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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:11,680 Okay folks, here they come and come, and lots of applause 4 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:19,240 Oh, look here, the marvelous Harry Secombe, the delightful Spike Milligan 5 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,200 Oh and Peter Sellers 6 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,600 This is the BBC home service 7 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:36,800 Another remarkable nineteen fifty-seven edition of the wireless 8 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:41,960 talking-type, Goon Show! 9 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,320 You sir, yes you with the linen hair and oily suit 10 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,360 And what is it that you want you sick and twisted boy? 11 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:51,000 I must ask you to empty your pockets 12 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,720 Ah, quit stalling man! Empty your pockets! 13 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:03,200 Now, listen to me, Neddy that is our worldly wealth 14 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,640 What, what, what, what, what, what, what?! 15 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:08,440 Then, what's that ominous bulge in the seat of his trousers? 16 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,640 Oh, just some leather meringues 17 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,120 Now, listen to me, my God man 18 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,880 We'd like to hire your stained glass battering ram 19 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,240 - Ooh, what for? - Uh, how about two schillings? 20 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,080 I haven't got two shillings 21 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,880 We'll take it anyway 22 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:28,280 No, you dirty, rotten swine 23 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:35,960 You broke my little castle store a stow away, I say! Come on out! 24 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,000 All right, I will come out 25 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,440 Send in Mr. Sellers 26 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:53,280 - Good morning - Good morning Mr. Sellers 27 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:57,720 - Now... - You Brenner? 28 00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,760 Goodness, is that you with him? 29 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:05,120 Yes, now am I right in reading that you're here for the part of Ned Brockway? 30 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:06,640 Yes, that's right 31 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:10,440 You do realize that the script calls for a sixty-years old, war veteran? 32 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,560 I've got his voice worked out perfectly 33 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,000 Perhaps I could do a bit for you? 34 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,320 Mr. Sellers, I know you're quit big on radio 35 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,680 - Well, I don't like to boast - But film's a bit of a different medium 36 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,920 And it's one I'm quite, quite keen on 37 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,560 A visual medium, dear 38 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:28,680 - Yes, of course - A very unforgivingly visual medium 39 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,080 But thank you ever so much for coming 40 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:54,280 I am little Michael Bluebottle I'm an ace private detective 41 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:59,240 He's got hish own schcooter he's got his own, kneecaps 42 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,800 He goes anywhere in Finchley 43 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:06,120 And I am hotfoot after the criminals what have stolen all the string 44 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:11,480 - I suspect the Moriarty man? - Ah, where is that Moriarty man? 45 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,000 Thinks 46 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,440 - Points finger - Pointy, pointy, pointy 47 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,280 - Oh God, now we've done it - Oh, I'll get her Anne 48 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:20,760 No, that's all right, I'll go 49 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,640 No, Anne, it's my house, I'll help Peter 50 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,240 You're tired, you stay and rest 51 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,000 - Have some fun - Leave it to me and Peg 52 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:33,200 All right, dad... you can be Major Dennis Bloodnock 53 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:37,840 And you've just apprehended England's biggest string criminal 54 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,880 - All right, yes - Peter? 55 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,560 You're under arrest 56 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:46,120 Darling, it's all right, it's all right 57 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,040 - Dear, dear me - Look who's here 58 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,680 - That's the girl - Is it time for a change? 59 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,800 Sh... sh... sh... oh, she's so lovely 60 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,280 - There we are - Thanks Mum 61 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,600 I'll... I'll do it 62 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:03,360 Ooh, ohh, boo-boo-boo-boo 63 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:07,280 Those film people won't have anything to do with me, Mum 64 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,960 It was my fifth audition this week 65 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,280 - What did they say to you? - Same thing they always say to me 66 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:16,720 Not good-looking enough not magnetic enough, stick to radio, dear 67 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:21,040 that's what you're good at, keep being the ring master in a circus of twits 68 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,000 Maybe I should just be content 69 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,080 You simpering cow 70 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:34,240 How can you be content changing nappies in a four room flat like a woman? 71 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,240 You want to be a failure like your father? Keep mewing about contentment 72 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:40,640 - That's not very fair, Peg - I didn't bring you up to be content 73 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:45,040 I didn't slog around third-rate music halls, doing these shows a night 74 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,720 So you can powder your baby's bottom 75 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:50,080 And whine about how nobody ever gives the radioman a chance 76 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:55,040 Ah Peter, no one's gonna hand it to you 77 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,200 You want success you gotta go out and take it 78 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:03,160 Bite the hand that feeds you, then there's always be another hand with more food 79 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,920 And they'll be impressed by the sharpness of your teeth 80 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:16,080 Come you, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes... 81 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,080 - I love you, Peter - I love you, Peg 82 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:24,080 - I really love you, Peter - I love you too, Peg 83 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:28,840 - I really love you, Peter - No, I really love you, Peg 84 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,240 Send in Mr. Cobblers 85 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,400 Good morning 86 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:46,400 - Good morning - Aye, it is 87 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,600 Ah, would you like to sit down, Mr. Cobbers? 88 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:54,720 I prefer to stand if you don't mind, ooh 89 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:59,520 You see, I caught a bit of shrapnel... in the Ardennes 90 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,040 Oh, I quite understand 91 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,120 Now, I don't appear to have received your C.V 92 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:07,160 Well, that could be because I don't have one madam 93 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:12,160 I don't believe a man's worth can be summed up on a piece of paper 94 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,640 It wouldn't be fair to me, or to you 95 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:21,320 Or to any of those dear lads I've left behind, in no man's land 96 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:30,760 - But you have acted? - All over this fair land, madam 97 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,520 Well, you have to have a formal audition, of course 98 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:39,480 - But I must say... you're nearly perfect - Well... 99 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,640 - Wai... oh, oh, oh, oh, oh - Oh! Oh, heavens, ah, oh 100 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,880 - Oh - Up there 101 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:49,320 Yes, well, that's what I was thinking 102 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:57,880 - It's me Peter - You naughty boy 103 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,360 Perhaps now we could talk about my contract? 104 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:41,120 Our nominees for best performance by a British actor, are 105 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:48,200 Richard Burton, Peter Finch Lawrence Olivier, and Peter Sellers 106 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:54,480 And the British Academy Award goes to, Peter Sellers for I'm Alright Jack 107 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,800 Your royal highness uh, you naughty man 108 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,880 Ladies and gentlemen, first of all, may I say, thank you very, very much indeed 109 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,280 For this wonderful award which I shall treasure 110 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:17,440 You know I went to consult an acknowledged expert about tonight 111 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:21,320 Someone who has published several pamphlets on this subject 112 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,200 My mother 113 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:27,200 And she told me to be short be sweet, and be circumscribed 114 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,200 Which I am 115 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,600 Don't we have any macaroons? 116 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,760 It would be nice to think me son were very happy then 117 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:03,000 And he might have been happy with good enough 118 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:15,160 Come here, but good enough was never what his mother had in mind 119 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,960 That boy needed a firmer hand 120 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:30,480 I don't know, maybe if Peg had let us all settle down in one place for long enough 121 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,120 If Peter had regular routine life 122 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:37,320 I might have been able to teach him something about life, the way I saw it 123 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,720 The straightforwardness of it 124 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,800 We had to keep show on road 125 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,800 I remember once, we were all in a café in Brighton having our tea 126 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,960 Peter would have been five, no probably six 127 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,720 We got down to the last cake on the plate 128 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,360 And before I could even ask who wanted to share it 129 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:03,120 Peter snatched it up, licked it all over 130 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,720 I took it off him, of course 131 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:09,400 He threw himself down on the floor screaming his bloody head off 132 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,640 Peg just laughed, she bought him sweets 133 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,480 Those bloody rages 134 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:19,680 Peter always got the last cake 135 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,440 - Even if it were on someone else's plate - Background Action 136 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:41,800 Mr. Sellers, what does it feel like to be co-starring with Sophia Loren? 137 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:48,360 Uh, soft, warm, a little like being a young boy in a bakery 138 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,640 Very early in the morning 139 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,720 There she is! 140 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,080 It's Ella, ah look 141 00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,720 This way Miss Loren 142 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,880 Excuse me? 143 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,840 Which one of you gentlemen is Peter Sellers? 144 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,280 Welcome to England, Miss Loren 145 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,560 We've never had it so good 146 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:45,320 I'm so pleased Miss Loren to be telling me about your dreams 147 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:49,600 Oh Doctor, they started when I was a girl 148 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:54,360 A girl, Goodness, gracious me, that is a very good start 149 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,240 And what were you dreaming about as a girl? 150 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:58,680 Boys 151 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,600 - So you were being crazy for the boys - No 152 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,600 They were crazy for me 153 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,040 That is not so crazy 154 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,600 Such a funny boy 155 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,440 Excuse me, uh, Miss Loren, it's your husband 156 00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:19,320 Ah, thank you, oh Carlo ciao amore, come estas? 157 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:21,720 Si 158 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,960 Get out of the way, I can't see 159 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,240 Open your eyes 160 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,240 Surprise 161 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:46,840 Wow 162 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,480 Daddy, what's in there? 163 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:01,160 And here we have this year's Formula One grand champion Michael Sellers 164 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:04,160 whom the press have dubbed the Human Lightning Bolt 165 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:05,600 and like any young professional 166 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,840 young sellers likes to give his equipment a careful once-over 167 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,800 It is this attention to detail that has allowed this intrepid speedster 168 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,800 to leave Sterling Moss in the dust last year at Aintree 169 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:20,840 Eyes clear, jaw fixed, the ambitious Sellers presents a portrait of determination 170 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,680 What's that sir? 171 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,240 What the bloody hell is that? 172 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:35,760 I'm going to phone the dealer hard-shell paint job, bollocks! 173 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,600 I'll murder him! 174 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,320 Come, see, Dad, come on 175 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,280 All right, I'm coming 176 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:51,080 Dad, come and see, please 177 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:57,440 I fixed it for you, I made it look beautiful it looks just like a racing car now 178 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,640 Dad? Don't you like it dad? 179 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,480 Dad? 180 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:28,240 You see Michael? I fixed all your toys for you 181 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,520 Aren't they beautiful? 182 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,840 Come on darling, we're going downstairs 183 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,440 Come on, it's all right 184 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,200 Two 185 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:23,280 - Michael? - Yes 186 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,200 - You know what happened this morning? - Yeah? 187 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,760 - You know daddy didn't mean it, don't you? - Yeah 188 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:34,000 - You know it's not your fault? - Yeah 189 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:40,400 He's working very hard and he just gets carried away sometimes 190 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,000 Okay 191 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:54,560 Michael? Can I see you for a second? 192 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,000 We're in here 193 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,240 Hi Mike, I've got a surprise for you 194 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,120 Say partner, come and say howdy to your new friend 195 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,240 - Give him some apple - Okay 196 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,480 Hello 197 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,440 - Amazing - Do you like it? 198 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,080 - I love him - Come around the front 199 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,440 - Look, Mum - I think he likes you 200 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,880 A big smile for daddy 201 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,760 - I thought, let's call him Fred - Fred 202 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,680 He's asleep 203 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,200 Tell me honestly, darling 204 00:18:56,320 --> 00:19:00,600 Do you find it hard to believe that a woman like this could fall for a man like me? 205 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,520 Maybe it is something to do with the mystery of being in love 206 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:20,360 I'm afraid Min, we're going to have to take all these little cars to the toy hospital 207 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,680 It's just not charming anymore 208 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:29,440 That's good, I have to be more than charming, I've got to be passionate 209 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,960 I'm starring opposite the most beautiful woman in the world 210 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,400 Your son was terrified today 211 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:39,760 I'm under a lot of pressure I could use your support 212 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:43,160 You've always had my support Peter 213 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,520 it's my patience that I'm no longer sure about 214 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,840 Peter? 215 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,920 - Peter, what are you doing? - I've been bad 216 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:30,120 - Oh Peter, come out of there - No 217 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:35,640 Oh, hello 218 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,880 Can't you come down here and join the little people 219 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:04,040 - Peter - Yes my love? 220 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,240 Why can't we be a normal family? 221 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,280 We are 222 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,600 Sarah, here 223 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,840 - Keep waving to Daddy - Have a drink 224 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,600 - That's nice - Michael 225 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,640 I love you! 226 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,320 Bird singing in the sycamore... 227 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,160 - Champagne, Sophia? - Please 228 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:40,520 Little dream of me, oh, cha, cha 229 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,560 Thank you 230 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,320 Are you tired? I could give you a lift home after this, you know? 231 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:08,560 My home is Rome that's an awfully long drive, no? 232 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,400 Well, we do have all night 233 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,040 You are sweet, but the studio gives me a limo 234 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,080 Besides, you live so far out here in the country 235 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,800 It's out of your way to drive me into town 236 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,320 The great thing about being in town is you're so close to everything 237 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:33,840 Buckingham Palace is just across the way 238 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,120 You know, in case you need to borrow some sugar 239 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,560 It's not moving I mind, Peter 240 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,360 It's just not knowing I'm moving 241 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:52,480 Tadaa! Ksh 242 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,560 Oh, darling, I'd like you to meet Ted Levy 243 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,600 I've brought him on as our interior decorator 244 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,560 By royal appointment HRH you know, to lighten your load an all 245 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,120 Ted, Anne 246 00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:08,520 It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Sellers 247 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,120 He's a handsome devil isn't he? But I figure... 248 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:18,160 a handsome man probably will be able to make us a very handsome flat 249 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,120 - Yes - Well, I wouldn't go as far as that 250 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:25,680 Now Anne, Ted has got some brilliant ideas for this place 251 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,440 Mr. Levy, was it? 252 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,000 Ted 253 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,760 Ooh, cal time, I've gotta go 254 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,560 I must dash off 255 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,480 You two, choose away 256 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,360 Oh, have a drinkie-poo and make a night of it 257 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,840 Ted, whatever's fine with Anne is perfectly fine with me 258 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,360 Why don't I show you what I've got in mind? 259 00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:29,840 - Darling, you made it - Oh, Peter 260 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,400 Isn't your wife joining us? 261 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:35,840 Andre 262 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,520 What would sir and madam say to a little fish? 263 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:43,760 I'd probably say, "Hello, little fish" 264 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,760 Thank you 265 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,040 To us, my darling 266 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,520 You are wonderful 267 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,160 I just can't believe my luck 268 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:04,240 Ah, you are lucky, how? 269 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,760 We're going to be very happy together 270 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,920 It's so dark in here, huh? 271 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,840 Ah, yes, well... we have to take precautions, you know 272 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,080 What do you mean, precautions? 273 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:28,720 Should we... should, tell the world? Stop all this sneaking about? 274 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:33,320 But Peter, I thought we were having a friendly dinner 275 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,240 I'd be a relief to you, too Ponti's such a nice man 276 00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:44,400 It must be hard lying to your husband 277 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,760 I think you are mistaken 278 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:54,920 Go home to your children and, go home to your wife, Peter 279 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:11,680 She's right, they should be the first to know 280 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,960 Well, what do you think? 281 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:21,800 Does this mean you want a divorce? 282 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:29,200 Oh, you know I hadn't thought about it, not necessarily 283 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,400 Do you still love us? 284 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:41,920 Of course I do, sweetheart 285 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:51,560 Just, not as much as I love Sophia Loren 286 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,720 - What he's talking about - I don't know, darling, come here 287 00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,040 Hello, Ted? 288 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,920 It's Anne Sellers 289 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:29,600 Uhm, I'm glad you're there I've had an idea about the color 290 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,720 Well I was wondering if we could meet 291 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,840 Yes, yes, that would be lovely 292 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,360 I'll see you there 293 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:49,760 George, how are you? 294 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:33,520 Hello, are you enjoying being Sophia's stand-in? 295 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:35,960 Yes 296 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:39,160 Have you ever ridden in the back of a Rolls Royce? 297 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:44,360 - Why no - Next best thing to a Bentley 298 00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:48,760 Anne? 299 00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,080 Michael? 300 00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:02,760 You awake? 301 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:05,880 Hi, Dad 302 00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:09,480 What is it? 303 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:16,080 Your mother is sleeping with the interior decorator 304 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:52,680 - Where are the children? - They're at Peg's 305 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:55,960 If you leave this flat I'm going to jump off this balcony 306 00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:58,920 Don't make me any promises, Peter 307 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:01,240 All right! I'll meet you downstairs 308 00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:09,960 I had you followed, the detectives asked me if I wanted to see any pictures 309 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:13,440 I told them no, I thought that was rather chivalrous 310 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:14,880 How considerate 311 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,200 You are not to leave this house again, I forbid it 312 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:19,400 Come back here 313 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:23,120 Anne! 314 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,400 I do love you 315 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:48,560 I'm so fucking bored of the little boy! 316 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,240 Why can't you be a man? 317 00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:02,360 You're a miserable, lying, shit, I hate you 318 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:26,160 I'll meet you downstairs 319 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,920 - And, cut! - That was cut 320 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:44,360 Check the gate 321 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,480 Could we do it again please? I didn't quite feel it 322 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:49,920 There's no time darling, fix it in post 323 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:51,920 Oh, all right 324 00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:55,880 This way, Mrs. Sellers 325 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:13,640 Oh, Peter, I love you so much I'm so sorry I hurt you 326 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:15,440 I should never have slept with Ted 327 00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:17,280 You're the best lover I've ever had 328 00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:20,640 I'm going down to the lobby to tell Ted that I never want to see him again 329 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:24,160 And then we'll go out to your favorite restaurant, and eat a sumptuous meal 330 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:25,960 And after that I'm going to make love to you 331 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:29,320 Like no wife has ever made love to her husband before 332 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:47,600 - I'm just going to freshen up, and then... - I'll meet you downstairs 333 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,800 That's much better 334 00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:17,200 She's gone, Mum 335 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,920 You're all right, you're with Peg now 336 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:32,520 I thought if I just gave the world a little push, it would all fall into place 337 00:34:33,240 --> 00:34:38,680 - Well, at least you tried, dear - Perhaps I should call, Anne 338 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,360 She left you, let her go 339 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,600 I just don't know what's going to happen next 340 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:58,040 Don't you worry my little boy, the future's ours now 341 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,560 And there are many ways of finding it 342 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:06,720 Turn the light out, Bill 343 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:33,040 Mr. Sellers? Maurice Woodruff, you wish to see me 344 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,720 Roger Moore speaks very highly of you 345 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:40,560 As he should, come, the future is this way 346 00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:59,640 You are aware that green is the unluckiest color in the spectrum? 347 00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:02,760 - It is? - It's positively fatal 348 00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:15,240 - You feel better? - Immensely 349 00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:23,360 So, what else is troubling you? 350 00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:26,440 You're the fortuneteller shouldn't you already know? 351 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,640 Even fortune's pump needs priming 352 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:39,120 Uh, I keep making changes 353 00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:43,640 you know, big ones and little ones 354 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:46,680 Always hoping that the next one will be the right one 355 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,640 I lost weight, I bought new clothes 356 00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,920 I changed my radio job for a film career 357 00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,960 I changed my marriage into a divorce 358 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:02,040 Nothing makes me happy the way that I'm supposed to be happy 359 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:06,120 One can't be happy, if one's lonely 360 00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:27,120 Spirits are telling me that there will be many pretty ladies, in your life 361 00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,800 You see, Peter you don't mind if I call you Peter? 362 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,520 - No - You like pretty ladies? 363 00:37:36,720 --> 00:37:39,840 You're quite a perceptive man, Maurice 364 00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,640 Hello, ladies, yes, it is me 365 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:10,520 A very good day to you sir welcome to our showroom 366 00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,680 It's absolutely delightful 367 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:17,680 As you can see, we... we do have all the latest models 368 00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:23,480 - Here's a sporty little number - Mm, superb 369 00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,520 Or, perhaps something more along these lines 370 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,560 Big grille on this one 371 00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:33,560 Oh, yes, sir, I have one of these myself, sir 372 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:35,720 - May I? - Please 373 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:42,560 Ah, the Germans are amazing, aren't they? How about, engine noise? 374 00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:45,880 Well, she'll certainly growl when you're hard on the floor, sir 375 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:48,280 Rest of the time, silent as a kitten 376 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,120 Me-ow 377 00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:59,040 So, what will it take to get sir into one of these today? 378 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:02,280 A test drive 379 00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:11,640 Emma, how fast do you run the quarter mile? 380 00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:13,360 Honestly, Mr. Sellers 381 00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:15,360 Thank you Emma, that'll be all 382 00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:25,760 Blake Edwards, is shooting a David Niven movie, in Rome and Switzerland 383 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,320 Starts filming next week, wants you 384 00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:29,760 - Next week? - Mm-hmm 385 00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:31,560 He obviously hasn't wanted me for that long 386 00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:33,000 It's a supporting part 387 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,160 Peter Ustinov's pulled out 388 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:39,120 Oh, well, yes of course, I'll do it 389 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:43,560 Any part not good enough for Ustinov, is perfectly fine for me 390 00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,880 - Peter - I'm not taking Ustinov's sloppy seconds 391 00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,880 I won the fucking British Academy Award for god's sake! 392 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,320 Are you going to overreact 393 00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:56,280 or are you going to listen to why your very smart agent wants you to do this? 394 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,960 Apparently I'm going to overreact 395 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:06,120 Go on 396 00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,640 Blake Edwards is the hottest director in Hollywood right now 397 00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,840 "Days of Wine and Roses" "Breakfast at Tiffany's" 398 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:19,040 He can get anyone he wants and Peter, he wants you 399 00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:22,320 United Artist is putting a lot of weight behind this picture 400 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,640 It's gonna get very wide very international release 401 00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:27,640 Now, you may be a big star in Britain, love 402 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,280 but the folks in Duluth have never heard of you 403 00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,120 Well, we're even I've never heard of Duluth 404 00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:35,400 It's in United States 405 00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:41,160 Oh, that Duluth 406 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,840 It's called "The Pink Panther" 407 00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:50,840 Sounds like a bloody strip joint, for poofs 408 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,800 Please, try mine 409 00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:31,560 Excuse me but aren't you Peter Sellers? 410 00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:35,640 Not today 411 00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:54,280 Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to make our final approach into Rome International 412 00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,840 - Uh, excusez-moi - Please take your seat, sir 413 00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:01,520 Please ensure your seatbelts are fastened and your seats are in the upright position 414 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:05,200 - Sir - Yes, I'm looking for my trunk 415 00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,320 - Your trun? - What? 416 00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:12,360 - Y... you said trun? - I know perfectly well what I said 417 00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:15,080 Right, I don't understand 418 00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:18,080 Are you not familiar with Her Majesty's tongue? 419 00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:25,960 Yes, I am, and I can assure you the word trun, does not exist in our language 420 00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,440 Then I demand to speak to the person in charge 421 00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:30,000 I am the person in charge, sir 422 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:34,040 - Ah, then I demand to speak with you - Uh... you are speaking to me 423 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:35,600 Of course I'm speaking with you 424 00:42:35,720 --> 00:42:40,760 What kind of a crazy stewardess thinks a passenger stands speaking with himself? 425 00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,440 What kind of a passenger puts everyone's lives at risk just before a landing? 426 00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,000 Our lives are at risk? 427 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,200 Our live are not at risk 428 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:53,640 Now sit down and belt up I'm getting completely lost 429 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:55,080 Lost? 430 00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,480 Yes, I have a sly instinct of emergency 431 00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:01,440 - Do not fear, read another magazine - French twit 432 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:07,880 I want you to go very quietly and speak with the pee-lot 433 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:09,760 - Pee-lot? - What? 434 00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:11,200 You said pee-lot 435 00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:13,280 I know very well what I said 436 00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:18,160 I have a funny feeling we might be landing in Rome sooner than we think 437 00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,240 Do be careful Mr. Sellers 438 00:43:50,720 --> 00:43:54,720 Carol, our guest has arrived will you take his coat, please? 439 00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:00,280 And he also looks a little thirsty, Jill? 440 00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:09,240 Ah yes, Switzerland, of course 441 00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:11,760 Come here Jill 442 00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:19,320 - Hi, Greg Anderson - Running things on a shoestring, I see 443 00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:22,320 - Well, welcome to Hollywood - This is Italy 444 00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:24,240 Hollywood is a state of mind 445 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:28,240 I've got one or two ideas about Clouseau 446 00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:30,320 - Couple bits of business I'd like to... - Peter 447 00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:32,960 The script will be shot as written 448 00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,440 - Yes but in the bedroom scene... - I mean it 449 00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:41,640 You believe this guy? 450 00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:45,040 Okay, you look great 451 00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,440 Let's shoot this, now this is where we introduce Clouseau 452 00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:50,560 And we tip off the audience that your wife is David's mistress 453 00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:52,880 Now, we're kind of in a hurry because we only have... 454 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,480 Niven until two o'clock so I'd like to get this in one take 455 00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:57,120 - Ready? - Set go 456 00:44:57,240 --> 00:44:59,760 Okay, he's only got one line just keep him in the frame, okay? 457 00:44:59,880 --> 00:45:03,040 Whatever he does Henri, you wanna take your mark? 458 00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:07,360 Okay, one ninety-two, A, take one 459 00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:09,520 Action 460 00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:36,960 We must find that woman 461 00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:41,240 Is that what you said? 462 00:45:48,240 --> 00:45:49,760 - Tell me you got that - We got it! 463 00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:51,480 Testing 464 00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:56,160 On the set of Pink Panther in Gstaad Switzerland with Peter Sellers 465 00:45:56,680 --> 00:46:03,520 Peter, how are you able to inhabit your characters so successfully? 466 00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:10,160 Uh, well, you see, I don't really have any personality of my own 467 00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:14,440 There used to be a me behind the mask, then I had it surgically removed 468 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:21,600 I don't know, if I didn't have characters like Clouseau, I don't know who I'd be 469 00:46:21,720 --> 00:46:23,040 Perhaps I'd be you 470 00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,800 But then, if I were you who would you be? 471 00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,920 - You - Uh, that's very good 472 00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:35,080 So... word is you're stealing this movie from David Niven 473 00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:37,440 No, no, no, no, no, that's ridiculous 474 00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:40,640 This, this is such a team effort 475 00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:45,920 David Niven, is one of the cinemas most distinguished leading men 476 00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,960 One can learn a lot from people like that, you know 477 00:46:59,720 --> 00:47:02,400 Terrific, Blake talk tomorrow about that 478 00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:06,360 Good show, the frogs will never forgive you, well done 479 00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:08,560 - Thank you David - Genius 480 00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:15,560 I'm not supposed to tell you but, United Artist already wants a Clouseau sequel 481 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,280 - Who's directing? - Oh probably some hack 482 00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:21,360 I'm dead fucking serious 483 00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:25,880 - Peter, relax - You're not suggesting you would? 484 00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:29,040 - What are you talking about? - I was bloody awful up there 485 00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:31,440 If that's what your gonna get out of me I don't think I want to repeat the experience 486 00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,360 You're blaming me for your performance? 487 00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:35,840 - So you agree, I was awful - I thought you were brilliant 488 00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:39,000 - What the fuck do you know? - Peter 489 00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:41,640 We're all going out you just have to come 490 00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:45,120 Ah, hello, young-hee 491 00:47:45,240 --> 00:47:47,240 - So-mee - Oh, that's so you 492 00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,800 I knew there was a pronoun involved 493 00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:52,520 Blakey, aren't you coming? 494 00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:02,080 meanwhile, on the American entertainment beat 495 00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:05,840 Crowds continue to flock to see The Pink Panther 496 00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:10,360 One avid patron, waiting in line to see the film for the third time 497 00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:12,000 was heard to remark 498 00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:18,880 I love foreign films, Peter Sellers is my absolute favorite French actor 499 00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:24,520 Peter, you've got a hit you shouldn't be here 500 00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:27,720 How long has he been like this? 501 00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:30,160 Since last Monday 502 00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,200 You didn't tell me 503 00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:56,240 Peg said you couldn't come 504 00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:04,000 Well I'm here now, dad 505 00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:09,480 Pete, bloke in the next bed 506 00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:14,360 I promised him your autograph 507 00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:33,840 - I'll get right on to that dad - He'll like that 508 00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:39,440 I told him... 509 00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:42,560 my son... 510 00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:46,840 was a special boy 511 00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:00,120 No let him rest now 512 00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:02,920 Let him rest 513 00:50:51,520 --> 00:50:55,080 The reporters they'll want some remarks 514 00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:06,200 You didn't call me 515 00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,200 Hello, is Spike there? 516 00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:28,840 Oh, do you know when he'll be back? 517 00:51:29,240 --> 00:51:31,400 All right, no, bye 518 00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:42,440 - Is Harry there, please? - Peter, its uh... it's Harry 519 00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:44,720 How are you? Is there anything I can do? 520 00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:46,440 No, no, no, I'm fine I'm looking after Mike 521 00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:48,360 and I just thought you might like to pop over for a beer 522 00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:50,320 To be honest Peter, I'm up north, so... 523 00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:54,680 - Oh, is that today? I forgot, yeah - Why don't we say Monday? 524 00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:57,000 - Uh, right - Ying tong, mate 525 00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:58,520 Yiddle! Poo! 526 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:03,320 Mike, put that down put that down, please 527 00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:04,800 Thank you 528 00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:07,880 Go to your room 529 00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:16,800 Whoo 530 00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:27,480 Here it is, here it is 531 00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:30,000 Welcome to my humble chapeau 532 00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:35,040 Hmm, hmm 533 00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:36,840 Ooh 534 00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:46,600 Mmm, God 535 00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:50,320 I, I don't seem to be able to get it in 536 00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:53,320 Just hang on... 537 00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:55,360 - Good evening, Mr. Sellers - Huh? 538 00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:00,040 Oh, Christ 539 00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:03,680 You nearly gave me a heart attack 540 00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:06,160 You're a hard man to get a hold of 541 00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,320 - Not lately - God 542 00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:12,800 Linda, I'd like you to meet Stanley Kubrick 543 00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:16,320 It's nice to meet you 544 00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:21,080 So, uh, Peter, Columbia won't let me make my next picture without you 545 00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:23,760 - Awfully insightful of them - Yeah 546 00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:28,960 - What's the part? - All of them 547 00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:32,680 What, the whole film? 548 00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:43,400 You can destroy the world, Peter 549 00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:45,760 Fine, I can hear you now, Dimitri 550 00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:49,120 Clear and plain and coming through fine 551 00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:53,560 Yes, it's good that you're fine, and, and I'm fine 552 00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:58,560 And I agree with you it's great to be fine 553 00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:05,400 Now then, Dimitri you know how we've always talked 554 00:54:05,520 --> 00:54:09,920 about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb? 555 00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:12,600 The Hydrogen bomb 556 00:54:12,720 --> 00:54:20,120 Now what happened is, one of our base commanders... he had a sort of, well 557 00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:24,000 he went a little funny in the head, just a little funny 558 00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,440 You know? And he went and did a silly thing 559 00:54:30,720 --> 00:54:32,280 Oh, now don't be mad at me, Dimitri 560 00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:35,320 Remember that time we were dancing with Natalia? 561 00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:40,040 You remember Natalia the girl with the huge, arthritic problem 562 00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:44,360 Sorry Stan 563 00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:55,080 I can assure you, I can assure you Major Bat Guano, if that is indeed your name 564 00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:58,400 Do... put that gun away and stop this nonsense 565 00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:02,320 The court inquiry on this is gonna come down on you like a ton of bricks 566 00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:06,720 The court inquiry on this is gonna give you... give you such a pranging 567 00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:08,720 Mr. Sellers? 568 00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:11,120 Ah, Hillary, what happened to my luncheon? 569 00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:13,560 Ah, you... uhm... your mother's here 570 00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:17,560 Shall I tell her you're in make-up? 571 00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:25,240 No, I'll be right there 572 00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:30,000 You missed Sarah's birthday 573 00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:36,080 Peter, you know the press pay a lot of attention to that sort of thing 574 00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:41,440 You know, liebchen, that is not chicken that you're eating 575 00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:48,680 Anyway, I told the man at the times that you were busy filming, but you'd sent your love 576 00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:51,320 and that nothing was more important to you than your children 577 00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:53,560 Mm, I think he was satisfied with that 578 00:55:56,440 --> 00:55:58,400 Oh, uh... 579 00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:02,400 Sarah made you that 580 00:56:07,960 --> 00:56:09,680 Eat your lunch 581 00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:18,760 You know, in the coming years the nuclear family as we know it 582 00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:20,960 will have ceased to exist 583 00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:32,760 All human requirements will be dealt with, cleanly and efficiently 584 00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:40,160 Nourishment, leisure pastimes 585 00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:43,680 Sexual partners 586 00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:49,520 All these problems will be regulated by the state 587 00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:53,040 So you see there will be no need for food 588 00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:54,560 Arggh! 589 00:56:54,680 --> 00:56:56,440 Or mothers! 590 00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:14,040 How was lunch with your son, Mrs. Sellers? 591 00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:18,960 I don't know, really, I didn't see him 592 00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:37,360 Anybody home? 593 00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:40,000 In here, hello, you 594 00:57:40,280 --> 00:57:43,080 Annie, Annie, Annie, Mm 595 00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,400 - Sarah Sellers? - I'm Sarah 596 00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:54,720 Oh, there you go then, dearie 597 00:57:56,480 --> 00:57:57,880 Let's open it 598 00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:00,760 For seven-year-old Sarah 599 00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:04,040 Maybe one day I'll teach you to ride it, love, daddy 600 00:58:04,160 --> 00:58:05,600 Just sign here, ma'am 601 00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:08,600 Go and have a look, love 602 00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:10,400 Thanks 603 00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:15,800 Boys, boy, I said boy, I said boy 604 00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:19,040 Boys, lets' get this thing on the hump we got some flying to do 605 00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:20,640 - Flying to do - Flatter 606 00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:24,680 I'm not playing a bomber pilot what can I do with that? Crammed in there 607 00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:26,120 Oh, look 608 00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:28,080 Let me just hear it again let me hear it again 609 00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:29,760 Three characters is enough three characters is enough... 610 00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:31,520 Three is a good number 611 00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:33,040 You're being paid for four 612 00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:35,320 You're stretching me too thin Stanley 613 00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:37,760 Who do you think I am? Who do you think I am? 614 00:58:37,880 --> 00:58:40,120 I think you're whoever I want you to be 615 00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:42,680 Then who am I now? Then who am I now? 616 00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:50,080 Peter, have you ever heart of mutually assured destruction? 617 00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:52,280 Hum a few bars and I'll join in 618 00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:59,440 It refers to when both sides in an atomic conflict are so powerful 619 00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:02,120 that if either side were to take action 620 00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:06,840 It would inevitably result in the total annihilation of all concerned 621 00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:10,640 I find this concept can be applied to many situations 622 00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:18,400 You're a peculiar fucker, Stan 623 00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:20,480 Wait, Peter 624 00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:23,040 Peter 625 00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,920 Clear the lattice please and finish off this painting 626 00:59:30,480 --> 00:59:32,800 You've got no idea what it's like to be me 627 00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:34,440 we haven't got time 628 00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:44,320 Absolute control is a useful thing 629 00:59:46,640 --> 00:59:52,280 Eliminate the personal element and you can get so much more done 630 00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:58,400 This was a realization that Peter Sellers never had to face 631 00:59:59,680 --> 01:00:02,200 because there was no person there to begin with 632 01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:12,080 He was a vessel, into which, characters and personalities ran like phantoms 633 01:00:14,280 --> 01:00:19,400 But even an empty vessel can become too full 634 01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:24,000 I'm not getting it! 635 01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:27,800 I'm useless! 636 01:00:31,760 --> 01:00:36,760 Sarah... your father is a useless, talentless, empty man 637 01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:38,360 Did you know that? 638 01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:43,200 - Yes, daddy - Right then 639 01:00:52,720 --> 01:00:54,040 Dad? 640 01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:56,240 Use the other loo, Mike, I'm busy 641 01:00:56,600 --> 01:00:58,760 I don't have to go, dad 642 01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:04,640 Please open the door 643 01:01:13,200 --> 01:01:16,280 - What do you want? - Are you all right? 644 01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:20,200 No, I'm not all right I'm not all right at all 645 01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:22,640 You see, I can't find the voice for Major King Kong 646 01:01:22,760 --> 01:01:24,640 That's all anybody hires me for 647 01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:27,480 I can't find it because it's not there! 648 01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:33,040 - Dad? - Your dad doesn't exist 649 01:01:33,160 --> 01:01:35,040 Where's the bloody seconal? 650 01:01:53,840 --> 01:02:00,240 Dad, when I didn't want to play rugby at school, I said I was sick when I wasn't 651 01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:06,880 They let me sit in the nurse's office, she was very pretty 652 01:02:11,640 --> 01:02:13,400 Was she? 653 01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:29,320 Morning, Stan 654 01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:36,560 Afraid I had a spot of bother getting out of a cab last night 655 01:02:37,400 --> 01:02:39,520 Damned nuisance 656 01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:44,440 The doctor assures me it's only a hairline crack 657 01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:54,480 Just don't let the insurance chaps find out 658 01:02:58,240 --> 01:03:02,560 Blake Edwards has got this new Panther script and uh, Sellers is waffling 659 01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:06,480 so, uh... if you could help convince him to do it 660 01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:11,680 Exactly, right, blake Edwards 661 01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:15,600 I'll have my girl wire the money today, what's the account? 662 01:03:15,720 --> 01:03:22,040 The Midland Bank, Mayfair Branch account number 46-25-01 663 01:03:22,160 --> 01:03:23,560 Right, thanks, bubeleh 664 01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:25,560 Not at all, pleasure doing business with you 665 01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:27,640 Oh, a word of advice for free 666 01:03:27,760 --> 01:03:31,560 Don't even think of driving a red or a white car this weekend 667 01:03:31,680 --> 01:03:33,440 - Okay, thanks - Not at all 668 01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:43,120 So... Fsh... Pink Panther no, no, too obvious 669 01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:48,800 Blake Edwards, mm, B.E. 670 01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:55,520 Well, hooray for Hollywood 671 01:03:59,560 --> 01:04:01,080 That's extraordinary 672 01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:03,240 Oh Peter, this is good news 673 01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:06,920 You're gonna become involved with a very special person 674 01:04:07,040 --> 01:04:10,320 It's gonna spawn a very fruitful partnership 675 01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:14,920 Do you know I'm even getting the initials? 676 01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:18,360 It's uh... ah, V.E. 677 01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:24,560 It's uh V.P., V.E., V.P. V.E. no, B. B.E. 678 01:04:24,880 --> 01:04:28,280 Peter, you must not let this person go 679 01:04:28,400 --> 01:04:30,840 Destiny's already written this chapter of your life 680 01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:33,520 You must act positively 681 01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:38,280 Yeah? So... say with me, B.E. 682 01:04:39,760 --> 01:04:42,480 - B.E. - B.E. 683 01:04:42,840 --> 01:04:44,480 - B.E. - B.E. 684 01:04:44,600 --> 01:04:48,040 - B.E. - B.E. 685 01:04:56,880 --> 01:04:58,680 Mr. Sellers, sir? 686 01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:00,280 Oh 687 01:05:01,800 --> 01:05:03,280 What? 688 01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:06,800 Mr. Sellers, are you in there? 689 01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:12,520 - Mr. Sellers - Go away 690 01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:17,160 Are you sure you're all right, sir? 691 01:05:17,280 --> 01:05:19,120 Yes I am 692 01:05:19,240 --> 01:05:23,440 Just take your fresh fruit and shove it up your ass 693 01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:26,400 Right-O, sir thank you very much, sir 694 01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:42,880 Britt Ekland 695 01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:50,000 Hello, Britt, you must be Britt 696 01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:51,520 You're Britt Ekland 697 01:05:52,560 --> 01:05:53,960 I'm Peter 698 01:05:54,280 --> 01:05:57,640 Peter Sellers, but call me Peter, baby 699 01:05:58,840 --> 01:06:00,440 Oh, sorry 700 01:06:02,400 --> 01:06:06,000 Pow, yow, sss 701 01:06:09,160 --> 01:06:10,640 B.E. 702 01:06:10,960 --> 01:06:12,480 P.S. 703 01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:14,480 That's nice 704 01:06:19,840 --> 01:06:22,720 l like Swedes, mashed 705 01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:32,200 Hello, I'm Peter, Peter Sellers 706 01:06:32,440 --> 01:06:34,640 Like you, I didn't have much on this evening 707 01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:38,200 and I wanted to know if you'd like to go and see a movie 708 01:06:40,560 --> 01:06:42,120 Hmm? 709 01:07:33,080 --> 01:07:34,960 I think I'm in love with you 710 01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:42,360 - But you've just met me - Then it's still fresh in my mind 711 01:07:47,520 --> 01:07:50,920 - Cookie? - Yes, please 712 01:07:59,560 --> 01:08:03,520 That's very, very good just look here, look here, super 713 01:08:03,640 --> 01:08:06,440 Super, yes, that's right now just look here 714 01:08:06,560 --> 01:08:08,000 Look here, good 715 01:08:08,120 --> 01:08:10,680 Very nice, I'll come in closer 716 01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:12,920 Oh, it's all right, I've met this sofa 717 01:08:13,360 --> 01:08:15,040 We're on intimate terms 718 01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:20,200 Yes, now, oh work with me, that is good 719 01:08:20,320 --> 01:08:24,480 Thinks: must take up photography as full-time job 720 01:08:24,960 --> 01:08:28,960 Now I need to get in closer come the full length, come the full length 721 01:08:29,240 --> 01:08:31,920 Yes, mind if I sit here? 722 01:08:32,040 --> 01:08:35,480 Oh God, I haven't felt leather like this on my thighs since the Third Reich 723 01:08:35,600 --> 01:08:38,480 Yee-poot, let's get rid of that there 724 01:08:41,480 --> 01:08:43,600 Truly, truly beautiful 725 01:08:56,240 --> 01:08:58,800 She is the most extraordinary girl 726 01:08:58,920 --> 01:09:01,400 Like a tulip about to bloom 727 01:09:01,520 --> 01:09:06,600 Absolutely exquisite phenomenal in bed 728 01:09:08,560 --> 01:09:10,640 It is funny, isn't it? 729 01:09:11,160 --> 01:09:12,880 I keep saying that I'll never get hooked again 730 01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:14,560 That I'm tired of having my heart bleed 731 01:09:14,680 --> 01:09:17,800 Yet here I am I think I want to marry her! 732 01:09:20,120 --> 01:09:22,400 That is, if you think it's okay 733 01:09:30,400 --> 01:09:31,920 Oh, decisions, decisions... 734 01:09:32,040 --> 01:09:33,360 Would you like to come to my suite, my sweet? 735 01:09:33,480 --> 01:09:37,000 Drive on James, now 736 01:09:40,320 --> 01:09:45,760 Ooh, it's the cops of normal it's all right officer, I'm fully licensed 737 01:09:48,240 --> 01:09:52,400 Oh, so sorry my darling, oh 738 01:09:56,400 --> 01:09:58,640 Care to put on some music, love? 739 01:10:05,880 --> 01:10:09,400 - It doesn't work - Ah, well, don't trouble yourself sweetheart 740 01:10:09,520 --> 01:10:12,360 There are many ways of making beautiful music 741 01:10:12,480 --> 01:10:13,880 Cheers 742 01:10:21,120 --> 01:10:23,120 It's a bit dark in here could you get the curtains, darling? 743 01:10:23,240 --> 01:10:25,520 It's that little switch, there 744 01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:45,760 You make me feel so young 745 01:10:47,200 --> 01:10:50,960 You make me feel like spring has sprung 746 01:10:51,200 --> 01:10:58,920 And every time I see you grin I'm such a happy, individual 747 01:10:59,040 --> 01:11:01,520 The moment that you speak... 748 01:11:02,640 --> 01:11:06,400 I wanna go play hide and seek 749 01:11:06,640 --> 01:11:13,160 I wanna go and bounce the moon just like a toy balloon 750 01:11:13,880 --> 01:11:20,440 You and I... are just like a couple of tots 751 01:11:21,520 --> 01:11:25,000 running cross the meadow 752 01:11:25,360 --> 01:11:29,480 Picking up lots of forget-me-nots 753 01:11:29,640 --> 01:11:32,520 You made me feel so young 754 01:11:32,840 --> 01:11:34,680 - What do you say? - You made me feel there's something's up 755 01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:37,040 Would you care to become the second Mrs. Sellers? 756 01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:44,240 place to belong and wonderful thing to be young, and even when I'm... 757 01:11:44,360 --> 01:11:46,920 Better hurry up, love, I've only got the band for another half hour 758 01:11:47,040 --> 01:11:51,520 I'm gonna feel the way I do, today 759 01:11:51,640 --> 01:11:59,040 Cause you make me feel so young 760 01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:07,960 You make me feel so young 761 01:12:13,680 --> 01:12:16,080 I love you, Peter! 762 01:12:16,520 --> 01:12:19,400 Oh, you hear that folks? 763 01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:22,840 - She loves me on magnetic, striped film - Here we go! Here we go! 764 01:12:23,680 --> 01:12:25,760 Daddy, let's go over there 765 01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:56,400 So Peg, what do you think of the new cottage? 766 01:12:56,520 --> 01:12:57,840 You're watering the gin 767 01:12:57,960 --> 01:13:00,520 Well, in your case perhaps that's not a bad idea 768 01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:05,480 You've only known that bleeding Nazi for three weeks 769 01:13:05,600 --> 01:13:08,120 Peg, I couldn't be happier 770 01:13:08,480 --> 01:13:11,240 Why are you making the same mistake all over again? 771 01:13:11,360 --> 01:13:15,040 Because, my love they won't let me marry you 772 01:13:15,160 --> 01:13:17,280 Mr. Sellers, how's about a shot of you and your mum? 773 01:13:18,760 --> 01:13:20,360 So where are you going for your honeymoon? 774 01:13:20,480 --> 01:13:23,840 Where else, Peg? Hollywood, U.S. of A. 775 01:13:28,360 --> 01:13:32,880 - Happy, darling? - I'm about to be 776 01:13:40,880 --> 01:13:48,560 Oh, that's good, oh, that's good, oh my God you are very good, in uh... wait, wait, wait 777 01:13:48,680 --> 01:13:50,560 - Ah - Wait 778 01:13:51,480 --> 01:13:54,880 - No - Breath, breath, breath in 779 01:14:22,960 --> 01:14:27,440 - Are you sure you're my wife? - What do you mean? 780 01:14:27,720 --> 01:14:31,280 Because no wife should be that good in the sack 781 01:14:37,360 --> 01:14:39,560 Is that what I look like? 782 01:14:44,320 --> 01:14:46,280 Just, one minute 783 01:14:53,280 --> 01:14:54,600 Oy! 784 01:14:56,400 --> 01:14:58,560 - Arrgh! - Peter? 785 01:14:58,680 --> 01:15:02,080 - Arrgh! Arrgh! - Peter? 786 01:15:02,400 --> 01:15:05,880 - Argh, Britt call the doctor, would you? Oh - Peter 787 01:15:09,400 --> 01:15:11,680 - Here we go - Blood to lab 788 01:15:13,640 --> 01:15:16,720 Just, try to breath, Peter 789 01:15:19,080 --> 01:15:20,640 Oh, would you wait outside Mrs. Sellers? 790 01:15:20,760 --> 01:15:22,080 - It's gonna be fine - No 791 01:15:22,200 --> 01:15:23,640 Please 792 01:15:24,920 --> 01:15:26,680 He's arrested 793 01:15:26,960 --> 01:15:30,120 - Okay, let's charge to one twenty - One twenty 794 01:15:36,240 --> 01:15:37,840 Clear 795 01:15:38,720 --> 01:15:40,840 - No pulse - And so the news... 796 01:15:40,960 --> 01:15:42,640 - Peter, come on - in theater, Peter Sellers 797 01:15:42,760 --> 01:15:47,040 who is tonight fighting for his life in a California hospital 798 01:15:47,160 --> 01:15:50,000 Mr. Selllers has suffered a serious setback 799 01:15:50,120 --> 01:15:53,920 His condition is said to be grave and deteriorating 800 01:15:56,080 --> 01:15:57,440 No pulse 801 01:15:59,360 --> 01:16:00,720 Clear 802 01:16:06,560 --> 01:16:07,880 There you go 803 01:16:09,600 --> 01:16:11,600 Oh God, mother 804 01:16:11,880 --> 01:16:14,560 Mother, we've only been married for six weeks 805 01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:23,240 They don't know, mother I don't know 806 01:16:24,000 --> 01:16:26,440 - Patient's coded, Doctor - Damn! He's gone again 807 01:16:26,680 --> 01:16:29,920 - Okay, charge to one eighty - One eighty 808 01:16:39,600 --> 01:16:40,960 Clear 809 01:16:41,320 --> 01:16:46,960 Although we have been informed that his father, Mr. William Sellers also succumbed 810 01:16:47,480 --> 01:16:51,680 having come to fame some years ago as a member of the BBC's "Goon Show"... 811 01:16:51,800 --> 01:16:53,560 - Both channels - Mr. Sellers has enjoyed... 812 01:16:53,680 --> 01:16:55,240 an extremely successful career 813 01:16:55,360 --> 01:16:58,240 - Clear - Still no pulse 814 01:16:58,360 --> 01:17:00,400 - Charge to two forty - Two forty 815 01:17:04,840 --> 01:17:06,280 Clear 816 01:17:08,960 --> 01:17:11,120 Come on Peter, come on 817 01:17:54,160 --> 01:17:57,200 Please do give my regards to your president of costumes... 818 01:17:57,320 --> 01:17:59,800 And I thought I knew something about the movie scene 819 01:17:59,920 --> 01:18:01,640 Produce their machine 820 01:18:01,760 --> 01:18:04,000 Peter, I think you've had a little too much... 821 01:18:04,120 --> 01:18:06,360 It is essential that we do not have fear... 822 01:18:10,560 --> 01:18:12,280 No hesitation 823 01:18:17,440 --> 01:18:19,520 Well, you've got enough for... 824 01:18:19,640 --> 01:18:22,840 Without having any more contact 825 01:18:22,960 --> 01:18:24,280 Tell the world 826 01:18:48,000 --> 01:18:50,360 Oh, it's me, right away! 827 01:18:50,480 --> 01:18:51,920 Arrgh! 828 01:19:03,160 --> 01:19:06,440 Okay, we got him back let's get an I.V. in 829 01:19:12,880 --> 01:19:14,400 Quiet, okay? 830 01:19:19,960 --> 01:19:21,720 Hello children 831 01:19:35,920 --> 01:19:38,480 Can I have a little fairy kiss? 832 01:19:42,480 --> 01:19:47,800 The spirits have spoken daddy's come back from the dead 833 01:19:48,440 --> 01:19:52,120 And nothing can ever hurt him again 834 01:19:59,360 --> 01:20:01,040 Peter! 835 01:20:01,680 --> 01:20:03,320 Peter?! 836 01:20:16,000 --> 01:20:17,440 Peter! 837 01:20:23,160 --> 01:20:25,040 You're still weak 838 01:20:26,480 --> 01:20:28,880 This isn't taking care of yourself 839 01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:30,760 From now on there'll be no more characters 840 01:20:30,880 --> 01:20:32,560 No more costumes 841 01:20:35,880 --> 01:20:42,160 Starting next week, the world's gonna get a look at the real, Peter Sellers 842 01:20:43,040 --> 01:20:45,080 What's next week? 843 01:21:14,080 --> 01:21:18,200 Who are you? How did you get past my guards? 844 01:21:18,320 --> 01:21:20,440 Good evening, darling my name is Bond 845 01:21:20,560 --> 01:21:24,360 James Bond, you know 846 01:21:31,400 --> 01:21:34,520 Aren't you going to do something funny? 847 01:21:38,560 --> 01:21:42,840 - Cut! - Cameras cut! First positions everyone! 848 01:21:43,440 --> 01:21:46,080 - How're we doing Peter? - We're going again! 849 01:21:46,200 --> 01:21:50,480 Uhm fell free to uh, improvise 850 01:21:50,600 --> 01:21:53,080 We're doing a spoof here, remember? 851 01:21:53,200 --> 01:21:56,600 I'm playing it straight as myself, like Cary Grant 852 01:21:59,160 --> 01:22:01,080 That's funny, yeah! 853 01:22:01,200 --> 01:22:05,000 Ha! That's, that's very good, yeah, yeah 854 01:22:05,120 --> 01:22:06,480 Satirical, yeah 855 01:22:07,840 --> 01:22:10,080 Good evening, darling my name is Bond 856 01:22:10,360 --> 01:22:12,480 James Bond 857 01:22:20,000 --> 01:22:22,360 My God, but you're lovely 858 01:22:23,040 --> 01:22:24,920 Ouch! Shisa! 859 01:22:36,600 --> 01:22:39,920 That was great! Genius! 860 01:23:09,720 --> 01:23:12,680 Well, we meet again, I had a feeling you wouldn't give up so easily 861 01:23:12,800 --> 01:23:16,080 Bloody Christ, when are you coming back to the set? 862 01:23:16,200 --> 01:23:17,560 Wouldn't you like to know? 863 01:23:17,680 --> 01:23:21,720 Seeing as we're three weeks behind schedule, yeah, I would 864 01:23:22,960 --> 01:23:27,040 You know, Joe, I think today is not a lucky day, not lucky at all 865 01:23:27,160 --> 01:23:28,920 The voices are telling me not to risk it 866 01:23:29,040 --> 01:23:31,880 I hear voices too, Peter 867 01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:34,120 And you know what they tell me? 868 01:23:34,240 --> 01:23:37,800 They tell me that if you're not on the set by this afternoon 869 01:23:37,920 --> 01:23:40,640 both your legs are gonna be broken! 870 01:23:43,600 --> 01:23:46,920 I don't think we're hearing the same voices 871 01:23:49,240 --> 01:23:53,680 Peter, you wanker! Get back here, now! 872 01:24:31,040 --> 01:24:34,880 - Hello - Just answering nature's call 873 01:24:49,400 --> 01:24:52,160 I'm not feeling very well 874 01:24:52,440 --> 01:24:55,600 Darling, there are lots of other bathrooms in the house 875 01:24:56,080 --> 01:24:57,920 That's not what I meant 876 01:25:00,680 --> 01:25:04,400 - What? - I'm pregnant 877 01:25:11,040 --> 01:25:16,080 Oh, well... I suppose you'll have to, you know... 878 01:25:16,680 --> 01:25:18,280 What? 879 01:25:18,800 --> 01:25:22,560 Well, have an abortion, sweetheart I'm sure it can be arranged 880 01:25:22,680 --> 01:25:26,120 No, I want this child 881 01:25:26,240 --> 01:25:29,320 - I've got two already, have one of mine - Peter 882 01:25:29,920 --> 01:25:32,960 I want to be a mother to our child 883 01:25:34,440 --> 01:25:38,600 I've always given you room for what you needed 884 01:25:38,720 --> 01:25:41,520 - Darling, is now the right time? - Yes 885 01:25:42,680 --> 01:25:46,680 You are healthy, we are in love 886 01:25:49,800 --> 01:25:52,400 Peter, let's have this baby 887 01:25:56,160 --> 01:25:59,680 - Bombs away - Oh, plop 888 01:26:04,680 --> 01:26:09,520 Well, you hurry up and I go and call mother 889 01:26:33,440 --> 01:26:35,400 Keep breathing, love 890 01:26:35,760 --> 01:26:39,880 Hospital's just up ahead, I think 891 01:26:53,840 --> 01:26:55,320 All right lads, let's give her some air 892 01:26:55,680 --> 01:26:59,160 - Britt, how are you doing? - Oh, I'm fine 893 01:27:00,320 --> 01:27:02,520 So how does it feel the third time around Mr. Sellers? 894 01:27:02,640 --> 01:27:04,520 Ecstatic, absolutely thrilling 895 01:27:09,320 --> 01:27:13,240 You'll be fine, just, make it quick we start filming in a week 896 01:27:14,000 --> 01:27:15,880 - Mr. Sellers? - Don't you worry Mrs. Sellers 897 01:27:16,000 --> 01:27:19,240 You'll be all right we'll take care of you 898 01:27:31,120 --> 01:27:32,880 Goddamn it! 899 01:27:34,480 --> 01:27:35,800 Cut! 900 01:27:40,080 --> 01:27:42,240 Take the fucking baby and get the hell off the set 901 01:27:42,360 --> 01:27:44,960 Peter, please, she's fine now 902 01:27:45,080 --> 01:27:47,160 - Off! - No 903 01:27:47,560 --> 01:27:51,520 - My big scene's coming up - Not anymore 904 01:28:00,360 --> 01:28:03,960 Fine, you do it, ciao 905 01:28:20,080 --> 01:28:23,320 - Yes? - Is that my Peter? 906 01:28:23,840 --> 01:28:27,440 Hello, Peg what's the news from the front? 907 01:28:28,160 --> 01:28:33,200 I'm in a hospital it's the old heart, Peter 908 01:28:34,200 --> 01:28:36,120 Oh, well we all know about that one, dear 909 01:28:36,240 --> 01:28:37,840 You'll be up and about in no time 910 01:28:37,960 --> 01:28:40,880 Hmm, that's not what the doctors say 911 01:28:41,080 --> 01:28:43,000 They're just trying to bump up their fee, Peg 912 01:28:43,120 --> 01:28:45,080 If they say you're dying and you walk out under your own steam 913 01:28:45,200 --> 01:28:47,480 they can claim to have saved your life 914 01:28:49,960 --> 01:28:53,360 Come home love, I need to see you 915 01:28:54,600 --> 01:28:59,880 Nonsense, Peg, all you need is a wash and-brush-up and you'll be as good as new 916 01:29:01,480 --> 01:29:03,320 Uh, it's not like that 917 01:29:03,440 --> 01:29:06,600 - Listen... - Just a minute 918 01:29:08,200 --> 01:29:10,880 Your boy is needed Peg, you understand 919 01:29:11,000 --> 01:29:13,000 I'm a star now 920 01:29:13,120 --> 01:29:15,600 These people can't do a thing without me 921 01:29:16,160 --> 01:29:19,000 It's everything you ever wanted 922 01:29:20,400 --> 01:29:23,000 I love you Peter 923 01:29:27,600 --> 01:29:31,120 I'll see you soon, we'll go to tea 924 01:29:32,680 --> 01:29:34,080 Peter? 925 01:30:06,680 --> 01:30:09,280 See how strong he was? 926 01:30:14,600 --> 01:30:19,920 Most men would have crumpled at "I love you, Peter", but not my son 927 01:30:28,560 --> 01:30:31,480 He came through like a champion 928 01:30:38,000 --> 01:30:41,480 A star has an obligation to himself 929 01:30:42,360 --> 01:30:44,600 Family weighs you down 930 01:30:48,040 --> 01:30:50,400 You think he was cruel to me? 931 01:30:50,680 --> 01:30:54,880 Of course he was, that just means that he'd learned his lesson 932 01:31:02,920 --> 01:31:07,680 There are no rungs for the weak on the ladder of success 933 01:31:13,800 --> 01:31:18,280 And my Peter was a strong climber 934 01:31:44,560 --> 01:31:49,000 Real stars don't have time for tears 935 01:33:10,000 --> 01:33:12,360 Can I get you anything my darling? 936 01:33:13,160 --> 01:33:14,760 Hmm? 937 01:33:17,120 --> 01:33:22,160 Oh Peter, there's nothing you could have done 938 01:33:24,880 --> 01:33:26,480 Mm? 939 01:33:27,120 --> 01:33:29,480 It's not your fault 940 01:33:31,840 --> 01:33:34,320 It's not your fault 941 01:33:35,520 --> 01:33:37,720 There's nothing you could have done 942 01:33:37,840 --> 01:33:42,800 - Oh, Peter, stop it - Oh, Peter, stop it, stop it, Peter 943 01:33:43,040 --> 01:33:45,480 Christ woman can't you say anything real? 944 01:33:45,880 --> 01:33:48,720 First of all, you can't act, and you can't stop 945 01:33:48,840 --> 01:33:50,760 - You... - Just shut up! 946 01:33:53,840 --> 01:33:57,960 - You bastard! - Am I? Am I You've no idea 947 01:33:59,400 --> 01:34:02,440 - Fuck you! - Oh, fuck you! 948 01:34:12,880 --> 01:34:15,160 You hit me with me mum 949 01:34:17,760 --> 01:34:21,840 Fuck you, Peter! Fuck you and your mum! 950 01:34:33,440 --> 01:34:36,240 Mama, mama, ma 951 01:35:29,040 --> 01:35:30,720 Birdie, num, num 952 01:35:37,840 --> 01:35:39,240 Oh dear 953 01:35:49,800 --> 01:35:51,120 Well, Mr. Sellers 954 01:35:51,240 --> 01:35:54,560 - Hello - Who would like to look like? 955 01:35:54,720 --> 01:35:57,360 Why Doctor, I'd like to look like you 956 01:36:05,520 --> 01:36:09,000 You know how they clean theater now? They put on one of my films 957 01:36:09,120 --> 01:36:12,160 It's so much easier to Hoover between the empty seats 958 01:36:12,600 --> 01:36:15,360 Now, of course, I've found something I really want to do 959 01:36:15,480 --> 01:36:18,440 And I can't get anyone to give me the cash 960 01:36:18,920 --> 01:36:21,800 I've read this ten times in the last year 961 01:36:21,920 --> 01:36:27,240 The main character is a man with no self, no discernible personality 962 01:36:28,320 --> 01:36:30,960 I find myself thinking about this man a great deal 963 01:36:31,080 --> 01:36:35,320 - About how sad he is? - No, about how marvelous his life must be 964 01:36:35,720 --> 01:36:39,360 He has no future no past, no responsibilities 965 01:36:39,480 --> 01:36:40,960 He's simple 966 01:36:41,080 --> 01:36:43,920 Boring, an absolute blank people expect nothing from him 967 01:36:44,040 --> 01:36:46,560 And then love it when they get just that 968 01:36:48,280 --> 01:36:50,600 This is going to be my next film 969 01:36:50,960 --> 01:36:54,520 - Are you absolutely sure about that? - Absolutely 970 01:36:55,000 --> 01:36:59,120 Cause, uh... you do have a choice, you know? 971 01:37:00,880 --> 01:37:02,680 Have you read it? 972 01:37:02,800 --> 01:37:08,480 I've uh... I've made some notes I think it could be very funny 973 01:37:08,720 --> 01:37:14,320 - I don't like choice, Maurice - Ah, you're so full of doubt 974 01:37:14,880 --> 01:37:17,400 How can we make that doubt go away? 975 01:37:17,960 --> 01:37:20,240 We know, don't we? 976 01:37:21,080 --> 01:37:22,440 Peg? 977 01:37:23,080 --> 01:37:24,920 Peg, can you hear me? 978 01:37:25,040 --> 01:37:27,000 Peg sees you, Peter 979 01:37:35,240 --> 01:37:39,480 Hello Peg, I love you Peg 980 01:37:39,800 --> 01:37:42,440 What do you need from me dear? 981 01:37:42,560 --> 01:37:48,200 I don't know what to do next my heart's been troubling me 982 01:37:48,320 --> 01:37:50,960 And I think... I think my mind 983 01:37:51,080 --> 01:37:56,640 Shh, Peg's here she's always with you, Peter 984 01:37:56,760 --> 01:38:00,920 Now, I've had a look at your heart, and your heart's fine 985 01:38:01,040 --> 01:38:04,000 Now, what you need to do is work 986 01:38:04,120 --> 01:38:07,720 You give so much joy to so many people, Peter 987 01:38:07,840 --> 01:38:10,320 I can see it from here 988 01:38:11,320 --> 01:38:14,400 Do it for me, for your mother 989 01:38:14,640 --> 01:38:17,040 Do another Pink Panther 990 01:38:18,280 --> 01:38:21,560 You sure, Peg? Are you really sure? 991 01:38:23,480 --> 01:38:30,120 It'll be a huge hit, and that'll give you the power to make "Being There" 992 01:38:47,320 --> 01:38:50,960 I hear this one's not coming to a theatre near me 993 01:38:52,880 --> 01:38:56,320 The studio deemed its box office potential as, uh, limited 994 01:38:58,280 --> 01:39:01,160 Then I suppose this comes at just the right time 995 01:39:03,360 --> 01:39:05,480 I could never be this broke 996 01:39:07,720 --> 01:39:10,520 It wasn't easy for me to come here, Peter 997 01:39:12,720 --> 01:39:15,040 Why? Did your limousine break down? 998 01:39:15,400 --> 01:39:17,400 I considered making you kiss my ass 999 01:39:17,520 --> 01:39:19,600 Not after that script's been through it 1000 01:39:20,480 --> 01:39:22,800 Still the funniest bastard around 1001 01:39:22,920 --> 01:39:25,440 Look, Peter I didn't come here out of desperation 1002 01:39:25,560 --> 01:39:27,720 I think it's a good idea and I can't do it without you 1003 01:39:27,840 --> 01:39:29,920 You need the money, I don't 1004 01:39:30,040 --> 01:39:33,920 And I certainly don't need the aggravation that you are undoubtedly gonna bring me 1005 01:39:34,760 --> 01:39:37,040 What if I told you to fuck off? 1006 01:39:40,320 --> 01:39:43,400 I'd say your ex-wives will be very disappointed in that attitude 1007 01:39:43,520 --> 01:39:44,840 Fuck my ex-wives 1008 01:39:44,960 --> 01:39:46,680 I have, now I know why you divorced them 1009 01:39:53,400 --> 01:40:00,280 Blakey, you are the one son of a bitch who really understands me 1010 01:40:00,400 --> 01:40:02,640 - God, I love you - Oh, I love you, Peter 1011 01:40:02,760 --> 01:40:04,360 How sad is that? 1012 01:40:08,120 --> 01:40:10,200 This script could be terrific 1013 01:40:10,320 --> 01:40:13,120 we'll give it the Sellers Edwards touch I've got lots and lots of ideas 1014 01:40:13,240 --> 01:40:15,520 Yeah, we, we start shooting in six weeks 1015 01:40:17,800 --> 01:40:19,400 Better make it eight 1016 01:40:21,040 --> 01:40:24,760 - Peter? - I'm calling the shot here 1017 01:40:54,680 --> 01:40:56,640 Dear God, I am a whore! 1018 01:40:58,680 --> 01:41:01,960 Blake, this is sure to be another stunning success for you, how does it feel? 1019 01:41:02,080 --> 01:41:04,880 - Well deserved, I can assure you - Thank you 1020 01:41:08,880 --> 01:41:11,440 Ah, Blakey, is it good to be on... 1021 01:41:11,600 --> 01:41:13,120 - Isn't it? - Mm-Hmm 1022 01:41:24,360 --> 01:41:28,880 Hello my dear friends, thank you so much for coming out tonight 1023 01:41:37,920 --> 01:41:41,280 I have something I'd like very much to say to you all 1024 01:41:41,400 --> 01:41:43,560 We would not all be here this evening 1025 01:41:43,680 --> 01:41:46,200 If it were not for the efforts of one man 1026 01:41:46,440 --> 01:41:52,040 One man whose vision you'll soon see writ large on the silver screen 1027 01:41:52,320 --> 01:41:55,680 I am, of course referring to Mr. Blake Edwards 1028 01:41:56,480 --> 01:41:58,440 Now get him up there, folks 1029 01:41:58,560 --> 01:42:01,240 Come on, Blakie! Up you come! 1030 01:42:02,120 --> 01:42:03,520 Jolly good 1031 01:42:05,200 --> 01:42:10,440 - Come Blake, take a bow - Thank you, thank you, thank you 1032 01:42:13,400 --> 01:42:15,840 Let me tell you something ladies and gentlemen, about this man 1033 01:42:15,960 --> 01:42:20,120 He is absolutely talent less 1034 01:42:22,480 --> 01:42:25,200 No, but seriously no one, and I repeat that 1035 01:42:25,320 --> 01:42:30,480 No one has managed to do so much... having so very little 1036 01:42:31,880 --> 01:42:33,280 Come on, gimme that 1037 01:42:33,400 --> 01:42:36,000 People ask me why do I keep compromising my artistic integrity 1038 01:42:36,120 --> 01:42:38,720 By walking in front of Blake's camera's 1039 01:42:40,400 --> 01:42:42,400 And you know what I tell them? 1040 01:42:42,520 --> 01:42:45,680 - Money - It's true 1041 01:42:49,240 --> 01:42:52,000 That and the knowledge that no matter how bad the picture is 1042 01:42:52,120 --> 01:42:54,400 I'll always be the best thing in it 1043 01:42:55,600 --> 01:42:59,240 - Thank you - Oh look, he's bashful, folks 1044 01:42:59,360 --> 01:43:00,920 Why shouldn't be he? 1045 01:43:01,040 --> 01:43:03,840 In an industry that worships mediocrity... 1046 01:43:04,080 --> 01:43:10,320 you Blake, truly have added new luster to the term, middling talent 1047 01:43:14,520 --> 01:43:19,040 So enjoy the show if that's at all possible 1048 01:43:30,000 --> 01:43:36,160 I, uh... I knew we should have gotten Ustinov 1049 01:44:24,760 --> 01:44:27,280 Good afternoon, you've reached the home of Peter Sellers 1050 01:44:27,400 --> 01:44:29,480 Mr. Sellers is unable to take your call at the moment 1051 01:44:29,600 --> 01:44:32,080 as he is off leading a normal life 1052 01:44:32,200 --> 01:44:35,080 Please leave your message after the series of tones 1053 01:44:35,760 --> 01:44:39,320 Oh, hi dad, it's me Mike, I tried you on the boat 1054 01:44:39,440 --> 01:44:41,800 But Sarah thought you might be in Switzerland 1055 01:44:42,400 --> 01:44:44,280 Anyway, mum told me about the operation 1056 01:44:44,400 --> 01:44:47,720 You know, the pacemaker and everything that must be fun 1057 01:44:47,840 --> 01:44:50,600 I know how you like gadgets, ha ha 1058 01:44:51,160 --> 01:44:55,000 Well, uh... anyway uh... I hope you're, uh, you're okay 1059 01:44:55,480 --> 01:44:58,880 Uh, right, take care dad, bye 1060 01:45:21,040 --> 01:45:23,920 I'm just an old salty sea dog 1061 01:45:43,400 --> 01:45:45,480 Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay 1062 01:45:57,720 --> 01:45:59,720 Peter, are you in there? 1063 01:46:03,200 --> 01:46:06,120 Will you give me a Goddamn break already 1064 01:46:12,280 --> 01:46:16,160 You know something Sellers? You are a major league pain in the ass 1065 01:46:17,080 --> 01:46:19,280 Peter? 1066 01:46:29,360 --> 01:46:32,400 Was he difficult? This was Hollywood, he was a star 1067 01:46:32,520 --> 01:46:34,280 Of course he was difficult 1068 01:46:34,400 --> 01:46:37,160 You know who's not difficult? Troy Donahue 1069 01:46:39,080 --> 01:46:42,360 Christ, I need a smoke 1070 01:46:44,600 --> 01:46:47,840 I worked with Sellers for what? Twenty years, on and off 1071 01:46:52,360 --> 01:46:53,680 Six movies 1072 01:46:54,960 --> 01:47:00,040 I never laughed so hard I never cried so hard 1073 01:47:02,880 --> 01:47:04,760 The last straw? 1074 01:47:04,880 --> 01:47:06,280 There were endless last straws 1075 01:47:06,400 --> 01:47:09,840 You say, "last straw", five seconds later, you're saying, "action" 1076 01:47:10,360 --> 01:47:12,080 I can't explain it 1077 01:47:13,000 --> 01:47:15,600 He was like watching a cobra 1078 01:47:16,520 --> 01:47:18,600 You're mesmerized 1079 01:47:21,240 --> 01:47:23,360 What did he do after me? 1080 01:47:27,280 --> 01:47:30,440 The only thing he never gave up on 1081 01:47:33,640 --> 01:47:36,240 They all want me to be a clown 1082 01:47:36,360 --> 01:47:41,160 They'll pay me millions to be a French mustached, karate-chopping twit 1083 01:47:41,920 --> 01:47:44,080 But this is so much more 1084 01:47:45,200 --> 01:47:47,400 What do you want to do, Peter? 1085 01:47:51,520 --> 01:47:54,040 Isn't that what I just asked you? 1086 01:49:12,080 --> 01:49:13,560 Oh, shut up 1087 01:50:43,880 --> 01:50:46,040 - Yowza - Huh? 1088 01:50:46,360 --> 01:50:49,600 Ain't you the gentleman this morning? 1089 01:50:52,320 --> 01:50:54,280 I'm gonna go now 1090 01:50:55,400 --> 01:51:00,720 - Yes - You're gonna need somebody 1091 01:51:01,840 --> 01:51:06,400 You oughta find yourself a lady, Chance 1092 01:51:06,760 --> 01:51:09,640 Guess it oughta be an old lady 1093 01:51:09,760 --> 01:51:13,800 Cause you ain't gonna do a young one any good 1094 01:51:13,920 --> 01:51:17,040 Not with that little thing of yours 1095 01:51:19,640 --> 01:51:23,240 You're always gonna be a little boy, ain't you? 1096 01:51:30,880 --> 01:51:33,080 Bye Chance 1097 01:51:44,040 --> 01:51:45,760 Bye Louise 1098 01:52:01,600 --> 01:52:05,560 Excuse me? Excuse me aren't you Peter Sellers? 1099 01:52:07,200 --> 01:52:08,920 Yes I am 1100 01:52:09,920 --> 01:52:11,720 Would you mind? 1101 01:52:18,360 --> 01:52:21,680 Thank you, thank you very much I mean you're, you were a... 1102 01:52:21,920 --> 01:52:24,080 the man, that's it 1103 01:53:13,960 --> 01:53:17,880 You're always gonna be a little boy, ain't you? 1104 01:53:18,840 --> 01:53:23,600 - Bye, Chance - Bye, Louise 1105 01:55:04,680 --> 01:55:07,920 Mr. Edwards? Pardon me but have you seen Mr. Sellers? 1106 01:55:08,040 --> 01:55:10,400 No, and he's twenty minutes late, did he call? 1107 01:55:10,520 --> 01:55:14,680 No, he's here I think maybe you should see him 1108 01:55:36,680 --> 01:55:38,240 Ta-da 1109 01:55:44,360 --> 01:55:45,960 Peter? 1110 01:57:49,640 --> 01:57:51,600 You can't come in here 1111 01:57:53,640 --> 01:57:56,640 Prosubtitling 81189

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