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1
00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:33,453
Who's this?
2
00:02:35,757 --> 00:02:36,891
- Can you hear me?
3
00:02:56,878 --> 00:02:58,478
- Answer your fucking phone!
4
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,141
- She has apulse, but its faint.
5
00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:04,579
- No!
6
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:05,813
You're all right, stay with me.
7
00:04:05,847 --> 00:04:06,681
Look at me.
8
00:04:06,948 --> 00:04:07,782
Hey, please.
9
00:04:13,888 --> 00:04:14,889
- Are you watching?
10
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:19,326
- Please.
11
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:20,327
Keep your eyes open.
12
00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:25,365
- This is that moment.
13
00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:26,366
- Please stay alive.
14
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:27,769
- Where it all ends
15
00:04:27,802 --> 00:04:29,537
- Please stay alive.
16
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:31,773
No, don't go.
17
00:04:31,806 --> 00:04:33,074
- Because of what I did.
18
00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:34,041
- Please.
19
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:39,046
- One, two, three.
20
00:04:40,882 --> 00:04:42,550
And again, one, two.
21
00:05:27,128 --> 00:05:28,495
- Hi, Ms. Rose.
22
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:29,597
Can I call you Dean?
23
00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:32,332
- Yeah.
24
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:34,602
- My name is Dr. Teixeira.
25
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,237
You can call me Janet.
26
00:05:36,270 --> 00:05:38,105
I'm assigned-
- I know who you are.
27
00:05:39,874 --> 00:05:41,309
- Okay.
28
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,010
So you know what I'm here to do?
29
00:05:49,851 --> 00:05:51,185
How are you feeling today?
30
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:59,126
Well, I reviewed the
toxicology report.
31
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,461
You had extremely high
levels of benzodiazepine
32
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,363
and sertraline in your system.
33
00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:06,534
You had blood alcohol
concentration of 0.25.
34
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,269
Cocaine.
35
00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:11,839
Your arms took 42 stitches
to close the wounds.
36
00:06:11,873 --> 00:06:13,507
You are really
lucky to be alive.
37
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:17,144
Help me to understand
38
00:06:17,178 --> 00:06:18,112
why you would attempt
to take your own life.
39
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,013
- I wasn't...
40
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,149
I wasn't trying to kill myself.
41
00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:26,386
- So just a regular
Tuesday night?
42
00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:31,125
I've been informed by Jackson
43
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,960
that this wasn't
your first attempt.
44
00:06:32,994 --> 00:06:33,861
There have been others.
45
00:06:33,895 --> 00:06:34,695
- That's...
46
00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:37,265
It's not true.
47
00:06:39,734 --> 00:06:41,335
It's a lie.
48
00:06:41,369 --> 00:06:43,070
- We saw the scars on
your arms and legs.
49
00:06:46,741 --> 00:06:48,408
- Don't get me 5150.
50
00:06:50,378 --> 00:06:54,215
This will follow me for
the rest of my life.
51
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,050
- Then explain to
me what happened.
52
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:04,692
- I'm not a threat to
myself or anyone else.
53
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:05,526
I've never hurt anybody.
54
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,163
I just...
55
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:12,566
I just wanna go home
and I wanna sleep.
56
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:15,468
Wanna sleep.
57
00:07:17,405 --> 00:07:19,340
It was a mistake.
58
00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:21,441
- How do you expect
me to believe that?
59
00:07:23,244 --> 00:07:26,380
Anyone who cuts
their arms that deep
60
00:07:26,414 --> 00:07:27,949
is a threat to themselves.
61
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,091
- Yeah.
62
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:42,396
You've already
made your decision.
63
00:07:42,430 --> 00:07:44,497
So, can you get the
fuck outta my room?
64
00:08:17,999 --> 00:08:19,400
- Listen, give me one!
65
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:20,634
Give me one.
- Michael.
66
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,269
- Michael.
- Stand down!
67
00:08:22,303 --> 00:08:23,604
You watch my wife!
68
00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:29,410
- This is gonna calm
you down, Michael.
69
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:30,644
Michael, good.
70
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,828
- Everybodythinks I'm crazy.
71
00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:49,163
Just be happy.
72
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:51,899
Happiness is a choice.
73
00:08:53,234 --> 00:08:55,469
Fucking right, Ichose to be this way.
74
00:08:58,406 --> 00:09:00,274
- I t's like avirus taking over my brain.
75
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:03,878
I just want it to stop,but you're keeping me here.
76
00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:05,514
And where's the fucking cure?
77
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,051
- Well, unfortunately
there is no official cure,
78
00:09:10,084 --> 00:09:13,988
but we do have tools
that can help us,
79
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:17,625
coping skills, talking
about our feelings.
80
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,193
Help us feel better.
81
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:22,363
I think you need to share.
82
00:09:35,076 --> 00:09:37,144
Your continual refusal to eat
83
00:09:37,178 --> 00:09:39,514
is only making things
more difficult, Dean.
84
00:09:39,548 --> 00:09:41,649
So again, please,
85
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:45,586
stand and come with
us to the cafeteria.
86
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,193
- No, no, no, no.
87
00:09:52,226 --> 00:09:53,194
No, no, no!
88
00:09:54,095 --> 00:09:55,696
Get off of me!
89
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:56,597
No!
90
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,837
- I need you to get
immediately.
91
00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:08,375
- Get off, get off of me!
92
00:10:16,117 --> 00:10:17,519
- You're okay.
93
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,295
- I'vebeen on medication.
94
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,451
- Magic.
95
00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:25,019
- You should eat.
96
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:25,853
It's easier.
97
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,858
And you should probably
stop taking them pills
98
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:32,026
they're giving you.
99
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,127
You're actually gonna go insane.
100
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:38,567
You know, they get paid for
every drug they prescribe us.
101
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:45,272
Antipsychotics, barbiturates,
opioids, whatever it is,
102
00:11:45,306 --> 00:11:48,008
they're getting paid.
103
00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:51,979
That's why there's literally
a pill for everything.
104
00:11:54,649 --> 00:11:56,083
I mean, look around the room.
105
00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:02,691
Just at the numbers, you know?
106
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:06,160
Let's say they get
$15 a day per person.
107
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:09,363
Multiply that by what, 50 people
in the hospital right now.
108
00:12:11,232 --> 00:12:15,469
Many of us here for
30 days or longer.
109
00:12:15,503 --> 00:12:20,040
That's $22,500 on
medication alone.
110
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:26,681
Not to mention fucking
room, board, therapy,
111
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,416
medical procedures.
112
00:12:29,450 --> 00:12:31,519
What do you think the
force feeding runs ya?
113
00:12:33,454 --> 00:12:35,356
10K at least.
114
00:12:38,693 --> 00:12:40,327
And the second we're released,
115
00:12:40,361 --> 00:12:42,263
we're just replaced
with someone else.
116
00:12:42,296 --> 00:12:44,999
And the worst of it,
117
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:47,768
most of these patients
come here looking for help
118
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:51,706
and instead they're locked
up, stuffed full of pills,
119
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:56,511
and charged for therapy.
120
00:12:56,544 --> 00:13:00,548
Can only imagine the addictions
that follow this place.
121
00:13:00,582 --> 00:13:02,283
A fucking epidemic.
122
00:13:04,485 --> 00:13:07,354
It's a fucking joke.
123
00:13:07,388 --> 00:13:09,724
Have you seen the
commercials for these things?
124
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:14,295
Feel happy, be better.
125
00:13:14,328 --> 00:13:16,797
Love your children again.
126
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,534
May cause anal
seepage, a limp dick,
127
00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:23,404
accidentally growing dick
and flesh eating disease.
128
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:26,240
It's ridiculous.
129
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,108
It's goddamn ridiculous.
130
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:36,083
- So what exactly
is the point then?
131
00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:42,089
- There isn't one.
132
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,861
- That makes me
feel better, thanks.
133
00:13:48,797 --> 00:13:50,130
- Good, I'm glad.
134
00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:52,099
Anytime.
135
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:54,134
I'm a ray of sunshine, always.
136
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:56,805
I'm Bria.
137
00:13:59,039 --> 00:13:59,940
- Dean.
138
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:03,977
- You a cutter?
139
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:06,980
- Not a fucking cutter.
140
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:11,985
- So the wraps are a
fashion accessory then?
141
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,090
- I cut this time.
142
00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:18,125
That does not make me a...
143
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:19,561
It doesn't make me a cutter.
144
00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:23,163
- Okay, what are you then?
145
00:14:24,498 --> 00:14:25,366
- Depressed.
146
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:27,569
So they tell me.
147
00:14:31,506 --> 00:14:32,373
How about you?
148
00:14:34,509 --> 00:14:37,144
- A junkie, or so they tell me.
149
00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:41,750
- Drug of choice?
150
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:44,552
- Anything that gets me high.
151
00:14:46,387 --> 00:14:47,856
I love me some H.
152
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:56,497
- Yeah, I was always more
of an upper person myself.
153
00:14:56,531 --> 00:14:58,899
Down enough genetically, I
don't really need the help.
154
00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:06,440
So, how exactly does being
a junkie land you here?
155
00:15:12,614 --> 00:15:18,185
- Well, when you take enough
heroin to kill a horse,
156
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:20,655
they believe there might be
something else behind it.
157
00:15:20,688 --> 00:15:23,357
Also, having enough
in my possession
158
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:27,060
to get a small village high
didn't really help my case.
159
00:15:29,597 --> 00:15:31,465
- Was there something
else behind it?
160
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:42,309
I tried to kill myself.
161
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:47,181
- It's traumatic.
162
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,215
- So they tell me.
163
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:53,220
- And now?
164
00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:01,161
- Stay tuned.
165
00:16:10,939 --> 00:16:12,674
- How have you
been doing in here?
166
00:16:17,745 --> 00:16:18,646
- Cute kid.
167
00:16:27,956 --> 00:16:31,258
- Either you can talk and
eventually get out of here
168
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,994
or we can sit in
silence every session.
169
00:16:36,531 --> 00:16:37,966
But if you don't mind,
170
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,299
I'll get some
administrative work done
171
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:40,768
while I have the quiet.
172
00:16:55,517 --> 00:16:58,285
Your sister's coming
tomorrow to see the judge.
173
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,321
Wanted to let you know.
174
00:17:32,654 --> 00:17:33,855
- You're okay.
175
00:17:38,693 --> 00:17:39,894
- I'm leaving.
176
00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:44,699
I already spoke to
the judge today.
177
00:17:44,732 --> 00:17:48,036
There's nothing I can do
about the 5150 on your record,
178
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,704
but I'll do what I can.
179
00:18:02,884 --> 00:18:05,687
- I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.
180
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,220
- Oh, no, no, you were thinking.
181
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:10,558
You were just only
thinking about yourself.
182
00:18:10,592 --> 00:18:12,259
I begged you to
come live with me.
183
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:13,695
You pulled away.
184
00:18:13,728 --> 00:18:15,063
What was I supposed to do?
185
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,532
I can't do this.
186
00:18:17,565 --> 00:18:20,200
You wanna kill yourself?
187
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:21,435
I'm not gonna
stand by and watch.
188
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,006
- You don't know what it's like.
189
00:18:25,039 --> 00:18:27,575
- I've been on
Prozac for 11 years.
190
00:18:27,609 --> 00:18:29,176
I've been dealing
with this all my life.
191
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,845
It's genetic, Dean.
192
00:18:30,878 --> 00:18:34,015
I know exactly how it
feels to be depressed,
193
00:18:34,048 --> 00:18:36,684
to feel unimportant,
to be left behind.
194
00:18:36,718 --> 00:18:37,885
I was there too.
195
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:42,523
I love you.
196
00:18:42,557 --> 00:18:45,258
I hope you stick
around, I really do.
197
00:19:19,661 --> 00:19:22,295
- You know you can't be
in other patient's rooms.
198
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,196
Let's go.
199
00:19:24,532 --> 00:19:26,567
- Come on, she's
having a rough go.
200
00:19:26,601 --> 00:19:28,402
- You know the rules.
201
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:29,771
Get outta the room, Bria.
202
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,439
- Thank you.
203
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,123
- Thank you.
204
00:20:56,057 --> 00:20:57,191
- Fresh meat.
205
00:21:00,695 --> 00:21:01,562
- Yeah.
206
00:21:03,865 --> 00:21:04,732
- First time?
207
00:21:06,601 --> 00:21:08,636
- No, she has definitely
been in before.
208
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:11,239
- Cutter?
209
00:21:17,745 --> 00:21:18,613
Daddy?
210
00:21:21,916 --> 00:21:22,784
- Oh, yeah.
211
00:21:25,553 --> 00:21:26,954
No, I'm gonna say boyfriend.
212
00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:29,857
- Boyfriend.
213
00:21:29,891 --> 00:21:33,360
- Mm-hm.
214
00:21:33,393 --> 00:21:34,962
- That sounds about right.
215
00:21:39,667 --> 00:21:41,068
- Can I get a cigarette?
216
00:21:49,677 --> 00:21:53,614
- So I need a couple more
minutes for specifics,
217
00:21:56,651 --> 00:21:58,152
but I am going to...
218
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:08,495
I'm gonna say
major daddy issues.
219
00:22:08,529 --> 00:22:11,799
Sexually curious, but
only to piss daddy off.
220
00:22:13,466 --> 00:22:16,838
Ethnic, so I'm
just on my thought.
221
00:22:16,871 --> 00:22:20,007
Fuck, I'm crazy.
222
00:22:20,041 --> 00:22:23,244
Probably a chip on your
shoulder for the people.
223
00:22:23,277 --> 00:22:24,679
All in all, it's men.
224
00:22:27,315 --> 00:22:31,652
Men are your problem and they
drive you fucking bunkers.
225
00:22:31,686 --> 00:22:33,254
- Yeah.
226
00:22:33,287 --> 00:22:34,822
I mean, it's slightly racist,
227
00:22:34,856 --> 00:22:38,159
but yeah, I guess
that about sums me up.
228
00:22:38,192 --> 00:22:40,528
- Cha-ching.
229
00:22:40,561 --> 00:22:42,429
- I don't give a fuck
about my people though.
230
00:22:42,462 --> 00:22:43,430
I'm a mutt.
231
00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:44,364
They're all fucked.
232
00:22:47,902 --> 00:22:49,036
It's not men.
233
00:22:51,239 --> 00:22:54,041
- Oh, goddamn it,
that was my instinct.
234
00:22:54,075 --> 00:22:55,509
It was, and I should
have gone with it.
235
00:22:55,543 --> 00:22:56,677
I should have gone with my gut.
236
00:22:56,711 --> 00:22:58,045
Go with your gut.
237
00:22:58,079 --> 00:22:59,180
- Yeah, I sorry
to disappoint you,
238
00:22:59,213 --> 00:23:03,017
but women are my problem.
239
00:23:03,050 --> 00:23:04,185
So I'll give you that.
240
00:23:11,893 --> 00:23:13,694
What are you writing?
241
00:23:16,998 --> 00:23:17,865
- Nothing.
242
00:23:19,567 --> 00:23:20,534
- Can I see?
243
00:23:25,239 --> 00:23:27,208
- Shit, it's...
244
00:23:27,241 --> 00:23:28,276
- It's okay.
245
00:23:31,444 --> 00:23:32,647
This is what I'm doing.
246
00:23:34,749 --> 00:23:35,850
Can I just read it?
247
00:23:43,124 --> 00:23:44,025
Please?
248
00:24:01,876 --> 00:24:03,110
Are these lyrics?
249
00:24:04,378 --> 00:24:05,713
- Not very good ones.
250
00:24:06,914 --> 00:24:08,916
- Will you sing these to me?
251
00:24:08,950 --> 00:24:10,384
- Fuck you.
252
00:24:10,418 --> 00:24:11,786
- Come on.
- No.
253
00:24:11,819 --> 00:24:13,387
- Are you like a pussy?
254
00:24:13,421 --> 00:24:15,256
- Yeah, sure.
255
00:24:15,289 --> 00:24:18,526
- I mean, you're laying
in a mental institution
256
00:24:18,559 --> 00:24:21,195
involuntarily locked up
next to a crazy lesbian
257
00:24:21,228 --> 00:24:23,030
that tried to fuck up
her girlfriend's lover.
258
00:24:23,064 --> 00:24:25,266
I mean, it doesn't get
much lower than this.
259
00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:28,369
- Well, well, well.
260
00:24:28,402 --> 00:24:30,271
Like a lesbo in a candy shop.
261
00:24:30,304 --> 00:24:32,239
How the fuck did
you luck out here?
262
00:24:32,273 --> 00:24:36,544
- What do you think I am, the
beacon of truth and honesty?
263
00:24:36,577 --> 00:24:38,478
- I don't wanna be a
cliterference, bro.
264
00:24:44,118 --> 00:24:45,453
- These are really good.
265
00:24:50,858 --> 00:24:53,461
Thanks, I just
wanted to see them.
266
00:24:56,297 --> 00:24:57,832
You know, the minute you
stop doing what you love,
267
00:24:57,865 --> 00:24:58,933
you're fucked.
268
00:25:03,204 --> 00:25:05,139
- I just couldn't
take the rejection.
269
00:25:07,775 --> 00:25:12,313
- Yeah, but you don't have
to sing for anyone else.
270
00:25:12,346 --> 00:25:13,914
I work in this
Italian restaurant.
271
00:25:13,948 --> 00:25:16,851
It's like tiny.
272
00:25:16,884 --> 00:25:21,155
And the mom and Bob, they
hang my artwork on the walls
273
00:25:21,188 --> 00:25:22,623
with little price tags
274
00:25:22,656 --> 00:25:24,358
as if someone's
actually gonna buy it.
275
00:25:28,329 --> 00:25:30,631
They think that it's special.
276
00:25:30,664 --> 00:25:31,565
And so I paint.
277
00:25:33,167 --> 00:25:34,735
It's all the motivation I need.
278
00:25:36,404 --> 00:25:38,339
You don't have to
be a famous singer.
279
00:25:39,974 --> 00:25:41,809
If you love to sing,
you gotta sing.
280
00:27:29,950 --> 00:27:30,784
- Open.
281
00:27:32,319 --> 00:27:34,488
- Not fucking close.
282
00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:54,742
- Code blue!
283
00:27:54,775 --> 00:27:56,377
Do we have a pulse?
284
00:27:58,045 --> 00:28:00,014
There's no pulse!
285
00:28:00,047 --> 00:28:01,650
Can we untie the sheet?
286
00:28:01,682 --> 00:28:02,651
Come on.
287
00:28:05,352 --> 00:28:08,756
Someone get something
to cut the sheet!
288
00:28:08,789 --> 00:28:12,193
Somebody get something we
can cut the sheet with!
289
00:28:12,226 --> 00:28:14,629
- Oh god, fucking.
290
00:28:38,052 --> 00:28:38,919
- Breathe.
291
00:28:42,591 --> 00:28:44,325
- Who thefuck let him have it
292
00:28:44,358 --> 00:28:46,460
and why was healone in his room?
293
00:28:47,928 --> 00:28:49,830
- There you go, breathe.
294
00:28:49,863 --> 00:28:52,366
- Go on, Taryn, get
back to your room.
295
00:28:57,104 --> 00:28:59,541
What is going on in here?
296
00:28:59,574 --> 00:29:01,308
- I brought her in here.
297
00:29:01,342 --> 00:29:02,544
I didn't think it was
good for her to see that.
298
00:29:07,549 --> 00:29:08,916
- Yeah.
299
00:29:20,794 --> 00:29:22,564
- Just keep breathing.
300
00:29:22,597 --> 00:29:24,064
Just keep breathing.
301
00:29:32,306 --> 00:29:34,875
- Did you know Carter?
302
00:29:43,384 --> 00:29:46,721
- Janet, I'm ready to
get the fuck outta here.
303
00:29:49,456 --> 00:29:53,595
- What would be your plan
if you were released?
304
00:29:53,628 --> 00:29:55,630
- I have to find out
where all my shit is.
305
00:29:59,333 --> 00:30:00,401
And a place.
306
00:30:04,471 --> 00:30:10,944
My sister's making me take
control of my trust again.
307
00:30:10,978 --> 00:30:12,479
It's just so she doesn't
have to talk to me.
308
00:30:12,514 --> 00:30:14,982
- Give her time.
309
00:30:15,015 --> 00:30:17,151
People can take these
things very personally.
310
00:30:20,354 --> 00:30:22,256
She believes you're
ready to get out.
311
00:30:28,128 --> 00:30:29,196
- That's surprising.
312
00:30:30,598 --> 00:30:31,633
- What do you think?
313
00:30:37,104 --> 00:30:37,971
- I agree.
314
00:30:43,143 --> 00:30:45,179
- Why do you think I
should release you?
315
00:30:55,790 --> 00:31:01,663
- I don't know, because
you can keep me in here
316
00:31:01,696 --> 00:31:05,299
as long as you want to.
317
00:31:05,332 --> 00:31:09,870
But it's something
that I really wanna do.
318
00:31:11,673 --> 00:31:13,842
I'm gonna figure out a way.
319
00:31:13,874 --> 00:31:15,142
You can't protect me.
320
00:31:17,344 --> 00:31:18,212
Look at Carter.
321
00:31:23,250 --> 00:31:25,553
I have some shit that
I have to work through,
322
00:31:30,023 --> 00:31:35,062
but I don't wanna see
stuff like this anymore.
323
00:31:39,834 --> 00:31:41,503
I can pretend that it
didn't fuck with me
324
00:31:41,536 --> 00:31:45,939
seeing him that way, but it did.
325
00:31:48,041 --> 00:31:52,112
I don't want nurses
always watching me.
326
00:31:54,549 --> 00:31:57,084
You know, I don't belong here.
327
00:32:01,088 --> 00:32:02,557
I'm not crazy.
328
00:32:04,893 --> 00:32:06,059
Just sad.
329
00:32:08,362 --> 00:32:09,864
- What happens the next time?
330
00:32:13,300 --> 00:32:14,769
- I don't wanna die.
331
00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:23,645
I just don't want the
life I have sometimes.
332
00:32:25,580 --> 00:32:28,482
It's hard carrying that much
baggage around all the time,
333
00:32:30,250 --> 00:32:31,385
but I wanna learn.
334
00:32:35,489 --> 00:32:38,927
And I think that's
the first step.
335
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,269
- I'll start the wheels of
motion for your release.
336
00:32:52,674 --> 00:32:53,575
- Thank you.
337
00:32:57,110 --> 00:32:58,613
- Don't make me regret this.
338
00:33:09,990 --> 00:33:11,793
- You scared the shit outta me.
339
00:33:25,038 --> 00:33:26,841
- I'm gonna miss you.
340
00:33:28,510 --> 00:33:29,978
- Gonna miss you.
341
00:33:41,154 --> 00:33:42,690
- You have no idea
how amazing it feels
342
00:33:42,724 --> 00:33:45,860
to have someone like
you in my life again.
343
00:33:45,894 --> 00:33:48,796
Because I haven't had it for
a really, really long time.
344
00:33:51,633 --> 00:33:52,667
- Me either.
345
00:33:58,506 --> 00:33:59,641
- And it's terrifying.
346
00:34:08,516 --> 00:34:09,584
I can't lose you too.
347
00:34:12,419 --> 00:34:14,556
- I'm not going anywhere.
348
00:34:25,833 --> 00:34:27,234
- My parents...
349
00:34:32,339 --> 00:34:33,575
They were all I had.
350
00:34:36,376 --> 00:34:38,345
And then one day,
they were just gone.
351
00:34:41,583 --> 00:34:46,621
And nobody cared if
I was alive or dead.
352
00:34:53,962 --> 00:34:56,363
And shitty people get
to live every day.
353
00:35:00,802 --> 00:35:03,270
But my parents are gone
354
00:35:03,303 --> 00:35:06,040
because some girl had to
answer a text message.
355
00:35:06,074 --> 00:35:11,111
And I wondered every
day what it said,
356
00:35:12,647 --> 00:35:15,049
what words and in what order
357
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,057
took a priority in the universe.
358
00:35:26,661 --> 00:35:29,429
What was that important?
359
00:35:29,463 --> 00:35:31,666
Because it ruined my life.
360
00:35:46,413 --> 00:35:47,849
- They loved you.
361
00:35:49,651 --> 00:35:52,020
They didn't wanna leave you.
362
00:35:53,353 --> 00:35:55,089
Must be amazing knowing
363
00:35:55,123 --> 00:35:59,527
that they would still be
here with you if they could.
364
00:36:06,868 --> 00:36:09,804
You are so incredibly loved.
365
00:38:10,124 --> 00:38:12,359
- Hey,this is Bennett.
366
00:38:12,392 --> 00:38:13,561
Please leave a message.
367
00:38:13,594 --> 00:38:15,563
I will get back to you.
368
00:38:58,005 --> 00:38:59,372
- Hi!
369
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:00,575
- Bitch,where have you been?
370
00:39:00,608 --> 00:39:01,909
I've been calling you.
371
00:39:01,943 --> 00:39:03,811
- I miss you.
372
00:39:08,516 --> 00:39:09,650
Yeah.
373
00:39:09,684 --> 00:39:10,751
No, no, no, I just woke up.
374
00:39:10,785 --> 00:39:12,286
I'm sorry.
375
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:13,821
- Are you sure?
376
00:39:13,855 --> 00:39:16,090
- Oh, what's been happening?
377
00:39:16,123 --> 00:39:17,692
- Wait forlike two seconds
378
00:39:22,296 --> 00:39:23,831
- Crazy bitch.
379
00:39:23,865 --> 00:39:25,032
- No, I'm serious.
380
00:39:28,803 --> 00:39:30,204
- Oh my god!
381
00:39:30,238 --> 00:39:31,339
Hey, Bennett's
finally calling me.
382
00:39:31,371 --> 00:39:33,107
Can I call you right back?
383
00:39:33,140 --> 00:39:34,609
- You bettercall me the fuck back.
384
00:39:34,642 --> 00:39:36,344
- No, I promise I'll
call you right back.
385
00:39:36,376 --> 00:39:37,511
- Hoe, call me back!
386
00:39:37,545 --> 00:39:39,013
I love you, bye.
387
00:39:39,046 --> 00:39:39,914
- Bye!
388
00:40:49,750 --> 00:40:51,585
- Hey.
389
00:40:51,619 --> 00:40:54,956
I already got you started in
the corner with some guys.
390
00:40:54,989 --> 00:40:58,392
They're a little bit douchey,
so put on a brave face.
391
00:40:58,426 --> 00:40:59,894
- Fucking great.
392
00:41:21,983 --> 00:41:24,185
Hey guys, can I get
you something to drink?
393
00:41:25,987 --> 00:41:26,854
- Look at you.
394
00:41:28,422 --> 00:41:30,490
You're fucking gorgeous.
395
00:41:31,491 --> 00:41:33,427
Sam, look at these lips.
396
00:41:33,461 --> 00:41:36,097
Have you ever seen
lips this beautiful?
397
00:41:36,130 --> 00:41:39,300
I'm Ray and I'd
love a jack and coke
398
00:41:39,333 --> 00:41:41,002
and to see you on
those pretty knees
399
00:41:41,035 --> 00:41:43,304
by the end of the night.
400
00:41:43,337 --> 00:41:44,839
- So funny.
401
00:41:50,111 --> 00:41:51,345
- Calm down, sit down!
402
00:41:53,781 --> 00:41:55,683
- You okay?
403
00:41:55,716 --> 00:41:56,617
- Yeah.
- You're fine.
404
00:41:56,650 --> 00:41:57,818
You're not dead.
405
00:41:57,852 --> 00:41:59,653
- Okay.
- Dean, come with me.
406
00:42:06,027 --> 00:42:10,331
- If it makes you feel any
better, guy totally deserved it.
407
00:42:17,471 --> 00:42:18,339
Lose your job?
408
00:42:22,143 --> 00:42:23,044
Sorry.
409
00:42:33,921 --> 00:42:34,822
Trenton.
410
00:42:39,060 --> 00:42:39,927
- Dean.
411
00:42:44,098 --> 00:42:45,266
So where'd she go?
412
00:42:49,170 --> 00:42:50,738
- It wasn't really working out.
413
00:42:53,007 --> 00:42:55,076
- Is that before or
after you punched a guy
414
00:42:55,109 --> 00:42:57,745
for another girl?
415
00:42:57,778 --> 00:43:00,347
- I figured this way, we'd
both go down for assault.
416
00:43:00,381 --> 00:43:02,283
Then I'd definitely
get to see you again.
417
00:43:08,923 --> 00:43:11,192
You wanna go get drunk?
418
00:43:11,225 --> 00:43:13,260
- How long have you been here?
419
00:43:13,294 --> 00:43:14,862
- About three years now.รบ
420
00:43:14,895 --> 00:43:16,030
- Mm.
- Cheers.
421
00:43:16,063 --> 00:43:16,931
- Cheers.
422
00:43:22,403 --> 00:43:24,438
Okay, what brought you here?
423
00:43:24,472 --> 00:43:25,739
- I came from music.
424
00:43:27,274 --> 00:43:30,411
I had to get the
fuck out of that.
425
00:43:30,444 --> 00:43:33,280
- Yeah, is that 'cause
Brooklyn was so bad.
426
00:43:33,314 --> 00:43:35,316
- Just lost some of its pizazz.
427
00:43:37,651 --> 00:43:39,386
Yeah, where are you from?
428
00:43:40,821 --> 00:43:42,256
- Nashville.
429
00:43:42,289 --> 00:43:44,458
- I've always
wanted to go there.
430
00:43:44,492 --> 00:43:47,529
- That's funny, I've
always wanted to leave.
431
00:43:47,562 --> 00:43:48,829
- Mm.
432
00:43:50,131 --> 00:43:51,732
Care to elaborate?
433
00:43:54,768 --> 00:43:57,638
- Too many shitty memories.
434
00:43:59,106 --> 00:44:01,075
- Yeah,see, lost its pizazz.
435
00:44:01,108 --> 00:44:02,977
- Mm.
436
00:44:03,010 --> 00:44:06,814
- Yeah, every street corner
reminded me of something I lost.
437
00:44:06,847 --> 00:44:08,149
- And what'd you lose?
438
00:44:08,182 --> 00:44:09,083
- Everything.
439
00:44:10,317 --> 00:44:11,785
Dad, my grandparents.
440
00:44:13,921 --> 00:44:15,089
- Look at that.
441
00:44:15,122 --> 00:44:16,558
- Yeah.
442
00:44:16,591 --> 00:44:19,293
- So, any other family?
443
00:44:19,326 --> 00:44:20,694
- None that I speak to, no.
444
00:44:22,930 --> 00:44:23,831
You?
445
00:44:23,864 --> 00:44:26,800
- I have a sister.
446
00:44:26,834 --> 00:44:30,505
She lives in San Francisco,
but we don't talk much.
447
00:44:32,806 --> 00:44:34,775
- That's bizarre.
448
00:44:34,808 --> 00:44:35,976
Family that I don't speak to
449
00:44:36,010 --> 00:44:38,812
lives right outside the city.
450
00:44:38,846 --> 00:44:39,713
Walnut Creek.
451
00:44:40,714 --> 00:44:42,416
- Intriguing.
452
00:44:42,449 --> 00:44:43,450
- I'd say.
453
00:44:44,785 --> 00:44:47,821
- So, music, hmm?
454
00:44:47,855 --> 00:44:48,756
- Music.
455
00:44:49,023 --> 00:44:50,491
- Producing what?
456
00:44:50,525 --> 00:44:52,594
- Yeah, a little
bit of everything.
457
00:44:52,627 --> 00:44:55,530
Right now, I do music
for the motion pictures.
458
00:44:57,031 --> 00:44:58,499
- Is it your own music?
459
00:44:58,533 --> 00:45:00,367
- Not really.
460
00:45:00,401 --> 00:45:03,137
I'm more of a music supervisor,
so I get to take any bands
461
00:45:03,170 --> 00:45:06,440
or songs that nobody's ever
heard of and give 'em exposure.
462
00:45:06,473 --> 00:45:09,143
Kinda my way of making other
people's dreams come true.
463
00:45:10,844 --> 00:45:12,846
I'm paying it forward.
464
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:15,049
- And why don't you
use your own music?
465
00:45:16,651 --> 00:45:19,887
- Because it's not ready yet.
466
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:23,324
But I will one day.
467
00:45:25,226 --> 00:45:26,994
What's your thing, Nashville?
468
00:45:27,027 --> 00:45:28,028
What's your deal?
469
00:45:28,062 --> 00:45:28,829
What's your thing?
470
00:45:29,598 --> 00:45:31,666
- I don't have a thing.
471
00:45:31,700 --> 00:45:33,234
- Really, nothing?
472
00:45:37,505 --> 00:45:38,739
- I like music.
473
00:45:40,107 --> 00:45:42,577
I used to sing a little bit.
474
00:45:42,611 --> 00:45:45,079
I used to do a lot of things.
475
00:45:45,112 --> 00:45:48,048
- Well, that's perfect
'cause I'll play you my stuff
476
00:45:48,082 --> 00:45:49,350
when you play me yours.
477
00:45:51,553 --> 00:45:53,420
- That's never going to happen.
478
00:45:53,454 --> 00:45:55,889
- Yeah,we'll see about that.
479
00:45:55,923 --> 00:45:58,826
- Don't you hold your breath.
480
00:45:58,859 --> 00:45:59,893
- Okay.
481
00:46:18,112 --> 00:46:20,347
- Dream place to go?
482
00:46:20,381 --> 00:46:21,248
- Italy.
483
00:46:22,550 --> 00:46:23,884
- Birthday?
484
00:46:23,917 --> 00:46:25,085
- October 28th.
485
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:28,590
- Shut the fuck up.
486
00:46:28,623 --> 00:46:30,391
- What?
- Wait, 10/28?
487
00:46:30,424 --> 00:46:31,693
- Yeah, that would
be October 28th.
488
00:46:31,726 --> 00:46:33,427
- That would be.
489
00:46:33,460 --> 00:46:36,631
Creepy, I have a huge
connection to that number.
490
00:46:36,665 --> 00:46:38,065
- What's the connection?
491
00:46:38,098 --> 00:46:39,433
- It's the name of this song
492
00:46:39,466 --> 00:46:42,269
that I've always
wanted to finish.
493
00:46:42,303 --> 00:46:46,541
- I don't get it, the
song's name is 10/28?
494
00:46:46,574 --> 00:46:48,576
- Well, it's never officially
been named, you know,
495
00:46:48,610 --> 00:46:52,146
that must have been the
date that I created it.
496
00:46:52,179 --> 00:46:53,314
But I never finished
it, so yeah,
497
00:46:53,347 --> 00:46:55,949
it's still 10/28 in my computer.
498
00:46:57,117 --> 00:46:58,085
- What's it about?
499
00:46:59,186 --> 00:47:00,921
- I don't really know.
500
00:47:03,290 --> 00:47:07,928
I saw this girl in this coffee
shop and she just looked sad.
501
00:47:09,163 --> 00:47:11,666
She was so stunning.
502
00:47:11,700 --> 00:47:13,434
But when I was
watching her, you know,
503
00:47:13,467 --> 00:47:16,470
people would go up and talk
to her and she'd smile.
504
00:47:16,504 --> 00:47:19,139
As soon as they walked
away, she'd just drop it.
505
00:47:20,174 --> 00:47:22,910
It was painful, forced.
506
00:47:22,943 --> 00:47:26,614
And she just looked so sad.
507
00:47:28,783 --> 00:47:32,152
And then I heard this beat in
my head and a couple phrases
508
00:47:32,186 --> 00:47:36,190
and I went home and
I created it for her.
509
00:47:36,223 --> 00:47:38,660
But just never found
inspiration to finish it.
510
00:47:41,195 --> 00:47:43,531
- Maybe that's all it
was ever supposed to be.
511
00:47:45,667 --> 00:47:49,804
- Maybe, but there's
only like eight lyrics.
512
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:52,973
- Maybe that's enough.
513
00:47:56,343 --> 00:47:57,211
- Maybe.
514
00:47:58,379 --> 00:47:59,681
- Can we go listen to it?
515
00:48:01,516 --> 00:48:03,016
- Like right now?
- Yeah, like now.
516
00:48:03,050 --> 00:48:04,519
I wanna hear it.
517
00:48:50,097 --> 00:48:51,398
- It's perfect.
518
00:48:53,100 --> 00:48:56,604
It is just like that.
519
00:48:56,638 --> 00:48:59,006
You can't change anything
about it, not even the name.
520
00:48:59,039 --> 00:49:00,407
- Yeah?
521
00:49:00,441 --> 00:49:01,308
- Promise?
522
00:49:02,976 --> 00:49:04,445
- Yeah, I promise.
523
00:49:08,215 --> 00:49:10,585
- It's really fucking good.
524
00:49:10,618 --> 00:49:11,719
- Thank you.
525
00:49:16,156 --> 00:49:18,091
- Is this your grandma?
526
00:49:18,125 --> 00:49:19,226
- Yeah.
527
00:49:19,259 --> 00:49:20,795
Yeah, that's my babushka.
528
00:49:20,829 --> 00:49:23,096
She was basically my mom.
529
00:49:23,130 --> 00:49:24,632
She raised me.
530
00:49:28,502 --> 00:49:30,738
- What happened
with your parents?
531
00:49:30,772 --> 00:49:35,242
I know that you said
that your dad passed.
532
00:49:35,275 --> 00:49:36,276
- Yeah, yeah.
533
00:49:36,310 --> 00:49:38,278
My old man, he's gone.
534
00:49:38,312 --> 00:49:41,916
My mom, she's around.
535
00:49:43,585 --> 00:49:44,586
- Walnut Creek.
536
00:49:46,353 --> 00:49:49,356
- Yeah, yeah.
537
00:49:50,224 --> 00:49:52,493
- Noted.
538
00:49:52,527 --> 00:49:54,495
- But my baba, she
was everything to me.
539
00:49:54,529 --> 00:50:01,235
I mean, she was my friend, my
parent, my mentor, my teacher.
540
00:50:01,268 --> 00:50:03,771
She was more like a tutor
and did my homework for me.
541
00:50:06,340 --> 00:50:07,474
- She was beautiful.
542
00:50:09,544 --> 00:50:12,346
I can see how much
she loves you.
543
00:50:14,649 --> 00:50:16,651
- She was amazing.
544
00:50:42,075 --> 00:50:43,210
- Wait, wait.
545
00:50:44,478 --> 00:50:46,313
Wait a second, wait.
546
00:50:46,346 --> 00:50:48,816
I just don't know that we
should go all the way right now,
547
00:50:48,850 --> 00:50:50,018
if we should do that.
548
00:50:50,050 --> 00:50:51,619
- Go all the way?
- Yeah.
549
00:50:51,653 --> 00:50:53,453
- Is this middle school?
550
00:50:53,487 --> 00:50:57,157
- No, no, just I really like you
551
00:50:57,190 --> 00:51:01,495
and I don't want to fuck
it up by going all the way.
552
00:51:03,430 --> 00:51:06,066
I just think that...
553
00:51:06,099 --> 00:51:08,368
I think maybe we should
just, you know...
554
00:51:08,402 --> 00:51:09,904
- Hold hands, go steady?
555
00:51:09,938 --> 00:51:12,172
- Yeah, talk and I could, sure.
556
00:51:12,205 --> 00:51:18,680
I could hold you or we could
just make out or whatever.
557
00:51:18,713 --> 00:51:21,049
I just don't wanna
fuck it up, you know?
558
00:51:23,518 --> 00:51:24,384
- Yeah.
559
00:51:24,418 --> 00:51:26,888
- Is that okay?
560
00:51:26,921 --> 00:51:28,022
It's not that I...
561
00:51:28,056 --> 00:51:29,524
- Oh, shut up.
562
00:51:29,557 --> 00:51:31,626
Please don't make
me feel any worse.
563
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:35,395
What is all of this?
564
00:51:37,532 --> 00:51:43,236
- They're just thoughts,
ideas, some songs.
565
00:51:43,270 --> 00:51:45,006
One's 10/28.
566
00:51:45,039 --> 00:51:46,674
- Well, you can
cross that one off.
567
00:51:46,708 --> 00:51:48,375
- Well, yeah, I
could, but you know,
568
00:51:48,408 --> 00:51:51,579
I might leave it up now
just to remind me of you.
569
00:51:53,146 --> 00:51:55,617
You know, a little memento.
570
00:51:55,650 --> 00:51:57,051
- I can help you with that.
571
00:51:57,085 --> 00:51:58,052
- Yeah, what you got?
572
00:51:58,086 --> 00:51:59,219
Let's see it.
573
00:52:00,454 --> 00:52:02,890
- I am quite the artist.
574
00:52:02,924 --> 00:52:04,424
- Okay.
- If I do say so myself.
575
00:52:04,458 --> 00:52:06,861
- I'm excited.
576
00:52:06,894 --> 00:52:08,462
- We gotta get the hair.
577
00:52:10,230 --> 00:52:11,933
A little heart action.
578
00:52:13,835 --> 00:52:15,570
- So what is that, exactly?
579
00:52:16,403 --> 00:52:17,805
- What?
580
00:52:17,839 --> 00:52:19,373
- I can't...
581
00:52:19,406 --> 00:52:21,141
- It's us.
- Oh, shit.
582
00:52:21,174 --> 00:52:22,777
- That's super insulting.
583
00:52:22,810 --> 00:52:23,945
- Yeah, no, no, I see it.
584
00:52:23,978 --> 00:52:25,046
- Wait, wait, hold on, hold on.
585
00:52:25,079 --> 00:52:26,213
No, no.
586
00:52:26,246 --> 00:52:29,951
It's a little tiny, uh yeah.
587
00:52:29,984 --> 00:52:31,151
- Now I see it.
588
00:52:31,184 --> 00:52:32,620
- Yeah.
- I get it, yeah.
589
00:52:32,654 --> 00:52:33,988
The proportions...
590
00:52:34,022 --> 00:52:35,222
- Seem accurate.
591
00:52:35,255 --> 00:52:36,323
Believe me, I felt down there.
592
00:52:36,356 --> 00:52:38,126
- Yeah, okay.
- Yeah.
593
00:52:38,158 --> 00:52:39,093
Little peepee.
594
00:52:39,127 --> 00:52:40,628
- The small penis.
595
00:52:40,662 --> 00:52:41,629
And we're holding
hands, it's just like...
596
00:52:41,663 --> 00:52:44,098
- Yeah, it's identical.
597
00:52:44,132 --> 00:52:45,465
- Yeah, totally.
598
00:52:45,499 --> 00:52:47,969
Oh, you are an artist.
599
00:52:48,002 --> 00:52:49,169
Thank you for the drawing.
600
00:52:54,642 --> 00:52:57,578
Is that really what you
think my thing looks like?
601
00:52:57,612 --> 00:53:00,915
- Mr. let's just talk
and I have a tiny penis.
602
00:53:00,948 --> 00:53:01,883
- Oh, shit.
603
00:53:30,645 --> 00:53:31,679
- I'm sorry.
604
00:53:40,387 --> 00:53:41,856
I'm really sorry.
605
00:53:45,693 --> 00:53:47,227
I'm sorry.
606
00:53:47,260 --> 00:53:48,162
- No.
607
00:53:50,531 --> 00:53:52,734
- Okay, it's been
really fucking tough.
608
00:53:55,036 --> 00:53:56,571
If you could just cut
me slack this one time.
609
00:53:56,604 --> 00:53:59,439
I'd really fucking
appreciate it.
610
00:54:02,375 --> 00:54:03,511
I really am sorry.
611
00:54:13,888 --> 00:54:15,388
Sorry.
612
00:54:15,422 --> 00:54:16,289
- What happened?
613
00:54:20,061 --> 00:54:21,763
- I lost my job for starters.
614
00:54:25,900 --> 00:54:28,169
- Fuck them.
615
00:54:28,202 --> 00:54:29,971
You've got money,
you don't need work.
616
00:54:31,471 --> 00:54:33,207
- Yeah.
617
00:54:33,241 --> 00:54:35,275
Yeah, you're right.
618
00:54:35,308 --> 00:54:38,212
It's exactly what I need.
619
00:54:38,246 --> 00:54:42,016
Just a lot of free time and
just me and my thoughts.
620
00:54:42,049 --> 00:54:45,686
You know, it's a great
idea, I like that.
621
00:54:45,720 --> 00:54:47,522
- I didn't really think that
one all the way through.
622
00:54:47,555 --> 00:54:48,823
- Yeah, I don't think so.
623
00:54:51,458 --> 00:54:53,094
- Have you talked
to your sister?
624
00:54:54,262 --> 00:54:55,263
- She won't answer.
625
00:55:02,670 --> 00:55:04,939
- I thought she called
you back the other day.
626
00:55:17,652 --> 00:55:19,486
You should write to her.
627
00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:21,589
That way, you know, you get
to say what you wanna say.
628
00:55:28,963 --> 00:55:32,567
- Yeah, I don't really
know what to say.
629
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:33,868
- Yeah, you fucking do.
630
00:55:38,371 --> 00:55:43,443
- Yeah, I guess I do.
631
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:53,521
- Stop.
632
00:56:05,666 --> 00:56:09,770
- Oh, fuck.
633
00:57:32,053 --> 00:57:33,688
- I'd never leaveyou.
634
00:57:33,721 --> 00:57:35,222
- If youwanna kill yourself,
635
00:57:35,256 --> 00:57:36,891
I'm not gonnastand by and watch.
636
00:57:39,126 --> 00:57:41,862
- No, no, no, no, no.
637
00:58:51,966 --> 00:58:54,201
- So what's something
you've always wanted to do?
638
00:58:57,171 --> 00:59:00,741
- Travel, it's a big one for me.
639
00:59:03,077 --> 00:59:04,545
- Where do you want to go?
640
00:59:05,713 --> 00:59:06,547
- Everywhere.
641
00:59:08,149 --> 00:59:09,183
Never been anywhere.
642
00:59:14,355 --> 00:59:15,222
What are you doing?
643
00:59:15,256 --> 00:59:16,657
- Up, let's go.
644
00:59:16,690 --> 00:59:17,591
- What?
645
00:59:17,625 --> 00:59:18,626
- Come on.
646
00:59:18,659 --> 00:59:20,061
- Where are we going?
647
00:59:20,094 --> 00:59:21,695
- Going on an adventure
to everywhere.
648
01:00:12,613 --> 01:00:15,249
Always wondering what's going
on in that head of yours.
649
01:00:16,917 --> 01:00:20,387
- You really wanna know
what I was thinking?
650
01:00:20,421 --> 01:00:21,556
- Yeah, I do.
651
01:00:23,791 --> 01:00:24,925
- It's scary.
652
01:00:26,393 --> 01:00:28,696
I like you as much
as I do right now
653
01:00:28,729 --> 01:00:31,398
because there is a chance
you won't like me back.
654
01:00:32,967 --> 01:00:35,369
- Yeah, well,I've been in love with you
655
01:00:35,402 --> 01:00:36,804
since the moment I saw you.
656
01:00:38,005 --> 01:00:39,574
- You don't know me.
657
01:00:41,442 --> 01:00:42,810
I'm not easy to be with.
658
01:00:44,345 --> 01:00:47,982
I am moody and mean.
659
01:00:50,519 --> 01:00:55,590
And I have gotten so, sogood at fucking things up.
660
01:00:57,258 --> 01:00:59,293
- Well, you don't
know me either.
661
01:00:59,326 --> 01:01:00,828
I'm a resilient motherfucker.
662
01:01:05,099 --> 01:01:07,468
Hey, let's play a game.
663
01:01:07,501 --> 01:01:09,638
Now, it's called
the honesty game.
664
01:01:09,670 --> 01:01:13,908
And we've gotta tell each
other the most fucked up,
665
01:01:13,941 --> 01:01:16,744
shameful things that we've
ever done in our lives.
666
01:01:16,777 --> 01:01:17,978
You know, shit
that we'd normally
667
01:01:18,012 --> 01:01:19,246
try to hide from each other.
668
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:20,515
- I'm good actually, I think.
669
01:01:20,549 --> 01:01:21,616
- Oh, come on, hear me out.
670
01:01:21,650 --> 01:01:24,151
It's fun!
671
01:01:24,185 --> 01:01:26,687
Look, look, we just cut
through the bullshit, right?
672
01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:31,792
And if we're still standing
at the end, give this a try.
673
01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:35,129
I mean, like a real fucking try.
674
01:01:38,966 --> 01:01:40,535
- Proceed.
675
01:01:40,569 --> 01:01:41,468
- Merci.
676
01:01:45,873 --> 01:01:46,807
What happened to your parents?
677
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:47,975
- That's so funny.
678
01:01:48,008 --> 01:01:49,343
I was actually just thinking
679
01:01:49,376 --> 01:01:50,545
that you should
probably go first
680
01:01:50,579 --> 01:01:51,712
'cause it's your fucking game.
681
01:01:51,745 --> 01:01:52,846
- Ooh, touche.
682
01:01:55,650 --> 01:02:01,355
- Why don't you
speak to your mother?
683
01:02:01,388 --> 01:02:03,057
- Oof, good one.
684
01:02:05,726 --> 01:02:09,363
So my parents, they were
married happily for 19 years.
685
01:02:11,065 --> 01:02:14,902
And then when I was 11,
my dad got lung cancer.
686
01:02:14,935 --> 01:02:15,836
He died.
687
01:02:21,909 --> 01:02:24,378
My mom kind of got
lost after that.
688
01:02:24,411 --> 01:02:26,914
She was just sad all the time.
689
01:02:26,947 --> 01:02:30,719
And then she met Dan.
690
01:02:30,751 --> 01:02:35,155
Dan called himself Dan
the motherfucking man.
691
01:02:35,189 --> 01:02:37,057
There wasn't a lot of
things that Dan liked.
692
01:02:37,091 --> 01:02:42,396
He didn't like kids, but
he did like hitting women.
693
01:02:42,429 --> 01:02:46,668
When I started to stand up to
him, that's when they left.
694
01:02:46,701 --> 01:02:49,738
And I moved in with my grandma.
695
01:02:49,770 --> 01:02:53,407
So my mom literally
chose abuse over me.
696
01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:56,544
Now she's trying
to reach out again
697
01:02:56,578 --> 01:02:59,614
and I've got nothing
to say to her,
698
01:02:59,648 --> 01:03:03,917
so I lost both my parents
the day my dad died.
699
01:03:07,656 --> 01:03:08,489
- Sorry.
700
01:03:09,923 --> 01:03:10,791
- It's okay.
701
01:03:20,267 --> 01:03:21,670
- Both my parents are dead.
702
01:03:24,972 --> 01:03:27,676
Mom died of a heroin
overdose when I was five.
703
01:03:30,745 --> 01:03:33,080
I don't know if it was
intentional or not.
704
01:03:33,113 --> 01:03:35,049
My dad did.
705
01:03:35,082 --> 01:03:39,320
But apparently he didn't think
that was useful information
706
01:03:39,353 --> 01:03:44,024
to tell me before he took
his own life 10 years ago.
707
01:03:47,294 --> 01:03:50,230
- Is that whatyou were afraid to tell me?
708
01:03:50,264 --> 01:03:53,967
- No, I said I'm just like him.
709
01:03:57,004 --> 01:03:58,640
- So you tried to kill yourself?
710
01:03:59,641 --> 01:04:00,508
- Yep.
711
01:04:02,109 --> 01:04:02,976
- Why?
712
01:04:06,614 --> 01:04:07,481
- I don't know.
713
01:04:12,219 --> 01:04:15,989
I was going through a breakup
with my ex that was messy,
714
01:04:19,159 --> 01:04:20,662
but I had wanted to do it
715
01:04:20,695 --> 01:04:22,630
for a really long
time before that.
716
01:04:24,231 --> 01:04:27,368
- Why do you think
you were so unhappy?
717
01:04:34,676 --> 01:04:40,981
- I used to say it was
because I'm an artist.
718
01:04:41,014 --> 01:04:45,352
I had to stay in these deep
dark places to create my art,
719
01:04:47,488 --> 01:04:50,224
but I don't make art anymore.
720
01:04:50,257 --> 01:04:54,995
So I think that might've
been bullshit too.
721
01:04:58,065 --> 01:05:00,835
Maybe it really does just
come down to my mom and dad.
722
01:05:03,571 --> 01:05:05,774
Finding my dad that
way didn't help.
723
01:05:08,777 --> 01:05:09,878
- You found your dad?
724
01:05:13,615 --> 01:05:14,749
- Shotgun to the head.
725
01:05:17,918 --> 01:05:22,757
I was right upstairs,
so he knew I'd find him.
726
01:05:26,226 --> 01:05:28,395
I was barefoot when
I came running in.
727
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:34,101
I'll never forget that
feeling under my feet.
728
01:05:39,607 --> 01:05:43,076
- Wow, I'm really sorry, Dean.
729
01:05:47,816 --> 01:05:52,887
- It's funny, it's like once
it's a thought in your head,
730
01:05:55,389 --> 01:05:56,457
it's always there.
731
01:05:58,325 --> 01:06:02,396
Like an alcoholic is
always gonna want a drink.
732
01:06:04,766 --> 01:06:06,534
And a girl with bulimia
is always gonna think
733
01:06:06,568 --> 01:06:09,269
about running off to the
bathroom after a steak dinner.
734
01:06:13,140 --> 01:06:18,646
But with sadness, it just
has its way of creeping in,
735
01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:20,481
even over the smallest things.
736
01:06:22,584 --> 01:06:25,152
Bad day, kill yourself.
737
01:06:27,154 --> 01:06:30,825
Heartbroken, kill yourself.
738
01:06:32,760 --> 01:06:35,262
Parking ticket, kill yourself.
739
01:06:39,801 --> 01:06:40,668
- Fuck.
740
01:06:42,269 --> 01:06:45,507
I have so many parking tickets.
741
01:06:51,846 --> 01:06:56,183
Did they hold you in
the hospital after?
742
01:06:58,485 --> 01:07:00,822
- Yeah.
743
01:07:00,855 --> 01:07:03,290
Life's definitely been
interesting ever since.
744
01:07:03,323 --> 01:07:09,631
I'll give it that,
but to be honest,
745
01:07:09,664 --> 01:07:13,033
I'm still pretty
fucking embarrassed.
746
01:07:18,071 --> 01:07:20,340
Like when you fail,
747
01:07:23,176 --> 01:07:25,980
you have to look the people
on the face that you hurt.
748
01:07:30,217 --> 01:07:31,719
And I don't know what to say.
749
01:07:34,354 --> 01:07:38,325
- I think you just gotta
tell 'em straight up
750
01:07:39,994 --> 01:07:41,094
like you just told me.
751
01:07:43,063 --> 01:07:46,500
It's nothing to be
embarrassed about.
752
01:07:46,534 --> 01:07:50,605
Some people just feel
more deeply than others.
753
01:07:54,909 --> 01:07:55,777
- Did I win?
754
01:07:58,111 --> 01:08:00,213
- Yeah, that one
point from two point.
755
01:08:00,247 --> 01:08:01,683
Yeah, you won the game.
756
01:08:01,716 --> 01:08:04,084
Yeah, congratulations champ.
757
01:08:07,055 --> 01:08:07,922
Yeah.
758
01:08:18,633 --> 01:08:21,736
This is why I wanted that
night to be different.
759
01:08:21,769 --> 01:08:24,171
I'm sure that's what a
lot of guys want from you,
760
01:08:24,204 --> 01:08:25,472
but I want you.
761
01:08:28,475 --> 01:08:30,612
Every single part of you.
762
01:09:58,733 --> 01:09:59,934
- Who are those sexy women?
763
01:09:59,967 --> 01:10:01,268
Who are the sexy women?
764
01:10:03,971 --> 01:10:05,338
- Oh my God, oh my.
765
01:10:07,240 --> 01:10:08,643
Oh, I missed you.
766
01:10:08,676 --> 01:10:09,644
- Miss you.
767
01:10:14,214 --> 01:10:15,850
You love my friend.
768
01:10:15,883 --> 01:10:17,217
- Yeah, I really do.
769
01:10:17,250 --> 01:10:19,854
Yeah.
770
01:10:19,887 --> 01:10:23,124
- And you're aware of where
I was just released from?
771
01:10:23,157 --> 01:10:24,726
- I am.
772
01:10:24,759 --> 01:10:26,493
- Okay.
773
01:10:26,527 --> 01:10:27,995
And they've explained
that Taryn was a resident
774
01:10:28,029 --> 01:10:29,831
of this fine
establishment as well?
775
01:10:31,398 --> 01:10:34,135
- Yes, indeed they have.
776
01:10:34,168 --> 01:10:35,837
- So you understand
that if you hurt her,
777
01:10:35,870 --> 01:10:37,905
we will fucking kill you.
778
01:10:37,939 --> 01:10:39,040
- Oh, shit.
779
01:10:39,941 --> 01:10:40,842
- Fully aware.
780
01:10:43,878 --> 01:10:45,012
- Put your arms around me.
781
01:10:45,046 --> 01:10:47,314
I haven't felt a man in months!
782
01:11:40,601 --> 01:11:42,136
- One, two, three!
783
01:11:52,747 --> 01:11:54,248
- Thank you.
784
01:11:54,282 --> 01:11:55,783
- You're just using
me for my cooking.
785
01:11:55,817 --> 01:11:57,251
I kinda like this.
786
01:11:57,285 --> 01:11:58,653
- Oh, and your money.
787
01:11:58,686 --> 01:12:00,254
Don't forget that.
788
01:12:00,288 --> 01:12:01,488
It's been real nice not
paying for anything.
789
01:12:01,522 --> 01:12:03,224
- Wow.
790
01:12:03,257 --> 01:12:04,625
- You know I love you.
791
01:12:04,659 --> 01:12:06,393
- Nope, don't believe you.
792
01:12:06,426 --> 01:12:07,295
- You don't believe me?
793
01:12:07,327 --> 01:12:08,495
- Nope.
794
01:12:08,529 --> 01:12:10,131
- Okay.
795
01:12:10,164 --> 01:12:12,667
Excuse me, everyone here!
796
01:12:12,700 --> 01:12:14,168
I would like you all to know
797
01:12:14,202 --> 01:12:16,671
how much I love
this beautiful man.
798
01:12:16,704 --> 01:12:19,140
Well endowed, monster in the-
799
01:12:28,316 --> 01:12:29,283
- You sure?
800
01:13:57,772 --> 01:13:59,640
- You're so beautiful.
801
01:14:13,921 --> 01:14:15,723
- Hi.
802
01:14:15,756 --> 01:14:18,225
- Jesus fucking Christ.
803
01:14:22,330 --> 01:14:25,766
- I'm glad you found
God in these dark times.
804
01:14:30,638 --> 01:14:33,407
I was gonna write you back,
but I ended up on a plane.
805
01:14:41,349 --> 01:14:44,819
I go through day after day
with this crippling fear.
806
01:14:51,025 --> 01:14:53,027
I just keep up the status quo
807
01:14:53,060 --> 01:14:55,162
because that's what
I'm supposed to do.
808
01:14:56,797 --> 01:14:59,333
I'm supposed to be
the together one,
809
01:15:02,970 --> 01:15:04,638
but I'm not together.
810
01:15:11,445 --> 01:15:14,115
I want a baby so bad.
811
01:15:15,616 --> 01:15:16,851
It's all I want.
812
01:15:19,520 --> 01:15:20,955
But I have this...
813
01:15:23,824 --> 01:15:25,626
The thought of postpartum.
814
01:15:30,164 --> 01:15:31,699
What if I fuck up?
815
01:15:32,967 --> 01:15:34,969
What if I'm not a good mom?
816
01:15:37,138 --> 01:15:39,006
I am not a good sister.
817
01:15:39,040 --> 01:15:40,674
How the fuck am I
gonna be a good mom?
818
01:15:40,708 --> 01:15:42,209
- That is not true.
819
01:15:42,243 --> 01:15:43,978
- I failed you, Dean.
820
01:15:44,011 --> 01:15:47,516
- That is not true.
821
01:15:47,548 --> 01:15:49,183
When I was laying on
that bathroom floor,
822
01:15:49,216 --> 01:15:53,220
all I could think about was you.
823
01:15:53,254 --> 01:15:57,725
I kept praying if somehow I
made it, I could fix this.
824
01:16:01,762 --> 01:16:05,232
All I felt in those last
moments were regret.
825
01:16:05,266 --> 01:16:07,868
And it was terrifying.
826
01:16:11,739 --> 01:16:14,375
- I can't go through it again.
827
01:16:19,548 --> 01:16:21,015
I'm so scared.
828
01:16:23,117 --> 01:16:26,887
It will kill me if you die.
829
01:16:28,923 --> 01:16:31,058
- I'm not going anywhere.
830
01:16:39,800 --> 01:16:44,872
You know that, I can't even
picture her face anymore.
831
01:16:48,476 --> 01:16:51,178
I try to recall details,
832
01:16:51,212 --> 01:16:56,250
but all I have really are the
things that you've told me.
833
01:17:01,155 --> 01:17:04,458
And now, every time
I picture his face,
834
01:17:08,129 --> 01:17:09,830
it's how I found him that night.
835
01:17:15,002 --> 01:17:17,438
Sometimes it feels like
they didn't even exist.
836
01:17:21,742 --> 01:17:26,413
- I see her every
time I look at you.
837
01:17:27,948 --> 01:17:30,985
You look exactly like her.
838
01:17:35,322 --> 01:17:38,492
I miss them too,
but I miss you more.
839
01:17:44,131 --> 01:17:46,901
- What if I moved?
840
01:17:46,934 --> 01:17:48,469
What if I moved
to San Francisco?
841
01:17:52,039 --> 01:17:53,974
- Whatabout your life here?
842
01:17:56,477 --> 01:17:59,280
- I would go if
you would let me.
843
01:18:28,643 --> 01:18:29,644
Jackson, stop.
844
01:18:32,012 --> 01:18:32,880
Jackson!
845
01:18:34,715 --> 01:18:35,883
Please stop!
846
01:18:40,421 --> 01:18:42,423
I know what that must
have done to you,
847
01:18:43,891 --> 01:18:45,326
finding me like that.
848
01:18:47,228 --> 01:18:52,233
You are the most
gentle, kind man I know.
849
01:18:54,501 --> 01:18:56,904
And I know that that
must have destroyed you.
850
01:19:00,709 --> 01:19:01,809
I'm sorry.
851
01:19:01,842 --> 01:19:02,611
- I know why you're here.
852
01:19:03,844 --> 01:19:05,312
You want closure and forgiveness
853
01:19:05,346 --> 01:19:06,847
and I can't give that to you.
854
01:19:07,881 --> 01:19:09,483
I can't.
855
01:19:09,517 --> 01:19:13,954
- I know that you have
no reason to believe me,
856
01:19:15,189 --> 01:19:16,290
but I've changed.
857
01:19:18,392 --> 01:19:19,260
I have.
858
01:19:21,028 --> 01:19:24,198
I have friends and family.
859
01:19:26,967 --> 01:19:29,571
I'm moving to be with my sister,
860
01:19:29,604 --> 01:19:34,041
and I'm in a healthy
relationship.
861
01:19:34,074 --> 01:19:35,442
For the first time in my life,
862
01:19:35,476 --> 01:19:37,211
I haven't fucked something up.
863
01:19:39,146 --> 01:19:40,080
I'm better.
864
01:19:41,215 --> 01:19:42,883
I'm doing better.
865
01:19:42,916 --> 01:19:47,021
- How many times did we
go on this rollercoaster?
866
01:19:47,054 --> 01:19:49,624
You would sell me on how
you were getting better,
867
01:19:49,658 --> 01:19:53,628
how you were gonna change
and you would give me hope
868
01:19:53,662 --> 01:19:55,362
that things were
going to be different,
869
01:19:55,396 --> 01:19:58,767
and then you would throw
everything you had at me!
870
01:20:00,401 --> 01:20:01,902
I tried.
871
01:20:01,935 --> 01:20:04,572
I tried even when
you stopped trying.
872
01:20:04,606 --> 01:20:07,676
I tried for you, I did.
873
01:20:09,943 --> 01:20:13,480
So I hope it is different.
874
01:20:13,515 --> 01:20:17,652
I hope it is different because
if it's not, then let him go.
875
01:20:19,353 --> 01:20:22,990
Because after you, I'm
never the same, ever.
876
01:20:50,785 --> 01:20:52,219
- Baby.
877
01:20:53,722 --> 01:20:55,289
- The fuck are you doing here?
878
01:20:57,324 --> 01:20:58,292
- You okay?
879
01:20:59,193 --> 01:21:00,562
What's going on?
880
01:21:02,896 --> 01:21:03,798
Dean?
881
01:21:08,803 --> 01:21:11,105
- What areyou doing here?
882
01:21:11,138 --> 01:21:14,875
- I told you I'd
come over after work.
883
01:21:14,908 --> 01:21:16,043
You okay?
884
01:21:16,076 --> 01:21:18,780
- Get the fuck out of my house.
885
01:21:18,813 --> 01:21:20,314
- Excuse me?
886
01:21:20,347 --> 01:21:21,649
- Get the fuck out
of my fucking house.
887
01:21:21,683 --> 01:21:22,817
- Babe, what's going on?
888
01:21:22,851 --> 01:21:24,519
- Get the fuck out of my house!
889
01:21:24,552 --> 01:21:25,553
- Why are you...
890
01:21:25,587 --> 01:21:27,888
- Why are you here?
891
01:21:27,921 --> 01:21:29,990
- Babe, calm down.
892
01:21:30,023 --> 01:21:30,958
What the fuck is going on?
893
01:21:30,991 --> 01:21:32,560
What's the matter?
894
01:21:32,594 --> 01:21:33,927
- Get out of here!
895
01:21:33,961 --> 01:21:34,962
- What is going on?
896
01:21:34,995 --> 01:21:35,896
- Get outta my house!
897
01:21:35,929 --> 01:21:37,064
- Why?
898
01:21:37,097 --> 01:21:38,833
- Because I don't want you here.
899
01:21:38,867 --> 01:21:41,068
- What the fuck happened?
- I don't want you here!
900
01:21:41,101 --> 01:21:43,303
Who said you could be in here?
901
01:21:43,337 --> 01:21:44,238
- Babe, it's okay.
902
01:21:44,271 --> 01:21:45,673
- Don't touch me!
903
01:21:45,707 --> 01:21:46,808
Get out of my house!
904
01:21:46,841 --> 01:21:47,742
- Babe.
905
01:21:47,776 --> 01:21:49,209
- I don't want you
906
01:21:49,243 --> 01:21:50,344
in my fucking house.
- I heard you.
907
01:21:50,377 --> 01:21:51,746
What is going on?
908
01:21:51,780 --> 01:21:53,581
- Then why are
you standing here?
909
01:21:53,615 --> 01:21:55,382
Why, do you get off on it?
910
01:21:55,416 --> 01:21:56,383
- Babe, explain.
911
01:21:56,417 --> 01:21:58,252
- What do you want?
912
01:21:58,285 --> 01:21:59,920
Do you want me to fucking
cut myself in front of you?
913
01:21:59,953 --> 01:22:00,855
Is this what you're into?
914
01:22:00,889 --> 01:22:01,856
- Baby, no.
915
01:22:01,890 --> 01:22:03,090
- You fucking sick fuck.
916
01:22:03,123 --> 01:22:05,192
No one wants you here.
917
01:22:05,225 --> 01:22:06,226
No one!
918
01:22:07,261 --> 01:22:08,663
Go.
919
01:22:08,696 --> 01:22:09,564
Go!
920
01:22:11,298 --> 01:22:12,399
Fuck you, go.
921
01:22:16,303 --> 01:22:18,205
What, do you get off on this?
922
01:22:18,238 --> 01:22:20,407
Get the fuck out of my house.
923
01:22:21,810 --> 01:22:24,011
No one wants you
around, you hear me?
924
01:22:24,044 --> 01:22:26,581
Not even your own fucking mama.
925
01:22:28,616 --> 01:22:31,251
This was just a fuck.
926
01:22:31,285 --> 01:22:34,388
Get out of my-
927
01:22:37,391 --> 01:22:38,893
- If you're gonna do it,
928
01:22:38,927 --> 01:22:40,260
fucking do it like
you fucking mean it!
929
01:22:41,395 --> 01:22:42,831
Do it like you mean it!
930
01:22:43,798 --> 01:22:45,399
- Go!
931
01:22:45,432 --> 01:22:46,601
- I know you.
932
01:22:46,634 --> 01:22:48,268
I fucking know you.
933
01:22:48,302 --> 01:22:49,403
You wanna self-destruct.
934
01:22:49,436 --> 01:22:51,071
You don't want me around?
935
01:22:51,104 --> 01:22:52,574
Just say the word, Dean.
936
01:22:52,607 --> 01:22:54,141
You just say the fucking word.
937
01:22:56,778 --> 01:22:57,645
- Go.
938
01:23:01,649 --> 01:23:02,517
Go.
939
01:23:12,927 --> 01:23:14,762
Shut the door, bitch!
940
01:23:14,796 --> 01:23:16,664
Shut the fucking door!
941
01:23:20,467 --> 01:23:21,970
Go!
942
01:24:30,838 --> 01:24:31,873
I need help.
943
01:24:34,876 --> 01:24:39,914
I don't wanna fuck things
up like I always do.
944
01:24:43,785 --> 01:24:44,686
- Here you go.
945
01:24:46,521 --> 01:24:47,387
- Thanks.
946
01:24:49,924 --> 01:24:51,593
Did I wake anyone else up?
947
01:24:53,628 --> 01:24:54,529
- It's just me.
948
01:24:58,465 --> 01:24:59,399
What happened?
949
01:25:05,573 --> 01:25:06,774
- Are you sober?
950
01:25:06,808 --> 01:25:07,709
- Yep.
951
01:25:10,645 --> 01:25:11,746
I have three years.
952
01:25:15,583 --> 01:25:18,452
- That's a much lower number
than I would've expected.
953
01:25:22,389 --> 01:25:24,826
- Why did you choose to
come here tonight, Dean?
954
01:25:28,228 --> 01:25:29,564
- That's a good question.
955
01:25:31,899 --> 01:25:36,938
All this time, I thought that
they both killed themselves.
956
01:25:42,777 --> 01:25:44,746
Then I found this.
957
01:25:53,021 --> 01:25:54,922
- "I never know the proper
way to talk about her
958
01:25:54,956 --> 01:25:57,190
and it's not fair to you both.
959
01:26:01,294 --> 01:26:04,799
She was trying to
quit, but she couldn't.
960
01:26:04,832 --> 01:26:06,834
She was the one who
was good at this.
961
01:26:08,970 --> 01:26:10,605
She was meant to be a mother.
962
01:26:12,874 --> 01:26:14,909
Sorry I wasn't better.
963
01:26:14,942 --> 01:26:16,811
I'd trade places
with her if I could.
964
01:26:18,445 --> 01:26:20,782
I wish I was strong
enough to carry on,
965
01:26:20,815 --> 01:26:22,282
but I hope you'll continue.
966
01:26:24,317 --> 01:26:25,252
I love you.
967
01:26:25,285 --> 01:26:26,219
I love you both."
968
01:26:30,158 --> 01:26:32,225
- Do you know how long
I looked for that?
969
01:26:34,829 --> 01:26:39,834
Every jacket, every drawer,
every place that we used to go.
970
01:26:42,369 --> 01:26:45,840
Even places that
didn't make sense.
971
01:26:48,042 --> 01:26:51,646
I couldn't accept that he
didn't even say goodbye.
972
01:26:54,816 --> 01:26:56,684
- Would you rather
have not found it?
973
01:26:59,386 --> 01:27:00,253
- No.
974
01:27:03,691 --> 01:27:07,195
I'd rather have a mother here,
975
01:27:09,530 --> 01:27:14,569
rather have a father alive
telling me this shit.
976
01:27:16,436 --> 01:27:20,508
What I don't want is writing
on the back of a picture
977
01:27:23,276 --> 01:27:26,180
that means nothing.
978
01:27:29,183 --> 01:27:34,222
No closure, no
explanation, nothing.
979
01:27:37,725 --> 01:27:39,292
- I know it hurts.
980
01:27:42,063 --> 01:27:44,065
But this is what
you've always wanted.
981
01:27:44,098 --> 01:27:46,834
- That's what I've
always wanted?
982
01:27:46,868 --> 01:27:49,237
Is that what I've always wanted?
983
01:27:50,571 --> 01:27:52,405
No!
984
01:27:52,439 --> 01:27:56,878
Actually, what I wanted was
parents or to feel normal.
985
01:27:59,446 --> 01:28:04,018
Do you know what I would
give to feel normal?
986
01:28:04,051 --> 01:28:07,287
What I don't want is
a bunch of writing
987
01:28:07,320 --> 01:28:12,059
on the back of the only fucking
memento I have of my mom,
988
01:28:12,093 --> 01:28:16,631
the only way that I remember
what she even looks like,
989
01:28:16,664 --> 01:28:20,935
because he's too big
of a coward to tell me!
990
01:28:20,968 --> 01:28:26,541
He couldn't just tell me that
to my face and not do it.
991
01:28:26,574 --> 01:28:28,142
- Dean,you are so strong.
992
01:28:28,176 --> 01:28:31,078
- Why are you so
convinced I am strong?
993
01:28:32,113 --> 01:28:35,583
You don't know me!
994
01:28:35,616 --> 01:28:37,518
- I know that you're just the
product of your surroundings,
995
01:28:39,419 --> 01:28:42,455
that none of your issues
are actually your own,
996
01:28:42,489 --> 01:28:45,927
that you'd actually be fine
997
01:28:45,960 --> 01:28:50,665
if you could just let
go and forgive yourself.
998
01:28:50,698 --> 01:28:52,800
You could not have
saved him, Dean.
999
01:28:54,467 --> 01:28:57,905
- You sit in your
fancy fucking house
1000
01:28:57,939 --> 01:29:00,641
with your pretty life
and your pretty things.
1001
01:29:00,675 --> 01:29:04,111
You know nothing about what
it's like to feel like this!
1002
01:29:04,145 --> 01:29:08,249
- Do you think that you're the
only person who knows loss?
1003
01:29:08,282 --> 01:29:09,817
Huh?
1004
01:29:09,851 --> 01:29:12,485
My son died at 15.
1005
01:29:12,520 --> 01:29:16,456
He took his own life with
pills from my medicine cabinet.
1006
01:29:16,489 --> 01:29:19,193
I gave him the weapon
to end his life.
1007
01:29:21,162 --> 01:29:26,100
I'm the only one to blame
and I didn't fucking see it.
1008
01:29:26,133 --> 01:29:30,338
It's my fucking job and I
didn't see it in my own son.
1009
01:29:30,370 --> 01:29:33,841
So don't you dare tell me that
I don't know what it's like.
1010
01:29:35,676 --> 01:29:37,444
I drank myself to
death for years
1011
01:29:37,477 --> 01:29:40,915
before I could muster a
day without him sober.
1012
01:29:42,550 --> 01:29:47,387
I lost husband,
myself, my family.
1013
01:29:49,724 --> 01:29:50,925
- Why did he do it?
1014
01:29:53,928 --> 01:29:55,428
- Why does it matter?
1015
01:29:57,064 --> 01:29:59,567
We'll never be able
to ask them why.
1016
01:30:01,168 --> 01:30:02,036
They're gone.
1017
01:30:04,538 --> 01:30:07,208
I love my little boy
more than life itself.
1018
01:30:08,342 --> 01:30:09,911
And every single day
1019
01:30:09,944 --> 01:30:14,048
I breathe on this planet
without him hurts.
1020
01:30:14,081 --> 01:30:17,852
I feel it in every
single breath.
1021
01:30:17,885 --> 01:30:22,890
But I refuse to give up because
that is what survivors do.
1022
01:30:22,924 --> 01:30:26,060
They fight and they save
everyone they can along the way.
1023
01:30:28,562 --> 01:30:30,430
So what are you, Dean?
1024
01:30:32,099 --> 01:30:33,401
- I don't know.
1025
01:30:36,304 --> 01:30:37,437
- Yes, you do.
1026
01:30:37,470 --> 01:30:38,739
- No, I don't.
- Yes.
1027
01:30:38,773 --> 01:30:40,207
- I don't know!
- Yes, you do.
1028
01:30:40,241 --> 01:30:41,542
- I don't know.
1029
01:31:07,335 --> 01:31:08,869
I know what I'm supposed to say.
1030
01:31:08,903 --> 01:31:10,470
I know I'm supposed
to say I am sorry,
1031
01:31:10,503 --> 01:31:12,940
but it doesn't feel
like it means enough.
1032
01:31:12,974 --> 01:31:14,842
God, I fucked up so bad.
1033
01:31:17,645 --> 01:31:21,182
I can't forgive myself for
what I said about your mom,
1034
01:31:23,184 --> 01:31:26,787
and it wasn't true obviously.
1035
01:31:31,592 --> 01:31:32,693
I'm so sorry.
1036
01:31:41,535 --> 01:31:42,436
- Okay.
1037
01:31:47,441 --> 01:31:48,309
I know.
1038
01:31:52,646 --> 01:31:54,015
You know my mom,
1039
01:31:59,387 --> 01:32:03,190
she's dying and I'm not
ready to forgive her,
1040
01:32:10,731 --> 01:32:14,869
not in my life time, but
I don't know what to do.
1041
01:32:18,005 --> 01:32:19,073
- Once they're gone,
1042
01:32:20,875 --> 01:32:24,478
there will be a million
things that you wanna say.
1043
01:32:25,980 --> 01:32:27,516
So many times I
pick up the phone
1044
01:32:27,548 --> 01:32:29,183
and I don't even
know who to call
1045
01:32:29,216 --> 01:32:31,152
when there's good news
and there's bad news,
1046
01:32:31,185 --> 01:32:36,190
and I would hate that
to happen to you.
1047
01:32:36,223 --> 01:32:38,092
You have a fucking chance.
1048
01:32:40,161 --> 01:32:41,262
I would kill for that.
1049
01:32:49,437 --> 01:32:50,371
I'm sorry.
1050
01:32:56,444 --> 01:33:00,714
I'd come home just
to masturbate.
1051
01:33:00,748 --> 01:33:03,017
I was trying to shield
her from the depravity.
1052
01:33:12,259 --> 01:33:15,863
I'm moving to San Francisco.
1053
01:33:19,366 --> 01:33:24,405
And I know you guys
have your lives here
1054
01:33:26,740 --> 01:33:28,676
and I can't expect you
just to leave them,
1055
01:33:28,709 --> 01:33:33,714
but I really wish you
would 'cause I think
1056
01:33:35,783 --> 01:33:40,788
that we could all be really
happy there together.
1057
01:33:46,760 --> 01:33:49,797
- Hey, wherever you go, I go.
1058
01:33:53,801 --> 01:33:54,668
- You sure?
1059
01:33:56,170 --> 01:33:57,972
- I'm sure.
1060
01:34:06,581 --> 01:34:08,315
- Maybe we can go
to Walnut Creek.
1061
01:34:09,584 --> 01:34:10,951
- I know.
1062
01:34:10,985 --> 01:34:13,320
- Is this like a
"Sister Wives," or?
1063
01:34:15,356 --> 01:34:17,291
- It's like more like
"Three's Company."
1064
01:34:17,324 --> 01:34:18,192
- Jesus.
1065
01:34:19,693 --> 01:34:20,595
I gotta smoke.
1066
01:34:36,443 --> 01:34:37,811
San Francisco.
1067
01:34:40,314 --> 01:34:41,616
- Have you ever been?
1068
01:34:45,352 --> 01:34:46,320
- Does Taryn know?
1069
01:34:49,056 --> 01:34:50,659
- I called her 30 times.
1070
01:34:52,226 --> 01:34:53,794
And I plan to ask her as well.
1071
01:34:59,967 --> 01:35:01,368
- How are we gonna afford it?
1072
01:35:04,471 --> 01:35:05,806
- Let me worry about that.
1073
01:35:07,841 --> 01:35:12,313
- Oh, so okay, now you're
going to use that money.
1074
01:35:13,548 --> 01:35:16,750
- My God, the money.
1075
01:35:18,687 --> 01:35:20,120
Do you know why I
have that money?
1076
01:35:20,154 --> 01:35:21,889
- Because you're fucking rich.
1077
01:35:21,922 --> 01:35:23,324
- Because I'm a rich bitch.
1078
01:35:26,026 --> 01:35:29,897
Yeah, no, I was actually
super fucking poor growing up.
1079
01:35:29,930 --> 01:35:34,401
Me and Bennett shared a
room for most of our lives,
1080
01:35:34,435 --> 01:35:39,340
but my dad took out a giant
life insurance policy.
1081
01:35:40,508 --> 01:35:42,743
And then three days from the day
1082
01:35:42,776 --> 01:35:47,682
that the suicide clause
expired, he took his own life.
1083
01:35:50,184 --> 01:35:52,886
So rather than talking
to me or getting help
1084
01:35:52,920 --> 01:35:57,958
or doing bad things,
he waited to do it.
1085
01:36:02,329 --> 01:36:04,898
So I don't want his
fucking blood money.
1086
01:36:06,867 --> 01:36:13,675
But I would use it if it meant
that I got to be with you
1087
01:36:13,708 --> 01:36:16,944
and that we got to be happy and
all of us could be together.
1088
01:36:19,280 --> 01:36:25,520
You and I both pretend
we don't need anybody,
1089
01:36:25,553 --> 01:36:30,257
but it is complete
bullshit because I need you
1090
01:36:35,095 --> 01:36:38,165
and I am not afraid to tell
you that I really need you.
1091
01:36:40,167 --> 01:36:42,836
And I think that
you need me too.
1092
01:36:48,309 --> 01:36:49,544
- Put your arms up.
1093
01:36:52,179 --> 01:36:53,113
- Oh my goodness.
1094
01:36:53,147 --> 01:36:54,582
- You're soaring.
1095
01:36:54,616 --> 01:36:55,650
- I'm flying!
1096
01:36:55,684 --> 01:36:56,817
- I'm jacking this.
1097
01:36:57,918 --> 01:36:58,986
Oh, a cigarette!
1098
01:36:59,019 --> 01:37:00,588
Oh, goddamn.
1099
01:37:00,622 --> 01:37:01,955
What if I fuck it up?
1100
01:37:03,692 --> 01:37:05,492
- I'll fuck it up first.
1101
01:37:07,861 --> 01:37:09,863
You will, you will fuck it up.
1102
01:37:10,964 --> 01:37:12,833
And so will I, I'm sure.
1103
01:37:14,335 --> 01:37:15,537
super good.
1104
01:37:36,890 --> 01:37:38,158
Bria, what the fuck is going on?
1105
01:37:45,065 --> 01:37:45,966
How'd she do it?
1106
01:38:05,754 --> 01:38:07,421
I looked around that room today.
1107
01:38:09,390 --> 01:38:12,893
All I saw were people
that loved her.
1108
01:38:12,926 --> 01:38:17,866
We're all so convinced
that no one cares,
1109
01:38:17,898 --> 01:38:20,668
but every face in
that room was crushed.
1110
01:38:22,570 --> 01:38:26,574
Suicide destroys everyone's
life who surrounds it.
1111
01:38:26,608 --> 01:38:27,575
Not yours.
1112
01:38:27,609 --> 01:38:29,343
No, you're gone.
1113
01:38:31,278 --> 01:38:34,516
Someone in that room, they
had to find her that way.
1114
01:38:36,785 --> 01:38:38,820
It's just a vicious
fucking cycle.
1115
01:38:38,853 --> 01:38:41,054
And every time we do
it, we make it more
1116
01:38:41,088 --> 01:38:43,323
and more acceptable to
the people around us.
1117
01:38:43,357 --> 01:38:45,459
But it's not, it's not okay.
1118
01:38:51,733 --> 01:38:53,100
- How do we fix it?
1119
01:39:00,708 --> 01:39:01,576
- Live.
1120
01:39:03,745 --> 01:39:08,750
We suffer and we work
shitty fucking jobs
1121
01:39:13,788 --> 01:39:18,459
and live average normal lives.
1122
01:39:21,796 --> 01:39:24,064
And we get old and fat.
1123
01:39:25,332 --> 01:39:26,801
We go through menopause.
1124
01:39:30,003 --> 01:39:33,140
At least we're alive
and we're together.
1125
01:39:35,610 --> 01:39:37,010
At least we didn't give up.
1126
01:39:39,747 --> 01:39:44,786
It's a much scarier
choice to choose to live.
1127
01:39:48,422 --> 01:39:49,657
Giving up is easy.
1128
01:39:57,632 --> 01:39:59,968
- Sounds fucking terrible.
1129
01:40:01,335 --> 01:40:02,202
I'm game.
1130
01:40:16,818 --> 01:40:21,623
- I have daydreams about
marriage, babies, future,
1131
01:40:27,194 --> 01:40:31,331
all these things
that I never thought
1132
01:40:31,365 --> 01:40:32,834
I'd live long enough to see.
1133
01:40:37,504 --> 01:40:38,673
- You as a mother.
1134
01:40:42,476 --> 01:40:43,745
I would love to see that.
1135
01:40:53,320 --> 01:40:57,592
- I wanted you to know
that you saved my life.
1136
01:40:59,994 --> 01:41:02,964
I didn't realize how
much I wanted someone
1137
01:41:02,997 --> 01:41:07,735
to do that for me, to care
about me enough to help me,
1138
01:41:10,237 --> 01:41:12,674
as much as I hated
you for doing it.
1139
01:41:12,707 --> 01:41:14,042
I didn't make it easy.
1140
01:41:18,046 --> 01:41:20,715
I wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for you.
1141
01:41:25,185 --> 01:41:26,888
I'm genuinely happy.
1142
01:41:29,557 --> 01:41:33,027
Obviously not all
day, not every day.
1143
01:41:33,061 --> 01:41:38,098
You know, life's not perfect,
but it's getting there.
1144
01:41:43,571 --> 01:41:47,075
God, if you had told me that
my life would look like this
1145
01:41:47,107 --> 01:41:51,779
a year ago, I would've told
you you do need to be sober.
1146
01:41:58,318 --> 01:42:02,557
I'm just so in
love with my life.
1147
01:42:09,631 --> 01:42:12,567
It's the only word that
keeps coming to my mind.
1148
01:42:13,568 --> 01:42:14,636
Love, love.
1149
01:42:16,804 --> 01:42:17,672
Grateful.
1150
01:42:21,009 --> 01:42:25,312
I'm really, really grateful
that I failed that night.
1151
01:42:28,116 --> 01:42:31,819
I wouldn't have had any of this
if it wasn't for that night.
1152
01:42:33,955 --> 01:42:35,857
I'm really grateful to be alive.
1153
01:42:43,031 --> 01:42:44,331
So, thank you.
1154
01:42:49,671 --> 01:42:50,872
Can I hug you?
1155
01:42:51,973 --> 01:42:53,007
- Of course.
1156
01:42:55,710 --> 01:42:56,911
Come here.
1157
01:43:25,573 --> 01:43:26,941
- You ready?
1158
01:43:26,974 --> 01:43:28,876
- Are you ready?
1159
01:43:52,867 --> 01:43:54,535
- Hey, Mom.
1160
01:44:07,215 --> 01:44:08,082
It's okay.
1161
01:44:09,851 --> 01:44:10,718
It's okay.
1162
01:44:21,095 --> 01:44:23,598
- I've never actually
been here before.
1163
01:44:23,631 --> 01:44:27,835
- Yeah, my whole family
came here on a trip once.
1164
01:44:27,869 --> 01:44:29,704
My dad had never been
to San Francisco before.
1165
01:44:29,737 --> 01:44:33,741
And yeah, we brought him.
1166
01:44:33,775 --> 01:44:37,512
Every time I think of him,
I picture him right here.
1167
01:44:37,545 --> 01:44:39,547
All my family, really,
especially today.
1168
01:44:48,823 --> 01:44:49,791
- Holy shit.
1169
01:44:50,925 --> 01:44:52,660
- You are it for me.
1170
01:44:55,563 --> 01:44:57,965
This is my grandmother's ring.
1171
01:44:57,999 --> 01:45:00,802
She wore it for 72 years.
1172
01:45:00,835 --> 01:45:02,302
It's yours if you'll have me.
1173
01:45:05,973 --> 01:45:07,742
Will you marry me?
1174
01:45:07,775 --> 01:45:09,677
- Yes.
- Yes?
1175
01:45:15,283 --> 01:45:16,150
She said yes!
1176
01:45:16,184 --> 01:45:17,084
- Yes!
1177
01:47:21,375 --> 01:47:23,911
- I'm genuinely happy.
1178
01:47:26,080 --> 01:47:27,949
Not all day, not every day.
1179
01:47:27,982 --> 01:47:32,553
You know, life's not perfect,but it's getting there.
1180
01:47:35,589 --> 01:47:37,091
God, if you told methat my life
1181
01:47:37,124 --> 01:47:39,492
would look like thisa year ago,
1182
01:47:39,760 --> 01:47:44,464
I would've told you,youdo need to be sober.
1183
01:47:46,100 --> 01:47:51,105
I'm just so in love my life.
1184
01:47:54,408 --> 01:47:56,110
It's the only word thatkeeps coming in my mind.
1185
01:47:56,143 --> 01:47:57,611
- Not Dean!
1186
01:47:57,645 --> 01:47:59,847
- Love, love, love.
1187
01:48:01,449 --> 01:48:02,316
Grateful.
1188
01:48:05,786 --> 01:48:10,157
I'm really, really gratefulthat I failed that night.
1189
01:48:12,960 --> 01:48:14,095
- I wouldn'thave had any of this
1190
01:48:14,128 --> 01:48:15,563
if it wasn't for that night.
1191
01:48:19,333 --> 01:48:21,235
- I'm reallygrateful to be alive.
1192
01:48:24,338 --> 01:48:26,307
- So thank you.
1193
01:49:55,564 --> 01:49:57,164
- I saw it all.
1194
01:50:00,367 --> 01:50:02,169
What could have been.
1195
01:50:08,742 --> 01:50:11,112
This time, I choose to live .
82944
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