Original subtitles

♪ Hey, everybody, have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in, hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies, so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties, boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪

[Thuder crashes]

[Static crackles]

-Is he here? I haven't seen him.

-Hey, is anybody seen Joe Bob?

-Yeah. -Oh, Darcy!

-Hey. -You're not gonna believe this.

This is gonna be so great.

Welcome, everyone, to Joe Bob's Nightmareathon.

-Yeah! -Coming from the deep --

Yeah, we're coming from the deep,

murky forests of Coweta County, Georgia!

A place so spooky

that General Sherman wouldn't even go in here.

He said, "Oh, fuck that. Don't go in that place.

You know, there are other routes we can take to go to the sea."

And, um, you know, and, girls, I have an announcement to make.

Where are the girls?

-Well, they're not here yet.

It's really hard to find this place.

-We can't have a slumber party without girls in lingerie,

stretching the fibers on their bodices.

-On their what now?

-You know, bosomy peekaboo lingerie.

That's what you do at a slumber party.

-Oh, really? So what kind of lingerie are you wearing?

-I think you can see what I'm wearing, Darcy.

-I see it. -All right.

What do people do when they plan a weekend together in the woods?

-Gather firewood.

-Darcy, it's Labor Day weekend.

You get your hunting license. That's what you do.

But not just any hunting license. We are hunting fox.

-Oh, we are not hunting fox. No.

-We are hunting fox, Darcy. I just came from there.

There's a place over in McDuffie County.

It is a straight shot on Interstate 20.

They got 8,000 fox hunting acres through varied terrain.

And as soon as the Nightmareathon is over

tomorrow, we can load up, we can be there in two hours,

and we can get there before dusk,

which is when the foxes come out.

-Did you get into the Wonder Wheat again?

-Darcy, what is our first movie tonight?

-Oh, you know what our first movie tonight is.

-Who wrote our first movie tonight?

-Rita Mae Brown.

-And what is Rita Mae Brown known for?

-A famous lesbian novel,

being the girlfriend of Martina N...

-Navratilova. Yes. She did that.

She was with her. They hooked up.

-Yes, they did.

Um, she fights for women's rights.

She's a writer. -She is a great writer.

In fact, not only did she write tonight's movie,

"The Slumber Party Massacre."

-Yeah! -But she did write a novel

called "Rubyfruit Jungle" that blew people's minds in 1973,

before this movie blew people's minds in 1982.

And so we are paying tribute to her tonight,

and we're also paying tribute to the late, great Roger Corman,

by the way, because the first movie

and the last movie of the Nightmareathon are movies

that Roger produced.

And we are doing that with a celebration of fox hunting.

[Laughter]

-Are you trying to be mysterious?

-Rita Mae Brown has the most famous pack of foxhounds

in the Shenandoah Valley.

She has 72 bloodhounds at her ranch in Afton, Virginia.

-That cannot be true. -Why not?

-Because she is all about animal rights.

She's written a whole series of mystery novels

that are co-written by her cat.

-Correct. Sneaky Pie the cat.

He helped solve all the mysteries

in the Mrs. Murphy books.

-That's so cute. -But she also loves fox hunting.

She is, in fact, a master of foxhounds.

But if it's a really hot day, she puts sunglasses on the fox.

-She does not.

-She does! She's the coolest woman alive.

She's been running those fox hunts in

Nelson County, Virginia, and Buckingham County, Virginia,

for 30 years. -Why are you doing this?

-What else should we do on a slumber party weekend?

I mean, if it was up to me, we'd go full bore

Jerry Lewis muscular dystrophy and show 54 hours of movies.

-Yeah. -But we're on Shudder.

I mean, we have to scale it back,

so we'll be done by noon tomorrow.

-Yeah! -For you guys watching

in Sydney and Melbourne, right now, it's just after

11:00 in the morning, right, on Saturday.

So you're going to get the Nightmareathon

during normal hours.

It'll be done about 2:00 a.m. Sunday morning.

So -- Well, of course that means you're going

to have to wait to fox hunt until Sunday afternoon.

-Why are you always telling us about the Australia schedule?

-Because our Aussie mutants go to enormous lengths

to watch this show in real time.

They are crazy, and they probably fox hunt

more than we do. -We're not fox hunting.

-It's just a way to honor Rita Mae Brown.

What would you like to do?

-Uh, pillow fights, paint each other's nails.

Just be goofy. Dancing, imbibing.

-Imbibing. -Imbibing.

I brought lots of things to imbibe.

-What? Like Doritos?

-Yeah, I got so many Doritos.

We can order pizza, we can dance around doing, like,

slumber party things.

-Okay, that sounds good. And then we'll go fox hunting.

-No, we won't.

And wearing the uniform of a hunter

is not exactly the best way to start a slumber party.

-Now, Darcy, now, you've hurt my feelings now

because these are regulation knee pad,

full seat breeches with a black velvet hunt cap.

And I've never had the chance to say "tallyho" in my life.

Would you ruin that moment for me, to say "tallyho."

-I would never.

But why do they say "tally ho" anyway?

What is that?

-It means the quarry has been sighted.

-You mean the fox? -That's when you say "tally ho."

Well, yeah, the fox, you know, because that's the only quarry.

-So it's a signal to the hounds to kill the fox?

-No, it's just a signal to terrorize the fox.

We don't kill the fox. -You don't kill the fox?

-No. It's like Mexican bullfighting.

You know, in America, you don't kill the fox,

you let the fox go.

If we even find the fox. A lot of times, the fox wins.

But if the hounds get to him, we do snatch him up

before they can rend his flesh into hundreds of bloody pieces.

-Well, that makes me feel so much better.

-And speaking of rending flesh into bloody pieces,

our first movie in the Nightmareathon,

this is our first marathon since Friday the 13th, 2018.

-Yeah. -So I'm especially stoked

because that night...

-Nate, you broke the Internet, baby.

-Well, yes, but that's --

It's impossible to break the internet tonight

because we updated our whole system.

The night we broke the Internet,

we were using prehistoric computers.

Now we have computers from the 17th century.

-All right. Whoo! Shudder!

-And by the way, please send us pictures

of your Nightmareathon party.

We will put those up during the movies.

-Yeah. Please.

-I know the guys who organized that kegger

in Hell's Kitchen back in 2018...

-Oh, my God. -...they're getting

the old gang together tonight.

And I know there are some especially depraved things

going on in St. Paul, and you know who you are.

And I know at least three households

who are watching the entire Nightmareathon

from outdoor screens in their backyards.

So let's get this party started.

-Yeah!

-But why is everybody not here yet?

Where is everybody?

-They're kind of bogged down on a dirt road.

-A dirt road? Where?

-Whatever dirt road comes here, I don't know.

My Uber driver refused to go the last 10 miles, like, refused.

-So how'd you get here if you didn't have an Uber?

-Well, I might have gotten a ride

for some dudes in a pickup. -Wow. Okay.

I guess people are real friendly around here then.

-But they really were. And they said they might come by later.

-Great. Some dudes are going to come by later, okay.

-And they're going to wear a long johns.

-Okay, Darcy, I'm glad you're making friends in the woods,

but right now, we need to start the movie,

and I'll try to text Felissa and Rhonda.

Rhonda Shear! Yeah! -[Cheering]

-Fuck yeah! -She said she was

going to show up.

I mean, you don't think she was just messing with me, do you?

-Oh, my God. -She's coming, right?

-If Rhonda says she's coming, she is coming.

-All right, then, let's get the slumber party started

with "Slumber Party Massacre."

You know, this is one of those movies

that when people talk about this movie, the first thing

they want to tell you is it was made by women.

Women director. Women writer.

Well, it was also made by Roger Corman.

He produced it, and he put up the money for it.

And he always hired talented women anyway.

It wasn't a new thing.

But anyway, here "The Last Drive-in", uh,

we don't care if it was made by men,

women, or sexless creatures from Venus.

We just know it is a slasher with plenty of naked boobs.

But what we do care about is the vicious attacks

that were made on director Amy Holden Jones

for making this movie in the first place.

She got hammered by the feminists for this movie,

even though it was written by a feminist.

This movie is so confusing when you look at it politically.

And that's why, people,

you should never look at a film politically!

-Shh! -Anyway --

Don't talk about that? All right.

Anyway, a mass murdering,

escaped mental patient with a power drill,

carving up members of the girls basketball team

at a slumber party.

Who does not love that as a plot?

Why does he kill? Because he loves all of them.

-Aw. That's so sweet.

-So great screaming, great acting.

Written by the master of the hounds, Rita Mae Brown.

-Didn't she use a different title, though?

-Well, yes, the original title --

Rita Mae Brown's title was "Don't Open the Door",

and then Amy Holden Jones and Rita Mae Brown

did a final rewrite together, but then when they filmed it,

it was under the title "Sleepless Nights."

-Ooh, that's a bad title. -Exactly. It's a bad title.

That's what you do when you're scouting locations,

and you're asking people if you can use their homes.

You stick on a new title page that says "Sleepless Nights"

instead of "Slumber Party Massacre"

so they let you use their house.

-All right, that I get. -All right.

So what we have here is the sensitive story

of high school girls minding their own business,

smoking some Maui Wowie, drinking strawberry daiquiris,

ordering pizza, and talking about hunky boys.

But then they get massacred by an escaped mass murderer

who wants to use this giant drill on them,

if you know what I mean, And I think you do.

-What? -So sure, we've seen it

before, but have we seen it with the new girl on the team,

ostracized by the slutty girl on the team, moving in next door

and running to the rescue with a machete?

I think not.

So let's take a look at those drive in totals and get started.

We have 12 dead bodies, 17 breasts,

one hiney intensive shower scene,

ineffective blood trail mopping, two horndog peepers,

one mutilated Barbie doll, fuse stealing,

one conspicuously unlocked garage,

one bratty little sister pizza delivery gone horribly wrong.

Telephone wire clipping, one trunk full of corpses.

Diagetic body counting.

One corpse in the fridge, drill to the shoulder.

Drill to the throat twice.

Drill to the chest. Drill to the belly.

Fireplace poker versus drill. Machete versus drill.

Machete through the chest.

Head rolls. Hand rolls. Gratuitous cat-and-mouse.

Gratuitous use of a dead guy as a table.

Extremely subtle power drill symbolism.

Kitchen knife fu, baseball bat fu,

fireplace poker fu, machete fu.

-[Loud pop] -Whoo!

And of course, drill fu.

The party is already starting. -Apparently. What the heck?

-Drive In Academy Award nominations

for Michelle Michaels as Trish for telling the killer,

"I don't even know you."

Debra Deliso as best friend Kim

for insisting, "It's not the size of your mouth,

it's what's in it that counts."

Robin Stille as the new girl, Valerie,

for wielding a wicked machete

and for telling her bratty sister, as the famous Jim Jones

once said, "Shut up and drink your Kool-Aid."

And Michael Villela as Russ Thorn

for hiring a CPA to keep track of his kills,

for brandishing his giant grill, and for saying,

"It takes a lot of love for a person to do this."

Three stars. Joe Bob says check it out.

-Only three stars? -Yeah.

-He said what he said. -Three stars.

Is there any tool that has not been used in a slasher?

-Oh, yeah. There's got to be something.

-I mean, nail gun massacre, chainsaws, of course, in many

movies, toolbox murders.

That one movie used pliers, ice pick,

claw hammer, nail gun, knife.

You got to be a pretty lame screenwriter to go with knife.

-I mean, it's classic. -What else? Um...

-Uh. Trash compactor? -Yeah.

-Ooh. Table saw.

-I've seen that a couple of times.

-Circular saw. -I've seen that.

-Yeah. -But what tool is waiting on us?

What tool is waiting for the right screenwriter?

-What about a sander?

-Sander?

One of those things you use on the wood floors?

-Yeah, right?

-That would be a slow,

bloody death, as your skin is ripped off

by a mechanical device.

That's pretty good, Darcy.

-Thank you. I think so, too.

-But I think the name is holding it back because sander,

that's not very scary.

-What about the Sander Claus murders?

What? Christmas. -Sander Claus murders?

Christmas and power tools. Okay. Very good.

-Thank you. I like it.

-What's that in your backpack? Oh, nothing.

Just my Black and Decker

cordless variable speed orbital sander.

Do you need anything polished?

-I think I saw one of those in the pickup.

-What pickup?

-Cody's pickup. Cody and his two brothers.

-You discussed their tools?

-Oh, yeah.

-What else did you discuss?

-The local legend of the armless scrotum destroyer.

-The armless scrotum destroyer?

They have a monster legend here?

-I feel like it was kind of a porn thing,

to tell you the truth, but they are going to be by later.

And we can ask them.

-Oh, yeah. Okay. Ask them not to bring their tools, okay?

-Oh, they're the kind of guys that always bring their tools.

-I think I know what you mean.

-Yeah, you do.

[Static crackles]

[Eerie music plays]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Screaming]

-Hey, take it easy!

-What'd I win?

A hundred dollars?

-You won, you ready for this?

Your own KDED T-shirt!

-Oh.

[Gentle music plays]

♪

-Trish, honey, where are you?

-Coming, Mom.

-We're leaving, baby.

-Mellow music for a Friday morning.

And now here's the news with Emma Chapman.

-Our top story, the police are still

searching for escaped murderer Russ Thorn.

Thorn was convicted of the brutal slaying

of five people in Venice, California, in 1969.

More news in a moment.

-How about my blue jacket? Did you remember that?

-It's in there. -Okay.

-The plane tickets, where are they?

-I have them. -Okay.

Trish, the chips are under the sink,

and there's soda in the fridge,

and our number at the hotel is right by the phone.

-Okay, Mom. Everything will be fine.

-Annette, we have to go right this minute.

-Mr. Contant will be home all weekend,

and he'll look in on you.

-Hi, Mr. Contant.

-Don't worry, I-I won't let the girls

get into any trouble.

-Shit!

-Annette!

-Bye-bye, baby. -Bye.

[Engine starts, revs]

-You lock all the doors and windows.

-Mom, I'm 18 years old, remember?

-You will always be my baby.

-[Chuckles]

♪

[Bell ringing]

-You got to be more aggressive.

-Okay, who should I ask?

-Um, well, how about Kim?

-Nah, she wouldn't go with me.

-Um, how about that new girl?

-Me ask Valerie?

-Uh...[Chuckles]

Wow. This is the real thing.

I think I'm in love.

Give me five minutes.

Hi, uh, my name's Jeff. Can I help you with that?

-Sure, thanks.

-You know, I've been having some ringing in my, um, ear.

I mean, in my phone, and I thought maybe

a phone woman could help me.

Are all phone women this pretty?

-I wouldn't know.

-Would you ever consider dating a younger man?

I mean, you know what they say about younger men.

Try it, you'll like it.

-I hadn't really thought about it.

-Well, my number's out of order.

-Your number is zero.

-[Gasps]

Help me! Help!

♪

[Screaming]

Come back!

No!

[Drill whirring]

[Screams]

-Alright, girls, it's late.

Now stick to your zones, try to keep open.

Diane, don't hog the ball.

Okay, now hustle.

Down court, okay? Down court.

[Cheering]

-Trish! Trish!

-Two seconds! -Come on, move the ball.

-Diane, pass the ball! -Pass it!

-Come on, Trish. -Alright, Trish.

-Come on.

-Put it up. -Come on!

-Oh!

-Turn around. That's it.

Watch your position.

-Oh, shoot!

-It's not a smart move, Jackie. Larry Bird you ain't.

Now get in range and give yourself a chance.

-Boy, that new girl sure is good looking.

-Valerie. -Valerie.

-Yeah. -[Laughs]

[Cheering]

[Indistinct shouting]

-Let's go, Val!

Alright, Val!

Nice lay up, Valerie!

-Teacher's pet.

[Indistinct shouting]

[Cheering]

[Whistle blowing]

-Alright, this is the last week of varsity basketball.

Next week, we start tryouts for baseball.

Cool down now and head for the showers.

-Whoo! -Whoo!

-You know, I think your tits are getting bigger.

-Mine? -Mine?

[Indistinct chatter]

-Hey, Linda? -Yeah?

-You like watching basketball on TV?

-Yeah, I love all those great big guys

in their cute little shorts.

How about you?

-Yeah, I do. -But I love football.

-How come? -Brian Sipe, he's a doll.

-Yeah, I know what you mean.

-God, I wish he took his helmet off more often.

-Hey, you want to go to a party tonight?

-Uh, where's it gonna be? -My house.

-Uh, I don't know. I've got to study.

I got a test on Monday.

-Trish, can I have the the soap?

-Sure, here. -Thanks.

Hey, Jackie, I could kill you for what you did today.

-Hey, Trish, remind me.

Next time I have the ball, don't throw it to Jackie.

If I have to throw the ball to you, don't shoot.

-By the way, did you see Jim and Cindy

with Kathy?

-Oh, are you kidding? -No, I'm not.

I can't believe it.

What a fool.

-Oh, God.

-Valerie, you played such nice basketball out there.

I can't believe it. -Thanks, Trish.

-The woman gets up her courage

and she throws her baby down.

And the guy catches it.

And, like, the crowd is going crazy.

And the guy goes, "Touchdown!"

-Oh, God! -What?

-I think we should invite Valerie to the party.

-I thought it was supposed to be

for the gang, like old times.

-It is.

No boys, by the way.

Got it?

-Uh, we'll talk about it.

-No way. My parents would kill me.

-They won't find out.

-Look, what do you have against Valerie, anyway?

-Nothing.

-She drinks too much milk.

Wouldn't happen to have anything to do

with how good a basketball player she is, would it?

-Or how pretty she is?

-She works at it.

Did you ever notice how perfect her eyeliner is?

Just so.

-No reason to be unkind.

-I don't like people I have to get to know.

Hey, it's her problem she transferred here, not mine.

-[Sighs]

Diane, you're a snob.

-Hey, only the best people are, you know?

-Well, I'm going to ask her.

-Fine, just go right ahead.

-Hey, Valerie.

I'm having a few girls over tonight,

and I was wondering if maybe you--

-I can't, Trish. I-I'm sorry.

-Oh, come on. -I have to go.

-She heard.

-I don't know if I can go yet.

Mom's on my case about my grades.

-That's tough. Mine, too, but I'll be there.

-Jeff, you forgot one small detail,

you weren't invited.

-Trish, I don't let little details

like that get in my way.

-Hey, you guys, I forgot something.

I'll catch up with you later.

-Oh, okay. Bye, Linda.

-Hey, guys, I've got some provisions for

the party tonight.

-What are provisions?

-You know, Doritos, No-Doz, bennies, crystal meth.

♪

♪

-Oh, Linda. Where are you going?

-I forgot a book in my locker.

There's a test on Monday. I have to pass it.

-Okay, but hurry.

They'll be locking the building up soon.

[Door closes]

♪

[Drill whirring]

-[Screaming]

♪

[Gasping, crying]

♪

[Drill whirring]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Drill whirring]

[Screaming]

♪

[Static crackles]

-You know, Darcy,

everybody who writes about this movie talks about

the symbolism of the power drill.

I don't get it. Do you? -No idea.

-I mean, some of the newspapers

refused to print the ads for the movie

because they were using this poster, which was designed,

by the way, by Jim Wynorski.

And Jim was working in Roger Corman's

advertising department at the time.

But he would move through the whole New World Pictures system,

and four years later, make his directorial debut at New World

with the immortal "Chopping Mall."

-Yeah! -But he was refining

his symbolism skills on "Slumber Party Massacre."

So, you know, let's break down this poster.

I mean, here's a guy standing with his feet way,

way too far apart to be an effective killer.

I mean, look at the balance problems

that he's going to have.

And then down here at the bottom,

we have four girls who are not in the movie.

Wynorski just found him somewhere.

And they all have their mouths open,

and they're playing a game of piggyback or something.

Uh, and, well, I mean, one of them is on her back,

and the piggyback girls are on top of her.

Uh, the other three are jumping on top of each other,

so they must have already knocked the first girl down.

But now they're kind of distracted by something

because they're all looking up at this guy.

He must be a handsome guy, you know?

And then he's holding --

But he's holding this power drill

in a very relaxed position, so he must be coming over

to fix the broken kitchen drawers or something.

But these girls are in his way.

They are blocking his ability to get to the kitchen drawers

because they're all tangled up together

from piggyback to the point

where they're falling out of their bras.

I mean, I think it's a fairly straightforward poster,

don't you?

-Yeah, I interpreted it exactly the same way.

-All right.

Obviously they're thirsty, you know,

and they need the kitchen fixed.

People are always looking for for hidden meanings and stuff.

So I think we can tell by these first 16 minutes

of "Slumber Party Massacre"

that we are firmly in the land of the '80s slasher.

We got the crazed killer. We got bimbos.

We've got the catty girl, Diane.

We've got the sweet girl, Trish,

we've got the new girl in town, Valerie,

who is instantly disliked by Diane.

And supposedly Valerie is the best basketball

player on the team, even though, let's face it,

these girls look like they learned

to play basketball yesterday

and they didn't remember all the rules.

Even the coach seems a little confused by the game,

not to mention that she reminds them

that baseball tryouts are next week,

and even though in 1982, no high school

I'm aware of let girls play baseball,

they only played softball.

-What? -But Amy Holden Jones

really delivered on the absolutely necessary

to the plot shower scene.

She did two things that lesser directors would

not have been capable of.

Numero uno, there's only one bar of soap, so the camera

has to follow the soap and linger on each body.

-That's smart. -Numero two-o.

She goes for the bewtocks, man.

Most shower scenes stick to above the waist.

She's giving us the full monty.

And of course, since these girls are all super athletes,

the boys that they want to have sex with

are pro football players, notably Brian Sipe,

who was the quarterback for the Cleveland Browns.

I don't remember Brian Sipe being a sex symbol.

Maybe he was,

but at least one girl has sized him up as baby daddy material.

-Baby daddy! -By the way, the Browns went

4-6 that year. -[Laughter]

But they had that strike that canceled most of the season,

but they still made the playoffs.

There was a 4-6 team

that made the playoffs with a losing record,

so it had to be that Brian Sipe magic.

But what I really wanted to talk about

was the performance of Brinke Stevens as Linda.

-Yeah, Brinke! Whoo!

-Yeah, Brinke is a friend of ours.

She's the second victim after the telephone girl,

the one who gets -- but Brinke is the one

who gets chased all through the locker room.

Brinke Stevens, she had been an extra in quite a few movies

because, well, because she didn't fear shower scenes.

She was ready to pop that top at any moment.

But this was the first time she had any kind of extended scene.

And when it was over, she thought, "Wow,

I think I can really do this."

She told us that this is the first time

that she thought maybe she could really become an actress,

and not only did she become an actress,

she became one of the three

iconic scream queens of the '80s.

And Darcy and I presented her with a lifetime

achievement award last summer

at the Etheria Women's Film Festival in Kansas City.

Brinke, I can honestly say is one of the nicest people

in the business.

She worked a lot with Fred Olen Ray,

David DaCoteau, Jim Wynorski.

She was in "Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama."

-Yeah! -Which we had on our first

marathon back in 2018.

And over the years, she has been a producer,

a writer, a money raiser, collaborator with many people.

She's done all the festivals and the conventions

and always has a project, always moving forward.

I really admire her energy, but right now, she's dead.

The only thing I don't like about her sequence

is that they have her die off camera.

We just get that great scream

that echoes through the empty gym.

All right, where is everybody?!

Where's the party?!

-Okay, I talked to Rhonda. I talked to Felissa.

I talked to Dave and Robin, and they are all coming.

They just can't find this place.

Plus, Dave got stuck in a ditch,

and Felissa might have stopped at a bar.

-Oh, my God. John Brennan.

-Yo, yo, yo. -Um, have you got tow ropes?

-I'm on it. I also got Yuki.

He's out at the Circle K. -Yay!

-He's on Highway 16.

He's going to let me know if he sees anybody.

-How does being at the Circle K

help us get these people to the party?

-Are you kidding? He's got the high ground.

He can see all the way to Peachtree City.

-Oh, okay.

How are you staying in touch with him?

-Let me get him. Hold on. Listen.

Big bird to little bird. Big bird to little bird.

Come in, Tweety Bird.

-Copy.

-Hold on. I got Joe Bob here for you. Hold on.

-Yuki? -Yuki is online.

-Top of the Circle K? -Yeah.

-Yuki! -Yes?

-Can you see all the cars on Highway 85?

-No.

-What highway are you looking at?

-Highway 85.

-Okay. Do you see any cars? -Nope.

-So, is anybody coming?

-No.

-Don't we have the numbers for everybody?

What is this?

Why are we talking to Yuki on a walkie talkie?

Do we have phone numbers for anybody?

-Nobody's cell works out here.

-How did we hook that thing up? Somebody does that hook up.

T-Mobile, AT&T, Verizon. Who is it?

-It's cricket. -Cricket?

-Yeah, cricket. Uh, you know, they're

the only cell company that still works out here.

So we just bought a bunch of cricket burners,

and they hooked up the walkie talkie.

-All right, get the number of the bar where Felissa is.

You know? John, go see if you can find Felissa,

pry her away from a vodka tonic.

Find Rhonda, bring her out here.

Can you round up these people?

You got a vehicle, right?

-10-4, birdie bird. I'm on it. Don't worry about it.

-And, John. -Yeah? What's up? What's up?

-Uh, do you see any symbolism in this poster?

-Oh, yeah. The denim vest. -What?

-Yeah, I've seen this movie so many times.

The killer wears a Canadian tuxedo.

-What is a Canadian tuxedo?

-Denim on denim, jeans and a denim vest.

And look. Look closely.

All those ladies, they're admiring his denim vest.

-Oh, okay.

Got it. Thanks for clearing that up.

Back to the movie.

-Are you gonna wear that outfit the whole night?

-I was planning to. What should I wear?

Go ahead, tell me.

-I just think you'd be more comfortable in, like,

sleepwear, pajamas.

I got some booty shorts if you want to rock those.

-You know what? I will make a deal with you, Darcy.

-Okay. -You put on lingerie

sometime tonight, in keeping with the upcoming

lingerie scenes in this movie,

and I will wear whatever the men's version of lingerie is.

-What's the men's version of lingerie?

-I don't know, but I'm sure you'll figure out

something humiliating.

-Okay. Deal. Humiliating.

[Static crackles]

[Static crackles]

-Hey, thanks, Mark.

See you tomorrow.

[Man breathing heavily]

♪

[Engine stops]

[Door closes]

♪

♪

-Aah!

Holy shit! I think you broke my back.

-John Minor, what are you doing scaring me

to death like that?

-I won't try it again, that's for sure.

-Better learn to fall better. You could get hurt.

-What about tonight?

-Well, I don't know.

The party's supposed to be for girls only.

For old time's sake.

-You can get out of that, can't you?

-Maybe.

Well, we'll see you around. Take it easy on that back.

-Back in 1969, our own beach community

of Venice, California, was shocked

by a string of brutal murders.

The man who committed these crimes, Russ Thorn,

is the subject of a--

[Dial changing]

♪

-[Drill whirring] -[Gasps]

-Oh, hi, Rachel!

-What are you doing?

-I was just putting in your peephole.

-Oh, thanks. -Sure.

-Oh, did the telephone repairman come by today?

-Yeah, I saw his van across the street.

-Right. You haven't seen my cat around, have you?

-Not all day. -Oh.

-By the way, your bookshelves will be ready next Tuesday.

-Great, thanks, Pam. -Sure.

-Bye-bye. -Bye-bye.

[Keys clatter]

-Diane, what's happening?

Well...okay.

But you know Mom's gonna be real bummed

if you bring him in the house.

[Creaking]

Just a sec.

I think someone's here. I got to go.

[Bell chiming]

[Piano plays]

♪

♪

[Clock ticking]

[Footsteps approaching]

♪

-[Screams] -Oh! Trish.

My God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

The door was open. I didn't see you anywhere.

So I got worried, and I came in.

I was just checking the house out.

-I'm okay.

I guess being alone had me more spooked than I realized.

-Look, why don't you just come in

and sit down for a second? -I'm okay.

-No, come on in. I'll stay with you

till your friends get here.

-Thanks.

[Glass shatters]

-[Sighs]

[Rustling]

♪

[Rustling]

-[Cat yowls] -[Screams]

-Oh, kitty, Muffin, I'm sorry.

Oh, Muffin, kitty?

Kitty, here. Oh, here, kitty, Muffin.

Oh, yes, oh, Muffin.

Honey, it's okay, kitty.

-Let's go by and scare the girls tonight.

-But we're not invited.

-Just a baby scare.

I mean, you know girls love to scream.

-I don't know.

-What's the worst that can happen?

I mean, so they get mad at us.

-They could beat the shit out of us.

-That's right. We did flunk gym.

-Three times.

♪

[Insects chirping]

♪

[Doorbell rings]

-That's them now.

Go ahead and finish your coffee.

-Who is it? -We're here for the orgy.

Open the door, let us in. Hurry!

Look what I scored frommy older brother.

And that ain't the half of it.

-Gee, that's swell, soda pop.

-Right.

-What's the matter with you?

Cast your eyes on this.

Maui Wowie, 100% seedless primed bud.

-[Sniffs] Mm.

-Oh, hi, Mr. Contant. -[Laughs]

-I was just leaving.

[Laughter]

Trish, I won't tell if you don't let your parents

know I scared you to death, okay?

And go easy on the Maui Wowie, you hear me?

-For sure, Mr. Contant.

-And if you need me, I'm right next door.

-Okay, thanks.

-Good night. -Night.

-Big doings next door, I see.

-That's none of our business.

-How come you weren't invited to the party?

-I was.

I just turned them down so I could

take care of my darling little sister.

-Like hell.

As the famous Jim Jones once said,

shut up and drink your Kool-Aid.

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Yeah, hold on.

It's some boy.

-Hello?

Hi, Gordon.

-Quit glomming all the chips.

-This is the best time to do it,

before Diane gets here and eats them all.

Quit glomming the joint.

[Laughter]

-What do the guys see in her, anyway?

-She's beautiful.

-I think she has a big mouth.

-Hey, it's not how big your mouth is.

It's what's in it that counts.

-What I don't see is what she sees in John Minor.

-Maybe what we don't see.

-[Laughs]

Hey, it's not how big it is, remember?

-It's what's in it that counts.

[Laughter]

[Crunching]

♪

-I left the burner on.

-Will your mom be mad?

-I'll have to replace it. It's okay.

-[Gasps]

-"At a recent Tinseltown bash,

the lovely Brooke Shields shocked everyone

by turning up with a new frizzy hairdo.

I thought she looked like Charles II.

But her close friends thought she

stuck her finger in the wall socket."

[Clattering]

-[Dog barking] -Dog's in the trash again.

-So go take care of it.

-What do you think I am, stupid?

I'm not going out there alone in the dark.

You go.

-It's too bad Mom and Dad didn't get a divorce

before you were born.

-I love you, too.

♪

[Dog barking in distance]

♪

[Squeaking]

♪

[Clattering]

[Static crackles]

♪

[Thunder crashes]

[Static crackles]

-Okay. Darcy, are you satisfied?

Is this humiliating enough? -Are you serious? No.

That is nowhere near humiliating enough.

-Really? -You don't like this?

-No, I love it. You're rocking it.

But no it's not humiliating. You love this.

Don't even pretend.

You are very happy to be wearing those.

That fox hunting thing was, that was uncomfortable.

-All right. What is that?

Three jump scares we just had in 10 minutes of this movie,

including a cat scare. -[Laughter]

-This is a woman who knows her slashers,

the woman that made this movie.

Also, important safety tip people, when you arrive home,

always assume that somebody could be drilling a peep hole

through the other side of your front door.

We don't want any accidents. -Good tip.

-Trish seems a little jumpy at times,

and then at other times, not jumpy enough.

Like, you know, she's on the phone,

she hears a strange noise, she goes to check on it,

but then she decides to stop and play the piano instead.

[Laughter]

-A.D.D. -Isn't that what just happened?

I think so.

Actually, the strange noise was apparently Mr. Contant.

Is that his name? Mr. Contant? From next door.

The friendly neighbor

who agrees not to tell the parents about the weed

so as long as Trish doesn't mention

that he was snooping around the house like a creeper.

-That's a good deal. -He's one of the jump scares,

and he's coming from upstairs.

What was he doing up there?

That is Michelle Michaels as Trish.

Michelle Michaels was only in the business a short time.

We also have seen her in "New Years Evil"

and "Death Wish 4."

And Michelle was a trooper,

because a little later on, you're going to see Diane,

the bitchy one, in a makeout scene with her boyfriend.

And the scene called for a little nudity.

And at the last minute,

that actress -- Gina Mari was her billing on the show.

Her actual name was Gina Smika Hunter.

And at the last minute,

Gina refused to do her nude scene.

So Amy Holden Jones needed that shot.

She had to have that shot.

So she said to the assembled cast,

"Any girl volunteering her naked breasts will get extra cash."

So Michelle Michaels, the star of the movie,

she steps right up, you know,

so when you see that close up shot of the breast,

that's Michelle, that's not Gina. So thank you, Michelle.

And speaking of women who know about breasts,

somebody told me that Rhonda Sheer has arrived.

My competitor in the '90s

when she was host of USA's "Up All Night"

along with Gilbert Gottfried.

But after she retired from USA,

she became a famous designer of bras,

specifically a bra called the Ahh Bra.

But, um, John, you found her.

So come on out, Ronda.

Rhonda Shear!

Rhonda Shear, ladies and gentlemen.

Rhonda! -I must kiss you.

I must curtsy to you.

-Oh, gosh. -And you are gorgeous.

-So are you. -Oh, my goodness.

-Rhonda, we are so happy that you -- have a seat.

-I'm going to have a seat. -In in our luxurious --

-Look, I brought, Darcy --

I drink champagne, so it's a champagne beer.

Cheers! -Oh, yeah.

Everybody drinks beer here. -I love that.

I know there's bubbles in it.

-All right. Rhonda.

You were on my show in, I think, 1999.

-Yes. -Along with Count Floyd.

-That was amazing. -SCTV, Joe Flaherty.

-I just posted that. Did you see it?

-I did. -Okay.

-I had smaller breasts than.

But he was so funny. And you were so good.

-Well, I would just like to say I plan to have you on my show

every 25 years. -I love it.

Cheers. I plan to live forever.

So I appreciate that. Thank you.

-Okay. And you were great.

But I have a question for you.

-Yes?

-Did you always watch the movie

when you were doing "Up All Night"?

-Okay, do you remember -- does your audience remember VHS?

No. But anyway. -Oh, ours do.

-But did you watch the VHS?

-Network would give me -- I wish I had them all.

They gave me all the movies, so I would get the two movies

or three movies because I voiced over the last movie,

so they would give me all three movies

and I would fast forward through them all really fast,

and every now and then, I'd stop on a scene or two and then,

yeah, so I watched them.

-Okay. Because Gilbert, bless his heart,

he died way too early.

But Gilbert, he kind of admitted to me

that he did not watch the movies.

-Oh, he's lying. He didn't watch them all.

But he loved them. He loved the T&A.

Loved all that. -Was he trying to be classy?

-No. And he loved horror. -I didn't watch it.

-He could tell you trivia about a lot of films,

so he did watch them.

-All right. -Maybe not all, but he did.

-Okay, so, Rhonda,

besides drinking the blood of babies to become ageless,

what have you been doing for the last --

-Sushi blood. That's what I do, I love sashimi.

-What have you been doing for the last, uh,

since we saw each other last?

-Well, I keep my toe in show business.

I do a film here and there when they ask me

because I hate auditioning.

And then, um, I have been designing

and manufacturing bras under my name,

Rhonda Shear.

You're right. Bras and panties.

And I love helping women and men.

It's amazing how many male customers I have

that love my pinup panty.

I'm not kidding you. I should have brought it.

-I feel like that's what you need to wear.

-Really? All right. Stop giving her ideas.

This is a slumber party.

And you design entire wardrobes for slumber parties,

right? -That's how it started.

My business, my current business,

which I've been in now 22 years,

started because of all of the intimate apparel I wore on

"Up All Night."

"Up All Night."

Got to get it.

Anyway, I did so much of that

that I had to create something that was more comfortable,

that would lift the breast without pain and discomfort.

-Okay, you did a lot of lingerie and shapewear.

What is shapewear?

-Shapewear holds it up and in and believe me,

I do it for men, too. I do things --

-Holds it up and in. -Up, in.

-All right. -Yeah.

Not just for women, but for guys, too.

-Really? Okay, well, I was talking to Darcy.

-Something else you can wear. -Your biggest fan.

-I'm Darcy's biggest fan. She's gorgeous.

You are so lucky.

-I am lucky, and we were trying to decide.

We were trying to decide what the girls are wearing

in "Slumber Party Massacre."

And I decided what they're wearing is athleisure.

It's the basketball team.

Athleisure, a term I recently heard.

I didn't know of this term until, like, this year.

-It's big term. -Do you do athleisure?

-I did, and it's so BS,

because basically it's athletic wear If you go to the gym.

It's leisure if you're a slob and just hang around the house.

So it just gives you the ability to wear baggy pants

with no zipper and just an elastic waistband

and look like a slob.

-But now that it's called athleisure, it's cool.

-So basically everything that Nike and Adidas

make is athleisure?

-Yeah. Sloppy clothes.

I'd like to see you in some athleisure.

-I'd like to see you do a fashion show of all her items.

-You should. -We should.

-I'm serious. -I can supply the models,

believe me. -Do you buy a lot of athleisure?

-No, I. don't do athleisure. I do sexy stuff.

-No, Darcy. -Oh. Do you?

-Do you like athleisure? I know you like leggings.

-I do like leggings. Do leggings count?

-Leggings count. -Oh, yeah, then yeah,

I buy lots of athleisure. -Leggings are tight.

-Right. -But athleisure is also like

really baggy elastic waistband.

-All right. -Saggy butt stuff.

-So let's go old school.

We we have three more guests.

-I don't go to the gym for nothing.

-We do have three more guests coming tonight.

-Yes. -Can you get them

into some comfortable lingerie?

-Of course I can. That's my thing.

-Okay. -I can even tell you

their breast size just with one quick glance.

-Really? Okay.

Because that we have -- All right.

-From A to triple D, F and G, I can go all the way.

-What size is JB?

-Oh, I think he's like a 40 double D.

-Double D? -Well, all right.

-Well, I mean, actually you'd be a 40, and it would work.

-All right. I don't think I'm putting on one of your bras.

-We got a long night, and we're imbibing.

-Once we imbibe, you won't even know.

-I put on these pajamas just for Darcy

because she's all about squaring things up.

Darcy is trying to turn the male gaze

into the male and female gaze.

That's one of her goals in life. -I like that.

-I lost track of what he's saying, but it sounds right.

I just want it to be equal, that's all.

-So cool. I like it.

-You are a former Miss Louisiana.

-I was. -Uh, you were on TV for years.

Do you have a lot of people recognize you on the street? -Yes, some people recognize me from "Up All Night."

-Oh, I was just --

-Do whatever you want. -Do they ask you?

-Do you think we didn't know that?

Of course we noticed.

-Some people don't -- -What?

-"Up All Night."

And then so many women stop me in the airport and go,

"You're the eyebrow lady."

-Oh, wow. -I go, "Wait a minute."

-In that voice? Why are they so angry?

-They're just so happy.

I don't know, because I think a lot

of my customers will call in to the shopping channel

and they'll go, "Clink, clink, clink.

I love my Ahh Bra."

And then sometimes you hear a voice like,

"I love my Ahh Bra."

So I think I serve male, female and everything in between.

It's all good. -Okay.

-I make them all happy.

-But do they ask you to say, "Up all night"?

-Yes. That's a constant. -In public?

That's a constant. And I do it because --

-You should start charging. -Because I'm a ho.

-You don't get that for free. -No.

-$5. -All right.

I'm not going to ask you to do it, but did you

ever show "Slumber Party Massacre"

on "Up All Night"?

-Of course. I'm sure.

Was there a one, two, and three and four?

Brinke Stevens was in it, right? -Yep.

-Oh, I love Brinke. We actually did a film together.

-She was in it, and there's at least three.

There's three Slumber Party Massacres.

-We could only show films that had three, four, five, six.

-Those are of the best, though. Yeah.

-"Attack of the Party Nerds."

I was in "Attack of the Party Nerds 2."

-Why aren't we showing that? -We should have showed that.

-Have you ever shown "Basic Training"?

No, no, you don't show those kind.

You don't. Just you, the T&A. Somebody has to get murdered,

-Right? I feel like that's a --

-Well, we have a pretty broad definition

of horror, but, you know. -Well, it was a horrible film.

-There you go. -My first starring film.

-When you would go back to the movie on USA, you know,

after you did -- you did a lot of stunts.

-These are such deep questions. All right.

-You did a lot of stunts in the breaks, right?

-We did. -And, um, did they treat you

well at USA, by the way?

-They did. They treated me very well.

I had a great staff and a great crew,

and USA network never watched the show.

So I got away with really saying horrible things about them.

It was fabulous.

-Did they give you like a big wardrobe allowance?

-Nothing, but what I did because I love fashion

is I went around LA myself

and made friends with all the designers,

went on Hollywood Boulevard and found this great store,

and they supplied me with -- I did that myself,

so it went perfect with my second career, which was design.

-Really? -Yes. I had no wardrobe.

-So they gave you free clothing to wear on the show.

-If I wanted to buy it, they would give me great discounts.

-Do you have to say the name of the company when

you went on the show? -We did, at the end of the show.

But that was my pleasure to do that.

-Okay. Also bras. You got free bras.

-No, I did not do free bras.

No, I didn't get into the bra business until much later.

I was using my own bras. But funny story.

I used to wear Frederick's of Hollywood.

You're too young to remember that.

Frederick's of Hollywood bras.

And Mr. Frederick, who was still alive,

barely, had me go on all the talk shows

in the '90s promoting his bras.

Lo and behold, and I got into the bra industry.

Not because of Mr. Frederick.

They were great bras. They would push the girls way up.

Under your neck. You could almost smother on them.

-Okay, so when you -- on USA --

-I like that no sells that. Okay. Well, anyway then.

-When you would go back to the movie...

-I know, I know. He's so focused.

-I'm sorry, there's things. I'm curious about these things.

-I can go over there and smother him right now,

but I won't do it. -I mean, imbibing.

-Later maybe.

-I'm sure you both will be imbibing tonight.

-When you when you would go back to the movie

at USA after the stunt, besides --

Yeah, but besides saying the phrase,

how would you do it?

How would you go back to the movie?

-Oh, I would say, "Hi, this is Rhonda,

and now we're going back to the 'Slumber Party Massacre'

on USA 'Up All Night.'

But tonight, we're doing it with Joe Bob..."

[speaking gibberish]

-What is that? -It's cute.

-It's baby talk. -Yeah.

-And then I would go love and sizzle kisses.

Kiss my own butt.

-And did you invent that whole thing?

-I did, in my kitchen with a producer.

-You are fucking iconic. -T&A was big.

-Back then. We hate it now.

-No, really, no one has fake boobs anymore.

Oh, well...Cheers. My sister.

-You don't take them out. -Sister from another mother.

-Look. Okay. -All right.

-I love these questions.

-I don't know because I mean, here --

You know, the show has been taken away from me.

Here at Joe Bob's Nightmareathon,

we are not just staying up all night.

-You're staying up all night with us, Rhonda.

-Yes! -So we need your help.

-I like it, let's do it.

-Can you give us full treatment for going back

to the third segment of "Slumber Party Massacre"?

Uh, because we're going back to the movie now.

-Okay. We are going back to -- what's the name of this thing?

"The Slumber Party Massacre."

I don't know who else is in it,

but I know my good friend Brinke Stevens is in it.

I really don't care because I never watched the films anyway.

But I know a lot of people are gonna get killed and stuff.

So anyway, we'll be back with more of,

oh, yeah, fabulous Joe Bob, him, too, Darcy,

my queen, and Rhonda Scheer from "Up All Night", and cheers.

Whoo!

-Yeah! -Okay, that was great.

That was historic, Rhonda.

That's what we call a crossover.

-That is going to be the promo.

-That was such a good crossover. -That sound bite's going in.

-John Zacherle applauded from his grave

because of that crossover.

You ever know John? -No.

-Okay. Well, John is chuckling.

John was the original horror host.

John Zacherle, the original horror host.

-It's his hero. -He is chuckling.

-Did you know Morgus the Magnificent

is from New Orleans?

Morgus the Magnificent, he was iconic.

You'll have to look him up.

-I have heard of Morgus the Magnificent.

-He was a New Orleans guy, but he was brilliant.

-All right, well, you moved John Zacherle in

his grave, so we appreciate it.

-I've moved a lot of dead men.

-I wasn't going to say anything.

[Static crackles]

[Music playing]

-Talk about getting caught in the act,

guess who got caught in the act?

-Who?

-Got caught in the act? -Yeah.

-Who? -Who?

-In bed. -Who?

-Stephanie and Joe.

-[Gasps] Are you kidding me?

-My God.

-You know what?

That must have been the reason why she

didn't show to class Friday.

I have her in my third period class.

She wasn't even there.

-Well, you know why? Because she was sore.

[Laughter]

But anyways, you know what happened?

They were in bed, and guess who came up the stairs?

-Where were they?

-They were in her house.

-Her parents' house? -Yeah, her parents' house.

And her parents came up the stairs.

-Oh, my God.

What'd they do?

-So they just made it.

They didn't get caught.

They just kind of flew out really fast.

-There she goes.

-I'm glad I've never been in that situation, aren't you?

-Me too. How embarrassing.

-What's the big deal? I don't get it.

I don't get it.

-Her parents walked in on them

while they were screwing.

-I don't think I've been giving Kim

the attention she deserves.

-Who could have guessed?

-But Stephanie didn't show up to third period, right?

Yeah, yeah.

-And Joe hasn't been in class for really --

-God, I bet they're grounded forever.

-Oh, well, that's their problem, right?

-I know, but they almost got caught, Diane.

-Well, it's their fault. They should have --

-You've never been in that position, Diane.

-What did we do to deserve this?

-I think we died and went to heaven.

-[Laughs]

-Courtney, what are you doing?

-I'm upstairs doing my biology homework.

-Why do I find that hard to believe?

-Don't laugh. I have to concentrate.

-Okay, but do me a favor and don't tear out

the centerfold this time.

-Shit.

-What do you say we order a pizza?

-No anchovies. -Mushrooms and olives.

-Hey, since I'm the only one dressed

I'll go get wood for the fire.

-Bring it in through the garage

so you don't scuzz up the rug.

[Door hinges creak]

[Dog barking]

♪

♪

-Yuck!

♪

Gross.

[Gasps]

-Hi, Mr. Contant.

-Hi, Diane. I hope I didn't startle you.

-No, not at all. You're on a snail hunt?

-Uh-huh. That makes 53 tonight.

And this is the only good way to get 'em.

They come out after dark,

and they eat up my vegetable garden.

-My dad goes on snail hunts, too.

He doesn't like to use pesticides.

-Not organic.

-Right. Good night, Mr. Contant.

-Good night.

-A-ha, number 54.

[Drill whirring]

[Gags]

-Hey, did you hear something?

-No, I didn't.

Look, I got an idea. Come on.

-Hey, listen to this.

"Boy, 10, sucked down sewer but survives."

-Diane!

-Why don't you read today's horoscopes?

-Sign?

-Scorpio, of course.

-Of course.

-"Your power with the opposite sex will get you ahead."

-Not too bad.

-Depends on whose head.

[Laughter]

-Taurus.

-"You'll get the rest you deserve.

Relax and enjoy it." -Mm.

-Hey, is it getting cold in here?

-Sort of.

-Why don't you read more about that sewer boy?

-"In Fort Wayne, Indiana, a 10-year-old boy

who was swept into a flooded storm sewer

and carried two blocks before surfacing in a lake

said he knew he was okay when he woke up

and the lights came on."

-Poor kid.

♪

-Diane.

Did you remember to close the garage door

when you brought the wood in?

-I don't know.

♪

-[Screams]

Oh, my God, what is it?

-My doll. I threw it away this morning.

-It must be those boys.

Close the curtain, Jackie.

-It's the garage door. I have to check it.

-I'll go with you.

♪

[Door hinges creak]

-Shit, the light bulb's out.

-See, I closed it.

-Yeah, but you didn't lock it.

My dad's got a lot of valuables in here.

-Come on, hurry up.

-You have to step on it, like this.

-Everything is okay, come on.

Let's get down to some partying.

♪

♪

[Sirens wailing in distance]

♪

-Fork it over, shortcakes.

-Why not? I already finished it.

-Pervert.

-Look who's talking.

-Courtney!

Leave it alone.

-"Jason is the athletic type.

He enjoys bike riding and tennis and surfing at dawn.

He's a straight-A student

and planning to be a veterinarian."

He'll do.

-Yuck! -Oh, faker.

You were beating off boys in the fifth grade.

-I was not, you creep.

-"Donald is a fly fisherman and a gourmet cook.

-Hey, Val, did you tell Mom?

-Tell Mom what? About the fifth grade?

I made that up.

-You did not. I hate you!

I hate you, you creep!

-Aah!

-I'll get you for this.

-Hi, boo boo.

-Boo boo?

[Laughter]

-I love you, too, and I miss you.

Yeah, it's okay. Trish doesn't mind.

I love it, too.

Do you think I'm getting better?

[Laughing]

Shh, hold on.

[Laughter continues]

I think our first amendment's been violated.

-Not the word I would have chosen.

-Very immature, you guys!

-[Gasps] -Oh, my God.

-All the lights went off.

-Just a minute. -Far out.

-♪ Strangers in the night ♪

-Where's that flashlight?

Diane? Where's the flashlight?

-I'm looking for it.

I'm over here.

-Kim, where are you?

-Here it is, by the sink.

-What do you think happened?

-I know what happened.

We must have blown a fuse.

-Where's the fuse box?

-It's in the garage.

[Humming "The Twilight Zone" theme song]

-Cut it out, you guys!

-[Laughter] -Go.

-What's going on down there?

-Oh, we'll take care of it.

You stay here and talk to Boo Boo.

-Kimberly, your days are numbered.

♪

-It's right this way.

-Wait for me. I've got the flashlight.

Be careful.

-Boo Boo. Can you believe it?

-Geez, high school boys.

[Laughter]

-Hold it, hold it.

-Boo! -[Gasping]

-Who's there?

-Me, bimbo.

-Okay, let's go.

[Laughing]

-Stop. -Where is it?

-It's right over here in the corner.

Come on, Kim.

-Is that it? -I think so.

-Yeah, this is it.

-Hold the beam steady. Your hand's shaking.

-It is not. -Grow up, you guys.

-That's weird.

None of the fuses are blown, but some are missing.

[Clattering]

Holy shit.

-Terrific.

[Gasping]

-Oh!

-Jeff!

-Hey, don't kill me. I give up.

-Here are the fuses.

-Wow, can't you guys take a joke?

-How did you get out of the third grade?

I can't believe you two.

-Look, this was all his idea.

-Oh, sure.

Some joke, you guys.

[Dog barking in distance]

[Clattering]

-Not again.

Courtney?

[Insects chirping]

♪

-[Screaming]

-Get off me, you creep!

Are you crazy?

You could have hurt me with that knife!

-Not really. It's very dull.

Besides, you deserved it after what you said to me.

-I apologize, okay?

-You have to admit I had you really scared.

-I admit it.

-You won't tell Mom, will you?

-Kid, you're a case!

[Cat meows]

[Horn honks]

[Honking continues]

-Hi, gorgeous.

So let's go.

-I can't go right now.

We'll work something out.

Why don't you come into the garage?

-Come here.

Mm.

[Engine starts]

-You mess up my hair, and you're dead meat, Val.

-Don't worry about it.

Do you think I'll ever be beautiful?

-I don't know. Look at me.

No, not a chance.

-Not if I have the same genes as you, anyway.

What's this? -What?

You're just a pest today, aren't you?

-You weren't invited to the party, were you?

-Don't put on so much eye shadow.

It's already way too heavy.

-Do you think there are boys over there?

-Yeah, there's always boys around Trish and Diane.

-Well, let's crash the party.

-Why don't we change your hairstyle?

This one's not working.

-Anything is okay with me.

-We can try the Brooke Shields look.

You know, the frizz look?

Just make me look like you.

-Okay.

♪

-So Zachary at least made it to the fourth inning

with no runs.

-The first Mets starter past the third in this series.

Then Derrel Thomas doubled, and Dusty Baker doubled him in.

So much for Zachary.

-I think you're gonna have a shiner, Jeff.

-Oh. -How are you going to

explain it to your mother?

-Aren't you supposed to put something on it?

-Have you got a steak?

-Wait. I'll go check and see.

-So then Cey homered. -So far, we're agreed.

-I don't have a steak. What else can we use?

-No, we can't. Not here.

-No one can see us.

-The girls could walk in here any second now.

It's been like Grand Central Station all night in here.

-Come on, baby. You're driving me crazy.

-I can't do it.

-Then come on over to my place.

My parents won't be home for hours.

-The girls would kill me.

-Trish is very understanding.

-Hold on. I'll be right back.

[Door closes]

♪

[Door opens, closes]

-Come on and try it! -Trish, that's ridiculous!

Nobody puts a hot dog on a black eye.

-Don't be so self-conscious.

-Hi, Diane.

-Hi. What are you making?

-Strawberry daiquiris.

-We can't figure out who are the runs from last night's game.

-Cey homered.

-We got that.

-Trish? -Where's Mr. Right?

-We're gonna go out for some beer, okay?

-Hey, don't you want a strawberry --

-She wants a beer, I think. Right?

-Yeah, right. We'll be back.

-Okay?

-You don't have to ask my permission, Diane.

Just goes to show you can't bring back the old days.

[Door hinges creak]

-Well, that was a bitch, but now it's done.

[Screams]

[Blender whirring]

[Horn honking]

[Screams]

[Glass shatters]

♪

[Crying]

[Drill whirring]

No! No!

[Screams]

[Static crackles]

-Yuki!

-Yes. -Do you see any other cars?

-No.

-What are you guys girls doing?

-Oh, what?

-Comparing nails, chrome, glitter,

whatever shines.

-Yes, exactly. It's like sleepover stuff

you wouldn't understand. -Girly stuff.

-This is true.

Because I think the words "slumber party",

that's totally a girls thing.

Men don't do slumber parties.

When men go away for the weekend in a group, what they do...

-Do not say hunt foxes, man. Do not.

-Well, sometimes they hunt foxes,

but they do something outdoorsy.

They play a little touch football.

They swim, they water ski, they grill some dogs.

-They paint each other's toenails.

-They do not paint each other's toes.

-We are painting your toenails tonight.

We are. And you are gonna love it.

-My toenails will remain.

-[Chanting] Paint the nails. Paint the nails.

-My toenails will remain toenail colored.

I'm sorry, girls.

-Painting nails is Slumber Party 101.

-Well, then you better send me back to remedial classes

in slumber party because I'm not ready for toenail decorations.

So, Rhonda. -Think you are.

-This movie got a lot of flak from feminists

when it first came out.

Um, but then today, if you go online and you type

"Slumber Party Massacre Feminist",

you will find a whole slew of articles saying it's

not really a slasher, it's a parody of slashers.

It's a send up of slashers.

It's undermining the tropes of slashers.

-Yes. -It's a feminist triumph.

-I love that. -For Amy Holden Jones.

And for Rita Mae Brown, who wrote --

-Finally getting her due. -Now.

Well, I guess, you know,

so you can find both extremes on the internet.

Now, did you get criticized by feminists at all?

Because after all, you're a beauty pageant winner

and a national sex symbol.

So many guys were in love with you.

Well, still are. -So many girls were, too.

-Yes.

I got so many guys through puberty.

It was so good. -And new girls.

-And did you get feminist flack?

-No. You know, I really never did.

I had so many female fans,

and I had guys that would send me pictures of their girlfriend

and say, "Look, my girlfriend looks just like you,"

and it would be a blonde, but I have to tell you what I did do.

I wrote a book.

Promotion. Promotion. Promotion.

And look what the name of it is.

Which addresses what you just asked.

"Up All Night: From Hollywood Bombshell to Lingerie Mogul.

Life Lessons From an Accidental Feminist."

-Really? -Because truly,

I had to navigate that MeToo movement before MeToo movement.

So through comedy, I kept guys hands off of me

because nothing turns a guy off more than

when you're making a joke and he's in that happy state.

So I was an accidental feminist.

-I don't know what you mean.

-And so -- -You're talking about

when you were doing standup?

-Just in my whole career.

Because I was told, "You're too sexy to..."

So it's like I outsmarted them by playing the dumb blonde.

-Okay. -Because you have to be

smart to play dumb. -I would know about that.

-Well, the reason I ask.

You're ganging up on me, both of you.

So the reason I ask -- -He caught that. Good for him.

-Here's what I don't get. Here's what I don't get.

First of all, Rita Mae Brown. She studied literature.

She studied cinematography at a very high level,

international political science.

She had all these various interests

and had been to all these universities.

Rita Mae Brown is always described as a lesbian writer.

That's how she's qualified. But that's not the whole story,

because Rita Mae Brown was a star student

at University of Florida.

She was in the coolest sorority,

Delta Delta Delta, uh, at University of Florida.

And they kicked her out.

They kicked her out of the sorority.

They kicked her out of the university

because of one comment

that she made to one of her sorority sisters.

And that comment was,

"I don't care whether I marry a man or a woman."

-That's fucked up, though. -Let's start with that.

-Ahead of time.

-That would seem to indicate that she's bisexual,

not just lesbian,

but the reason she's identified with lesbianism

is that she fought for recognition of lesbians

in the very early days of the National Organization For Women

back in the '60s,

and she would not let up about prejudice against lesbian women

and black women, also, by the white heterosexual women

who ran the National Organization For Women.

And Betty Friedan, who was head of NOW at the time,

was upset by one thing in particular that she said,

and that thing was, "I don't believe in gender."

She believed that there is a spectrum

and everybody is on the spectrum between male and female.

She was actually about 50 years ahead of her time.

So to Betty Friedan's credit,

I want to redeem her just a little bit.

She did apologize to Rita Mae Brown 30 years later.

-But if you read, um,

"Rubyfruit Jungle", her famous novel,

the book that made Rita Mae Brown famous,

it's semi-autobiographical, it's very autobiographical,

and the protagonist has all kinds of sexual adventures

with men and women.

And then the other reason she's called

a lesbian author all the time

is that she had a long public relationship with,

uh, Martina Navratilova, and before that,

she had a long public relationship

with the actress Fannie Flagg.

So, anyway, she's about as bisexual as they come,

and she's master of the hounds.

-We're not fox hunting. -We should honor her.

-Not fox hunting.

-You gave us information just to get back to fox hunting?

-I know. Right. -All right. So.

Well, I want to say this.

I want to say this in front of both

of you because you're both strong women

with strong opinions about sexism.

And maybe you can appreciate a movie

both ways, bisexually.

Maybe men can identify with Trish,

and maybe men can love the shower scene

but hate the killer.

Or maybe the men who love the killer do not love him

because he has a power drill.

Maybe they love him because they've seen slashers before,

and they're waiting for that emotional release when he dies.

In other words, maybe you don't have to defend

the movie as feminist or anti-feminist.

Maybe it is just a work of art, you know?

-Agree. I'll take that. -So by the way, Rhonda,

do you see any symbolism in this poster created

by Jim Wynorski to publicize the movie?

Because we've been trying to figure it out.

-Well, quite frankly,

I think his tool has a lot of indentations in it,

so it's not a very good tool.

-What do you think of the lingerie?

-How about the lingerie? -I could do so much better.

-All right, well, we know that. All right.

-Back to the movie.

We're up all night with Rhonda Shear.

Later Felissa Rose, Dave Sheridan, and Robin Sydney,

Yuki, John Brennan, people across the USA

because it's Joe Bob's Nightmareathon!

So roll the movie.

-We should tell the story of the first marathon.

-I think everyone has heard the story of the first marathon.

-Not everyone. Do you know?

-The first marathon is what got us this show?

We wouldn't be here tonight

if it wasn't for that first marathon, so...

And, Rhonda, we would have had to wait another decade

to hang together if it hadn't been for that first marathon.

You moved to Florida to be close to the Home Shopping Network?

-Right. So I could pop in there and sell bras at 3:00 and 4:00

and 5:00 in the morning. It's 24 hours of --

-So, you know all about marathons

because aren't those shows -- how long are those shows?

-They're live. -They're like four hours long.

-They're 24 hours long. -No, 24 hours a day.

-You're on 24 hours? -No, I'm not. No, no.

I can be on 12 hours within a 24 hour day

if it's a today's special.

-You stay on the air for 12 hours?

-Yes. Not necessarily straight.

I mean, the most I'll do is a two hour block,

but within, from midnight to midnight,

I could be on 12 hours.

So I'm having my own little live marathon.

-All right. I would watch a 12 hour show about bras.

-I have some very, very nice models.

-Really? -Yes.

-Okay. -You got his attention.

-More Home Shopping Network viewing for me.

Uh, don't they call you the number one enemy of underwire?

-Uh, I can be because I don't believe in underwire at all.

-Why is it bad?

-Because it digs into your breast tissue

and you can't think any wire could be good

for breast tissue or any other --

What if you had a jockstrap with wire in it?

That wouldn't feel very -- like clawing that thing,

-I don't know.

You know, is underwire bad, Darcy?

-I mean, I hadn't thought about it,

but, yeah. -It hurts.

-That makes so much sense. Why? Why do we have that?

-I have invented bras that are under wireless.

-So the technology of your bras have changed I'm American...

-And European. 34 countries love my bras.

-Oh, wow. -Ahh.

Can you say, "Ahh"?

-Say ahh, Joe Bob.

-The Ahh Bra. -There we go.

-I am learning so much tonight.

-I can teach you so much about underwear.

You have no idea. -Oh. Willing student.

[Static crackles]

What'd you hear?

-Some honking and then some screaming.

-Seems pretty quiet now.

-Do you think they're doing something,

you know, funky over there?

-No, they're just playing games.

Forget about them.

They're not worried about us, after all.

-You know who would remember?

-Who? -Coach Jana.

-I don't know why we let you guys in

with the stunts you pulled tonight.

-Here. -Thanks.

-Here we go! House specialty.

-Thanks, Kim. -Sure.

-Yeah, that Barbie doll trick was pretty gross.

-What Barbie doll?

-[Doorbell rings] -Holy cow, the pizza.

I almost forgot. I'll go get some bucks.

-We'll get the door.

-Hey, let's call Coach Jana before it gets too late.

-Okay. -What's the damage?

-Six so far. -Six even.

-Hi, Coach Jana? This is Kimberley Clark.

Jackie and I just wanted to ask you a question.

-What's up?

-Did you happen to catch last night's ball game?

-Sure did. It was a rout.

-We're trying to figure out where the six runs came from.

-Well let's see, you've got Cey's homer, obviously.

-Yeah, you've got Cey. -How much?

-Four. -Okay, here's one.

I'll take all this. You pay with the 10, okay?

-Okay. -Pizza!

-[Gasps]

-Oh, shit. -[Screams]

[Screaming]

-Kimberly, is this some kind of a joke?

[Dial tone]

Hello?

[Dial tone]

-Got to call anything, anybody.

Hello?

There's been a murder.

-Would you like the police department?

-We're all alone. Please, please send help.

-Where's Diane?

-Please send the police.

We are in 3664 --

Hello?

Hello?!

The line is dead! The line is dead?

-Well, I don't know, Coach.

My little sister did hear some screaming,

but it seems perfectly quiet now.

-You think you could go over there and take a look?

-Well, if you want me to, I guess.

But frankly, I'd rather not.

-Oh, never mind, it's a bad idea.

You shouldn't go out of the house.

Maybe I'll go over there by myself.

-I bet they're having a blast over there.

-Well, let me know if there's anything I can do, okay?

Okay, take care. Bye-bye.

-[Receiver clicks] -I'll go. I'd love to go.

-You just want them to see you

with your hair up like that.

You can't go. It's out of the question, alright?

Courtney.

I'll tell Mom.

-I think we should turn off a lot of the lights,

close the curtains that aren't already closed,

and make sure all the doors are locked.

-Okay, it's a beginning.

Let's go.

-Jeff, we got to do something to help the girls.

-Okay, what can we do?

-Maybe we should make a run for it.

Valerie Bates lives next door.

-What if we don't make it?

-Maybe we should split up.

One of us will make it, even if the other one doesn't.

-Here, this is a good one.

I almost took my finger off chopping carrots yesterday.

-I wish I hadn't dropped out of Cub Scouts.

Maybe I would have learned what to do with it.

-Jeff, think this is a good idea?

Maybe if we all just stuck together now.

-It's the right thing to do.

I know it.

-Are you guys set?

-You have to go through the garage,

then Mr. Contant's house is right there.

-And you know he's home? -Yeah.

If there's anything I know, it's that.

You ready?

Ready?

-Ready!

-Are you ready? -Yeah.

♪

♪

[Wood creaking]

-[Screaming]

[Drill whirring]

[Screams]

[Telephone rings]

-Hello?

-Hi. Is Michelle there?

-Hello?

Anybody?

-Valerie! Anybody home?

[Pounding on door]

[Music plays]

-Oh, Candy, you scared me!

-You know what I told you in school,

what Val told me about, you know, the French kissing

with the tongue and everything like that?

-Valerie, open up! Come on!

-Hey, Candy, come on.

Hey, you're freaking me out.

[Screaming]

-Oh, God!

Oh, God! Please! Oh, please, open up!

Oh, God, Valerie! Open up, please!

[Pounding on door]

Oh, God, please, Valerie!

[Pounding on door]

[Dramatic music playing]

-[Grunts]

[Music playing on television]

[Grunting]

-[Screaming]

[Dramatic music plays]

-[Grunts]

-[Screaming]

[Screaming]

♪

-[Screaming]

-He started kissing me,

and he stuck his tongue in my mouth.

I could have died.

I thought I was gonna throw up or something.

No, I didn't throw up. I just felt like it.

It was so gross. It was all slimy and everything.

Oh, I just wanted to die.

♪

♪

♪

♪

-[Grunts]

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Four.

Shit.

♪

-How long are we gonna have to stay like this?

My arms are getting tired.

-Until help comes.

-If it comes.

-You know what?

I'm hungry.

-Me too.

-What are we gonna do with him?

-Maybe we should cover him up.

-He's dead, alright.

-No kidding.

-He's so cold.

-Is the pizza?

-Ugh.

-Well, life goes on after all,

and eating makes me feel best.

-And I feel bad, and boy, do I feel bad.

-[Groans]

-I feel better already. Really, I do.

-[Whimpering]

-Did you hear that?

♪

♪

♪

♪

-[Whimpering]

♪

-What if it's Neil?

-Or Jeff?

-We'd better open the door.

-No!

♪

-[Whimpering]

-No!

[Drill whirring]

-[Screaming]

-Come on!

♪

♪

[Static crackles]

Okay, if I'm counting correctly,

all the males in the cast are dead because of lame decisions.

The girls at the party are eating pizza off the body

of a dead delivery boy.

The coach tells Valerie not to go check on the house next door,

because she wants to drive there herself from some faraway place,

and Russ Thorn, the Driller Killer,

is having trouble keeping count of his victims

and finding a storage space big enough

to keep them all together.

For the record, the body count is eight,

which surpasses his previous record of five in 1969,

which everyone else is aware of

from the screaming headline on the newspaper

the girls are using, but they don't look at the front page.

They only use it to check horoscopes.

Does that about sum it up?

-Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! Felissa!

-Felissa Rose! What's up?

[Cheering]

-Who wants vodka? -Everyone.

-Felissa Rose, ladies and gentlemen,

the original guest.

The original guest on the original marathon.

Because she's the legendary star of "Sleepaway Camp."

She's also the official mangled dick expert

on "The Las Drive In."

Technically, Felissa,

we should be drinking strawberry daiquiris,

because that's what they're drinking in the movie.

-Okay, so give me two shots of Stoli,

five minutes in the kitchen,

and we will be drinking strawberry daiquiris.

Let's see. White rum, crushed ice.

Strawberries, lime juice, lemon juice. You know what?

I like a little Sprite in my daiquiri, you know?

Do you, Joe Bob?

-I'm not really a daiquiri person.

I wouldn't know.

-Oh, wait a second. Do you have pink straws?

-We don't have any straws. -No, no, no. You know what?

I really can't drink a strawberry daiquiri

without a pink straw.

-Well, just take one for the team, Felissa.

We'll just have to suffer.

-Oh, no, we won't. I have pink straws!

-Yeah! Darcy!

-Show me to the kitchen.

-Darcy, you do not have pink straws.

-I always keep a set with me.

I'm helping with the daiquiris. -Jeez.

-I wonder why Darcy wants to go to the kitchen.

Rhonda, I am sorry you have to witness this.

-Oh, are you kidding, Joe Bob? This is a classic slumber party.

I am all in. See ya.

-Well, you may not be all in

when you see what they took in there in those little backpacks.

-Joe Bob, do you realize how much an Ahh Bra can hold?

Oh, my God. Whoo! Party!

-Well, John, I guess the, uh, the party moved elsewhere.

That was quick.

-Is that pizza smell in there?

-Oh, go ahead, John. -Yeah, pizza!

-Pizza! All right.

For those of you who are still watching the movie,

I wanted to talk about Robin Stille,

who plays Valerie.

She was also part of our first marathon.

She was the evil sorority president in

"Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama."

So this credit and that credit

are the two main movies on her résumé,

Although she also played Sarah, the Peace Corps nurse in

"American Ninja 4: The Annihilation."

She grew up in Garden Grove, California,

which is next door to Anaheim and Orange County,

where Disneyland is.

And, um, Valerie was her first role at the age of 20,

and she worked on and off for about 10 years.

She was in and out of the low budget movie scene.

She dated Wayne Newton, she dated Sylvester Stallone.

She fought a losing battle with alcohol, unfortunately,

and, uh, took her own life in 1996 at the age of 34.

So very sad because nobody had any idea

that she was even depressed.

I also wanted to mention Michael Villella,

who plays Russ Thorn, the Driller Killer.

He was also in "Wild Orchid" and "Wild Orchid 2",

but this is the role he was proudest of.

He took it so seriously

that he never talked to any of the actresses

that he was going to kill.

He would hang around the lunch table staring at them.

He would hide in the bushes and stare at them.

He wanted to freak everybody out

so that when he did the kill scene,

they would be authentically scared.

In fact, he would carry his drill around with him

at all times and occasionally rub Vaseline all over it.

Uh, as far as I know,

there are no Russ Thorn action figures out there, probably

because Amy Holden Jones chose not to put a mask on him.

But we appreciate his commitment to the role,

especially in the big closing sequence,

which is coming up here directly.

So roll the film.

[Shouting in background]

You know how when you go to a party,

there's that part in the front room

where you get your first drink

and you have a little fritter on a toothpick,

whatever those things are called.

Then there's the general "whoo-hoo, let's get drunk"

part of the party, which is in all the downstairs rooms.

And then there's that one sort of secret room

where the real party is happening.

It's upstairs, and if you go up there,

people start reaching into concealed carry pockets

of their denim jackets and smiling inappropriately.

I think right now everybody went to the secret room.

I never get invited to the secret room.

Are they going to have wild turkey in the secret room?

No, they are not.

Are they going to have Macallan Double Cask 15 Scotch?

No, they are not.

Are they even going to have Lone Star in the secret room?

Yes, probably, but only because they know the art director

would be fired if they did not.

-Did you ask for the art director?

-Oh, no. Yuki. It's fine.

Yuki Nakamura, ladies and gentlemen.

[Cheering]

All those bolos in the very first marathon,

they were from the personal collection of Yuki Nakamura,

the Tokyo Cowboy.

-I forgot to buy Lone Star.

-What?! -You're drinking the last one.

-Yuki! I am sorry to tell you this,

and it really hurts that I have to do this, but...

-Oh, my God, I'm having an orgasm!

[Cheering]

-I think I'll check in the kitchen.

-Yuki! Yeah! Come on, Yuki!

-Sure, Yuki, go ahead.

-Sure.

[Static crackles]

Courtney, telephone!

Courtney?

Courtney?

Damn.

Trish?

[Doorbell rings]

♪

-We have to let her in. It's help, they can't get in.

-Jackie, wait, Jackie!

The knives!

♪

[Drill whirring]

♪

-Hello?

[Gasps] -Sorry, I didn't mean

to scare you this time.

-Courtney, I've been looking everywhere for you.

-Let's go home.

As far as I can see, nothing much

is happening around here at all.

-I don't know. Seems pretty weird to me.

I mean, why don't they answer the door?

And why is the house so dark?

-Maybe they're just not home.

-Look, you stay here.

I'm going around front just one more time, okay?

[Thunder crashes]

♪

♪

Trish?

Diane?

♪

Hello?

♪

♪

Trish?

♪

Kim?

-Trish, I know that's Valerie.

We have to answer.

-Hello?

-You remember what happened last time?

We should stay right here.

If she's here with help, they'll find us.

-Trish?

-Yeah, and if she's alone, maybe that guy will find her.

-Maybe they're friends.

♪

-Courtney?

-I don't hear Valerie anymore.

-Well, she didn't bring help. We know that much.

[Thunder crashes]

-Maybe she's dead, too.

Or do you think she's in with that guy?

I can't believe that.

Kind of an extreme reaction to not being invited

to the party, wouldn't you say?

-When she called down before, when Jackie...

I don't know what to think.

-God, that was so horrible what happened to her.

-I can't stop thinking about it.

-Well, maybe we shouldn't talk about it.

-Oh, God.

Maybe Diane went to get help.

If we ever get through...

[Floor boards creak]

[Screaming]

[Drill whirring]

[Glass shattering]

♪

[Drill whirring]

-Oh, my God!

-Quick, quick!

[Grunts]

-Hurry, come on. -Hurry up.

Get the door, get the door.

-Hurry up.

-[Screams]

-[Screams]

♪

[Thunder crashes]

-Courtney?

♪

Courtney?

Courtney?

-[Wheezing]

-Courtney!

-What happened? What's wrong?

-Come on, there's no one here.

Let's lock up the house and go home.

♪

-Boy, was this a wash.

-Yeah, the party must have gone someplace else.

-Well, I think we ought get something out of this.

Let's raid the fridge.

-Come on. I want to get out of here.

I don't know what it is, but something

about this house gives me the creeps.

-Spoil sport.

I never have any fun.

Just one little beer?

-Courtney, you're under age.

Negative. Come on, let's go.

Courtney, come on!

Courtney!

-[Screams]

-What's wrong?

[Screams]

[Clock chiming]

Courtney, run!

[Chiming continues]

♪

[Thunder crashes]

[Thunder crashes]

[Knocking on door]

-Trish, Diane?

Anybody home? It's me, Ms. Jana.

Kim?

Jackie? Anybody home?

It's Coach Jana.

Hey, girls, Thomas singled in the sixth.

[Thunder crashes]

[Thunder crashes]

♪

[Screams]

[Drill whirring]

♪

♪

[Saw whirring]

♪

♪

-Aah!

Shit!

[Drill whirring]

♪

♪

[Clanging]

♪

-[Grunts]

[Grunting]

♪

[Screams]

[Thunder crashes]

-Trish!

♪

-[Wailing]

-[Groaning]

♪

[Drill whirring]

-[Gasps]

[Trish screams]

♪

[Thunder crashes]

[Whimpering]

-You're pretty.

All of you were very pretty.

[Thunder crashes]

[Trish whimpering]

-Please don't do this.

-I love you.

-Please! I didn't hurt you.

Please don't do this.

-Takes a lot of love for a person to do this.

[Thunder crashes]

-Go away.

-You know you want it.

You love it.

Yes.

-Why?

I don't even know you.

[Footsteps approaching]

♪

[Glass shatters]

♪

[Thunder crashes]

♪

[Clang]

[Insects chirping]

-[Screams]

[Screaming]

I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

-[Screams]

-I'll kill you!

Aah!

-[Gasping]

-[Groans]

♪

♪

-[Sobs]

-[Gurgling]

♪

-I love you, Val.

-[Screaming]

[Thunder crashes]

[Grunting]

-[Screams]

-[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Screams]

-[Screams]

[Thunder crashes]

-[Screams]

[Groans]

-[Screaming]

-[Groans]

[Thunder crashes]

♪

-[Crying]

♪

♪

[Sirens wailing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Static crackles]

♪

[Thunder crashes]

-So Valerie chops off his drill bit

and then chops off his hand.

He's more affected by the loss of the drill bit

than the loss of his hand.

And then, in a final act of feminist vengeance,

she reverse penetrates him with a machete.

So the sisterhood wins.

And meanwhile, wily Trish is hiding in a garment bag

while it's still hanging in the closet.

That is one petite woman.

And here's a thunderstorm raging

that very strangely never gets anybody wet.

But the creepiest part of the whole movie is

when Thorn finally speaks.

Because normally the psycho killer

doesn't speak in a slasher.

But this was totally worth it.

"All of you are very pretty. I love you.

It takes a lot of love for a person to do this.

You know you want it."

Basically, the things you say

when you're about to violate the restraining order.

So here's how much we love Amy Holden Jones

at "The Las Drive In."

This amazing woman was an editor.

She edited "Hollywood Boulevard",

as a matter of fact.

She was Martin Scorsese's assistant on "Taxi Driver."

She was an editor for Hal Ashby. And her next job,

she was about to be the editor for Steven Spielberg on "E.T."

She turned down "E.T."

to direct "Slumber Party Massacre."

For minimum wage!

The budget was $220,000.

It grossed $3.6 million.

And so Roger Corman made a lot of money.

But Amy Holden Jones was not sure

if she had done the right thing.

Um, they had a test screening of this movie

on Hollywood Boulevard at one of those trashy theaters

at the opposite end of the street from Grauman's Chinese.

And Jones goes to the test,

and there are homeless people coming in

and rough looking teenagers and lowlifes

and the kind of people who talk back to the screen,

and whoever decided to sit in the chair right behind her

made the sound of a drill throughout the movie.

And there was yelling throughout the movie.

And after it was over, she found Roger Corman in the lobby

and she said, "What have we done, Roger?"

And Roger said, 'What we've done is staged

the best test screening in the history of New World Pictures."

And a franchise was born,

and it became the only franchise to this day

that has female directors only.

Amy Holden Jones would direct three more movies,

"Love Letters", which is a Bergman esque art film

starring Jamie Lee Curtis in 1983,

"Maid to Order" in 1987, "The Rich Man's Wife" in 1996,

but most of her career would be as a writer.

"Mystic "Pizza", "Indecent Proposal",

all seven of the "Beethoven" movies.

She moved into TV after the turn of the century,

and she recently had a hit medical series

called "The Resident."

Did anybody see that? Six seasons on Fox.

107 episodes.

She created it, produced it, was the showrunner on it,

Amy Holden Jones,

by the way, never made any feminist claims for the movie.

All that stuff was invented by academics and journalists

30 to 40 years after the movie came out.

I should also mention Debra Deliso, who played Kim.

She became a quadruple threat -- actor, choreographer,

playwright, teacher, did a lot of stage work,

got amazing reviews at the Edinburgh Festival

for "Agnes of God."

Played Blanche Dubois in a celebrated production

of "A Streetcar Named Desire" in LA,

was chairman of the Physical Education Department

for eight years

at the Los Angeles County High School for the Arts,

wrote and staged a solo performance piece about

Isadora Duncan, taught playwriting

and acting at a women's prison for three years.

Taught acting at USC

and the American Academy of Dramatic Arts,

has had an amazing career.

Andree Honore, on the other hand,

who played Jackie, married a Denver Bronco and had babies,

never made another movie.

The only two males in the cast, Joe Johnson

as Neil and David Millbern

as Jeff, went in opposite directions.

Neil did a lot of episodic TV

and then spent three years in Italy

dubbing movies into English,

before moving to Florida to take care of his ailing parents.

Staged a one man show down there.

Became a regular at the Early Bird Dinner Theater

in Clearwater before his death in 2020.

Uh, David Millbern,

as Jeff, appeared in several Roger Corman films,

had a long term contract on "General Hospital."

Had lots of supporting roles on Lifetime, Freeform, SyFy,

including those movies "Chupacabra" and "Ice Spiders."

Uh, Showtime, HBO. He became a producer,

a game show host, actually won a Daytime Emmy

for children's programming.

And actually, there's another male actor in the movie.

Jim Boyce, as the boyfriend of Diane,

was in several big movies.

"Crimson Tide", "Ed Wood",

"Police Academy 2", did a lot of musical theater,

and then he retired from acting in 2002 to be a teacher.

The tagline for the poster was, "You bring the pizza,

I'll bring the drill."

-So no wonder it became a cult classic.

And, um, well, normally we would now move on to some mailbag,

but apparently the mail girl has more important things

to consume,

or I mean more important things to do in the other room.

So would somebody please tell her

that we are out here waiting for the mailbag,

and maybe she'll come out

and we'll be able to continue with the show?

-I'm sorry. We're playing Fuzzy Duck.

-Yeah, we're playing Fuzzy Duck.

-Fuzzy Duck! -[Chanting "Fuzzy Duck"]

-Well, sorry to interrupt you guys,

but didn't you have a mailbag letter secreted

somewhere on your body?

-Oh, yeah, my bad. I'm coming.

Mailbag. Secret mailbag.

-Who's this from?

-Oh, it's on there. -Oh, great.

Okay.

-It's from Brett Richardson of Huntsville, Alabama.

"Dear Joe Bob, I've been a viewer and fan

since 'MonsterVision.'

We won't discuss how long ago that was.

We can just pretend it's been about 10 years.

You've introduced me to a lot of great movies,

and I love your Shudder series.

I just finished watching 'Rotten Tail' on streaming."

-Yeah! -"And while I liked it,

I wish you'd given me a heads up to get drunk

before I got into it,

because that much cheese goes better with a little booze."

Is that true, Darcy?

-You're watching cheese and need a little booze?

-Oh, I mean, I've not touched a drop.

-Yeah, okay. "I've never written you before,

but I felt the need to do so tonight

because you were talking about the female Satan

in 'Passion of the Christ.'

And you said that's the only time

the devil has been played by a woman.

I want to remind you about 'Bedazzled',

the Brendan Fraser comedy with Elizabeth Hurley as the devil.

I've never actually seen it,

but I remember the premise from when it was first released.

I'm sure there are other examples,

but that's the only one I can think of right now.

Also, Darcy may whip my ass for saying this,

but I love the trivia you throw in during your segments.

It does not matter if it's about the movie,

the actors, the directors,

or whatever subject the movie is about.

It all keeps me interested, so keep that coming.

I also love the chemistry between Darcy and you

and how well you all play off of each other.

She's a tough, smart woman,

and she holds her own with you really well."

-I think that was a wonderful letter.

-Is that what we're doing, playing off each other?

I don't even know. What does that mean?

Playing off each other?

-Like when one of us does something really, really dumb,

the other one makes a joke. -One of us?

If one of us says something dumb?

-Yeah.

-How come I'm never the one making the joke?

-Must be a reason for that.

-"Keep the driving alive," says Brett.

"And please tell me to get tanked up

before you show another cheesy flick like 'Rotten Tail',

your buddy Brett Richardson."

-Tell him now. Tell him now.

-Okay, Brett, well, it's too late

to make whiskey recommendations for "Slumber Party Massacre",

but thanks for the "Bedazzled" information.

Thanks for helping Darcy to bask in her Darcy power.

-I even want to say that "Bedazzled" thing to you

for so long. Anyway, go ahead.

-Really? -Yes.

-All right, we are just getting started

on Joe Bob's Nightmareathon.

We're going to be here for the whole night and half the day,

and we got a major change of pace coming up after the break.

We're going hard core.

We're going "When Evil Lurks."

I would not recommend eating anything

while you're watching this one.

And in the meantime, I'm Joe Bob Briggs,

speaking for Darcy the mail girl,

reminding you that out here in rural Georgia,

where it's hotter than a blistered dick in a wool sock,

you are welcome to join us in this celebration of great trash.

Wander on by and ask for Jake to let you in.

Jake is the one with a fungus on his ears.

He'll be at the gate, and the drive in will never die.

-Just do it.

-A priest, a doctor and an engineer --

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer...

-I got it, I got it.

-...are playing golf one morning and they're waiting for

a particularly slow group of golfers.

So the engineer says, "What's wrong with those guys?

We must have been waiting here for 15 minutes."

And the doctor chimes in, "I don't know,

but I've never seen such inept golf."

And the priest says, "Well, here comes the green keeper.

Let's have a word with him."

So the green keeper walks up and the doctor says, "Hello, George,

what's wrong with that group ahead of us?

They're kind of slow, aren't they?"

And the greens keeper says, "Oh, yeah,

that's a group of blind firefighters.

They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year.

So we always let them play for free any time."

Well, the group falls silent.

And finally the priest says, "That's so sad.

I think I'll say a special prayer for them tonight."

And the doctor says, "Good idea.

I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague

and see if there's anything he can do for them."

And the engineer says,

"Well, why can't they just play at night?"

[Laughter]

-All right. So I'm missing fuzzy duck.

[Chanting "Fuzzy Duck! Fuzzy Duck!]

[Indistinct shouting]

[Music playing]

-Fuzzy duck!