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♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:06,606 --> 00:00:09,207
♪ Traveled down the roadand back again
3
00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:12,077
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:16,214
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:17,015 --> 00:00:20,085
♪ And if you threw a party
6
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:25,557
♪ Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,292
♪ You would see
8
00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:30,061
♪ The biggest giftwould be from me
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00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:31,830
♪ And the card attachedwould say
10
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:37,636
♪ "Thank youfor being a friend" ♪
11
00:01:04,396 --> 00:01:07,165
Morning. Oh, you've already
got breakfast ready.
12
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:10,202
Becky and I were up
till all hours talking.
13
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:13,371
You know, my daughter and I haven't
had a talk like that since...
14
00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:15,940
...ever.
It must've been fun.
15
00:01:15,942 --> 00:01:19,610
Oh, yeah. We did each other's
hair and laughed and laughed.
16
00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:21,579
I can see why.
17
00:01:25,417 --> 00:01:27,285
Ma, why are you still here?
18
00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:30,521
You were supposed to have your checkup with Dr.
Siegel this morning.
19
00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:34,225
Oh, you didn't hear about Dr.
Siegel. Hear what?
20
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:36,127
I'm not going.
21
00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:38,096
Ma, you are impossible.
22
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,565
Now, this is the third
appointment you've missed.
23
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,034
At my age, checkups can be
dangerous to your health.
24
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,802
You know Sam down the block,
the one who thinks
25
00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:48,306
he's hiding his stomach
by wearing Hawaiian shirts?
26
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:50,108
Yeah, Sam is fine.
27
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,310
His brother went for a checkup
seven years ago.
28
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:53,845
The doctor said he was great.
29
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:56,547
Three days after the exam,
he was dead.
30
00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:58,517
Ma, he owed money
to a guy named Face
31
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:01,185
and got thrown off a pier.
32
00:02:02,487 --> 00:02:04,722
That was one of the causes.
33
00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:06,591
I'm not going.
You're going.
34
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,926
Rose, could you give me a hand?
Oh, sure.
35
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:10,395
If you will excuse me,
36
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:12,897
Becky and I are having
breakfast on the lanai.
37
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:15,933
We're still bonding.
38
00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:18,203
Dorothy, how come
we never bond?
39
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:21,606
We're from before bonding
and quality time.
40
00:02:23,775 --> 00:02:28,546
We're from when people stayed
together because they had no choice.
41
00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:31,683
Ma, would I be insisting
on this checkup
42
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,818
if I didn't care about you?
43
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,522
Why can't we just do each other's
hair like Blanche and her daughter?
44
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:41,158
Oh, look, Ma. I know you're scared.
I'll go with you.
45
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,896
Look, when I was little, didn't you
make me go and get all my shots?
46
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:47,332
I had to lie to you and tell you
we were going on the pony rides,
47
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:50,635
and you fell for it
time after time.
48
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:53,371
Just like Pavlov's dog,
49
00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:55,239
only dumber.
50
00:02:56,642 --> 00:03:00,178
OK, OK, Ma, if you don't
wanna go to the doctor,
51
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,681
you don't have to go
to the doctor. All right?
52
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,316
I'll tell you what. Why don't we
spend tomorrow afternoon together?
53
00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:07,619
We'll work on our bonding.
54
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:11,489
I'll take you to Wolfie's for an egg cream.
A chocolate egg cream?
55
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,624
You betcha.
Oh, boy!
56
00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:15,626
A chocolate egg cream!
57
00:03:17,629 --> 00:03:19,297
Forget it, Dorothy.
58
00:03:20,766 --> 00:03:23,100
I smell a pony ride.
59
00:03:28,039 --> 00:03:31,008
Oh, you know, I think this is
the best visit we've ever had.
60
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:34,179
I think it's because you've
realized I'm a grown woman.
61
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:36,081
Well, I never thought
the day would come,
62
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,983
but we are finally
the same age.
63
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:44,221
Why don't you stay longer?
64
00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:45,723
Oh, Mama.
65
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,593
I can't stay because...
66
00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:51,095
We're telling each other
everything, right?
67
00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:53,031
Everything.
No more secrets.
68
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,932
Oh, good.
69
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:56,434
Mama...
Mm-hmm?
70
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:59,671
I'm getting impregnated
on Monday.
71
00:04:03,642 --> 00:04:07,211
I've decided the best thing for
me is to go to a sperm bank
72
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:10,015
and get artificially
inseminated.
73
00:04:13,685 --> 00:04:17,988
Why would you do something
like this? Just to hurt me?
74
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:20,091
Mama, try to understand.
75
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,994
I can't pass a carriage
without looking in.
76
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,429
I heard my biological clock
ticking so loudly,
77
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,699
it was keeping me up at night.
78
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,834
A baby should be doing that.
79
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,470
Well, why don't you wait
till you get married?
80
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:34,072
I don't wanna get married.
81
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:37,041
Well, then at least wait
until I'm dead.
82
00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:43,147
You really mean that?
Yes, I do.
83
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:46,184
And wait until
all my friends are dead, too.
84
00:04:48,253 --> 00:04:52,423
The last thing I need
is whispering at my funeral.
85
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:55,326
I can't believe
you're reacting like this.
86
00:04:55,328 --> 00:04:57,162
We got so close this past week,
87
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,230
I thought
I could tell you anything.
88
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,999
Anything but this.
89
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:04,836
Well, Mama, I'm gonna do this
whether you like it or not.
90
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,605
Oh. Oh, I see, missy.
91
00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:09,173
So, this is the thanks I get
92
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:12,343
for all those cold nights
when you were a baby crying
93
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:14,312
and I'd have to get up
out of bed
94
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:17,315
and grope around in the dark
for my slippers and robe,
95
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:20,518
make my way
all the way downstairs
96
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,087
and scream for the governess?
97
00:05:41,306 --> 00:05:45,243
Hungry or suicidal?
98
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:50,248
It's not easy being the mother of
a child with her own free will.
99
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,983
I knew I felt
the refrigerator open.
100
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,222
What's wrong?
You've been upset all day.
101
00:05:58,224 --> 00:06:02,126
It's Rebecca.
I just don't understand.
102
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:06,097
Why didn't somebody tell me
it was dinnertime?
103
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:09,701
Ma, it's not dinner,
it's the middle of the night.
104
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,704
Good, then I'm dressed for it.
105
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,405
Blanche is upset.
106
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,908
Well, you would be too,
if your daughter...
107
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,343
Oh, I can't even say it.
What could have happened?
108
00:06:19,345 --> 00:06:22,146
The two of you
were getting so close.
109
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:26,316
My little girl is gonna have a
baby by artificial insemination.
110
00:06:32,157 --> 00:06:35,159
I just can't bear
to think about it.
111
00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:41,932
I'm just being silly, aren't I?
112
00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:49,273
For God's sake,
somebody say something!
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00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:50,808
Eww.
114
00:06:53,145 --> 00:06:56,014
Big help.
115
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:59,150
Dorothy, what about you?
You're always the sensible one around here,
116
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,753
the free, modern thinker
who keeps up with the times.
117
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,188
Now, what do you think?
118
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,990
Eww.
119
00:07:07,792 --> 00:07:09,627
No wonder I'm up
in the middle of the night
120
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:11,895
working my way
through the cheese keeper.
121
00:07:11,897 --> 00:07:14,999
Thank God I don't have
the thighs of a normal woman.
122
00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:18,202
I tried to talk her out of it.
123
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:21,806
She says she has thought it through
and there is no changing her mind.
124
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:24,108
Well, it might not be so bad.
125
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,411
In fact, just last week
I was reading
126
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:30,448
that you can buy the sperm
of Nobel Prize winners.
127
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:34,652
Or was it Star Search winners?
128
00:07:39,457 --> 00:07:41,158
Buy?
129
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,995
Well, sperm used to be free.
It was all over the place.
130
00:07:49,601 --> 00:07:53,971
On the farm a lot of the animals
got artificially inseminated.
131
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:58,108
Once Harry the bull went through
a whole spring unaroused
132
00:07:58,110 --> 00:08:02,346
and the cows and my father were
out of their minds with grief.
133
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:04,549
I mean,
you haven't seen anything
134
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:07,351
till you've seen
a frustrated cow.
135
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,088
They can get this crazed look
in their eye
136
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:14,525
and you know they're thinking,
"Where's mine?"
137
00:08:17,095 --> 00:08:19,263
"Where's mine?"
138
00:08:20,966 --> 00:08:24,335
Cows have feelings, too.
139
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,804
Anyway, when Harry
really got lazy
140
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:31,409
Dad had to bring in Mr.
Hoffenheisen to spread the seed.
141
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:34,379
He did it
in the most unusual way.
142
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:38,016
He'd put on this really long
rubber glove.
143
00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:47,692
Rose, that's a terrific story
and surprisingly on-subject
144
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,294
but I don't think
that Blanche wants to hear
145
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:53,564
about uncontented cows
right now.
146
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:57,034
It's not that I mind becoming
a young grandmother again.
147
00:08:57,036 --> 00:09:01,472
Nobody believes it anyway.
Please.
148
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,674
It's just that
it seems so unnatural.
149
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:05,443
No daddy for the baby.
150
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,778
And no fun trying.
151
00:09:09,114 --> 00:09:11,683
I'm gonna have to agree
with Blanche on this one.
152
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:15,086
Half the fun is
in getting there.
153
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:20,058
And boy, did your father and I
have fun trying for you.
154
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,093
Ma, I don't think
I wanna hear this.
155
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,761
I wasn't gonna tell you
until you're 60,
156
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:27,632
but I think you can
handle it now.
157
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,000
We lived in New York
at the time
158
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,302
and there was the San Genarro
festival every year.
159
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:36,240
And your father, may he rest
in peace until I get there,
160
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,842
got so turned on
by the festivities one year
161
00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:40,511
he couldn't wait
till we got home.
162
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,813
Oh, Ma...
163
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:44,682
So he took me right there
164
00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:48,052
behind the sausage
and pepper stand.
165
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:55,592
Hey, we were
behind the garbage cans.
166
00:09:55,594 --> 00:10:00,264
It's not like we were
in front of everybody.
167
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,367
I can relate to
the festivities part, Sophia.
168
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:08,472
All our children were conceived
on special St. Olaf holidays.
169
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:11,342
Adam was conceived
on the Day of the Princess Pig
170
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,878
when they had the pig crowning,
171
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,313
and Jeanella was conceived
on Hay Day.
172
00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:20,751
That's the day
we St. Olafians celebrate hay.
173
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,987
Rose, do you think
you could wrap this up
174
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:26,057
before Rebecca goes into labor?
175
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,892
Then there was
the Day of the Wheat
176
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:31,195
when everybody came to town
dressed as sandwiches.
177
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,599
Charlie and I forgot
to put cheese between us
178
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:39,137
and before I knew it,
there was Kirsten.
179
00:10:44,109 --> 00:10:48,613
Look, Blanche, what Rebecca is
doing is really not so terrible.
180
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:50,547
I mean, look,
among the four of us,
181
00:10:50,549 --> 00:10:53,985
each of us conceived our
children in a different way.
182
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:57,722
I was totally unconscious.
183
00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,724
When I came to, there was Stan,
184
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:02,559
carving a notch
in his dashboard.
185
00:11:06,431 --> 00:11:08,432
I never bought
that unconscious story.
186
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:10,734
I swear. He must've
slipped me something.
187
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:12,670
Apparently.
188
00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:22,747
But at least what we all did
was natural.
189
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:25,082
Well, not all the time.
190
00:11:26,618 --> 00:11:29,020
There's some other stuff,
191
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:32,590
but I probably shouldn't
tell you till you're 70.
192
00:11:40,632 --> 00:11:41,799
Hi.
193
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:44,401
Oh, hi, Becky.
Have you seen my mother?
194
00:11:44,403 --> 00:11:47,671
She mentioned something about having a headache.
I think she's in her room.
195
00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:49,640
Hanging herself.
196
00:11:51,909 --> 00:11:53,978
Oh, hi, everybody.
Oh, how are you feeling?
197
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,747
Oh, much better.
Say, how about going out to dinner?
198
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:59,350
Have some fun.
Mama, can we talk for a minute?
199
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,786
I'll make the reservations.
Where would you like to eat?
200
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:05,389
I want you to be part of the process.
Oh, Becky.
201
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,291
Honey, I think you are
headed for trouble,
202
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,626
going off by yourself
like this.
203
00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:13,030
No man is gonna want
to marry you with a baby.
204
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:16,567
Blanche, there are a lot of
people who are single parents
205
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,302
and they're doing just fine.
206
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,871
Yeah, look at me.
207
00:12:26,211 --> 00:12:28,245
The right man could be
just around the corner.
208
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:29,947
And he may not be.
209
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:32,950
I may turn around a dozen
corners and not find anyone.
210
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,585
So, instead of trying,
211
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:37,621
you're just gonna give up
and do this crazy baby thing?
212
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:39,723
"Crazy baby thing"?
213
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,292
What I am doing, Mother,
is taking control of my life
214
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:44,494
and having the family I need.
215
00:12:44,496 --> 00:12:47,231
Well, I would certainly never
have a baby artificially
216
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:49,333
and I do not approve
of you doing it either!
217
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:50,901
Well, if that's the way
you want it, Mama,
218
00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:54,271
then you're gonna lose me
and your grandchild.
219
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:06,817
Ah, there you are.
220
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:10,788
Ma, I scheduled the appointment
for your checkup.
221
00:13:11,856 --> 00:13:15,258
Ma, you know you
have to have a physical.
222
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:18,862
What do you want me to do? Take you to court?
Have you declared incompetent?
223
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:21,865
I'm not incompetent.
Once when I laughed too hard,
224
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:24,435
I had a little accident.
225
00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:34,278
Can I fix you some breakfast, honey?
No, thanks.
226
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,414
Oh, I just feel terrible.
227
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,749
If I'm gonna spend the night
tossing and turning
228
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:42,586
at least I wanna wake up
smelling like aftershave.
229
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,862
Morning.
Good morning, Rebecca.
230
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:54,365
I got up early
and did some research.
231
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,800
There's a sperm bank
not far from here.
232
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:59,437
How convenient.
233
00:14:01,339 --> 00:14:04,675
No kidding. Do they have
a drive-up window?
234
00:14:08,946 --> 00:14:11,148
I thought, Mama, that
we could go down there
235
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,284
and once you see
these places are legitimate,
236
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,186
you won't be so upset.
237
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,888
I don't want to go
to a place like that.
238
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:19,423
It's too embarrassing.
239
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:22,593
What if one of the neighbors saw me going in?
What would they think?
240
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:26,363
That you're picking something up
for a much younger person.
241
00:14:28,366 --> 00:14:30,368
Mama, please.
242
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,570
It's really important to me.
243
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:37,608
Blanche, would it help
if I were to go with you?
244
00:14:39,111 --> 00:14:42,880
Well... I'll come too.
I'll bring my camera.
245
00:14:45,984 --> 00:14:49,287
It's never too soon
to start a baby book.
246
00:14:51,122 --> 00:14:54,258
Oh, boy, we're going
to a sperm bank.
247
00:14:58,329 --> 00:15:02,832
I can't think of a better way
to pep up a slow day.
248
00:15:02,834 --> 00:15:05,835
Ma, you're not going.
Why not?
249
00:15:05,837 --> 00:15:08,139
I don't think you should be
doing anything as strenuous
250
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:12,509
as going to a sperm bank until
you've had that checkup. Too bad.
251
00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:16,647
All right, I'll go to the doctor, but
this better be a great sperm bank.
252
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:23,053
So, I guess we're going?
Oh, I guess.
253
00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:26,957
What does one wear
to a sperm bank?
254
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:29,860
Something attractive in rubber.
255
00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:42,707
I have that.
256
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:57,854
Did you see the way those people
on the elevator looked at us
257
00:15:57,856 --> 00:16:00,524
when you pushed "5"?
I'm so embarrassed.
258
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,859
Mama, they didn't
look at us at all.
259
00:16:02,861 --> 00:16:04,995
They didn't want to make
eye contact with anybody
260
00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:08,832
going to the fifth floor -
the sperm floor.
261
00:16:10,568 --> 00:16:12,436
I think you're overreacting.
262
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:16,273
Perverts looked at us
like we were perverts.
263
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:18,608
I know that look.
264
00:16:20,345 --> 00:16:24,247
I thought it'd be
more bank-like.
265
00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:25,716
What did you expect, Rose?
266
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:29,120
I hardly think they have
a Christmas club.
267
00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:32,556
Hi. I'm Rebecca Devereaux.
268
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,458
We have an appointment
with Dr. Manning.
269
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:36,227
Right. He'll be with you
in just a few minutes.
270
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,996
Why don't you have a seat and
I'll call you when he's ready.
271
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,537
I'm not here for me.
It's for a friend.
272
00:16:48,773 --> 00:16:51,341
How did things go
at the doctor's, Sophia?
273
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:53,943
He said I have the body
of a 40-year-old.
274
00:16:53,945 --> 00:16:56,913
A dead 40-year-old.
275
00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:58,716
The doctor's gonna be
a little while.
276
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:02,953
I guess we oughta sit down.
I suppose it's safe.
277
00:17:04,422 --> 00:17:06,990
Mama, you're acting silly.
278
00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:10,127
Sperm can't live
outside the human body.
279
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:13,997
Does your mother know you're
doing this for a living?
280
00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:21,638
You know, I'm not so sure sperm
can't live outside the body.
281
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,609
Back during World War II, my best
friend Claire Osterhaus's husband
282
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:28,913
was in the army
and stationed in France.
283
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,849
Well, five months
after he left St. Olaf,
284
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,084
she got pregnant.
285
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:40,224
A lot of people thought
she was fooling around,
286
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:44,828
but she told me that sperm
must have swum from Normandy.
287
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:48,265
Across the Atlantic,
up the St. Lawrence Seaway,
288
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:51,668
into the Great Lakes
and then over to Minnesota.
289
00:17:53,471 --> 00:17:55,973
And what did you think, Rose?
290
00:17:57,842 --> 00:17:59,609
Well, I know those little guys
291
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:03,046
are supposed
to be good swimmers...
292
00:18:03,048 --> 00:18:06,516
but I think it had
to come over by mail.
293
00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:16,192
I bet this is more fun
than giving blood.
294
00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:22,899
I've waited long enough.
That doctor has wasted enough of my time.
295
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:24,968
Come on. Miss Devereaux, the
doctor will see you now.
296
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:26,736
Through that door,
end of the hall.
297
00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:29,005
Come on, Mama.
298
00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:34,011
Eyes straight, ladies.
Ma, no opening doors.
299
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,946
And that's pretty much
the procedure.
300
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,215
Rebecca will be taken care of
by her own doctor
301
00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,017
after selecting a donor
302
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,686
from thousands of
acceptable possibilities.
303
00:18:43,688 --> 00:18:46,390
Any questions?
Plenty.
304
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:48,492
Can just anybody walk in
off the street
305
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,594
and make my daughter pregnant?
306
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:53,964
We screen the applicants very carefully.
We know everything about them.
307
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,667
We know their body type,
their IQ, their eye color...
308
00:18:57,669 --> 00:19:01,605
Any more questions?
Yes, just one.
309
00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:03,374
What in hell are we doing here?
310
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,909
I feel like I'm in the middle
of some awful dream,
311
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:09,579
yet I know it can't be a dream
'cause there are no boy dancers.
312
00:19:11,582 --> 00:19:13,383
Mother!
I just cannot believe
313
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:16,653
you are actually gonna give
money to someone like this...
314
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,521
sperm pusher.
315
00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:21,759
You are a Devereaux.
316
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:25,462
A Devereaux has never had to pay for it.
I certainly haven't.
317
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:29,600
She's always depended on
the kindness of strangers.
318
00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:38,675
Fine. Fine. Make jokes.
319
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,477
I'd just like to know
how you-all would feel
320
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:43,613
if you thought you were gonna have
a test tube for a son-in-law.
321
00:19:45,283 --> 00:19:48,719
Sorry, Doctor. I thought my mother
was open enough to understand.
322
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:51,455
Thank you for your time.
Ladies.
323
00:19:55,493 --> 00:19:57,094
Just outta curiosity,
324
00:19:57,096 --> 00:20:01,364
you don't have any Tony Bennett
socked away, do you?
325
00:20:12,043 --> 00:20:15,111
Blanche, your daughter is about
to leave for the airport.
326
00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:17,047
What the hell
are you doing out here?
327
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,417
Well, there's still some sun.
I thought I might get a little color.
328
00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:23,553
Blanche, this has to be absolutely the
dumbest thing you could possibly do.
329
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,490
Dorothy's right.
The sun's rays can be dangerous
330
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:29,293
now there's a hole
in the ozone layer.
331
00:20:32,063 --> 00:20:34,064
If you-all are out
here to try to get me
332
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,734
to patch things up with Rebecca,
you can forget it.
333
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,202
Blanche, there comes
a time when you have to
334
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:40,971
let your daughter
make her own decisions.
335
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,907
I remember, Dorothy, when you were
deciding what you wanted to be.
336
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,209
Ah, yeah.
337
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:48,778
I wanted to go to college
and be a schoolteacher.
338
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:53,116
Pop wanted me to be a cosmetician
in a funeral parlor.
339
00:20:54,485 --> 00:20:56,887
He always liked looking
at dead people.
340
00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:59,189
Dead people and the Dodgers.
341
00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:02,559
That was it for him
in the good-time department.
342
00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:04,828
Sometimes,
just to make him happy,
343
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:08,898
I used to lie in bed
with a baseball hat on.
344
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:12,535
Blanche, the point is,
she let me make my own choices.
345
00:21:12,537 --> 00:21:14,805
Now, this argument that
you're having with Rebecca
346
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:17,974
is not about
artificial insemination.
347
00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:20,110
Like hell it isn't.
Well, part of it is,
348
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:23,347
but the bigger part,
Blanche, is about control.
349
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:26,049
You refuse to see
your daughter as an adult
350
00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:28,051
with the right to make
her own decisions.
351
00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:30,920
Honey, you're gonna
have to learn to let go.
352
00:21:30,922 --> 00:21:34,224
Yes, and the more you try to make her
see things the way you see things,
353
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:35,859
the more she'll resist,
354
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:38,995
and then you run the risk
of never seeing her again.
355
00:21:38,997 --> 00:21:41,598
And never seeing
your grandchild.
356
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,733
Never.
357
00:21:43,735 --> 00:21:46,536
Think about it, Blanche.
358
00:21:46,538 --> 00:21:49,472
Oh, damn, I don't want that
to happen.
359
00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:52,408
Then I suggest you apologize.
360
00:21:53,911 --> 00:21:56,479
I know Rebecca
is a grown woman,
361
00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:58,782
but to me she's still
just a little girl.
362
00:21:58,784 --> 00:22:01,818
How do you say "I'm sorry"
to your own child?
363
00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:04,588
Especially after all those years
of sending them to their room
364
00:22:04,590 --> 00:22:07,157
until they were ready
to apologize to you.
365
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:10,761
Now all of a sudden everything's
just all topsy-turvy.
366
00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:12,696
I don't know if I can do it.
367
00:22:12,698 --> 00:22:14,898
Maybe it'd help
if I sent you to your room.
368
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:17,300
(Blanche) Oh.
369
00:22:17,302 --> 00:22:19,302
Rebecca.
370
00:22:22,673 --> 00:22:24,674
Uh, honey...
371
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:26,442
Oh...
372
00:22:26,444 --> 00:22:28,444
I'm... (clears throat)
373
00:22:29,780 --> 00:22:31,781
I'm...
374
00:22:35,853 --> 00:22:38,855
I... Oh, come on, Blanche.
Say it. "I'm sorry."
375
00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:41,124
There. What she just said.
376
00:22:41,126 --> 00:22:44,495
Oh, there.
I knew you could do it.
377
00:22:44,497 --> 00:22:47,731
Oh, I've just been so dumb
about this whole thing.
378
00:22:47,733 --> 00:22:50,233
I should've respected
what you wanted to do.
379
00:22:50,235 --> 00:22:52,502
You really mean that?
Yes, I do.
380
00:22:52,504 --> 00:22:54,504
Let me drive you to the airport
381
00:22:54,506 --> 00:22:57,607
and we'll think up baby names
on the way.
382
00:22:57,609 --> 00:23:00,644
Great. I'll go get rid
of the cab.
383
00:23:00,646 --> 00:23:02,111
Oh...
384
00:23:02,113 --> 00:23:04,480
Blanche, Blanche,
you did the right thing.
385
00:23:04,482 --> 00:23:07,150
Thank you. Thank you.
You girls were right.
386
00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:08,752
And, hey, listen.
387
00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:12,856
If my daughter wants to get
herself artificially inseminated,
388
00:23:12,858 --> 00:23:15,191
I guess that's not so bad.
389
00:23:16,794 --> 00:23:18,795
Eww.
30928
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