.
282
00:32:19,894 --> 00:32:23,147
That is what happens when he dies.
And that is what happens when they die.
283
00:32:23,231 --> 00:32:26,276
It's all very personal.
I'll tell you something.
284
00:32:26,359 --> 00:32:30,530
If I knew then what I know now,
I wouldn't have had my little accident.
285
00:32:36,204 --> 00:32:38,123
Maitland. Party of two.
286
00:32:38,206 --> 00:32:40,792
Take the handbook
and go to the sixth door.
287
00:32:40,876 --> 00:32:43,044
Oh, we forgot our handbook.
288
00:32:47,382 --> 00:32:48,383
Come on.
289
00:32:54,222 --> 00:32:57,767
All new arrivals,
report to waiting room number eight.
290
00:33:00,270 --> 00:33:02,981
Flight 409 is arriving at gate three.
291
00:33:04,107 --> 00:33:06,651
How do I look?
There are no mirrors on this side.
292
00:33:06,735 --> 00:33:08,612
- You look fine.
- Fine.
293
00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:11,698
Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat.
294
00:33:16,369 --> 00:33:19,372
Will the Peterson party
report to door number nine.
295
00:33:20,916 --> 00:33:23,835
Peterson party, please report
to door number nine.
296
00:33:25,378 --> 00:33:28,508
All new arrivals,
report to waiting room number eight.
297
00:33:35,140 --> 00:33:37,643
125 years. I can't believe this.
298
00:33:38,352 --> 00:33:40,604
I can't believe they didn't tell us.
299
00:33:43,482 --> 00:33:45,484
Oh, Adam, what is this?
300
00:33:49,821 --> 00:33:52,074
That's the Lost Souls' Room.
301
00:33:52,741 --> 00:33:55,536
A room for ghosts
that have been exorcised.
302
00:33:56,662 --> 00:33:58,121
Poor devils.
303
00:33:58,330 --> 00:34:00,457
That's death for the dead.
304
00:34:01,667 --> 00:34:03,752
It's all in the handbook.
305
00:34:03,961 --> 00:34:05,420
Keep moving.
306
00:34:10,217 --> 00:34:11,385
Five.
307
00:34:12,970 --> 00:34:14,972
This is the sixth door.
308
00:34:21,855 --> 00:34:24,984
Boy, this place just gets weirder
and weirder.
309
00:34:36,078 --> 00:34:37,496
We're home!
310
00:34:38,455 --> 00:34:41,542
Look at this place! Everything's different.
311
00:34:43,419 --> 00:34:45,504
All our furniture's gone.
312
00:34:46,171 --> 00:34:48,799
How long do you suppose
we were waiting there?
313
00:34:48,883 --> 00:34:50,384
Three months.
314
00:34:51,552 --> 00:34:54,555
I'd almost given up on you.
I was about to leave.
315
00:34:54,638 --> 00:34:56,682
I do have other clients.
316
00:34:57,224 --> 00:34:59,810
- Are you Juno, our caseworker?
- Yes.
317
00:34:59,894 --> 00:35:02,980
I evaluate individual cases and determine...
318
00:35:03,230 --> 00:35:06,358
...if help is needed, deserved and available.
319
00:35:06,567 --> 00:35:07,526
Are you available?
320
00:35:07,610 --> 00:35:08,652
No.
321
00:35:09,862 --> 00:35:12,408
- What's wrong?
- We're very unhappy.
322
00:35:13,117 --> 00:35:15,536
What did you expect? You're dead!
323
00:35:15,620 --> 00:35:19,874
We want to get rid of the people here.
We worked hard on this house.
324
00:35:19,957 --> 00:35:22,960
We probably wouldn't mind sharing
the house with people who were...
325
00:35:23,044 --> 00:35:25,421
- More like you used to be.
- Yes.
326
00:35:25,588 --> 00:35:27,215
But these people!
327
00:35:29,258 --> 00:35:31,260
Things seem quiet here.
328
00:35:32,386 --> 00:35:35,473
You should thank God
you didn't die in Italy.
329
00:35:35,932 --> 00:35:37,350
The Deetzes.
330
00:35:37,516 --> 00:35:40,645
- Have you been studying the manual?
- We tried.
331
00:35:41,604 --> 00:35:45,441
The intermediate interface chapter
on haunting says it all.
332
00:35:45,608 --> 00:35:48,569
Get them out yourselves! It's your house.
333
00:35:49,737 --> 00:35:52,490
Haunted houses aren't easy to come by.
334
00:35:52,573 --> 00:35:54,992
- We don't quite get it.
- I heard.
335
00:35:55,076 --> 00:35:56,911
Tore your faces off.
336
00:35:57,078 --> 00:36:01,207
It's useless to pull off your heads
in front of people who can't see you.
337
00:36:01,290 --> 00:36:03,709
- We should start simply?
- Start simply.
338
00:36:03,793 --> 00:36:06,714
Do what you know.
Use your talents. Practice.
339
00:36:08,508 --> 00:36:12,303
You should have been studying
those lessons since day one.
340
00:36:14,430 --> 00:36:16,015
I've got to go.
341
00:36:16,140 --> 00:36:18,643
What about that guy in the flyer, Betel...
342
00:36:19,936 --> 00:36:23,231
Don't even say his name.
You don't want his help.
343
00:36:24,357 --> 00:36:25,275
We might.
344
00:36:25,358 --> 00:36:28,653
No, you don't.
He does not work well with others.
345
00:36:30,196 --> 00:36:31,906
What do you mean?
346
00:36:36,077 --> 00:36:38,037
I didn't want to bring it up.
347
00:36:38,121 --> 00:36:42,083
But rather than have you make
another mistake, I'll tell you.
348
00:36:43,293 --> 00:36:45,128
He was my assistant.
349
00:36:45,545 --> 00:36:48,715
But he was a troublemaker.
He went out on his own...
350
00:36:48,798 --> 00:36:51,175
...as a freelance bio-exorcist.
351
00:36:52,176 --> 00:36:56,139
Claimed he could get rid of the living.
Got into more trouble.
352
00:37:00,103 --> 00:37:03,857
I believe he's been sleazing
around your cemetery lately.
353
00:37:05,817 --> 00:37:08,570
The only way he can be brought back...
354
00:37:08,737 --> 00:37:11,489
...is by calling his name three times.
355
00:37:12,490 --> 00:37:14,576
But I strongly suggest...
356
00:37:14,993 --> 00:37:17,829
...that you remove the Deetzes yourselves.
357
00:37:18,538 --> 00:37:19,915
How do we contact you...
358
00:37:19,998 --> 00:37:22,042
...if we need you again?
359
00:37:31,843 --> 00:37:34,554
Oh, Adam, that guy's in our cemetery.
360
00:37:35,263 --> 00:37:38,892
She's right. We just keep this simple.
We can do this.
361
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:04,795
Hey, you, come here!
362
00:38:05,587 --> 00:38:06,838
Hungry?
363
00:38:07,589 --> 00:38:09,675
Come on. Hey, come here.
364
00:38:10,926 --> 00:38:13,887
I got something good for you.
Come on over.
365
00:38:13,971 --> 00:38:16,848
We'll have a little bite, something to nosh.
366
00:38:18,308 --> 00:38:20,143
- Come here!
- Help me!
367
00:38:24,940 --> 00:38:29,236
Maxie, haven't I always made you money?
That's the only real question.
368
00:38:29,319 --> 00:38:33,824
Nobody made me money like you.
You were a demon until your nerves went.
369
00:38:34,241 --> 00:38:35,951
It's just that...
370
00:38:36,577 --> 00:38:39,913
...Winter River, Connecticut is,
if you'll forgive me, nowhere.
371
00:38:39,997 --> 00:38:43,166
Why would I want to invest that kind
of money in an old building...
372
00:38:43,250 --> 00:38:46,922
...way the hell up there!
- It's not a building. That's the beauty.
373
00:38:47,006 --> 00:38:50,968
The people don't know the value of their
property. I can buy the whole town.
374
00:38:51,051 --> 00:38:53,929
Then we own a whole town
in the middle of nowhere.
375
00:38:54,388 --> 00:38:55,890
Come and see.
376
00:38:56,015 --> 00:38:57,683
And bring Sarah.
377
00:38:58,434 --> 00:39:02,104
All right, Charles.
It's just that I am kind of busy here.
378
00:39:02,187 --> 00:39:03,731
Just a minute.
379
00:39:04,899 --> 00:39:08,152
Listen. Enough of this talk
about visiting, okay? I gotta go.
380
00:39:08,235 --> 00:39:10,821
You take it easy up there, big fellow.
381
00:39:10,905 --> 00:39:13,073
- Good-bye.
- Max, wait, wait.
382
00:39:18,037 --> 00:39:18,954
Putz.
383
00:39:39,602 --> 00:39:43,689
Lydia, is Connecticut so boring?
I had Maxie Dean on the phone.
384
00:39:43,981 --> 00:39:47,818
Dad's found a way of making money
while I relax, so would you scram?
385
00:39:49,779 --> 00:39:53,824
Your mother will kill you when she sees
you cut holes in her $300 sheets.
386
00:39:56,744 --> 00:40:00,248
This is so corny. Is this what
we've been reduced to? Sheets?
387
00:40:00,331 --> 00:40:02,250
Think of them as death shrouds.
388
00:40:02,333 --> 00:40:04,877
And the moaning is important.
Really moan!
389
00:40:23,229 --> 00:40:25,731
God, how can he stand that woman?
390
00:40:32,321 --> 00:40:35,285
Cut it out! I'm a child, for God's sakes.
391
00:40:43,835 --> 00:40:47,255
- I feel so stupid.
- It's not stupid. We're ghosts!
392
00:40:47,839 --> 00:40:51,050
Do you want to spend the next 125 years
having breakfast with this woman?
393
00:40:51,134 --> 00:40:52,594
Moan louder.
394
00:41:00,977 --> 00:41:02,270
Oh, God!
395
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:12,405
Sick. Sexual perversion.
396
00:41:12,655 --> 00:41:15,825
Do that weird sexual stuff
in your own bedroom.
397
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:23,499
Ah, no feet.
398
00:41:35,764 --> 00:41:38,475
Are you the guys hiding in the attic?
399
00:41:38,558 --> 00:41:40,060
We're ghosts!
400
00:41:41,561 --> 00:41:44,356
- What do you look like under there?
- Aren't you scared?
401
00:41:44,439 --> 00:41:47,734
I'm not scared of sheets.
Are you gross under there?
402
00:41:47,817 --> 00:41:50,445
Are you Night of the Living Dead
under there?
403
00:41:50,528 --> 00:41:52,864
Like all bloody veins and pus?
404
00:41:52,948 --> 00:41:56,117
- "Night of the," what?
- "Living Dead." It's a movie.
405
00:41:56,201 --> 00:41:59,329
If I had seen a ghost at your age,
I would have been scared out of my wits.
406
00:41:59,412 --> 00:42:02,499
You're not gross.
Why are you wearing sheets?
407
00:42:03,250 --> 00:42:04,876
We're practicing.
408
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:08,713
- You can see us without the sheets?
- Of course I can see you.
409
00:42:08,797 --> 00:42:11,216
How can you see us and nobody else can?
410
00:42:12,551 --> 00:42:16,137
I read through that
Handbook for the Recently Deceased.
411
00:42:16,221 --> 00:42:19,810
It says, "Live people ignore
the strange and unusual."
412
00:42:21,687 --> 00:42:24,106
I myself am strange and unusual.
413
00:42:25,983 --> 00:42:27,651
You look normal.
414
00:42:29,111 --> 00:42:31,154
- You read our book?
- Yes.
415
00:42:31,405 --> 00:42:34,449
- You could follow it?
- Yes. Why were you in Delia's bedroom?
416
00:42:34,533 --> 00:42:37,077
- Trying to scare your mother.
- Stepmother.
417
00:42:37,244 --> 00:42:40,872
You can't scare her.
She's sleeping with Prince Valium.
418
00:42:44,167 --> 00:42:45,586
You did this?
419
00:42:45,669 --> 00:42:48,255
You carved these houses and things?
420
00:42:49,715 --> 00:42:52,092
And this used to be your house.
421
00:42:52,551 --> 00:42:54,761
Why do you want to scare everybody?
422
00:42:54,845 --> 00:42:57,764
We wanted to frighten you
so you would move out.
423
00:42:59,641 --> 00:43:01,685
You don't know the Deetzes.
424
00:43:01,768 --> 00:43:05,731
My father bought this place.
He never walks away from equity.
425
00:43:05,856 --> 00:43:09,610
- Why don't you leave?
- We haven't left since the funeral.
426
00:43:10,903 --> 00:43:12,195
Funeral!
427
00:43:12,738 --> 00:43:15,117
God! You guys really are dead.
428
00:43:17,953 --> 00:43:19,622
This is amazing.
429
00:43:21,540 --> 00:43:23,083
- I better go.
- Wait.
430
00:43:23,167 --> 00:43:27,755
- Don't tell your parents we're here.
- Unless it will frighten them away.
431
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,132
Tell them we are horrible...
432
00:43:30,341 --> 00:43:32,635
...desperate, ghoulish creatures
who will stop at nothing...
433
00:43:32,718 --> 00:43:34,803
...to get our house back.
434
00:43:37,097 --> 00:43:41,352
What if this is a dream? Can you do
any tricks to prove I'm not dreaming?
435
00:43:45,981 --> 00:43:50,319
If you are real ghosts, you better get
another routine because those sheets...
436
00:43:50,402 --> 00:43:52,196
...they don't work.
437
00:44:01,747 --> 00:44:02,998
Ghosts.
438
00:44:03,082 --> 00:44:05,626
You're telling me we have ghosts
in this house.
439
00:44:05,709 --> 00:44:08,005
Those pictures are of ghosts.
440
00:44:08,339 --> 00:44:09,590
Ghosts!
441
00:44:10,216 --> 00:44:13,970
Lydia, I am giving a dinner party
tonight for seven people.
442
00:44:14,053 --> 00:44:17,598
My agent, Bernard, is bringing a woman
who writes for Art in America.
443
00:44:17,682 --> 00:44:21,477
In fact, no one dining here
has not been in Vanity Fair except you.
444
00:44:22,103 --> 00:44:24,105
I told them you were too mean to be afraid.
445
00:44:24,188 --> 00:44:26,232
Don't you dare speak to others about me!
446
00:44:26,315 --> 00:44:30,403
Being embarrassed in front of the few
people who will set foot in here scares me.
447
00:44:30,486 --> 00:44:32,863
So let's play family just for tonight.
448
00:44:38,661 --> 00:44:40,830
Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her.
449
00:44:40,913 --> 00:44:42,623
She's got photos.
450
00:44:43,332 --> 00:44:45,876
Adam, you have a photo of Bigfoot.
451
00:44:46,544 --> 00:44:49,463
My photo of Bigfoot is a different story.
452
00:44:49,797 --> 00:44:54,343
We've got to get some help. We've got
to contact Betelmeyer or something.
453
00:45:08,067 --> 00:45:09,235
Look.
454
00:45:13,531 --> 00:45:15,408
It's him. Betelgeuse.
455
00:45:17,535 --> 00:45:18,703
Betelgeuse.
456
00:45:20,705 --> 00:45:22,707
Go ahead, Barbara, say it.
457
00:45:23,833 --> 00:45:25,251
Betelgeuse!
458
00:45:29,380 --> 00:45:30,924
What happened?
459
00:45:32,050 --> 00:45:34,219
I think we're in the model.
460
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:39,182
Look at that.
461
00:46:02,374 --> 00:46:04,292
Where is he? What do we do?
462
00:46:08,505 --> 00:46:10,257
Looks like we dig.
463
00:46:40,787 --> 00:46:42,455
It's about time!
464
00:46:50,924 --> 00:46:54,177
- I say we open it.
- Maybe we should knock first.
465
00:47:12,112 --> 00:47:13,572
Adam. Babs.
466
00:47:21,580 --> 00:47:25,876
You can pick 'em! Is this
a solid relationship? Do I have a shot?
467
00:47:26,084 --> 00:47:29,087
- Excuse me.
- Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds?
468
00:47:29,171 --> 00:47:33,634
It's beautiful! You picked me.
You didn't have to, but you picked me.
469
00:47:33,884 --> 00:47:36,803
It makes me want to kiss you guys!
Come on, give me one.
470
00:47:36,887 --> 00:47:38,639
I beg your pardon!
471
00:47:38,972 --> 00:47:40,893
Let's get down to business.
472
00:47:40,976 --> 00:47:43,729
I've got a card here somewhere.
Here. Who do I have to kill?
473
00:47:43,812 --> 00:47:45,856
- Hold that for me.
- Whoa!
474
00:47:47,107 --> 00:47:49,485
- There you go.
- You don't have to kill anybody!
475
00:47:49,568 --> 00:47:54,323
Possession! Learn to throw your voice.
Fool your friends. Fun at parties.
476
00:47:54,406 --> 00:47:57,826
No. We just want to get some people
out of our house.
477
00:47:57,910 --> 00:48:02,081
I understand. In order to do that,
I'll have to get to know you.
478
00:48:02,373 --> 00:48:05,000
We've got to get closer.
Move in with you for a while.
479
00:48:05,084 --> 00:48:08,212
Get to be real pals.
You know what I'm saying?
480
00:48:08,379 --> 00:48:10,297
Save that guy for later.
481
00:48:10,381 --> 00:48:12,675
My wife and I have some questions.
482
00:48:12,758 --> 00:48:14,760
Sure, go ahead. Shoot.
483
00:48:15,052 --> 00:48:17,096
What are your qualifications?
484
00:48:17,179 --> 00:48:21,100
Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate
of Harvard Business School.
485
00:48:21,183 --> 00:48:24,728
I travel extensively.
I lived through the Black Plague.
486
00:48:24,812 --> 00:48:27,690
I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times...
487
00:48:27,773 --> 00:48:31,235
...and it keeps getting funnier
every time I see it!
488
00:48:31,610 --> 00:48:34,240
Not to mention the fact
that you're talking to a dead guy!
489
00:48:34,323 --> 00:48:37,493
Now what do you think?
You think I'm qualified?
490
00:48:38,578 --> 00:48:40,288
Can you be scary?
491
00:48:40,580 --> 00:48:43,916
Oh! I know what you're asking me.
Can I be scary?
492
00:48:45,876 --> 00:48:48,004
What do you think of this?
493
00:48:48,421 --> 00:48:49,880
You like it?
494
00:48:50,965 --> 00:48:54,468
- Will you excuse us, please?
- Sure. Talk amongst yourselves.
495
00:48:54,552 --> 00:48:57,722
- Let's go.
- I know, but he can be useful later.
496
00:48:57,930 --> 00:49:00,933
- We can work something ourselves.
- Oh, yeah!
497
00:49:01,976 --> 00:49:03,686
- Excuse me!
- What?
498
00:49:03,811 --> 00:49:05,605
We are leaving now.
499
00:49:05,813 --> 00:49:07,315
Don't go yet.
500
00:49:07,982 --> 00:49:12,153
Come on, we're simpatico.
Look at us. We shop at the same store.
501
00:49:12,987 --> 00:49:14,488
Hey, hermano.
502
00:49:14,989 --> 00:49:16,782
Yeah, there you go.
503
00:49:18,576 --> 00:49:20,661
We're like peas in a pod.
504
00:49:20,995 --> 00:49:25,249
You want someone out of the house.
I want to get someone out of your house.
505
00:49:25,333 --> 00:49:28,671
Look! You've been to Saturn.
I've been to Saturn!
506
00:49:29,005 --> 00:49:30,715
Whoa. Sandworms.
507
00:49:31,549 --> 00:49:34,427
You hate 'em, right? I hate 'em myself.
508
00:49:34,844 --> 00:49:38,514
Kids, what do I have to do
to strike a deal with you two?
509
00:49:46,022 --> 00:49:48,942
- Don't you hate it when that happens?
- Let's go, Barbara!
510
00:49:49,025 --> 00:49:52,320
Come up for a while.
We'll talk inside. Come on.
511
00:49:52,487 --> 00:49:54,739
- I'm not staying.
- The place is a mess.
512
00:49:54,822 --> 00:49:56,991
We have to get out of here.
513
00:49:57,492 --> 00:49:58,993
Home! Home! Home!
514
00:50:00,787 --> 00:50:02,205
How did you do that?
515
00:50:02,288 --> 00:50:04,207
Hope you like Italian.
516
00:50:04,582 --> 00:50:07,293
Where'd you go? Hey, where'd you go?
517
00:50:07,460 --> 00:50:09,963
Hey! You've got to work with me here.
518
00:50:10,046 --> 00:50:12,590
I'm just trying to cut a deal.
What do you want me to do?
519
00:50:12,674 --> 00:50:14,217
Where are you?
520
00:50:14,509 --> 00:50:16,344
You bunch of losers!
521
00:50:17,095 --> 00:50:19,973
You're working with a professional here!
522
00:50:24,229 --> 00:50:26,022
Nice fucking model!
523
00:50:26,523 --> 00:50:28,942
We can do this stuff on our own.
524
00:50:29,192 --> 00:50:32,404
Besides, I'm not exposing
that little girl to that pervert.
525
00:50:32,487 --> 00:50:35,490
We did call him,
and he seemed awfully pissed off.
526
00:50:35,574 --> 00:50:40,453
I don't care. I've changed my mind.
We can scare them off ourselves... tonight.
527
00:50:40,954 --> 00:50:42,539
I have an idea.
528
00:50:49,129 --> 00:50:52,048
What you did with the place is wonderful.
529
00:50:52,132 --> 00:50:53,675
Not me. Them.
530
00:50:55,218 --> 00:50:56,303
So?
531
00:51:01,308 --> 00:51:02,851
You like them.
532
00:51:03,393 --> 00:51:07,355
I hope it wasn't yet another
of your dreary suicide attempts.
533
00:51:07,689 --> 00:51:10,483
You know what they say about people
who commit suicide?
534
00:51:10,567 --> 00:51:13,530
In the afterlife, they become civil servants.
535
00:51:15,824 --> 00:51:18,785
Otho, I didn't realize
you were into the supernatural.
536
00:51:18,869 --> 00:51:20,954
Of course! You remember.
537
00:51:21,079 --> 00:51:23,749
After my stint with the Living Theater...
538
00:51:23,832 --> 00:51:27,419
...I was one of New York's
leading paranormal researchers...
539
00:51:27,502 --> 00:51:29,421
...until the bottom dropped out in '72.
540
00:51:29,504 --> 00:51:33,091
Paranormal? Is that what
they're calling your kind these days?
541
00:51:33,508 --> 00:51:38,013
Don't mind her. She's still upset that
somebody dropped a house on her sister.
542
00:51:41,224 --> 00:51:43,518
Well, this looks really good.
543
00:51:45,187 --> 00:51:46,939
I saw some ghosts.
544
00:51:53,195 --> 00:51:56,782
- It's a private joke Lydia and I share.
- It's not a joke.
545
00:51:56,865 --> 00:52:01,203
Yes, it is. Just today she tried
to convince me this house is haunted.
546
00:52:03,205 --> 00:52:05,499
Kids! You know, I love them!
547
00:52:07,378 --> 00:52:10,089
- Ghosts?
- In designer sheets, no less.
548
00:52:11,131 --> 00:52:14,510
I'd like to propose a toast
to our intrepid friends...
549
00:52:14,593 --> 00:52:17,680
...who braved the expressway
and two dozen tollbooths to be with us.
550
00:52:17,763 --> 00:52:19,807
May your buildings go condo.
551
00:52:21,475 --> 00:52:24,019
Lydia, favor us about your ghosts.
552
00:52:24,436 --> 00:52:26,814
No! I am sick of that subject.
553
00:52:27,064 --> 00:52:28,816
Delia, lighten up.
554
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,569
I would rather talk about...
555
00:52:46,959 --> 00:52:48,502
That's cute, Delia.
556
00:53:00,808 --> 00:53:02,893
Otho, are you doing this?
557
00:54:30,567 --> 00:54:31,943
We did it!
558
00:54:33,570 --> 00:54:35,363
Let's watch them scatter.
559
00:54:35,446 --> 00:54:39,117
Any minute now they'll come
running out of that door screaming.
560
00:54:42,370 --> 00:54:43,871
Any minute now.
561
00:54:51,089 --> 00:54:52,674
It's me, Lydia.
562
00:54:56,052 --> 00:54:57,971
They want you to come downstairs.
563
00:54:58,054 --> 00:55:01,057
Delia says you can wear
any sheets you want.
564
00:55:02,058 --> 00:55:04,853
It was like being in an amusement park.
565
00:55:05,228 --> 00:55:06,146
Wham!
566
00:55:06,354 --> 00:55:10,066
- I didn't know I could do the calypso.
- Who has more fun than us?
567
00:55:10,150 --> 00:55:12,861
We're dealing with Tracy and Hepburn.
568
00:55:13,194 --> 00:55:16,781
A very sophisticated pair.
They even appear in sheets.
569
00:55:18,241 --> 00:55:21,453
Charles, why didn't you tell us
about this before?
570
00:55:22,954 --> 00:55:27,667
We're not sure we want our secret out.
Everyone will want them for parties.
571
00:55:27,751 --> 00:55:29,502
People will pay big money for this.
572
00:55:29,586 --> 00:55:33,590
The Enquirer is offering $50,000
for proof of life after death.
573
00:55:35,425 --> 00:55:38,428
This is it, Charles.
You can get Maxie Dean up here now.
574
00:55:38,511 --> 00:55:41,600
- You think so?
- Sarah loves the supernatural.
575
00:55:42,517 --> 00:55:44,728
She'll have him sprint up here
in his helicopter...
576
00:55:44,811 --> 00:55:47,481
...if you can produce ghosts for her.
577
00:55:50,984 --> 00:55:53,946
I should remind you that I'm Delia's agent.
578
00:55:54,029 --> 00:55:56,365
I have lost money on her work for years.
579
00:55:56,448 --> 00:55:59,034
If anything happened here, I shall handle it.
580
00:55:59,117 --> 00:56:01,453
But not until I've seen real proof.
581
00:56:01,536 --> 00:56:05,499
- What about this table?
- What do you call what just happened?
582
00:56:05,791 --> 00:56:08,293
What money?
Don't you believe in my work?
583
00:56:09,211 --> 00:56:10,712
Here's Lydia.
584
00:56:11,338 --> 00:56:13,966
- Well?
- They don't want to come down.
585
00:56:21,765 --> 00:56:23,058
Why not?
586
00:56:24,810 --> 00:56:28,939
I think they were trying to scare you away,
and you didn't get scared.
587
00:56:29,022 --> 00:56:32,276
They're dead.
It's a little late to be neurotic.
588
00:56:36,282 --> 00:56:37,658
All right.
589
00:56:43,414 --> 00:56:46,417
This was not a hallucination.
This was real.
590
00:56:47,751 --> 00:56:52,464
We all experienced a super-powerful
paranormal experience and it was real.
591
00:56:53,173 --> 00:56:56,677
Delia, you are a flake.
You have always been a flake.
592
00:56:57,511 --> 00:57:01,599
If you insist on frightening people,
do it with your sculpture.
593
00:57:02,766 --> 00:57:04,435
Drive carefully!
594
00:57:04,518 --> 00:57:06,437
- I'm dead.
- Where do they hide?
595
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:08,897
- The attic.
- The attic's locked.
596
00:57:09,732 --> 00:57:12,318
They're ghosts.
They can do what they want.
597
00:57:12,401 --> 00:57:15,571
They do whatever they want.
Take us up there right now.
598
00:57:21,994 --> 00:57:25,164
Fabulous! Otho Fenlock's
"Locked Door Ghosts!"
599
00:57:25,414 --> 00:57:26,999
Probably committed suicide up there.
600
00:57:27,082 --> 00:57:29,170
- I'm enchanted.
- In there?
601
00:57:29,420 --> 00:57:32,340
- They must live like animals.
- It's locked. How did they get in?
602
00:57:32,423 --> 00:57:35,509
Open this door, Dead People,
or we'll bust it down...
603
00:57:35,593 --> 00:57:38,095
...and drag you out by the ropes
you hanged yourself with!
604
00:57:38,179 --> 00:57:40,598
- They didn't commit suicide.
- It doesn't matter.
605
00:57:40,681 --> 00:57:44,310
I can teach you something here.
Take the upper hand in all situations...
606
00:57:44,393 --> 00:57:47,271
...or people, dead or alive,
will walk all over you.
607
00:57:47,355 --> 00:57:48,648
Open up!
608
00:58:00,993 --> 00:58:02,578
Where are they?
609
00:58:02,745 --> 00:58:05,039
These ghosts are nice people.
610
00:58:05,414 --> 00:58:09,085
I think we scared them away,
so let's leave them alone, all right?
611
00:58:09,168 --> 00:58:11,254
It's the whole damn town.
612
00:58:12,505 --> 00:58:15,007
I have never been so embarrassed.
613
00:58:15,925 --> 00:58:17,843
Have they gone for good?
614
00:58:24,143 --> 00:58:25,561
Dad, don't.
615
00:58:25,895 --> 00:58:27,689
Mom, let's just go.
616
00:58:40,410 --> 00:58:41,995
No ghosts here.
617
00:58:44,789 --> 00:58:48,376
Come on! If they are in here,
I don't want to scare them away.
618
00:58:50,253 --> 00:58:53,506
We're leaving now.
You can go about your business.
619
00:58:55,675 --> 00:58:58,511
- What are we doing?
- Quick, quick, quick.
620
00:59:05,768 --> 00:59:08,896
Oh, boy! You guys are really spooksters,
aren't you?
621
00:59:09,897 --> 00:59:13,526
Now, let's turn on the juice
and see what shakes loose.
622
00:59:16,156 --> 00:59:19,951
Otho, get Maxie on the phone.
We've really got something here.
623
00:59:20,035 --> 00:59:24,080
We can turn this place into the world's
leading supernatural research center.
624
00:59:24,164 --> 00:59:27,292
An amusement park. I'll do a presentation.
Lydia will bring the ghosts.
625
00:59:27,375 --> 00:59:30,378
I can't bring the ghosts. They're not here.
626
00:59:30,462 --> 00:59:34,174
- Otho, can't you do something?
- If I'm properly motivated.
627
00:59:36,843 --> 00:59:39,596
What type of motivation do you require?
628
00:59:39,679 --> 00:59:43,558
Why don't you leave them alone?
They didn't do anything to you.
629
01:00:31,024 --> 01:00:33,652
We've come for your daughter, Chuck.
630
01:00:34,653 --> 01:00:36,029
Stop! Stop!
631
01:00:47,874 --> 01:00:50,586
- Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse!
- Oh, no!
632
01:00:52,629 --> 01:00:54,631
Why are you doing this?
633
01:00:56,300 --> 01:00:58,468
Leave me alone, all of you!
634
01:01:02,057 --> 01:01:06,979
Great choice! We spend the next century
hanging out a window or doing tricks.
635
01:01:07,563 --> 01:01:10,274
Maybe they'll leave now.
That snake was a nasty customer.
636
01:01:10,357 --> 01:01:12,484
- He could've hurt somebody.
- But he didn't.
637
01:01:12,568 --> 01:01:15,029
We've got them where we want them.
638
01:01:19,116 --> 01:01:23,078
You losers! How dare you interrupt
a professional while he's working!
639
01:01:23,162 --> 01:01:25,873
I'm not fond of Charles,
but you could've killed him.
640
01:01:25,956 --> 01:01:29,126
I'm just doing my job!
I thought we had a deal.
641
01:01:29,251 --> 01:01:31,337
It's okay. You know why?
642
01:01:31,795 --> 01:01:35,966
I don't want to do business
with you deadbeats anyway, thank you.
643
01:01:36,383 --> 01:01:40,220
The only one I think I can deal with
is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter.
644
01:01:40,304 --> 01:01:42,681
- She understands me.
- Leave her alone!
645
01:01:55,154 --> 01:01:57,448
Go ahead, make my millennium.
646
01:02:04,997 --> 01:02:08,584
I'm feeling a little anxious,
if you know what I mean.
647
01:02:09,043 --> 01:02:11,170
It's been about 600 years.
648
01:02:11,587 --> 01:02:14,674
I wonder where an everyday Joe
like myself...
649
01:02:15,424 --> 01:02:17,510
...can find a little action.
650
01:02:34,527 --> 01:02:36,612
Yeah. Here I come, baby.
651
01:02:40,992 --> 01:02:42,743
Hey, Adam, nice move!
652
01:02:44,412 --> 01:02:46,956
- Why did you build that?
- I didn't.
653
01:02:57,093 --> 01:02:59,429
Will you guys shut up and leave me alone?
654
01:02:59,512 --> 01:03:01,848
I've got all this paperwork to do.
655
01:03:04,142 --> 01:03:06,185
You two, come in. Sit down.
656
01:03:06,269 --> 01:03:08,354
Get in here, both of you!
657
01:03:11,983 --> 01:03:16,154
The whorehouse was my idea.
I want Betelgeuse out of the picture.
658
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:19,449
You two have really screwed up.
659
01:03:19,949 --> 01:03:22,952
I heard you allowed yourselves
to be photographed.
660
01:03:23,036 --> 01:03:25,788
You let Betelgeuse out
and didn't put him back.
661
01:03:25,872 --> 01:03:28,249
And you let Otho take the handbook!
662
01:03:28,333 --> 01:03:29,500
When?
663
01:03:30,793 --> 01:03:32,795
Never trust the living!
664
01:03:33,379 --> 01:03:36,049
We cannot have
a routine haunting like yours...
665
01:03:36,132 --> 01:03:39,719
...provide proof that there is existence
beyond death.
666
01:03:40,553 --> 01:03:42,891
Coach, where's the men's room?
667
01:03:44,100 --> 01:03:46,603
I'm not your coach. He survived.
668
01:03:46,770 --> 01:03:48,855
Let me get something straight.
669
01:03:48,939 --> 01:03:51,566
- What's our curfew?
- Get out of here!
670
01:03:52,567 --> 01:03:55,153
Go on, get downstairs! Men's room!
671
01:03:55,737 --> 01:03:58,323
Are you kidding? Can't you read signs?
672
01:03:58,406 --> 01:04:00,200
I'll be right back.
673
01:04:12,462 --> 01:04:14,589
Maybe this was a bad idea.
674
01:04:14,965 --> 01:04:16,883
I didn't say anything.
675
01:04:18,843 --> 01:04:21,763
Who are we kidding?
You've never had a bad idea.
676
01:04:21,846 --> 01:04:23,014
Yeah?
677
01:04:25,767 --> 01:04:27,811
This could all work out.
678
01:04:29,479 --> 01:04:30,522
Home.
679
01:04:34,025 --> 01:04:36,655
I'm not sure this is the right environment
for Lydia.
680
01:04:36,738 --> 01:04:38,824
- Snakes. Ghosts.
- Shrimp.
681
01:04:40,409 --> 01:04:42,119
You family types.
682
01:04:42,411 --> 01:04:46,206
You've got other things to worry about.
Maxie Dean is coming tonight.
683
01:04:46,290 --> 01:04:49,793
You have to sell these ghosts.
I can only do so much.
684
01:04:50,210 --> 01:04:53,463
What are you going to do?
Viciously rearrange their environment?
685
01:04:53,547 --> 01:04:57,718
I know as much about the supernatural
as I do about interior design.
686
01:05:05,601 --> 01:05:06,893
"I am...
687
01:05:07,311 --> 01:05:08,437
"...alone.
688
01:05:18,989 --> 01:05:20,240
"I am...
689
01:05:21,158 --> 01:05:22,701
"...utterly...
690
01:05:22,951 --> 01:05:24,077
"...alone.
691
01:05:25,621 --> 01:05:27,205
"By the time...
692
01:05:29,001 --> 01:05:30,544
"...you read this...
693
01:05:31,253 --> 01:05:32,755
"...I will...
694
01:05:33,172 --> 01:05:34,423
"...be gone...
695
01:05:36,008 --> 01:05:37,760
"...having jumped...
696
01:05:40,054 --> 01:05:41,889
"Having plummeted...
697
01:05:43,807 --> 01:05:44,934
"...off...
698
01:05:45,726 --> 01:05:47,895
"...the Winter River Bridge."
699
01:05:50,981 --> 01:05:53,150
I don't care what it takes.
700
01:05:53,233 --> 01:05:55,861
You get the Deetzes out of there now!
701
01:05:57,196 --> 01:05:58,739
Wait a minute.
702
01:06:00,824 --> 01:06:02,576
What are you going to do?
703
01:06:03,160 --> 01:06:04,703
To scare them.
704
01:06:05,162 --> 01:06:08,248
I want to make sure
it's not some silly parlor trick.
705
01:06:08,874 --> 01:06:10,417
I'll go first.
706
01:06:32,650 --> 01:06:34,402
Not bad. Not bad.
707
01:06:35,820 --> 01:06:36,862
Now you.
708
01:06:37,405 --> 01:06:38,739
Go ahead!
709
01:06:53,671 --> 01:06:55,256
You look great.
710
01:06:55,923 --> 01:07:00,094
Go clean house and don't forget
the photographs and the handbook.
711
01:07:08,936 --> 01:07:10,438
- Coach?
- What?
712
01:07:11,981 --> 01:07:14,317
I don't think we survived that crash.
713
01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:16,070
How did you guess?
714
01:07:19,699 --> 01:07:21,618
Mr. And Mrs. Maitland?
715
01:07:26,372 --> 01:07:27,582
Hello?
716
01:07:28,750 --> 01:07:30,543
- Where are you?
- Dead.
717
01:07:32,086 --> 01:07:33,921
Dead, dead, deadski.
718
01:07:35,590 --> 01:07:37,467
Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.
719
01:07:37,550 --> 01:07:41,554
No, I mean they're gone. Split.
Out of here. Afterlife kids.
720
01:07:42,096 --> 01:07:44,515
- Deceased.
- Are you a ghost, too?
721
01:07:46,559 --> 01:07:49,103
I'm the ghost with the most, babe.
722
01:07:51,439 --> 01:07:54,233
You look like somebody I can relate to.
723
01:07:55,985 --> 01:07:58,863
Maybe you could help me get out of here.
724
01:07:59,322 --> 01:08:01,950
I gotta tell you, this death thing...
725
01:08:05,119 --> 01:08:06,537
It's creepy.
726
01:08:06,621 --> 01:08:08,375
Here's my problem.
727
01:08:08,792 --> 01:08:12,045
I've got friends on the outside
I said I'd meet.
728
01:08:12,462 --> 01:08:14,714
I have to be there in person.
729
01:08:14,798 --> 01:08:17,133
So could you help me get out of here?
730
01:08:18,260 --> 01:08:19,970
I want to get in.
731
01:08:20,971 --> 01:08:22,013
Why?
732
01:08:23,765 --> 01:08:27,560
You've probably got your reasons,
but I can't do anything from here.
733
01:08:27,644 --> 01:08:31,398
If you could get me out, over there,
maybe we could talk.
734
01:08:32,565 --> 01:08:36,069
But to do that you've got
to say my name three times.
735
01:08:36,152 --> 01:08:37,862
What's your name?
736
01:08:38,405 --> 01:08:40,115
I can't tell you.
737
01:08:40,657 --> 01:08:41,700
Why not?
738
01:08:42,242 --> 01:08:46,288
If I tell you, you'll tell your friends,
they'll call me all the time.
739
01:08:46,371 --> 01:08:50,458
I've got to go to shopping centers for
openings, sign autographs, that shit.
740
01:08:50,542 --> 01:08:53,628
It makes my life hell, okay? A living hell.
741
01:08:54,129 --> 01:08:58,049
But maybe if you have a pen...
I know! Do you play charades?
742
01:08:58,675 --> 01:09:00,135
- Yeah.
- Good.
743
01:09:00,677 --> 01:09:02,472
Here we go. Ready?
744
01:09:02,681 --> 01:09:04,057
Two words.
745
01:09:04,725 --> 01:09:05,934
Right!
746
01:09:07,477 --> 01:09:09,605
First word, two syllables.
747
01:09:10,314 --> 01:09:11,481
Look.
748
01:09:12,524 --> 01:09:13,984
Turn around.
749
01:09:15,694 --> 01:09:17,613
I don't know what your signal means.
750
01:09:17,696 --> 01:09:19,364
Look behind you!
751
01:09:20,073 --> 01:09:21,783
Hi. How are you?
752
01:09:22,242 --> 01:09:23,493
Beetle.
753
01:09:23,744 --> 01:09:25,495
Got it. Now, two.
754
01:09:28,707 --> 01:09:31,293
Breakfast? Orange? Orange beetle?
755
01:09:31,418 --> 01:09:32,919
Beetle fruit?
756
01:09:33,420 --> 01:09:35,130
Beetle breakfast?
757
01:09:36,173 --> 01:09:37,591
Beetle drink?
758
01:09:40,427 --> 01:09:41,929
Beetle juice?
759
01:09:42,054 --> 01:09:44,640
- That's it!
- Your name's Beetlejuice?
760
01:09:44,723 --> 01:09:48,143
You said it twice.
Just say it once more. Come on.
761
01:09:48,393 --> 01:09:50,938
It was you, wasn't it? The snake.
762
01:09:52,105 --> 01:09:55,069
You kids and your imagination!
Just say it!
763
01:09:56,195 --> 01:09:57,279
No.
764
01:09:59,073 --> 01:10:00,199
I want to talk to Barbara.
765
01:10:00,282 --> 01:10:03,452
You don't need to talk to Barbara!
Just say it!
766
01:10:07,456 --> 01:10:11,001
Adam, I can't go through with it.
I like that little girl.
767
01:10:11,085 --> 01:10:14,505
But it's too late.
We have to go through with this.
768
01:10:14,797 --> 01:10:17,132
No, we don't. Can't we rebel?
769
01:10:24,306 --> 01:10:26,350
I want to be with Lydia.
770
01:10:37,486 --> 01:10:39,405
Come on! Just say it!
771
01:10:41,615 --> 01:10:43,242
No, don't say it!
772
01:10:44,451 --> 01:10:45,703
Say it!
773
01:10:46,328 --> 01:10:49,083
It's okay. It's us. What's going on?
774
01:10:50,501 --> 01:10:51,794
Beetle...
775
01:10:52,295 --> 01:10:55,840
He said if I let him out he would
take me to the other side to find you.
776
01:10:55,923 --> 01:10:57,842
No, Lydia, we're dead.
777
01:11:00,386 --> 01:11:02,388
- I want to be dead, too.
- No!
778
01:11:11,022 --> 01:11:13,941
Being dead doesn't make things any easier.
779
01:11:14,025 --> 01:11:17,987
Listen to her on this.
This is something we know a lot about.
780
01:11:19,030 --> 01:11:21,782
And you can visit us anytime you want.
781
01:11:23,409 --> 01:11:27,204
I have a feeling things are going
to be better from now on.
782
01:11:28,164 --> 01:11:30,249
What do you mean, better?
783
01:11:30,458 --> 01:11:34,587
We've decided we're going to invite
you and your family to stay.
784
01:11:35,713 --> 01:11:37,173
That's right.
785
01:11:42,639 --> 01:11:45,975
- Can't we bring Maxie up here?
- You've got a stake in this, too.
786
01:11:46,059 --> 01:11:50,772
This is a presentation. It requires
a sense of occasion, a sense of style.
787
01:11:50,855 --> 01:11:53,483
- It's big. How will we get it out?
- It's sectional.
788
01:11:53,566 --> 01:11:55,401
- Wait, there are plugs.
- Careful!
789
01:11:55,485 --> 01:11:56,819
Okay, go.
790
01:11:58,655 --> 01:12:01,783
- What's going on?
- I don't know. I'll find out.
791
01:12:01,866 --> 01:12:03,284
Be careful.
792
01:12:04,661 --> 01:12:07,121
We've got Ed Cornwell
to head the wax museum...
793
01:12:07,205 --> 01:12:11,292
...dedicated to 50 great moments
of the paranormal in Thanksgiving Park.
794
01:12:11,376 --> 01:12:13,252
You must remember Ed.
795
01:12:14,212 --> 01:12:17,966
He's the genius who gave us
the talking Marcel Marceau statue.
796
01:12:19,676 --> 01:12:23,262
And D-Con is on its knees
to sponsor the insect zoo...
797
01:12:24,472 --> 01:12:26,766
...in the old hardware store.
798
01:12:27,141 --> 01:12:28,559
We can't lose!
799
01:12:34,816 --> 01:12:39,239
Lydia, you decided to join us.
I just finished the initial presentation.
800
01:12:39,322 --> 01:12:41,866
Now it's time to have a stretch...
801
01:12:42,367 --> 01:12:45,704
...and to invite our friends
to meet your friends.
802
01:12:46,371 --> 01:12:48,123
Are they here yet?
803
01:12:48,456 --> 01:12:51,251
Charles, we're here to see some ghosts.
804
01:12:53,336 --> 01:12:55,505
They're not here... anymore.
805
01:12:59,926 --> 01:13:02,387
Every time she says that, the paint peels...
806
01:13:02,470 --> 01:13:05,473
...and some wild creature tries to kill us.
807
01:13:07,017 --> 01:13:09,269
But we have pictures, Lydia.
808
01:13:09,436 --> 01:13:12,439
Really. They said they'd come back
and we could all live here...
809
01:13:12,522 --> 01:13:16,693
...if you agreed not to tease them
or make them do stupid tricks.
810
01:13:17,694 --> 01:13:20,113
She has a tendency to overreact.
811
01:13:20,614 --> 01:13:24,075
Don't worry, we're not relying on her.
We have Otho.
812
01:13:27,370 --> 01:13:30,667
- Are they still here?
- Otho, are they still here?
813
01:13:30,876 --> 01:13:34,004
They're still here. They're just hiding out.
814
01:13:34,713 --> 01:13:37,299
They probably feel guilty
about what they did to me.
815
01:13:37,382 --> 01:13:39,301
They're sorry they didn't kill you.
816
01:13:39,384 --> 01:13:41,428
I just want to see them.
817
01:13:43,889 --> 01:13:45,432
Otho, can you do it?
818
01:13:45,557 --> 01:13:48,685
- It'll be tricky, but I think I can handle it.
- No!
819
01:13:53,607 --> 01:13:57,069
What am I worried about?
You can't even change a tire.
820
01:13:59,988 --> 01:14:02,741
I'll be needing
something personal of theirs.
821
01:14:02,824 --> 01:14:04,993
You'll have to go to the Goodwill.
822
01:14:07,913 --> 01:14:09,289
Excuse me.
823
01:14:21,762 --> 01:14:23,597
The wedding clothes.
824
01:14:25,265 --> 01:14:26,642
The words:
825
01:14:34,942 --> 01:14:36,610
"Hands vermilion
826
01:14:37,069 --> 01:14:38,612
"Start of five
827
01:14:39,488 --> 01:14:40,948
"Bright cotillion
828
01:14:42,032 --> 01:14:43,534
"Raven's dive
829
01:14:44,493 --> 01:14:46,120
"Nightshade's promise
830
01:14:46,870 --> 01:14:48,455
"Spirits strive
831
01:14:49,623 --> 01:14:52,626
"To the living,
let now the dead come alive"
832
01:15:07,766 --> 01:15:09,059
Barbara?
833
01:15:11,312 --> 01:15:13,564
"As sudden thunder pierces night
834
01:15:14,857 --> 01:15:17,153
"As magic wonder mad affright
835
01:15:17,695 --> 01:15:19,947
"Rives asunder man's delight
836
01:15:21,449 --> 01:15:23,367
"Our ghost, our corpse
837
01:15:24,493 --> 01:15:26,287
"And we rise to be"
838
01:15:36,464 --> 01:15:37,506
Help!
839
01:15:45,931 --> 01:15:47,224
Stop it!
840
01:15:49,977 --> 01:15:51,812
"As flies the lizard
841
01:15:51,937 --> 01:15:53,189
"Serpent fell
842
01:15:53,648 --> 01:15:55,650
"As goblin vizard at the spell
843
01:15:57,109 --> 01:15:59,904
"The buried, dead and slain rise again"
844
01:16:47,120 --> 01:16:49,205
What's happening to them?
845
01:16:50,498 --> 01:16:51,749
I don't know.
846
01:16:53,334 --> 01:16:54,877
They're dying!
847
01:16:54,961 --> 01:16:57,672
They're already dead.
They can't feel a thing.
848
01:16:58,548 --> 01:17:01,634
- That's not true! Look at them!
- That's enough.
849
01:17:01,718 --> 01:17:03,430
Can we stop this?
850
01:17:05,473 --> 01:17:08,059
It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry.
851
01:17:15,984 --> 01:17:18,528
Where are you? Help them, please.
852
01:17:22,657 --> 01:17:25,952
Sure, I can help them.
But you've got to help me.
853
01:17:26,036 --> 01:17:28,997
- What?
- I'm what you call an illegal alien.
854
01:17:29,122 --> 01:17:32,792
I want out for good.
To do that, I've gotta get married.
855
01:17:34,711 --> 01:17:38,798
These aren't my rules. Come to think of it,
I don't have any rules.
856
01:17:39,674 --> 01:17:40,967
Come on.
857
01:17:41,676 --> 01:17:44,721
Think of it as a marriage of inconvenience.
We both get something.
858
01:17:44,804 --> 01:17:48,808
I get out. You get the most
eligible bachelor since Valentino.
859
01:17:49,100 --> 01:17:51,645
- We're even.
- Okay, just help them.
860
01:17:54,939 --> 01:17:56,109
Sure.
861
01:18:06,620 --> 01:18:08,080
Beetlejuice.
862
01:18:16,463 --> 01:18:18,048
It's show time.
863
01:18:35,691 --> 01:18:37,609
Attention, K-Mart shoppers:
864
01:18:48,747 --> 01:18:53,210
I'm back. I feel real good about myself.
You know what I mean? So...
865
01:18:53,544 --> 01:18:55,379
...without further delay...
866
01:18:56,797 --> 01:18:58,757
...welcome to Winter River!
867
01:18:58,841 --> 01:19:00,884
Museum of Natural Greed!
868
01:19:01,135 --> 01:19:03,304
A monument to the bored businessman.
869
01:19:03,387 --> 01:19:07,141
Come a little closer.
Step right up! Test your strength.
870
01:19:29,330 --> 01:19:30,706
Thank you.
871
01:19:30,831 --> 01:19:32,541
Thank you! Whew!
872
01:19:33,917 --> 01:19:37,546
That is why I won't do
two shows a night anymore, babe.
873
01:19:38,005 --> 01:19:39,590
I won't do 'em.
874
01:19:39,715 --> 01:19:42,678
Well, what have we got here tonight, kids?
875
01:19:45,640 --> 01:19:47,683
We've got the Maitlands.
876
01:19:47,933 --> 01:19:50,853
I think they've had enough exercise
for tonight.
877
01:19:57,860 --> 01:20:00,946
Not so fast, Round Boy.
We're gonna have some laughs.
878
01:20:21,425 --> 01:20:22,760
Mom, Dad:
879
01:20:25,888 --> 01:20:28,766
I just want you two to know
you're welcome in our house...
880
01:20:28,849 --> 01:20:31,143
...anytime you want to come over.
881
01:20:31,227 --> 01:20:34,105
In the meantime, the dowry's on me, Dad.
882
01:20:38,403 --> 01:20:42,907
The Maitlands are taken care of.
Everything seems to be back to normal.
883
01:20:47,996 --> 01:20:49,330
Shall we?
884
01:20:59,716 --> 01:21:02,093
Called the caterer. He's got a great band.
885
01:21:02,176 --> 01:21:04,971
We're gonna need witnesses. Would you?
886
01:21:55,398 --> 01:21:57,609
Let's get on with the ceremony.
887
01:21:57,692 --> 01:21:59,277
Do you, Betel...
888
01:22:00,862 --> 01:22:04,366
- Nobody says the "B" word.
- Do you take this woman...
889
01:22:05,033 --> 01:22:07,160
...to be your wedded wife?
890
01:22:08,036 --> 01:22:10,622
I don't know. It's a big decision.
891
01:22:10,705 --> 01:22:14,584
I always said if I ever did it,
I was gonna do it only once.
892
01:22:15,543 --> 01:22:16,962
Sure. Go ahead.
893
01:22:17,045 --> 01:22:19,589
And do you, Lydia, take this man...
894
01:22:20,256 --> 01:22:21,716
No! Betel...
895
01:22:23,470 --> 01:22:27,057
She's a little nervous.
Maybe I should answer for her.
896
01:22:27,224 --> 01:22:29,142
I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind.
897
01:22:29,226 --> 01:22:31,770
The man next to me is the one I want.
You asked me.
898
01:22:31,853 --> 01:22:34,856
I'm answering.
Yes, I love that man of mine.
899
01:22:35,524 --> 01:22:36,566
Come on.
900
01:22:40,570 --> 01:22:41,863
Come on.
901
01:22:43,073 --> 01:22:44,449
Betelgeu...
902
01:22:50,080 --> 01:22:51,290
Scram!
903
01:22:53,125 --> 01:22:54,418
Come on!
904
01:22:56,086 --> 01:22:57,421
Hey, guy.
905
01:23:00,590 --> 01:23:03,010
May we continue with the ceremony?
906
01:23:05,721 --> 01:23:07,639
- Then by...
- Betelgeuse.
907
01:23:17,609 --> 01:23:18,861
Strike!
908
01:23:22,114 --> 01:23:23,532
Let's roll!
909
01:23:23,782 --> 01:23:26,410
Then by the authority vested in me...
910
01:23:27,077 --> 01:23:29,705
- The ring, please.
- The ring! Oh, no!
911
01:23:37,755 --> 01:23:39,548
I've got it, honey.
912
01:23:55,606 --> 01:23:57,691
Here it is. Here you go.
913
01:23:58,317 --> 01:24:01,236
She meant nothing to me. Nothing at all!
914
01:24:07,701 --> 01:24:09,997
- I now pronounce you...
- Yeah, come on.
915
01:24:11,874 --> 01:24:13,209
Man and...
916
01:25:12,645 --> 01:25:15,189
- What time is it?
- It's about 3:30.
917
01:25:16,524 --> 01:25:18,359
Give or take a year.
918
01:25:24,949 --> 01:25:26,117
Well?
919
01:25:27,368 --> 01:25:28,453
Did you get the paints?
920
01:25:28,536 --> 01:25:32,040
Yes. And I took pictures
of the new town hall for you, too.
921
01:25:32,123 --> 01:25:34,042
How was the science test?
922
01:25:34,125 --> 01:25:37,211
It was gross.
They wanted me to dissect a frog.
923
01:25:37,295 --> 01:25:40,715
I told them "no way." I said it was
against my religion. I got a "C."
924
01:25:40,798 --> 01:25:42,550
And the math test?
925
01:25:44,218 --> 01:25:48,514
You're kidding me? We spent
the whole week studying for that test.
926
01:25:48,848 --> 01:25:50,350
I got an "A."
927
01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:51,976
So, can I?
928
01:25:52,644 --> 01:25:55,647
I don't know.
Got a "C" on the science test.
929
01:25:57,442 --> 01:26:00,362
Don't tease her.
You never got on "A" in science...
930
01:26:05,075 --> 01:26:06,368
Come on.
931
01:26:08,036 --> 01:26:09,287
Well...
932
01:26:10,330 --> 01:26:11,790
...I suppose.
933
01:26:28,390 --> 01:26:30,475
This reads like stereo instructions.
934
01:26:30,558 --> 01:26:33,269
Sounds like Lydia got an "A"
on the math test.
935
01:26:35,563 --> 01:26:37,023
He likes it.
936
01:27:17,733 --> 01:27:20,068
Sorry. Didn't see you sitting there.
937
01:27:21,987 --> 01:27:23,196
Women.
938
01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:26,742
I don't know what her problem is.
939
01:27:27,534 --> 01:27:28,952
Normally, chicks...
940
01:27:43,594 --> 01:27:45,554
Pardon me. Did you do that?
941
01:27:45,638 --> 01:27:47,014
Nice work.
942
01:27:47,222 --> 01:27:49,308
How do you get them so small?
943
01:27:49,391 --> 01:27:51,352
There goes Elvis! Yo, King!
944
01:27:54,146 --> 01:27:56,273
Well, looks like I'm next.
945
01:27:58,317 --> 01:28:02,946
Good thing. I've got to do a photo shoot
for G.Q. In an hour and a half.
946
01:28:03,947 --> 01:28:07,826
They've been after me for months.
Some kind of underwear deal.
947
01:28:09,495 --> 01:28:12,414
What are you doing? Stop it.
You're messing up my hair.
948
01:28:12,498 --> 01:28:14,583
Come on! Whoa! Stop it!
949
01:28:18,170 --> 01:28:20,547
This might be a good look for me.
950
01:31:42,883 --> 01:31:45,427
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