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And since I am strongly of the opinion that we are already providing more than enough entertainment for visitors,
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I wish to propose the motion that the provision of more would
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be detrimental to the good name of the borough.
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Knickers.
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Please, counselor,
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I should strike there for in the minutes,
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Mr.
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and...
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I beg your pardon,
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Your Worship.
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Don't take down knickers.
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Chance would be a fine thing, wouldn't it, love?
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Counselor Fiddler,
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I really must request you to moderate your language when in committee.
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I second that.
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I do beg the committee's pardon,
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Your Worship, but all this bleeding codswallop about mucking up the good name of the borough gets on my wick.
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Should I, er...
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No,
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no, no.
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Oh, God, Blimey, why don't we face facts?
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We don't attract any visitors to this dump because there is nothing for them to flip and we'll do.
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Of course, we are all well aware that
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Mr Fiddler would like to see more people
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in that so-called amusement arcade of his playing on those dreadful machines.
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You're dead right.
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Do you know how much what the button saw took last season?
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One pound sixty.
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That works out about two pence a grope.
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Yes, please.
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I really do feel that we are somewhat straying from the point here.
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But that is the point.
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It's about the only indoor amusement we have apart from snogging under the bandstand.
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I do feel that,
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you know, that, er, Counselor Fiddler does have a point there,
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you know, considering our very high seasonal rainfall figure.
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Oh, really,
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Mr Mayor?
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Personally, I think it is quite an average one.
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If you think nine inches is an average one, you've been spoilt.
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Yeah.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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No, no.
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Is anyone else any useful suggestions to offer?
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I have.
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And what is that, Counselor?
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Miss Fercombe.
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Oh, bring me no pardon.
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Miss Fercombe, a beauty queen.
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That's what we want.
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All the best resorts have them.
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Mr.
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Mayor,
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I think we have wasted quite enough time here today,
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and I propose that you close the meeting.
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Please,
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Mrs...
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Mrs.
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Proudworthy, please.
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I do feel that the,
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er, proposal merits some discussion,
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you know?
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Mr.
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Mayor,
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you are well aware of my views on women's rights,
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and there can never be anything proper
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in young women being shown off like cattle
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for the sexual gratification of a lot of drooling men.
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Both.
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I beg your pardon, Alderman Pratt.
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Both competitions.
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That's what we need.
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Poor old Pratt.
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He really will have to go.
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And so will I.
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We've heard quite enough rubbish spoken here today.
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Oh, but we still wish to hear yours, Mrs.
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Proudworthy.
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Ha-ha-ha!
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Your views, I mean.
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I think I have made myself perfectly clear.
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And as far as I am concerned,
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the matter is closed.
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Good morning.
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Oh, dear, dear, dear.
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I'm afraid that's that,
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then.
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Oh, no, it isn't.
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We're still in committee.
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I propose we put it to the vote.
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What?
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Without Mrs.
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Proudworthy?
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We've still got a quorum?
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Yes.
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Eh.
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Yeah, all right, then.
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All those in favour of the motion to hold a beauty contest?
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One only.
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How about you?
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You were all for it a moment ago.
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Well,
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then...
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All those against?
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Two also.
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I'm afraid we still haven't a majority,
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councillor.
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Hang on.
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Just a minute.
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Boy,
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you're all for it, aren't you?
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Yes.
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Anytime.
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Carried.
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Ha-ha-ha! Morning, madam.
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Good morning, dear.
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Oh.
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Miss Toots.
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Ah, yes.
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Oh!
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Here,
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let me give you a hand,
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Miss Toots.
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Oh, thank you, William.
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It's been a...
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Oh!
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Now,
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one, two, three.
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Oh!
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Thank you, William.
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Are you all right now?
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Oh, yes, thank you.
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It was just a touch of...
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I generally go at this time of the...
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What?
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Yes, it's the Sierre.
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Yes.
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Hello, Mrs.
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Dukes.
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I thought you were going to the cinema.
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I did, but I had to leave.
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A young man sat next to me and started to make improper suggestions.
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Again?
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Really?
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You should complain to the manager.
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I can't.
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He's after me too, you see.
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Well, Mrs.
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Dukes, perhaps you shouldn't make yourself look quite so attractive.
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No, it's not that.
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I can't help it.
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I give out waves, you know.
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Really?
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Yes.
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My late husband used to call it oomph.
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William?
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Have you seen Mr.
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Fiddler?
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Yes.
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Not a bad photo,
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considering.
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No, I don't mean this.
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I mean, has he been in?
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Ah.
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Ah.
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Ah.
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Yes.
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It was last Tuesday.
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Has he been in today?
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Today?
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Just a moment.
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Let me see.
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Never mind, William.
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If you do see him,
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would you mind telling him I'd like to see him right away?
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Yes.
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What shall I tell him if I don't see him?
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Nothing, William.
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Nothing.
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Yes, I'll try and remember that, Mrs.
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Philpott.
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Is the Admiral all right?
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Yes, I think so.
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Of course,
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he's quite old, you know.
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He's not as fit as some of us.
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What?
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Huh.
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Oh.
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Go on.
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Hop in.
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Oh, line is all happening, isn't it?
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Huh.
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Yes.
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I'll get him in a second.
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I am the greatest.
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Oh, I'm no fun.
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I thought I was back in the game, then.
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Willie, I want you to get me a nice double room
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with hot and cold running chambermates.
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Yes.
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Yes. Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Does that mean that you and Mrs.
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Philpott are going to do it,
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then?
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Don't be filthy.
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No, no.
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I didn't mean that.
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I mean, get hitched.
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Oh, no, I wouldn't say that.
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We're just good friends.
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Oh.
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Well, I wouldn't bank on that for the minute if I were you, Mr.
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Fiddler.
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Oh.
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It's like that, is it?
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Yes.
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Oh.
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Ah.
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I'm glad you reminded me.
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Mrs.
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Philpott said to tell you,
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erm, dear, no, I must get this right.
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It's all right.
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Take your time.
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I've got all night.
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No, that wasn't it.
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Yes, it was.
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No, no.
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No, it wasn't.
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Oh, dear me.
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It's on the tip of my tongue.
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Your finger?
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My finger.
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Yes. Hey, doll.
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No, that wasn't it.
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While you're thinking,
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get that number for me,
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will you?
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Yes, I'll remember it.
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Don't you worry.
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I'll get this number for you while I'm waiting.
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HE MUMBLES HE MUMBLES All right, all right.
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I'll do it myself.
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Good.
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I'm only doing my best,
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so...
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HE MUMBLES Give me that thing.
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Come at me with you.
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Get off.
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All right.
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Give me the book.
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Thank you.
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017543230.
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PHONE RINGS Potter Publicity Bureau.
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To who do you wish to speak?
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Oh, hello, Paula.
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Sid here.
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Sid Fiddler.
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How are you?
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Oh, very well, thank you.
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You haven't changed.
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Peter there?
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It's that terrible man, Sidney Fiddler.
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You don't want to talk to him,
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do you?
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I'd better.
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You know what he's like.
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He may have something for me.
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If it's anything like the last time,
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you'll need bailing out.
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Don't worry.
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I can handle him.
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Hello, Sid.
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Hello, Pete.
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How's business?
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Great, great.
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I've got a job you'd love to get your teeth into.
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Right up your alley.
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What is it?
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He's got a job for me.
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I can imagine.
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I want you to do the publicity
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for a beauty contest we got down here in Furcombe.
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Beauty contest?
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00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:48,020
What, you mean girls?
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00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:49,660
I don't mean budgerigars.
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Oh, I don't know.
289
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,420
I don't think Paula'd like me getting mixed up with a lot of girls.
290
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:55,120
Why not?
291
00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:57,080
Well, we're engaged.
292
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:58,500
And you know how jealous Paula can be.
293
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:01,240
Sounds like an interesting assignment,
294
00:10:01,540 --> 00:10:02,900
Sid. Putting Furcombe on the map,
295
00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:06,040
writing about local trade figures and that sort of thing.
296
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:06,600
Oh,
297
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,260
she'd come back into the office,
298
00:10:08,380 --> 00:10:08,620
hasn't she?
299
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:09,600
What's the job worth?
300
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:11,700
100 in round figures.
301
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,720
And there'll be plenty of those, I promise you.
302
00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:14,660
100?
303
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:16,120
That's right.
304
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:16,700
Could be more.
305
00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:17,640
I'm on the council.
306
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:19,400
I think I'd better come down, Sid.
307
00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:20,500
That's my boy.
308
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,620
And don't take any of that old guff from Paula.
309
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:23,580
If she doesn't like it,
310
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:24,440
tell her she can lump it.
311
00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:25,540
That's the way to deal with women.
312
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:26,420
Treat them rough.
313
00:10:32,050 --> 00:10:32,860
Hello, sweetheart.
314
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:33,940
I didn't see you there.
315
00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:34,540
Obviously.
316
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,180
I'd like to see you, Sidney.
317
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:37,280
Right away.
318
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:40,320
Hey.
319
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:41,860
Ah, that's it.
320
00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:44,340
Mrs Philpott wants to see you right away.
321
00:10:44,820 --> 00:10:45,280
Thank you, Willie.
322
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:45,860
Yes.
323
00:10:46,860 --> 00:10:47,480
I knew I'd get it.
324
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,060
And how's my favourite little hotelkeeper today?
325
00:10:51,420 --> 00:10:52,040
Hungry.
326
00:10:52,140 --> 00:10:52,780
Very hungry.
327
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,020
So would I be if I had a wee,
328
00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:54,180
dear.
329
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,160
But I haven't eaten.
330
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:56,440
You on a diet again?
331
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,600
No, you had asked me out to lunch.
332
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:00,440
Oh, lovely show I did.
333
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:01,260
I'm sorry, love.
334
00:11:01,540 --> 00:11:02,460
I've had a very busy day.
335
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:03,800
I've been in it right up to here.
336
00:11:04,180 --> 00:11:04,740
So I see.
337
00:11:06,380 --> 00:11:07,180
That's it.
338
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:08,680
Great idea, isn't it?
339
00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:10,200
Oh, for you, I'm sure it is.
340
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:10,980
No, no, no.
341
00:11:10,980 --> 00:11:12,140
I did it mainly for you, darling.
342
00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:12,960
For me?
343
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:13,520
Oh, really?
344
00:11:13,780 --> 00:11:15,340
Well, you've got a hotel, haven't you?
345
00:11:15,780 --> 00:11:18,080
Just think of all the people this is going to bring into the town.
346
00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:18,940
You'll be packed out.
347
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:21,640
And you'll have the beauty contest and stay in here for a start.
348
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:22,540
Oh, yes, of course.
349
00:11:22,540 --> 00:11:23,380
I hadn't thought of that.
350
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,160
Now, that was very clever of you, Sidney.
351
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:26,260
You know me, love.
352
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:27,020
Anything for you.
353
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:28,380
Anything but marriage?
354
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:29,440
Yes.
355
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:30,480
Well, as I was saying,
356
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,800
you'll have at least a dozen of the beauty queens staying here for a start.
357
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,200
At the usual rate.
358
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,840
You can't charge the contestants, can you?
359
00:11:37,420 --> 00:11:38,080
Why not?
360
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:39,940
Well, they're the baits, aren't they?
361
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:43,440
When people hear about all these lovely-looking dollybirds staying here,
362
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:44,900
they're going to be queuing up for your rooms,
363
00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:45,260
aren't they?
364
00:11:45,380 --> 00:11:47,000
I don't doubt that.
365
00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:51,240
But I am not going to have anything going on here that might upset my regulars.
366
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:52,340
Don't worry about it.
367
00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:53,060
I've fixed that.
368
00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:55,840
There'll be a full-time chaperone here day and night.
369
00:11:56,020 --> 00:11:57,900
Well, that is better.
370
00:11:58,800 --> 00:11:59,120
Who?
371
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,320
Well, it wasn't easy, but we've got it down to a short list of possibles.
372
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:02,800
Yes.
373
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,320
We had to find people who would not take advantage of the situation.
374
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:05,640
Yes.
375
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:06,640
Somebody honest,
376
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,620
dependable, with strict morals.
377
00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:09,480
And?
378
00:12:09,820 --> 00:12:10,640
They talked me into it.
379
00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:11,440
I knew it.
380
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:12,020
No, no.
381
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:12,320
Just a minute.
382
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:12,920
Chaperone?
383
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:14,580
You and a bunch of beauty queens.
384
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,140
It's like asking Dracula to be in charge of a bloodbath.
385
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:17,740
No, no, no.
386
00:12:17,740 --> 00:12:18,240
Wait a minute, darling.
387
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:18,820
That's not true.
388
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:20,220
You know I don't go for beautiful women.
389
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:21,000
I like you.
390
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,540
That doesn't get it.
391
00:12:22,580 --> 00:12:22,720
Go on.
392
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:23,060
All right.
393
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:24,280
You letter of sores.
394
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,020
All right. Get out!
395
00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:38,500
Really, Mother, I don't see why I have to come to.
396
00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:40,160
You haven't come to since the day you were born.
397
00:12:43,790 --> 00:12:44,340
Look,
398
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,520
you were there when he gave out this statement,
399
00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:47,080
weren't you?
400
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:47,680
Yes, but...
401
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,940
You even took this photograph of the revolting man.
402
00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:50,540
Yes, Mother.
403
00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:52,920
Well, I want you here as a witness to what the bear says.
404
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:54,660
She's still under waiters.
405
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,220
She's not keeping toes up.
406
00:12:59,740 --> 00:13:00,400
Very well, Mr.
407
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:00,800
Christian.
408
00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:02,580
Fire a shot across her bounce.
409
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:04,100
Aye, aye, sir.
410
00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:05,200
Oh, come along.
411
00:13:05,260 --> 00:13:06,140
Answer the door.
412
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,380
All right.
413
00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:09,100
I'm coming.
414
00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:17,500
Sorry if I kept you waiting.
415
00:13:17,740 --> 00:13:18,960
I was in the lab, you see.
416
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:20,440
Mrs.
417
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:20,780
Bumble,
418
00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:22,860
I wish to speak to your husband immediately.
419
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:24,480
Well, you'd better come in, then.
420
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:31,180
I've only got to go to the lab and someone starts knocking at the door.
421
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:32,460
It's almost as if I knew.
422
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,500
Mind you, I must admit, I do go out a lot.
423
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,700
Well, I'm not here to take a census on toilet habits,
424
00:13:38,780 --> 00:13:39,000
Mrs.
425
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:39,360
Bumble.
426
00:13:39,620 --> 00:13:41,080
Please take me to your husband.
427
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:42,780
Oh, I couldn't disturbing that.
428
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:43,560
Dearie's upstairs.
429
00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:44,600
Well, I damn well can.
430
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:46,360
Very well, Mr.
431
00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:46,760
Christian.
432
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,460
Stand by to ram and board her.
433
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:53,780
You've seen this, I presume?
434
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:57,320
Yes, but you have no right to be in here,
435
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:57,560
Mrs.
436
00:13:57,780 --> 00:13:58,140
Prattworthy.
437
00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,000
Never mind that.
438
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:01,240
Do you mean to tell me that in my absence
439
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,040
the committee actually approved this disgusting idea?
440
00:14:04,900 --> 00:14:05,180
Mrs.
441
00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:05,700
Prattworthy,
442
00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:08,940
I hardly think that this is the time or the place to discuss matters.
443
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,160
Oh, Poppycock, I've seen men naked before,
444
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:12,580
you know.
445
00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:14,080
Dammit, I've buried three husbands.
446
00:14:14,580 --> 00:14:15,920
I'm not surprised to hear it.
447
00:14:16,740 --> 00:14:17,540
Excuse us, sir.
448
00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:19,020
Come along, Mother, please.
449
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:19,980
Oh, now, you shut up.
450
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:20,900
Come along.
451
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:21,860
I want a straight answer.
452
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,200
Was it or was it not approved?
453
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:23,800
Mrs.
454
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:24,380
Prattworthy,
455
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,700
I refuse to discuss this with you in my bath.
456
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:27,900
I am not in your bath,
457
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:28,500
thank goodness.
458
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:29,740
Now, was it or wasn't it?
459
00:14:29,740 --> 00:14:30,360
Yes, it was, but the bath...
460
00:14:30,710 --> 00:14:34,540
Then I must warn you that I mean to fight it to the bitter end.
461
00:14:34,780 --> 00:14:35,000
Mrs.
462
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:35,540
Prattworthy,
463
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,780
I have a civic duty to support any project...
464
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,300
Oh, fiddlesticks, you are a weak-kneed ass.
465
00:14:42,860 --> 00:14:44,300
And as far as I can see,
466
00:14:44,420 --> 00:14:45,500
you are as poorly equipped
467
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,780
to carry out your civic duties as your domestic ones.
468
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:54,700
That's what the job's all about.
469
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:56,780
I still don't see why you have to stay down there.
470
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:57,920
I've already told you,
471
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,840
darling, they need some on-the-spot publicity now.
472
00:15:00,180 --> 00:15:01,280
I've done all I can at this end.
473
00:15:01,340 --> 00:15:02,260
Surely you can understand that.
474
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:04,460
No, but I might do if you'd stop being so darn secretive
475
00:15:04,460 --> 00:15:05,860
and tell me what the job's really about.
476
00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:07,220
It's a publicity campaign,
477
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:07,760
that's all.
478
00:15:07,780 --> 00:15:08,680
Well, to publicise what?
479
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:09,760
Perkins.
480
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,420
They're having a sort of competition to go with it.
481
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:13,920
Oh, like Spot the Boobs.
482
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:14,560
What?
483
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:15,840
What made you say that?
484
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,440
Like the one you wanted to do
485
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,360
while spotting the deliberate mistakes on the cornflakes.
486
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:20,720
Oh, yes.
487
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:21,680
Well, not quite like that.
488
00:15:21,980 --> 00:15:23,500
It's to encourage people to come to Furcombe.
489
00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:25,400
Well, you haven't exactly encouraged me to.
490
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,940
Well, I couldn't trust myself to ask you to come with me.
491
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,480
I'd only burst into your bedroom and try to make love to you or something.
492
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,060
You know I wouldn't let that happen.
493
00:15:32,380 --> 00:15:32,720
Exactly.
494
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:33,260
That's why I didn't.
495
00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:34,760
Didn't want the temptation.
496
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:36,160
Anyway, I'd lose my job,
497
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:36,700
and if that happened,
498
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,860
I couldn't afford to marry you.
499
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:39,480
Excuse me,
500
00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:40,780
are you going to Furcombe?
501
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,140
This train's going there, yes.
502
00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:44,240
Oh, good.
503
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:46,580
Do you know that girl?
504
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:47,100
No.
505
00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:49,160
Funny, she's going to Furcombe too.
506
00:15:49,220 --> 00:15:50,660
Well, a lot of people must live there.
507
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,000
Are we all right for Furcombe?
508
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,160
I'm sure you are.
509
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:53,900
Thanks.
510
00:15:55,860 --> 00:15:58,780
I'm beginning to understand why you don't want me down there.
511
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:00,320
Oh, don't be ridiculous, darling.
512
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:01,780
You're the only girl in my life.
513
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:02,520
You know that.
514
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,940
Excuse me, is this the train to the beauty contest?
515
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,140
Yes, that's right.
516
00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:08,880
Oh, good.
517
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:09,560
Are you coming?
518
00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:10,820
Certainly not.
519
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:12,680
That's right.
520
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,100
Are you in this one?
521
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:15,200
Yes, that's right, I am.
522
00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:16,400
Oh, I'll join you then.
523
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:21,340
You didn't tell me anything about a beauty contest.
524
00:16:21,660 --> 00:16:22,600
I think I'd better go.
525
00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:24,160
Excuse me.
526
00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:30,580
Well, goodbye, darling.
527
00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:32,360
I'll be back as soon as I can.
528
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:33,520
Now.
529
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,480
Oh! Sorry.
530
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:39,460
Sorry, darling.
531
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,060
Kiss.
532
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,280
I'll take most any time.
533
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,480
Most any time.
534
00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:54,740
Don't let go of me!
535
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:55,820
What?
536
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,380
I distinctly remember seeing them soaking in the bathroom last night
537
00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:00,420
and then the morning they were gone.
538
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:01,420
Well, really, Mrs.
539
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:03,080
Dukes, I cannot believe that one of these young ladies
540
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:04,820
would deliberately take your knickers.
541
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:19,140
No!
542
00:17:24,170 --> 00:17:24,720
Well,
543
00:17:28,780 --> 00:17:30,220
I'll make inquiries, of course.
544
00:17:30,220 --> 00:17:30,860
What were they like?
545
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:31,940
Red fanlet.
546
00:17:32,420 --> 00:17:32,920
Reinforced.
547
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:34,320
Yes, I see.
548
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:35,800
Well, I'm sure they must turn up.
549
00:17:36,060 --> 00:17:36,960
Oh, they can't do that.
550
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,180
They've got elastic at the bottom.
551
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,040
How chic.
552
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:40,680
Well, I'm sure they'll be fine,
553
00:17:40,780 --> 00:17:40,920
Mrs.
554
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,260
Dukes. Well, I certainly hope so,
555
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,780
because I don't feel at all safe walking about this town without any.
556
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,060
Perhaps I can help,
557
00:17:47,220 --> 00:17:47,400
Mrs.
558
00:17:47,420 --> 00:17:47,560
Dukes.
559
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,260
Who, the Admiral?
560
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,080
Come outside, ma'am.
561
00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:52,180
I've got something to show you.
562
00:17:52,980 --> 00:17:54,460
What do you mean?
563
00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:54,900
Where?
564
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,780
All will be revealed, madam.
565
00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,020
Across the promenade there.
566
00:17:59,480 --> 00:17:59,580
Look.
567
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:02,720
Oh!
568
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:08,600
Yes, well, I've got to check all your measurements,
569
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:08,940
haven't I?
570
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,160
I've never had it before.
571
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:10,540
Never mind.
572
00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:11,460
The experience will do you good.
573
00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:12,880
Sydney, I'd like a word with you.
574
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:13,420
Yes, love?
575
00:18:13,540 --> 00:18:13,920
What is it?
576
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:14,960
It's about these complaints.
577
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:15,580
Off you go.
578
00:18:16,780 --> 00:18:17,700
You're always kidding, that one.
579
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:18,860
What's the trouble?
580
00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:21,360
It's my permanent residence I am worried about.
581
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,520
All this running about the corridors in and out of each other's bedrooms.
582
00:18:24,740 --> 00:18:25,720
It's simply not good enough.
583
00:18:25,860 --> 00:18:26,420
You're dead right.
584
00:18:26,660 --> 00:18:27,660
At their age, they ought to know better.
585
00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:29,780
It's your girls I'm talking about.
586
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:31,340
I've heard them all night long, doors banging.
587
00:18:33,110 --> 00:18:34,980
Blimey, Con, when you get a bunch of young dollies,
588
00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:36,120
you've got to expect a bit of banging.
589
00:18:36,420 --> 00:18:39,600
Well, I expect you to get them all into bed at a reasonable hour.
590
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:42,520
I promise you, I'll do my very best.
591
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:43,540
Mr.
592
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:44,660
Fiddler, what about these photos?
593
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:45,440
I haven't got all day,
594
00:18:45,540 --> 00:18:45,820
you know.
595
00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:46,840
Excuse me, love, business.
596
00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:49,440
I'm just waiting for my publicity man to turn up.
597
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,120
Yes, I know, but I'm supposed to be covering the mayor's opening this afternoon.
598
00:18:52,540 --> 00:18:53,700
You do get some unpleasant jobs,
599
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:54,060
don't you?
600
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:56,380
He's opening a new municipal building at four o'clock.
601
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:02,360
Thank you,
602
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,260
ladies, and...
603
00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:07,760
And what about the ladies,
604
00:19:07,820 --> 00:19:08,540
may I ask?
605
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:08,900
What?
606
00:19:10,140 --> 00:19:10,620
What was that?
607
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:11,560
Why, Mr.
608
00:19:11,660 --> 00:19:13,400
Mayor, is there provision only for gentlemen
609
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,460
in this monument to natural and universal functions?
610
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:17,600
Yeah.
611
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,600
Because it was specifically designed for use by the male sex
612
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,760
as approved in council last September.
613
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:24,800
I see.
614
00:19:25,060 --> 00:19:26,720
So the ladies must wait, is that it?
615
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:27,340
Mrs.
616
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,980
Prudworth, I do feel that the place for protest
617
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,380
is in the chamber.
618
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,400
I did protest in the chamber, Mr.
619
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:34,700
Mayor,
620
00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:36,280
and most strongly.
621
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:39,080
And I still insist on knowing why this place could not have been
622
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:40,560
for the use of both sexes.
623
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:42,300
Because it's for men.
624
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:44,960
We can't have them all using the same one.
625
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:49,460
Perhaps the mayor would care to explain why we can't all use the same one.
626
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,840
Yes, well, no...
627
00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:53,040
Why can't we all
628
00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:54,440
use...?
629
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:56,040
Ah, yes, yes.
630
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:58,560
Because the fittings are different for one thing.
631
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,040
We all have only one thing, Mr.
632
00:20:01,180 --> 00:20:01,400
Mayor.
633
00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:03,900
Mrs.
634
00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:04,300
Prudworth,
635
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:04,860
you are
636
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:06,520
deliberately...
637
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,360
M-m-m-misunderstanding me.
638
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:10,360
What I am trying to say...
639
00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:12,160
I know what you are trying to say.
640
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:16,880
You are trying to say that women are inferior.
641
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:17,720
Yes.
642
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,260
No, no, please.
643
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:23,940
I put it to you that this is one more example of this council's policy
644
00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:27,260
to deliberately demean and debase womanhood.
645
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,020
Yes.
646
00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:33,420
A policy which was brought to a head recently when, in my absence,
647
00:20:33,940 --> 00:20:38,240
they passed this disgraceful resolution to hold a beauty contest here.
648
00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:38,700
Yes.
649
00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:43,400
I want every male here to know that the women of Furcombe
650
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,140
are determined to stop this degrading spectacle.
651
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:46,820
Yes.
652
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,240
And until it is called off,
653
00:20:48,860 --> 00:20:49,900
we will squat
654
00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:54,760
in this erection to man's so-called superiority.
655
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:55,640
Yes.
656
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:56,420
No,
657
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:56,980
Mrs.
658
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:57,620
Prudworth, please.
659
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,280
Forward, liberators of Furcombe! Forward!
660
00:21:02,820 --> 00:21:03,460
You must...
661
00:21:03,460 --> 00:21:04,920
Please, please! Please, please!
662
00:21:05,540 --> 00:21:07,680
Girls!
663
00:21:08,660 --> 00:21:09,360
Come on, girls.
664
00:21:09,460 --> 00:21:10,440
Don't get changed for photos.
665
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,260
Back in 15 minutes.
666
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,700
What do you want us to wear?
667
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:17,600
Oh, anything.
668
00:21:17,820 --> 00:21:20,300
I've got a rather smashing two-piece swimsuit.
669
00:21:20,420 --> 00:21:20,660
Great.
670
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,200
Just wear one piece of that.
671
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,260
Well, they publish pictures like that.
672
00:21:24,540 --> 00:21:25,580
Not in my paper.
673
00:21:25,740 --> 00:21:26,280
It's all right, darling.
674
00:21:26,340 --> 00:21:26,900
I was only joking.
675
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:27,980
You go and get them both on.
676
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:29,460
Go on.
677
00:21:29,700 --> 00:21:30,280
Get your gear ready.
678
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,220
How's it going, love?
679
00:21:32,580 --> 00:21:33,080
Wonderful.
680
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:34,400
Since all this started,
681
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:35,200
I've let ten rooms.
682
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:36,380
All for you.
683
00:21:36,780 --> 00:21:37,060
For nothing.
684
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,000
Oh, you wait till old Pete gets that publicity really rolling.
685
00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:41,980
The contest is in ten days.
686
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,500
Yeah, well, just look at your permanent residence.
687
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,380
Yes, and I've got only left...
688
00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:48,480
Oh! Oh! Oh! You're a dirty old man!
689
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:50,440
Uh,
690
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:51,620
uh, uh, Mrs.
691
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:52,160
Philpott.
692
00:21:52,620 --> 00:21:53,540
I wish to complain.
693
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:55,860
This young woman molested me.
694
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:56,980
Well, I like that.
695
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:58,200
Whether you like it or not,
696
00:21:58,240 --> 00:21:59,400
my dear, it's quite immaterial.
697
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:00,480
Look, he pinched my...
698
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:01,520
Yeah, yeah, it's all right, darling.
699
00:22:01,540 --> 00:22:02,120
Don't worry about it.
700
00:22:02,180 --> 00:22:02,840
I'll sort it out.
701
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:05,900
Cheeky little thing.
702
00:22:06,140 --> 00:22:07,520
I'd like to put her across me knee.
703
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:08,740
I'm sure you would,
704
00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:08,960
Admiral.
705
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:10,240
Yes, my darling.
706
00:22:10,980 --> 00:22:11,240
What?
707
00:22:11,700 --> 00:22:11,940
Mrs.
708
00:22:12,060 --> 00:22:13,660
Philpott, are you suggesting...
709
00:22:13,660 --> 00:22:14,660
Damn it! For two pins,
710
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:15,620
I move out of here!
711
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:18,300
Good afternoon, sir.
712
00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:18,860
Can I help you?
713
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:19,340
Yes.
714
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:20,220
Have you got any rooms,
715
00:22:20,300 --> 00:22:20,580
please?
716
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:21,620
Certainly, sir.
717
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,920
Our terms are £7 a day or £40 a week all in.
718
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:26,820
Uh, yeah, Mr.
719
00:22:26,940 --> 00:22:28,100
Fiddler said it had all been arranged.
720
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:29,040
You see,
721
00:22:29,700 --> 00:22:30,440
we're in the beauty contest.
722
00:22:31,420 --> 00:22:32,080
Yes, sir.
723
00:22:32,140 --> 00:22:32,580
So I see.
724
00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:33,440
Oh, well.
725
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:35,340
In that case, take a pick.
726
00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:36,060
Take the lot.
727
00:22:36,220 --> 00:22:36,480
Go on.
728
00:22:36,580 --> 00:22:37,040
Move on.
729
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:37,580
Me in.
730
00:22:38,380 --> 00:22:39,060
Be my guest.
731
00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:40,320
Room with the view and all that sort of thing.
732
00:22:40,620 --> 00:22:41,220
Yes. Right, then.
733
00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:41,940
Have a good time.
734
00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:43,100
Pete,
735
00:22:43,420 --> 00:22:44,420
we're waiting for you.
736
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:45,320
The photographer's here.
737
00:22:45,340 --> 00:22:46,220
Where the hell have you been?
738
00:22:46,460 --> 00:22:47,620
Sorry, the train was late.
739
00:22:47,740 --> 00:22:48,780
Some trouble on the line.
740
00:22:49,220 --> 00:22:49,900
Trouble with Ethel?
741
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:50,380
You're joking.
742
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:51,240
Oh,
743
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:52,800
this is Miss Banger.
744
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:53,360
Really?
745
00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:54,720
How do you do?
746
00:22:55,220 --> 00:22:56,280
And this is Miss Brakes.
747
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:57,340
Dawn Brakes.
748
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:57,840
Dawn?
749
00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,280
My favourite time for getting up.
750
00:22:59,660 --> 00:23:00,800
I was Miss Dairy Queen,
751
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:01,240
you know.
752
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:02,640
You still are in my book, darling.
753
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:04,140
Here, Sid,
754
00:23:04,460 --> 00:23:05,580
are there any rooms for us?
755
00:23:05,780 --> 00:23:07,980
The one behind the desk went all peculiar when I asked her.
756
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:09,820
She's a bit overwhelmed.
757
00:23:09,980 --> 00:23:11,360
They haven't done this since Mafeking.
758
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:12,400
Here we are.
759
00:23:12,860 --> 00:23:13,800
Photo call in ten minutes.
760
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,180
Right? Oh, God blimey.
761
00:23:17,180 --> 00:23:17,720
Not again.
762
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:28,500
Oh, God.
763
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:30,240
Will you...
764
00:23:30,670 --> 00:23:33,960
I want you to come over the promenade with me.
765
00:23:34,060 --> 00:23:34,420
Yes.
766
00:23:36,180 --> 00:23:36,600
Why?
767
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,540
Well, I want you to take my knickers down.
768
00:23:40,620 --> 00:23:41,060
Pardon?
769
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,480
Well, they're on the pole over there.
770
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:45,980
Oh, oh, I see.
771
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:46,460
Yes.
772
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:47,860
Well, you'd better take my arm,
773
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,380
or I'll make a ricky cross on this road.
774
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:51,420
Right.
775
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,620
Oh!
776
00:24:25,410 --> 00:24:26,720
It's already been done.
777
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:27,520
Well, what hasn't?
778
00:24:28,250 --> 00:24:29,020
Excuse me?
779
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:29,940
Look now, Sunny, I'm busy.
780
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:31,120
Sunny?
781
00:24:31,420 --> 00:24:32,740
You want your eyes tested.
782
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:35,460
Excuse me.
783
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,480
I thought they always built the shock absorbers into the bikes.
784
00:24:38,450 --> 00:24:38,900
Sousy.
785
00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:40,420
Are you the broken charge?
786
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:40,740
That's right.
787
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:41,400
Fiddle is the name.
788
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:42,840
Oh, nice to meet you.
789
00:24:42,860 --> 00:24:44,180
I'm Hope Springs.
790
00:24:45,220 --> 00:24:47,160
I don't believe it.
791
00:24:47,340 --> 00:24:47,740
True.
792
00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:48,580
Well,
793
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:50,620
actually, me real name's Muriel Bloggs,
794
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,100
but it was hardly right for this game,
795
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:52,480
was it?
796
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:53,160
What game?
797
00:24:53,220 --> 00:24:54,840
Beauty Contest, of course.
798
00:24:55,020 --> 00:24:55,300
Hang on.
799
00:24:55,300 --> 00:24:55,700
Wait a minute.
800
00:24:55,940 --> 00:24:56,940
Don't tell me you're a competitor.
801
00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:58,200
Course I am.
802
00:24:58,980 --> 00:24:59,360
See?
803
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:01,900
Miss Easy Rider.
804
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,420
I beat 40 and other girls for that.
805
00:25:04,740 --> 00:25:05,220
Doing what?
806
00:25:05,380 --> 00:25:05,740
Course.
807
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:06,820
I was at an advantage.
808
00:25:06,940 --> 00:25:08,040
We had to do it on a motorbike.
809
00:25:08,180 --> 00:25:09,280
I should have thought that was a handicap.
810
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,440
No, what I mean is I've been riding a motorbike for years now.
811
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,320
Good for you, but this is a straight-duty contest.
812
00:25:14,340 --> 00:25:15,340
No kinky stuff.
813
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:17,160
Oh, I see.
814
00:25:17,420 --> 00:25:18,520
You think I'm not right for it,
815
00:25:18,540 --> 00:25:19,000
don't you?
816
00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:20,220
No, I didn't say that.
817
00:25:20,260 --> 00:25:21,280
I just don't want you to waste your time.
818
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:22,440
Oh, I won't.
819
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:23,660
Don't you worry.
820
00:25:24,060 --> 00:25:25,380
I look a lot different in a bikini.
821
00:25:25,940 --> 00:25:27,180
So does he, but he's not entering.
822
00:25:27,650 --> 00:25:29,000
Just you wait and see.
823
00:25:29,260 --> 00:25:30,520
You're in for a big surprise.
824
00:25:30,860 --> 00:25:32,140
Here, you've got a room I can change in.
825
00:25:32,260 --> 00:25:33,360
Yes, here's mine.
826
00:25:34,100 --> 00:25:35,160
Promise you won't come in?
827
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:36,300
Not until you're halfway through.
828
00:25:37,490 --> 00:25:39,560
On second thoughts, I'd better have a room of my own.
829
00:25:40,820 --> 00:25:43,060
HONKING Perhaps you're right.
830
00:25:44,620 --> 00:25:45,480
Come on.
831
00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:46,560
How?
832
00:25:49,510 --> 00:25:50,120
There you are.
833
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:50,360
Connie,
834
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:51,760
got a room for this young lady?
835
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:52,840
Oh, well, of course, Sydney.
836
00:25:56,540 --> 00:25:58,580
I think you'll find that an ideal one.
837
00:25:58,700 --> 00:25:59,260
Thank you, Connie.
838
00:26:00,180 --> 00:26:00,720
Just a minute.
839
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:01,580
That's for the broom cupboard.
840
00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:02,320
That's right.
841
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:03,700
Where we keep all the scrubbers.
842
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,380
All right, all right.
843
00:26:05,460 --> 00:26:06,060
Keep your hat on.
844
00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:06,680
Here.
845
00:26:07,420 --> 00:26:08,160
Go and change in mine.
846
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:08,900
I'll sort it out later.
847
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:09,700
Ta.
848
00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:10,620
I heard that.
849
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,000
Does she fancy you or something?
850
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:13,220
You know how it is,
851
00:26:13,300 --> 00:26:14,180
a window with a place like this.
852
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:15,160
Things get on top of her.
853
00:26:15,420 --> 00:26:15,760
Yeah,
854
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:16,740
I bet they do.
855
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:18,040
Frequently.
856
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:20,560
LAUGHS Here I go.
857
00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:21,060
I'll get changed.
858
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:22,060
So, see you.
859
00:26:22,220 --> 00:26:22,480
See you.
860
00:26:22,580 --> 00:26:37,600
MUSIC PLAYS
861
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:42,380
Excuse me.
862
00:26:42,740 --> 00:26:43,820
Mind if I join you?
863
00:26:43,940 --> 00:26:45,120
Oh, help yourself.
864
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:46,400
It's big enough, isn't it?
865
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:47,600
I do, yes.
866
00:26:50,530 --> 00:26:52,480
I won't ask how far you want to go.
867
00:26:52,580 --> 00:26:53,740
I might get the wrong answer.
868
00:26:53,860 --> 00:26:55,000
Only to the bottom, my dear.
869
00:26:56,100 --> 00:26:57,120
WHISTLES
870
00:26:57,540 --> 00:26:58,340
Oh!
871
00:26:59,300 --> 00:27:01,240
So you want to play, do you?
872
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:02,800
Well, come on, then.
873
00:27:03,260 --> 00:27:14,260
SHE LAUGHS SHE SCREAMS SHE SCREAMS SHE SCREAMS SHE LAUGHS Now, come on, lover.
874
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:15,520
I've only just started.
875
00:27:15,860 --> 00:27:16,840
SHE LAUGHS
876
00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:20,760
That'll teach the old buzzard.
877
00:27:21,020 --> 00:27:21,880
What did you do to him?
878
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,220
I think I tickled his fancy.
879
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:25,920
Well, do I pass now?
880
00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:27,680
With honours, in at least two subjects.
881
00:27:27,860 --> 00:27:28,780
Oh, saucy.
882
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:30,640
Let's hope the judges think like you.
883
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:31,840
If they do, they'll all get locked up.
884
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:33,340
Oh, promises, promises.
885
00:27:33,660 --> 00:27:34,820
Well, I'm not too late for the pictures.
886
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:35,400
No, no, no.
887
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:36,240
Go to the others over there.
888
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:36,560
Oh,
889
00:27:36,940 --> 00:27:39,640
ta. Right, now, that's, er, that's a lot at it.
890
00:27:40,140 --> 00:27:40,860
Er, no.
891
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,140
There's still almost breaks to come.
892
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:43,160
Oh, no.
893
00:27:43,220 --> 00:27:43,900
Not Dawn.
894
00:27:43,900 --> 00:27:44,640
Is she here?
895
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:44,720
That's right.
896
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,780
You know her? Do I?
897
00:27:47,140 --> 00:27:48,640
I'm not saying anything against her,
898
00:27:48,780 --> 00:27:50,020
but if this was a dog contest,
899
00:27:50,380 --> 00:27:51,500
we'd none of us stand a chance.
900
00:27:51,860 --> 00:27:52,900
If it was a cat show,
901
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:53,500
you'd do all right,
902
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:53,880
though, wouldn't you?
903
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,560
Oh, I like the girl.
904
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:55,980
Honest.
905
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,380
I mean, it's not her fault she has to wear a falsie.
906
00:27:58,800 --> 00:27:59,740
What do you mean, a falsie?
907
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:01,560
She's got one bigger than the other.
908
00:28:02,140 --> 00:28:02,620
Is that right?
909
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:03,600
No, left.
910
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,200
But you're crazy about her.
911
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,680
Oh, I wouldn't say a word against her.
912
00:28:09,100 --> 00:28:10,680
Like in the last contest we were in.
913
00:28:11,140 --> 00:28:12,760
We were sharing this dressing room together,
914
00:28:13,020 --> 00:28:13,800
and I had this fabulous silver big cat.
915
00:28:13,820 --> 00:28:15,100
Fabulous silver bikini,
916
00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:16,820
and I just popped out for a while.
917
00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:18,980
Well, it could quite easily happen in an outfit like that.
918
00:28:19,100 --> 00:28:21,160
Now, I'm not saying she nicked it,
919
00:28:21,620 --> 00:28:22,680
mind, but...
920
00:28:25,190 --> 00:28:27,080
Push, push! Keep him coming.
921
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:27,560
That's it.
922
00:28:27,580 --> 00:28:28,140
Good boy.
923
00:28:28,420 --> 00:28:29,140
That's a good...
924
00:28:29,180 --> 00:28:29,920
Keep him by.
925
00:28:30,060 --> 00:28:30,560
Push.
926
00:28:30,780 --> 00:28:31,500
I am pushing.
927
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:32,160
Ah!
928
00:28:33,380 --> 00:28:33,960
What's that?
929
00:28:34,020 --> 00:28:34,580
It's all right, Con.
930
00:28:34,620 --> 00:28:35,180
It's only a donkey.
931
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:36,520
I know it's a donkey.
932
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:37,700
What's it doing in my lawn?
933
00:28:37,860 --> 00:28:38,900
That's a good question.
934
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:40,180
Ah!
935
00:28:42,500 --> 00:28:44,200
What the hell do you think you're doing?
936
00:28:44,460 --> 00:28:45,780
Sid, I want you to meet Cleopatra.
937
00:28:46,180 --> 00:28:46,780
How do you do?
938
00:28:46,860 --> 00:28:47,880
Have you gone out of your mind?
939
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:49,200
No, it's for the photos.
940
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:50,280
Beauty and the Beast,
941
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:50,780
get it?
942
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:51,440
Beauty and...
943
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,880
Beauty and the Beast! What a great idea!
944
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:56,000
Come on, come over here.
945
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:56,840
Come on.
946
00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,060
I am not having it in here.
947
00:28:59,120 --> 00:28:59,820
William, take it out.
948
00:28:59,860 --> 00:29:00,780
Oh, Con, be reasonable.
949
00:29:00,900 --> 00:29:01,720
It's only for a couple of minutes.
950
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:02,540
Be reasonable?
951
00:29:02,580 --> 00:29:04,040
I don't even allow dogs in here.
952
00:29:04,180 --> 00:29:04,780
It's not a dog.
953
00:29:04,980 --> 00:29:06,180
I know it's not a dog,
954
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:07,960
but these carpets are very expensive.
955
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:08,540
William!
956
00:29:09,140 --> 00:29:10,740
I'm afraid it's too late.
957
00:29:11,340 --> 00:29:12,360
Well, don't just stand there.
958
00:29:12,420 --> 00:29:12,920
Get a shovel.
959
00:29:13,340 --> 00:29:13,500
Yes.
960
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,120
It'll be very good for the potted palms.
961
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:17,700
Get it out of here,
962
00:29:17,740 --> 00:29:18,000
Sidney.
963
00:29:18,100 --> 00:29:19,360
Get it out! Yes, right.
964
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:21,200
Never mind, though.
965
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:22,340
We'll get a couple of quick shots first.
966
00:29:23,940 --> 00:29:24,620
Right, Larry boy.
967
00:29:24,780 --> 00:29:25,620
Now, tell him what we're going to do.
968
00:29:25,700 --> 00:29:26,960
We'll get one of the girls to sit on the donkey,
969
00:29:27,260 --> 00:29:27,860
and we'll get...
970
00:29:27,860 --> 00:29:28,760
What's the matter with you?
971
00:29:29,340 --> 00:29:29,900
Oh, gosh.
972
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:32,680
Are you ready for me now?
973
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:34,000
More than ready, darling.
974
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:35,240
Come on.
975
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:36,780
I want you to come and sit on this donkey.
976
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:37,640
Oh, all right.
977
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:38,920
You sure it's safe?
978
00:29:38,940 --> 00:29:40,400
He doesn't look too happy.
979
00:29:40,580 --> 00:29:41,020
Well, he should be.
980
00:29:41,020 --> 00:29:42,080
He's got a big load off his mind.
981
00:29:42,980 --> 00:29:43,780
Well, if you say so.
982
00:29:43,780 --> 00:29:44,320
Right, come on.
983
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:46,180
Wait a minute.
984
00:29:46,260 --> 00:29:46,760
Hang on.
985
00:29:47,220 --> 00:29:47,960
Don't just stand there.
986
00:29:47,980 --> 00:29:48,840
Come and give her a bunk up.
987
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:49,820
What?
988
00:29:49,980 --> 00:29:51,480
A bunk up! Come on.
989
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:52,460
Oh, I see.
990
00:29:52,940 --> 00:29:53,220
Right.
991
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:55,460
Um...
992
00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:55,720
Ready?
993
00:29:56,140 --> 00:29:56,240
Right.
994
00:29:56,580 --> 00:29:57,100
There we are.
995
00:29:58,020 --> 00:29:58,200
Sit.
996
00:29:58,900 --> 00:29:59,380
All right, girls.
997
00:29:59,420 --> 00:30:00,060
Come on, let's have you.
998
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:00,580
All come round.
999
00:30:00,940 --> 00:30:01,640
Round the donkey, please.
1000
00:30:01,740 --> 00:30:01,960
Come on.
1001
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:03,360
That's it.
1002
00:30:03,780 --> 00:30:04,260
Right.
1003
00:30:04,900 --> 00:30:05,260
There we are.
1004
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:06,800
That's it.
1005
00:30:07,740 --> 00:30:08,120
Right.
1006
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:08,940
All right.
1007
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:09,980
All right, Larry.
1008
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:10,520
We're ready.
1009
00:30:11,020 --> 00:30:11,600
Just a minute.
1010
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:12,820
I've still got my robe on.
1011
00:30:12,900 --> 00:30:13,300
Hang on.
1012
00:30:14,540 --> 00:30:16,440
I knew it.
1013
00:30:17,260 --> 00:30:18,200
What's going on here?
1014
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:19,980
That's my bikini she's got on.
1015
00:30:20,380 --> 00:30:20,960
Really?
1016
00:30:21,060 --> 00:30:22,100
I don't know what she's talking about.
1017
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,180
She nicked that from my dressing room last year.
1018
00:30:25,460 --> 00:30:27,700
I wouldn't be seen dead in your old rag.
1019
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,260
You'll be seen dead if you don't give it back to me.
1020
00:30:30,450 --> 00:30:31,280
That's quite enough of a joke.
1021
00:30:31,580 --> 00:30:32,280
What are you talking...
1022
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:33,800
Get out of this!
1023
00:30:37,540 --> 00:30:38,180
You little cow!
1024
00:31:07,540 --> 00:31:26,480
He's Councillor Fittner here.
1025
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:27,380
Just about.
1026
00:31:27,540 --> 00:31:27,840
What?
1027
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,920
Could you...
1028
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:32,360
What is going on here?
1029
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:42,580
Ladies,
1030
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:43,520
ladies.
1031
00:32:37,540 --> 00:32:48,560
Mildred!
1032
00:32:54,100 --> 00:32:54,300
Mild!
1033
00:32:57,460 --> 00:32:58,300
Mildred!
1034
00:33:09,050 --> 00:33:09,820
You're up,
1035
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:11,860
then. Of course I am.
1036
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:13,680
Didn't you hear me calling?
1037
00:33:14,060 --> 00:33:15,200
I had the radio on.
1038
00:33:15,700 --> 00:33:16,780
I know you had it on.
1039
00:33:17,140 --> 00:33:18,700
I can't remember when you had it off.
1040
00:33:19,860 --> 00:33:20,540
Neither can I.
1041
00:33:21,140 --> 00:33:23,560
Are you aware that it is now five past nine?
1042
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:25,580
Am I missing something, then?
1043
00:33:26,140 --> 00:33:26,800
My tea.
1044
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:29,020
I ordered it for 8.30.
1045
00:33:29,860 --> 00:33:31,520
Better late than never, I always say.
1046
00:33:47,390 --> 00:33:47,940
Well,
1047
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:49,420
then. Thank you very much.
1048
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:51,180
Enough sugar?
1049
00:33:51,340 --> 00:33:51,900
Quite.
1050
00:33:52,900 --> 00:33:54,040
And cigarette ash.
1051
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,040
Isn't it time you started thinking about getting dressed?
1052
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:01,440
What for?
1053
00:34:02,700 --> 00:34:05,460
Have you forgotten what I kept on telling you last night?
1054
00:34:05,540 --> 00:34:08,280
To stop snoring?
1055
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:10,400
At ten o'clock,
1056
00:34:10,900 --> 00:34:13,360
we have an official visit to the maternity hospital.
1057
00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:15,580
Do I have to go?
1058
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:16,540
Of course you do.
1059
00:34:16,660 --> 00:34:17,500
They're expecting you.
1060
00:34:18,100 --> 00:34:19,760
I don't really feel up to it,
1061
00:34:20,140 --> 00:34:20,280
Frederick.
1062
00:34:20,620 --> 00:34:21,440
You've got to.
1063
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:23,400
You are the Mayor's wife,
1064
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:24,220
God help him.
1065
00:34:24,420 --> 00:34:25,740
You have a duty to do.
1066
00:34:26,260 --> 00:34:31,000
And that doesn't mean sitting around here all day like an old compost heap.
1067
00:34:32,140 --> 00:34:32,520
Yes, Frederick.
1068
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:35,680
You should take pride
1069
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,520
in being the wife of Thurcombe's leading citizen.
1070
00:34:44,060 --> 00:34:45,940
And what, may I ask, is so amusing?
1071
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:46,760
You.
1072
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:48,140
What do you mean?
1073
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:54,200
Here.
1074
00:35:02,540 --> 00:35:11,560
Is that you, Roseberry?
1075
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:12,680
Yes.
1076
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,180
Have you seen this?
1077
00:35:18,940 --> 00:35:19,340
Yes,
1078
00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:20,480
bloody disgrace.
1079
00:35:20,900 --> 00:35:22,820
Still, what can you expect from a man?
1080
00:35:23,540 --> 00:35:24,880
My boy, Lawrence, took it, you know.
1081
00:35:25,380 --> 00:35:26,580
It's done him quite a bit of good.
1082
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:27,440
And us.
1083
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:27,920
Us?
1084
00:35:28,020 --> 00:35:28,920
Why? Well,
1085
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,980
the more old bumble lays himself open to ridicule like this,
1086
00:35:32,300 --> 00:35:35,500
the better our chances of having a lady mayor next time.
1087
00:35:35,870 --> 00:35:36,640
Gosh, yes.
1088
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:38,620
That would hit him where it hurts, wouldn't it?
1089
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:40,280
Oh, please, Roseberry.
1090
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:44,420
You know, I don't like any reference to that area of their so-called superiority.
1091
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:47,720
By golly, you'd make a spiffing mayor auguster.
1092
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:51,060
Now, we've got to keep up the pressure against this done beauty contest.
1093
00:35:51,500 --> 00:35:52,020
I agree.
1094
00:35:52,540 --> 00:35:53,300
What's the next step?
1095
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:59,220
I've been wondering, have you any pull with anyone at the maternity hospital?
1096
00:35:59,660 --> 00:36:00,440
Good Lord, no.
1097
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:02,560
It's hardly my scene, is it?
1098
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:06,740
Only the mayor is opening a new nursery there today.
1099
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:08,980
I thought we might arrange a little
1100
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:10,700
surprise for him.
1101
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:11,920
Oh,
1102
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,120
the boy at the top,
1103
00:36:14,420 --> 00:36:15,220
my daddy.
1104
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:17,120
The ha,
1105
00:36:17,460 --> 00:36:18,240
the boy at the top.
1106
00:36:18,300 --> 00:36:19,320
Oh, do.
1107
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:24,220
Mr.
1108
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,300
Prodworthy, I'm so pleased you could come.
1109
00:36:26,580 --> 00:36:27,940
You didn't mind me calling you, did you?
1110
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:28,300
Oh,
1111
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:29,460
not at all, Miss Brakes.
1112
00:36:29,620 --> 00:36:31,480
I saw your photos in the newspaper this morning.
1113
00:36:31,620 --> 00:36:32,400
I was very impressed.
1114
00:36:33,180 --> 00:36:34,440
I thought perhaps you could help me.
1115
00:36:35,020 --> 00:36:35,840
Oh, of course.
1116
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:36,200
Anything.
1117
00:36:36,340 --> 00:36:38,100
This magazine wants some pin-up photos,
1118
00:36:38,220 --> 00:36:40,060
you see, and I thought you'd be the person to take them.
1119
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:41,280
Oh, thank you.
1120
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:42,000
Um,
1121
00:36:42,340 --> 00:36:42,920
here, do you mean?
1122
00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:43,900
No, on the beach.
1123
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:44,740
Oh, fine.
1124
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:47,040
Oh, but I advise plenty of worn clothing.
1125
00:36:47,260 --> 00:36:48,900
I don't think the magazine would like that.
1126
00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:49,660
Why not?
1127
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:50,740
They only want nudes.
1128
00:36:51,940 --> 00:36:52,200
Oh.
1129
00:36:53,140 --> 00:36:54,360
You have done nudes before.
1130
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:56,100
Oh, yes.
1131
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:57,300
Shall we have a bash, then?
1132
00:36:57,460 --> 00:36:57,580
Pardon?
1133
00:36:58,220 --> 00:36:58,540
Oh,
1134
00:36:59,080 --> 00:36:59,580
er, pictures.
1135
00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:00,640
Now?
1136
00:37:00,940 --> 00:37:02,460
Yes, they won them by the end of the week.
1137
00:37:02,820 --> 00:37:03,100
Yes.
1138
00:37:03,580 --> 00:37:04,240
They're naked.
1139
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,600
On the beach in broad daylight in Furcombe.
1140
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:09,840
I'm sure we'll find a deserted spot.
1141
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:10,480
Come on, Mum.
1142
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:24,300
Oh!
1143
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:26,500
I beg your pardon?
1144
00:37:26,860 --> 00:37:28,700
Of all the filthy rotten beasts!
1145
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:31,060
Er...
1146
00:37:31,060 --> 00:37:32,500
You're sex-mongering.
1147
00:37:33,300 --> 00:37:33,600
You're disgusting!
1148
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:38,080
You're disgusting! Say goodbye to Mrs.
1149
00:37:38,260 --> 00:37:39,060
Filpott for me.
1150
00:37:39,380 --> 00:37:40,180
There's a good fella.
1151
00:37:40,420 --> 00:37:40,800
Oh!
1152
00:37:42,780 --> 00:37:44,480
Oh! Oh!
1153
00:37:51,460 --> 00:37:53,960
Well, that's about the fourth that's left this morning.
1154
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:55,260
You don't have to tell me.
1155
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:55,960
Where's Mr.
1156
00:37:56,060 --> 00:37:56,180
Fiddler?
1157
00:37:56,380 --> 00:37:57,360
Oh, he's still up in his room.
1158
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,000
He just sat down for some more coffee.
1159
00:38:00,020 --> 00:38:01,300
I'll give him coffee.
1160
00:38:02,020 --> 00:38:02,460
Oh, good.
1161
00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:03,520
Saved me a trip.
1162
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,900
Gary!
1163
00:38:09,580 --> 00:38:10,400
I'll have it here,
1164
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:11,180
please, on the bed.
1165
00:38:11,500 --> 00:38:12,720
You won't, you know.
1166
00:38:14,180 --> 00:38:14,740
Oh!
1167
00:38:15,900 --> 00:38:16,520
I'm sorry.
1168
00:38:16,820 --> 00:38:17,780
I thought it was me coffee.
1169
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:18,720
That's OK.
1170
00:38:19,220 --> 00:38:21,040
Look, I came to apologise for what happened yesterday.
1171
00:38:21,540 --> 00:38:22,280
Are you joking?
1172
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,460
Have you seen the publicity we got out of it?
1173
00:38:24,700 --> 00:38:25,940
Front page, every paper.
1174
00:38:26,300 --> 00:38:26,900
Good day.
1175
00:38:27,260 --> 00:38:28,580
I was hoping it'd do the trick.
1176
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:29,840
What do you mean, you were hoping?
1177
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,140
Well, the donkey wasn't a bad idea,
1178
00:38:32,720 --> 00:38:35,700
but there's nothing like a really good punch-up, particularly amongst women.
1179
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:38,380
You mean you started it deliberately?
1180
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:40,500
Ha-ha-ha!
1181
00:38:41,100 --> 00:38:42,760
You're a clever little devil, ain't you?
1182
00:38:43,180 --> 00:38:45,600
Well, I'm pretty sure it was my outfit she had on.
1183
00:38:45,820 --> 00:38:46,940
Of course I could be wrong.
1184
00:38:47,500 --> 00:38:48,220
Ha-ha-ha!
1185
00:38:48,820 --> 00:38:49,760
We should get together.
1186
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:51,800
With your brains and my beauty,
1187
00:38:51,820 --> 00:38:52,500
we could go places.
1188
00:38:53,140 --> 00:38:54,620
Ha-ha-ha! Oh,
1189
00:38:54,620 --> 00:38:56,060
I don't think I could teach you much.
1190
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:56,880
You want to bet?
1191
00:38:57,380 --> 00:38:58,160
I think I'd better be going.
1192
00:38:58,280 --> 00:38:59,300
No, no, come on, dear.
1193
00:38:59,320 --> 00:38:59,980
What's the hurry?
1194
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,720
You know what the other girls would say if they knew I was in here with you?
1195
00:39:03,020 --> 00:39:03,420
Yes.
1196
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:04,640
Why should she have all the luck?
1197
00:39:04,850 --> 00:39:07,920
They'd say I was trying to work on you to fix myself to win.
1198
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:09,240
And they'd be dead wrong.
1199
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,000
There is nothing in the world that you could do to influence me.
1200
00:39:12,240 --> 00:39:13,320
I'll be there and I'll prove it.
1201
00:39:13,540 --> 00:39:14,300
No, thanks.
1202
00:39:14,460 --> 00:39:16,000
I'll take my chance with the rest.
1203
00:39:16,220 --> 00:39:17,080
I'll tell you what I'll do with you.
1204
00:39:17,140 --> 00:39:18,600
You send all the others in here one at a time,
1205
00:39:18,700 --> 00:39:19,620
and I'll prove it to a lot of them.
1206
00:39:19,660 --> 00:39:21,180
Now, you can't say fairer than that, can you?
1207
00:39:21,660 --> 00:39:22,340
Oh, really?
1208
00:39:22,340 --> 00:39:23,420
You ought to.
1209
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:24,940
Whoo! Ha-ha-ha!
1210
00:39:25,620 --> 00:39:26,560
Leave it outside the door,
1211
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:26,840
please.
1212
00:39:27,140 --> 00:39:28,340
Sidney, I want to talk to you.
1213
00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:29,160
Miss Connors.
1214
00:39:29,300 --> 00:39:30,780
Oh, she mustn't catch you in here.
1215
00:39:31,060 --> 00:39:31,420
Sidney!
1216
00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:34,100
Just a minute, ma'am.
1217
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:35,440
Quick, get in the cupboard.
1218
00:39:36,050 --> 00:39:37,120
Oh! What's the matter?
1219
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:38,700
Oh, my dressing gown's got cold.
1220
00:39:38,700 --> 00:39:39,640
Oh, no!
1221
00:39:40,130 --> 00:39:41,360
Sidney! You're all right,
1222
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:41,520
love.
1223
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:42,100
I'm not decent.
1224
00:39:42,260 --> 00:39:43,740
I think it's cold in the spring.
1225
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:45,220
Well, do something, for God's sake.
1226
00:39:45,460 --> 00:39:47,020
All right, but turn the other way.
1227
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:52,640
Sidney! Coming!
1228
00:39:56,980 --> 00:39:57,220
Coming.
1229
00:39:58,740 --> 00:39:59,360
Fair to get you, Wiley.
1230
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:00,580
Just get in dressed.
1231
00:40:01,100 --> 00:40:02,100
Didn't get very far, did you?
1232
00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:02,940
What's the matter?
1233
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:04,340
Something's upset you, hasn't it?
1234
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:04,980
Upset?
1235
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:07,520
Four more of my regulars moved out this morning.
1236
00:40:07,620 --> 00:40:08,840
That's seven gone in two days.
1237
00:40:09,550 --> 00:40:09,800
Oh.
1238
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:11,140
Well, we don't want to discuss it up here,
1239
00:40:11,140 --> 00:40:11,280
do we?
1240
00:40:11,420 --> 00:40:12,180
Why don't we get out of the office?
1241
00:40:12,420 --> 00:40:13,140
In your pajamas.
1242
00:40:13,220 --> 00:40:14,680
That should get rid of a few more.
1243
00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:15,020
Yes.
1244
00:40:15,020 --> 00:40:16,480
Well, I'll put on my dressing gown.
1245
00:40:17,300 --> 00:40:18,300
Now, I'll tell you what.
1246
00:40:18,540 --> 00:40:20,100
You go downstairs, and I'll follow straight.
1247
00:40:20,420 --> 00:40:21,600
What is it?
1248
00:40:21,660 --> 00:40:22,860
That's what I'm wondering.
1249
00:40:23,020 --> 00:40:24,800
Oh, there's my dressing gown.
1250
00:40:25,180 --> 00:40:26,320
I wonder what happened to it.
1251
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:28,280
Want me to lock?
1252
00:40:30,670 --> 00:40:31,220
It's Frank.
1253
00:40:31,700 --> 00:40:32,360
Where is she?
1254
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:32,920
Where's who?
1255
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:33,580
I don't know what you're talking about.
1256
00:40:34,620 --> 00:40:35,200
What are you looking for?
1257
00:40:35,240 --> 00:40:35,640
There isn't one.
1258
00:40:35,780 --> 00:40:36,600
I always go to the bathroom.
1259
00:40:37,150 --> 00:40:37,980
Connie, just a minute.
1260
00:40:38,340 --> 00:40:39,000
Connie, wait a minute.
1261
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:39,680
Oh,
1262
00:40:40,180 --> 00:40:40,540
hello.
1263
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:43,000
I thought as much.
1264
00:40:43,940 --> 00:40:44,140
Connie.
1265
00:40:44,740 --> 00:40:45,300
Connie, wait a minute.
1266
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:45,860
Connie!
1267
00:40:46,380 --> 00:40:46,600
Just a...
1268
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:50,700
Gosh, you're right.
1269
00:40:50,780 --> 00:40:51,580
It is a bit nippy.
1270
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,180
What do you keep looking around like that for?
1271
00:40:54,380 --> 00:40:56,240
I'm just worried somebody might come along.
1272
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:57,620
So what?
1273
00:40:58,020 --> 00:41:00,020
I'm sure they've seen a naked girl before.
1274
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:01,000
Well, I haven't.
1275
00:41:01,660 --> 00:41:03,120
Oh, not like this, anyway.
1276
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:05,560
You're not embarrassed, are you?
1277
00:41:05,980 --> 00:41:07,100
You shouldn't be, you know.
1278
00:41:07,940 --> 00:41:10,840
As a photographer, you should be able to regard these things objectively.
1279
00:41:11,260 --> 00:41:11,440
Yes,
1280
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:13,720
well, nobody could regard those things objectively.
1281
00:41:14,780 --> 00:41:15,240
Why?
1282
00:41:15,260 --> 00:41:16,120
What's wrong with them?
1283
00:41:16,220 --> 00:41:16,640
Oh, nothing.
1284
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:17,140
They're,
1285
00:41:18,130 --> 00:41:18,780
er...
1286
00:41:18,780 --> 00:41:20,360
Er...
1287
00:41:20,550 --> 00:41:21,900
Come on, let's get on with the photographs.
1288
00:41:22,700 --> 00:41:24,360
Oh, I've still got my panties on.
1289
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:24,860
Oh,
1290
00:41:25,330 --> 00:41:25,980
er...
1291
00:41:25,980 --> 00:41:27,000
Haven't you taken enough off?
1292
00:41:27,180 --> 00:41:29,080
Not for the magazine these photos are for.
1293
00:41:29,620 --> 00:41:35,520
Oh, my God.
1294
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:38,920
Oh.
1295
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:40,920
OK, now, Larry.
1296
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:42,380
And smile.
1297
00:41:43,260 --> 00:41:44,020
Help!
1298
00:41:44,720 --> 00:41:45,060
Help!
1299
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,840
Help! Get me out! Get me out!
1300
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:48,600
Oh,
1301
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:49,100
help!
1302
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:49,860
Help!
1303
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:51,520
Get me out!
1304
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:52,720
Ah!
1305
00:41:57,620 --> 00:41:59,040
Well, it won't be long now.
1306
00:41:59,700 --> 00:42:00,860
I'm used to this sort of thing,
1307
00:42:00,860 --> 00:42:01,080
you know.
1308
00:42:01,220 --> 00:42:02,240
That's quite all right, Your Worship.
1309
00:42:04,020 --> 00:42:04,620
Oh, yes.
1310
00:42:04,980 --> 00:42:06,500
Sorry to keep you all waiting.
1311
00:42:06,980 --> 00:42:08,020
It's a weakness of mine,
1312
00:42:08,020 --> 00:42:08,380
you know.
1313
00:42:08,500 --> 00:42:09,260
That's quite all right,
1314
00:42:09,300 --> 00:42:09,860
Lady Marys.
1315
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:13,440
Frederick will tell you I have to get up four or five times during the night,
1316
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:13,760
don't I?
1317
00:42:13,820 --> 00:42:15,100
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
1318
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:18,080
I'm sure the matron has no wish to listen to our nocturnal habits,
1319
00:42:18,380 --> 00:42:18,660
Minadrid.
1320
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,960
I didn't mean those sort of habits.
1321
00:42:21,540 --> 00:42:23,380
We haven't done anything like that for...
1322
00:42:23,380 --> 00:42:25,460
Yeah, could we please get on with it,
1323
00:42:25,500 --> 00:42:25,800
Matron?
1324
00:42:25,900 --> 00:42:27,480
Yes, yes, of course, Your Worship.
1325
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:30,960
Well, this is the new nursery.
1326
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:32,860
As you can see,
1327
00:42:33,260 --> 00:42:35,980
we've named it the Frederick Bumble Nursery.
1328
00:42:36,340 --> 00:42:39,560
I'm, of course, highly honoured, but I would have thought that...
1329
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:39,780
Mrs.
1330
00:42:39,940 --> 00:42:42,960
Prudworthy, you know, as chairman of the hospital board...
1331
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:44,120
Thank you, Your Worship,
1332
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:46,720
but the committee felt the honour should go to you.
1333
00:42:47,980 --> 00:42:50,420
The commemoration plaque is at the far end.
1334
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:53,440
Now, I must ask you all to be very quiet,
1335
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:55,160
as the babies will all be asleep.
1336
00:42:55,180 --> 00:42:57,000
Oh, God bless their little hearts.
1337
00:43:15,470 --> 00:43:19,440
Just leave me, Lady! Just leave them there! Leave them!
1338
00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:33,560
Just
1339
00:43:34,300 --> 00:43:35,800
pull the cord when you're ready,
1340
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:36,280
Your Worship.
1341
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:37,920
Yes, of course, Matron, yes.
1342
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:40,680
Ladies and gentlemen...
1343
00:43:40,860 --> 00:43:46,580
Shh! Ladies and gentlemen,
1344
00:43:47,700 --> 00:43:50,160
it is with the greatest pride, oh,
1345
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,520
nay, even with pride,
1346
00:43:53,240 --> 00:43:55,400
that I unveil this commemorative plaque
1347
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,840
to mark the completion of this splendid
1348
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:00,560
new nursery.
1349
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:12,040
Oh,
1350
00:44:12,580 --> 00:44:13,400
responsible women!
1351
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:17,020
Oh, my dear! Oh, my dear! Worship of many!
1352
00:44:17,620 --> 00:44:19,660
I'll help you! You will...
1353
00:44:19,860 --> 00:44:21,100
Who did this?
1354
00:44:22,100 --> 00:44:23,620
Shut up, you little devil!
1355
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:24,960
Shut up!
1356
00:44:25,940 --> 00:44:26,800
Who did this?
1357
00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:31,160
I tell you, I've never been so humiliated.
1358
00:44:32,020 --> 00:44:33,060
And it's all your fault.
1359
00:44:33,540 --> 00:44:35,480
You and this wretched beauty contest.
1360
00:44:35,770 --> 00:44:37,160
Oh, come off it, Frederick.
1361
00:44:37,220 --> 00:44:38,240
I'll be all that serious.
1362
00:44:38,260 --> 00:44:39,140
But I tell you,
1363
00:44:39,140 --> 00:44:40,360
I was a laughingstock.
1364
00:44:40,900 --> 00:44:43,020
Even the babies were wetting themselves.
1365
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:44,240
I wish we'd known.
1366
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:45,280
We'd have had a photographer there.
1367
00:44:45,340 --> 00:44:47,060
You won't need any photos,
1368
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,900
not with Augusta Prudworthy there.
1369
00:44:50,900 --> 00:44:52,800
It'll be all over the town by now.
1370
00:44:53,140 --> 00:44:55,120
I still think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.
1371
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:57,220
Now, if you hadn't been wearing your underpants...
1372
00:44:57,760 --> 00:44:58,220
Yes,
1373
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:00,420
it was ghastly enough, thank you.
1374
00:45:00,660 --> 00:45:00,920
Oh,
1375
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:02,460
if you don't believe me,
1376
00:45:02,580 --> 00:45:03,700
ask her, she'll tell you.
1377
00:45:05,940 --> 00:45:07,260
Well, say something, woman.
1378
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:09,080
Is there a latest,
1379
00:45:09,700 --> 00:45:11,480
Auntie? Oh, shut up!
1380
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:14,120
I warn you, Fiddler, I will not be involved
1381
00:45:14,140 --> 00:45:16,240
in any more of your publicity stunts.
1382
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:17,140
No more!
1383
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:20,280
Pity about that, because he's got a good one lined up for you.
1384
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:21,360
I do not care!
1385
00:45:21,860 --> 00:45:22,380
Come on, Mildred.
1386
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:24,320
It would have done you a lot of good,
1387
00:45:24,660 --> 00:45:26,560
put you in a heroic light for a change.
1388
00:45:26,820 --> 00:45:27,900
Well, I don't wish to...
1389
00:45:27,900 --> 00:45:28,020
No,
1390
00:45:29,100 --> 00:45:29,600
but...
1391
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:29,820
Huh?
1392
00:45:31,300 --> 00:45:32,100
How do you mean,
1393
00:45:32,900 --> 00:45:33,600
er...
1394
00:45:33,740 --> 00:45:34,600
heroic light?
1395
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:36,260
You know lovers' walk,
1396
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:37,760
where everybody goes for a snog?
1397
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:38,880
Yes.
1398
00:45:40,030 --> 00:45:41,460
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
1399
00:45:41,460 --> 00:45:41,880
What about it?
1400
00:45:42,420 --> 00:45:43,260
This is it.
1401
00:45:43,700 --> 00:45:45,340
One of our girls goes for a walk,
1402
00:45:45,780 --> 00:45:46,120
is attacked,
1403
00:45:46,980 --> 00:45:48,320
has half her clothes torn off,
1404
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:50,100
but is rescued in the nick of time by,
1405
00:45:50,420 --> 00:45:50,580
guess who?
1406
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:51,220
Me.
1407
00:45:53,580 --> 00:45:56,180
What would I be doing there?
1408
00:45:56,660 --> 00:45:57,820
Well, you just happened to be there.
1409
00:45:58,120 --> 00:45:59,220
With your wife, of course.
1410
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:01,560
Me?
1411
00:46:02,460 --> 00:46:04,020
Don't lovers' walk with her?
1412
00:46:05,100 --> 00:46:06,540
You must be raving mad.
1413
00:46:07,500 --> 00:46:08,240
He's got a point there,
1414
00:46:08,500 --> 00:46:09,440
Pete. I'll tell you what.
1415
00:46:09,740 --> 00:46:11,020
We'll fix you up with one of our girls.
1416
00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:11,120
How's that?
1417
00:46:11,140 --> 00:46:12,740
You are raving mad.
1418
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:15,240
Don't let me get out of here.
1419
00:46:15,910 --> 00:46:17,640
Oh! Oh, it's you, Your Worship.
1420
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:19,760
I didn't recognise you with your trousers on.
1421
00:46:20,020 --> 00:46:21,260
I...
1422
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:23,060
Get out of...
1423
00:46:23,710 --> 00:46:24,700
Oh, dear.
1424
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:26,020
Did I say something wrong?
1425
00:46:26,180 --> 00:46:26,960
So she'd notice.
1426
00:46:27,420 --> 00:46:28,160
You ever talk to Connie?
1427
00:46:28,420 --> 00:46:28,840
Yeah.
1428
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:29,820
I tried to explain to her,
1429
00:46:29,820 --> 00:46:30,760
but she just wouldn't listen.
1430
00:46:30,860 --> 00:46:32,480
What do you expect?
1431
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,460
She finds you and Hope practically naked in your bedroom together,
1432
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:37,480
and you expect her to really believe that nothing happened.
1433
00:46:38,140 --> 00:46:38,820
I don't believe it myself.
1434
00:46:39,100 --> 00:46:40,060
I must be snippy.
1435
00:46:40,310 --> 00:46:40,940
That's silly.
1436
00:46:41,460 --> 00:46:43,740
I like to think a man can have a relationship with a woman,
1437
00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:45,480
which isn't just based on sex.
1438
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:46,220
I fully agree.
1439
00:46:46,420 --> 00:46:47,380
She should have money as well.
1440
00:46:48,220 --> 00:46:49,560
Hello?
1441
00:46:51,300 --> 00:46:51,940
Yes, just a minute.
1442
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:53,720
It's a fellow from the television studios.
1443
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:54,900
He wants to talk to you.
1444
00:46:56,020 --> 00:46:57,160
Councillor Fiddler speaking.
1445
00:46:57,480 --> 00:47:00,100
Are you the person organising the beauty contest?
1446
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:01,240
Yes, that's right.
1447
00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:03,620
Well, I'm...
1448
00:47:03,620 --> 00:47:04,560
...a special gay body.
1449
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:06,000
You don't say.
1450
00:47:06,460 --> 00:47:08,340
I do women's things every weekday.
1451
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:09,200
Aren't you lucky?
1452
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:11,080
The magazine programme.
1453
00:47:11,740 --> 00:47:12,860
What did you have in mind?
1454
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,060
Well, you know the kind of thing,
1455
00:47:15,340 --> 00:47:17,140
come down, interview some of the girls.
1456
00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:18,080
Oh, yes.
1457
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:20,460
And I think that's a great idea,
1458
00:47:20,500 --> 00:47:21,920
and I should be very happy to lay it on for you.
1459
00:47:22,220 --> 00:47:23,300
We could come down this evening.
1460
00:47:24,020 --> 00:47:24,600
Six o'clock?
1461
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:25,080
Fine.
1462
00:47:25,540 --> 00:47:26,420
By-z-wisey.
1463
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:27,060
Oh, yes.
1464
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:28,920
And by-z-wisey to you, too.
1465
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:30,440
We're in.
1466
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:31,860
I'm telling you, we're in.
1467
00:47:32,260 --> 00:47:33,760
They want to do a television bit on it.
1468
00:47:34,870 --> 00:47:35,540
On what?
1469
00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:37,240
Well, that's what we've got to sort out.
1470
00:47:37,620 --> 00:47:39,180
Now, then, it's got to be something sensational.
1471
00:47:40,100 --> 00:47:40,960
Now, then, think.
1472
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:43,580
Hope, you've had a lot of experience in that.
1473
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:45,260
What we want is some big surprise.
1474
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:47,360
Nothing would surprise me in this game,
1475
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:49,140
even if one of us turned out to be a man.
1476
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:50,860
That's it.
1477
00:47:51,420 --> 00:47:53,160
That's it! I love you.
1478
00:47:53,900 --> 00:47:54,960
Didn't I tell you you were a genius?
1479
00:47:55,300 --> 00:47:56,100
Are you kidding?
1480
00:47:56,140 --> 00:47:57,020
No, no, no.
1481
00:47:57,120 --> 00:47:57,940
Can't you see it?
1482
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,300
There are those girls all lined up,
1483
00:47:59,380 --> 00:48:00,240
being interviewed on the telly,
1484
00:48:00,780 --> 00:48:02,520
and their one-arrived looking absolutely fantastic.
1485
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:03,600
And suddenly,
1486
00:48:04,300 --> 00:48:06,000
pop! Oh! One flat tyre.
1487
00:48:06,700 --> 00:48:08,140
You know, it could be kind of funny at that.
1488
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:09,200
Well, there'd be money in the bank.
1489
00:48:09,580 --> 00:48:12,140
Pardon me, but aren't you overlooking one small point?
1490
00:48:12,340 --> 00:48:12,460
What?
1491
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:14,340
None of our girls are men.
1492
00:48:14,660 --> 00:48:15,300
How do you know?
1493
00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:16,800
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Sid.
1494
00:48:16,980 --> 00:48:17,620
Well, all right.
1495
00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:18,580
We'll get a man to do it.
1496
00:48:18,700 --> 00:48:19,200
Oh, yes.
1497
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,140
I'm sure the mayor would be only too willing to oblige.
1498
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:22,300
I don't know.
1499
00:48:23,460 --> 00:48:24,980
I don't think we'd have to look very far, do you?
1500
00:48:26,980 --> 00:48:27,700
You know,
1501
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,040
I think we might just about get away with it,
1502
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:31,400
with a good wig and make-up.
1503
00:48:31,580 --> 00:48:32,340
And flat heels.
1504
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:34,180
Oh, no.
1505
00:48:34,460 --> 00:48:35,460
No, I'm not having that.
1506
00:48:35,900 --> 00:48:36,920
Oh, come on, Pete.
1507
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:37,700
What have you got to lose?
1508
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:39,800
Nothing much, but I'm not losing it dressed as a woman.
1509
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:42,220
Oh, Blimey, nobody will know it's you.
1510
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:43,660
You can change back immediately after.
1511
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,160
I'm not changing my sex for you or anybody else,
1512
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:46,740
and that's flat.
1513
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,540
No, no, definitely no.
1514
00:48:50,420 --> 00:48:53,040
Stop wiggling.
1515
00:48:53,380 --> 00:48:54,160
I can't help it.
1516
00:48:54,860 --> 00:48:56,440
I can hardly breathe in this damn thing.
1517
00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:58,120
Then don't breathe.
1518
00:48:58,380 --> 00:48:59,280
Oh, that's fine.
1519
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:00,160
Don't move.
1520
00:49:00,240 --> 00:49:00,720
Stop breathing.
1521
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:03,000
Why don't you just bury me and have done with it?
1522
00:49:03,180 --> 00:49:03,980
Here, that would be a good stunt.
1523
00:49:04,780 --> 00:49:06,660
We could have all the other girls as coffin bearers
1524
00:49:06,660 --> 00:49:09,360
with top hats and black armbands and a lily stuck up their...
1525
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:09,560
There.
1526
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:11,000
There.
1527
00:49:11,580 --> 00:49:12,180
Not bad.
1528
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:14,460
I wish your knees weren't quite so knobbly,
1529
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:15,920
though. Oh, I am sorry.
1530
00:49:16,500 --> 00:49:18,360
I'll go to the hospital and get myself de-nobbled.
1531
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:21,200
Anything else you'd like me to have off while I'm at it?
1532
00:49:22,240 --> 00:49:22,360
HE GIGGLES
1533
00:49:22,970 --> 00:49:23,420
Here.
1534
00:49:23,660 --> 00:49:25,500
We could do with a little bit more padding up here, though.
1535
00:49:26,700 --> 00:49:27,240
That's all right.
1536
00:49:27,500 --> 00:49:29,820
We'll just get them to transplant the nobbles from my knees.
1537
00:49:30,540 --> 00:49:33,440
HE GIGGLES I'll do that,
1538
00:49:33,900 --> 00:49:34,160
Thorsy.
1539
00:49:37,220 --> 00:49:41,100
PHONE RINGS Hello?
1540
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:43,360
Hello.
1541
00:49:43,720 --> 00:49:44,480
Is that Mrs.
1542
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:45,100
Prodworthy?
1543
00:49:45,300 --> 00:49:46,480
Yes, it is.
1544
00:49:46,580 --> 00:49:47,260
Who is that?
1545
00:49:47,580 --> 00:49:49,680
Well, you won't know who this is,
1546
00:49:49,820 --> 00:49:50,700
but...
1547
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:52,800
No, not much, you won't.
1548
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:54,460
A kindly state to your business?
1549
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,200
Well, this may come as a surprise to you,
1550
00:49:57,220 --> 00:50:01,100
but one of the entrants in the beauty competition is really a man.
1551
00:50:02,580 --> 00:50:05,260
Good heavens! Well, this is incredible!
1552
00:50:06,140 --> 00:50:07,160
Which one of them is it?
1553
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:09,280
Well, I'm not prepared to say,
1554
00:50:09,420 --> 00:50:11,520
but if you're at the hotel at 6 o'clock,
1555
00:50:11,660 --> 00:50:13,120
you'll have a chance of finding out.
1556
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:15,780
Did she swallow it?
1557
00:50:15,900 --> 00:50:16,840
Oh, lad, and sinker.
1558
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:17,520
Good boy, Willie.
1559
00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:17,880
Well done.
1560
00:50:18,060 --> 00:50:18,300
Thank you.
1561
00:50:18,300 --> 00:50:19,500
Remember, not a word of this to anybody,
1562
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:20,140
particularly Mr.
1563
00:50:20,260 --> 00:50:20,320
Potter.
1564
00:50:20,420 --> 00:50:21,300
Of course not, Mr.
1565
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:21,500
Fiddler.
1566
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:22,160
There we are, son.
1567
00:50:22,240 --> 00:50:22,840
That's very nice.
1568
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:23,380
I won't forget.
1569
00:50:24,220 --> 00:50:24,700
Oh,
1570
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:25,420
er,
1571
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:26,440
Mr... Mr.
1572
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:27,480
Fiddler, could you...
1573
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:27,540
Ah!
1574
00:50:29,010 --> 00:50:29,460
Now,
1575
00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:31,380
what do you think you'll look best in?
1576
00:50:31,500 --> 00:50:32,140
A blackout.
1577
00:50:32,740 --> 00:50:33,620
Which would you prefer,
1578
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:34,960
a short or a long one?
1579
00:50:36,900 --> 00:50:37,860
I'll think this one.
1580
00:50:42,420 --> 00:50:43,940
There you go.
1581
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:47,260
Now, what do you think?
1582
00:50:47,980 --> 00:50:49,920
Do you know, it may sound kinky, but
1583
00:50:50,700 --> 00:50:51,920
I can fancy myself.
1584
00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:53,920
You wait till you see yourself in the dress.
1585
00:51:02,340 --> 00:51:04,120
Come up and simmish some time.
1586
00:51:05,180 --> 00:51:05,700
Who is it?
1587
00:51:05,900 --> 00:51:06,320
Me.
1588
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:06,600
Sid.
1589
00:51:06,900 --> 00:51:07,440
Just a minute.
1590
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:08,420
I'm not decent.
1591
00:51:09,220 --> 00:51:10,000
What am I saying?
1592
00:51:13,940 --> 00:51:15,060
How's he going?
1593
00:51:21,940 --> 00:51:22,640
You're lovely.
1594
00:51:22,900 --> 00:51:24,280
Oh, shut up! Oh, really?
1595
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:24,960
I mean it.
1596
00:51:25,020 --> 00:51:25,420
Come here.
1597
00:51:25,720 --> 00:51:26,660
Get away from me,
1598
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:27,440
you dirty old man!
1599
00:51:27,700 --> 00:51:28,580
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
1600
00:51:30,850 --> 00:51:32,900
Well, Sid, what do you think?
1601
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:33,900
Absolutely perfect.
1602
00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:34,300
Look at that.
1603
00:51:34,340 --> 00:51:35,120
He'd fool anybody.
1604
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:36,500
Until I open my big mouth.
1605
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:38,000
But you don't open your big mouth.
1606
00:51:38,180 --> 00:51:39,440
The minute they twig that you're a bloke,
1607
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:41,060
you get up back to your room and you get changed.
1608
00:51:41,540 --> 00:51:43,320
And what do I do to show him I am a bloke?
1609
00:51:43,380 --> 00:51:45,020
And if the answer to that is what I think it is,
1610
00:51:45,140 --> 00:51:46,220
it's no, I won't do it.
1611
00:51:46,250 --> 00:51:47,220
It's all right.
1612
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:47,760
Don't worry.
1613
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:49,900
Look, when I introduce you, you step forward,
1614
00:51:50,340 --> 00:51:51,540
trip, your wig flies off,
1615
00:51:51,660 --> 00:51:54,640
I scream, go! Blimey, it's a fella! Sensation.
1616
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:55,780
Oh, very subtle.
1617
00:51:56,700 --> 00:51:57,220
Oh, goodness.
1618
00:51:57,660 --> 00:51:58,220
Give me this.
1619
00:51:59,060 --> 00:51:59,620
Oh, that's very nice.
1620
00:51:59,660 --> 00:52:00,400
Room 44.
1621
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:01,540
Yeah.
1622
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:02,540
I'll tell him.
1623
00:52:02,780 --> 00:52:02,980
Lovely.
1624
00:52:03,860 --> 00:52:04,780
The television people are here.
1625
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:05,080
Great.
1626
00:52:05,280 --> 00:52:05,680
Here we go.
1627
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:06,600
Now stop worrying.
1628
00:52:06,980 --> 00:52:07,360
Go on.
1629
00:52:07,460 --> 00:52:08,040
Get into your dress.
1630
00:52:08,180 --> 00:52:08,720
Here's a good girl.
1631
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:12,260
What television interview?
1632
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:14,440
I don't know anything about any interviews.
1633
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:18,480
Excuse me, but we made arrangements with Mr Fiddler to film here at six o'clock.
1634
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:19,200
In here?
1635
00:52:19,700 --> 00:52:21,040
Not in this dreary room.
1636
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:22,720
We're not doing Bleak House.
1637
00:52:22,900 --> 00:52:23,440
Now, look here.
1638
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:26,340
I refuse to stand here any longer and take any more of your...
1639
00:52:26,340 --> 00:52:27,120
All right, Tony, leave it to me.
1640
00:52:27,260 --> 00:52:27,960
I'll look after them.
1641
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:29,080
Just get them out of here,
1642
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:29,580
do you understand?
1643
00:52:29,660 --> 00:52:29,860
Out!
1644
00:52:30,300 --> 00:52:32,360
I'm not having any more of your little stunts.
1645
00:52:32,720 --> 00:52:33,020
Excuse us.
1646
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:34,680
Connie, come on.
1647
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:36,400
I can't just chuck them out.
1648
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:37,260
Think of the publicity.
1649
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:39,680
I mean, let's face it, we can't possibly get enough of it.
1650
00:52:39,900 --> 00:52:40,400
Really?
1651
00:52:40,820 --> 00:52:43,580
I was under the impression that you were getting more than enough of it.
1652
00:52:45,260 --> 00:52:45,620
Excuse me.
1653
00:52:45,620 --> 00:52:46,340
I'm sorry about that.
1654
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,500
Mr Fiddler, we've come quite a long way,
1655
00:52:49,580 --> 00:52:52,300
and I'm really rather worn out.
1656
00:52:52,660 --> 00:52:53,520
Don't you look it?
1657
00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:54,560
Er, tired, I mean.
1658
00:52:55,100 --> 00:52:56,440
I'd like to get it over with.
1659
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:57,260
Yes, well,
1660
00:52:57,680 --> 00:52:58,380
through here, please.
1661
00:53:02,700 --> 00:53:03,760
Oh, Albert, yeah.
1662
00:53:04,140 --> 00:53:04,360
Ah.
1663
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:06,020
Perkins, nine,
1664
00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:08,100
three, six, four...
1665
00:53:08,450 --> 00:53:09,880
Hello, can I...
1666
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:10,580
Won't keep you long.
1667
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:11,060
Hello.
1668
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:11,800
Hello.
1669
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:12,380
Hello.
1670
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:13,480
That's for...
1671
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:15,580
Oh! Ha! They were...
1672
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:16,720
Oh, it wasn't...
1673
00:53:16,720 --> 00:53:17,780
It was...
1674
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:18,640
I was...
1675
00:53:18,660 --> 00:53:18,940
Sorry.
1676
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:20,440
I'd like to see Mr Potter,
1677
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:21,120
please.
1678
00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:21,660
Mr Potter?
1679
00:53:21,940 --> 00:53:22,320
Yes.
1680
00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:22,860
Just one moment.
1681
00:53:23,460 --> 00:53:23,920
I'll...
1682
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:24,940
I'll...
1683
00:53:24,940 --> 00:53:25,220
I'll...
1684
00:53:25,220 --> 00:53:25,280
I'll...
1685
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:25,360
I'll...
1686
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:26,460
I'll give all...
1687
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:28,200
Well, Mr Potter, won't keep you...
1688
00:53:29,660 --> 00:53:30,260
Well...
1689
00:53:30,700 --> 00:53:32,520
Er, Potter, yes, that's quite right.
1690
00:53:32,580 --> 00:53:34,380
It's room 43, fourth floor.
1691
00:53:34,720 --> 00:53:35,640
It's all right, don't you, Mother.
1692
00:53:35,720 --> 00:53:36,540
I'll give him a...
1693
00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:37,340
I'll give him a...
1694
00:53:37,340 --> 00:53:38,380
Give him a box for you.
1695
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:39,080
Thank you.
1696
00:53:39,500 --> 00:53:40,740
Please, give me another one.
1697
00:53:40,860 --> 00:53:41,880
I'll give it back.
1698
00:53:43,060 --> 00:53:45,560
Ha! No, no, please don't bother.
1699
00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:47,640
I'd like to surprise him anyway.
1700
00:53:47,700 --> 00:53:50,260
Yes, well, it's room 43, fourth floor.
1701
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:51,240
Oh, Joe, no.
1702
00:53:56,860 --> 00:53:59,100
Oh.
1703
00:54:03,220 --> 00:54:03,560
Oh! Oh! Oh.
1704
00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:06,080
I think we'd better go down a couple of flights
1705
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:07,340
so you can get used to the frock.
1706
00:54:07,580 --> 00:54:07,920
Come on.
1707
00:54:17,700 --> 00:54:37,840
All right.
1708
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:39,120
Quiet, everyone, please.
1709
00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:40,900
Ready whenever you are,
1710
00:54:40,980 --> 00:54:41,500
Mr Fiddler.
1711
00:54:41,620 --> 00:54:42,040
Well, hang on.
1712
00:54:42,100 --> 00:54:43,040
We've just got two more to come.
1713
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,680
Excuse us.
1714
00:54:46,700 --> 00:54:47,680
Excuse us?
1715
00:54:54,700 --> 00:54:56,100
Here they are.
1716
00:54:56,340 --> 00:54:56,980
Up here, please.
1717
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:57,520
Come on.
1718
00:54:59,920 --> 00:55:02,720
You clumsy cow! I'm awfully sorry.
1719
00:55:02,980 --> 00:55:03,720
Oh, don't worry.
1720
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:04,560
I'll do it myself.
1721
00:55:04,720 --> 00:55:05,480
Excuse me.
1722
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:07,480
Miss Potter, would you get on the end of the line?
1723
00:55:07,660 --> 00:55:09,080
Be a darling, Miss Potter.
1724
00:55:17,050 --> 00:55:18,400
There we are.
1725
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:19,140
All set.
1726
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:21,360
Thank goodness for that.
1727
00:55:21,940 --> 00:55:22,820
Now, we'll start.
1728
00:55:23,420 --> 00:55:24,240
Now, come on, girls.
1729
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:24,800
Don't forget.
1730
00:55:25,140 --> 00:55:25,760
Cheese, please.
1731
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:26,920
Plenty of cheese.
1732
00:55:27,240 --> 00:55:29,180
Come on, throw away your thing and me bothers out.
1733
00:55:30,180 --> 00:55:31,460
Not right out, darling.
1734
00:55:31,540 --> 00:55:33,880
It's not an educational programme.
1735
00:55:34,420 --> 00:55:35,480
Yes, yes, yes, I know.
1736
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:38,340
But even supposing if your information is correct,
1737
00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:40,640
I fail to see what we can do about it.
1738
00:55:40,910 --> 00:55:41,460
Inspector,
1739
00:55:41,820 --> 00:55:44,160
is there no law against a man masquerading as a woman?
1740
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:47,200
Well, if it's with intent to defraud the public, yes, ma'am.
1741
00:55:47,500 --> 00:55:51,400
But he'd only be defrauding if he was offering something he hadn't got.
1742
00:55:51,980 --> 00:55:54,120
Well, he would be offering something he hasn't got.
1743
00:55:54,900 --> 00:55:55,860
Depends what he's offering.
1744
00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:58,060
Well, that is tricky.
1745
00:55:58,980 --> 00:56:00,200
Now, take this gentleman here.
1746
00:56:00,640 --> 00:56:02,280
He can dress up as a woman if he so wishes.
1747
00:56:02,580 --> 00:56:03,840
She is a woman.
1748
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:06,420
Oh, well, that's different.
1749
00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:07,940
She can dress up as a man.
1750
00:56:08,980 --> 00:56:09,500
She is.
1751
00:56:10,180 --> 00:56:11,320
Oh, this is getting us nowhere.
1752
00:56:11,530 --> 00:56:12,380
Inspector,
1753
00:56:13,140 --> 00:56:14,700
is it or is it not fraud
1754
00:56:14,700 --> 00:56:17,800
if a man masquerades as a woman in order to win a prize?
1755
00:56:17,980 --> 00:56:19,100
Now, that would be an offence.
1756
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:21,720
Then that is all we wish to know.
1757
00:56:22,100 --> 00:56:22,360
Come along.
1758
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,180
And now, woman's things.
1759
00:56:26,380 --> 00:56:28,620
Take you to the darling seaside town
1760
00:56:29,160 --> 00:56:32,780
for an exclusive behind-the-scenes peep
1761
00:56:32,780 --> 00:56:36,020
at the drama in a typical beauty contest.
1762
00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:36,920
Stop!
1763
00:56:37,510 --> 00:56:38,460
Madam,
1764
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:40,340
if you don't mind,
1765
00:56:40,380 --> 00:56:42,440
we are recording a television show.
1766
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,340
You are recording a public scundrel.
1767
00:56:45,340 --> 00:56:46,220
That is what you're doing.
1768
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:48,740
I beg your pardon.
1769
00:56:48,980 --> 00:56:53,120
I have every reason to believe that one of those women is a man.
1770
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:57,220
Really?
1771
00:56:58,100 --> 00:56:59,040
Do tell.
1772
00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:00,100
Mrs.
1773
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:01,640
Prawdworthy, you don't know what you're saying.
1774
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:03,020
Oh, yes, I do.
1775
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:04,920
I had an anonymous phone call.
1776
00:57:05,350 --> 00:57:05,800
Oh,
1777
00:57:06,140 --> 00:57:07,460
well, soon saw that out.
1778
00:57:07,820 --> 00:57:08,740
Girl, do you hear what the lady said?
1779
00:57:09,060 --> 00:57:11,160
If it's true, would the guilty one kindly step forward?
1780
00:57:13,700 --> 00:57:14,440
Satisfied, Mrs.
1781
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:14,780
Prawdworthy?
1782
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:15,540
Certainly not.
1783
00:57:15,900 --> 00:57:18,300
I demand that each one undergoes an examination.
1784
00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:19,860
Physical examination?
1785
00:57:20,180 --> 00:57:20,860
Exactly.
1786
00:57:21,340 --> 00:57:21,980
Well, it's up to them,
1787
00:57:21,980 --> 00:57:22,320
of course.
1788
00:57:22,420 --> 00:57:23,060
If it was me,
1789
00:57:23,260 --> 00:57:25,040
I would be only too happy to prove you wrong.
1790
00:57:25,780 --> 00:57:26,300
What do you say, girls?
1791
00:57:26,620 --> 00:57:27,520
What, strip off, you mean?
1792
00:57:27,730 --> 00:57:28,680
Just down to the undies.
1793
00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:29,240
That should be enough.
1794
00:57:29,540 --> 00:57:30,240
Well, I'm game.
1795
00:57:30,520 --> 00:57:30,780
Come on.
1796
00:57:31,140 --> 00:57:34,940
Miss Potter.
1797
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:40,120
Keep shooting still, little bit, and safe.
1798
00:57:42,180 --> 00:57:43,060
Now, you too, Miss Potter.
1799
00:57:43,160 --> 00:57:44,600
Now, don't be shy, Miss Potter.
1800
00:57:45,100 --> 00:57:45,820
You want this?
1801
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:47,960
That's him! Stop him, somebody!
1802
00:57:48,660 --> 00:57:49,060
Stop him!
1803
00:57:49,740 --> 00:57:53,000
Stop that person!
1804
00:57:54,100 --> 00:58:09,680
After him! After him! This way, me dear.
1805
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:11,140
Over here.
1806
00:58:16,460 --> 00:58:17,000
Upstairs!
1807
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:21,760
Upstairs!
1808
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:22,680
Help!
1809
00:58:23,240 --> 00:58:25,480
How dare you! You thing, you!
1810
00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:30,200
Serves you right for trying,
1811
00:58:30,380 --> 00:58:31,480
you dirty old latcher.
1812
00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:32,660
Help!
1813
00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:34,420
Oh!
1814
00:58:36,860 --> 00:58:38,660
Oh!
1815
00:58:42,280 --> 00:58:45,140
Oh, my God! Sorry, wrong room!
1816
00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:49,800
Peter, in here!
1817
00:58:55,220 --> 00:58:56,980
Get your own clothes on!
1818
00:58:57,380 --> 00:58:58,880
Come on, get them out soon!
1819
00:58:59,700 --> 00:59:00,720
Get your main colour on!
1820
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:07,120
Excuse me.
1821
00:59:07,600 --> 00:59:08,400
Have you seen a,
1822
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:09,520
uh, clothes...
1823
00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:11,040
woman up here?
1824
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:11,960
Why, yes.
1825
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:13,920
She came into my fiance's room a moment ago.
1826
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:15,100
It's in there.
1827
00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:16,580
What is?
1828
00:59:16,960 --> 00:59:17,400
Don't ask me, sir.
1829
00:59:17,670 --> 00:59:19,740
All right, leave this to me, please.
1830
00:59:19,740 --> 00:59:19,880
Here.
1831
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:24,420
I must ask you to open the door,
1832
00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:24,820
please.
1833
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:25,540
This is the police.
1834
00:59:25,980 --> 00:59:27,200
Shh! Quick, on the bed.
1835
00:59:32,330 --> 00:59:34,780
How dare you burst in like that!
1836
00:59:35,260 --> 00:59:36,420
Excuse me, ma'am.
1837
00:59:36,700 --> 00:59:36,860
Sir?
1838
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:38,380
We were looking for
1839
00:59:39,060 --> 00:59:39,960
a...
1840
00:59:40,180 --> 00:59:40,360
Sorry.
1841
00:59:41,420 --> 00:59:41,940
Come on.
1842
00:59:45,820 --> 00:59:47,260
Oh, you're wonderful!
1843
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:50,500
Peter!
1844
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:52,440
Oh,
1845
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:53,020
no!
1846
01:00:11,790 --> 01:00:13,520
I can't do it.
1847
01:00:13,620 --> 01:00:16,500
I can't do it. You should see the way they're pouring in out there.
1848
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:17,820
It's even better than we bargained for.
1849
01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:19,320
You bargained for, you mean?
1850
01:00:19,760 --> 01:00:21,180
You're not still sure about what happened,
1851
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:21,360
are you?
1852
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:22,660
Oh, no, I'm chuffed to bits.
1853
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:24,180
I've lost my fiance.
1854
01:00:24,620 --> 01:00:26,640
I nearly get raped by a sex-starved admiral.
1855
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:27,880
And if it hadn't been for Hope,
1856
01:00:28,300 --> 01:00:29,680
I'd probably be in jail by now.
1857
01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:31,020
Oh, it was her idea,
1858
01:00:31,100 --> 01:00:32,300
wasn't it, all that rumpo on the bed?
1859
01:00:32,520 --> 01:00:33,580
Well, it certainly wasn't mine.
1860
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:35,140
What are you complaining about?
1861
01:00:35,740 --> 01:00:38,280
You ought to consider yourself dead lucky you got anywhere near her.
1862
01:00:38,420 --> 01:00:38,940
I know I would.
1863
01:00:39,460 --> 01:00:40,900
I've got nothing against her.
1864
01:00:41,660 --> 01:00:43,240
It's just that I happen to be in love with Paula.
1865
01:00:43,620 --> 01:00:44,480
Oh, forget it.
1866
01:00:44,480 --> 01:00:45,120
She'll come back.
1867
01:00:45,140 --> 01:00:45,840
They always do.
1868
01:00:46,060 --> 01:00:46,740
You look at old Connie.
1869
01:00:47,140 --> 01:00:48,380
Last night, she wouldn't speak to me.
1870
01:00:48,420 --> 01:00:49,240
Today, you watch.
1871
01:00:49,360 --> 01:00:50,280
She'll be all over me.
1872
01:00:51,580 --> 01:00:52,140
Hello, darling.
1873
01:00:52,520 --> 01:00:53,520
Doing all right out there, eh?
1874
01:00:54,040 --> 01:00:55,380
Told you they'd come flocking in, didn't I?
1875
01:00:59,580 --> 01:01:01,460
All over you.
1876
01:01:01,780 --> 01:01:03,040
And from a great height.
1877
01:01:03,420 --> 01:01:05,340
And that's exactly how it all happened,
1878
01:01:05,640 --> 01:01:06,300
believe it or not.
1879
01:01:06,680 --> 01:01:08,840
I suppose Peter asked you to come and tell me all this.
1880
01:01:09,180 --> 01:01:09,360
Oh,
1881
01:01:09,860 --> 01:01:11,040
no, he doesn't know I'm here.
1882
01:01:11,460 --> 01:01:12,400
But he was so upset,
1883
01:01:12,760 --> 01:01:14,720
I thought I ought to try and straighten things out for him.
1884
01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:17,940
You really mean that this mysterious Patricia Potter was Peter?
1885
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:18,500
Yes.
1886
01:01:19,320 --> 01:01:20,940
The silly fool.
1887
01:01:21,760 --> 01:01:22,620
What made him do it?
1888
01:01:22,740 --> 01:01:23,800
Oh, it wasn't his idea.
1889
01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:24,980
Sid talked him into it.
1890
01:01:25,100 --> 01:01:26,460
Yes, from what I've heard about him,
1891
01:01:26,460 --> 01:01:27,440
I can well believe that.
1892
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:29,560
Oh, Sid's not so bad.
1893
01:01:29,780 --> 01:01:31,680
He's really quite nice when you get to know him.
1894
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:32,400
I'm sorry.
1895
01:01:32,780 --> 01:01:34,360
I didn't realize you were keen on him.
1896
01:01:35,080 --> 01:01:36,300
Now you come to mention it.
1897
01:01:36,760 --> 01:01:37,400
Neither did I.
1898
01:01:38,580 --> 01:01:39,600
There's the thing.
1899
01:01:40,500 --> 01:01:40,860
Look,
1900
01:01:41,880 --> 01:01:43,760
are we the only two who know Peter was this girl?
1901
01:01:44,060 --> 01:01:44,640
Yeah, why?
1902
01:01:45,880 --> 01:01:47,500
Well, if Peter can be a beauty queen,
1903
01:01:47,620 --> 01:01:48,700
I'm damn sure I can.
1904
01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:50,840
Do you think I stand a chance?
1905
01:01:51,340 --> 01:01:51,940
Yeah.
1906
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:54,420
Here, you'll be the greatest.
1907
01:01:54,860 --> 01:01:55,300
Ha-ha!
1908
01:01:56,740 --> 01:01:57,280
Millenrand!
1909
01:01:58,740 --> 01:01:59,420
Millenrand!
1910
01:02:08,580 --> 01:02:16,520
Ha-ha!
1911
01:02:17,540 --> 01:02:18,540
Ha! That should do it good.
1912
01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:22,080
Now, perhaps you will get dressed.
1913
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:23,200
Why?
1914
01:02:24,660 --> 01:02:26,160
The car will be here soon.
1915
01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:29,880
We are due at the fire station at 10 o'clock.
1916
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:31,100
What for?
1917
01:02:31,780 --> 01:02:33,800
To inspect their new fire engine.
1918
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:35,560
Should be exciting.
1919
01:02:38,580 --> 01:02:42,220
I'll be right back.
1920
01:02:42,660 --> 01:02:45,120
Will you please go to the toilet
1921
01:02:45,840 --> 01:02:46,680
before we leave?
1922
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:48,040
I don't think I'll bother,
1923
01:02:48,160 --> 01:02:48,800
thank you.
1924
01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:51,200
I don't feel like looking at fire engines.
1925
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:53,540
Have you taken leave of your senses?
1926
01:02:54,140 --> 01:02:56,480
Those firemen are expecting you to be there with me.
1927
01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:57,520
What am I going to tell them?
1928
01:02:58,980 --> 01:03:01,520
Tell them there's more than one way to put a fire out.
1929
01:03:02,480 --> 01:03:05,200
That's exactly how I feel about their new engine.
1930
01:03:07,580 --> 01:03:11,000
The degrading spectacle is due to take place at 3 p.m.
1931
01:03:11,180 --> 01:03:12,760
on Saturday in the Pier Theatre.
1932
01:03:13,260 --> 01:03:16,860
And our primary objective now is to ensure that it does not.
1933
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:19,280
Hear, hear! Now for your orders, then.
1934
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,040
Now, this is a plan of the Pier and the Theatre.
1935
01:03:23,540 --> 01:03:27,880
And each one of you section leaders will be in command of one area of the offensive.
1936
01:03:28,840 --> 01:03:34,060
I must stress that the success of the whole operation depends on surprise.
1937
01:03:35,140 --> 01:03:39,620
And I must ask you to regard this briefing as top secret.
1938
01:03:40,500 --> 01:03:40,960
Right.
1939
01:03:43,070 --> 01:03:45,500
I think there's someone in the outer office.
1940
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:52,540
Aha!
1941
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:53,760
All right.
1942
01:03:54,220 --> 01:03:54,740
Come in here.
1943
01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:58,360
I'm sorry.
1944
01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:00,740
I didn't mean to disturb anything.
1945
01:04:01,460 --> 01:04:02,000
Mrs.
1946
01:04:02,500 --> 01:04:02,700
Bumble,
1947
01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:04,580
what are you doing here?
1948
01:04:05,220 --> 01:04:05,520
Please,
1949
01:04:05,920 --> 01:04:06,120
sir.
1950
01:04:06,560 --> 01:04:08,000
I'd like to join up.
1951
01:04:09,380 --> 01:04:10,000
Rosemary,
1952
01:04:10,580 --> 01:04:11,420
get the candle.
1953
01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:13,140
Right.
1954
01:04:13,540 --> 01:04:14,040
It's a deal.
1955
01:04:14,980 --> 01:04:16,640
Three o'clock in the Pier Theatre on Saturday.
1956
01:04:17,140 --> 01:04:18,140
And thank you, Mr.
1957
01:04:18,220 --> 01:04:18,480
Gaybody.
1958
01:04:19,460 --> 01:04:20,300
How about that, Pete?
1959
01:04:20,500 --> 01:04:22,620
5,000 quid for the exclusive television rights.
1960
01:04:23,040 --> 01:04:23,380
Marvellous.
1961
01:04:23,840 --> 01:04:25,040
What are you looking so worried about, then?
1962
01:04:25,780 --> 01:04:29,020
Do you realize we haven't seen those women's lip-pickets out all day today?
1963
01:04:29,140 --> 01:04:29,600
So what?
1964
01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:31,000
We got them licked and they know it.
1965
01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:32,880
Yeah, but why should they choose to stop now?
1966
01:04:32,900 --> 01:04:35,440
That is women's fundamental weakness,
1967
01:04:35,700 --> 01:04:35,780
matey.
1968
01:04:35,800 --> 01:04:36,940
They never know when to stop.
1969
01:04:37,120 --> 01:04:37,820
Now, don't worry.
1970
01:04:38,420 --> 01:04:40,000
All plain sailing from now on.
1971
01:04:42,940 --> 01:04:44,460
Yes, Inspector, what can I do for you?
1972
01:04:44,780 --> 01:04:47,100
Excuse me, sir, but we've had information to the effect
1973
01:04:47,100 --> 01:04:48,740
that this Patricia Potter is here again.
1974
01:04:49,040 --> 01:04:49,640
That's impossible.
1975
01:04:49,760 --> 01:04:50,140
He's here.
1976
01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:51,200
That's what I said,
1977
01:04:51,280 --> 01:04:51,360
sir.
1978
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:52,020
But he can't.
1979
01:04:52,400 --> 01:04:52,960
She can't be.
1980
01:04:53,380 --> 01:04:55,700
William said she booked into Miss Spring's room an hour ago.
1981
01:04:57,180 --> 01:04:58,340
What the hell's going on here?
1982
01:04:58,500 --> 01:04:59,680
Perhaps we'd better find out,
1983
01:04:59,840 --> 01:05:00,860
sir. You're dead right, matey.
1984
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:01,600
We will find out.
1985
01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:17,800
Oh! Oh, hello,
1986
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:18,180
Sid.
1987
01:05:18,500 --> 01:05:21,740
Excuse me, darling, but the Inspector seems to think that you've got Patricia Potter in here.
1988
01:05:21,920 --> 01:05:22,700
Yes, that's right.
1989
01:05:23,700 --> 01:05:24,100
You have?
1990
01:05:24,800 --> 01:05:26,140
I'd like to see him, please, Miss.
1991
01:05:26,620 --> 01:05:27,360
You mean her?
1992
01:05:28,600 --> 01:05:30,540
I'd like to see him or her, please.
1993
01:05:31,280 --> 01:05:31,700
Okay,
1994
01:05:32,100 --> 01:05:34,080
come in.
1995
01:05:37,740 --> 01:05:38,660
Someone to see you, Patricia.
1996
01:05:40,340 --> 01:05:42,020
Yes?
1997
01:05:43,460 --> 01:05:44,720
You are Miss Patricia Potter?
1998
01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:45,480
That's right.
1999
01:05:46,460 --> 01:05:48,320
Is that the one what was here before, Cookson?
2000
01:05:49,180 --> 01:05:49,940
I think so, sir.
2001
01:05:50,140 --> 01:05:52,060
I'm sorry about running away like I did,
2002
01:05:52,460 --> 01:05:54,320
but you see, I hadn't got my best aunties on.
2003
01:05:54,540 --> 01:05:55,000
Oh, yes.
2004
01:05:56,620 --> 01:05:58,740
You still intend to enter for this beauty contest?
2005
01:05:59,020 --> 01:05:59,600
Of course.
2006
01:05:59,640 --> 01:06:00,320
Why shouldn't I?
2007
01:06:00,620 --> 01:06:03,580
Because we have reason to believe that you are of the male sex.
2008
01:06:03,860 --> 01:06:05,180
Oh, well, really.
2009
01:06:06,080 --> 01:06:07,240
Do I look like a man?
2010
01:06:07,340 --> 01:06:09,560
These days, it's very often difficult to tell.
2011
01:06:11,420 --> 01:06:12,720
What about you?
2012
01:06:13,420 --> 01:06:14,640
Do you think I'm male?
2013
01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:15,860
I'd rather not say.
2014
01:06:16,560 --> 01:06:18,100
Well, there's only one way of proving I'm not,
2015
01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:18,680
I suppose.
2016
01:06:18,740 --> 01:06:20,360
No, no, no, don't do that.
2017
01:06:20,860 --> 01:06:21,220
It's all right.
2018
01:06:21,220 --> 01:06:22,160
I've got something on underneath.
2019
01:06:23,180 --> 01:06:24,020
Is that enough?
2020
01:06:24,660 --> 01:06:25,200
Yes.
2021
01:06:25,520 --> 01:06:26,060
Thank you, Miss.
2022
01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:27,540
I must apologise.
2023
01:06:27,660 --> 01:06:28,960
I'm perfectly satisfied.
2024
01:06:29,660 --> 01:06:30,920
All right, Cookson, come along.
2025
01:06:34,100 --> 01:06:34,820
Nice work, darling.
2026
01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:35,780
Hey!
2027
01:06:38,450 --> 01:06:40,180
What about you, Peter?
2028
01:06:40,680 --> 01:06:42,020
Are you perfectly satisfied?
2029
01:06:42,460 --> 01:06:42,880
No,
2030
01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:44,940
but I bloody well assume we'll be.
2031
01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:52,680
By the...
2032
01:06:52,760 --> 01:06:53,300
Oh, dear.
2033
01:06:55,560 --> 01:06:57,240
And by this action...
2034
01:06:57,240 --> 01:06:58,520
And by this action...
2035
01:06:58,560 --> 01:07:00,780
I, Mildred Bumble...
2036
01:07:01,020 --> 01:07:02,820
Publicly proclaim my equality to man...
2037
01:07:03,060 --> 01:07:04,820
Publicly proclaim my equality to man...
2038
01:07:04,840 --> 01:07:07,220
And hereby cast aside the bonds of womanhood.
2039
01:07:07,220 --> 01:07:09,540
And hereby cast aside the bonds of womanhood.
2040
01:07:09,880 --> 01:07:10,280
Proceed.
2041
01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:10,880
Proceed.
2042
01:07:11,340 --> 01:07:11,500
Oh.
2043
01:07:13,260 --> 01:07:16,740
Oh.
2044
01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:17,780
Ooh!
2045
01:07:19,560 --> 01:07:19,980
Oh!
2046
01:07:23,540 --> 01:07:26,180
Oh! Oh, come, the fire brigade's on!
2047
01:07:27,000 --> 01:07:29,820
This is indeed a proud day for the Furcombe Fire Brigade.
2048
01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:30,820
Hmm?
2049
01:07:32,010 --> 01:07:33,060
Very nice.
2050
01:07:33,440 --> 01:07:34,140
Thank you, Your Worship.
2051
01:07:34,900 --> 01:07:35,720
I repolish you.
2052
01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:36,240
What is this?
2053
01:07:36,420 --> 01:07:36,960
That's the bell, sir.
2054
01:07:36,960 --> 01:07:37,520
Oh, yes.
2055
01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:39,220
You high-speed foes.
2056
01:07:40,220 --> 01:07:42,500
Well, well, I must say it all looks very,
2057
01:07:42,500 --> 01:07:43,520
very efficient to me.
2058
01:07:44,180 --> 01:07:45,700
What, might I ask, is all this, then?
2059
01:07:45,980 --> 01:07:49,020
Well, amongst other things, Your Worship, this house is the lifeline.
2060
01:07:49,420 --> 01:07:50,100
The lifeline?
2061
01:07:51,100 --> 01:07:51,400
Yes.
2062
01:07:51,520 --> 01:07:54,420
You see, when any of the men are entering a smoking building or suchlike,
2063
01:07:54,860 --> 01:07:56,820
well, first of all, they attach one of these hooks to their belts.
2064
01:07:57,860 --> 01:07:58,260
So...
2065
01:07:58,260 --> 01:07:59,240
Oh, I see.
2066
01:07:59,820 --> 01:08:00,620
Very good.
2067
01:08:01,020 --> 01:08:01,360
Yes.
2068
01:08:01,800 --> 01:08:02,300
Like this?
2069
01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:03,260
That's right.
2070
01:08:03,560 --> 01:08:04,360
Excuse me, Your Worship.
2071
01:08:04,920 --> 01:08:05,840
I'd like to take a photograph of that.
2072
01:08:05,980 --> 01:08:07,080
Oh, certainly, my boy, certainly.
2073
01:08:11,640 --> 01:08:12,280
Good heavens.
2074
01:08:12,280 --> 01:08:12,780
What was that?
2075
01:08:13,180 --> 01:08:14,860
That's the alarm, I'm afraid, Your Worship.
2076
01:08:20,900 --> 01:08:21,360
Soggle-ougle-ougle.
2077
01:08:21,500 --> 01:08:49,040
Uh,
2078
01:08:49,660 --> 01:08:50,360
fifty pence, please.
2079
01:08:50,540 --> 01:08:52,160
Oh, for quid! Plenty.
2080
01:08:52,280 --> 01:08:52,960
It'll have to be good.
2081
01:08:53,120 --> 01:08:54,060
Oh, I can assure you,
2082
01:08:54,100 --> 01:08:55,400
I'll never see anything like this again.
2083
01:08:56,040 --> 01:08:56,680
Great, innit?
2084
01:08:57,920 --> 01:08:59,360
I didn't expect a crowd like this.
2085
01:08:59,620 --> 01:09:00,560
Be sold out soon.
2086
01:09:01,100 --> 01:09:01,940
Thanks for offering to help,
2087
01:09:02,100 --> 01:09:03,800
Con. Oh, I wouldn't have missed it for anything,
2088
01:09:04,040 --> 01:09:04,300
Sydney.
2089
01:09:04,520 --> 01:09:05,960
Well, you can't say I haven't worked for it.
2090
01:09:06,200 --> 01:09:08,700
Now, I can truthfully say you're gonna get everything you deserve.
2091
01:09:09,040 --> 01:09:10,260
Well, I gotta get up to the theatre now.
2092
01:09:10,740 --> 01:09:13,600
Just make sure that all this money's locked up nice and safe when you're finished.
2093
01:09:13,740 --> 01:09:14,200
Oh, don't worry.
2094
01:09:14,240 --> 01:09:15,180
I'll take good care of it.
2095
01:09:15,380 --> 01:09:16,200
That's my girl.
2096
01:09:23,240 --> 01:09:24,580
You'd better keep your eye on that lock.
2097
01:09:24,700 --> 01:09:25,340
We don't want any trouble.
2098
01:09:25,720 --> 01:09:26,240
Don't worry,
2099
01:09:26,580 --> 01:09:27,700
sir. None of them will get past us.
2100
01:09:28,140 --> 01:09:28,720
Good lad.
2101
01:09:41,240 --> 01:09:41,800
Yes!
2102
01:09:49,460 --> 01:09:50,360
I'm looking for Paula,
2103
01:09:50,820 --> 01:09:51,960
Miss Patricia Potluck.
2104
01:09:52,340 --> 01:09:53,440
All right, darling, I'll come out.
2105
01:09:53,720 --> 01:09:54,180
Just a tick.
2106
01:09:57,300 --> 01:09:58,360
Enjoying the view?
2107
01:09:58,800 --> 01:09:59,460
Oh, sorry.
2108
01:10:04,740 --> 01:10:05,880
What is it, darling?
2109
01:10:06,080 --> 01:10:06,440
Paula,
2110
01:10:07,120 --> 01:10:08,560
I don't want you to take part in this.
2111
01:10:08,700 --> 01:10:10,380
Oh, darling, I'm enjoying it.
2112
01:10:10,500 --> 01:10:11,540
And I might even win.
2113
01:10:11,740 --> 01:10:12,460
I can't help that.
2114
01:10:12,920 --> 01:10:14,740
I can't stand the thought of all those people out there
2115
01:10:14,740 --> 01:10:16,320
leering at you and mentally undressing you.
2116
01:10:16,740 --> 01:10:19,200
They won't have to strain their mentality much in this outfit.
2117
01:10:21,380 --> 01:10:22,540
You're not going out there in that.
2118
01:10:22,820 --> 01:10:24,140
Why don't you think it's suitable?
2119
01:10:24,560 --> 01:10:25,060
Suitable?
2120
01:10:26,040 --> 01:10:26,600
You're showing your
2121
01:10:27,160 --> 01:10:27,420
button.
2122
01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:28,460
My what?
2123
01:10:28,540 --> 01:10:29,360
Your button, that.
2124
01:10:30,420 --> 01:10:30,700
Oh,
2125
01:10:31,240 --> 01:10:31,860
is that bad?
2126
01:10:32,800 --> 01:10:35,780
Don't you understand there are certain things a woman just doesn't show in public?
2127
01:10:36,100 --> 01:10:37,720
Yes, but I didn't think that was one of them.
2128
01:10:37,980 --> 01:10:39,320
My mother always told me...
2129
01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:40,740
I don't care what your mother always told you.
2130
01:10:40,900 --> 01:10:41,940
You're not going out there in that.
2131
01:10:42,300 --> 01:10:43,520
Peter, you don't own me,
2132
01:10:43,540 --> 01:10:43,820
you know.
2133
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:44,780
Oh, yes, I damn well do.
2134
01:10:45,100 --> 01:10:46,080
When people meet my wife,
2135
01:10:46,400 --> 01:10:47,100
I'm not going to have them say,
2136
01:10:47,260 --> 01:10:48,240
there's the woman with the well-known button.
2137
01:10:48,740 --> 01:10:49,460
Yes, darling.
2138
01:10:49,920 --> 01:10:50,760
Let's see now.
2139
01:10:51,000 --> 01:10:53,100
How would it be if I wore this bit down there?
2140
01:10:53,640 --> 01:10:54,280
Well, that might...
2141
01:10:55,480 --> 01:10:56,220
Oh, darling,
2142
01:10:56,540 --> 01:10:57,540
I'm going to marry you.
2143
01:10:59,670 --> 01:11:00,880
Don't worry, darling.
2144
01:11:01,180 --> 01:11:02,520
I'll try and find something more respectable.
2145
01:11:17,780 --> 01:11:19,480
Sunray to A.
2146
01:11:19,500 --> 01:11:19,880
Abel.
2147
01:11:20,040 --> 01:11:21,420
Commence Operation Nubble.
2148
01:11:21,760 --> 01:11:21,960
Roger.
2149
01:11:22,220 --> 01:11:22,640
And out.
2150
01:11:34,860 --> 01:11:36,020
Five minutes, girls.
2151
01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:38,020
Excuse me.
2152
01:11:39,320 --> 01:11:41,020
Where are you wearing bunches,
2153
01:11:41,080 --> 01:11:41,340
Arden?
2154
01:11:41,560 --> 01:11:42,360
I love you.
2155
01:11:42,380 --> 01:11:55,020
I love you too.
2156
01:11:58,720 --> 01:11:59,600
All right, friend.
2157
01:11:59,820 --> 01:12:02,880
Now, all I want from you is a few well-chosen words to start outing off,
2158
01:12:02,880 --> 01:12:03,000
right?
2159
01:12:03,080 --> 01:12:03,920
Oh, yes, quite, yes.
2160
01:12:04,040 --> 01:12:05,800
I had thought of something along these lines,
2161
01:12:05,900 --> 01:12:06,000
you see.
2162
01:12:06,080 --> 01:12:07,320
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
2163
01:12:07,320 --> 01:12:07,720
That's great.
2164
01:12:07,840 --> 01:12:08,260
Just enough.
2165
01:12:08,740 --> 01:12:09,640
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
2166
01:12:10,480 --> 01:12:10,900
Excuse me.
2167
01:12:11,780 --> 01:12:12,720
Are you going to wish me luck?
2168
01:12:12,840 --> 01:12:13,520
You won't need it,
2169
01:12:13,640 --> 01:12:13,700
darling.
2170
01:12:13,880 --> 01:12:14,680
Oh, you reckon?
2171
01:12:14,840 --> 01:12:15,380
I know.
2172
01:12:15,640 --> 01:12:16,740
I'm going to have a word with the judges.
2173
01:12:16,860 --> 01:12:17,580
They're all mates of mine.
2174
01:12:17,720 --> 01:12:18,320
You great,
2175
01:12:18,880 --> 01:12:19,460
big, stupid ape.
2176
01:12:19,740 --> 01:12:20,140
What's the matter?
2177
01:12:20,580 --> 01:12:22,740
Well, you think you can go through life fixing things,
2178
01:12:22,780 --> 01:12:23,460
even me?
2179
01:12:23,700 --> 01:12:24,500
Well, you're dead wrong.
2180
01:12:24,600 --> 01:12:26,720
If I do, then it's not going to be with any help from you.
2181
01:12:26,840 --> 01:12:27,560
Oh, wait a minute.
2182
01:12:27,960 --> 01:12:28,560
Oh, come here.
2183
01:12:29,040 --> 01:12:29,680
Oh, just a minute.
2184
01:12:29,920 --> 01:12:32,080
Don't you see, I'm trying to do something nice for you.
2185
01:12:32,140 --> 01:12:33,580
Well, if you want to do something nice,
2186
01:12:33,640 --> 01:12:34,540
just wish me luck.
2187
01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:36,580
I do, but even luck needs a bit of a shove,
2188
01:12:36,720 --> 01:12:36,900
doesn't it?
2189
01:12:36,980 --> 01:12:38,740
Oh, you'll never change, will you?
2190
01:12:38,760 --> 01:12:40,380
No, Sid, but thanks all the same.
2191
01:12:40,460 --> 01:12:40,740
All right,
2192
01:12:41,240 --> 01:12:42,120
good luck.
2193
01:12:49,050 --> 01:12:50,340
Do you mind?
2194
01:12:50,340 --> 01:12:51,100
This is private.
2195
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:53,020
And this is for ladies, Clopin.
2196
01:12:53,820 --> 01:12:54,460
Oh, good.
2197
01:12:59,720 --> 01:13:04,860
Good afternoon, madam.
2198
01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:09,620
And although this venture has not been welcomed
2199
01:13:09,940 --> 01:13:13,180
by some of our more retrogressive residents,
2200
01:13:13,900 --> 01:13:15,140
I venture to say,
2201
01:13:15,900 --> 01:13:16,140
nay,
2202
01:13:16,560 --> 01:13:16,820
nay,
2203
01:13:17,280 --> 01:13:18,500
I more than venture,
2204
01:13:19,100 --> 01:13:20,380
I proudly say...
2205
01:13:21,500 --> 01:13:24,100
I proudly say...what?
2206
01:13:24,300 --> 01:13:24,800
You ready, Fred?
2207
01:13:24,860 --> 01:13:25,360
I'll introduce you.
2208
01:13:25,380 --> 01:13:25,900
Oh, no, not quite.
2209
01:13:25,920 --> 01:13:26,500
Yes, all right, Fred.
2210
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:31,600
APPLAUSE Thank you.
2211
01:13:33,100 --> 01:13:34,340
Ladies and gentlemen,
2212
01:13:35,540 --> 01:13:38,400
welcome to this, the very first Miss Fergham Beauty Contest.
2213
01:13:38,980 --> 01:13:40,880
Now, I am highly delighted to be able to tell you
2214
01:13:41,360 --> 01:13:43,180
that all the contestants you will see here today
2215
01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:45,320
represent the very cream of their profession.
2216
01:13:45,940 --> 01:13:47,240
And cream, let me tell you,
2217
01:13:47,320 --> 01:13:49,200
that comes in the most magnificent containers.
2218
01:13:51,420 --> 01:13:51,480
LAUGHTER
2219
01:13:51,980 --> 01:13:53,020
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
2220
01:13:53,120 --> 01:13:53,300
Thank you.
2221
01:13:53,340 --> 01:13:54,220
Now, before we go any further,
2222
01:13:54,700 --> 01:13:55,700
I'd like you to meet the man
2223
01:13:56,120 --> 01:13:58,300
who has given unstintingly of his time to Fergham
2224
01:13:58,540 --> 01:13:59,860
your own distinguished mayor,
2225
01:14:00,400 --> 01:14:00,520
Alderman Bumble.
2226
01:14:00,540 --> 01:14:01,400
Ahem.
2227
01:14:02,320 --> 01:14:02,780
Clear me throat.
2228
01:14:09,460 --> 01:14:11,100
Ladies and gentlemen...
2229
01:14:11,100 --> 01:14:12,020
Get him up!
2230
01:14:15,500 --> 01:14:16,780
Get him up!
2231
01:14:17,720 --> 01:14:20,200
Get him up! That's your luck, Fred.
2232
01:14:20,220 --> 01:14:20,940
Don't overdo it.
2233
01:14:21,240 --> 01:14:23,460
It gives me great pleasure to be here.
2234
01:14:23,740 --> 01:14:24,060
Check it out.
2235
01:14:26,280 --> 01:14:27,060
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
2236
01:14:27,240 --> 01:14:27,440
Now,
2237
01:14:27,840 --> 01:14:28,040
I think it's time for you to meet
2238
01:14:28,750 --> 01:14:31,080
our distinguished panel of judges,
2239
01:14:31,180 --> 01:14:32,200
who, I am pleased to tell you,
2240
01:14:32,240 --> 01:14:33,660
have given their services entirely free.
2241
01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:36,180
Now, first of all, we have Miss Carlotta Strong,
2242
01:14:36,760 --> 01:14:40,780
principal of the Fergham School of Ballroom Dancing, Miss Charleston, 1932.
2243
01:14:46,930 --> 01:14:47,880
Second,
2244
01:14:48,220 --> 01:14:51,020
Mr Alf Foggett, landlord of the Royal Oak.
2245
01:14:51,460 --> 01:14:51,660
Alf?
2246
01:14:51,940 --> 01:14:53,740
CHEERING CHEERING
2247
01:14:56,290 --> 01:14:58,600
And finally, ladies and gentlemen,
2248
01:14:59,040 --> 01:15:01,300
none other than Mr Roger Tipson,
2249
01:15:01,500 --> 01:15:03,220
your own borough sanitary engineer.
2250
01:15:03,720 --> 01:15:04,620
Fffft!
2251
01:15:06,250 --> 01:15:10,700
And now, ladies and gentlemen, now comes the moment you've all been waiting for.
2252
01:15:11,160 --> 01:15:13,740
The grand parade of all our lovely contestants,
2253
01:15:14,060 --> 01:15:16,780
introduced to you by Mr Peter Potter.
2254
01:15:17,140 --> 01:15:18,440
CHEERING
2255
01:15:23,820 --> 01:15:27,540
Our first contestant this afternoon is a young lady
2256
01:15:27,540 --> 01:15:29,240
who is the present holder of the title,
2257
01:15:29,780 --> 01:15:30,580
mystery queen,
2258
01:15:31,480 --> 01:15:32,720
Dawn Breaks.
2259
01:15:42,380 --> 01:15:43,740
Thank you, Dawn.
2260
01:15:44,520 --> 01:15:46,660
Next, we have a young lady who is a late,
2261
01:15:46,860 --> 01:15:48,540
but nonetheless very welcome,
2262
01:15:48,680 --> 01:15:49,840
entrant to the contest,
2263
01:15:50,460 --> 01:15:50,680
Miss Patricia Potter.
2264
01:15:50,780 --> 01:16:01,020
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
2265
01:16:02,740 --> 01:16:04,040
Sure.
2266
01:16:05,140 --> 01:16:06,440
Thank you, Miss Potter.
2267
01:16:08,940 --> 01:16:15,360
Third, we have a very popular young lady who is the current holder of the title, Miss Easy Rider,
2268
01:16:15,680 --> 01:16:18,680
Hope Springs. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
2269
01:16:50,560 --> 01:16:51,400
What's your matter with her?
2270
01:16:51,500 --> 01:16:52,440
She got fleas, I'm telling
2271
01:16:53,340 --> 01:16:53,740
you.
2272
01:16:54,900 --> 01:16:55,580
They all have.
2273
01:16:59,020 --> 01:17:00,740
Well done, Section A.
2274
01:17:02,780 --> 01:17:03,740
Get the next one on quick.
2275
01:17:04,160 --> 01:17:06,900
Contestant number four, Geraldine Payne.
2276
01:17:11,160 --> 01:17:12,880
Section B, Commence Downfall.
2277
01:17:13,200 --> 01:17:13,500
Roger.
2278
01:17:15,700 --> 01:17:20,880
That's more like it.
2279
01:17:29,750 --> 01:17:31,200
What's happening here for pizza?
2280
01:17:36,780 --> 01:17:37,080
Oh!
2281
01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:39,320
BUZZER
2282
01:17:48,460 --> 01:17:53,860
And now for a lady from...
2283
01:17:53,860 --> 01:17:53,900
Oh!
2284
01:17:54,740 --> 01:17:57,800
..London, Miss Susan Brooks.
2285
01:18:00,020 --> 01:18:01,760
APPLAUSE So...
2286
01:18:01,760 --> 01:18:03,000
CHEERING
2287
01:18:04,380 --> 01:18:05,500
Oh, my God.
2288
01:18:05,920 --> 01:18:07,060
Get the rest of them on quick.
2289
01:18:07,640 --> 01:18:09,540
Miss Eileen Denby.
2290
01:18:10,080 --> 01:18:12,580
CHEERING Miss Maureen...
2291
01:18:12,580 --> 01:18:14,160
..Versal.
2292
01:18:14,900 --> 01:18:22,600
CHEERING Miss Gloria Grimes.
2293
01:18:24,500 --> 01:18:27,940
Miss Mary Barber.
2294
01:18:30,520 --> 01:18:33,060
Miss Alexis Fetcher.
2295
01:18:34,760 --> 01:18:37,140
Miss...
2296
01:18:37,140 --> 01:18:39,040
Sunray to all sections.
2297
01:18:39,320 --> 01:18:39,880
Commence cloudburst.
2298
01:18:39,920 --> 01:18:40,400
CHEERING
2299
01:19:28,640 --> 01:19:32,340
Ladies and gentlemen, please, there is no need to panic.
2300
01:19:32,880 --> 01:19:34,800
Now, if you'll all stand and keep your feet,
2301
01:19:35,120 --> 01:19:36,880
we will endeavour to find out what has gone wrong.
2302
01:19:37,810 --> 01:19:39,480
Ladies and gentlemen,
2303
01:19:39,920 --> 01:19:43,120
please, this is your mayor speaking to you.
2304
01:19:44,940 --> 01:19:48,380
I know how terribly disappointed you must all be,
2305
01:19:48,720 --> 01:19:50,380
but we mustn't let you get
2306
01:19:51,350 --> 01:19:52,300
yourself...
2307
01:19:52,300 --> 01:19:54,820
..down the pubs! Abandon ship!
2308
01:19:59,520 --> 01:20:00,920
It's all right, ladies and gentlemen.
2309
01:20:01,080 --> 01:20:01,500
Keep you safe.
2310
01:20:01,780 --> 01:20:02,880
Oh, shive off! It's a swindle!
2311
01:20:04,180 --> 01:20:07,800
This bit, look! Come on, let's get it! It's all right.
2312
01:20:08,220 --> 01:20:08,680
Goodbye.
2313
01:20:18,120 --> 01:20:19,340
There he is!
2314
01:20:26,630 --> 01:20:33,060
Look out! He's gone right into the air! Sid,
2315
01:20:33,460 --> 01:20:33,880
wait for me!
2316
01:21:11,450 --> 01:21:12,200
Thanks, Sid.
2317
01:21:12,500 --> 01:21:13,820
This will pay for all my hotel damages.
2318
01:21:14,600 --> 01:21:14,940
Connie.
2319
01:21:16,200 --> 01:21:16,460
Love.
2320
01:21:17,500 --> 01:21:18,880
Love the crooked old cow!
2321
01:21:28,900 --> 01:21:29,080
Stop!
2322
01:21:30,700 --> 01:21:35,480
Stop!
2323
01:21:38,180 --> 01:21:51,680
Stop there! Not bloody likely.148925
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