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This programme contains
strong language and adult themes.
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NEWSREEL: From starry-eyed sirens
to sparkling sights of another kind,
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00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,000
all through the year
the work goes on
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00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:16,320
all through the year
the work goes on
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00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,200
for the biggest day
in the town's calendar.
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00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:22,400
35,000 coloured lamps will shimmer
and shine in splendour.
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No, sir, not Christmas,
not Bonfire Night...
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No, sir, not Christmas,
not Bonfire Night...
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00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,840
the Blackpool Illuminations.
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00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,800
(CHEERING, WHISTLING) But the
question on everyone's lips is...
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00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,000
who is this year's celebrity
to do the big switch on?
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00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,640
who is this year's celebrity
to do the big switch on?
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# THE TREMELOES: Here Comes My Baby
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(CHEERING, WHISTLING)
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(CHEERING, WHISTLING)
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Oh, my God!
(SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY MUSIC)
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00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,360
Oh, my God!
(SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY MUSIC)
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00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:56,000
# He's walking along that lonely mile
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# He's walking along that lonely mile
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# And every time I do
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00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,000
# I keep seeing this picture
Of you...
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00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,120
# I keep seeing this picture
Of you...
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00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,360
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
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00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,200
(SHUTTERS CLICK)
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00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,360
Come on! Let's have a family shot!
26
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,440
# Here comes my baby
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00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,000
# Here she comes now
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# Here she comes now
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# Walking with her love
With her love... #
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Smile, everyone.
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She's the star of Jim and Barbara,
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She's the star of Jim and Barbara,
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00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:31,360
so let's all stamp our feet
and shout...
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00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,720
as loud as our Lancashire lungs
will let us...
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00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,000
for Miss Sophie Straw!
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00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,160
for Miss Sophie Straw!
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(CHEERING)
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00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,000
Ey up, cockers!
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Ey up, cockers!
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00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,560
By heck, it's good to be back.
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00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,200
(LAUGHTER)
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00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,320
When I was little,
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the highlight of my year was watching
these lights get switched on.
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00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,000
Do you remember George Formby
tickling his banjulele?
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00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,600
Do you remember George Formby
tickling his banjulele?
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00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,440
And who can forget...
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00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:08,000
the gorgeous Hollywood star
Jayne Mansfield?
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00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:08,200
the gorgeous Hollywood star
Jayne Mansfield?
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00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,080
(OOHING)
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
50
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:12,680
Bucket of ice for Mr Mayor.
(LAUGHTER)
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00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:16,000
I hardly dared dream
that one day it would be me up here.
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I hardly dared dream
that one day it would be me up here.
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But here I am!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
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Now, shall we get on with it?
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(CHEERING)
How's your counting?
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00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,400
(CHEERING)
How's your counting?
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00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,600
ALL: Five, four...
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00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,000
two, three, one! (LAUGHS)
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00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,520
two, three, one! (LAUGHS)
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00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,400
(CHEERING)
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# DUSTY SPRINGFIELD:
I Only Want To Be With You
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00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:40,200
# DUSTY SPRINGFIELD:
I Only Want To Be With You
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00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:48,000
# I don't know what it is
That makes me love you so
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00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,720
# I don't know what it is
That makes me love you so
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00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,920
# I only know
I never want to let you go
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00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,000
# Cos you started something
Oh, can't you see?
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00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,000
# Cos you started something
Oh, can't you see?
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00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:01,320
# That ever since we met
You've had a hold on me
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00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,000
# It happens to be true
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00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:04,960
# It happens to be true
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00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,840
# I only want to be with you
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00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:12,000
# It doesn't matter where you go
Or what you do
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00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:12,400
# It doesn't matter where you go
Or what you do
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00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,120
# I want to spend each moment
Of the day with you
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00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:19,760
# Well, look what has happened
With just one kiss
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00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:20,000
# I never knew
That I could be in love like this
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00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,280
# I never knew
That I could be in love like this
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00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,920
# It's crazy but it's true
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00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,000
# I only want to be with you #
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00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,320
# I only want to be with you #
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00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,520
(RATTLES)
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Ta-da.
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00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,480
Ta-da.
84
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,000
(THEATRICALLY) Ta-da!
(GASPS)
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00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:44,760
(THEATRICALLY) Ta-da!
(GASPS)
86
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,400
Oh, that Flatley dryer's got to go.
87
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,000
It's like sticking your head
in a concrete mixer.
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00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,000
I preferred it festooned
with Marjorie's damp pants,
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00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:52,800
I preferred it festooned
with Marjorie's damp pants,
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00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,360
like gusset-y bunting.
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00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,440
Mwah.
Oh, get away, go on, yer!
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00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,000
Jesus, that's a big lad.
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00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:00,120
Jesus, that's a big lad.
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00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,040
So, how was it, then?
How was the Blackpool lights?
95
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,000
Were there thousands of adoring fans
screaming your name?
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00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:08,840
Were there thousands of adoring fans
screaming your name?
97
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,560
Did you not see it on the news?
98
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,760
Oh, did we not see that one?
No, I missed that.
99
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,040
(CHUCKLES)
100
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,000
Bog off. It's an honour to be asked.
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00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,040
Bog off. It's an honour to be asked.
102
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,160
Did they turn up, then? Your family?
103
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,800
Family? It's more like
a bag of broken biscuits.
104
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,880
Right, well,
Marj's special tea it is, then.
105
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,760
Sign this.
106
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:32,000
And...kiss that.
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00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,240
And...kiss that.
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00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:35,800
(LAUGHS) Mwah!
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Diane.
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00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,760
Thank you.
111
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:40,000
Whoa!
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00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,200
Whoa!
113
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,680
Here she is, lady bountiful.
Spread the wealth.
114
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,720
Diane's just helping me out
until she finds some proper work.
115
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:48,000
Actually, I started a new
secretarial job on Thursday.
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00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:51,040
Actually, I started a new
secretarial job on Thursday.
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00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,120
Oh, that's great.
118
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,920
I got fired on...
119
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,000
Friday...
for not having sex with the boss.
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00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,360
Friday...
for not having sex with the boss.
121
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,400
Dirty dog.
122
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,600
Did you report him?
To who?
123
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,000
Well, we've been having
these meetings at work
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00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:04,240
Well, we've been having
these meetings at work
125
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:07,960
talking about better
working conditions and equal pay.
126
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,000
Yeah, like that'll ever happen.Maybe
that's a feature piece I could sell.
127
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:12,000
Well, yeah,
instead of sitting round here,
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00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,160
Well, yeah,
instead of sitting round here,
129
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,480
replying to madame's
creepy fan mail.
130
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,800
My fans are lovely.
Oh, lovely?!
131
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,000
This one has sent you
a bit of his...
132
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,320
This one has sent you
a bit of his...
133
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,960
down-there hair
stuck on with Sellotape.
134
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,680
Oh, yeah, that'll be
Denzil from Devon. He's a regular.
135
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,000
I'm surprised
he's got any pubes left.
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00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,680
I'm surprised
he's got any pubes left.
137
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:32,880
The press were sniffing around again,
asking who my new fella is.
138
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:36,000
How is Dennis?Imagine he's got
a healthy set of pubes.
139
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:36,280
How is Dennis?Imagine he's got
a healthy set of pubes.
140
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:37,920
Marjorie!
141
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,720
So, it's still under the radar?
142
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,760
We're not allowed
to be seen alone together,
143
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,920
not until the divorce comes through.
144
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:44,000
But not long now, though.
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00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,400
But not long now, though.
146
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,480
(SIGHS)
147
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,520
Oh, it's mad how much I miss him.
148
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,560
I keep imagining Dennis
and the lads having a brilliant time
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00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,720
without me over on the other side.
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00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,000
(MONOTONOUSLY) I blame
Harold bleedin' Wilson.
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00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:00,120
(MONOTONOUSLY) I blame
Harold bleedin' Wilson.
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00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,120
He encouraged these lazy beatniks
and long-haired layabouts,
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00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,240
so shut your pie-hole,
you silly old nag.
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00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:08,000
If you call me a silly old nag
one more time...I shall leave you.
155
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,800
If you call me a silly old nag
one more time...I shall leave you.
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00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,360
Shut your pie-hole,
you silly old nag.
157
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,000
Right. I warned you. I'm off.
158
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:16,400
Right. I warned you. I'm off.
159
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:19,760
Where are you going?
Anywhere you're not.
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00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,720
DENNIS: Very good. Thank you, Dilys.
Thank you, Ronald.
161
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,840
Oh, just a um...
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00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,760
a prescription.
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00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,040
It's doctor's...doctor's orders.
164
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:32,000
(COUGHS)
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00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:32,560
(COUGHS)
166
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,960
(STAMMERS) Dennis, um...
167
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,560
could we suggest -
Could I suggest...
168
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,000
actually, we put in a line
about these bloody immigrants...
169
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,320
actually, we put in a line
about these bloody immigrants...
170
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,320
coming over here -
Yes, Ronald.
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00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,280
Um... If you could, please, just...
172
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,000
hold that thought for just a second,
thank you. Yes, Tony?
173
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,200
hold that thought for just a second,
thank you. Yes, Tony?
174
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,800
Yeah, no, yeah. Um...
175
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:54,080
Just that um...well...
176
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,000
we-we imagined um...
177
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:56,960
we-we imagined um...
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00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,560
this couple to...
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00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,600
be a little less...
180
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,000
A bit more...
181
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,080
A bit more...
182
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,000
..like us.
Yeah.
183
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,000
Well, I'm...
184
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:12,480
Well, I'm...
185
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,160
I'm sure the accents
will come along.
186
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:18,040
Oh, rest assured, the accents
will arrive at the station.
187
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,000
We are classically trained actors.
188
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:20,440
We are classically trained actors.
189
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,560
I was Puck...
to Larry Olivier's Bottom.
190
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,720
(CHUCKLES)
Blimey.
191
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,680
Oh.
192
00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,000
DILYS: Oh, it's nothing.
193
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,040
DILYS: Oh, it's nothing.
194
00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,080
That's it.
195
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,000
MAN: So, here we are
at the good old rehearsal rooms.
196
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:36,400
MAN: So, here we are
at the good old rehearsal rooms.
197
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,760
Your first day on Just Barbara
with a brand new team.
198
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,840
They've got some splendid ideas.
(CLEARS THROAT)
199
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,880
And they're very excited
to meet you.(CHUCKLES)
200
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,000
They've worked with absolutely
everybody from Jimmy Edwards
201
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,440
They've worked with absolutely
everybody from Jimmy Edwards
202
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,960
to, well, the Carry On team...
Ooh!..and beyond.
203
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,600
My personal favourite
was their hilarious sitcom about
a husband-and-wife tennis team.
204
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:52,000
I loved that one!
Ah, and yes, here we are.
205
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,480
I loved that one!
Ah, and yes, here we are.
206
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,480
Sophie Straw,
meet Colin Curry and Leslie Lanagan.
207
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,440
Hiya.
208
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,000
It is a real pleasure.
It's lovely to meet you.
209
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,680
It is a real pleasure.
It's lovely to meet you.
210
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:05,400
It is an honour, Miss Straw.Oh, no.
No, no, the honour is all mine.
211
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,720
I grew up watching your TV shows.
212
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:08,000
New balls, please!
(LAUGHTER)
213
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,280
New balls, please!
(LAUGHTER)
214
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,000
That was one of yours, Leslie.
215
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,240
Good pun. I salute you, Leslie.
216
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,280
Well, no, I salute you.
No, I salute you, Leslie.
217
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,000
Nonsense, Sir Colin.I salute you.
I saluted you first.Uh...
218
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,800
Nonsense, Sir Colin.I salute you.
I saluted you first.Uh...
219
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,560
I have a very good feeling
about this, indeed.
220
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,960
Splendid!
Why don't we uh...
221
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,000
get it on its feet?
222
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,520
I don't do standing-up acting
until the dress run.
223
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,000
She doesn't do sitting-down acting,
either, as far as I recall.
224
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:32,240
She doesn't do sitting-down acting,
either, as far as I recall.
225
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,680
Oh, isn't bitterness
an unattractive quality?
226
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,800
At least I've got a fucking quality,
dear.But I've got top billing.
227
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,000
TONY: Are we on-script
or off-script right now?
228
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:40,560
TONY: Are we on-script
or off-script right now?
229
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,600
Why don't we um...
230
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,760
channel some of this energy
and read it one more time?
231
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,000
I don't rehearse after 11:00am.
232
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:48,680
I don't rehearse after 11:00am.
233
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:55,480
So, we went away,
and we had some thoughts about...
234
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:56,000
what job Barbara could do.
235
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,320
what job Barbara could do.
236
00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:00,200
Great. Well, she's got
to earn her own keep.
237
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,680
She's modern, independent...
free-thinking.
238
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:04,000
She's a cat burglar.
239
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,800
She's a cat burglar.
240
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,560
Crikey.
Yes.
241
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:12,000
So, we thought she could
run a ring of lady cat burglars...
242
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:12,840
So, we thought she could
run a ring of lady cat burglars...
243
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,800
who call themselves, wait for it...
He's coming, he's coming with it.
244
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,880
I'm coming. (LAUGHS)
245
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,000
Nickers.
(LAUGHTER)I salute you.
246
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:20,680
Nickers.
(LAUGHTER)I salute you.
247
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,840
No, I salute you, Sir Leslie.
No, I salute you.
248
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:26,120
Now, no disrespect, Miss Straw,
but 'nickers' with an N.
249
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,000
Yeah, because they nick stuff.
And 'nickers' is a very funny word.
250
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,160
Yeah, because they nick stuff.
And 'nickers' is a very funny word.
251
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,960
Exactly. Now, did we also say...
252
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:36,000
she will be wearing
a slinky leather catsuit?
253
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,080
she will be wearing
a slinky leather catsuit?
254
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,440
Oh. Goodness.
255
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:44,000
Call my agent. He's generally open
before lunch on Tuesdays.
256
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:44,440
Call my agent. He's generally open
before lunch on Tuesdays.
257
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,800
Ask him if Dickie Lester's got back
about that thing.Yes. Um...
258
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,400
Perhaps we could uh...
deal with that later.
259
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,000
I'd like to remind you
that we have a dress rehearsal soon
260
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,440
I'd like to remind you
that we have a dress rehearsal soon
261
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,440
in front of the team
from the comedy department.
262
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,480
Uh... Will there be peonies?
263
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,000
I always have peonies
in my dressing room?
264
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,360
I always have peonies
in my dressing room?
265
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,840
Why don't I get 'peonies'
in my dressing room?
266
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,200
Trolly dolly.
Oh! Yeah...This...
267
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,000
This... Now, this is good.
268
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:08,040
This... Now, this is good.
269
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,200
So.Here we are.
Barbara gets a job as...
270
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,520
an air hostess.
271
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:16,000
She wants to marry an airline pilot.
So...
272
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:16,680
She wants to marry an airline pilot.
So...
273
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,840
she wants to get to the front
of the plane, the uh...the cockpit.
274
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,520
Another funny word.
275
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:24,000
Finally, you get there.
276
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:24,040
Finally, you get there.
277
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,360
You go through the special door,
278
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,720
and here is the zinger.
279
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:30,440
(GASPS) The Captain's a woman.
280
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,000
What? N...
281
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:32,560
What? N...
282
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,760
No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
283
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,080
She gets her skirt caught
in the emergency door lock,
284
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,000
and then... (MIMICS SKIRT RIPPING)
(LAUGHS)
285
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,640
..she's suddenly
in front of the Captain, and uh...
286
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:46,200
In her underwear.
Yeah.(SIGHS)
287
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,000
(CHUCKLES)
288
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:48,240
(CHUCKLES)
289
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,400
Anyone for a liquid lunch?
290
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:55,200
Ah, no, we should uh...
finish what we're doing here first.
291
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:56,000
Why bother?
292
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,440
Why bother?
293
00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:01,560
It's a fucking joke desert
after page seven.
294
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,000
(CACKLES)
(MUMBLES)
295
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:04,320
(CACKLES)
(MUMBLES)
296
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:09,680
I see Just Barbara as a sitcom
about a modern woman from the North
297
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,000
getting into funny situations
in swinging London.
298
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:12,680
getting into funny situations
in swinging London.
299
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,240
Could she still wear the catsuit?
300
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:19,680
(SIGHS)
301
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,040
(QUIET CHATTER)
302
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,480
As much as I would love to stay in
the pub all day playing dominoes,
303
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,000
we do actually have work to do.
No...No...
304
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:36,080
we do actually have work to do.
No...No...
305
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,080
Most great writers don't get started
till they've necked a pint of gin.
306
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,680
Right, Tony?Right, yeah. Yes.
Dylan Thomas, Brendan Behan.
307
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,000
Hemingway.
Yeah, yeah, all brilliant.Yes.
308
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:44,320
Hemingway.
Yeah, yeah, all brilliant.Yes.
309
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,640
And all quite dead.
No, no, no.No, no.
310
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:49,600
No, listen,
why don't we just have one more?
311
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,120
That's it.
Yeah.
312
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,400
MARJ: Come on, just a quick one.
313
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:00,000
Oh.Oh!
Look who it is!
314
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,120
Oh.Oh!
Look who it is!
315
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:06,640
It's Marjorie, Diane...and Sophie.
316
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,000
What a coincidence! Barman.
317
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,440
What a coincidence! Barman.
318
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:15,320
# You're my world
You're every breath I take
319
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,440
# You're my world
320
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:23,120
# You're every move I make
321
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:28,040
# Other eyes see the stars... #
322
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,080
(SHUTTER CLICKS)
323
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,000
It's good to see you, Miss Straw.
324
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:32,880
It's good to see you, Miss Straw.
325
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,240
Hello, Mr Mahindra.
326
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,120
DIANE: Sophie.
Dennis.
327
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,000
I've got a great seat for you.
There you are.
328
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:40,320
I've got a great seat for you.
There you are.
329
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,440
Another brilliant waistcoat. How
you been?Just...here. Wonderful.
330
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,800
To the awkward squad.
(CHEERING)
331
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,000
We have made the male character
a horrible, ranting, old bigot.
332
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,640
We have made the male character
a horrible, ranting, old bigot.
333
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,960
And as luck would have it,
the actor Ronald...
334
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,840
is a horrible, ranting, old bigot.
Yeah.
335
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,000
I'm ready to pack it in and hand
the money back, to be honest.No.
336
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:56,800
I'm ready to pack it in and hand
the money back, to be honest.No.
337
00:12:56,840 --> 00:13:00,080
June's already spent half my cash.
She's ordered a massive pram.
338
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,240
I dunno how big she thinks
this baby is gonna be,
but I reckon I could fit in it.
339
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,000
You do actually look like
a giant mewling infant.
340
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,640
You do actually look like
a giant mewling infant.
341
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:10,200
Mm, you smell like one. Did your mum
forget to change your nappy?
342
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,000
Did your mum forget
to leave you in a bin?
343
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:12,200
Did your mum forget
to leave you in a bin?
344
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,920
Oh.Do you miss all this
sophisticated banter?
345
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,520
I miss it all.
346
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:20,000
MARJ: Alright, my round.
What's it gonna be?
347
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:20,520
MARJ: Alright, my round.
What's it gonna be?
348
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:22,240
There you are.
Can I just grab...
349
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:25,280
Oh, God! Oh, I'm so sorry, miss.
Excuse me. Geez.
350
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,000
Oh. I hope your boyfriend
doesn't come over and bash me.
351
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:28,160
Oh. I hope your boyfriend
doesn't come over and bash me.
352
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,760
Boyfriend? Don't be daft.
353
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,360
Oh, your husband, then.
Hu...
354
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,640
I wouldn't marry any of that lot.
355
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:39,880
(CLEARS THROAT)
Just grab these.Yeah.
356
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,040
LANDLADY: Alright, love?
Whatcha havin'?Uh...
357
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,000
Three gin and tonics, a whisky
and two Guinness, please. (EXHALES)
358
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,600
Three gin and tonics, a whisky
and two Guinness, please. (EXHALES)
359
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,120
You don't often see a lady
getting the rounds in.
360
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,960
Yeah, well, why not?
361
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,000
Might get paid less,
but it's all worth the same, innit?
362
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,760
Might get paid less,
but it's all worth the same, innit?
363
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,720
Hm. Well, you've told me.
364
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,760
I'm Roger, by the way.
365
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:00,000
Marjorie. Marj, if you like.
366
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,760
Marjorie. Marj, if you like.
367
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,760
I do like.
368
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,800
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
369
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:08,000
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)Alright,
that is for those two fellas.
370
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,480
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)Alright,
that is for those two fellas.
371
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,760
Has Marj found a new friend?
372
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,760
Everyone, this is Roger.
373
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,000
Yes, hello, Roger.
Everyone say, 'Hi, Roger.'
374
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,200
Yes, hello, Roger.
Everyone say, 'Hi, Roger.'
375
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,360
ALL: Hi, Roger.
Would you like a seat, Rog?
376
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,480
No, no, no, it's alright. My mates
are baying for more beer, so...
377
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:24,000
Oh, right. (LAUGHS)
378
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,320
Oh, right. (LAUGHS)
379
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,640
Sorry. Fella over there said you're
the Northern girl off the telly.
380
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,240
Oh, no, she gets that all the time.
Northern? Nah, nah, nah, nah.
381
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:32,000
I'm from down the road from Marj.
Dagenham.Croydon. Croydon.
382
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,640
I'm from down the road from Marj.
Dagenham.Croydon. Croydon.
383
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:36,400
That's the one.
Ah.
384
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,160
Anyways, it's nice to meet you all.
Yes, you too.Yeah. Bye, Roger.
385
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,000
Bye, Rog.Bye, Roger.
See you, Rog, mate.
386
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,520
Bye, Rog.Bye, Roger.
See you, Rog, mate.
387
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,240
DIANE: Wow, Marjorie's got a wanker.
388
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,520
Ding-dong.
(SIGHS)
389
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:48,000
So, when...when do you think
we can be together?
390
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,400
So, when...when do you think
we can be together?
391
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:54,160
Well, you know,
meeting a lawyer, so...
392
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,000
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Can't wait.
393
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:56,680
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Can't wait.
394
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,400
Yeah, our sitcom's about
a couple getting divorced.
395
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,480
MARJ: Right, so I suppose
you've made the wife
396
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,600
the usual old terribly naggy trope.
397
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:04,000
Actually, Marj, we haven't, because
it's not...(SHUTTER CLICKS)
398
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,520
Actually, Marj, we haven't, because
it's not...(SHUTTER CLICKS)
399
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,640
# THE EASYBEATS: Friday On My Mind
400
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,760
We're surrounded.
401
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,400
I've got an idea. Drink up now.
402
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,560
# I'm gonna have fun in the city
403
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,160
# Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
404
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,280
# Be with my girl, she's so pretty
405
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,400
# Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
406
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:28,000
# She looks fine tonight
407
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,320
# She looks fine tonight
408
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,880
# She is out of sight to me
409
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,000
# Tonight, I'll spend my bread
410
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:36,960
# Tonight, I'll spend my bread
411
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,080
# Tonight, I'll lose my head
412
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:44,000
# Tonight, I've got to get to night
413
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,240
# Tonight, I've got to get to night
414
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:51,680
# Monday, I'll have Friday on my mind
415
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,360
# Gonna have fun in the city
416
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,400
# Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
417
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:00,000
# Be with my girl, she's so... #
418
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,286
# Be with my girl, she's so... #
419
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,000
Now, we're all agreed
that Mrs Mahindra,
420
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,960
Now, we're all agreed
that Mrs Mahindra,
421
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,680
uh...or may I say Edith...
422
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,000
(STAMMERS) ..Mrs Mahindra...
423
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,560
(STAMMERS) ..Mrs Mahindra...
424
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,120
would like to get a divorce from...
425
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,240
..you, Dennis.
426
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,320
Great. I mean, not great.
427
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,080
But great.
428
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,240
I mean, great as in
it shouldn't be too complicated.
429
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:40,000
We just need to sign off
on the grounds for divorce,
430
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,160
We just need to sign off
on the grounds for divorce,
431
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,120
which might be...
432
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,000
unreasonable behaviour, cruelty,
433
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:48,360
unreasonable behaviour, cruelty,
434
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,280
incurable insanity...
435
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:54,600
desertion or adultery.
436
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,000
A veritable...unlucky dip.
437
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,720
A veritable...unlucky dip.
438
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,160
It's adultery.
439
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,120
Is it? Great. Fantastic.
440
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,000
As in that's the quickest route.
441
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:04,000
So, we just need to find from you,
um...Dennis...
442
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,440
So, we just need to find from you,
um...Dennis...
443
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,720
um...
444
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,000
the name of the lady who,
you know, you...
445
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,440
the name of the lady who,
you know, you...
446
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,920
- just as the co-respondent -
I'm not the one that's...
447
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,840
(MUMBLES)
448
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:20,000
Oh, goodness me.
Well, wow. Well, wow.
449
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,680
Oh, goodness me.
Well, wow. Well, wow.
450
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,720
In that case, um... (STAMMERS)
451
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,000
..Mrs M, we need to know from you...
452
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:28,840
..Mrs M, we need to know from you...
453
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,320
the sex...sex details.
454
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:33,720
Um... No, no, sorry, Dennis.
455
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,800
You can't divorce me.
456
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:36,000
I'll be labelled an adulteress.
457
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,760
I'll be labelled an adulteress.
458
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,040
You know my family.
They'd utterly disown me.
459
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,520
My career would be over.
It would ruin me.
460
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:44,000
Harlot.
461
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,600
Harlot.
462
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,240
Jezebel! Slut!
463
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:52,000
It's true. Divorced women
do get called all sorts of things.
464
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,360
It's true. Divorced women
do get called all sorts of things.
465
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,680
Jeremy?
Yeah?
466
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,000
Does kissing another woman
count as grounds for adultery?
467
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,240
Does kissing another woman
count as grounds for adultery?
468
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,440
Ooh. Um...
469
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,720
Oh, my goodness, as in you -
Not me. I didn't...
470
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,000
Dennis did. Does it count?
471
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,440
Dennis did. Does it count?
472
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,480
Well, that's very interesting.
473
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,400
It'd all depend on where you kissed
her.Outside Television Centre.
474
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,000
No, as in, I mean,
you know, where-where-where...
475
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:16,760
No, as in, I mean,
you know, where-where-where...
476
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,520
whereabouts on the um...on the body.
477
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,720
And also...are there photos?
478
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,920
There are no photos.
We can set up some um...
479
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:24,000
rudey...rudey pictures.
480
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,840
rudey...rudey pictures.
481
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,000
I've got a very spicy photographer
on my books.
482
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,600
Dennis, are you sure you wouldn't
like to broadcast to the world
483
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:32,000
that you're in love
with Sophie Straw?
484
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:32,760
that you're in love
with Sophie Straw?
485
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,520
And have her named?
She'd be sacked on the spot.
486
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,480
Not to mention what the press would
do to her. I'm absolutely sure.
487
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,000
(STAMMERS) Sorry, just...
can we just wind back a second?
488
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,680
(STAMMERS) Sorry, just...
can we just wind back a second?
489
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,080
You're doing it with...
490
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,280
Sophie Straw? The Sophie Straw?
491
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,000
TED: We loved the 'nickers' idea.
492
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:48,480
TED: We loved the 'nickers' idea.
493
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:52,480
But you put the kibosh on it, so
rest assured, you are being heard.
494
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,600
I don't even know what the plot is.
495
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,000
Ooh, I can tell you that. (CHUCKLES)
496
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:56,920
Ooh, I can tell you that. (CHUCKLES)
497
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,920
So. (CLEARS THROAT)
498
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,640
Barbara goes on a string
of unsuccessful dates,
499
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,000
feels miserable, goes to the Doctor
to find out what's wrong.
500
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,160
feels miserable, goes to the Doctor
to find out what's wrong.
501
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,920
Falls in love with the Doctor.
Who's playing the Doctor?
502
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,000
Casting are looking for a Clive
Richardson type...but different.
503
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:12,160
Casting are looking for a Clive
Richardson type...but different.
504
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,200
So, basically, you're just trying
to rehash Jim And Barbara?
505
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,560
Colin and Leslie are professionals.
But they're not girls.
506
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,000
They don't understand
what a young woman feels like.
507
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,640
They don't understand
what a young woman feels like.
508
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:26,160
I mean, what it's like to be a woman
out there on her own in the big city.
509
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,000
Bill and Tony and Dennis included me,
and what we did felt right.
510
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,680
Bill and Tony and Dennis included me,
and what we did felt right.
511
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:34,320
Please can we borrow them back? They
could write under a different name.
512
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,000
Mm. Perhaps the name 'Traitors'.
513
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:36,520
Mm. Perhaps the name 'Traitors'.
514
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:41,120
EDITH: Please just fuck her, Dennis,
it would solve all our problems.
515
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,000
I mean, whatever you're doing,
Dennis, you need to bottle that.
516
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,400
I mean, whatever you're doing,
Dennis, you need to bottle that.
517
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:49,120
I mean, Edith is, you know, wow.
And then...
518
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,000
um...well, Sophie Straw is,
you know, blimey.
519
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:52,480
um...well, Sophie Straw is,
you know, blimey.
520
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:56,200
It's like something from a James
Bond film.Sorry, but can we focus?
521
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:57,360
Yeah.
522
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,920
I want to start a family.
523
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:00,000
With Vernon Whitfield?
Of course with Vernon.
524
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,240
With Vernon Whitfield?
Of course with Vernon.
525
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,960
And if I have them out of wedlock,
the children would be bastards.
526
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,480
Obviously - they're Vernon's.
(LAUGHS)
527
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,440
I mean, the problem is,
because you won't...commit adultery,
528
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,200
and you won't admit to adultery,
529
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:16,000
you're in a bit of a pickle here.
530
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,160
you're in a bit of a pickle here.
531
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:20,400
This is absurd. I'm going
to instruct a proper lawyer.
532
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,920
Oh, come on, that's...
Dennis. Really?
533
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:24,000
Oh, for God's sake.
Now, look, Dennis, sit down.
534
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,600
Oh, for God's sake.
Now, look, Dennis, sit down.
535
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,680
Listen, Dennis.
(DOOR OPENS)
536
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,760
A word to the wise.
(DOOR CLOSES)
537
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,000
If you don't want
to drag her into this,
538
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,000
If you don't want
to drag her into this,
539
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:36,720
don't get photographed
with Sophie Straw.
540
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,000
There's no-one on God's Earth...
541
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:40,120
There's no-one on God's Earth...
542
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,160
that will think that you're not...
543
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:48,000
(INHALES, CLEARS THROAT)
544
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,800
(INHALES, CLEARS THROAT)
545
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,760
(DOOR OPENS)
Well, thank you, Dennis.
546
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,360
(DOOR SLAMS)
547
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,000
Sir Nigel Minden-Winkworth called,
Director General.
548
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:56,840
Sir Nigel Minden-Winkworth called,
Director General.
549
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,720
Yes, I know who he is.
What does he want?
550
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,840
There's been a serious incident.
551
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:04,000
Sally White's...having a baby.
552
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:04,320
Sally White's...having a baby.
553
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,040
Sally White doesn't have a husband.
554
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,920
No, so she borrowed someone else's.
555
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,840
You'll need to find another singer.
556
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,000
SOPHIE: Why can't Sally White do a
show? She's pregnant, not contagious.
557
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,200
SOPHIE: Why can't Sally White do a
show? She's pregnant, not contagious.
558
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,680
An expectant woman
is not acceptable on television,
559
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,960
especially not one
that's committed adultery.
560
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,000
Mm, I notice the bloke's
not been named and shamed.
561
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,400
Mm, I notice the bloke's
not been named and shamed.
562
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,720
Sophie. (CLEARS THROAT)
563
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,640
Listen to me.
564
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,760
Just Barbara means a lot to me.
565
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:28,000
I will address
every single concern that you have.
566
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,280
I will address
every single concern that you have.
567
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,040
But you must, must trust me.
568
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,000
Alright?
569
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:36,080
Alright?
570
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,000
(RONALD GARGLING)
(DILYS WARMS UP VOCALLY)
571
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,000
(RONALD GARGLING)
(DILYS WARMS UP VOCALLY)
572
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,440
The lips, the teeth,
the tip of the tongue.
573
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:52,000
Um... Could we uh...relieve Ronald
of his hip flask, please?
574
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,920
Um... Could we uh...relieve Ronald
of his hip flask, please?
575
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,600
Yeah, it uh...
it might require surgery.
576
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,600
(DILYS WARMS UP)
WOMAN: Excuse me, Mr O'Rourke.
577
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:00,000
Can I please take your hip flask?
Fuck off!
578
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,880
Can I please take your hip flask?
Fuck off!
579
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,720
WOMAN: Oh, uh...
580
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:07,160
Mr Mahindra doesn't want
too much makeup, Miss Waters.
581
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,000
He'd like it to feel very um...real.
582
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,840
He'd like it to feel very um...real.
583
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,880
Well, Mr Mahindra
can shove his opinion
584
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,320
up his very real arsehole.
585
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:16,000
# THE TREMELOES:
Reach Out I'll Be There
586
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,640
# THE TREMELOES:
Reach Out I'll Be There
587
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:22,080
# Well, if you feel
That you can't go on
588
00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:24,000
# Because all your hope is gone
589
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,680
# Because all your hope is gone
590
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,840
# And your life
Is filled with much confusion
591
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,000
# Because happiness
Is just an illusion
592
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,960
# Because happiness
Is just an illusion
593
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,560
# And the world around
Is tumbling down
594
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,840
# So, darling, reach out...
595
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:40,000
MAN: My mother-in-law hung out our
washing on the line the other day.
596
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,920
MAN: My mother-in-law hung out our
washing on the line the other day.
597
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,240
When she pegged out her pants...
598
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,800
the neighbours
thought it was a total eclipse.
599
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:48,000
(LAUGHTER)
600
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,880
(LAUGHTER)
601
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:51,720
Hey, it may not be Christmas,
602
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,480
but you're about to set eyes
on a right cracker.
603
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,000
(LAUGHTER)
604
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:56,720
(LAUGHTER)
605
00:22:56,760 --> 00:23:00,440
Well, um...thank you all
for coming along to this uh...
606
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,640
dress rehearsal of a new comedy
called Battle Lines,
607
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:04,000
written by Tony Holmes
and Bill Gardiner,
608
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,840
written by Tony Holmes
and Bill Gardiner,
609
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,640
starring Dilys Waters...
(APPLAUSE)
610
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,000
..and Ronald O'Rourke.
(APPLAUSE)
611
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:12,960
..and Ronald O'Rourke.
(APPLAUSE)
612
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,000
Enjoy.
613
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,520
And here she is, Miss Sophie Straw!
614
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:20,000
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
615
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,680
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
616
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:27,520
# Ha, I'll be there... #
617
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,760
I blame Harold bleedin' Wilson.
618
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:36,000
He encouraged all these lazy
beatniks and long-haired layabouts,
619
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:36,040
He encouraged all these lazy
beatniks and long-haired layabouts,
620
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:39,160
so shut your pie-hole,
you silly old nag.
621
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,600
(GASPS) If you call me
a silly old billy again,
622
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,000
I shall jolly well leave you!
623
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:44,800
I shall jolly well leave you!
624
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,760
Silly old billy? We'd never
write that. She's fucked the joke!
625
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,360
Why can't she just say it how we -
Sitting around on their backsides...
626
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:52,000
enjoying the multiple benefits
of the welfare state.
627
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,800
enjoying the multiple benefits
of the welfare state.
628
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,720
Here he comes again,
the pearly king of Kensington.
629
00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:59,600
Excuse me!
630
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:00,000
Ronald is the finest character actor
of our generation.
631
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:04,520
Ronald is the finest character actor
of our generation.
632
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,000
His Titus Andronicus was huge.
633
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:08,560
His Titus Andronicus was huge.
634
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,120
You can get a cream for that.
635
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,080
Anyway, a minute ago,
you hated the old bastard.
636
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:16,000
(PEOPLE MURMURING)I have never
been spoken to like that in my life!
637
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:16,800
(PEOPLE MURMURING)I have never
been spoken to like that in my life!
638
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,920
Really? I'm surprised.
639
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:22,560
(GASPS)Um... Can we uh...reset
and start again from the top?
640
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,000
Yeah, and can we get
two proper actors, please,
641
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:24,560
Yeah, and can we get
two proper actors, please,
642
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,120
instead of these stuck-up old hams?
(GASPS)
643
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:31,120
Well, I'm sorry
we're not as common as dog's muck,
644
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,000
you bunch of fucking amateurs!
645
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:33,840
you bunch of fucking amateurs!
646
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,800
Argh!
(GASPS)
647
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:37,640
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
Oh! Ronnie!
648
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,120
Oh, Jesus.
649
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,000
MARJ: Effing hell, Diane,
we are so late!Oh, don't worry.
650
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,800
MARJ: Effing hell, Diane,
we are so late!Oh, don't worry.
651
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,600
It hasn't started yet.
652
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:47,240
I got some posh snacks
from Fortnum & Freemason.
653
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,000
Do you fancy a truffle?
Wait, what hasn't started yet?
654
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,680
Do you fancy a truffle?
Wait, what hasn't started yet?
655
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,920
My new TV show.
Oh.
656
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:56,000
Oh! Oh, sorry. Um...Why have you
got your coat on, your giddy goat?
657
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:56,040
Oh! Oh, sorry. Um...Why have you
got your coat on, your giddy goat?
658
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,640
Us union girls are staging a um...
659
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,800
a sit-in.(GASPS)
And it may last all night.Yeah.
660
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:04,000
Sorry, we didn't realise
your programme was tonight.
661
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:05,120
Sorry, we didn't realise
your programme was tonight.
662
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:06,960
Oh, don't worry, honestly.
663
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:11,040
It's um... It's less pressure
watching it on your own.
664
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,000
(GLASS CLINKS)
665
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:12,520
(GLASS CLINKS)
666
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:16,400
Sit down, Diane. (EXHALES)
Sit-in can wait.
667
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,680
Thank you.
668
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:20,000
All they have to do
is let us cast different actors,
669
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,560
All they have to do
is let us cast different actors,
670
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,800
and Battle Lines will be perfect.
671
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,000
Right, Den?Mm.Stand back,
pregnant woman coming through.
672
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:28,120
Right, Den?Mm.Stand back,
pregnant woman coming through.
673
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,280
Pregnant? What?!
674
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,360
Every time. Budge up, Bill.
Alright.
675
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,000
(JAUNTY THEME PLAYS ON TV)
This is exciting, isn't it? (SIGHS)
676
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,760
(JAUNTY THEME PLAYS ON TV)
This is exciting, isn't it? (SIGHS)
677
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,000
(KNOCKING AT DOOR ON TV)
MAN: (ON TV) Come here, madam.
678
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:44,480
(KNOCKING AT DOOR ON TV)
MAN: (ON TV) Come here, madam.
679
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,240
What seems to be the problem?
SOPHIE: I'm not feeling myself.
680
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:50,360
Not feeling yourself? That's my job.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
681
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,000
Oh, my God.If you just lie down,
I'll get out my equipment.
682
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,800
Oh, my God.If you just lie down,
I'll get out my equipment.
683
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,360
Oh. I've heard that one before.
(EXHALES NOISILY)
684
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:59,120
(CHUCKLES)(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
MAN: I mean my medical apparatus.
685
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:00,000
Different writers.
It's a long tube with a forked end.
686
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,480
Different writers.
It's a long tube with a forked end.
687
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,200
'You should get that seen to.'
(SIGHS)
688
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,040
It's called a stethoscope.
Can you unbutton your shirt?
689
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,000
Course I can.
How else would I get ready for bed?
690
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:08,920
Course I can.
How else would I get ready for bed?
691
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:12,120
They...
They said they'd cut that bit out!
692
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,160
Big breaths.Cheeky.
Oh.
693
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,000
Oh, God.
The old 'big breaths' gag.
694
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,160
Oh, God.
The old 'big breaths' gag.
695
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,960
(INHALES)Now I'll check your blood
pressure.Do you know what?
696
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,480
'My blood pressure is fine.'
You go on out.Mine's not!
697
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,000
MARJ: No!
No, no, no, no, no, no.
698
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:24,360
MARJ: No!
No, no, no, no, no, no.
699
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,640
Yeah.
'Yeah, Doctor. You look a bit faint.'
700
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,680
Go on out, go on.Thank you.
Go to your sit-on.
701
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,000
Sit-in, babe. It's a sit-in.
You did great.
702
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,000
I fancy being a doctor.
703
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:32,840
I fancy being a doctor.
704
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:36,160
Do you know what bus we getting?See
you later.See you later, bye!Bye.
705
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,600
(DOOR CLOSES)
706
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,000
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
(JAUNTY THEME MUSIC)
707
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:40,240
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
(JAUNTY THEME MUSIC)
708
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,920
(SIGHS)
709
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:46,920
TONY: Fuck me.
710
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,000
What are we gonna say to Soph?
711
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:48,960
What are we gonna say to Soph?
712
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,560
Could say it's a big achievement.
713
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,000
(SCOFFS) The costumes were nice.
714
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:56,080
(SCOFFS) The costumes were nice.
715
00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:59,560
Yeah, definitely do that.
716
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,600
Cos we women
really love to be patronised.
717
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,240
(SIGHS)
718
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,240
Right.
719
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,080
ANNOUNCER: And now on TVC...
720
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:20,000
(SOPHIE SIGHS)
721
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,600
(SOPHIE SIGHS)
722
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,640
(PHONE RINGS)
723
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:33,440
Hello?
724
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,520
MARIE: (ON PHONE)
Hello, Barbara, it's Marie.
725
00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:38,920
Did you see the show?
Yes.
726
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:40,800
Yes, yes, we did.
And did -
727
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:42,560
He... He did. We did. He did.
728
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:44,000
Marie?
729
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:45,240
Marie?
730
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,400
You shouldn't blame us, Barbara.
731
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,680
Marie, what do you mean?
732
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,000
(STAMMERS)
(APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS)
733
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:52,480
(STAMMERS)
(APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS)
734
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,600
We did our best. He...
735
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:58,040
(EXHALES)
We didn't mean to cause any -
736
00:27:58,080 --> 00:27:59,840
Marie. No.
Marie?
737
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:02,840
(WITH FORCED CHEERFULNESS) Goodbye!
738
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,840
(HANDSET CLATTERS)
(DISCONNECT TONE)
739
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:08,000
'But without the chemistry
of her erstwhile co-star
Clive Richardson...'
740
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:11,640
'But without the chemistry
of her erstwhile co-star
Clive Richardson...'
741
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,800
'..Miss Straw is cast adrift.
The sitcom...'
742
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:16,000
'..stinks!'
Well, it's harsh, but true.
743
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,160
'..stinks!'
Well, it's harsh, but true.
744
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,600
No, what the fuck
are you eating, June?!
745
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:22,360
Is that a craving?No, it's
pickled herring. Try it.(LAUGHS)
746
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,000
Urgh!I always have that
for breakfast.Jesus.
747
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,320
Urgh!I always have that
for breakfast.Jesus.
748
00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:29,360
'Miss Straw mangles the script by
seasoned writers Lanagan and Curry.'
749
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:31,800
Yeah. 'With garish costumes
a size too small...'
750
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:32,000
TED: '..Miss Straw squanders
her talent like cheap confetti.
751
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,520
TED: '..Miss Straw squanders
her talent like cheap confetti.
752
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:40,000
She seems determined to force on the
public a vulgar version of herself.
753
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:40,920
She seems determined to force on the
public a vulgar version of herself.
754
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:46,080
Once a charming ingenue,
she now totters across our screens
755
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,000
like a tart
at a working-class wedding.'
756
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,200
like a tart
at a working-class wedding.'
757
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,280
DIANE: 'Just Barbara is just...
758
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,000
just bearable.'
759
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:56,320
just bearable.'
760
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,000
(LINE RINGS)
761
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:04,400
(LINE RINGS)
762
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:07,320
(LINE BEEPING)
763
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:11,800
It's Dennis.
764
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,560
DENNIS: (ON PHONE) I saw the show.
(SIGHS)
765
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:20,000
I thought bits of it
were quite charming.
766
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,680
I thought bits of it
were quite charming.
767
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:25,840
I feel stupid and ashamed.
768
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,960
Well, at least they...
769
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,880
put your show out on air.
770
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,800
I mean, that's a...huge achievement.
771
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:34,760
Dennis.
772
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,000
That's what people say when
they don't know what else to say.
773
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:37,640
That's what people say when
they don't know what else to say.
774
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:41,040
No, no, I mean it.
It is an achievement.
775
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,280
They're not even
gonna put our show out.
776
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:44,000
You're joking.
777
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:45,560
You're joking.
778
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,920
According to the head of
the network, we can't write jokes.
779
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:50,960
Oh, my God.
780
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,000
Here's me whingeing on about my show,
and you haven't even got one.
781
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,800
Here's me whingeing on about my show,
and you haven't even got one.
782
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:56,880
Of course, it's all my fault.
783
00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:00,000
If I hadn't have rushed off
to the other side,
we'd all still be working together.
784
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:00,240
If I hadn't have rushed off
to the other side,
we'd all still be working together.
785
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:04,400
Mm. Well, if I hadn't
screwed things up with Ted Sargent,
you wouldn't have had to.
786
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,560
No. No.
787
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,000
None of this is your fault.
788
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:08,600
None of this is your fault.
789
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,240
You are...faultless.
790
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,360
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
I wish I could see you.
791
00:30:20,206 --> 00:30:23,360
('HERE COMES THE NICE'
BY THE SMALL FACES PLAYS) Go away!
792
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:24,000
What time is it?
793
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:25,440
What time is it?
794
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:29,080
Party time.
I'm not going to a party!
795
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:32,000
Everyone will be laughing
behind my back about Just Barbara.
796
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:32,160
Everyone will be laughing
behind my back about Just Barbara.
797
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:35,760
Everyone hates me.
Oh, do you know what, Diane?
798
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,720
I think she's right, actually.Yeah.
Maybe just throw the dress away.
799
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,000
Alright.
She should just disappear, actually.
800
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:40,840
Alright.
She should just disappear, actually.
801
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,560
Maybe go back to Blackpool.
Yeah.
802
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,960
And beg for her job back
at the rock factory.
803
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:48,000
I was just trying to make people
laugh. What am I doing wrong?
804
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:49,000
I was just trying to make people
laugh. What am I doing wrong?
805
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,480
Three major things, OK?
806
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,800
One, you're a girl.
807
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:56,000
Two, you dared to be successful.
Don't let the bastards win.
808
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,160
Two, you dared to be successful.
Don't let the bastards win.
809
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,480
And three,
you are hogging the bedroom,
810
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,640
and so get your glad rags on
and piss off,
811
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:04,000
because I've got Rog
coming round for a cuddle.Ooh!
812
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:05,360
because I've got Rog
coming round for a cuddle.Ooh!
813
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,200
Oh, I didn't bring a bottle.Don't
worry, she's got a whole vineyard.
814
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,000
Oh!
(LAUGHS)
815
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:20,080
Oh!
(LAUGHS)
816
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,480
WOMAN: So, I said,
'Aunt Lilibet, don't be so greedy!'
817
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:25,200
I mean, how many swans
can one woman eat?
818
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,720
Diane, darling!
819
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:28,000
Oh, look, I'm double-jointed.
820
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:29,480
Oh, look, I'm double-jointed.
821
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,600
(LAUGHS)Sophie, this
is Lady Pandora Erskine Aubigny.
822
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,600
Oh, fuck off, everyone calls me Pea.
823
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,000
Oh, you're delicious!
824
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:36,760
Oh, you're delicious!
825
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,680
I could bite you! Come on.
826
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,000
# THE YARDBIRDS: Glimpses
827
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:44,320
# THE YARDBIRDS: Glimpses
828
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,600
Cocking hell!
829
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:57,160
Oh, oh...I'm not a fan
of the big cigs, Pea.
830
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,640
I'll play it safe with the cake.
831
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,640
What's this party in aid of, then?
832
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:08,000
Or is it just
a normal weekday night at Pandy's?
833
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:08,520
Or is it just
a normal weekday night at Pandy's?
834
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,840
This party is
for her boyfriend, Charlie.
835
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:15,080
He just came back
from Wormwood Scrubs.
836
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:16,000
Is he a prison warden?
837
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,320
Is he a prison warden?
838
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:19,680
He was doing time for GBH.
839
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,840
Oh.
(CHUCKLES)
840
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:23,360
(MAN CACKLES)
841
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:24,000
Relax, and hang loose, Soph.
842
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,720
Relax, and hang loose, Soph.
843
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,400
No-one is laughing at you
behind your back.
844
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,320
Too busy watching their own.
845
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,880
Is there a buffet?
846
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:40,000
There is - through there.
847
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,160
There is - through there.
848
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,720
Excuse me, is that the buffet?
849
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,920
(CHATTER, LAUGHTER)
850
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:04,000
Oh, has that gone off?
851
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:04,960
Oh, has that gone off?
852
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:09,000
Hm, it's just cheap. Aristos
always cut corners with caviar.
853
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,480
Spend it on the scag instead.
Caviar?
854
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:12,000
Wow! Get in.
855
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:13,520
Wow! Get in.
856
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:16,240
Wow. (CHUCKLES)
857
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,880
I wouldn't have thought unfertilised
sturgeon roe was your thing.
858
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:22,920
(RETCHES)
(SNORTS)
859
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,800
(GULPS, SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
860
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,920
You can take the girl out
of Blackpool...
861
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,000
Oh. Urgh.
862
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:29,560
Oh. Urgh.
863
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,920
Back home, we'd throw that bit away.
864
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:35,880
I'm sorry, I would shake your hand,
but it's covered in dead fish egg.
865
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:36,000
I'm Sophie.
I know.
866
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:37,840
I'm Sophie.
I know.
867
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:39,720
I'm a fan.
Well.
868
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:43,160
You're probably the only one left.
Well...
869
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:44,000
it's not often you get to see...
870
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:45,520
it's not often you get to see...
871
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,160
genuine working-class
single girls like us on TV.
872
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:51,840
You really have blazed a trail.
873
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:52,000
That's not what the press are saying.
874
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,880
That's not what the press are saying.
875
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:55,800
They hated my new show.
876
00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,000
Most of Fleet Street's
just a bunch of bitter old boys...
877
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:00,160
Most of Fleet Street's
just a bunch of bitter old boys...
878
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,600
who know they will never get
the chance to boff a girl like you.
879
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,200
(LAUGHS)
880
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:06,600
I'm Lynda, by the way.
881
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,000
Oh, crikey, Lynda,
you speak your mind.
882
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:08,840
Oh, crikey, Lynda,
you speak your mind.
883
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,400
Your mum and dad must be so proud
of what you've achieved.
884
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:15,320
I read that
you are very close to your dad.
885
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:16,000
Mm.
886
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:17,000
Mm.
887
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:18,800
Family, though...
Mmm.
888
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,760
..really, that's all that matters.
889
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:23,920
You don't know who you can trust.
Exactly.
890
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:31,960
You know, we should meet up. Chat
some more. Us professional women...
891
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,960
(ECHOES)..we should stick together.
892
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,200
Yeah.
893
00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:38,160
Don't let yourself down
about negative press.
894
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,000
Every big star goes through it.
895
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:40,240
Every big star goes through it.
896
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,320
You'll toughen up, darling.
897
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,760
I'll drink to that.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
898
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,640
(GLASSES CLINK AND RING OUT)
Cheers.
899
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:48,000
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(LAUGHTER, CHATTER)
900
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,600
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(LAUGHTER, CHATTER)
901
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:20,000
(MUSIC FADES)
902
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:21,520
(MUSIC FADES)
903
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:27,320
Are you working on a new routine
or just trying to sit down?
904
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:28,000
Ooh! Everything's gone a bit spinny.
905
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,560
Ooh! Everything's gone a bit spinny.
906
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,360
Yeah, that would be
dear Pandora's famous brownies.
907
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:35,880
Oh, they're lovely.
I've had about seven.
908
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:39,120
Have you got any water?Uh...
(BOTTLE OPENS)
909
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,680
Sorry, just a bottle of red.
910
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:44,000
This one's a little bit on the broad
side with a pretty unrefined finish.
911
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,160
This one's a little bit on the broad
side with a pretty unrefined finish.
912
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,880
Ooh, I think a TV critic recently
said that about me.(LAUGHS)
913
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:52,000
And here I am sounding like
a pretentious wine asshole.
914
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:53,480
And here I am sounding like
a pretentious wine asshole.
915
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,000
I'll look for some water for you.
(GRUNTS)Oh.
916
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,000
Mm. Very nice.
917
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:00,440
Mm. Very nice.
918
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,280
It's an honour to meet you,
Sophie Straw.
919
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,280
How do you know about me?
You're American.
920
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,000
That sounded like an accusation.
921
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:08,120
That sounded like an accusation.
922
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,040
You're big news!
Pfft!
923
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:13,120
Who are you with?
Uh... My mate Diane.
924
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,000
No, no, no. I mean...
I mean, who—who's your agent?
925
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:16,440
No, no, no. I mean...
I mean, who—who's your agent?
926
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,160
Oh! Um... Uh... No-one.
927
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:21,920
My last agent had big plans for me,
928
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,000
which mainly turned out to be
big plans for him.
929
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,000
which mainly turned out to be
big plans for him.
930
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:27,200
I reckon I don't need
another person in my life
931
00:36:27,240 --> 00:36:30,160
telling me what to do
and taking 10%.
932
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,000
I never tell my clients what to do -
I lightly encourage.
933
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:33,760
I never tell my clients what to do -
I lightly encourage.
934
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,480
And I don't take 10%. I take 15%.
935
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:38,960
You're a Hollywood agent!
936
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,000
Have you met Lucille Ball?
937
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:41,520
Have you met Lucille Ball?
938
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,080
Indeed I have.
(GASPS)
939
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,480
Could you introduce me to her?
Uh...
940
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,960
I don't represent her, sadly.
941
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:49,360
But um...
Oh.
942
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,680
..at the risk of sounding like
my own agent,
943
00:36:51,720 --> 00:36:53,640
I'm considered to be rather good.
944
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:56,000
But you're not looking, and
I only represent movie stars, so...
945
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,520
But you're not looking, and
I only represent movie stars, so...
946
00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:00,040
Oh, what, you don't think
I could be a movie star?
947
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:02,040
I didn't say that.
948
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,000
(CHUCKLES) (CLOCK CHIMING)
Ah, the witching hour.
949
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:05,120
(CHUCKLES) (CLOCK CHIMING)
Ah, the witching hour.
950
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:08,040
My chariot awaits to take me
back to The Clarence.
951
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:09,720
Can I give you a ride anywhere?
952
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,400
If I...If I wanted to...
953
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:12,000
get a ride in your chariot,
954
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,200
get a ride in your chariot,
955
00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:16,680
it would involve me getting out
of this chair, and quite frankly...
956
00:37:16,720 --> 00:37:19,400
I'd rather you...
remember me like this.
957
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,480
I don't think I'll forget.
Mm.
958
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:24,840
(SCREAMS)
959
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,000
(GROANS)
(MUSIC RESUMES)
960
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:28,560
(GROANS)
(MUSIC RESUMES)
961
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,560
(LAUGHTER)
962
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,640
(ANIMAL BLEATS)
963
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:56,960
(BLEATS)
Hm?
964
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,840
(APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS)
965
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:08,000
(GROANS)
Are you alright, darling?
966
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,240
(GROANS)
Are you alright, darling?
967
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:12,440
Hm? You've gone
a rather groovy shade of green.
968
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:14,560
I had too many chocolate slices.
969
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,000
Oh, yes, the hashish brownies.
970
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,280
Oh, yes, the hashish brownies.
971
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,480
I bunged all the good shit
I had left into the Magimix.
972
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:21,200
(GROANS)
(CHUCKLES)
973
00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:23,360
You're adorable.
974
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:24,000
Why don't you stay
and sleep it off, darling?
975
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:25,520
Why don't you stay
and sleep it off, darling?
976
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,840
In fact, why don't you stay
as long as you like?
977
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:29,800
Here, I'm off to the Scottish pile.
978
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,000
Use the place as your own.
I've got a murder trial at 9:00am.
979
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:33,800
Use the place as your own.
I've got a murder trial at 9:00am.
980
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:35,960
Mwah.
981
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,280
And don't forget to feed Samantha!
982
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,000
Who's Samantha?
The snake.
983
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:40,320
Who's Samantha?
The snake.
984
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:43,040
You'll find her.
985
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:45,960
There's a snake.
986
00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:48,000
Now, the reason
I've called you back...
987
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:50,720
Now, the reason
I've called you back...
988
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:54,520
..is I've spoken
to my senior divorce experts,
989
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:56,000
and they have found a loophole.
990
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:56,680
and they have found a loophole.
991
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,840
Mm. Where's my loophole?
992
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,720
There's always a loophole.
993
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:04,000
(RUSTLES PAPER) Uh...
994
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:04,760
(RUSTLES PAPER) Uh...
995
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,600
Yeah.
996
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,280
Well, you separate.
You and Mrs Mahindra.
997
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:12,000
You live like a monk and a nun.
998
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:14,120
You live like a monk and a nun.
999
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:16,600
You'll obviously be the monk.
1000
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:19,280
Which means absolutely no uh...
1001
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:20,000
Please stop doing that.
Yes, that's what my wife says.
1002
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,440
Please stop doing that.
Yes, that's what my wife says.
1003
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:26,440
And then after three years,
your divorce will come through,
1004
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,000
on the grounds of legal separation.
1005
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,080
on the grounds of legal separation.
1006
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:33,280
And you are free to marry again.
1007
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:36,000
Three years?
Three years. Not bad, is it?
1008
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:36,200
Three years?
Three years. Not bad, is it?
1009
00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:40,160
I shall get my clerks to uh...
1010
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,200
draw up the papers.
1011
00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:44,000
Er... Don't have clerks.
1012
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:44,280
Er... Don't have clerks.
1013
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,200
I'll write up the papers.
1014
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,000
TED: Critically, we took a tumble.
1015
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:53,880
But the ratings
were very respectable.
1016
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,200
We didn't take a tumble, I did.
1017
00:39:56,240 --> 00:39:58,320
I did suggest
we bring back Clive Richardson.
1018
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:00,000
I don't want Clive.
1019
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:00,280
I don't want Clive.
1020
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:02,680
I want Bill and Tony and Dennis.
1021
00:40:02,720 --> 00:40:05,640
You can't have them,
and you're under contract.
1022
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:08,000
Well, you're gonna have
to speak to my agent.
1023
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,240
Well, you're gonna have
to speak to my agent.
1024
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:11,360
You don't have an agent.
1025
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:13,360
Eunice?
EUNICE: Yes?
1026
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:16,000
Call The Clarence, please.
1027
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:18,840
(PHONE RINGS)
1028
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,160
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
(RINGING CONTINUES)
1029
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,320
Hello. Marc Allen.
1030
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:32,000
Hi, Marc. It's Sophie.
Who?
1031
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:33,480
Hi, Marc. It's Sophie.
Who?
1032
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:36,160
Straw. Sophie Straw?
1033
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:39,200
Oh, yeah. Did you manage
to get out of that chair?
1034
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,600
Yeah, I'm here
with the Head of Light Entertainment.
1035
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:46,960
And you're telling me this
because...?
1036
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,000
I need a bit
of a helping hand here, Marc.
1037
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,800
I need a bit
of a helping hand here, Marc.
1038
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:52,600
Oh, you need a professional favour.
1039
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:56,000
That's like um...me asking you
to put on a free Broadway show.
1040
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:56,480
That's like um...me asking you
to put on a free Broadway show.
1041
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:59,360
Oh, Broadway show!
Yeah, I'd be delighted.
1042
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:01,640
No, I didn't offer that.
And with Sammy Davis Jr.
1043
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:03,720
I've always wanted to work with him.
No, not Sammy -
1044
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:04,000
The Director-General just called.
Sophie, I got to go.
1045
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,600
The Director-General just called.
Sophie, I got to go.
1046
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:10,240
We have to announce a replacement
for Sally White immediately.
1047
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:12,000
Hello? Hello?
Dusty.
1048
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:12,800
Hello? Hello?
Dusty.
1049
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:16,040
Disappeared.Sophie?
Oh. She's probably um...
1050
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:18,880
(SINGS) ..in the middle of nowhere.
1051
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,000
Uh... What about Petula Clarke?
1052
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:21,120
Uh... What about Petula Clarke?
1053
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:23,160
Petula's in Paris.
Oh, she's been hanging out...
1054
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:27,080
(SINGS) ..downtown,
where all the lights are bright.
1055
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:28,000
Lulu.
(SINGS) We-e-e-e-e-e-e-e...
1056
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:32,000
Lulu.
(SINGS) We-e-e-e-e-e-e-e...
1057
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,600
e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e...
1058
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,000
e-e-ell...
1059
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:36,880
e-e-ell...
1060
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:39,840
Ted...
# You know you make me wanna shout
1061
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:43,480
# Look, my hand's jumping
Look, my heart's bumping
1062
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:44,000
# Throw my head back... #
1063
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,520
# Throw my head back... #
1064
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:49,760
Eunice, could you get me
the Director-General, please?
1065
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:52,000
Sophie? Sophie?
1066
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,880
Sophie? Sophie?
1067
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:55,120
Oh.
1068
00:41:58,040 --> 00:41:59,920
You've either been hired or fired...
1069
00:41:59,960 --> 00:42:00,000
but great audition, kid.Ted Sargent
for Sir Nigel Minden-Winkworth.
1070
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:03,400
but great audition, kid.Ted Sargent
for Sir Nigel Minden-Winkworth.
1071
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,280
Stop by and see me sometime.
(WHISPERS) Thank you.
1072
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,000
Director-General, how are you, sir?
1073
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,120
Director-General, how are you, sir?
1074
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,040
Fine, thank you.
1075
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:13,080
I just wanted to let you know -
1076
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:16,000
I think I've found the perfect
replacement for Sally White.
1077
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,080
I think I've found the perfect
replacement for Sally White.
1078
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,160
# SANDIE SHAW: Don't Run Away
1079
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:20,880
On one condition. (YELPS)
1080
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,000
# I am so much in love
1081
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:25,440
# I am so much in love
1082
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:28,720
# With you
1083
00:42:29,720 --> 00:42:32,000
# And guard all the love... #
1084
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:32,320
# And guard all the love... #
1085
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,240
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
Den! I was just coming to find you.
1086
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:38,520
I was just coming to find you.
1087
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,000
I've got some news.
I've got news!
1088
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:40,600
I've got some news.
I've got news!
1089
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:43,520
I've just managed to get
you and the boys back on the show.
1090
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:45,560
(CHUCKLES) We can all be together!
1091
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:48,000
Den!
1092
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:49,360
Den!
1093
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,000
The divorce
is gonna take three years.
1094
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:57,360
The divorce
is gonna take three years.
1095
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,920
What?! Why?
1096
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,360
Cos Edith won't agree...
1097
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:04,000
and that's the law.
1098
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:05,600
and that's the law.
1099
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:09,520
Well, I'll wait.
1100
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,000
We can...
1101
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:12,240
We can...
1102
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:14,600
We can still see each other.
1103
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:16,400
We can still be together.
1104
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:19,280
Yes, but to everyone else,
I would still be married.
1105
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:20,000
They can mind
their own bloody business!
1106
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:21,520
They can mind
their own bloody business!
1107
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:25,600
If we were to be together...
you would lose everything.
1108
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,680
Oh, so I don't get a choice.
1109
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:32,680
I don't care about everyone else!
I just want to be with you!
1110
00:43:32,720 --> 00:43:35,000
# You're my world
1111
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:36,000
# You're every breath I take
1112
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:40,160
# You're every breath I take
1113
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,240
# You're my world
1114
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:44,000
# You're every move I make
1115
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:47,240
# You're every move I make
1116
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:52,000
# Other eyes see the stars
Up in the sky
1117
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,960
# Other eyes see the stars
Up in the sky
1118
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,000
# But for me
1119
00:43:57,040 --> 00:44:00,000
# They shine within your eyes
1120
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,920
# They shine within your eyes
1121
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:08,000
# As the trees
Reach for the sun above
1122
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,560
# As the trees
Reach for the sun above
1123
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:13,560
# So my arms reach out to you
1124
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:16,000
# For love
1125
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:17,160
# For love
1126
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:24,000
# With your hand resting in mine
1127
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:24,360
# With your hand resting in mine
1128
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:31,680
# I feel a power so divine
1129
00:44:31,720 --> 00:44:32,000
# You're my world
1130
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:33,800
# You're my world
1131
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:39,080
# You are my night and day
1132
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:40,000
# You're my world
1133
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:40,920
# You're my world
1134
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:46,480
# You're every prayer I pray
1135
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,000
# If our love ceases to be
1136
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:53,200
# If our love ceases to be
1137
00:44:53,240 --> 00:44:56,000
# Then it's the end of my world
1138
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,000
# Then it's the end of my world
1139
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:01,600
# End of my world
1140
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:04,000
# End of my world for
1141
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:07,440
# End of my world for
1142
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:12,000
# Me #
1143
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,800
# Me #
1144
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,360
(NOTE CONTINUES)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
1145
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,800
# JUDY COLLINS: Both Sides Now
1146
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:28,000
# Bows and flows of angel hair
1147
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:28,200
# Bows and flows of angel hair
1148
00:45:28,240 --> 00:45:32,320
# And ice cream castles in the air
1149
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:36,000
# And feather canyons everywhere
1150
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:36,520
# And feather canyons everywhere
1151
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:40,000
# I've looked at clouds that way
1152
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:44,000
# But now they only block the sun
1153
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:48,160
# They rain and snow on everyone
1154
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:52,000
# So many things I would have done
1155
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:52,320
# So many things I would have done
1156
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:55,520
# But clouds got in my way #
1157
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,000
Subtitles by Sky Access Services
www.skyaccessibility.sky
1158
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:00,648
Subtitles by Sky Access Services
www.skyaccessibility.sky
89574
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