Original subtitles

[rock riff plays]

I can't believe I get to go to school with you guys.

I'm nervous, but in a good way.

Like at the end of an escalator.

Gosh, I love this feeling.

You are literally a Smurf.

And I have my best friends with me to show me the ropes.

[rock music playing]

You have to know who is who at Point Place High.

There's the jocks.

Hey, woman. Can I borrow five dollars?

I repeatedly asked you not to call me "woman."

But you're a girl, and girls are baby women,

so vis-a-vis, can I get that five dollars?

[locker clangs]

-Why does he talk like that? -This is a really bad school.

That's where the horniest guys here hang out.

Hey, girl.

Ugh! As if!

That's the Point Place Mafia. They think they rule the school.

I don't care how many people died in that traffic pile-up.

I want chocolate milk in the vending machine by end of day.

Who's that?

Stay away from them. Those are the baddest bitches at school.

The staff approaching retirement. They've got nothing to lose.

What the hell are you looking at, new kid?

-Grandma? -Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

[rock music ends]

Even in your fantasies, you're the nerd.

Let's not rush this. We still have one more night left of summer,

and we always spend it together on the roof of the school.

[sighs] Really?

Yeah. Kind of sets the tone for the year.

Inside that school, they're trying to put us in a box.

You can't put us in a box... if we're on top of the box.

And I like to pee off the roof and try to make it into the trash can.

Hey, everyone has their reasons, and that's why it's so special.

We need good snacks this time.

Last year, this one brought a watermelon with no knife.

I didn't know how hard they were to peel.

Cops, cops, everybody be cool.

It's just my mom.

Actually, today I'm more cop than mom.

Mom Cop. I'd watch the hell out of that.

Listen, I love that Leia's found her people.

Seeing her surrounded with friends who love her warms my heart.

But know this.

You're all delinquents, and I trust none of you.

What? We're just six American teenagers working hard and dreaming big.

Gwen, sweetie, zip it.

Everybody listen up.

I see you.

I've been you.

And if you corrupt my daughter, I will destroy you.

As for you, if you screw this up,

you're going to the same all-girls school I was forced to go to.

Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow.

Does she get to wear the uniform?

Ask me that again.

No, ma'am.

Okay, Mom. Let's go have a cup of tea.

-They get it. -Really? Does he get it?

Does she get it?

If you mess with her, you're gonna get it.

-Mom, calm down. -I am calm. Don't touch me.

You know, that is so insulting.

We're still getting Leia blazed on the roof, right?

Yeah. We're delinquents. This is what we do.

[theme music playing]

♪ Hanging out down the street ♪

♪ The same old thing we did last week ♪

♪ Not a thing to do ♪

♪ But talk to you ♪

♪ We're all all right We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

I am so excited that school is starting tomorrow.

Oh! Did I tell you that nurse's outfit I found on the sale rack is a bust?

You don't need fishnets to check a kid for lice.

Hold up. School's starting tomorrow? Why is it starting on a Saturday?

Do you just wander through life

until someone tells you what day it is?

I'll be honest. Most days, you don't need to know what day it is.

What's this? Where's the backpack I got for Leia?

Oh. I returned it. Not enough pockets.

But check this one out.

This big pocket has a tiny pocket inside just for ChapStick.

Come on. That is adorable.

Okay. I get that this is coming from a good place,

or a place that's so deeply rooted in who you are we'll never change it,

but don't you think you shoulda run this by me?

The backpack you bought her, Donna, had one big pocket.

That's how you lose a ChapStick.

Red, am I being unreasonable here?

Always right, honey. Never been wrong.

Interesting. You're in charge of Leia the whole summer,

but now Donna's bopping in and out. How exactly is that gonna work?

[quietly] Why?

It's simple. I'm her mom, so I get final say on things.

Well, I'm her grandma, and I've been doing a grand job so far.

Listen. I was a teenager here.

We did all kinds of bad stuff right under your nose.

For real, I'm worried about your sense of smell.

If you're talking about that pet skunk you had in the basement,

I knew all about it, so have a little respect.

-Is this seriously gonna be a thing? -Only if you make it one.

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

[rock riff playing]

It's a Mercedes now.

Have you ever heard the phrase "putting lipstick on a pig?"

Heard it? I've done it. And she looked beautiful.

You guys! My parents just found out that I dropped AP Gov for music theory.

They completely lost their minds

and got rid of my guitar without telling me.

How could they do that? You love that guitar.

You wrote that song, "I Love My Guitar."

Those were just lyrics you made up when I was tuning it.

Just like your other song. "Strummy Strum Strum."

♪ Strummy strum Strummy strum strum strum... ♪

Do not get that song stuck in my head again.

Wait, so where's your guitar now?

At the pawn shop my mom goes to when my parents have a big fight.

She sells her wedding ring and makes my dad buy it back.

Yeah, these are the people that are calling the shots in my life.

Leia, you've got to come to the roof. You know how Ozzie hates everything?

He loves this.

I only hate stupid things. It's not my fault everything's stupid.

Jay, you know I want to, but I can't.

My mom will kill me.

What if instead of the roof

we do something during the day on the ground and inside the school?

That's just school.

Leia, I know your mom just tried to lay down the law,

but that's exactly why you have to go.

What if we get caught? I can't go to Catholic school.

My calves won't hold up the socks.

It's not gonna happen. I thought of everything.

Like this year, they locked the ladder to the roof.

But easy fix... your grandma works there.

[scoffs] I'll swipe her keys.

No way. You cannot steal my grandma's work keys.

-That's next level. She could get fired. -Okay. I get it.

[sighs] I'll have to find a different way up.

Or down. Parachutes.

See, babe?

We've got options.

Come on, Leia. I really want us to all be together.

-Let's do it. -Hell yeah! Death to parents!

Or just regular "hell yeah."

Wait. How am I gonna get out of here without my mom knowing?

Leia, we're delinquents. This is what we do.

[rock music playing]

Thanks again for the ride.

Smoother, right? That's German engineering.

[bell dings]

[bell dinging rapidly]

[bell stops]

Yes?

Why are your hands so wet?

You can't ask me that.

And even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it.

Hey, Fenton. You work here now?

You know this guy?

He's our landlord.

Former landlord. I fell on hard times

and had to pawn all my things to this dreadful place.

I only work here to keep my eyes on them. Get your sweaty bratwursts off my lamp!

Um, I'm just here for this guitar.

Oh.

Her. Um, she's a collector's item.

Once belonged to the littlest Brady Bunch boy.

You can have it for $800.

What? My parents sold it to you yesterday.

I'm sorry, honey. I need the funds. I'm addicted to teeth whitening.

I'd rather die than let these chompers go yellow.

Ah! Back away from the snakeskin boots!

You do not have the arches!

Uh, you don't understand. This guitar means the world to me.

Oh. [sighs]

You delicate girl. [chuckles]

I didn't realize it meant the world to you.

Oh, I'm getting very emotional. Now it's $1,000.

Come on. Why are you being such a jerk?

Yes. I'm a little stinker.

But I have something you want.

And that's how empires are made.

He's like a Batman villain.

-The Pawn-guin. -I'm not in the mood.

[rock music plays]

How's it been going with these two?

It's been real quiet.

But it's the kind of quiet

where you don't know if they're retreating or reloading.

I made shrimp fajitas for dinner tonight.

Oh, you know I'm allergic to shrimp.

[mimics gun cocking]

Well, you've always been picky.

Well. My tongue swells and I can't talk.

In that case, they're chicken fajitas.

I know you're in the middle of a thing, but it's pronounced fa-jee-tas. Carry on.

Okay, let's start over.

I think I overreacted about the backpack.

-Thank you for always thinking of Leia. -You're welcome.

-It's just that when I'm here... -Oh, there's more.

When I'm here, I need to know that you'll respect my decisions

when it comes to her.

So before you do anything, can you please run it by me?

Well, that sounds perfectly reasonable.

I'm glad we talked.

That was sweet.

She will have one more thing to say.

I have one more thing to say.

And it comes from a place of love.

[intensely] Why do you always try to control everything I do?

[shouting] It is suffocating!

Now she's done.

[rock music playing]

Oh my God!

[laughing] Leia!

Sorry, I had a dream about that once, and I was not gonna take a chance.

It's a decoy in case someone comes in here.

[panting]

I wanted to use the inflatable man my mom has wine with, but...

she was having wine with him.

[rock riff plays]

[chuckling quietly]

Grandma?

It's a little late. Where are you kids headed?

It's a "night before the first day of school" tradition.

Same.

Grandma, it's the last night of summer. I just wanna hang out with my friends.

-Is that okay? -I'm not sure.

Your mother wants final say on every decision.

What do I know? I'm just a six-time Mom of the Year award winner.

And you know who gave me those?

Her husband.

So...

Well, your mom would say no.

So...

go have fun.

Thank you, Mrs. Forman. You're the best.

I am the best. Thank you for seeing me.

[rock music playing]

I got cantaloupes this year

'cause Ozzie had so many problems with the watermelon.

Did you bring a knife?

These need them too?

[cantaloupe plops]

Look at us. We're on the roof.

Leia Forman's on the roof. Gwen Runck is on the roof!

Keep yelling like that, and the police will be on the roof.

Sorry, first roof.

So, how did you get us up here?

Oh. I, uh, picked the lock with my pocket knife.

You have a knife? I just tossed my cantaloupe.

It sucks we struck out at the pawn shop.

It's fine.

I think today was the wake-up call I needed.

No more music.

No more dreams.

I guess I'll just be the first Filipina president.

Or some dumb shit.

That wouldn't be so bad. You'd get to live on Mount Rushmore.

You know what sucks most about this whole thing?

My parents act like... they're looking out for me.

But...

the truth is is that they don't believe in me.

I don't even know what to say.

But I think Jay Leno might.

[imitating Leno] Actually, I don't.

This is a pretty heavy situation.

Look, you can see the cows lining up to go into the cow day care.

Do you ever wonder why you don't see them come out?

Guys! I made it into the trash can!

And all around the trash can.

[rock riff plays]

My daughter. My backpack.

Leia?

Whoa.

Delinquents!

Oh my God!

I knew you were gonna steal my backpack.

Bigger problems!

She snuck out with her friends. I knew this would happen.

Did you check all the bathrooms?

Because when I wake up, and Kitty's not there,

next morning I always find a copy of the Reader's Digest

in the john downstairs.

And that's how you stay married for 40 years.

She's not here.

You know how I know that? There's a fricking alien in her bed.

Well, wherever she is, I'm sure she's safe and making memories with her friends.

You seem a little too calm.

I stay cool under pressure.

I'm an award-winning mom.

-Uh-huh. What did you do? -I didn't do anything.

-Did you know Leia went out? -You bet your sweet cheeks I did!

It was my call, and I made it.

You let my daughter go out in the middle of the night

just to spite me?

You're unbelievable.

Oh, it is not that big a deal.

Why do you smell like an ashtray?

I let our granddaughter walk out into the dead of night.

Let's focus on that, Red.

This is ridiculous. Let's just go find her.

I've been framed.

[rock riff plays]

Sometimes I come up here to catch teachers having affairs.

That's how I got an A in woodshop.

I can't believe we get to do this all year now.

Oh, did you think I was gonna talk to you at school?

I know you're kidding, so I'm not even gonna worry about it.

We'll talk about it tomorrow.

Right?

Right? Tell me you're kidding right now.

I'm kidding.

I knew it. It was funny for both of us the whole time.

[off-key chord strums]

I thought that would sound better.

It'll sound much better if you play it.

My guitar?

How did you get this?

[rock chord plays]

Oh. You're back.

If I don't leave here with that guitar, someone's gonna murder my entire family.

I hope you said goodbye.

I'm not leaving here without that guitar.

-So what's it gonna take? -Do you know Bette Midler?

-No. -Then you have nothing I want.

How about I trade my van for that guitar?

Hmm...

Car for a guitar.

Mmm... [smacks lips]

Car for a... Deal.

And I need a ride to the school.

Every day?

No, just right now.

Oh.

I thought I almost had a friend.

You did that for me?

But you loved your van. You shouldn't have done that.

Listen.

Your parents might not believe in you, but I do.

Nate.

["Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey playing]

[sighs] Damn, you make it hard not to love you.

-You said "hard." -Stop talking.

♪ Do do doop dum ♪

Okay, somebody take this.

♪ Do do doop do doop da dum ♪

♪ Do do doop dum ♪

Are you crying?

I'm just...

I'm so happy for that guy.

And I left my Game Boy in his van.

♪ No way, you're never gonna shake me ♪

♪ Ooh, darling 'Cause you'll always be my baby ♪

[song ends]

Are we gonna watch these two perv out or end this summer on a high note?

[rock riff plays]

I'm a crazy good cantalouper.

Maybe I should go pro.

But if you go pro, you can't do it in the Olympics.

Did you get better at kissing?

I think my mouth just missed you.

Like when you pick up your grandma at the airport.

So is my mouth your grandma?

I don't know. Let me check.

[chuckling lightly]

Tonight's been so amazing.

Thank you.

I'm never gonna forget it.

What was I just talking about?

I don't know. [chuckles]

But I had to make this happen for you.

I love you.

[acoustic guitar tune playing]

♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum ♪

♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum strum ♪

♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum strum ♪

♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum strum ♪

♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum strum ♪

♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum strum ♪

♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum, strum... ♪

Smoking grass on the school roof.

That is the most dumbass thing that has ever been...

dumbassed!

Leia, this is so bad. Did you think I wouldn't find you?

I know all the spots.

Where are my keys? Is that how you got up here?

Did you steal her keys?

I told you not to do that.

[Donna] Leia, let's go, now.

-Yeah, but I was gonna put them back. -Stop.

You just ruined everything.

I thought I smelled a good time.

[closing theme music plays]