Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,428 --> 00:00:03,345
(determined music)
2
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
4
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,650
(bouncy hip hop music)
5
00:00:20,784 --> 00:00:22,583
- [Woman] I love Martin, I
wanna see him again, soon.
6
00:00:22,583 --> 00:00:24,080
- Romey Rome is the business.
7
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,428
Even when he does a little
(indistinct) Roscoe.
8
00:00:26,428 --> 00:00:29,532
(murmurs loudly)
9
00:00:29,532 --> 00:00:30,607
- Whassup?
- Oh, my God.
10
00:00:30,607 --> 00:00:32,775
- That's it right there,
that's me right there.
11
00:00:32,775 --> 00:00:34,290
That's O'Marty Mart right there.
12
00:00:34,290 --> 00:00:35,857
- Hey Martin, I'm happy you back.
13
00:00:35,857 --> 00:00:37,918
I'm happy you back on the
stage doing your thing, man.
14
00:00:37,918 --> 00:00:39,650
- Damn, Gina!
15
00:00:39,650 --> 00:00:40,700
- [Both] Hey, Martin.
16
00:00:41,627 --> 00:00:42,957
- Martin!
17
00:00:42,957 --> 00:00:45,790
(laughs out loud)
18
00:00:53,565 --> 00:00:54,870
(spacey hip hop music)
19
00:00:54,870 --> 00:00:57,363
- The sound of the laughter it's the fuel,
20
00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,180
it's the oil.
21
00:00:59,180 --> 00:01:01,170
It's the basketball going in the net,
22
00:01:01,170 --> 00:01:03,440
hearing the net, the sound of the nets.
23
00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:05,540
That laughter is key to everything
24
00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:07,070
because that's the reward.
25
00:01:07,070 --> 00:01:08,670
That's what you do it for.
26
00:01:08,670 --> 00:01:09,970
You do it for the laughter.
27
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,723
You do it to make people laugh.
28
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:14,757
When they enjoyed they self.
29
00:01:14,757 --> 00:01:16,860
And sometime they stand,
30
00:01:16,860 --> 00:01:19,710
give a big applause,
whatever and just to see
31
00:01:19,710 --> 00:01:21,550
that they enjoyed the show and the love
32
00:01:21,550 --> 00:01:24,200
that's the most fun about it to me
33
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,310
is to reward 'cause everything else
34
00:01:26,310 --> 00:01:28,789
to process and everything else
35
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,100
you gotta get enough rest.
36
00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:31,950
You gotta make sure you got some food
37
00:01:33,095 --> 00:01:34,720
in your body for fuel everything.
38
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:39,720
But the reward is when I
see the people laughing.
39
00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:40,980
The life of a comedian.
40
00:01:41,940 --> 00:01:44,363
Backstage pass, all access.
41
00:01:52,150 --> 00:01:54,190
I remember going to see Eddie Murphy.
42
00:01:54,190 --> 00:01:57,050
He was performing at Richmond
Colosseum or somewhere.
43
00:01:57,050 --> 00:02:01,673
And I drove from Merlin
two hours to see him.
44
00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:05,980
And I remember seeing him,
man, and he was so good.
45
00:02:05,980 --> 00:02:09,163
And I just said to myself,
man, that's what I want to do.
46
00:02:10,610 --> 00:02:14,786
And standup comedy was my way in.
47
00:02:14,786 --> 00:02:17,670
I think we good, let's have some fun, man.
48
00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:19,360
The start, a comedy career.
49
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:20,280
It's a grind.
50
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:24,510
I mean, gonna the comedy
clubs, smoke-filled rooms,
51
00:02:24,510 --> 00:02:27,690
maybe about a hundred people, 200 people,
52
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:29,870
you trying to convince
them what you believe
53
00:02:29,870 --> 00:02:31,223
is funny as funny.
54
00:02:32,187 --> 00:02:36,010
But when it hit me was when I
got chose for "Star Search".
55
00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:37,917
- Let's bring on Martin Lawrence.
56
00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:40,443
- And I auditioned for Claudia McMahon.
57
00:02:41,777 --> 00:02:42,610
And I did my act.
58
00:02:42,610 --> 00:02:44,327
I was blue and everything.
59
00:02:44,327 --> 00:02:47,700
I just was myself and believe
it or not, they called me.
60
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:48,550
'Cause men will make it worse
61
00:02:48,550 --> 00:02:50,330
'cause you could just say, I'm going out!
62
00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:53,187
She said, "I cook for you.
63
00:02:53,187 --> 00:02:54,690
"I clean for you."
64
00:02:54,690 --> 00:02:55,830
Then it makes the man feel bad.
65
00:02:55,830 --> 00:02:58,237
He say, I'm sorry honey.
I did not even know
66
00:02:58,237 --> 00:02:59,690
it was like that.
67
00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:00,900
I love you too.
68
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:02,170
Now give me the car keys.
69
00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:03,003
(audience laughs out loud)
70
00:03:03,003 --> 00:03:04,103
Thank you. You guys been great.
71
00:03:04,103 --> 00:03:06,023
Man, I'm outta here.
72
00:03:06,023 --> 00:03:07,162
(laughs softly)
73
00:03:07,162 --> 00:03:08,262
I said I'm outta here.
74
00:03:09,260 --> 00:03:10,630
And after I did "Star Search"
75
00:03:10,630 --> 00:03:13,690
I auditioned for "What's Happening Now!!".
76
00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:17,860
I was already amped up. I
was already ready to go.
77
00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:20,530
For a kid coming from the
neighborhood to Hollywood.
78
00:03:20,530 --> 00:03:22,330
It's a big transition.
79
00:03:22,330 --> 00:03:24,913
Your eyes light up.
It's like seeing heaven.
80
00:03:26,170 --> 00:03:30,210
Chris Breck over at HBO and got my tape
81
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,090
from somebody over at "Star Search".
82
00:03:32,090 --> 00:03:35,080
And they saw me perform and
they loved what they saw
83
00:03:36,056 --> 00:03:38,030
and asked me was I interested into acting?
84
00:03:38,030 --> 00:03:40,180
I said, I ain't doing nothing
85
00:03:40,180 --> 00:03:42,210
but sitting around here
in my draws, what else?
86
00:03:42,210 --> 00:03:44,060
Of course, I'm interested in acting.
87
00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:44,893
I would love that.
88
00:03:44,893 --> 00:03:45,960
That's how I got started.
89
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,823
That's how the whole
"Martin" show got started.
90
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,849
Gina ain't here, wait in the hall.
91
00:03:51,849 --> 00:03:54,510
(audience laughs out loud)
(bouncy hip hop beat)
92
00:03:54,510 --> 00:03:57,150
There were a lot of people
told me I couldn't do things.
93
00:03:57,150 --> 00:04:01,110
The language, the subject
matters that I talk
94
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,683
about was inappropriate at times.
95
00:04:05,985 --> 00:04:08,827
And they would say, it's not gonna fly.
96
00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:12,040
But as I saw Richard Pryor
live on the Sunset Strip
97
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,920
and when Eddie came along, I
seen him doing his own thing.
98
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:18,300
I didn't feel like they were
being edited or whatever.
99
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,170
Whether people told them
they could do it or not.
100
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:22,316
I was like, fuck them.
101
00:04:22,316 --> 00:04:23,149
I'ma do what I wanna do.
102
00:04:23,149 --> 00:04:25,770
- Martin Lawrence, man, you
the greatest of all time.
103
00:04:25,770 --> 00:04:28,330
- He transcends generations
we was born in 87.
104
00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:30,010
- He says things that we wanna say
105
00:04:30,010 --> 00:04:31,724
or we think about saying.
106
00:04:31,724 --> 00:04:33,049
- You go boy.
107
00:04:33,049 --> 00:04:36,466
(audience cheers loudly)
108
00:04:51,487 --> 00:04:55,040
- Before I'm going out on
stage and I'm standing there
109
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,570
and I'm shadow boxing.
110
00:04:56,570 --> 00:04:59,220
I'm just thinking, man,
you better be fun, man.
111
00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:00,380
You gotta be funny tonight.
112
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:02,139
You can't turn back now.
113
00:05:02,139 --> 00:05:04,090
You've got thousands of people out there
114
00:05:04,090 --> 00:05:06,340
and you just can't turn back now.
115
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:07,750
So you gotta bring it
116
00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:09,290
but I'm ready to do what I'm ready to do.
117
00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:10,717
I'm ready to get it on.
118
00:05:12,465 --> 00:05:16,798
- [Announcer] Ladies and
gentleman, Martin Lawrence!
119
00:05:30,420 --> 00:05:32,613
♪ We looking fresh when
we stepping in the VIP ♪
120
00:05:32,613 --> 00:05:33,567
♪ Look at us, look at us ♪
121
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,636
♪ Everybody gonna notice me ♪
122
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:38,148
♪ Dressed so fly like the F16 ♪
123
00:05:38,148 --> 00:05:41,564
♪ They stare with their mouths wide open ♪
124
00:05:41,564 --> 00:05:44,072
♪ Close your mouth and
let me buy you drinks ♪
125
00:05:44,072 --> 00:05:46,612
♪ While I kick it with
this chick in pink ♪
126
00:05:46,612 --> 00:05:48,951
♪ She complement me on my cufflinks ♪
127
00:05:48,951 --> 00:05:50,201
- Yeah, LA, LA!
128
00:05:56,991 --> 00:06:00,028
Yeah, that's why I came here.
129
00:06:00,028 --> 00:06:01,945
That's why I came here.
130
00:06:09,172 --> 00:06:11,839
(whoops loudly)
131
00:06:13,601 --> 00:06:14,710
I love that shit!
132
00:06:14,710 --> 00:06:16,121
Make some motherfucken noise!
133
00:06:16,121 --> 00:06:19,538
(audience cheers loudly)
134
00:06:21,095 --> 00:06:25,470
Yeah, let 'em know we in
this motherfucker tonight.
135
00:06:26,350 --> 00:06:28,370
All that noise, boy, we
got white people scared.
136
00:06:28,370 --> 00:06:31,120
They, oh, shit. What the fuck?
137
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,633
How many black people
are going off tonight?
138
00:06:34,780 --> 00:06:37,375
Y'all looking good. You're looking good.
139
00:06:37,375 --> 00:06:38,620
(audience cheers)
140
00:06:38,620 --> 00:06:41,130
Thank you for coming out.
141
00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:43,390
Y'all don't mind if I just take my time.
142
00:06:43,390 --> 00:06:45,590
Just hang out with y'all
for a little while.
143
00:06:47,230 --> 00:06:49,051
Yeah, y'all looking good.
144
00:06:49,051 --> 00:06:50,134
(audience member speaks faintly)
145
00:06:50,134 --> 00:06:52,777
I know, I say. (smooches loudly)
146
00:06:53,677 --> 00:06:54,760
Yeah, I know.
147
00:06:56,010 --> 00:06:58,158
Y'all like the way I'm dressed tonight.
148
00:06:58,158 --> 00:07:00,939
(audience cheers loudly)
149
00:07:00,939 --> 00:07:01,772
I said Martin,
150
00:07:01,772 --> 00:07:04,303
don't go up there wearing
all that hot ass leather.
151
00:07:04,303 --> 00:07:06,240
Don't wear all that hot ass leather.
152
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:07,970
Fellas, I know y'all got your suits on
153
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:08,960
y'all looking good.
154
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,830
Fellas, y'all cool.
155
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,050
I know y'all was in that mirror
156
00:07:12,050 --> 00:07:13,740
before y'all got here with this shit.
157
00:07:13,740 --> 00:07:15,000
Yeah, that nigga, yeah, yeah,
158
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,620
he don't know nothing about that there.
159
00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:19,529
Look at 'em shoes, look
at that there, yeah, yeah.
160
00:07:19,529 --> 00:07:20,663
(audience laughs softly)
161
00:07:20,663 --> 00:07:21,930
Ladies, I know y'all looking good.
162
00:07:21,930 --> 00:07:23,183
Y'all got the bumps on.
163
00:07:24,101 --> 00:07:24,934
(audience cheers loudly)
164
00:07:24,934 --> 00:07:25,953
Y'all got the pumps on.
165
00:07:26,876 --> 00:07:27,780
When y'all got them pumps on,
166
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:31,023
that ass just
clickety-clack, clack, clack!
167
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,898
Just all ass, just clack-clack.
168
00:07:34,898 --> 00:07:36,979
Clickety-clack clack, clack.
169
00:07:36,979 --> 00:07:38,708
(audience laughing softly)
170
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,442
When y'all ain't got them pumps on.
171
00:07:40,442 --> 00:07:42,395
Look like somebody done
kicked you in your ass.
172
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:43,228
You got them flats on.
173
00:07:43,228 --> 00:07:44,793
Just see sliding and shit.
174
00:07:46,410 --> 00:07:48,553
Sliding like a motherfucker.
175
00:07:51,230 --> 00:07:54,813
(audience laughs out loud)
176
00:07:58,050 --> 00:08:00,330
But y'all seen the footage.
177
00:08:00,330 --> 00:08:02,099
Y'all seen the footage.
178
00:08:02,099 --> 00:08:05,516
(audience cheers loudly)
179
00:08:07,511 --> 00:08:10,986
I've been in the game damn
near 30 years y'all, 30 years.
180
00:08:10,986 --> 00:08:13,335
(audience cheers loudly)
181
00:08:13,335 --> 00:08:14,720
Yeah, I'm doing time in Hollywood.
182
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:15,553
That's what I call it.
183
00:08:15,553 --> 00:08:17,300
Doing time in Hollywood.
184
00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:18,530
Everybody keep asking me
185
00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:20,828
when we gonna do another "Bad Boys"?
186
00:08:20,828 --> 00:08:24,390
(audience cheers loudly)
187
00:08:24,390 --> 00:08:25,667
They better hurry up
and do that motherfucker
188
00:08:25,667 --> 00:08:27,633
before it come sad boys.
189
00:08:28,569 --> 00:08:29,402
(audience laughs out loud)
190
00:08:29,402 --> 00:08:30,510
'Cause I'm getting all fat and shit.
191
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,760
I'll be running and shit.
192
00:08:33,196 --> 00:08:35,042
Freeze, freeze!
193
00:08:35,042 --> 00:08:37,875
(audience laughs)
194
00:08:45,673 --> 00:08:46,860
They better hurry up and
do that motherfucker.
195
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,730
But Hollywood, sometimes they act
196
00:08:48,730 --> 00:08:51,310
like they don't know
Marty Marty in Hollywood.
197
00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:53,923
Yeah, they'd be rolling
up on me, Don Cheadle!
198
00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:56,010
(audience laughs softly)
199
00:08:56,010 --> 00:08:58,990
Love you in "Blackish".
Love you in "Blackish".
200
00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:05,080
Everybody in Hollywood on
"Dancing With the Stars".
201
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,476
Man, if you see me on that
motherfucker, my career's over.
202
00:09:08,476 --> 00:09:09,770
(audience laughs out loud)
203
00:09:09,770 --> 00:09:12,977
Everybody on that motherfucker
doing this shit here
204
00:09:12,977 --> 00:09:15,273
and all of this shit, here.
205
00:09:16,700 --> 00:09:19,417
Call me when that shit's like this.
206
00:09:19,417 --> 00:09:24,417
(bouncy hip hop music)
(audience laughs out loud)
207
00:09:38,232 --> 00:09:41,065
Yeah, call me when it's like that.
208
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,783
I bet I win that motherfucker too.
209
00:09:44,783 --> 00:09:49,783
(mutters softly)
(audience laughs out loud)
210
00:09:57,776 --> 00:09:58,860
- [Audience Member] Love you, Marty!
211
00:09:58,860 --> 00:10:01,110
- I love you back baby.
Thank you, thank you.
212
00:10:02,054 --> 00:10:04,860
(audience cheers softly)
213
00:10:04,860 --> 00:10:06,790
I was reading something
on the way over here.
214
00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:08,713
I don't know how true it is,
215
00:10:08,713 --> 00:10:10,090
but it said that Caitlyn Jenner,
216
00:10:10,090 --> 00:10:12,356
he don't wanna be a woman no more.
217
00:10:12,356 --> 00:10:13,700
Anybody hear that shit.
218
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,120
All of a sudden changed his mind.
219
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,020
It's just like, fuck. I wanna go back.
220
00:10:18,388 --> 00:10:19,529
(audience laughs out loud)
221
00:10:19,529 --> 00:10:21,110
I don't wanna be a man.
222
00:10:21,110 --> 00:10:22,260
Can you just change like that?
223
00:10:22,260 --> 00:10:23,660
Must've been them fucking high heels.
224
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:26,237
I'm telling you it's
them fucken high heels.
225
00:10:26,237 --> 00:10:28,290
(audience laughs out loud)
226
00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:30,150
I can't fucking do this in these everyday,
227
00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:31,670
I can't do this shit.
228
00:10:31,670 --> 00:10:33,583
Every mother fucking day,
229
00:10:35,407 --> 00:10:36,580
it ain't easy being no woman,
230
00:10:36,580 --> 00:10:38,240
woman will tell you that shit.
231
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,393
Ladies, shit, y'all got
them cramps every month.
232
00:10:42,770 --> 00:10:44,530
Bleeding all every month.
233
00:10:44,530 --> 00:10:45,850
Fellas if we were bleeding every month.
234
00:10:45,850 --> 00:10:47,300
We couldn't handle that shit.
235
00:10:48,370 --> 00:10:49,780
Your lady be trying to give you head
236
00:10:49,780 --> 00:10:51,308
You're talking about,
237
00:10:51,308 --> 00:10:53,113
nah, I don't think you wanna do that.
238
00:10:53,113 --> 00:10:57,220
(audience laughs out loud)
239
00:10:57,220 --> 00:10:58,830
She don't believe you on your period.
240
00:10:58,830 --> 00:11:01,047
You gotta show her a
little tampon and shit
241
00:11:02,014 --> 00:11:03,573
with the string hanging
off the motherfucker.
242
00:11:05,510 --> 00:11:08,160
Little Q-tip ball on the
tip of your dick and shit
243
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,607
with a string hanging
off the motherfucker.
244
00:11:10,607 --> 00:11:14,190
(audience laughs out loud)
245
00:11:15,330 --> 00:11:16,310
She don't believe you.
246
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:17,840
She keep pressing you and shit.
247
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,842
You telling her, okay, if
you want to but I'm spotting.
248
00:11:20,842 --> 00:11:23,520
(audience laughs out loud)
249
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,113
If you don't mind a little
ketchup on the hot dog!
250
00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:30,093
Go get a towel, go get a towel.
251
00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:38,330
What else in Hollywood man?
252
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:40,821
Fucking with my man, Cosby,
253
00:11:40,821 --> 00:11:43,510
(indistinct) fuck with
Cosby, America's dad.
254
00:11:43,510 --> 00:11:46,540
Cosby, they say he's up
to 50 something women now,
255
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,540
50 something women.
256
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:49,810
Can you believe that shit?
257
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:50,950
50 something, I don't believe that,
258
00:11:50,950 --> 00:11:53,880
50 something women, maybe 27.
259
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,990
(audience laughs out loud)
260
00:11:56,990 --> 00:11:59,430
Nah, man, Cosby ain't had to ruby nobody.
261
00:11:59,430 --> 00:12:01,607
All he did was put that
pudding pop in 'em.
262
00:12:02,998 --> 00:12:04,907
Just, oh, it's the pudding.
263
00:12:04,907 --> 00:12:07,111
It's the pudding!
264
00:12:07,111 --> 00:12:08,313
It's the pudding!
265
00:12:08,313 --> 00:12:13,313
(grunts loudly)
(audience laughs out loud)
266
00:12:16,271 --> 00:12:18,100
That's all he did was hypnotize 'em.
267
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:19,410
I can't talk about Cosby.
268
00:12:19,410 --> 00:12:20,980
I can't talk about nobody.
269
00:12:20,980 --> 00:12:23,090
As much shit as I done did in my life.
270
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,860
I'm still walking around
this motherfucking thinking
271
00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:27,397
what the fuck they gonna find on my ass?
272
00:12:27,397 --> 00:12:29,249
(audience laughs out loud)
273
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,650
I know I done did some
shit in Cleveland once,
274
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:31,483
what the fuck?
275
00:12:32,779 --> 00:12:33,930
I can't think of nothing.
276
00:12:33,930 --> 00:12:35,130
Only thing I can think of,
277
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:38,243
is it fucked if you
beat your meat on Skype?
278
00:12:38,243 --> 00:12:40,030
(audience laughs out loud)
279
00:12:40,030 --> 00:12:41,500
'Cause I ain't want my
lady in them streets.
280
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,050
I told her to take a look at this.
281
00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:44,330
Take a look at this.
282
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,694
Look at 'em balls, look at 'em balls.
283
00:12:46,694 --> 00:12:48,702
'Em your balls. Them your balls.
284
00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:50,778
Take a look at this.
Look at the birthmark.
285
00:12:50,778 --> 00:12:51,611
Look at the birthmark!
286
00:12:51,611 --> 00:12:53,023
(audience laughs softly)
287
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,511
I know I was looking
all fucked up too, just.
288
00:12:55,511 --> 00:12:59,463
(audience laughs out loud)
289
00:12:59,463 --> 00:13:02,540
I had that face where
you can't come and shit.
290
00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:04,461
You ready to cry.
291
00:13:04,461 --> 00:13:09,461
(audience laughs out loud)
(whimpers softly)
292
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:15,513
Shit, what else going on on Hollywood?
293
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,763
O.J, his ass not a bright motherfucker.
294
00:13:20,905 --> 00:13:23,110
O.J, y'all see they got that
TV movie on him and shit.
295
00:13:23,110 --> 00:13:24,948
Not a bright motherfucker.
296
00:13:24,948 --> 00:13:26,600
I mean nigga if you get away with murder,
297
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,995
nigga, sit yo' ass down.
298
00:13:28,995 --> 00:13:32,578
(audience laughs out loud)
299
00:13:34,010 --> 00:13:36,520
Go to Mexico and drink
tequila the rest of your life.
300
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,810
Nigga sit yo' ass down.
301
00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:41,832
Now you in that
motherfucker, braiding hair.
302
00:13:41,832 --> 00:13:43,230
(audience laughs out loud)
303
00:13:43,230 --> 00:13:46,083
How you go from this shit to this?
304
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,130
Over some motherfucking memorabilia,
305
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,860
they got his ass on memorabilia.
306
00:13:52,860 --> 00:13:54,820
You gotta do 40 over some memorabilia.
307
00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:57,661
Over a old ass football
hat he can't even wear.
308
00:13:57,661 --> 00:13:58,590
(audience laughs)
309
00:13:58,590 --> 00:14:00,000
Some old ass clique's
310
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,090
that he can't even fucking get in no more.
311
00:14:02,090 --> 00:14:04,283
He gotta do 40 behind that shit.
312
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:09,443
Shit, man, y'all mind
if I get a little water.
313
00:14:12,254 --> 00:14:13,873
(clears throat) Motherfucker say hurry up.
314
00:14:15,392 --> 00:14:19,621
(audience laughs out loud)
315
00:14:19,621 --> 00:14:22,538
- [Audience Member] Yes,
we did. Yes, we did!
316
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,070
- Yeah, let me tell
y'all a little something
317
00:14:26,070 --> 00:14:27,273
about me growing up.
318
00:14:29,153 --> 00:14:31,780
Before I got here, tried a lot of things.
319
00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:33,690
I was a door-to-door comic.
320
00:14:33,690 --> 00:14:35,380
Yeah, but I used to go to
people's houses and shit.
321
00:14:35,380 --> 00:14:37,030
Put the baby away.
322
00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:38,490
Got some jokes for yo' ass.
323
00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:42,350
A lot of people don't
know I was a male dancer.
324
00:14:42,350 --> 00:14:46,789
Yeah, they used to call
me Coco Dick, Coco Dick.
325
00:14:46,789 --> 00:14:47,622
(audience laughs out loud)
326
00:14:47,622 --> 00:14:49,710
Go Coco, go Coco, go Coco.
327
00:14:49,710 --> 00:14:52,010
I used to lay it right on their forehead.
328
00:14:52,010 --> 00:14:55,140
Go Coco, go Coco, go Coco.
329
00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:56,670
Had a fat girl clientele.
330
00:14:56,670 --> 00:14:58,880
They used to throw chicken
wings up there and shit
331
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,090
to pay me and shit.
332
00:15:00,090 --> 00:15:01,940
I send back them wings
back in their mouth.
333
00:15:01,940 --> 00:15:05,684
Get back in there. Get back in there.
334
00:15:05,684 --> 00:15:07,470
Get back in there.
335
00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:09,693
Get back in there.
336
00:15:11,740 --> 00:15:12,690
Had to give it up though.
337
00:15:12,690 --> 00:15:15,124
'Cause that thong gave me a rash.
338
00:15:15,124 --> 00:15:16,220
(audience laughs out loud)
339
00:15:16,220 --> 00:15:20,170
Had my whole ass chapped.
Whole ass chapped.
340
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,750
But I got in a lot of physical
sports when I was young,
341
00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:23,840
it's a lot of physical sports.
342
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,730
My first physical sport
I got in was karate.
343
00:15:26,730 --> 00:15:28,403
I was real good at karate.
344
00:15:28,403 --> 00:15:31,590
(screams out loud)
345
00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:33,209
I was good with the sound.
346
00:15:33,209 --> 00:15:36,126
(screams out loud)
347
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,210
Everybody think they know karate
348
00:15:40,210 --> 00:15:42,680
till they meet somebody that
really fucking knows karate.
349
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,450
(audience laughs)
350
00:15:44,450 --> 00:15:47,400
I'ma blue belt. I do blue belt shit.
351
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,970
I get in my stance.
352
00:15:48,970 --> 00:15:49,803
Go get help!
353
00:15:50,925 --> 00:15:52,940
(audience laughs out loud)
354
00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:56,210
My other physical sport I
love, man, I love, is boxing.
355
00:15:56,210 --> 00:15:58,060
That was my sport. I was good at that.
356
00:15:58,060 --> 00:15:59,704
You could tell.
357
00:15:59,704 --> 00:16:02,833
Yeah, I used to always
dance and shit, move.
358
00:16:03,842 --> 00:16:07,007
You could tell the way I
move. I was pretty good.
359
00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:09,924
(audience laughs)
360
00:16:10,930 --> 00:16:12,912
Ding, good round nigga, good round.
361
00:16:12,912 --> 00:16:15,344
(audience laughs out loud)
362
00:16:15,344 --> 00:16:17,382
That motherfucker almost hit me.
363
00:16:17,382 --> 00:16:18,390
(audience laughs)
364
00:16:18,390 --> 00:16:20,780
I got out of the game when
I got my eyes swollen.
365
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:21,613
That's when I got out.
366
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:23,125
I knew soon as he hit me, that shit.
367
00:16:23,125 --> 00:16:23,958
(mutters loudly)
368
00:16:23,958 --> 00:16:24,943
Went back to my corner.
369
00:16:25,922 --> 00:16:27,720
(audience laughs out loud)
370
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,949
Coach, is my eye swollen?
371
00:16:29,949 --> 00:16:31,010
You're doing great. You're doing good.
372
00:16:31,010 --> 00:16:32,320
Is my eye swollen?
373
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,117
Yes, fuck you, fight over nigga.
374
00:16:35,117 --> 00:16:36,770
(audience laughs)
375
00:16:36,770 --> 00:16:38,700
Boxing is a hard hustle, man.
376
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,770
Especially if you a friend of a fighter
377
00:16:40,770 --> 00:16:43,560
and you ever go to a fight
with him and got a ride home
378
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,130
with him after you done
got his ass whooped.
379
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,580
You don't know what to say to him.
380
00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:50,673
He yelling out incoherent shit.
381
00:16:52,380 --> 00:16:54,173
Jordan's like to wear pit bulls.
382
00:16:55,464 --> 00:16:56,720
(audience laughs out loud)
383
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,720
Fuck are you talking about?
384
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,420
Asking you questions and shit.
385
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,672
Nah, I don't know where your teeth are.
386
00:17:02,672 --> 00:17:04,005
(audience laughs)
387
00:17:04,005 --> 00:17:05,983
Yeah, last time I seen
'em, they was with you.
388
00:17:07,718 --> 00:17:09,630
One of my favorite fighters of all times.
389
00:17:09,630 --> 00:17:11,483
Favorite fighters is Mike Tyson, man.
390
00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:14,422
Love Mike Tyson.
391
00:17:14,422 --> 00:17:15,871
(audience cheers loudly)
392
00:17:15,871 --> 00:17:17,293
One of my favorite fighters, man.
393
00:17:17,293 --> 00:17:19,270
Wouldn't it be cool man if
somebody was fucking with you
394
00:17:19,270 --> 00:17:20,830
you could run in there and get Mike?
395
00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:22,280
If he is a cousin, brother, uncle,
396
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,309
all you had to do is run in there.
397
00:17:24,309 --> 00:17:26,010
Mike, Mike, the motherfucker bust my nose!
398
00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:28,644
Stop crying. What happened?
399
00:17:28,644 --> 00:17:30,102
(audience laughs)
400
00:17:30,102 --> 00:17:31,060
You know Mike got that soft voice,
401
00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:33,520
stop crying, what happened?
402
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,343
Let me eat my cereal first.
403
00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:38,420
Come on, let's go handle it.
404
00:17:38,420 --> 00:17:39,989
Is it him right here.
405
00:17:39,989 --> 00:17:41,130
(grunts loudly)
406
00:17:41,130 --> 00:17:43,353
Stop crying, look, his back is broke.
407
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:46,190
He won't bother you no more.
408
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,833
If he do he roll up on you.
409
00:17:48,820 --> 00:17:50,420
Would anybody in here
let Mike Tyson hit him
410
00:17:50,420 --> 00:17:51,253
for $10 million?
411
00:17:51,253 --> 00:17:52,131
(audience chatters indistinctly)
412
00:17:52,131 --> 00:17:53,381
- [Audience Member] Yeah!
413
00:17:54,757 --> 00:17:55,630
(audience laughs)
414
00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:56,760
- You raising your hand.
415
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,996
A female raising her hand like,
416
00:17:58,996 --> 00:18:01,814
(audience laughs out loud)
417
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,100
you would let Mike Tyson
hit you for 10 million.
418
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:07,085
Fuck that. No amount of money.
419
00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:07,918
You let 'em hit you for 10 million.
420
00:18:07,918 --> 00:18:10,682
You have on some new shoes,
but you'd be all fucked up.
421
00:18:10,682 --> 00:18:15,060
(audience laughs out loud)
422
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:20,060
Mike Tyson hit me for $10 million.
423
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,868
And I got some new shoes.
424
00:18:24,868 --> 00:18:26,699
I got some new shoes.
425
00:18:26,699 --> 00:18:28,114
I got some new shoes.
426
00:18:28,114 --> 00:18:30,079
(audience laughs out loud)
427
00:18:30,079 --> 00:18:31,143
I got some new shoes.
428
00:18:32,050 --> 00:18:35,191
Fucking with Mike Tyson
got me some new shoes.
429
00:18:35,191 --> 00:18:38,108
(audience laughs)
430
00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:45,750
Yeah, but I had a lot
of heart though y'all.
431
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,930
I had a lot of heart coming up.
432
00:18:47,930 --> 00:18:49,220
I'll fight anybody. I ain't give a fuck.
433
00:18:49,220 --> 00:18:51,550
I ain't no big guy, but I fight anybody.
434
00:18:51,550 --> 00:18:53,700
I remember this guy named
George like six-nine
435
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,030
was fucking with my sister.
436
00:18:55,030 --> 00:18:56,220
He was on the football team.
437
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:58,065
My sister came in there.
438
00:18:58,065 --> 00:18:58,898
George fucking with me!
439
00:18:58,898 --> 00:18:59,731
I said George who?
440
00:18:59,731 --> 00:19:01,530
She said, "That six-nine motherfucker!"
441
00:19:01,530 --> 00:19:03,480
I said, I'ma handle it, I'ma handle it!
442
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,540
I went looking for George.
443
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:07,010
Where this nigga George at?
444
00:19:07,010 --> 00:19:09,290
Anybody seen George.
445
00:19:09,290 --> 00:19:12,730
Has any body seen George?
446
00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:15,140
Where this motherfucker George at?
447
00:19:15,140 --> 00:19:17,030
Any body seen George?
448
00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:17,863
Come here nigga!
449
00:19:18,971 --> 00:19:20,407
(audience laughs)
450
00:19:20,407 --> 00:19:21,770
You fucking with my sister.
451
00:19:21,770 --> 00:19:23,970
Let me tell your big
six-nine ass something.
452
00:19:23,970 --> 00:19:26,760
Don't you fuck with nothing
that's mine, ever again!
453
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,210
Let me tell you something.
454
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,280
George, I will take your big ass down.
455
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:31,560
I will hurt you George.
456
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,270
Don't fuck with nothing that's mine.
457
00:19:33,270 --> 00:19:34,410
George looked at me.
458
00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:36,190
So okay, Martin you got it.
459
00:19:36,190 --> 00:19:37,133
And looked down at me.
460
00:19:38,317 --> 00:19:39,150
(audience laughs)
461
00:19:39,150 --> 00:19:40,773
That's when I knew I
was gonna be an actor.
462
00:19:41,732 --> 00:19:46,732
(audience laughs out loud)
(audience applauds)
463
00:19:54,630 --> 00:19:57,480
But God, let me tell you
a little about family.
464
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:59,060
Got a beautiful family.
465
00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:00,690
Support me all the way here.
466
00:20:00,690 --> 00:20:02,320
All during my comedy.
467
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,440
I told my nephews, I was
coming down here to LA.
468
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:05,920
I said, I'm gonna do my thing.
469
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:07,938
I gotta tape in LA, they alive.
470
00:20:07,938 --> 00:20:09,230
Yeah, uncle, they alive in LA,
471
00:20:09,230 --> 00:20:11,540
go down that motherfucker
uncle and turn up on 'em.
472
00:20:11,540 --> 00:20:13,651
Turn up on 'em uncle.
473
00:20:13,651 --> 00:20:14,612
Dab on 'em uncle.
474
00:20:14,612 --> 00:20:16,084
Dab on 'em, dab on 'em.
475
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:18,730
(audience laughs)
476
00:20:18,730 --> 00:20:20,773
Watch me whip. Watch me naynay.
477
00:20:21,607 --> 00:20:23,157
Watch me whip. Watch me naynay.
478
00:20:24,943 --> 00:20:26,940
I got three beautiful sisters.
479
00:20:26,940 --> 00:20:28,485
One of my sisters.
480
00:20:28,485 --> 00:20:30,665
She's very, very nice in the daytime.
481
00:20:30,665 --> 00:20:31,930
(audience laughs out loud)
482
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:33,350
Once she get that drink in her.
483
00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:35,013
I cut your throat motherfucker!
484
00:20:37,430 --> 00:20:38,960
Stepfather, he talk like this.
485
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,360
Son I love you so much son.
486
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:41,710
I love what you're doing in the game.
487
00:20:41,710 --> 00:20:43,370
I love what you're doing, son.
488
00:20:43,370 --> 00:20:45,663
I said, dad, I told him, I said, dad,
489
00:20:45,663 --> 00:20:46,580
I'm going to the Kentucky Derby.
490
00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:49,036
He said, "Oh, yeah, son, where that at?"
491
00:20:49,036 --> 00:20:50,420
(audience laughs out loud)
492
00:20:50,420 --> 00:20:52,300
I said, dad, I'm going
to the Kentucky Derby.
493
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:53,640
He said, "Don't get upset, son.
494
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,940
All I'm saying is where that at?"
495
00:20:55,940 --> 00:20:57,550
I said, dad, Kentucky.
496
00:20:57,550 --> 00:20:58,727
He said, "Well, shit, bring me back
497
00:20:58,727 --> 00:21:03,687
"a Kentucky fried chicken
meal, two piece biscuits."
498
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,908
I know what I wanted to share with y'all
499
00:21:06,908 --> 00:21:09,010
I had to tell you got a chance
to go to the White House.
500
00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:09,960
Meet the president.
501
00:21:10,964 --> 00:21:14,699
(audience cheers loudly)
502
00:21:14,699 --> 00:21:18,120
Yeah, sure did man, as soon as
I walked in the White House,
503
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,767
Barack saw me and was like, whassup!
504
00:21:24,468 --> 00:21:26,490
I was like, Mr. President, Mr. President.
505
00:21:26,490 --> 00:21:29,546
He said, "Call me Berry
Marty, call me Berry!"
506
00:21:29,546 --> 00:21:30,849
(audience laughs out loud)
507
00:21:30,849 --> 00:21:32,320
Man, he started walking me around.
508
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,390
Started showing me around.
509
00:21:33,390 --> 00:21:37,087
He said, "Look Marty,
FUBU rug, for us by us."
510
00:21:37,967 --> 00:21:41,230
(screams softly)
511
00:21:41,230 --> 00:21:43,810
Man, we start walking around.
512
00:21:43,810 --> 00:21:45,260
He start showing me around
513
00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:46,310
and had music playing
514
00:21:47,174 --> 00:21:48,220
♪ I'm so in love with you ♪
515
00:21:48,220 --> 00:21:49,210
But his groove was off.
516
00:21:49,210 --> 00:21:51,143
'Cause he black and white.
517
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,396
So he's shit was off.
518
00:21:52,396 --> 00:21:53,476
(audience laughs out loud)
519
00:21:53,476 --> 00:21:55,830
♪ So in love with you. ♪
520
00:21:55,830 --> 00:21:58,410
♪ Whatever you wanna do ♪
521
00:21:58,410 --> 00:22:01,007
Is all fucked up. Just beat all fucked.
522
00:22:02,810 --> 00:22:04,260
Then he took me past the kitchen.
523
00:22:04,260 --> 00:22:06,310
He said, "Chelle, look who's here."
524
00:22:06,310 --> 00:22:08,738
She said, "Marty Mart!"
525
00:22:08,738 --> 00:22:10,950
(audience laughs out loud)
526
00:22:10,950 --> 00:22:13,210
The girls, daughters
were getting their hair
527
00:22:13,210 --> 00:22:14,857
pressed in the kitchen.
528
00:22:14,857 --> 00:22:16,920
(audience laughs out loud)
529
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,910
Smell like ham, hock and greens
in that motherfucker, man.
530
00:22:23,420 --> 00:22:25,760
Then he took me back to the Oval Office.
531
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,277
And he said, "Marty, that's
where Monica Lewinsky
532
00:22:28,277 --> 00:22:31,081
"gave Clinton that sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.
533
00:22:31,081 --> 00:22:33,177
(smooches loudly)
(audience laughs out loud)
534
00:22:33,177 --> 00:22:34,847
"Yeah, Michelle won't
even let me sit there.
535
00:22:34,847 --> 00:22:36,807
"Michelle won't even let me sit there."
536
00:22:37,756 --> 00:22:38,950
(audience laughs)
537
00:22:38,950 --> 00:22:40,700
Man, we go back to the Oval Office
538
00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:42,930
then he closed the door
and he looked at me.
539
00:22:42,930 --> 00:22:45,507
He said, "You smoke a little weed."
540
00:22:45,507 --> 00:22:47,720
(audience laughs out loud)
(audience cheers loudly)
541
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,750
I said I don't really fuck with it
542
00:22:49,750 --> 00:22:51,627
but you the president, you the president!
543
00:22:51,627 --> 00:22:54,077
He said, "Who legalizing that shit?
544
00:22:54,077 --> 00:22:55,737
"Who legalizing that shit?"
545
00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:00,530
(audience applauds)
546
00:23:00,530 --> 00:23:03,090
Man, me and the president
start getting high.
547
00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:04,347
He got deep too, he say,
548
00:23:04,347 --> 00:23:07,197
"Yeah, Marty, finally got
that Obamacare through.
549
00:23:07,197 --> 00:23:09,047
"They was fucking with me on that.
550
00:23:09,047 --> 00:23:12,211
"But now everybody get Obamacare nigga."
551
00:23:12,211 --> 00:23:15,270
(puffs loudly)
552
00:23:15,270 --> 00:23:17,450
My security detail they fucking up,
553
00:23:17,450 --> 00:23:19,780
running into the White House
with their cars and shit
554
00:23:19,780 --> 00:23:22,670
made me wanna put my foot
in one of their asses.
555
00:23:22,670 --> 00:23:25,030
You know they gave me that
Nobel Peace Prize, right.
556
00:23:25,030 --> 00:23:26,152
For what?
557
00:23:26,152 --> 00:23:26,985
I don't know.
558
00:23:26,985 --> 00:23:27,932
(audience laughs)
559
00:23:27,932 --> 00:23:28,765
And then he said, "Look here, fuck that.
560
00:23:28,765 --> 00:23:30,367
"Look, I brought you here
for one specific reason.
561
00:23:30,367 --> 00:23:32,387
"Nobody else could get
the answer I'm the pres.
562
00:23:32,387 --> 00:23:35,087
"I need to know nobody can get
the answer but I'm the pres.
563
00:23:35,087 --> 00:23:36,070
"I need to know."
564
00:23:36,070 --> 00:23:38,947
And he leaned in and he asked me,
565
00:23:38,947 --> 00:23:41,715
"What the fuck did Tommy do for a living?"
566
00:23:41,715 --> 00:23:46,715
(audience laughs out loud)
(audience applauds)
567
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,303
I told him he ain't got no job pres.
568
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,724
Tommy the type good couldn't
hang out with Jerome.
569
00:24:05,724 --> 00:24:10,724
(grunts loudly)
(audience laughs out loud)
570
00:24:10,842 --> 00:24:12,187
I said your wrong in the.
571
00:24:12,187 --> 00:24:14,382
(audience laughing drowns out Marty)
572
00:24:14,382 --> 00:24:16,194
Watch your mouth!
573
00:24:16,194 --> 00:24:19,777
(audience applauds loudly)
574
00:24:24,668 --> 00:24:26,620
I just wanted to do that.
575
00:24:26,620 --> 00:24:29,070
Just 'cause y'all so good audience.
576
00:24:29,070 --> 00:24:31,110
I just wanted to do that.
577
00:24:31,110 --> 00:24:32,260
But y'all know I'm lying.
578
00:24:32,260 --> 00:24:34,008
Talking about meeting the present.
579
00:24:34,008 --> 00:24:35,993
I didn't meet the present.
I'm lying my ass off.
580
00:24:35,993 --> 00:24:36,826
(audience laughs out loud)
581
00:24:36,826 --> 00:24:37,877
Y'all know I'm lying,
582
00:24:37,877 --> 00:24:39,550
talking about smoking
weed with the president.
583
00:24:39,550 --> 00:24:41,217
Man, where my weed smokers at?
584
00:24:41,217 --> 00:24:43,855
(audience whoops loudly)
585
00:24:43,855 --> 00:24:45,310
Yeah, I see the black lips.
586
00:24:45,310 --> 00:24:46,770
I see the black lips.
587
00:24:46,770 --> 00:24:47,830
(audience laughs out loud)
588
00:24:47,830 --> 00:24:49,590
Boy, I can't smoke that shit all the time.
589
00:24:49,590 --> 00:24:51,693
Boy, weed have you doing some dumb shit.
590
00:24:51,693 --> 00:24:54,362
Have you getting dressed
in the kitchen and shit.
591
00:24:54,362 --> 00:24:55,200
(audience laughs)
592
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:56,510
Yeah, I'ma put my pants on
593
00:24:56,510 --> 00:24:58,280
and scramble my eggs at the same time.
594
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,012
Motherfuckers ain't thinking like that.
595
00:25:00,012 --> 00:25:02,512
They ain't thinking like that.
596
00:25:04,060 --> 00:25:05,820
Have you siting at a stop sign,
597
00:25:05,820 --> 00:25:07,270
waiting for it to turn green.
598
00:25:08,526 --> 00:25:12,109
(audience laughs out loud)
599
00:25:17,930 --> 00:25:20,190
Fuck is wrong with this light.
600
00:25:20,190 --> 00:25:21,733
You at a stop sign nigga.
601
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:23,760
Be looking for your phone
602
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,386
while you on the motherfucker and shit.
603
00:25:26,386 --> 00:25:28,090
Where the fuck is my phone?
604
00:25:28,090 --> 00:25:31,050
Where the fuck is my phone?
605
00:25:31,050 --> 00:25:33,190
I know it's around here somewhere.
606
00:25:33,190 --> 00:25:34,130
Let me call you back.
607
00:25:34,130 --> 00:25:36,533
I gotta find my motherfucking phone.
608
00:25:36,533 --> 00:25:40,116
(audience laughs out loud)
609
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,270
And black people and white
people we get high differently.
610
00:25:45,270 --> 00:25:48,020
Black people we get high
we start philosophying.
611
00:25:48,020 --> 00:25:49,026
We get high.
612
00:25:49,026 --> 00:25:49,860
(puffs loudly)
613
00:25:49,860 --> 00:25:52,310
'Cause the world is spinning
like a motherfucker.
614
00:25:53,180 --> 00:25:56,033
So if you wanna be
here, you gotta hang on.
615
00:25:56,033 --> 00:25:57,967
(audience laughs out loud)
616
00:25:57,967 --> 00:25:59,337
See how deep I just came?
617
00:25:59,337 --> 00:26:00,170
See how I deep?
618
00:26:00,170 --> 00:26:01,305
White boys smoke that shit.
619
00:26:01,305 --> 00:26:02,138
(puffs loudly)
620
00:26:02,138 --> 00:26:03,346
You hear that?
621
00:26:03,346 --> 00:26:05,444
(audience laughs out loud)
622
00:26:05,444 --> 00:26:07,055
Did you fucking hear that?
623
00:26:07,055 --> 00:26:07,888
(audience laughs out loud)
624
00:26:07,888 --> 00:26:10,900
It says kill four people,
dude, fucking kill four people.
625
00:26:10,900 --> 00:26:12,563
I'm gonna get my fucking gun.
626
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:16,583
White boys get all emotional and shit
627
00:26:16,583 --> 00:26:17,660
when they get high.
628
00:26:17,660 --> 00:26:19,693
Yo' dude, I fucking love you man.
629
00:26:20,762 --> 00:26:22,580
Fucken love your cats, your dogs,
630
00:26:22,580 --> 00:26:24,260
your hamsters, all that shit.
631
00:26:24,260 --> 00:26:25,563
Dude, I fucking love you.
632
00:26:26,450 --> 00:26:29,300
They put their body into it
too, I fucking love you dude.
633
00:26:30,212 --> 00:26:31,699
(grunts softly) Love your ass.
634
00:26:31,699 --> 00:26:32,532
(audience laughs out loud)
635
00:26:32,532 --> 00:26:33,550
You're my bestie fucking dude.
636
00:26:33,550 --> 00:26:36,073
You my fucking bestie dude.
637
00:26:41,298 --> 00:26:44,170
Getting high though, I
don't recommend you do this.
638
00:26:44,170 --> 00:26:45,800
Don't get high and drive.
639
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,315
I did that shit and that shit was crazy.
640
00:26:48,315 --> 00:26:49,900
I was at a club and I left the club.
641
00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:51,280
I was so fucking high.
642
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,660
I was driving and I pulled up at a light
643
00:26:53,660 --> 00:26:56,780
and I looked over and the cop
pulled up right beside me.
644
00:26:56,780 --> 00:26:58,060
I looked at the cop
645
00:26:58,060 --> 00:27:00,340
and I drove right through
the fucking light.
646
00:27:00,340 --> 00:27:02,690
(audience laughs out loud)
647
00:27:02,690 --> 00:27:04,143
I just pulled over.
648
00:27:05,580 --> 00:27:07,790
Cop said, "What were you thinking?"
649
00:27:07,790 --> 00:27:09,594
I said, I'm high.
650
00:27:09,594 --> 00:27:12,020
(audience laughs out loud)
651
00:27:12,020 --> 00:27:13,643
Doing too much, doing too much.
652
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:15,650
Can you give me a ticket?
653
00:27:15,650 --> 00:27:17,180
I gotta learn.
654
00:27:17,180 --> 00:27:19,393
I gotta fucken learn.
655
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:28,803
If you out there.
656
00:27:30,094 --> 00:27:32,330
if you getting your drink
on with your liquor.
657
00:27:32,330 --> 00:27:34,163
Yeah, be careful with that liquor.
658
00:27:36,210 --> 00:27:37,940
Be careful with that liquor.
659
00:27:37,940 --> 00:27:39,810
I like people that know
how to handle their drink.
660
00:27:39,810 --> 00:27:41,701
Social drinkers, get a little drink.
661
00:27:41,701 --> 00:27:42,771
(laughs out loud)
662
00:27:42,771 --> 00:27:44,601
Yeah, what I'm talking about?
663
00:27:44,601 --> 00:27:47,700
Yeah, it's all good. It's all good.
664
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:48,533
I know people
665
00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:50,360
that know how to drink
like that, they cool.
666
00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:53,050
But how do motherfuckers get this drunk?
667
00:27:53,050 --> 00:27:56,633
(audience laughs out loud)
668
00:28:10,982 --> 00:28:12,149
I need a Uber.
669
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:15,670
They got that drunk talk and shit.
670
00:28:15,670 --> 00:28:18,120
I need a Uber.
671
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,820
Somebody get me an Uber!
672
00:28:21,585 --> 00:28:24,418
(laughs out loud)
673
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:26,700
Now if you drinking be careful,
674
00:28:26,700 --> 00:28:28,330
know who you're drinking with.
675
00:28:28,330 --> 00:28:29,500
'Cause you fucking around.
676
00:28:29,500 --> 00:28:30,470
Don't know who you drinking with.
677
00:28:30,470 --> 00:28:32,711
Wake up the next day.
Your kidney be missing.
678
00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:33,790
(audience laughs)
679
00:28:33,790 --> 00:28:36,300
'Cause they be stealing
body parts and shit.
680
00:28:36,300 --> 00:28:39,000
You fuck around, wake
up, have a new leg on,
681
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,257
have a tall ass fucking leg on that.
682
00:28:41,257 --> 00:28:45,350
Who the fuck put this fucking leg on me?
683
00:28:45,350 --> 00:28:50,020
This tall ass, fucking
slap foot ass leg on me.
684
00:28:50,020 --> 00:28:50,853
Who the fuck?
685
00:28:52,090 --> 00:28:53,888
Who was I drinking with?
686
00:28:53,888 --> 00:28:55,468
(audience laughs out loud)
687
00:28:55,468 --> 00:28:56,540
Who the fuck was I
drinking with last night?
688
00:28:56,540 --> 00:28:57,373
What the fuck?
689
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,413
I can't even run in this motherfucker.
690
00:29:02,595 --> 00:29:06,178
(audience laughs out loud)
691
00:29:10,561 --> 00:29:13,811
Just turned 50 last year.
692
00:29:13,811 --> 00:29:18,811
(audience whoops loudly)
(audience cheers loudly)
693
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:20,950
Thank you.
694
00:29:20,950 --> 00:29:22,730
Thank you, getting old y'all, 50 man.
695
00:29:22,730 --> 00:29:24,310
Getting old, getting old.
696
00:29:24,310 --> 00:29:26,890
Got that gut now and shit got that gut.
697
00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:29,090
This motherfucker ain't
going nowhere, man.
698
00:29:29,090 --> 00:29:30,601
Ain't going nowhere.
699
00:29:30,601 --> 00:29:31,820
It's all 50, 50 all pudding.
700
00:29:31,820 --> 00:29:35,060
None but just pudding,
ain't gonna be no more abs
701
00:29:35,060 --> 00:29:37,210
on this motherfucker ever again.
702
00:29:37,210 --> 00:29:40,469
You'll never see another
ab on this motherfucker,
703
00:29:40,469 --> 00:29:41,302
but that's ayt, that's ayt.
704
00:29:41,302 --> 00:29:42,790
I ain't mad. I ain't worried.
705
00:29:42,790 --> 00:29:44,793
'Cause all this turn into dick after 12,
706
00:29:46,370 --> 00:29:48,233
it's just (mutters loudly) boom!
707
00:29:49,613 --> 00:29:52,363
(murmurs softly)
708
00:29:58,740 --> 00:30:00,760
Getting old y'all, getting old.
709
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:02,450
Be walking around the house.
710
00:30:02,450 --> 00:30:05,047
Singing jingles and shit.
711
00:30:05,047 --> 00:30:08,410
♪ You don't have to be lonely ♪
712
00:30:08,410 --> 00:30:10,710
♪ At farmersonly.com ♪
713
00:30:10,710 --> 00:30:11,900
(audience laughs out loud)
714
00:30:11,900 --> 00:30:13,650
Fuck am I my singing that shit for?
715
00:30:15,722 --> 00:30:20,024
♪ I'm in love with the coco ♪
716
00:30:20,024 --> 00:30:24,250
♪ Baking soda, I got baking soda ♪
717
00:30:24,250 --> 00:30:25,725
They got another one out.
718
00:30:25,725 --> 00:30:28,780
♪ Cut it, you got to cut it ♪
719
00:30:28,780 --> 00:30:30,187
I don't know what they say.
720
00:30:30,187 --> 00:30:32,124
♪ You got to cut it ♪
721
00:30:32,124 --> 00:30:33,442
(audience laughs out loud)
722
00:30:33,442 --> 00:30:36,480
♪ You got to cut it ♪
723
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,050
They got one song out "Truffle Butter".
724
00:30:38,050 --> 00:30:39,786
They be jamming on that shit.
725
00:30:39,786 --> 00:30:41,850
♪ Truffle butter, truffle butter ♪
726
00:30:41,850 --> 00:30:43,810
Anybody know what that is?
727
00:30:43,810 --> 00:30:45,820
They say that's when
you take the pussy juice
728
00:30:45,820 --> 00:30:48,730
and the ass juice and you mix it all up
729
00:30:48,730 --> 00:30:51,413
and sometime it got corn in it and stuff.
730
00:30:51,413 --> 00:30:52,284
(audience laughs out loud)
731
00:30:52,284 --> 00:30:54,070
And you just eat it all up.
732
00:30:54,070 --> 00:30:55,167
They be jamming too.
733
00:30:55,167 --> 00:30:58,460
♪ Truffle butter, truffle butter ♪
734
00:30:58,460 --> 00:30:59,610
Shit, I go to a restaurant.
735
00:30:59,610 --> 00:31:02,169
I don't order nothing with truffle in it.
736
00:31:02,169 --> 00:31:03,910
(audience laughs out loud)
737
00:31:03,910 --> 00:31:05,420
Getting old though y'all getting old.
738
00:31:05,420 --> 00:31:07,537
Starting to piss on myself.
739
00:31:07,537 --> 00:31:08,370
(audience laughs out loud)
740
00:31:08,370 --> 00:31:10,880
What the fuck is it at 50
when you see the bathroom?
741
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:12,410
Soon as you see that motherfucker,
742
00:31:12,410 --> 00:31:14,306
you start doing this shit.
743
00:31:14,306 --> 00:31:17,889
(audience laughs out loud)
744
00:31:21,877 --> 00:31:24,043
Oh, think you finish, oh, no!
745
00:31:26,020 --> 00:31:30,107
Oh, no, there it go
again, there it go again.
746
00:31:31,740 --> 00:31:33,463
My dick done shrank on me.
747
00:31:34,420 --> 00:31:36,370
I ain't know if it was my belly button.
748
00:31:37,470 --> 00:31:39,500
I'm starting to pee on my balls now
749
00:31:40,500 --> 00:31:42,260
and my balls just hanging in the water
750
00:31:42,260 --> 00:31:43,930
every time I sit down,
751
00:31:43,930 --> 00:31:45,994
just hanging in the water
752
00:31:45,994 --> 00:31:48,640
just dunky dunk, just moist balls.
753
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,210
Just damp balls all the time.
754
00:31:51,210 --> 00:31:56,210
Just moist damn balls every fucking time.
755
00:31:58,525 --> 00:31:59,358
Getting old. Getting old.
756
00:32:01,082 --> 00:32:02,689
Starting to shit on myself.
757
00:32:02,689 --> 00:32:04,120
(audience laughs out loud)
758
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:05,520
I know you think it can't happen to you,
759
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:07,683
but it can, it can.
760
00:32:09,861 --> 00:32:11,540
It happened to me I was in Vegas
761
00:32:11,540 --> 00:32:13,370
and I was going to an event
762
00:32:13,370 --> 00:32:15,080
and we was in the limo with my boy,
763
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:16,710
he got in the limo and he farted
764
00:32:16,710 --> 00:32:18,870
and I just thought that was disrespectful.
765
00:32:18,870 --> 00:32:19,949
He got in the limo.
766
00:32:19,949 --> 00:32:20,920
(grunts loudly)
767
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:22,370
I was mad y'all, I said,
768
00:32:22,370 --> 00:32:25,240
oh, he gonna get in my
limo and let off like that.
769
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,390
I said, oh, okay, I got one for his ass.
770
00:32:27,390 --> 00:32:28,810
Take this (grunts loudly).
771
00:32:28,810 --> 00:32:29,780
And I shitted.
772
00:32:30,665 --> 00:32:33,100
(audience laughs out loud)
773
00:32:33,100 --> 00:32:34,893
That soft diaper shit too.
774
00:32:37,980 --> 00:32:39,810
I couldn't go back in the hotel.
775
00:32:39,810 --> 00:32:41,380
So I just took my draws off.
776
00:32:41,380 --> 00:32:42,890
Got a good swipe
777
00:32:42,890 --> 00:32:45,240
and threw the motherfuckers
on the Vegas strip.
778
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,780
So if you see some shitty draws
out there, bring 'em to me.
779
00:32:49,780 --> 00:32:51,393
I'll sign 'em for you.
780
00:32:51,393 --> 00:32:54,976
(audience laughs out loud)
781
00:32:59,260 --> 00:33:01,540
Getting old, man. Getting old.
782
00:33:01,540 --> 00:33:03,170
I know you think fellas
you think your dick
783
00:33:03,170 --> 00:33:04,490
gonna be there for you all the time.
784
00:33:04,490 --> 00:33:06,170
At 50, that motherfucker start.
785
00:33:06,170 --> 00:33:07,193
They wanna act up.
786
00:33:08,045 --> 00:33:09,200
They just start it'd be doing shit.
787
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:10,963
Just be down that motherfucker.
788
00:33:12,526 --> 00:33:15,950
Just, just, just, just doing shit.
789
00:33:15,950 --> 00:33:18,137
I don't know. I ain't
fucking with you Marty today.
790
00:33:18,137 --> 00:33:19,342
I ain't fucking with you today.
791
00:33:19,342 --> 00:33:21,760
(audience laughs out loud)
792
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:22,593
And if your dick start acting.
793
00:33:22,593 --> 00:33:23,780
Now what you gonna need?
794
00:33:23,780 --> 00:33:25,260
You gonna need that what?
795
00:33:25,260 --> 00:33:27,810
That Viagra, anybody
here ever take Viagra?
796
00:33:27,810 --> 00:33:29,560
Y'all lying y'all ass off.
797
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:30,769
(audience laughs out loud)
798
00:33:30,769 --> 00:33:31,602
Y'all lying!
799
00:33:31,602 --> 00:33:32,460
Hey, take that shit.
800
00:33:32,460 --> 00:33:33,783
Take that shit. That shit work.
801
00:33:36,190 --> 00:33:38,660
It just got a lot of side
effects, a lot of side effects.
802
00:33:38,660 --> 00:33:40,950
One side effect is baldheads.
803
00:33:40,950 --> 00:33:43,106
There are a lot of baldhead
motherfuckers in here right now.
804
00:33:43,106 --> 00:33:45,000
(audience laughs out loud)
805
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,320
Another side effect is stuffy nose.
806
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:48,595
You don't get no pussy.
807
00:33:48,595 --> 00:33:49,710
You just be sniffing all
night (sniffs softly)
808
00:33:49,710 --> 00:33:50,623
doing this shit.
809
00:33:51,478 --> 00:33:52,830
Another one is diarrhea.
810
00:33:52,830 --> 00:33:56,200
And the other one is biggest
one of all it's blindness.
811
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,458
Would you risk going blind for some pussy?
812
00:33:58,458 --> 00:33:59,893
(audience laughs)
813
00:33:59,893 --> 00:34:01,970
I don't know I might have to risk that.
814
00:34:01,970 --> 00:34:03,270
I'll be blind in a motherfucker
815
00:34:03,270 --> 00:34:04,720
by who am I fucking?
816
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,203
who am I fucking?
817
00:34:08,260 --> 00:34:10,180
Be singing Stevie Wonder songs.
818
00:34:10,180 --> 00:34:14,392
♪ If you really love me ♪
819
00:34:14,392 --> 00:34:17,392
♪ Won't you tell me ♪
820
00:34:18,953 --> 00:34:20,200
That Viagra they say
821
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:21,850
if you gonna use that Viagra,
822
00:34:21,850 --> 00:34:23,390
they say if your dick stay hard longer
823
00:34:23,390 --> 00:34:24,330
than four or five hours.
824
00:34:24,330 --> 00:34:25,560
Go see the doctor.
825
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:26,590
I ain't gonna see no doctor.
826
00:34:26,590 --> 00:34:28,740
He ain't sticking no needle in my shit.
827
00:34:28,740 --> 00:34:30,560
My dick hard longer
than four or five hours,
828
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,062
I'm fucking everybody.
829
00:34:32,062 --> 00:34:33,962
(audience laughs out loud)
830
00:34:33,962 --> 00:34:36,262
(mutters) Got 'em.
831
00:34:36,262 --> 00:34:37,413
Take that.
832
00:34:37,413 --> 00:34:38,965
Take that, take that.
833
00:34:38,965 --> 00:34:39,798
Take that.
834
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:45,470
And they say, what if you get a hard dick
835
00:34:45,470 --> 00:34:48,010
and you gotta shit at the same time?
836
00:34:48,010 --> 00:34:49,446
That's cold, ain't it?
837
00:34:49,446 --> 00:34:51,039
Your dick hard, oh!
838
00:34:51,039 --> 00:34:55,383
(audience laughs out loud)
839
00:34:55,383 --> 00:34:56,943
Which one do I do first oh?
840
00:34:58,530 --> 00:34:59,931
Do I fuck first?
841
00:34:59,931 --> 00:35:00,764
And then go shit.
842
00:35:00,764 --> 00:35:01,597
Do I shit?
843
00:35:01,597 --> 00:35:02,430
And then go fuck.
844
00:35:03,536 --> 00:35:05,264
Or you just (grunts) let it all go.
845
00:35:05,264 --> 00:35:06,097
(audience laughs out loud)
846
00:35:06,097 --> 00:35:07,532
Got some good news.
847
00:35:07,532 --> 00:35:08,939
I got some bad news.
848
00:35:08,939 --> 00:35:09,772
(audience laughs out loud)
849
00:35:09,772 --> 00:35:12,530
Good news, I came, I came. I did, I came.
850
00:35:12,530 --> 00:35:14,375
Bad news is I shitted.
851
00:35:14,375 --> 00:35:15,664
(audience laughs out loud)
852
00:35:15,664 --> 00:35:16,805
We gonna clean it all up.
853
00:35:16,805 --> 00:35:18,888
We gonna clean it all up.
854
00:35:23,585 --> 00:35:24,443
- [Audience Member] Love you!
855
00:35:24,443 --> 00:35:26,513
- I love you back baby. I love you back.
856
00:35:27,667 --> 00:35:30,016
(audience cheers loudly)
857
00:35:30,016 --> 00:35:32,710
Went to see my doctor the other day.
858
00:35:32,710 --> 00:35:36,518
He gonna tell me that I
had a low testosterone.
859
00:35:36,518 --> 00:35:38,040
(audience laughs)
860
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:39,274
That's funny.
861
00:35:39,274 --> 00:35:41,690
(audience laughs out loud)
862
00:35:41,690 --> 00:35:42,530
He said I had a low testosterone.
863
00:35:42,530 --> 00:35:44,910
Said I had a low slow leak in my balls
864
00:35:46,330 --> 00:35:49,033
and the only way to fix it
was with some fix a flat.
865
00:35:50,538 --> 00:35:51,620
(audience laughs)
866
00:35:51,620 --> 00:35:53,350
Said it was a good thing I got in there
867
00:35:53,350 --> 00:35:56,400
when I did 'cause I was close to DD.
868
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:58,419
I was close to dead dick.
869
00:35:58,419 --> 00:35:59,960
(audience laughs out loud)
870
00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:01,190
Well, when you you got a dead dick
871
00:36:01,190 --> 00:36:04,410
all you just be soft
and in love, that's it.
872
00:36:04,410 --> 00:36:07,080
Only thing you could do is
become a good hugger and shit.
873
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:07,913
(audience laughs out loud)
874
00:36:07,913 --> 00:36:08,770
Get up under these arms girl.
875
00:36:08,770 --> 00:36:10,650
You know I'ma hug the
shit out your ass tonight.
876
00:36:10,650 --> 00:36:12,122
You know that, right.
877
00:36:12,122 --> 00:36:12,955
(audience laughs out loud)
878
00:36:12,955 --> 00:36:13,788
I might wrap a leg around your ass.
879
00:36:13,788 --> 00:36:15,893
I might wrap a leg around your ass.
880
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:24,932
Round of applaud all the
people in relationships.
881
00:36:24,932 --> 00:36:28,040
(audience applauds loudly)
882
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:29,863
Congratulations all for you.
883
00:36:31,230 --> 00:36:33,258
Round of applause to everybody looking
884
00:36:33,258 --> 00:36:34,293
for that one night stand tonight.
885
00:36:35,674 --> 00:36:37,249
(audience cheers softly)
886
00:36:37,249 --> 00:36:38,558
Y'all don't wanna admit this shit.
887
00:36:38,558 --> 00:36:39,930
One night stands is cool, they cool.
888
00:36:39,930 --> 00:36:41,060
It just fucked up the way
889
00:36:41,060 --> 00:36:42,930
you can't get rid of 'em sometime.
890
00:36:42,930 --> 00:36:45,406
After you hit it and
shit you be laying there.
891
00:36:45,406 --> 00:36:46,491
(huffs loudly)
892
00:36:46,491 --> 00:36:48,317
So what you about to do?
893
00:36:48,317 --> 00:36:50,248
(audience laughs out loud)
894
00:36:50,248 --> 00:36:51,290
And sometimes they don't wanna leave
895
00:36:51,290 --> 00:36:53,250
until the next day and shit.
896
00:36:53,250 --> 00:36:54,830
You gotta let 'em stay til the next day.
897
00:36:54,830 --> 00:36:57,510
Then get up in the
morning, get fully dressed.
898
00:36:57,510 --> 00:37:00,330
Walk them to the car, get them in the car,
899
00:37:00,330 --> 00:37:03,320
watch them drive off,
go back in your house.
900
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,070
Get undressed and get back in bed.
901
00:37:05,070 --> 00:37:06,347
I ain't fucking with you.
902
00:37:07,752 --> 00:37:09,793
Little stupid ass bitch.
I ain't fucking with you.
903
00:37:09,793 --> 00:37:13,860
(audience laughs out loud)
904
00:37:13,860 --> 00:37:15,570
You gonna have them
one night stand fellas.
905
00:37:15,570 --> 00:37:16,440
Use 'em condoms.
906
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:19,039
You know you don't want
use 'em condom fellas.
907
00:37:19,039 --> 00:37:19,872
Be talking about I like
to hit that thing raw,
908
00:37:19,872 --> 00:37:21,418
I like to hit that thing raw.
909
00:37:21,418 --> 00:37:22,251
Use them condoms.
910
00:37:22,251 --> 00:37:23,404
'Cause you fuck around,
911
00:37:23,404 --> 00:37:24,310
stick your dick in some, pull it out.
912
00:37:24,310 --> 00:37:27,054
Look like a hot dog that
popped in the microwave.
913
00:37:27,054 --> 00:37:29,070
(audience laughs out loud)
914
00:37:29,070 --> 00:37:29,930
You know it's fucked up
915
00:37:29,930 --> 00:37:31,932
when a doctor don't know
what he looking at when he,
916
00:37:31,932 --> 00:37:33,390
(audience laughs out loud)
917
00:37:33,390 --> 00:37:34,223
what the fuck am I?
918
00:37:34,223 --> 00:37:35,056
I don't, what the fuck?
919
00:37:35,056 --> 00:37:37,158
Let me make a fucking phone call.
920
00:37:37,158 --> 00:37:39,991
(audience laughs)
921
00:37:41,550 --> 00:37:43,590
Talk about them relationships though.
922
00:37:43,590 --> 00:37:45,380
They beautiful when they
first start out, man.
923
00:37:45,380 --> 00:37:47,630
I know some y'all sitting in here tonight.
924
00:37:47,630 --> 00:37:49,070
It's new, it's brand new.
925
00:37:49,070 --> 00:37:51,030
Fun when it's new.
926
00:37:51,030 --> 00:37:53,525
'Cause you got that giddy
walk every time you see him.
927
00:37:53,525 --> 00:37:55,215
Baby, babe!
928
00:37:55,215 --> 00:37:58,798
(audience laughs out loud)
929
00:38:03,810 --> 00:38:06,390
Oh, there go my baby, there go my baby!
930
00:38:06,390 --> 00:38:09,223
(audience laughs)
931
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:14,943
Ain't got no cool in your walk, just.
932
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:20,993
Kiss her like this,
933
00:38:20,993 --> 00:38:23,136
(smooches loudly)
934
00:38:23,136 --> 00:38:24,360
but it's nice when it first start off.
935
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:26,710
When it first start off, man,
you like to talk on the phone.
936
00:38:26,710 --> 00:38:28,450
Don't wanna hang up the phone.
937
00:38:28,450 --> 00:38:30,410
No, you hang up. No, you hang up.
938
00:38:30,410 --> 00:38:33,070
Okay, on three, hang up, one, two three.
939
00:38:33,070 --> 00:38:35,650
So you still on there. You still on there.
940
00:38:35,650 --> 00:38:37,090
Shit, when it go bad, you be like,
941
00:38:37,090 --> 00:38:38,464
bitch please, click!
942
00:38:38,464 --> 00:38:42,047
(audience laughs out loud)
943
00:38:43,420 --> 00:38:44,390
Remember when it was good.
944
00:38:44,390 --> 00:38:46,350
You were walking hold hands
and talk all that shit
945
00:38:46,350 --> 00:38:47,370
you ain't wanna talk,
946
00:38:47,370 --> 00:38:48,640
'cause it's your world baby
947
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,330
and we gonna be together a lifetime.
948
00:38:50,330 --> 00:38:51,370
That's just what it's about.
949
00:38:51,370 --> 00:38:53,320
I'm loving you girl. I'm loving you.
950
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:56,570
Like McDonald's I'm loving
you, that's beautiful.
951
00:38:56,570 --> 00:38:59,080
Shit, when it go bad you
be walking, leaving her.
952
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:02,483
Come on, come on bring
your ass on, come on.
953
00:39:03,448 --> 00:39:04,430
You get on my fucking nerve.
954
00:39:04,430 --> 00:39:06,550
I told you my fucking knees hurt.
955
00:39:06,550 --> 00:39:07,614
(audience laughs out loud)
956
00:39:07,614 --> 00:39:08,990
I told you to wear your
fucking knee brace.
957
00:39:08,990 --> 00:39:10,950
Told you to wear your knee brace.
958
00:39:10,950 --> 00:39:12,140
I can't stand your ass.
959
00:39:12,140 --> 00:39:14,240
You get on my fucking nerves.
960
00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:16,343
Can't stand your fucking ass.
961
00:39:18,580 --> 00:39:20,960
What happened when it was good?
962
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,160
Remember when it was good.
963
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:23,630
If your lady wanted some new titties
964
00:39:23,630 --> 00:39:25,560
you buy her some new titties, hook her up.
965
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:26,640
Shit, when it go bad.
966
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,650
You ready to take the titties back.
967
00:39:28,650 --> 00:39:30,525
Be rolling up on her and shit.
968
00:39:30,525 --> 00:39:34,553
(mutters loudly)
(audience laughs out loud)
969
00:39:34,553 --> 00:39:37,815
Oh, he pop my titties, he pop my titties.
970
00:39:37,815 --> 00:39:41,775
He took his titties back.
He took his titties back.
971
00:39:41,775 --> 00:39:45,987
He's a dirty motherfucker,
took his titties back.
972
00:39:45,987 --> 00:39:47,940
Took his titties back.
973
00:39:47,940 --> 00:39:49,820
(audience laughs out loud)
974
00:39:49,820 --> 00:39:51,698
Remember when it was good.
975
00:39:51,698 --> 00:39:52,531
You could watch a movie together.
976
00:39:52,531 --> 00:39:53,364
Just have a good time.
977
00:39:53,364 --> 00:39:54,990
Talk about the movie. Have a good time.
978
00:39:54,990 --> 00:39:56,150
Hey baby, you gonna love this movie.
979
00:39:56,150 --> 00:39:58,128
I'm telling you, just watch it.
980
00:39:58,128 --> 00:39:59,440
I don't wanna tell you the
end, but you gonna love this.
981
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:00,273
You're gonna watch this.
982
00:40:00,273 --> 00:40:01,460
That's beautiful.
983
00:40:01,460 --> 00:40:02,293
But when it go bad.
984
00:40:02,293 --> 00:40:04,240
You'd be sitting in silence,
looking at each other.
985
00:40:04,240 --> 00:40:07,056
When the other one ain't
looking, thinking mean shit.
986
00:40:07,056 --> 00:40:08,050
(audience laughs out loud)
987
00:40:08,050 --> 00:40:09,980
She be looking at your ass thinking,
988
00:40:09,980 --> 00:40:11,873
if I can stab this motherfucker,
989
00:40:14,038 --> 00:40:16,000
you be looking at her ass,
but she ain't looking.
990
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,202
My momma told me about this bitch.
991
00:40:18,202 --> 00:40:19,380
(audience laughs out loud)
992
00:40:19,380 --> 00:40:20,480
If I could choke her ass
993
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,580
and they don't trace it back to forensics.
994
00:40:23,530 --> 00:40:26,363
(audience laughs)
995
00:40:27,220 --> 00:40:28,053
Remember when it was good,
996
00:40:28,053 --> 00:40:29,360
your lady would come to bed
997
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,570
and a nice little negligee, nice teddy,
998
00:40:31,570 --> 00:40:32,560
something to entice you.
999
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:34,150
So you can get your fuck on.
1000
00:40:34,150 --> 00:40:37,581
Shit, when it go bad, she
come to bed with thermals.
1001
00:40:37,581 --> 00:40:38,520
(audience laughs out loud)
1002
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:43,500
Smelling like Noxzema and get
in bed and tuck the covers up
1003
00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:47,310
under her ass and start
spinning in that motherfucker.
1004
00:40:47,310 --> 00:40:50,130
'Cause she don't want you slipping no dick
1005
00:40:50,130 --> 00:40:51,344
and start spinning.
1006
00:40:51,344 --> 00:40:52,177
(audience laughs out loud)
1007
00:40:52,177 --> 00:40:53,860
I don't want him slipping no dick in.
1008
00:40:53,860 --> 00:40:55,520
I don't want him.
1009
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:56,903
I don't want him.
1010
00:40:57,770 --> 00:40:59,850
I don't want and lock.
1011
00:40:59,850 --> 00:41:01,393
Look like a fucking burrito.
1012
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,110
You can't get no dick in
the top or the bottom.
1013
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:08,830
But fellas you know
when we want that pussy
1014
00:41:08,830 --> 00:41:09,663
we want it right.
1015
00:41:09,663 --> 00:41:10,730
They wanna play them games.
1016
00:41:10,730 --> 00:41:11,580
What we do?
1017
00:41:11,580 --> 00:41:13,669
Go put that heater on 108.
1018
00:41:13,669 --> 00:41:14,920
(audience laughs out loud)
1019
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:16,480
Get back in bed, watch the sweat
1020
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:18,630
beat up on her head and shit.
1021
00:41:18,630 --> 00:41:20,980
By three o'clock she coming out the covers
1022
00:41:20,980 --> 00:41:23,050
by 3:15, she out the thermals,
1023
00:41:23,050 --> 00:41:24,689
by 3:30 the dick is in.
1024
00:41:24,689 --> 00:41:28,272
(audience laughs out loud)
1025
00:41:29,142 --> 00:41:31,063
I am the weight out man.
1026
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:34,823
You don't play them games with me.
1027
00:41:36,029 --> 00:41:37,020
We want it when we want it
1028
00:41:37,020 --> 00:41:38,390
they can have cramps and everything.
1029
00:41:38,390 --> 00:41:40,460
Well, how bad are the cramps?
1030
00:41:40,460 --> 00:41:43,040
(audience laughs out loud)
1031
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:44,593
Shit, they could be throwing up.
1032
00:41:44,593 --> 00:41:45,580
(grunts loudly)
1033
00:41:45,580 --> 00:41:47,826
Throw up that way, leave
the pussy down here.
1034
00:41:47,826 --> 00:41:51,409
(audience laughs out loud)
1035
00:42:05,603 --> 00:42:06,436
Oh, man.
1036
00:42:09,590 --> 00:42:13,310
If you in a abusive, violent relationship,
1037
00:42:13,310 --> 00:42:14,403
get out of that shit.
1038
00:42:15,302 --> 00:42:17,670
Some people laughing at the shit.
1039
00:42:17,670 --> 00:42:20,300
I ain't heard nobody laugh at that shit.
1040
00:42:20,300 --> 00:42:21,572
Violent relationship.
1041
00:42:21,572 --> 00:42:23,772
(laughs out loud)
(audience laughs out loud)
1042
00:42:23,772 --> 00:42:25,001
Somebody getting their ass beat.
1043
00:42:25,001 --> 00:42:29,563
(laughs out loud)
(audience laughs out loud)
1044
00:42:29,563 --> 00:42:30,930
If you in 'em one of
'em relations, get out.
1045
00:42:30,930 --> 00:42:33,183
I don't put my hands on a woman, first.
1046
00:42:34,030 --> 00:42:37,050
(audience laughs out loud)
1047
00:42:37,050 --> 00:42:40,010
Fuck that, you hit me. I'm
liable to hit you back.
1048
00:42:40,010 --> 00:42:42,417
Bitch, what the fuck wrong with you?
1049
00:42:42,417 --> 00:42:43,713
(audience laughs out loud)
1050
00:42:43,713 --> 00:42:44,683
You lost your fucking mind.
1051
00:42:45,727 --> 00:42:46,773
Fuck is wrong with you.
1052
00:42:51,670 --> 00:42:53,880
They tell you about all
the men that hit women
1053
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:55,010
but they don't tell you about women
1054
00:42:55,010 --> 00:42:56,700
that are fucking men up.
1055
00:42:56,700 --> 00:42:58,490
There's some women that
got treating men like,
1056
00:42:58,490 --> 00:42:59,670
where your cheque at?
1057
00:42:59,670 --> 00:43:01,686
You punk ass motherfucker.
1058
00:43:01,686 --> 00:43:02,519
Where your cheque at?
1059
00:43:02,519 --> 00:43:03,673
You suck a type ass.
1060
00:43:06,810 --> 00:43:08,067
You ever been arguing with your lady,
1061
00:43:08,067 --> 00:43:10,700
you know she about to hit
you 'cause she pacing.
1062
00:43:10,700 --> 00:43:11,920
Her hand is moving.
1063
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,303
She like, you's a dirty motherfucker.
1064
00:43:14,303 --> 00:43:15,220
(audience laughs out loud)
1065
00:43:15,220 --> 00:43:16,620
I never trusted your ass, you dirty.
1066
00:43:16,620 --> 00:43:17,960
And you baby, go ahead with that shit.
1067
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:19,300
Baby go ahead with that shit, now.
1068
00:43:19,300 --> 00:43:21,000
You was all dirty!
1069
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:21,910
Start swinging on you.
1070
00:43:21,910 --> 00:43:23,500
You start running and shit.
1071
00:43:23,500 --> 00:43:24,530
You look at your wrist.
1072
00:43:24,530 --> 00:43:25,530
What would Jesus do?
1073
00:43:25,530 --> 00:43:27,590
What would Jesus do?
1074
00:43:27,590 --> 00:43:30,097
I'm sorry Jesus, I gotta
hit this bitch back.
1075
00:43:30,097 --> 00:43:35,097
(squeals loudly)
(audience laughs out loud)
1076
00:43:40,337 --> 00:43:42,710
Hit her with the death punch.
1077
00:43:42,710 --> 00:43:44,350
You ever been in a relationship.
1078
00:43:44,350 --> 00:43:46,650
And you can't get your
emotions under control.
1079
00:43:46,650 --> 00:43:47,850
You just crying so much.
1080
00:43:48,907 --> 00:43:50,355
(audience laughs out loud)
1081
00:43:50,355 --> 00:43:51,755
That's how bad it hurts you.
1082
00:43:53,107 --> 00:43:55,086
I don't know what the fuck?
1083
00:43:55,086 --> 00:43:58,385
(whimpers loudly)
1084
00:43:58,385 --> 00:44:00,779
I don't know what the fuck?
1085
00:44:00,779 --> 00:44:02,551
Then you start asking questions.
1086
00:44:02,551 --> 00:44:05,370
What do you want with me?
1087
00:44:05,370 --> 00:44:07,890
What do you want from me?
1088
00:44:07,890 --> 00:44:09,410
I want you to get the fuck out my face
1089
00:44:09,410 --> 00:44:11,088
and leave me the fuck alone.
1090
00:44:11,088 --> 00:44:13,982
(audience laughs out loud)
(bawls loudly)
1091
00:44:13,982 --> 00:44:15,933
You's a cold bitch.
1092
00:44:15,933 --> 00:44:17,540
You's a cold bitch!
1093
00:44:17,540 --> 00:44:21,123
(audience laughs out loud)
1094
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:26,193
You don't care nothing about my feelings.
1095
00:44:28,710 --> 00:44:31,203
Fellas know a good thing
when you got a good thing.
1096
00:44:31,203 --> 00:44:33,390
A good woman though, good woman.
1097
00:44:33,390 --> 00:44:36,270
Sometime we be plotting
to get out of good thing.
1098
00:44:36,270 --> 00:44:38,460
You be telling a boy, I gotta
get out this relationship dog.
1099
00:44:38,460 --> 00:44:39,460
I gotta get out.
1100
00:44:39,460 --> 00:44:40,293
Dog, what she do?
1101
00:44:40,293 --> 00:44:41,341
What she do?
1102
00:44:41,341 --> 00:44:42,174
She a good girl.
1103
00:44:42,174 --> 00:44:43,316
Nah, man, she be getting up
1104
00:44:43,316 --> 00:44:44,947
all early in the morning and shit.
1105
00:44:44,947 --> 00:44:45,780
(audience laughs out loud)
1106
00:44:45,780 --> 00:44:48,090
Cooking and cleaning and shit.
1107
00:44:48,090 --> 00:44:49,890
Gotta get out dog. I got to get out.
1108
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:54,340
Ladies, when they plot to get outta,
1109
00:44:54,340 --> 00:44:56,010
you know when they tired and fed up,
1110
00:44:56,010 --> 00:44:56,890
they ready to get out.
1111
00:44:56,890 --> 00:44:58,150
'Cause it's all in their face.
1112
00:44:58,150 --> 00:44:59,740
Their attitude, everything.
1113
00:44:59,740 --> 00:45:00,670
They just look at you.
1114
00:45:00,670 --> 00:45:04,222
They just can't stand
you yo' ass, they just.
1115
00:45:04,222 --> 00:45:07,889
(audience laughs out loud)
1116
00:45:11,050 --> 00:45:13,837
Do you have to fucking chew like that?
1117
00:45:13,837 --> 00:45:14,670
(audience laughs out loud)
1118
00:45:14,670 --> 00:45:15,770
Every fucking thing annoys 'em.
1119
00:45:15,770 --> 00:45:17,382
Everything, you gonna fucken.
1120
00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:18,382
(yacks loudly)
1121
00:45:18,382 --> 00:45:19,832
Who the fuck chews like that?
1122
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:23,914
You have to fucking breathe like that.
1123
00:45:23,914 --> 00:45:25,341
(hums loudly)
1124
00:45:25,341 --> 00:45:26,941
Who the fuck breathes like that?
1125
00:45:30,020 --> 00:45:31,550
Be telling their girlfriend on you.
1126
00:45:31,550 --> 00:45:33,630
Girl, he ain't shit girl.
1127
00:45:33,630 --> 00:45:34,463
Girlfriend see you,
1128
00:45:34,463 --> 00:45:36,260
be acting different towards you.
1129
00:45:36,260 --> 00:45:37,865
Hi, how you doing?
1130
00:45:37,865 --> 00:45:41,448
(audience laughs out loud)
1131
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:46,120
She be telling her girlfriend.
1132
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:47,570
I gotta get out girl.
1133
00:45:47,570 --> 00:45:50,110
I don't want this fat ass, sleep ab,
1134
00:45:50,110 --> 00:45:51,813
annoying ass motherfucker.
1135
00:45:52,820 --> 00:45:53,790
And when you do that,
1136
00:45:53,790 --> 00:45:55,010
you might as well get out.
1137
00:45:55,010 --> 00:45:57,440
'Cause we wind up cheating on each other.
1138
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:58,850
And man, we terrible cheaters.
1139
00:45:58,850 --> 00:46:00,640
Women just stop speaking
to us for three days.
1140
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:01,790
We tell them ourselves.
1141
00:46:02,856 --> 00:46:05,623
Baby, you ain't said
nothing to me in three days.
1142
00:46:06,525 --> 00:46:10,240
All right, all right.
All right, all right!
1143
00:46:10,240 --> 00:46:14,140
I fucked your friend Thelma and Louise.
1144
00:46:14,140 --> 00:46:15,340
(audience laughs out loud)
1145
00:46:15,340 --> 00:46:17,170
'Cause what do we do
right before we cheat?
1146
00:46:17,170 --> 00:46:19,530
We ain't been doing it no other time.
1147
00:46:19,530 --> 00:46:21,940
We call, ain't call no other time,
1148
00:46:21,940 --> 00:46:23,470
but this time we wanna call.
1149
00:46:23,470 --> 00:46:25,490
Hey baby, hey baby, what's happening?
1150
00:46:25,490 --> 00:46:26,650
What's happening?
1151
00:46:26,650 --> 00:46:30,259
Yeah, just calling, checking
on you, that's all, that's all.
1152
00:46:30,259 --> 00:46:35,259
(mutters loudly)
(audience laughs out loud)
1153
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:37,950
You still wanna go to Hawaii?
1154
00:46:37,950 --> 00:46:39,200
You still thinking 'bout Hawaii?
1155
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,317
Yeah, I'm thinking about
taking you to Hawaii.
1156
00:46:41,317 --> 00:46:42,150
(laughs out loud)
1157
00:46:42,150 --> 00:46:43,800
Yeah, that's right, all right.
1158
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:48,220
Okay, all right. Let
me ask you a question.
1159
00:46:48,220 --> 00:46:49,853
You all the way across town.
1160
00:46:51,260 --> 00:46:53,520
About 30, 40 minutes away.
1161
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,990
Couldn't possibly get here in 20 minutes.
1162
00:46:55,990 --> 00:46:57,160
Okay, well, don't call back.
1163
00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:59,580
'Cause I'm gonna be in
the studio with Ne-Yo
1164
00:46:59,580 --> 00:47:00,470
and (indistinct).
1165
00:47:00,470 --> 00:47:04,053
(audience laughs out loud)
1166
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,290
Shit, the women want get dick on the side.
1167
00:47:07,290 --> 00:47:08,690
They gonna get dick on the side.
1168
00:47:08,690 --> 00:47:11,220
Ain't nothing you could do,
they just get proactive on you.
1169
00:47:11,220 --> 00:47:12,420
They be telling you shit like,
1170
00:47:12,420 --> 00:47:14,370
oh, tomorrow, if you was thinking
1171
00:47:14,370 --> 00:47:17,002
about asking for some pussy, don't!
1172
00:47:17,002 --> 00:47:19,090
(audience laughs out loud)
1173
00:47:19,090 --> 00:47:20,790
Yeah, 'cause I'ma have a headache.
1174
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:25,890
You be trying to negotiate
with 'em and shit.
1175
00:47:25,890 --> 00:47:27,440
If I bring you some crab legs
1176
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:28,973
you think I could get a smell.
1177
00:47:30,340 --> 00:47:31,173
Get you a smell
1178
00:47:31,173 --> 00:47:33,920
and leave them crab legs
on a table and shit.
1179
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:36,210
Women just tell you
they need some me time.
1180
00:47:36,210 --> 00:47:38,780
Tell you they gonna get a
manicure and a pedicure.
1181
00:47:38,780 --> 00:47:40,090
Be gone all day, come back.
1182
00:47:40,090 --> 00:47:41,656
That shit don't even be polished on.
1183
00:47:41,656 --> 00:47:42,600
(audience laughs out loud)
1184
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:44,343
Be spray painted on and shit.
1185
00:47:45,621 --> 00:47:47,150
They walk into the room with
a I just got some dick walk.
1186
00:47:47,150 --> 00:47:51,051
Goodnight. And the heater is broke bitch.
1187
00:47:51,051 --> 00:47:53,490
(audience laughs)
1188
00:47:53,490 --> 00:47:54,670
'Cause if a lady cheat on you.
1189
00:47:54,670 --> 00:47:56,320
You'll never know that package been open.
1190
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:57,153
You never know.
1191
00:47:57,153 --> 00:47:59,200
'Cause they know how to put
it back in a cuddle ball
1192
00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:00,860
and steam it back together.
1193
00:48:00,860 --> 00:48:03,133
They know how to iron the lips
1194
00:48:03,133 --> 00:48:03,966
on the motherfucking and shit.
1195
00:48:03,966 --> 00:48:05,120
And get all the inflammation
1196
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:07,425
out of the motherfucking
lips and all that, just.
1197
00:48:07,425 --> 00:48:10,175
(hissing loudly)
1198
00:48:16,448 --> 00:48:19,995
Just put that motherfucker back together.
1199
00:48:19,995 --> 00:48:21,970
And fellas, if you cheat
on your lady, be careful.
1200
00:48:21,970 --> 00:48:24,300
'Cause she'll smell your dick.
1201
00:48:24,300 --> 00:48:25,923
Don't wanna give you head in all the time.
1202
00:48:25,923 --> 00:48:27,860
But now that she wanna get you head
1203
00:48:27,860 --> 00:48:29,340
and then she down there smelling your dick
1204
00:48:29,340 --> 00:48:30,530
and she'll she ask you.
1205
00:48:30,530 --> 00:48:32,960
Why you smell like you got fresh balls?
1206
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:33,900
You've been gone all day.
1207
00:48:33,900 --> 00:48:35,720
You should have muskie balls.
1208
00:48:35,720 --> 00:48:36,681
(audience laughs out loud)
1209
00:48:36,681 --> 00:48:40,563
You should have a tangy
salty muskie ball smell.
1210
00:48:43,345 --> 00:48:44,545
You been cheating on me.
1211
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,070
And they biting dicks off
and they cutting dick's off.
1212
00:48:48,070 --> 00:48:50,661
They teaching ladies how to just bite 'em,
1213
00:48:50,661 --> 00:48:52,120
just clamp and snatch your dick off.
1214
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:54,364
Just snatch and leave you there like that.
1215
00:48:54,364 --> 00:48:57,410
(screams softly)
1216
00:48:57,410 --> 00:48:59,160
Fuck that I love my dick too much.
1217
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:00,610
I shouldn't have to sleep in a jockey cup
1218
00:49:00,610 --> 00:49:02,620
every time I get in an argument.
1219
00:49:02,620 --> 00:49:04,390
Love sex, where all my sex lovers at?
1220
00:49:04,390 --> 00:49:05,223
Sex lovers.
1221
00:49:06,074 --> 00:49:07,380
(audience cheers loudly)
1222
00:49:07,380 --> 00:49:09,170
Yeah, we adults, we can talk sex.
1223
00:49:09,170 --> 00:49:10,710
We admit that shit. Love sex.
1224
00:49:10,710 --> 00:49:12,260
I wish I was fucking right now.
1225
00:49:13,397 --> 00:49:15,390
Shit, that's what I love
to do in my spare time.
1226
00:49:15,390 --> 00:49:17,721
I just do this shit.
1227
00:49:17,721 --> 00:49:19,351
(audience laughs out loud)
1228
00:49:19,351 --> 00:49:20,930
Be playing and shit.
1229
00:49:20,930 --> 00:49:21,930
Just trying to move.
1230
00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:31,439
I just be trying shit.
1231
00:49:31,439 --> 00:49:34,210
Had a friend of mine gonna
tell me he was a sex addict.
1232
00:49:34,210 --> 00:49:35,820
What the fuck is a sex addict?
1233
00:49:35,820 --> 00:49:38,030
If you get a lot of
pussy, you a sex addict.
1234
00:49:38,030 --> 00:49:39,555
I ain't going to rehab.
1235
00:49:39,555 --> 00:49:40,950
(audience laughs softly)
1236
00:49:40,950 --> 00:49:42,090
What the fuck is a sex addict?
1237
00:49:42,090 --> 00:49:43,070
Do you just be walking?
1238
00:49:43,070 --> 00:49:44,164
Hi. How you doing?
1239
00:49:44,164 --> 00:49:45,890
Somebody get me some pussy.
1240
00:49:45,890 --> 00:49:47,660
Somebody get me some pussy.
1241
00:49:47,660 --> 00:49:49,720
I'm a sex addict. I gotta have it.
1242
00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:51,883
I'm a sex addict. I gotta have it.
1243
00:49:52,881 --> 00:49:54,430
(audience laughs out loud)
1244
00:49:54,430 --> 00:49:55,427
Hello, hi, there it go again.
1245
00:49:55,427 --> 00:49:56,427
There it go again.
1246
00:49:56,427 --> 00:49:57,260
(audience laughs out loud)
1247
00:49:57,260 --> 00:49:58,200
I'm an addict. I'm an addict.
1248
00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:00,450
I gotta have it. I gotta have it.
1249
00:50:02,460 --> 00:50:04,130
Fuck is sex addict.
1250
00:50:04,130 --> 00:50:06,270
Love, sex, love sex.
1251
00:50:06,270 --> 00:50:08,900
Love that soundtrack you
ladies give during sex.
1252
00:50:08,900 --> 00:50:11,000
Love that soundtrack. Y'all give it up to.
1253
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,099
Y'all give it up to y'all.
1254
00:50:13,099 --> 00:50:16,016
(squealing loudly)
1255
00:50:20,583 --> 00:50:24,166
Baby, baby, you killing
it, you killing it.
1256
00:50:26,227 --> 00:50:27,310
You killing!
1257
00:50:27,310 --> 00:50:28,992
That make you fuck hard, I'm killing it.
1258
00:50:28,992 --> 00:50:30,979
I'm killing it, I'm killing it!
1259
00:50:30,979 --> 00:50:34,562
(audience laughs out loud)
1260
00:50:35,517 --> 00:50:37,620
I love that soundtrack.
1261
00:50:37,620 --> 00:50:39,647
Some ladies give too much soundtrack.
1262
00:50:39,647 --> 00:50:40,550
(screams out loud)
1263
00:50:40,550 --> 00:50:42,173
Shut the the fuck up!
1264
00:50:42,173 --> 00:50:43,796
(audience laughs out loud)
1265
00:50:43,796 --> 00:50:45,346
You gonna make my dick go down.
1266
00:50:46,430 --> 00:50:49,521
Some like to make you solve
math problems and shit.
1267
00:50:49,521 --> 00:50:50,983
What's two plus two?
1268
00:50:50,983 --> 00:50:51,816
Four.
1269
00:50:51,816 --> 00:50:53,000
What's four plus four?
1270
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:53,833
Eight.
1271
00:50:53,833 --> 00:50:55,100
25 plus 35.
1272
00:50:55,100 --> 00:50:56,052
That's when you come.
1273
00:50:56,052 --> 00:50:56,885
(grunts loudly)
1274
00:50:56,885 --> 00:50:59,435
I'm sorry. I only got a GED.
1275
00:50:59,435 --> 00:51:00,570
(audience laughs out loud)
1276
00:51:00,570 --> 00:51:02,530
Yeah, I can't count that far.
1277
00:51:02,530 --> 00:51:04,773
Can't count. (laughs)
1278
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:08,240
But I give that soundtrack back.
1279
00:51:08,240 --> 00:51:09,073
I give it back.
1280
00:51:09,073 --> 00:51:11,117
I talk to 'em. I talk to 'em.
1281
00:51:12,235 --> 00:51:14,652
Shit, this motherfucker here.
1282
00:51:16,048 --> 00:51:18,013
(hissing loudly)
1283
00:51:18,013 --> 00:51:20,135
This motherfucker here.
1284
00:51:20,135 --> 00:51:24,250
Shit, oh, this some
good, oh, this some good.
1285
00:51:24,250 --> 00:51:26,356
Oh, can't tell you how that shit.
1286
00:51:26,356 --> 00:51:28,149
Put your motherfucken leg in there,
1287
00:51:28,149 --> 00:51:30,156
put your motherfucken leg up on.
1288
00:51:30,156 --> 00:51:31,774
Put your head in the,
1289
00:51:31,774 --> 00:51:35,191
put your head in the motherfucken pillow!
1290
00:51:36,850 --> 00:51:39,364
Give that shit up, I give it back.
1291
00:51:39,364 --> 00:51:40,447
Give it back.
1292
00:51:41,786 --> 00:51:43,050
(audience cheers loudly)
1293
00:51:43,050 --> 00:51:44,693
Ladies, I got some bad news.
1294
00:51:45,663 --> 00:51:47,018
I gotta share with you.
1295
00:51:47,018 --> 00:51:48,170
I might as well just tell you.
1296
00:51:48,170 --> 00:51:50,547
I'm not good at licking pussy.
1297
00:51:50,547 --> 00:51:52,050
(audience chattering loudly)
1298
00:51:52,050 --> 00:51:53,083
I know. I know.
1299
00:51:53,083 --> 00:51:53,916
I know. Go ahead, get it out.
1300
00:51:53,916 --> 00:51:56,630
Blame me. I know how terrible terrible.
1301
00:51:56,630 --> 00:51:58,088
I try to be good.
1302
00:51:58,088 --> 00:51:58,921
(blabs softly)
1303
00:51:58,921 --> 00:52:00,700
I tried with on the clit
1304
00:52:00,700 --> 00:52:02,103
I try to fast tongue,
1305
00:52:03,350 --> 00:52:05,645
you know, you just (murmuring).
1306
00:52:05,645 --> 00:52:07,296
I can't get that shit.
1307
00:52:07,296 --> 00:52:08,810
And I lick it like I'm licking ice cream
1308
00:52:09,670 --> 00:52:11,200
and I lick it with my eyes closed
1309
00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:14,070
and that's not good 'cause
sometime you go down too far
1310
00:52:14,070 --> 00:52:15,773
catch something on your tongue.
1311
00:52:15,773 --> 00:52:17,410
(audience laughs out loud)
1312
00:52:17,410 --> 00:52:18,443
What the fuck?
1313
00:52:20,947 --> 00:52:22,230
Fuck was that.
1314
00:52:22,230 --> 00:52:24,803
Like a spoiled marshmallow,
what the fuck was that?
1315
00:52:26,317 --> 00:52:28,280
(hissing loudly)
1316
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:30,310
Like a burnt black pistachio.
1317
00:52:30,310 --> 00:52:31,383
What the fuck is?
1318
00:52:32,595 --> 00:52:33,516
(hissing loudly)
1319
00:52:33,516 --> 00:52:34,866
What the fuck is that shit?
1320
00:52:36,090 --> 00:52:37,690
So I don't do that shit no more.
1321
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:40,313
I don't lick no pussy no more.
1322
00:52:42,060 --> 00:52:44,623
Ladies, I love that head y'all give.
1323
00:52:44,623 --> 00:52:45,456
What they call it?
1324
00:52:45,456 --> 00:52:47,630
Fellatio, love when y'all give that one.
1325
00:52:47,630 --> 00:52:49,200
There's some out there
know how to give it good.
1326
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:50,170
Give it right.
1327
00:52:50,170 --> 00:52:51,130
Some don't know how to do,
1328
00:52:51,130 --> 00:52:52,780
they cutting you all the fuck up.
1329
00:52:54,720 --> 00:52:56,844
But the ones that know
how to do that shit.
1330
00:52:56,844 --> 00:52:57,751
And look you in the eye. They be.
1331
00:52:57,751 --> 00:53:00,584
(smooches loudly)
1332
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:04,780
You get all shy and shit.
1333
00:53:04,780 --> 00:53:06,052
What you looking at me for?
1334
00:53:06,052 --> 00:53:09,635
(audience laughs out loud)
1335
00:53:11,580 --> 00:53:14,873
♪ If you really love me ♪
1336
00:53:14,873 --> 00:53:17,873
♪ Won't you tell me ♪
1337
00:53:19,150 --> 00:53:20,000
Let's talk pussies.
1338
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:21,740
Let's talk pussies.
1339
00:53:21,740 --> 00:53:25,873
Love pussy, been around
pussy for 50 years.
1340
00:53:27,060 --> 00:53:29,670
Oh, pussy, just don't like no dry pussy.
1341
00:53:29,670 --> 00:53:30,850
Some got it bad too.
1342
00:53:30,850 --> 00:53:33,330
Thing so dry, you sitting on it right now.
1343
00:53:33,330 --> 00:53:34,163
You sitting on it too.
1344
00:53:34,163 --> 00:53:35,645
You know who you are.
1345
00:53:35,645 --> 00:53:36,904
(audience laughs out loud)
1346
00:53:36,904 --> 00:53:38,294
That thing is like Ajax.
1347
00:53:38,294 --> 00:53:39,394
That shit's like Ajax.
1348
00:53:42,930 --> 00:53:44,370
You be in a motherfucker.
1349
00:53:44,370 --> 00:53:46,410
Be cutting you all up and shit.
1350
00:53:46,410 --> 00:53:48,640
When you finish you gotta
sit on the end of the bed.
1351
00:53:48,640 --> 00:53:50,463
Put Niels (indistinct) on your shit.
1352
00:53:51,365 --> 00:53:54,013
(audience laughs out loud)
1353
00:53:54,013 --> 00:53:56,790
I don't like no stinky pussy either.
1354
00:53:56,790 --> 00:53:58,920
Can't stand no stinky pussy.
1355
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:00,980
Pussy smell so bad, smell
like it should have a name
1356
00:54:00,980 --> 00:54:03,380
called Yacky Mandu.
1357
00:54:03,380 --> 00:54:04,213
(audience laughs out loud)
1358
00:54:04,213 --> 00:54:05,641
I could deal with the Yacky,
1359
00:54:05,641 --> 00:54:07,048
but that Mandu.
1360
00:54:07,048 --> 00:54:08,240
(audience laughs)
1361
00:54:08,240 --> 00:54:09,480
When you in there with that Yacky,
1362
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:10,953
you just be in there with that Yacky.
1363
00:54:10,953 --> 00:54:13,900
Okay, that ain't nothing
but a little Yacky.
1364
00:54:13,900 --> 00:54:17,720
That ain't nothing but
a (sniffs) little Yacky.
1365
00:54:17,720 --> 00:54:19,580
Oh, oh, there go that Mandu,
1366
00:54:19,580 --> 00:54:23,070
there go that Mandu, abort, abort, abort!
1367
00:54:23,070 --> 00:54:27,010
(audience laughs out loud)
1368
00:54:27,010 --> 00:54:29,280
I let a lady know when her
shit ain't smelling right.
1369
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:31,210
Smell that, smell that.
1370
00:54:31,210 --> 00:54:32,840
Your shit that's you.
1371
00:54:32,840 --> 00:54:34,717
I ain't been away all day that's you.
1372
00:54:36,924 --> 00:54:38,134
Yacky Mandu.
1373
00:54:38,134 --> 00:54:41,717
(audience laughs out loud)
1374
00:54:44,730 --> 00:54:46,850
I like ladies that know how
to take care of that thing.
1375
00:54:46,850 --> 00:54:49,900
Keep it clean, like fresh running water.
1376
00:54:49,900 --> 00:54:51,130
Make that thing look good too.
1377
00:54:51,130 --> 00:54:52,690
Make it look like a lobster
1378
00:54:52,690 --> 00:54:55,030
with butter coming down the motherfucker.
1379
00:54:55,030 --> 00:54:56,453
Just succulent man.
1380
00:54:57,580 --> 00:55:00,070
I find ladies don't like no stinky dicks.
1381
00:55:00,070 --> 00:55:02,130
And fellas we don't know
our dicks stink sometime.
1382
00:55:02,130 --> 00:55:02,963
'Cause our head is back.
1383
00:55:02,963 --> 00:55:03,796
When they given us head.
1384
00:55:03,796 --> 00:55:05,057
We don't know
1385
00:55:05,057 --> 00:55:05,960
but they'd be down there like this,
1386
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:07,909
damn, this nigga dick stink.
1387
00:55:07,909 --> 00:55:09,310
(audience laughs)
1388
00:55:09,310 --> 00:55:11,960
And sometime they catch a
ass breeze that go with it.
1389
00:55:13,908 --> 00:55:17,491
(audience laughs out loud)
1390
00:55:30,678 --> 00:55:32,761
Serious with it, serious.
1391
00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:36,173
Back to pussies, back to pussies.
1392
00:55:37,078 --> 00:55:38,760
I don't like them deep pussies.
1393
00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:40,770
I'm talking about pussy's
so deep Jacques Cousteau
1394
00:55:40,770 --> 00:55:42,150
wouldn't go there.
1395
00:55:42,150 --> 00:55:44,327
And you ever a been in the motherfucker,
1396
00:55:44,327 --> 00:55:45,160
you in it, you in it.
1397
00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:47,320
And she say, deeper, deeper!
1398
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:50,282
I already got my ass
bone in the motherfucker.
1399
00:55:50,282 --> 00:55:51,115
(audience laughs out loud)
1400
00:55:51,115 --> 00:55:52,390
How fucking deep can I fucking go?
1401
00:55:52,390 --> 00:55:54,990
You wind up putting your leg
in the motherfucker with this.
1402
00:55:54,990 --> 00:55:56,690
Go deep enough with this.
1403
00:55:56,690 --> 00:55:57,947
Go deep enough.
1404
00:56:00,340 --> 00:56:02,660
I don't like them beat up pussies, man.
1405
00:56:02,660 --> 00:56:05,355
Pussies look so bad look
like they got a black eye.
1406
00:56:05,355 --> 00:56:06,188
(audience laughs out loud)
1407
00:56:06,188 --> 00:56:08,550
And the lips on the
motherfucker just hanging.
1408
00:56:08,550 --> 00:56:12,543
On a motherfucker just hanging,
pussy look exhausted, just.
1409
00:56:12,543 --> 00:56:14,300
(hiss loudly)
1410
00:56:14,300 --> 00:56:16,757
Look like when you pull a
string out a turtle neck
1411
00:56:17,598 --> 00:56:18,740
and the turtle neck drop.
1412
00:56:18,740 --> 00:56:20,456
And motherfucker just.
1413
00:56:20,456 --> 00:56:22,751
(hissing loudly)
(audience laughs out loud)
1414
00:56:22,751 --> 00:56:23,584
You start crying and shit.
1415
00:56:23,584 --> 00:56:24,417
Who did this to you?
1416
00:56:25,271 --> 00:56:26,938
Who did this to you?
1417
00:56:28,250 --> 00:56:30,973
I'm calling 911. I'm calling 911!
1418
00:56:32,420 --> 00:56:34,760
Yeah, I wanna report emergency.
1419
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:37,069
Somebody beat it up real bad.
1420
00:56:37,069 --> 00:56:37,902
(audience laughs out loud)
1421
00:56:37,902 --> 00:56:38,735
Yeah, real bad.
1422
00:56:39,990 --> 00:56:41,990
And where my squirters at?
1423
00:56:41,990 --> 00:56:42,890
Love them squirters.
1424
00:56:42,890 --> 00:56:45,057
Boy, you don't know if
they came or pissed on you.
1425
00:56:45,057 --> 00:56:46,770
(audience laughs out loud)
1426
00:56:46,770 --> 00:56:48,010
All I know is they don't have to go
1427
00:56:48,010 --> 00:56:50,250
to the bathroom afterward.
1428
00:56:50,250 --> 00:56:51,470
You prepare for a squirter,
1429
00:56:51,470 --> 00:56:52,860
you know a squirter coming over.
1430
00:56:52,860 --> 00:56:56,120
You put plastic on your pillows,
on your sheets and shit.
1431
00:56:56,120 --> 00:56:58,916
Feel like your balls is
going through a carwash.
1432
00:56:58,916 --> 00:57:01,499
(purrs loudly)
1433
00:57:02,566 --> 00:57:05,020
And I found ladies love
to get that ass spanked.
1434
00:57:05,020 --> 00:57:06,360
They love to get that ass popped.
1435
00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:08,980
They just don't like to be
surprised with that shit.
1436
00:57:08,980 --> 00:57:11,052
You can't just be
fucking and just hit 'em.
1437
00:57:11,052 --> 00:57:11,885
(grunts softly)
1438
00:57:11,885 --> 00:57:13,506
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1439
00:57:13,506 --> 00:57:14,339
(audience laughs out loud)
1440
00:57:14,339 --> 00:57:15,800
You lost your fucking mind
you don't be hitting on me.
1441
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:16,720
I get their permission.
1442
00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:17,733
Ms. Lady, I'ma spank that ass.
1443
00:57:17,733 --> 00:57:19,843
I'ma pop that ass.
1444
00:57:19,843 --> 00:57:20,676
'Cause I asked nice, you can pop it.
1445
00:57:20,676 --> 00:57:21,509
You can spank it.
1446
00:57:21,509 --> 00:57:22,342
I let her know.
1447
00:57:22,342 --> 00:57:23,670
Okay, I got a couple of
different pops, okay.
1448
00:57:23,670 --> 00:57:24,750
Pick a pop and tell me which pop
1449
00:57:24,750 --> 00:57:26,560
would you like to your liking?
1450
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:29,540
Pick a pop, tell me which
pop you want to your liking.
1451
00:57:29,540 --> 00:57:30,920
Okay, I got one pop where I?
1452
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:31,753
(grunts loudly)
1453
00:57:31,753 --> 00:57:32,586
Hit you real quick.
1454
00:57:32,586 --> 00:57:34,086
Give you a little sizzle, a little sting.
1455
00:57:34,086 --> 00:57:35,090
(grunts softly)
1456
00:57:35,090 --> 00:57:35,923
A little sizzle, a little sting.
1457
00:57:35,923 --> 00:57:37,736
Or I got one where I go shoulder length.
1458
00:57:37,736 --> 00:57:38,596
(grunts loudly)
1459
00:57:38,596 --> 00:57:39,760
And I plow you into the pillow
1460
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:41,678
to pile you into the bed pole.
1461
00:57:41,678 --> 00:57:42,511
(grunts softly)
1462
00:57:42,511 --> 00:57:43,630
Or I could hit you with the chair.
1463
00:57:44,732 --> 00:57:45,565
(audience laughs out loud)
1464
00:57:45,565 --> 00:57:47,050
You want the chair.
1465
00:57:47,050 --> 00:57:47,883
Can you sign right here?
1466
00:57:47,883 --> 00:57:49,830
And say, I got permission
to hit you with the chair.
1467
00:57:49,830 --> 00:57:52,300
'Cause I'ma lay your fucking ass out!
1468
00:57:52,300 --> 00:57:55,958
LA, much love y'all, much love.
1469
00:57:55,958 --> 00:58:00,958
(audience applauds loudly)
(heroic hip hop music)
1470
00:58:32,410 --> 00:58:34,810
If I could say one message to my fans.
1471
00:58:34,810 --> 00:58:37,120
It most definitely would be thank you.
1472
00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:38,670
It most definitely be thank you
1473
00:58:39,750 --> 00:58:41,320
to them for over the years.
1474
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:43,910
Just all the love and the support.
1475
00:58:43,910 --> 00:58:46,670
And I know without them,
I would not be here.
1476
00:58:46,670 --> 00:58:49,403
- Martin!
- Really enjoyed it.
1477
00:58:49,403 --> 00:58:51,617
- I think my favorite
joke when he was talking
1478
00:58:51,617 --> 00:58:52,610
about the White House,
1479
00:58:52,610 --> 00:58:54,080
when he met the president,
1480
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,800
well, Michelle said, "Marty Mart."
1481
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:58,502
- I'm not saving the world.
1482
00:58:58,502 --> 00:59:00,370
(laughs out loud)
1483
00:59:00,370 --> 00:59:02,880
But I'm just trying to make you laugh.
1484
00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:06,390
- Three taps on the
ass. That's my favorite.
1485
00:59:06,390 --> 00:59:08,090
(laughs out loud)
1486
00:59:08,090 --> 00:59:09,372
- Best was the Ajax.
1487
00:59:09,372 --> 00:59:10,912
(all laughing)
1488
00:59:10,912 --> 00:59:12,400
I have a headache right now.
1489
00:59:12,400 --> 00:59:14,840
- I love when I change their whole mindset
1490
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:19,691
of if they come in the show and they,
1491
00:59:19,691 --> 00:59:20,780
(hums loudly)
1492
00:59:20,780 --> 00:59:23,580
let me what this motherfucker
got for us tonight.
1493
00:59:23,580 --> 00:59:25,830
I love changing that whole attitude
1494
00:59:25,830 --> 00:59:28,010
and seeing them by the
time, the end of the night
1495
00:59:28,010 --> 00:59:32,170
they're like this or that,
like, oh, he's crazy, so crazy.
1496
00:59:32,170 --> 00:59:35,240
I love that. It's all worthwhile.
1497
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:36,640
- Everything, everything
from beginning to end
1498
00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:37,960
it was funny, everything.
1499
00:59:37,960 --> 00:59:39,887
- We love you, Marty Mart!
- Been gone for a minute
1500
00:59:39,887 --> 00:59:41,923
but we love you, come to support you!
1501
00:59:41,923 --> 00:59:44,270
- Personally from me to you to y'all.
1502
00:59:44,270 --> 00:59:47,410
Thank you so, so, so very much.
1503
00:59:47,410 --> 00:59:49,723
And I appreciate you. God bless.
1504
00:59:50,664 --> 00:59:53,910
(bouncy hip hop music)
1505
00:59:53,910 --> 00:59:54,743
- Whaddup Marty Mart?
1506
00:59:54,743 --> 00:59:56,780
You still my old G baby.
1507
00:59:56,780 --> 00:59:59,750
I'm glad to see you back
out there doing your thing.
1508
00:59:59,750 --> 01:00:02,580
Comedy needed you. We needed you.
1509
01:00:02,580 --> 01:00:06,640
I'm glad, you still one of
my greatest comic heroes.
1510
01:00:06,640 --> 01:00:10,950
You, Eddie, Richard, George
Carlin, Jackie Gleason.
1511
01:00:10,950 --> 01:00:13,220
- I tried to see him during a
movie I'm doing it with him.
1512
01:00:13,220 --> 01:00:14,750
I know he recognized me.
1513
01:00:14,750 --> 01:00:16,380
He invited me to dinner,
but I didn't tell him
1514
01:00:16,380 --> 01:00:19,960
exactly what time I stopped
by his trailer complex.
1515
01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:21,720
And Larry who knows me.
1516
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:22,620
We're buddies.
1517
01:00:22,620 --> 01:00:25,000
He looked right at me,
sees me all during the day,
1518
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,180
sees me at night in the wrong area.
1519
01:00:27,180 --> 01:00:31,430
And he says to me, "Are you lost?"
1520
01:00:31,430 --> 01:00:35,300
No, I was here to see Mr. Lawrence.
1521
01:00:35,300 --> 01:00:37,760
which is what he likes to be referred to.
1522
01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:40,874
- Martin Lawrence. Let me
tell you something, man.
1523
01:00:40,874 --> 01:00:43,220
You, my old G, man, you
put me on the game, man.
1524
01:00:43,220 --> 01:00:45,320
And the favorite moment of Martin Lawrence
1525
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:46,637
is when you play.
1526
01:00:46,637 --> 01:00:48,608
♪ I said Jerome in the house ♪
1527
01:00:48,608 --> 01:00:52,709
♪ I said ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
1528
01:00:52,709 --> 01:00:57,580
♪ Let me have (indistinct) ♪
1529
01:00:57,580 --> 01:01:01,010
- Martin Lawrence is a great actor.
1530
01:01:01,010 --> 01:01:02,480
He's a great friend.
1531
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:04,420
He's a great comedian.
1532
01:01:04,420 --> 01:01:05,850
And I think the reason
1533
01:01:05,850 --> 01:01:09,260
that he is great is
because he's so generous.
1534
01:01:09,260 --> 01:01:12,640
He always has room for
someone else to be funny.
1535
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:14,313
- We go all the way back, man.
1536
01:01:14,313 --> 01:01:15,643
Don't do me like that Marty Mart.
1537
01:01:16,661 --> 01:01:17,494
You know what I mean?
1538
01:01:17,494 --> 01:01:18,327
I'm out here to support, man.
1539
01:01:18,327 --> 01:01:20,995
It's the legendary Martin Lawrence, man.
1540
01:01:20,995 --> 01:01:23,270
I always said to myself as a kid,
1541
01:01:23,270 --> 01:01:26,440
the moment, I get a chance
to go to a live concert.
1542
01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:29,761
I will be doing that since
I was seven, six years old.
1543
01:01:29,761 --> 01:01:31,766
You feel me, so, time has arrived.
1544
01:01:31,766 --> 01:01:33,239
You dig what I'm saying?
1545
01:01:33,239 --> 01:01:34,646
I'm out here in LA.
1546
01:01:34,646 --> 01:01:36,283
He's back doing his thing.
1547
01:01:36,283 --> 01:01:37,507
One of the greatest you feel me.
1548
01:01:37,507 --> 01:01:39,340
- You've always been funny.
1549
01:01:39,340 --> 01:01:41,070
You always been a cool dude
1550
01:01:41,070 --> 01:01:43,440
even though you cheat at
basketball, but that's cool.
1551
01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:44,550
I still love you, man.
1552
01:01:44,550 --> 01:01:46,510
And can't wait,
1553
01:01:46,510 --> 01:01:49,720
what you gonna do for
the next 25-30 years man?
1554
01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:52,130
We in your corner, we love you.
1555
01:01:52,130 --> 01:01:53,460
Stay funny.
1556
01:01:53,460 --> 01:01:55,220
Hey man, and stay my friend.
1557
01:01:55,220 --> 01:01:57,433
Yo' Martin, we love you, man.
1558
01:01:57,433 --> 01:02:00,683
(bouncy hip hop music)
106020
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese