All language subtitles for Barcelona.Christmas.Night.2015.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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If you expect one of those stories,
a sentimental film about love,

you're going to be disappointed.

We'll see about that.
So what then?

Well, I went on a date.

A date?

Yes, a date, but a date-date.

With messages first,

I can't do tomorrow,
well I can't the day after,

well then I'll have to check my agenda,

making it quite clear from the start,
that I'm not exactly an easy guy.

Very well, very well,
but how did it go?

Well... It didn't go.

But it wasn't my fault, I mean,
I had it all under control.

I took her to the pictures,
then I took her to dinner,

I accompanied her to her door
and then, well, we...

went upstairs to her flat

and there was a bit of everything.
-Everything?

You make me tell you
about some things, Antonia...

We went out for a few days,
a few weeks,

and then I don't know
what came over me,

but I lost interest in knowing
where the thing was going.

And here we are.

It's always the same.
-Yes, always the same.

I don't know,
I suppose love is not for me.

I'll tell you something, Antonia.

It's possible that love doesn't exist.

It's a trick of nature, yes.

So that we have children,
so that the species can survive.

Sensitive, active, basic.

Basic, as always, Carles.
Like you.

Carles, how on Earth is the child
going to weigh 11 to 16 kilos?

You don't reckon?
I picked her up the other day

and I almost slipped a disc.

That's because you do no exercise.

Or because you don't pick her up much.

I don't? When I pick her up at home,
I do sets lifting her like this,

building my arms up.

Serotonin, phenylethylamine

dopamine, pheromones,

chemical elements that make up
part of nature's plan.

Hey, that's not an insult,
it isn't even a word.

Of course it is.
-Oh really? What is an agastopic?

You're an agastopic.

Agastopic your mother!

See how it does exist,
even you use it.

That's for the youngsters
that still believe in it all.

Don't say those things, Miguel.
-But it's the truth.

And the girl comes to me
and says that...

she wants to break up.

The same thing
keeps happening to me, Sara,

they all leave me,

I don't know what I do wrong,
what do I do wrong?

The truth is... I don't know.

Pure chemistry, Antonia,
pure chemistry.

Oh, Miguel...

And it's not just me who says so,
a lot of authors say the same.

Do you want me to jot down
one of those web sites that I use?

No, please, Antonia.

Here he is and he doesn't say a word.
-But I've just arrived.

Give me a kiss.
-Of course.

You're more handsome
since you've been going out.

Oh, Miguel,
what are we going to do with you?

I don't know, Antonia.
I've just lost all...

Listen, you can finish this off
by yourself, can't you?

Yes, thanks a lot.

Hope the parade goes well.
-Thanks, Antonieta.

BARCELONA, WINTER NIGHT

It has to be today.

Today, what?

No, we already discussed it.

Listen, Júlia, today is the day.

Why does it have to be today?
I don't feel very well.

Can't it be tomorrow or another year?

In the end, for what?
-Because this can't be.

Of course it can.
It's always been.

Well, now it won't be anymore.

Rebellion is at 20,
not 80, Carme.

It'll be ok.

Granny, can I help you with that?
It must be heavy.

Hey, Júlia.

Yes, she left without looking back.

I've never seen anyone
run so fast in my life.

Who the hell is he telling it now?
-How do I know, man?

You do understand me, Sara.

You're an incredible girl,
attentive, understanding, pretty.

Sorry, look, I have to go,
I have work to do at the desk.

Ok, ok,

Ok, enough.
Listen the both of you.

What are you wearing?

This is typical of Catalonia,
I bought it on the Ramblas.

Everyone wears it here,
the odd thing is not to wear it.

I haven't seen anyone wear it.
-Well, they wear it.

Will you let me speak?
Thank you.

I have flyers for a bar for tonight.

I've got it all prepared. Here.

Put it away,
don't let the mossos catch you,

or they'll beat you up.
-This is marijuana.

Of course, tonight.
Which part did you not understand?

I'm not going to go out,

I'm going to have dinner in the hotel
and watch a film.

Film? A film's good too.

A cool film, not just any crap.

A romantic comedy,
something for everyone.

Love Actually, for example.
That's fucking good.

And candles,
we'll need candles too

for when we get in the bathtub naked
and we all suck our own cocks.

You promised me
that we we're going out,

no dinner tonight.

Man, the plane leaves
first thing in the morning.

We're in Barcelona,

the world capital of sexual debauchery.

Here it's considered quite rude

if you ask a girl for a fuck
and she refuses.

After what has happened to me,
I'm not up for partying, guys.

And again...

You have pissed me off,
I'm going to spell it out to you.

Do you know why Bárbara
and all the other girls have left you?

Curro, calm down.
-I am calm, I'm telling him nicely.

Because you're a pain in the arse.

Yes, very gentle.
-He acts stupid.

He falls in love, he smothers them
and then they get scared.

That's not true.

How long were you with Bárbara
before you started to go out?

Two days.
-And with Ana?

The same day I meet her,
we started to go out.

And what do you think
of the girl in reception?

She's a delightful girl.

See? It feels like you're going to ask
them to marry you on the first night.

That only happened once.

Am I not allowed to get involved
with a girl and fall in love or what?

Óscar, what you need
is to find the middle ground,

and for that, you have to have lived
at both ends of love.

The loser who falls in love
the first day and wants to get married,

and the shag monster: you shag her
for one night and go back home.

I'm going to show you
how to be that shag monster.

We're coming out tonight
and you're going to do what I tell you.

I really don't feel like
going out tonight, man. I dunno.

And what do you feel like, Óscar?

Being bitter for the rest of your life
in hotel bedrooms?

No.
-Of course not.

The Catalan girls are going to get
a taste of their own medicine.

Ok.
-Ok no, louder.

Ok.
-Ok what?

That I'm going to pull a girl.
-And what else?

That I'm going to pull a girl,
I'll fuck her and that's that.

Of course, to shag.

Who's my tiger?

Have a good time.

Hey, where are you going, Casanova?
-Aren't you staying?

Tequila and games, eh?
Tempting, but I have a date.

Hey, you devil!
Long live love!

Hurrah.
-Wanker and he doesn't know it.

What did you order for dinner?
-Some paprika spuds.

You're joking.
The vegetarian again?

Don't you like it?

But since when, mate?

I'll go.

Son of a bitch,
I know what you're up to.

Which girl do you like,
the blond or the brunette?

But the brunette
must be almost 60, Adri.

Well, an old hen makes good broth.

Well, yes, I've been working on her
for a month now, don't spoil it for me.

Hey, I've been working on her too.

Every time
I pass in front of the restaurant,

I stop and look at her like:
'Yes or no? Yes or no?'.

That's stupid,

I've been ordering food for a month

and I ring two days yes, one day no,
one day no, two days yes

and then one no,
one yes and three no,

and then start again so as to not ring
every day and seem crazy.

Ok, if it's that important to you,
I'll leave her to you.

You'll leave her to me?

Are you saying that if you wanted her
then I'd have no chance?

I'm good with the girls
and you are good with...

words.

So it's the Scrabble for me
and the birds for you. Fuck you then.

Wow, what a cool flat you have.
-Yes, right?

But if you keep calling up so often
I'll think you want to see me.

Of course, home delivery girlfriends,
that'd be cool if it existed.

It does,
they're called prostitutes.

Here, Álvaro. Bon appetit.
-Angel.

Ángel, Ángel.
See you soon,

I know you, don't I?

So you two are...
-Mates.

Ah, you're mates.

Each with their own room,
don't get make a mistake, we're not...

Yes, flat mates.
-Ah, yes, of course.

Good, cool. Nice to meet you.
-I'm Adrián.

Hello. I'm Silvia.

Anyway.
-Well, thanks for the food.

Ah, of course.

Anyway then...

One thing.
Are you doing anything tonight?

Ah, no. Well, in a couple of hours
I'll finish the deliveries

and then nothing.

Ah well, if you fancy coming
and having a drink here with us?

Ah... Yes, yes, yes.
Why not? Yes, of course.

When I'm done I could come
and have a drink, of course.

Perfect.
-Perfect.

We'll be here.
-Ok, good. Bon appetit.

Ok. Bye, love.
-See you later, bye.

Come in.

See this pile of papers here?

They're CVs.

'I want to work hard to learn
the trade properly blah, blah, blah'.

Do you think
they'll make a good photographer?

Don't know.
-I think they'll be a shit photographer.

Like all you youngsters that have never
developed a film in your life.

But it seems, at least,
that they'll try and do their job.

Have you seen
what you sent me last week?

I asked for photos of a bloke
coming out of hospital.

Look, here is his back,

this seems very artistic,
but I don't get it,

here his face is covered by tape.
For the love of Christ, Anna.

I don't really feel quite comfortable
with this type of reporting.

Listen, sugar,
at this agency we do everything.

If the tabloid press
is not enough for you,

maybe you're not cut out for it.

At your age I didn't mind
getting my hands dirty.

You have to do whatever has to be done,
needs to be done.

But not this crap, please,
in black and white.

Crap, crappier.

You can't see him.

I promise that next time...

We'll see if there's a next time.

Now you have to go out right now.

One of your colleagues says they're ill
and you have to cover the parade.

Smiling kids, Christmas spirit,
people grabbing sweets...

Yes, boss.

Don't fuck up again, Anna.

That's it, chubby.
Nearly done.

And this tab goes here...

No, don't cry. Daddy's got the answer
for everything, you'll see...

Look what Daddy's got.

See? That's it.
Look, that's marvellous.

Daddy's so good at this.

'We are sorry to inform you

that we can't hire you by now.'

Operation complete, stop.

Ready to leave,

How do you switch off
this contraption?

Come on. My cute little girl.

Well? Let's go.
-To Madrid?

No, to the parade.
-To the parade, now?

It's a bit tight, Carles.

Afterwards we'd have to come here
before leaving.

And the baby is very small,
she won't notice anything.

Come on, it just takes a moment.

Really, Carles,
it seems like a fuss to me.

Let's do something, we're going to vote,
it's what the baby wants.

Who wants to go the parade? Me!
See? She's screaming for it.

Very well, off to the parade.

You've got everything ready?
-Yes, yes. Right?

You were going to leave
her coat behind.

I was going to get it now, yes.

The gloves, her woolly hat.

I was, yes, I was going...
Yes, of course.

The other dummy...

I was going to get it.

Dalsy
-Fuck, the Dalsy.

The wipes, nappies...

Laura, to go out in this mood,
there's no need for you to come at all.

No, you're the one
insisting on going. It's ok.

It seems like you don't want me
to go out with the baby by myself.

I don't want to argue, Laura,
really, but... I dunno.

It seems you're the only one
who makes the decisions here.

You know what it is? If I don't make
the decision, nobody does.

And how does that feel, to be the boss
and at the same time be downtrodden?

It's not very understandable.

I didn't say anything
about being in charge.

I'm talking about responsibility.
-Ah, very good.

I don't want to argue either.

If it was all about being in charge,
and we did everything that I wanted,

what am I doing living in Barcelona,
far from my family, having left my job?

Hey, I have to make sacrifices too.
I go to Madrid...

No, no...

Come on, come.
-She's fine with me.

Yes, I know.

Cochie coo, cochie coo...

Hey, Laura, about Barcelona,
we talked and decided together that...

it was the best option, no?
-But in the end who lost out?

We both lost out,
that's why we're a couple, shit.

Or don't I pay the rent
and there's no problem?

You're so generous...

You make sure you remind me
now and again, just in case I forget.

No, no, no.

All I'm asking you
is that you support me a little bit more.

Oh, so now I don't support you.
I don't support you, come on.

The baby was ill for two weeks
and I never had a minute's rest.

Maybe you could ask for help, Laura.

That's the angle?
I have to ask you for help?

No, no...

Ok, ok.

What's the paediatricians name?

Now what are we playing at?

Do you see? Or don't you?

It's on the tip of my tongue,
but how's that important? It's not...

Yes...

Laura...

I think we'll start
heading off for the AVE.

Ah, very good.

And by we,
who are you referring to exactly?

Well, look, if you want to,
you come and if not you stay.

Fantastic so then,
you do make all the decisions, yes.

You'll allow me just one liberty?

Hey, Laura, Laura..

What?

Look, Carles,
do whatever you want.

No, don't get it wrong, it's not me
who does whatever the fuck they want.

Dr. González...

Dr. González...

Give King Melchior a warm welcome!

Miguel, everything ok?

Andrea!

What are you doing?

Sorry, sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

A picture!
Yes, very good. Smile!

Post it on Facebook.
-Hey! What's up?

One of the Wise men jumped of his float.
-What?

Jaume Armengol Fons?

I'm he.

I have to talk to you,
it's very important.

Come in.

What, you've come here
to take a walk?

No, no no.

I'm looking for information
about a person,

a girl called Cécile.

Cécile?

Cécile is...

She died three months ago.

I came because you have a daughter.

This is your daughter, my mother.

Up till three months ago we never
even knew that you were her father.

My daughter.

This afternoon, King Melchior

has become the uncontested star
of the parade of Barcelona,

if you haven't seen the images yet,
pay attention,

Good evening.

Majesty...

Would you like something?

We have fritters
with or without chocolate,

filled with custard, caramel, cream,

we've also got donuts.

Some normal fritters, please.

A classic amongst classics.

You've made a great choice.

Here you are, your majesty.

Thanks.

I don't have his photos,
but I swear that next time...

I don't care, Bye,

Hello? No.
No, no. Hello?

Hello.

I'm Anna. And you?

Sorry, I don't feel like talking...

I work for an agency and I think
they'll sack me all because of you.

Well, it's not your fault,

but I was at the parade

and I couldn't capture
your daring deed.

You see, there were
these really cute twins

and I thought
that was what they wanted.

Wearing identical jumpers,
like with little Christmas trees.

Yes, those.
-Can you show me the photo?

Ah, yes.

In fact I wanted to ask you
if I could take a few photos of you.

Be quiet, please.

This is her, look at her.

See the woman with a bag in her hand?

Is it familiar?
I mean, have you seen it?

No, there was
a lot of people there and I...

The bag. Where's it from?

Sorry. Look, see the woman
with a bag in her hand?

Yes.
-Is the bag familiar? Where's it from?

That's from a hotel chain,
my mother in law lives next door.

What's the name?
-Mercé. Well, Mercedes.

When I got married I didn't know
they called her Mercedes,

and here's me 'Mercé, Mercé, Mercé'...
-The hotels, not your mother in law.

Eh... Silken.

Thanks, thanks.

Wait! Your majesty!

I've been robbed, the fella
with the beard, he stole my wallet.

Fucking hell.
I haven't got a penny.

I can help you.

I haven't got any cash,

but I've got a camel
that'll take you anywhere you want.

What camel
are you ranting on about now?

But I want something in exchange.

Today, all the photographers
are going to have a photo of you

jumping off the float,
but not me.

That's why I need you to help me too.

What do you want?
-I want you to tell me what you're doing

and that you let me accompany you
and take some photos for an article.

That's ok.

I'm looking for a woman
that I haven't seen for 20 years.

I saw her from the float, I jumped,
ran into the crowd but...

Wait, twenty years?
-Twenty years, yes.

And do you think
that after all this time...

I'm not going to go
into that now, let's go.

Wait, wait,
you have to keep the beard on,

for the photos.

It's part of the deal.

Let's go.

Hello!
-Hello, Claudia.

How are you? How is it?
-Look at me. Huge, about to explode.

Laurita, my dear.

Oh, look how big she is!

And Carles, what's happened?

Nothing, a gastroenteritis
that's going around.

Daughter!
-Dad!

Oh, darling...

'I have a drinking problem'.

How can you make the baby
wear this t-shirt? Oh, God...

Yes, it's true that lately
we've argued a bit more than usual,

but the thing
has never gotten so out of hand.

And they're already in Madrid?
-Yes. Well, she sent me a whatsapp.

Well... What did she say?

We have arrived.
-And...

We have arrived full stop.
Very romantic, eh?

There, Daddy!

Shit.

I'm sorry, sweetie, but I saw it first.

Excuse me!

Sorry, it's just that, turns out
that we've sold him the story

that the three kings
have run out of pirate ships

and today one of his classmates
tells him certain things, you know..

That's right, my parents
have lied to me all my life.

Today, this family has been broken,

I won't be the one
who tells you what to do,

in your heart
you'll find the right road.

It's from a film,
it always makes me...

Be strong.

There, sweetie.
-Thank you very much.

Happy Christmas.
-Happy Christmas. Thanks, thanks.

We got it.

This man, when he gets something
inside his head, he just...

Brother in law!
-Hello, Josep.

What are you doing here?

Last minute shopping?
-More or less...

How's everything?
-Good, good.

Weren't you supposed to be in Madrid?

Yes... Well, in the end it's...

Look, Josep, they've quarrelled

and in the end, she went off to Madrid
alone with the baby.

Uncle, are you getting divorced?

Albert, son, come on.

No, no it's ok.

What?

Berta,

I'll be late for dinner.

Here. Behave, eh?
The kings still see everything.

Let's go.
-What? We're going where?

Where do you think?
-I dunno, you tell me.

Madrid!
-What, Madrid?

To do what?
No, look, Josep...

You're doing this with good intentions,
but there's no need.

Carles, under normal circumstances
it would pass,

but it's the first night of three kings
with your daughter,

it would be stupid to spend it apart
due to an argument.

No, much better that I should turn up
in Madrid, drop my trousers and... No.

We have to learn to avoid small arguments
transforming into big ones

so you get yourself over there
and talk...

Hello. Look I'd like to reserve a seat on
tonight's Barcelona-Madrid AVE.

No, listen, it's not a good idea.

In the name of Carles.
-I insist.

Look, Carles, tonight is three kings.

Will you stay at home without them?
Opening presents by yourself?

And all because of an argument,
that if you talk now, you can fix it.

But we have to wait.
What if she doesn't come tomorrow?

Look, you know what?
Make it two.

Yes, in the name of Josep, with P.

Will it be very cold in Madrid?

Yes, with P, with P of Puigcerdá.

I've used up all your 3G,

but I've downloaded all the apps
you'll need for scoring:

adoptauntio, happn, badoo, meetic,
Brenda, Tinder, Onetee, pof, lovoo,

groopify, grindr and shiri.
-But grindr is for gays.

And how do you know that?
-I just do, I only want to help.

Why did we bring Sergio?
For the group discount?

Ge just wanted to help.
-Then shut the fuck up.

Here.

Now the important thing
is to find the right girl,

we're going to do
a reconnaissance round.

You stay here, and watch no one
sticks 'Burundanga' in my drink.

A gin tonic, please.

It's very important that she be pretty,
but not too pretty.

A bad choice
can fuck up your night completely.

Ok.

How about her?
-That one is very good.

Very good.
Very pretty face, great tits,

she's alone at a bar,

sad, about to cry,

she's just been dumped...

No, no, no, that's not right,
I can't let you go over.

Yeah, it'd be bad to take advantage.
-No, I'm going over there.

Don't mess with me,
she was looking at me.

Óscar, I hope you'll forgive me.

If I go there first, what then?

How are you going to with those trousers
that look like you've just had a piss?

What's wrong with my trousers?

No, you son of a bitch!

Bastard.

You're a loser.

What?

You're a loser.

And your friend's a bastard.
He's screwed you over.

I had realised, thanks.

Oh, but don't worry.
He's not doing well.

Ok, now I think I feel better.
-I'm glad.

Thanks a lot.

We haven't been introduced?
I'm Óscar.

No...
-No what?

No, no, no...
Are you trying to get off with me?

No.
No. What? No...

Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry.

Wait.

No one has said that I didn't like it.
-And, are you alone?

Nice try.
With a friend, she's in the toilet.

Then I suppose
you'll want to talk about your things.

That's what I thought too,

but she doesn't shut up for a second.
Me, me, me, me...

If I design my own clothes,
I'm my own boss,

I'm an entrepreneur,
if I'm... Shut the fuck up!!

So...

So, why don't you leave her and...

come with me?

What?
-Yes!

But are you mad or what?
-What's the worst thing that can happen?

That I'm as big a pain
as she is or more so? No.

No, that's not going to happen.

And I'll invite you for a beer,

we'll go round Barcelona,
you can show me the town

and that's it, I'm leaving tomorrow.

Come on.

Ok.
-Yes?

Yes!
-Sure?

I said yes!
-Fuck, now?

I said yes!
Hey, you're not a psychopath, are you?

If I am, it'll be a story
to tell your children.

Let's run.
-Ok.

I'm freaking out.
-What? Already?

Fuck me, the Catalan girls, little sluts.
-Don't steal her, please.

No, don't worry, but don't fuck up.
Don't fall in love, Oscar.

Don't fuck up.
-And what do I do to not fuck up?

There are three basic rules you have
to follow as a good shag monster.

The first, no sleeping together.

No caresses or such nonsense.
You shag her and go home.

For the shag monster there's only
pre and during, there's no post.

No prost, perfect.
-Post, concentrate.

Second, no eating together.

If you get hungry, on the way back
to the hotel get a kebab

and eat it alone, like a macho.
-The machos eat kebab.

Machos eat alone,
you're not getting a fucking thing.

Third, and the most important.

No contact with her friends.
No friends, or flat mates or relations.

The less they miss you, the better.

Don't let me down, shag monster.

Well, do you think he'll have her or what?
-A Catalan bird? Not a chance.

Ok, but you caught them doing what?

Ah well, lots of people
catch their parents doing it, it's ok.

With all the mess there...

Once my mother caught me at it too.

Touching yourself?
-No, with two blokes.

With two blokes?
-Yes.

At the same time?

Yes. So what?

No, nothing.
-No, nothing, nothing.

Have you never had a threesome?

No, not me.
-I have.

And would you?

Now?
-Now?

No, man, no, not now,
you're hallucinating.

Oh, come on, now, yes...
-He believes anything, what's he like!

But it's fun, eh? Cool.

You need more mint, don't you?

Yes, you need some.

Ángel, accompany me
to the balcony for mint.

Ok, yes.
-Come. Just a moment.

And the bathroom?
-Back there. Yes.

Did you see what just happened?
-Shit, yes.

Do you think she really meant it?

I don't know.

Probably not, no...?

Ok, ok I thought so.

Do you believe so?
-I think so, tes. But I'm not sure.

Because, in the hypothetical case
that she wants to... you?

No, of course not.

What's up? I thought
this was a party for three, no?

Coming, coming.

It's like winning the lottery
without buying a number.

But no, full stop, man.

I'm not the kind of guy that has orgies.

But what orgy and what nonsense?

Do you know what it would mean for me
to be the kind of person that has orgies?

I'd have to change my personality,

I'd have to go to the gym,
get tattooed, get waxed,

go to Men, Women and vice versa.

I don't want to be that guy.
I'm not ready, I'm sorry.

You're as mad as a hatter.

Anyway, I'm not so sure
that she wants to.

She's like a roller coaster,

she seems to go up, and before
she reaches the top she's down again.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Haven't you noticed?
-No.

Watch, you'll see.

The Mojito's good isn't it?
-It's delicious, I love it.

With the mojito I always remember
the first time I had one,

at camp.

It was night time,
there was this lake

and I went for a dip,
just me with all the monitors, ok?

All blokes!

And we started to drink mojitos nonstop,

swimming,
playing at ducking each other under

and one of them ripped of
the top part of my bikini

and I was there with nothing on,
skinny dipping and in the end...

What?

We all felt asleep.

And nothing else happened?
-No. Why?

Ah, no, nothing...

Can I take a shower?

Do you mind?
-No, go, go.

It's just that I've been on the go all day
and I think I smell

and what if, when I'm all clean,
we have a threesome?

Oh my God, I can't believe
we're going to say no to this.

Let's do it.
-Really?

If you're that keen, let's do it.

Let's go.

The cannelloni are very good, Granny.
-Thanks.

Yes, very good.

A little bit more wine?
-Yes, pour me a little bit.

Enric brought it.
-It's a Xerel'lo, from White garnacha.

What's it called?
-Habitat.

Stop, stop it.

When's Dad coming?
-He rang and said he'd come right away.

Mama, how's your ankle?
-Better, much better, yes.

How are you, Enric?
-Fine.

You're not fine,
you're fatter.

No, I'm not fatter.
-He's the same as always.

It doesn't look like he split up
with Rosa, it looks like he ate her.

Manel, I'm not fatter,
just a bit inflated, that's all.

Well, inflated fat.

By the way, has anyone seen Rosa?

Montse bumped into her on the street
the other day and says she looks stunning,

that she's done
I don't know what with the hair

and that she looks younger, and...

Mama, look what she doing to me...
-Stop it!

You want the kings
to bring you coal or what?

Leave your sister alone,
for the love of God.

Ciara, what did you ask the kings for?
-A bicycle.

No, you asked for some skates.

No, a bicycle.

What are you talking about?

Bicycles are passé,
you don't know how to ride one.

A bicycle, but with training wheels.

But Barcelona isn't prepared for bikes,

there aren't enough cycle paths,
they get stolen,

drivers aren't used to bikes
and they'll squash your little brain.

Manel.
-It was you that asked for the skates.

I want a PlayStation.

But what are you saying?

There was nothing in the letter
about a bicycle

or a PlayStation or anything.

Hey, Manel...

This isn't the real one,
I made some photocopies for me,

to check them when they bring...

Look, Pinkie Doggie skates
and the Star Planet doll's house.

That's not the letter, we told Mom.

Montse, you don't know
how much work it took for the kings

to find the Pinki Ponki doll's house
and the Doggie skates.

Manel, calm down, the kings are magic
and they'll sort it all out.

Manel, you're completely buggered.

I'd like to say a few words.

I hope you want some skates.
-Manel...

I've been wanting to speak to you
for days, months.

I wanted to say that I love all of you

and that you're
the most important thing in my life.

Which is why, Júlia and I
have the need to tell you that...

King Melchior has done a runner.

Then we're still in time to ask
for the doll's house and the skates.

Manel, don't be a pain.
-Júlia and I...

we want to tell you the truth.

Mama...
What are you talking about, what Júlia?

Júlia.
-Auntie?

In fact, she's not your Aunt
or anybody's sister,

if you stop calling her Auntie,
it'll be easier for you.

Mama, how do you want us
to call Auntie, Júlia?

It's always been like that,
it's not the time...

Silence, just a minute.
Go on, Granny, speak.

Júlia and I...

are in a romantic relationship.

Girls, go and play over there for a while.

Shall I go?
-Yes.

Hello, hello.
-Hello, papa. How are you? What's up?

Very good, sunshine, very good.

Good evening, family.
I've arrived.

Brother in law.
-What's up? How are you?

Hello, kid.

Carme, Júlia...

Hello, darling. How are you?

Sorry I'm late, guys,
but a pallet didn't turn up,

the same old crap, typical.

But that's that, it's all sorted.

So, what's new?

Anything up?
-No.

There's a king
that escaped from his float,

we don't know who asked for the skates
and who the doll's house,

and Mama, she's become a lesbian.

Good evening.
-Good evening

I believe I have a friend staying here.

Her name's Andrea.
Could you put me in touch with her?

But, what a cheek!
Do you know how much you upset my son?

Down

Well, no, there's no one here
registered in that name.

No, there is no one here.

Are you sure?
-Sure, I just checked.

Wait, I'm going to take you a photo.

Hey, this is my exclusive!
-What are you doing?

No, I'm sorry.

Closer. Ok. Perfect

Visca el Barça!

No, I'm sorry.

Yes, we have an Andrea.

Sorry.

Could you call her up and then pass me
the phone afterwards?

I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to
at this time of night.

Let's see...

You can leave her a note and I'll make
sure she gets it tomorrow morning.

Yes. No.
Look, let me explain it to you.

I've been looking for this woman
for 20 years,

I found her tonight...
-No, I can't do it.

What's it to me?

What's up with people?
Everyone wants to chat.

Hey, look, what's that over there?

What's what?
-Sorry.

We'll come back tomorrow.
Good night.

I've seen the room number.

313.

Run!

I can't anymore...

Of course, here.

Wait.

What are you going to say?

I don't know.

Yes?

Excuse me, are you Andrea?

Yes, that's me.

Is anything wrong?

No. Sorry.
I've made a mistake.

Good night.

Good night. Sorry.
-Good night.

My mother is old,

and the truth is...

she doesn't want to have
anything to do with this.

She wasn't very pleased when I told her
that I was going to try and find you.

After my grandmother's funeral,

emptying her room, we found a letter
that talked about you

and I started to investigate.

I didn't know
your second surname, so...

It's been a bit difficult to find you.

Before coming here,
I'd almost given up hope.

You speak catalan very good.
-Cécile, my grandmother,

said it was the souvenir
that she brought home for us.

Your grandmother and I

were together for a year and a half.

She taught me to drive,

at that time I lived in a small town,

and she...

tall...

French...

I just counted the days,
waiting for her to return.

I never imagined
that when she left, she was...

My mother doesn't understand
why Cécile lied all this time.

The world was different then.

You couldn't just drop everything
so easily.

We carried on writing letters,

and each time she was clearer
about leaving everything for me...

but one day,
the letters stopped coming.

Sometimes I have the feeling that...

since Cécile disappeared,

I don't know,
I've been living like...

suspended in time.

I'm happy that she found the strength
to move forward with her new life,

maybe I wouldn't have been so strong.

Could you give me a photo of yourself?

I'll swap it for yours.

A fair swap.

Well...

See you soon.

See you soon.

And you're still breastfeeding?
-Yes, Dad, yes.

But why do you need to do that?

Talking about suckling.
There are some who shouldn't.

I don't know what you're talking about.
-Me neither.

Laura, what do I always say to you?
-Dad, ignore him.

And what are you going to tell the baby?
That his father died?

No, but maybe I'll have to explain
how I murdered his grandfather.

But daughter,
without a man by your side to...

But Dad, don't you worry about that,
with you we have more than enough.

No, daughter, stay, don't get up.

Go on. You go, Mari.
-Can you believe him?

Oh, Carles!

How are you?

What a surprise!

But look how pretty you look
and enormous. But what's this?

We weren't expecting you,

Are you ok?
-Yes, yes, fine.

Give me your coats,
I'll put them away.

I'll help you.
-Yes, please do, come.

Hello, Laura.

I see that in the end you've...
-Yes, in the end...

Josep...

I mean, I...

Well, here I am.

Look, Laura,
I feel bad about all this,

I'm sorry and...

that's that.

That's that?

Don't you look good!

Carles!
-How are you?

You are the handsome one,
how's your gut?

Don't get too close,
you don't want him to contaminate you.

Come, come with me.

Hey, how's the baby?

Sleeping, fine.

How was the trip? Ok?

Fine, fine, you?

Fine, my gut's much better, yes.

Chief!

How's that gastroenteritis?
-Fine, better.

I'm going to ask you
an important question.

You understand me
when I speak Catalan, right?

I understand perfectly.

How come?
-I had a Catalan girlfriend.

Ok, ok.

What's this?

It's the church of Sant Felip Neri,
the square has the same name.

And why is it all like this?
It's in a terrible state.

No, these are the markings from the air
raid that Barcelona suffered in 1938,

they're kept like this...

as a testimonial to the 42 people
that died that day.

You really know your stuff.
-Yes...

Óscar, I'm sorry,

it's just that...

I prefer for nothing to happen
between us tonight.

It's just that I don't like to have
one night stands, you understand?

And less so if the guy
is leaving the next day.

It's alright,
I don't want anything from you either.

You were going to kiss me.
-No.

Come on, you were going to kiss me.
-No, I wasn't.

I want to see Barcelona and that's that,
that we go around here...

Where's your hotel?
-Poblenou. Is that very far from here?

It's in the back of beyond.

Don't worry, we'll go to my house.

Wait, wait.

Where's the bathroom?

There.

Come on, you can do it,
like the mongrels in the park,

you fuck her
and then carry on like normal,

that's all.

Hello.

Hello.

Sorry.

Have you got any fresh orange juice?

Yes I'll make you some now.

I'm going to shower.

Now, seriously,
you're pulling our legs, aren't you?

No. It's no joke.

Who wants coffee?

It's a joke, isn't it?
-No.

As president of the association
for homosexual elite athletes,

I'd like to congratulate you.

Fina, we're not at the Palace
of the Generalitat now, darling.

What exactly do you mean
by a romantic relationship?

Well, a perfectly normalised relationship,

a relationship that society accepts
as perfectly normal.

Yeah, but...

Do you touch each other?
-Shit, Manel.

60 years of friendship
is a romantic relationship by itself.

They're fond of each other.
-I don't think she's trying to say that.

You've had to live all this in silence,
but that's changed now, that's all over.

Listen, Granny,
I'm really proud of you, really!

We should film you in a video
for the association.

Great, now we can have it on video,
we can watch it whenever we need.

I still don't get it.

Listen, what is it that you don't get?

That there are people in 76 countries
around the world

where homosexuality is illegal

or that 62% of homosexuals in Europe
are still living in the closet?

Fuck's sake, did I push them
into the closet?

No, I'm just giving you some facts
so that you can see what we're talking
about.

But you have a Gay son,
it's much easier for you to accept.

There's nothing
that has to be accepted.

You already knew, didn't you?

With that built in radar that you have
for detecting each other.

If we have to look at the stupidity radar,
I can assure you you're well over the
limit.

They've come out in public
and that's very good.

Fina, don't encourage Mama.

What do you want me to say,
it feels weird thinking that Mama now...

Accept it, Manel, accept it.

Could we drop it now?

I love Júlia.

Yes, sure, like you loved Greta,

and you never said that you were having
a relationship with the cat, did you?

Exactly.

Please, let's make a toast.
Darling, let's get up and make a toast.

Let's make a toast
for senior citizen love.

No, enough, enough.
Who wants coffee?

Mama, we'll make you
honorary members of the association.

But they're not elite athletes,
they're a couple of Grannies.

Mama is saying that she's a lesbian,
does that seem normal to you?

I think we have a homophobe in the room,
ladies and gentlemen.

No, Fina, I'm not a homophobe,
I was the first to congratulate your son.

Well, that's it then, we've filled
the quota for gays in the family.

It seems like we haven't quite filled
the family quota for saying stupid things.

Let's see. Mama is telling us
she's a dyke, don't you care?

Ever heard of the Father concept?

Maybe Mama loves Auntie Júlia now.

Whose side are you in?
-It's a game of football now?

All I'm saying is
that I can hardly remember Papa,

but on the other hand Auntie Júlia
has been here since forever.

Very good, 20 years is enough
to forget your own Father.

That's not it.
-Come on, come on.

This is an insult to his memory.

Sorry, but Dad was...

an idiot.

What did you say?

I said that Dad was an idiot.

Do you want me to say it more clearly?
Dad was an idiot.

Take that back right now.
-Mom, no...

I loved your Father very much.

He wasn't a very good natured person,

but he was definitely not an idiot,
understand?

Yes, now you loved him a lot...
-You have no right to judge.

He was my father.
-And my husband.

I don't feel very well...

I'll be off.

Wait, Júlia, let me accompany you,
wait just a moment.

So a king did a runner?

Don't you have eyes in your head?

Have you seen yourself, Mama?

How old are you?

Let it go, Enric, just let it go.

Let the wine go too, let's toast.

That way we can cover up
all the glasses of wine you've had.

Hey, I won't stand for...
-Shut up, please.

I'll do whatever I want,
ok, fucking homophobe?

That's your problem.

Could you just stop?
-Leave me alone.

Calm down, Enric. All we're saying is
that Mama performs cunnilingus.

Shit, Manel...
-I do it to Montse too, there's no harm.

He won't listen to reason, Manel,
that's all.

They're fooling Mama.

They're selling her shit
about love in her eighties.

Just because Rosa left you

doesn't mean that the rest of us
can't love or be loved,

understand that?

I'm not asking for you to approve
what there is between Júlia and myself,

I just wanted to share it
with my family, my family,

not with the president of any association,

or any cheeky little schoolchild,

or with the ice man,

do you understand?

Mom...

Forgive me.

Call an ambulance.

It was a stupid idea.

You have to look on the bright side,

at least you tried to do it.

She has an identical one,

she bought me one

and I bought one for her.

How did you meet?

During one summer,

in my mother's village.

I went there every summer

and spent the days with the same friends,
doing the same things,

and that summer,

I saw her

and I spent the rest of the day

trying to find out who she was,
where she came from, where she lived,

and, to this day, I don't know
how I got up the courage

to go to her apartment, knock on her door
and introduce myself.

If you had known me then,
you'd know that was a big deal for me.

And...

we were together the rest of the summer.

My friends from the village laughed at me,
saying that I had been possessed.

Envy.

It was only three weeks, but...

they were wonderful.

I suppose it'll seem ridiculous to you,

but after her,

I felt,

I've never felt again,

ever.

But you swapped telephone numbers
or something, didn't you?

Well, at that time there were no mobiles,

we swapped addresses

and we wrote to each other
for months, those letters,

I wanted to see her,

but my parents, I...

I don't know, I chickened out,
I didn't go.

What happened?
-Well...

My family and I moved house,

I wrote to her with the new address
but I don't know if she moved too or what,

but the thing is, never again.

And at that time
I didn't try to look for her either.

Later I tried to forget her but,
as an author I have read says,

trying to forget someone
is to remember them forever.

Which is why, when I saw her tonight
from the float,

I don't know, things didn't work out.

Love does not exist.

Nor the three kings.

Goodness, what a coincidence,
I saw an identical one today.

Sorry?

The amulet,

a client was wearing
exactly the same one.

The same, are you sure?
-Yes, I'd swear it.

A client from the hotel,

she said she was catching a plane
first thing in the morning,

I think they were going to spend
the night at the airport.

Let's go.

Thank you very much.

Thank you!

At last! She's asleep.
-Well, daughter, Laura.

Have you already got her first present?
-Yes, a body and a teddy bear.

She'll certainly get excited
about that at her age.

Well, we'll get excited instead,

I'm certainly going to buy mine
tons of presents.

The best present a child can have is
to wake up on the morning of three kings

with a Mother and a Father.

Please...

Why don't you shut up already?

Well what's wrong? I can't even say
what I want in my own house?

Because you were so involved
in bringing us two up.

Wasn't he, Mom?
So involved.

It's just that I don't think
you're capable.

Well, Dad, capable or not, that's how
it is because that's what I want.

I expected something else from you.

However, I expected exactly this from you,
that you'd behave like an idiot.

Alba

Dad, ignore him.

Daughter, be careful.

No, no, it's fine, I'm ok.

And how are you, daughter?
How's the job hunting going in Barcelona?

We're working on it.

I'm saying this now, daughter,
because now you have time,

why don't you take advantage and...?
-Dad, please.

I spend all day
looking after the baby by myself,

she's still very little
and needs a lot of attention.

Well, if you'd just let me
take care of her too sometimes...

Ah, you really want to bring up
the parade now?

Please, forgive me, I'll shut up now.

It's impossible to speak to you.
Does she do this to you too at home?

All the time, I ought to...

What?
-Look, Carles...

Let's stop bullshitting.

Child! Speak correctly.

Josep, come on, let's go.

I'm sorry, family,
we have to leave because...

it's just that today no...

Thanks for everything, really.

The 'turrón' is very good.

Happy three kings day.

You saw that, yes?

You saw or not?
Taking care of the baby by herself?

You think she has to say that
after leaving me in Barcelona?

I took the AVE, I landed here.
I begged forgiveness, but what happens?

Yes, Carles, you're right, but
what will you do when you're in Barcelona

and you realise...?
-I don't know, Josep.

I've no fucking idea,

but right now
I'll be much better off in Barcelona

and none of this would have happened
if it wasn't for you and your...

crappy ideas, Josep.

Look, Carles,

there's no point in being right
if you don't know how to be reasonable.

Are you ok?
-Yes, it's nothing.

What's up?

It's that I'm not alright,

I've been sent another rejection letter,

It's that I feel useless,

I can't stay 24 hours a day at home,
I need to work,

I'm in the house all day with the baby,
and I feel that I have to do everything,

otherwise, nothing gets done,
I can't cope with it all.

And him, well he's in his city,
with his family,

his friends, fine, really, I like them,
very good, but I just feel so alone.

And the worst is, that between us,
something isn't working,

We argue all the time,

we don't reach any agreements and...

and there's something between us that,,,

I'm starting to think that maybe,

I made a mistake.

What has happened?

No, it's not him, it's Alba.

Josep, do something.
-I've no idea.

I was given it all nice and finished.
-Shit, Josep...

Ok, call an ambulance,
call an ambulance.

Alba, come over here,
I need you to look at me.

Listen, everything
is going to be fine, ok.

Don't worry about a thing.

Now we'll get you to your bed
and you'll be just fine there.

Josep is calling an ambulance so they'll
be here in absolutely no time at all,

you'll see how all this ends up
as a good anecdote to tell.

No.
-No?

I just don't understand you
speaking Catalan.

Of course, of course, shit.

Alba, we're going to take you to your bed
and the ambulance will be here right away.

One more thing.
-What?

You're really hurting me.
-Sorry.

That's ok, that's ok,
come on, come on, go.

I'm so hot.
-That's it, fan her.

An ambulance for labour.
No, I'm not the father,

I'm the husband of the sister
of the husband of the sister.

I'm all alone.

He's not going to have a father.

Josep with P of Puigcerdá.

Or Pamplona, yes.

You're going to have a grandson,
which you don't deserve, now shut up.

For labour and fainting.

Cushions.
-Everything's going to be fine, darling.

What's up?
-Contraction!

I haven't had any until now.

Ok Alba, what I know is,

that sometimes the contractions
can be very mild

and you might think
that you're not in labour,

but if it's only been a minute
between these two, he is on his way now.

That's right,
I read it in The Miracle of Life.

My First Pregnancy,
Eat, Love, Suckle.

How do you know all this?
-Because I read all of them.

Please!

Laura you get behind her,
we're going to turn you just a little bit,

come on,
and now breathe.

Where are you?
-With you here, my love.

Good evening,
we're looking for Júlia Guerrera,

they just brought her here
in an ambulance.

Yes, are you relatives?

Yes
-No.

Well, no.
It's not clear, is it?

Yes, we're relatives.

Wait over there, please.
We'll call you straight away.

Hi, Duc.

What, Josep?
-Yes, on it.

Calm down,
everything is going to be fine.

I'm going to die.
-You're not going to die.

You're going to do it just fine.

I'm going to get down here.
-Don't go.

I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart,
I'll just get down here. Very good.

Bit by bit, very good,
you're doing a great job.

Oh, fuck, I think the head is coming out
of the whatchamacallit.

What's he saying
about a whatchamacallit?

The head is coming out of your thingy.

The head already?
-Ok, Josep, please, come on.

Listen to me, Alba.
If it's quick, that's better.

Before you even realise it,
you'll have given birth.

When you tell the story at playschool,
you'll be the envy of everyone.

Come on now.

He's here, he's here.

Fuck me, why the rush?

Where is the ambulance?

We're with you, cookie.

If he comes out, he comes out,
it means your advancing.

Right, Josep?
As we say in Catalan...

Yes, if we get up
really early, really early...

It wasn't quite that, right, Laura?
-Yes.

Josep, towels.
-Where?

Towels now, I don't care,
sort yourself out.

You're doing really well.
Enrique, right?

Come on now, Enrique, I'm your Uncle.
You and I are going to be buddies.

Alba, you have to let him out by himself,
I'm already at a certain age...

Towels, here.

Come on.
Perfect, you're doing perfect, sweetheart.

Let's just put this over here.

You're doing really well.

What's up? What's up?

Ok, now we're going to...

we're going to push together
in each contraction.

You push her back, ok?

Come on, bugger.

He's there.

Ok, ok, ok.

That's it, that's it!

The head, the head!

He's coming.

One more, one more...

Shit...

What are you doing?

Nothing.

You were going to leave
without saying anything or what?

No, no no.

You wouldn't be such a son of a bitch?
-Fuck, I...

I was going shopping.

Something to eat?
-Yes.

Ah, no need, I've got a full fridge,
you should have said before.

What do you want?

It wasn't for me, it's for you.

Oh, how sweet.

Then...

you can make me...

some fried eggs
with a slice of toast and tomato

and bacon, all chopped up small.

Perfect.
-Thanks.

That's good, I can't believe
we haven't had dinner yet.

Sure you don't want any?
-No. No, thanks, I'm not hungry.

Ok.

And tomorrow you have to get up
at 7 or what?

To help my Aunt sell Tortells
for three kings, a royal pain.

Let's hope I can finish my degree
and find a job I like.

What are you studying?
-Psychology.

But don't worry,
I'm not psychoanalysing you now.

Everyone asks.

But, I can read minds.
-Ah yes?

Let me test you.
-Whenever you like.

Ok, what am I thinking?

You?
-Me.

You...

You are thinking

that I'm the most beautiful girl
you have ever seen

and that this must be

what they call love at first sight.

I'm pulling your leg, man, it's a joke.

I'm going to the bathroom,
I'll be right back.

Fuck...

Olga!
-What?

I think your flatmates have come home.

I don't live with any flatmates,
I live with my...

No...

Can you manage by yourself, Mum?

Oh, hello.
-Oops, surprise.

What, what are you doing here?
Weren't you going away for a few days?

It's your Uncle, Ouimet. He's broken
his leg, he smashed it really hard.

Three different places.
We all came home.

Well, I'm Óscar.
-Yes.

But I was just leaving, right?

No, man. How are you going to leave now?
We just got here.

No, come, I'm going to get a drink.

Don't mind us, really.

It's been such an upset, dear.

He got it into his head
he wanted the bunk

and he wacked himself so hard,
but on the bottom part.

A threesome?

With the delivery girl?

And how did it go?

Normal, nothing unusual happened.

Ok, you can't even look me in the face?
-No.

But, man...

Ángel,

swear to me

that we'll never talk about that thing

that happened in there.

I swear.
-Good.

I think I'm off to bed.
-Hey, now you tell me about it.

Let's see, I didn't even want to.

You just made an oath.
-Yes, but it's a bit strong

that you should be angry about something
that was your idea.

I don't want to leave it like this.
-It's fine. It's fucking perfect.

Man, I need to talk about it.

It's burning me up inside.

Sit down, Oriol.

Look, the question is
that I didn't want to do it,

but Adrián was begging me to say yes,

because he said
it was a chance of a lifetime

and that if we said no,
we'd regret it for the rest of our lives,

and the bird, well,
the truth is that she went...

Ok, ok, that's it.

If we have to tell
then I prefer to tell it.

Everything was going fine,
really good.

That girl was a sex machine and...

it was obvious it wasn't her first time.
-No, it wasn't.

She knew how to do everything,

on top, underneath,
one leg over here, the other over there,

she was willing to do everything,
a fucking dream come true.

But, she just asked us
for one thing in exchange,

that no... over her.

Understandable.

Yes, very understandable.

But everything started to go so fast
and in the last moment...

Well, I was coming, Oriol,

and I got nervous

and had very few seconds to react

and I couldn't touch her

and, well,

let's call it friendly fire...

Man, forgive me, I didn't mean to,
everything happened so fast that...

Now it's too late.

But it's not such a big deal, is it?

I mean, it's not so bad,

you know, they say it's moisturising.

You are a motherfucker.

Up yours the both of you, eh?

Adrián...

Oriol, it was like...

but just boom, and bam
and chin and chan.

Her pa...?

Only you could meet the in laws
on the first date,

you've exceeded yourself.

Help me, how do I get out of here?

Remember the third rule?

Yes... That her friends don't like you.

Her friends and her family,

They have to really not like you,

but don't you leave,
make them throw you out.

Perfect.
See you later then.

Wait, wait, wait,
-What else?

What are we?
-Machos,

Right, and what do machos eat?
-Kebab.

Exactly, bring me a kebab
when you come back.

Shit...

Go on, come on in and sit with us.

Come. As they say,
the more the merrier.

Are you hungry, do you want something?
-No, thanks.

You're a good looking kid!
-Thanks.

Love comes when you least expect it,

don't let her get away,

she's an angel, just like her mother.

Dad, Dad...

Handsome.
-And with a career.

Career and intuition,

which is what's really useful to survive.

Stop, Mum, enough.

You called me handsome because
you're a bit horny, right, mam?

Shit!
Well, look...

We were talking about it before,
weren't we, Dad?

It's not that I'm horny, but you know,

since I turned forty I've been kind of
living a sexual plenitude,

You should have seen her
just before dinner.

Hey, don't be silly, come on.

She made a bet with me

that she'd pull the waiter, and look,

here's his phone number!

Perfect.

What's that?
-That's my weed.

I always carry some on me.

I like to smoke a few joints every day,
just to get a really good high.

Weed?
-What the fuck are you saying, man?

Can I smoke a joint in here?

Weed?
-Yes.

Weed?

No one smokes weed in my house...

if it's not with a good bong
like this one.

Very good, bravo, sybarite,
sybarite Daddy.

Listen, could you give me some?
It's been ages since I've had,

because the guy I used to get it from
has gone away, and now,

to find a dealer that's reliable
and at a good price, it's very hard.

I had given up weed,
it made my pressure drop a lot,

right Dad?
I'd go yellow.

Yes, white, livid.

In the end I got scared,
can't stand the sight of it.

Anyway, that's enough nonsense,
how long have you known each other?

A lot.
-No, not much, not much.

About two hours,

and in 20 minutes
I was already screwing her.

Macho, olé, olé, olé.
-Superstar.

Like in the sixties.

No, he'll think we're from that era.
-They can see we're not.

What the fuck are you doing?
-No need to be like that.

These things have to be talked about.

Absolutely.

We've done everything, what did we do?
We did it doggie style.

My fave,
I call dibs, I call dibs, I call dibs.

We also did a 69.

We haven't done that one
in a long time, have we, Mum?

I love that one.
Yes, it has been a while.

Well, your daughter is an expert.
-Ah yes?

My daughter is an expert
because it's in her DNA.

Well, it must come from you,
because I always get uncoordinated.

That's not true, Dad.
-Yes it is, love, don't say it isn't.

You do a very good 69, Dad.
I don't like it when he's so...

So it's a family thing, right?

You're as dirty as your daughter, right?

What a pair of sluts.

Because your daughter got down there
and pum-pum, pum-pum, pum-pum,

she left my tool impeccable.

You can tell she loves it,
more than a dick...

Ah, I've overdone it,
I've really overdone it.

Óscar, come with me right now.

I'm really very sorry.
-Go.

I'm not like that.

How did we get to here?

Leave my house immediately.

I've never been so embarrassed.
You're a fucking wanker.

Olga, please...
-I said leave, now!

Shit, shit, shit...

Go fuck yourself
and your bloody mother too!

This fucking joke has left her dry.

I'm going to make a call.

What's my wallet doing here?

Ah yes.
Before, you left it at the food truck.

You stole it from me.

No, not stolen,
in any case I borrowed it.

I'm sorry,

but I also needed you
and you were ignoring me,

what did you want me to do?

And I've taken you everywhere you wanted,
faster than a taxi.

Bloody hell and for fuck's sake.

You mean, that on top of it all,
I have to thank you.

You stole from me and you've stranded me
on the motorway, it's your fault I'm here.

I have to get to the airport,
don't you realise that?

Oh, so now it's me that's got in the way
of your amorous crusade, right?

You have made me keep the beard
as if I was a circus monkey.

Look, man, I'll say that again
so you can understand.

You're being ridiculous!

You know what I have to say?

I'm not surprised that they're going
to throw you out at work.

Enjoy your photographs.

Go on, go,

let's see what you can do by yourself.

She'll be fine.

You'll see.

But how old was that fellah?
-25.

That's it!

What?
-Every seven years, a change.

Coincides? Doesn't coincide, coincides,
seven times three...

21.
-21, seven times four, 28.

Take away three,
he's in a time of change.

Absolutely confirmed.

Your ticket.

I don't have one.

Well, then you'll have to get one
like everyone else.

Sorry, I need to pass,

just a second,
I need to speak to someone inside there.

I'll speak then out, it's just a second.
-No without the ticket.

I don't have money for a ticket...
-I said no!

Please.
-I told you no.

Just pass...
-No, now keep the area free.

Now, he's crazy about you, you know?

That's true.
-Careful, eh?

He's crazy about you, blimey.

Hi.

Thanks.
-You're welcome.

Carles.

You handled that really well.

I still don't know how but...

Thanks!

I'm off back to Barcelona,
I've already stayed too long.

If not, the kings
won't bring me anything.

Thanks for everything, Josep.

You're welcome.

Josep.

Come here.

Thanks, man.

Give my sister a kiss
and one for the kid too.

On your behalf. Bye.

Before, I heard you
talking to your sister.

Look, Carles, I don't...

No, wait, wait, wait.

I know we're going through
a very delicate moment.

I know because I can see it, Laura,
because I'm not stupid, you know?

I haven't known how to listen,
I haven't known how to say things,

and that's why I didn't want to apologise
for the umpteenth time,

because it's always the same story.

But I want to explain myself, may I?

Of course.

I get the feeling, Laura,

that in this relationship

we have some very defined roles.

On the one hand there's you,

the responsible one, who takes care
of all the important things

and I know that for the most part
that's my fault,

but then there's me, Laura,

with the irresponsible sign
hanging all day long

and it bothers me, Laura,

it bothers me because I'm 32,

because we have a beautiful girl

that I want to teach a thousand things,
Laura, and I get the feeling

you don't let me.

And I know, Laura,

that you have done so much

and that you think I don't appreciate it,

because it's not like that. I swear.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

I suppose I haven't known
how to explain things well either.

I'm sorry too, Carles.

Go on, go with Dad.

No, it's ok, it's ok.

Take her now.

Come with Dad, come on.

Otherwise Mama will get angry

and we both know what a temper she has...

Not the face, please...

Not bad three kings, eh?

Much better than a parade.

A birth, don't forget that,
a birth, mind you.

Hey, I delivered him, eh?

You hear? I delivered.

What? Not bad.

How did that feel?

Me with your sister, I noticed her
a little bit... I deserve a prize, eh?

That's done now.

What?
-The sugar, it's dissolved by now.

How is she?
-Good.

You know Granny's ankle brace?

From when she broke her ankle
in the bath... you know?

It seems that you were off to work
one day, don't know where,

and you asked Granny and Júlia
to go and feed Duc.

Anyway, they both went to your house
and when they arrived, he wasn't there.

They went to Rosa's house
and they found him there.

Rosa?

Enric, you ex-wife, took advantage
that you were away, and she knew it,

to take your dog
and steal him from you.

What a bugger.

And Granny starts saying
'give him back, give him back',

and Rosa, nothing,
she didn't want to give him back

and Júlia's ovaries start to inflate,

she grabs Duc, just imagine,
she grabs the dog

and the two off them
shuffle off down the road.

So just imagine them,
both of them almost ninety years old.

Anyway, they went and left him
at your place, you never found out,

and you arrive in the evening,
Duc greets you as always

and you feel all alone.

Yeah, but Granny...

Granny, my divorce, she never...

Granny has never understood your divorce,

but she never stopped being there, never.

I think love is mostly based on that,

on always being there.

On being in there instead of out here.

In twisting your ankle
for your son and for his dog.

What's more, you love them, Enric,
no matter how lesbian they may be,

You love them,
so get your act together.

I had to take Duc out,

sorry I took so long.

Everything will be fine.

Of course it will.

How are you?
-Hey mate.

Where's Curro?

I haven't seen him since yesterday,
God knows where that bloke ended up.

What's the matter?
-What's the matter is that I'm a wanker.

Good morning, Barcelona!

And where have you come from?
-Guys, I've fallen in love.

But, where did you come from?
-I met the woman of my dreams.

I knew it as soon as I saw her,
love at first sight.

Wasn't it you who says
it doesn't exist?

You're talking about the old Curro.

Óscar, love arrives when it arrives,
you feel it, there's magic, a connection.

Her name's Lola, she's wonderful.

The first bar we were in, remember?
That's where I met her.

It seems her friend
stood her up, or whatever.

Stop, are you being serious?

Seriously, she's a designer,
she makes her own clothes,

She's an entrepreneur.

Of course, Lola. And where is she?
-In the bathroom, shitting a brick.

Darling, how is it possible?

Those little bottles
that are gel and shampoo.

You use it all at the same time?
-Maybe it's for the scalp, I don't know.

Oh my lord.

Sorry to interrupt you, I'm Óscar.

I'm Lola, entrepreneur.
-Hello.

She designs her own clothes,
I already told you.

Ok, you have to help me.

Your friend, Olga, who dumped you
at the bar yesterday.

Yes, she dumped me
and she owes me 2.95

for the beer she didn't pay yesterday.
-2.95 and with the dole as it is.

Ok. Do you know
where the bakers she works at is?

Yes. But I really wouldn't recommend it,

the pain ou chocolat is awful,
the chocolate isn't cho...

I don't care,
can you give me the address?

How can a pain ou chocolat be bad?
-How is that possible?

The exact address!

Where that chemist is,
the one that never opens.

The exact address, please.
-Trafalgar 43.

Trafalgar 43, and that's it.

The plane leaves in an hour, no?

Again? Please, leave me...
Go over there.

I'm not here to take you photos.

Why are you here?

Well, look,
I've also decided to jump off the float.

Come on, didn't you have to find
I don't know who?

They don't let me pass.

And that's that?

That's it?

I've got an idea.

There, thank you,

thanks, thanks, bye.

Good morning.
-Good morning.

I think I'll have a truffle one, please.

Olga.
-What the fuck are you doing here?

Hey, kid.
-The queue.

I want to talk to you.
-I'm working, can't you see that?

Wait your turn.

No, please...
-Go on.

I want truffle.
-I'll get it right now.

Olga.
-What now?

I want to talk to you,
I'm going to miss my flight.

I don't give a damn.
You're an idiot.

The candied fruit tortell?
-Yes.

I am not an idiot,
the idiot is my friend Curro.

What are you talking about?

Well, that night
I was trying to prove to myself

that I could shag a girl,
dump her and not fall in love with her.

Ah, very good...

Here!
Sorry, what would you like?

That one, truf...
-Just a minute, madam.

You don't understand,
I wasn't able to do it.

Are you saying you've fallen in love?
Are you crazy or what?

No, I'm not crazy,

that's just how I am, and I don't care.

I'm not going to let anyone change me,

it's better to be wrong a hundred times
than to stop being yourself

and maybe let the good one get away.

And I know that we don't know each other,
but last night was wow!

Wow!
And I want to give that wow a chance.

What do you want from me?

What I want is to see you again,

that's all.

And you'll have to answer me quickly

because if I don't catch the next bus
at the airport, I'm fucked!

Fuck, no pressure, right?

Decide, sweetheart,
we haven't got all day.

Of course.

You're as mad as a hatter.

Yes.

But ok.
-Ok what?

I think we should see each other again.
-Yes? Sure?

Yes, you pain!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Breaking the second rule,

having breakfast with you.

You'll miss your flight.

My flight left more than half an hour ago.

Let me pay.

Thanks.

Gorgeous.

Happy Christmas!

Miss, the camera, please.
-Watch the birdie!

You're not allowed to take photos
here inside the airport!

Miss, you're not allowed to take photos,
give me the camera!

It's forbidden to take photos. Please.

Please!
-One moment, one moment!

Such manners.

Stay with her, stay with her.

Come on, with me, let's go.

Hello, how are you?

Hello, good morning.

Madam, we have to close boarding.

Madam, Mademoiselle.

What's up, Mom?

Andrea, please, go on.

Who is it, Mom?

It's one of the kings

and he brings children presents.

Like Father Christmas.

Did you bring me a present?

Of course.

Here.

Oh, my mother has the same one!

I know.

It's to remind you
that she'll always love you.

Take very good care of it.

Thank you, sir.

You're welcome.

Go with Dad, sweetheart.

How are you?

Fine.

Over there.

Mom, what's up?

Cécile...

I'm really sorry.

Truth be told,

what a night.

Dear Jaume,

I'm still in France,

still with no date yet
to return to Catalonia,

For days I've been dying
to tell you something

that has me terrified

and also excited,

I'm expecting a child, Jaume,

your child,

See? She's crying because Papa
deserves a little present.

Wow! Did you see that?
-What's that?

Everything has happened so fast
and nobody else knows yet,

For days I've been considering
leaving the life I have here in France,

Go on, open it.

A pirate ship!
Thanks, Papa, I love you!

Hey, come on, high five!

I haven't been happy for some time,

and in just a few days
you have given me everything I needed,

It's just a question of being brave enough
to start a new life,

of chasing that which we love,

To not let it escape,

I hope I'll be able to drop this letter
in the letter box,

If that's the case, it'll mean that I'm
just that little bit closer to you,

Who would have guessed
that I'd fall in love with you,

Who would have guessed,

that so young, I'd know
who I wanted to share my life with,

Who would have guessed, that love
would have such a high price to pay,

But you have to let love
turn your life around,

after all,

why do we do things,
if it's not for love?

I hope to see you again,

I have loved you
a little bit more every day,

Cécile,

Pass the milk.

I was just thinking, you know?
And I just thought, what a night, no?

It was amazing,

I don't know how Oriol missed it,
what a loser!

What's more, she had it all prepared,

she comes here and boom boom boom!

Yes or no?

The truth is it was, it was amazing.

What a fox, eh?

Oh my God, with the turbo there...

What a machine, man,
what a moment...