Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

[ Glasses clink ]

Joan heinsley! Ho-ho-ho-ho!

Oh, this is great.

I haven't seen you since you moved to Chicago.

-Ah, it's been a long time, merrill. -Yes.

Well, I'm happy to see you're still involved with sailing.

-Oh, yes. -How long has it been since we were together?

I...you remember my daughter, Vanessa?

Hi.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Last time I saw you, you were so high.

Did you have to bring her?

She makes me feel like the ancient mariner.

Oh, oh...

Sorry! -Oh, don't worry about it.

We have an excellent ship's doctor.

I'm webb Jones.

A-And you'll have to excuse me.

I think I just fell in love.

Oh, I wouldn't start shopping for furniture just yet.

That overly protective lady with her looks like her mother.

We try to discourage chaperones,

but occasionally, they do manage to sneak aboard.

That's no problem. You see that insignia?

Mom's a fellow sailor. She's gonna love me, too.

-Hi. -Hello.

I'm David ruland. And as you may have guessed,

I am not a member of the sailing club.

Welcome aboard, reverend. I'm Julie McCoy.

And this is Vicki stubing. -How do you do?

-Hi, nice to meet you. -Let's see.

Uh, you're on the promenade deck, 348.

Ah, thank you.

Our mission study society is really looking forward

to visiting those wonderful churches in Mazatlan.

Um, excuse me, will you? -Sure.

Well, we have a minister on board.

Hi. I -- I'm Beatrice dunvar, but please, call me Betsy.

Okay.

He's too sinfully handsome to be a minister, isn't he?

Well, he is pretty cute.

I never would've stuck with that mission study society

if it weren't for him.

You do guarantee lots of moonlight, don't you?

Oh, yes. We'll turn it on double proof for you.

Uh, Betsy, you're on the aloha deck, cabin 350.

Great.

And if moonlight doesn't work with ministers,

I might even start praying. -[ Chuckles ]

Uh, how do you do? I'm Laura tensley,

president of the mission study society.

How do you do?

Ah, let's see. Miss tensley, you --

yes, I know. I'm in aloha 358.

But I really do think that I should be a lot closer

to reverend ruland for consultation.

Of course. I'll see what I can arrange.

Thank you so much.

Looks like Betsy had better start praying.

Mm.

-Hey. -Hey!

-I've been lookin' all over for you. -Yeah.

How was your vacation?

Oh, super. I met the greatest girl.

Ah.

Like to meet her.

Uh, you didn't happen to catch her name, did you?

No, listen. You're gonna meet her.

Ah! Oh, here she is.

Gail! Hey, Gail.

I want you to meet my friend.

Isaac Washington, this is Gail cowler.

Isaac, how do you do?

I've heard a lot about you.

All lies. The papers just played it up.

[ Light laughter ]

Ah, it's too bad all these people had to tag along with us.

But they won't bother us. We'll keep 'em busy rowing.

Well, I should go and check in and, uh, get my oar.

-See you. -Nice meeting you.

-Nice meeting you. -Hmm?

-Hmm. -All right.

-Hey, all right. -No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Easy, easy.

In here is something that is gonna win her heart over.

What'd you get her, a starter set for a sherman tank?

Close.

Very close.

[ Ship horn blows ]

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Oh, reverend ruland is sure hard to make a dent on.

I've tried everything.

I mean, the man is church day and night.

Weddings, the study club, Sunday sermons...

Oh, I get punchy.

Do you think it's possible to o.D. On holiness?

Well, so far I haven't had that problem.

I live in that church.

I must have worn out a dozen pews.

Well, it's good for your soul.

Oh, my soul's in great shape.

It's my back that's killing me.

Well, there you are. Hello.

Well, speak of the devil.

Uh, reverend, we were just talking about how well

you've organized your group tour.

Well, all the credit belongs to Beatrice here.

Betsy.

Laura: Hi!

-Hello, Laura. -Hi.

David... -Mm-hmm?

...i really think we should work out the agenda

for tonight's meeting. -Oh, all right.

Uh, Beatrice, we'll see you later.

Betsy.

Oh. Got to do something about that Laura.

I've put in a lot of prayer time.

Do you think it's too much to ask

for one teeny-weeny, little drowning?

[ Both chuckle ]

-Come in! -Gopher, Julie said you wanted to...

What do you think?

[ Metal creaks ]

I think you're using too much starch.

Gail teaches history.

She's really into the medieval period.

You know, king Arthur and all that stuff.

-Mm. -So, what did this clever young guy

rent to wear to the costume party?

Yeah, well...

This is for the party, huh?

Mm-hmm.

But isn't the party supposed to be on a nautical theme

in honor of the sailing clubs?

So I'll go as an anchor.

I just need a test run to see if it fits.

There's a wrench over there. Do you mind? -Mm.

Okay. Uh, you better hurry up, though.

You know, you only got about 5 minutes

before you're supposed to be on duty.

And the captain is making out his semiannual

crew performance reports. -Oh, don't worry about that.

We got plenty of time. Okay.

Now, the tops and the bottoms fasten together in the back.

All right? -Mm-hmm.

-Okay. -[ Grunts ]

This thing must weigh a ton.

It's nothing when my heart tells me it's love.

Forget your heart. Wait till you hear from your hernia.

Gail has not been exactly responsive.

But I think this will appeal to her romantic side,

like "the man in the iron mask."

[ Thunk ]

Uh-oh.

What?

The bolt...

-What about it? -It broke off.

-It what? -It -- it -- it wouldn't move.

You can't unfasten it?

-Well, it's jammed tight. -It's what? It's stuck?

-You're stuck. -I'm stuck?!

I can't be stuck!

The captain's making out his semiannual

crew performance report, and I'm stuck?!

The man in the iron shorts?

Aaaaah!

And will there be anything else...

-Mm... -I hope.

No, thanks.

I think you've got the wrong girl.

No way.

Wrong drink, maybe.

But wrong girl, no way.

That is, if you're not married.

Are you? -No.

Oh, phew.

For a minute there, I was afraid I'd have to do bodily harm

to some guy I don't even know.

You're a little crazy, aren't you?

Well, I'm into sailing. It's the same thing.

And I know you are, too.

And so we'll have one big, happy family.

Before the children come along,

don't you think I should know your name?

Oh, Jones.

Webb Jones.

I'm Vanessa heinsley.

Hi.

-Webb Jones, huh? -Junior.

Somehow it sounds familiar.

Well, we may have a mutual friend.

And there's only one way to find out --

tell me all about yourself,

and -- and don't leave out a single detail.

-[ Snores ] -[ Laughs ]

By golly, he did it.

Who did what?

Passenger I met, webb Jones.

He said he was gonna latch onto that girl,

and he sure did.

Oh, yes, Vanessa heinsley.

She's lovely, isn't she?

Mm.

Did you say his name was webb Jones?

Yeah.

Anything wrong?

If he's the son of a man I knew...

Oh, no.

The odds are way against it,

I sincerely hope.

Hi, Betsy. How's it going with the holy man?

Terrible. Did you know

Laura changed her cabin to be on his deck?

-Yeah. -I've got to do something

that will really get his attention

at that meeting tonight.

Well, how 'bout that dress?

That would really knock him out of his socks, wouldn't it?

Oh, that's a good idea.

Oh, no. No. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I'd wear that,

and then Laura would show up in her usual sackcloth,

making me look like a fallen woman

without even having the fun of falling.

Come on, come on.

[ Metal creaking ] -I can hardly move.

[ Metal clangs ] Aah!

Uh-oh. I'll help you. I'll help you. I'll help you.

[ Breathing heavily ]

Just get me to that chair behind the desk

before the captain sees me.

-Okay, okay. Come on. -Okay.

-Be careful now. -Oh, man.

I don't think I'm gonna make it. -Sure you can.

Sure you can. You can make it.

I know you can. You've gotta do...

The captain! The captain! -Huh?!

[ Metal clangs, creaks ]

What was that noise?

On my vacation, I had taps put on my shoes.

These things piled up while you were gone.

Looks like you also put on some weight.

Right.

I always look heavier right after I've had a haircut.

Looks like you had two haircuts, at least.

Oh...

Thanks for getting me this uniform, man.

Whose was it?

Fatso Ferguson.

Gopher, you can't keep this up.

You have gotta get out of this tin can.

I know.

I'm gonna get an electric drill outta the shop tonight

after everyone's gone.

In the meantime, let's just keep it quiet. Okay?

Hey, gopher.

Hey, Isaac. -Hi.

I haven't seen very much of you.

You look different, sort of...Bigger.

Yeah, I'm testing this new padded uniform for flotation.

Listen, I tell you what. I'm gonna be off-duty later on.

You wanna meet out on deck after dinner?

Sure. It's a date.

I'll see you later. Buh-bye.

Bye.

-Bye-bye. [ Metal creaks ]

Bye-bye.

Do I remember Freddy king?

Why, he skippered the gemini in the trans-pacific.

There's my mom. I want you to meet her.

Well, we were sailing one day.

And one day, Freddy said to me, "I'll bet you I can sail to"...

'Scuse me, mom?

-Yes, dear? -Have you got a minute?

Well, of course, darling.

Oh, you'll excuse me, please.

What? -I met the most wonderful guy.

He sails with the Seattle club.

And we've had the greatest time.

Oh, a sailor, honey?

Well, he can't be too bad.

And the wildest thing -- we were talking

and found out he used to live in our old neighborhood.

-Well... -Webb, my mother.

Mom, this is webb Jones.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Heinsley.

Webb Jones, Jr.?

You lived on 4th street?

That's right.

Did you know my dad? -Yes.

Yes, I did.

Vanessa, let's go. -Go where?

What's going on? -Please, just come with me.

Well, not until you tell me what's going on.

Vanessa!

All right. I'll tell you.

Mr. Wonderful here

[voice breaking] Just happens to be the son

of the drunk who was responsible for your father's death.

Come on.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Betsy?

Uh, Beatrice.

Beatrice. Beatrice, that dress...

Oh, I know what I'm doing.

-Hello. -Hello.

Well, good evening, reverend.

Um, I've been trying to finish

these histories of the Spanish missions,

but they're not entirely clear.

Perhaps you could tutor me after dinner?

Why, I would be glad to.

Hello, everybody.

Why, good evening, reverend.

Oh, what a beautiful dress.

Oh, thank you.

Did you know that there was a party tonight

in the pirate's cove?

Well, I had heard about that, yes.

Oh, but -- oh, but you'll be tutoring me.

Oh, you don't need to tutor Betsy.

You're one of the brightest in the group.

Mm.

You certainly are.

Uh, do try and finish those

so you can spend some time at the party.

David, I have the most wonderful idea for the tour

to the Spanish mission.

Hi, Betsy. How's it goin'?

I'm trying to think of something I can say

without being excommunicated.

Vicki, eat your vegetables.

These aren't my vegetables.

I've never seen them before in my life.

Vanessa, dear. You eat your vegetables too.

[ Chuckles ] There you go.

That's more like it.

Good evening.

Julie, have you seen gopher?

No, I haven't.

Well, I'm sure he can afford to miss a few meals

with all that weight he's put on.

[ Whirring ]

All right. Now, just remember --

the point is to drill the bolts out,

not make new holes for me to breathe through.

You got that? -Right. No gopher holes.

You know, I'm not sure this is gonna work here.

It takes a lot of current.

Will you please just spare me the lecture

on energy conservation?

I gotta get out of this thing, Isaac.

I gotta meet Gail in 10 minutes!

Okay, okay, okay. Turn around.

Trust me.

[ Whirring ]

[ Electricity crackles ] -We blew a fuse!

Where are you? -I'm right here.

Whatever you do...

[ Clatter ]

...don't move.

Vicki, I told you to eat your vegetables.

[ Murmuring ] -I would eat my vegetables if I could find 'em. [ Chuckles ]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

We're, uh, having a minor electrical problem,

which will be corrected in a moment.

In the meantime, our waiters

will be lighting candles for your table,

so that you may continue dining in a more romantic mood.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-Ah. -Well, here we are.

As they say -- "it's better to light a candle

than curse the darkness." -[ Laughs ]

Can't we do both?

Either I've just eaten a very bad piece of cheesecake

or a rather delicious napkin.

Ladies and gentlemen, uh, as you can see,

our problem has been corrected.

Please excuse us for any inconvenience.

[ Metal creaks ]

Will you cut that out?

Oops. I didn't realize.

Gopher!

I've been looking all over for you.

Oh...

Where were you when the lights went out?

Uh, down in the cellar, eating Sauerkraut.

-Very good. You know that. -Yeah.

Hey, there's that dance at the pirate's cove tonight.

Uh, how about it?

Couldn't we just sit out here for a little bit?

Sure, fine by me.

Is this okay?

Super.

[ Metal creaking ] [ Clears throat ]

Look! A flying fish!

-I don't see it. -Must've been a fast flying fish.

Yeah.

Great night, isn't it?

Vanessa, it's getting a little chilly, darling.

I brought you this.

Mom, why didn't you tell me before?

Ah. Oh, honey, I didn't think there was any reason to.

You knew your father died in a car accident, and...

I didn't want to concern you with the grim details.

Frankly, I didn't want to speak that man's name again.

But are you sure webb's father was responsible?

Honey, of course I'm sure.

Oh, sweetheart, we were best friends.

Your father and I, webb and his wife,

why, we went everywhere together.

We even lived on the same block.

Webb remembers that.

He said we used to play together.

And so you did, sweetheart.

Then, one night, we four went to a party at the sailing club

together in webb's car.

He drank much too much.

Your father tried to take the car keys away from him,

but webb was adamant.

He said he was perfectly able to drive.

Of course, on the way home, he lost control.

And I woke up in the hospital.

I'd lost a husband, and you didn't have a father.

Still, you can't blame webb for something his father did.

I'm not blaming him.

I just can't handle seeing him with you

'cause all I see is...

That empty house and all the empty years.

Mom, I love you so much.

You've been a great mother... And father to me.

But now... -Vanessa, no buts.

No buts, Vanessa.

Now, I've told you how I feel.

I can't stop you from seeing him.

But if you do, you won't be seeing much of me.

So you see, I really enjoy teaching school,

but it's not half as nice as being here.

Yeah.

Mm.

[ Metal creaking ]

'Scuse me, but the captain wants to see you on the bridge.

Now?

I can't go now. -No, gopher. It's okay.

-Huh? -I might as well get to bed.

It was great. Thank you. Good night.

Good night. -Good night.

Night.

[ Metal creaks ] -Ow.

Oh.

Wait, wait, wait.

[ Groans ]

No. No.

I got an idea. I got an idea.

Will you -- [ Groans ]

Okay.

Ahh!

[ Metal creaking ]

You're a good friend. You know that? -Hey, it's nothin'.

-A lot of people wouldn't do this for me. -Hey.

[ Dance music playing ]

Someone is gonna have to show me how to do this.

Julie: You're pretty good.

Looks good to me. -Oh, excuse me.

Uh, Betsy, I was hoping you'd show up.

-You called me Betsy. -Yeah.

Well, maybe you could, uh, tutor me on the latest dance steps.

Uh, I haven't kept up.

Been much too busy lately.

Oh, you sure have.

Oh, but you know what they say -- "no rest for the wicked."

[ Thud ]

-[ Groans ] [ Murmuring ]

I tripped!

That doesn't seem to be broken.

Will I be able to go on the tour tomorrow?

I can't say for sure, but I wouldn't count on it.

[ Murmuring ]

Don't look at me. I was standin' way over there.

Way to go.

So it wasn't a drowning, but then, nobody's perfect.

Have you found out what caused the power failure yet?

Well, keep me posted.

Whenever the electrical equipment goes out,

the only thing you can rely on to steer the ship

is that magnetic compass.

Keep it as it is, steady due south.

[ Thumping ]

[ Metal creaks ]

You wanted to see me, sir?

Yes, gopher. Come in. I'll be with you in a minute.

[ Beeping ]

[ Woman screams ]

Terribly sorry, sir.

Say when.

Welcome to Mazatlan, the fun capital of the Mexican riviera.

Special buses for the mission tour society

will be ready at the aft gangway.

Well, Laura can't go ashore.

It looks like you're finally going to be alone

with your reverend.

But I'm still worried.

She's taking this much too calmly.

That's not like her.

-All set, Betsy? -Uh, just one minute.

Okay.

Listen, will you keep an eye on her today?

She's up to something, and I've gotta know what it is.

-Sure. -Thanks.

All right. Let's go.

Have fun!

Laura: Buh-bye.

[ Grunts ]

[ Metal creaks ]

-Gopher? -Uh, just a minute, sir.

I'll be right with you. Just a minute.

Working on your exercises?

Hmm?

Working on your exercises?

Oh, my, uh -- my exercises. Yes, sir.

I sure am. I'm on top of it.

Uh, fighting weight is something we all have to do.

I'd like to lose a few pounds myself.

-Mm-hmm. -Oh, excuse me?

Can you tell me which way is gopher's cabin?

It's right here.

-Hi. -Hi.

Captain stubing, Gail cowler.

She's the girl I told you I was with on vacation.

Oh, it's nice to meet you, Gail.

-Nice to meet you. -You must be a great cook.

Julie said that you were down here,

but if you're busy I could... -He is.

He'll be exercising for an hour.

Why don't you keep him company?

Make sure he does it.

Okay. I can read my book. [ Chuckles softly ]

Nice to meet you.

You too.

She'll be your inspiration, so you can work off that flab.

[ Clang! ]

It may be flab... But it's strong flab.

Yeah, I've been getting a lot of iron lately.

[ Sighs ]

Vanessa.

Please, I have to talk to you.

You don't understand. There isn't anything to say.

No, I do understand.

The captain filled me in on what happened.

We're kind of caught up in a crazy situation, aren't we?

Yes, we sure are.

At first, all I wanted to do was blast your mother

for sayin' those things about my dad.

And then?

I got to thinking.

There's no way she could feel any differently.

So I want you to know that I do understand.

She's your mom.

And i'm...

Well, I'm just one of the Jones boys

you happened to meet one sunny afternoon.

Well, that's about it.

I'll stay clear.

It won't be easy. But I couldn't do anything

that would cause you any unhappiness.

It was a sunny afternoon, wasn't it?

One of the sunniest I've ever known.

That wasn't very fair of me, was it?

No.

I had it all worked out how --

how I was gonna do without you.

And now I -- I don't know if I can.

Vanessa.

Hi. Welcome back.

Hello, reverend. -Hi.

Betsy, how'd it go?

-Well... -Oh, come on.

It can't have been that good. Or was it?

It was kind of... Confusing.

Confusing?

Oh, Julie, what a great day we had.

It was absolutely superb.

Uh, would you excuse us for a moment?

Sure, excuse me.

I was hoping to have a chance like today

to spend lots of time with you.

The devil, you say...

[ Chuckles softly ]

Betsy, it meant a lot to me this past year

to see you at all the church functions.

I don't think you missed a single one.

It became very important for me to know you were there.

And after today, I'm more certain than ever

that I want you there, always near me,

for a long time.

For a long, long time? Yeah.

What I'm trying to say is...

Uh, reverend ruland? -Yes?

Miss tensley would like to see you right away.

She says it's very important.

All right.

It's okay.

I'll see you right after dinner,

and we will continue right where we were.

Okay.

[ Sighs ]

We hope you enjoyed your visit to Mazatlan.

And don't forget -- tonight we plan a high time

on the high seas, with our gala nautical costume party.

It promises to be a big splash.

What a wonderful evening.

Is something wrong?

I'm afraid there is.

Could you come in for a minute?

Sure.

Look, what I have to tell you isn't easy,

so don't interrupt me, please.

Okay.

We've got to break this thing up between us.

Well, say something!

But you said that...

Oh, I know. I forgot.

Up -- up on deck, you did. You did.

You said the things to me that I've been hoping

and praying you would ever since I met you.

But now I see that -- that it just won't work.

It will, Betsy. I promise.

Marry me, and I'll make you... -No, don't --

don't say that.

Oh, you have no idea how confusing it is

to be in love with a sexy minister.

You love me. That makes it perfect.

Perfect is the problem. You are, but I'm not.

Oh, I've tried to make myself right for you.

I even saw "going my way" eight times.

-Marry me, Betsy. -Oh, but look.

Deep down, I know that I could never

be a good match for you. -Marry me!

You never swear or tell dirty jokes or double-park.

You probably never even take 11 items

to the supermarket express aisle.

Hey, I'm not that perfect. Believe me.

Oh, but today,

when we were walking through all those churches,

I realized that I would never fit in

as a good minister's wife --

standing around in all those afternoon teas,

bein' real quiet and wearin' all those quiet clothes.

You see, the big thing is, I like to laugh.

And you just can't do that in churches.

-Betsy, I li-- -oh, Laura --

Laura would love to marry you. I'm sure of it.

She's a much better bet for you than I am.

You deserve a class act, not the class kook.

You sure that's how you feel?

Would I lie to a man of the cloth?

[ Thunder cracks, rumbles ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Applause ]

Ship ahoy, mates!

I hope you're all enjoying our seafaring soirée.

But now it's time for the big costume parade,

where we're gonna judge the best costume.

So, lord Nelson, king Neptune,

would you please lead our parade?

[ Upbeat music playing, rhythmic clapping ]

I think it's warm in here. Let's take a walk.

-Now? -Yeah.

Well, we're gonna miss the parade!

Oh, who cares? Costume parties are dumb, anyway.

All these grown-up people dressed like this.

You're right. It is getting crowded in here.

I feel like i'm in a sardine can.

-'Scuse me. -I know the feeling.

[ Thunder cracks, rumbles ]

You're dressed perfectly. It's stormy out tonight.

Mm.

I don't mind.

I love being out in the elements.

All the thunder and lightning...

Lightning? Uh, listen,

I gotta go back to the party, you know?

I'm on the staff. I can't stay.

I've gotta go... -Gopher!

Uh, being on this cruise

has made me realize something about you.

I know.

When I first came aboard, I -- I thought that you

were gonna be another guy who just wanted a quick makeout.

And I really can't handle situations like that.

But you've been a perfect gentleman.

You haven't made a pass, not one.

You like that?

You deserve a blue ribbon. You do.

You're a very special person.

Gail, I can't take credit for that.

Why not?

I'm gonna level with you.

I am not a knight in shining armor

because I am a knight in shining armor.

I rented this to impress you.

I have been stuck in it since we left Los Angeles.

I did wanna make passes at you.

Every single moment I was with you,

I wanted to make a pass at you.

It wasn't my sterling character that stopped me.

Here, it was 100 pounds of case-hardened steel.

You've been wearing this?

So it's the tin suit that deserves the blue ribbon,

not me.

'Scuse me.

Have a nice evening.

[ Thundercrack ] Aaaah!

Hey, sailor.

I was just coming to get you.

The storm's cleared up nicely, hasn't it?

David, look, I meant it.

We really should not see each other.

I just wanted to show you, as part of your studies,

that you've handed in two wrong answers.

First, Laura. Um, I believe that's her.

You know, Laura,

I'm gonna have to stay with you every minute

until that ankle heals.

Thank goodness.

I'm a slow healer.

Now, uh, where do I get the crazy idea

that her heart is not set on marrying the minister?

And, more importantly,

you're wrong about something else too --

that having fun is somehow sacrilegious.

-I only meant... -Ah!

Didn't the little children all flock around Jesus?

Now, do you think they would hang around a grouch?

Well, I've -- I've never thought of it that way.

Betsy, you'd be great for me.

You'd keep me from ever becoming a gloomy Gus.

Nobody could be a better minister's wife

than a lovable lady who,

on occasion, happens to be a lovable kook.

You almost maketh me changeth my mind.

David, I do wanna be with you, forever and ever, amen.

But I am still worried.

I can never be as good a person as you are.

I'll tell you what.

You marry me, Betsy,

and I promise you I'll try to be worse.

[ Knock on door ]

Come in!

Well, well.

Oh, merrill.

I always thought our relation was platonic.

Platonic, maybe, but not dietetic.

-Oh. -[ Chuckles ]

-You don't... -I thought a nice, light supper

might give us a chance to have a little talk.

Uh-oh.

When you say "talk," I hear "lecture."

I saw you with the boy this afternoon.

Oh, is that any reason to let a delicious lobster go to waste?

Lobster? Oh, I love lobster.

Did you know that,

after the accident, webb's father became an alcoholic?

Merrill, what are you trying to do, make him the victim?

I'm curious, Joan.

Tell me, how many victims will it take to satisfy you?

-Victims? -Of the accident.

So far, there are two -- your husband and webb's father.

You wanna make it three? That's easy.

Make the boy suffer. That'll get Vanessa.

She'll make it four. Will four be enough for you?

-I don't have to listen to this. -Well, make it five.

You're the biggest victim of all, wasting all those years

hiding behind that cherished wall of rage.

Oh, that's good, merrill. That's very, very good.

You go right ahead.

You play the forgiving philosopher.

It's an easy shot for you.

It wasn't your life that was shattered.

I loved my husband.

And webb Jones killed him.

Now I should sing and dance to see

his son and Bob's daughter?

No. I don't need that kind of sentimental claptrap.

Well, what do you want me to say?

"Poor, poor Joan. Look how much she's suffered."

That's the real sentimental claptrap! -Oh!

[ Sighs ]

Oh...

My old friend.

I wanna give you one thing to think about.

Oh, let's just eat.

All right.

One thing. Just one.

Well, go ahead.

Okay.

Try this -- that boy is not a threat to you,

but an opportunity.

Don't you see?

You're both in the same boat.

You lost a husband. He lost a father.

But why be antagonistic when you need each other

to fill those voids?

Oh, but webb Jones, Jr.

And our daughter, Bob's daughter...

Merrill, is it really that important?

Whether their romance works is not the crucial thing.

What does matter is that you'd be making a statement --

that Joan heinsley, the lovely lady we all care about,

is finally free of those bitter, useless shackles.

Come on. Let's eat.

It's a lot harder to lecture with something in your mouth.

[ Both chuckle lightly ]

Gail: Not very comfortable in that thing, are you?

Not very, no.

I know 'cause I'm not very comfortable in mine, either.

In yours?

Yeah.

You made me realize that i'm wearing a suit of armor, too.

And I have been for a long time,

afraid to let myself go be warm and caring

and... I guess just vulnerable.

Mine's even thicker than that, though.

I --

I didn't want any of cupid's little arrows to get through.

Maybe this will help.

[ Chuckles ]

I have a better idea.

I can't help you get out of your shell,

but I was hoping that maybe you could help me get out of mine.

[ Both chuckle ] [ Metal creaking ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Clatter ]

Oh, hi. Welcome to Camelot.

Hi, Isaac.

-Hi. -[ Chuckles ]

-Oh... -Ow.

Gail. Gail, wait a minute. -What?

It moved.

It moved. I think... -Hold on!

I think -- yes! That cuff plate must've been jarred loose.

Well, let's go for all of it, then.

Look at this! I'm free!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

[ Laughs ]

[ Moans ]

Julie: Bye! Thanks for sailing with us.

Now, if you're ever up our way,

you make sure and drop by and see us.

Oh, but we may be back here first, in the honeymoon suite.

Terrific.

Now, how are we ever gonna afford that?

-The lord will provide. -Cut it out, Betsy.

You're doing my lines.

Laura, are you feeling better?

Oh, much better, thank you.

I only wish that I would've got hurt a lot sooner,

so that doc and I could've spent a lot more time together.

Don't worry. Next time you come,

I'll have gopher booby-trap your cabin.

[ Squeals ]

I'm sure you and young webb are gonna hit it off.

He's a fellow sailor. You've got a lot in common.

-That should help. -Mom?

Webb's arranged a boat trip to Catalina for all of us.

I met a guy aboard who owns a 50-footer.

-A 50-footer? -That's some sailboat.

Oh, it's not a sailboat. It's a trawler.

A stinkpot?

Oh, webb, I was hoping you and I could get along,

but you're not making it easy.

[ Laughter ]

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

My mother always told me

that I'd meet my knight in shining armor.

But I never believed it.

Okay, now, wait a minute, Gail.

I only wore that thing

because I knew you were crazy about the medieval period,

and I wanted to impress you. -I know.

I know. And I really do appreciate it.

I just think that we should be very thankful

that I'm not into the early cenozoic period.

What'd they wear then?

[ Chuckles ] Nothing.

Right.