All language subtitles for Return.Of.The.Killer.Shrews.2012.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]

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NARRATOR: In March 1959,
off the coast of Texas,

there were reports of a new
species, the giant killer shrew.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

[PANTING]

Thorne, Thorne.

Thorne!

Get me out of here, Thorne!

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

Thorne!

[GRUNTS]

[HOWLING]

[GROWLING]

[GROWLING]

Somebody... Somebody...
Somebody help me!

Please, somebody help me!

[KILLER SHREWS GROWLING]

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMING]

Rook.

Yeah, Thorne?

[EXCLAIMS]

Nothing, Rook.

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

[COUGHS]

ROOK: Well, there it is.
The island.

Sure is a lot of quiet
out there.

Too quiet.

Look, just dock the boat and
let get this crap off of here.

I am not crap.

I am the sponsor of a
major network TV series.

While you're on
my boat, you're crap.

I'm paying you a hell of a lot
of money to transport us.

Who the hell
are these people?

Some TV show.

Advent's Wild Safari.

We're here to shoot the
sizzle reel for MIPCOM.

Hi, I'm Christine,
Miss Advent.

THORNE: Well,
twinkle, twinkle little star.

I just wonder
if you, uh...

She's mine, old man.

THORNE:
Oh, tiddley tuddley.

Let's get this happy couple off of
here and get away from this island.

Why are you so scared
of the island?

It's not the island,
it's what was on it.

Some time ago.

Oh, the Boogeyman, maybe?

THORNE:
If I was to tell you,

you'd have to change
your skivvies right now.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Hey, guys, I'm Sam,
the unit production manager.

Welcome to my nightmare.

What the hell does he know
about a nightmare?

"Nightmare?" Are you telling
me we're behind schedule?

Uh, no, sir. I'd say we are
hopelessly behind schedule.

What'd you bring?

T-shirts for the cast
and crew, and money.

I'm told Johnny Reno
wants to be paid in cash.

[STAMMERS]
So do I. So do we.

Well, Captain Ahab, the
sooner you get the stuff unloaded,

the sooner you get
the green.

I'm not gonna unload
that crap off the boat.

WALLY: You know,
he's right.

I wouldn't ask an old
man to carry my bags.

Sam?

"Old man?"
I'll slap you to sleep

and then slap you
for sleeping.

Gentlemen, please,
I'll take care of it.

- Don't you dare hit him.
- Oh, you...

Will you shut
your pretty mouth?

I will not.

Ooh.[GASPS]

Don't worry about the cargo.

I'll get someone from crew
to take care of your stuff.

Stop teasing the old man.

I like him. He's cute.

[GROANS]

I think I'm in love.

[SCOFFS] Yeah.

I think your shorts
are on backyards.

Oh, I'll whip you too,
you know.

This would be good for the
coconut tree climbing scene.

Uh, Hector, I don't
have those pages.

That's because the star
just made it up.

He wants to be seen
climbing a coconut tree.

[CHUCKLES]
These aren't coconut trees.

We'll fix it in post.

CGI.

We put him in front of a green
screen, hoist him up on wires.

It's TV magic.

I thought this was
a reality show.

That's what we need
CGI for, Bobby,

to make it
look more real.

[SIGHS]

Hector.

Hector, come look
what I found.

You're not gonna
believe this.

What is it?

- It's bones.
- Bones?

As in spare rib bones?

'Cause if it's got barbeque
sauce on it, bring it on.

No, not spare rib bones,
it's a spinal column.

BOBBY: I wonder what
happened to the poor guy?

HECTOR: Looks like
something ate him.

[EXCLAIMS]
It's been here a while.

[BOBBY READING TEXT]

Hey, I gotta call this
in to Sam.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Yeah, Production.

Sam, we found some...

HECTOR:...bones.

...dead guy...

What? Hector,
you found what?

You're breaking up.
Call me back.

Lost the signal.
I'll be right back.

[KILLER SHREW SQUEALING]

[GROWLING] Nice doggie.

Nice doggie.

[BOBBY SCREAMING]

What's the matter with you?

Oh, man, what happened?

[SCREAMING]

Hector, you're breaking up.

Are you guys eating?

Dude, all I can hear
is crunching.

You are crunching in my ear.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

- Yeah?
- Sam.

Get on the set now!

Follow me. I'll introduce
you to main cast and crew.

Why don't you introduce us
to our money?

Oh, calm down, Thorne.
We'll get it.

They're still unloading
the boat.

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

Now that girl right there
with the camera,

that is our videographer.
That is Mickey.

Now, the guy next
to her is our director.

That's Willard.

Whatever you do, do not
make direct eye contact with him.

Bull.

I'm paying
that clown's salary.

Yours too.

Get ready, Johnny
Reno. And action!

Hang on.

And that
is Johnny Reno,

our star.

Remember...

it's a Johnny Reno world.

You just live in it.

I want a picture with him.

[CHUCKLES] You can't right
now because he's working.

I'm Miss Advent.
I can do anything I want.

That was good, right?
That was great.

Lenora, add a gag to
that next scene, will you?

And cut that
stupid line of Reno's.

I'm not doing any more
script changes. It's perfect.

[STAMMERS] Sam, how long
have you been on this island?

The uh, the main boat
dropped us off yesterday.

Have you, uh...

Have you heard or seen
anything weird or strange?

Besides our director?

Nah, uh, I'm not talking
about that squirrel.

I've been... No.

Uh, no.
Why do you ask?

If I were you, I'd pick a different
island to shoot your movie on.

It'd be a little
too late for that.

Work with me people.

And when I say
"work with me,"

I mean, "I'm the
director, obey me!"

Or I know where you live,
and there will be on Christmas.

Capisco?

All right, Neavis.

Bring in the goat.

What is that
supposed to be?

It's a goat.

A wild goat.

From the great wild country.

That's not a goat.

That's Derek dressed up
as a goat.

He doesn't even have
any horns for Chrissake.

It's a female goat.

Females don't have horns.

Whoa, I'm not playing
a female goat.

That would be weird.

Yeah, actually,
females do have horns.

This is wrong
on so many different levels.

What happened
to the real goat?

It was too expensive.

The trainer wanted
$500 a day.

We'll make it work.

- Mickey!
- I'm right here.

Yes.

Let's not actually show
the goat.

Okay, let's hide him behind
a bush or something.

We'll make him like a
shadowy mystery figure.

All he has to do
is film a poisonous snake.

Poisonous snake?
What poisonous snake?

The one that bites you.

- Bites me?
- Yes.

[STAMMERS]
I mean, except he won't.

Neavis knocked it out.

It's an unconscious
poisonous snake.

We're just gonna
fake the attack on you.

Neavis is gonna, uh,
pull it in on a string

and Derek,
you work with me.

You sure
the snake's asleep?

He looks dead to me.

I think Neavis
overdosed it.

Neavis, you have to pull
the string around a bit.

You have to make him
look alive.

Do I have to do
everything myself?

I am losing
control here.

Everybody quiet!

I hate you all.

Roll camera.

Speed.

Advent Outdoor Wear
presents...

Advent's Wild Safari,

Snake Attacks Wild Goat,
take one.

On your knees, goat.

[BLEATING]

And action, Neavis.
Bring in the snake.

[SIGHS IN EXASPERATION]
This is great.

You getting all this,
Mickey?

It's a steaming pile of art.

And... Action,
Johnny Reno.

Oh, look.

Here comes the eastern
diamondback rattler.

One bite
from this little bugger

means instant
blood-boiling agony,

and eventual screaming death.

Hah! I like the little bugger.

[HISSING]

The snake actually
looks alive.

He... Is he awake?

Uh, it's awake.

Guys, I think
the snake woke up.

Improvise.

[BLEATING]

[SCREAMS]

Oops. My string broke.

Ah, God. Now we got a snake
lost in the grass.

Oh, God.

We'll fix it in post.
Keep rolling, keep rolling.

- MICKEY: On what?
- WILLARD: Just coverage.

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

[GROWLING]

Do you hear that?

I heard it.

[GROWLING]

I think we're gonna need
a bigger goat.

[GRUNTS]

Keep rolling.
Go with it.

Reno.

The goat has
poison venom in him.

Go over there
and suck it out.

Wait a minute. The
snake bit him in the ass.

Now that would be
interesting.

I don't think
this is good for me.

I need to ask my agent.

Stella!

I'm, I'm right here.

No way. No way Jose.
You're not doing it.

I mean, just think of those
pictures on the internet.

I mean, oh, my God,
there goes your career.

Yeah, maybe she'd like
to direct a scene, huh?

Reno, will you please drag the
poisoned goat's lifeless body to safety?

Yeah, it's okay.

Clear the set.

Action, Reno!

RENO: [STRAINING]
Come on. Come on.

Come on, little goaty.

Come on, little goaty.
I got you. [STRAINING]

[STRAINING] WILLARD: Clear.

Good job. Good job. Thanks.

And cut!
That's a keeper.

Do you have to smell
like a goat?

Yeah. We're missing
crew members.

I can't reach them
on the cell.

Who cares? We're insured.

Send an intern
and call lunch.

All right, everybody,
that is lunch.

Intern!

Sam, there is no reason
to yell.

Think about
people's feelings.

Ah, lunch.
That sounds good.

No. You wanna stay?

We can't leave now.
we haven't been paid.

Oh, yeah, right.

You're an intern?

I'm reinventing myself.

Great. Okay, you know
Hector and Bobby?

Yes, Hector got me this gig.

Okay, you go looking
for them.

If you find them,
you call me on that radio.

You pull this off,
I'll make you PA.

INTERN: Hector!

[KILLER SHREW GROWLING]

Hector!

Bobby.

Hmm.

Where could
those guys be?

Just smile at the camera
and just collect the cash.

Don't put any more
into it than that.

I have a source at the network
that tells me this isn't gonna last

more than half a season.

Yeah, you know why?
Because it's boring.

You know why it's boring? Because
they have me and they're not using me.

Me!

I mean,
what they need to do is

they need to have
a wild animal attack

right at the very beginning.

That way, I can rip off my
shirt, I can wade into the water,

and save the leading lady.

No, no. You're just
gonna sit there,

you're just gonna talk
to the camera,

and you're just gonna
follow the script. Boring.

- But no, how about this?
- You're gonna look pretty.

An alligator
attacks the camp.

That way,
I can rip off my shirt,

I can jump
on that sucker's back,

and we can get right into it.

No, look, you know you
don't have a stunt double.

You know that, right?

Well, we'll use
a small alligator.

A small alligator.

I can handle this.

RENO: Whoa, check
out the new talent.

Wait, she's too young
for you.

Yeah, but I'd make her
one heck of a mentor.

Hi.

How are you?
I'm the, uh...

I'm the guy. [CHUCKLES]

She just gave me
the stink eye.

I'm the star.
Can she do that?

I think she just did.

Um, hi. Do you guys mind
if I sit here?

Mm-mm.

As a matter of fact, yes.

Um...

Please don't hate me
because I'm stunning, okay?

There's absolutely nothing
I can do about it.

It's like a 12, okay?

Do you guys
like my shirt?

Oh, I sure do.[GIGGLES]

It really brings out
my eyes. [CHUCKLES]

I mean, your eyes.

Well, aren't you
just a smooth talker?

Okay, can we go back
to discussing the setup now?

Thanks. Awesome.

What's a setup?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I'm full.

Hector.

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

[INTERN GROANING]

Uh, Mr. Reno,

they're ready for you
on the set.

[CLASSIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Mm.

If you wanted me
to write something else,

you should've had me
write something else.

I'm just writing what
you're telling me to write.

Now you're telling me
to change it.

LENORA: Hello? Hello?
Look, pay attention.

Great.

Great. [GASPS]

[BUZZING]

No coverage.

Great.

Where's my medicine?

Somebody say something?

[BUZZING]

WILLARD: That's a wrap.

[REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING]

I didn't know reality
shows had writers.

Somebody's gotta
make this crap up.

Nice moves.

Say, have you seen
Hector and Bobby?

Hector and Bobby? No.

It's not like
I've been looking for them.

Thanks for the help.

Oh, the old
watering hole.

We will abide.

DEREK: Hey, do you think
this is gonna leave a scar?

I mean, the pain
was really intense.

Well, yeah, probably.

Try a little tequila
on there.

[SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING] Works for me.

[LAUGHING] Excuse me.

Yeah, a good year.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

What's up?
Tell me something.

[LAUGHS] Tell me something.

Yeah.

I am Johnny Reno.

[CHUCKLES] Right, I'm...
I'm actually from Georgia.

Yeah.

And you look
so familiar to me.

You ever spend
any time in Georgia?

About 30 years ago,
I was a...

I was a sheriff down there.

You know,
chasing moonshiners.

No. Yeah.

Well, I tell you something,

I was changed around
in Georgia a lot,

but it was usually by women,

and sometimes
I let them catch me.

[LAUGHING]

I'll drink to that.

- Yeah?
- Mm-hm.

Well I, you know, ah, listen.

I love to chase
women myself, you know.

But at my age,
it has to be downhill.

[ALL LAUGHING]

- You. You...
- Yeah.

- Is he...
- I...

- Nah.
- Nah.

Yeah.

Sorry to keep
bugging you, okay?

But I am missing
two crew members.

- I was an ass.
- Yes, you were.

Sorry. Who?

Uh, Hector and Bobby,
and now, one of the interns.

The, uh, more mature one.

Oh, that woman who keeps
talking about reinventing herself?

Yeah, her. I told her if she
found them, I'll make her a PA.

Mm.

No, I keep running
into Reno's hairdresser,

the professional
wannabe virgin.

Hi. Can I sit here?

Um, so, I've always wanted
to be an actress, okay?

Are you the camera guy?

[BURPS]
I'm the camera person.

Oh, okay.

Well, I really wanna be
a serious actress,

and Johnny Reno said
he would help me.

So, do you think you can make
me look as good as a movie star?

Maybe.

If I find some
extra strong filters.

Great.

Okay. [CHUCKLES]

Come on.

Or be a paper bag.

Hey, don't you find me
really attractive?

Yes, you're very beautiful,
but I do not date actresses.

But I'm not an actress.

But I really wanna be,
so can you help me?

Look, I just work
for a living, okay?

I really think you need
to look for someone

a little higher up
on the food chain.

But I think you're pretty
high up on the food chain.

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

Do you hear that?

Hear what?

[SIGHS]
Never mind. Look.

Have you seen Hector
or Bobby? The interns?

I don't do interns.

Gross.

Hey. Hey.

Why the sad eyes?

You know, it's Sam.

Why does he have to go
into a trance

every time some bimbo
on his sight gives him the eye.

He ever done that to you?

Shut up, Neavis.

Well, you seem
a little jealous.

This is not about me.

This is about his work.

Look, look, I've known Sam
for a lot of years,

and if he seems distracted,
it's because he's...

he's got a lot on his mind.

Uh, Sam's got this whole
production on his shoulders.

You know he's always been
about the work.

Well, he seems
a little bit distracted.

SAM: All right, listen up.

Look, I've got
three crew missing.

Maybe they're dead.
That's why we have insurance.

Who's dead?

Bobby and Hector are missing,

two of our PAs,
and now an intern.

So we gotta find them.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Listen.

We can make this
part of the show.

The rescue.

It's supposed to be
a wildlife show.

It is a wildlife show,
only we are the wildlife.

Some bloodthirsty creature
ran away with our crew, right?

Maybe killed them.

Even better!

So now, instead of searching
for some dumb animals,

we're searching
for our dead guys, huh?

"Dumb animals?"

If, if someone is missing,
then maybe I can save them.

[LAUGHS]

Okay, we start shooting
as planned.

Okay, we make Hector
and Bobby the new storyline.

In the morning, Johnny sends
out two teams to go hunt for them.

A camera team goes
with each crew.

A third camera documents
the main search party

led by Johnny Reno
on his quest

to find the missing intern. Huh?

And Johnny Reno finds
the poor missing intern.

Whoever finds
Hector and Bobby...

Let's shoot it
like Reno found them.

Dead or alive.

We gotta protect our star,
or there's no series.

Well, hey, yeah,
you do have to...

You do have to protect
the star, or there's no series.

WILLARD: We'll protect
the star, of course.

What did you think I was
going to do? [CHUCKLES]

You're gonna want a rewrite.

[KILLER SHREW SQUEALING]

You know,
you've got darn near

a fifth of tequila
in you, buddy.

Why aren't you relaxed?

How can I relax?
I can't relax

till I get off this island.

[KILLER SHREW GROWLING] Did
you hear that sound?

No. I didn't hear...

Then shut up and listen.

I'm telling you,
there's something out there.

Nothing but the wind.

There's something out there.

Yeah, well, there's a...

There's a big storm out there
and it's headed this way.

Why don't we just get on back
the boat and get some shut-eye?

Yeah. Yeah.

Thorne.

Thorne Sherman.

You're a dead man walking.

You just don't know it yet.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

I'm done, Willard.
I'm so out of here.

Why?

Everything's going so good.

Wally's here with the cash.

Johnny's in full hero mode
and we're getting great stuff.

Everything has changed.

This was supposed
to be a wildlife show.

Now you've got us out
hunting some dead PAs.

The situation is fluid.

I'm working with what nature
has generously provided.

Adapt, improvise, and overcome.

And rewrite.

Over and over and over again!

Assuming the missing crew
are dead...

we are now a reality show
with a body count...

which means big ratings
and obscenely big money.

[SCOFFS] Not for me.

My paycheck is spent, as usual.

I'll give you points
on this one.

10% of the show.

Net or gross?

Gross.

It's a deal.

Shall we seal this deal?

What do you want, Willard?

Me or the rewrite?

The rewrite.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Get to work.

[SNORING]

So, what do you think?

Oh, I like it
much better without.

Oh, you're so sweet.

But won't the others
hear us?

Mm, in this rain?

Besides, I set up our tent
50 yards away from the others.

I figure we want
our privacy.

[PLAYS HIGH-PITCHED NOTE]

[CHRISTINE GIGGLING][KILLER SHREW GROWLING]

[GIGGLING]

Stop messing around.

[KILLER SHREW SQUEALING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Hey, look. I, uh...

I'm sorry
about last night.

She, uh, dragged me away.

Yeah. Doesn't matter.

It's your business.
I'm here to work.

Great. That means
we can start over.

Look, Sam,

I don't have time
for these little flirtations.

Okay? Let's just
keep it professional.

THORNE: Hey, Sam. Sam?

Hey.

- Yeah.
- We want our money.

We want it right now,
and get off of this island.

Right, right.
No, sure thing.

Um, look, I'm, uh,
I'm not the money guy.

We gotta find Wally.

So, he... He should be
on set right now.

Well, [STAMMERS] let's
find him. Let's get on with it.

Lead the way, man. Yeah.

Sam, let's get this show
on the road.

Stella, can you please make
sure Johnny Reno is ready?

THORNE: Hey, Sam.

Where's the money guy?

This Wally
and that twinkle toes.

Just give me one second, please.
We're trying to split up the crew.

I think they said they were
going up the path ahead of us.

We'll catch 'em.

Uh, yeah.
Best I can do for you.

- Reno!
- What?

The camera's
over here, babe.

Oh.

Okay, this is it.

Johnny, this is your
big hero moment.

You send out two teams

to search for
the production assistants,

while you bravely search the most
dangerous part of the jungle yourself.

Huh?

Should I take off my shirt?

Let's play with that.

I like it. What would
Johnny Reno do, huh?

I'm giving you space here.

Jawohl!

Here we go, boys
and girls. This is it.

[RAPID BREATHING]

Let's roll camera!

- I don't know what that's about.
- DEREK: Rolling.

WILLARD: Hold.
Keep it rolling.

Action!

Okay, everybody, I think
what we need to do is...

Think, think The Duke.

I love that show.

RENO: Oh, no, no.
[CLEARS THROAT]

Now listen here, everyone.

I understand
you're part of my posse.

Well, that means it's time
to get our wagons in a circle,

and go out and help me
save those dead guys.

Forward!

[YELLING]

Did he say
"Save our dead guys"?

How do you save
a dead guy?

I didn't write that.

[RENO YELLING]

This way.

WILLARD: This way. Stay on Johnny.
STELLA: Go!

RENO: Come on, people.

We're burning daylight.

- Hey, Thorne, look here.
- What?

They got some money
down here.

You think it's ours?

- Well, it's ours now.
- All right.

It's got blood all over it.

Oh, jeeze![EXCLAIMS]

Well, it...
It'll spend anyway.

What kind of tracks
are those?

I don't know,
but it's clearly not human.

All right. And action.

So, what do you
want me to do?

Okay. [CHUCKLES]

[KILLER SHREW SQUEALING]

Okay, come on.

My close-up.
[CHUCKLES]

My camera.

All right, we got this.
Let's get out of here.

Moving on.

Hey, Thorne,
check this out.

MICKEY: Who is that?

I don't see anyone.

Huh.

[YELLING]

And cut.

That was stupid.

- Oh, no.
- No, I look stupid.

Stella, talk to him.

You look great.

I look great,
but that was stupid.

- Take five.
- ROOK: This way, Thorne.

ROOK: Hey. Hey!

Hey, you guys.

Look at this.
Look what I found.

Wait a minute.

I recognize that shirt.

It was Hector's.

The hell it was.
I loaned him this shirt.

Look at it, it's ruined.

It started again.

- THORNE: I knew it.
- What's happening?

Listen, folks, there's nothing
but death on this island.

We gotta get out of here now.
The old timer's right.

What do you mean
"old timer"?

- Just a figure of speech.
- I'll whip you like an omelet.

What about Hector
and Bobby?

Hector and Bobby
are our new props.

It's better than
CGI and cheaper.

Derek, you set
your camera up here. Yeah.

Lenora, take
these clothes...

to that clearing
right over there.

He has no idea
what's going on!

Come on, come on.
Johnny, on action,

you're gonna discover
the clothes, huh?

Here we go, guys.

- On action.
- On action.

Lenora.

WILLARD: Clear.

[GROWLING]

Okay, roll camera.

Speed.

Action, Johnny Reno.

Tattered clothing.[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

Little more than a pile
of blood-soaked rags.

All that remains
of two human beings.

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING][SCREAMS]

Wait, Johnny Reno
doesn't scream. Come on.

No, Johnny Reno screams when
Johnny Reno hears something,

and Johnny Reno
heard something.

[PLAYING HIGH-PITCHED NOTE]

- Did you hear that?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I heard it, too.

Well, let's all listen
together, shall we, huh?

Anybody hear anything?

Me neither!

Action, Johnny.

[GROWLING]

Believe you me,
whatever did this

was mysterious,
terrifying and hungry.

And also had
very long teeth.

[GROWLING]

Like these.

Tear him up!

[SCREAMING]

[BOTH MUMBLING]

Oh, God.

Not the face!
Not the face!

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

[GROWLING]

[LAUGHING]

That was disgusting!

[CRYING]

Holy moly, what the hell.

What do I do
with this, Willard?

What is it?

That's Johnny.

That's his arm.

STELLA: [CRYING]
Oh my Poor Reno.

Poor Reno.

We'll take it with us,
um, bury it later.

I'll, uh,
say a few words over...

May God have mercy
on this forearm.

Listen, if you wanna get off
this island, follow me. Follow me.

I'll bring that.
Bring the camera.

Yeah, right.

On a map,
north is at the top.

I know where north is
on a map.

I don't know
where it is on the ground.

Wow, four years
of film school for this.

Well, I think
you're brilliant.

[GROWLING]

Oh, it's a cute
little baby shrew.

Oh, we used to hunt these
little suckers with our BB guns.

And I shoot you
right between the eyes,

you ugly little creepy guy.

Yeah, you are creepy looking.

[ROARS][SCREAMS]

[KILLER SHREW SQUEALING]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.[SHRIEKING]

Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God!
- Run, run, run! Let's go!

Come on.

Come on, come on,
let's go.

Here, maybe.

- What?
- Here.

Okay, it's over there.

It's right here.

Here, hold this.

Check that out.

Camera's set.

[SCREAMING]

MICKEY: What is that?

[SCREAMING]

Neavis!

MICKEY: Run! Oh, God.
Come on.

Come on, come on.
They're right behind us.

[PANTING]

Wait. Wait.
What were those things?

I don't know, we're not
sticking around to find out.

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

[LIQUID BUBBLING]

[GROWLING]

Well, "man should
eat to live, not live to eat."

Moliere.

I think, uh, it was Twain
who said it best though,

"When the time has come
that a man has had his dinner,

"it is then that the,
uh, true man...

"will rise to the surface."

THORNE: Come on,
this is the place.

DEREK: Look.

Right there.

What is this place?

This is it.
Let's get inside.

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

- Let's go.
- Come on, get in here.

THORNE: They're coming,
they're coming.

- THORNE: Close the gate.
- I got it, Thorne.

Wait, Sam's coming.

- Wait! Wait!
- Come on!

Get in here.

Get that gate!

JULIE: There they are!
They're coming! They're coming!

SAM: Stay away from the gate.

Stay back!
Everyone stay back.

That's weird.

What made them turn back?

Where's Ernie?

Didn't make it.

We're losing people
by the hour here.

Maybe the others
are still alive.

No way.

The only reason those
creatures didn't follow us

is because
they're still feeding.

What are these things?

They're killer shrews.

They're carnivorous.

They're meat-eaters,

and they have to eat ten times
their weight every day

or they starve to death.

So, this dung heap
is our Alamo?

You talk like you've
been here before, old man.

I have.

Come on, everybody.
Let's get inside.

The Alamo, huh?

Looks like we're gonna die
with our boots on.

Wrong movie.

Where'd you get this?

Oh, I found it
blowing in the wind.

[CHUCKLES]

What happened
to Wally and Christine?

I don't know, you know.

But I warned you. I, I said
this island is dangerous.

- Are they dead?
- Yeah, they're dead.

We're all gonna be dead
if we don't get off the island.

But you said that
you'd been here before, right?

Yeah, I've been here.

Well, I figure that maybe that means
you know a safe way down to the boat?

[SIGHS] It's one
of my bad habits, you know.

I exaggerate sometimes.

I'm sorry.

Me too.

Oh, that's a really,
a cut little backless,

bottomhose evening strap
you're almost wearing there.

I found this
in one of the bedrooms.

I feel like it's something you've
seen before, Mr. Sherman.

Yeah, yeah. I've seen it
off and on. [CHUCKLES]

Mostly off.

[CHUCKLING]

Hey. Ooh.

Loot at him...

Who do you think
you are, Errol Flynn?

Who's that?

Easy!

Thorne.

How about a little martini?

Ooh. How about a big martini,
you cute little heifer?

Rook and I, we've never been
one to turn down a drink, huh,

from a beautiful lady. Never.

Mm-hm.

Ooh, that is evil.

Just like my mama's.

Maybe we should stop drinking
and start thinking.

Uh, yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna drink myself
to death...

right here at this bar.

Well, yeah, we could do that.

Or we could try and figure out
a way off this island.

THORNE: Yeah.

Hey, how come
we have power here?

Wait, you, you know...

Dang. I don't know.

Why I haven't thought
about this before.

Do you know there's a generator
down there in the basement?

Well, there used to be.

Well, I think I'm thinking
what you're thinking.

One way to find out.

[MACHINE REVVING]

[REVVING STOPS] Yes.

It works.

Why wasn't it on?

All power cells in the house.

When they run dry, you fire up
this generator to recharge them.

So what's this idea
you're talking about?

Ah, he's gonna make
an electric fence.

Exactly.

We run this wire
all around the compound,

and we attach the end
to the generator here,

it creates
an instant electric arc.

Shrews can't get in
without getting electrocuted.

[EXCLAIMS] Doggity.
We'll barbeque their butts.

Or we'll set the
whole place on fire.

Oh. Ooh.

[PANTING]

Come on.

Caves don't have doors.

This one does.

[LIQUID BUBBLING]

[GROWLING]

They're coming! Quick!

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

NEAVIS: Wow.

Amazing.

This place looks lived in.

All the comforts of home.

Soup's hot.

SAM: I can't find
Derek or Willard.

Stella was talking
to them earlier.

And Lenora was with them.

Stella. Stella,
where is everyone?

I don't know. [STAMMERING]
They're out shooting the show.

Show? What show?
There isn't anymore show.

Where, where are they?
Where'd they go?

Where?

I... They're somewhere
outside the compound.

Where's everybody going?

God, don't you get it?

We're all waiting here
to die.

Well, age before beauty.

Just be a minute, Derek.

It's not safe out here.

The guys are building the
electric fence to protect us.

If anything happens,
we'll just run back inside.

Derek's right.

You saw what those monsters
did to Johnny Reno.

Why are we risking our lives
for this stupid show?

Do you have any idea
what we have on tape?

The death of Johnny Reno.

We've got the most valuable
snuff film in the world.

And he was killed by a completely
unknown species of creature.

Can we just get the shot
and get out of here?

Just a minute, Derek.

Okay, great. So we sell
the tape and we're set for life.

Why are we still shooting?

Documentation.

We saw Reno get killed.

We didn't get a good look
at what killed him.

The kid is bait.

That's low, even for us.

You wanna be a bottom-feeder
all your life, Lenora?

Okay, we're rolling, Derek.

Action.

I don't know
what I'm supposed to do.

Willard, are you crazy?
What're you doing out here?

What does it look like?
I'm doing my job.

Derek, get back
inside the compound.

Stay where you are
till I get this shot.

No, that's it.
Show's over.

Sam, I'm scared.

[PLAYING HIGH-PITCHED NOTE]

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

Derek.

Derek. Derek, look at me.

What's going on?

Derek, look at me.
Derek, Derek, look at me.

Come this way,
very slowly.

I... I can't move.

Yes, you can. Look at me.
Just come this way.

No! No!

[DEREK SCREAMING]

[GASPS]

What are we gonna
tell the others?

The shrews got Derek
and Sam ran away.

We can't.

It was our idea to bring Derek
out here. They'll blame us.

It's all about blame
with you, isn't it? Fine.

Uh, we'll say
they were shooting B-roll.

It'll give us more time.
Come on.

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

Come on!

Come on, you ugly
rat-faced bastards! Come on!

Come on, come get me.
What's stopping you?

[SQUEALING]

You don't like
the water, do you?

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, this wiring is loose.
But I can fix it.

Rook, you gotta be careful.

There'd be enough juice
going through there

to kill an elephant.

It'll fry you
like a cheeseburger.

- Copy that.
- Hey, Willard.

Make sure that generator
is working.

[PLAYING HIGH-PITCHED NOTE]

I hear them coming.

Hurry up!

I'm hurrying
as fast as I can.

We should go upstairs and make sure
all the windows are closed and locked.

W-Wait.

Wait till they give you
the signal.

I was just testing.

[SCOFFS]

THORNE: Willard,
can you hear me?

Loud and clear.

Wait for the signal.

Willard,

when I saw "now,"
hit the juice.

Hit the juice?

[REVVING]

Cut the power!
Cut the power!

Sorry, my bad.

Idiot.

[GRUNTS]

Rook, what are we
gonna do about her?

I'll take her out
and bury her.

You can't take her out there
and bury her.

With the shrews out there?

Listen, take her out,

but get back here as quick
as possible, you know.

I think the shrews will
take care of the rest of it.

I'll see to it.

[PLAYING HIGH-PITCHED NOTE]

Come home to papa.

[SQUEAKING]

[LAUGHING]

ROOK: It's time
you told us, Thorne.

It's time
you told everybody.

THORNE: Well...

Here's the payroll money...
What's left of it.

God help me.

I never thought that money
would ever bring me back here.

Back to hell.

I came to this island
about, uh, 50 years ago,

I was bringing some supplies
to these scientists.

I'm Doctor Craig's.

Thorne Sherman.

I have your supplies
aboard.

THORNE: And they were messing
around with some sort of crazy idea

about fixing
the population explosion.

And this one scientist, Jerry,

he was injecting growth
hormones or something

into these little critters,
and they were shrews.

I don't know, he must have
miscalculated or something,

and they, and these shrews
started to grow.

And they got bigger
and bigger and bigger.

And they got big as dogs.

I lost...

my first mate then.

Rook.

He was a good man.

You always called me Rook.

Yeah, I did.

[CHUCKLES]

You don't look
nothing like him.

Well, then why
do you call me that?

I don't know.
He was my best friend.

Like you.

I just don't know why...

I ever put him
in harm's way.

Now I have to wake up
every day thinking maybe...

I got my best friend killed.

[MACHINE DYING DOWN]

Bad news. The generator
has no gas. We're out.

ROOK: Well, there's
plenty more on the boat.

- Thorne, you and I could go...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What did you just say?

Thorne and you?
No, no, no.

We wouldn't get 50 yards before
those things start tearing us apart.

Somebody's gotta go

or we're all gonna
end up shrew bait.

Well, ah, only a blithering
idiot would go out there.

I'll do it.

And Lenora's going with me.

Lenora? [STAMMERING]

There's no way I'm taking
a chance with those things.

Life is a gamble, my dear.

That's why your scripts
are so good.

Oh, thanks.

You've gotta live it...

to write it, right?

Right.

Willard, those things will kill
you before you get 50 yards.

I don't think so.

They don't hunt
when they're feeding.

We put Stella's body
out there, and now it's gone.

I figure somebody
called lunch.

THORNE: If you two get
to the boat, which you won't,

don't you take it.

Every boat needs a captain.

You're the captain.

Get that door closed.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

Did you get
the footage?

We have everything
we need right here.

What are we gonna do about
the boat? We don't have a driver.

We don't. I do.

But you told Thorne
you didn't.

I lied.

Hey, you two
are up to something.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Why don't you go back
where it's safe?

Wha... I heard you talk
to Mr. Sherman.

You're gonna try to make it to the
beach before the shrews come back.

You're gonna steal the boat

and you're gonna
leave the island.

I confess.

What about the others?

What about them?

Nobody's getting off
this island alive,

except me and Lenora.

Well, and me.
I'm coming with you.

Willard?

All right.

[SIGHS IN RELIEF] Super.

WILLARD: There she is.

Well, there's nothing
stopping us now.

[SQUEALING]

[SCREAMING]

Open the gate!

Help! Open the gate!

Go ahead, honey.

You're safe now.
You're safe.

For a little while anyway.

The lights are still on.

Why don't we
turn on the fence?

Well, we got enough power
to run a few lights.

But we don't have enough juice
to fire up the fence.

Maybe they give up?

They won't give up.
They never give up.

But they stop for
some reason or another.

Somehow, I, I have a feeling

that it's the sound
of that weird whistle.

You think they'll be back?

Oh, are you crazy?

Of course, they're coming back.

They... They always come back.

That whistle, it's like an on-off
switch for those little monsters.

You know what's funny,
is it these shrews

act exactly like the shrews did when
I came on this island 50 years ago.

What happened?

The shrews started
to attack this building.

One of the scientists,
he, he got it.

We were all drinking, but
Jerry really couldn't put it down.

He was mad because he
had a thing for this girl, Anne,

and, oh, she was
a lovely young thing.

You know, I really started
to dig her chili,

if you know what I mean.

Jerry, that man
was a mean drunk.

He tried to kill me, even.

Once we were running
from the shrews...

He got to the compound
before I did.

Well, the lunatic closed
and locked the door.

All the shrews
were chomping on my tail.

I jumped over the fence
just in time,

and I beat the crap
out of Jerry.

The shrews were all over
the compound by then.

We finally escaped the island by duck
walking to the water under these barrels.

I swam out to the boat,

and I got the clinch under the
blanket with my beauty queen.

[MUFFLED SHOUTING AT DISTANCE]

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Hey.

- Sam!
- I'll get you out of here, okay?

We stick by the river,
we might be okay.

The shrews hate water.

Okay. Hurry up
before he's back.

- Who gets back?
- The freak who tied us up.

That guy.

You can stick by the river
as long as you like.

They do what I want.

You hungry, boys?

Just kidding.

Hey, you know Thorne,

nobody's gonna blame you
if you make a run for the boat.

You mean, run for the boat
for help by myself?

Yeah.

That ain't gonna happen.

I left my best friend on this
island about 50 years ago.

Ain't gonna happen again.

So why are we here?

He could have let
those creatures eat us alive.

I think we're here as bait.

Bait?

Maybe to lure
someone else here.

Who?

Not so much who
as why.

You know, my whole life
was stolen from me.

My career, the woman
I loved, the future.

[SHREWS GROWLING]

Hold that thought.
It's feeding time.

[KILLER SHREWS SQUEALING]

THORNE: I know where you are.

All right, your ass
is grass now.

And I'm the weed whacker.

[SQUEAKING]

Can't be eaten.
I can't be eaten.

Shh. Quiet now, quiet.
It's okay.

No, you don't understand.
I can't be eaten.

No. No.
Nobody's gonna eat you.

Just try and calm down, okay?

[SCREAMING]

What do you got there, Jerry?

I knew you'd come.

Then why don't you have
those shrews eat me?

Oh. That would have been
too easy.

I'm gonna kill you myself.

THORNE: Yeah?

How do you figure
on doing that?

I'm gonna do it with this!

Oh.

That pig sticker
doesn't scare me.

I'll take it away from you

and cut you off
too short to hang.

Yeah? Well,
I don't need it.

I'll kill you
with my bare hands.

- Whoa, yeah?
- Yeah.

Oh. Ow.

Whoa. That hurt me.

Listen, I wasn't ready.

You ready?

Oh, I wasn't read...

Okay, okay.

No more rules.
Wait, one rule.

No rules.

No. Ow!

Thorne, you're too old
for this. Stop fighting.

Jerry, why are you
so angry at me?

Annie. Ooh.

You seduced her.
You dazzled her.

- Dazzled her?
- Yeah.

All I did was buy her
a cheeseburger and a beer

at the Dallas drive-in.

She hated you,
didn't you know that?

She loved me.

I was gonna marry her.

Oh, she wouldn't have
married you, you drunken bum.

I can see
why you're so angry,

maybe, uh, 50 years
on this crazy island

without a woman.

I did all right.

You... you did all right?

With what?

Oh, that is way
too much information.

[SIGHS]

You left me here
to die, Thorne.

I didn't leave you here
to die, you fool.

You got up on the top
of that building,

wouldn't come down.

Well, they almost got me.

I mean, they were chasing me
when I found this cave.

It was a storage site for
the navy during World War II.

And then I, I ate some
of their C rations

and I... I started to do
the experiments again.

I mutated some of the,
uh, the elder shrews.

The meaner ones.

[SNICKERS] I got a whole
new species, Thorne.

How'd you learn
how to control them?

Well, I guess I, uh...

I became the alpha shrew.

I shared my food with them,
finger sandwiches and things.

What happened
when you ran out of food?

We have visitors.

I mean, there's always, um,

occasional tourists.

We had a family
with a new boat,

and, um, some young
wealthy lovers.

They were all very tasty.

With a nice Beaujolais.

[SNICKERING]

So how did you control them?

Well, you know that sound
that they make?

You know that screeching sound
while they're on the hunt?

Well, I learned how
to imitate that.

When I make that sound,
they stay away.

I hit a few different notes,
I can get 'em to do anything.

[PLAYING HIGH-PITCHED NOTE]

Well, you overlooked
one thing, Jerry.

What?

[GRUNTING]

What do you think
you're gonna prove with that?

I'll, I'll tell you
what I'll prove.

You're gonna toot this thing
until we get safely to the boat.

'Cause remember, Jerry,

if we die, you die.

[MUMBLING]

What am I gonna do?

What am I gonna do?

Maybe, maybe I can hunker down

into one of these
old chemical drums,

and duck walk to the
water like Thorne did, huh?

Ah, no, that'd never work.

They'd never go for that
a second time.

[KILLER SHEWS SQUEALING]

Oh, my God.

[GROWLING]

No.

I don't want
to go out like this.

[FLUTE SOUNDING AT DISTANCE]

I'll be damned.

I wonder what
made them back off.

Get in here.

Thorne!

Oh, Thorne. Oh, my God.

Oh, man,
I'm glad to see you.

Yeah, well, Rook.

Is Julie okay?

She didn't make it, man.

Oh.

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

Here, blow this!
Call them off.

Blow it, Jerry!

[PLAYING HIGH-PITCHED NOTE]

All right.
All right, folks.

If you wanna get off this
island alive, you'll follow me.

Come on.

Get you, get your ass...

ROOK: Thorne is right.
Everybody stay together.

[SQUEALING AND GROWLING]

We gotta get to the docks.

Jerry, I'm tired
of dragging your ass.

What's that smell?

That? That is marsh gas.

Otherwise known as methane.

Uh, don't be lighting
any matches.

Oh, a good thing
I don't smoke.

All right, let's move.
Go, go, go.

Get to the dock. Get to the
boat. I'll meet up with you.

Go. Go. Go!

Here, blow on this.

Go on.

[PLAYING HIGH-PITCHED NOTE]

Yeah. Don't stop blowing.

I don't take requests!

[SQUEALING]

You worthless piece of shi...

Thorne, let's go. Come on, we
gotta go. Let's get to the boat.

Listen, go ahead.

Get 'em on the boat. You
know, we'll be along in a minute.

Thorne, no.

Don't argue with me.

Now just do
what I tell you.

Go!

Get your butt moving.

Get up here.

I'm not gonna drag you
all the way to the boat.

Come on!

Come on.

Hurry, Neavis.

Come on, run, run.

Hey, man, I'll get that.

- You got a weapon on this boat?
- ROOK: What do you mean?

Something, just anything.
Something to start a fire.

That's marsh gas back there.

I sure as hell do,
man.

A flare gun, huh?

That's perfect.

Sam, where are you going?

Where is he going?

ROOK: To get Thorne.

I don't wanna drag you
all the way to the boat.

The hell with this, Thorne!

Just kill me here,
I don't care.

I'm not going
another step.

Then stay here and let those
shrews eat your worthless ass.

Hey, Thorne!

I'll see you in hell.

I don't think so,

'cause I'm going north.

[SQUEALING AND GROWLING]

SAM: Thorne.

[SQUEALING]

Holy moly.

Oh, you... Oh.

Hey, you do
good work, kid.

Sam, Thorne.

Call me Sam.

Sam, huh?

Sam the Man.[CHUCKLES]

You do good work, Sam.

Let's go to the barn.

All right, crank it up.

Aye, Sir.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Do you think
anyone would believe

what just happened
on that insane island?

Well, they better
believe it.

You know, I've been here twice,
and twice is too many times.

SAM: Third time's a charm?

Oh, maybe in
50 years or so.

Besides, we have proof
on videotape.

Oh, really, Neavis? And where
exactly did you put the cameras?

Yeah.

JERRY: Get out, get
outta here. Come on, get...

Who's ready for dinner?

["SHREWD AWAKENING" PLAYING]

[SINGING "SHREWD AWAKENING"]

There's the shrew!
I finally saw the shrew!