Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love boat theme"]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let if flow, it floats back to you.

Love boat.

Soon we'll be making another run.

The love boat promised something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance, and love

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

Woman (over pa): Attention all stalis solaris passengers.

The final launch back to the ship

is now ready for departure.

Oh hi, gopher.

Gopher?

Hello, I'm gopher.

You called me?

Twice.

Why are you using that phony accent?

Well, you know how it is, miss.

When in Rome, you do as the romans do.

Miss?

Aha.

I'll bet you thought I did not remember you.

Come on, gopher, quick kidding around.

I'm busy.

Okey, dokey.

I'll show you quick.

Where is my cabin?

Your cabin's right there.

Good.

And you thought I didn't remember you.

Bye bye.

Weird.

It gets weirder every day.

Must find out all about this gopher guy.

English.

How can you do this to me, Maria?

There I am with an armful of packages.

I turn around and you and what's his name, Roberto, are gone.

We're back.

I'm sorry.

Are you?

Not really.

Then you should be.

Your marriage to Enzo is a matter of honor.

And what if I'm in love with Roberto?

But you're not.

But even if you are, it's not important.

This is the way it has to be.

Don't you understand?

Please, Maria, darling, think of the family.

Think of their embarrassment if you don't

go through with the marriage.

I don't want to.

But you must.

Will you tell Roberto?

Yeah.

Fran, tell me everything.

I want a full report.

That's a pretty full report.

What happened?

My, wonderful charming count is a gigolo.

A gigolo, like $0.10 a dance gigolo?

Well, nowadays, it's more than $0.10 a dance and, I suppose,

more than dance.

I'm sorry.

I guess you must be pretty disappointed.

Oh, I am.

I'm sure it's how Juliet would feel if she found out

that Romeo just climbed up her balcony because he

wanted to sell her a ladder.

I really appreciate all you're doing, captain stubing.

I'm enjoying it.

Golden anniversaries are all too rare.

Good evening, Ms. Krendall.

Julie, you're arranging for the cake for tomorrow's

anniversary party, right? - Yes, sir.

It's all taken care of.

It's three tiers with white icing,

and it says "happy anniversary Teresa and Dominic"

in red icing and then 50 green candles

the Italian flag colors.

That sounds wonderful.

I thought it was pretty clever.

Well, I'm going to go check on the decorations.

Good evening.

Well hello, you love birds.

(Speaking with Italian accent) I'm getting

tired of smiling all the time.

Me, too.

We've got to tell them.

We have to.

Arrange for the orchestra to play the anniversary waltz,

right after the cake cutting.

That's great.

Oh, mama, papa, we got something great to tell you.

Really?

We've got something to tell you.

Tell them.

Why me?

Dominic.

All right, all right.

We are going to get a divorce.

A divorce?

Yes.

We cannot, how you say, stand each other.

You two have been married for 50 years.

That's how long we can't stand each other, 50 years.

You can't get a divorce.

What about the church?

So what about it?

Hey, it never bother you.

You get to throw out the [inaudible] already.

But it's different for you and mamma.

The church is very important to your lives.

You know, something, she is right.

So what are we going to do?

We'll get an annulment, a complete annulment,

like we were never married.

[Music playing]

Mi amore, my love, I look for you everywhere.

I couldn't find you.

Hello, Roberto.

Hello, Roberto?

What is that to say to someone you love?

I don't love you.

What about today in Capri?

I've thought a lot about it, and i'm

going to marry Enzo carducci.

Why?

Because it's what I have to do.

The marriage was arranged.

It's important to my family.

And Enzo's wealth is important to you?

I feel sorry for you, Maria.

[Speaking Italian] "My heart goes with you."

And mine with you, Roberto.

[Music playing]

What a life.

I'm married 50 years.

Now I'm getting an annulment.

Why couldn't I get an annulment when I was back five years?

What about me?

Divorced twice and now I find myself falling for a gigolo.

That's nothing.

I'm engaged to a man I've never even met

and I'm in love with someone else.

How about me?

I've never been married and I never will be.

So you're the lucky one.

Oh, good morning, gopher.

[Speaking Italian]

Good morning, sir.

Your accent is remarkable.

Thank you.

Very soon I talk as good as you.

That's a joke.

Excusi.

Anything wrong, merrill?

I'm really worried about gopher, Adam.

He's got a girl who's beautiful,

loaded, and loves him, and you're worried about gopher?

I wish I had his problems.

[Music playing]

Which way to Rome?

[Speaking Italian]

I'll find it myself.

Woman (over pa): Ladies and gentlemen, we are

now entering the port of Rome.

You may begin disembarkation in approximately 20 minutes,

and so begin your fabulous Roman holida.

During your stay in the eternal city,

be sure to visit Vatican City, the residence of the pope

and the sit of St. Peter's basilica

and the incomparable sistine chapel.

Across the tiber river looms the imposing Victor Emmanuel

monument, built to honor the unification of Italy

and the nation's first king.

As you tour the city, feast your eyes

on some of the world's most fabulous works of art,

or travel through time, visiting the ruins

of ancient Roman civilization, including

the spectacular colosseum.

Before you leave this exciting city,

make a wish at the fountain of trevi

to ensure your safe return, or take

a romantic stroll down the colorful,

historic Spanish steps.

[Music playing]

Why Carmen, look, the trevi fountain.

Come on, let's walk around.

Enough walking, my feet are killing me.

Oh.

I'll tell you what.

You rest here, aunt Carmen.

I'm going to go make a wish, all right?

Oh, wish for stronger arches for me.

Roberto.

I'm sorry, I could not stay away.

But you must.

I told you last night.

Yes, you told me, but I know that you did not mean it.

Yes, I did.

I mean, I should have.

Roberto, my aunt.

Come on.

Aunt Carmen.

You again?

I thought I could show you some of the sites of Rome.

I told Maria to stay away from you.

There's no problem.

I understand she's going to marry Enzo carducci.

She does not love him.

I accept this.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Then you two go by yourself.

My people won't move another inch.

Thank you, aunt Carmen.

Grazi.

Let's go.

And no hanky-panky.

[Classical musical playing]

[Car honking]

Melissa, it's beautiful.

What are you doing here?

I'm looking at St. piedro and you.

What do you do here?

I was looking at St. Peters, but not anymore.

Senora, por favore.

Why do you hate me for being what I am,

whatever that may be.

You're right.

Why should I hate you?

You are what you are.

Given a choice between being hated and being tolerated,

I much prefer the hate.

Fine.

Then consider yourself hated.

Senora, por favore, won't you change your mind?

The people I work for will be angry.

I will have to give back that money, and some of the money

I've already spent.

I have to go.

Where do you go?

Colosseum.

Please, allow me to earn my money by being your guide.

Let me show you around.

I can see Rome by myself.

Ah, but you could never see the Rome I can show you.

Please, it would be my pleasure, my honor.

And it would allow me to regain self-respect I

lost by embarrassing you.

Please.

Ok.

Come, I show you this beautiful city.

You know, the castel sant'Angelo, I think, is more

fantastic every time I see it.

Every time you see?

Gopher, you said this is your first time in Rome.

Oh, it is, but, you know, what I mean is when I am a kid,

back in the United States, I look in the history books,

and I see castel sant'Angelo.

I see every time, because you know.

And I used to daydream that I would go up and get married

and that would be home.

That enormous castle?

Oh, it looks so cold.

Well, I used to dream that my wife,

she would make little curtains for the windows.

Oh, sweet.

And we would need so many rooms full of bambini.

Gopher.

[Classical music playing]

[Speaking Italian]

Go on, it's yours.

Grazi.

Mille grazi.

Have a nice giorno.

[Cars honking]

The colosseum is the most stupendous

monument of ancient Rome.

It was built in 7280 ad by the emperor vespasian.

The colosseum was designed to hold 50,000 spectators.

It is more than 500 meters in its circumference,

and was originally covered with the marble, which was removed

hundreds of years later during the renaissance

to decorate the more modern buildings and the fountains.

This is even more fantastic than the photographs.

Your husband, he did not bring you to Rome, to Europe?

No.

They're too busy making money.

I feel like I'm standing in the middle of another time.

I can understand why a man would

want to buy you everything.

Can you imagine this place filled with spectators.

Bellissimo.

"You are very beautiful."

You Italians always know how to break

down a woman's defenses.

What do you do?

You send little boys to school and you teach them beginning

and advanced flattery?

No, no.

It is not flattery.

I enjoy being with you so much.

Come on, paolo.

Show me Rome.

I want to learn more about its fabulous history.

Si, si.

Perhaps you will let me teach you some other things

before our tour is over.

Perhaps I will and perhaps I won't.

[Music playing]

[Speaking Italian]

What are you doing here?

I went to confession.

Oh, confession for you, that should take one week.

[Inaudible] It's a beautiful church, eh?

You remember the church where we got married?

Yes, I remember the church.

It's the wedding I try to forget.

You also forget you're the only husband I ever know who

sold his wife's wedding dress.

Yes.

I sell the dress to buy the clothes

to baptize the first baby.

But a wedding dress is very important to a woman.

You think I don't know that?

But we were poor then.

We just come over from the old country.

Hey, look.

I want to tell you.

You want to see your baby baptize in a worker shirt?

But you never bought me anything beautiful.

[Inaudible] I give you everything I could.

What more could I do?

You never sang me one song.

Sing without the tune?

And you never, in 15 years, bought me a flower.

Fiore?

You want flower.

I'm going to get you the flowers.

[Speaking Italian]

Look, how much?

[Speaking Italian]

Hey, [speaking Italian]

Go away.

Go away.

Go away.

Take the flowers.

Please.

[Music playing]

I love you, Maria.

And I love you, Roberto.

Maria, I want to run away to the catacombs

with you, where nobody would find us, including aunt Carmen.

Oh, aunt Carmen.

I'm serious.

Roberto, please, I don't want to talk about it.

I have to marry Enzo carducci, and that's that.

Oh, Enzo carducci.

I feel sorry for him.

For him?

There he is, a nice, rich, old, fat man

with a beautiful wife who does not love him.

I've heard that people learn to love each other.

Oh yes, in time, in 10 or 20 years.

Oh, and the wedding night, how terrible it would be for him.

For him again?

The wedding night's very important to an Italian man,

and to have a wife who is being forced because she can't stand

to be with an old, short, fat man, smells of cigars

and suffers from chronic indigestion because

of all the rich foods he eats.

I would hate to be in his shoes.

Good bye, Roberto.

It's been lovely being with you.

I mean, it's been a lovely tour.

Parker, Connecticut is very nice,

but it is nothing like this.

Just as many other women in my life

have been nice, but nothing like you.

Si, si, back to the tour, huh?

The piazza De espana, the famous Spanish steps

take that name from the Spanish embassy.

They were built in 1723, and since that time,

have attracted many poets and artists.

Your poet, John keats, lived and died here in the house

on the left in 1821.

Excuse me, coming through here.

[Classical music playing]

Look out.

[Cars honking]

Dad, this is a great way to see the city.

Yes, but it feels a little crowded in here.

Maybe I shouldn't have had that last bowl of pasta.

Oh, look dad, the Victor Emmanuel memorial.

Oh yes.

It's beautiful.

[Speaking Italian]

How do get to the harbor?

I'm looking for the harbor.

[Speaking Italian]

Yeah, I'm sorry about that, but I've

got to get to the harbor.

What?

[Speaking Italian]

No, boats, boats.

[Interposing voices]

Right, right.

Maybe it would be better--

[speaking Italian]

Sounds like a riot.

In Italy, that's just a friendly discussion.

Whatever it is, let's not get involved.

I want to see as much of Rome as I can.

[Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

Paolo, we've been here for hours.

I have to start thinking about getting back to the ship.

[Speaking Italian] "So soon."

What would happen if you not go back to the ship.

I've been thinking that, too.

Baby, baby, let's both think about it.

Paolo, what's the matter with you?

You were supposed to protect me two hours ago.

There is a very rich lady all dressed up, waiting for you

to take her out to dinner.

Senor, franzoni, allow me to present senora krendall.

How do you do?

This assignment was over today at noon.

Oh, please, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to stay over my time.

Por favore--

don't stand up.

Don't say anything sentimental.

I don't want anything that's not covered by your flat rate.

No, no.

Paolo.

Don't [inaudible] Me.

If you don't want to lose your job,

you come with me right this minute.

Francesca, Francesca, please.

Paolo, I've invest you a lot of money.

If you can't pay me back, I'll ruin you.

Then ruin me, senor franzoni, ruin me.

Francesca.

Francesca, please.

Julie, Julie, have you see Angelica anywhere?

Angelica, Angelica, are you all right?

Of course I'm all right.

What has happened to you?

How come you look like you've been cleaning the engine?

Guys, you won't believe--

gopher, is that you?

You look terrible.

And you smell too good, either.

Guys, I have been kidnapped.

I was waiting for you.

This looks like a gathering of--

that's him.

That's the one.

I'll kill him.

- Hold on. - I'll kill him.

That's the one.

Who's this guy?

Wait a minute.

You know who I am.

I'm gopher.

That's ridiculous.

I'm gopher.

What's going on here?

Good lord, there are two of them.

Wasn't one enough?

This man is an imposter.

I'm an imposter?

Captain, just look at him.

Does this bum look like he could be a purser?

Now wait a minute.

Only one of you can be gopher.

It shouldn't be too hard to find out which one is the fake

[inaudible] Gopher, whoever you are, what

was your mother's maiden name?

Rosburn.

Your turn.

Angelica, don't you know which is gopher?

They are both gopher.

Captain, I am the real gopher and I can prove it.

I have a mole on my--

right here.

Do you have a mole right here?

I don't have a mole any place.

See, that proves it.

That doesn't prove anything.

We don't have moles in my family.

Does anybody know if gopher had a mole?

Don't look at me.

Sir, you've got to believe me.

I am me.

That's true.

But you are not me.

I'm gopher.

Wait a minute.

I think I can settle this.

Before we left on this cruise, I asked gopher to make out

a status report on the crew.

Where is it?

I put it on your desk, captain.

Maybe it got lost.

Sir, I'm sorry, I forgot about the whole thing.

That's gopher.

Throw that phony off my ship.

Angelica, please.

It's me.

It's guido.

[Speaking Italian]

I love you.

It's guido.

Angelica, I love you.

Guido.

Oh, I should have known.

Woman (over pa): Ladies and gentlemen, we hope

you enjoyed your visit to Rome.

Our next port of call is romantic, enchanting venice.

Well, if you and mama insist on going

through with this divorce--

uh, uh, annullamento.

All right, annulment.

I want you to come live with me.

Me?

Come and live with you?

But papa, somebody has to take care of you and cook for you.

Carmen, you're a nice girl, but you terrible cook.

Even the flies just stay out of your kitchen.

But papa, I learned everything I know from my mother.

Oh sure, that explain everything. (Mumbling)

Will you please shut up?

Until you come to your senses, I want

you to come stay with me, mama.

Thank you, darling.

No, thank you.

But you want have to do anything.

You just sit and relax.

I've got a maid.

I'm used to cleaning a house.

Why do you want to stay somewhere by yourself

with no one to talk to?

I've been married to your father for 50 years,

I'm used to it.

I can't believe you don't want to come live with me.

If you want, I'll give it to you in writing.

Angelica, I have something very important

that I want to ask you.

Oh, gopher.

I think you know how I feel about you now.

I love you and I hope--

no, please.

Not now.

What is it?

What's wrong?

It's guido, isn't it?

No.

Yes.

I'm so confused.

I'm so very fond of you.

Last night when I kissed you, I was in love with you,

but it was not you that I kissed.

It was guido.

I need time.

I'm sorry.

Man (over pa): This is venice, considered

by many to be the most romantic place in the world.

The grand canal and the numerous smaller canals,

which are crossed by more than 400 of its Bridges,

set venice apart from every other place on earth.

Over the years, countless artists,

including Mozart, krasinski, and Hemingway

have been inspired by its beauty and grace.

From the quaint charm of its gondolas to the magic

of St. Mark's square, venice will

forever be the city for lovers.

Hurry up, Maria.

We'll be getting late into venice.

I am hurrying.

Are you still thinking about Roberto?

No.

You've got to get those foolish thoughts out

of your head.

You'll be marrying Enzo soon.

No, I won't.

What are you talking about?

You have to.

No, I don't.

I don't care anything about Enzo,

or his money, or the arrangement.

I love Roberto.

But you can't.

What do you know about love?

What do you know about marriage?

You've never been married.

No, I've never been married, but I know about love.

I loved a young man.

I loved him very much.

What happened?

I had to give him up.

Why?

Because my family wanted me to.

Go to Roberto, Maria.

Go to the man you love.

Forget the family.

Forget the arrangement.

Go.

Now hurry, before I change my mind.

Isn't St. Mark's square just beautiful?

I feel like I've been here before,

I've seen it in so many movies.

Speaking of movies, you remind me

of the navigator of the Titanic in a "night to remember."

Oh, I'm sorry, Julie.

I know I haven't been a very good traveling companion today.

You weren't a very good traveling companion yesterday,

either.

Maybe what you need is a drastic change of traveling companions.

Paolo, paolo.

Oh, what are you doing here?

You're not showing the sites to one of your rich ladies,

are you?

No, listen to me.

I'm no gigolo anymore.

I quit my job.

I'm free now.

I'm alone.

Well, why would you quit your job?

Because [speaking Italian] "I love you."

And I want you to be proud of me.

Oh, I am proud of you.

Do you mean it, paolo?

You're not a gigolo anymore?

Si.

Si, I am a gigolo for you alone, me amore.

And if you have a paid lifetime membership.

Oh, paolo, I love you.

I love you.

You're not cooperating.

You've got to walk faster.

Why will you not tell me where we are going?

Because I have a surprise for you.

What kind of surprise?

A very special surprise, one I'm sure you are going to like.

But if you don't, you always know where

you can find me, all right?

Gopher, I do not understand.

What are you waiting for, go on.

Come up, he's waiting.

Go.

Grazi.

[Inaudible]

Roberto.

Maria.

I can't go through with it.

I'm not going to marry Enzo carducci.

I love you, Roberto.

And I love you, Maria.

They say that old lovers take a romantic ride

on the grand canal.

Shall we?

I'd love to.

How about this one, huh?

How about this one over here?

It's a bit expensive, don't you think?

Maria, you have shown me that money means nothing

when people are in love.

Where to, senor carducci?

Anywhere, Carlo.

Senor carducci?

I took a cruise as Roberto to see

who my parents had arranged for me to marry,

and I fell madly in love with her.

Oh, Roberto.

Enzo.

Who cares?

[Music playing]

Just a minute, Carmen, dear.

Are you all right, mama?

I just want to sit here for a few minutes.

Can I get you something?

No, darling.

You go look at the sites, huh?

Oh, all right, mama.

But you've got to be careful now.

You know how Italian men like to pinch.

Who's going to pinch me?

I never, ever could get your father to do it.

[Singing in Italian]

[Speaking Italian] "I love you very much."

Can you forgive me?

I love you too, Dominic.

I'll forgive you, but only if you forgive me first.

No, no, no.

You've got to forgive me first.

I forgive you.

You're the best wife a man ever had.

Dominic, you're the best husband a woman ever had.

And you're the best cook.

You cook just like an angel, and you look just like one, too.

You only say I'm a great cook because you know it's true.

And you say you love me because you're such a romantic man.

Come on, come on.

All right.

[Speaking Italian] All right.

All right.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

[Laughs]

[Screams]

Thank you.

Do you want me to sing another song?

Yeah, [inaudible] I like it.

[Singing in Italian]

[Music playing]

That's older than the Vatican.

That church right there?

9th century.

The Vatican was built in the 16th century.

Hi, gang.

How are you doing?

Hi, guys.

Have you guys seen the captain and Vicki?

No, I haven't seen them.

Me neither.

You don't suppose they stayed on the ship, do you?

And miss venice?

Are you kidding?

No.

Well then, where are they?

Right here.

[Speaking Italian]

[Laughs]

Well, come on over.

We can't hold this pose forever.

Let's go.

Well, I hope they come back.

The captain sure knows how to make friends.

I'm glad I'm wearing a hat.

Watch the birdie.

Which one?

[Music playing]

[Theme music]