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Ar-ca-chon

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Ar-ca-chon

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Ar-ca-chon

Damn GPS!

Ar-ca-chon

Paulo! We've been going to Arcachon

without GPS for 20 years,

so, start the engine, for God's sake!

CLERMONT-FERRAND, JULY 29...

New blouse! The color's a bit loud, no?

OK. A croque-monsieur, salad, pitcher of water.

I'm not eating, Jean-Pierre.

I have to tell you, I'm not going with you to Montélimar.

I'd rather tell you now than tonight.

But, Valérie, my parents

are expecting us, and the house is ready.

-Everything is planned. -That's just it.

Our lives are planned.

Saturday night, it's the cinema, Friday it's Thalassa,

Thursday we go to your mother's! I want colors, surprises,

fantasy...

What will I tell Lisa tonight?

It was our first vacation, just the 3 of us.

I have to think before I say yes.

Think about what?

Jean-Pierre, I need a break.

-A break? -Yes, a break,

in the middle of August.

Philippe, I'd planned everything!

A hike in Ardèche Valley,

bivouac, climb, ending with a medieval night in a castle.

-Is that heavy? -No. It's annoying.

Everyone's targeting me.

Well, the annoying guy won't be taking a vacation this year.

Yes! You have to go, Jean-Pierre.

And very far from Montélimar.

Hey, where are you with Mrs. Goubert's file?

Her house still being excavated?

It is.

OK! I'll find you a place, just you wait!

All right, search for "Relaxing vacations."

Calm.

Serenity.

Pretty girls. After all, it's your vacation.

For a colleague as uptight as they come.

Forget it, Fifi.

I'll put Liza in a summer camp.

A break in mid-August! It's absurd!

And far from stress for ultra-urgent need to relax.

Got it.

I found it.

There! You will have a good time.

Vacation here we come!

Here we go.

Dad?

I'm really happy to go on vacation with you.

Me too, Liza.

And daddy has a great plan. We're going to have fun!

Is this going to take much longer?

I'm expected for a cocktail.

Hey, 174 km/hr in an RV, I'd keep my trap shut.

Sergeant,

I found these.

And there are lots in the RV.

Say, I don't know if your RV runs on Ricard,

but if it does, you've got enough to get to Tangiers!

Exit imminent. Exit imminent.

Dad, we missed the exit!

"Imminent" means right away, Gatineau!

Cocktail!

12.58 hours? How did that happen?

Simple.

We lost 2 hours because Mama forgot my flip-flops.

So, I put the pedal to the metal,

and whoops, the cops!

Now, no points, no license and the whole shebang.

So, Mama had to drive

and it took her 12.58 hours. Embarrassing!

If only you let me drive more often!

Hey, Jacky. 12.58 hours? Did you pass through Dakar?

So, old beast, what the heck is this?

That's the Moving Room.

It's ze American RV!

And that's nothing!

Look at this!

The Rolls Royce of BBQs.

Thermoplastic knobs, safety circuit breaker,

separate cooking,

a sardine's nightmare,

-a sausage's panic attack. -We're well equipped.

It's not a panic attack for sausages alone.

Gatineau Hardware had some babies.

I opened a new shop: The Gatineau Depot.

We make garden furniture out of fake Bali teak,

we're raking it in.

-What's fake Bali teak? -It's fake Balie teak!

-Why fake? -Because it's from Korea.

And Gatineau sells it at the Bali teak price.

And he doubles his money! Double bubble. Capital.

Let's go! To our vacation!

A Flots Bleus pastis is a delicious pastis!

This year the Flots team,

and I, pulled out all the stops. And I mean ALL the stops!

So that your vacation is a real delight.

But, today, dear camping friends, I must share something.

I'll ask Mr. Jacky Pic

to come up here with me.

Exactly 50 years ago,

a handsome young man camped here for the first time.

That young man grew up

and his loyalty never wavered.

Sandra!

To you, Jacky,

to your steadfastness, your loyalty,

you, our pioneer. You, our Davy Crockett!

I present you with the golden camper award.

Thank you.

The Pics are here!

So, you didn't wait for Patrick?

Divorced?

Yes, she took everything.

-Luckily, she left me the car. -Obviously.

We hadn't made love in 4 years anyway.

You start to question things. You ponder, you think hard.

And your daughter?

I see her twice a month.

Luckily, we can text.

But everything is going well!

And guys, I think I have matured!

Like Bruel.

Before you is the new Patrick Chirac.

A Patrick ready for love.

And work?

I might have an interview with Miko.

But talking about it is bad luck.

They're creating a line of calorie-free cones!

They want a big campaign and need an area manager.

Luck comes eventually!

Turn over.

Patrick seems good this year. You can feel he's changed.

Hey girls!

Paulo's walkman is amazing!

The sound!! Oh, la la la.

My Jacky is happy. He's got his spot.

You two must be happy, business is booming.

Appearances can be deceiving. He's not the same Paulo anymore.

Since he opened his second shop, he's become totally bling-bling.

He's changed.

Sometimes I think all we have in common

is that we married on the same day.

Let me tell you, Laurette,

I see men for what they are now. I resist,

but the stronghold will give, the drawbridge is only wood.

I'm not too old yet, am I?

Good, now for the bird about to take off pose.

Pretty good, Nelly.

Irina, keep going. I'll be back.

Ladies,

to reconnect with yourselves and unblock your chakras,

Sylvano Shamalack, at your service.

From 10 AM up until sunset,

with an astrological chart on papyrus included

at the end of the program.

Here.

See you soon, Miss.

It's Mrs.

Mrs.? So young!

OPEN - CLOSED

Yes, hello.

I'm Mr. Savelli.

Mr. Savelli. We thought you weren't coming.

I took some back roads...

Could you please move aside?

-The beach group. -Yes.

The first ones get hot water. Daniel, Julie, faster!

They'll be cold!

This year they put the fry truck on the other side of the road.

They want to eat their fries hot, so they're running.

Keep up the pace, Véro.

Welcome to Flots Bleu.

So, Mr. Savelli,

your luxury bungalow, Bungalow Picardie.

And your Flots Bleu kit with the magnetic card for the gate.

And shavings for the ecological toilets.

-It's modern camping. -Great.

Yes, Willy. We're going to grandma's.

I have a quick question,

how is the Picardie bungalow oriented?

-East. -South.

South-east. Well oriented.

Anything else? Because we have to go.

No. I read the document on your site, which is well done.

But I need to know some things for my personal planning.

I didn't see the hours of operation for the mini-market.

From 9 AM to 7 PM, except on Sunday.

Like the mini-markets.

OK. So you have to prepare for Sunday...on Saturday.

Excellent.

One last thing. Do you know the tidal ranges?

For swimming, it's important.

-Patrick, when did you arrive? -This morning.

-Will I see you at Shogun? -Tonight.

Great. I better go. They'll get cold.

That's a prime example. Before I would've attacked, but now...

I want long-term. Duracell.

I want real love. Cupid, arrows, all that.

The beating heart. Listen, Paulo.

Call me crazy, but Patrick can't go back to Dijon alone.

And for you?

Fries, sausage and Nutella. I mean ketchup.

For here or to go?

To go.

I'm Patrick. And you?

Pauline.

Hey, with Pauline it doesn't feel like just summer love.

It's love at first sight at Camping Hill.

Go! Go! Faster.

Enjoy!

No, honey.

I've already told you:

gray shirts together and the beige ones all together.

Otherwise daddy gets mixed up.

Dad,

-you need to relax a bit. -You're right.

I have to make a call. No reception.

Where are you going?

-A Benco? -What's that?

What? You don't know?

Valérie, it's me. I wanted to tell you we arrived safely.

Liza, don't bother him.

-No problemo. -The camping's swell.

We're surrounded by pines, facing south, and...

...no, no, but I...

I wanted to... Pardon?

I agree!

I just wanted to tell you the trip went well...

I know we're on a...

OK. Bye. Kiss.

On a break?

Yes, you could say that.

I'm a break expert.

I had a 6-year break.

But don't worry! A break is temporary.

It ends. Either she comes back or she doesn't.

That's the idea.

If you want her back though, don't call.

Strength is breaking a chocolate bar in 4

and only eating 1 square.

Resist. Prove that you exist.

I'm Patrick from Dijon, Côte d'or, and you?

-Jean-Pierre Savelli. -From where?

Clermont-Ferrand.

You're not going to ask what I do?

Well, yes. What do you do?

I'll tell you. Nothing. Unemployment.

But it's not definitive, like a break, except I'm paid.

Flipper has something to say.

Hello? Yes, the blue car.

I AM SINGLE

I'm Patrick. And you? Sara.

She hung up.

Every year I make a new friend,

and this year, I feel it's going to be you.

We'll be going.

-Thanks for the tips. -My pleasure.

Goodbye.

About the break, can we keep it between us?

Let's be up front, Jean-Pierre,

when it comes to personal lives, I take it to the grave.

Another call. Hello?

Mama, how can I say... I'd do a little boom boom tonight.

I don't know if it's the medal or the sound of the rain...

Jacky, or maybe it's partly me.

Here.

Grappa, on the house.

-Thanks. -To your medal.

Would you be interested in antique Gallo-Roman plates?

I'm liquidating jars, plates, Cartagena vases for 50 Euros.

Next year we open a crepe shop.

-Are you from Brittany, Mario? -Not really.

It was an administrative decision.

Well, this is Brittany weather.

Jean-Pierre?

-Oh, you were crying. -No, I didn't cry.

Yes, you cried, Jean-Pierre.

I know those eyes. I've been there.

And I'm telling you I didn't cry.

-Who are these people? -Friends.

-Friends? -Hi, Jean-Pierre.

-I'm Jacky. -I'm Laurette.

Mr. Jean-Pierre, concerning your break,

-don't worry. -Laurette and I had a break too.

It happens. It even does a body good.

Anyway, you can count on us. So, don't do anything stupid.

Nothing stupid! Life is too good.

No worries, Jean-Pierre. We take it to the grave.

Beach?

You have lots of vacationers in that case.

Can I please see Mrs. Chatel?

She's at the Poitou-Charentes bungalow.

Oh, and about your break, I'm sure she'll be back.

-We're here for you. It's awful! -Awful. Disgusting!

-Be brave, Mr. Savelli. -Keep your head up.

It'll be OK, Mr. Savelli.

We're behind you. Be brave.

Hold on, Auvergnat.

Hold on.

Good luck, man. Don't worry.

The ground sank. Probably due to the clay.

But I will find a solution.

-Mrs. Chatel. -Mr. Savelli.

-Are you OK? -Not really.

I have some problems. My faucet leaks a little,

but that's OK. However, my phone gets no reception,

except at the man from Dijon's site.

Who has the blue bathing suit, with the...

-Mr. Patrick. -Right.

So, this won't work.

It's very nice but, if we can keep us...

Don't worry, Mr. Savelli. Everything will get fixed.

A specialist is coming within 48 hours.

I heard about your lady-friend.

It will work out.

She won't stay with the other man.

FRIES ARE A CELEBRATION!

Pauline.

I've thought a lot about us.

It may seem nuts, but I saw kids running about

a swing, a stroller, a sunset.

You'll laugh, but I even saw a dog.

OK. Before I laugh, I have fries to prepare.

Think it over.

Have a good day, Pauline.

Are you sure it's not too dangerous?

No, Sir, as we said, it'll be fine.

It's safe. Julien is very reliable.

Jean-Pierre, let us know if you need anything.

We could babysit your daughter

if ever you want to step out a little.

Friend!

Hey friend!

Excuse me.

To the beach, friend?

-Listen, Patrick. -Yes?

I...

Funny, you never finish your sentences.

I'm going to finish it.

This year is a friend-free vacation for me.

The whole campground knows about my relationship problems.

One woman just gave me this.

So, before the Aquitaine region knows, it stops here.

I'm not in the mood to laugh. It's a tough time.

I chose this campground for some quiet. Get it?

Quiet.

I understand. No problem.

Hey, friend!

I signed us up for a rock contest. It has to be 2 people.

-Mrs. Gandarias. -Mr. Mayor, hello.

Mr. Lopez.

Sir.

Welcome to Moulleau, our delectable commune.

Good. Now, for the bird to take flight, spread your wings.

Flap your wings.

We take off from the electric pole,

free of all restraints.

Good job, Sophie.

Very good.

Ah, Borelly sure knows how to play the trumpet.

Isn't this nice, mama?

The Flots Bleu, it's delightful.

They can say what they please,

but you must recognize that Mrs. Chatel does good work.

I love, love, love, love it.

Mama!

I think it's going to be another complicated year.

Mrs. Chatel, can we talk?

Can we speak as responsible adults?

Mr. Pic.

I thought you might come.

We had problems due to a landslide.

But this is only a temporary solution.

Temp-or-ary.

The Pics are here, la, la, la.

The Pics are gone. Mama, we're packing up.

We had the RV repaired for nothing!

Mother Chatel pulled a good one on us!

Davy Crockett is going back to Melun!

Oh, yeah? And how, Davy Crockett?

Because Davy Crockett doesn't have a license anymore!

And Mama needs to rest!

Get it? REST!

Go on, Patrick, we're VIP. Come, Sophie.

We want to see everyone on the Shogun floor,

to celebrate Paulo and Sophie's 20 years of happiness!

The Gatineau's 20th anniversary!

The king of Bali teak!

What is this? Does Paulo think he's Puff Daddy?

Shogun!

Happy anniversary, my friend!

Number 37! How are you? We haven't seen you at Flots Bleus!

No, I'm with the nudists at Pinède Camping.

Paulo, every year is the same.

I arrive with a super chick, she leaves with a nudist.

This year I'm ahead of the game! Camping with the nudists!

And let me tell you, my vacation is very different!

Well, don't catch a cold, 37!

Let's go, girls. Bye, guys.

Who's the guy talking to Sophie?

The guy who runs the wellness program on the beach.

See you tomorrow.

Sophie, don't forget, when the bird leaves the branch,

there's always another waiting somewhere.

-See you tomorrow. -Yeah.

Hi, Pauline.

Patrick. How are you?

Fine.

Oh my! Do you smell Lily of the Valley?

The only flower I see is you.

So?

-So what? -Did you think about my offer?

-What offer? -The sunset, dog, kids running.

Patrick, how can I say this...

There'll be sausages, fries, even ketchup,

but no sunset.

-Are you upset? -Not at all.

-Hey, Pauline. -Yes?

-Where are you from? -Carcassonne.

The ramparts!

Sophie, are you leaving? There are surprises to come!

Chip 'n Dales!

Excuse me.

Sophie, what's the matter? Where are you going?

Home, Sir, home.

Tell the dancers I'm sorry.

You're joking?

-Bye, kids. -Bye, Jean-Michel.

Look at our 20th anniversary night!

What have we talked about?

"Do you want ice, pass me the juice, open the magnum."

All I wanted was a quiet dinner for two.

-Problems? -No. I'm a little hot.

This is Sophie's way of saying "I love you."

Do you smell Lily of the Valley?

Come, come.

Come.

Here.

Look at this land. Isn't it beautiful, Miss?

The best view on the Landes Coast.

It's blessed by the gods.

Painters come from all over the region to get inspiration.

And these pastel colors are so unique.

It's beautiful. We need a quick answer.

We have another seller in Hossegor.

Don't forget, we are in a hurry.

You can already consider this as your home.

Now what's this?

OK. It's fixed.

I installed a mobile antenna. The permanent one was shot.

There are too many people.

Too many satellites. I always say so.

An American friend, a shareholder at Haut-Brion,

the vineyard. Mr. Buzz Aldrin.

Ring a bell?

I'm talking to you about a man who walked on the moon.

He told me everything. And up there, it's a real mess!

It's not pretty! I can't say more.

Yes, Mendez Mobile.

I'm on my way, Mrs. Gignac. See you soon.

Yes, get ready for the great Mendez!

It was the Trout Campground. They only get service at night.

I went by the garage. We miss you.

I might return, but with the crisis, forget it.

And between us, Mrs. Chatel,

the Mendez family is better off in telephones.

How many cars does a 4-person family have?

One.

How many cell phones? Four.

I didn't say anything.

OK. To sum up,

I tilted everything from channel 58 to 75, toward the tents.

-Competing again? -No. It's a prototype.

Gordini Mendez.

Totally electric. I souped it up.

I'm off.

The network will be back in 30 seconds.

Dad, we have reception.

Liza, do your math. Concentration is vital.

Daddy stays very focused, which helps him do great things.

Oh, fiddlesticks.

Oh, geeze.

The pink panther.

Kids, I'm not here!

Hi, kids.

-Hi, Patrick. -Hi, Patrick.

-Is your dad here? -In the bungalow.

Jean-Pierre.

Hey, I don't have reception and now you do!

God works in mysterious ways.

Your bungalow is so classy!

It's like my place in Dijon.

But bigger.

Can you please put back the saltshaker?

I like it lined up.

Vacation, Jean-Pierre, vacation!

-Are you going to make a call? -No.

I'm waiting for a call. That's how the ad works.

You know you'll get a call, just not when.

So, you wait.

Very good, my friends.

Today, we'll work the earth, in the tree position.

It's important.

I want to see a forest.

No, Jean-Marc, that's not a tree, it's a nut.

There. A cactus is better.

-What's your tree, Sophie? -A palm tree.

How positive!

The Mayas say it's the most sensual of tropical trees.

I need to see you after, Sophie. I have an idea for you.

-You really don't want help? -I'm fine, thanks.

Sébastien, go home now and let Liza work. That's enough.

Don't sulk, Jean-Pierre.

Hey, Lucien, you're walking on your flip flops.

Good humor is important. It makes people smile,

makes people open up.

Alphonsine, your lace is undone!

You're so silly, Patrick!

See, she'll have a good day.

It's liberating.

If I may, personally,

I think you're too uptight.

You're uptight, buddy.

Listen, Patrick.

I might be uptight, but you're not my buddy.

You stress me. You've been here 2 hours,

I see pink everywhere, as if I walked on strawberry gum!

To be friends, you have to share things,

vacations, Christmases,

adventures,

memories. There! Memories.

Understand?

You choose a buddy.

Got a match?

Hiccups are a respiratory reflex

that are spasmodic and uncontrollable contractions

of the diaphragm and glottis.

How do you know all that?

Quiz shows.

You know, JP,

there's a guy in England who had the hiccups for 68 years.

Makes you wonder, eh?

It's nothing. It's the lizard effect.

Cut off its head, it keeps moving,

but it's dead.

Have a good day, JP.

Pass me the beers, sweetie.

See, I like shopping with you,

and you say we do nothing together.

We're not going to eat soy all summer!

Soy burgers, cookies, lasagna.

Know how much methane a cow gives off?

I'm earth friendly.

Pass me the rum, Earth-Friendly.

-What's that? -Soy rum.

I'm not joking. What is on your behind?

-A tattoo. Got a problem? -Yes.

-It's a problem -To clear my chakras, pappy.

Where did the chakra king put his hands to do that?

On my buttocks, Paulo.

How long did it take?

Two hours on my buttocks.

He even did the hairs on the paws!

-Tell me where Paulo is. -What? Where's Paulo?

I'm asking you where he is.

The one who danced all night, who said sweet things,

who sang Aznavour to me on the bridge.

Where is Paulo?

Paulo!

Paulo! Where is he?

Stop, Sophie! You're making a spectacle!

Where's Paulo?

Paulo!

You see?

You could've said it looked good.

That it's classy, that it got you going.

Compliments, like before.

Once sturgeons know the price of caviar, they become pretentious.

So, the ad works!

You found one. An Arcachon champion!

No, it's not mine. It's just for grocery shopping.

He was talking about the car.

You have 24 hours to find me a new site.

You hear? I want off site 17.

I'm speaking French! I'm done with #17!

Jacky, I have no choice. It's August, you know.

Why don't you take a bungalow in the meantime?

Why? I'll tell you, my poor Chatel.

Camping for me is an RV, folding chairs, and a transistor radio.

Definitely not a bungalow!

A bungalow isn't camping! It's bungaling!

Since you can't fix this, I will!

Expect big departures!

You shouldn't have awakened the mountaineer, mammy!

Mrs. Chatel, there's a real problem with the phone network.

All the campers are at my bungalow.

Why?

Dad?

Dad,

why don't you ever laugh like Patrick?

I don't know.

Maybe because we're different.

But is he happy? We don't know.

You're sad alot. Valérie says so, too.

I promise I'll think about all this.

In the meantime, nighty night.

Dad?

I love you.

I love you too.

-Hi, Patrick. -Hi.

-What are you doing? -I'm clipping coupons.

Do you just throw out your yogurt packaging?

-Yes. -Well, your silly.

With this coupon, it's minus $0.50,

this one, minus $0.40.

Multiply that by 20 yogurts and you save 10 euros!

Hi, Patrick. Have any Monoï oil?

EUR 2. Here, Didier.

Remember, I'm not really on vacation.

I'm on unemployment.

What are you doing today?

This is fun.

Canoing is pleasant.

I was thinking, you're lucky, you're on a good break.

A break on vacation is ideal to meet people.

Just picture it at Shogun: love, love, love!

Terrible. Oh, Jean-Pierre.

The other day I read in Biba

that marriage is the main cause of divorce.

Makes you think, right?

This is my secret spot.

Old Woman Island, as we say around here.

Here, pure Monoï oil from Dijon. I make it.

A gift for you.

Tanning is important. A tanned man feels better.

Hurry, Jean-Pierre.

I come here when I feel like yelling.

Yelling is important.

-What do you yell? -Depends on the year.

This year?

Pauline, for her to come back.

You never yell?

You should. It frees you. I used to be uptight like you,

until I became an Elvis look-alike.

-You were an Elvis look-alike? -Yes!

-But you look nothing like him. -Which is why I stopped.

Careful, too much Monoï kills the playboy.

-Mind eating with plastic? -Not at all. Vacation style.

Columbus sailed the Atlantic, but we sailed for plastic!

I fell in love with Valérie in high school in Clermont.

I was smitten.

I looked at her every day, never said a word.

She never looked. I didn't exist.

I was the little guy with glasses exempt from gym class.

And one evening, at the year-end party,

it was the 15 minutes when the girls asked the guys to dance.

The slow song started, "J'ai encore rêvé d'elle."

She asked me to dance and know what I did?

I said no.

What an idiot. What an idiot!

Then I moved and left that high school

and never saw her again.

I studied, met my wife, had Liza, divorced.

That's life.

Then, a year ago, one Thursday on my way to my mom's...

Every Thursday I go to my mom's.

I was waiting at a red light,

and who do I see crossing?

In a red winter coat...

...Valérie Bardel.

Wait for it.

Know what was playing on the radio?

-No. -Yes.

"J'ai encore rêvé d'elle."

"Once upon a time..."

So we met again and she said she'd never forgotten me.

Yeah.

-Jean-Pierre. -What?

-You didn't tie it up? -Valérie?

No, the boat!

It can't be!

You tie boats up, Jean-Pierre!

Where would I have tied it up? To a grain of sand? Shit!

Where are the phones?

We have to swim now!

Impossible.

Why?

I can't swim.

You can't swim?

Yes, I do. But only when I touch the bottom.

You can't swim?

I hope you're joking.

You're always in a bathing suit and can't swim!

You have hair, but you're no hairdresser!

OK.

I know what I have to do.

I'm going to the coast to look for help.

You must take initiatives in life!

Yes, yes.

But I don't recommend it. With the current and water level

you won't get far. Every year there are deaths.

Unless you're Laure Manaudou.

And I personally don't think that's you.

Shit!

You yelled, Jean-Pierre.

How strange, I see a supermarket. A mini-mart!

I see nudity in the aisles, Sophie.

And I see reflection in a time of doubt,

and a time of great questioning.

Laurette, did you ever cheat on Jacky?

-Pick a card. -It's not true.

Yes. A long time ago. With a policeman.

-Hey, Mama! -Oh, you scared me, Jacky!

What's your policeman friend's name who works at the ministry?

Because I'm taking this to the authorities!

That'll teach Mrs. Chatel!

Aren't there any boats!

They aren't crazy! There's a storm coming.

I don't feel very well.

One moment I'm shivering, the next I'm hot.

Am I a little red?

No, really you're not.

It's the sea air, it adds spice.

-Want a cheese square? -What do you think!

Hold it!

We're not going to start fighting! We just became buds.

Jean-Pierre, if ever we didn't make it,

it'd be funny to think you'd be the last person I'd see.

I'm saying that because of the legend.

What legend?

The legend of the island!

In the Arcachon region lived a couple,

very happy but very poor.

One day the man, while putting away his fishing net,

came across an old, wrinkly, ugly woman.

The old woman said to him, "If you leave your wife,

"I'll make you the richest, most powerful man

"in Teste-de-Buch. Meet me tomorrow."

After thinking it over all night,

the man took his belongings, left his poor wife and cabin.

He went to the point and waited and waited.

The old woman was nowhere to be seen.

The water quickly rose and surrounded him,

turning the point into a white sandy islet.

The man, who couldn't swim,

and who had but remorse to eat, died pathetically.

They say he was eaten by crabs.

That's the legend of Old Woman Island.

Patrick,

why did you choose me to be your bud?

It's not normal! It isn't!

He should be here already.

I know he left this morning with the new guy, but where?

There's no answer. The machine is full.

What do we tell the girl?

She's been asking questions.

-Where's my dad? -See.

Don't worry, dear, he just phoned. They're coming.

-If we start the cocktails... -No, that wouldn't be right.

We can't drink without him.

Can I talk with you?

We found it on Pyla Beach, stuck to a net.

Their friends say

one man is short and puny with brown hair,

and another, with a pink tank top and blue speedo.

How old?

Thirty-five?

Forty.

Forty-five.

It's the old woman!

First memory, JP.

We have a buddy, dad.

Ready?

Cheese!

Don't take this badly,

but you should dress more vacation style,

less like a mountaineer.

-Hi, Patrick. -Hi, Patrick.

Get it? To get rid of the wasp, stick with the honey pot.

Hi, Patrick.

Hey,

you didn't wait for Jean-Pierre?

Dear friends and constituents,

introducing Hotel Playa del Sol Golf Resort!

Five stars with a spa, restaurant, panoramic view,

convention hall and of course, a golf course.

That's also why, dear citizens,

this decision is so important,

for Moulleau.

Marie-Jo! Finally!

Excuse me, Mr. Mayor. I'm late. Sorry.

So, how are our friends at Flots Bleus?

As usual, full of problems and worries.

Every year I think it'll be worse,

-but this year's the worst. -The worst.

The worst.

It's like they all agreed to tire me out.

But it's my life.

I'm already working on next year's goody bag.

My dear Marie-Jo, I have good news.

You shall work on goody bags no more.

The Flots Bleus campground is to be sold.

The Bilbao real estate group, whose representatives are here,

has made us an offer we can't refuse.

We will position ourselves on a new sort of "vacaciones."

Isn't that right? Do you read me?

Something a little less wild.

Meaning, there'll be no more Flots Bleus campground?

Bull's-eye.

Hi, Patrick!

-What are you doing? -Theft-proofing my chairs.

-Can I ask you something? -Quickly. I'm going to karaoke.

Pauline told me you were a nice guy.

She did? Great! I think she's terrific.

-She also said you love kids. -And they love me.

-Great. So is it a yes? -It's a yes.

Can you watch Willy for me? I have to go see my boyfriend,

Julien, you know, from surfing.

-Yeah, but... -Thanks.

Thank you, Patrick.

Pauline's right. You're a great guy.

Sophie!

What a nice surprise! I didn't think you'd come.

I'm ready.

Ready? Let's go!

Is there a problem, Miss Chatel?

No, everything's fine.

Thank you, Laurette and Jacky. Time for our next singer.

His song brings back so many memories.

Mr. Jean-Pierre Savelli!

I had another dream about her

It's so silly

She did nothing to deserve this

I dreamt with such fervor

That the sheets still remember

I was sleeping inside her

Lulled by her professions of love

If only I'd open my eyes

And see her by my side

If only I knew where she'd be

Please give me hope to see

Let me have one night

One night, just for us two

And in the morning, she'll say "adieu"

-What's a break? -My dad's car, I think.

You're an eagle, Sophie.

Look at the small, 14th-century church.

What's your hand doing, Shamalack?

It's the altitude. I want you.

Well, the altitude is going down and your hand is going back up.

Don't mistake the eagle for a chick.

Take me back to camp, Shamalack.

I understand.

The karaoke prize will be awarded by Pauline,

the beautiful fry shop girl.

The one who our friend Patrick from Dijon dreams of.

Lucky Jean-Pierre will feel Pauline's smile on his cheeks.

Jean-Pierre is our new camp cutie pie,

the great seducer of these women.

Jean-Pierre, everybody!

Thank you very much.

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Jean-Pierre, bachelor. My number is 06-18-41-94-17.

Ladies, take a bite of me.

Or try the paella!

Everybody dig in.

A good mood is the ticket! Thank you.

Hello? Yes, Mr. Mayor.

You're not eating, Patrick?

-Patrick can't have paella! -What?

No time to dream about her:

he's babysitting!

-Come sit! -No! I'm done.

There are some pretty dull people

-in this camp. -Who're you talking about?

Never mind, Mr. Bali schemer.

Listen to Mr. Always-Dumped.

I bet if I google "cuckold," you'll come up.

-You calling me a cuckold? -What's wrong?

You lost your minds?

-Maybe, but not our licenses. -Stop acting like children!

Shut it, Miss Tarot.

-What did you say? -He said we're sick of you!

She's always whining for a plot!

Come on, Laurette. We're out.

There's nothing keeping us here.

Bunch of idiots!

From now on, we all keep to ourselves!

I'm sick of seeing people's hair

in the shower!

Well, I'm sick of seeing toothpaste smeared on the sinks!

We're sick of it! Sick of it! Sick of Les Flots Bleus!

Shit! Willy!

Some of us are sleeping!

Willy, it's Patrick!

Babies don't just disappear.

Forgot something?

From Miss Tarot to you,

without comment.

We cool, Sophie? I got carried away.

No worries. Sleep tight.

Sophie.

Your astral chart, on papyrus.

Hey, Mr. Gondolier,

let's talk. Is this "earth friendly"?

I let some stuff slide, but that's over.

Who do you think you are, Paulo?

Paul Gatineau, married 20 years to Sophie Cabrol-Duchesne,

for better and for worse!

So, Mr. Animal Tattoo Expert, you get away from my wife.

I have my own program: you on the ground, me happy.

OK, Paulo, that's enough!

You butt out, Mrs. Shamalack!

How does it feel to split a couple

happily married for 20 years?

A responsible family man who owns 2 shops in Nantes.

Do you even know about Nantes?

I'll show you.

I think we've said it all. Either you leave or I do.

You have the night to decide.

What's going on, Sophie?

Nothing serious.

I want to find a guy who understands me.

Someone who looks at me...

...like a woman.

I understand. I understand very well.

Do you think we'll ever be happy, Patrick honey?

-I'll have to leave Dijon. -What?

Such nice hair.

-Unbelievable. You're hard? -No!

-You are! -Are you nuts?

I guess I was right.

You're a little too hot for someone ready for "maturity."

You're all the same.

I don't know what Sophie wants.

She's not right for you. You're a warrior.

You're a player, like me.

I've always thought we were the same.

Look. The 2 Swedes from Shogun.

They talked about you. They like you.

Can I tell you something, Paulo?

You'll be like a bear at the honey expo here.

Now that everyone is on "break,"

all activities are suspended until further notice,

except for tonight's dance,

where we'll happily await your presence.

Ask me to dance. It'll spare us from looking ridiculous.

Tomorrow night at Shogun,

we'll be electing Mr. Camping!

Mr. Camping!

I tell you, she doesn't like Poles.

-But you're not Polish! -She doesn't know that!

Stop drinking, I beg you!

Miss Chatel!

There!

Did you take our picture? It's the last you'll see of us.

And another thing, Miss Flots Bleus Camp Director,

you'll always be a spinster hooked on this campground,

like a mussel on its rock!

Jacky, stop!

The fisherman who'll unhook you doesn't exist!

Old cod!

Next year, this joke will be missing the Pics.

There won't be a next year, Mr. Pic.

There won't ever be a next year again.

They're selling Les Flots Bleus.

The city's turning it into a spa.

Leave me alone for a bit.

André, it is out of the question

that Les Flots Bleus, our parcel of joy, disappear.

My friends...

Stop shilly-shallying! You can't do this.

Don't forget how, in '67, your father and I

caught a skipjack big like this!

It weighed 24.34 kg. A record!

Jacky, I'm not against you.

If it were up to me, you'd be welcome back.

But my constituents have voted

and the decision is final.

Well then, know this: you've seen nice Jacky,

you've seen stupid Jacky,

and now you'll see Jacky Chan!

I bought tickets to see Jean-Claude Borelly on Tuesday.

What a life!

I was thinking last night.

Paulo and I met at the Flots Bleus Dance 20 years ago.

Our whole story is in this camp.

Everything's fine, Mrs. Pic.

Let's just call it a bout of fatigue.

-Did he say anything? -Yes, he said...

"Pastis, with very little water."

What a shock! I can't believe it.

We need you, Paulo. We need everyone.

You can live in my tent. Just wear a bathing suit.

-What's the hold up, Paulo? -Wait.

Maybe it's just the nudity, but I've been thinking.

Campers, RVs, GPS... It's all crap.

I'm an idiot.

Plus, I'm starting to get chilly.

We will not let Camp Flots Bleus get erased from the map!

Listen to me, fellow campers. If they go ahead,

then we'll go on a hunger strike!

-The media will side with us! -He's right!

Follow me.

Can I come, Patrick?

No, we can't bring you, honey. Whatever happens,

just know you were the best part of my vacation,

-after Pauline. -This isn't a war or anything.

We don't know, my dear.

Sophie!

Can I talk to you?

We're off to nobly fight for the camp,

so keep your distance.

Halt!

Children and fragile persons to the side!

Everyone else, follow me!

They've been sitting on the dune for a while.

They're willing to starve to death.

Will you cover it?

OK, thank you.

Not interested. We have to call back in September.

-Try the "Dépêche du Basin." -OK.

Can I ask you something?

When you did groceries naked, where did you put your wallet?

We have to try something else. Plus, my pudding might spoil.

Hello, is this the President's office?

I wish to speak to the President of the Republic, please.

Or to his wife, the singer.

Yes, sure.

Tell him it's Mr. Chirac. No, the other one.

Very well. Very well.

Thank you, Miss. You're too kind.

He's on a jog.

Hey, everyone.

I might have an idea to save the camp.

-It's Mario's plate. -No. It's a Gallic artifact.

So?

So building in places with artifacts is illegal, right?

Yes, we had a case like that once.

I don't doubt your word, boys,

but the law calls for an expert opinion.

-An expert? -From the DRAC.

You know, cultural affairs.

I think we'll need 2 experts.

Here's my plan of attack. This is Jean-Pierre.

No way.

The mayor doesn't know you.

Here. "The Time of the Gallo-Romans."

You have 2 days to study. Be careful, it's from the shop.

We have 2 Flots Bleus camps.

Two experts: one real, one fake.

The fake, Jean-Pierre,

looks at the plates, says they're authentic

and calls for 6 months of digging.

The goal is to scare the Spanish away.

Miss Chatel said they found another opportunity.

What about the real expert?

Leave him to us.

Bernard Couécou, cultural affairs.

Patrick Chirac, Dijon.

Sir, in general, I loathe pointless trips.

I understand.

Mind the lady.

We have Catalan tuna.

I repeat: we have Catalan tuna.

Roger. We have Catalan tuna.

We have Catalan tuna, Jean-Pierre.

-I won't pull it off. -Of course you will.

I'm not worried at all.

I warn you. If it's an artifact,

there'll be months to years of digging.

-We don't want that. -The expert might disagree.

Let's keep a cool head.

If that's an artifact, I'm Brad Pitt.

Hello, everyone. Jean-Pierre Barzotti, DRAC.

Hello.

May I see the plate?

Here we are at Les Flots Bleus!

-Hello. -Hello.

-Oh, it's a... -A nudist camp.

The DRAC didn't mention it?

You have to strip down to go inside.

-Or remove your tie at least. -No, I'm an expert.

I expertize.

I didn't know the Galls invaded Sweden.

And a fondue plate to booth.

Take me to the station now.

-We had an intuition. -Sure you did.

So, case closed.

Closed and then some.

What is this?

Take me to Les Flots Bleus.

Aquitaine really started with the Romans,

who, with General Publius Crassus,

lieutenant to Jules Caesar, the crowned one,

attached Aquitaine to Rome.

Aquitaine, namely Bordeaux, then called Burdigala,

became a Roman fief very quickly.

Jacky, he's a history professor, not a DRAC guy.

Let's check him out.

No reception!

May I finish? Thank you.

This leads me to my main point:

the Romans loved oysters,

especially Arcachon ones, with a little glass of Pinot.

That's nice, but is the plate Gallo-Roman or not?

What are you doing?

-It's OK. -We've wasted enough time.

Let's go.

Mr. Chirac, I hope I'll see what this mess is about,

because the consequences could go very far.

How far?

Very, very far.

Listen, Mr. Couécou, plates are a mystery to me.

I'm from Dijon, we know mustard, maybe glasses, but...

Enough!

Mr. Barzotti, the city is generous,

it can even be friendly.

Where's the plate?

Bernard Couécou, DRAC.

How many are you?

I'm not from the DRAC.

I mean, not the DRAC exactly. I'm from a subsidiary.

I'm more in Nicolas Hulot's territory.

It's different!

-Anyway! -They're not at all the same.

Ladies and gentlemen.

We are in the presence of a rare piece.

As the surface design indicates,

this is a Gallic oyster dish

that I can date back to 200 BC!

It's a disaster. A disaster!

I ask that you keep your distance.

We must cordon off lot 17 with protective tape.

This lot is closed until further notice.

The lot is closed.

We'll never beat this, Mama.

A Gallo-Roman pastis is my kind of pastis!

Don't worry, Jacky.

They'll dig 2 months, find nothing,

and plot 17 will be plot 17 again.

From your mouth to God's ear!

If I'd known about that plate... I got it at the flea market!

Jean-Pierre.

I missed you all.

I feel like you have great friends here.

We haven't had the same perspective in a while.

True.

I love you.

What a vacation!

You're leaving?

Yup, I had to take less time off because of the recession.

Here. I made you a present.

Don't open it until I'm gone.

Thank you.

I wanted you to know

that I'm happy I got to know you.

I never asked you what your name is.

Chirac. Patrick Chirac.

You idiot.

You don't give up.

A cheerful mood. That's the ticket.

Well, I have to pack up.

Don't tell anyone, OK?

I don't like goodbyes.

Don't worry, Chirac.

Not a word.

I'll just tiptoe out. Say goodbye to everyone for me.

Tell Pauline... Actually, never mind.

Bye, Willy!

-See you next year. -See you next year.

Bye, Patrick.

Bye, Patrick. See you next year.

See you next year, Patrick.

-Where are you going? -Dijon, I guess.

Pauline, wait!

Checking girls out in traffic means nothing!

Don't tell me we're on a break!