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1
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:13,866
Buy it. I'm telling you, after you read it,
you won't even look at Harry.
2
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:18,933
She's a bachelor girl, too,
and they say this book answers everything.
3
00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:21,712
Is this the book that shows you
how to put men in their place?
4
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,112
Yes, ma'am.
5
00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:26,379
Look at that, Harrison,
every female from six to 60
6
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:30,252
will make this a best seller, and you're
worrying about a measly printing bill.
7
00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:31,983
Take a straight wire.
8
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:35,220
Miss June Cameron,
Lakewood Lodge, Lakewood, Mass.
9
00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:39,957
Dear, June, I hate to cut short your vacation,
but imperative that you return at once.
10
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,231
Have great idea for a sequel.
11
00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:43,996
Please wire time of arrival.
12
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:51,242
Good morning.
Would somebody take my bags, please?
13
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,910
I'm in an awful hurry. Would you mind?
14
00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:58,313
Well, I guess I'll have to take them.
Where's your car?
15
00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,782
My... I'm not driving, you know.
16
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:03,754
But you should have.
How are you going to get to the depot?
17
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,722
The same way I got here.
18
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:07,452
You've still got that station wagon,
haven't you?
19
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,687
-Yes, yes.
-Well?
20
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,787
But it's up in town getting supplies.
21
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:15,095
You know, we can't afford to stock
in the way the big places do.
22
00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:16,691
Oh, no, naturally not.
23
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,431
Nevertheless,
I've still got to get to the station.
24
00:02:19,539 --> 00:02:21,370
And don't tell me you can't afford
a station around here,
25
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,305
because I've got to get to New York.
26
00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:24,410
Sure.
27
00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:27,409
If you'd left five minutes ago,
you could have made it.
28
00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,812
If you're going to tell me
there's not another train out of here, l...
29
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:33,317
Train in the morning.
We used to have two trains a day,
30
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,316
but since they stopped
making shoes up north...
31
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:38,049
I don't care what
they've stopped making up north.
32
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,718
I've got to get to New York,
and that's all there is to it.
33
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,887
I beg your pardon, but would you mind
lowering your voice? I'm phoning.
34
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,760
-I beg your pardon.
-Thank you. What was that, Dad?
35
00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:48,231
Of all the inefficient, ill-organized places
I've ever seen in my...
36
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,325
Please, this is a long-distance call.
37
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:51,926
Well, then why don't you phone
from a booth?
38
00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:53,972
I would phone from a booth,
if there were a booth,
39
00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:55,438
but this happens to be
the only phone in the place,
40
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:56,566
and it's costing me money, so please...
41
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:59,236
-All right. All right. I'm sorry. Yes.
-What did you say, Dad?
42
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:01,176
I said a radiogram just arrived
43
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:03,841
from that friend of yours,
Miss Marilyn Thomas.
44
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,345
Her boat gets in at noon tomorrow,
45
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:07,851
and she sends you her love.
46
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:09,421
You know,
if you can't take people to the station,
47
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:10,716
then why don't you build your hotel
on the tracks?
48
00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:12,256
Will you please be quiet?
49
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:15,225
If you were a gentleman,
you'd wait until I got through.
50
00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:18,092
No bell boys, no servants,
no hot water, no cold water,
51
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,187
-no transportation.
-Will you please stop
52
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:20,698
this childish conversation?
I can't hear a word.
53
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,734
You have no right
to monopolize the entire lobby.
54
00:03:22,835 --> 00:03:24,325
Yes, I can do that.
55
00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:28,664
-I beg your pardon. Are you hurt?
-What are you trying to do?
56
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:31,039
Just trying to get to New York. That's all.
57
00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:33,942
-Well, I wish you luck.
-Thank you very much.
58
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:53,760
I'm awfully sorry I shouted at you like that.
59
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,797
I didn't mind,
but really you shouldn't get so excited.
60
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,962
It's bad for your nerve centers.
61
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,132
-Which way are you going?
-New York.
62
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:04,640
That's very nice of you.
Thank you very much.
63
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,439
-But look here...
-Now don't you bother at all.
64
00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:09,709
I'll take care of my bags.
Will you put these in the car, please?
65
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,750
So you got a ride after all.
66
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:14,251
Yes, this kind gentleman's
going to give me one.
67
00:04:15,488 --> 00:04:16,887
What've you got in here, anyway?
68
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:19,652
-Hotel clerks.
-Get out.
69
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:23,422
-What's the best road to Lakewood?
-Highway 44, if it was open.
70
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:26,862
Of course, there's Route 32,
but the mud is awfully annoying.
71
00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:30,231
After you, that'll be a pleasure,
my good man. Good day.
72
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:40,545
Have you got a cigarette?
73
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:43,549
No.
74
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:47,411
Well... I think I've got some
in my coat right here.
75
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:55,123
-Trunk murderer?
-No!
76
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:59,797
You know, he's the spitting image
of my Uncle Chester.
77
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:01,799
You're fond of him, aren't you?
78
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:04,802
-lt cost $250.
-I'm sorry.
79
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:09,068
-You mind turning that box up?
-No, not at all. There you are.
80
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:12,303
-You two always travel together?
-I use him in my work.
81
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:29,018
I don't mean to pry into your private life
or anything like that,
82
00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:33,360
but just what is Chester to you?
83
00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:35,333
I teach neuropsychiatry.
84
00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:37,995
And I'm doing some research
on migraine headaches.
85
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:40,265
The head opens up.
86
00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:44,735
Just what is your theory on migraines,
in case I get a headache?
87
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,436
Blood vessels in the head
dilate excessively
88
00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:50,414
due to excitement and overwork,
causing pressure on the nerve centers.
89
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,508
Yes, we travel at much too fast a pace.
90
00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:54,881
Especially women.
91
00:05:54,987 --> 00:05:58,787
They're not equipped to take an equal place
in a man's world.
92
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:01,852
Just what makes you think
it's a man's world?
93
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:04,759
Well, it's an accepted fact
that the male is the superior animal.
94
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,958
Now, in spite of what you
and little Chester here may think,
95
00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:10,558
the modern woman can match you men
fiber for fiber
96
00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:12,228
and have a rib left over.
97
00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:14,067
I think you read that somewhere.
98
00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:18,405
I did. In the most wonderful book
called Spinsters Aren't Spinach.
99
00:06:18,611 --> 00:06:21,978
Oh, yes.
That chambermaid at the hotel had a copy.
100
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:24,743
-Did she?
-The one with no forehead.
101
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,451
You shouldn't read trash like that.
102
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,381
-I didn't read it.
-Well, it's just as well.
103
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:32,686
-I wrote it.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
104
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:36,459
That's all right. That's quite all right.
105
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:39,395
I didn't expect you or any other man
to enjoy it.
106
00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:43,860
You know, marriage is no longer
the answer to a maiden's prayer.
107
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,801
Slaving over a hot stove all day
108
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:48,169
is all right for some
of the more backward members of our sex,
109
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:51,004
but there's a new kind of woman
coming into the fore.
110
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:55,142
The kind that refuses to subordinate
her personality to,
111
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:58,706
to that of the egotistical, domineering male.
112
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,649
Seems to me the Amazons tried it.
113
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:09,818
I forgot to send that wire. Would you
please stop at the telegraph office?
114
00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:21,402
Miss, I'd like to send this wire, please.
115
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:42,116
-Hey, kid, do you want to make a quarter?
-Sure.
116
00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:44,819
Well, you take this
and put it on the back of that car.
117
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:48,025
-Which one?
-That one down there.
118
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,396
Best regards, June Cameron.
119
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:52,198
That'll be 62 cents
and three cents tax, please.
120
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,398
Very well.
121
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:58,608
June Cameron. June Cameron?
122
00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:00,144
Yes.
123
00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:03,180
Just a minute.
124
00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:10,945
I've read it three times.
I think it's simply wonderful.
125
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,456
I'm awfully glad you liked it.
126
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:15,459
-Would you autograph it for me?
-Yes, I'd be delighted to.
127
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,963
Take it easy.
128
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:24,000
-Miss Cameron.
-Yes?
129
00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:26,161
You've no idea
what this book has done for me.
130
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:27,671
It's changed me into a career woman.
131
00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:28,740
Well, I'm very glad.
132
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:31,435
I used to feel awful
when men didn't insult me,
133
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:34,445
-but now I don't care anymore.
-How very nice. Good bye.
134
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:38,381
-Good bye, Miss Cameron. Good bye.
-Good bye.
135
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:45,216
The traitor!
136
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,927
And, of course,
you men resent the intelligent woman.
137
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,930
You're used to that clinging vine
who inflates your ego 24 hours a day.
138
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,329
Good evening, Miss Cameron.
139
00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:56,731
Good evening, George.
Will you take my bags, please?
140
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:59,498
By telling you
what a wonderful man you are.
141
00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:02,699
Oh, no. They don't marry you for love.
142
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,305
They marry you for security.
143
00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:08,903
The independent but frustrated female.
144
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:13,816
I wish you'd drop into my class sometime.
I'd like my students to see you.
145
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:40,943
Miss Cameron! Miss Cameron!
146
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,342
Miss Cameron!
147
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,782
Well?
148
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:51,914
Wait a minute,
where do you think you're going?
149
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:53,889
-Where's my head?
-Well, how do I know?
150
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:56,427
-I left it on the seat in the car.
-You did not, you've got it!
151
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,929
I have not got it,
and will you please get out of here?
152
00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:01,192
-Not until I get my head.
-But I haven't got it, I told you.
153
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,461
-Will that be all, Miss Cameron?
-Yes, George, yes. That'll be all.
154
00:10:03,569 --> 00:10:07,437
Thank you, very much.
Hey, that's my hat box, give it to me.
155
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,940
Give it to me. You're no gentleman. Give it...
156
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:16,112
I'm awfully sorry.
It looked just like my hat box.
157
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:19,642
Look what you've done.
You've broken the nose.
158
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:21,379
Why, you pulled it right out of my hands...
159
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:24,547
Oh, yes, I forgot.
The career woman is never to blame.
160
00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:27,558
I'd rather not discuss it anymore,
if you don't mind.
161
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:30,356
And will you please leave?
162
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:35,333
You know,
you're really a specimen for a clinic.
163
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:38,232
-I am?
-Of all the ungrateful females.
164
00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:40,965
You force your way into my car,
I drive you 400 miles,
165
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:42,973
buy the gas and oil, buy you a hamburger,
166
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:44,872
you ruin a $250 head.
167
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,604
Well, you are not going to need that part.
168
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:49,909
Chester won't get a headache in his nose.
169
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:04,522
All right. If that's the attitude you
are going to take, you can pay for it.
170
00:11:04,630 --> 00:11:06,791
The trip cost me
exactly nine dollars and 80 cents.
171
00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:09,197
You can pay half,
which is four dollars and 90 cents.
172
00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:12,134
Why don't you run along
and correct some papers or something?
173
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,364
I'm very busy.
174
00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:16,771
Ordinarily,
I'm a very calm and peaceful individual.
175
00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:20,570
That's because I've got thin ear lobes
and rather thick eyebrows.
176
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:24,275
But you see these? They're thumbs.
Short thumbs, which means I'm stubborn.
177
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:28,217
And I am not going to get out of here
until I get four dollars and 90 cents.
178
00:11:30,823 --> 00:11:36,090
Fortunately, my thumbs
show no evidence of Pygmy ancestors.
179
00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:39,362
However, l, too,
can have my obstinate moments,
180
00:11:39,498 --> 00:11:41,591
and this is one of them.
181
00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:45,397
Well, we might just as well
make ourselves comfortable.
182
00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:48,234
We might just as well.
183
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,174
You know that my first generous impulse
184
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:53,336
was to give you
your miserable four dollars and 90 cents,
185
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:55,577
but since you've adopted
this typical highhanded
186
00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:58,172
Prussian attitude of the male, you...
187
00:11:58,284 --> 00:12:03,415
You can just sit on those sawed-off digits
until a certain place freezes over.
188
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:24,207
Call it 75 cents,
189
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:34,515
which makes
four dollars and 15 cents you owe me.
190
00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:53,967
Silver?
191
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,869
Nope.
192
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:01,910
Well, I'm sorry,
I would like to give you more,
193
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:03,879
but I am afraid the best I can do is a dollar,
194
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:10,848
which leaves three dollars and 15 cents.
195
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:21,128
Well, 10 years old.
196
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:25,197
That's more than I can say for you.
197
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,741
This might take care of the balance.
198
00:13:29,842 --> 00:13:34,108
Let's be generous. Call it 40 cents a drink.
199
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:42,577
I'm wrong, 20 cents.
200
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,757
Mr. Pierce, this is The Morning Express.
201
00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:53,262
We just received word
that June Cameron got herself married.
202
00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:54,593
How about the details?
203
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,861
Married?
204
00:13:56,969 --> 00:14:00,996
Why, my dear fellow, I'm afraid,
after midnight, I lose my sense of humor.
205
00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:03,870
If June Cameron married anybody,
I'd be the first to know about it
206
00:14:03,976 --> 00:14:06,274
because it would probably be me.
207
00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:08,938
I can't blame you for trying to keep it quiet.
208
00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:12,313
I know that wedding bells means curtains
for that best seller of hers.
209
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,909
I extend my condolences,
210
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,578
but the other papers
will have it in a couple of hours,
211
00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:17,814
and I mean to beat them to it.
212
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:20,915
But this is ridiculous, old man.
Why, I tell you, only a short while ago
213
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:24,257
I received a wire from her,
and she never mentioned a word about it.
214
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:25,955
Hold on a moment.
215
00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:31,699
Yeah, here it is.
I've got it in my hand right now.
216
00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:43,174
-Mabel, get June Cameron's address...
-Yes?
217
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,375
...and send Max and a photographer
over right away.
218
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:51,051
Leaving a balance of 60 cents.
219
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,024
Would you like to take the rest out
in aspirin?
220
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:58,222
Don't interrupt. Marilyn never interrupts.
221
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:02,994
Wonderful girl, Marilyn.
222
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,071
Not like you at all.
223
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,633
I'm going to marry Marilyn
as soon as I become a professor,
224
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:15,612
and what's more, she's going to marry me.
225
00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:17,475
Her name's Marilyn.
226
00:15:18,817 --> 00:15:22,947
And I wouldn't trade her
little finger for your...
227
00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:25,717
Well, I just wouldn't, that's all.
228
00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:32,321
I'd marry her tomorrow, this very day,
229
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,333
if I was a professor,
230
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,462
but I'm not.
231
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:43,934
I'm just a measly
100-dollar-a-month instructor,
232
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:49,873
and that's too much to ask anybody
to marry you on. It's too much to ask.
233
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:53,247
You're quite right, Hamlet,
this is too much to ask.
234
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:57,185
Now that the bill is paid, will you leave?
235
00:15:57,523 --> 00:16:01,960
Very well, if that's the way you feel about it,
very well.
236
00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:04,962
I've never over-stayed
where my company wasn't welcome.
237
00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:08,089
Now, that's a very good boy. Good night.
238
00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:10,030
Good night.
239
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:13,038
Good night.
240
00:16:13,872 --> 00:16:14,839
Hey, wait a minute.
241
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,404
Oh, no you don't. Get off of that bed.
242
00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:22,444
Get up and get out of here,
or I'll have you thrown out.
243
00:16:26,585 --> 00:16:28,348
This is the car.
244
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:31,346
MD. She married a doctor.
245
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:35,519
-MD. One, five...
-Two, seven.
246
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:37,925
-What a story.
-Well, boys, I'm glad I got here.
247
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:39,258
I'm Miss Cameron's publisher.
248
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:41,162
Why, the whole thing is laughable.
249
00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:43,393
Why don't you save that
for the disappointed females.
250
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,265
But, really. Listen, the whole thing is silly.
251
00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:49,034
Well, if June Cameron's married,
then I'm the king of Turkistan.
252
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:52,769
Make way for His Majesty.
253
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,212
-Congratulations, where did you meet him?
-Meet who?
254
00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:58,647
-Hold it, please.
-Don't say a word, just deny it.
255
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,480
-Deny what?
-Now one on the couch.
256
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,383
Now, just a minute. What's this all about?
257
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:04,149
What made you exchange the torch
for the carpet sweeper?
258
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:06,190
-Cross your legs, please.
-Yes.
259
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:08,225
Say, wouldn't you rather
I had on my bathing suit?
260
00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:11,194
What made you desert the ship
and jump into the sea of matrimony?
261
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:12,786
Matrimony?
262
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:16,197
Now, wait a minute, don't tell me
what this is all about. Just let me guess.
263
00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:18,030
I know, a college initiation.
264
00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:20,469
Now, look, lady,
we're all losing a lot of sleep.
265
00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:23,234
When, where, how, why and who
did you marry?
266
00:17:23,342 --> 00:17:25,572
Say, that's a very funny gag.
267
00:17:25,677 --> 00:17:28,544
-What is it?
-You see?
268
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:31,212
How could she be married?
269
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,546
She doesn't know a thing about it.
270
00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:38,818
Stop that.
271
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:40,885
Rice.
272
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,460
What's your husband's name?
273
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:43,994
I haven't any husband.
274
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:47,657
I suppose that guy in there
runs a Chinese restaurant.
275
00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:50,530
Johnny, throw these vultures out of here.
276
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:53,901
It's no use, June,
you might as well give them a statement.
277
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:57,498
I'll give them exactly 10 seconds
to get out of here.
278
00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:01,008
All right, lady.
279
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:03,445
All right.
280
00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:06,484
I'll just have to use my imagination.
281
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:09,679
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
That man in there really isn't my husband.
282
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:11,688
He's a prowler.
283
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:15,248
Lady, I don't care
what your husband does for a living.
284
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,857
Well, Johnny, do something.
They're going to print that I'm married.
285
00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:25,266
You don't have to pretend with me.
Why didn't you confide in me?
286
00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:28,237
Stop it, will you? There's nothing to confide.
287
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:30,706
Where did everybody get the idea
that I was married?
288
00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:34,210
What about the big surprise
in the wire from Greenwich?
289
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:37,208
That was about my sequel,
290
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:40,251
and the surprise was that I had
the first three chapters all finished.
291
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:42,183
And the "Just Married" sign?
292
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:45,814
And the partially-dressed man
in your bedroom dripping with rice?
293
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:49,290
Johnny, but it's all so simply explained.
294
00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:52,591
When you come to the man in the bedroom,
it better be good.
295
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:11,349
There is nothing like a man's own bed.
296
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,208
Hello.
297
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,756
Listen, old man, Miss Cameron's
just explained everything to me.
298
00:19:18,857 --> 00:19:21,792
Of course, I don't blame your reporters
for jumping to conclusions.
299
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:26,854
On the surface, it all spelled matrimony,
but, well, take a colleague's word for it
300
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:28,159
and forget the whole thing.
301
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:30,559
They're not married?
302
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,762
Then we'll have to print
that the gentleman in her bedroom
303
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:34,600
was not her husband.
304
00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:37,106
Yeah, they're married.
305
00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:38,198
Give me that phone.
306
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:39,277
Well, it was either that
307
00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:42,506
or else headlines screaming of strange men
are running in and out of your bedroom.
308
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:52,355
It's all the fault
of that migraine headache in there.
309
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:59,154
Wake up, wake up, and get out of here.
310
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:01,665
You're responsible for all this.
311
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:05,464
You and your short thumbs
and your four dollars and 90 cents.
312
00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:08,595
Johnny, maybe if he went down
to the editor's office and explained...
313
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:12,234
That's locking the well-known barn,
the papers will be out in 15 minutes.
314
00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:15,279
Well, we've got to do something.
This will ruin my career.
315
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,348
Yes, and you can add my business to that.
316
00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:19,940
Spinsters Aren't Spinach
was going to pay for my printing bill.
317
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:23,647
Now all we can sell the copies for
are door stops.
318
00:20:23,855 --> 00:20:26,119
You don't seem to realize
the enormity of the disaster.
319
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,249
Oh, Johnny.
320
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:31,489
Once my creditors get through,
I'll have to sublet the water cooler.
321
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:35,493
Or will l?
322
00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:37,796
-lt might be filled with champagne.
-What do you mean?
323
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,167
How many spinsters are there in America?
324
00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:42,968
There are exactly 8,423,000
325
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,599
who are not going to buy my book.
326
00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:46,109
And how many married women are there?
327
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:47,872
Exactly over 25 million.
328
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:50,210
You are going to write that second book,
a book about marriage.
329
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:54,649
We'll call it...
We'll call it Marriage Ain't Measles.
330
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:56,951
Sorry.
331
00:20:57,389 --> 00:20:58,913
Are you sure you're feeling all right?
332
00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:01,390
Perfectly. This is it.
This is our horn of plenty.
333
00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:03,552
What you did for the spinster,
you can do for the housewife.
334
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:05,459
It is a bigger subject, a bigger market.
335
00:21:05,564 --> 00:21:07,464
Do you get the angle? You're converted.
336
00:21:07,566 --> 00:21:13,368
America's number-one bachelor girl
tastes the fruits of marriage and loves it.
337
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:18,702
Well, even if I did want
to write the book, and I don't, mind you...
338
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:20,334
Look, Johnny,
I don't know anything about marriage.
339
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:22,003
Well, what's that got to do with it?
340
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,140
Dante didn't have to go to hell
to write his Inferno.
341
00:21:25,917 --> 00:21:30,377
Wait a minute, you mean you want me
to stay married to this, this thing?
342
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:33,515
Only until you've finished the book.
Then Reno and you can fake a divorce.
343
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,786
Well, you must be
pretty deeply attached to me
344
00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:39,352
to cook up such an idyllic arrangement
with this medical pot-roast here.
345
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:40,988
No, thanks, Johnny, not for me.
346
00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:43,829
Listen, June, I didn't mean it that way.
347
00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:48,202
Now, my dear,
don't think, for one fleeting second,
348
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:51,003
that my affections for you have altered,
because they haven't.
349
00:21:51,209 --> 00:21:53,473
You know how I feel about you.
350
00:21:54,780 --> 00:21:57,146
Well, you have a strange way of showing it.
351
00:21:57,249 --> 00:21:59,979
Throwing me into
the clutches of Dr. Jekyll in there.
352
00:22:00,085 --> 00:22:02,144
It'll only be a business arrangement.
353
00:22:02,287 --> 00:22:03,914
When you come back from Reno,
I shall be waiting.
354
00:22:04,022 --> 00:22:07,253
I know, with an idea for a book
called Divorces Are Dynamite.
355
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:08,348
No.
356
00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:10,758
No, Johnny, I wouldn't spend
one more minute with that man
357
00:22:10,862 --> 00:22:14,229
if the sequel went into more editions
than the telephone book.
358
00:22:14,366 --> 00:22:17,199
Well, it was fun while it lasted.
359
00:22:17,302 --> 00:22:20,237
It's nobody's fault
and don't you worry about me,
360
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:24,275
I've been stuck with
larger printing bills than $7,000.
361
00:22:24,376 --> 00:22:26,970
Well, you've worked so hard
to get where you are.
362
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:28,876
-I hate to be the one to...
-Now, now, now, none of that.
363
00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:32,279
In this world,
you've got to think of number one, yourself.
364
00:22:32,384 --> 00:22:35,114
If you want to get anywhere,
you've got to be selfish.
365
00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:37,450
-I'm worried about you, Johnny.
-Sweet.
366
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:38,545
Well, I must be getting along.
367
00:22:38,657 --> 00:22:43,026
Knowing that printer, I'll need a head start.
Good night, my dear.
368
00:22:45,797 --> 00:22:47,389
Good night.
369
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,734
Johnny.
370
00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:54,700
Johnny, do you actually think, if I wrote
a book about marriage, it would sell?
371
00:22:54,806 --> 00:22:57,036
I knew you'd come through.
Of course it would sell.
372
00:22:57,142 --> 00:22:59,110
Women would love someone to tell them
why they got married.
373
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,771
-Would they?
-Sure. Glorify the American home.
374
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,474
Sing hosannas for the fireside and security.
375
00:23:04,583 --> 00:23:07,416
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Show them how to keep romance alive,
376
00:23:07,519 --> 00:23:09,111
and teach every wife how to be a sweetheart.
377
00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:10,188
Yeah.
378
00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:14,988
What about the other half of this deception?
379
00:23:15,093 --> 00:23:16,082
Junior will never go for it.
380
00:23:16,194 --> 00:23:19,561
I'll take care of him.
We'll cut him in on the profits.
381
00:23:19,664 --> 00:23:22,565
You don't know Junior.
He's got short thumbs.
382
00:23:23,101 --> 00:23:25,001
It's no use in talking to him now.
We'll let him sleep it off,
383
00:23:25,103 --> 00:23:27,196
-and I'll be back first thing in the morning.
-Morning?
384
00:23:27,305 --> 00:23:29,796
Well, we can't take him out now.
There might be reporters outside.
385
00:23:29,908 --> 00:23:31,239
They'd think it was a gin marriage.
386
00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:34,312
Well, everything is settled.
387
00:23:34,946 --> 00:23:36,311
See you in the morning, sweetheart.
388
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:39,316
Wait a minute,
where am I supposed to sleep?
389
00:23:41,686 --> 00:23:43,654
As if I didn't know.
390
00:24:16,054 --> 00:24:17,021
Good morning, Johnny.
391
00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:18,953
Darling, flowers.
392
00:24:19,057 --> 00:24:21,150
That's very sweet. Thank you.
393
00:24:21,259 --> 00:24:23,853
And how does America's favorite authoress
feel this morning?
394
00:24:23,962 --> 00:24:27,489
I feel just like I slept
in a cement mixer all night, thank you.
395
00:24:27,599 --> 00:24:29,931
Well, my plan looks even better in daylight.
396
00:24:30,035 --> 00:24:32,560
-lt does, huh?
-Harrison, that's the printer,
397
00:24:32,671 --> 00:24:35,834
-is willing to play ball.
-Oh, that's very good.
398
00:24:35,941 --> 00:24:37,568
However, I think you're going
to have a hard time
399
00:24:37,676 --> 00:24:39,371
getting Junior in there to join the team.
400
00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:40,502
And how does he feel this morning?
401
00:24:40,612 --> 00:24:43,672
I wouldn't know. Come along, and we'll wake
up the sleeping beauty together.
402
00:24:48,553 --> 00:24:52,387
Well, there he is, the human question mark,
and he's all yours.
403
00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:54,982
Wake up, old man. Wake up.
404
00:25:00,031 --> 00:25:01,794
I bet you feel badly, don't you?
405
00:25:01,967 --> 00:25:03,366
Awful.
406
00:25:04,703 --> 00:25:06,603
Terrible.
407
00:25:06,805 --> 00:25:09,899
-What are you doing in my room?
-ln your room?
408
00:25:12,744 --> 00:25:15,645
That's right. This isn't my room. Where am l?
409
00:25:15,747 --> 00:25:18,375
You're a very lucky man, you've made
money while you've been asleep.
410
00:25:18,483 --> 00:25:21,008
That's it, break it to him gently.
411
00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:31,055
Dr. Timothy Sterling. Well...
412
00:25:31,863 --> 00:25:34,127
-Hey, this is me.
-That's right.
413
00:25:34,232 --> 00:25:37,497
But I couldn't be married to you.
What'll Marilyn say?
414
00:25:37,602 --> 00:25:40,002
This is a frame up. Where are my pants?
415
00:25:40,105 --> 00:25:41,470
Don't look at me, I'm not wearing them.
416
00:25:41,573 --> 00:25:44,474
-Get out of here.
-Now, just a minute, short thumbs.
417
00:25:44,576 --> 00:25:47,568
If you don't mind, I like to change
my clothes at the beginning of each day.
418
00:25:47,679 --> 00:25:49,237
I don't care what you do
at the beginning of each day.
419
00:25:49,347 --> 00:25:50,314
I want my pants. Now where are they?
420
00:25:50,415 --> 00:25:51,905
-I don't know where your pants are.
-Now, listen, June.
421
00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:54,382
-I'll explain the whole thing to him.
-Good luck.
422
00:25:54,486 --> 00:25:57,683
-Thanks. Listen, old man.
-You listen to me. What am I doing here?
423
00:25:57,789 --> 00:25:59,723
-I should be at the university.
-I can explain the whole thing.
424
00:25:59,824 --> 00:26:01,621
-Who are you?
-Now, let me explain.
425
00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:03,660
The whole thing's
as plain as the nose on your face.
426
00:26:03,762 --> 00:26:06,196
Leave my face out of this.
Where are my pants?
427
00:26:06,331 --> 00:26:08,731
Then you see, they put two and two together
and said you were married.
428
00:26:08,833 --> 00:26:11,063
And I'll make it worth your while
to stay that way.
429
00:26:11,169 --> 00:26:13,433
No. Where are my pants?
430
00:26:17,876 --> 00:26:20,344
-You know, he's stubborn.
-That's an understatement.
431
00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:21,912
Where are my pants?
432
00:26:22,013 --> 00:26:23,981
Maybe I'd better give him 10 percent
of the gross.
433
00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:26,607
While you're at it, throw in his pants.
434
00:26:29,220 --> 00:26:33,054
Now, listen, Doctor, if you'll just do
this tiny, simple little thing for me,
435
00:26:33,158 --> 00:26:35,683
-I'll give you 10 percent of the gross.
-No!
436
00:26:35,794 --> 00:26:38,490
It's all a cheap publicity stunt
for the trash that she writes.
437
00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:41,225
I'm going straight down to the papers
and deny the whole thing.
438
00:26:41,333 --> 00:26:42,698
Thanks.
439
00:26:48,673 --> 00:26:50,197
-Yes?
-Dr. and Mrs. Sterling?
440
00:26:50,308 --> 00:26:53,835
A wedding greeting
from Professor and Mrs. Klaushouser.
441
00:26:54,379 --> 00:26:56,074
One, two, three.
442
00:26:58,650 --> 00:27:00,174
Where are my pants?
443
00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:01,912
-lsn't it pretty?
-No!
444
00:27:05,423 --> 00:27:07,891
Dr. Sterling, I assure you,
you're making a big mistake.
445
00:27:07,993 --> 00:27:09,722
I'm getting my coat
and getting out of here so fast
446
00:27:09,828 --> 00:27:11,557
it'll make your head swim.
447
00:27:11,663 --> 00:27:14,996
It's hardly time for hop-scotch.
Don't you think?
448
00:27:24,943 --> 00:27:27,070
For you and your husband.
449
00:27:27,178 --> 00:27:29,874
-Will you just take them into the bedroom?
-Yes, ma'am.
450
00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:36,750
-Congratulations, Dr. Sterling.
-Oh, you, too. Get out of my way.
451
00:27:41,593 --> 00:27:44,187
Where is my head?
452
00:27:49,734 --> 00:27:52,430
Where's my head?
453
00:28:02,547 --> 00:28:04,344
Postal telegraph wedding greeting.
454
00:28:23,768 --> 00:28:27,932
Medical building. Dean Lawton.
One moment, please.
455
00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:29,904
-Miss Thomas.
-Congratulations, Dr. Sterling.
456
00:28:30,008 --> 00:28:31,737
Get The Morning Express and The Herald.
Get all the papers.
457
00:28:31,843 --> 00:28:34,403
I want to talk to each one of them.
458
00:28:37,615 --> 00:28:39,082
-Tim.
-Hello, Dad.
459
00:28:39,184 --> 00:28:40,310
Look, I want to explain. It was...
460
00:28:40,418 --> 00:28:42,249
You don't know how happy
you've made me.
461
00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:44,218
For a time, you know,
I was afraid it was going to be Marilyn.
462
00:28:44,322 --> 00:28:45,983
-You were?
-Look at that.
463
00:28:46,091 --> 00:28:47,615
Your mother's chin all over again.
464
00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:50,752
-Dad, please listen to me...
-A fine, well-shaped head.
465
00:28:50,862 --> 00:28:53,729
-But, Dad, you've got to listen to me.
-Cameron, good Scotch blood.
466
00:28:53,832 --> 00:28:55,766
Dad, will you please listen to me
and sit down?
467
00:28:55,867 --> 00:28:57,596
I've got to explain something,
and it's going to be a shock.
468
00:28:57,702 --> 00:28:58,896
I've got a little shock for you, my boy.
469
00:28:59,003 --> 00:29:00,300
-Yes, I know but...
-But rather a pleasant one.
470
00:29:00,405 --> 00:29:03,863
Now sit down, Tim. Sit down.
I just spoke to Dean Lawton.
471
00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:07,035
Congratulations, Professor Sterling.
472
00:29:07,145 --> 00:29:09,739
Yes, but that's beside the... Professor?
473
00:29:10,248 --> 00:29:12,148
But I thought Hampshire
was going to get the post.
474
00:29:12,250 --> 00:29:13,740
Well, it was very close until this morning,
475
00:29:13,852 --> 00:29:15,945
but you know
how the dean feels about marriage.
476
00:29:16,054 --> 00:29:17,749
And as you're a married man
and Hampshire isn't...
477
00:29:17,856 --> 00:29:19,346
But it couldn't be just because I'm married.
478
00:29:19,457 --> 00:29:22,585
The dean's always had a theory
that the chair of Neuropsychiatry
479
00:29:22,694 --> 00:29:25,254
should be held by a married man.
480
00:29:25,363 --> 00:29:27,331
A man who lives a natural, well-balanced life
481
00:29:27,432 --> 00:29:30,560
will have a much sounder approach
to the study of the unbalanced.
482
00:29:32,237 --> 00:29:35,673
Professor Sterling, that's too bad.
483
00:29:36,174 --> 00:29:39,473
What's the matter with you, son?
Don't you want the professorship?
484
00:29:39,577 --> 00:29:42,375
Yes, Dad, more than anything
else in the world, but...
485
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:44,072
But, Father, I've got to tell you the truth.
486
00:29:44,182 --> 00:29:48,516
Tim, congratulations.
We're mighty happy for you, Tim.
487
00:29:48,653 --> 00:29:52,646
Yeah, yeah, but look, Father,
there's something I've got to tell you.
488
00:29:53,992 --> 00:29:56,051
Dean Lawton.
489
00:29:56,161 --> 00:30:00,495
-Congratulations, Professor Sterling.
-Thank you.
490
00:30:00,598 --> 00:30:03,658
-When can we see the bride?
-Oh, any time.
491
00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:05,463
We'll all drop up tonight.
492
00:30:16,781 --> 00:30:19,249
You know, for a moment,
I thought Junior was back.
493
00:30:19,350 --> 00:30:20,715
Well, what do you want now?
494
00:30:20,819 --> 00:30:23,014
You've ruined her career
and you've ruined my business.
495
00:30:23,121 --> 00:30:26,921
-But I didn't tell the papers.
-Oh, you're going on the radio?
496
00:30:27,025 --> 00:30:30,552
No, no. I've thought it over
and I realized what it meant to you both.
497
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:32,527
I knew you'd come through.
498
00:30:32,630 --> 00:30:36,293
I was only just saying to Miss Cameron just
now, I know a gentleman when I see one.
499
00:30:36,401 --> 00:30:38,369
That's very nice of you, Doctor.
500
00:30:38,469 --> 00:30:40,903
What suddenly made you
change your mind?
501
00:30:41,005 --> 00:30:42,597
Now, don't get the idea that I like this.
502
00:30:42,707 --> 00:30:44,334
I'm merely doing it because I'm a gentleman
503
00:30:44,442 --> 00:30:45,466
and I hate to see you ruin your career.
504
00:30:45,577 --> 00:30:48,569
I... I hope you realize all the inconveniences
you'll be letting yourself in for.
505
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,011
The doctor knows what he's doing.
506
00:30:50,114 --> 00:30:52,014
Everything's all right.
You've nothing to worry about.
507
00:30:52,116 --> 00:30:54,880
Why, the book will be finished, she'll be
on her way to Reno to fake a divorce,
508
00:30:54,986 --> 00:30:56,317
-even before you know it.
-Of course.
509
00:30:56,421 --> 00:30:58,013
That's one thing I want to get straight.
510
00:30:58,122 --> 00:31:00,386
Now when you go to Reno,
you must take all the blame.
511
00:31:00,491 --> 00:31:03,119
You must make the separation look
as if it's entirely your fault.
512
00:31:03,228 --> 00:31:04,456
Why?
513
00:31:04,562 --> 00:31:06,757
Well, my position at the university...
514
00:31:06,898 --> 00:31:08,889
Of course, of course it'll look like her fault.
515
00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:10,995
Why, we're going to paint her so black
516
00:31:11,102 --> 00:31:12,797
that no self-respecting man
will even look at her.
517
00:31:12,904 --> 00:31:15,202
I can see chivalry is not dead.
518
00:31:15,306 --> 00:31:18,639
Of course, it's not doing so well,
but it's not dead.
519
00:31:19,477 --> 00:31:21,069
There's one thing more.
520
00:31:21,179 --> 00:31:26,310
Now that we're married, where are we?
What do we, you know?
521
00:31:27,118 --> 00:31:30,747
Oh, yes.
I've taken a year's lease on this place.
522
00:31:30,955 --> 00:31:32,320
You mean we live under the same roof?
523
00:31:32,423 --> 00:31:34,687
Your own brother would be safe with me.
524
00:31:34,792 --> 00:31:36,817
But...
525
00:31:36,928 --> 00:31:38,452
The boat.
526
00:31:38,563 --> 00:31:40,292
Marilyn, she's coming on the boat at noon.
527
00:31:40,431 --> 00:31:41,591
How am I going to explain this to her?
528
00:31:41,699 --> 00:31:43,633
-It's perfectly simple.
-Well, then explain it to me.
529
00:31:43,735 --> 00:31:45,362
But if I don't tell her the truth,
I'll lose her forever.
530
00:31:45,470 --> 00:31:48,268
But you can't do that.
The secret must be between us three.
531
00:31:48,373 --> 00:31:49,635
You know what women are.
532
00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:52,301
She might get plastered one night
and go blab it all over the town.
533
00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:54,272
If it once leaks out
that you two aren't married,
534
00:31:54,379 --> 00:31:56,313
well then we can just kiss goodbye
to her career.
535
00:31:56,414 --> 00:31:57,813
But I've got to tell Marilyn something.
536
00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:01,079
Well, tell her for the next three months
that she must trust you.
537
00:32:01,252 --> 00:32:03,982
Believe in you. Use blind faith.
538
00:32:04,088 --> 00:32:07,216
Supposing she's near-sighted?
539
00:32:07,325 --> 00:32:09,190
And, Doctor,
if she won't see you through this,
540
00:32:09,294 --> 00:32:10,852
well, then she's not the woman
you thought she was,
541
00:32:10,962 --> 00:32:12,623
and we've saved you
from making a terrific mistake.
542
00:32:12,730 --> 00:32:14,391
Yes, but if she sees this
before I can talk to her,
543
00:32:14,499 --> 00:32:15,796
I won't even get the chance to explain.
544
00:32:15,900 --> 00:32:18,095
That's right, she shouldn't see this.
545
00:32:19,470 --> 00:32:21,700
You know how to take care of women.
546
00:32:21,806 --> 00:32:24,570
Yes, but do I know
how to take care of Marilyn?
547
00:32:28,980 --> 00:32:31,107
-Hey...
-She likes flowers.
548
00:32:33,551 --> 00:32:36,918
Well, maybe if I wrote fast enough
we could get the books out to the dealer
549
00:32:37,021 --> 00:32:38,545
before the boat docks.
550
00:32:42,460 --> 00:32:44,519
Wait a minute,
perhaps I've lost touch with things,
551
00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:48,121
but aren't you supposed to look
like a man with a $7,000 printing bill?
552
00:32:48,900 --> 00:32:54,361
I'm very unhappy, I'm a very miserable man.
553
00:33:00,178 --> 00:33:01,736
I don't get it.
554
00:33:07,685 --> 00:33:11,018
I hope he does not come.
I hope he's taking out somebody's adenoids.
555
00:33:11,122 --> 00:33:13,920
-Then I can take you home.
-He'll be here. I know Tim.
556
00:33:14,025 --> 00:33:15,959
You can always depend on Tim.
557
00:33:16,060 --> 00:33:19,029
-Miss Thomas.
-Yes. Thank you.
558
00:33:20,298 --> 00:33:23,790
And thank you so very much
for making my trip so pleasant.
559
00:33:26,537 --> 00:33:29,062
Look, flowers.
560
00:33:29,173 --> 00:33:31,801
That's another reason I just love my Tim.
561
00:33:31,909 --> 00:33:33,877
He's very studious looking.
562
00:33:33,978 --> 00:33:36,879
He's brilliant,
and what's more important, he's reliable.
563
00:33:51,229 --> 00:33:52,696
Marilyn.
564
00:34:02,807 --> 00:34:05,571
-Hello, Johnny.
-Hello, darling.
565
00:34:05,676 --> 00:34:07,143
Any signs of our doctor friend?
566
00:34:07,245 --> 00:34:08,212
No.
567
00:34:08,646 --> 00:34:09,943
And, you know, I have a sneaking hunch
568
00:34:10,048 --> 00:34:12,073
that our little headache
is going to disappoint us.
569
00:34:12,183 --> 00:34:14,413
Well, I wouldn't worry about him.
570
00:34:18,256 --> 00:34:19,484
-I beg your pardon.
-Excuse me.
571
00:34:19,590 --> 00:34:22,889
My next door neighbor, Dr. Sterling.
Congratulations.
572
00:34:22,994 --> 00:34:24,552
Oh, yes...
573
00:34:24,662 --> 00:34:26,527
You won't regret it. I never did.
574
00:34:26,697 --> 00:34:30,360
I've been married 16 years next Thursday.
Friday, that's it.
575
00:34:30,468 --> 00:34:32,698
It's so nice
to have married people next door.
576
00:34:32,804 --> 00:34:34,931
My wife's away just now,
but when she gets back
577
00:34:35,039 --> 00:34:36,734
we'll arrange to set aside one night a week
578
00:34:36,841 --> 00:34:38,672
where we can all have dinner together
and then play bridge.
579
00:34:38,776 --> 00:34:40,368
-All right, we'll do that.
-Yes.
580
00:34:40,478 --> 00:34:44,175
And if any time you need a cup of sugar,
why, remember we're right here.
581
00:34:44,282 --> 00:34:46,842
-All right!
-I'll see you later.
582
00:34:52,190 --> 00:34:54,215
He's back.
583
00:34:54,325 --> 00:34:57,192
-She wouldn't give me a chance to explain.
-Did you hear that?
584
00:34:57,295 --> 00:34:59,024
She wouldn't give him a chance to explain.
585
00:34:59,130 --> 00:35:02,725
Well, don't take it so to heart.
You'd make a lovely executioner.
586
00:35:02,834 --> 00:35:04,233
Now what's the matter?
587
00:35:04,335 --> 00:35:07,532
Well, I opened my mouth to say something
and I got the newspaper right in it.
588
00:35:07,638 --> 00:35:10,198
I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm sorry things
didn't turn out all right for you.
589
00:35:10,308 --> 00:35:11,798
She'll get over it after a while.
590
00:35:11,909 --> 00:35:13,467
-Here, let me take this.
-Sure.
591
00:35:13,578 --> 00:35:15,170
Give her about three months.
592
00:35:15,279 --> 00:35:18,339
Well, nevertheless, I think it's
darn sweet that, in spite of all the trouble,
593
00:35:18,449 --> 00:35:20,576
that you're still gonna go through with this.
594
00:35:20,685 --> 00:35:24,280
After all, you're not getting
anything out of it. It doesn't seem quite fair.
595
00:35:24,388 --> 00:35:27,983
Well, a gentleman's word
is a gentleman's word.
596
00:35:28,359 --> 00:35:29,883
If you'll just show me to my room, I'll...
597
00:35:29,994 --> 00:35:32,394
Now don't you worry, Doctor.
We'll make you quite comfortable.
598
00:35:32,497 --> 00:35:33,862
-I'll take that.
-We'll take your things
599
00:35:33,965 --> 00:35:35,660
and put them right in here.
600
00:35:35,766 --> 00:35:38,462
Johnny, the doctor can have
the two top drawers in the dresser.
601
00:35:38,569 --> 00:35:40,628
I'm afraid I'll need three.
602
00:35:43,508 --> 00:35:45,373
Make it three.
603
00:35:45,743 --> 00:35:48,405
Well, I'd better put all these things of yours
in the bottom drawer.
604
00:35:48,513 --> 00:35:49,480
Yes.
605
00:35:56,420 --> 00:35:58,479
And where will I put these?
606
00:35:58,689 --> 00:36:01,351
I'll show you, old man, come this way.
607
00:36:01,459 --> 00:36:05,395
We'll put them in the closet, over here.
How's this?
608
00:36:05,496 --> 00:36:06,485
It's a little crowded.
609
00:36:06,597 --> 00:36:10,294
-Well, we'll soon fix that. June, dear.
-Yes, Johnny.
610
00:36:12,970 --> 00:36:15,029
You don't need all this space, dear.
Take these things out
611
00:36:15,139 --> 00:36:16,401
and put them somewhere else.
612
00:36:16,507 --> 00:36:18,441
Well, there's always the icebox.
613
00:36:18,676 --> 00:36:21,406
Besides, it'll be good for the furs.
614
00:36:25,316 --> 00:36:28,308
Do you think this is a good location
for a branch library?
615
00:36:28,419 --> 00:36:31,149
Well, if you've no objection,
I'd like to continue with my profession.
616
00:36:31,255 --> 00:36:32,517
I'm preparing my fall course of study.
617
00:36:32,623 --> 00:36:33,749
I see, yes.
618
00:36:33,858 --> 00:36:35,951
-Now is this my bed?
-Well, you see...
619
00:36:36,060 --> 00:36:37,994
Well, no. Not exactly,
620
00:36:38,095 --> 00:36:40,962
but we have something wonderful for you
in the other room.
621
00:36:41,065 --> 00:36:44,034
You'd really be surprised
how comfortable these things are.
622
00:36:44,135 --> 00:36:46,000
They certainly are.
623
00:36:46,204 --> 00:36:48,172
See, better than any bed they make.
624
00:36:48,272 --> 00:36:51,298
Why, I slept there all last night
and didn't even know I was sleeping.
625
00:36:51,409 --> 00:36:53,809
That's fine, then you sleep there.
626
00:36:56,147 --> 00:36:59,014
I was wrong, chivalry is dead.
627
00:37:00,218 --> 00:37:01,276
Yes.
628
00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:07,714
Can't we get an apartment
with two bedrooms?
629
00:37:07,825 --> 00:37:09,292
Yes, yes, certainly.
630
00:37:09,393 --> 00:37:11,588
We can take a penthouse and have butlers
and footmen and everything.
631
00:37:11,696 --> 00:37:12,924
I think it's very generous of you...
632
00:37:13,030 --> 00:37:14,657
I didn't mean that. You see, with my salary,
633
00:37:14,765 --> 00:37:17,700
-I can't afford to...
-There you are, Doctor. It's all yours.
634
00:37:17,802 --> 00:37:19,326
We've settled everything.
635
00:37:26,244 --> 00:37:28,838
Wait a minute.
Where are you going with that?
636
00:37:28,946 --> 00:37:31,380
Well, I thought you could work
up on the balcony.
637
00:37:31,482 --> 00:37:33,575
I can't work up there, Johnny.
638
00:37:33,684 --> 00:37:36,414
When I work, I've got to pace,
and there's no room up there.
639
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,421
Well, you can pace like this.
640
00:37:39,624 --> 00:37:40,750
Give me that.
641
00:37:40,858 --> 00:37:43,326
June, don't take this attitude.
This is very trying for all of us.
642
00:37:43,427 --> 00:37:46,021
It most certainly is.
You take my dresser, my closet, my bed...
643
00:37:46,130 --> 00:37:48,564
By the way, I've forgot something.
Give me your left hand.
644
00:37:48,666 --> 00:37:52,602
-Why?
-I'm pronouncing you man and wife.
645
00:37:56,007 --> 00:37:58,805
I am going to write this book in one week.
646
00:38:13,157 --> 00:38:18,060
There he'll stand, the man you love...
647
00:38:20,464 --> 00:38:23,456
Relative? Hey, Pasteur...
648
00:38:23,567 --> 00:38:24,829
What?
649
00:38:24,935 --> 00:38:28,962
Is that thing your idea of decoration?
650
00:38:29,073 --> 00:38:32,042
No, it has to be there. I keep referring to it.
651
00:38:39,917 --> 00:38:41,817
Look, will you please take that thing down?
652
00:38:41,919 --> 00:38:43,887
-l, I can't look at it.
-Look, this is important work.
653
00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:45,922
-I'm doing you a favor by just being here.
-I know,
654
00:38:46,023 --> 00:38:47,183
and I appreciate it very much.
655
00:38:47,291 --> 00:38:50,419
I'm sorry, I've just got that kind
of a stomach. I can't take it.
656
00:38:50,528 --> 00:38:51,961
All right.
657
00:38:54,098 --> 00:38:56,794
You're an escapist. That's your trouble.
658
00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:05,036
-Yes?
-My dear, I'm so happy.
659
00:39:06,444 --> 00:39:09,538
-Hello, Dad.
-She's wonderful, my boy.
660
00:39:10,314 --> 00:39:12,441
I'm so glad we came early.
661
00:39:12,550 --> 00:39:13,778
I forgot to tell you, dear,
662
00:39:13,884 --> 00:39:15,943
that some of the faculty
wanted to drop in and meet you tonight.
663
00:39:16,053 --> 00:39:17,179
That's charming of you.
664
00:39:17,288 --> 00:39:18,880
Congratulations, my dear.
665
00:39:18,989 --> 00:39:21,457
I've known Tim
ever since he was a little boy.
666
00:39:21,559 --> 00:39:22,685
Well, how sweet.
667
00:39:22,793 --> 00:39:24,818
-Dr. and Mrs. Nielson.
-How do you do?
668
00:39:24,929 --> 00:39:26,396
-How do you do?
-Won't you come in, please?
669
00:39:26,497 --> 00:39:29,523
Thank you.
670
00:39:29,633 --> 00:39:31,328
So nice of you to drop in like this.
671
00:39:31,469 --> 00:39:33,835
-Yes, indeed, it certainly is.
-It's not much.
672
00:39:33,938 --> 00:39:35,929
Doctor, you shouldn't have done it.
673
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,702
Oh, no. You shouldn't have, Doctor.
674
00:39:38,843 --> 00:39:41,835
I just love surprises.
675
00:39:46,817 --> 00:39:49,183
Why, it's just what we needed.
I was telling Tim only this morning...
676
00:39:49,286 --> 00:39:52,813
Dear, don't you think you'd better fix
some sandwiches before the others come?
677
00:39:52,923 --> 00:39:55,448
-Others?
-lsn't that wonderful?
678
00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:58,858
With all she's had to do,
making fancy sandwiches.
679
00:39:58,963 --> 00:40:00,453
Tim, will you take care of this
for me, please?
680
00:40:00,598 --> 00:40:03,590
-May I help?
-Why, no, no, certainly not.
681
00:40:03,701 --> 00:40:06,499
It only takes one to call the delicatessen.
682
00:40:21,285 --> 00:40:22,513
Pimiento.
683
00:40:25,623 --> 00:40:29,457
He had a recurrent bradycardia combined
with epileptoid attacks.
684
00:40:30,661 --> 00:40:34,597
And there we found
a small fibril cartilaginous nodule
685
00:40:34,932 --> 00:40:36,763
half the size of a pea.
686
00:40:36,867 --> 00:40:39,495
Wonderful specimen, inflamed and sanious.
687
00:40:39,603 --> 00:40:41,833
Sanious? I mean sandwich?
688
00:40:41,939 --> 00:40:43,463
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
689
00:40:59,924 --> 00:41:01,391
You've only just been initiated, my dear.
690
00:41:01,492 --> 00:41:03,517
That kind of talk used to bother my wife, too.
691
00:41:03,627 --> 00:41:06,755
Doctor, look,
do they always talk shop like that?
692
00:41:06,931 --> 00:41:08,728
I suppose they do take it pretty seriously,
693
00:41:08,833 --> 00:41:11,063
but if they didn't
there'd be a lot less people walking around
694
00:41:11,168 --> 00:41:12,465
enjoying this nice weather we're having.
695
00:41:12,570 --> 00:41:13,832
Yes, I suppose.
696
00:41:13,938 --> 00:41:16,099
There's some cookies in there,
will you put two in each cup, please?
697
00:41:16,207 --> 00:41:17,469
Two?
698
00:41:17,575 --> 00:41:18,735
I'll give three to the dean.
699
00:41:18,843 --> 00:41:20,037
He has a coconut fixation.
700
00:41:20,144 --> 00:41:21,805
Seems to me that's playing politics a little,
isn't it?
701
00:41:21,912 --> 00:41:24,380
Well, Tim's professorship
is worth an extra cookie.
702
00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:26,541
-I suppose.
-You know, it's pretty funny.
703
00:41:26,750 --> 00:41:29,184
For years, Tim's worked 14 hours a day
for that professorship.
704
00:41:29,286 --> 00:41:31,015
-That so?
-Finally, he gets it.
705
00:41:31,388 --> 00:41:32,719
-But not from his research.
-No?
706
00:41:32,823 --> 00:41:35,018
Dear me, no, no.
707
00:41:35,125 --> 00:41:39,562
The thing that finally decides it
is a little custom called marriage.
708
00:41:41,365 --> 00:41:42,889
Wait a minute.
709
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:46,299
You mean the dean gave Tim
the professorship
710
00:41:46,403 --> 00:41:48,667
because he was married to me?
711
00:41:48,772 --> 00:41:51,206
Yes, both Tim and a chap called Hampshire
were up for the job.
712
00:41:51,308 --> 00:41:52,775
Tim was married, Hampshire wasn't.
713
00:41:52,877 --> 00:41:54,868
Another of the dean's fixations.
714
00:41:54,979 --> 00:41:57,812
And I think he deserves an extra
couple of cookies for that. Don't you?
715
00:41:57,915 --> 00:41:59,576
-By all means, Doctor.
-Yeah.
716
00:42:00,518 --> 00:42:02,247
Yes, I'll be right there with it.
717
00:42:02,353 --> 00:42:04,548
Where's the coffee?
Everybody's having a wonderful time.
718
00:42:04,655 --> 00:42:07,055
-Everyone but Hampshire.
-He's not here tonight.
719
00:42:07,157 --> 00:42:09,216
No he's probably out committing suicide.
720
00:42:09,326 --> 00:42:12,124
-Or getting married.
-Yes.
721
00:42:12,229 --> 00:42:14,595
A little late, son?
722
00:42:16,300 --> 00:42:18,768
Tim, would you please give this to the dean?
723
00:42:18,869 --> 00:42:20,359
Why so many cookies?
724
00:42:20,471 --> 00:42:22,166
Why, you ungrateful thing.
725
00:42:22,273 --> 00:42:24,741
That's a bonus
for giving you the professorship.
726
00:42:26,377 --> 00:42:29,278
-Doctor, would you carry that tray for me?
-Yes, my dear.
727
00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:30,870
You're not getting anything out of this.
728
00:42:30,981 --> 00:42:32,846
You're only going through with it
because you're a gentleman,
729
00:42:32,950 --> 00:42:34,474
and you don't want to ruin my career.
730
00:42:34,585 --> 00:42:36,519
A gentleman's word is a gentleman's word.
731
00:42:36,620 --> 00:42:39,555
Dean Lawton.
732
00:42:42,860 --> 00:42:44,157
Thank you.
733
00:42:44,261 --> 00:42:45,785
To Timothy,
734
00:42:45,896 --> 00:42:48,296
who, yesterday, was only an instructor.
735
00:42:48,399 --> 00:42:51,163
And tomorrow, who knows.
736
00:42:51,335 --> 00:42:53,098
-Good night.
-Good night.
737
00:42:55,839 --> 00:42:57,773
-Good night.
-Good night, Dean Lawton. It was nice...
738
00:42:57,875 --> 00:42:59,570
-Good night.
-Good night.
739
00:42:59,677 --> 00:43:00,939
-Good night.
-Good night.
740
00:43:01,045 --> 00:43:04,071
-Good night.
-Good night.
741
00:43:04,181 --> 00:43:06,615
-Good night, Sam.
-Good night, Dad.
742
00:43:06,717 --> 00:43:08,412
-Good night, my dear.
-Good night, Doctor.
743
00:43:08,519 --> 00:43:10,214
-Good night.
-Good night.
744
00:43:10,321 --> 00:43:11,447
Good night, son.
745
00:43:16,894 --> 00:43:19,692
-Miss Cameron, I was going to tell you...
-Oh, you were, were you?
746
00:43:19,797 --> 00:43:23,528
So you were going to take my bed
and three drawers of my dresser.
747
00:43:23,634 --> 00:43:26,467
Two weren't good enough for you. Oh, no.
Well, you listen to me.
748
00:43:26,570 --> 00:43:28,299
I don't care if you're nine foot, six.
749
00:43:28,405 --> 00:43:31,738
You're gonna sleep on that couch,
if you have to do it in sections!
750
00:43:48,993 --> 00:43:51,484
-Chocolate malt, please.
-Chocolate malt with egg.
751
00:43:51,595 --> 00:43:53,893
No, no egg. Just a plain chocolate malt.
752
00:43:54,031 --> 00:43:56,556
Yeah, but there's no charge for the egg.
It's a special today.
753
00:43:56,667 --> 00:43:58,328
No thanks, just plain.
754
00:43:58,435 --> 00:44:00,460
Yeah, but it won't cost you anything.
Besides, it's good for you.
755
00:44:00,571 --> 00:44:02,038
No egg!
756
00:44:13,083 --> 00:44:14,448
-Tim! You get out of here.
-Marilyn...
757
00:44:22,359 --> 00:44:23,792
You've got to make up your mind
to listen to me.
758
00:44:23,894 --> 00:44:25,384
I'm not married, I never have been married.
759
00:44:25,496 --> 00:44:27,464
-But the papers said that...
-I can explain the whole thing.
760
00:44:27,564 --> 00:44:29,759
This is the way it started.
761
00:44:30,167 --> 00:44:33,034
Skylar, seven, six, four, eight, two, three.
762
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:38,099
Skylar, seven, six, eight, four, three.
763
00:44:38,208 --> 00:44:40,574
They made me a professor
because I was a married man.
764
00:44:40,678 --> 00:44:42,805
But now that you are a professor,
you can deny it.
765
00:44:42,913 --> 00:44:47,782
But how can I explain to the reporters
the fact that I passed out in her bed?
766
00:44:47,885 --> 00:44:51,116
I mean, that sort of publicity,
and I'd be bounced from the university.
767
00:44:51,221 --> 00:44:53,655
But when she goes to Reno,
you're going to get publicity.
768
00:44:53,757 --> 00:44:57,659
But that isn't scandal.
Anybody has a right to a nice, quiet divorce.
769
00:44:57,761 --> 00:45:00,889
Why, even the dean himself
has had three wives.
770
00:45:02,466 --> 00:45:04,593
Let's get out of here.
We're getting a little conspicuous.
771
00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:06,192
Yes.
772
00:45:07,271 --> 00:45:09,466
Let's have a drink, Marilyn, dear.
773
00:45:09,573 --> 00:45:12,133
Over there. Over there.
774
00:45:12,242 --> 00:45:13,436
Marilyn, I promise you,
775
00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:15,671
the minute she leaves for Reno,
we'll sneak off and get married.
776
00:45:15,779 --> 00:45:19,840
Yes, but Cookie, this Cameron woman.
Are you and she living in the same...
777
00:45:19,950 --> 00:45:23,044
But it isn't the same, dear.
I mean, we seldom see each other.
778
00:45:23,153 --> 00:45:26,714
But you're not living with your father now.
Have you an apartment of your own?
779
00:45:26,824 --> 00:45:30,089
An apartment.
Yes, yes, at the Standish Arms.
780
00:45:30,194 --> 00:45:31,559
You know, on Gramercy Place.
781
00:45:31,662 --> 00:45:35,291
-Fine, Cookie. I'll be over to dinner tonight.
-Hey, you put an egg in this.
782
00:45:35,399 --> 00:45:38,266
You will? But the kitchen is awfully small.
783
00:45:38,368 --> 00:45:41,269
It's big enough for cocktails.
I'll be there at 6:30.
784
00:45:41,371 --> 00:45:43,271
You'll be there at 6:30.
785
00:45:43,373 --> 00:45:44,931
-Well, I'll think of something.
-What?
786
00:45:45,042 --> 00:45:48,102
-I mean something special.
-What do you mean?
787
00:45:48,212 --> 00:45:49,907
I mean something to go with the cocktails.
788
00:45:50,013 --> 00:45:53,073
You don't wanna come up there
and find just martinis.
789
00:45:53,183 --> 00:45:54,411
Just martinis.
790
00:45:54,885 --> 00:45:57,410
There are exactly seven million bars
in this town,
791
00:45:57,521 --> 00:46:00,581
-and she has to have her cocktails up here.
-She's coming because she's suspicious.
792
00:46:00,691 --> 00:46:02,682
And if you don't hurry,
and she finds you here, it'll be all up.
793
00:46:02,793 --> 00:46:05,921
Just tell her I'm a woman of good taste,
and therefore I will have no designs on you.
794
00:46:06,029 --> 00:46:10,056
-She happens to be the girl I love.
-Yes, you've told me that before.
795
00:46:10,167 --> 00:46:12,260
Mustn't be any signs
of femininity around here.
796
00:46:12,369 --> 00:46:16,362
Perhaps you'd better take the flowers
out of the curtains, then.
797
00:46:19,710 --> 00:46:20,836
What's that?
798
00:46:20,944 --> 00:46:23,071
That's Himmellweiser.
He's always in my bedroom.
799
00:46:23,180 --> 00:46:24,738
Instead of a mattress?
800
00:46:24,848 --> 00:46:26,713
Don't stand there!
She'll be here any minute.
801
00:46:26,817 --> 00:46:28,876
Don't you yell at me, you microbe hunter.
802
00:46:28,986 --> 00:46:30,851
It's bad enough being thrown out
of my own apartment.
803
00:46:30,954 --> 00:46:32,216
I'll never get that book finished.
804
00:46:32,322 --> 00:46:33,846
-lt'll only be for a couple of hours.
-Yeah.
805
00:46:33,957 --> 00:46:36,255
Now lock the trunk
and put it in the closet, huh?
806
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:38,225
It's Marilyn. What am I gonna do?
807
00:46:38,328 --> 00:46:41,297
Well, I'll get into bed,
and you can tell her that I'm a patient.
808
00:46:41,398 --> 00:46:43,366
No, no! Don't do...
809
00:46:44,902 --> 00:46:47,996
Listen, if that's your dream girl, she sounds
more to me like the village blacksmith.
810
00:46:48,105 --> 00:46:50,767
-Hey, anybody home?
-It's Dad.
811
00:46:54,111 --> 00:46:55,203
-Hello, son.
-Hello, Dad.
812
00:46:55,312 --> 00:46:57,109
Well, it looks like a big night
for Professor Sterling.
813
00:46:57,214 --> 00:46:58,545
-Yeah.
-They're not here yet.
814
00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:00,810
Well, you see, Dad,
we were just going out, and...
815
00:47:00,918 --> 00:47:02,909
-Who's not here yet?
-Burkhardt's in town.
816
00:47:03,020 --> 00:47:04,817
Very enthusiastic over your migraine work.
817
00:47:04,922 --> 00:47:06,856
-Burkhardt?
-Streeter's bringing him up.
818
00:47:06,957 --> 00:47:08,219
They ought to be here any minute now.
819
00:47:08,325 --> 00:47:12,284
That's wonderful, but, you see, tonight
we were planning on going down to...
820
00:47:12,396 --> 00:47:13,590
Hello.
821
00:47:14,331 --> 00:47:15,389
-Hello.
-Hello, Pop!
822
00:47:15,499 --> 00:47:16,989
What's this?
823
00:47:18,502 --> 00:47:20,834
Have you two had a quarrel?
824
00:47:20,938 --> 00:47:23,771
Yes. Yes, he hit me.
825
00:47:23,874 --> 00:47:25,239
-You didn't.
-Yes, he did.
826
00:47:25,342 --> 00:47:28,778
-Well, I only pushed her.
-You only pushed her?
827
00:47:28,879 --> 00:47:31,541
Tim, I shouldn't have to remind you
that this is not the Neolithic age.
828
00:47:31,648 --> 00:47:33,206
Well, how would you like it if someone said
829
00:47:33,317 --> 00:47:36,809
that your father
was a pompous, opinionated old windbag?
830
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,182
I didn't say that.
831
00:47:38,288 --> 00:47:41,553
I would be honest enough to admit
that the person was absolutely right.
832
00:47:41,658 --> 00:47:42,818
Pop, he's lying. I never said that.
833
00:47:42,926 --> 00:47:44,587
I don't care who said it, my dear. It's true.
834
00:47:44,695 --> 00:47:47,562
I talk too much.
Your mother always said that.
835
00:47:47,664 --> 00:47:49,359
Here, here, here.
Come on, come on, come on.
836
00:47:49,466 --> 00:47:50,455
We're going to patch this up.
837
00:47:50,567 --> 00:47:52,558
Oh, no. No, Pop. I'm sorry.
I'm going home to Mother.
838
00:47:52,669 --> 00:47:53,693
And you better hurry!
839
00:47:53,804 --> 00:47:55,362
No, you're not.
You're going to stay right here.
840
00:47:55,472 --> 00:47:57,269
No, I'm sorry. I can't, Pop. I've got to leave.
841
00:47:57,374 --> 00:47:59,501
I won't have it, I tell you.
It's downright childish.
842
00:47:59,610 --> 00:48:02,170
Breaking up a wonderful union,
quarreling over me.
843
00:48:02,279 --> 00:48:03,541
I won't have it, I tell you.
844
00:48:03,647 --> 00:48:05,808
Let me see your thumbs.
845
00:48:05,916 --> 00:48:08,248
Your thumbs, Pops, let me see them.
846
00:48:08,352 --> 00:48:09,876
I thought so.
847
00:48:11,655 --> 00:48:13,953
No use in arguing with you.
848
00:48:15,392 --> 00:48:17,986
Tim, I see a slight improvement.
She's your patient.
849
00:48:18,095 --> 00:48:19,392
Yeah?
850
00:48:19,496 --> 00:48:22,192
Go on, my boy. Go on.
What are you waiting for?
851
00:48:22,299 --> 00:48:24,529
Rigor mortis set in?
852
00:48:24,635 --> 00:48:26,068
Kiss her.
853
00:48:38,649 --> 00:48:40,048
Go ahead.
854
00:48:48,492 --> 00:48:50,392
-Burkhardt. I'll go.
-I'll go, Dad. No, don't you go.
855
00:48:50,494 --> 00:48:52,553
No, no, no. Now, don't be nervous, son.
856
00:48:52,663 --> 00:48:56,099
You know more about headaches
than any of these fellows.
857
00:48:56,199 --> 00:48:57,325
Hello, sweetheart.
858
00:48:57,434 --> 00:49:01,165
Johnny. This is Tim's father. This is Johnny.
859
00:49:01,271 --> 00:49:02,295
How do you do?
860
00:49:02,406 --> 00:49:05,170
Wedding anniversary. Married, you know.
Eight days today.
861
00:49:05,275 --> 00:49:09,439
-We thought a little celebration...
-Johnny, how sweet. That's...
862
00:49:10,614 --> 00:49:12,980
Dr. Burkhardt. Welcome, sir. Come in.
Come in.
863
00:49:13,083 --> 00:49:15,051
-My daughter-in-law, Mrs. Sterling.
-How do you do?
864
00:49:15,152 --> 00:49:16,278
Dr. Burkhardt. Mr...
865
00:49:16,386 --> 00:49:17,876
-Pierce. Pierce.
-Mr. Pierce. Mr. Pierce.
866
00:49:17,988 --> 00:49:18,977
You know Dr. Streeter.
867
00:49:19,356 --> 00:49:24,089
Hello? Look, I want to talk to Mr. Johnson
next door in 14A. Yeah, right away.
868
00:49:24,995 --> 00:49:28,954
What? They're not in? That's fine.
I mean, thanks very much.
869
00:49:29,666 --> 00:49:31,429
Tim? Tim? Where's Tim?
870
00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:34,335
-I'll get him. Will you excuse me, please?
-Thank you, dear. Thank you.
871
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,308
Hey! I don't want to seem
like a nagging wife,
872
00:49:39,409 --> 00:49:40,967
but that's not the way to the living room,
you know.
873
00:49:41,078 --> 00:49:42,636
I'm gonna sneak
through the apartment next door.
874
00:49:42,746 --> 00:49:44,805
They're not at home,
and I can head Marilyn off at the elevator.
875
00:49:44,915 --> 00:49:46,644
Tim. Tim.
876
00:49:46,750 --> 00:49:49,184
Wait. You'd better go in there and see them
for a minute first. Come on.
877
00:49:49,286 --> 00:49:50,685
All right.
878
00:49:51,788 --> 00:49:53,119
Here he is.
879
00:49:54,391 --> 00:49:56,188
Dr. Burkhardt, my son.
880
00:49:56,293 --> 00:49:57,954
-Dr. Sterling.
-How do you do, Doctor?
881
00:49:58,061 --> 00:49:59,858
I've been looking forward very much
to meeting you.
882
00:49:59,963 --> 00:50:01,396
I've been looking forward to meeting you
883
00:50:01,498 --> 00:50:03,659
ever since Streeter sent me your paper
on migraines.
884
00:50:03,767 --> 00:50:04,791
Thank you very much.
885
00:50:04,901 --> 00:50:07,927
Now, you two had better sit down here.
I know you have a lot to talk about.
886
00:50:08,038 --> 00:50:11,872
No, no. No, not just yet, please.
Let me fix you a cocktail first.
887
00:50:11,975 --> 00:50:13,374
And, Tim, you go into the kitchen
888
00:50:13,477 --> 00:50:15,741
and fix some of those wonderful
cheese things that you do so well.
889
00:50:15,846 --> 00:50:17,404
-Yes, those things.
-Yes.
890
00:50:17,514 --> 00:50:19,914
No, don't bother, old man.
You have your talk. I'll fix it.
891
00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:21,541
You certainly will. You see, I'm sorry,
892
00:50:21,651 --> 00:50:26,350
but this is one of those things Tim has
to do all by himself. Hurry, darling.
893
00:51:13,537 --> 00:51:14,799
Marilyn!
894
00:51:16,606 --> 00:51:19,700
-Darling, you got the wrong apartment.
-But you said 14B.
895
00:51:19,810 --> 00:51:22,608
Did l? Whatever made me say that?
896
00:51:22,712 --> 00:51:25,306
-Lucky I caught you, isn't it?
-Yes.
897
00:51:31,455 --> 00:51:33,446
Well, how do you like it?
898
00:51:33,557 --> 00:51:35,718
This isn't your apartment.
899
00:51:36,660 --> 00:51:38,491
This is your mansion.
900
00:51:39,496 --> 00:51:41,191
Tim, it's exquisite!
901
00:51:41,298 --> 00:51:42,993
It's nice for the time being.
902
00:51:43,100 --> 00:51:46,160
-I never thought you'd have a place like this.
-Neither did l.
903
00:51:46,269 --> 00:51:48,430
I'm sorry if it seems such a shock.
904
00:51:48,538 --> 00:51:51,166
After all, in your last place,
you only had one chair.
905
00:51:51,274 --> 00:51:52,571
Yes, I did. Didn't l?
906
00:51:52,676 --> 00:51:55,270
-How can you afford...
-Well, you see, I'm a professor now,
907
00:51:55,378 --> 00:51:57,539
and it practically makes me
the head of a department.
908
00:51:57,647 --> 00:51:58,875
Yes, but even so...
909
00:51:58,982 --> 00:52:01,883
And, of course, I've been doing
quite a bit of consultation work, too.
910
00:52:01,985 --> 00:52:04,818
Well, I need a drink now.
911
00:52:04,921 --> 00:52:06,786
Yes, the martinis.
912
00:52:06,890 --> 00:52:09,120
I haven't had much time to make them yet,
but I'll soon fix that.
913
00:52:09,226 --> 00:52:11,057
Don't you worry. I...
914
00:52:23,707 --> 00:52:25,231
Don't you know where you keep your liquor?
915
00:52:25,342 --> 00:52:28,573
Well, as a matter of fact, I never know
where that butler's going to put a thing.
916
00:52:28,678 --> 00:52:29,736
-Butler?
-Yes.
917
00:52:29,846 --> 00:52:32,178
Wouldn't surprise me a bit
if he had them out in the kitchen right now.
918
00:52:32,282 --> 00:52:34,307
Now, you just make yourself at home
and have a cigarette,
919
00:52:34,417 --> 00:52:37,181
and I'll tend to the drink situation.
920
00:52:47,764 --> 00:52:50,324
So this is the nation's
number-one career woman.
921
00:52:50,433 --> 00:52:51,422
Was.
922
00:52:51,535 --> 00:52:53,127
-Thank you.
-Thank you, my dear.
923
00:52:53,236 --> 00:52:55,431
Perhaps, but personally, Mrs. Sterling,
you look to me...
924
00:52:55,539 --> 00:52:56,733
Well, won't be long.
925
00:52:58,575 --> 00:53:01,669
You're very quiet for an amateur chef.
We hardly heard you in the kitchen at all.
926
00:53:01,778 --> 00:53:04,872
-Everything under control, dear?
-Well, so far. All on the fire,
927
00:53:04,981 --> 00:53:06,448
-but it just needs watching.
-Yes.
928
00:53:06,550 --> 00:53:09,280
-Tim, come back here.
-Yes, Dad.
929
00:53:09,386 --> 00:53:11,547
What's the reason
for this sudden affinity for the stove?
930
00:53:11,655 --> 00:53:13,782
You never knew your way
around a kitchen before.
931
00:53:13,890 --> 00:53:17,382
Marriage. Marriage has changed all that.
Hasn't it, darling?
932
00:53:17,494 --> 00:53:21,658
Dr. Sterling, is this the anatomical head
your father was speaking about?
933
00:53:21,765 --> 00:53:22,732
Yes.
934
00:53:22,832 --> 00:53:25,426
I understand it's a replica
of a glandular case you had at the clinic.
935
00:53:25,535 --> 00:53:29,266
Yes, we copied it
from caliber measurements. It's...
936
00:53:29,372 --> 00:53:31,067
Something's burning!
937
00:53:31,174 --> 00:53:33,438
Johnny, would you bring me a drink?
Or better still, bring the shaker.
938
00:53:33,543 --> 00:53:34,737
Right.
939
00:53:39,216 --> 00:53:41,411
-Hey, take it easy, old man.
-I've got Marilyn next door.
940
00:53:41,518 --> 00:53:44,009
Well, that's not... Marilyn!
Well, you can't bring her in here.
941
00:53:44,120 --> 00:53:46,213
-I'm not going to.
-But you've got to get rid of her.
942
00:53:46,323 --> 00:53:47,312
I'm trying to get rid of her.
943
00:53:47,424 --> 00:53:49,119
Now, if they get suspicious,
knock on the wall, will you?
944
00:53:49,226 --> 00:53:50,386
Okay.
945
00:54:01,404 --> 00:54:03,429
-Cookie.
-Yes, dear.
946
00:54:13,350 --> 00:54:15,875
Well, let's try this on our nerve centers.
947
00:54:15,986 --> 00:54:18,955
-And will my Cookie forgive me?
-But what's there to forgive, darling?
948
00:54:19,055 --> 00:54:24,789
I never thought I'd be a suspicious woman,
but for a teeny moment, I really was.
949
00:54:24,894 --> 00:54:27,522
But you had every right to be, darling,
every right in the world.
950
00:54:27,631 --> 00:54:30,759
I see now.
You had to go through with the marriage.
951
00:54:30,867 --> 00:54:33,028
Why, yes, to get the professorship,
952
00:54:33,136 --> 00:54:36,401
and in order to make enough money
to take care of a professor's wife.
953
00:54:36,506 --> 00:54:38,440
But the minute she goes to Reno,
we go to Greenwich.
954
00:54:38,541 --> 00:54:39,565
To Reno.
955
00:54:39,943 --> 00:54:42,741
What were his findings
on hyperesthesia of the scalp?
956
00:54:42,846 --> 00:54:44,177
Well, I'm not quite sure.
957
00:54:44,281 --> 00:54:45,839
Ask Tim to come here a moment,
would you, please?
958
00:54:45,949 --> 00:54:47,712
-Surely.
-Thank you.
959
00:54:48,918 --> 00:54:51,113
My hand, it went to sleep.
960
00:54:52,155 --> 00:54:54,385
-What's that?
-Just mice.
961
00:54:55,558 --> 00:54:58,755
-Where are you going, Cookie?
-I got a little surprise for you in the kitchen.
962
00:54:58,862 --> 00:55:00,523
You're sweet.
963
00:55:00,630 --> 00:55:02,791
Stay here for just one little minute
and don't peek,
964
00:55:02,899 --> 00:55:05,697
'cause if you do, I'll never forgive you.
965
00:55:06,536 --> 00:55:08,595
Now, Professor, you don't want
to spoil everything, do you?
966
00:55:08,705 --> 00:55:09,763
That's a surprise recipe.
967
00:55:15,645 --> 00:55:18,375
Take a good look.
These are your cheese surprises.
968
00:55:18,481 --> 00:55:19,778
Hurry up.
969
00:55:21,284 --> 00:55:24,253
Tim, what were your findings
on the oxygen treatment
970
00:55:24,354 --> 00:55:26,322
in regard to hyperesthesia of the scalp?
971
00:55:26,423 --> 00:55:30,382
Well, I can't say that I came
to any definite conclusion,
972
00:55:30,493 --> 00:55:32,825
but I'll say this, that during July at the clinic,
973
00:55:32,929 --> 00:55:34,988
out of 15 cases
to which we administered oxygen,
974
00:55:35,098 --> 00:55:37,430
we found
that 13 of the patients had developed...
975
00:55:37,534 --> 00:55:39,001
Sweetheart.
976
00:55:39,736 --> 00:55:42,500
Pardon me, gentlemen. The little woman.
977
00:55:44,207 --> 00:55:46,471
Here are your cheese surprises,
but don't offer me any.
978
00:55:46,576 --> 00:55:48,043
Here.
979
00:55:48,144 --> 00:55:49,941
Tim, wait a minute. Where are you going?
980
00:55:50,046 --> 00:55:53,277
-Call me on the telephone in 10 seconds.
-But what about the...
981
00:56:12,135 --> 00:56:15,969
Hello. Yes. Yes, this is Dr. Sterling.
982
00:56:16,072 --> 00:56:20,441
A what? A severed pneumogastric!
Well, I'll be right over.
983
00:56:20,543 --> 00:56:22,534
-Cookie, must you?
-Yes, darling, I'm afraid I must.
984
00:56:22,645 --> 00:56:23,669
But I'll tell you what I'll do.
985
00:56:23,780 --> 00:56:26,146
I'll put you in a cab,
and then I'll pick you up later.
986
00:56:26,249 --> 00:56:28,444
-All right.
-That's right.
987
00:56:28,551 --> 00:56:29,916
-But your hat.
-My what?
988
00:56:30,019 --> 00:56:31,987
-My hat. My hat.
-Yes.
989
00:56:49,038 --> 00:56:50,096
-Hello, Doctor.
-Hello.
990
00:56:50,206 --> 00:56:52,367
-Been keeping you busy?
-They certainly have.
991
00:56:52,475 --> 00:56:55,444
That's our new neighbor.
They want us to play bridge sometime.
992
00:56:55,545 --> 00:56:57,206
That's nice.
993
00:56:57,313 --> 00:57:00,908
That train. It's so good to be back again.
994
00:57:01,017 --> 00:57:05,113
It's good to have you back, Lydia.
I missed you something awful this time.
995
00:57:05,221 --> 00:57:09,419
I didn't go anyplace. I didn't do anything.
I just couldn't sleep...
996
00:57:13,897 --> 00:57:15,228
Now, with this thought in mind,
997
00:57:15,331 --> 00:57:19,324
Iet us return to our microscopes
and examine the specimen again.
998
00:57:26,776 --> 00:57:28,835
Doc, there's something on our minds.
999
00:57:28,945 --> 00:57:30,742
You amaze me, Mr. Slapcovitch. What is it?
1000
00:57:30,847 --> 00:57:32,212
Well, the coach was just wondering
1001
00:57:32,315 --> 00:57:36,081
if we're gonna be eligible
to play against Fordham on Saturday.
1002
00:57:36,186 --> 00:57:39,553
Well, gentlemen, as you well know,
75 is the passing grade,
1003
00:57:39,656 --> 00:57:44,059
and so far you've confined all your passing
to the football field.
1004
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:48,256
Well, couldn't you give us
some kind of an examination right now?
1005
00:57:48,364 --> 00:57:51,265
And if we pass,
we'd be eligible to play on Saturday.
1006
00:57:51,367 --> 00:57:55,098
Well, all right. Here's your examination.
Question number one.
1007
00:57:55,205 --> 00:57:58,766
How many bones are there
in the human body, Mr. O'Brien?
1008
00:58:02,846 --> 00:58:08,307
Well, couldn't we kind of
think this thing over and phone you?
1009
00:58:08,418 --> 00:58:13,014
Come, come, Mr. O'Brien.
How many bones in the human body?
1010
00:58:13,122 --> 00:58:16,614
Well, there must be dozens.
1011
00:58:18,261 --> 00:58:22,095
Well, I can't exactly call that wrong.
Good luck on Saturday!
1012
00:58:22,198 --> 00:58:24,996
Gee, Doc, you're a regular.
We'd cut off a right arm for you.
1013
00:58:25,101 --> 00:58:26,068
All right.
1014
00:58:26,169 --> 00:58:27,966
Doc, we'll murder them
with that old XYZ play.
1015
00:58:28,071 --> 00:58:29,060
Yes, sir.
1016
00:58:29,172 --> 00:58:31,868
Dr. Sterling, there's a Miss Thomas
wants to see you in your office.
1017
00:58:31,975 --> 00:58:33,272
Thank you very much.
1018
00:58:42,018 --> 00:58:46,580
Hot milk and honey.
So it's only a business arrangement?
1019
00:58:46,689 --> 00:58:48,623
Tim, how can you do this to me?
1020
00:58:48,725 --> 00:58:51,717
But I didn't pose for this thing.
It's trick photography.
1021
00:58:51,828 --> 00:58:56,265
I'm the laughing stock of all my friends.
I can't put up with it any longer.
1022
00:58:56,366 --> 00:58:57,993
Don't worry, darling, you won't have to.
1023
00:58:58,701 --> 00:59:01,135
This time you've gone too far.
1024
00:59:02,605 --> 00:59:04,573
Johnny, you promised me...
1025
00:59:04,674 --> 00:59:06,471
Don't blame me. Charlie must have done it.
1026
00:59:06,576 --> 00:59:10,376
I'll give you exactly three weeks to finish
your little masterpiece and get to Reno.
1027
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:13,506
She can finish the book in a few days,
but she can't go to Reno for a month.
1028
00:59:13,616 --> 00:59:17,245
-An immediate divorce would kill the sales.
-I give her three weeks.
1029
00:59:17,353 --> 00:59:20,550
That's strange.
That sounded to me like an order.
1030
00:59:20,657 --> 00:59:22,386
That's just the way I meant it to sound.
1031
00:59:22,492 --> 00:59:23,516
-ls that so?
-Yes.
1032
00:59:23,626 --> 00:59:26,652
Well if that's the way you feel about it,
my pathological playmate,
1033
00:59:26,763 --> 00:59:28,492
we can put an end
to this thing much sooner.
1034
00:59:28,598 --> 00:59:31,396
I think I can arrange to have you
in Marilyn's arms by suppertime.
1035
00:59:31,501 --> 00:59:33,093
-How?
-Perfectly simple.
1036
00:59:33,202 --> 00:59:36,069
I'll just call up the gentlemen of the press
and tell them we were never married.
1037
00:59:36,172 --> 00:59:38,436
No, no, no, you can't do that. The university.
1038
00:59:38,541 --> 00:59:39,872
A great kidder.
1039
00:59:39,976 --> 00:59:42,467
You don't think she'd do a thing like that
and ruin her own book, do you?
1040
00:59:42,579 --> 00:59:46,606
I might if I got mad enough,
and I think I'm mad enough.
1041
00:59:46,716 --> 00:59:49,116
Now, you listen to me,
my microscopic friend,
1042
00:59:49,218 --> 00:59:51,550
you might be able to give orders
to that barnacle you're engaged to,
1043
00:59:51,654 --> 00:59:54,953
but the last time a man tried it on me,
I was six and he was seven,
1044
00:59:55,058 --> 00:59:57,583
and for one solid hour I beat him
over the head with my all-day sucker.
1045
00:59:59,762 --> 01:00:03,198
You're so brittle that one of these cold days,
you're gonna break up into a million pieces.
1046
01:00:03,299 --> 01:00:05,733
And when that happens,
I want a seat right in the grandstand.
1047
01:00:05,835 --> 01:00:06,927
That's very funny. Very funny.
1048
01:00:07,036 --> 01:00:08,799
You're like all the rest
of these career women,
1049
01:00:08,905 --> 01:00:11,999
just an inferiority complex
turned inside out.
1050
01:00:13,977 --> 01:00:16,172
Don't bother. I'll go.
1051
01:00:20,450 --> 01:00:23,476
Pop, what a pleasant surprise.
And, Dr. Streeter, come in.
1052
01:00:23,586 --> 01:00:24,985
-Thank you.
-Doctor, would you mind?
1053
01:00:25,088 --> 01:00:27,215
-Well, son.
-Dad.
1054
01:00:27,323 --> 01:00:30,588
You both look very happy, the three of you.
1055
01:00:31,894 --> 01:00:34,089
-May I have your hats?
-No, no, no, we only dropped in for a little.
1056
01:00:34,197 --> 01:00:35,425
Just to give Tim a little advice.
1057
01:00:35,531 --> 01:00:38,125
Tim, Streeter feels that
when you talk to Burkhardt,
1058
01:00:38,234 --> 01:00:39,258
you ought to make it quite clear
1059
01:00:39,369 --> 01:00:41,735
that you don't want him
to use any of your research in his new book.
1060
01:00:41,838 --> 01:00:45,137
June, dear, you'll be along.
See that he doesn't get too generous.
1061
01:00:45,241 --> 01:00:49,268
-I will? I don't think that l...
-June, dear, I forgot to tell you,
1062
01:00:49,379 --> 01:00:51,370
but the Burkhardts invited us up
for the weekend.
1063
01:00:51,481 --> 01:00:54,882
So I think you'd better start packing,
because we'll be leaving in a few minutes.
1064
01:00:54,984 --> 01:00:56,042
Will we?
1065
01:00:56,152 --> 01:00:59,349
Well, we won't hold you up.
It's a good seven-hour drive.
1066
01:00:59,455 --> 01:01:00,820
-My best to Burkhardt.
-Yes.
1067
01:01:00,923 --> 01:01:02,356
You're going to have
a very interesting weekend.
1068
01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:03,891
They've got a 15-year-old daughter.
1069
01:01:03,993 --> 01:01:07,190
She's just written a novel,
and she's dying to read it to you.
1070
01:01:07,296 --> 01:01:08,923
I'm dying, too.
1071
01:01:09,032 --> 01:01:10,294
Good bye.
It was very sweet of you to come by.
1072
01:01:10,400 --> 01:01:11,458
-Good bye, Mrs. Sterling.
-Good bye, now.
1073
01:01:11,567 --> 01:01:12,659
-Good bye.
-Happy weekend.
1074
01:01:12,769 --> 01:01:14,293
Thank you.
1075
01:01:14,404 --> 01:01:15,871
Now, what is this all about?
1076
01:01:15,972 --> 01:01:18,372
Well, I'm sorry, but I forgot to mention it.
1077
01:01:18,474 --> 01:01:19,839
I see.
1078
01:01:19,942 --> 01:01:22,376
Well, it really doesn't make any difference
'cause I'm not going anyway.
1079
01:01:22,478 --> 01:01:24,036
But, darling, you must. If you don't go,
1080
01:01:24,147 --> 01:01:26,672
then his father will think
you're staying behind on my account.
1081
01:01:26,783 --> 01:01:29,013
Johnny, I'm going to finish the book
over the weekend.
1082
01:01:29,118 --> 01:01:30,085
But you can work up there.
1083
01:01:30,186 --> 01:01:31,244
-No.
-Of course you can. It might...
1084
01:01:31,354 --> 01:01:33,015
Yes, but just to keep the records straight,
1085
01:01:33,122 --> 01:01:34,783
remember I'm doing this for him
and not for you.
1086
01:01:34,891 --> 01:01:37,985
-All right. Will you please hurry up?
-I certainly will.
1087
01:01:38,094 --> 01:01:39,254
Good bye, Johnny.
1088
01:01:39,362 --> 01:01:41,660
And if the last chapter's
as good as the other six,
1089
01:01:41,764 --> 01:01:43,925
then my wife will be as rich as she is lovely.
1090
01:01:44,033 --> 01:01:45,660
Come on, will you? We'll never make it.
1091
01:01:45,768 --> 01:01:47,963
Will you please relax, my meddling medico?
1092
01:01:48,071 --> 01:01:51,097
This happens to be one of those tender
moments that you wouldn't understand.
1093
01:01:51,207 --> 01:01:53,072
-Good bye, darling.
-Au revoir, my sweet.
1094
01:01:53,943 --> 01:01:55,604
Second cousins.
1095
01:01:57,880 --> 01:01:59,404
Thank you.
1096
01:01:59,515 --> 01:02:02,211
I see Chester has come between us again.
1097
01:02:02,318 --> 01:02:04,752
Yes, and don't call him Chester.
1098
01:02:04,854 --> 01:02:05,946
I beg your pardon.
1099
01:02:10,827 --> 01:02:12,522
-There's Marilyn.
-Where?
1100
01:02:12,628 --> 01:02:14,289
Right there. Get down, will you, please?
1101
01:02:19,569 --> 01:02:22,197
-Tim.
-Why, hello, Marilyn. How are you?
1102
01:02:22,305 --> 01:02:23,636
-Where are you going?
-We're...
1103
01:02:23,740 --> 01:02:26,402
I'm going up to Burkhardt's
to do a little work.
1104
01:02:26,509 --> 01:02:28,739
Burkhardt.
Remember I told you all about Burkhardt?
1105
01:02:28,845 --> 01:02:31,814
-Did you tell her yet?
-Sure, sure, I told her,
1106
01:02:31,914 --> 01:02:34,644
and she's leaving for Reno
as soon as she possibly can.
1107
01:02:34,751 --> 01:02:39,484
Well, she'd better. Of all the disappointed
old maids, she takes the cake.
1108
01:02:39,589 --> 01:02:42,558
Always look exciting.
1109
01:02:42,658 --> 01:02:44,853
You know what I saw in the paper?
It was the funniest thing.
1110
01:02:44,961 --> 01:02:48,397
It said she was 25 years old.
She's 40 if she's a day.
1111
01:02:50,466 --> 01:02:52,627
Tim, right while I'm talking.
1112
01:02:52,735 --> 01:02:56,136
-I didn't mean it, angel.
-Well, all right.
1113
01:02:56,239 --> 01:02:57,866
Cookie, you know
what I've been thinking about?
1114
01:02:57,974 --> 01:02:59,305
You know where we could go
on our honeymoon?
1115
01:02:59,408 --> 01:03:00,841
Where?
1116
01:03:01,544 --> 01:03:03,375
Tim, that's very rude.
1117
01:03:03,479 --> 01:03:06,744
-Well, it slipped, dear. It did.
-Well, it's not at all nice.
1118
01:03:06,849 --> 01:03:11,252
I should think, after knowing her, you'd
appreciate your baby a teeny bit more.
1119
01:03:11,354 --> 01:03:13,481
I do. I do, angel. I...
1120
01:03:14,524 --> 01:03:17,015
I do, angel. Honest, I do.
1121
01:03:17,760 --> 01:03:19,728
-Am I forgiven?
-Forgiven.
1122
01:03:19,829 --> 01:03:22,093
-Honest?
-Truly.
1123
01:03:22,198 --> 01:03:24,530
Well, I've got to be going.
1124
01:03:24,634 --> 01:03:27,262
Well, well, I've got to be going.
1125
01:03:27,370 --> 01:03:29,065
-Good bye, Cookie.
-Good bye, angel.
1126
01:03:29,172 --> 01:03:31,766
You call me the first teeny-weeny moment
you get back.
1127
01:03:31,874 --> 01:03:33,102
-I will.
-I'll miss you.
1128
01:03:33,209 --> 01:03:34,904
I'll miss you, too.
1129
01:03:39,348 --> 01:03:40,872
-Cookie.
-Yes?
1130
01:03:45,988 --> 01:03:47,546
-Bye-bye.
-Bye.
1131
01:03:55,464 --> 01:03:58,433
-Dr. Sterling, I presume.
-You nearly ruined everything.
1132
01:03:58,534 --> 01:03:59,762
Well, in case you don't know it,
1133
01:03:59,869 --> 01:04:03,202
the bottom of your car is not the ideal place
to spend a weekend.
1134
01:04:03,306 --> 01:04:05,103
Well, I'm sorry, but I had to talk to her.
1135
01:04:05,208 --> 01:04:07,403
Careful, Cookie.
1136
01:04:07,510 --> 01:04:11,537
Why, you just missed getting us killed
by a teeny-weeny little bit.
1137
01:04:11,647 --> 01:04:13,945
You are about the most obnoxious female
I think I've ever met.
1138
01:04:14,050 --> 01:04:16,416
-I'm sorry. Forgiven?
-Forgiven.
1139
01:04:16,519 --> 01:04:18,282
Honest and truly?
1140
01:04:21,557 --> 01:04:22,990
Now, just from one Cookie to another,
1141
01:04:23,092 --> 01:04:25,617
you must admit that's pretty stale talk,
that Cookie business.
1142
01:04:26,028 --> 01:04:28,053
You know, it strikes me
you're laboring under the impression
1143
01:04:28,164 --> 01:04:30,064
that you're superior to Marilyn.
1144
01:04:30,166 --> 01:04:33,658
Well, maybe in sarcasm, yes.
But when it comes to...
1145
01:04:33,769 --> 01:04:36,465
Why, you couldn't lure me
out of a burning building.
1146
01:04:36,572 --> 01:04:38,802
You know, Johnny and I were discussing
only yesterday
1147
01:04:38,908 --> 01:04:41,172
how quietly repulsive you are.
1148
01:04:41,277 --> 01:04:42,403
Johnny.
1149
01:04:42,511 --> 01:04:45,912
-His devotion to you is really touching.
-Yes, I think so.
1150
01:04:46,015 --> 01:04:47,539
He loves everything about you.
1151
01:04:47,650 --> 01:04:51,245
Your books, your profits, your apartment,
your liquor, your cigarettes...
1152
01:04:51,354 --> 01:04:53,185
You know, you
and that little bundle of boredom
1153
01:04:53,289 --> 01:04:55,382
are going to make a charming couple.
1154
01:04:55,491 --> 01:04:58,187
And when people don't ask you out,
don't blame it all on her.
1155
01:05:06,235 --> 01:05:09,762
-Really, officer, I was just doing a bare...
-I spotted the MD license on the car.
1156
01:05:09,872 --> 01:05:10,930
-Are you a doctor?
-Yeah.
1157
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:14,476
Well, come on. There's an emergency case.
Follow me.
1158
01:05:26,322 --> 01:05:28,187
Well, Joe, your luck's finally changed.
1159
01:05:28,291 --> 01:05:30,589
This is Dr. Sterling.
I nabbed him up on the pike.
1160
01:05:30,693 --> 01:05:33,093
Mighty kind of you, Doc, to put yourself out.
1161
01:05:33,195 --> 01:05:37,564
She's upstairs. She seems to be having
a lot more trouble than usual.
1162
01:05:37,667 --> 01:05:40,067
Well, most of the time
it just seems that way.
1163
01:05:40,169 --> 01:05:42,637
I've gotta get back on the beat, Joe.
Hope it's a boy.
1164
01:05:42,738 --> 01:05:45,002
Just so it ain't quintuplets.
1165
01:05:46,008 --> 01:05:47,908
-Shoot your gun.
-Next time, son.
1166
01:05:48,010 --> 01:05:50,103
-Give me a ride on the handlebars.
-Some other time.
1167
01:05:50,212 --> 01:05:53,010
Officer, what's the matter inside?
Is it anything serious?
1168
01:05:53,115 --> 01:05:55,174
Well, the baby seems
like it just don't want to be born.
1169
01:05:55,284 --> 01:05:58,583
Baby? Well, isn't there a doctor
in the community?
1170
01:05:58,688 --> 01:06:01,452
Yes, there is, but I couldn't find him.
Out on another case, I guess.
1171
01:06:01,557 --> 01:06:04,321
I gotta get back on the beat. A lot
of speeders going to the football game.
1172
01:06:04,427 --> 01:06:05,485
-Yeah.
-Wish I was one of them.
1173
01:06:05,594 --> 01:06:06,583
I'll bet.
1174
01:06:06,963 --> 01:06:09,625
-How soon?
-Not for a little while yet.
1175
01:06:10,766 --> 01:06:12,791
Got any hot water?
1176
01:06:12,902 --> 01:06:15,132
-What's the matter with your foot?
-Sort of twisted it.
1177
01:06:15,237 --> 01:06:17,933
Sit down. Let's take a look at it.
1178
01:06:23,479 --> 01:06:25,003
I think you sort of broke it.
1179
01:06:25,114 --> 01:06:28,880
It's them blamed chuckholes.
I stepped in one while I was plowing.
1180
01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:31,476
Well, you'd better keep off it.
1181
01:06:39,895 --> 01:06:44,491
-Where's your nearest neighbor?
-Mrs. Sawyer, about a mile down the road.
1182
01:06:48,104 --> 01:06:49,162
-Yeah.
-I'm...
1183
01:06:49,271 --> 01:06:50,499
There's a Mrs. Sawyer down at the next farm.
1184
01:06:50,606 --> 01:06:52,198
Would you mind driving down to get her?
I need some help.
1185
01:06:52,308 --> 01:06:53,935
No, not at all.
1186
01:06:55,745 --> 01:06:58,213
All right, honey. Hop off the car.
1187
01:07:01,417 --> 01:07:05,080
Mrs. Sawyer? What's the matter with me?
1188
01:07:19,235 --> 01:07:22,534
-How is she?
-There ain't much I can do for a while.
1189
01:07:24,707 --> 01:07:26,265
Where's Mrs. Sawyer?
1190
01:07:26,375 --> 01:07:30,539
She couldn't come. She scalded her hand
with some boiling water.
1191
01:07:35,017 --> 01:07:36,314
Not bad.
1192
01:07:40,022 --> 01:07:41,421
Say, that's your new dress.
1193
01:07:41,524 --> 01:07:45,790
Yes, it is.
I was afraid it had too much allure for me.
1194
01:07:47,463 --> 01:07:50,398
-There you are.
-Thank you.
1195
01:07:50,499 --> 01:07:51,898
All right.
1196
01:07:55,071 --> 01:07:58,131
-Well, kids, how is it?
-It's okay.
1197
01:07:58,808 --> 01:08:00,935
Coming from you, that's pretty good.
1198
01:08:01,043 --> 01:08:03,637
-Hey, I'll catch cold.
-Billy.
1199
01:08:45,187 --> 01:08:48,247
-Another president?
-No, I'm afraid it's another career woman.
1200
01:08:48,357 --> 01:08:51,815
I never saw so much kicking and screaming
in my life.
1201
01:08:53,262 --> 01:08:54,991
She'll get over it.
1202
01:08:56,999 --> 01:09:00,457
Hey, Doc, it's an lndian. It's all red.
1203
01:09:13,749 --> 01:09:14,977
Sorry.
1204
01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:19,352
-Where are we?
-On the way home.
1205
01:09:19,455 --> 01:09:22,015
It's too late to go to Burkhardt's now.
1206
01:09:22,124 --> 01:09:24,149
That's too bad.
1207
01:09:24,260 --> 01:09:26,091
You're gonna miss your talk with him,
aren't you?
1208
01:09:26,195 --> 01:09:27,992
It was worth missing.
1209
01:09:28,097 --> 01:09:31,430
I mean, after all,
an lndian isn't born every minute.
1210
01:09:31,534 --> 01:09:35,436
No, and besides,
there'll be other weekends, won't there?
1211
01:09:37,239 --> 01:09:38,206
You know, a discussion
1212
01:09:38,307 --> 01:09:42,835
on the myelin sheath of the cerebrospinal
nerve fiber is good any time.
1213
01:09:42,945 --> 01:09:44,845
Where did you pick that up?
1214
01:09:44,947 --> 01:09:48,348
I've been looking
through some of our wedding presents.
1215
01:09:51,020 --> 01:09:53,750
Would you like me to drive for a while?
That must have been pretty exhausting.
1216
01:09:53,856 --> 01:09:56,450
No, no, it's all right.
1217
01:09:56,559 --> 01:10:00,518
I was a little scared. That's the first baby
I've delivered since I was an intern.
1218
01:10:00,629 --> 01:10:01,789
Really?
1219
01:10:04,433 --> 01:10:07,630
Well, you looked awfully good
from where I sat.
1220
01:10:07,736 --> 01:10:10,728
I never could have done it
without the help of Mrs. Sawyer.
1221
01:10:14,476 --> 01:10:16,205
Come in.
1222
01:10:16,312 --> 01:10:19,577
I'm sorry, Tim.
I just wanted to get a glass of milk.
1223
01:10:19,682 --> 01:10:21,809
That's perfectly all right, June.
1224
01:10:22,718 --> 01:10:26,916
Hey, why didn't you ask me?
I'd have done that for you. There.
1225
01:10:27,690 --> 01:10:29,783
Thanks, I'll get your milk.
1226
01:10:29,892 --> 01:10:32,759
Never mind, I'll get it.
1227
01:10:34,263 --> 01:10:36,595
-Would you like some?
-Why, yes. Thanks.
1228
01:10:39,134 --> 01:10:42,126
-I wonder who that could be.
-Don't bother. I'll go.
1229
01:10:47,843 --> 01:10:51,506
Well, Mr. O'Brien and Mr. Slapcovitch.
How nice. Come in.
1230
01:10:51,614 --> 01:10:54,412
-What happened to your head?
-Nothing, just a slight concussion.
1231
01:10:54,516 --> 01:10:57,383
-Hey, Doc, we won the game.
-Yeah, we scored all the points between us.
1232
01:10:57,486 --> 01:10:59,181
Would you two like to celebrate
with a glass of milk?
1233
01:10:59,288 --> 01:11:00,482
No, thanks.
1234
01:11:00,589 --> 01:11:02,716
Hey, Doc, if it wasn't for you,
we wouldn't have been able to play.
1235
01:11:02,825 --> 01:11:04,258
Well, your victory makes me very happy.
1236
01:11:04,360 --> 01:11:06,123
You know how we piled up
those points, Doc?
1237
01:11:06,228 --> 01:11:07,957
-No.
-The old XYZ play.
1238
01:11:08,063 --> 01:11:09,894
That's the one where I take out
the two guards in the tackle.
1239
01:11:09,999 --> 01:11:11,557
Pardon me, Doc.
Then Louie starts around the end,
1240
01:11:11,667 --> 01:11:12,634
cuts right through center.
1241
01:11:13,335 --> 01:11:15,735
I wish you could've seen it.
It worked like nobody's business.
1242
01:11:15,838 --> 01:11:17,999
I'm sure it did.
Well, thanks for telling me about it.
1243
01:11:18,107 --> 01:11:21,406
Tell you about it?
Why, Doc, we'd cut off our right arm for you,
1244
01:11:21,510 --> 01:11:22,477
wouldn't we, Slap?
1245
01:11:22,578 --> 01:11:25,604
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-Well, some other time, boys. Good night.
1246
01:11:25,714 --> 01:11:28,842
Awfully nice of you to come in
and tell me about your great victory.
1247
01:11:28,951 --> 01:11:31,385
-So long, Doc.
-Sorry to bust in on you like this.
1248
01:11:31,487 --> 01:11:32,454
Good night.
1249
01:11:34,990 --> 01:11:36,355
Hey, what's the matter?
Something eating you?
1250
01:11:36,458 --> 01:11:38,892
-Did you see those flowers?
-Yeah, pretty, weren't they?
1251
01:11:38,994 --> 01:11:40,894
But you didn't see the note
that came with it.
1252
01:11:40,996 --> 01:11:43,590
It said something about love,
and was signed "John."
1253
01:11:43,699 --> 01:11:45,394
The doc's name ain't John.
1254
01:11:45,501 --> 01:11:47,765
You mean some guy's trying
to get away with the doc's little woman?
1255
01:11:47,870 --> 01:11:49,360
And he's doing it, too.
1256
01:11:49,471 --> 01:11:52,167
Else, why would the doc be sleeping
on the couch?
1257
01:11:52,274 --> 01:11:54,708
And the doc's such a swell guy.
1258
01:11:54,810 --> 01:11:56,437
And they were so happy together.
1259
01:11:56,545 --> 01:11:59,514
Hey, who is this skunk
with the love and the flowers?
1260
01:11:59,615 --> 01:12:02,448
I don't know,
but the name on the card was John.
1261
01:12:02,551 --> 01:12:05,679
And if I ever catch him,
I'll tear him to small pieces.
1262
01:12:05,788 --> 01:12:08,382
You mean we'll tear him to small pieces.
1263
01:12:10,793 --> 01:12:13,318
You know, I think those two
have a school-boy crush on you.
1264
01:12:13,429 --> 01:12:16,398
Yes, and I'm afraid their devotion
will end with the football season.
1265
01:12:16,498 --> 01:12:18,591
-Cookie?
-What?
1266
01:12:18,701 --> 01:12:21,295
No, no, I meant this kind.
1267
01:12:21,637 --> 01:12:24,367
-I'm sorry.
-It's all right.
1268
01:12:40,422 --> 01:12:41,912
-Well, l...
-Yes?
1269
01:12:43,492 --> 01:12:45,221
I think you must be pretty tired,
so I'll call it a...
1270
01:12:45,327 --> 01:12:47,158
Oh, no. Don't go to bed, please.
I'm not a bit tired.
1271
01:12:47,262 --> 01:12:49,696
Why, I once sat up 72 hours
in a straight-jacket case.
1272
01:12:49,798 --> 01:12:51,527
-You did?
-Yeah.
1273
01:12:51,633 --> 01:12:54,261
I'm afraid I'd be pretty tame after that.
1274
01:12:55,003 --> 01:12:56,994
Besides, my schedule calls for work tonight.
1275
01:12:57,106 --> 01:12:59,165
But you can do it tomorrow.
1276
01:12:59,274 --> 01:13:02,107
No. Sorry, I don't think I can.
1277
01:13:02,211 --> 01:13:04,771
You see, I promised Johnny I'd have
the whole book for him in the morning.
1278
01:13:05,814 --> 01:13:07,611
Are you finished?
1279
01:13:07,716 --> 01:13:09,240
All but four pages.
1280
01:13:09,752 --> 01:13:12,744
I... I'd better run along and grind those out.
1281
01:13:12,855 --> 01:13:16,313
But you shouldn't work tonight.
Really, you must be tired.
1282
01:13:17,192 --> 01:13:19,990
Yes, I am pretty tired,
however, the book's still got to be finished.
1283
01:13:21,730 --> 01:13:23,857
Then I can go to Reno tomorrow night.
1284
01:13:23,966 --> 01:13:25,092
I don't want you to feel you have to rush
1285
01:13:25,200 --> 01:13:26,189
-on my account.
-Oh, no.
1286
01:13:26,301 --> 01:13:28,861
-After all, I can always...
-No, I know.
1287
01:13:29,405 --> 01:13:33,398
But I'd like to get this thing over with
as quickly as possible.
1288
01:13:33,509 --> 01:13:34,703
But a couple of days one way or the other
1289
01:13:34,810 --> 01:13:37,938
-wouldn't make much difference.
-No, of course it wouldn't, but...
1290
01:13:38,213 --> 01:13:40,738
You promised Marilyn, you remember?
1291
01:13:40,849 --> 01:13:44,341
Yes, yes, it seems we both made
a lot of promises.
1292
01:13:45,454 --> 01:13:48,685
Yes. Well...
1293
01:13:49,758 --> 01:13:52,727
-Good night, Tim.
-Good night.
1294
01:13:53,829 --> 01:13:56,127
Good night, Chester.
1295
01:14:03,672 --> 01:14:05,139
Good night, Chester.
1296
01:14:14,116 --> 01:14:16,311
Tim, did your shirts come back
from the laundry?
1297
01:14:16,418 --> 01:14:17,817
Yes, June.
1298
01:14:22,357 --> 01:14:24,382
Well, I guess that's everything.
1299
01:14:24,493 --> 01:14:26,961
Wait a minute. You're forgetting your friend.
1300
01:14:27,062 --> 01:14:28,723
Yes, Himmellweiser.
1301
01:14:28,831 --> 01:14:33,097
I hate to see him go.
I'm gonna miss that radiant smile.
1302
01:14:34,436 --> 01:14:36,597
I'll send somebody around
to pick these things up.
1303
01:14:36,705 --> 01:14:39,469
I'd take them myself, but I'm driving
up to Marilyn's place in New London.
1304
01:14:39,575 --> 01:14:41,338
She's giving some sort of party tonight.
1305
01:14:41,443 --> 01:14:44,844
Well, that's all right. You can have them
picked up anytime. It doesn't matter.
1306
01:14:46,348 --> 01:14:49,909
I wish you didn't feel
you had to rush off to Reno like this.
1307
01:14:50,018 --> 01:14:51,918
She wants it this way.
1308
01:14:52,087 --> 01:14:53,554
Yeah, sorry.
1309
01:14:53,655 --> 01:14:56,783
-Sometimes Marilyn's a little...
-Well, I don't blame her.
1310
01:14:56,892 --> 01:14:59,053
I'd have done the same thing.
1311
01:14:59,161 --> 01:15:00,628
You know,
in spite of the Cameron wisecracks,
1312
01:15:00,729 --> 01:15:03,493
I do think she's been
pretty decent about this.
1313
01:15:05,868 --> 01:15:07,927
That goes for you, too, Tim.
1314
01:15:11,807 --> 01:15:14,708
You know, without a husband,
this book never would have been written.
1315
01:15:15,244 --> 01:15:18,736
Yes, without a wife,
I never would have been a professor.
1316
01:15:20,415 --> 01:15:23,043
We've made our little speeches,
haven't we?
1317
01:15:23,151 --> 01:15:26,086
Bye, Tim.
Take good care of Chester, won't you.
1318
01:15:26,221 --> 01:15:27,654
Yep.
1319
01:15:28,190 --> 01:15:31,284
Bye, I hope you and John will be very happy.
1320
01:15:31,393 --> 01:15:33,918
Thank you,
and I know you and Marilyn will be.
1321
01:15:39,268 --> 01:15:41,327
I forgot.
1322
01:15:41,436 --> 01:15:42,664
You know, when we first got married,
1323
01:15:42,771 --> 01:15:44,864
I asked you to take all the blame
for the divorce.
1324
01:15:44,973 --> 01:15:47,965
-Yes.
-Well, I'd rather you blame it on me.
1325
01:15:48,510 --> 01:15:50,137
Tim, I'm sorry, a bargain's a bargain.
1326
01:15:50,245 --> 01:15:53,112
But it wouldn't look good for you,
and besides the other way's much simpler.
1327
01:15:53,215 --> 01:15:54,409
Look, I'm not going to do it, because...
1328
01:15:54,516 --> 01:15:56,313
-You are going to do it!
-I'm not going to do it!
1329
01:15:56,418 --> 01:15:58,181
That's all there is to...
1330
01:15:59,621 --> 01:16:01,054
You win.
1331
01:16:02,658 --> 01:16:08,290
Just tell them it was cruelty or something.
Say I corrected papers in bed.
1332
01:16:27,816 --> 01:16:30,046
Hello there, old man.
1333
01:16:30,152 --> 01:16:32,052
-Microscopes all packed?
-Yes.
1334
01:16:32,154 --> 01:16:34,554
Well, our little marriage conspiracy
worked out very well, didn't it?
1335
01:16:34,656 --> 01:16:35,680
With nobody the wiser.
1336
01:16:35,791 --> 01:16:37,418
You know, Pierce, you're a pretty lucky guy.
1337
01:16:37,526 --> 01:16:40,393
I know. The book will be selling
like the proverbial hotcake.
1338
01:16:40,495 --> 01:16:42,395
I wasn't talking about the book.
1339
01:16:42,497 --> 01:16:44,931
Oh, June. Sure, she's a great girl.
1340
01:16:45,033 --> 01:16:47,695
And you've been pretty swell, yourself,
through all this. Thanks a lot.
1341
01:16:47,803 --> 01:16:49,100
-Good bye, old man.
-Good bye.
1342
01:16:49,204 --> 01:16:50,831
And by the way,
you don't know what a comfort it was
1343
01:16:50,973 --> 01:16:52,770
to know that she was perfectly safe
with you.
1344
01:16:52,874 --> 01:16:55,206
Well, good bye, once again, Professor.
1345
01:16:59,781 --> 01:17:01,305
Frieda Schultz live here?
1346
01:17:01,416 --> 01:17:03,247
Johnny, you and your gags.
1347
01:17:03,352 --> 01:17:04,751
Well, I thought
we'd better use another name.
1348
01:17:04,853 --> 01:17:07,879
After all, you've got to be in Reno six weeks,
you know.
1349
01:17:07,990 --> 01:17:09,821
Do I look like Frieda Schultz to you?
1350
01:17:09,925 --> 01:17:13,258
But, darling, if they discover that
June Cameron's in Reno, it'll kill the book.
1351
01:17:13,362 --> 01:17:14,761
-I suppose.
-This way we can go on selling copies
1352
01:17:14,863 --> 01:17:17,593
right up to the very day
you announce the divorce.
1353
01:17:17,699 --> 01:17:20,031
You know, darling, I'm a pretty happy man.
1354
01:17:20,135 --> 01:17:21,727
Charlie and I figured the whole thing out.
1355
01:17:21,837 --> 01:17:23,964
In six weeks, we can sell 80,000 copies.
1356
01:17:24,072 --> 01:17:26,040
That's wonderful, Johnny.
1357
01:17:26,141 --> 01:17:27,472
-What's the matter?
-Nothing.
1358
01:17:27,576 --> 01:17:28,804
Well, there is something.
1359
01:17:28,910 --> 01:17:32,073
I said nothing's the matter.
1360
01:17:37,219 --> 01:17:39,050
I'm from The Morning Express.
I'd like to see Miss Cameron.
1361
01:17:39,154 --> 01:17:40,644
No, no, old man. No interviews today.
1362
01:17:40,756 --> 01:17:42,621
-Now, if you'll phone...
-I think she'll see me.
1363
01:17:42,724 --> 01:17:45,784
-Yes?
-Miss Cameron.
1364
01:17:45,894 --> 01:17:47,452
Were you married at Greenwich?
1365
01:17:47,562 --> 01:17:49,553
Why, yes. Yes I was.
1366
01:17:49,665 --> 01:17:53,829
Strange. I've just been talking to the license
bureau up there, and there's no record of it.
1367
01:17:53,935 --> 01:17:55,266
There isn't?
1368
01:17:55,370 --> 01:17:59,306
Well, as a matter of fact,
it wasn't actually in Greenwich, proper.
1369
01:17:59,408 --> 01:18:01,501
You see, it was outside.
1370
01:18:01,610 --> 01:18:04,909
Yes, it was that little place
by the fork in the road.
1371
01:18:05,013 --> 01:18:07,243
-That's it.
-Look, let's stop kidding around.
1372
01:18:07,349 --> 01:18:08,873
I happen to know you were never married.
1373
01:18:08,984 --> 01:18:13,080
-How dare you say such a thing?
-lf I'm wrong, show me the certificate.
1374
01:18:13,188 --> 01:18:15,952
-Well, you see...
-I left it in my safe-deposit box.
1375
01:18:16,058 --> 01:18:17,047
So you did.
1376
01:18:17,159 --> 01:18:19,150
Look, I don't blame you
for faking your marriage.
1377
01:18:19,261 --> 01:18:21,126
You needed that kind of publicity
for your book.
1378
01:18:21,229 --> 01:18:22,821
And I hate to be the guy
that kills the golden goose,
1379
01:18:22,931 --> 01:18:24,421
but my job is to get news.
1380
01:18:24,533 --> 01:18:26,933
And this is a swell story.
1381
01:18:27,035 --> 01:18:31,267
Wait a minute, you mustn't print that story.
You really mustn't.
1382
01:18:31,773 --> 01:18:34,503
All right, I'll give you a break.
1383
01:18:35,110 --> 01:18:36,577
We go to press at 12:00, midnight.
1384
01:18:36,678 --> 01:18:39,203
If you can show me before then
that you're married,
1385
01:18:39,314 --> 01:18:40,975
I'll kill the story.
1386
01:18:46,922 --> 01:18:49,117
But he can't print that.
Think of what it'll do to the book.
1387
01:18:49,224 --> 01:18:50,851
Think what it'll do to Tim.
They'll throw him out.
1388
01:18:50,959 --> 01:18:52,950
-Well, who cares?
-I care.
1389
01:18:53,061 --> 01:18:55,962
Why, if this thing came out, he wouldn't
be able to get a job as a horse doctor.
1390
01:18:56,064 --> 01:18:57,622
Well, I don't think that's important.
1391
01:18:57,733 --> 01:18:59,928
You don't think that's important?
1392
01:19:00,035 --> 01:19:02,196
After he's been so decent with us, you...
1393
01:19:02,304 --> 01:19:05,034
-Of all the selfish individuals...
-My dear June, I didn't mean it like that.
1394
01:19:05,140 --> 01:19:06,266
Just what did you mean, then?
1395
01:19:13,081 --> 01:19:14,605
-Yes?
-We was just wondering
1396
01:19:14,716 --> 01:19:15,876
if we couldn't see the doc
for about a minute.
1397
01:19:15,984 --> 01:19:17,042
He's not here!
1398
01:19:19,154 --> 01:19:21,452
-Well, darling, all I meant was...
-Hey, Slap.
1399
01:19:21,556 --> 01:19:24,218
What a prize package you turned out to be.
1400
01:19:24,526 --> 01:19:26,721
Did you hear that? He called her "darling."
1401
01:19:26,828 --> 01:19:28,659
And she called him John.
1402
01:19:28,764 --> 01:19:32,325
He must be the guy that sent
the doc's wife them flowers.
1403
01:19:33,969 --> 01:19:35,402
Let's give him the XYZ.
1404
01:19:36,371 --> 01:19:39,499
Certainly, that's it.
Profits are important, not people.
1405
01:19:39,608 --> 01:19:42,304
Why, Johnny,
you've got a cash register instead of a heart.
1406
01:19:42,410 --> 01:19:44,537
Here's the future of a really great man
at stake,
1407
01:19:44,646 --> 01:19:47,513
and you're worrying about the carnations
in your buttonhole.
1408
01:19:47,682 --> 01:19:49,411
You're in love with this bumpkin.
1409
01:19:49,518 --> 01:19:51,748
Yes. Yes, I am in love with him.
1410
01:19:51,853 --> 01:19:53,821
Now, what do you think of that?
1411
01:19:56,858 --> 01:20:00,453
Well, I might have known it,
living in the same apartment.
1412
01:20:01,463 --> 01:20:02,760
Why, you...
1413
01:20:43,138 --> 01:20:44,469
Hello, operator.
1414
01:20:44,573 --> 01:20:46,541
Will you get a hold
of Miss Marilyn Thomas for me
1415
01:20:46,641 --> 01:20:49,542
in New London, Connecticut?
1416
01:20:50,111 --> 01:20:52,443
Yeah, that's right.
And hurry it up, will you, please?
1417
01:20:54,149 --> 01:20:56,879
-Hello.
-Hello, this is Miss Cameron speaking.
1418
01:20:56,985 --> 01:20:59,453
As soon as Tim, I mean, Dr. Sterling arrives,
1419
01:20:59,554 --> 01:21:01,351
will you have him call me right away?
It's awfully important.
1420
01:21:04,593 --> 01:21:08,427
No, I'd rather discuss it with the doctor,
if you don't mind, and...
1421
01:21:09,931 --> 01:21:11,592
But it's very important to his career...
1422
01:21:11,700 --> 01:21:14,863
I am equally important to his career.
1423
01:21:14,970 --> 01:21:16,835
No! I won't have him call you.
1424
01:21:16,938 --> 01:21:18,405
I'm announcing our engagement tonight.
1425
01:21:18,506 --> 01:21:20,167
Engagement?
1426
01:21:20,275 --> 01:21:21,264
But you promised you'd wait.
1427
01:21:21,376 --> 01:21:23,435
Why, if you announce it now,
it'll spoil everything. Don't you...
1428
01:21:23,545 --> 01:21:26,605
I feel we've done more than enough
for you.
1429
01:21:31,119 --> 01:21:33,053
Engagement.
1430
01:21:33,154 --> 01:21:35,816
Of all the double-crossing females
I've ever heard of in my...
1431
01:21:35,924 --> 01:21:37,551
How do you like that, Chester?
1432
01:21:41,529 --> 01:21:44,396
Look, you wouldn't want her
for your mother, would you?
1433
01:21:44,499 --> 01:21:47,366
No, certainly not.
No one in his right mind would.
1434
01:21:47,469 --> 01:21:49,835
Men certainly are blind
is all I have to say about the...
1435
01:21:55,744 --> 01:21:59,077
Chester, if the telephone rings,
you'll answer it, won't you?
1436
01:22:01,149 --> 01:22:03,674
And don't you worry. We'll be right back.
1437
01:22:11,993 --> 01:22:13,517
Everybody, gather around.
1438
01:22:13,628 --> 01:22:15,425
Gather right around here.
You sit right down there.
1439
01:22:15,530 --> 01:22:18,431
Hurry up! Hurry up, everybody! Come on.
1440
01:22:18,566 --> 01:22:20,056
Are you ready, Cookie?
1441
01:22:20,635 --> 01:22:22,500
Quiet, everybody, quiet.
1442
01:22:22,604 --> 01:22:25,198
-Now...
-Marilyn, my sweet.
1443
01:22:25,307 --> 01:22:27,366
Forgive me for being so late.
1444
01:22:27,475 --> 01:22:30,205
I hurried just as quickly as I could.
1445
01:22:30,312 --> 01:22:32,746
I'm not dressed, but then you don't mind.
You're so understanding.
1446
01:22:32,847 --> 01:22:34,007
-Hello, darling.
-I don't know what you're up to,
1447
01:22:34,115 --> 01:22:35,082
but I'm going through with this,
1448
01:22:35,183 --> 01:22:36,582
and I warn you
it's going to be terribly embarrassing.
1449
01:22:36,685 --> 01:22:39,677
Why, Marilyn, how sweet you look tonight.
1450
01:22:39,921 --> 01:22:42,389
Goodness, I hope I'm not interrupting
anything. I certainly...
1451
01:22:42,490 --> 01:22:44,981
Darling, I want you to meet
some of the folks.
1452
01:22:45,093 --> 01:22:48,585
Tim, don't bother now.
I'll get to know them all later.
1453
01:22:48,697 --> 01:22:50,289
Marilyn, you know what I'm going to do?
1454
01:22:50,398 --> 01:22:52,195
I'm going to go sit in that corner,
in that chair.
1455
01:22:52,300 --> 01:22:55,463
And I'm going to be just as quiet
as a teeny weenie little mouse.
1456
01:22:55,570 --> 01:22:58,698
And you go right ahead
with what you were doing, won't you?
1457
01:22:58,840 --> 01:23:00,705
-Good evening.
-Good evening.
1458
01:23:00,809 --> 01:23:02,470
Good evening.
1459
01:23:04,446 --> 01:23:06,937
Quiet, everybody! Quiet!
1460
01:23:07,048 --> 01:23:10,245
-I have an announcement to make.
-Please, Marilyn, not now.
1461
01:23:10,852 --> 01:23:14,913
-All I want to say is...
-Mrs. Sterling, is that for you?
1462
01:23:16,858 --> 01:23:19,190
Isn't it lovely?
1463
01:23:27,402 --> 01:23:28,369
Excuse me.
1464
01:23:28,470 --> 01:23:30,335
Tim and I are...
1465
01:23:30,438 --> 01:23:32,963
Congratulations, Tim.
Why did you keep it a secret?
1466
01:23:36,544 --> 01:23:40,674
You can't get away with this.
I know you're not married.
1467
01:23:40,782 --> 01:23:45,515
-You mean that...
-Well, you know, one thing leads to another.
1468
01:23:47,255 --> 01:23:50,952
Tim, is this true?
1469
01:23:59,701 --> 01:24:01,328
Oh, dear.
1470
01:24:01,436 --> 01:24:04,405
And then the reporter said
that he was going to print the whole thing.
1471
01:24:04,506 --> 01:24:06,770
Can't you just see those headlines?
1472
01:24:06,875 --> 01:24:08,843
"Doctor promises to marry society girl,
1473
01:24:08,943 --> 01:24:11,673
"deserts wife he was never even married to."
Why, it's awful.
1474
01:24:11,780 --> 01:24:15,216
Yeah, and becomes father
of a child he never even heard about.
1475
01:24:16,451 --> 01:24:19,113
-Kind of a mess, isn't it?
-That's putting it mildly.
1476
01:24:19,921 --> 01:24:22,412
Well, I give up. Only one thing left to do.
1477
01:24:22,557 --> 01:24:25,390
-Yes, what is it?
-Well, I've got to marry you.
1478
01:24:26,728 --> 01:24:28,161
You've got to marry me?
1479
01:24:28,263 --> 01:24:31,494
Well, sure. Then when you go to Reno,
you can get a real divorce.
1480
01:24:34,135 --> 01:24:37,366
You can drop me at the nearest hotel.
1481
01:24:37,472 --> 01:24:39,531
-What's the matter?
-Never mind, never mind,
1482
01:24:39,641 --> 01:24:41,336
just pull in right over there.
1483
01:24:48,917 --> 01:24:50,851
Nice night. Fill her up. Regular or Ethyl?
1484
01:24:50,952 --> 01:24:52,817
No, nothing. Where's the nearest hotel?
1485
01:24:52,921 --> 01:24:54,115
Well, you're looking right at it.
1486
01:24:54,222 --> 01:24:56,952
Nice clean bungalow. Soft beds.
A dollar fifty up.
1487
01:24:57,058 --> 01:24:58,923
All right, I'll take one.
1488
01:25:29,524 --> 01:25:30,582
No!
1489
01:25:50,478 --> 01:25:54,175
Say, would you like
to play Chinese checkers with me?
1490
01:25:54,282 --> 01:25:56,307
No, no. Not right now, please.
1491
01:26:02,323 --> 01:26:03,449
Hello.
1492
01:26:03,558 --> 01:26:05,788
Yes. Yes.
1493
01:26:05,894 --> 01:26:08,328
You haven't got a license yet.
1494
01:26:09,130 --> 01:26:11,792
Yes, yes. I can fix that, too.
1495
01:26:12,167 --> 01:26:15,159
Yes, yes. I'll be right over.
1496
01:26:18,640 --> 01:26:21,734
-Henry, has anything happened?
-Not yet.
1497
01:26:29,417 --> 01:26:31,783
-Who is it?
-Pasteur, open the door.
1498
01:26:31,886 --> 01:26:35,982
-Go away, I don't want to see you.
-June, I want to talk to you.
1499
01:26:36,090 --> 01:26:38,581
No. I don't want to see you. Go away.
1500
01:26:39,894 --> 01:26:42,590
June, please,
will you open the door and let me in?
1501
01:26:42,697 --> 01:26:45,427
Please, Tim, go away.
I don't want to see you.
1502
01:27:07,922 --> 01:27:09,446
June.
1503
01:27:09,557 --> 01:27:13,789
June, I promised we'd play bridge
next Thursday with Johnson and his wife.
1504
01:27:13,895 --> 01:27:16,227
Do you think you could make it?
1505
01:27:16,798 --> 01:27:19,767
Yes, Tim, I think I can make it.
125400
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